My husband has reached out to his affair partner after 2 years of us healing together. He said he feels nothing for her, just know she was going through alot, and wanted to make sure she was ok. I'm ready for a divorce
Yep, I just heard that one too. Five months later, and he was just checking to see if she went to the church service she chased us out of. He can't seem to understand it's a trust buster.
I just found out on June 13-15 my husband of 6 years was having a affair for the past 1.5 years. To say I’m completely devastated is putting it lightly.
hi nicole. very sorry for the delay, i was out of town. i'm so sorry for the disclosure to come out. is he willing to get help? i wouldn't make any decisions yet, except the decision to get expert help.
Nicole same thing almost identical but Im the man and my wife I just found out is having a year long affair behind my back when I caught her she got mad at me and picked the affair and now won't talk or text me it hurts I have no answers .....it's been 3 weeks now haven't spoken to her since .....I just don't get it I feel your pain
I left him after he told me that our marriage was over I don’t love him anymore I know the word hate is very strong but I can honestly 💯say I hate him and all the money he has hid over two million dollars he can have his how ge downgraded she’s 7years older then me I wish to see both holding hands !!!thers depositions it’s going to include him my son and her and her husband and his sick he had sips but I have to do what I have to do I’m going to fight him with the divorce I gave too much to this man it’s over💯🤥🤮👎
My husband has been in an affair with his co-worker (I belive Limerence) since September 2022 - when I was only 2 month pregnant with our second child. I found out beginning of November but he stated they were just friends up until I discovered the truth in mid December. He lied in Therapy until I found out the the truth- that he thinks hes in love with her. I was alone for 9 months during my pregnancy... I recently offered for him to move back in again & work on our marriage or divorce... & he refuses to go back to therapy ... he says he can't get over his resentment & anger he has towards me... i'm so sad... i belive he is still seeing her. I'm filing for an offical seperation to take some control of my life back & plan a life for my 2 young children. He wont move back in. He wont go to therapy. He wont work on the marriage. He treats me as if i am the one who had the affair. Hes always mean and cold towards me. He picks fights and is highly emotional. I don't know what to do other than file for an offical seperation... Is there anything I can do?
My husban had an affair for 30 years. He fell in love with her and her daughters. He even became Godfather to one of her daughters children. The daughter's loved him like a dad. I'm pissed that he took time away from me and his own children. I'm in so much pain.
My husband is confused for the last month whether to stay with me or divorce and be with his affair partner. He says he will always regret not trying things with her and think he needs to do this, but has a weird feeling we will get back together down the road. Im not waiting around for him to have a girlfriend on the side and then come back to me when it doesn't work. He can't make up his mind and this is dragging on so long
5 лет назад+10
'Until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change, you will stay the same'. Perfect. Thanks for that.
When my wife stated to me that she had slept with my friend the next day and stated that it was my fault because I didn't come over and have a drink with him. I then immediately told her that I forgave her and ended the relationship. She then started crying and continued with the lies for weeks that she wasn't with him. I continually caught her with him in different places after she again lied that they were not together. I have continued now to disrupt his life by calling him out on everything and telling his friends what he did. I have also now realised that there now may have been many affairs which I now tell everyone we know that she was unfaithful without saying anything negative about her as I will always love her and feel sorry for her. I still love my wife but I will not take her back as she will never be able to blame me.
I've watched dozens of these. This one really hit home. I've "tried" getting over my AP for years. Hasn't worked. So today I surrender. Surrender to God my feelings.
These videos are very helpful. I just recently found out that my boyfriend of over 2 years has been having an affair with a woman, we went to school with. Lately I’ve been an emotional mess. I still live with him. The most humiliating part is how he refuses to delete her contact because “he’s been friends with her for a long time”. He keeps saying “just trust me” and “he’s disciplined” . Yet he isn’t honest with me of all the times he met up with her.
Then don't trust him! I cut off all contact with someone who was supposedto be my best friend of over 16 years. After I came clean about my sins. It was the easiest thing to ever do. Along with deleting all my social media accounts, and getting a new phone plus new phone number. I'm sorry he's not being completely honest with you. My prayers are with you.
The sad reality is you can’t trust him. He’s belittling your feelings. A two- year affair is a relationship. A whole relationship. Happened to me. A separation is in order here. His unwillingness to commit to either of you is cruel, and not what you deserve in any way. Be strong, face the fear and loneliness with all the support you will need from family and friends.
Same. Mine left me after 16yrs for his affair partner two weeks after I found out he said he wanted a divorce he's been with her for 9months now. @@untamedheart6820
Your work has been a game changer!! Thank you and Samantha for putting yourselves out there for us to have an opportunity to start the healing process.
An affair is a fantasy life! That is so true. Addiction to those highs and knowing this information is so helpful to know. I'm detoxing now, and you are helping me so much. Thank you!
For some reason I have ignored this particular video because I did not realize its content was going to go in this direction. It comes up often in the suggested searches and I just kept bypassing it. Wow. Perhaps one of the most important of all
My husband admitted he fell in love with his affair and was seriously considering leaving me for her. Somehow he changed his mind. He told me it's going to take time for him to get over her. As his wife that is so devastating. Am I supposed to just sit back and be a good wife while he mourns the breakup of his girlfriend? I'm at a loss......
It's really hard to know I don't make my husband feel good. The look in his eye towards me while he's detoxing or acting out encourages me to look at my self in the worst way. His presence makes me feel bad. Fortunately, I don't make decisions based solely on feelings, but it's weird being the only one.
This video really makes sence,I'm going through some stuff and in gonna make it work with my wife,but it's only been a couple weeks back home,I feel like I'm detoxing from what I did,what a fricken mess I caused for everyone.
glad it's helped. don't stop my friend. keep going. keep taking it one day at a time. own what you need to own and get expert help. here are a couple resources for you: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
Me too!!! Almost 2 years.... finally broke it off and it's been 4 weeks no contact. it's painful. Any updates for you? Would you be interested fin connecting in an accountability/support way? I need help with the withdrawal emotions!
@@EButta71 I hope you're farther along in the w/drawal emotions. They have mentors on here and groups. Having a neutral party, friend, family or a professional to talk to about it will help diffuse it.
My husband have said repeatedly that he did not continue to talk to her after I discovered the affair. I do NOT believe him. It is not realistic. I wish he would tell the truth because it is impossible to contact your affair partner to tell her my wife may contact you and having that as the last contact ever. I wish he would be truthful and tell the truth about how long after the D day he kept.contact with her. Also, as you state it is not viable not to miss the affair partner. Somebody with whom you shared parts of your day to day life. Thanks Samuel your videos stopped me for filling for.divorce. The same day I found your video I was ready to fill out the paperwork.
@@maxmolnar1973 i would wonder if it's Limerance which you can read about and listen to an audio here: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works the reality is, love, true love is a choice, not a feeling or bunch of feelings. feelings always fade. i would get expert help and consider going through a process to discover what you are truly feeling and if this is something you're willing to give time and expert help to vet out what is real and what is not?
i'm glad you hate what you did to your husband and it would be a great goal to hate IT forever. hating your affair partner, should at some level, eventually transform into forgiving them. NOT reconciling obviously, but forgiving them helps set YOU free and helps rid you of bitterness and resentment which can undermine our well being in life later on down the road. hope that helps you. keep going my friend.
Hating that you did this is a really good thing. Look back now and see why you did it and see if you can fix hopefully with your husband. It's a hard thing to go through but if you really love your husband and you show him that you do and you made a mastake hopefully he'll understand and get through this with you.show him how much you really love him and if you have to make some adjustments in your marriage. Don't let one mastake end things it can be fixed, and alot of times bit can make your marriage the best it's ever been. It's a long road but do what you have to do to make it right. Im sure he won't trust you for a long time but that's ok it's normal. Take a vacation, spend time together and get through it. Talk to each other about it on why you did it. If he really loves you he will forgive you. He won't forget but can forgive. To many marriages end because of this and it's sad. I know alot that didn't make it through this but I know alot that has and there marriage is the best it's ever been. Just saying don't let one mastake end something good if you both still love each other.
