you are 100% RIGHT about everything! Nuns are some of the happiest women ever. I have met many--they never have sex, get married or have children. NONE of them have expressed regrets to me. They are happier than the married women I know.
I love my single life,when I was in my teens and 20s wifey role never made sense to me till today I wanted to be a nun coz was only way that wld made me stay away from men bt I saw religion as a fallacy. Have been single and celibate for l6yrs. To be honest I really regret this I wish I could have join a convent and be a nun.being single, childfree in third country is like being in a hot soup one faces alot of pressure, discriminations insecurities and hatred.
I wouldn’t really consider nuns as a concrete example here. No they don’t marry or have children, but I’m sure a lot (if not most) of childfree people aren’t religious like they are at all.
I’m childfree, but I’m not religious. Most childfree people are well-educated, and educated people are less likely to be religious, so you’ve got a point there. But nuns are obviously childfree, or they wouldn’t be nuns.
It is a fact that childfree people give more to charity. And when we do that, we're not expecting anything back but when a parent spends money on their children, they're expecting their kids to take care of them in their old age, or be their best friend, or save their marriage, or blindly give them love and adoration for life, etc. So you tell me who's more selfish.
your actually a genetic Deadend and really Contribute only "Economic material" to society u do not Add to its existence or furtherance of it. Society exist not because of people like u but except for people like u in the end u add nothing but take your existence most likely will be almost meaningless
Counter, you’re expecting that your donation does something to change people’s lives. You are expecting/hoping for something. With the parents, they are hoping that they did a good job to be beloved because they don’t want to fail their children. Not everything is selfish, cope
For me it was never a choice to be made, I never wanted. I was 6, I didn't know how babies were made. My innocent mind thought that as soon as a girl turns into a woman and she gets a boyfriend/husband a pregnancy would randomly happen. So I went to my mum crying and saying "I don't want to have kids". Funny story but that's how early I knew.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I knew that I didn’t want children when I was six and watched my mother change my nephew‘s diaper. I said to myself, „I’m never getting married.“ I assumed marriage and children were a package deal. When I was a little older ( ten or eleven), I found out that there were birth control pills that women could take to keep from getting pregnant. After that, I was a little more open to the idea of marriage, but I still didn’t want children ( there were already a few childfree couples at that time. They were pretty rare, but they did exist.) I’m in my sixties now, still single and childfree. I have many regrets in life, but being childfree is not one of them. My creative work fulfills me more than marriage and children ever could. 😊
As a kid I was mentally preparing for the future whereI would a 2.5 kids alcoholic to cope with the kids existing. I did not have the concept that having no kids was an option
Here's something folks with kids rarely consider: You may become ESTRANGED from your children, OR they can DIE before you. I have known both cases happen to people I know. So lay off child free people!
I don’t think she’s trying to convert other people to childfreeness ( if I may be permitted to coin a word.) Childfree people don’t behave like that. We’re just tired of being harassed on account of our lifestyle choices. We would like childfreeness to be considered a valid choice.
@@valerietaylor9615Thank you! Absolutely! We don't go around with the intention of converting others to be 'child free' if they'd rather have children. That's what folks with kids WITH REGRET do. They have this need to CONTROL everything and everybody. Most childfree people are LIVE AND LET LIVE.
@Ravenelvenlady Exactly. I don't care if people choose to have as many kids as they want. I would never try to dissuade them. I choose not to live the traditional life, and that is also OK. But people have a problem with it. I don't care as long as they keep their thoughts to themselves.
The common denominator of all of the hateful comments is that harassment of women continues to be socially acceptable. It’s especially bad now that women are saying they don’t need a man. I’m 46 and childfree and wouldn’t have my life any other way! When you see all of the hateful comments online, just remember that someone’s “selfless” parents brought these stellar individuals into existence.
44 and child free… Friends and even family tormented me throughout my 20s 🙄, 30s, and even early 40s about getting knocked up. It’s so hard not to tell people that maybe THEY didn’t make the best choices by bringing their kids into this world which is currently entering self-implosion stage (mostly unplanned, mind you) when they accuse YOU of being selfish. My sister wanted more kids to play with her kids that she had very young…mom talking about how old she is…it did start to piss me off, and I told them all to “suck it” and have their own effing babies…I had a hysterectomy this past Christmas and can’t even see the scar 🧞♀️Back to planning trips and shooting music videos….I’d have it no other way! I can do a million cool things with my mom and husband ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK! The love I share with my people and through my art is all the meaning I need in this life. People loving me has meant so much to me…I believe paying it forward can be the entire point…and I am satisfied with that👍🏾
I find it very mature of you to make the choice of not becoming an angry mom, I know what it means to have an angry parent growing up and it's horrible.
Male: Gen Y. Bn. 1984: Single, unmarried and childless. And I'm really embracing it. Reasons. 1. The planet sucks ass. 2. Product of divorce. My family history on both sides is somewhat of a car crash. 3. Seen alot of failed marriages / relationships. 4. Seen alot of deaths ( Parents burying their children ). 5. I don't want a 24/7 responsiblity on my shoulders. 6. Fear of being a shit dad / shit husband / shit family man. 7. Fear my kids will turn out shit. 8. Fear of divorce. 9. I don't trust anyone. 10. I live and fight for myself ( MERC LIFE )
I'm a 52 year old male (never married/child-free by choice) and currently single. I only have a few family members around and I'm a bit of a loner, so deliberately choose a limited number of close friends. I can assure you that life can be meaningful, enjoyable, interesting, fun and an adventure when you are travelling light. It's more simple and creates space, time, freedom and opportunities. You'll be fine.
30 year old male going through the pressures from everyone partner family on when I'm having kids when I know 100% no doubt that its not for me alot of people just don't want to understand the decision 😞
Incredibly dishonest and borderline dangerous to assume that this philosophy is "fine" for everyone or even the majority of people and promote it that way. I know for a fact that this sounds miserable af to me and I wouldn't be "fine" in the end. I have no doubts that it worked out for you and it's great, but back to my first statement ->
I find it highly disrespectful to call someone selfish because they choose not to have children. I have several reasons as to not wanting children but one of the biggest reasons for me is I'm battling a chronic illness that has no cure. I'm basically physically disabled. So mentally and physically its challenging just to take care of just myself. So I refuse to have children so I can persevere my mental health, and focus on my physical health and just trying to live a life that is best and most comfortable for myself. I want peace in my life. There is nothing wrong with me putting me and my health first. So people who call us childfree people by choice selfish can go kick rocks. 😂😂
I cannot believe how people (childless and parents) can be so cruel to childfree people (especially women) like you (and me too, as a guy). Telling you that "you have no meaning", that "you'll never know true love", that "you'll die at 50", that "you'll eventually kill yourself". It is just astounding how people like them have no boundaries. This is a subject that is NEVER talked about enough. And then if you were to confront parents, then they would literally come at you with an iron fist. It is about time that society recognizes childfree people as a protected class. We NEED to be recognized and normalized by the mainstream. This psychological torture, oppression, dismissal, bigotry and hatred that we face should not have a right to exist any longer. Screw all these haters. They are just not decent people. Thank you very much for addressing all of this, because this is a true issue that we need to only address more!
Those are all horrible things to say to anybody, I want kids but that’s my choice, I can’t imagine how cruel people can be to people just wanting to live their lives
@@kni9ght same for me, it's just rude and cruel. All people are valuable and deserve baseline respect (until proven otherwise ofc) doesn't matter if they have kids or not
Do what is best for you, forget these crazy people trying to judge your choice. This world is really messed up anyway. Our kids will have it rough compared to our childhoods.
Most parents want us to be miserable like them. 😂 If anyone asks you any question regarding your chidfree choice, just say "do I owe you an explanation, sir/ma'am?" 😂
The irony of the "It's selfish to not want to have children" narrative is so amazing to me. Its very obviously more selfish to have a child when there are plenty of children who need to be adopted. Why would someone create a new one when there are existing children out there who need a family?
