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I'm a gay male and my husband is bisexual.... I told him not to check out women because it makes me feel bad about myself and it makes me feel less than human...how do I get over it and accept him even though it hurts really bad?
@@dimmeg5487 Hey thanks for the question. Here's my advice - identify the feeling. If you could describe the feeling you feel when he does that in one word, what would it be? That is the feeling that you are experiencing in your relationship. Then think about what the opposite feeling would be - the positive to mirror the negative. So for example you might feel neglected, so the opposite might be attention, or affection. Go to him and say hey, I'm experiencing a feeling of (X) I would really love more of (Y) in our relationship. Have an open, vulnerable conversation about the feelings that you're experiencing. What you're doing is jumping to the solution (i.e. him not checking out women) without expressing the underlying feeling. He can't argue with a feeling and it is a much easier conversation to have. You can think of ways that you both can foster that good feeling that you are longing for. What do you think?
@@notdefining one word would be heartbroken and the opposite would be faithful. I mean I know he can't help but to look but staring! makes me feel like I'm not good enough, we looked at guys together but the women I can't do I'm unknown to that experience and don't want to accept that because looking at wen for me is disgusting no offense to women, with my past relationships I dated bisexual men and it didn't work out because of the samething, I'm just afraid of not being enough to equal the attention women get from men. He always shuts down and don't really give any comments at all when I try to ease a hint out there or bring women up.
@@dimmeg5487 I hear you. So you feel like you're not good enough when he looks at women. What would be a kinder way of treating yourself when that feeling comes up? How might you reassure yourself in that moment?
I am 67 years old and have identified as bisexual since I was 17. I have always found Robhn Ochs quote helpful: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted-romantically and/or sexually-to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.” I have had girlfriends and boyfriends in my twenties. I have been married and monogomous with the same man for 29 years and I am still bi. I also recommend bi-curious people connect with bi community at a LGBTQ+ center. You don't have to isolate alone.
Thanks this was very helpful and that quote defines how I feel so well. I'm very new to being bi and it's very confusing and a bit scary. It's hard to try and approach both men and women and not feel like a sl.t or weirdo. This video gives me good vibes and it's nice to see other bi peoples looking out for one another.
Nervous around everyone? ... yeah, check that one off for sure... I'm also never sure if I'm flirting. Or if someone is flirting with me. So... confused? Check that one off, too...
OMG I love this. "I'm never sure if I'm flirting or if someone is flirting with me". THAT HIT ME HARD! YES!!!!!! OMG thank you for saying that. Absolutely bang on. Like I have no idea the line between platonic and romantic. I'm in like a constant bromantic-girl-friend-zone-lovetriangle-mess!!!!
That’s where I appreciate the more assertive nature of men. Some females are certainly assertive, but most (that I’ve encountered) expect you to be the one to pick up the signals and make the first move.
I knew I was bisexual when I would unknowingly flirt with other boys yet I could barely say a word to girls. That changed as I got older into my 20s and I lightened up and embraced my sexuality which made me less apprehensive.
I was talking with a friend and we agreed that as bisexuals we both attracted to the androgyn. We love when a girl is boyish or a boy is girlish or it’s hard to decide or they are trans. What we don’t like is the further part of the spectrum: the macho man and the “only pink, only heels” girls. Somehow the mix of both genders in one person sparks our interest and we can both relate, we recognize that playful aspect where you CREATE your own identity and not just fit the norm mindlessly. I would be very interested to here your opinion on this.
This was so unbelievably affirming for me. The points on constant confusion, having days where where my attractions lean different ways or are just non-existent are so relatable and I didn’t know that it was common. Thank you for talking about this ❤
This is so relatable in every way!! I too question my sexuality quite frequently, even though I already know that I am bisexual 100%.😅 I've come to accept at this point that I may NEVER stop questioning altogether. One thing that confuses me a lot is that I do tend to feel much more comfortable and less nervous around girls than I do around guys, generally speaking. I still do get nervous around pretty girls a lot of times, but just not as much so as I do around guys. And this causes me to worry that maybe I might just be straight after all.😕 But then I develop a crush on a girl or think of some cute female celebrity and am immediately like, "Nope! Definitely not straight😄!" Despite this, I still do get confused sometimes about who I am inside. As I mentioned in another comment, whenever I feel attraction to a big strong man or to a woman who is much bigger and stronger than me for example, I feel much more feminine inside, whereas when I'm attracted to a smaller, more feminine woman or man, I feel much more masculine inside. For quite a while, I thought I was the only person who felt this slight shift in gender expression. It's so nice to find other bi people who feel the same way lol!😁 OMG I love the bi flag, too!!😄 The colors are so amazing. I love sneaking the bi pride flag colors into my animations and art, every now and then lol!!😂💗💜💙 By the way, you gave me a great idea!!! :D I'm gonna make my own little pink, purple, and blue wrist band to wear, whenever I go out!! And OMG yes!!! I do have guy days, girl days, everybody days, nobody days, etc.!!! Some days, I wake up in the morning and all I can think about is women. I notice women wherever I go, and the mere sight of them makes my heart go wild. Then the very next day (or sometimes even the very next minute), all I can think about is men! I even experienced this shifting of feelings when I was a kid. Before I knew anything about the LGBTQ Community, there were some days where I'd think to myself, "Wow...girls are so gorgeous and awesome! I wish I were a boy so I could have a wonderful wife someday.😢" Then on other days, I'd be like, "Ahhh...men are so handsome and cool! I can't wait to have a kind husband someday!🥰" Then I also have the days where I feel little to no attraction to anyone at all. And finally, my absolute favorite days are everybody days!! Those are the best days ever, I swear!!! I love feeling rushes of love and excitement upon seeing just ANY cute person at all. Those days remind me of how much I love being bisexual haha!!😊 Thanks ever so much for another amazing, relatable video!! Keep it up, friend!😎
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing and wonderful info about you. It really blesses my channel to have people share. I am only one person so the best thing is when we connect and create a space for everyone to express their experiences. You are fab and I'm so proud of you as part of our community. Keep going and you're going to shine.
Hunny, as a Bi woman, you’re not alone on your first point. I realised I was bisexual when I was 16, but then for years I thought I was probably straight because I felt more obvious nervousness around guys etc. Maybe I was straight and just wanted attention, as mentioned in the video. But my queerness never went away. I’ve come to accept that I’m attracted to both, and that attraction can come in many different forms, regardless of gender. We are all valid 🩷💜💙
@@ravens_tale Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!! I'm so happy someone else feels the same way. And I agree that we are all valid, no matter how different our attractions to different genders might be.
I definitely am and I agree that bisexual folks like us have more struggles than gay or straight. But videos like these are an easy reminder that whatever minor stresses and confusing moments, it pays me back 1000x with the happy thoughts and feelings and makes me a more loving human being in general.
As a 50-year old straight woman, thank you. I've learned so so so much during this video. Kind of sad that it's taken me so long to learn about what it's like for a bi-sexual person. I'd love to know more about what you said on some days wanting men, other days women and other days no one and some days both. That's really interesting.
Hey thanks for your kind words. Well it’s like you know how we all like different things like hair colour, shape, personality, height, eye colour etc. at different times? You might like some type of people one time then be into others at another time? Well that’s just like me except it happens with genders too. And as gender is like anything else (just a big old mish mash spectrum) then it’s super normal. So it just depends what I feel. It’s very natural. Can’t explain it.
Just wanted to say your videos are awesome! I am a 29 year old gay guy and recently become involved with a bi guy. He's a bit younger than me, still conflicted about his sexuality and your videos have been a huge help to me in learning more about the struggles bi men go through and how I can help him. Thank you!
Oh gosh thank you so much I'm absolutely delighted to hear about this. He's very welcome to come and get coaching from me if he'd like. Otherwise I'm so happy I could help. Much love
I had a boyfriend that was a few years older than me when I was first coming out in my early 20s. He was gay and I met him thru a friend (his female roommate) and it was weird only because Kirsten thought I was hanging out all the time because I liked her. I liked Jeremy LOL. He knew it too. He was SO sweet and so cute and never pushed anything on me whatsoever. He called me "man" and even "dude" a bunch of times, he made sure I was ok with him touching me, and when we finally had sex he made it special and we held eachother naked afterwards. I slept in bed cuddling with him too and it made happy. He and his roommate Kirsten had me over for parties back then with their circle of friends and I was totally out in the open about me and Jeremy because honestly it would've made me sad to make HIM sad (by trying to not act like we were together). I never gave it a real chance back then (it lasted like a month or two) but it definitely wasn't his fault.
Oh my goodness. I can’t explain how much I am freaking out right now because I finally feel soo seen!! Really, this is one of my biggest internal crises because I DO have those „only boys“, „only girls“, „freakin nobody, because why the heck would people date someone at all?!“ and „just everybody and everyone is cute and how would I ever decide who I‘d prefer“ days. And honestly this always made me shift my thoughts and perspective about my sexuality because it all felt like I was faking it. Nothing seems to fit, because how could I be bi if sometimes I just don‘t like anyone. And how could I even be sure I liked girls if some days everything felt like a great lie to me because I was pretty sure that day that I wanted to have a cute husband and kids one day. And so on with every of these scenarios. It feels so good that it appears to be quite normal in the bi community to feel this way, after watching your video and read some of the comments. Thank you a thousand times for making me feel a little more „normal“, seen and that my feelings are valid 🩷💙💜 How can being bi be the best and worst thing at the same time?😭 I feel like however I will decide to live my future life, there will always be a part of me that is missing something out and that will be ignored. Do you know these thoughts and worries? Maybe that is a reason I am not really able to engage with anyone in a romantic or sexual way because first I am scared to dive too deep into it and to not get the possibility to live out the other part of me🥲 And second because my preferences seem to change on a daily basis😅 Lots of love from another confused bisexual 🫶🏻
Struggling with the fluid nature of my sexual identity ever since I realised it about 3 years ago. I’m in a heterosexual monogamous marriage with 3 kids so navigating this change is really difficult. The struggle is with finding men attractive, how I feel about myself on those days and how I can’t integrate this part of myself fully as I fear the implications. Your videos are really helping me though!! The bi-cycle!! Being nervous around everyone!! Only being attracted to same sex people that I have a platonic relationship to name a few!!
Thank you for this amazing channel! Much love to you, I appreciate this. I have been confused by that as well. I once went 2 years with not being attracted to a single man so I can out as gay. This year I have been attracted to multiple men and now I am feeling bisexual again. Some days I am like I don’t want to date anyone. 😊
Hey, Mark! I loved the video! It was so fun to watch as someone who isn't bisexual myself. I'm gay but I'm a big bisexual ally! I love hearing about all the different experiences in the LGBT community! I honestly had no clue bisexual people always feel confused about their sexuality. Being confused about it doesn't at all mean you are less legit! Everyone is different! I wanted to point out something at the end of the video. As a very binary trans man, saying that trans people are in the everyone category lumped in with nonbinary people could potentially really upset binary trans women and men. I'm not personally upset myself because I can tell you're a very kind person and I know you're not transphobic! I know you didn't have any bad intentions! The reason it would upset binary trans women and men is because them being trans doesn't make them a third gender. It's the same as being a cis gal or guy! Again, I know you didn't mean anything transphobic but I just wanted to let you know! 😄
Oh my word thank you SO SO SOOO MUCH FOR THIS. Thank you truly for this comment and for the way you have pointed that out. You have done so in a really decent way and I'm really glad you have. You're absolutely right and I'm going to put a note on the video to caveat that. It is absolutely not your job to have to correct things but I am deeply grateful that you have flagged it. I will absolutely bear this in mind in the future. Very important of course given that the most common sexual orientation in the trans community is bisexual! Another thing about being bi that not many people seem to know. Of course if you think about it, it's quite understandable but hey. Sending so much love to you my lovely. Much much love x
I don’t question that I’m bisexual. Once I came out. It was all out from there lol. I can say that I’m a 50/50 Bisexual. I am attracted to men and women equally. I don’t have a preference. But, sometimes.. Masculine Women and Feminine Men do look amazing though. I do like the Bi flag. But, I think it needs an update. Where there’s more shades of pink, purple, and blue. Where it’s darker on ends. Then, gets lighter as it goes towards the purple. Then, as it gets very close to purple it turns like a purple blue or a purple pink. Then, different shades of purple in the center.
