Exactly, many stay at home moms do that because when the math starts mathing it's more economically responsible to stay home to care for the children versus pay thousands a year for child care. It sucks that stay at home moms are essentially free labor for the households but moms are typically the ones expected to sacrifice for the sake of the family. Much respect for them, but these people trying to train young girls to be "taken care of" by older men is creepy.
You hit the nail on the head!🎤 Like, who’s taking care of who?🤔 People think that a man “providing” financially equals “taking care of” the woman, when in actuality, the women is doing wayyyyy more work, and for no pay!
Depends on where you live if it's more economically responsible. Here where I live it's normal that women also work and there aren't many stay at home moms because it would be Impossible to survive with one salary, even if there's one or two children in the family.
@@Sheisme120I wouldn’t say “no pay”. When I was a STAHD after I got out the marine corps all of a sudden my partner understood the concept that a roof over my head that I didn’t have to financially give too, the food, clothing, gas, etc. was a very real concept that I got to use without putting money up for it. It was amusing personally watching her have the internal struggle mentally but I digress.
Shera is a financial advisor. Been listening to her for the last 2.6 years and I’ve secured a respectable bag (on my own hard work) and hyper focused on self love and I’ve been way happier. But she is definitely NOT for the lover girls out there
I think you understand Shere before being a lover girl. I feel like lover girls are sitting ducks and some of her philosophy would keep you from so much BS.
y’all love to claim she’s a “financial advisor” yet she talks in her videos as if she’s giving relationship advice. her language is very specific to talking about a marriage/relationship dynamic. doesn’t matter if her advice worked, she is very classist and sexist.
If i get with a guy who’s attractive but makes 60-70k a year I don’t feel like im “settling” at all. I’d rather have a guy who makes an average income be attractive and funny and kind, over an ugly guy who makes 6 million dollars a year. If I’m not happy and unfulfilled sexually by my husband and have a dead bedroom but he makes a lot of money I would see that as settling way over a guy who is attractive and makes an average income and have a comfortable life together still
same girl just the thought of being with an old ugly but rich man makes my skin crawl I can't do it that just shows that relationships are subjective there's no size fits all
@K.C-2049 Exactly, it's fucking capitalism that makes people think they are poor even if they have a pretty okay life, just not driving the newest cars to the best holiday locations 3 times a year.
@@someusername4129 But it can last for some years and if woman have partner who is the same age as her. They will get older together. So it won't be that visible
This reminds me of my boyfriend. I almost didn't give him a second chance. He's kind of a rugged Montanan and I thought he was a Trump supporter. I was going to break things off but then I thought, you know what, just be brave and ask! So I called him up and was like "I hate to be invasive, but I want to know our values are aligned before we go out again. Where do you stand politically?" Anyway it went really well and our next date was amazing and things are moving at a great pace. Be brave and ask for what you need from a partner! Honor your deal breakers but don't rush to dump someone.
I think your first date story with your now husband really illustrates that it's not a great idea to dismiss someone immediately due to "lack of chemistry", especially if you don't know each other at all. I also agree that there are red flags where you wouldn't give someone a second chance. But there is a happy middle. I think it takes at least 3 dates to even get a sense of the person. Also, please remember that if a person is good looking, charismatic and a great conversationalist, that doesn't mean he or she is a kind, caring, compassionate person. Plenty of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are good looking, charming, and charismatic. They are easily able to hypnotize you. Please be aware of this as you are getting to know someone. Give people a chance (absent major red flags) and get to know someone over time.
This whole masculine and feminine energy was originally introduced by Carl Gustav Jung and it was called Anima and Animus and his theory got the inspiration from the Chinese philosophy Yin-Yang ☯️ And it's funny how the masculine and feminine energy they talked about is far different from what it is reality. And the symbol ☯️ itself says that a person must have a balance of both Yin-Yang. It's funny how in today's age if information we are so less informed
@@anastasiab-x2t you'll be surprised to know this but yes, they knew better. People in those days used to religious studies. And in texts of Hinduism, Budhism, Taoism etc. it's being taught how to be a good human. But not how to be a masculine guy and a trad-wife. People in these days don't have to do the hard work. Press switches and the clothes get washed, take a train and you reach another part of the city in few minutes. And this is how we choose to spend our free time by making Pinterest boards on aesthetics 😂 Nikole Tesla didn't invent AC for this
Why did you have to delete a whole app to not be influenced by it? You're still your own person. You can scroll past or make your own judgment. You do you but I hope that this isn't a pattern in your life.
Girl, I am exhausted from these relationship dating advice scammers. I just want to have a good time with a guy and make good conversation. Even if it doesn't end in dating, you can make a new friend at least 😩
This feminin-masculine energy is the biggest bs i ever heard and i am the walking proof of it. I’m a nanny, and i always loved children so it’s safe to say that i’m kind, soft and nurturing. Yet as a single woman i hustle like the next person to make ends meet, and somehow my “divine feminine” energy didn’t attracted a “divine masculine” partner yet. How is it? Because i’m taking a break from dateing. 😂
11:47 She’s not wrong! Women are cast aside after having children, and treated terribly for it. Society pressures women to become mothers, but then punishes them when they do. That’s one of the main reasons why I do not ever want kids.
so happy you're talking about this!! seriously whenever I get these kind of posts now I just block and click not interested I'm SO tired of it like stfu and those "relationship coaches" agh the worst why no one understand that relationships are personal there's no size fits all! do what YOU want!
Honestly, I think people fall for all the weirdo dating advice because they haven't dated much. It's good to be prepared and think of your safety, but having someone tie your shoe laces is a bit much.
Facts. I went down this pipeline when I was much younger to snap myself out of “pickmeisha” mode (to use Shera’s word lol) but you *must* take all of this advice in moderation, or you’ll start hating and/or dehumanizing good men. Don’t get me wrong, you should hate and dehumanize and FLEE FROM bad men, but you need to tone this stuff down with good men (after proper vetting shows they’re good). And if you start to view all men as bad, you need to take a break from this content. Shera gives advice on how to be a gold digger. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. And a lot of that advice can be universal, regardless of your dating goals. But unless you also want to be a full blown gold digger, you should use her advice where it makes sense, perhaps **sprinkle sprinkle** it into your life here and there lol, but don’t try to adhere to it in any serious way if you just want a nice relationship with a nice man to take care of you. Source: former pickmeisha who discovered Shera approx 5 years ago and who is now in a beautiful, loving relationship with an amazing guy.
