What is Polyamory? - Esther Perel & Margie Nichols
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- Опубликовано: 19 июл 2024
- Polyamory is a concept that enters every presentation I do about sexuality, infidelity, and monogamy. So... what are we talking about, exactly?
My friend and colleague Margie Nichols, Ph.D. joins me for a conversation about common misunderstandings around polyamory. First and foremost, it's crucial to remind everyone watching that the relationship formation we discuss here is consensual non-monogamy which is defined by Psychology Today as "an umbrella category that covers a range of relationship styles that describe openly conducted multiple partner relationships. In polyamory - at least ideally - all of the partners are all aware of and consenting to be in their web of multiple partner relationships."
This clip is a part of a longer conversation with Margie Nichols for Sessions, my online community for therapists, clinicians, and coaches. Each month on Sessions, we tackle an important, challenging issue with recognized experts in the field.
Learn more about becoming a member of Esther Perel's professional community here: sessions.estherperel.com/sign-up
I have been happily married for 9 years and while my husband is my sole partner and we are monogamous, I can totally visualize and rationalize polyamory. I believe loving more than one person is entirely possible. No judgment here...
lichi1244eva Love your open mind! I even think we all DO love more than one person. Most of us don’t do so in a sexual way though. I feel like love is a spectrum...
MissLeonable Thank you! I don't think that things like this should be thought of in purely binary terms. Everyone is unique, after all, so how we think and feel is unique, too.
NG Do you speak out of experience? If no: Maybe let people decide who do. If yes: Maybe it’s just not for you. Why is it so hard to accept that other people may have other truths? Would you tell a gay person it’s not possible to love the same sex (sexually), just because you don’t?
NG would you say that to someone with multiple children? You love them all fully, I hope. Loving more than one child is not entertaining side dishes, is it?
NG How about you focus and spice up your relationship and I'll continue to handle mine.
Great to see this covered; in my experience polyamory requires much greater emotional intelligence, stronger commitment as well as deeper self awareness and sharper communication skills than many monogamous relationships. If done well it is no easy option, it can be deeply challenging as well as rewarding.
NG I would say you seem to be very insecure because you cannot even admit or let other people to think about polyamory as a way of life. We fear what we don't understand anyway. :)
@NG Can you tell us what true love is? You say that many people are delusional but why do you say that? Can you explain yourself? It's all great that you show criticism, but it would be so much better if you would develop your thoughts, give arguments, and maybe even back up your statements.
NG you’ve got a great point, but not everyone is going to find that. You’re a dick.
Megan Keegan your comment presumes that all polyamorous relationships are based on fleeing from one partner to another when really people make the decision to be polyamorous for a multitude of reasons besides that. Monogamy is admirable but polyamory is about acknowledging the unhealthy mental ego and petty emotions that are jealousy and understanding you do not “own” another person in a relationship and you can be open and honest about your desires without it completely devastating what is a great relationship.
NG there’s a high divorce rate because of infidelity asshole, maybe they wouldn’t be if people could be open about their natural human desires than let jealously and possessiveness ruin a potentially otherwise fantastic relationship. It’s not for everybody, but those of you who hate on polyamory obviously have no idea what you’re talking about since you’ve never encountered a healthy polyamorous relationship or been in one. Also not everyone chooses to be polyamorous their whole lives. I don’t get why you’re even watching this and you hate something so much that you just don’t understand
Love this! Have never heard of the concept before but seen in the context of “the village we have lost” it makes sense. Thank you!
Hi Cheryl I’m in this type of relationship now you should try it
@@robparous1753 Cheryl doesn't need to try anything.. She has the right to her boundaries.
Love it, Esther and Margie! Thank you for this clear and enlightening conversation. Really interested in the community aspect you talk about towards the end.
In my experience, polyamory basically encompasses the following:
- shallow relationships
-a way for people who are having a hard time finding someone to commit to them, to still be able to give themselves the false validation of saying they have 'partners' (instead of the shame of being 'single').