You hit the nail on the head when you talked about girl/guy/bi days. I call them gay days and straight days (which is pretty binary and wrong) but I LOVE bi-days SO MUCH! Especially when I go to the gym on a bi-day. It's like heaven for me.
Mark, I am so happy to have found you!! I’m three or four videos in on your channel I can’t believe how much I feel seen. I (42M) just really came to grips with my identity. All ten of these things I 100% feel and thought was unique about me (maybe not the flag, anybody can like a flag). You are able to verbalize my own feelings better than I can. I just told my partner of 25 years how I feel so relate to taking a long time. Feeling more masculine when I’m in to women? Totally. Feeling more feminine when I’m into men? Absolutely. I do feel like the way I feel about myself is very fluid. And yes, I totally agree days were you are into both are the best! I’m probably not on a daily cycle but more weekly/monthly. Thank you so much!! I’m going to share your videos with my partner and I hope she finds them as enlightening as I have. Cheers,
This has truly made my day. I am absolutely delighted to hear this. You deserve to feel seen. From one person to another, who never felt seen himself, thank you for taking the time to make ME feel seen. Every time somebody comments like this is it melts my heart. You are so welcome and I'm so glad to have you here as part of our community. If you have the following, check us out there too... instagram.com/notdefining twitter.com/notdefining Patreon.com/notdefining Tiktok.com/@notdefining thequeerspectrum.buzzsprout.com Much love, Mark x
I tend to be attracted to couples and I used to feel really bad about it. I'd never heard of splitting it up into sexual attraction and romantic attraction before today. Thanks for that. I'm sexually attracted to everyone, but the romantic attraction shifts. For years I've considering therapy to try and correct this, but the way you explained it makes me feel better about it. Thank you.
Hi Mark. Just found your channel on RUclips and I have signed up. Your videos are very interesting and I will watch more over the coming days. I myself am gay and am very much attracted to men rather than women. I’m especially attracted to bi and straight guys, I love a man who looks like the guy next door, that’s my daily turn on - high. but I am myself like to dress like a man I don’t have any interest in cross dressing. Keep the videos coming, they cover a lot of areas and are very educational👍😊
Yes growing up bi is very confusing. Like you said one day you are extra horny for guys and the next you can't stop thinking about cunnulingas and then the A sexual days hit. This is very hard in middle school and high school and then you find out if you tell someone who you are they dump you. I had a few relationships that the minute l told them it was over. Very confusing. It is good that some people are starting to understand that this is real and not just denial.
@@yasmina3999as a lesbian i do not wanna date bi people, the two ive dated became straight and the way they constantly change their sexuality just pisses me off I support bisexual people but for the love of god if ur bi date another bi person
I do have to say I related to a lot of what you said in this video. In particular, the girl days, guy days, everybody days and nobody days and also constantly questioning actually being a strong indication that we are indeed bisexual. I find that so true in myself. Also, I found what you said about femininity and masculinity interesting. I never really knew why I sometimes felt more masculine while leaning into my attraction to women and more feminine when leaning into my attraction to men but the way you explained it makes so much sense. Also, I don't use the non-binary or genderfluid label but I'm very against gender roles and very open about things like gender expression and such, so it doesn't make me uncomfortable to not always feel 100% feminine even though I identify as a cisgender woman because I'm so comfortable with gender identity and expression being spectrums and my sexuality is fluid, so it's easier to be more comfortable with fluidity in other areas of your life when you already have it present somewhere within you as a person. As far as the nervousness and flirting thing goes, it's definitely true for me but I do have anxiety, so it's even worse, haha! I'm glad you talked about the mental health aspect as well because lots of people somehow think it's easier for bi people but it's really not. Also, good point bringing up the romantic and sexual spectrums because lots of people don't realize that they're two separate spectrums. Some people have this idea that they have to be both romantically and sexually attracted for the attraction to be valid but that's obviously not true. It's nice that you gave a shout-out to bi+ poly people. I understand some bi+ people pushing back against stereotypes such as "all bi people are polyamorous" because that's obviously not true for all of us and people like to generalize, which isn't fair but that doesn't mean that bi+ poly people don't exist or don't deserve a place within our community to receive the same respect, love, tolerance and representation that the rest of us get. Yes, the bi flag is so cool, lol! I love it so much too! The combination of colors is lovely to look at and I love wearing the colors as well! Great video as usual! Looking forward to many more! 🙂💖💜💙
Hey thank you so so much for sharing. I am absolutely thrilled that we can have this space to express our experiences. I know so many people will read this and relate. I know it does me so much good personally. Sending so much love to you my bi family x
Hey that's cool. Yes it's totally interesting isn't it? For me it's not binary (I just used that example for speed and simplicity. It's so SO complex, like I love being a bit fem with women and being really masc with guys and just playing around with it. It makes me feel really sexy). So glad we can just talk about this because so often we don't get much chance.
I genuinely feel hot passion for both and all in between. Masculine men, femme boys, "tomboy" girls, and girly girls. They all do it for me on both an emotional and romantic level and also a physical attraction as well. It's wonderful to be able to be attracted to the person and less about what gender they are. And I still get extremely turned on by all of the above.
Thank you, Mark. All of this is so relatable. I often thought of sexuality being a fundamental but sort of invisible pillar to your identity. And when you are a bi, you may pretend that default settings apply to you, there's just something extra. But no, it is an altogether different pillar. And once you accept that - bingo, all the non-fitting pieces suddenly make sense and fit into places perfectly. Special thanks for the bit about bi people coming out late. Exactly my case. So late it sometimes feels like too late.
Wow. I just found your channel one video ago and I've never felt so seen. The last thing you mentioned here about having an everything day was such a connecting moment for me bc BIG same lol you explained it so well haha
OMG this resonates so much. literally everything. this is sooooo liberating to just see someone like you in those most fragile areas. It is most devastating to live without any "rolemodels" whatsoever for the whole life. I kinda feel pride in being a standalone, but sometimes it it just a little bit overwhelming. The only difference for me would be I rather identify as a pansexual, but that is a tiny thing in comparison really.
You are amazing!! Your explanations are so profound and clear, even when the topic is extremely complicated. I'm clearly gay without any sexual attraction to girls, but I understand you and can get great insight in sexuality in general.
I'd have to say that most days I'm not interested in anyone. But I have also come to realize that I'm not only Bi but also Demi. So this helped me understand why most days I'm not really interested in either. Yes, I'll find guys and girls I come across throughout the day I think are cute, but that's it. But until that person expresses interest in me and we've somehow connected, then I'm all twitterpatted regardless of their sex.
Exactly… there are girl days and guy days. You don’t necessarily know when it’s going to happen or when it’s going to change. It’s just so unpredictable.
hello admin mark,this is very relatable on my part especially there were times i am totally confuse of my sexuality and that is why i am too afraid to expose myself:( sometimes,i could help myself to cry because why i feel both ways:( then taling my relationship,it is almost a year now since my recent relationship was a real heartbreaker because weve both been in a 3year long distance relationship. she(lesbian) accused me of cheating---that was a real heartbreak on my part. and now,i am totally afraid to start a new relationship because of my past relationship:( it feels that i am experiencing depression both from my sexuality and from a heartbreak. lastly,on the last part of the video,is so true there were times i feel do those fluid/energy flows within me. ps. until now,i am still confuse and struggling about sexuality as well as my recent relationship:( my apology about my short confession:( thank u so much for your educational videos,admin mark:)
Hey thanks so much for sharing and I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. You are most welcome here and I’m here to support you. If you ever want to chat come check us out on Patreon.com/notdefining and we can connect on this. Otherwise just know you are doing so well and your community is here for you. Sending so much love. Mark (I am the real Mark! I can’t afford an admin haha!)
I really appreciate the differentiation between biromantic and bisexual; as a panromantic demisexual person, I often have challenges explaining to people what I'm looking for in relationships and life.
To speak with me, receive one-on-one coaching and join group zoom calls, head over to our tight knit community page at patreon.com/notdefining. I'd be thrilled to see you there.
I feel so related to all the points, nowadays my biggest confusion isn’t if I like men and women, I already accepted that I do, but if I’m assexual/demissexual or bisexual, because 90% of the time I don’t feel attracted to anyone in anyway...and 10% of the time I feel attracted to very specific people, always someone I’m close somehow, but not my friend friend...and than I get very confused Another thing is that I never came out, I accepted that I am after years of thought and doubts, and in some moments I tell my friends that I think a girl is hot, and also a boy is hot...and as my friends are almost all LGBT they don’t even make questions, and love my friends for it
This is so true. I was like nodding and smiling so much. To the last point: I can relate to this so much. Usually it’s a girl day (like holy crap! women are so beautiful! etc) a lot of days lately have been all genders and some days it’s a guy day. It’s frustrating though because then if someone I’ve been flirting and touchy with senses that I’m different with my enthusiasm and drive I feel guilty. Especially when it comes to what happens in private. I just want every day to be like the all genders day. Because I feel so happy and free and in love with the world. Please keep up the good work. Love your content.
Hey thanks so much this has made my day. It is so valuable when we can share and connect so really appreciate you taking the time. You are so valid and welcome in our community. Sending so much love to you, Mark x
Very informative video. You perfectly explained the less discussed facets of bi+/mspec. Fluidity/Flexibility being the important one and being nervous around people also. Us bisexuals/multisexuals can't deny it, PEOPLE ARE HOT! The overlap of Aro/Ace spectrum with bi+ spectrum is indeed so accurate.
@@notdefining Hey Mark. Recently I have been questioning my sexual preferences and I don't know how valid it is to feel this way. I only find myself sexually attracted to men in a top-verse scenario and I only feel like bottoming with men if its a flip-sex, otherwise I loose my attraction to bottom. Is it valid to feel this way?
@@kuldeepvsoni Kuldeep. You have asked me "is it valid to feel this way"? I'm surprised that you are asking this question. "Is it valid to feel this way"? Of course it is. Nothing is invalid to feel.