In a counter-intuitive sort of way, I appreciate the how-to-be-a-gold-digger advice. It keeps me one step ahead of the parasites who would bleed me dry if they were ever able to attach themselves
All these silly advice on Tik Tok reminds me of the relationship advice columns in the 90s women magazines. Even as a kid, I knew they are all BS and not to be taken seriously. And at least back then, the advice is confined to the magazine pages. But now, they are widespread and everyone is taking it so seriously - it's pretty worrying. All these girlies are expecting the men to be already accomplished and be a perfect catch. I met my husband 15 years ago, and we were still in college. Neither of us have great accomplishments to show for. But we built a live together and grew together. I think that is more meaningful than finding a man (much older man) who can "provide" and already lived a life.
It’s totally unrealistic to get some millionaire especially if you didn’t grow up or come from generational wealth. People usually marry those within the same socioeconomic class
Agree. Plus there's a lot about the high income lifestyle that's kinda dark and hidden from public view. People really don't understand what it's like because it seems glorious on the surface.
Society valuing mothers is a big fat lie. If that were the case, new mothers wouldn’t be breaking down because they’re given such short maternity leave or none at all. Mothers wouldn’t be getting fired due to child care. Mothers wouldn’t feel pressured to “bounce back” from the baby weight in 10 business days. We would have way more up-to-date clinical research on prenatal care, postnatal care, postpartum depression, mental health, etc. Mothers wouldn’t be in constant fear of their husbands/fathers of their children being incompetent, controlling, dishonest, unfaithful, and, god forbid, abusive to you and your kids. And mothers wouldn’t ever have to worry about being “devalued” after having kids, whether by birth, adoption, or surrogacy. Don’t even get me started on people’s weird obsession with finding Asian pregnant women like they’re some kind of unicorn.
Sprinkle Sprinkle doesn’t support being a stay at home mom, she said get a provider man and use his money to help yourself start your own business or get a degree. She doesn’t advocate being financially dependent on a man.
I think the pendulum has swung too hard with the provider movement & dialogue. But there is a core of truth here. Men need to work for & invest in women to value said women. They need to have the generosity to pour into her needs, be the container. It’s hard-wired in the DNA of homosapiens. When women ignore this - essentially start treading pick-me waters - they may end up with a guy, but at what cost? The man despises her & secretly seeks a “high-value” female who would be demanding & a walking testament to his class & status. I would think that in all honesty, staying single is way better than being the “tolerable option” for a man who doesn’t strive to win your heart, hence doesn’t respect what he has, and absolutely does not want to do better. Being the provider isn’t cause women can’t provide for themselves. We can. Being a provider cultivates the hero instinct in men - the sentiment required if a man is to successfully pair bond with a woman. When you show a man that he doesn’t need to be better (of course - showing he does need to do better should be in respectful, inspiring ways - not through nagging)… he loses the will to be better, blames you for it, ruins your life, gets frustrated & then eventually leaves …at which point - viola- you are single again.
ah yes, using biology -specially genetics-, an incredibly complex science which is not even fully understood by people who dedicate their lives to investigation, just to make your gendered-view point valid and basically impossible to refute by us mortals because if science says it, it must be true, since everything in nature is so 'absolute' by the way, if you know some scientific papers about that dna thing that you mentioned i would be interested in reading them, so if you could comment links to the research it would be great (if my english is shitty sorry, is my second language)
You explained my thoughts on this better than I could. I had to learn the hard way that proving you are “independent” to a man rarely leads to the passionate connection most women want. Looking for a man who wants to court you is not about getting a “free lunch” and is about finding a man who is passionate about you. In my experience, quality men when they find a woman they are passionate about want to impress her by spending money on her (responsibly) and aren’t looking at her to be just a roommate and friend with benefits. When women start feeling guilty because they aren’t paying “their fair share”, they attract the so called “dusty” men.
I think this type of content is cathartic for women who are downtrodden in love - it makes them feel temporarily good, like "yes treat me like the princess i am!" but then they'll ignore all this "advice" the minute they fall in love with a guy. Then you'll find she's going 50/50 yet doing most of the domestic work and childcare. it's just the modern landscape of dating (hell)
I follow this coaches and they always insist that this kind of dating is not for emotional women and they're right falling easily in love with bare minimum is a trauma response most of us need therapy crappy childhood fairy channel spoke about this topic as a woman you should vet a man consciously and look for the benefits (emotional and financial) while being with this man because you will be in vulnerable times when bearing his children and certainly you will need him, not every men deserve children society prepare women to be wives and mothers but don't do the same with most men
As someone who gives dating advice on TikTok I agree with you! Most of the advice is insane, which is why I started making content. I see what happens when relationships breakdown and have noted the patterns that come up over and over again, so my advice is aimed at how to pick a good partner and avoid those patterns that tend to lead to unhappiness and breakdown of relationships. I will say this: "keeping people single" may not be a bad thing though. Some people should probably stay single rather than be in bad relationships. We should normalise women staying single unless and until they find a reasonable partner who meets their standards, whatever those standards are. I would rather see women raise their standards and stay single than to continue to settle for these below bare minimum men who just make them suffer. And the second thing to say is that it's all fun and games to "combine incomes" to "amplify your lifestyle" when you don't have children. Let me tell you how that very quickly falls apart when a woman has a child. Suddenly, you have 2 jobs, your man isn't stepping up as much as you assumed at home, and you can't take the time off you want to care for your children because your income is needed for this "lifestyle". Having a man who can provide is a perfectly reasonable standard for a woman who wants children IMO, even if he will only need to provide 100% when the children are young. It doesn't have to be forever and it doesn't have to be a luxury lifestyle, but it makes sense to set yourself up so you can live on his income while children are young until you are ready to go back to work. So there is nuance to this conversation about women wanting "providers". I think it depends on the context.
Thank goodness you decided to make a video about this topic. I thought I was going to go crazy - my social media suggestions are FULL of this type of garbage content targeted at straight females. I'm glad to finally see other creators counter these talking points.
