Fatphobia does not start outside but it rather starts in the household itself. It's not those direct comments but rather those indirect comments like "Wear the looser T-shirt it fits you better, the other t-shirt kind of sticks to your belly ".This happens even though the "other" T-shirt is actually your size and the "looser" T-shirt is falling off your shoulder making you look like a box.
When I was born, my Nani was unsatisfied with my nose, so she started to pinch it to the shape she wanted it to be... newborn. NEWBORN. And my parents thought this was an appropriate story to tell their child... when I was still a child. And not in a critical way, as if it was funny that her efforts were futile and I ended up with some sort of nasal monstrosity. 🤦♀Skinny jeans became a thing during my childhood/preteen years. My parents bought my first pair when I was in fifth grade. My mom's response to me wearing them at home: "Skinny jeans are not for your shape." Ma'am I AM TEN! WTF?!?!? What ten year old should EVER be thinking about flattering their body shape? istg. I had such a complex about my face and body for most of my life because of the constant comments about my face, body, weight etc. I'm now in my mid-20s and have a lot of self confidence about my looks on most days. It's the academic/intelligence that my self esteem is in the gutter for right now lol
Damn, that commenting on the nose and pinching it takes me back to my childhood days, man. My nani would always make it a point to talk about how flat my nose was when I was just a baby!! She would keep reciting it like it was some sort of mantra during my childhood days, and it was definitely annoying 😑
I can’t stand when people use their rationale for hating overweight/obese people on advertising is that they are “unhealthy”. Where was that energy when the models like the Victoria’s Secret angels came out about having eating disorders? Marilyn Monroe is a seductive icon but was mentally ill the entire time. “Unhealthy” is just a sugarcoated way for people to say “I don’t find you attractive”.
It shows such a remarkable lack of boundaries to criticise people’s appearance. It’s toxic and unhealthy behaviour but it’s ingrained in some people. I completely agree that your uncle was projecting his feelings and concerns about his wife on to you. Thank you for your video, it should be required viewing!
my best advice for unsolicited comments from family is when they tell me i gained weight i say "thanks!" and see their brains freeze and i mean it, i'm okay with gaining weight or losing it, and i'm not going to explain my life choices to someone i see once a year
As a brown girl that use to work at a makeup store so many women would not want to buy a powder or foundation because it had “dark” or “tan” in the name. I wasn’t offended because I love my skin but it really showed me who was colorist.
Advice tell them: "I like my body the way it is, even if you don't. I'm happy with who I am, so your opinion does not matter much to me. OR: I like my body the way it is thick, or tin. So your opinion or preferences does not matter to me.
omg girl first of all I love u as a Indian girl it’s so comforting to see a fellow south Asian woman talking about these things online. ur story with ur uncle uncovered so many stories of my dad and uncles fat shaming me and making comments about my weight as a kid and i just started sobbing realizing where my past eating disorder came from. It is so important to be talking about these things bc it was so cathartic for me to hear a similar story from another brown woman, thank u
Ive had people: uncles, aunties and acquaintances tell me Im skinny and I would look better with a few kilos. My response was always speechless because every one of these is above the average weight according to their body type, and some are overweight/ obese and had the nerve to comment on my body ESPECIALLY when they barely see me or talk to me such as an acquaintance. By the way, I never commented on a person about their weight because I never cared about that. I care about a person's personality and how they treat me and others. But somehow they are allowed to comment because somehow skinny is not taken as seriously as being overweight. I dont even use the word Fat because it hurts people. My new response to "You look better if you ate" is "I love the way that I look" and for added rubbing it in "I can eat whatever I want" seems to do the trick. They act surprised because people are used to having everyone hate their body, they have never witnessed someone who accepted themselves. I think that someones weight whether skinny or overweight is none of ANYONE'S business. It shows you to be a nosy person who is disrespectful. No one will think that you care about their health, so keep your opinion to yourself, we have mirrors.
I feel for you... thats rough. The audacity of some family members. If they told me im fat i would happily say that life in the US is so comfortable and we have sooo many delicious foods and drinks that make life so rich and fun, that i cant say no 😂 life isnt worth living without enjoyment after all.