@@notdefining Thanks for the assurance. Back in my mind I believed it to be valid. Its been almost an year that I came out to myself as Bisexual. This year I have unpacked layers and layers of my sexuality and from your guidance I have been feeling so confident and normal about myself. Now I no longer wake up grabbing my head obsessively thinking about my sexuality. Thanks again for everything that you are doing for our community and keep up the great content. Cheers. ✌🏻
I’ve felt this for a long time...ive felt like i was bi but i love women WAYY more than men and its really invalidating when ppl say ohh you just gay or i never talk about men
Oh-my-god the girls, boys, none days! 😂 I've just discovered the bi cycle, and I'm shocked! I've suffered so much with all of this, and hearing you is making me feel...euphoric, it's weird 😂😂😂
Hello Mark. . oh wow. . That's all I can say. . So much that I never thought about. . I didn't know about bi women being discriminated against. I never thought about a bi person being nervous with everyone, as they can be potentially be a sexual partner. I guess we all are different, so there isn't a box that we all fit into. . And yes! I have guy days often. Then there are girl days. I am glad you too feel the "no one day" I have those too. Where I just want to hang out with a dog, and no people. . Thanks for giving me lots to think about - Steven
Yes!!! I relate to the thing about the energies even though I'm not bisexual. This topic is SO interesting especially as someone who's a very spiritual person! I'm a very binary guy, my gender expression is masculine, and my energy is both masculine and feminine! The types of guys I'm attracted to are not super masculine. I've never ever ever been attracted to the stereotypical "hot dude" look. Haha! I do definitely have feminine energy but my energy is mainly masculine so when I see a super masculine guy I'm not attracted to him because he's more of a competition and we would butt-heads with eachother. I also don't like the feeling of feeling feminine, it makes me feel icky inside and feels like I'm not being seen. I've found it's crucial for me to be affirmed in my masculinity in order for me to be attracted to a guy. I've always found myself attracted to guys who are both masculine and feminine in their gender expression and their energies! I'm still attracted to guys who are masculine, but since my energy is mainly masculine and a little feminine, I've found I'm attracted to guys who's energies are mainly feminine and a little masculine! They still need to have some masculine energy because I have some feminine energy! It's like we all need that perfect balance in a relationship! Isn't it super interesting, Mark? Since you're bisexual I'm curious what energies you're attracted to when it comes to different genders
Oh wow thank you so much for this I am absolutely loving this conversation and delighted that we have the space to chat about it. Yes it is so interesting I agree. So I like a bit of everything but... Generally in people with male presenting physical bodies I do like quite masc. Whether I'm playing the dominant role or the sub role (I like both and verse sometimes) I like mostly all to be quite masc. However I really like feminine physical features (or features which I view as more feminine) for example I'm not big into hairy guys. Whether top or bottom. Just a thing. Can't explain why. But I like beards. I'm also very much into all masc-presenting body types whether AMAB or AFAB. On the women/fem-bodied side (though I'm quite pan/omnisexual and don't actually make that differentiation at all, but for simplicity's sake) I do like more feminine energies. I don't know why. I can't explain it. Just is. Maybe conditioning. But I'm mainly into sweet, cute femininity, rather than sexy/vixen femininity (if that makes sense), like a girl next door or a very soft, gentle energy. A lot of people are into very sexy, very alpha-female energy, that's not usually my connection (can be though, depends). I love powerful older women, like CEO, Devil Wears Prada type mature women energy. Like where I'm quite sub and she's in charge. Love that. But then my favourite is tom-boy energy. I actually regularly fall in love with quite butch lesbians however they are definitely NOT into me! haha. Which is funny. More masc/butch women are like my cryptonite. Short buzzcut hair.....OMG. Anyway. That probably makes 0% sense but it is a small window into my absolutely ridiculous mind! haha. What do you think? Impossible to explain but there we go...
@@notdefining This was so interesting hearing your types! Thank you for sharing it! Don't worry, it makes a lot of sense. I understood what you meant with all those different types. I have a question about bisexuality, Mark! I'm curious, do bi/omni/pan people mix all the different gender and gender expressions in their head when being attracted to someone? Since they're attracted to a huge variety of genders and expressions, do they recognize each gender or gender expression as a thing on it's own or do the lines get blurred? I hope my question makes sense! It's hard to explain ha! 😄
Im so glad i found this channel, as bi person the 1st point (questioning if im actually bi) is what bothers me the most bc i had crushes on men and women and trans ppl but i discovered the term bi in the beginning of highschool. That basically means that i didn't think abt girls in romantic way before highschool so that and my family denying my bisexuality often makes me question myself if im rly bi or am i just "doing it for attention". Ever since i learned abt lgbtq community i felt comfort in it. Also i forgot to say that i was often bullied for looking like a guy or like a lesbian since like 10 yo bc i had short hair and that is probably one more reason for denying my bi identity till recently. At the end of my thought process abt me being bi or not, i just think to myself "how do i feel with my bi identity" and i feel amazing, when i say im bi, when im with queer and accepting. When i imagine myself in queer relationship i feel rly emotional so that feeling always confirms to me that i am in fact bisexual.
Love your videos Mark! And I love your sweet caring energy. I'll say one thing: Whoever ends up as either your boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she will be the luckiest person on the planet! Trust me.
So glad to find you .I am a 60ish black autistic gender fluid male .When I was born it was against th law to be anything but straight. Amazing how far we have come.
It is amazing and you have been a part of that. By surviving and being here. You are amazing and if you were here I would take my hat off to you and bow my head. Proud to be in community with you. You must have had to go through so much. Sending so much love.
Completely with you on (1) the constant questioning of one's sexuality (am with you on everything actually 😂). But, after looking at other comments, wondering if people end up getting confused here with introvertism, nervousness, social anxiety, and other insecurities that affect non-bi persons equally?
Just trying to understand more. I always have identified as a heterosexual woman. Recently I have realized, although I am not sexually attracted to women, I can be romantically attracted to women. Interesting. 61 and still learning about myself. My husband recently passed after 30 years of marriage. I realize touch and intimacy and closeness is so important to me (I do not want a life without it), that if I don't find a man that things work out with in the next few years, I'd seriously consider a change of team. For me, I'd rather have that closeness with a woman (despite it not being my first choice) than not having intimacy with another human being. Touch is touch, and good people are good people; I am sure I could find my way to the sexuality part and find it fulfilling. ((Weird too, I have found myself really feeling fond of drag men sometimes. I think it's their humanity; they have usually been through a lot, so I admire, respect them finally being who they have fought hard to be. I find I have a rather protective softness for that = I want to cheer them on = "You go being the authentic you!"). I often find them soooooo refreshing.)) Back to me = the heterosexual woman. Was just an interesting thought for a straight woman. Yes, I'd first, definitely, prefer it with a man, but, again, should that not happen, I'll open myself to other options. Thank you for doing what you do! It's important.
Hey, I wanted to say a huge thank you for taking the time to share your story. My heart is with you at this time with your lovely husband having recently passed away. It is truly a blessing to have your unique and beautiful thoughts and feelings expressed on this channel. It's really why I do it and I'm so proud to have this space where we can share openly without judgement. A lot of people read these comments and I know people will be encouraged and inspired by your words, so thank you. We are a place for the in-betweens, the grey areas, the undefined, unsure, magical unique bits. They don't have to make sense or conform to any label. I read thousands of stories and yours is honestly one that has particularly touched me. That beautiful truth that touch and affection are universal. That openness and curiosity. Putting intimacy and closeness above labels and feeling admiration for human authenticity. I think you know this already but take it from me that you are so valid and deserving. The most wonderful person is going to come into your life at just the right time. I know this. And they're going to bless you. Just keep your heart open and they will come. Sending so much love to you. I hope you're keeping well. If you'd ever like to chat things through or to share your feelings you are so welcome to do so with us here. We're a big family here and proud to have you with us. Sending all my love and have a beautiful day. Mark x PS: If at all you would be interested, let me know and I would like to put some of your quotes into a post / new video. Of course I won't do so unless you explicitly say so and can make it anonymous as well if needs be. But I think your words would really help a lot of people so would love to share them more widely.
Around guys I like, I get all these feelings. Butterflies, feeling giggly and soft, I'm like a girl crushing on the cool jock in school. But around women I'm typically more... chill? Like I still really like them and I have romantic feelings but they're different. Also yes, every bi person I know has different days. Totally normal. For me it's almost like seasons though. For as long as I can remember, once it hits the cold seasons I just want to cuddle up with a man, while in the warm seasons I tend to prefer women more. This changes sometimes but that's been the norm for me, which I'm told even by other bi people, is weird.
I stopped questioning if I am really gay or bisexual a long time ago. My problem was that I used to convince myself and even others that my same sex attraction was merely a physical sexual fetish when it wasn't. I had a very sweet and adorable bf in my 20s who was gay and never been with a girl (I've had many at that point) and yet I was the more submissive one of us. It felt good to let go and be soft and more feminine around him and let him have me and give myself over to him in a more submissive way than I was used to with my dominant side with women. Yet I still enjoy a dominant sexual role with women. There are no rules to this stuff and the more I learned to be open minded and try to search my heart and feelings and embrace them, the happier I felt. I used to think I was less macho because of my submissive side with male partners/lovers, but I was not. I'm very macho and masculine in many facets of life and once I started embracing all of this I realized that in doing so, it makes me even more "macho" because I was able to love myself more and not be afraid of what anyone else was thinking. What he says about having "straight" days, "gay" days, and having pure bisexual days is spot on, and the more you open your heart and feelings to all of it, it can flow thru you more organically where you STOP questioning all your feelings and trying to rationalize with yourself or others and just enjoy this beautiful gift. 😊 💜 😘 ✌️
Gawd what a fantastic and relatable video. I'm a woman in my 30s and I have known myself to be attracted to different genders forever, and been relatively open about it, but I didn't label myself as bi before this last year? I've literally had years of being more straight, or more gay, and all of the content in this video is SO relatable. Also, the part with not relaxing around *anybody*? It's so true, I feel like a wolf in the fold everywhere I go.
@@TheFelcardon well for me race isn't really an issue but I tend to like more muscular men think Henry Cavill as superman or chris Hemsworth as thor or even terry crews or vin diesel. I also liked chris pratt in the latest Jurassic park movie he was sexy as hell . also in my teen years I had a huge gay crush on Antonio banderas after seeing desperado. If I was in Selma heyek' s position in that movie I'd let Antonio banderas seduce me too. There are some chubby guys I do think are kinda cute think kevin james .
Hi I found the Bisexual information on you tube very interesting I can relate to what was said . I came out on my 50 th year. It has been difficult to cope with , keeping it secret from my family and friends .Two years in and Ive accepted that I'm queer ,I will going to my first Pride Event a bit nervous ,but looking forward to it. .😊🙁🙂
Hey David thank you so much for sharing and apologies for the delay in responding. I’m so glad you can relate with this content and there’s never a “right” age to come out. We are a community of diversity when it comes to being open in ourselves! I feel you on the nervousness of going to a pride event. It can be a very new and daunting experience. I hope you have the best time and would love to hear how it does. Thank you for being here and for your support to our channel. It means so much. Happy Pride to you my friend. 🩷🩷🩷
@@notdefining I didn't go to the Pride event in Walsall West Midlands , I thought there would be loads of people there so I didn't .. At this moment I don't feel great about myself .I would like to be more feminine but anxious about what Family & Friends will say ..
Shared on twitter. I have the same. Times where I am attracted to men, times women, times not swxually attracted. Times when biromantic. I actually think I am more biromantic than bisexual. Ah the beautiful bisexual mind thanks very good exploration, things that I hadn't considered before
I realized I was bi maybe within the past three years, and I'm only recently leaning into it more. Thanks for helping me feel... seen? More normal? I don't know.
These types of videos are great and we can all share thoughts and positive vibes even thru comments and encouragement in real life with friends/co-workers/etc.
OMG THANK YOUU And I already love you I need to subscribe Definitely all of this, so validating!! I still don't know if to call myself bi or pan (tho I always prefer this word more) but for sure in the multise*ual family yay for me!🥳:D
Hopeless biromantic woman here... Thank you so much for the first half of the video, you explained my feelings better then I could. (untill you started on asexuality, cause it is DEFINITELY not my experiance XD) I do have 'girl days' and 'guy days', but never intertwined. Thank you so much 💖💜💙
I'm 22. my experience of being bisexual is.... I'm honestly just one person away from being gay. My attraction is (aside from some rare and brief occasions) always leaning towards guys. But that one person, I had a serious onesided crush on for 5+ years is female so that sort of keeps me from being gay because there was this undeniable attraction for so long. it's incredibly rare for me, but it's there.
I can relate to some but not others. I know a lot of bi guys who like to be the bottom for other guys, but I physically and mentally have never prefered it. I also don't feel like a girl when I'm with guys, but no ill feelings towards those who do. Peace and love my friend.