I feel like these bad dating advice TikTok-ers is just another example of how so many people have become chronically online. I suspect a lot of these people don't have much dating experience, or social experience in general, themselves, and are marketing to people just as inexperienced as themselves who don't know any better. Yes, I am aware of the irony of complaining about being chronically online while writing an online comment. Maybe we all need to get offline for a bit, talk to some real people, and touch grass.
Honestly it's not even "relationship" advice at this point. These are not healthy relationships, they are business arrangements where one person is coerced into being essentially an indentured servant to the other for the rest of their life in exchange for a roof over their head. Leaving is not an option. Also in regards to "settling" something I've been thinking about recently is how this is depicted in our media. In male led romantic situations where the man is pining for a particular woman (always the most gorgeous popular woman around) he almost always ends up with her in the end by "defeating" her asshole boyfriend and impressing her somehow. He gets to aspire to a perfect partner and achieve it through his actions. With women led stories where she is chasing the hot popular male, she almost always ends up with the "nice best friend" instead and her first choice guy is shown to be an asshole that was a bad choice. She has to settle, her first choice was "wrong" and she just had to see that the "nice guy" really knew what was best all along. This is in line with how these toxic incel logic guys think. Women's priorities and choices in relationships are wrong. Men's are right, and justified. Men know what is "best for" women so they should choose who she ends up with, not her.
This was on my mind for sooooo long, and I was always so bothered by how many people rn live for this "feminine energy" bs. Thank u so much for this video I feel free lol
The trad wife thing is misleading and fake like poser conservative family. But the sprinkle sprinkle lady is the truth. She makes it clear that this is what you do to get a certain type of lifestyle, and it is not easy, it is hard work. There are also trade offs to it, which she makes clear, and argues that for her being financially stable without having to work trumped all the downsides. And honestly most women do not have what it takes to join that world, that isn’t particularly shady it’s just the truth. You have to be super focused on “securing the bag” but not in the city girls I do this to get Chanel bags kind of way, but in an establishing yourself and your future children (if desired) for life kind of way.
But isn't that what women had to do in colonial America? Like, I'm pretty sure marrying rich to secure financial security was a plot in little women. Still regressive
A guy that matches my lifestyle is one that has a lot of money tho. I make a lot of money and I spend a lot of money on myself and social service projects. They make me happy. I just don't want to be with a guy who is worried about money and scrutinizing everything I spend money on and limiting me. Ideally I would love a guy who is rich enough to fund my social service projects but if I never find a guy like that I'd rather be single so I can fund them on my own without someone telling me it's wasteful.
This guy talking about Nara Smith is so off. People always come after her for being a trad wife, but with what proof? She does live a typical trad wife lifestyle, but does that mean every pretty housewife/stay at home mom is a tradcon? And who cares if she doesn't show herself cleaning or doing laundry? She wants to make videos that show what she loves to do, which is cook and wear nice clothes. She absolutely doesn't owe it to us to show herself doing the dirty work if she doesn't want to. Our need to constantly politicize and have a sort of compulsion to insert meaning into everything to a point where we can't enjoy something is stopping us from enjoying things that are just meant to be entertaining. Kind of reminds me of the people who said Saltburn is a terrible eat the rich movie. That's not what it was anyways. Just get out of your own head for a bit.
same also i think nara isn’t a good example. she doesn’t necessarily promote being a “trad wife” she just posts herself making her little recipes. there are other trad wife influencers who literally call themselves that & make it their whole personality lol
Well, any tradwife influencer who makes money from posting content, is by definition, not a traditional wife. That's what makes them con artists. Also, if you are able to live the type of life depicted in these videos, you are very wealthy and your lifestyle is NOT accessible to 99% percent of people.
It's funny. My Dad had a friend (so older dude obviously) who tried the whole marry a 20 something and you can mold her to be your perfect wife. Yeah that didn't last long, she got bored of his tired demanding ass and he was honestly exhausted. Almost like most age gaps don't work for the same reason everyone says: they're in different lifstages.
21:29 Interesting how misogynists whine about women not wanting anything serious with them (as if they’re entitled to women’s attention). Like, why would we though??
This is a great video (still watching). Thank you for speaking the truth and for being pragmatic. People need to hear and understand what you are saying. Also, thank you for giving credit to all the creators you mention.
Hey don’t know if you’ll see this but I was brainwashed at one point to be against feminism but you show a perfect example of how feminism really should be and are super reasonable about all of the things you talk about in a way that I agree with a lot of what you say. It gives a very positive impression of feminism how it is supposed to be. Not devaluing men and hating on them. I’m surprised you don’t have more subscribers but you’ll probably be blowing up soon
For me settling was an atheist, cheater, mean, unemployed, bad with money, smoker, addict, ex-con, still lives with parents, no car, hates animals, and doesnt talk out disagreements peacefully❤
It’s great. I am married and allowed to keep my own income as I choose and have a career as I decided to get an education and be financially independent yet my husband chooses to be financially responsible for us as a family. However, now if I want to contribute I can yet I am not obliged to. However, if anything were to happen, god forbid, I can hold our own and support our family and that’s important as opposed to back in the day when women and their children had to move back home with their parents or a family member
Realistically speaking, there is no man who can 50-50 in finances and in housework. You will get 100% of the housework and 50% of the finances. Sprinkle sprinkle is actually the best option, getting a man with a bag to support the lady while lady has her own bag. If that standard is too much, then it's better to be single forever. Romance is temporary and wears off after a few months.
Then make that a reality and stop settling for useless men who are not going to benefit you in your marriage, stop settling, if he's not going to do 50 percent of the household , divorce him, what the heck is beneficial about a useless man? that's not even a husband ,that's a child who works
I was just thinking this last night. I was a traumatized, abused 20 year old seeking to not be abused again. I never practiced the exploitation of men but I definitely became more misanthropic.
Yes girl, you do need to get into the "fresh and fit scandal" and explain who that sprinkle girl is. I love your videos but I'm not on Tiktok and have no idea who these people are and what they're doing. I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only viewer this applies to.