Adopting can also help slow overcrowding of the planet, too. But I agree on the grounds of there already being so many in need of adoption. How can people bypass kids in need, kids who simply want a family of their own just to have biological kids!? And why not have 1 bio kid & adopt the other? (since average North American family only has 2 kids)
Hey, I'm new to your channel and am drawn to childfree content, so your title was a 'must click'. I'm 53, married for 35 years (so I'm old enough to be your mother, lol), childfree by choice, and I've heard all that commentary. For the record I am selfish in a lot of ways, and that's okay. Law abiding tax paying autistic member of society, and my brain does not work the way that many other brains work, actually I am incredibly fragile when it comes to interpersonal 'ships, and it's incredibly hard for me to live in society. In order to keep existing (because so much freaks me out) I have to be selfish with my time and self care because the despair is always there whispering black thoughts in my ear. Ok, meaningless existence... let me say that again... and that's okay. What does that even mean? I don't have a purpose (other than putting my own feet in front of the other to keep on keeping on) but I do productive stuff to keep the lights on, the roof over, the food on the table. Other than that I tend to my garden of obsessions that don't hurt anyone. My best relationship is with my husband who also is CFBC and grateful we never went down that path. And guess what, by us being selfish we have had a great life together doing things we really enjoy, going places, doing self care, starting a business to build and sell off, starting another business (we currently own a winery in Montana, yes, there). Sorry for the ramble, it's just my autistic way of describing how things other than totally going along with society is okay.
Damn ppl are so damn entitled to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing…. Omg theee audacity. Being a parent is hard asf don’t let anyone tell you differently. Your childhood as a parent, your career/finances, functioning depressive highs and lows, environment and so much more goes into being a parent. It’s a very damn selfless act and not to take lightly. So if anyone says it’s not for them, damn it, it’s not 🎉😂.
The fact that people leave these kind of comments really speaks to their immaturity and unhappiness in life. I'm also child free. People who make the choice to be child free REALLY had to think about the implications of bringing a human into this world. People who are parents or who want kids often are so flippant about a really serious choice. Then they give you a hard time for making (arguably) the most selfLESS choice ever. Great video, I'm sorry people were being assholes and projecting their own misery onto you. Also: I am Aromantic. I do not feel romantic feelings and I'm honestly repulsed by the idea. So yes, I TOTALLY agree that we should not put so much pressure and emphasis on romantic relationships. The only people more hated than child free women are SINGLE child free women who are intentional about it and are happy about it.❤
A lot of people who got to experienced raising children been that with younger siblings or working with children form a really informed decision when they decide for no children. My younger brother is also 14 years younger than me and for years i worked babysitting, day care and even been a nanny. So when i decided for no children i knew exactly what i was not signing up for. Made the decision at 29 and now at 40 i have still to change my mind. We all ponder on what ifs, but at least i have not put a little innocent being in this world to then pondee on what if.
I was the youngest in my family, so I never had to take care of younger siblings. However, just watching my mother change my nephew‘s diaper ( I was an aunt at the age of six) was enough to put me off ever having children. 🤢🤮
I'm a guy in my late fifties, never married, not been in a relationship for decades, and never had children, when I was young I always said that I would never get married, that I would never be a parent, I have never been successful in relationships hence my remaining single, I was the common denominator so I figured it best to quit, I didn't have a good upbringing, my family is dysfunctional, we aren't close, again, why would I contribute to bringing another innocent life into this world, as I'm getting older I'm watching the world get more screwed up, the divide between the haves and have nots getting much bigger, the thought of having a child who will have to work all of their life, be unappreciated, shafted, treated like dirt by someone who believes that they are better, a superior being, no, I've watched the world falling apart, I couldn't bring someone into this world and think I have made an achievement. Then, having come from a truly screwed up background, I don't think I would make a good parent, if I could have held down a relationship, if my partner and myself didn't get along, how is that going to reflect on the next generation? For me personally, I have too many reasons for not wanting to be a parent, I have lived this way for many years, it's the life I am used to, I am too old now, even fifty years ago, I knew this is how my life would plan out, I've not ruined anyone's life and knowing that I wouldn't be responsible enough to be a parent, I haven't brought an innocent life into this world
There’s only pure audacity when someone says not having kids is selfish. Not having kids is actually more selfless than having them because imagine having kids knowing full well you won’t give a sh:t about them. Not caring about (not you specifically)your offspring will make it more likely for them to die under your care. That would be selfish. Matter of fact, having kids is more likely to be selfish because the reasons some have kids tend to be shallow and it’s not like the child asked to be born.
Realizing, after nearly a full decade of adult life, that conception and motherhood are ultimately a choice (that I *did not* have to agree to) was one of the most freeing moments of self actualization I've experienced to date.
Being child free is such a blessing, words can't express how much fun it is to be child free. It's so expensive to have children so help others whenever you can in the fear of God
I think the issue is people need to back the fuck off and let people make their own decisions and not shame them for making this decisions… they also shouldn’t be celebrated for making their own decisions… if you want to be a boss babe, and never have kids good on you if you wanna be a wife and have kids also good on you, neither one of these choices should be shamed or celebrated … that’s where we’re coming into problems. When we are shaming people for choices that they make.. mainly women.. there’s a whole lot of misogyny internalized or otherwise, with people trying to dictate or shame or judge women for the choices they want to make. That’s where I have a problem with things.
I’m 66. I decided at the age of 12 that I didn’t want kids. Contrary to what all the adults in my life told me, I knew my own mind enough to realize I would never be a good parent, nor do I want the responsibility because being a parent is forever. I actively took responsibility for never becoming pregnant. I was on birth control pills for 38 years. I’ve been married 37 years of my adult life. I would never have gone out with a man who wanted children. That is always the first question to ask, do you want kids? For me if he wavered even a little bit, he was off of the list for me for dating. I felt that strongly about it, and I still do to this day. I have never once, not even one little itty, bitty, teeny tiny little bit ever regretted this decision to not have children. Make your choices wisely and live up to the responsibility that comes along with that choice, and you can live happily forever. You owe nobody an explanation. Back-handed remarks and little digs will come your way as sure as night turns in to day, but you can choose to let it just roll right off your back.
I am a happy person. I was happy single. I was happy as a girlfriend, as a fiancee, as a wife and now as a mom. I would have been happy childfree, maybe happier because marriage and motherhood are a lot of work. I chose happiness and it's just not dependent on things like marriage and motherhood 😊
Even if you have one child, it's not enough. People will say you're selfish for focusing your efforts and resources on just one and not giving them a sibling. Doesn't matter if you had a rough pregnancy, have health problems, disabilities--people really can't keep their mouth shut about other people's reproduction or family planning. I do have a kid and it's been the best thing. I adore her more than life itself. I love teaching and watching kids grow and learn, and I think kids are hilarious and wonderful. How've, once you have a kid you can't prioritize yourself the same way-- your interests and needs and desires take a backseat to their wellbeing and opportunities. It's not fair or reasonable to expect everyone to do that. So you have your kid, sacrifice your goals and dreams to prioritize them and give them opportunities, and then when they grow up everyone demands that they do the same thing and have their own child...It seriously doesn't make sense. I love having my child and I wouldn't change my situation for the world, but I'd never encourage anyone else to do it if it isn't 100% something they know they would love and find fulfilling. Also, when it comes to the self-oriented benefits of having a kid: unconditional love, bonding and connection and the joy of caring for someone can be found with a pet too. My cats are a very fulfilling source of meaning in my life. Feeding the local flocks of birds in my backyard gives me a similar sense of joy, too.
Good for you, I want kids but I would never judge somebody for not having them, I respect anybody’s decision on this and hope you along with your son live a great life
I kind of think it's funny (in the odd sense), how the grief you receive from others for being cf changes as you get older. Most people abandon the "you'll change you mind" rhetoric past your 20s. However, once I got to my 30s, I noticed that it was primarily men who were really gung-ho about women having kids because "it's what you supposed to do" mentality. Only a few women give me grief typically because they can't imagine someone who isn't a serial killer or other major offender (why is the bar so low?) not wanting kids. With the men I want to ask "have you actually taken the time to talk to several women in various walks of life to see what they said on the subject"? If their answer is yes, why does it matter to them so much, if no, why are they speaking on behalf of most, if not all women? With women, I just don't see why the few who do push this idea have such a hard time raising the bar as to who could be a solid parent and saying maybe some people just know internally that it's not for them.
I knew from a very young age that I didn’t want children. I like quiet time and get overwhelmed with a lot of commotion. My parents and friends never made a big deal about my, and my husband’s decision!
this is very helpful, this is one and only post I have found that is not just raving about child-free life and how it is better than having kids or bashing women for wanting childfree life. This was a genuinely useful post.
Witnessing my parents raise my brother and I caused me to grow up thinking that I would never want to get married and have kids because it looked awful. They were constantly stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, unhappy, angry and argued all the time. Also despite them both working 50+ hours a week, they struggled financially. I felt like a burden and believed their lives would have been so much better without my brother and I to care for. I am now in my 40's and happily child-free. Ironically, i have been with my partner for 22 years and we are happy being a DINK: Dual Income, No Kids!