There's one part of me that considers my closeted bisexuality to be indicative an initiatory group think mentality where trauma is transferred culturally through means of the natural selection of ideas and behavioral patterns. Then there's another part of me that considers the potential for my root chakra and throat chakra to have been polarized into a disparity of masculine and feminine charges. Then there's another part of me that understands the trauma bonding that is created from being raped by a man. Then there's another part of me that understands the feminine role of caregiving displayed by my father and my desire to recreate my family dynamic. Even in the clear understanding that much of this is potentially a sociocultural phenomenon, I still can't hide from the fact that the desire to be with men is still there. While I don't identify with the tribal affiliation known as LGBT, nor do I necessarily feel the need to broadcast my personal life to the public, I must make it clear that I don't know what is alien to me and I don't know what is natural. Can someone give me some feedback?
I'm hearing that you are questioning. The question seems to be "why am I different"? Different to other men or to "straight" men. You have spent a lot of time deeply analysing all the possible reasons as to why you turned out to feel different. I completely relate with that. The things you have mentioned above are no doubt true. There will be other things as well but these are potentially some of the key ones. Key moments that defined your sense of being apart, being separate. The question I would invite you to reflect on is.... What if I accepted that I was just a different man? What if I was a man, just the same as any other man, but I just had these things about me that made me a bit different? What if you are a man with particularly gentle, soft or nurturing charges? What if you're a man that takes a strong care giving role? What if you're a man who has overcome the trauma of sexual abuse and survived? All of those things are completely valid in a man. None of those things are "feminine". None of those things make you fundamentally different. They are just the type of man you are. When we feel different - often cemented by group dynamics and cultural expectations as you say - we can do one of two things. Either we can say "ok I'm a bit different to the other guys, but I'm still a guy. I'm still masculine. I just have a gentler form of masculine" (which is massively hot to women the world over by the way). Or we can say "I've been made to feel different therefore that makes me feminine. That makes me fundamentally less of a man. That makes me gay. That makes me other". When we define our difference in gendered or sexualised terms we define ourselves as "the other" with regards to other men. When our brains see men as "other" to us, that is when polarity develops and attraction often results. However, when we see our differences as just differences, not in gendered terms (because, at the end of the day, being caregiving doesn't change you from being male in any way, it's completely cultured) then we see what makes us the same (our physical maleness) and the polarity or attraction fades. As a fluid, bi male I have experienced this in and out for many years and similarly analysed it to death. But this is my impression. I would be delighted to know what you think. Sending so much love and thanks for sharing. Mark x
Omgggg I feel like it changes like everyday too this video is so relatable and I'm glad I could feel more how someone feels the same thank you so much!!!!
I have a question... I was always wondering why is it important to Identify as Bisexual (i mean with pronunciation), I mean myself I am kinda kinky in bed, should I have to let everybody know? Lesbians and Gay people might feel alienated because they desire the same sex and is hard to find/or avoid a partner if people don't know... (and for other social reasons too) But identifying as Bisexual sounds more like a description of your bed life at least most of my bisexual friends when I was a teenager were referring to their bisexuality only when they liked somebody or whenever they wanted to just say it. I never thought that they needed to express their bisexuality in any other way, to be so tight with their identity to want to be called bisexual every time anyone is calling their name...
Hey thanks for the question. When I grew up I experienced attraction to different genders. I wasn’t straight and I wasn’t gay. But back then I didn’t know what bisexuality was or that it existed. So I experienced horrendous anguish and stress thinking I was broken or in denial. I thought I had to be gay or straight. It was awful. If only I had one visible bi person in my life to say it was normal, it would have saved me a lifetime of depression, anxiety and distress. Bi people statistically suffer huge levels of anxiety self harm suicide and depression, more than the gay or lesbian community. This mostly comes from us not being able to be out or free to express who we are and the ignorance that society has about who we are. So I say I’m bisexual to show to people around me that it’s a natural and valid way to be. Being bi doesn’t refer to what you do. It refers to your capacity for attraction. So it means you have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender. Everyone has sexual preferences and lifestyles or kinks. Straight gay bi everyone. But this is a different thing. Just as being straight doesn’t presuppose any kind of sexual practise or kink, so being bi doesn’t either. You have bi people who are really kinky and bi people who are really not. Does that go some way to answering your question? Happy to chat more. Thanks for being interested and wanting to learn. On behalf of the bi community - we appreciate it.
I’ve been thinking I might be bi and trying to identify as it since October after watching heartstopper and relating so so much to Nick, except I’ve never dated a guy.. I feel undeserving of being bi because of that, I’m scared that I might lose my family because I don’t feel straight, there’s so many men I’ve realised it wasn’t wanting to be them, it’s wanting to be with them, I’m afraid to be seen as an alien..
I can say nature and nurture is real. As a kid I was infatuated with both guys and girls. Fell in love so quick with girls. Noticed the cutest guy and girl in class. As the years went on the love for girls left and solidified with liking men. It’s weird to think about what that was all these years later.
Lol in the caribbean.. most bisexual men I know believe that they are Straight and indenial cause most islands are religious and very homophobic, and beein gay or bisexual is less of a man and that makes them paranoid and it is so frustrating.
@@notdefining yes it is.. beautiful island, beautiful men but u can't have it all. Small island means small minds and is hard to have good time with potential hot guys
@@len1045678 I hear you. I'm sending so much love to you. Might I ask - which country in the Caribbean are you in? I have some fab people in our network you might like to connect with.
To me date is hard as a bi sexual man because everyone want you to be straight yet some guys are attractive and it easy to date guys vs woman in my experiences. Heck I got two phone numbers in less then a few hours for each other.
Yeah, the bi flag is cool af. I didn't know it existed until just now. Your content is amazing. I'm a Gen-X dude, so I have seen queerness go from totally taboo to trendy. I wink of wish I was gay, but I'm not. It would be easier. Oh well, who ever said life is supposed to easy?
I hear you. I’ve seen bisexuality go from non existent to a massive thing. It’s mad. We’re all where we need to be though. You’re right where you need to be and I’m glad we’ve found each other.
I am bisexual or at least bi curious myself and I do not get how people attribute certain characteristics (best the way I can describe it) to being bisexual? Like cuffed jeans or a septum piercing, why does that show off that there is a good chance the person is bisexual? Also when someone have behaved in certain way or made a decision unrelated to their sexuality, saying 'sorry, just me being bisexual' or something like that. Like with a gay guy for example, I can see it for the most the most part if they said something to the effect of 'sorry, just me being gay' not that I have ever heard a gay say that personally. I originally thought when first exploring what it is to be bisexual that is a little bit more up to the individual like some may seem a little more androgynous or whatever and some may not. No defining characteristics or anything in that way.
I have never been able to get with all the labeling and categories, my general sense is that chemistry sort of runs the show,its like how a famous judge once described obscenity and pornography,"i cant define it,but i know it when i see it"
Ugh why do I watch these videos I just envy seeing guys able to be so confident with themselves I have this complicated double life I’ve built that’s a nightmare to maintain So ready to just burn it all to the ground (Not literally... settle down)
Hey thanks so much for reaching out. I have been in your situation for most of my life. My confidence is built on a life of complete and utter anxiety, shame, guilt and indecision. You have everything you need right inside you to live your best life my friend. I'm here for you. You have it already. I'm hearing that the time is nearing when you're going to face your fears and conquer everything. I'm excited for you. Trust in yourself. Your time is coming.
Okay, I came here because I just feel odd about myself, and I didn't expect to check so many boxes... Still, I'm not saying I'm bi for sure, but some questions inside me have been implanted, and I think I will continue to explore them.
How do you know when you get together with another man if he is interested in just romance or sex? Asking because there is this store employee who has this attraction for me (Various signals) and I wonder to myself if it's just for sex or maybe something more in- depth.
There’s a discord channel here discord.com/invite/yr2PxFpdKE or you can join our Patreon where we have a private community. Patreon.com/notdefining. I’m sure there are others too.
I loved this! As a recently out person it was very assuring to know all the feels are normal! And yeah my guy days and girl days are more guy weeks and girl weeks!
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I'm a gay male and my husband is bisexual.... I told him not to check out women because it makes me feel bad about myself and it makes me feel less than human...how do I get over it and accept him even though it hurts really bad?
@@dimmeg5487 Hey thanks for the question. Here's my advice - identify the feeling. If you could describe the feeling you feel when he does that in one word, what would it be? That is the feeling that you are experiencing in your relationship. Then think about what the opposite feeling would be - the positive to mirror the negative. So for example you might feel neglected, so the opposite might be attention, or affection. Go to him and say hey, I'm experiencing a feeling of (X) I would really love more of (Y) in our relationship. Have an open, vulnerable conversation about the feelings that you're experiencing. What you're doing is jumping to the solution (i.e. him not checking out women) without expressing the underlying feeling. He can't argue with a feeling and it is a much easier conversation to have. You can think of ways that you both can foster that good feeling that you are longing for. What do you think?
@@notdefining one word would be heartbroken and the opposite would be faithful. I mean I know he can't help but to look but staring! makes me feel like I'm not good enough, we looked at guys together but the women I can't do I'm unknown to that experience and don't want to accept that because looking at wen for me is disgusting no offense to women, with my past relationships I dated bisexual men and it didn't work out because of the samething, I'm just afraid of not being enough to equal the attention women get from men. He always shuts down and don't really give any comments at all when I try to ease a hint out there or bring women up.
@@dimmeg5487 I hear you. So you feel like you're not good enough when he looks at women. What would be a kinder way of treating yourself when that feeling comes up? How might you reassure yourself in that moment?
By accepting it slowly and telling him how that makes me feel at that moment instead of waiting.
I am 67 years old and have identified as bisexual since I was 17. I have always found Robhn Ochs quote helpful: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted-romantically and/or sexually-to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, or to the same degree.” I have had girlfriends and boyfriends in my twenties. I have been married and monogomous with the same man for 29 years and I am still bi. I also recommend bi-curious people connect with bi community at a LGBTQ+ center. You don't have to isolate alone.
Thank you so much for sharing your authentic uniqueness today. I appreciate it so much.
Thanks this was very helpful and that quote defines how I feel so well. I'm very new to being bi and it's very confusing and a bit scary. It's hard to try and approach both men and women and not feel like a sl.t or weirdo. This video gives me good vibes and it's nice to see other bi peoples looking out for one another.
Nervous around everyone? ... yeah, check that one off for sure... I'm also never sure if I'm flirting. Or if someone is flirting with me. So... confused? Check that one off, too...
OMG I love this. "I'm never sure if I'm flirting or if someone is flirting with me". THAT HIT ME HARD! YES!!!!!! OMG thank you for saying that. Absolutely bang on. Like I have no idea the line between platonic and romantic. I'm in like a constant bromantic-girl-friend-zone-lovetriangle-mess!!!!
That’s where I appreciate the more assertive nature of men. Some females are certainly assertive, but most (that I’ve encountered) expect you to be the one to pick up the signals and make the first move.
I hear you on this.
I knew I was bisexual when I would unknowingly flirt with other boys yet I could barely say a word to girls. That changed as I got older into my 20s and I lightened up and embraced my sexuality which made me less apprehensive.
To quote a certain Ugandan pastor, "CONFUSION OF DA HIGHEST ORDA!"
I was talking with a friend and we agreed that as bisexuals we both attracted to the androgyn. We love when a girl is boyish or a boy is girlish or it’s hard to decide or they are trans. What we don’t like is the further part of the spectrum: the macho man and the “only pink, only heels” girls. Somehow the mix of both genders in one person sparks our interest and we can both relate, we recognize that playful aspect where you CREATE your own identity and not just fit the norm mindlessly. I would be very interested to here your opinion on this.
