If A Man Says "I Love You" In This Dating Window, That's A Major RED FLAG! | Jay Shetty
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- Опубликовано: 31 янв 2023
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On Today's Episode:
We spend years struggling through relationships. Relationships with family, friends, co-workers are all so challenging. When it comes to romantic relationships we often live by a different set of rules and expectations that can leave us in a whirlwind of frustration wondering why something that started so amazing eventually isn’t so amazing.
Instead of giving up and checking out of your relationship mentally and emotionally, Jay Shetty has joined Lisa to discuss his latest book, 8 Rules of Love which includes so much more than just 8 rules. Jay Shetty shares the lessons and experiences he’s picked up from his marriage and time coaching others on how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.
This episode is packed with strategies and tactics that will reframe your approach to dating and finding the love of your life, or maintaining the relationship you’ve already started.
Some fire takeaways you don’t want to miss today include:
What dating to impress and “attract” the right person means for your relationship
Jay’s 3 date rule to go from knowing someone casually to being long term
3 relationship roles we all play and how it affects our partner
Why you relationship fighting style is as important as your love language
Jay’s 4 E’s for growing deeper intimacy with your partner
Check out Jay Shetty’s latest book, 8 Rules of Love: www.amazon.com/Rules-Love-How...
QUOTES:
“When your relationship starts like an interview chances are it will end like a firing.”
“If you attract them through something you’re not you’re going to lose them through who you are.”
“The problem is when relationships are built on sparks not skills.”
“Some of us get our self-worth from fixing other people’s problems, [...] we feel better when we find a partner that feels like a project.”
“We see our partners not being as excited as us as discredit to our likes and dislikes.”
“Most of our conversations about our partners happen with other people.”
“The more you sit there expecting someone to understand you, you’re taking away time from you expressing what you’re going through.”
“We often tell our partners what we need but we don’t tell them enough why we need it.”
“Your partner can connect with your why even if they can’t connect with your what.”
“Our challenge is we think we fall in love overnight and so we think we fall out of love overnight.”
“We’re holding on to a particular picture of love. We have an image of what love is and don’t have an image of what it could be or how it grows.”
Follow Jay Shetty:
Website: jayshetty.me/
RUclips: / @jayshetty
Twitter: / jayshettyiw
Instagram: / jayshetty
Facebook: / jayshettyiw
Podcast: on-purpose-with-jay-shetty.si...
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Interview - you end up firing.....displaying....behaviour......to my values - to my purpose, where I am currently are and where I am going - I am always transparent.....when it comes to relationship
Why are the replies so weird 😅
Congrats you’ve made it on youtube! Having impersonators trying to get people into bitcoin is a rite of passage haha 😂
who is the therapist name? she is so good
I think that sometimes things can get very confusing on who you can trust to talk to about or I’m your relationship and it’s tough sometimes to have healthy communication
In* your relationship
“If you attract them through who you’re not, you will lose them through who you are”
Such a Powerful statement!!! I had to listen to that part a few times!!!🙂
Same 😁
This🙏🏾❤️❤️
Can you timestamp this part
Kurt cobain said it first
“If your relationship starts like an interview, it may end up like a firing.” ❤
So true. My ex husband interviewed me, now we're divorced.
Aha ! Letting go😂🥰 👋🏼
I treat it like an interview in the sense that I want to find out if we're remotely compatible on the big stuff. Kids, marriage, faith, values, interests. I don't want to get the feels for someone and find out later it won't work because of something that could've been figured out within the first few dates.
What do you mean by that?
So it’s should’ve started as a love/attraction? Don’t you say start with a spark, love, 💋😘❤️
1. Compatibility
2. Values and priorities
3. Commitment to dreams and goals
❤
Communication is key. You can have separate dreams and goals and to be honest having a shared dream can be classed as future faking. But there are certain things that are deal breakers. Such as children. While I don't want another child becuase I don't think my body could cope with another pregnancy; there are other ways. Having been with men that already had kids; I personally think if you love them you love their kids. When you bond with any new potential partner, you should be bonding with their kids, they are after all part of them. But for the sake of the kids sanity (depending on their age), bond with the potential partner before involving the kids.
00:00 🤔 When relationships start like an interview, they might end like a firing. Starting with our best behavior can lead to mismatched expectations.