@@crossfireceo wish my partner would say this, too. Instead he's said when drunk that he loves her and wants to be with her. Been 1 month. I took him back in less than 1 week. And paid for everything since. He hasn't put in 1 application. I have not seen any signs of effort to help me forgive. I must be delusional to think he really loves me. Or so blinded by my love for him.
I wish my husband would say this to me. He still talks to his affair partner at work. I asked him to block her from his phone and from contacting him in total and he will not do it.
It’s been 18month since D-Day. He left came back and told me he wanted to work things out and restore our marriage. But in those 18months we have been stuck and multiple time I have found him reaching out for the affair partner. I guess my question is since he is sooo “In Love” with the affair partner why is he here telling me he wants to work things outs?! It’s sooo frustrating and confusing 😠
hi there. can be a ton of reasons and we would be spitballing. at some level, it's normal. but it's time for expert help and support. you can't keep living this way my friend. it's time to get help and go deeper into why he's doing what he's doing and why you're tolerating it.
I had a girl in my life that cheated on me 4-5 years ago and never told me why. Never knew the story. She just vanished from my life. She just left. Leaving me with an open wound and zero closure. Shes ruined my hope for a family and love. I've been single ever since. No hope. Lost. Angry. Insufferable pain. Suicidal thoughts. Daily coping. Its ruined my life. I cant even be myself.
my friend i would graciously encourage you to no longer allow yourself to remain a victim of her poor choices and to get help and heal. it's more than possible. you have to get back up and live again.
The thing I do not understand. Is that after I found out my husband have an affair, i know he experienced what u describe. But after the AP ends it with him. And he was detoxifying during lockdown... and after after lockdown is lifted , he went again on having a new affair partner after he experienced this turmoil on his own... it is sickening. He doesn't even feel any regret doing it .
You are beautiful and you are not the one who wrongs others. This is a problem within him. We all have the right to do what makes us happy and he chose to hurt you because he’s selfish and wants that next high. I know it hurts. Hope you’re okay today
I found out of my husband having an affair oct last year & we separated immediately …4 months later we divorced & 2 months after our divorced finalized he married his affair partner
Samuel all he tells me now. Is he "hates" her. Why? I think only cause he got caught. No it had to come out for a reason. Id rather not say on here. But now he says he hate her. But refused to leave his job where they both worked!!! Not until there was a layoff. Now I dread a new job.... For fear it will happen again.
Thank you and Samantha for your courage and selflessness. Could you please speak on all aspects of dealing with a cyclical unfaithful? I am a betrayed and my husband goes through an endless 3-6 month cycle of: disclosure, then excellent behavior which quickly diminishes into anger, withdrawal, dishonesty then back to the top of the cycle with the next phase of acting out. Sometimes disclosure is one night, sometimes one week of adding information or admitting to lies or omissions. I struggle with the repeated acting out and constant disclosures. It has been happening for our entire 5 year marriage. Your videos are our first step in finally, jointly reaching out. Can you help?
Janelle I’m an unfaithful and I have been in recovery for 9 months. The wisdom on this channel has blessed my life and saved my marriage. Just being on this channel will help you guys so much. Keep watching. Go back and catch the older videos as well. There really isn’t anything he doesn’t cover. I pray your marriage is fully restored and that you both heal immensely. Peace and Grace.
hi janelle. i'm terribly sorry about that cycle. have you done any expert driven recovery work? it will most likely continue like that if there isn't expert help to stop the cycle and intervene. this series on shame may help as typically when you're dealing with this type of behavior shame is usually the culprit: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame i would also consider the ems weekend or ems online course as well to stop the cycle: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online
Overcoming Infidelity Thank you so much. Seriously. We need all the help, prayer and encouragement we can get. I think he seriously wants to stop but doesnt know how and gives up and goes back. We will DEFINITELY look at these links and do the ems course. We have to. Bless you.
My husband started his affair in 2014, then we separated. While separated, he started to come around, and complained about her. We agreed to reconcile, and moved back together. Since then, he has ghosted me, to be with her several times for no fault of mine. He now continues to run to her when we argue, saying I'm running him out of the house. I've found out he's still sends messages to her. What is going on with him?
hi there. i'm terribly sorry for the pain you're experiencing. it appears he's relapsing or at the very least going back to her and trying to blame you for his actions. he is making his own choices. he's doing what he wants, but it appears he needs to blame you in order to do it. i'm very sorry my friend.
My husband had an affair for last 3.5 years after . He wants to end this but he was not able to do so. He is not the same person there is a invisible wall around him.
I'm so glad I found your videos and your blog, its really been helpful to me. I feel like my husband is having an affair or affairs (online) but I have no way of finding out and it's literally making me so angry not knowing.
My ex husband and I divorced last September over and an affair. We were together for 19 yrs and have 4 children. I have done nothing but forgive him and continue to love him. He’s had sex with me numerous times since divorce but no real emotional connection. Finally today he’s done with me. He told me to leave him alone and he wants me to move on with someone else. What do I do?
i would leave him alone and let him know that he doesn't get to come in and out of your life and expect you to just allow it. i would give him permission to go and then focus on your own healing. i would bet he will be back soon, and i would demand he get help with you. he's working through major issues internally and he's dragging you into them. you need help and safety for your own healing.
It has been 6 weeks since he last had contact with her. He is extremely moody and finding fault with everything that I do. How long is this detox going to last? I’m finding it hard not to take his behavior personally.
@@NicoleDeverney Almost 8 years for me and I’m still stuck. Too many things said to me. Him lifting up his affair partner and comparing her to me. Her being the best thing he’s ever had. Connected with her like he’s never connected to anyone else his entire life. He was 58 yrs old at the time he was caught. Affair had been going on for 2 1/2 yrs. We’ve been married for 45 yrs now. She was the same age as our youngest daughter. Words said can never be taken back and almost 8 yrs later he still does not know what to say or what to do to “undo” the damage and trauma he has caused. I am so very sorry you are experiencing this. I am now 63 yrs old and this is the worst pain I have ever experienced. Within a few weeks after the first Dday, 2 additional lengthy affairs were revealed. All 3 affairs within a span of 13 years. So I was and still am having to deal with 3 affairs. This is living hell and my life is miserable. Of coarse he chose to stay in the marriage. He told a mutual friend he stayed because he had too much to lose. We are no where near being wealthy but after 38 yrs of marriage it would have cost him a pretty penny to leave the marriage. And I knew in my gut he stayed because he is a Christian and knew that is what God expected of him. His last affair partner contacted me 14 months after the affair had ended. He had followed her and told her he still loved her and missed her so much. Much to his surprise she ratted him out! Again I am so sorry for your pain. Only those who have walked in our shoes can truly understand how painful adultery is.
It’s been almost 3 years since we stopped seeing each other and I still think about my AP everyday and want to be with him still. No one knows about our affair that happen.
My husband has still not unfriended her on fb, or blocked her number. However, he says he really wants to work things out. However, he earlier he said SHE said she wanted him to TRY to work it out with me. BUT, even though he hasn't searched for her recently, I feel that he might be going the motions, because the door is still opened. But he gets mad at me for not trusting him.
if you read our latest newsletter, the fact is, unfortunately, the door is still open and he hasn't made the decision to block all contact and that's a huge red flag: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/ending-an-affair-step-one-make-the-decision he may be going through the motions. have you asked him why he hasn't blocked her etc? i'm sorry you're in this situation. i know it's scary and so painful.
My husband is the same way right now still talks to her at work and wont block her on the phone or any other device says he is pushing my trust envelope..
While all this makes perfect sense and is exactly what I’m going through and feel. The one question that bothers me is, what if the affair was true love. It is the one you should be with. Everything gets better and less emotional with time, naturally. But how do you know how to differentiate between true and detox feelings about your AP?
I would say getting expert help asap. I have to say, respectfully, not every relationship gets better and makes it and settles back down over time. many couples don't make it. an expert and a process can help.