This was so unbelievably affirming for me. The points on constant confusion, having days where where my attractions lean different ways or are just non-existent are so relatable and I didn’t know that it was common. Thank you for talking about this ❤
You're so welcome!
This is so relatable in every way!! I too question my sexuality quite frequently, even though I already know that I am bisexual 100%.😅 I've come to accept at this point that I may NEVER stop questioning altogether. One thing that confuses me a lot is that I do tend to feel much more comfortable and less nervous around girls than I do around guys, generally speaking. I still do get nervous around pretty girls a lot of times, but just not as much so as I do around guys. And this causes me to worry that maybe I might just be straight after all.😕 But then I develop a crush on a girl or think of some cute female celebrity and am immediately like, "Nope! Definitely not straight😄!"
Despite this, I still do get confused sometimes about who I am inside. As I mentioned in another comment, whenever I feel attraction to a big strong man or to a woman who is much bigger and stronger than me for example, I feel much more feminine inside, whereas when I'm attracted to a smaller, more feminine woman or man, I feel much more masculine inside. For quite a while, I thought I was the only person who felt this slight shift in gender expression. It's so nice to find other bi people who feel the same way lol!😁
OMG I love the bi flag, too!!😄 The colors are so amazing. I love sneaking the bi pride flag colors into my animations and art, every now and then lol!!😂💗💜💙 By the way, you gave me a great idea!!! :D I'm gonna make my own little pink, purple, and blue wrist band to wear, whenever I go out!!
And OMG yes!!! I do have guy days, girl days, everybody days, nobody days, etc.!!! Some days, I wake up in the morning and all I can think about is women. I notice women wherever I go, and the mere sight of them makes my heart go wild. Then the very next day (or sometimes even the very next minute), all I can think about is men! I even experienced this shifting of feelings when I was a kid. Before I knew anything about the LGBTQ Community, there were some days where I'd think to myself, "Wow...girls are so gorgeous and awesome! I wish I were a boy so I could have a wonderful wife someday.😢" Then on other days, I'd be like, "Ahhh...men are so handsome and cool! I can't wait to have a kind husband someday!🥰"
Then I also have the days where I feel little to no attraction to anyone at all. And finally, my absolute favorite days are everybody days!! Those are the best days ever, I swear!!! I love feeling rushes of love and excitement upon seeing just ANY cute person at all. Those days remind me of how much I love being bisexual haha!!😊
Thanks ever so much for another amazing, relatable video!! Keep it up, friend!😎
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing and wonderful info about you. It really blesses my channel to have people share. I am only one person so the best thing is when we connect and create a space for everyone to express their experiences.
You are fab and I'm so proud of you as part of our community. Keep going and you're going to shine.
rAmen!
Hunny, as a Bi woman, you’re not alone on your first point. I realised I was bisexual when I was 16, but then for years I thought I was probably straight because I felt more obvious nervousness around guys etc. Maybe I was straight and just wanted attention, as mentioned in the video. But my queerness never went away. I’ve come to accept that I’m attracted to both, and that attraction can come in many different forms, regardless of gender. We are all valid 🩷💜💙
@@ravens_tale Hi! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!! I'm so happy someone else feels the same way. And I agree that we are all valid, no matter how different our attractions to different genders might be.
It's all the same for guys. I feel more submissive around bigger people and dominant toward smaller. Its all relative and quite normal.
I’m a bi femboy & I felt this so much!.
this helped me a lot thank u!.
Omg thanks I’m so glad. Sending big love.
Omg I’m bisexual and I relate to pretty much everything in this video. I feel so seen. I guess I really am Bi haha 🩷💜💙
I definitely am and I agree that bisexual folks like us have more struggles than gay or straight. But videos like these are an easy reminder that whatever minor stresses and confusing moments, it pays me back 1000x with the happy thoughts and feelings and makes me a more loving human being in general.
As a 50-year old straight woman, thank you. I've learned so so so much during this video. Kind of sad that it's taken me so long to learn about what it's like for a bi-sexual person. I'd love to know more about what you said on some days wanting men, other days women and other days no one and some days both. That's really interesting.
Hey thanks for your kind words. Well it’s like you know how we all like different things like hair colour, shape, personality, height, eye colour etc. at different times? You might like some type of people one time then be into others at another time? Well that’s just like me except it happens with genders too. And as gender is like anything else (just a big old mish mash spectrum) then it’s super normal. So it just depends what I feel. It’s very natural. Can’t explain it.
Just wanted to say your videos are awesome! I am a 29 year old gay guy and recently become involved with a bi guy. He's a bit younger than me, still conflicted about his sexuality and your videos have been a huge help to me in learning more about the struggles bi men go through and how I can help him. Thank you!
Oh gosh thank you so much I'm absolutely delighted to hear about this. He's very welcome to come and get coaching from me if he'd like. Otherwise I'm so happy I could help. Much love
I had a boyfriend that was a few years older than me when I was first coming out in my early 20s. He was gay and I met him thru a friend (his female roommate) and it was weird only because Kirsten thought I was hanging out all the time because I liked her. I liked Jeremy LOL. He knew it too. He was SO sweet and so cute and never pushed anything on me whatsoever. He called me "man" and even "dude" a bunch of times, he made sure I was ok with him touching me, and when we finally had sex he made it special and we held eachother naked afterwards. I slept in bed cuddling with him too and it made happy. He and his roommate Kirsten had me over for parties back then with their circle of friends and I was totally out in the open about me and Jeremy because honestly it would've made me sad to make HIM sad (by trying to not act like we were together). I never gave it a real chance back then (it lasted like a month or two) but it definitely wasn't his fault.
Oh my goodness. I can’t explain how much I am freaking out right now because I finally feel soo seen!! Really, this is one of my biggest internal crises because I DO have those „only boys“, „only girls“, „freakin nobody, because why the heck would people date someone at all?!“ and „just everybody and everyone is cute and how would I ever decide who I‘d prefer“ days. And honestly this always made me shift my thoughts and perspective about my sexuality because it all felt like I was faking it. Nothing seems to fit, because how could I be bi if sometimes I just don‘t like anyone. And how could I even be sure I liked girls if some days everything felt like a great lie to me because I was pretty sure that day that I wanted to have a cute husband and kids one day. And so on with every of these scenarios. It feels so good that it appears to be quite normal in the bi community to feel this way, after watching your video and read some of the comments. Thank you a thousand times for making me feel a little more „normal“, seen and that my feelings are valid 🩷💙💜
How can being bi be the best and worst thing at the same time?😭 I feel like however I will decide to live my future life, there will always be a part of me that is missing something out and that will be ignored. Do you know these thoughts and worries? Maybe that is a reason I am not really able to engage with anyone in a romantic or sexual way because first I am scared to dive too deep into it and to not get the possibility to live out the other part of me🥲 And second because my preferences seem to change on a daily basis😅
Lots of love from another confused bisexual 🫶🏻
Hey thanks so much for your kind words. I’m so glad you feel seen. You are so valid. Sending so much love. 💖💜💙
Struggling with the fluid nature of my sexual identity ever since I realised it about 3 years ago. I’m in a heterosexual monogamous marriage with 3 kids so navigating this change is really difficult. The struggle is with finding men attractive, how I feel about myself on those days and how I can’t integrate this part of myself fully as I fear the implications. Your videos are really helping me though!! The bi-cycle!! Being nervous around everyone!! Only being attracted to same sex people that I have a platonic relationship to name a few!!
are you a man or woman,sorry for asking?
Thank you for this amazing channel! Much love to you, I appreciate this. I have been confused by that as well. I once went 2 years with not being attracted to a single man so I can out as gay. This year I have been attracted to multiple men and now I am feeling bisexual again. Some days I am like I don’t want to date anyone. 😊
Hey, Mark! I loved the video! It was so fun to watch as someone who isn't bisexual myself. I'm gay but I'm a big bisexual ally! I love hearing about all the different experiences in the LGBT community! I honestly had no clue bisexual people always feel confused about their sexuality. Being confused about it doesn't at all mean you are less legit! Everyone is different! I wanted to point out something at the end of the video. As a very binary trans man, saying that trans people are in the everyone category lumped in with nonbinary people could potentially really upset binary trans women and men. I'm not personally upset myself because I can tell you're a very kind person and I know you're not transphobic! I know you didn't have any bad intentions! The reason it would upset binary trans women and men is because them being trans doesn't make them a third gender. It's the same as being a cis gal or guy! Again, I know you didn't mean anything transphobic but I just wanted to let you know! 😄
Oh my word thank you SO SO SOOO MUCH FOR THIS. Thank you truly for this comment and for the way you have pointed that out. You have done so in a really decent way and I'm really glad you have. You're absolutely right and I'm going to put a note on the video to caveat that. It is absolutely not your job to have to correct things but I am deeply grateful that you have flagged it. I will absolutely bear this in mind in the future.
Very important of course given that the most common sexual orientation in the trans community is bisexual! Another thing about being bi that not many people seem to know. Of course if you think about it, it's quite understandable but hey.
Sending so much love to you my lovely. Much much love x
@@notdefining No problem! I'm glad my comment helped! 😄 Peace!! ✌️☮️😎
I don’t question that I’m bisexual. Once I came out. It was all out from there lol. I can say that I’m a 50/50 Bisexual. I am attracted to men and women equally. I don’t have a preference. But, sometimes.. Masculine Women and Feminine Men do look amazing though. I do like the Bi flag. But, I think it needs an update. Where there’s more shades of pink, purple, and blue. Where it’s darker on ends. Then, gets lighter as it goes towards the purple. Then, as it gets very close to purple it turns like a purple blue or a purple pink. Then, different shades of purple in the center.
Hey thanks for sharing.
You hit the nail on the head when you talked about girl/guy/bi days. I call them gay days and straight days (which is pretty binary and wrong) but I LOVE bi-days SO MUCH! Especially when I go to the gym on a bi-day. It's like heaven for me.
Haha omg yesss the gym on an everyone day is carnage!! 😂🙈 love that we can relate on this.
Mark,
I am so happy to have found you!! I’m three or four videos in on your channel I can’t believe how much I feel seen.
I (42M) just really came to grips with my identity. All ten of these things I 100% feel and thought was unique about me (maybe not the flag, anybody can like a flag).
You are able to verbalize my own feelings better than I can. I just told my partner of 25 years how I feel so relate to taking a long time.
Feeling more masculine when I’m in to women? Totally. Feeling more feminine when I’m into men? Absolutely. I do feel like the way I feel about myself is very fluid.
And yes, I totally agree days were you are into both are the best! I’m probably not on a daily cycle but more weekly/monthly.
Thank you so much!! I’m going to share your videos with my partner and I hope she finds them as enlightening as I have.
Cheers,
This has truly made my day. I am absolutely delighted to hear this. You deserve to feel seen. From one person to another, who never felt seen himself, thank you for taking the time to make ME feel seen. Every time somebody comments like this is it melts my heart. You are so welcome and I'm so glad to have you here as part of our community. If you have the following, check us out there too...
instagram.com/notdefining
twitter.com/notdefining
Patreon.com/notdefining
Tiktok.com/@notdefining
thequeerspectrum.buzzsprout.com
Much love,
Mark x
@@notdefining Mark, you are a treasure!
@@KansasArmyVet1 Gosh thank you. This has made my day.
I tend to be attracted to couples and I used to feel really bad about it. I'd never heard of splitting it up into sexual attraction and romantic attraction before today. Thanks for that. I'm sexually attracted to everyone, but the romantic attraction shifts. For years I've considering therapy to try and correct this, but the way you explained it makes me feel better about it. Thank you.