Personnally, I feel the only appropriate way to comment on appearances is COMPLIMENTS tied to skill, to choice. For example, I love your taste in clothes, your makeup skills, your hairdo, stuff like that..
Hi good morning from the UK, I wanted to say this video is a masterpiece. You've shared an analytical insights of today's society & the obsession that goes around some group of people who live delusional lives and how they consider others based on fake beauty, personality insecurity, celebrities influence society & everyday culture how people become invasive with our choices we make & some internet trolls writing nasty comments and body shaming others because we don't fulfil their expectations because who they like & follow. Anyone who is secure, full, ambitious and confident call the ones narcissistic & label them negatively . How pity this world has become when people believe hurt others based on their judgment & expressing mean thoughts it is a sign of freedom & strong personality in order to fulfil their egos by criticising others. Thanks a million for making this video. It's so informative & educational. I've learned a lot from you.
In Pakistani culture healthy is gaining weight. And being skinny means malnourished and doesn’t eat enough 🙄 no understanding of age and metabolism rate. Most aunties to say stuff like this are overweight
It's socialization and finding out what is acceptable in society. That is neither good or bad, just common standards people agree upon and that differs between different societies/cultures. Socialization is very important and beneficial and can hurt those that fall out of the "acceptable" standards. Hopefully as adults we have the freedom to and are able to find people that agree with our values.
When i was a child everyone used to make fun of my lips 😭 and everyone gave me weird nicknames and now the beauty standards are changed and now they like my lips and want to get lip fillers but my childhood was ruined
😂😂😂 I got the "healthy" comment myself in Pakistan....welcome back I said to myself but I was also genuinely amused at how typical and perdictable Aunties are.
I'm so excited for this vid! Originally I thought it would be about the idea of women keeping their mouths shut in order to be 'beautiful' or 'desired' a la 1950's house wife domesticity
You guys should check the comments of mukbang people who are skinny and people who are fat. One is sweet other one is puree hatred in the disguise of concern. Even if both are doing the same thing. Eating absolutely unhealthy.
16:06 that is a very horrible things to say to a child. Kids are vulnerable and most of the time they can't protect themselves and feels more confused, unloved and unwelcomed
A couple years ago my grandmother visited our home country, Portugal. When she got back, I went with my family to pick her up from the airport, she stoped me from hugging her and yelled out how fat I looked and how no Portuguese man would be attracted to a deformed woman.
9:50 Addison Rae is naturally pretty she does t need plastic surgery she aLReady has the perfect nose n lips n forehead.. that’s why she’s a happy person n an influencer
Sorry but being too plastic means the person him/herself is obsessed with the looks not the person who says “you’re too plastic” everyone else is acceptable unless you needed cosmetic surgery for health reasons in due point Kim Kardashian & her family looks way worse then before the money & fame got to them. This is my opinion.
I feel like you should make a video on brown peoples veiws on exercising. As its oddly looked down upon, but aunties still wish that they will lose weight with magic masalas. And even with themselves being not in shape they'll be degrading others even when they try.
im sorry but the auntie video bite of the healthy comment sent me screaming 🤣 😂 . in caribbean culture we say when someone has put on some weight, we straight up say that the person has gotten fat. 🤣 my dad has said that a person body is 'shot' 💀 i feel with these cultures it would be difficult for you if you are sensitive. I am sensitive so i just stay away 🤣 🤣
What is appropriate or not seems to be determined by a western lens. Like you said.. Your pakistani aunty SEEs you after a long time and says you've put on weight and that seems offensive to you. What if she said you look great? Would you still be complaining about about her commenting on your looks? How a person looks or the changes we observe is part of what we see and take in when we meet somebody. Whether we express it or not is a matter of cultural difference. Can't expect your pakistani aunty to be well versed in your american way of thinking. All that matters is intention I guess that which separates an observation from judgement. And if negative judgement on looks is inappropriate then I think positive judgement should also be.
So before making a comment about myself, that is about my insecurities only, I have to consider everyone else's feelings around me? Jeez, I am lucky that my friends are confident enough.
