living for yourself & not others 🌻// living a life you're proud of
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- Опубликовано: 9 сен 2024
- I'm back with a chatty GRWM - let's talk about how to live for yourself & not others! Living for yourself means living the life that YOU want for yourself, regardless of the opinions of others. Living for others means living to please others, living for external validation & approval, and caring about what others think.
I believe that a lot of us start out life learning to live for our parent's approval and the approval of those around us-our peers, teachers, etc. This comes out of our desire for love. We seek love and acceptance from others and that's totally understandable. Eventually though, we must learn to love ourselves, and find within us the love, approval, validation and confidence we've been yearning for. Thus begins the journey of discovering internal validation (self validation) over external.
Where are you in this journey to learning to live for yourself? What constitutes a life you're proud of?
// watch related videos
→ how to stop caring what others think of you | bit.ly/2ZRPuyO
→ building self worth & self esteem | bit.ly/2K9O4dP
→ how to find motivation & live to your fullest potential | bit.ly/2Y4TPxH
// books mentioned
→ 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think | amzn.to/2HkzoGC
→ The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People | amzn.to/2JVR51W
→ app: Trello
// makeup
→ too faced spray primer* | go.magik.ly/ml...
→ hourglass vanish foundation* | go.magik.ly/ml...
→ tarte shape tape concealer* | go.magik.ly/ml...
→ bh cosmetics sylvia gani palette* | go.magik.ly/ml...
→ em cosmetics brush liner | bit.ly/2fTzBCf
→ nars mascara* | go.magik.ly/ml...
→ em cosmetics blush serum: sunset sky | bit.ly/30o6HzQ
→ em cosmetics lip cloud: faded clementine | bit.ly/30mKQZD
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Edited by Loryn Teranishi | @yoloryn
Music by Epidemic Sound - bit.ly/2IBCok1 (30 day free trial)
Outro music by Eventide | bit.ly/2wW9Xa8
// M A I L B O X
Aileen Xu
PO Box 296
Brea, CA 92822
Business inquiries | lavendaire@select.co
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// A B O U T
I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.
Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life you love.
Subscribe to Lavendaire to get inspired by new videos weekly! bit.ly/sublaven...
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own. Some links I share are affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission if you make a purchase through them. Any PR samples or gifts are marked with an (*).
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*If you are not loving what you do, you are not living.*
Don’t chase somebody else’s dream, live your own.
A-frigin'-MEN!
Yeahh 🙏🏻
life's too short to waste time living out someone else's dream! chase your own!
I love the term “artist of life”.
Lisa B me too
:) me three
Me too
Perfect message to start off the morning.✨
When you live for others you give them the power to kill your joy.
that's so true....
Yes, that's true
Dream Allures agree with you!!
yup - and you give them more power than you really should! remember that you hold the power in your life :)
Always💜💫
Life gets so much better once you’re self-aware and focus on you ❤️💯
YES!
Exactly ❤️❤️
yess
This is such an important topic! I think so many people live their lives in the way that others want them to. We only have a short time here on earth, and we should do exactly what is best for us. 💕 I always have to remind myself of this!
Christina Marie beautiful comment! Agree! 😊✨
Well said Christina ❤️
so true!! don't waste time on other ppls' opinions & desires. live your life for YOU.
definitely agree
••••>> Live for yourself!!! The older I get the more I believe that people will think what they want regardless. Ask yourself, what’s the point of living your life based on what’s “accepted or expected by others?” You’ll never really be genuinely happy.
You are worthy of pure happiness. Go out there and find your happiness, explore!
From a self love content creator to another- Love how the color yellow looks on you Aileen! 🌻Enjoyed watching you do your makeup. 🤗
D.E.Y.A yep! Worrying about what other people will say/think will hold you back from so many things in life from sharing your talents, passions, being in the right relationship, even LEAVING a relationship sometimes, going to school, getting a job, and most importantly holds you back from being focused on growing and loving yourself
Dream Allures Indeed!! ❤️
I think even more importantly than imagining how you would feel when you reach your goals is to feel those feelings right now by focusing on all that you already have and are, how far you have come and how great your life is right this moment. 😊
yes yes yes!!! I think both are important!
Rea Kariz totally agree 👌🏻👌🏻We have so many things to be grateful for, but we end up not realising them because we are fosucing way to much on what we dont have! Well said Rea ❤️
yes!
Thank you for this video Aileen. I've lived for my parents all my life, I finally got to the point where I started living my own life. I am moving to China to teach English and everyone around me thinks I am crazy!! Fear has no place in my life and hopefully someone will get inspired by my leap of faith. Thank yo so much for Lavendaire, it has inspired us to live our lives to the fullest.
congrats for taking that leap of faith!! wishing you all the best 🙏💖
I needed this video, thank you so much for making this 🥰
yes yes!! This was such perfect timing!
I needed this too! 😊🙏🏻
Living for yourself is the best thing our own happiness matters
yes exactly!!!!
Agreed!!
I love your channel
I love your thoughts, your style , your voice
You motivate me a lot
I'm so thankful for the beauty you show
@@InnerResearcher 😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
thank you so much 💖
@@lavendaire 😘😘😘😘💛💚💜💛🌹
You cant love other people if you dont love yourself
amen...