Hey I'm so glad it was helpful. Sending love x
Thank you so much ! I needed this video ❤❤
You are so welcome
OH MY GOD I FEEL SO SEEN
You deserve to feel seen.
Hi Mark. Just found your channel on RUclips and I have signed up.
Your videos are very interesting and I will watch more over the coming days.
I myself am gay and am very much attracted to men rather than women.
I’m especially attracted to bi and straight guys, I love a man who looks like the guy next door, that’s my daily turn on - high. but I am myself like to dress like a man I don’t have any interest in cross dressing.
Keep the videos coming, they cover a lot of areas and are very educational👍😊
Thanks for your kind words. You are most welcome.
On a good day I'm 100% certain I'm Bi. On a bad day I think I'm straight.
I relate
We need God's help to be free🙏
Exactly the opposite for me
I get you
Yes growing up bi is very confusing. Like you said one day you are extra horny for guys and the next you can't stop thinking about cunnulingas and then the A sexual days hit. This is very hard in middle school and high school and then you find out if you tell someone who you are they dump you. I had a few relationships that the minute l told them it was over. Very confusing. It is good that some people are starting to understand that this is real and not just denial.
@@yasmina3999as a lesbian i do not wanna date bi people, the two ive dated became straight and the way they constantly change their sexuality just pisses me off
I support bisexual people but for the love of god if ur bi date another bi person
Omg thank you for this video! Haha I had no idea that what I was experiencing was actually the 100% Bi experience
You're so welcome! Yes you are. And we’re proud to have you with us.
When I saw the video about how to know if you're bi, I cried. I just cried, as if I've just discovered myself. Thank you ❤
I do have to say I related to a lot of what you said in this video. In particular, the girl days, guy days, everybody days and nobody days and also constantly questioning actually being a strong indication that we are indeed bisexual. I find that so true in myself.
Also, I found what you said about femininity and masculinity interesting. I never really knew why I sometimes felt more masculine while leaning into my attraction to women and more feminine when leaning into my attraction to men but the way you explained it makes so much sense.
Also, I don't use the non-binary or genderfluid label but I'm very against gender roles and very open about things like gender expression and such, so it doesn't make me uncomfortable to not always feel 100% feminine even though I identify as a cisgender woman because I'm so comfortable with gender identity and expression being spectrums and my sexuality is fluid, so it's easier to be more comfortable with fluidity in other areas of your life when you already have it present somewhere within you as a person.
As far as the nervousness and flirting thing goes, it's definitely true for me but I do have anxiety, so it's even worse, haha! I'm glad you talked about the mental health aspect as well because lots of people somehow think it's easier for bi people but it's really not.
Also, good point bringing up the romantic and sexual spectrums because lots of people don't realize that they're two separate spectrums. Some people have this idea that they have to be both romantically and sexually attracted for the attraction to be valid but that's obviously not true.
It's nice that you gave a shout-out to bi+ poly people. I understand some bi+ people pushing back against stereotypes such as "all bi people are polyamorous" because that's obviously not true for all of us and people like to generalize, which isn't fair but that doesn't mean that bi+ poly people don't exist or don't deserve a place within our community to receive the same respect, love, tolerance and representation that the rest of us get.
Yes, the bi flag is so cool, lol! I love it so much too! The combination of colors is lovely to look at and I love wearing the colors as well!
Great video as usual! Looking forward to many more! 🙂💖💜💙
Hey thank you so so much for sharing. I am absolutely thrilled that we can have this space to express our experiences. I know so many people will read this and relate. I know it does me so much good personally. Sending so much love to you my bi family x
Omg! Yes! 🙌 I totally have those days were I feel more one side than the other! Im glad someone else said it! 😂
Hey thanks so much for saying. I’m always here to say those things we all experience but can’t quite say.
Being bisexual is so confusing 😢😢😢😢
Tell me about it
It's worth it though. People can be so beautiful and make us so happy when we give it a chance.
Also the fem vs masc: I have this too, although I tend to be more attracted to femininity regardless of how masc or femme I feel that day.
Hey that's cool. Yes it's totally interesting isn't it? For me it's not binary (I just used that example for speed and simplicity. It's so SO complex, like I love being a bit fem with women and being really masc with guys and just playing around with it. It makes me feel really sexy). So glad we can just talk about this because so often we don't get much chance.
I genuinely feel hot passion for both and all in between. Masculine men, femme boys, "tomboy" girls, and girly girls. They all do it for me on both an emotional and romantic level and also a physical attraction as well. It's wonderful to be able to be attracted to the person and less about what gender they are. And I still get extremely turned on by all of the above.
Thank you, Mark. All of this is so relatable. I often thought of sexuality being a fundamental but sort of invisible pillar to your identity. And when you are a bi, you may pretend that default settings apply to you, there's just something extra. But no, it is an altogether different pillar. And once you accept that - bingo, all the non-fitting pieces suddenly make sense and fit into places perfectly. Special thanks for the bit about bi people coming out late. Exactly my case. So late it sometimes feels like too late.
Hey thanks so much I’m thrilled you connected with the content. Sending so much love.
Wow. I just found your channel one video ago and I've never felt so seen. The last thing you mentioned here about having an everything day was such a connecting moment for me bc BIG same lol you explained it so well haha
Welcome aboard!
OMG this resonates so much. literally everything. this is sooooo liberating to just see someone like you in those most fragile areas. It is most devastating to live without any "rolemodels" whatsoever for the whole life. I kinda feel pride in being a standalone, but sometimes it it just a little bit overwhelming. The only difference for me would be I rather identify as a pansexual, but that is a tiny thing in comparison really.
Hey thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad you found it relatable. I’m also pan as well. Or bi. Or omni. I can’t really decide. So we’re family!
You are amazing!! Your explanations are so profound and clear, even when the topic is extremely complicated. I'm clearly gay without any sexual attraction to girls, but I understand you and can get great insight in sexuality in general.
Thank you this genuinely made my day.
Thank you for these videos, they are helpful in so many ways. I relate to being one who has everyday attractions.
I'd have to say that most days I'm not interested in anyone. But I have also come to realize that I'm not only Bi but also Demi. So this helped me understand why most days I'm not really interested in either. Yes, I'll find guys and girls I come across throughout the day I think are cute, but that's it. But until that person expresses interest in me and we've somehow connected, then I'm all twitterpatted regardless of their sex.
Exactly… there are girl days and guy days. You don’t necessarily know when it’s going to happen or when it’s going to change. It’s just so unpredictable.
hello admin mark,this is very relatable on my part especially there were times i am totally confuse of my sexuality and that is why i am too afraid to expose myself:( sometimes,i could help myself to cry because why i feel both ways:( then taling my relationship,it is almost a year now since my recent relationship was a real heartbreaker because weve both been in a 3year long distance relationship. she(lesbian) accused me of cheating---that was a real heartbreak on my part. and now,i am totally afraid to start a new relationship because of my past relationship:( it feels that i am experiencing depression both from my sexuality and from a heartbreak. lastly,on the last part of the video,is so true there were times i feel do those fluid/energy flows within me.
ps. until now,i am still confuse and struggling about sexuality as well as my recent relationship:( my apology about my short confession:(
thank u so much for your educational videos,admin mark:)
Hey thanks so much for sharing and I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. You are most welcome here and I’m here to support you. If you ever want to chat come check us out on Patreon.com/notdefining and we can connect on this. Otherwise just know you are doing so well and your community is here for you. Sending so much love. Mark (I am the real Mark! I can’t afford an admin haha!)
@@notdefining thank u so much for response,mark:) take care and keep safe:)
“Just marry me” never related more 😭😭😭😂
I really appreciate the differentiation between biromantic and bisexual; as a panromantic demisexual person, I often have challenges explaining to people what I'm looking for in relationships and life.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I completely relate. I think a lot of us do.
To speak with me, receive one-on-one coaching and join group zoom calls, head over to our tight knit community page at patreon.com/notdefining. I'd be thrilled to see you there.
I feel so related to all the points, nowadays my biggest confusion isn’t if I like men and women, I already accepted that I do, but if I’m assexual/demissexual or bisexual, because 90% of the time I don’t feel attracted to anyone in anyway...and 10% of the time I feel attracted to very specific people, always someone I’m close somehow, but not my friend friend...and than I get very confused
Another thing is that I never came out, I accepted that I am after years of thought and doubts, and in some moments I tell my friends that I think a girl is hot, and also a boy is hot...and as my friends are almost all LGBT they don’t even make questions, and love my friends for it
Thank you so much for sharing this. I know a lot of people will relate.
This is so true. I was like nodding and smiling so much.
To the last point: I can relate to this so much. Usually it’s a girl day (like holy crap! women are so beautiful! etc) a lot of days lately have been all genders and some days it’s a guy day. It’s frustrating though because then if someone I’ve been flirting and touchy with senses that I’m different with my enthusiasm and drive I feel guilty. Especially when it comes to what happens in private.
I just want every day to be like the all genders day. Because I feel so happy and free and in love with the world.
Please keep up the good work. Love your content.
Hey thanks so much this has made my day. It is so valuable when we can share and connect so really appreciate you taking the time. You are so valid and welcome in our community. Sending so much love to you, Mark x
Very informative video. You perfectly explained the less discussed facets of bi+/mspec. Fluidity/Flexibility being the important one and being nervous around people also. Us bisexuals/multisexuals can't deny it, PEOPLE ARE HOT! The overlap of Aro/Ace spectrum with bi+ spectrum is indeed so accurate.
Hey thanks so much my friend. It feels so good when we can relate. Sending so much love to you. M x
@@notdefining Hey Mark. Recently I have been questioning my sexual preferences and I don't know how valid it is to feel this way. I only find myself sexually attracted to men in a top-verse scenario and I only feel like bottoming with men if its a flip-sex, otherwise I loose my attraction to bottom. Is it valid to feel this way?
@@kuldeepvsoni Kuldeep. You have asked me "is it valid to feel this way"? I'm surprised that you are asking this question. "Is it valid to feel this way"? Of course it is. Nothing is invalid to feel.
@@notdefining Thanks for the assurance. Back in my mind I believed it to be valid. Its been almost an year that I came out to myself as Bisexual. This year I have unpacked layers and layers of my sexuality and from your guidance I have been feeling so confident and normal about myself. Now I no longer wake up grabbing my head obsessively thinking about my sexuality. Thanks again for everything that you are doing for our community and keep up the great content. Cheers. ✌🏻
@@kuldeepvsoni Kuldeep you will never truly know how much reading this means to me. I'm so proud of you and so delighted to read this.
love that you also talk about the more "ace" fases, i felt very validated
I’ve felt this for a long time...ive felt like i was bi but i love women WAYY more than men and its really invalidating when ppl say ohh you just gay or i never talk about men
I totally hear you. You are so valid and loved here.
Oh-my-god the girls, boys, none days! 😂 I've just discovered the bi cycle, and I'm shocked! I've suffered so much with all of this, and hearing you is making me feel...euphoric, it's weird 😂😂😂
I am so pleased. You deserve to feel seen.
Hello Mark. . oh wow. . That's all I can say. . So much that I never thought about. . I didn't know about bi women being discriminated against. I never thought about a bi person being nervous with everyone, as they can be potentially be a sexual partner. I guess we all are different, so there isn't a box that we all fit into. . And yes! I have guy days often. Then there are girl days. I am glad you too feel the "no one day" I have those too. Where I just want to hang out with a dog, and no people. . Thanks for giving me lots to think about - Steven
OMG dog days! I love this. Thanks so much for watching and listening. You are such a fab ally and I'm so glad to know you.