I mean if you’re sure that no one around you shares your same insecurity (and has it worse than you) then by all means. I’m happy that you have confident friends but not everyone does, and it never hurts to be sensitive towards those around you.
@@opeth1429 It's internalized misogyny. Women got backlash for practicing freedom of non-conformist behavior since the 70's. Pearlythings of the Manosphere and Candice Owens of the Alt Right are cases we should study: Candice is rails against social justice when she once used SJW for her own case against racist bullies. Pearlythings trashes women for their looks and sexual freedom yet she is passed the "wall" isn't a virgin nor is she married yet... bullies other women for not meeting standards of men? These women realized the power in the Alt Right talking points of Men and decided if we can't beat them, join them.
My thought exactly. If your friends aren't the people you can be most honest with then who? 4:26 thats not what it means, that's her internalized insecurity, to me. My younger sister is 6 sizes bigger then me and she looks amazing but for me the way I'm used to how my body looks when I gained weight, I the unflattering parts of myself. I felt like the friend and wanted to loose weight but I never thought anything different about my sister.
@@bfbmain What kind of friends other people have is not my problem obviously. Sensitivity towards people around you goes both ways, but it seems in many cases that fat people seems to be entitled to complain about their weight only and smaller people with insecurities and eating disorders should just shut up. The thing is that anyone complaining about their bodies have to work on themselves, mentally and physically. And if someone else's insecurities bother you, than you have to work on yourself.
People-whether it’s friends/family or even strangers-are SO USED to talking about appearances that it truly does surprise me. Like people believe they’re not giving backhanded compliments (disguising rudeness) or just straight up being disrespectful until you return that same energy. And omg the EXCUSES “well you know what I meant”, “it’s just my opinion”, or “it’s not that deep”. But oh, I’m the bad guy when I return that same energy 🙄 People always say “y’all too sensitive” or “too woke” (people be throwing around that word so easily like a pebble 😭), but it’s just acknowledging your words.
i feel like with comments that family members say to each other regarding how they look comes off as not in a rude way, but in a “loving” way. Whenever one of my family members comments on another one’s appearance, like “oh you lost/gained weight” they don’t mean for it to come off as harsh. Ik sometimes my family can say things that they don’t think is mean and by all means i know what they’re really tryin to say, but sometimes it comes off as rude. i feel like it’s common in a lot of families. and idk how to tell them that cus ik they mean well😭
This is funny because I had this in my unedited video (had to cut it out coz the video was getting wayyy too long lol), that family members can sometimes say things as a "matter of fact" rather than in an ill-intentioned sort of way. Some distant aunties/relatives however... I'm not so sure there 😅. I think we kind of can differentiate intuitively if someone is a well-wisher or if someone is genuinely being mean-spirited.
It's very common in my culture as well. Some people say things out of concern, and others are rude and then use being concerned as an excuse. Regardless of what their intentions are, I always felt like they should know better - lke I know I'm overweight. No matter why you're saying it, why are you pointing it out to me at a party? My weight isnt like a piece of spinach stuck in my teeth. Now that I'm older, I have a better grasp on my emotions and reactions, and prepare myself to have a funny comeback whenever anyone makes comments about my life.
@@MsSarcasticSmirktotally! it’s just me personally that finds it hard to see whether or not my family is saying soemthing out of concern or if it’s more passive aggressive😭
Fatphobia does not start outside but it rather starts in the household itself. It's not those direct comments but rather those indirect comments like "Wear the looser T-shirt it fits you better, the other t-shirt kind of sticks to your belly ".This happens even though the "other" T-shirt is actually your size and the "looser" T-shirt is falling off your shoulder making you look like a box.