My spouse cant has not cut if off with his AP and I finally understand that we can not move forward with our relationship repair until this person is gone. I hope he comes to that conclusion soon until then I am in pain and its torture. Dont cheat people its the most devastating thing you can do to another person.
I'm really struggling to know how my husband still feels about his ap. He ended it with her when I found out 6-7 weeks ago but Im so crippled by the thought he really wants her. She went a little crazy when he ended it and spent weeks stalking me and him. She faked a pregnancy and threatened violence when he wouldn't respond to her. Would these things have actually helped him get over her as he never saw that side of her before?
They could help, yes. Showing the true colors can often times help the unf spouse see what is really going on inside the affair partner. is he getting any help to heal and repair the damage at all?
Sadly we can't afford therapy but he is doing everything else that I've read he should be doing. I want to believe him but it feels like too big a leap of faith to do that right now
I’ve been married for 22 years, my husband is 66 and I am 58. He had his first emotional affair and he doesn’t wanna let go of The affair. My husband works with her every day. I found out about the affair two months ago, and by the way she’s 43 years old. He doesn’t believe in counseling. Need help
i would consider implementing boundaries my friend. these two resources may help you: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change if he gets to do what he wants with no consequences, there isn't much to stop him from continuing to do that with very little regard for you and your own pain.
Did he end up quitting the job behind the affair? Would you ask him to do it or see if he will quit on his own? Or would you be okay with him staying employed there?
My fiances affair was wayyy too long for me to take her back.. the multiple sexual sessions that i saw in her phone Was a no deal. I coukdve dealt with a 1 or 2 time occurrence but 7 months of consistent sex?? Naw i sent her back to the streets
here is another video that may help: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/affair-recovery-understanding-need-detox-affair-partner typically it depends on the length and severity of the affair, but somewhere around 6 months, respectively.
You'll have to wait long enough for YOU to realize that you deserve better! I tried waiting and hoping and praying. Then I realized I didn't deserve this!
Hi, what do you suggest if new things keeps being revealed? I keep asking if there are anymore secrets. He keeps saying no. Yet every week there is something new. The issues range from affairs to secret debts but mostly secret debts. I am so frustrated right now.
we call that drip feeding. or , trickle truthing. it's a huge red flag unfortunately. i would seek expert professional care, maybe a lie detector as well. have you looked at some of the things we do on our site: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
From my personal experience of being married to a sex addict for over 20 years I learned this type of behavior was him searching/hunting for a new partner aka new supply. That’s my personal experience from the behavior you expressed.
Any advice about how to deal with a spouse with dementia who reveals that they had a 4 year affair 30 years ago, with a man that has been your best friend for the last 25 years?
it sounds like a choose your own adventure situation. From what I know about dementia, it just keeps getting worse and worse. They may not have the capacity to atone for their wrongdoing. Your priority should be on self care first. I know some people might support the idea of you settling into a care taker role despite your hurt. But you dont have to. Its YOUR CHOICE. They were a full functioning adult when they made that choice. It is not your responsibility to baby hem even though they wronged you. People make mistakes all the time. But there are still consequences. And senior elderly people are not without sin. [I say that, but I dont know your and their exact age]. Life is too short. I hope this reaches you in time.
This is very encouraging 😍pray for my marriage ,My husband is so set on divorce 11yrs ,6small kids each others first makes it so much harder....my husband won't break it off.Only God can heal his heart, I gotta keep praying for him.
I'm the unfaithful. I had an affair with my best friend, and our husbands found out. We both decided to stay with our husbands and we have stopped communicating completely. But I hate what it has done to our families and that we've ruined such a great friendship. I know things will never be the same but I feel like i need to apologize to the husband, he was my friend too and i hurt him, just not sure how to go about it or if i should.
it will probably do more damage than actually healing my friend. i would encourage you to give that up and do whatever you can to make your spouse feel safe.
Thank you the videos were healing and healing for me until my husband passed away unexpectedly while we were separated … the pain in unbearable. Any resources you can recommend if your spouse has passed while we were separated I was the unfaithful and tried to get help did therapy and tried to reach out but he was not ready . I’m struggling to cope . Any help is appreciated
i'm so sorry for your pain and hurt my friend. i know that has to be awful. i would find a trauma therapist that can help you walk through the trauma of what you've experienced. they can help you process the pain and grief. i'll be praying for you and thinking about you.
@@samshealingpodcast thank you so very much I could use as much prayer as possible and thank you for your recommendation. Even though my husband passed your videos help me with the extreme Shame guilt and overwhelming pain I feel . Thank you 🙏
My wife had an affair when she went overseas for a month. Luckily the guy can't come to the US without a visa and it's difficult for him to obtain one. He appears to be in love with her and she appears to be in love with him. She booked a flight to leave me and our 3 kids to go see him for another 10 days, thankfully she canceled after i told her "if you leave you are not coming back to this house." How can she get over him if they aren't actually together to experience the bad parts of each other?
After 27 years I found out my wife had been having an affair for 5 months. She didn’t want counseling or anything, just wanted out. We got divorced and 7 months later she is married to her affair, just after his divorce became final. My question is how long does it usually take for the fantasy to erode and reality to return?
hi marc. i'm so sorry brother. i know that's awful. at this point, if she is married to the affair partner, i'm not sure that she is going to return to this reality. it may be that she is now locked into this relationship and not going to wake up if you will. she may, and she may come up for air and realize she's made a mistake or she may not. it's really tough to tell when someone goes this far into marrying the affair partner.
I have no illusion about us ever getting back together. I am just concerned about what the effects it will have on my children and their families when the bubble bursts for their mother. Thank You for your words of encouragement.
It will be painful and damaging to everyone. No way around that. Don't join her in the craziness. Be strong for yourself and your children. Show them that life can be better than what she did.
My husband moved out and says he has no desire to work on our marriage. He wants a divorce. How can I fight for our marriage? He does not want to communicate with me at all. What do I do?
hi my situation is so weird and complicated . my husband is in ongoing affair with someone who work at my company yes I am their boss and she knows he is my husband. yet she continue to entertain him . unfortunately I am not the owner of the business so I can't fire him or her ... So help !!! plus he doesn't speak enough English for the ems weekend. I'm devasted... help !!!!
you need legal advice and protection asap Mia. i would look into that for your own protection based upon your other comment not seen here and do whatever you can to protect yourself emotionally and legally.
I tried to get my wife’s AP fired from a large fitness club because that’s where it started; and this even happened previously with another married he pursued when he was first hired as a ‘trainer’. The club even became aware of that situation and a sort of tribal council was formed to legally address the matter and he was put under observation. My wife ended up being hired by the club to be his assistant shortly after that incident. Six years later, I find out my wife is having an affair with him. Bottom line is they don’t dismiss employees for consensual sexual behavior. It would have been nice revenge to have had him removed but it wouldn’t have solved anything; in fact, i believe it would have increased the fantasy. I took Debra McLeod’s advice and encouraged my wife to continue seeing him. This strategy ‘turns the lights on’ so to speak of the affair and exposes the secrecy, which is one of the driving factors in making the affair exciting.
But what about if he unfaithful is not ready to get clean. Running to thousands of healers,therapist,seminars and different spiritual groups but not getting 1%CLEAN. Running in different things more than 20 years but no positive results instead worse
then, they, probably really don't want to get clean and won't do what it takes. i'm sorry it's been that way, but until he gets expert help, and commits to the process of that help, and experiences consequences for not committing to that process, it probably won't change.