The only time I don't feel emboldened in my decision not to have kids is when I spend time with my family. I am the only one of my cousins without a child, which was because I'm the youngest by far, but I'm reaching an age where they're starting to ask questions. Then I realized that in my family, I don't have a model for what a woman's life without kids even looks like. Even though I'm 28, it still feels like they see me as a kid until I have my own. And part of me does wish I lived near them so I could be more of a part of their kids lives, but I don't know if I would want to deal with their parents' shade. Anyway, it's always good to come back to the city with my bf (who agrees on no kids), and our other child-free-by-choice friends, who see me as the competent adult I am.
There is also other options even besides adopting. You spoke on it some with your sisters kids. It's called kinship care, fictive kinship care is unrelated person assisting a family/lies stay united by offering help.
You actually are very much traditional and conservative person in a good sense. You care about your extended family. Many nations have an old custom of having one child of several which would not separate but instead would be a homebody caring about parents and other relatives. Also, usually this child inherits the most of their posessions, as he/she sacrificed his/her own possibility of starting his/her own family to serving his or her first family. I'm a much more selfish youngster, having cut off my mom and never wanting to speak to her. But even I sometimes feel that societal guilt "you need to find love to start a family and kids"... No, I don't want. I only started to live my life several years ago moving out. I still have a whole world to experience.
I need more than my hands and feet to count the number of times someone has told my husband and I we need to divorce to go find the right woman for each of us to have kids, because only kids make life meaningful and make us into strong real men to carry on our legacies.
I’m afraid to ask, but this is my first video here, what happened prior to this video that made the internet (even more!!) scary? Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Thank you for making this. It's extremely well thought out and well spoken. ❤ I love seeing people have hard conversations in such an emotionally intelligent way.
I appreciate this so much. I try to articulate how I feel without disparaging the opposite side. There is no right answer to how anyone lives their life but sometimes the opinions of others can feel heavy. I am glad you enjoyed the video!
I'm 30 and my sister who just had a kid tries to convince me every day to have one 😂Says she never felt love as strong as she did until now. I think it's easier to love a kid when they are in rhe baby stage. My mom stopped liking me when I became an adolescent. She still cared for me, but I felt the change in treatment.
Hearing you speak about not having the qualities needed to be the parent you want to be is exactly why I do not want kids. Physical touch and constant noise would totally DRAIN me and I would not be able to control my temprament around my kids no matter how much I would love them. The ”selfish” argument is so stupid and so wrong.
I think the argument about a lack of 100% assurance about having children is not correct to some degree because at the moment of birth the mind of the mother changes dramatically (and father’s as well) and it’s just impossible for a person to predict what kind of parent they would be
🤔 it's because they can't go back, they have to find ways to cope for it or make it right. There are people do that and there are also doesn't that's why divorce happens when children are involved in the relationship, also abortion happens when they can't find a reason to keep it and when they decided to keep it to term there's neglected child or abused. 🕊️♥️🍀
I gave my five children the gift of life. I want them to live it in a way that makes them happy. Even if that means they don’t want kids of their own. I told them that I still want to be a grandmother, even if they just bring home a lizard. Now I am the proud grandmother to every random lizard around my house. Like 18 of them are named Gary. I can’t lie the Gary’s are so cute and live outside so I don’t have to change any diapers. So sincerely from this mom to you, baby go live your damn life and don’t listen to anybody who tries to control your choices.
I am always shocked when people tell me i am selfish when i tell them i don't have/want kids...Like having kids is not selfish?😂 When people are very nasty about me being childfree i am just thinking they are probably jealous. I mean i can do things what i want to do whenever i want to do it. I get to have a lot of savings...I feel if i do what some people do/say to me about not having kids and i would do that to people who do have kids then oh lord..the world is 2 small and i am the most awful person...Pff i am so done with people saying stupid things about me not having kids....people, have your young and i will not..not a big deal..so shh🤫
Yep. The ones who get the angriest didn't want to have kids either. Yet they didn't have the balls to say no to their church, society, or their spouse and now they're stuck. They're mad at you and me because we escaped the noose. 😂😂
People need to give more consideration to the lifelong impacts of childhood experiences. If you f up as a parent it will affect that human for the rest of their life... Let that sink in! The decision to have children or not needs to be a conscious decision not a plan b because you had a whoops, I guess we'll find out if I'm going to be a good parent because now I'm staring down the barrel of parenthood. For or against, THINK about the human being you are going to bring into this world and the quality of life they will have because of your parenting (or lack thereof)
My mom dumped a lot of responsibility on me when I was a child, at age 11 I had 2 brothers I had to “look at after”. I had to be her shoulder to lean on when she was having problems with her now ex-husband. Now, at the age of 40 I’m so happy I’m childfree, I refuse to place such burdens on a child. She called me selfish for not wanting children and the kicker is she has no grandchildren at all. My brothers don’t have kids either. The three of us saw the struggle for what it was, a struggle. Life is hard, why make it harder?
I'm 100 percent sure the people who say such things aren't trying to convince us childfree people but themselves trying to justify the life choices they've made.
I think its natural that creating equal opportunities for women means that more women will have the freedom to use their judgement and choose their own life, so hopefully this actually creates more intentional parents and more intentional grownups. I think everyone just wants company, whichever choice you make. Company and validation, because once a choice is made, you may as well live feeling validated, because you have to continue on with your life productively. For some reason people take other peoples choices as a form of invalidation on themselves, possibly because an opinion on the internet is seen as an advertisement for said choice. I think where people get real triggery and snappy is in the fear that we're all sort of brainwashing each other in these echo chambers of opinions which only re-inforce an opinion instead of present things in a balanced view, and so people get really personal with "on the fence" people because they want to make them come to their side. Youre clearly making content that would make yourself feel at peace and productive, youre not telling people they shouldnt have kids. People are misplacing their energy.
I can’t respect the stance of people arguing that childfree people should have kids for x,y,z reasons. If you truly think more people should be having children, fight for better wages, affordable daycare, flexible work schedules for parents, adequate maternity/paternity leave, safe schools, accessible healthcare, etc. Stop wasting everyone’s time hassling the childfree community. You’ll never find me in parenting groups or commenting on parenting content. These channels are not for you, as that content is not for me and it’s ok.
I have regretted not having gotten married when i was young or having children. But I suppose it is ok. I still regret it but also understand that the world is pain and I would prefer to leave as quickly as possible
If the right person had come along when they was young. Or if they had got with a partner who really wanted kids when they was younger. Some people might not have thought about it as well
Ok. The best thing you can say is "not everyone are meant to be parents. There are tons of parents that have kids that are unwanted. Why would you want someone who doesn't want kids to have kids?" If you don't want kids... don't have them. Easy.
Well, it is not a strategy that will be passed down to coming generations. So there is a limit to how far it can ever extend. More to the point, it is not wrong for a man to go through life free from intimacy, but most men would not understand this as liberating but rather constricting. Likewise if a young lady desires no offspring nor the associated satisfactions.
having children is, to me, the domain of the religious. That’s not to say non-religious can’t have kids; of course they can. I just mean it’s part of religious instruction. If you’re not religious, it follows that you would not have children, or perhaps I should paraphrase: it would make sense that religious people have more children than the non-religious. This ultimately means that our future is more conservative than it is liberal
4:17 I don’t think it’s inherently selfish to not want to have children. But many of the reasons people don’t want to have children are because they want to be selfish. They want to live for themselves only. They can’t imagine putting somebody else (like their child) above themselves…. Which good on you if you know that, and choose not to have children because exactly if that’s the way you think, you definitely should not be having children.
I don't think it's inherently selfish to want kids, but most of the reasons people give for wanting kids are selfish: I don't want to die alone. I want someone to take care of me when I get old. I want someone to love me unconditionally. I want a legacy. I don't want my family name to die with me. The truth is that most of the decisions we make in life are selfish. I'm getting tired of parents being painted as virtuous and selfless. They are just as selfish as childfree people, except that an innocent child is being brought into the world. If childfree people are selfish by not having kids, it affects no one but them. If some of us have regrets later in life, so does everyone else about different life decisions. That will be our problem.
We don't need any conversation about this. Having children is a personal decision. Getting married is personal decision. It not your business what someone else decides to do with their life. And honestly, It seems to be more of TikTok/RUclips thing. Both of my children are child free and not one person has ever harassed them about it in the real world. Their lives, their choice.