Sheera is not a "relantionship advisor" she is an financial advisor. And she says the truth, she knows men mind and how they act. She is not for delicate hearts. If you as a women put yourself in yhe most vulnerable position (like pregnancy for example) you will need the father who must be able to provide money and stability. I only take advice from married people like sheera, she knows the game
I loved hearing about your date. I knew my husband for a while like a few months before he asked me out. Our first date was nice but the spark disappeared and it was a very blah date. I think we were so nervous but my husband was all green flags so we did it again and now we’ve been together for over 10 years. I can’t imagine my life without him!
My husband gave me a chance and I gave him. Honestly we both wanted just sex and something serious. At third date he asked does I know his name because we talked about potential children names. I told him that his name is stupid. Honestly admitted that do not remember his name. Well, married for 3 years and together 4 years. Two kids. As for my "perfect" partner, we have the same thoughts. I prefer smart men. Smart husband can become rich, but already rich tend to be quite not nice. In my youth rich, older guys gave they're attention to me. It was, honestly, worst experience.
I rather work then depend on a man for a soft life next thing you know he thinks he can put his hands on you because he knows he’s got you we should be teaching women to value their education and get a degree I have a good job and I get interest from other jobs too all I can say to these women that want to depend on a man is good luck ladies good luck
I find the concepts of masculine energy and feminine energy useful. I grew up in a society where women are more dominant and hold more power in the household in general (Portugal) and I didn't understand how different our biology really makes us. It's something I had to learn by a lot of failed experiences. We need to understand biology. Of course, each human individual is unique. There are men who have more feminine energy and women who have more masculine energy and they are often attracted to each other because we seek a partner that complements our traits. It's all fine as long as people are happy with the potential partners they are attracting. But women who are more in their masculine side when it's a survival mechanism and not who they really feel comfortable being end up attracting men who are more feminine in their nature and not able to fulfil the woman's needs. That's where learning to lean into our femininity is important. I have been practicing this and it has made me a happier woman because I am more in touch with who I really am. Of course being feminine is also not about superficial things like what we wear or how we do our nails, it's about how we behave and move in the world.
Hey, I love listening to you. You are like a big desi sister offering such sound advice which is so helpful. What are your thoughts about being attracted to your partner physically? I met someone through arranged set up. He was kind, so into me, financially sorted and everything but I did not find him attractive in a husband way. I tried to go on like 4-5 more dates and each time it was better than before but in back of my mind I was like I am not attracted to him or He doesn't seem that confident or Oh it would be perfect if he works out more. I was so horrified by my thoughts and broke off things with him. Now i am wondering was it too soon like we met 5-6 times in one month our phonecalls were great but i was having all these thoughts.
Shera isn’t a dating coach…I feel like if you haven’t listened to 70% of her content then will have you sounding misinformed. She is a very seasoned creator…I’ve been listening to her since 2018 and the things she says are the same things fathers, brothers, and the older men at your job will tell you.
This is how actually how first dates are like Yusra mentioned. My current boyfriend, yeah now I think I can call him a boyfriend, we didn't have any sparks when we met on the first day. And this went on like this for several dates/meets for like three months. Until one day we went for a movie and it was a Sunday. I had a horrible period pain but we already purchased the movie ticket in advance so we met. And it was not a romantic movie. But that day I felt like there is more about him that I love and it is no longer just liking him as a person. So, yes. Love at first sight doesn't exist. It never happens.
This whole business of finding mr perfect man and perfect woman is crap . Different men likes Different woman and Different woman likes Different men but these bogus date coahes advice young people some absolute shitt.
Speaking of red flags i was just looking through your playlist aaaaaamnnnnnddd..... You haven't talked about "man vs bear" debate thats been scandalising the platforms. Will we get to see your perspective on that?
Exactly, many stay at home moms do that because when the math starts mathing it's more economically responsible to stay home to care for the children versus pay thousands a year for child care. It sucks that stay at home moms are essentially free labor for the households but moms are typically the ones expected to sacrifice for the sake of the family. Much respect for them, but these people trying to train young girls to be "taken care of" by older men is creepy.
Agree. Being taken care of by an older wealthy man is a dicey gamble.
It is a sign we as human species are regress backwards, it is very understandable when we consider the economic situation we live in.
You hit the nail on the head!🎤 Like, who’s taking care of who?🤔 People think that a man “providing” financially equals “taking care of” the woman, when in actuality, the women is doing wayyyyy more work, and for no pay!
Depends on where you live if it's more economically responsible. Here where I live it's normal that women also work and there aren't many stay at home moms because it would be Impossible to survive with one salary, even if there's one or two children in the family.
@@Sheisme120I wouldn’t say “no pay”. When I was a STAHD after I got out the marine corps all of a sudden my partner understood the concept that a roof over my head that I didn’t have to financially give too, the food, clothing, gas, etc. was a very real concept that I got to use without putting money up for it.
It was amusing personally watching her have the internal struggle mentally but I digress.
Shera is a financial advisor. Been listening to her for the last 2.6 years and I’ve secured a respectable bag (on my own hard work) and hyper focused on self love and I’ve been way happier. But she is definitely NOT for the lover girls out there
I think you understand Shere before being a lover girl. I feel like lover girls are sitting ducks and some of her philosophy would keep you from so much BS.
y’all love to claim she’s a “financial advisor” yet she talks in her videos as if she’s giving relationship advice. her language is very specific to talking about a marriage/relationship dynamic. doesn’t matter if her advice worked, she is very classist and sexist.
Exactly... she is not for the romantic ladies out there. Since I listen to her my life improved a lot too... the goal here is to secure the bag.
Her advice is toxic. I listened to her 5 years ago, for years. It's brain rot and will eventually catch up to you mentally. It's a slippery slope. 😅
A dude can claim Tate made him more fit or wealthy and you'd whine endlessly about it.
If i get with a guy who’s attractive but makes 60-70k a year I don’t feel like im “settling” at all. I’d rather have a guy who makes an average income be attractive and funny and kind, over an ugly guy who makes 6 million dollars a year. If I’m not happy and unfulfilled sexually by my husband and have a dead bedroom but he makes a lot of money I would see that as settling way over a guy who is attractive and makes an average income and have a comfortable life together still
same girl just the thought of being with an old ugly but rich man makes my skin crawl I can't do it that just shows that relationships are subjective there's no size fits all
@K.C-2049 Exactly, it's fucking capitalism that makes people think they are poor even if they have a pretty okay life, just not driving the newest cars to the best holiday locations 3 times a year.