Thankyou very much for reply. He had been in many different professionals but I think he does not want to change. But big problem is that children feels extremely hurt and many different things
I dont know how many hes had i kbow about a few. First time it was some drug addict on the same street. Told me some stranger came in our house and took all my clothes, took a shower in my shower, and took all his money out of his wallet. After confronted him, he said well i thought we were done? What after taking the kids to your parents house so they wouldnt be confronted with us fighting about his drug use? There were others after that. After being with him for more years than i care to text about, the last time i decided to get even, i had an a emotional affair with a person related to my husbands first affair without the drugs. I was totally in love with this person but not willing to throw what i had been with for all these years. The drug use the affairs. Why am i still here with a man i dont trust? At all? What ever trust i built up he goes and cheats again. I know there is really nothing left, the kids are grown. I know i need to move on
I would be very intrigued on some of that info my now wife was having a emotional affair with a guy we sold a house to thought she broke it off but a couple weeks after the marriage she started to talk with him again we've gotten past it but she is openly admitting she still has thoughts I think with some further information I could assit by presenting this knowledge to her to help her understand.. Thanks
hi Chris. here is an article on limerance i think would be good for her and you to read: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works I'd also suggest the hope for healing course for her and her own recovery as well as relapse prevention: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
What if I separate from him and let the affair play it’s course. He wants to stay together but I don’t believe he’ll change until he’s done/tired of her
i would draw extensive and rigorous boundaries that you can uphold and defend. if you have to chase him to want you, that's no way to live and be loved my friend. you have every right to want fidelity and to be his only one. if he can't respect that, it's understandable you would draw and enforce boundaries that protect you, your heart and your future.
i would tell them that it's a non negotiable moving forward and that without help, you're not going to be able to really heal and move forward and have much trust at all for them. i would ask them to do the right thing and get help. here are a few resources on it: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate
Please help me, My ex husband now moved one of his affair partners into our house. We finally started talking again, he said he is going to ask her to leave, he doesn’t love her, and he wants us.. But a couple months later he still hasn’t asked her to leave, he hasn’t made time for me or us. But we did go on a walk with our dogs and when I was being playful I went to crab his hand he pulled away... I’m at the realization he is lying Advise please. Where will the response be ???? Thank you Rochelle
unfortunately, it appears it's time to do your own healing and focus on your own self care my friend. i'm so sorry for the pain you're walking through.
Hi, my story is quite complicated. I have been in a relationship for 9 years, we have 2 kids, we got engaged but a couple of months ago I found out that my fiance has been having an affair for 2 and a half years and has a baby with that woman. We have been having issues of dishonest about a year into our relationship. It has been up and down with the lies. I love him and he loves me but everytime he goes to the area where that woman lives he lies about it. I always feel like I am the only one making an effort to communicate about my whereabouts while he will do it for 1 week then another week not really. I just don't know how to get him to open up to me. Please help me....
he probably won't open up unless you have an objective, expert third party there. have you considered our ems weekend? i would so something along those lines as you need 1. expert help not general help 2. an expert familiar with a child from an affair partner (like our therapists) 3. a proven process that can help with accountability, honesty and boundaries and finally 4. a safe place where you won't feel judged or shamed. here is our weekend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend
Thank god I found our about his affair when he was 4 months in. I have to give thanks to God for showing me and helping me expose what he was doing. It was on a chat. And we've been in therapy since and praying for healing and restoration after 14 years married
My husbend of 5 months just told me he has been seeing another weman for the last year we have been together for 7 yrs i have insucrity issues but he can decided what to do what to pick between me and her help me please
try one of these courses my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend or www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online. they will help you both, but he needs help to break free from the cycle of back and forth with his affair partner. does he want to get help? does he want to get healthy?
My wife is so stubborn and selfish sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s truly over. She still feels entitled to her space and feels she does not need to give me proof of her where abouts
Can you help me as the betrayed. I was married for 19 yrs. the last year of our marriage he was having an affair. I found out and made him divorce me last September. The thing is last August he tried to get me to stay, counseling and no divorce. I was so hurt and had him end the marriage. We have 4 children, and I am still in love with him. He came to me in June claiming he was still in love with me. We have been seeing ea other since then. He has now broke up with me again. He has rejected and dismissed me again. Now due to situational depression: me, my ex and our oldest 17 yr old all see a Psychiatrist. What can he not forgive himself and move on. He stays angry at me for some reason:( any advice for us????
it's a tough answer. the answer is for the most part, no, and here's why: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-betrayed-spouse-were-they-thinking-of-me
to add to it, you don't want to think about something that makes you guilty during a fantasy or attempt to escape. the article will explain more, but it's not that he's some sort of sociopath. it's a complicated answer but i'm confident you'll understand it more.
it's very normal. it's part of the dysfunction as they are trying to hide the affair while also staying in the marriage. some think it's a personality disorder or some weird thing, but it's not. it's their hiding of the affair and trying to continue the life they have. they don't want to hurt their spouse or their affair partner and they love and enjoy the attention. yes, its wrong and painful and self absorption for sure, but it's the mind of the unfaithful who is usually, only concerned about themselves.
Yes. It’s feeling sick and guilty and disbelieving that this is your life. No matter how much you want it to end, you need it somehow...it’s something that could kill you if you truly care...and you end it and you do want to die. It’s the worst thing that will ever happen to you. Don’t ever go there.
yes there is a an online course you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online you can also file for a scholarship should you need it: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request you can use it for any of the online courses.
@@crimsondove3712 here is the ems weekend page: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend if you need any other info, please reach out to me via info@hope-now.com and i'll do my best to help.
My husband has reached out to his affair partner after 2 years of us healing together. He said he feels nothing for her, just know she was going through alot, and wanted to make sure she was ok. I'm ready for a divorce
Those feelings must have been really deep. Don't mean anything sexual it appears emotional. That's hard to break.
@@phylliswillis1298 yes hard to break unfortunately videos like this can be very helpful but work has to be done so it don’t happened again
I would be too
😔
Yep, I just heard that one too. Five months later, and he was just checking to see if she went to the church service she chased us out of. He can't seem to understand it's a trust buster.
So... that's why my husband still defends his AP... that really effin hurts. I don't wanna hear him defending her at all. 😢😢😢
I just found out on June 13-15 my husband of 6 years was having a affair for the past 1.5 years. To say I’m completely devastated is putting it lightly.
hi nicole. very sorry for the delay, i was out of town. i'm so sorry for the disclosure to come out. is he willing to get help? i wouldn't make any decisions yet, except the decision to get expert help.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I pray for your healing and restored marriage.
I'm so sorry Nicole 💔 I pray for your heart and your healing
Nicole Kristensen how are you now?
Nicole same thing almost identical but Im the man and my wife I just found out is having a year long affair behind my back when I caught her she got mad at me and picked the affair and now won't talk or text me it hurts I have no answers .....it's been 3 weeks now haven't spoken to her since .....I just don't get it I feel your pain
These video have been such a huge help in understanding my wife’s affair. I love the work you’re doing. Thank you
thanks so much Ram...appreciate the feedback. means a ton.
Yeah same here.
This video really helps. My husband’s affair nearly destroyed me.
Me too
Me too
don't let him destroy you. You have a choice.
Same here can’t forget the pain l felt and still feel
I left him after he told me that our marriage was over I don’t love him anymore I know the word hate is very strong but I can honestly 💯say I hate him and all the money he has hid over two million dollars he can have his how ge downgraded she’s 7years older then me I wish to see both holding hands !!!thers depositions it’s going to include him my son and her and her husband and his sick he had sips but I have to do what I have to do I’m going to fight him with the divorce I gave too much to this man it’s over💯🤥🤮👎
My husband has been in an affair with his co-worker (I belive Limerence) since September 2022 - when I was only 2 month pregnant with our second child.
I found out beginning of November but he stated they were just friends up until I discovered the truth in mid December. He lied in Therapy until I found out the the truth- that he thinks hes in love with her.
I was alone for 9 months during my pregnancy... I recently offered for him to move back in again & work on our marriage or divorce... & he refuses to go back to therapy ... he says he can't get over his resentment & anger he has towards me... i'm so sad... i belive he is still seeing her.
I'm filing for an offical seperation to take some control of my life back & plan a life for my 2 young children.
He wont move back in.
He wont go to therapy.
He wont work on the marriage.
He treats me as if i am the one who had the affair. Hes always mean and cold towards me. He picks fights and is highly emotional.
I don't know what to do other than file for an offical seperation... Is there anything I can do?