I enjoyed your video on this topic more so than probably any other one I have seen. You made a lot of good points. I believe the people opposing the "child free" movement have not fleshed out their positions well enough to argue their side. I believe everyone has the free will to make the choice not to have children. However, I don't believe it should be a lifestyle that is encouraged or promoted. Likewise, people shouldn't be demonized for their decision not to have children. Children should be seen as a positive addition to our lives, not a burden that is more trouble than it's worth. The latter is what I have a problem with. Many "child free" promoters speak about children with disgust and disdain, and use that as part of their reasoning for not wanting children. I believe that kind of messaging is detrimental to society, and could easily push someone who is unsure about having children towards the belief that they shouldn't just because it is challenging to be a parent. The point I would disagree with you on the most would be the statement that someone needs be 100% sure they want to have children before they actually have them. I don't believe this is possible or even necessary. There are very few things in life that we are ever 100% sure of. Many times we have opposing views on things, and simply must choose which one we want to adhere to. Choosing to have children will almost certainly come with insecurity, doubt, confusion, frustration, and yes even regret at times. But as with most things in this life, we must choose to either embrace those thoughts and emotions, or choose to reject them. As we all know, it's not an easy task to reject thoughts and feelings that come up naturally, but it also doesn't mean we should just give into them simply because it is difficult to oppose them. Facing difficult things in our lives is what grows our character, and I believe that growth is something we all want deep down.
I love kids, but I know I wouldn't be the kind of mum I would want to be. I suppose being 100% sure wasn't the best way to phrase it, but it is such a monumental undertaking I would want to feel way more sure than I do if I was going to. I agree about facing difficult things, it is absolutely where we find the most growth.
I don’t like kids. I don’t want to harm them, I just don’t like being around them. That’s the main reason I’m childfree. And I’ve never been a fence-sitter. I’ve always been one hundred percent sure I didn’t want children.
Good question. If you've already paid for your funeral and end of life expenses (as everyone should, childfree or not), you can entrust a family member or friend or some other loved ones to make sure your body is where it needs to be. I used to work as a pre-planning specialist for a cemetery. It's such a smooth transition regardless if you have children to handle the situation or not. I also advocate for wills and life insurance. Have your money and belongings go where you see fit, rather than loved ones deal with your belongings on top of grieving or worse like being preyed upon by funeral specialists who will upsell you in your time of grieving or your assets being seized by the state. This preparation also is handy if you have minor children and you suddenly die. Your little toddlers can't bury you now can they? This world is crazy, always be prepared. It sounds morbid but whether you have children or not, paying in advance and planning ahead is the best thing you can do for the ones you leave behind regardless of who they are.
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve 1 Corinthians 15:3-5 love yourself ❤❤❤❤😊😊
You did not change the conversation. Of course you have the right to decide for yourself. What I think is that you young people need to re-evaluate marriage and family. I believe this concept is lost. To that I would ask: do you have a responsibility to your nation? In the near future we have the effects of climate change war, famine, economic and political collapse. In less than 100 years the world population will be reduced to 3 billion. I will die in less than 30 years, you will die in less than 60 years. Since you don't have a child, that will be the end. So what will come next? A new civilization created by those who survive what is coming. I hope it will be a matriarchical society. I hope men will know what circumcision is. I hope there will be no tolerance for religion, but replaced by a true understanding of GOD. The change is inevitable. I will die soon, but you can still change the conversation. Chief, US Navy, retired.
I have a genuine question as someone who listened objectively but who wants kids. Are all of your friends and family also child free? If u want friends to have as much time for you as an immediate family member, wouldnt that mean they also do not live with immediate family and have other priorities? The reason ppl advocate for women in particular to have kids is because, despite medical advancements and career options, kids will always be younger than you and able to do some of the running around and bidding for you that you may struggle to do with age. What will happen when all of your friends are equally as negatively affected by age? Who will do your running around and bidding?
I understand what you are saying but should I really create an entire human who will possibly take care of me later in life, or would I not be better off financially planning to be either in a retirement community or have in home care as I age? A child is and always will be an independent human, and I can't and shouldn't rely on them to be the person who takes care of me. And to me that should not be the reason to have one.
@@simplyintentionalkatie it's not the only reason to have a kid but it's one of the larger ones. Also why persons have a spouse or partner, so they can split child raising costs and labour. No1 was meant to go it alone.
@@QuietGirlTalks The reason persons such as myself find this lady exceptionally childish is because especially if u scroll through the rest of her other videos, she keeps talking about how shes against 'box ticking' and even goes so far as to announce that she does not want to put up a christmas tree because that would mean she will be ticking a box. That seems to communicate the mindset of a 14 year old who is still trying to figure out her identity through 'rebelling' by doing the opposite of norms. It may be a good thing that she didnt have kids because for most of us, by the time we are probably in our early to mid 20s and paying bills as functional tax payers, we dont need announce we r not ticking a box, we just get on with it. This does not seem rare for the radical feminist lobby, unfortunately, most 'child free' women seem to have made it their entire online persona. Sort of seems like they are trying to convince themselves more than us much as 14 year old girl needs her mom to yell at her to pick up her clothes off the floor, to establish that the right to choice an element of her newly forming identity.
@@janedeane3656 Maybe you're the one that needs to turn off your screen and get a life because you seem to spend an awful lot of time trolling the channel of a creator that you clearly do not agree with, like or even respect. I don't understand it - I don't even have time to go thru all her videos and I like her! How do you have so much free time?!? And, as much as I disagree with people having kids just to give themselves something to do, you are one such person that I think might need to be the exception because you clearly need something with which to occupy your mind and time!
@@suzy1750 SO what are the adult women without kids (who somehow are usually also single) doing with their time? By adult women i specifically mean the 50+? (im still a student in her 20s hence have more time for social media than others). Some boxes exist for a reason. Just because you tick a box, including having children does not mean that the box was constructed for no reason or you have abusive or neglectful intentions. That particular box is just like any other in life, most of the time when we go into school, or start a new job, despite our qualifications or lack there of, its up to us to put our minds to the task so we make the best of it instead of giving ourselves a laundry list of excuses. There is no way to foresee how every single aspect of us as people will clash with every single aspect or person in school or on a job. A lot of the time the unticked box is more detrimental to our lives than if we tick the box and make the best of it. Will she also refuse to cook and clean for herself because those used to be gender norms for women before recently hence doing them would mean she is ticking a box? What will she gain from neglecting those two tasks? The reality of adult life is that we have certain responsibilities because without them a lot of negative side effects start cropping up when we dont do them when people have been doing them for thousands of years and society and their lives functioned.
@@janedeane3656You are asking what adult women do in their 50s to fill their time. I have an aunt, never married, no children and who is a pediatric neurologist. She travels the world with Doctors Without Borders, helping poor people in poor countries with free medical care. A lot of empty nesters women or child free women fill their time as they see fit. It is their right as a human to decide what they want to do with their lives, aside from being a wife and mother. The Catholic Church also recognizes the contribution of nuns, who are celibate and childless. There’s more to being a woman than being a wife and mother. If you want to be one go ahead, it’s your choice, just like others will not make the same choice you do.
you are 100% RIGHT about everything! Nuns are some of the happiest women ever. I have met many--they never have sex, get married or have children. NONE of them have expressed regrets to me. They are happier than the married women I know.
Everyone finds meaning in their own way, and it makes the world a better place!
I love my single life,when I was in my teens and 20s wifey role never made sense to me till today I wanted to be a nun coz was only way that wld made me stay away from men bt I saw religion as a fallacy. Have been single and celibate for l6yrs. To be honest I really regret this I wish I could have join a convent and be a nun.being single, childfree in third country is like being in a hot soup one faces alot of pressure, discriminations insecurities and hatred.
Catholic nuns are also some of the longest-lived women. They regularly live into their nineties and hundreds.
I wouldn’t really consider nuns as a concrete example here. No they don’t marry or have children, but I’m sure a lot (if not most) of childfree people aren’t religious like they are at all.
I’m childfree, but I’m not religious. Most childfree people are well-educated, and educated people are less likely to be religious, so you’ve got a point there. But nuns are obviously childfree, or they wouldn’t be nuns.
It is a fact that childfree people give more to charity. And when we do that, we're not expecting anything back but when a parent spends money on their children, they're expecting their kids to take care of them in their old age, or be their best friend, or save their marriage, or blindly give them love and adoration for life, etc. So you tell me who's more selfish.
Keep coping dummy
Damn, girl, never thought of that! Preach it!
PREACH GIRLIE
your actually a genetic Deadend and really Contribute only "Economic material" to society u do not Add to its existence or furtherance of it. Society exist not because of people like u but except for people like u in the end u add nothing but take your existence most likely will be almost meaningless
Counter, you’re expecting that your donation does something to change people’s lives. You are expecting/hoping for something. With the parents, they are hoping that they did a good job to be beloved because they don’t want to fail their children. Not everything is selfish, cope
For me it was never a choice to be made, I never wanted. I was 6, I didn't know how babies were made. My innocent mind thought that as soon as a girl turns into a woman and she gets a boyfriend/husband a pregnancy would randomly happen. So I went to my mum crying and saying "I don't want to have kids".
