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Hey, I'm not realy expecting for anyone to respond considering this is an old video, but here's my question. I'm demiromantic, meaning I only feel romantic attraction to people I'm very close with, and I think I may be bisexual. The thing is, I've only gotten 1 main crush in my life, to my male friend. How can I figure out if I have the romantic capacity to like a girl? I like both men and women sexualy, but i can't imagine myself marrying and living my life with a woman. Any advice?

So helpful, and healing thank you

I wonder if a guy in my class fits this description. At first, I thought he was simply being friendly. Also, for an extremely handsome and tall model-looking guy, he has no girlfriend. But he is very touchy with me or was in the past and very generous with compliments about my appearance. However, when I try to ask him out he moves heaven and earth to NOT spend time with me. At least, any alone time. When other people are around, that seems to work for him but one on one, somehow he always comes up with an excuse. I started to get pissed off actually but I simply decided to stop focusing on him and started ignoring him. Still, he tries to compliment me. Almost everyone in class says they find him socially awkward but for such an attractive person being socially awkward seems kinda silly. Oh well, now that the crush I had on him is over, I just find his compliments kinda annoying now these days cos it even sounds like he is making fun. At first, I thought he was closeted. Then I thought he was straight. Now, I wonder if i misjudged him and he is BI but ace?...

From Lord of the Rings I have a crush on Tauriel and Thorin 🔥🔥she’s straight and he’s gay though (the actors) too bad!!!

Once I was attracted to a girl with whom I never had sex because of religious conviction. I was aroused by her, but we had decided to hold off the physical until after marriage. Then we broke up, and many years after that I was single and minded my own life. Then last year, I became attracted to a guy with whom I had sex. I love it, but my family culture doesn’t approve it. Now I’m stuck. I’m afraid to live openly. Recently, my ex-girlfriend came back into my life as a friend. The connection with her is there, but the fizzle has long gone. I am as unsure as ever :(

As a bisexual man I mostly prefer women. But a guy would have to be very lucky for me to choose him

Are you neurodivergent 😊

Lovely video. I’m trying to understand asexual spectrum better because it seems that people experiencing ace feelings that I know are people who sadly have suffered and been hurt. And there are those who are naturally just ace

I explain my asexuality (grey ace) as a primary sexuality, while "under that" is my secondary sexuality (when I do feel sexual attraction) being bisexual. Romantic orientation is another added layer and man... it can get complicated.

I love this video so much and find it so incredibly interesting. I myself identify as bi and ace, but in a different type of way. The language I use for myself is biromantic asexual. (though I will often call myself simply bi, ace, and/or even just gay depending on how willing I am to explain things to people) The way I explain it and the way it’s made sense to me is that bi means attraction to more than one gender, and ace means little to no sexual attraction to anyone. (My personal definition of bi tends to be closer to what many people would call pan or omni, make those distinctions wherever you want) I specify biromantic because while sexual attraction isn’t really a thing for me, romantic attraction very much is. I really love that you brought up a bunch of other terms like pan, omni, poly, and ace flux, especially because I used to identify as aroaceflux. I’ve come to understand bi as more of an umbrella term that includes identities like pan, omni, and poly, because all of those are rooted in a definition very similar to bisexual, just with certain specifications. (If anyone disagrees with that feel free to let me know, I’m very fascinated with other people’s interpretations of labels) All in all this was a really well put together video and I think it has the potential to help a lot of people, so thank you. <3

Thank you for doing this video i identify myself bi/ace

Thanks for the video! U r always choosing such interesting topics! I find myself questioning the same again: Are bi urges any different from straight urges? I feel they are indeed different, but I have a hard time trying to explain it to my friends and partners...

Zero energy ✅ zero excitement ✅ boring to listen to✅ glasses ✅ flag as home decor ✅ you are definitely asexual. You check every box 😅

It's such a shame how invisible bi people are. We struggle in silence a lot of the time. Someone once told me that people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind

This Attraction has nothing to do Evolution or biological.