My husban had an affair for 30 years. He fell in love with her and her daughters. He even became Godfather to one of her daughters children. The daughter's loved him like a dad. I'm pissed that he took time away from me and his own children. I'm in so much pain.
My husband is confused for the last month whether to stay with me or divorce and be with his affair partner. He says he will always regret not trying things with her and think he needs to do this, but has a weird feeling we will get back together down the road. Im not waiting around for him to have a girlfriend on the side and then come back to me when it doesn't work. He can't make up his mind and this is dragging on so long
'Until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change, you will stay the same'.
Perfect.
Thanks for that.
When my wife stated to me that she had slept with my friend the next day and stated that it was my fault because I didn't come over and have a drink with him. I then immediately told her that I forgave her and ended the relationship. She then started crying and continued with the lies for weeks that she wasn't with him. I continually caught her with him in different places after she again lied that they were not together. I have continued now to disrupt his life by calling him out on everything and telling his friends what he did. I have also now realised that there now may have been many affairs which I now tell everyone we know that she was unfaithful without saying anything negative about her as I will always love her and feel sorry for her. I still love my wife but I will not take her back as she will never be able to blame me.
I’m sorry brother. How are you
Love this ministry. Mr. Samuel, you are a brave soul to be doing this. I salute you, sir. May God steadily increase this ministry. God bless you all.
means a ton my friend. thank you.
I've watched dozens of these. This one really hit home. I've "tried" getting over my AP for years. Hasn't worked. So today I surrender. Surrender to God my feelings.
yes atleast God will always be there for us. Learn to love yourself and heal.
Same process happens when you leave a relationship with a narcissist. No contact. You will struggle but it’s worth.
These videos are very helpful. I just recently found out that my boyfriend of over 2 years has been having an affair with a woman, we went to school with. Lately I’ve been an emotional mess. I still live with him. The most humiliating part is how he refuses to delete her contact because “he’s been friends with her for a long time”. He keeps saying “just trust me” and “he’s disciplined” . Yet he isn’t honest with me of all the times he met up with her.
Then don't trust him!
I cut off all contact with someone who was supposedto be my best friend of over 16 years.
After I came clean about my sins. It was the easiest thing to ever do.
Along with deleting all my social media accounts, and getting a new phone plus new phone number.
I'm sorry he's not being completely honest with you.
My prayers are with you.
The sad reality is you can’t trust him. He’s belittling your feelings. A two- year affair is a relationship. A whole relationship. Happened to me. A separation is in order here. His unwillingness to commit to either of you is cruel, and not what you deserve in any way. Be strong, face the fear and loneliness with all the support you will need from family and friends.
It appears most of these entries are men straying!
My husband of 30 years left me for his affair partner and moved cities to live with her. I feel very unsafe in the world.
I’m so sorry 💔
@lynncrocket6434, how are you doing now?
Same boat; he left me & his daughter for her. And he married her right after we finalized our divorced….
Same. Mine left me after 16yrs for his affair partner two weeks after I found out he said he wanted a divorce he's been with her for 9months now. @@untamedheart6820
How are you doing today ?
Your work has been a game changer!! Thank you and Samantha for putting yourselves out there for us to have an opportunity to start the healing process.
thank you my friend. means a ton to hear that kind of feedback.
An affair is a fantasy life! That is so true. Addiction to those highs and knowing this information is so helpful to know. I'm detoxing now, and you are helping me so much. Thank you!
Hang in there Kristie. You’re doing the right thing.
For some reason I have ignored this particular video because I did not realize its content was going to go in this direction. It comes up often in the suggested searches and I just kept bypassing it. Wow. Perhaps one of the most important of all
so glad it helped you my friend.
My husband's affair did destroy. Lies and more lies over 11 years; he's a pathological liar, and I'm done.
My husband admitted he fell in love with his affair and was seriously considering leaving me for her. Somehow he changed his mind. He told me it's going to take time for him to get over her. As his wife that is so devastating. Am I supposed to just sit back and be a good wife while he mourns the breakup of his girlfriend? I'm at a loss......
How is it going ? This is where I am now too
I am there to. Lifting all of us going through this Hell up in prayers
Are you doing better now? I'm here too.
Same. Dealing with this hurts like a mother! 😢
i am here right now.. i see you posted this 3 years ago.. do u mind telling me where its all at now?
It's really hard to know I don't make my husband feel good. The look in his eye towards me while he's detoxing or acting out encourages me to look at my self in the worst way. His presence makes me feel bad.
Fortunately, I don't make decisions based solely on feelings, but it's weird being the only one.
This video really makes sence,I'm going through some stuff and in gonna make it work with my wife,but it's only been a couple weeks back home,I feel like I'm detoxing from what I did,what a fricken mess I caused for everyone.
glad it's helped. don't stop my friend. keep going. keep taking it one day at a time. own what you need to own and get expert help. here are a couple resources for you: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
OMG! This really opened my eyes as to the addiction I feel to my affair partner. It's been like a drug and so difficult to break.
Me too!!! Almost 2 years.... finally broke it off and it's been 4 weeks no contact. it's painful. Any updates for you? Would you be interested fin connecting in an accountability/support way? I need help with the withdrawal emotions!
@@EButta71 I hope you're farther along in the w/drawal emotions. They have mentors on here and groups. Having a neutral party, friend, family or a professional to talk to about it will help diffuse it.
My husband have said repeatedly that he did not continue to talk to her after I discovered the affair. I do NOT believe him. It is not realistic. I wish he would tell the truth because it is impossible to contact your affair partner to tell her my wife may contact you and having that as the last contact ever. I wish he would be truthful and tell the truth about how long after the D day he kept.contact with her. Also, as you state it is not viable not to miss the affair partner. Somebody with whom you shared parts of your day to day life. Thanks Samuel your videos stopped me for filling for.divorce. The same day I found your video I was ready to fill out the paperwork.
you're very welcome mariel. so glad you're here and on the vlog. humbled to be able to help you.
thank you for saying soul tie. This IS one of the examples of a soul tie.
@@maxmolnar1973 i would wonder if it's Limerance which you can read about and listen to an audio here: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works the reality is, love, true love is a choice, not a feeling or bunch of feelings. feelings always fade. i would get expert help and consider going through a process to discover what you are truly feeling and if this is something you're willing to give time and expert help to vet out what is real and what is not?
I hate my affair partner now. I hate what I did to my husband forever.
i'm glad you hate what you did to your husband and it would be a great goal to hate IT forever. hating your affair partner, should at some level, eventually transform into forgiving them. NOT reconciling obviously, but forgiving them helps set YOU free and helps rid you of bitterness and resentment which can undermine our well being in life later on down the road. hope that helps you. keep going my friend.
Man I wish my wife would say this to me
Hating that you did this is a really good thing. Look back now and see why you did it and see if you can fix hopefully with your husband. It's a hard thing to go through but if you really love your husband and you show him that you do and you made a mastake hopefully he'll understand and get through this with you.show him how much you really love him and if you have to make some adjustments in your marriage. Don't let one mastake end things it can be fixed, and alot of times bit can make your marriage the best it's ever been. It's a long road but do what you have to do to make it right. Im sure he won't trust you for a long time but that's ok it's normal. Take a vacation, spend time together and get through it. Talk to each other about it on why you did it. If he really loves you he will forgive you. He won't forget but can forgive. To many marriages end because of this and it's sad. I know alot that didn't make it through this but I know alot that has and there marriage is the best it's ever been. Just saying don't let one mastake end something good if you both still love each other.
@@crossfireceo wish my partner would say this, too. Instead he's said when drunk that he loves her and wants to be with her. Been 1 month. I took him back in less than 1 week. And paid for everything since. He hasn't put in 1 application. I have not seen any signs of effort to help me forgive. I must be delusional to think he really loves me. Or so blinded by my love for him.
I wish my husband would say this to me. He still talks to his affair partner at work. I asked him to block her from his phone and from contacting him in total and he will not do it.
