Bi guy explains: which is better, gay or straight sex?

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  • Опубликовано: 21 фев 2024
  • Which one feels better, gay or straight sex? Do they feel different or largely similar? Most people will never know, but that’s why bi guy Mark Cusack is here to reveal the secret!
    In this video I describe my views as a bisexual man about the differences and similarities of gay sex and straight sex.
    I explain how I experience sex with men and sex with women in different ways and where the crossovers are.
    @notdefining is a support network for anyone who has ever struggled with their orientation, identity, self confidence or gender.
    We create content and mentor to help you find a place where you feel confident and fulfilled, whatever your background or identity.
    If you like our content please subscribe, like and share. Also you can check @notdening out on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
    To book a 1:1 coaching session with Mark visit notdefining.square.space.
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    #bi #gay #bisexual

Комментарии • 53

  • @notdefining
    @notdefining  4 месяца назад +2

    For mentoring support and to connect with others who experience HOCD check out Patreon.com/notdefining.
    For 1:1 coaching book with me through www.notdefining.com/coaching-info.
    To support this channel and get priority answers to your comments click the JOIN button.

  • @DavidJosephism
    @DavidJosephism 4 месяца назад +26

    This guy is so seductive. No wonder he is successful with men and women!

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +5

      Omg thaaaanks. Hehe. Love this. 🩷🥹

  • @weege23
    @weege23 4 месяца назад +19

    Hello! I am also bisexual, I have not had sexual relations yet, but I have to say that I am more attracted to gay sex, I suppose because of the game of having the same body and everything that can be done with that.

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +1

      Hey thanks for sharing. That’s cool. It’s all to be enjoyed.

  • @jackiejiaqiyu7294
    @jackiejiaqiyu7294 4 месяца назад +15

    I’m bisexual woman and my boyfriend likes me being top 😊 we are besties ❤️

    • @drick2480
      @drick2480 Месяц назад

      Tell us more.. do you like being the top?

    • @Lordfinnjames6
      @Lordfinnjames6 27 дней назад

      ​@@drick2480yo that's private!😂

  • @creativoscarousel6473
    @creativoscarousel6473 4 месяца назад +7

    Hi! I wanted to say thank you so much. It is so refreshing to find someone who knows that there is no such thing as gay sex or straight sex. Sexual intercourse is not about genitals, which don't define gender. However, sometimes people assume that I am a man because of my biology. I am a trans woman, even non-binary, and I prefer hooking up with men. Because of biological sex, yes, it is easier to understand what the other persons wants and how they want it. I don't think the transphobia is okay. Like you mentioned earlier, you love the person. That said, I once explored my sexuality with someone who was non-binary, but previously trans-masc. I didn't want to feel narrow. I felt inclined to accept the bi-ness to my sexual orientation. I still like men -- sex is a transformative, human experience.

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +2

      Thank you so much for sharing your unique experience. This is beautiful and valid. I love every word. Humans are all unique and complex. Categories can help us understand and communicate but they can also constrict and erase.

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. 4 месяца назад

    As someone who recently saw ‘Passages’ (it’s an awesome movie), this video is just what I needed.

  • @paulcooneyjr
    @paulcooneyjr Месяц назад

    I love to listen to you. I feel safe and seen and understood.

  • @captainbejo3513
    @captainbejo3513 4 месяца назад +5

    Cis straight married (20 years married w her 24) male here.
    My wife had hinted in the past that she was involved with women. She also dropped point blank “hello” clues to me when we first met but I was so naive and didn’t pick it up, also I have 0 “gaydar”.
    LONG story short, before we got married she also recanted her stories and at that time I wasn’t naive to things but I believed her recantation, this was 2003. 2016 rolls around I accidentally get info out of her (sexting) about the recanted stories as being true. She doesn’t label her self any of the LGBTQ names but said “I guess I’m bisexual”. Kinda stops there. This year I find out more. She was hard in love with her GF from 30 years ago and they broke up cuz her GF found a BF and married him. My wife through college had several flings but just for fun and not a relationship, mostly women flings and.
    Ok, it is a bit to process for me and I feel intimidated due to not having the gear a woman has.. but I also don’t because it’s never been an issue and the only problem is really in my mind.
    I’ve talked to a couple of women who are “bisexual” about this and they have provided their insight and it helps. I guess I’m just looking for more information on how to get my brain to get over it, get past it.
    She’s my best friend and I love her deeply.
    I don’t plan on telling her anything on how I feel because I know it will hurt her.
    Any advice, articles I can read ext ? TIA