This video popped up for me after watching a different video about being bi as I figured out I was bi when I was in grade 11 so 17/18 years old I’m now 22 and have been doubting myself as I’ve had others doubt my sexuality as I’ve only ever been in relationships (romantic and sexual) but right now I am more strongly attracted to women but I always get the how do you know if you’ve never been with one and it sucks the ending of your video hit me hard I started crying as it’s what I absolutely need to hear rn as like you said nobody gets to question my sexuality as that is something completely me, myself and I know and think about and nobody else can feel what I feel so thank you

the "problem" is religious ppl that says "but the bible said..." when u tell them "why do u care"... like some people think that God doesnt like lgbt... but God respects everyone lol (im an atheist but thats the statment i made while reading holy books)

Thank you for making this video and sharing even more about yourself Mark! When I watched the first video where you discussed your asexuality, I assumed you were trying to say that you were biromantic and asexual (i.e, the split attraction model). However, now I realize that you're biromantic and bisexual but that your sexual attraction is very low. You always teach me so much in your videos, including new things which of course is important. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more videos!

My issue with bisexual community, especially the men, is that they pick and choose their sexuality when the situation benefits them while us homosexual are just gay. This is a fact because bisexuals are the highest population in the lgbt community so homosexual first gay experiences are with bisexuals who only use us for sexual gratification, financial gain, or an ego boost. I'm starting to notice bisexuals in the media replacing gay people as they are more accepted in society than we are 😞.

I consider myself bi and demi. I've always been demi since my college says but I just didn't know how to define it back then. But if someone is confused about what being demi if I don't have the energy to explain it to them I'll just say I'm on the ace spectrum and they get it

It’s sometimes difficult to explain to people that just because I’m ace doesn’t mean I can’t want a romantic relationship or platonic relationship, seeing as there are different ways to split things. Aces can want to date, want a relationship (platonic or romantic), or anything others might want. We just don’t feel attraction sexually.

Hi Mark. This is part of my coming out process. I'm glad you asked how we identify. Like you, I too use several identifiers. For your FYI I use BI, Gay, Pan, Queer and Homosexual. I've held onto BI since I first realized my dual gender attraction back in Middle School which for me was late 60's - early 70's. As the LGBTQIA community has made advances during those decades, so have I. Recently the discovery that personage more than gender attracts me caused me to realize PAN is equally my existence. I am 66 will be 67 in August so real late coming out. Was married for 20 years to a woman and had 3 kids with here. deeply closeted but watching our community make advances in acceptance and rights while also suffering extreme backlash. I've kept aware of the pros and cons of being out. After our divorce dated a woman but broke up with her because I did not love her. Had several gay hookups which left me unfulfilled. Then my eldest grandson came out as Gay. I knew then I should as well. It's just shy of a year as I type this. The local LGBTQIA Community Center sponsored me to attend PRIDE last June which I enjoyed and took part in several of their programs. Fast forward to NOW and I sit on this year's PRIDE Committee coordinating volunteers and communications. Yeah it has been a VERY eventful year!!!

I like the point made at the end of the video but I feel like it can be complicated by internalized biphobia. Many monosexual people refuse to date a bi person, so my gut reaction is to keep my dating options open, when I’m primarily same sex attracted. My sexual attraction is exclusively same sex, but I have this nebulous romantic orientation.

The spilt attraction model is very helpful in understanding who you are- recently discovered that I am panromantic as well as bisexual. It's also totally okay (and queer af) if your romantic and sexual attractions don't fit with each other (there's somebody in one of my support groups who's an ace lesbian, and I have a friend who's a sweet ace panromantic lady that helped me understand this and was genuinely thrilled when I told her about our shared romantic label, and I know someone else who is ace biromantic- it's definitely becoming more frequent). I may not be aro/ace, but I am an ally to the aro/ace community and support people that are, as I support all sexualities and gender identities. Happy Pride and thank you for this video!