Funny story but that's how early I knew.
Your story sounds similar to mine. I knew that I didn’t want children when I was six and watched my mother change my nephew‘s diaper. I said to myself, „I’m never getting married.“ I assumed marriage and children were a package deal. When I was a little older ( ten or eleven), I found out that there were birth control pills that women could take to keep from getting pregnant. After that, I was a little more open to the idea of marriage, but I still didn’t want children ( there were already a few childfree couples at that time. They were pretty rare, but they did exist.) I’m in my sixties now, still single and childfree. I have many regrets in life, but being childfree is not one of them. My creative work fulfills me more than marriage and children ever could. 😊
As a kid I was mentally preparing for the future whereI would a 2.5 kids alcoholic to cope with the kids existing.
I did not have the concept that having no kids was an option
Here's something folks with kids rarely consider: You may become ESTRANGED from your children, OR they can DIE before you. I have known both cases happen to people I know. So lay off child free people!
So you're trying to convert non-childfree women, but you want them to lay off you?
I don’t think she’s trying to convert other people to childfreeness ( if I may be permitted to coin a word.) Childfree people don’t behave like that. We’re just tired of being harassed on account of our lifestyle choices. We would like childfreeness to be considered a valid choice.
@@valerietaylor9615Thank you! Absolutely! We don't go around with the intention of converting others to be 'child free' if they'd rather have children. That's what folks with kids WITH REGRET do. They have this need to CONTROL everything and everybody. Most childfree people are LIVE AND LET LIVE.
@Ravenelvenlady Exactly. I don't care if people choose to have as many kids as they want. I would never try to dissuade them. I choose not to live the traditional life, and that is also OK. But people have a problem with it. I don't care as long as they keep their thoughts to themselves.
The common denominator of all of the hateful comments is that harassment of women continues to be socially acceptable. It’s especially bad now that women are saying they don’t need a man. I’m 46 and childfree and wouldn’t have my life any other way! When you see all of the hateful comments online, just remember that someone’s “selfless” parents brought these stellar individuals into existence.
44 and child free…
Friends and even family tormented me throughout my 20s 🙄, 30s, and even early 40s about getting knocked up. It’s so hard not to tell people that maybe THEY didn’t make the best choices by bringing their kids into this world which is currently entering self-implosion stage (mostly unplanned, mind you) when they accuse YOU of being selfish. My sister wanted more kids to play with her kids that she had very young…mom talking about how old she is…it did start to piss me off, and I told them all to “suck it” and have their own effing babies…I had a hysterectomy this past Christmas and can’t even see the scar 🧞♀️Back to planning trips and shooting music videos….I’d have it no other way! I can do a million cool things with my mom and husband ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK! The love I share with my people and through my art is all the meaning I need in this life. People loving me has meant so much to me…I believe paying it forward can be the entire point…and I am satisfied with that👍🏾
This is so well said! Most parents are selfish af. It's a huge problem.
Wait till ur 50...and u have 30 yrs of alone time
this is the safest time in human history....
@@spaceparrot8702ur dumber than a parrot
I find it very mature of you to make the choice of not becoming an angry mom, I know what it means to have an angry parent growing up and it's horrible.
Same
Male: Gen Y. Bn. 1984: Single, unmarried and childless. And I'm really embracing it. Reasons.
1. The planet sucks ass.
2. Product of divorce. My family history on both sides is somewhat of a car crash.
3. Seen alot of failed marriages / relationships.
4. Seen alot of deaths ( Parents burying their children ).
5. I don't want a 24/7 responsiblity on my shoulders.
6. Fear of being a shit dad / shit husband / shit family man.
7. Fear my kids will turn out shit.
8. Fear of divorce.
9. I don't trust anyone.
10. I live and fight for myself ( MERC LIFE )
I'm a 52 year old male (never married/child-free by choice) and currently single. I only have a few family members around and I'm a bit of a loner, so deliberately choose a limited number of close friends. I can assure you that life can be meaningful, enjoyable, interesting, fun and an adventure when you are travelling light. It's more simple and creates space, time, freedom and opportunities. You'll be fine.
30 year old male going through the pressures from everyone partner family on when I'm having kids when I know 100% no doubt that its not for me alot of people just don't want to understand the decision 😞
@darrencrainey5391 Stand firm, my friend.
Incredibly dishonest and borderline dangerous to assume that this philosophy is "fine" for everyone or even the majority of people and promote it that way. I know for a fact that this sounds miserable af to me and I wouldn't be "fine" in the end. I have no doubts that it worked out for you and it's great, but back to my first statement ->
@Li_Tobler You're right. It's just not true for you..
Say hello to your newest subscriber who also happens to be childfree, asexual, autistic, and black (among other things).
Oh you're just a super special pot of gumbo. I love it!!
@@PrettyEyesz Aren't we all? Besides, if everyone is the same, then who would tell us apart?
@@DaSuTro yes absolutely right.
Hey I'm also autistic and child free!!
As a child free by choice 35 year old, I found this video extremely relatable. Thank you for sharing your perspective. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
I find it highly disrespectful to call someone selfish because they choose not to have children. I have several reasons as to not wanting children but one of the biggest reasons for me is I'm battling a chronic illness that has no cure. I'm basically physically disabled. So mentally and physically its challenging just to take care of just myself. So I refuse to have children so I can persevere my mental health, and focus on my physical health and just trying to live a life that is best and most comfortable for myself. I want peace in my life. There is nothing wrong with me putting me and my health first. So people who call us childfree people by choice selfish can go kick rocks. 😂😂
Couldn't had said it better 💯🙌
I hate to head about your suffering and I wish you well on your life journey
@kni9ght aww thank you for being so sweet.
@@PrettyEyesz anytime
I cannot believe how people (childless and parents) can be so cruel to childfree people (especially women) like you (and me too, as a guy). Telling you that "you have no meaning", that "you'll never know true love", that "you'll die at 50", that "you'll eventually kill yourself". It is just astounding how people like them have no boundaries. This is a subject that is NEVER talked about enough. And then if you were to confront parents, then they would literally come at you with an iron fist. It is about time that society recognizes childfree people as a protected class. We NEED to be recognized and normalized by the mainstream. This psychological torture, oppression, dismissal, bigotry and hatred that we face should not have a right to exist any longer. Screw all these haters. They are just not decent people. Thank you very much for addressing all of this, because this is a true issue that we need to only address more!
Im childfree, and I couldn’t agree more!
"You have no meaning."
*shrug* "Guess I'll unalive myself, then!" :/
Those are all horrible things to say to anybody, I want kids but that’s my choice, I can’t imagine how cruel people can be to people just wanting to live their lives
@@kni9ght same for me, it's just rude and cruel. All people are valuable and deserve baseline respect (until proven otherwise ofc) doesn't matter if they have kids or not
@@Li_Tobler That’s what I think is missing a lot and to each their own, I wish them well on any path they take
existence is pain. dont breed.
Do what is best for you, forget these crazy people trying to judge your choice. This world is really messed up anyway. Our kids will have it rough compared to our childhoods.
27 and child free! This video is reassuring me that I'm not alone! Thank you!!
Most parents want us to be miserable like them. 😂
If anyone asks you any question regarding your chidfree choice, just say "do I owe you an explanation, sir/ma'am?" 😂
The irony of the "It's selfish to not want to have children" narrative is so amazing to me. Its very obviously more selfish to have a child when there are plenty of children who need to be adopted. Why would someone create a new one when there are existing children out there who need a family?
Selfishness isn’t living as one wishes to live. It’s wanting others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Adopting can also help slow overcrowding of the planet, too. But I agree on the grounds of there already being so many in need of adoption. How can people bypass kids in need, kids who simply want a family of their own just to have biological kids!? And why not have 1 bio kid & adopt the other? (since average North American family only has 2 kids)
There's more to life than having children
I’m also a 35yo childfree woman, and I can relate. Great video!
Yay! Thank you!