01:24 💑 Be transparent about who you are; don't try too hard to impress someone. Aim for attraction based on values, not appearances or assets.
03:19 🗓️ Jay Shetty's "three-day rule" is a guideline to assess compatibility. It's not limited to the first three dates; it can be spread over time.
04:16 ⏳ It takes around 40 hours to know someone casually, 100 hours to be a friend, and 200 hours to be a good friend. Rushing love can lead to misunderstandings.
05:25 🤝 Date 1: Focus on whether you genuinely enjoy their company, not just if they like you. Look for compatibility, not just first impressions.
07:17 🌟 Date 2: Understand and respect their values. Observe what they prioritize in their life, based on their actions and conversations.
10:30 🎯 Date 3: Are you committed to helping them achieve their goals? Show genuine interest and support in their aspirations and dreams.
14:41 💬 Discuss the meaning of "love" with your partner. Understand each other's definitions and expectations to avoid misunderstandings.
18:34 👷 Recognize relationship roles. Avoid being the "fixer" or "dependent." Focus on self-worth and mutual growth instead of trying to change or rely on your partner.
20:40 🛠️ Becoming a supporter in a relationship means helping each other achieve personal goals, rather than imposing your own aspirations onto your partner.
21:08 🌱 Relationships require effort and work, just like careers or businesses. Investing time and effort is essential for growth and longevity.
22:18 📚 Pushing your partner to follow your own healing journey (e.g., reading a specific book or listening to a podcast) may not be effective. Allow them to find their own path to healing.
23:00 🎭 It's important to recognize that your partner may connect with different voices, guides, or coaches than you do. Respect their unique path and support them on their journey.
25:18 ❤️ Understanding and respecting each other's values is crucial. Don't expect your partner to prioritize your values over their own. Embrace the differences in likes and dislikes.
28:05 🚀 Balancing core values (e.g., family, purpose) is essential. Recognize that both partners may have different expressions of these values, and that's okay.
30:11 💬 Open communication about your desires, purpose, and values is crucial for a healthy relationship. Avoid assuming that your partner can read your mind.
32:46 🌟 Dharma, or purpose, consists of passions, strengths, and service. Recognize and honor each other's individual purposes within the relationship.
35:51 🗣️ Expressing your thoughts and feelings to your partner is a responsibility that can lead to a healthier relationship. Avoid expecting them to understand without clear communication.
40:49 🗣️ Communication is key in a relationship. Encourage open dialogue with your partner about your partnership and listen actively to each other's needs and concerns.
41:45 🔄 Small things can accumulate and impact a relationship over time. Don't dismiss day-to-day issues; address them to maintain a healthy relationship.
42:13 🏠 Use the metaphor of a crack in a relationship to emphasize the importance of addressing issues early on, before they escalate into bigger problems.
44:07 🗣️ When addressing concerns with your partner, approach it with curiosity and a desire to understand their perspective, rather than making assumptions or accusations.
46:16 💥 Recognize that people have different "fight styles" when it comes to conflicts. These styles include venting, hiding, and exploding. Understanding your partner's style can lead to healthier resolutions.
49:40 🤝 Establishing a compromise for when to discuss conflicts can create a healthy standard for communication in a relationship.
51:21 📱 Communicate your needs and the reasons behind them to your partner. This helps avoid misunderstandings and fosters understanding and support.
54:13 ❤️ Understand that love evolves and deepens over time. It's important to actively nurture and invest in your relationship to keep it thriving.
57:32 🎭 Move beyond surface-level intimacy (entertainment) to deeper levels through shared experiences, experiments, learning, and growth together.
01:00:32 🛠️ Serving and creating impact together, such as volunteering, builds intimacy in a relationship.
01:01:42 📊 Expand your relationship "scorecard" to assess contributions in physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual aspects.
01:02:51 🔄 Zooming out and recognizing your partner's contributions can lead to a more balanced perspective.
01:04:29 💑 Communication and understanding each other's strengths and roles are crucial for a successful long-term relationship.
01:07:12 🌟 Differentiating between initial chemistry and long-term compatibility is essential for a lasting relationship.
01:09:55 💞 Compatibility is about aligning in a way that both partners can be happy and have their needs met for life.