I relate a lot to your content 😊 ! After realizing I'm bi, 4 years ago I've realized very recently (a month ago) I'm demisexual. And it was very difficult for me to understand that about myself, because I geniuinely thought people were lying about their sexual attraction ... I couldn't believe people could be THIS sex-obsessed and that it would occupy so much of their thoughts or even time ... I just thought people were either lying or exaggerating or ( very few people) were actually too obssessed with sex. The fact I grew up religious made me believe I was just a good Christian girl and I was stronger than most my peers ... But the truth is at time I thought I was kind of broken because as much I knew I could be sexually attracted to someone, it was ONLY after sharing a strong emotional bond with them (and even then it didn't automatically happen at time). By following you, I understood that bisexuality and asexuality are both on a spectrum, so when I came to term with the fact I'm demisexual and biromantic (and by biromantic, I definite it as being attracted to people regardless of gender identity and expression), it gave me so much strength and confidence. Sometime I label myself as bi or queer or bi and ace. My demisexuality/asexuality describes how I'm attracted to people and my bisexuality describes who I'm attracted to.

Do guys sneak out on their boyfriends to see a girl on the side?

This is the kind of information that I wish had been available to us back in the 80s and 90s. Being a part of Generation X (the last generation of children who grew up without the internet), we weren't privy to this type of knowledge. Add to that all the rhetoric that was dished out by the church, along with the threat of fire 🔥 and brimstone, you had a bunch of kids (me in particular) who were scared to death of even touching ourselves. 😮

thank you for sharing these deep thoughts❤ i think its also important to differentiate between sexual attraction and romantic attraction❤

I don’t want to just take over the space but for a while, I definitely feel like I’m on the Aroace Spectrum. It doesn’t mean I’m a hermit or that I’m incapable of having feelings but sometimes, I don’t want conventional cookie cutter ideas of attachment and companionship. It has taken me ages to truly accept platonic relationships.

Signs i know i wasn't straight. Sign number 1 i start having crushson tv soap characters on both men and women. Sign number 2 i start having crushes on men and women singers Men singer call peter andre who sings mysterious girl and girl singer call Jessie J . Sign number 3 i start kissing photo of girl on my high school musical balloons name is Vanessa Hudgens who plays gabriella montez in hsm Sign number 4 i start having fancying Lesbian call Rachel in my old work place for special needs. Sign number 5 i got crush on celebrity like Peter Andre and Zac Efron And corbin bleu and Jessie j and Vansssa Hudgens and Girl from 90 day fiance Call Erkia Owens Sign number 6 i can't stop thinking about it Please can you help me please Does this class as bisexual yes or no

3:45 Comp-Het? Such a sad reality

Asexual? So, taking over Denmark, Chocolate Cake, and Garlic Bread? (This is only after doing research in Meme Studies)

This is the earliest episode I’ve seen on the channel. Also, great choice of topic as always!

To speak with me and many other like-minded people, join us on patreon.com/notdefining. For 1:1 coaching with me you can book an appointment at www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. To support my work and get priority replies to comments and more, click the JOIN button.

I identify myself as pansexual for about a month now, because it fits more what I feel when I'm with people. At least my partner is a non-binary person and gay/-Bi-curious wasn't feeling right anymore. And since my childhood I was caught by the idea of loving people and not genders. The flag is just a touch of genius. For me as a graphics person it's built on the printer colours magenta, yellow and cyan which means you can print any colour you want (exept black and white) by mixing up these three. So it represents the whole spectrum of genders and identities.

Insightful

This was insanely helpful - thank you. I would really like to ask what you think the realistic chances of long-term success are for a relationship between a hardline asexual male (probably bi curios /fluid) and a very sanguine high - libido Demi sexual /heterosexual female. That is, When the two partners are otherwise very compatible and bound by some traits and qualities that are very unique to the both of them…But who may also be quite diverse to each other vis a vis intellectual interests and levels, lifestyle habits etc - and while still sharing enough common ground to keep the romantic spark of attraction ignited. Is such a union automatically doomed to failure in the context of sexual intimacy and fulfilment, when one considers their diametrically opposed sexual profiles? And how can the inevitable frustration, disappointment, anger, shame and resentment wrought by the constant push-pull-pressure on each partner to assume a turn -taking role in compromising on their own needs and prioritising those of their lover ( & thus routinely foregoing their own personal satisfaction. ) Given the respective urgency and value inherently placed on sexual intimacy by each partner would not the female in this situation find it so much more difficult to reconcile this in a satisfactory way? If sex is an essential component of your language of love can there be love without it, for that person , even if they can rationalise and mitigate their partners diversity at an intellectual level? In your experience Can such a relationship ever be resolved in a way that genuinely addresses the holistic wellbeing of both partners , equally - and if so ,how so? Any practical suggestions / words of advice??? ( that do not revolve around talking through stuff etc …since male partner is also a ‘word economist’ and exercises the right to practice selective mutism whenever uncomfortable topics /sexual conversations arise…)’