Hey, I'm new to your channel and am drawn to childfree content, so your title was a 'must click'. I'm 53, married for 35 years (so I'm old enough to be your mother, lol), childfree by choice, and I've heard all that commentary. For the record I am selfish in a lot of ways, and that's okay. Law abiding tax paying autistic member of society, and my brain does not work the way that many other brains work, actually I am incredibly fragile when it comes to interpersonal 'ships, and it's incredibly hard for me to live in society. In order to keep existing (because so much freaks me out) I have to be selfish with my time and self care because the despair is always there whispering black thoughts in my ear. Ok, meaningless existence... let me say that again... and that's okay. What does that even mean? I don't have a purpose (other than putting my own feet in front of the other to keep on keeping on) but I do productive stuff to keep the lights on, the roof over, the food on the table. Other than that I tend to my garden of obsessions that don't hurt anyone. My best relationship is with my husband who also is CFBC and grateful we never went down that path. And guess what, by us being selfish we have had a great life together doing things we really enjoy, going places, doing self care, starting a business to build and sell off, starting another business (we currently own a winery in Montana, yes, there). Sorry for the ramble, it's just my autistic way of describing how things other than totally going along with society is okay.
Damn ppl are so damn entitled to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing…. Omg theee audacity. Being a parent is hard asf don’t let anyone tell you differently. Your childhood as a parent, your career/finances, functioning depressive highs and lows, environment and so much more goes into being a parent. It’s a very damn selfless act and not to take lightly. So if anyone says it’s not for them, damn it, it’s not 🎉😂.
The fact that people leave these kind of comments really speaks to their immaturity and unhappiness in life.
I'm also child free. People who make the choice to be child free REALLY had to think about the implications of bringing a human into this world.
People who are parents or who want kids often are so flippant about a really serious choice. Then they give you a hard time for making (arguably) the most selfLESS choice ever.
Great video, I'm sorry people were being assholes and projecting their own misery onto you.
Also: I am Aromantic. I do not feel romantic feelings and I'm honestly repulsed by the idea. So yes, I TOTALLY agree that we should not put so much pressure and emphasis on romantic relationships. The only people more hated than child free women are SINGLE child free women who are intentional about it and are happy about it.❤
A lot of people who got to experienced raising children been that with younger siblings or working with children form a really informed decision when they decide for no children. My younger brother is also 14 years younger than me and for years i worked babysitting, day care and even been a nanny. So when i decided for no children i knew exactly what i was not signing up for. Made the decision at 29 and now at 40 i have still to change my mind. We all ponder on what ifs, but at least i have not put a little innocent being in this world to then pondee on what if.
I was the youngest in my family, so I never had to take care of younger siblings. However, just watching my mother change my nephew‘s diaper ( I was an aunt at the age of six) was enough to put me off ever having children. 🤢🤮
I'm a guy in my late fifties, never married, not been in a relationship for decades, and never had children, when I was young I always said that I would never get married, that I would never be a parent, I have never been successful in relationships hence my remaining single, I was the common denominator so I figured it best to quit, I didn't have a good upbringing, my family is dysfunctional, we aren't close, again, why would I contribute to bringing another innocent life into this world, as I'm getting older I'm watching the world get more screwed up, the divide between the haves and have nots getting much bigger, the thought of having a child who will have to work all of their life, be unappreciated, shafted, treated like dirt by someone who believes that they are better, a superior being, no, I've watched the world falling apart, I couldn't bring someone into this world and think I have made an achievement. Then, having come from a truly screwed up background, I don't think I would make a good parent, if I could have held down a relationship, if my partner and myself didn't get along, how is that going to reflect on the next generation? For me personally, I have too many reasons for not wanting to be a parent, I have lived this way for many years, it's the life I am used to, I am too old now, even fifty years ago, I knew this is how my life would plan out, I've not ruined anyone's life and knowing that I wouldn't be responsible enough to be a parent, I haven't brought an innocent life into this world
There’s only pure audacity when someone says not having kids is selfish. Not having kids is actually more selfless than having them because imagine having kids knowing full well you won’t give a sh:t about them.
Not caring about (not you specifically)your offspring will make it more likely for them to die under your care. That would be selfish. Matter of fact, having kids is more likely to be selfish because the reasons some have kids tend to be shallow and it’s not like the child asked to be born.
Realizing, after nearly a full decade of adult life, that conception and motherhood are ultimately a choice (that I *did not* have to agree to) was one of the most freeing moments of self actualization I've experienced to date.
Being child free is such a blessing, words can't express how much fun it is to be child free. It's so expensive to have children so help others whenever you can in the fear of God
I think the issue is people need to back the fuck off and let people make their own decisions and not shame them for making this decisions… they also shouldn’t be celebrated for making their own decisions… if you want to be a boss babe, and never have kids good on you if you wanna be a wife and have kids also good on you, neither one of these choices should be shamed or celebrated … that’s where we’re coming into problems. When we are shaming people for choices that they make.. mainly women.. there’s a whole lot of misogyny internalized or otherwise, with people trying to dictate or shame or judge women for the choices they want to make. That’s where I have a problem with things.
I’m 66. I decided at the age of 12 that I didn’t want kids. Contrary to what all the adults in my life told me, I knew my own mind enough to realize I would never be a good parent, nor do I want the responsibility because being a parent is forever. I actively took responsibility for never becoming pregnant. I was on birth control pills for 38 years. I’ve been married 37 years of my adult life. I would never have gone out with a man who wanted children. That is always the first question to ask, do you want kids? For me if he wavered even a little bit, he was off of the list for me for dating. I felt that strongly about it, and I still do to this day. I have never once, not even one little itty, bitty, teeny tiny little bit ever regretted this decision to not have children. Make your choices wisely and live up to the responsibility that comes along with that choice, and you can live happily forever. You owe nobody an explanation. Back-handed remarks and little digs will come your way as sure as night turns in to day, but you can choose to let it just roll right off your back.
It always amazed me how my own decisions be them childfree, not getting a college degree, etc. affected other people's happiness. I mean, REALLY?
I am a happy person. I was happy single. I was happy as a girlfriend, as a fiancee, as a wife and now as a mom. I would have been happy childfree, maybe happier because marriage and motherhood are a lot of work. I chose happiness and it's just not dependent on things like marriage and motherhood 😊
Even if you have one child, it's not enough. People will say you're selfish for focusing your efforts and resources on just one and not giving them a sibling. Doesn't matter if you had a rough pregnancy, have health problems, disabilities--people really can't keep their mouth shut about other people's reproduction or family planning.
I do have a kid and it's been the best thing. I adore her more than life itself. I love teaching and watching kids grow and learn, and I think kids are hilarious and wonderful. How've, once you have a kid you can't prioritize yourself the same way-- your interests and needs and desires take a backseat to their wellbeing and opportunities. It's not fair or reasonable to expect everyone to do that. So you have your kid, sacrifice your goals and dreams to prioritize them and give them opportunities, and then when they grow up everyone demands that they do the same thing and have their own child...It seriously doesn't make sense.
I love having my child and I wouldn't change my situation for the world, but I'd never encourage anyone else to do it if it isn't 100% something they know they would love and find fulfilling.
Also, when it comes to the self-oriented benefits of having a kid: unconditional love, bonding and connection and the joy of caring for someone can be found with a pet too. My cats are a very fulfilling source of meaning in my life. Feeding the local flocks of birds in my backyard gives me a similar sense of joy, too.
Good for you, I want kids but I would never judge somebody for not having them, I respect anybody’s decision on this and hope you along with your son live a great life
I kind of think it's funny (in the odd sense), how the grief you receive from others for being cf changes as you get older. Most people abandon the "you'll change you mind" rhetoric past your 20s. However, once I got to my 30s, I noticed that it was primarily men who were really gung-ho about women having kids because "it's what you supposed to do" mentality. Only a few women give me grief typically because they can't imagine someone who isn't a serial killer or other major offender (why is the bar so low?) not wanting kids. With the men I want to ask "have you actually taken the time to talk to several women in various walks of life to see what they said on the subject"? If their answer is yes, why does it matter to them so much, if no, why are they speaking on behalf of most, if not all women? With women, I just don't see why the few who do push this idea have such a hard time raising the bar as to who could be a solid parent and saying maybe some people just know internally that it's not for them.
I knew from a very young age that I didn’t want children. I like quiet time and get overwhelmed with a lot of commotion. My parents and friends never made a big deal about my, and my husband’s decision!
this is very helpful, this is one and only post I have found that is not just raving about child-free life and how it is better than having kids or bashing women for wanting childfree life. This was a genuinely useful post.
Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me!
Witnessing my parents raise my brother and I caused me to grow up thinking that I would never want to get married and have kids because it looked awful. They were constantly stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, unhappy, angry and argued all the time. Also despite them both working 50+ hours a week, they struggled financially. I felt like a burden and believed their lives would have been so much better without my brother and I to care for. I am now in my 40's and happily child-free. Ironically, i have been with my partner for 22 years and we are happy being a DINK: Dual Income, No Kids!
The only time I don't feel emboldened in my decision not to have kids is when I spend time with my family. I am the only one of my cousins without a child, which was because I'm the youngest by far, but I'm reaching an age where they're starting to ask questions.