01:12:10 🕰️ Take time in dating to truly know and understand a potential life partner before committing.
01:14:13 🚫 Intimacy early in a relationship can cloud judgment, making it harder to objectively assess compatibility.
01:19:15 🤝 Both partners share the responsibility to address and resolve issues in the relationship rather than blaming each other.
01:21:43 🔄 When facing relationship challenges, commit to trying a new approach for a set period (e.g., 24 hours, 3 days, a month), then evaluate its effectiveness.
01:22:40 🍃 Focus on addressing the root problem rather than getting stuck in surface-level issues ("leaves on the trees"). Continuous unresolved discussions can lead to resentment and disconnection.
01:23:20 🧠 Approach relationships with a practical, science-based mindset. Understand that there is a science to relationships, and learning it empowers you to shape the kind of relationship you want.
01:24:57 🔄 Our past experiences, including upbringing and familial relationships, greatly influence how we approach and navigate romantic relationships. Recognize and understand this influence for healthier dynamics.
01:27:27 🗝️ Forgiveness doesn't necessitate maintaining the same level of closeness or trust. It's possible to forgive while setting boundaries and reshaping the relationship to prioritize your own healing.
01:30:23 💔 Recognize that wounds and emotional needs vary in intensity over time. Staying attuned to your own needs and effectively communicating them is crucial for healthy relationships.
01:32:54 🔄 Evaluate and, if necessary, change strategies to meet your emotional needs. Understand that executing the wrong strategies can lead to further emotional distress.
01:34:13 🔄 Forgiveness requires genuine understanding and accountability from the one who caused the wound. It's not about immediate acceptance, but rather a process of healing and rebuilding trust.
01:43:01 🗣️ Acknowledge relationship problems openly and honestly to initiate positive change.
01:43:55 🩹 Scars in relationships are normal and a testament to what you've overcome. However, open wounds can fester and become toxic, posing a threat to the relationship.
01:45:34 🤝 Successful relationships require clear agreements on how the relationship should function. Conflict often arises from a lack of agreed-upon expectations.
01:46:57 ⚖️ Compromise is essential in relationships. Both partners should be willing to give and receive to find a middle ground.
01:49:11 💬 Avoid passing judgment on yourself or your partner's choices. Understand that everyone is doing their best with the resources they have.
01:52:07 🪜 Cultivate a healthy self-relationship. Treat yourself with love, grace, and the space to grow and improve.
01:54:25 👥 A successful relationship starts with being successful as an individual. Your partner should enhance your life, not be the center of it.
01:56:03 🧩 To address relationship issues:
02:00:33 💑 Continuously engage in new, fun experiences together to trigger dopamine release, associating pleasure with your partner in your brain.
Wow this is amazing! Thank you so much 😊
thank you so much ! ❤
My word. Thanks a lot. ❤❤❤
❤️
You are the best when it comes to jotting👍
"What people value is what they talk about all the time, what they spend their time on, what they spend their energy on, and what they spend money on."
"You don't need to ask, just look, learn, by listening."
😮🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
I have learned this after many years.
They sometimes aren’t honest about all of it though… and if it’s shady you might never learn of it.
so true... and when they ONLY talk about themselves - RUN!
@@ilsole_777 ouch! 😱
Jay is not handsome.. he is beautiful, very beautiful, he and his wife look so alike... There's so much beauty in his eyes. Plus his wisdom is deep.
Their eyes are beautiful
He really is so beautiful
Do they have a baby yet? 👶
It's call bias.. dude and her have rare eyes.. gene pool got passed down missed races in subcontinent with surroundings tribes .. Indian aren't naturally light eyes
@@sawdahassan9570 äi
3. "Am I committed to helping them to achieve their goals? Am I willing to go through things to get this person to where they wanna be?" " The best version of themselves!"
"Most people don't know their partner's greatest goal!"
Rebuttal: "Most people don't even know theirs!"
Thank you both! ❤️❤️☺️☺️
These are my guidelines and im in same position on my own purpose. Been searching since i was 5 yrs old! LoL
Yes they don't know. I personally don't tell my goals to my partner cause she was using what she learned from her mom and friends to block my mouth.
@@toulabillal3905 huh?
I am much of a fixer (it's not just a compulsion, I do that in everything. I am never still). And I expect to be fixed. Does this equal out the problem or make it twice as bad?