- evasion of maturity, intimacy, vulnerability, and responsibility
-a place to 'hide-in-plain-sight' for borderline, narcissistic and psychopathic folks, giving their poor behavior a justification within the 'poly ideology,' i.e. ground for enabling cult-like psychological abuse tactics
-justification and normalization of sexual predation and abuse.
- justification for splitting rent in high-density living conditions
-a ton of STD scares
-a way for couples to stay together longer, by outsourcing the intimacy and adventure in their relationship, rather than reconnecting and fostering it with each other
-The progressive version of 'The Handmaid's Tale.'
Handmaids Tale! Holy shit!
That's a profound anaology.
You must be straight...
@@dwampler I'm Bi. I live in SF Bay.
The joke here, among my male gay friends who live in the city is this:
San Francisco is full of open relationships, because gay guys like to screw, but still value their partner.
East Bay is full of creepy, less attractive polyamorous couples, who are hedro-ish, who are kinda like this video:
ruclips.net/video/DTsdKycVZZ4/видео.html
Every single one of my gay guy friends get really catty about polyamorous people, often calling them 'crazy' or 'creepy.' I think that's a bit mean, but if you're around it enough it IS kinda creepy.
It's a very straight-is, cis white middle-aged person here.
The point is that being in an open relationship is not the same as the poly lifestyle.
@@cindyl5048 Oh wow. Elitist too...
@@dwampler
Polyamory is elitism.
Any couple who puts themselves above others and seeks to outsource their sexual emotional needs to others are literally treating others like servants or unpaid sex/relationship labor. Who in the hell thinks they're entitled to that? People who can stay the hell away from me. That's who.
Any couple who sees bisexual women as unicorns, not even humans, are just gross human beings. That's an elitist point-of-view.
Anyone who complains about being marginalized because people don't want to be their second or third in their harem is entitled.
Wanting boundaries and to be seen as human isn't an 'elitist' ask.
Half of the polyamory community are sexual predators. The other half are victims with low self-esteem who don't believe they are worthy of love and settle for it.
And, yes, if you have a real career and family and friends, you just don't have time for that kind of early 20s, low-income relationship drama.
I am very selective about who I date, because I love myself. Nothing wrong with being judgmental when it comes to protecting ourselves and our lives from creepy people.
1:21 Intersting. 21% where at some point in a consentual non-monogamous relationship.
2:00 It's about people who can't commit?
2:24 It helps to outsource
3:05 How it is different from a friend? People feel more actualized
3:55 Modern recreation of the villages we have lost
As someone who comes from a collective culture and grew up in that village style family model and seeing how modern life in America is starved for that in many sense- I can totally understand the rationale of Polyamory as a return to something lost. However, as these relationship models to require high levels of emotional intelligence and self awareness- I'm curious on the time economy of multiple partners. Beyond that, as someone who has always been in nontraditional relationships (in this case, interracial) how do we even begin to unpack the cultural competence needed navigate that in polyamory let alone with a single person? That said, I've been to these conferences and they're mostly, if not entirely white. As a woman of color living in America, I already have to dig to the other side of the Earth just to find representation- imagine never seeing people that look like you fall in love. Ultimately, I know myself enough to know I desire a life partner and knowing I already have to share them with their career, their passion, their friends, families, their ever evolving sense of self- how do you add other people to that equation?
It's hard enough to create a trusting bond with one human, imagine with two or then some. I do think it is possible for a very select few but not something that is plausible for the masses.
You don't need to be sexually and relational enmeshed with others to 'have a village' help raise children.
Statically, polyamorous people tend to be lower income and use their partners as sources of child care and financial support, because they can't pay others fairly for their labor.
There's a hilarious meme out there that reflects the stats, it says: "Polyamory: because we're gonna need at least three or four incomes to afford a half decent house."
It's not okay for one couple, who can't afford to have the children they chose to have, to try and use their social relationships as a means to get their needs met, because they are not taking care of themselves or have made poor life decisions. That's literally the definition of using people.