Then I realized that in my family, I don't have a model for what a woman's life without kids even looks like. Even though I'm 28, it still feels like they see me as a kid until I have my own. And part of me does wish I lived near them so I could be more of a part of their kids lives, but I don't know if I would want to deal with their parents' shade.
Anyway, it's always good to come back to the city with my bf (who agrees on no kids), and our other child-free-by-choice friends, who see me as the competent adult I am.
There is also other options even besides adopting. You spoke on it some with your sisters kids. It's called kinship care, fictive kinship care is unrelated person assisting a family/lies stay united by offering help.
You actually are very much traditional and conservative person in a good sense. You care about your extended family. Many nations have an old custom of having one child of several which would not separate but instead would be a homebody caring about parents and other relatives. Also, usually this child inherits the most of their posessions, as he/she sacrificed his/her own possibility of starting his/her own family to serving his or her first family.
I'm a much more selfish youngster, having cut off my mom and never wanting to speak to her. But even I sometimes feel that societal guilt "you need to find love to start a family and kids"... No, I don't want. I only started to live my life several years ago moving out. I still have a whole world to experience.
I need more than my hands and feet to count the number of times someone has told my husband and I we need to divorce to go find the right woman for each of us to have kids, because only kids make life meaningful and make us into strong real men to carry on our legacies.
Some people have no shame. What a horrid thing to say.
That’s monstrous and how do those people function
I’m afraid to ask, but this is my first video here, what happened prior to this video that made the internet (even more!!) scary? Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Thank you for making this. It's extremely well thought out and well spoken. ❤ I love seeing people have hard conversations in such an emotionally intelligent way.
I appreciate this so much. I try to articulate how I feel without disparaging the opposite side. There is no right answer to how anyone lives their life but sometimes the opinions of others can feel heavy. I am glad you enjoyed the video!
I'm 30 and my sister who just had a kid tries to convince me every day to have one 😂Says she never felt love as strong as she did until now. I think it's easier to love a kid when they are in rhe baby stage. My mom stopped liking me when I became an adolescent. She still cared for me, but I felt the change in treatment.
Hearing you speak about not having the qualities needed to be the parent you want to be is exactly why I do not want kids. Physical touch and constant noise would totally DRAIN me and I would not be able to control my temprament around my kids no matter how much I would love them. The ”selfish” argument is so stupid and so wrong.
I think the argument about a lack of 100% assurance about having children is not correct to some degree because at the moment of birth the mind of the mother changes dramatically (and father’s as well) and it’s just impossible for a person to predict what kind of parent they would be
🤔 it's because they can't go back, they have to find ways to cope for it or make it right. There are people do that and there are also doesn't that's why divorce happens when children are involved in the relationship, also abortion happens when they can't find a reason to keep it and when they decided to keep it to term there's neglected child or abused.
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I gave my five children the gift of life. I want them to live it in a way that makes them happy. Even if that means they don’t want kids of their own. I told them that I still want to be a grandmother, even if they just bring home a lizard. Now I am the proud grandmother to every random lizard around my house. Like 18 of them are named Gary. I can’t lie the Gary’s are so cute and live outside so I don’t have to change any diapers. So sincerely from this mom to you, baby go live your damn life and don’t listen to anybody who tries to control your choices.
Aw thank you so much, that made me so happy to read. So much love to you and all the Garry's!!
@@simplyintentionalkatie thank you.
I am always shocked when people tell me i am selfish when i tell them i don't have/want kids...Like having kids is not selfish?😂
When people are very nasty about me being childfree i am just thinking they are probably jealous. I mean i can do things what i want to do whenever i want to do it. I get to have a lot of savings...I feel if i do what some people do/say to me about not having kids and i would do that to people who do have kids then oh lord..the world is 2 small and i am the most awful person...Pff i am so done with people saying stupid things about me not having kids....people, have your young and i will not..not a big deal..so shh🤫
Yep. The ones who get the angriest didn't want to have kids either. Yet they didn't have the balls to say no to their church, society, or their spouse and now they're stuck. They're mad at you and me because we escaped the noose. 😂😂
Well said 👏🏾 @@misspriss2482
People need to give more consideration to the lifelong impacts of childhood experiences. If you f up as a parent it will affect that human for the rest of their life... Let that sink in! The decision to have children or not needs to be a conscious decision not a plan b because you had a whoops, I guess we'll find out if I'm going to be a good parent because now I'm staring down the barrel of parenthood. For or against, THINK about the human being you are going to bring into this world and the quality of life they will have because of your parenting (or lack thereof)
My mom dumped a lot of responsibility on me when I was a child, at age 11 I had 2 brothers I had to “look at after”. I had to be her shoulder to lean on when she was having problems with her now ex-husband. Now, at the age of 40 I’m so happy I’m childfree, I refuse to place such burdens on a child. She called me selfish for not wanting children and the kicker is she has no grandchildren at all. My brothers don’t have kids either. The three of us saw the struggle for what it was, a struggle. Life is hard, why make it harder?
I find the response to child free people “you don’t know that” or “someday you will” either creepy or gaslighty.
31 and child free I enjoyed this
I'm 100 percent sure the people who say such things aren't trying to convince us childfree people but themselves trying to justify the life choices they've made.
I think its natural that creating equal opportunities for women means that more women will have the freedom to use their judgement and choose their own life, so hopefully this actually creates more intentional parents and more intentional grownups. I think everyone just wants company, whichever choice you make. Company and validation, because once a choice is made, you may as well live feeling validated, because you have to continue on with your life productively. For some reason people take other peoples choices as a form of invalidation on themselves, possibly because an opinion on the internet is seen as an advertisement for said choice. I think where people get real triggery and snappy is in the fear that we're all sort of brainwashing each other in these echo chambers of opinions which only re-inforce an opinion instead of present things in a balanced view, and so people get really personal with "on the fence" people because they want to make them come to their side. Youre clearly making content that would make yourself feel at peace and productive, youre not telling people they shouldnt have kids. People are misplacing their energy.
I can’t respect the stance of people arguing that childfree people should have kids for x,y,z reasons. If you truly think more people should be having children, fight for better wages, affordable daycare, flexible work schedules for parents, adequate maternity/paternity leave, safe schools, accessible healthcare, etc. Stop wasting everyone’s time hassling the childfree community. You’ll never find me in parenting groups or commenting on parenting content. These channels are not for you, as that content is not for me and it’s ok.
I have regretted not having gotten married when i was young or having children. But I suppose it is ok. I still regret it but also understand that the world is pain and I would prefer to leave as quickly as possible
If the right person had come along when they was young. Or if they had got with a partner who really wanted kids when they was younger. Some people might not have thought about it as well
I like the way your brain makes thoughts. Subbed.
thank you for this 💖 clean and and very relatable thoughts
I love my childfree life. Anyone shaming you for living that lifestyle are complete weirdos.
Ok. The best thing you can say is "not everyone are meant to be parents. There are tons of parents that have kids that are unwanted. Why would you want someone who doesn't want kids to have kids?" If you don't want kids... don't have them. Easy.
I have 2, i don't plan on having anymore.
@sangxiong2241 What is the timestamp where she said she is an antinatalist or something similar?
Well, it is not a strategy that will be passed down to coming generations. So there is a limit to how far it can ever extend. More to the point, it is not wrong for a man to go through life free from intimacy, but most men would not understand this as liberating but rather constricting. Likewise if a young lady desires no offspring nor the associated satisfactions.
Well said
having children is, to me, the domain of the religious. That’s not to say non-religious can’t have kids; of course they can. I just mean it’s part of religious instruction. If you’re not religious, it follows that you would not have children, or perhaps I should paraphrase: it would make sense that religious people have more children than the non-religious. This ultimately means that our future is more conservative than it is liberal
4:17 I don’t think it’s inherently selfish to not want to have children. But many of the reasons people don’t want to have children are because they want to be selfish. They want to live for themselves only. They can’t imagine putting somebody else (like their child) above themselves…. Which good on you if you know that, and choose not to have children because exactly if that’s the way you think, you definitely should not be having children.
I don't think it's inherently selfish to want kids, but most of the reasons people give for wanting kids are selfish: I don't want to die alone. I want someone to take care of me when I get old. I want someone to love me unconditionally. I want a legacy. I don't want my family name to die with me. The truth is that most of the decisions we make in life are selfish. I'm getting tired of parents being painted as virtuous and selfless. They are just as selfish as childfree people, except that an innocent child is being brought into the world. If childfree people are selfish by not having kids, it affects no one but them. If some of us have regrets later in life, so does everyone else about different life decisions. That will be our problem.