Now that I'm a woman of a certain age, I genuinely know all of this. I really hope Jay's messages and book lands in the hands of people in high school and college. I wish with all of my heart I had known these concepts, ideas, and principles when I was young and just starting to have relationships. So many of us only had our divorced parents and relatives (many in unhappy marriages) as relationship role models. I made so many mis-steps and wasted so many of my good years on doomed relationships.
So true !! Listening to this is like !!! Well yeah I know this ! Cos I have had my fair share of learning along the way !!! But exactly I wish I heard this when I was in my 20s
True, also people need to be opened to accept the wisdom of the messages.
Yea, just wish the younger ones my age would wise up
Exactly! Me too.
Same here
"Be transparent and honest of where you are" is the best advice. The truth finally will emerge.
Each partner should care what the other wants. It shouldn't just be one partner willingly caring about the other while that partner only cares about their self. If I was with someone who is only supporting me, I would be asking them what they wanted because I would care enough. If my partner doesn't have the tools to simply care enough what I want, then he's not the partner for me.
That can be a cop out though Most importantly is using what Jay mentioned as a list of categories and zooming out. Because your partner might care and show it in a different way you do so you are unable to see it
Balance. Jenny from Moon Magic Tarot calls them drains and radiators. When 2 radiators get together they can achieve amazing things; but sadly a drain normally gets attached to a radiator and the radiator only wakes up after being bled dry.
I tell my girlfriends all the time about healthy, calm communication with their partners about their needs or concerns. And every single one of them become incredibly defensive about it ...that's too confrontational, that's embarrassing, I can't say that to them, it'll make us break up, etc. Yet all of them are in either abusive or miserable relationships, and they settled just so they can have a body in their lives. I wish they could see this great topic because communication and love style is the pillar of any healthy, sustainable relationship. Thank you so much, Jay and Lisa, for shedding light on such an important topic! This can literally save so many relationships and hearts, and ensure people are with the right partners 💕
I would say hundreds of millions of people, mostly women are like that. We can't ignore that some women are not financially independent and/or may be afraid of speaking up because of physical abuse or even that he could unalive her. So I can understand why they become defensive even though it rational. I have never been in that situation with a partner because I wouldn't put up with even a hint of a red flag but I am non confrontational with most people too which has done nothing but cause toxic uneasiness and resentment within me so I'm working on it. It's a process.
Then share the link. Id rather be alone than in a miserable relationship; I only stayed in y last one thinking it was better for my son only to learn it was the worst decision I ever made.
I've been single for the second time. I'm showing up with honesty and sincerity. The reason is simple, be honest. Who are you, what do you want, and where do you want to go in life. I'm into being very honest so I don't waste a lot of time.
Love that line: I want them to be attracted to who I actually am not who they want me to be 🐝
Funny because most men are marrying women they dont really like. She usually makes him look good and well put together
Just because they're not as excited about something that you are very excited about doesn't mean that they love you any less.Its very natural for two different individuals to have different excitement levels regarding the same thing...so truly said 💞💞💞
I'd suggest having separate interests is healthy. It gives each person space in a relationship and we all need space.
When a man says “I love you” to me and I KNOW we hadn’t been seeing/ spending enough time with each other to even remotely say such a thing, I DEFINITELY say, “Ummm, hold up… that can’t be true- you don’t know me well enough to love me yet… you hadn’t even seen all my flaws yet.” I definitely straight up call BS ASAP!
As a guy I can say that in our pov it can feel like we love the other woman in a short time span, but thats not love. Thats where I personally controll the urge to say it and wait until I am sure whether thats actually true.
When men do this so soon they are trying to get something from you. They are trying blind you so you dont see what they are after.
I was love bombed and the guy was talking love way too soon. My relationship lasted for quite a while with him 10 months but it’s been an issue of getting him to slow down the entire time!! He was widowed after being married over 40 years. My guess is he was incredibly lonely …he’s a good guy but I’ve broken up with him and gotten back together multiple
Times because he has been in a hurry to get married or engaged .