When I was born, my Nani was unsatisfied with my nose, so she started to pinch it to the shape she wanted it to be... newborn. NEWBORN. And my parents thought this was an appropriate story to tell their child... when I was still a child. And not in a critical way, as if it was funny that her efforts were futile and I ended up with some sort of nasal monstrosity. 🤦♀Skinny jeans became a thing during my childhood/preteen years. My parents bought my first pair when I was in fifth grade. My mom's response to me wearing them at home: "Skinny jeans are not for your shape." Ma'am I AM TEN! WTF?!?!? What ten year old should EVER be thinking about flattering their body shape? istg. I had such a complex about my face and body for most of my life because of the constant comments about my face, body, weight etc. I'm now in my mid-20s and have a lot of self confidence about my looks on most days. It's the academic/intelligence that my self esteem is in the gutter for right now lol
Omggg I’m so sorry you had to experience all that! Ugh 😣
Damn, that commenting on the nose and pinching it takes me back to my childhood days, man. My nani would always make it a point to talk about how flat my nose was when I was just a baby!! She would keep reciting it like it was some sort of mantra during my childhood days, and it was definitely annoying 😑
I come from a Latina family, and they're just as ruthless with the unsolicited comments. They really think they are doing you a favor 🤦♀️
I can’t stand when people use their rationale for hating overweight/obese people on advertising is that they are “unhealthy”. Where was that energy when the models like the Victoria’s Secret angels came out about having eating disorders? Marilyn Monroe is a seductive icon but was mentally ill the entire time. “Unhealthy” is just a sugarcoated way for people to say “I don’t find you attractive”.
It shows such a remarkable lack of boundaries to criticise people’s appearance. It’s toxic and unhealthy behaviour but it’s ingrained in some people.
I completely agree that your uncle was projecting his feelings and concerns about his wife on to you.
Thank you for your video, it should be required viewing!
Absolutely! Thank you for your comment 🩷
my best advice for unsolicited comments from family is when they tell me i gained weight i say "thanks!" and see their brains freeze
and i mean it, i'm okay with gaining weight or losing it, and i'm not going to explain my life choices to someone i see once a year
Love this!
Love this!
You are incredible skskks, you must put them in their place ❤
As a brown girl that use to work at a makeup store so many women would not want to buy a powder or foundation because it had “dark” or “tan” in the name. I wasn’t offended because I love my skin but it really showed me who was colorist.
Advice tell them: "I like my body the way it is, even if you don't. I'm happy with who I am, so your opinion does not matter much to me.
OR: I like my body the way it is thick, or tin. So your opinion or preferences does not matter to me.
omg girl first of all I love u as a Indian girl it’s so comforting to see a fellow south Asian woman talking about these things online. ur story with ur uncle uncovered so many stories of my dad and uncles fat shaming me and making comments about my weight as a kid and i just started sobbing realizing where my past eating disorder came from. It is so important to be talking about these things bc it was so cathartic for me to hear a similar story from another brown woman, thank u
Ive had people: uncles, aunties and acquaintances tell me Im skinny and I would look better with a few kilos. My response was always speechless because every one of these is above the average weight according to their body type, and some are overweight/ obese and had the nerve to comment on my body ESPECIALLY when they barely see me or talk to me such as an acquaintance. By the way, I never commented on a person about their weight because I never cared about that. I care about a person's personality and how they treat me and others. But somehow they are allowed to comment because somehow skinny is not taken as seriously as being overweight. I dont even use the word Fat because it hurts people.
My new response to "You look better if you ate" is "I love the way that I look" and for added rubbing it in "I can eat whatever I want" seems to do the trick. They act surprised because people are used to having everyone hate their body, they have never witnessed someone who accepted themselves.
I think that someones weight whether skinny or overweight is none of ANYONE'S business. It shows you to be a nosy person who is disrespectful. No one will think that you care about their health, so keep your opinion to yourself, we have mirrors.
I feel for you... thats rough. The audacity of some family members. If they told me im fat i would happily say that life in the US is so comfortable and we have sooo many delicious foods and drinks that make life so rich and fun, that i cant say no 😂 life isnt worth living without enjoyment after all.
Personnally, I feel the only appropriate way to comment on appearances is COMPLIMENTS tied to skill, to choice. For example, I love your taste in clothes, your makeup skills, your hairdo, stuff like that..