Yes!!! I relate to the thing about the energies even though I'm not bisexual. This topic is SO interesting especially as someone who's a very spiritual person! I'm a very binary guy, my gender expression is masculine, and my energy is both masculine and feminine! The types of guys I'm attracted to are not super masculine. I've never ever ever been attracted to the stereotypical "hot dude" look. Haha! I do definitely have feminine energy but my energy is mainly masculine so when I see a super masculine guy I'm not attracted to him because he's more of a competition and we would butt-heads with eachother. I also don't like the feeling of feeling feminine, it makes me feel icky inside and feels like I'm not being seen. I've found it's crucial for me to be affirmed in my masculinity in order for me to be attracted to a guy. I've always found myself attracted to guys who are both masculine and feminine in their gender expression and their energies! I'm still attracted to guys who are masculine, but since my energy is mainly masculine and a little feminine, I've found I'm attracted to guys who's energies are mainly feminine and a little masculine! They still need to have some masculine energy because I have some feminine energy! It's like we all need that perfect balance in a relationship! Isn't it super interesting, Mark? Since you're bisexual I'm curious what energies you're attracted to when it comes to different genders
Oh wow thank you so much for this I am absolutely loving this conversation and delighted that we have the space to chat about it. Yes it is so interesting I agree.
So I like a bit of everything but...
Generally in people with male presenting physical bodies I do like quite masc. Whether I'm playing the dominant role or the sub role (I like both and verse sometimes) I like mostly all to be quite masc. However I really like feminine physical features (or features which I view as more feminine) for example I'm not big into hairy guys. Whether top or bottom. Just a thing. Can't explain why. But I like beards. I'm also very much into all masc-presenting body types whether AMAB or AFAB.
On the women/fem-bodied side (though I'm quite pan/omnisexual and don't actually make that differentiation at all, but for simplicity's sake) I do like more feminine energies. I don't know why. I can't explain it. Just is. Maybe conditioning. But I'm mainly into sweet, cute femininity, rather than sexy/vixen femininity (if that makes sense), like a girl next door or a very soft, gentle energy. A lot of people are into very sexy, very alpha-female energy, that's not usually my connection (can be though, depends). I love powerful older women, like CEO, Devil Wears Prada type mature women energy. Like where I'm quite sub and she's in charge. Love that. But then my favourite is tom-boy energy. I actually regularly fall in love with quite butch lesbians however they are definitely NOT into me! haha. Which is funny. More masc/butch women are like my cryptonite. Short buzzcut hair.....OMG.
Anyway. That probably makes 0% sense but it is a small window into my absolutely ridiculous mind! haha. What do you think?
Impossible to explain but there we go...
@@notdefining This was so interesting hearing your types! Thank you for sharing it! Don't worry, it makes a lot of sense. I understood what you meant with all those different types. I have a question about bisexuality, Mark! I'm curious, do bi/omni/pan people mix all the different gender and gender expressions in their head when being attracted to someone? Since they're attracted to a huge variety of genders and expressions, do they recognize each gender or gender expression as a thing on it's own or do the lines get blurred? I hope my question makes sense! It's hard to explain ha! 😄
@@nightsworth9909 Great question. For me sometimes it's clear and oftentimes it's a blur. It depends. I'm fluid.
Im so glad i found this channel, as bi person the 1st point (questioning if im actually bi) is what bothers me the most bc i had crushes on men and women and trans ppl but i discovered the term bi in the beginning of highschool. That basically means that i didn't think abt girls in romantic way before highschool so that and my family denying my bisexuality often makes me question myself if im rly bi or am i just "doing it for attention". Ever since i learned abt lgbtq community i felt comfort in it.
Also i forgot to say that i was often bullied for looking like a guy or like a lesbian since like 10 yo bc i had short hair and that is probably one more reason for denying my bi identity till recently.
At the end of my thought process abt me being bi or not, i just think to myself "how do i feel with my bi identity" and i feel amazing, when i say im bi, when im with queer and accepting. When i imagine myself in queer relationship i feel rly emotional so that feeling always confirms to me that i am in fact bisexual.
Love your videos Mark! And I love your sweet caring energy. I'll say one thing: Whoever ends up as either your boyfriend or girlfriend, he or she will be the luckiest person on the planet! Trust me.
Aaah thanks so much. This has made my day.
So glad to find you .I am a 60ish black autistic gender fluid male .When I was born it was against th law to be anything but straight. Amazing how far we have come.
It is amazing and you have been a part of that. By surviving and being here. You are amazing and if you were here I would take my hat off to you and bow my head. Proud to be in community with you. You must have had to go through so much. Sending so much love.
When I paint, Sometimes it's masculine & sometimes it is a thrilling dive into a wet electric eal⚡
Best comment of the day
Completely with you on (1) the constant questioning of one's sexuality (am with you on everything actually 😂).
But, after looking at other comments, wondering if people end up getting confused here with introvertism, nervousness, social anxiety, and other insecurities that affect non-bi persons equally?
Just trying to understand more. I always have identified as a heterosexual woman. Recently I have realized, although I am not sexually attracted to women, I can be romantically attracted to women. Interesting. 61 and still learning about myself. My husband recently passed after 30 years of marriage. I realize touch and intimacy and closeness is so important to me (I do not want a life without it), that if I don't find a man that things work out with in the next few years, I'd seriously consider a change of team. For me, I'd rather have that closeness with a woman (despite it not being my first choice) than not having intimacy with another human being. Touch is touch, and good people are good people; I am sure I could find my way to the sexuality part and find it fulfilling. ((Weird too, I have found myself really feeling fond of drag men sometimes. I think it's their humanity; they have usually been through a lot, so I admire, respect them finally being who they have fought hard to be. I find I have a rather protective softness for that = I want to cheer them on = "You go being the authentic you!"). I often find them soooooo refreshing.)) Back to me = the heterosexual woman. Was just an interesting thought for a straight woman. Yes, I'd first, definitely, prefer it with a man, but, again, should that not happen, I'll open myself to other options.
Thank you for doing what you do! It's important.
Hey, I wanted to say a huge thank you for taking the time to share your story. My heart is with you at this time with your lovely husband having recently passed away.
It is truly a blessing to have your unique and beautiful thoughts and feelings expressed on this channel. It's really why I do it and I'm so proud to have this space where we can share openly without judgement.
A lot of people read these comments and I know people will be encouraged and inspired by your words, so thank you.
We are a place for the in-betweens, the grey areas, the undefined, unsure, magical unique bits. They don't have to make sense or conform to any label. I read thousands of stories and yours is honestly one that has particularly touched me.
That beautiful truth that touch and affection are universal. That openness and curiosity. Putting intimacy and closeness above labels and feeling admiration for human authenticity.
I think you know this already but take it from me that you are so valid and deserving. The most wonderful person is going to come into your life at just the right time. I know this. And they're going to bless you. Just keep your heart open and they will come.
Sending so much love to you. I hope you're keeping well. If you'd ever like to chat things through or to share your feelings you are so welcome to do so with us here. We're a big family here and proud to have you with us.
Sending all my love and have a beautiful day. Mark x
PS: If at all you would be interested, let me know and I would like to put some of your quotes into a post / new video. Of course I won't do so unless you explicitly say so and can make it anonymous as well if needs be. But I think your words would really help a lot of people so would love to share them more widely.
Around guys I like, I get all these feelings. Butterflies, feeling giggly and soft, I'm like a girl crushing on the cool jock in school. But around women I'm typically more... chill? Like I still really like them and I have romantic feelings but they're different.
Also yes, every bi person I know has different days. Totally normal. For me it's almost like seasons though. For as long as I can remember, once it hits the cold seasons I just want to cuddle up with a man, while in the warm seasons I tend to prefer women more. This changes sometimes but that's been the norm for me, which I'm told even by other bi people, is weird.
Hey thanks so much for sharing this. It’s so validating when we can share and connect in this way. I appreciate you taking the time.
I stopped questioning if I am really gay or bisexual a long time ago. My problem was that I used to convince myself and even others that my same sex attraction was merely a physical sexual fetish when it wasn't. I had a very sweet and adorable bf in my 20s who was gay and never been with a girl (I've had many at that point) and yet I was the more submissive one of us. It felt good to let go and be soft and more feminine around him and let him have me and give myself over to him in a more submissive way than I was used to with my dominant side with women. Yet I still enjoy a dominant sexual role with women.
There are no rules to this stuff and the more I learned to be open minded and try to search my heart and feelings and embrace them, the happier I felt. I used to think I was less macho because of my submissive side with male partners/lovers, but I was not. I'm very macho and masculine in many facets of life and once I started embracing all of this I realized that in doing so, it makes me even more "macho" because I was able to love myself more and not be afraid of what anyone else was thinking. What he says about having "straight" days, "gay" days, and having pure bisexual days is spot on, and the more you open your heart and feelings to all of it, it can flow thru you more organically where you STOP questioning all your feelings and trying to rationalize with yourself or others and just enjoy this beautiful gift. 😊 💜 😘 ✌️
Gawd what a fantastic and relatable video. I'm a woman in my 30s and I have known myself to be attracted to different genders forever, and been relatively open about it, but I didn't label myself as bi before this last year? I've literally had years of being more straight, or more gay, and all of the content in this video is SO relatable. Also, the part with not relaxing around *anybody*? It's so true, I feel like a wolf in the fold everywhere I go.
Well you are so welcome in our fold here. We love you. Thank you for your kind words.
@Notdefining thank YOU 😊
🩷
I love being a bisexual man great video.
Hey that's great to hear. Me too!
What kind of man do You like?
@@TheFelcardon well for me race isn't really an issue but I tend to like more muscular men think Henry Cavill as superman or chris Hemsworth as thor or even terry crews or vin diesel. I also liked chris pratt in the latest Jurassic park movie he was sexy as hell . also in my teen years I had a huge gay crush on Antonio banderas after seeing desperado. If I was in Selma heyek' s position in that movie I'd let Antonio banderas seduce me too.
There are some chubby guys I do think are kinda cute think kevin james .
Hi I found the Bisexual information on you tube very interesting I can relate to what was said . I came out on my 50 th year. It has been difficult to cope with , keeping it secret from my family and friends .Two years in and Ive accepted that I'm queer ,I will going to my first Pride Event a bit nervous ,but looking forward to it. .😊🙁🙂
Hey David thank you so much for sharing and apologies for the delay in responding. I’m so glad you can relate with this content and there’s never a “right” age to come out. We are a community of diversity when it comes to being open in ourselves! I feel you on the nervousness of going to a pride event. It can be a very new and daunting experience. I hope you have the best time and would love to hear how it does. Thank you for being here and for your support to our channel. It means so much. Happy Pride to you my friend. 🩷🩷🩷
@@notdefining I didn't go to the Pride event in Walsall West Midlands , I thought there would be loads of people there so I didn't .. At this moment I don't feel great about myself .I would like to be more feminine but anxious about what Family & Friends will say ..
You described my whole life in one vid. I don't know how to feel about that :')
Feel seen my friend 🩷💜💙
Omg thanks for this!, I recently became bisexual and I wanted to know if there were a few things I should know and you gave some good ones!
Hey thanks so much. Proud of you. Check out my playlist on bisexual there’s so much there.
Shared on twitter.
I have the same. Times where I am attracted to men, times women, times not swxually attracted.
Times when biromantic. I actually think I am more biromantic than bisexual. Ah the beautiful bisexual mind thanks very good exploration, things that I hadn't considered before
Hey thanks so much. I'm so glad you connected with the content. Thanks also for sharing your comments with us. Much appreciation.
I realized I was bi maybe within the past three years, and I'm only recently leaning into it more. Thanks for helping me feel... seen? More normal? I don't know.
These types of videos are great and we can all share thoughts and positive vibes even thru comments and encouragement in real life with friends/co-workers/etc.