Happened to me and than i saw him say “i love you” to other girls as-well (he didn’t know i seen it). He’s just that type of guy therefore it took away the meaning and wasn’t so special as i thought was just love bombing. I don’t have anything wrong with expressing yourself to others but there needs to be a clear line of what type of love you’re referring to. In our case we were “talking” in that way so it wasn’t cool that he said it so soon if he was a friend or something than it would’ve been a friendly I love you but he wasn’t so it was wrong. Those words are so powerful to me and hold so much meaning especially since i never hear them often.
Exactly!
Thats a problem if you begin a connection without being authentic…always be authentic speaking your truth even if your voice is shaking. 💪💜☀️🧬👏🏻
yes! great reminder ❤
What she says on min 36 is so true, no one is a mindreader so instead of hinting or expecting the other person to understand what you're trying to say without actually saying it . Why not telling the other person what you mean and communicate open and clear about it. Some people will avoid doing that to avoid confrontation, but I ve made that same mistake in the past and recently and I paid the price for it. So believe me clear and open communication about everything is pure gold between 2 people.
The title should indicate that there are other experts in addition to Jay Shetty. This content is highly valuable!
Yesss!!! This is what I've been saying!! You can't have a real relationship if you aren't your authentic self!
Exactly this was my comment above 👆🏼
“people want their partners to have the same healing journey as them” WHOAAAA AS A “FIXER”.. I NEVER REALIZED THIS UNTIL NOW.
You cant fix anyone; they have to fix themselves; you can offer them the tools and space to do the work but you cannot fix them. Sadly some get stuck in victim mode.
It's also quite revealing when the kind of dates vary, for example, one fancy night out, one camping/picnic (but not in a secluded area obviously), one beach, etc. That way, you see their behavior shift with each setting, type of outfits, and interacting with each environment...
Love that
Or my ex.... one drink, 1 hour in a café. That's it. No more dates, no going out, no diners out of the house. But near to demanding me to move in with him after 3 months of hanging out 😂
Poor guy, i was never ever so bored as with him. He did not like to spend money on fun things in life. Not like he has to pay for me, but he did not even want to pay for himself.
That's a good idea. I remember talking about just meeting and walking along the beech with someone and chatting. I'd had a nice evening and a colleague immediately piped up and laughed saying "CHEAP, that means he doesn't value you". I never saw it that way., but as it turned out she wasn't wrong either in that he didn't really value me. In many ways that walk along the beech was far more intimate than many other settings. I personally think the fancy restaurant is too much pressure, but by the same token the supermarket cafe isn't a good idea either. There is the good old Cinema Movie night, but not the back row. However that doesn't allow much room for talking, unless the viewing is late for a coffee beforehand or early for one just after. I don't think its always a good idea to mix in alcohol for the first date. But that does give an idea of what someone will be like with a drink or a few.
I haven't dated for many years and its all a bit more new to me. Things tend to change when you get older. I guess asking someone what they'd like to do is a good start.
You expressing what you’re going through, is going to lead to a healthy relationship. You expecting the other person to understand you without the expression, you’ll be waiting an entire life time.
I definitely view Jay as a virtual mentor. His advice and wisdom has helped me grow so much & I'm so happy that you had him on the show, Lisa! I can't wait to get my hands on this book!
What Jay said about supporting partners in their journey and likewise is spot on!
I have been watching Tom and Lisa even before Lisa started this channel and I’m so happy to see the number of subscribers. Not far from a million. Love this channel ❤
So much good information about relationships! The conflict styles impacted me the most. As I’ve gotten older and become more self-aware, I transitioned through all three.
I mean just my opinion on one of the points is that every couple is different , the connection they feel if they are just watching a show ( entertainment) togather , or spending time togather as a family very low key , but makes them happy so it works for them !! No beee to undermine couples who watch tv togather and they are happy !! Whatever works for you is great ! No need to impose your options and views on other couples if they are happy , just cos they don’t go snorkelling or snowboarding doesn’t make them less connected or boring !! Anyway it’s just an opinion! Good points made , but nothing u don’t already know in your 40s , May be more important for young adults or teenagers who might need to hear all this ! It’s just a healthy chat to me !! Didn’t conquer my world unfortunately!!!! :) it’s his opinions on how a relationship should be !!!