I'm really not sure. I'm a teen right now and kind of having a crisis over this- I think i'm bi or gay but I really can't draw the line- I'm also having problems around the social anxiety of coming out as my school and family are mostly homophobic so i'm scared to say anything. What do you think I should do?

Completely believe what you are saying here but I wonder how difficult it must be on relationships, particularly if you want to marry someone. How does that work?

Hey I’m idk if you’ll respond but am I bi if I like women and penis but not any other part of the man just the penis

For every one suffering from this just go to the linden Mhetot they cure all types of ocd completely with out a doubt I had this 10 years ago ocd I have not tought about any of this for years.. hope you all get rid of it like me !

If all my sexual fantasies are about sex with a guy, and the only way I climax is using these scenarios, does that make me gay? I've been married for 36 years but intimacy hasn't been there for 10 years. However I still really love my wife.

Thanks for sharing your story. When I was at university one of the members of the members of LGBT group was bisexual and complained that many misunderstood him. His straight buddies noted that he had a beautiful and couldn't believe he could be bi. But some of his gay friends complained that he was really gay and still in the closet and would someday realize this. It was a very tough time for hm, I hope everything worked out for him.

i think everyone, whether straight or gay, wears their masks, and they have different masks for different situations, this is a healthy and working mental ability. sometimes i feel as a gay person that i'm being demanded to forcefully find the "queer" side in me and let it out, otherwise i must suffer from internalized homophobia. sometimes in the gay community, there is a social pressure to be and act differently than the norm, and with all these pressures and definitions from all sides, it gets hard to feel what my body feels, what i am, what i want, what i internalizing, and what comes from outside pressure. i just can say that i doesnt have regrets or harsh thoughts about things i would like to do or be and i dont allow myself, it doesnt bother me in my daily life at all. on the other hand, i do despise people who are too noisy, extreme, attention seeking or just seem fake or submitting to the queer culture and group's pressure, and this aversion that i have towards that many times interpreted by others as "internalized homophobia" (although i really don't feel like that). so i really don't know... what you say is "connecting to your true self\feelings\thought" feel to me like submitting to a false social concept...

Thank you Mark it has given me a lot to think about. I'm very conflicted right now and this has really helped.xx

Do Bisexual men marry Men

I have a question. For long time I have identify as demisexual and bisexual, but I am start thinking abourt identify myself as: asexual panromantic, what do you think abourt that. The reason I am asking is because I really havent felt sexual attraction for a really long time, and not really interested in having sex with others, since i really dont see the point in it, but I really enjoy kissing, huging, cuddling etc if it is with a person I love and I can be attracted in this way to all sex and genders, since i am attracted to personality. I have a hight libedo so I watch "adult" movies and masturbate on a regular basis. You think I can identify myself as asexual panromantic?

Incredible opening up in front of the entire world. Great example for a patient seeing a therapist. Self-acceptance and self-introspection. Sending love your way, I'm glad I found your channel and that you do what you do.

I identify as bisexual, I am sometimes just comfortable having a romantic attraction to someone, my experience with physical attraction is very much how you explained it. I am in a long term relationship but do find friendships away from my relationship to be very intense, like I really want to be with a person, I don't want anything from this person just close friendship. I suppose it's a trait of being bisexual. I am no expert😀

What if that urge is not sentimental at all? If it's only about certain body parts or acts that only a person with a different gender from your partner can provide? Is this a valid urge? Also finding that core need seems a bit hard to define in this context. Is fetishizing body parts from same gender a valid bisexual mark?