Hi good morning from the UK, I wanted to say this video is a masterpiece. You've shared an analytical insights of today's society & the obsession that goes around some group of people who live delusional lives and how they consider others based on fake beauty, personality insecurity, celebrities influence society & everyday culture how people become invasive with our choices we make & some internet trolls writing nasty comments and body shaming others because we don't fulfil their expectations because who they like & follow. Anyone who is secure, full, ambitious and confident call the ones narcissistic & label them negatively . How pity this world has become when people believe hurt others based on their judgment & expressing mean thoughts it is a sign of freedom & strong personality in order to fulfil their egos by criticising others. Thanks a million for making this video. It's so informative & educational. I've learned a lot from you.
Thank you so much! 🩷
In Pakistani culture healthy is gaining weight. And being skinny means malnourished and doesn’t eat enough 🙄 no understanding of age and metabolism rate. Most aunties to say stuff like this are overweight
No your uncle was creepy and looking at your body too much.
It's socialization and finding out what is acceptable in society. That is neither good or bad, just common standards people agree upon and that differs between different societies/cultures. Socialization is very important and beneficial and can hurt those that fall out of the "acceptable" standards.
Hopefully as adults we have the freedom to and are able to find people that agree with our values.
Great video!!!👏🏼👏🏼
The most beautiful appearance I see in people is confidence/self acceptance. We are all unique! Thank goodness.❤🥰
When i was a child everyone used to make fun of my lips 😭 and everyone gave me weird nicknames and now the beauty standards are changed and now they like my lips and want to get lip fillers but my childhood was ruined
😂😂😂 I got the "healthy" comment myself in Pakistan....welcome back I said to myself but I was also genuinely amused at how typical and perdictable Aunties are.
😂
Your uncle sounds like my late father. I never cried when he died...
I'm so excited for this vid! Originally I thought it would be about the idea of women keeping their mouths shut in order to be 'beautiful' or 'desired' a la 1950's house wife domesticity
Love your videos- keep making them. So refreshing ❤
🩷🩷🩷
You guys should check the comments of mukbang people who are skinny and people who are fat. One is sweet other one is puree hatred in the disguise of concern. Even if both are doing the same thing. Eating absolutely unhealthy.
This content is needed
Your whole channel actually!
Thank you so much! 🥹🩷
I have heard people calling Marilyn Monroe fat.
Thank you for the great content.
🩷❤️🩷❤️
16:06 that is a very horrible things to say to a child. Kids are vulnerable and most of the time they can't protect themselves and feels more confused, unloved and unwelcomed
A couple years ago my grandmother visited our home country, Portugal. When she got back, I went with my family to pick her up from the airport, she stoped me from hugging her and yelled out how fat I looked and how no Portuguese man would be attracted to a deformed woman.
Bruh WHAT? That's so rude wtf??????? 😤😤😤😤
@@loganmorningstar9122 i know right 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Lol tell them that's good news.
@@lindsaydeviveiros5533 I literally don't get how some relatives have zero filter and think it's okay to just like.....*be rude af*.
9:50 Addison Rae is naturally pretty she does t need plastic surgery she aLReady has the perfect nose n lips n forehead.. that’s why she’s a happy person n an influencer
Tu reman words are said on purpose. To hurt to humble you. And yes family can do this too
Sorry but being too plastic means the person him/herself is obsessed with the looks not the person who says “you’re too plastic” everyone else is acceptable unless you needed cosmetic surgery for health reasons in due point Kim Kardashian & her family looks way worse then before the money & fame got to them. This is my opinion.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Usual banger as always ! 😂
I feel like you should make a video on brown peoples veiws on exercising. As its oddly looked down upon, but aunties still wish that they will lose weight with magic masalas. And even with themselves being not in shape they'll be degrading others even when they try.
im sorry but the auntie video bite of the healthy comment sent me screaming 🤣 😂 . in caribbean culture we say when someone has put on some weight, we straight up say that the person has gotten fat. 🤣 my dad has said that a person body is 'shot' 💀 i feel with these cultures it would be difficult for you if you are sensitive. I am sensitive so i just stay away 🤣 🤣
My aunt told me to constantly hold my stomach tight… years of shallow breathing made me anxious.