Thank you so much for this video it helps more than you know
It’s been 18month since D-Day. He left came back and told me he wanted to work things out and restore our marriage. But in those 18months we have been stuck and multiple time I have found him reaching out for the affair partner. I guess my question is since he is sooo “In Love” with the affair partner why is he here telling me he wants to work things outs?! It’s sooo frustrating and confusing 😠
hi there. can be a ton of reasons and we would be spitballing. at some level, it's normal. but it's time for expert help and support. you can't keep living this way my friend. it's time to get help and go deeper into why he's doing what he's doing and why you're tolerating it.
My husband still thinks of his affair partner and leaves little hints that he still loves her. So it seems I'm still not his priority
I had a girl in my life that cheated on me 4-5 years ago and never told me why. Never knew the story. She just vanished from my life. She just left. Leaving me with an open wound and zero closure. Shes ruined my hope for a family and love. I've been single ever since. No hope. Lost. Angry. Insufferable pain. Suicidal thoughts. Daily coping. Its ruined my life. I cant even be myself.
my friend i would graciously encourage you to no longer allow yourself to remain a victim of her poor choices and to get help and heal. it's more than possible. you have to get back up and live again.
As cliche as it sounds, you will survive. Get a 2nd job. Join a gym or Meet up group. Don't give up on love😘.
Hey man...how are you doing now?
Maybe she didn't love as much as you thought or maybe she fell out of love. It happens. Try not to give your life over to it.
Praying for you Adam. 2 years later how are you doing?
I think this is one of the best informational videos that I've watched from you thank you
The thing I do not understand. Is that after I found out my husband have an affair, i know he experienced what u describe. But after the AP ends it with him. And he was detoxifying during lockdown... and after after lockdown is lifted , he went again on having a new affair partner after he experienced this turmoil on his own... it is sickening. He doesn't even feel any regret doing it .
You are beautiful and you are not the one who wrongs others. This is a problem within him. We all have the right to do what makes us happy and he chose to hurt you because he’s selfish and wants that next high. I know it hurts. Hope you’re okay today
I found out of my husband having an affair oct last year & we separated immediately …4 months later we divorced & 2 months after our divorced finalized he married his affair partner
I’m sorry you went through this.
This is one of your best Samuel, if not your best.
Samuel all he tells me now. Is he "hates" her. Why? I think only cause he got caught. No it had to come out for a reason. Id rather not say on here. But now he says he hate her. But refused to leave his job where they both worked!!! Not until there was a layoff. Now I dread a new job.... For fear it will happen again.
Wow.....this video said a mouth full. Thank you.
Thank you and Samantha for your courage and selflessness. Could you please speak on all aspects of dealing with a cyclical unfaithful? I am a betrayed and my husband goes through an endless 3-6 month cycle of: disclosure, then excellent behavior which quickly diminishes into anger, withdrawal, dishonesty then back to the top of the cycle with the next phase of acting out. Sometimes disclosure is one night, sometimes one week of adding information or admitting to lies or omissions. I struggle with the repeated acting out and constant disclosures. It has been happening for our entire 5 year marriage. Your videos are our first step in finally, jointly reaching out. Can you help?
Janelle I’m an unfaithful and I have been in recovery for 9 months. The wisdom on this channel has blessed my life and saved my marriage. Just being on this channel will help you guys so much. Keep watching. Go back and catch the older videos as well. There really isn’t anything he doesn’t cover. I pray your marriage is fully restored and that you both heal immensely. Peace and Grace.
hi janelle. i'm terribly sorry about that cycle. have you done any expert driven recovery work? it will most likely continue like that if there isn't expert help to stop the cycle and intervene. this series on shame may help as typically when you're dealing with this type of behavior shame is usually the culprit: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-recovery-understanding-the-paralysis-of-shame i would also consider the ems weekend or ems online course as well to stop the cycle: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online
Overcoming Infidelity Thank you so much. Seriously. We need all the help, prayer and encouragement we can get. I think he seriously wants to stop but doesnt know how and gives up and goes back. We will DEFINITELY look at these links and do the ems course. We have to. Bless you.
Either he is closeted BIPOLAR or he is a covert narcissist …. Either way ,it’s bad news for you.
My husband started his affair in 2014, then we separated. While separated, he started to come around, and complained about her. We agreed to reconcile, and moved back together. Since then, he has ghosted me, to be with her several times for no fault of mine. He now continues to run to her when we argue, saying I'm running him out of the house. I've found out he's still sends messages to her. What is going on with him?
hi there. i'm terribly sorry for the pain you're experiencing. it appears he's relapsing or at the very least going back to her and trying to blame you for his actions. he is making his own choices. he's doing what he wants, but it appears he needs to blame you in order to do it. i'm very sorry my friend.
My husband had an affair for last 3.5 years after . He wants to end this but he was not able to do so. He is not the same person there is a invisible wall around him.
Some affairs come with all those responsibilities; kids, bills and sometimes drama
I'm so glad I found your videos and your blog, its really been helpful to me. I feel like my husband is having an affair or affairs (online) but I have no way of finding out and it's literally making me so angry not knowing.
Did you find out yet? Or what did you do?
My ex husband and I divorced last September over and an affair. We were together for 19 yrs and have 4 children. I have done nothing but forgive him and continue to love him. He’s had sex with me numerous times since divorce but no real emotional connection. Finally today he’s done with me. He told me to leave him alone and he wants me to move on with someone else. What do I do?
i would leave him alone and let him know that he doesn't get to come in and out of your life and expect you to just allow it. i would give him permission to go and then focus on your own healing. i would bet he will be back soon, and i would demand he get help with you. he's working through major issues internally and he's dragging you into them. you need help and safety for your own healing.
It has been 6 weeks since he last had contact with her. He is extremely moody and finding fault with everything that I do. How long is this detox going to last? I’m finding it hard not to take his behavior personally.
6+ yrs and still dealing with it 🤦🏻♀️😢
@@NicoleDeverney
Almost 8 years for me and I’m still stuck. Too many things said to me. Him lifting up his affair partner and comparing her to me. Her being the best thing he’s ever had. Connected with her like he’s never connected to anyone else his entire life. He was 58 yrs old at the time he was caught. Affair had been going on for 2 1/2 yrs. We’ve been married for 45 yrs now. She was the same age as our youngest daughter. Words said can never be taken back and almost 8 yrs later he still does not know what to say or what to do to “undo” the damage and trauma he has caused. I am so very sorry you are experiencing this. I am now 63 yrs old and this is the worst pain I have ever experienced. Within a few weeks after the first Dday, 2 additional lengthy affairs were revealed. All 3 affairs within a span of 13 years. So I was and still am having to deal with 3 affairs. This is living hell and my life is miserable. Of coarse he chose to stay in the marriage. He told a mutual friend he stayed because he had too much to lose. We are no where near being wealthy but after 38 yrs of marriage it would have cost him a pretty penny to leave the marriage. And I knew in my gut he stayed because he is a Christian and knew that is what God expected of him. His last affair partner contacted me 14 months after the affair had ended. He had followed her and told her he still loved her and missed her so much. Much to his surprise she ratted him out!
Again I am so sorry for your pain. Only those who have walked in our shoes can truly understand how painful adultery is.
It’s been almost 3 years since we stopped seeing each other and I still think about my AP everyday and want to be with him still. No one knows about our affair that happen.
Me 2😞😞. Time nor counseling has helped.
It sucks! ☹️
I blocked my husband. 6 years of cheating. I’ve had enough. Hearing this triggers me.
Wow, that’s a long time!
My husband has still not unfriended her on fb, or blocked her number. However, he says he really wants to work things out. However, he earlier he said SHE said she wanted him to TRY to work it out with me. BUT, even though he hasn't searched for her recently, I feel that he might be going the motions, because the door is still opened. But he gets mad at me for not trusting him.
if you read our latest newsletter, the fact is, unfortunately, the door is still open and he hasn't made the decision to block all contact and that's a huge red flag: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/ending-an-affair-step-one-make-the-decision he may be going through the motions. have you asked him why he hasn't blocked her etc? i'm sorry you're in this situation. i know it's scary and so painful.