Attractive doesn't last. Everyone becomes wrinkly and saggy as they age. Chasing that is a waste of your time.
@@someusername4129 But it can last for some years and if woman have partner who is the same age as her. They will get older together. So it won't be that visible
@@someusername4129 it's very black and white thinking. I can say by this logic 'life doesn't last forever so what's the point of living'
This reminds me of my boyfriend. I almost didn't give him a second chance. He's kind of a rugged Montanan and I thought he was a Trump supporter. I was going to break things off but then I thought, you know what, just be brave and ask! So I called him up and was like "I hate to be invasive, but I want to know our values are aligned before we go out again. Where do you stand politically?" Anyway it went really well and our next date was amazing and things are moving at a great pace. Be brave and ask for what you need from a partner! Honor your deal breakers but don't rush to dump someone.
I think your first date story with your now husband really illustrates that it's not a great idea to dismiss someone immediately due to "lack of chemistry", especially if you don't know each other at all. I also agree that there are red flags where you wouldn't give someone a second chance. But there is a happy middle. I think it takes at least 3 dates to even get a sense of the person. Also, please remember that if a person is good looking, charismatic and a great conversationalist, that doesn't mean he or she is a kind, caring, compassionate person. Plenty of narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are good looking, charming, and charismatic. They are easily able to hypnotize you. Please be aware of this as you are getting to know someone. Give people a chance (absent major red flags) and get to know someone over time.
I agree! sometimes you know right away you don't want to be with this person (red flags) and sometimes it needs more time
This whole masculine and feminine energy was originally introduced by Carl Gustav Jung and it was called Anima and Animus and his theory got the inspiration from the Chinese philosophy Yin-Yang ☯️ And it's funny how the masculine and feminine energy they talked about is far different from what it is reality. And the symbol ☯️ itself says that a person must have a balance of both Yin-Yang. It's funny how in today's age if information we are so less informed
Thank you.
We are not less informed. You think the general population 60 years ago knew all that? Just as wrong as today
@@anastasiab-x2t actually western people have this thing of taking everything out of context and misusing all the informations. I am not surprised.
@@anastasiab-x2t you'll be surprised to know this but yes, they knew better. People in those days used to religious studies. And in texts of Hinduism, Budhism, Taoism etc. it's being taught how to be a good human. But not how to be a masculine guy and a trad-wife. People in these days don't have to do the hard work. Press switches and the clothes get washed, take a train and you reach another part of the city in few minutes. And this is how we choose to spend our free time by making Pinterest boards on aesthetics 😂 Nikole Tesla didn't invent AC for this
had 2 delete tiktok because of how insane it got
That's why I have never downloaded it :D
Why did you have to delete a whole app to not be influenced by it? You're still your own person. You can scroll past or make your own judgment.
You do you but I hope that this isn't a pattern in your life.
@@Altajp If that's not how they want to past time, why not delete it. They can make their own judgement as you said :D
It's contagious for many
@@Altajp Judgemental much?
Girl, I am exhausted from these relationship dating advice scammers. I just want to have a good time with a guy and make good conversation. Even if it doesn't end in dating, you can make a new friend at least 😩
Men don't want to be your friends without getting something out of you.
Same, but it feels like so many just want to get into your bed.
@@kanikakumari7219true
You're already too deep in...@@kanikakumari7219
@@kanikakumari7219 exactly. the amount of men who have said they would never be broke if they had a vagina is astounding.
This feminin-masculine energy is the biggest bs i ever heard and i am the walking proof of it. I’m a nanny, and i always loved children so it’s safe to say that i’m kind, soft and nurturing. Yet as a single woman i hustle like the next person to make ends meet, and somehow my “divine feminine” energy didn’t attracted a “divine masculine” partner yet. How is it? Because i’m taking a break from dateing. 😂
11:47 She’s not wrong! Women are cast aside after having children, and treated terribly for it. Society pressures women to become mothers, but then punishes them when they do. That’s one of the main reasons why I do not ever want kids.
so happy you're talking about this!! seriously whenever I get these kind of posts now I just block and click not interested I'm SO tired of it like stfu and those "relationship coaches" agh the worst why no one understand that relationships are personal there's no size fits all! do what YOU want!
Honestly, I think people fall for all the weirdo dating advice because they haven't dated much. It's good to be prepared and think of your safety, but having someone tie your shoe laces is a bit much.
Facts. I went down this pipeline when I was much younger to snap myself out of “pickmeisha” mode (to use Shera’s word lol) but you *must* take all of this advice in moderation, or you’ll start hating and/or dehumanizing good men. Don’t get me wrong, you should hate and dehumanize and FLEE FROM bad men, but you need to tone this stuff down with good men (after proper vetting shows they’re good). And if you start to view all men as bad, you need to take a break from this content.
Shera gives advice on how to be a gold digger. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. And a lot of that advice can be universal, regardless of your dating goals. But unless you also want to be a full blown gold digger, you should use her advice where it makes sense, perhaps **sprinkle sprinkle** it into your life here and there lol, but don’t try to adhere to it in any serious way if you just want a nice relationship with a nice man to take care of you.
Source: former pickmeisha who discovered Shera approx 5 years ago and who is now in a beautiful, loving relationship with an amazing guy.
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How’d you meet him?
In a counter-intuitive sort of way, I appreciate the how-to-be-a-gold-digger advice. It keeps me one step ahead of the parasites who would bleed me dry if they were ever able to attach themselves
@@devilsadvocacy Yes. This is true. You do need to be careful and assess for these types of people.
All these silly advice on Tik Tok reminds me of the relationship advice columns in the 90s women magazines. Even as a kid, I knew they are all BS and not to be taken seriously. And at least back then, the advice is confined to the magazine pages. But now, they are widespread and everyone is taking it so seriously - it's pretty worrying.
All these girlies are expecting the men to be already accomplished and be a perfect catch. I met my husband 15 years ago, and we were still in college. Neither of us have great accomplishments to show for. But we built a live together and grew together. I think that is more meaningful than finding a man (much older man) who can "provide" and already lived a life.