What is appropriate or not seems to be determined by a western lens. Like you said.. Your pakistani aunty SEEs you after a long time and says you've put on weight and that seems offensive to you. What if she said you look great? Would you still be complaining about about her commenting on your looks?
How a person looks or the changes we observe is part of what we see and take in when we meet somebody. Whether we express it or not is a matter of cultural difference. Can't expect your pakistani aunty to be well versed in your american way of thinking.
All that matters is intention I guess that which separates an observation from judgement. And if negative judgement on looks is inappropriate then I think positive judgement should also be.
amazing
So before making a comment about myself, that is about my insecurities only, I have to consider everyone else's feelings around me? Jeez, I am lucky that my friends are confident enough.
I mean if you’re sure that no one around you shares your same insecurity (and has it worse than you) then by all means. I’m happy that you have confident friends but not everyone does, and it never hurts to be sensitive towards those around you.
@@bfbmain Insecure men target women's looks because they have nothing to offer. This is the biggest grift on society right now
@@opeth1429 It's internalized misogyny. Women got backlash for practicing freedom of non-conformist behavior since the 70's. Pearlythings of the Manosphere and Candice Owens of the Alt Right are cases we should study: Candice is rails against social justice when she once used SJW for her own case against racist bullies.
Pearlythings trashes women for their looks and sexual freedom yet she is passed the "wall" isn't a virgin nor is she married yet... bullies other women for not meeting standards of men?
These women realized the power in the Alt Right talking points of Men and decided if we can't beat them, join them.
My thought exactly. If your friends aren't the people you can be most honest with then who?
4:26 thats not what it means, that's her internalized insecurity, to me. My younger sister is 6 sizes bigger then me and she looks amazing but for me the way I'm used to how my body looks when I gained weight, I the unflattering parts of myself. I felt like the friend and wanted to loose weight but I never thought anything different about my sister.
@@bfbmain What kind of friends other people have is not my problem obviously. Sensitivity towards people around you goes both ways, but it seems in many cases that fat people seems to be entitled to complain about their weight only and smaller people with insecurities and eating disorders should just shut up. The thing is that anyone complaining about their bodies have to work on themselves, mentally and physically. And if someone else's insecurities bother you, than you have to work on yourself.
People-whether it’s friends/family or even strangers-are SO USED to talking about appearances that it truly does surprise me. Like people believe they’re not giving backhanded compliments (disguising rudeness) or just straight up being disrespectful until you return that same energy. And omg the EXCUSES “well you know what I meant”, “it’s just my opinion”, or “it’s not that deep”. But oh, I’m the bad guy when I return that same energy 🙄
People always say “y’all too sensitive” or “too woke” (people be throwing around that word so easily like a pebble 😭), but it’s just acknowledging your words.
i feel like with comments that family members say to each other regarding how they look comes off as not in a rude way, but in a “loving” way. Whenever one of my family members comments on another one’s appearance, like “oh you lost/gained weight” they don’t mean for it to come off as harsh. Ik sometimes my family can say things that they don’t think is mean and by all means i know what they’re really tryin to say, but sometimes it comes off as rude. i feel like it’s common in a lot of families. and idk how to tell them that cus ik they mean well😭
This is funny because I had this in my unedited video (had to cut it out coz the video was getting wayyy too long lol), that family members can sometimes say things as a "matter of fact" rather than in an ill-intentioned sort of way. Some distant aunties/relatives however... I'm not so sure there 😅. I think we kind of can differentiate intuitively if someone is a well-wisher or if someone is genuinely being mean-spirited.
It's very common in my culture as well. Some people say things out of concern, and others are rude and then use being concerned as an excuse. Regardless of what their intentions are, I always felt like they should know better - lke I know I'm overweight. No matter why you're saying it, why are you pointing it out to me at a party? My weight isnt like a piece of spinach stuck in my teeth. Now that I'm older, I have a better grasp on my emotions and reactions, and prepare myself to have a funny comeback whenever anyone makes comments about my life.
@@MsSarcasticSmirktotally! it’s just me personally that finds it hard to see whether or not my family is saying soemthing out of concern or if it’s more passive aggressive😭
@@bfbmainagreed!