My husband is the same way right now still talks to her at work and wont block her on the phone or any other device says he is pushing my trust envelope..
While all this makes perfect sense and is exactly what I’m going through and feel. The one question that bothers me is, what if the affair was true love. It is the one you should be with. Everything gets better and less emotional with time, naturally. But how do you know how to differentiate between true and detox feelings about your AP?
I would say getting expert help asap. I have to say, respectfully, not every relationship gets better and makes it and settles back down over time. many couples don't make it. an expert and a process can help.
No I have to detox from the unfaithful...not him from the affair partner.
My spouse cant has not cut if off with his AP and I finally understand that we can not move forward with our relationship repair until this person is gone. I hope he comes to that conclusion soon until then I am in pain and its torture. Dont cheat people its the most devastating thing you can do to another person.
What if they leave you for them? Do they ever wake up and see them differently then?
I'm really struggling to know how my husband still feels about his ap. He ended it with her when I found out 6-7 weeks ago but Im so crippled by the thought he really wants her. She went a little crazy when he ended it and spent weeks stalking me and him. She faked a pregnancy and threatened violence when he wouldn't respond to her. Would these things have actually helped him get over her as he never saw that side of her before?
They could help, yes. Showing the true colors can often times help the unf spouse see what is really going on inside the affair partner. is he getting any help to heal and repair the damage at all?
Sadly we can't afford therapy but he is doing everything else that I've read he should be doing. I want to believe him but it feels like too big a leap of faith to do that right now
He made excuses for her. "She was just angry" is what he said.
Several times
"She was hurt ". I thought what the hell? I'm not hurt or angry? I never behaved that way. God is my witness.
I’ve been married for 22 years, my husband is 66 and I am 58. He had his first emotional affair and he doesn’t wanna let go of The affair. My husband works with her every day. I found out about the affair two months ago, and by the way she’s 43 years old. He doesn’t believe in counseling. Need help
i would consider implementing boundaries my friend. these two resources may help you: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change if he gets to do what he wants with no consequences, there isn't much to stop him from continuing to do that with very little regard for you and your own pain.
Did he end up quitting the job behind the affair? Would you ask him to do it or see if he will quit on his own? Or would you be okay with him staying employed there?
My fiances affair was wayyy too long for me to take her back.. the multiple sexual sessions that i saw in her phone
Was a no deal. I coukdve dealt with a 1 or 2 time occurrence but 7 months of consistent sex?? Naw i sent her back to the streets
So how long does this last? How long do u have to wait for them to overcome their affair partner
here is another video that may help: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/affair-recovery-understanding-need-detox-affair-partner typically it depends on the length and severity of the affair, but somewhere around 6 months, respectively.
You'll have to wait long enough for YOU to realize that you deserve better! I tried waiting and hoping and praying. Then I realized I didn't deserve this!
Hi, what do you suggest if new things keeps being revealed? I keep asking if there are anymore secrets. He keeps saying no. Yet every week there is something new. The issues range from affairs to secret debts but mostly secret debts. I am so frustrated right now.
we call that drip feeding. or , trickle truthing. it's a huge red flag unfortunately. i would seek expert professional care, maybe a lie detector as well. have you looked at some of the things we do on our site: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses
From my personal experience of being married to a sex addict for over 20 years I learned this type of behavior was him searching/hunting for a new partner aka new supply. That’s my personal experience from the behavior you expressed.
Any advice about how to deal with a spouse with dementia who reveals that they had a 4 year affair 30 years ago, with a man that has been your best friend for the last 25 years?
it sounds like a choose your own adventure situation. From what I know about dementia, it just keeps getting worse and worse. They may not have the capacity to atone for their wrongdoing. Your priority should be on self care first. I know some people might support the idea of you settling into a care taker role despite your hurt. But you dont have to. Its YOUR CHOICE. They were a full functioning adult when they made that choice. It is not your responsibility to baby hem even though they wronged you. People make mistakes all the time. But there are still consequences. And senior elderly people are not without sin. [I say that, but I dont know your and their exact age]. Life is too short. I hope this reaches you in time.
This is very encouraging 😍pray for my marriage ,My husband is so set on divorce 11yrs ,6small kids each others first makes it so much harder....my husband won't break it off.Only God can heal his heart, I gotta keep praying for him.
i'll be praying for you as well my friend.
so how do u make your partner feel this way about you again?
I'm the unfaithful. I had an affair with my best friend, and our husbands found out. We both decided to stay with our husbands and we have stopped communicating completely. But I hate what it has done to our families and that we've ruined such a great friendship. I know things will never be the same but I feel like i need to apologize to the husband, he was my friend too and i hurt him, just not sure how to go about it or if i should.
it will probably do more damage than actually healing my friend. i would encourage you to give that up and do whatever you can to make your spouse feel safe.
Love ur videos 👍
Thank you the videos were healing and healing for me until my husband passed away unexpectedly while we were separated … the pain in unbearable. Any resources you can recommend if your spouse has passed while we were separated I was the unfaithful and tried to get help did therapy and tried to reach out but he was not ready . I’m struggling to cope . Any help is appreciated
i'm so sorry for your pain and hurt my friend. i know that has to be awful. i would find a trauma therapist that can help you walk through the trauma of what you've experienced. they can help you process the pain and grief. i'll be praying for you and thinking about you.
@@samshealingpodcast thank you so very much I could use as much prayer as possible and thank you for your recommendation. Even though my husband passed your videos help me with the extreme Shame guilt and overwhelming pain I feel . Thank you 🙏
@@chrislvs2dance i'm honored I could help and be of some support and hope.
My wife had an affair when she went overseas for a month. Luckily the guy can't come to the US without a visa and it's difficult for him to obtain one.
He appears to be in love with her and she appears to be in love with him. She booked a flight to leave me and our 3 kids to go see him for another 10 days, thankfully she canceled after i told her "if you leave you are not coming back to this house."
How can she get over him if they aren't actually together to experience the bad parts of each other?
After 27 years I found out my wife had been having an affair for 5 months. She didn’t want counseling or anything, just wanted out. We got divorced and 7 months later she is married to her affair, just after his divorce became final. My question is how long does it usually take for the fantasy to erode and reality to return?
hi marc. i'm so sorry brother. i know that's awful. at this point, if she is married to the affair partner, i'm not sure that she is going to return to this reality. it may be that she is now locked into this relationship and not going to wake up if you will. she may, and she may come up for air and realize she's made a mistake or she may not. it's really tough to tell when someone goes this far into marrying the affair partner.
I have no illusion about us ever getting back together. I am just concerned about what the effects it will have on my children and their families when the bubble bursts for their mother. Thank You for your words of encouragement.
It will be painful and damaging to everyone. No way around that. Don't join her in the craziness. Be strong for yourself and your children. Show them that life can be better than what she did.
My husband moved out and says he has no desire to work on our marriage. He wants a divorce. How can I fight for our marriage? He does not want to communicate with me at all. What do I do?
Melony how are you? Is your divorce final?
What about when the affair relationship sires children?
This explains a lot. This must be why my wife was mad at his wife for telling me when she busted him.
hi my situation is so weird and complicated . my husband is in ongoing affair with someone who work at my company yes I am their boss and she knows he is my husband. yet she continue to entertain him . unfortunately I am not the owner of the business so I can't fire him or her ... So help !!! plus he doesn't speak enough English for the ems weekend. I'm devasted... help !!!!
you need legal advice and protection asap Mia. i would look into that for your own protection based upon your other comment not seen here and do whatever you can to protect yourself emotionally and legally.
I tried to get my wife’s AP fired from a large fitness club because that’s where it started; and this even happened previously with another married he pursued when he was first hired as a ‘trainer’. The club even became aware of that situation and a sort of tribal council was formed to legally address the matter and he was put under observation. My wife ended up being hired by the club to be his assistant shortly after that incident. Six years later, I find out my wife is having an affair with him. Bottom line is they don’t dismiss employees for consensual sexual behavior.