I agree. I think one of the keys is to meet relatively young (under 30) and to build a life together. Both people need to be invested.
What's wrong with a woman wanting a man that's already accomplished? Who is demeaning you for marrying a man who is in school just like you?
It’s totally unrealistic to get some millionaire especially if you didn’t grow up or come from generational wealth. People usually marry those within the same socioeconomic class
Agree. Plus there's a lot about the high income lifestyle that's kinda dark and hidden from public view. People really don't understand what it's like because it seems glorious on the surface.
They really believe that those kind of man are even gonna marry below their social class
Society valuing mothers is a big fat lie. If that were the case, new mothers wouldn’t be breaking down because they’re given such short maternity leave or none at all. Mothers wouldn’t be getting fired due to child care. Mothers wouldn’t feel pressured to “bounce back” from the baby weight in 10 business days. We would have way more up-to-date clinical research on prenatal care, postnatal care, postpartum depression, mental health, etc. Mothers wouldn’t be in constant fear of their husbands/fathers of their children being incompetent, controlling, dishonest, unfaithful, and, god forbid, abusive to you and your kids. And mothers wouldn’t ever have to worry about being “devalued” after having kids, whether by birth, adoption, or surrogacy. Don’t even get me started on people’s weird obsession with finding Asian pregnant women like they’re some kind of unicorn.
I don't support surrogacy and what the heck,asian pregnant women? Never heard of that
the issue is with inhumane capitalism and not with society.
Sprinkle Sprinkle doesn’t support being a stay at home mom, she said get a provider man and use his money to help yourself start your own business or get a degree. She doesn’t advocate being financially dependent on a man.
Fair enough, but if there were that many providers paying for degrees out there, we wouldn’t have a student loan debt crisis on our hands 🤷🏽♀️
How is that not dependent on someone else's money? :D Just because she doesn't mean for life, she still means sell yourself for an older man. Yuck
Y'all remixing sex work now..
as if that man is providing that money for free.
how about get a LOAN??
@@mwangi10 nothing is free babe. And if you're a man who is okay with a freeloader gold digger, you have issues.
I think the pendulum has swung too hard with the provider movement & dialogue. But there is a core of truth here. Men need to work for & invest in women to value said women. They need to have the generosity to pour into her needs, be the container. It’s hard-wired in the DNA of homosapiens. When women ignore this - essentially start treading pick-me waters - they may end up with a guy, but at what cost? The man despises her & secretly seeks a “high-value” female who would be demanding & a walking testament to his class & status. I would think that in all honesty, staying single is way better than being the “tolerable option” for a man who doesn’t strive to win your heart, hence doesn’t respect what he has, and absolutely does not want to do better. Being the provider isn’t cause women can’t provide for themselves. We can. Being a provider cultivates the hero instinct in men - the sentiment required if a man is to successfully pair bond with a woman. When you show a man that he doesn’t need to be better (of course - showing he does need to do better should be in respectful, inspiring ways - not through nagging)… he loses the will to be better, blames you for it, ruins your life, gets frustrated & then eventually leaves …at which point - viola- you are single again.
ah yes, using biology -specially genetics-, an incredibly complex science which is not even fully understood by people who dedicate their lives to investigation, just to make your gendered-view point valid and basically impossible to refute by us mortals because if science says it, it must be true, since everything in nature is so 'absolute'
by the way, if you know some scientific papers about that dna thing that you mentioned i would be interested in reading them, so if you could comment links to the research it would be great
(if my english is shitty sorry, is my second language)
You explained my thoughts on this better than I could. I had to learn the hard way that proving you are “independent” to a man rarely leads to the passionate connection most women want. Looking for a man who wants to court you is not about getting a “free lunch” and is about finding a man who is passionate about you. In my experience, quality men when they find a woman they are passionate about want to impress her by spending money on her (responsibly) and aren’t looking at her to be just a roommate and friend with benefits. When women start feeling guilty because they aren’t paying “their fair share”, they attract the so called “dusty” men.
I know it's a good day when brownfireball has new content out 🎉
I think this type of content is cathartic for women who are downtrodden in love - it makes them feel temporarily good, like "yes treat me like the princess i am!" but then they'll ignore all this "advice" the minute they fall in love with a guy. Then you'll find she's going 50/50 yet doing most of the domestic work and childcare. it's just the modern landscape of dating (hell)
I follow this coaches and they always insist that this kind of dating is not for emotional women and they're right falling easily in love with bare minimum is a trauma response most of us need therapy crappy childhood fairy channel spoke about this topic as a woman you should vet a man consciously and look for the benefits (emotional and financial) while being with this man because you will be in vulnerable times when bearing his children and certainly you will need him, not every men deserve children society prepare women to be wives and mothers but don't do the same with most men
As someone who gives dating advice on TikTok I agree with you! Most of the advice is insane, which is why I started making content. I see what happens when relationships breakdown and have noted the patterns that come up over and over again, so my advice is aimed at how to pick a good partner and avoid those patterns that tend to lead to unhappiness and breakdown of relationships. I will say this: "keeping people single" may not be a bad thing though. Some people should probably stay single rather than be in bad relationships. We should normalise women staying single unless and until they find a reasonable partner who meets their standards, whatever those standards are. I would rather see women raise their standards and stay single than to continue to settle for these below bare minimum men who just make them suffer. And the second thing to say is that it's all fun and games to "combine incomes" to "amplify your lifestyle" when you don't have children. Let me tell you how that very quickly falls apart when a woman has a child. Suddenly, you have 2 jobs, your man isn't stepping up as much as you assumed at home, and you can't take the time off you want to care for your children because your income is needed for this "lifestyle". Having a man who can provide is a perfectly reasonable standard for a woman who wants children IMO, even if he will only need to provide 100% when the children are young. It doesn't have to be forever and it doesn't have to be a luxury lifestyle, but it makes sense to set yourself up so you can live on his income while children are young until you are ready to go back to work. So there is nuance to this conversation about women wanting "providers". I think it depends on the context.