What we need is social programs to help lower-income families support their kids. We don't need to encourage couples to acquire 'handmaids' to 'outsource' their relationship, sexual, housing, financial, or child-care needs. That's some straight up Atwoodian dystopic stuff right there.
If I have to hear another low-income, entitled hipster poly lady with 2.5 kids, talk about how polyamory is her way of getting more childcare or financial support for herself and her family, I'm going to go nuts.
This isn't Downtown Abbey, lady. If you want help, get a job and hire a nanny.
Haha, I agree and feel the same....
Everyone who is not profiting financially or mentally ill / learning difficulties who I have heard speak about the poly life, who have actually experienced it themselves say the poly community is highly dysfunctional, and full of people with major issues. Be those personality disorders or attachment issues.
That said I appreciate that various conditions makes it difficult to fit conventional lifestyles. I suspect the two non secure attachment styles are those most vulnerable to this.
“ highly dysfunctional, and full of people with major issues. “ They won’t address these truths!!
Our entire society is filled with the type of people whom you describe here. It's across the board. It's just that poly folk tend not to hide it as much.
Great video! I live a polyamorous life atm and I have never been happiert, more grateful or loved.
Thank you for speaking so eloquently about something that's still regarded as taboo in many cultures. It's something I've debated on time and time again.
still feeling in hesitation?
Don't do it. You will be devaluing yourself.
Polygamy is a sign, you ain't able to commit. Polygamorous people don't deserve to be loved
I use this video every time to strengthen my confidence and knowledge in polyamory when I want to come out to someone. Buuuuuuutt I have one concern…..those cups on the table are quite large…..are we sure that those are drinking cups? They’re massive!!! Amazing interview by the way!! Loved it.
They be sitting there for years finding one decent argument for it
Hi! I would like to add spanish subtitles to this video but I can´t because the owner has to enabled for community contribution. Could you change setting? I think it´ll reach a lot more people :)
Interesting! When I settle down I choose to invest my sexual energy, the depth of my heart and intimacy with just one person. But I would also keep a support system of friends because I just think thats healthy. I dont consider that polyamorous
I'm sure its possible with people who have done inner work on themselves but from what I see a lot of people are operating from their wounds, shadow and inner child. I dont think those people are actually connecting as deep as they think they are
Love the reply, But in a way isn't it still polyamory or are u talking about focusing on the deep connection part with someone other then your husband
@@willpastatus... hypothetically if I had a close relationship with my best friend who is my sister, and a meaningful relationship with my kids...
which fulfils me emotionally... am I polyamory 🙄
And that as I continue to grow those treasured meaningful deep relationships when I am also in a deeply meaningful relationship with my partner whom Is so different to my kids and my sister
Because I share a sexual intimacy with my partner and no one else
Therefore I'm polyamory 🙄
Then wait... I also have a few select friends that I have strong emotional bonds with... oh no... I'm definitely polyamory 🙄🙄🙄
Honestly....
Like when did monogamy just look like polyamory ffs
Focus on core intentions...
Understand energy...
What's underneath despite whatever labels or relationship models
And see what you focus on is what you produce
You know what's more interesting...
Is how peadophile raping ritualistic elitists are polyamory fuckedup mind controlling cult cunts who like to use their logical bullshit perspectives to confuse the fucken world and keep everyone in a chaotic unawoken state of rainbows and lollipops emotional immaturity.
You seem to be missing the point on polyamory.
This is a fantastic point.
Most polyamorists do not understand what love and deep connection is. They think it only occurs through romantic/sexual relationships. I've even seen some of them proclaim that they are 'born poly' because they have a bigger capacity to love than monogamists. Reddit and Facebook posts are filled with statements exactly like 'I can't help that I just have the ability to love infinitely' or 'I just have so much love to give.'
It honestly reminds me of when R. Kelly played victim by saying, 'I just have such a big heart.'
Some of them actually even believe that just because someone is having sex with them or dating them that person must also love them, when in fact they are actually just being used.