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +8

      Hey thanks for reaching out.
      It can be a lot to take in and we’re not really taught about it so don’t worry. You’re alright.
      It sounds like you’re feeling a bit of anxiety around whether or not you’re enough for her or if there’s something women have that you don’t?
      This is understandable. Regardless of gender or sexuality, it can be disconcerting to find out about your partner’s past love and experiences.
      You have attached your worth onto your wife. So if she likes women, it means you are not good enough…right? Wrong.
      You have to let the possibility that she likes / or liked women exist independently of your own self worth.
      You need to say “so what if she does/did!” I know that I am a great guy, I have loads to offer and I deserve love, affection, loyalty etc.
      Because you do. You deserve it. But it doesn’t come from her. You have to own it. Own it within yourself whether she gives it or not.
      That is true strength (and it drives women crazy btw). Don’t be needy or start questioning her over her past experiences. It will end negatively.
      Now the good news is it seems like she does love you and has no intention of being with anyone else. So it’s probably more of just a shock learning something you didn’t know before. That’s okay. It might just take time to let it settle.
      If you want to understand more about women’s sexuality (and the totally normal fluidity and bisexuality inherent in maaaany women) read Lisa Diamonds book “Fluid sexuality”. It’s brilliant.
      Good luck. You’re alright. Sending big love to you both and if you ever want to chat through more come text me on Patreon.com/notdefining.
      Here for you my man.

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. 4 месяца назад +3

    I’m definitely very conflicted about whether I have a ‘type’ and I’m trying to break out of that.

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. 4 месяца назад +8

    Gay sex is a thing. It’s when you bond over arts and culture (jk)

  • @PyramidTom
    @PyramidTom 4 месяца назад

    I saw your bi videos first, the way you talk it sound like you had so many sexual experiences. Then I was suprised to discover you are also ace.
    I am ace and bi too but sex-repulsed. I not even kissed yet and have no idea how I am gonna make this happen. Is scary. I just now know that I will have to have 2 first kisses, one for each gender just to discover the difference. LOL
    The way you described sex sound lovelly and pleasurable, but I cant really imagine myself doing it.

  • @alexd6351
    @alexd6351 4 месяца назад +2

    Thanks!

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  2 месяца назад +1

      Hey oh my gosh I’m so sorry I didn’t see this come up in my comments! Wow thank you so so much! You are so kind. My sincere apologies for the delayed reply. You are supporting our channel to get out to more people and I’m so grateful. Sending big love and gratitude. Mark 🙏🏽

  • @PokhrajRoy.
    @PokhrajRoy. 4 месяца назад

    1:52 MMMMMMM I see an overlap. I love that too

  • @kalimadasa9378
    @kalimadasa9378 4 месяца назад +4

    Hello again. I am Bisexual, and part of the BDSM community. I am definitely Dominant. I like to drive!😂ive said this before; (I am attracted to the driver, not the vehicle )I have found; (generalization incoming)With those who identify as women, the Pre-care is a longer period of time, and then we are consensual "Rough" women*.. i have found women to play WAY rougher than men. Conversly, its After-care that is a longer period of time with those who identify as Men. In other, franker words; with women , I begin build up longer,& softer, leading to quite aggressive. With Men; I seem to begin very aggressively, and the cool down period is soft, and sweet. That is just my experience, and of course everyone is different, therefore every negotiation is different. 🖤

    • @kalimadasa9378
      @kalimadasa9378 4 месяца назад

      Excuse my typing.. I have misplaced my glasses yet AGAIN!😂

    • @kalimadasa9378
      @kalimadasa9378 4 месяца назад +1

      😂 also forgot to say identify female, Soft Top.

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +3

      Hey thank you so much for sharing this unique and fabulous experience.

  • @tomjardine100
    @tomjardine100 3 месяца назад +6

    I used to have a girlfriend for years and was never attracted to other men, then I started getting attracted to men.

    • @bharatseth1394
      @bharatseth1394 18 дней назад

      Can not be possible bro.

    • @harrypadarri6349
      @harrypadarri6349 4 дня назад

      @@bharatseth1394It can be possible in the sense as how one processes their bisexuality consciously.
      In my teens I was sure about my attraction to women.
      I guess that’s because it often is considered to be the norm.
      The same sex attraction was something that manifested more and more as I grew up.
      Once it became clear to me that I was bisexual and I self-identified as such it even seems weird to me that I didn’t noticed it back then.
      Even thinking back there were situations where I now think: Wow, that should have been the most obvious clue, how didn’t I realise?

  • @calumscott6417
    @calumscott6417 4 месяца назад +5

    Wow that's complicated. It shifts alot with whom the other person is. I'm straight up just a gay bottom. Very bland😂

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +3

      Not bland at all haha. This is wonderful. Sending huge love.

  • @Jess-wk5jo
    @Jess-wk5jo 4 месяца назад +2

    I have question for you over lgbtq.
    I have always wonder if fancy girls i starting questioning myself back in high school when start to fancy singer call jessie j i didn't want stay to myself that i did then see tv show like eastenders and coronation street that lesbians storyline in it then one coronation street Storyline two girls call sian and Sophie where lesbians then i start having crush on sacha parkson who plays sian powers on coronation street then i start fancy vanessa hudgens who in high school musical i fancy peter andre and zac efron and corbin bleu but only can see myself dating boys not girls i can't face coming out as bisexual because how much i love my love of my life stephen who i know from college and but i fancy my mum friend sue son jack and then i have feelings my ex friend morgan who harssed me last year on WhatsApp and Pinterest and normal text messages but then i starting having crush girl who was on 90 days fiance call Erika Owens please can you answer my question. But turth is i what be with boys then girls but I don't know how stop thinking about it

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +1

      Hey thanks for sharing. This is perfectly natural and you’re not alone. Bi people often have this never ending thought. The way to stop thinking about it is to think about what feelings you want rather than what genders. What does a man make you feel and what does a woman make you feel? Name the emotions. Those are your needs. Go find someone who gives you those feelings. If you want to chat come chat with me on Patreon.com/notdefining and we can delve a little deeper. Much love.