It's about seeing how the relationship grows not where it goes 🥰
The assumptions we make about people in the beginning really resonates with me. Like assuming he's responsible because you are. The other is realising an ex never ever had the capacity to achieve success in areas you deem important. This is why I am not mad at my ex. He never was a high achiever. It was never in him so I can't feel cheated when he doesn't rise to the challenge. I just chose to ignore that aspect and tried to contour him into what I thought a successful man should be.
What he shares basically involves confidence in oneself. Being confident allows one to choose and act wisely. Great interview.
I am really impressed of this episode. Again Jay brought so many of new and extremely powerful advices (which I never heard before!). Very nice interview! One of the best I've seen. I already note it down as a video to be rewatched in the future. Great job both of you!
This is worth the 2 hours! Great for all communications not only love relationships. Bravo, thank you!
I am so happy to see his version of this. Very important concept and we all want love to be easier.
I AM a fixer. And my boyfriend definitely has now proved he doesn't want to change. And I am too exhausted to stay fixing him I need to fix myself.
you cant fix a guy. the guy have to fantasize your lifestyle and want to be just like you if you need authority over a guy to fix him. if he didnt think of you as great or if he wants to be like you.. he will put resistance.
Loving his articulation of relationships and how to navigate through dating
I love Lisa, her look, pink boots,pillows and mugs. She has such a great energy, she is super original, I adore to watch her speak!
Jay Shetty is a splendid human being, I watch him a lot!
I believe that mutual understanding of another partner's values, morals, compassion and sense of humor is very important in a relationship. Confidence in the way a man carries himself and his work ethic are also of key importance. And that his parents and rest of his family come first is of utmost significance. Volunteering and keeping physically fit as well as spiritually grounded is my motto. This is a very educational and informational podcast. The spark was stress is spot on. For me, seeing how a man cares for other peoples and his friends and siblings is his integrity. G.C. , Mesquite, N.V.
I picked a man who I saw treating his parents and family well… That was important to me and with how I grew up….. I saw that as a good indicator of his love and integrity. My family was very close, we spent time helping others growing up, taught not to disrespect anyone but of course not your parents and I truly respected my parents and family for their gifts! That taught ME to respect human beings… I knew I could count on them and vice versa. Unfortunately with him though… It was just how he treated people he was attached to for a lifetime… Regardless of how they in fact even treated HIM! And sadly it meant I would never be around long enough to come close much less surpass those people in his love and care. Which is what a marriage would require? Everyone thought he was the perfect man… The perfect boyfriend. He didn’t try to garner that reaction from outsiders but they saw how he treated certain people and assumed… Then when he was treating me badly and immature I was blamed for pulling that out of him… Nope…….. If he is capable of treating someone this way, that means he is willing to… I am not. It’s not IN me to pull out…
The second half with Spirit is phenomenal!
Wonderful interview!!! Jay is amazing ! I started tearing up , I can feel his passion for this work . I love this ! Thank you for bringing him on!!
Thank you for this Ralph! I love your videos and I love you as a person 😊 you inspired me to start my own RUclips channel to collectively transform humanity’s vibe. After watching this I now see how the Universe is isolating me so that I can transform my own vibrations. I used to be around toxic people 24/7 and became one myself. It’s been a long road recovering from narcissistic abuse. My father was a narcissist so it’s only recently that I’ve discovered how much damage I’ve been through. I needed to watch this video. I’ve been alone with my mom and cat all these years. I meet wonderful people who have toxic vibrations. They just want to use me. I can sense the energy of self-interest. They just want what’s best for themselves at the expense of others. Yet, they continue to lie to themselves and think that they’re good people. I’m not afraid to be by myself. I’d rather be by myself than surrounded by fake people. Toxic people. When I decided to be happy alone, I started noticing how I can detox those energies and vibrate in love frequency.
What a great and insightful, inspiring conversation! My favourite bits though are Lisa’s little sounds she makes when she agrees to what Jay is saying. Her little ‘aha’ moments sounds. So cute ☺️makes me giggle 😊😊
“Ahhhhh that is sooooo fiyah!!!-Lisa
I agree within the first 24 to 48 hours of meeting someone I know instantly what there intentions are and if I even want to be around them or if there a good fit in my life …. That’s where I am today ….. thank you jay
It’s not at all what he said, he said you need 40h at least spent together
2. Values, but even if they don't match, they have to make sense, or be complimentary.
There’s so much meaningful information…
I need to go back to check many times but this video deserves to do it. Thank you!