The moment they want more or assert a boundary, they will be gaslighted by being called 'needy,' 'possessive,' 'jealous,' 'not evolved enough.'
It's really scary people think this is okay.
And it's not about morality in terms of sleeping around and being in an open relationship. It's toxic because it indoctrinates people and grooms them for abuse.
@PODCAST FROM THE EDGE
All the abuse and grooming you are mentioning is great to point out.
But it really seems like you might be attributing these things to polyamory, when you can find this abuse in any relationship dynamic.
I think a lot of people can relate to the example you gave, of someone being given sex and thinking its love until boundaries are asserted and thats when the other person dips out, or pulls out the manipulation if theyre that kind of person.
rampant misunderstandings of how to have healthy relationships, and a society (USA) that normalizes abuse in all relationship dynamics is quite unfair to pin all on polyamory specifically, no?
Hey @Esther Perel, would you make a video about dealing with jealousy? also, I can't find any video that talks about the grief over the idea of romantic love dying.
Pau Wegman Sadhguru speaks great on grief
Romantic love, IMHO, is fantasy.
Pau type jealousy and Esther perel, you will get some videos. She speaks fire
I've seen it in action (never participated ) but my conclusion is: it's so detrimental to everything in people's lives, in the beginning it seems exciting, seems like the answer to many issues with a person's primary relationship, but then everything disintegrates. And it ruins lives.
Consent matters and no one is cheating anyone. That's the beauty of it.
Literally everyone I know has cheated. And I come from a small country town. It’s not just some people I’ve come to learn everyone thinks about it and sometimes do it but they are scared of societies judgements due to religious conditioning
I am not being judgmental, just 51 years old and there is so much more than sex in a relationship.
Yeah, cursing, fighting, plotting. A whole lot of stuff. Anything but sex.
@@busyshah 🤣🙏🏼
These kids wouldn't get it. They will never experience a true bond, boundless love. I found a person who loves me more than my own Mother and I doubt these polygamorous people can ever learn to appreciate that. You go girl.
These people don't get it, the only thing that counts, when our time is to pass on are the people that love us, and I doubt their will be many people around for these kind of people.
Outsourcing some of the functions... this i like most :).
In my opinion the percentage of infidelity or polyamory is much higher. I've always thought one may love more than one person at a time. I've experienced it more than once in my life so far. And it is not just rubish, as someone wrote before me. It was not just temporary. I am talking about years of loving two people at the same time. It is so hard and self destroying to feel guilty about something that comes naturally from inside but you have to keep to the society's expectations and terms.
Just think about this. Reed some more literature about evolving of human beings and you'll see that these boundaries are all what we made up. And it is hard for us all in the entire human history to keep ourselves in these boundaries.
But still people are not so wise to open their eyes and stop pretending.
Yes, thank you.
I agree that monogamous relationships can be truly hard for some (maybe even a majority of the population), but it doesn't mean this is true for everyone. I respect your need and ability to love multiple partners, but some can't do it your way and you should respect that as well
boudaries are neccessary
i dont think im poly but I want to understand it better. The thought of being poly brings up a lot of insecurities in me I want to understand.
im wondering if any poly people have perspective on my fears and are willing to share with me.
(if youre just here because you dislike polyamory please dont comment. please explore your transgressions elsewhere.)
So, my fears when i think about being poly are along the lines of
"what if my partner likes their partner(s) more than me--is more attracted to them, has better chemistry/sex..why would they even want me around?"
Id be scared of being pity scraps to someone, or something like that.
Have you ever worried about that, and if so, how did you accept those feelings and navigate them?
how do you feel okay with the thought of your partner(s) making love to another person/people? For me the thought causes so much pain. And thats just a thought! i cant imagine the reality.
I just loved "it is a modern recreation of the village we have lost ... and this is the most important function that the sexual function". So many things to think about... right now I´m thinking about the role of sex in our lives. Do I need to have sex to all of these people? I really love them all? Does my partner love them all? Or is it just about sex, a physical thing? (no judgment) I´m loving having these questions to think about, thanks Ester and Margie, you both are fantastic.