We are here for you...YES....YOU ARE NOT ALONE
OMG THANK YOUU
And I already love you I need to subscribe Definitely all of this, so validating!!
I still don't know if to call myself bi or pan (tho I always prefer this word more) but for sure in the multise*ual family yay for me!🥳:D
You are so welcome
Hopeless biromantic woman here...
Thank you so much for the first half of the video, you explained my feelings better then I could. (untill you started on asexuality, cause it is DEFINITELY not my experiance XD)
I do have 'girl days' and 'guy days', but never intertwined. Thank you so much 💖💜💙
Hey I’m so glad. Thank you for saying.
As an aroace bisexual I so appreciate aroaceness being brought up in the video, we love to see it and the entanglements being discussed
I have never heard of demi sexual..but it seems like a good description.
I'm 22. my experience of being bisexual is.... I'm honestly just one person away from being gay. My attraction is (aside from some rare and brief occasions) always leaning towards guys. But that one person, I had a serious onesided crush on for 5+ years is female so that sort of keeps me from being gay because there was this undeniable attraction for so long. it's incredibly rare for me, but it's there.
I relate so much to the different day attractions thing.
Hey thanks for saying.
I can relate to some but not others. I know a lot of bi guys who like to be the bottom for other guys, but I physically and mentally have never prefered it. I also don't feel like a girl when I'm with guys, but no ill feelings towards those who do. Peace and love my friend.
Thanks so much for sharing your authenticity. You are so valid and welcome.
There's one part of me that considers my closeted bisexuality to be indicative an initiatory group think mentality where trauma is transferred culturally through means of the natural selection of ideas and behavioral patterns. Then there's another part of me that considers the potential for my root chakra and throat chakra to have been polarized into a disparity of masculine and feminine charges. Then there's another part of me that understands the trauma bonding that is created from being raped by a man. Then there's another part of me that understands the feminine role of caregiving displayed by my father and my desire to recreate my family dynamic. Even in the clear understanding that much of this is potentially a sociocultural phenomenon, I still can't hide from the fact that the desire to be with men is still there. While I don't identify with the tribal affiliation known as LGBT, nor do I necessarily feel the need to broadcast my personal life to the public, I must make it clear that I don't know what is alien to me and I don't know what is natural. Can someone give me some feedback?
I'm hearing that you are questioning. The question seems to be "why am I different"? Different to other men or to "straight" men. You have spent a lot of time deeply analysing all the possible reasons as to why you turned out to feel different. I completely relate with that.
The things you have mentioned above are no doubt true. There will be other things as well but these are potentially some of the key ones. Key moments that defined your sense of being apart, being separate.
The question I would invite you to reflect on is....
What if I accepted that I was just a different man? What if I was a man, just the same as any other man, but I just had these things about me that made me a bit different?
What if you are a man with particularly gentle, soft or nurturing charges? What if you're a man that takes a strong care giving role? What if you're a man who has overcome the trauma of sexual abuse and survived?
All of those things are completely valid in a man. None of those things are "feminine". None of those things make you fundamentally different. They are just the type of man you are.
When we feel different - often cemented by group dynamics and cultural expectations as you say - we can do one of two things. Either we can say "ok I'm a bit different to the other guys, but I'm still a guy. I'm still masculine. I just have a gentler form of masculine" (which is massively hot to women the world over by the way). Or we can say "I've been made to feel different therefore that makes me feminine. That makes me fundamentally less of a man. That makes me gay. That makes me other".
When we define our difference in gendered or sexualised terms we define ourselves as "the other" with regards to other men. When our brains see men as "other" to us, that is when polarity develops and attraction often results.
However, when we see our differences as just differences, not in gendered terms (because, at the end of the day, being caregiving doesn't change you from being male in any way, it's completely cultured) then we see what makes us the same (our physical maleness) and the polarity or attraction fades.
As a fluid, bi male I have experienced this in and out for many years and similarly analysed it to death. But this is my impression.
I would be delighted to know what you think.
Sending so much love and thanks for sharing.
Mark x
This explains so well why some of my best friends are gay because those are literally the only people where im not sexually confused
The bi crisis is such a struggle 😂
I’m with you
@@notdefining ❤️ 💙 💜
🩷🩷🩷
Omgggg I feel like it changes like everyday too this video is so relatable and I'm glad I could feel more how someone feels the same thank you so much!!!!
I’m so glad you can relate.
I have a question... I was always wondering why is it important to Identify as Bisexual (i mean with pronunciation), I mean myself I am kinda kinky in bed, should I have to let everybody know? Lesbians and Gay people might feel alienated because they desire the same sex and is hard to find/or avoid a partner if people don't know... (and for other social reasons too)
But identifying as Bisexual sounds more like a description of your bed life at least most of my bisexual friends when I was a teenager were referring to their bisexuality only when they liked somebody or whenever they wanted to just say it. I never thought that they needed to express their bisexuality in any other way, to be so tight with their identity to want to be called bisexual every time anyone is calling their name...
Hey thanks for the question. When I grew up I experienced attraction to different genders. I wasn’t straight and I wasn’t gay. But back then I didn’t know what bisexuality was or that it existed. So I experienced horrendous anguish and stress thinking I was broken or in denial. I thought I had to be gay or straight. It was awful. If only I had one visible bi person in my life to say it was normal, it would have saved me a lifetime of depression, anxiety and distress. Bi people statistically suffer huge levels of anxiety self harm suicide and depression, more than the gay or lesbian community. This mostly comes from us not being able to be out or free to express who we are and the ignorance that society has about who we are. So I say I’m bisexual to show to people around me that it’s a natural and valid way to be. Being bi doesn’t refer to what you do. It refers to your capacity for attraction. So it means you have the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender. Everyone has sexual preferences and lifestyles or kinks. Straight gay bi everyone. But this is a different thing. Just as being straight doesn’t presuppose any kind of sexual practise or kink, so being bi doesn’t either. You have bi people who are really kinky and bi people who are really not. Does that go some way to answering your question? Happy to chat more. Thanks for being interested and wanting to learn. On behalf of the bi community - we appreciate it.
I identified as a lesbian for about 6 years... now I'm dating a man and I constantly question myself if I actually like men/other genders. ☹️💙💜
I hear you and you’re not alone
I’ve been thinking I might be bi and trying to identify as it since October after watching heartstopper and relating so so much to Nick, except I’ve never dated a guy.. I feel undeserving of being bi because of that, I’m scared that I might lose my family because I don’t feel straight, there’s so many men I’ve realised it wasn’t wanting to be them, it’s wanting to be with them, I’m afraid to be seen as an alien..
Do you see yourself as an alien? I don’t think you’re an alien.
I can say nature and nurture is real. As a kid I was infatuated with both guys and girls. Fell in love so quick with girls. Noticed the cutest guy and girl in class. As the years went on the love for girls left and solidified with liking men. It’s weird to think about what that was all these years later.
Lol in the caribbean.. most bisexual men I know believe that they are Straight and indenial cause most islands are religious and very homophobic, and beein gay or bisexual is less of a man and that makes them paranoid and it is so frustrating.
I hear you. It’s awful.
@@notdefining yes it is.. beautiful island, beautiful men but u can't have it all. Small island means small minds and is hard to have good time with potential hot guys
@@len1045678 I hear you. I'm sending so much love to you. Might I ask - which country in the Caribbean are you in? I have some fab people in our network you might like to connect with.
@@notdefining St.maarten and thanks same to you
@@len1045678 Oh so beautiful. Well I'm sending lots of love to you from here in rainy Ireland!
all of these are true I swear to god!! I know I'm bi for sure and my friend keeps calling me gay now so uhh yeah😅
Omg I know right? You are so bi it’s crazy haha. They just don’t get it.
To me date is hard as a bi sexual man because everyone want you to be straight yet some guys are attractive and it easy to date guys vs woman in my experiences. Heck I got two phone numbers in less then a few hours for each other.
I have the same experience totally. Guys can be so much easier to date. Totally get you.
And I am pretty sure both gay men and specially woman don't want you. If you tell them your bisexual thats a big turn off for everyone.
Interesting video! Where did you get the wristband from?
Hey thanks. Etsy is your friend.
That first one was so relatable I laughed!
I relate to ALL of what you said 💗💜💙
Hey thanks for saying. I love that we can relate and connect like this.
Yeah, the bi flag is cool af. I didn't know it existed until just now. Your content is amazing. I'm a Gen-X dude, so I have seen queerness go from totally taboo to trendy. I wink of wish I was gay, but I'm not. It would be easier. Oh well, who ever said life is supposed to easy?
I hear you. I’ve seen bisexuality go from non existent to a massive thing. It’s mad. We’re all where we need to be though. You’re right where you need to be and I’m glad we’ve found each other.
I am bisexual or at least bi curious myself and I do not get how people attribute certain characteristics (best the way I can describe it) to being bisexual? Like cuffed jeans or a septum piercing, why does that show off that there is a good chance the person is bisexual? Also when someone have behaved in certain way or made a decision unrelated to their sexuality, saying 'sorry, just me being bisexual' or something like that.
Like with a gay guy for example, I can see it for the most the most part if they said something to the effect of 'sorry, just me being gay' not that I have ever heard a gay say that personally. I originally thought when first exploring what it is to be bisexual that is a little bit more up to the individual like some may seem a little more androgynous or whatever and some may not. No defining characteristics or anything in that way.
I have never been able to get with all the labeling and categories, my general sense is that chemistry sort of runs the show,its like how a famous judge once described obscenity and pornography,"i cant define it,but i know it when i see it"
Omg this. Totally.
Ugh why do I watch these videos
I just envy seeing guys able to be so confident with themselves
I have this complicated double life I’ve built that’s a nightmare to maintain
So ready to just burn it all to the ground
(Not literally... settle down)
Hey thanks so much for reaching out. I have been in your situation for most of my life. My confidence is built on a life of complete and utter anxiety, shame, guilt and indecision.
You have everything you need right inside you to live your best life my friend. I'm here for you. You have it already. I'm hearing that the time is nearing when you're going to face your fears and conquer everything.
I'm excited for you. Trust in yourself. Your time is coming.
Okay, I came here because I just feel odd about myself, and I didn't expect to check so many boxes...
Still, I'm not saying I'm bi for sure, but some questions inside me have been implanted, and I think I will continue to explore them.
Hey that’s cool. We’re here to support you.
I have been interested in a closed triad in the future. I think that will suit me better but it's a hard relationship.
I would love that too I think.
How do you know when you get together with another man if he is interested in just romance or sex? Asking because there is this store employee who has this attraction for me (Various signals) and I wonder to myself if it's just for sex or maybe something more in- depth.
Is there a social media to meet bisexual guys?
There’s a discord channel here
discord.com/invite/yr2PxFpdKE or you can join our Patreon where we have a private community. Patreon.com/notdefining. I’m sure there are others too.
I didn't realise I was Bi till my late 30s.
Hey thanks for sharing. It’s very common. We tend to come out later.
Love is a battlefield lol
Any good book recommendations?
Yes I actually have a video on my channel on bi book recommendations. It was released about a month or two ago.
Thank you so much ❤ Glad I found this page! Much love 🥰
I loved this! As a recently out person it was very assuring to know all the feels are normal! And yeah my guy days and girl days are more guy weeks and girl weeks!
Hurrah. I’m so glad. You’re so valid. Love this.
I am 💯 gay unless ive had a couple drinks... its very confusing.
Where do you get the information, you profess here? I'm curious..
He´s saying all the video that is personal expirience + experience from people he talked with
Everything is SO relatable
Hey I’m so glad. Thanks for saying.
LOVE YOUR EXPLINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey thanks so much.