It would have been nice revenge to have had him removed but it wouldn’t have solved anything; in fact, i believe it would have increased the fantasy.
I took Debra McLeod’s advice and encouraged my wife to continue seeing him. This strategy ‘turns the lights on’ so to speak of the affair and exposes the secrecy, which is one of the driving factors in making the affair exciting.
But what about if he unfaithful is not ready to get clean.
Running to thousands of healers,therapist,seminars and different spiritual groups but not getting 1%CLEAN.
Running in different things more than 20 years but no positive results instead worse
then, they, probably really don't want to get clean and won't do what it takes. i'm sorry it's been that way, but until he gets expert help, and commits to the process of that help, and experiences consequences for not committing to that process, it probably won't change.
Thankyou very much for reply.
He had been in many different professionals but I think he does not want to change.
But big problem is that children feels extremely hurt and many different things
I dont know how many hes had i kbow about a few. First time it was some drug addict on the same street. Told me some stranger came in our house and took all my clothes, took a shower in my shower, and took all his money out of his wallet. After confronted him, he said well i thought we were done? What after taking the kids to your parents house so they wouldnt be confronted with us fighting about his drug use? There were others after that. After being with him for more years than i care to text about, the last time i decided to get even, i had an a emotional affair with a person related to my husbands first affair without the drugs. I was totally in love with this person but not willing to throw what i had been with for all these years. The drug use the affairs. Why am i still here with a man i dont trust? At all? What ever trust i built up he goes and cheats again. I know there is really nothing left, the kids are grown. I know i need to move on
Praying for your clarity 🙏🏾
At what age do people stop having affairs
Why the affair, there has to be a reason, has to be, there has to be! Absent the reason then maybe nothing gets repaired.
I would be very intrigued on some of that info my now wife was having a emotional affair with a guy we sold a house to thought she broke it off but a couple weeks after the marriage she started to talk with him again we've gotten past it but she is openly admitting she still has thoughts I think with some further information I could assit by presenting this knowledge to her to help her understand.. Thanks
hi Chris. here is an article on limerance i think would be good for her and you to read: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/limerence-infatuation-how-works I'd also suggest the hope for healing course for her and her own recovery as well as relapse prevention: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
What if I separate from him and let the affair play it’s course. He wants to stay together but I don’t believe he’ll change until he’s done/tired of her
i would draw extensive and rigorous boundaries that you can uphold and defend. if you have to chase him to want you, that's no way to live and be loved my friend. you have every right to want fidelity and to be his only one. if he can't respect that, it's understandable you would draw and enforce boundaries that protect you, your heart and your future.
This is actually the best for YOU .
Do you have an email that I could send a question to?
It’s so hard to get past when u work with the person you had the affair with. It’s ripping my heart out!
As a betrayed spouse that has a spouse that has not gotten third party help, what would you suggest?
i would tell them that it's a non negotiable moving forward and that without help, you're not going to be able to really heal and move forward and have much trust at all for them. i would ask them to do the right thing and get help. here are a few resources on it: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate
Please help me,
My ex husband now moved one of his affair partners into our house.
We finally started talking again, he said he is going to ask her to leave, he doesn’t love her, and he wants us..
But a couple months later he still hasn’t asked her to leave, he hasn’t made time for me or us. But we did go on a walk with our dogs and when I was being playful I went to crab his hand he pulled away...
I’m at the realization he is lying
Advise please.
Where will the response be ????
Thank you
Rochelle
What if they leave you for the affair partner and divorce you? Dies it work for them?
unfortunately, it appears it's time to do your own healing and focus on your own self care my friend. i'm so sorry for the pain you're walking through.
My husband said told two days that he was in love with both us. I don't understand
It’s very possible to be in love with two different people. It’s called compartmentalizing.
Hi, my story is quite complicated. I have been in a relationship for 9 years, we have 2 kids, we got engaged but a couple of months ago I found out that my fiance has been having an affair for 2 and a half years and has a baby with that woman. We have been having issues of dishonest about a year into our relationship. It has been up and down with the lies. I love him and he loves me but everytime he goes to the area where that woman lives he lies about it. I always feel like I am the only one making an effort to communicate about my whereabouts while he will do it for 1 week then another week not really. I just don't know how to get him to open up to me. Please help me....
he probably won't open up unless you have an objective, expert third party there. have you considered our ems weekend? i would so something along those lines as you need 1. expert help not general help 2. an expert familiar with a child from an affair partner (like our therapists) 3. a proven process that can help with accountability, honesty and boundaries and finally 4. a safe place where you won't feel judged or shamed. here is our weekend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend
Thank god I found our about his affair when he was 4 months in.
I have to give thanks to God for showing me and helping me expose what he was doing. It was on a chat. And we've been in therapy since and praying for healing and restoration after 14 years married
These videos have helped me so much to understand and deal with this betrayl
My husbend of 5 months just told me he has been seeing another weman for the last year we have been together for 7 yrs i have insucrity issues but he can decided what to do what to pick between me and her help me please
try one of these courses my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend or www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online. they will help you both, but he needs help to break free from the cycle of back and forth with his affair partner. does he want to get help? does he want to get healthy?
My wife is so stubborn and selfish sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s truly over. She still feels entitled to her space and feels she does not need to give me proof of her where abouts
Can you help me as the betrayed. I was married for 19 yrs. the last year of our marriage he was having an affair. I found out and made him divorce me last September. The thing is last August he tried to get me to stay, counseling and no divorce. I was so hurt and had him end the marriage. We have 4 children, and I am still in love with him. He came to me in June claiming he was still in love with me. We have been seeing ea other since then. He has now broke up with me again. He has rejected and dismissed me again. Now due to situational depression: me, my ex and our oldest 17 yr old all see a Psychiatrist. What can he not forgive himself and move on. He stays angry at me for some reason:( any advice for us????
you need expert help my friend. what have you both done to heal?
Right now im only thinking about my other half and not the affair.....
Is this still the case?
I turn to prays.... and this feeling and guilt i cant handle.....
Does the unfaithful ever feel guilty when he is with his affair parter at all?
it's a tough answer. the answer is for the most part, no, and here's why: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-betrayed-spouse-were-they-thinking-of-me
to add to it, you don't want to think about something that makes you guilty during a fantasy or attempt to escape. the article will explain more, but it's not that he's some sort of sociopath. it's a complicated answer but i'm confident you'll understand it more.
How can an unfaithful spouse still have sex with husband or wife, While having an affair ?
it's very normal. it's part of the dysfunction as they are trying to hide the affair while also staying in the marriage. some think it's a personality disorder or some weird thing, but it's not. it's their hiding of the affair and trying to continue the life they have. they don't want to hurt their spouse or their affair partner and they love and enjoy the attention. yes, its wrong and painful and self absorption for sure, but it's the mind of the unfaithful who is usually, only concerned about themselves.
Yes. It’s feeling sick and guilty and disbelieving that this is your life. No matter how much you want it to end, you need it somehow...it’s something that could kill you if you truly care...and you end it and you do want to die. It’s the worst thing that will ever happen to you. Don’t ever go there.
Please help me about this situation
This video is exactly how i feel
Hi from Suriname
Very helpful
What if there is a illegitimate baby?
requires expert help and a plan to work through what the future will and can look like. not impossible at all, but requires expert help and a process.
How can I reach out to you?
you can email support@hope-now.com and ask them to send it to me, but please keep in mind i'm not able to read long email at all. thank you
Is any way to get help for couples who cannot afford the EMS weekends?
yes there is a an online course you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online you can also file for a scholarship should you need it: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request you can use it for any of the online courses.
What are the EMS weekends and how can my husband and I participate?
@@crimsondove3712 here is the ems weekend page: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend if you need any other info, please reach out to me via info@hope-now.com and i'll do my best to help.
Yes it’s an addictive 💯
I love is. Definitely saving.
Tell King Charles and Queen Camila that he didnt love her when she was his affair partner. Sorry but its not white and black like this.
wow.