That sounds intriguing
My view of polyamory is that there are people we meet in life we are attracted to and these are who we should get to know and explore the attraction of two souls and what they share with each other. But in monogamus relationships we avoid these people or lie about how we feel due to fear. Our marriage becomes an obligation and we are not able to be true to ourselves bcse our partner's insecurity is greater than their love. When allowing your partner to make their own choices and have other loves in their life, the gifts they receive (sexual amd non-sexual) are brought back to the relationship and enriches them both.
I once had an affair with a married man and he told me that everything he gave me -attention, sex, connection, recounting his days, etc... he took away from his wife.
Be bliss: Can you deal with being polygamous if you would be that?
@@alexandramaus Sorry.I have forgotten to put the name .. I asked it to BE BLİSS.But now I can ask you about your full thought.Are you totally against being polygamist?
@@alexandramaus I got you.Lİfe and being happy depend on what we like and what we live.It's true.:) I hope you live a happy and coherent life with your mind and heart.:)
@@SpicyUnicorn His wife probably took away his sense of freedom and happiness. After all, she's the one woman who has the power to financially ruin him... Can't say for sure, but probably there's a good reason he was cheating with you.
Thank u Ester!! Emotional attachment is the missing link within the poly stigma✨
I think its the best way to live life for those who don't believe in hereafter.
Yes. Most are atheists……do a survey.
Polyamory is not for everyone. We get it, some people are still stuck with the notion of "the one and only" but that doesn't hold true for everyone. This brilliant conversation aims to identify what polyamory is, it neither justify it nor condemn it. You cannot say polyamorous people are just selfish the same way you cannot say gays are just sinners.
it's not neccessarily about "the one and only". alot of it has to do with practicality
DarthYuYevon while that may be true, it doesnt mean there aren’t common things that are practical to all of us across the board
Can you do more videos on this topic! It is so interesting and I can’t get enough just from this one video 😊❤️
I agree 👍🏾
I’ll talk to ya abt it. I’m something of an expert (not)
Would love to try it
Get ahold of me on Facebook
I believe Margie was spot on when she said that contemporary relationships place a tremendous burden on people because we have to be everything to one person and that can be exhausting. In practice, how do we apply this? Is this being done only by people who are single?
she didn't give a clear definition of *polyamory.* and it's a fairly specific one.... 'by chance' i knew a polyamorous 'family' (made up of 2 households)..and also a few couples who were 'swingers.' all of which i found out/they told me well *after* got to know know them.
i also met a group of coffee shop acquaintances..who later turned out to *already* be a group of friends..because they were - not involved with each other intimately - but they were in the same support group for people who were into BDS&M..it was quite some time before they told me..and i'm glad i got to know all the individuals i mentioned here first, before they told more about themselves..because i think it's possible i wouldn't have given them can a chance at friendship had i somehow learned such things about them early on. 😯
My curiosity is… in the village… I don’t think multiple romantic partners would have been supported. Supportive friends family and community members…. But multiple romantic and sexual partners? I can imagine that would cause hurt and pain, unless it was openly communicated. But I’ve never heard of that in the past. Can anyone here guide me to information regarding villages where polyamory was common?
But you can have community without intense romantic relationships how much do you think that polyamory is is a substitute for that or would it just be part of a larger general community if we didn't have polyamory
Man, polyamory used to freak me out so much. I've recently been in a situation that made me go on a curiosity spree on the topic and I find the idea and practice completely reasonable. It's good to know very well what it means so that you can know for sure if it's something for you or not, 'cause it's definitely not the "let's try this" thing a lot of people make of it to. You've really got to need to have a huge affinity for having romantic attachmentS and for spending time that way. Definitely not for me and it's good to be able to spot whether someone I'm discussing this with has a very clear idea of what it means too. However, I definitely see it happening as more of a sexual thing for couples who don't want kids than for actual families. Thank you for the video!