Thank goodness you decided to make a video about this topic. I thought I was going to go crazy - my social media suggestions are FULL of this type of garbage content targeted at straight females. I'm glad to finally see other creators counter these talking points.
I feel like these bad dating advice TikTok-ers is just another example of how so many people have become chronically online. I suspect a lot of these people don't have much dating experience, or social experience in general, themselves, and are marketing to people just as inexperienced as themselves who don't know any better. Yes, I am aware of the irony of complaining about being chronically online while writing an online comment. Maybe we all need to get offline for a bit, talk to some real people, and touch grass.
Off-topic but that top is so dainty and I love that pink lipstick!
Honestly it's not even "relationship" advice at this point. These are not healthy relationships, they are business arrangements where one person is coerced into being essentially an indentured servant to the other for the rest of their life in exchange for a roof over their head. Leaving is not an option.
Also in regards to "settling" something I've been thinking about recently is how this is depicted in our media. In male led romantic situations where the man is pining for a particular woman (always the most gorgeous popular woman around) he almost always ends up with her in the end by "defeating" her asshole boyfriend and impressing her somehow. He gets to aspire to a perfect partner and achieve it through his actions. With women led stories where she is chasing the hot popular male, she almost always ends up with the "nice best friend" instead and her first choice guy is shown to be an asshole that was a bad choice. She has to settle, her first choice was "wrong" and she just had to see that the "nice guy" really knew what was best all along. This is in line with how these toxic incel logic guys think. Women's priorities and choices in relationships are wrong. Men's are right, and justified. Men know what is "best for" women so they should choose who she ends up with, not her.
I dont agree with what Shera says, But she is Hella funny gotta agree on that🤣🤣🤣
"U said man today wanna get chased? Call the police on them..."
This was on my mind for sooooo long, and I was always so bothered by how many people rn live for this "feminine energy" bs. Thank u so much for this video I feel free lol
The trad wife thing is misleading and fake like poser conservative family. But the sprinkle sprinkle lady is the truth. She makes it clear that this is what you do to get a certain type of lifestyle, and it is not easy, it is hard work. There are also trade offs to it, which she makes clear, and argues that for her being financially stable without having to work trumped all the downsides. And honestly most women do not have what it takes to join that world, that isn’t particularly shady it’s just the truth. You have to be super focused on “securing the bag” but not in the city girls I do this to get Chanel bags kind of way, but in an establishing yourself and your future children (if desired) for life kind of way.
But isn't that what women had to do in colonial America? Like, I'm pretty sure marrying rich to secure financial security was a plot in little women. Still regressive
Sofia Richie is a rich girl with or without her husband.
A guy that matches my lifestyle is one that has a lot of money tho. I make a lot of money and I spend a lot of money on myself and social service projects. They make me happy. I just don't want to be with a guy who is worried about money and scrutinizing everything I spend money on and limiting me. Ideally I would love a guy who is rich enough to fund my social service projects but if I never find a guy like that I'd rather be single so I can fund them on my own without someone telling me it's wasteful.
I hope you find one 🤞🏻
I agree with your idea of using the first date to spot red flags and be open to try again for a 2nd date. Worked for me too.
I had to literally get out a pen and paper and take notes. This is such valuable info
You are wearing the freaking prettiest top I've ever seen in my life.
This guy talking about Nara Smith is so off. People always come after her for being a trad wife, but with what proof? She does live a typical trad wife lifestyle, but does that mean every pretty housewife/stay at home mom is a tradcon? And who cares if she doesn't show herself cleaning or doing laundry? She wants to make videos that show what she loves to do, which is cook and wear nice clothes. She absolutely doesn't owe it to us to show herself doing the dirty work if she doesn't want to.
Our need to constantly politicize and have a sort of compulsion to insert meaning into everything to a point where we can't enjoy something is stopping us from enjoying things that are just meant to be entertaining. Kind of reminds me of the people who said Saltburn is a terrible eat the rich movie. That's not what it was anyways. Just get out of your own head for a bit.
same also i think nara isn’t a good example. she doesn’t necessarily promote being a “trad wife” she just posts herself making her little recipes. there are other trad wife influencers who literally call themselves that & make it their whole personality lol
Well, any tradwife influencer who makes money from posting content, is by definition, not a traditional wife. That's what makes them con artists. Also, if you are able to live the type of life depicted in these videos, you are very wealthy and your lifestyle is NOT accessible to 99% percent of people.
@@360shadowmoon Agreed!
It's funny. My Dad had a friend (so older dude obviously) who tried the whole marry a 20 something and you can mold her to be your perfect wife. Yeah that didn't last long, she got bored of his tired demanding ass and he was honestly exhausted. Almost like most age gaps don't work for the same reason everyone says: they're in different lifstages.
21:29 Interesting how misogynists whine about women not wanting anything serious with them (as if they’re entitled to women’s attention). Like, why would we though??
they'd rather listen to these coaches than the ppl they are dating ☠☠
Girl, that shade of lipstick on you✨️ just perfect
This is a great video (still watching). Thank you for speaking the truth and for being pragmatic. People need to hear and understand what you are saying. Also, thank you for giving credit to all the creators you mention.
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Shera's advice is specifically tailored towards gold digging, not relationship advice and she has said this a great many times.
Right. She has always said "I'm a gold digger channel, if that's not you then go on" lol
Hey don’t know if you’ll see this but I was brainwashed at one point to be against feminism but you show a perfect example of how feminism really should be and are super reasonable about all of the things you talk about in a way that I agree with a lot of what you say. It gives a very positive impression of feminism how it is supposed to be. Not devaluing men and hating on them. I’m surprised you don’t have more subscribers but you’ll probably be blowing up soon
Excellent vidéo, I love how you are explaining everything in detail and don't sugarcoat everything ✨ bise from France
Shera didn't just pop up. She's an og youtuber that's been posting consistently for over a decade. She has two channels
I....I thought people were joking....people are actually taking this shit seriously????
Just like lawyers don't give legal advice over the internet, "dating coaches" shouldn't give dating advice over the internet.