  • @wriggz9320
    @wriggz9320 4 месяца назад +1

    A lot of people believe people can't be fully bi. Is this true? Do you have any preferences, or do you literally just like both equally

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +6

      This is categorically false based on unquestionable scientific research across humans and all animal species. So no, that is not true. I personally have different preferences at different times. Some bi people have more stable preferences, others don’t have preferences at all. It’s very mixed.

    • @tomjardine100
      @tomjardine100 3 месяца назад +3

      My friend is Bisexual and he seems to change every time, sometimes he is gay, stright then bisexual by day

  • @drick2480
    @drick2480 3 месяца назад +3

    What about experiences with trans people? As a bi guy i have had the most amazing intimate experiences with cis women, cis gay men and trans women. Romantically i have have only been attracted to and dated women, but sexually i can be attracted to all sorts from the very fem to very masc (as long as you are a bottom). When i wasn't out, the whole stigma, secretiveness and forbidness of engaging in gay sex did make those experiences much more raw and exciting even though i was physically more attracted to women.

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  3 месяца назад +2

      Hey thanks for sharing. This is totally natural and absolutely trans people are just people so they fit in with me completely. Often I find myself very attracted to trans people for some reason. But I guess I love people who have an expansive view of their gender so I guess it fits more for me. I love the diversity of human bodies and spirits. I find it sexy. The more variety the merrier!!! 🩷🩷🩷

    • @drick2480
      @drick2480 3 месяца назад +2

      @@notdefining Yes! I so agree. People who are trans or gender non conforming tend to have this special uniqueness and aura about them which i find so attractive . Loving the diversity of human bodies and spirits is a great way to describe bisexuality in general. Shame i now live i a place where being LGBT is darn well illegal so i only really feel safe expressing my bisexuality online. Love your content though, it's so validating.

    • @carinagomezfernandez7473
      @carinagomezfernandez7473 Месяц назад

      I have the same thing. I am a gay transman and was so much in love with another transman because of this.

  • @vincenthaegebaert1854
    @vincenthaegebaert1854 2 месяца назад +1

    I have found that I do not experience sexual desire with people I'm romantically attracted too, or romantic desires with people I'm sexually attracted too. How normal is this?

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  2 месяца назад

      Yes this is perfectly natural. Look up fraysexual. Might not match you completely but this sort of dynamic is perfectly normal yes.

  • @angelaholmes8888
    @angelaholmes8888 4 месяца назад +3

    Even though I am bisexual i am still a virgin i was sexually abused when I was 4 to 5 years old im not comfortable being touched by people even at times by my own mother at times unfortunately

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад +3

      Hey thank you so much for sharing this. It is completely understandable and your own boundaries are super important. Sending big love.

    • @tomjardine100
      @tomjardine100 3 месяца назад +3

      Absolutely. Sex is given it's not a must to be gay or bisexual

  • @speedyspeedgirl12
    @speedyspeedgirl12 3 месяца назад +1

    The more i listened to your video the more i realised just how asexual i am haha so it was informative in that way 😅

  • @33097txrattlesnake
    @33097txrattlesnake Месяц назад

    HOW DO I FIND GAY&BI-SEXUAL MALES?? AS FRIENDS, LOVER'S PARTNERS

  • @JerickVazquez-cq4lt
    @JerickVazquez-cq4lt 4 месяца назад +2

    😄Imi bi & freaky i dont know what butter what you think is butter lol !!!!!😂😂😂😂😂🤩🤩

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад

      Absolutely no clue what this comment means but I love it. Haha

  • @legitimate_kangaroo
    @legitimate_kangaroo 4 месяца назад +1

    Can I talk to you somewhere? For 15 mins ?
    I can't afford anything, but I am suffering a lot

    • @notdefining
      @notdefining  4 месяца назад

      Hey there. Thanks for reaching out. I have a range of different ways of connecting with me that are suitable for everyone. I will always try to answer on here. If I don’t answer then write a new comment (not a reply) and I should pick it up. I will try to look out for it. If I don’t answer please try again.
      If you’d like to get priority detailed answers to all your comments you can click JOIN beneath any of my videos.
      To chat privately with me via text 24/7, join group conversations and link up with others just like you to chat you can join Patreon.com/notdefining. There is a nominal price that should be affordable for anyone. You can leave at any time.
      Then I do 1:1 coaching as well through notdefining.square.site. I have to charge a reasonable amount as this is my livelihood and I get very booked up.
      I can potentially direct you to very low cost LGBT specialised therapy options if you would like as well.
      Let me know what I can help with and hopefully there is some way for me to assist.
      Best wishes,
      Mark