Never ever
No judgment but it's not for me. Jealousy and insecurity are a *normal* part of a loving relationship so when your romantic partner fancies someone else it just feels yucky. I wonder polyamourous people who don't experience jealousy or insecurity really feel truly loved.
Karen Browning I haven’t experienced it first hand, but I have read several books on polyamory-this is where communication, reassurance from your partner and working through your own feelings come into play. Jealousy doesn’t disappear just because you and your partner are both open to loving more than just each other. Polyamory is not an easy path, but I can see how it can be truly rewarding if everyone is willing to put in the work- into each other, and, of course, into themselves. Insecurity exists in monogamous relationships as well. It’s about learning to talk these things through with your partner, doing the tough work of analyzing and working through your insecurities on your own, and learning to be happy for your partner (look up the word compression) instead of looking at their enjoyment without you as a reflection of your relationship. If anything, it can help put emphasis on things you can do and address to better and strengthen your partnership as well as your relationship with yourself.
I agree Karen Browning. They can't possibly feel truly loved in this type of dynamic.
Does anyone wonder why jelousy exists in couple relationships? Because monogamy is the natural tendency in the human species, that's the way humans adapted for hundreds thousands years to survive, so it became part of our instincts. In polyamory relationships there's more jelousy because of that. Acting as if polyamory or polygamy relationships are natural for humans is acting against our insticts, so jelousy will arise much more often than in monogamous ones
Yeah. To you. You've been culturalized in that fashion.
It's really sad that anyone thinks that jealousy and insecurity are required to feel love.
There is a place in the heart that only God our creator can fill. He is love and when we count him out we count out love. Tragic!!
I've never been a poly person, a swinger, or anything like that myself, but I got to know some people like that in person as well as when I was doing the Yahoo Chat thing in the 1990s. ALL of those people are now divorced.
No thanks, I will stick to one partner and a few friends.
do you need help in your relationship my dear friend if you do get in touch with him on WhatsApp
+(234)-815-689-6436
You mean one partner at a time.
Is it the only way to recreate the community we lost ?
Esther Perel Thank you very much for your answer
No thank you. I have no desire to be with anyone. I'm happy to be single; I find peace and harmony in my own company.
trauma or anxious attachement style? typical
I don’t understand polyamory relationships.. or anyone with multiple partners , am I a selfish person or what ? I m divorced after 20 yrs “48 now” and in my age days or the way I was taught is to marry one man and die with it! And so I thought 💭 but he was a womanizer man I had to leave him. Then I met a 13 yrs younger guy but this one I think is all 😂 poly And monago.. so I don’t like it. And so I’m single now.. I feel I need a companionship at times but maybe not. I’m just completely ok with myself . It is what it is nowadays ah? Modern dating of the millennium. To each their own in my opinion. God bless you all!
"a modern recreation of the village we've lost" I do totally align with that.
Whatever floats your boat. Not for me lol
"polyamory is the modern recreation of the village community that we have lost" ♥ it!!!
village community that we have lost - we could also say tribalism that we have transcended
@@wtfellification Tribalism will win out in a nation of individuals... Just saying.
@@shin-ishikiri-no not if there's a balance between the individual and communal
@@wtfellification There is no balance. Have you gone outside lately? No one cares about anyone else. Also, most people only love one person AT A TIME, which means they've lost lots of potential support over the years. Lost lovers, earning potential, emotional well-being, etc. Most of the richest people in the world have a network. If you and your ONE partner think you can compete against a clan of equally competent members, you're sorely mistaken.
Couples will struggle to make ends meet while successful groups share a common residence and make enough to do what they really want. ESPECIALLY in today's economy. The days of one household income are long-gone for most. Unless you're in a highly, highly lucrative field. To which I'd say good for you, but a collection of high earners are STILL going to outdo your couple. This is how the elites operate. Plebs fight over scraps.