Love the fight style! Brilliant!! Definitely saves the relationship as partners tend to lead with assumption which destroys it. ❤️ 🙏 💕
Man, this guy spit facts. He knows his stuff. So refreshing. Great Podcast , thank you !
Took me a year to confess my love for him. Tbh I’m jaded from my last experience; dating is just exhausting…maybe some of us are not built to love and I’m maybe one of them. I’m just trying to make peace with that although it hurts.
I've felt the same way, but the conclusion I came to is not that some of us aren't built for love, but that some of us grew up in conditions in which our ability to love has been underdeveloped. Reasons might be different, but basically it's something we have to learn almost from scratch. It's difficult, but possible, you just have to be very deliberate. Therapy might really help.
35:37 everyone is an individual with their own goals and interests. They need to be acknowledged in a relationship to be one together. I agree with podcast.
Please add second interview to title and description. Both conversations were so insightful. I so appreciate Jay Shetty and Dr. Spirit
Lisa, your podcast and the people you invite are amazing. Thank you!!!
Yes 🙌🏽 my two favorite people together. All ears ❤
Thank you so much for this!!! This is GOLDEN KNOWLEDGE i NEEDED in my married journey… and personal growth i have LEARNED SO MUCH Valuable insights that could have saved me , my husband and our marriage so much pain…THANK YOU SO MUCH❤🙏🏼
I saw the thumbnail and got SO EXCITED FOR THIS COLAB 😭😭😭
Such wisdom and playfulness! A joy to watch and soak in!
Chemistry and compatibility are different! Love when she said that
JAY AND LISA IS THE BEST COMBO EVER!!!
Ok , Im coming from very bad relationships , so I had my self shot down or giving up on any human being, I’m very thankful 😢there still a chance ❤!, thanks you Jay you’re wonderful!.
Wow!!!! So true!!!! Then add an abusive person and there’s just no making sense of the senseless. (Best advice I got was “listen to the actions- not the words”. So true!!!)
Lisa, I ALWAYS love both yours and Tom's videos... LOVE, LOVE, LOVE|! I always learn something, but this interview has given me so many different ways to think and thoughts on how to approach my relationship... sooooooooo helpful and insightful!! Love you, Lisa, and Love Jay! Thank you for a very enlightening conversation! I needed to hear this! And I'm a big fan of listening to Jay's podcast as well :)
Hello Elizabeth how are you. Greetings from Ireland. It’s a good video on relationships. I wish you a lovely day and stay safe 👍🙏 Michael
Jay hopped from a conversation with Tom to Lisa. Respect your energy.
These topics and discussions are so on point that I’ll have to rewind and take notes!
Candid conversation among friends. Thank you for including me in your conversation. You both have validated many of my points of view, not that I am looking for validation. I am glad I did not sit in silence for years about what I wanted, yet it still took me 6 years to understand what I need from a partner will require him to change; that's not fair to him. I bravely walked away because I loved him enough that I did not want him to change for me. Best decision I made in life.
M9
First. You unexpectedly had Marthew Hussey as your guest
Then Eva Pompouras :3
and now you have Jay Shetty you guys do know your people. Thanks for this. Youre all awesome
Wow those 4 E's being implemented are soooo good and so IMPORTANT
To be as interested in them as they are, you. But in order to do that you have to think about how you're feeling, not how they are feeling !
Went on a first date after a long term relationship and long break up. I really thought about how I felt about this person, paying attention to our chemistry. I already had spent quite a few hours getting to know them before going out.
Thank you for your wonderful guidance
This is why I actually prefer meeting people in community. You can notice some of his good looking but overtime you see their character and personality in different situations. Then maybe decide if you’d like to be further involved. Safety and numbers!
I was very interested in the second half of this video where Spirit and Lisa discuss compatibility in long-term relationships. Wish that was listed as part of the description for the video. Excellent stuff!
There are many gems of truth and great insights in this conversation!!!
Thank you!