We don't need any conversation about this. Having children is a personal decision. Getting married is personal decision. It not your business what someone else decides to do with their life. And honestly, It seems to be more of TikTok/RUclips thing. Both of my children are child free and not one person has ever harassed them about it in the real world. Their lives, their choice.
well tatoo can be removed or covered with makeup at the very least
The amount of cope, self righteousness, lack of historic awareness, lack of reflection and selfishness in this comment section is actually pathetic.
Why are u upset people don’t want children?
Why are you upset people don’t want children
Smoking when pregnant or smoking in the house around the kids is selfish.
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I adore you & would love to be your friend or wife ❤ you're a gem
The most selfish people I've met are parents .
I enjoyed your video on this topic more so than probably any other one I have seen. You made a lot of good points. I believe the people opposing the "child free" movement have not fleshed out their positions well enough to argue their side. I believe everyone has the free will to make the choice not to have children. However, I don't believe it should be a lifestyle that is encouraged or promoted. Likewise, people shouldn't be demonized for their decision not to have children.
Children should be seen as a positive addition to our lives, not a burden that is more trouble than it's worth. The latter is what I have a problem with. Many "child free" promoters speak about children with disgust and disdain, and use that as part of their reasoning for not wanting children. I believe that kind of messaging is detrimental to society, and could easily push someone who is unsure about having children towards the belief that they shouldn't just because it is challenging to be a parent.
The point I would disagree with you on the most would be the statement that someone needs be 100% sure they want to have children before they actually have them. I don't believe this is possible or even necessary. There are very few things in life that we are ever 100% sure of. Many times we have opposing views on things, and simply must choose which one we want to adhere to. Choosing to have children will almost certainly come with insecurity, doubt, confusion, frustration, and yes even regret at times. But as with most things in this life, we must choose to either embrace those thoughts and emotions, or choose to reject them. As we all know, it's not an easy task to reject thoughts and feelings that come up naturally, but it also doesn't mean we should just give into them simply because it is difficult to oppose them. Facing difficult things in our lives is what grows our character, and I believe that growth is something we all want deep down.
I love kids, but I know I wouldn't be the kind of mum I would want to be. I suppose being 100% sure wasn't the best way to phrase it, but it is such a monumental undertaking I would want to feel way more sure than I do if I was going to. I agree about facing difficult things, it is absolutely where we find the most growth.
I don’t like kids. I don’t want to harm them, I just don’t like being around them. That’s the main reason I’m childfree. And I’ve never been a fence-sitter. I’ve always been one hundred percent sure I didn’t want children.
Where the heck are you living that eggs are $12?! Regular eggs are $3 and change where I am
West coast of Canada. Groceries are outrageous!
@@simplyintentionalkatie oh damn!! That's an absolute crime I'm sorry.
who will bury your body when you die ?
Good question. If you've already paid for your funeral and end of life expenses (as everyone should, childfree or not), you can entrust a family member or friend or some other loved ones to make sure your body is where it needs to be. I used to work as a pre-planning specialist for a cemetery. It's such a smooth transition regardless if you have children to handle the situation or not. I also advocate for wills and life insurance. Have your money and belongings go where you see fit, rather than loved ones deal with your belongings on top of grieving or worse like being preyed upon by funeral specialists who will upsell you in your time of grieving or your assets being seized by the state. This preparation also is handy if you have minor children and you suddenly die. Your little toddlers can't bury you now can they? This world is crazy, always be prepared. It sounds morbid but whether you have children or not, paying in advance and planning ahead is the best thing you can do for the ones you leave behind regardless of who they are.
Why would you be an angry mom?
$o many Rea$son$ not to have kid$.
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve 1 Corinthians 15:3-5 love yourself ❤❤❤❤😊😊
Stay on topic.
0:25 When white girls use slang lol
If you're childfree, stop wasting time talking about being childfree and start living your childfree life.
You did not change the conversation. Of course you have the right to decide for yourself. What I think is that you young people need to re-evaluate marriage and family. I believe this concept is lost. To that I would ask: do you have a responsibility to your nation? In the near future we have the effects of climate change war, famine, economic and political collapse. In less than 100 years the world population will be reduced to 3 billion. I will die in less than 30 years, you will die in less than 60 years. Since you don't have a child, that will be the end.
So what will come next? A new civilization created by those who survive what is coming.
I hope it will be a matriarchical society. I hope men will know what circumcision is. I hope there will be no tolerance for religion, but replaced by a true understanding of GOD.
The change is inevitable. I will die soon, but you can still change the conversation.
Chief, US Navy, retired.
I have a genuine question as someone who listened objectively but who wants kids. Are all of your friends and family also child free? If u want friends to have as much time for you as an immediate family member, wouldnt that mean they also do not live with immediate family and have other priorities? The reason ppl advocate for women in particular to have kids is because, despite medical advancements and career options, kids will always be younger than you and able to do some of the running around and bidding for you that you may struggle to do with age. What will happen when all of your friends are equally as negatively affected by age? Who will do your running around and bidding?
Some people have friends who are younger than they are.
@@valerietaylor9615 and those friends dont have lives of their own?
I understand what you are saying but should I really create an entire human who will possibly take care of me later in life, or would I not be better off financially planning to be either in a retirement community or have in home care as I age? A child is and always will be an independent human, and I can't and shouldn't rely on them to be the person who takes care of me. And to me that should not be the reason to have one.
@@simplyintentionalkatie it's not the only reason to have a kid but it's one of the larger ones. Also why persons have a spouse or partner, so they can split child raising costs and labour. No1 was meant to go it alone.
That's a very selfish reason to have kids for
Stop being a baby and turn off your screen. You people take comments from random people you’ll never meet too serious.
How is she being a baby?
@@QuietGirlTalks The reason persons such as myself find this lady exceptionally childish is because especially if u scroll through the rest of her other videos, she keeps talking about how shes against 'box ticking' and even goes so far as to announce that she does not want to put up a christmas tree because that would mean she will be ticking a box. That seems to communicate the mindset of a 14 year old who is still trying to figure out her identity through 'rebelling' by doing the opposite of norms. It may be a good thing that she didnt have kids because for most of us, by the time we are probably in our early to mid 20s and paying bills as functional tax payers, we dont need announce we r not ticking a box, we just get on with it. This does not seem rare for the radical feminist lobby, unfortunately, most 'child free' women seem to have made it their entire online persona. Sort of seems like they are trying to convince themselves more than us much as 14 year old girl needs her mom to yell at her to pick up her clothes off the floor, to establish that the right to choice an element of her newly forming identity.
@@janedeane3656 Maybe you're the one that needs to turn off your screen and get a life because you seem to spend an awful lot of time trolling the channel of a creator that you clearly do not agree with, like or even respect. I don't understand it - I don't even have time to go thru all her videos and I like her! How do you have so much free time?!? And, as much as I disagree with people having kids just to give themselves something to do, you are one such person that I think might need to be the exception because you clearly need something with which to occupy your mind and time!
@@suzy1750 SO what are the adult women without kids (who somehow are usually also single) doing with their time? By adult women i specifically mean the 50+? (im still a student in her 20s hence have more time for social media than others). Some boxes exist for a reason. Just because you tick a box, including having children does not mean that the box was constructed for no reason or you have abusive or neglectful intentions. That particular box is just like any other in life, most of the time when we go into school, or start a new job, despite our qualifications or lack there of, its up to us to put our minds to the task so we make the best of it instead of giving ourselves a laundry list of excuses. There is no way to foresee how every single aspect of us as people will clash with every single aspect or person in school or on a job. A lot of the time the unticked box is more detrimental to our lives than if we tick the box and make the best of it. Will she also refuse to cook and clean for herself because those used to be gender norms for women before recently hence doing them would mean she is ticking a box? What will she gain from neglecting those two tasks? The reality of adult life is that we have certain responsibilities because without them a lot of negative side effects start cropping up when we dont do them when people have been doing them for thousands of years and society and their lives functioned.
@@janedeane3656You are asking what adult women do in their 50s to fill their time. I have an aunt, never married, no children and who is a pediatric neurologist. She travels the world with Doctors Without Borders, helping poor people in poor countries with free medical care. A lot of empty nesters women or child free women fill their time as they see fit. It is their right as a human to decide what they want to do with their lives, aside from being a wife and mother. The Catholic Church also recognizes the contribution of nuns, who are celibate and childless. There’s more to being a woman than being a wife and mother. If you want to be one go ahead, it’s your choice, just like others will not make the same choice you do.
U live pointless life
How is she living a pointless life without kids. Plenty of men live their life without them.