@@shin-ishikiri-noI don't think communism is the answer
Nice arabic table.
Rocknium1 But it's not straight.
Arc Kocsog what?
Excellent observation skills... LOL
Sometimes I feel polygamist.I think I am wrong :(
We do not have to have sex with every person we have a strong connection with!
The peak of strong connection is intimacy.
I think WE should talk about it more , because WE will see it in thé futur à lot 🤔
yes we will!!!!!!! ♥♥♥
NG i do not Hope so 😥
@@noceibaseghier7763 LİVE HOW YOU LİKE :)
@@jackheinz8479 of course I will, thank u for the advice 👍🙏
@@noceibaseghier7763 not at all.And maybe I will share my thoughts with you.:=
Solitude and celibate and destroying all intimacy from all sources. Because I have already made it to any physical touch feels like getting hit with a hammer 🔨. That's what a lifetime of abuse torment betrayal and abandonment does to a person. Not a single person chose to display integrity and dignity. Now it's time for examples to be created. Well maybe hindsight is always 20/20
This breaks my heart for the world
No thanks I'm an introvert plus I'm enneagram 9 subtype one to one so I prefer one to one communication. This is not for me too many ppl in the mix😊
Polyamory is a relationship where it's okay to be honest. Monogamy is more about owning and obligation. Love is more genuine when it's a choice.
Isn't choosing one person a choice?
Actually i think all loving relationships are about love, commitment, maybe even a little bit of belonging and for sure a lot of honest communication. Having multiple partners doesnt mean not having obligations (my understanding is that polyamory actually requires more work and more work from every side)!
Thank you.
@@lisarimbalzo1849 No relationship requires more than you mandate. Set your own terms, and if the other party agrees. You're golden. Why do people think relationships need to be 24/7 stimuli of LOVE and AFFECTIONS? I have other shit to do for most of the week anyway. Even in a two-party relationship I don't spend that much time on anyone. lol
It’s not your choice, society and religion has chosen it for you and dictate it to you as a successful way of living by choosing 1 partner for your entire life. By just looking at statistics we see it’s never been successful and never will be. Time to open our minds….
no one's thinking, 'oh, my partner needs an opera-mate, re: this topic... *please!* 🙄
and, not everyone 'falls in Love,' in ways that are taught as being, 'traditional'.' and there are an endless number of *types* of marriage arrangements/agreements.
that said, even *without* romantic-erotic attachments to a partner, possessiveness & loyalties, one or more over *others,* can still happen! because, as always, you're dealing with imperfect *human beings,* not robots, not perfect gods.
and although polyamory is not for *me,* one of my closest friends is living a very long-term, polyamorous Life.
which i learned about only shortly after my friendship with a woman/mother/widow I'd met had begun to flourish.
so, only as a *witness,* to such an extended family, the awareness of it entered, into my own Life, very organically.
and, only as the outsider i am, i believe it has worked for as long as it *has,* because all involved were innocent, all decent human beings with very loving hearts.
and i think it's important to know that, even under such circumstances, it's not all always easy.. not even fur those who agree to it.. and agreeing to it isn't the same as everybody, *24/7,* every day, month & year, all feeling the *exact* same way about it, every *day, month & year.* just like with *most,* individual human beings & most monogamous relationships, it's nuanced.