New to this channel but I’m loving ever single conversation 👏
Beautifully said👏 this is the problem we have in marriages and business 💯👌
I really want to meet a real person and human being that is learning this teaching, this should be wonderful and beautiful!!❤
Good luck because judging from the comments section ,its filled with women. Men arent interested in self betterment. So, women will attempt to get better and men remain the same
If you are thinking: "should I listen to a 2h interview? Is it worth it?" My sugestion is: just listen to the first 10min. Then you decide. Jay is SO freaking good in what he does that is tons of amazing content/advices at any minute of the video, you just wanna keep listening. PS: LOVE the rings Jay (I work with jewelry so it was the first thing I saw and it really gave you a cool and stylish look!) Love you, Lisa! You two together are FIRE!
This is a great conversation about listening to your partner and learning their values etc!!! Thank you so much for this!! ❤
You are so right. We never learn about relationships but someone like Jay really helps with this I love his work
When I was listening to this I was thinking of all the women and a few men I met who woke up one day and were married to a stranger. My friend Sandra who married a cross dresser for 20 years. The military guy who was a serial killer in Canada and his wife had no clue. The countless of women who were married and had children with gay men. The woman who spent years with a serial cheater. The woman who was married and had a baby with a one night stand. Who were we actually with?
Profound comment
And after a few dates, I got way stressed.. and laid out all my worry with this person, and they had the best response. To see them to stay by me in my weakest moments.
1:01:44 Taking inventory of relationship , who carries the relationship more in these areas?
Physical - groceries, physical things around the home, cleanliness
Mental - who leads by planning, creating activities, organizing, trips etc
Financial - who carries the relationship more financially?
Emotional - Who initiates intimacy more / leads in the emotional aspect
Spiritual - (my interpretation) who invests more in the wellbeing of the relationship health itself? - energetically as well who brings “good vibes”
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This entire conversation resonates so deeply.. Thank you
Oh my Gosh...I've been the fixer all this time. Thank you, I know now what I need to do and start working on ME to be the BEST ME!!!
Soooo good ❤!! Love this, and thank you both for putting this out there.
“When your relationship starts like an interview, chances are it might end like a firing.” Liseeeeee, he’s snapping in the first minute!
After the third date with a guy we had a very honest conversation, afterwards I got ghosted, because I put in healthy boundaries and wanted to build towards a relationship. He told me he's busy, he wanted friends with benefits, then when I confronted him over a week later he claimed he wasn't intentionally ghosting me, he was busy, then he told me about who he was. It got worse and worse after that. I'm done with that. Every time he said he'd come see me at first it was great, then it changed when I put in boundaries. So these things need to be explained to each other. I gave him a gift, and I never got a single gift back.
You were not on the same wavelenght. Its difficult because it hurts our feelings but its better to move on and find someone Who wants the same
Wow such great insights…especially for singles! Thanks much!
Even though i am single i sm listening to it and wanting to experience and practice all these things 😂❤❤❤... want to listen to it again and again ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this content. I can confidently say that I al in the right place at the right time.
I am committed to becoming the best version of me.
Clarity! Thank you Lisa ! Following from CR! 🇨🇷❤I am bilingual but certainly wish this would be available in other languages!
This talk is amazing. Thank you 😊. I really love what this man shares, bless him.
.... Lol I literally ask them straight up what their goals and values are. It's never awkward or in a bad way. It makes great conversation
Thank you so much Jay! This solved almost all of my relationship problem ❤
good luck! I hope the relationship is going well ❤
Beautiful discussion, very centering thank you 🙏
Thank you for bringing such light to your platform ❤
I love you Jay Shetty, you explained how I feel to be.
Thanks for inspiring me.
Loved ❤ both of you are such great conmunicators
its an excellent awareness he gave that partners do not have to have the same healing journeys- so true 7 vital to remain tethered to if two people are wanting to crate a truly supportive relationship based in deep witnessing and love!
I am thankful for transcript. Very nice to have I enjoy my vocal peace and reading helps me take in more coherently. Should be and interesting read in the shape the world is in as of now .. HERE WE GO 😂
Always be yourself.The right people will find you then.Also I won’t rush into anything.I like to take my tym to get to know a person.
This was such a fantastic interview! I am taking notes 📝
We didn't acknowledge the therapist and doctor "Spirit" after the first hour. She's amazing!!! 🌟
This was the most powerful videos thst I've seen on relationships. ❤. Jay Shetty rocks!
First two minutes in and am already thinking ohhh this will be an amazing interview!! Thank you both♥️