For me settling was an atheist, cheater, mean, unemployed, bad with money, smoker, addict, ex-con, still lives with parents, no car, hates animals, and doesnt talk out disagreements peacefully❤
It’s great. I am married and allowed to keep my own income as I choose and have a career as I decided to get an education and be financially independent yet my husband chooses to be financially responsible for us as a family. However, now if I want to contribute I can yet I am not obliged to. However, if anything were to happen, god forbid, I can hold our own and support our family and that’s important as opposed to back in the day when women and their children had to move back home with their parents or a family member
Realistically speaking, there is no man who can 50-50 in finances and in housework. You will get 100% of the housework and 50% of the finances. Sprinkle sprinkle is actually the best option, getting a man with a bag to support the lady while lady has her own bag. If that standard is too much, then it's better to be single forever. Romance is temporary and wears off after a few months.
Then make that a reality and stop settling for useless men who are not going to benefit you in your marriage, stop settling, if he's not going to do 50 percent of the household , divorce him, what the heck is beneficial about a useless man? that's not even a husband ,that's a child who works
😂😂😂😂😂
I was just thinking this last night. I was a traumatized, abused 20 year old seeking to not be abused again. I never practiced the exploitation of men but I definitely became more misanthropic.
....I was abused for 3 years. And I hated men..but still wanted a relationship from a good man
Yea me too.
The grift is real. There's so much money to be made on keeping people single.
No wife, no strife.
Yes girl, you do need to get into the "fresh and fit scandal" and explain who that sprinkle girl is. I love your videos but I'm not on Tiktok and have no idea who these people are and what they're doing. I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only viewer this applies to.
Dating coach is one of the biggest bs they be inventing new trendy stuff.
Sheera is not a "relantionship advisor" she is an financial advisor. And she says the truth, she knows men mind and how they act.
She is not for delicate hearts. If you as a women put yourself in yhe most vulnerable position (like pregnancy for example) you will need the father who must be able to provide money and stability.
I only take advice from married people like sheera, she knows the game
the sprinkle sprinkle movement only works if you hate your man.
And that you find a simp/sucker gullible enough to fall for the grift
So unrelated but girl your lipstick 👀! What's the shade?
The lipstick is Prada P55 Fuxia, and I've outlined it using Mac's Ruby Woo lip pencil
I loved hearing about your date. I knew my husband for a while like a few months before he asked me out. Our first date was nice but the spark disappeared and it was a very blah date. I think we were so nervous but my husband was all green flags so we did it again and now we’ve been together for over 10 years. I can’t imagine my life without him!
Love it ❤
Shera is mostly right ngl
My husband gave me a chance and I gave him. Honestly we both wanted just sex and something serious. At third date he asked does I know his name because we talked about potential children names. I told him that his name is stupid. Honestly admitted that do not remember his name.
Well, married for 3 years and together 4 years. Two kids.
As for my "perfect" partner, we have the same thoughts. I prefer smart men. Smart husband can become rich, but already rich tend to be quite not nice. In my youth rich, older guys gave they're attention to me. It was, honestly, worst experience.
I rather work then depend on a man for a soft life next thing you know he thinks he can put his hands on you because he knows he’s got you we should be teaching women to value their education and get a degree I have a good job and I get interest from other jobs too all I can say to these women that want to depend on a man is good luck ladies good luck
Girl where did you get that blouse??
I'm not sure what's going on.
Dating is dead. “Dating coaches” signed the death warrant
Good thing I’m done with guys I don’t care what anyone says I’m happy single I also don’t want marriage or kids either I don’t see any benefit
I find the concepts of masculine energy and feminine energy useful. I grew up in a society where women are more dominant and hold more power in the household in general (Portugal) and I didn't understand how different our biology really makes us. It's something I had to learn by a lot of failed experiences. We need to understand biology. Of course, each human individual is unique.
There are men who have more feminine energy and women who have more masculine energy and they are often attracted to each other because we seek a partner that complements our traits. It's all fine as long as people are happy with the potential partners they are attracting.
But women who are more in their masculine side when it's a survival mechanism and not who they really feel comfortable being end up attracting men who are more feminine in their nature and not able to fulfil the woman's needs. That's where learning to lean into our femininity is important.
I have been practicing this and it has made me a happier woman because I am more in touch with who I really am. Of course being feminine is also not about superficial things like what we wear or how we do our nails, it's about how we behave and move in the world.
Thanks so much for sharing ❤.
Hey, I love listening to you. You are like a big desi sister offering such sound advice which is so helpful.
What are your thoughts about being attracted to your partner physically?
I met someone through arranged set up. He was kind, so into me, financially sorted and everything but I did not find him attractive in a husband way. I tried to go on like 4-5 more dates and each time it was better than before but in back of my mind I was like I am not attracted to him or He doesn't seem that confident or Oh it would be perfect if he works out more. I was so horrified by my thoughts and broke off things with him. Now i am wondering was it too soon like we met 5-6 times in one month our phonecalls were great but i was having all these thoughts.
Shera isn’t a dating coach…I feel like if you haven’t listened to 70% of her content then will have you sounding misinformed. She is a very seasoned creator…I’ve been listening to her since 2018 and the things she says are the same things fathers, brothers, and the older men at your job will tell you.
This is how actually how first dates are like Yusra mentioned. My current boyfriend, yeah now I think I can call him a boyfriend, we didn't have any sparks when we met on the first day. And this went on like this for several dates/meets for like three months. Until one day we went for a movie and it was a Sunday. I had a horrible period pain but we already purchased the movie ticket in advance so we met. And it was not a romantic movie. But that day I felt like there is more about him that I love and it is no longer just liking him as a person. So, yes. Love at first sight doesn't exist. It never happens.
Just because it didn't happen with you doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
This whole business of finding mr perfect man and perfect woman is crap . Different men likes Different woman and Different woman likes Different men but these bogus date coahes advice young people some absolute shitt.
Love this, new sub❤
See, I would rather date/marry a teacher thena doctor. They have to learn how to budget.
So amazing content
Speaking of red flags i was just looking through your playlist aaaaaamnnnnnddd..... You haven't talked about "man vs bear" debate thats been scandalising the platforms. Will we get to see your perspective on that?
I'm so embarrassed for the blkmn that always seem to be on the forefront of the controversial movements. Blkmoms ya"ll have to do better
I feel blessed as my algorithm is - cooking, animals and memes lmao. Never I come across all this trash.
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