It should be obvious to even the most amateur observer,, that monogamy is not natural to the human species. Polyamorous/ethical non-monogamy works best for me (‘Ethical’ being the key word). Cheating happens when people break agreements. So I highly suggest not to enter any intimate relationship, without expressing (to your potential partner) honestly your sexual desires and relationship goals. Remember,., Consent is not cheating. Although polyamory isn’t for everyone. It should be obvious that monogamy isn’t for everyone either. Legal marriage does not exist in nature. Marriage is a made up human concept. Maintained, controlled (and policed) through culture, religion and state governments. Whereas pair body does come naturally to the human beings. Neither monogamy or polyamory/ethical non-monogamy is easy. But I personally would preferred to have the ability to customize intimate relationships and love life. Rather than be locked in a relationship with no flexibility and no freedom of sexual self expression. We should all have the freedom do whatever makes us happy and be intimate with whomever we wish to be. As long as everyone is an adult and that relationship is consensual,, it’s nobody else’s business. But be honest about yourself! Look within yourself to figure out if your idea of the ideal relationship is based on years of religious conditioning. Not to mention conditioning through cultural and social acceptance,, books, entertainment (Hollywood’s definition of monogamy and happy, marriages). We are very impressionable We are children. So be sure you are thinking for yourself. Bottom line figure out what brings you the most joy and allows for the most freedom and Joy. For me,, the more freedom, connections, genuine love and friendship,, the better. But Quality over quantity always. Life is NOW!! So Live it!!
Best comment ever!♥️
Wh en instead of using upper part of the body we prefer to use the lower. Then you are a polygamist. It is a choice. Do it like humans or do it like dogs.
NOOOO …..certain people do not want sharing like this
As a man the idea of having multiple lovers is enticing, each one generating a story. A new body, a fresh mind, and another soul with whom to fornicate...however building one relationship is enough work, let alone two. It's a cute idea though.
Polyamorous relations shall and will be defeated
Polygamy is for people incapable of committing. Theres no nice talking about this. End your relationship the moment the topic of open relationship comes up. Or end up like Will Smith. The choice is yours
There is no such thing as Polyamory, this is just a verbal justification for infidelity and lack of commitment, for promiscuity. It isn't about loving multiple people, it's about having sex with multiple people.
Dumb comment.
With respect: I have never seen a polyamorous relationship be a cohesive healthy relationship. I see it as the exploitation of the male partner by the female partner for his resources while the female shops for better genes for the purpose of reproduction (or act of reproduction) Other forms of polyamory I have witness is used for a soft break of a relationship. All forms I have seen end in disaster ruining groups of friends and urban families.
I've seen plenty of good poly relationships that have worked for years.
Sounds like someone needs to "get out" more. Not literally. Go read more.
@@megarandom *shrugs*
I disagree.
@@shoa4566 Disagree all you like. You're still wrong.
@@megarandom hahahahha. Okay. It must be as you say.
So... Do you feel better? ☺
Me either. It's always a drama-ridden, STD scare, crap-show.
I suggest one man, and three women. Polygyny.
In this way, men can fulfill their function as providers and protectors. And women can spend their time on what they want to do, not worrying about the financial aspect of things.
But make sure you find and lock down a strong, wealthy and trustworthy man, who loves each of them and treats them equally.
What I see very often is that no masculine man desires to share his women with others. And women desire masculine men.
Wow 1 man and 3 women To fulfill their desires and financial needs. 🙄 That's impressive... sounds exhausting and expensive! Lol
Ugh 😩 sounds exhausting and what about STD yikes 😨
2% is not "VERY COMMON" LMFAO what a joke /spit
I mean 21% have been in one. And if you are in a room of 50 people there is statistically going to be one that is currently CNM. It is realistic that you could run into someone every day that is in a relationship like that witch does make it seem very common.
People are always finding ways to rationalize infidelity because of their selfishness.
Brooklyn Garcia seems like you're finding ways to rationalize your insecurity and jealousy.
Taylor Merriwether seems like you're finding ways to rationalize your sanctimonious ego.
Taylor Merriwether you've just confirmed what i said earlier
I'm the one being sanctimonious lol?? Not the person who watched a video they knew they didn't agree with, just to say that the people who agree with this ideology are "looking for ways to rationalize infidelity and selfishness"?? All I did was repeat what was said, but made their viewpoint the target instead.
Brooklyn Garcia Yeah sure lmao. Get off your high-horse. You're not any less selfish than anyone else just because you'd force them into monogamy instead of polyamory. It's still forcing someone else to do something because that's what *you* want, which is still selfish. And you commented that to put people down and make them feel bad for being who they are instead of who *you* think they should be. Also selfish.