I honestly love you. Your one of the only honest youtubers out there. You’ve helped me so much on my own self journey. I used to be in a whole of hatred and jealously but I’m starting to change and recently I’ve noticed I don’t have those feelings anymore. I just want to say thank you and keep making amazing content that you’ve been doing 💞💞
You will keep growing too, bless your efforts ♡
that's so amazing, i'm so happy for you 💕
I feel like I needed to see this vid so badly. I have not been living for me in YEARS! It still feels difficult to decide without thinking about opinions of other people. I hope that I can do this and start to live my OWN life!
You are a light in the darkness.
After a week of being depressed,
I feel hopeful again.
Thank you.
sending you lots of love 💕
Such an important message us young girls need to hear! ❤️
Where are you in this journey to learning to live for yourself? What constitutes a life you're proud of?
P.S. If you see this - there will be a back to school GIVEAWAY in next week's video!! Turn on notifications :)
Can't wait
❤️❤️✅
Okay ms.Lavendaire🥰
I think I'm going through a phase where I'm now able to act like I prioritize myself but still feel a kind of tension inside to do so.I guess it's a sense of guilt. But I embrace them then they gradually melt away☺🌈
I'm proud of myself when I can emotionally detach myself from other's negative moods☺
Neither polarities feel satisfying to me. Learning to balance between living for myself and others.
The life I also feel proud of is the one I can remember.
I once wrote a poem and everyone around encouraged me submit it for a website.
And for me to submit something like that takes a lot and I had to be really proud of that poem if I did that. Funny, I have zero memory about it and the poem was also called The Loss Of Memories.
If it wasn't for my family, I would probably never found out it was me who wrote it. I was told that I wrote about people leaving home and the further away they went, the less and less they could remember about who they are, their family etc.
Now the website is gone and my account is gone with it.
I think we often take our memory for granted. At the end of life memories is all everyone is truly left with. Collect them while you can and pass on to the love ones!❤🌹
The way you talk is so beautiful and kind.
You genuinely inspire me so much💫✨ Love you💛 and a lot of support 🌼 always waiting for your new video!
Yes! Her voice is so soothing & calming! ahhhh...
@@InnerResearcher
Yes! Very True😊😊☺️
aww love u dear!
Every time you upload, I feel so happy! I am so glad I found your channel!
YES! I saw the notification pop up & i got so excited
@@InnerResearcher yes I feel the same! ❤
i'm happy you're here too 💕💕
Me too ❤
also,I am glad that I found her chinal
she is my love my sister
Girl, this was exactly what I needed! Thank you! You're a ray of sunshine!
always here for you 😘✨
She is so right in the idea that, "as you grow in life, your standards grow as well". I am currently seeing this manifest itself in my life, and I am so proud that I recognize this.
Yeah This is more my speed! I need to think of myself now. What I want and how I feel! The old chapter is done! I am ready to start anew! This time unapologetically. Love You All! Peace and Blessings!
This is just what I️ needed this morning. I️ tend to usually worry about this a lot. I️ sometimes make decisions that are based off on what others may want or expect from me . It’s never really just solely me I️m thinking about.
I️ don’t really get much time to go out and explore I️ just keep myself caged in at home because of anxiety reasons. But this video is making me change my perspective. I️ want to be happy, I️ want to be my authentic self like you said. I️ want what I️ think is best for me and not what other want from me. Thank
your self awareness is the first step to change :) good luck with learning to live an authentic life for yourself!
Whenever I am confused or at a very messy phase of my life, I always come back to you because Aileen, your videos keep me grounded. I have been hooked to you since I first started to learn about self love, self worth and self care. And now whenever I feel lost and demotivated, these videos help me to get back on track, like, you come to me and say Anjali, go back to work and take care of yourself. And that really pushes me. So thank you for being that influencer in my life and I love you loads.❤️❤️
i'm so grateful for you 💖 glad i can help
This was super inspiring ! recently, i've seriously decided to change my mindset and start living for myself instead of living for others & match the society standards, that's why i loved every word & advice you shared ❤ especially when you talked about going out of the comfort zone to expand and keep growing cause that's what i'm planning to do ! Thank you so much Aileen ❤
I am so thankful that there are people like you out there
I love all your videos. They help me so much with any troubles I have. I appreciate you and your videos sooo much
so happy that i found your account that truly gave me a benefits. Love you💞
yes same!!!
Same feeling ! Shes an angel 😇
🙏
I listen to your videos as if I were listening to music and I've found myself repeating some of the ideas and modeling my mindset to the ideas you explain. It's great because I'm changing without thinking resistance.
a life that you proud - a life that is fulfilling and satisfies you.
I too believe that if you're not progressing, you're regressing and so I loved that you said that in the video.
I've experienced so many changes lately (moving, refocusing on what I truly want and make me happy) that it's been hard keeping up on the things I usually do. Making a list of what would make proud of myself, I feel, would help me tremendously in this changing period of my life and also take some pressure of. Does it take or add on the pressure for you?
i think it adds pressure in a good way, and forces me to do things that are uncomfortable that would help me in the long term! when i was focusing on happiness, i was taking a lot of pressure OFF (which is important sometimes too), but doing that for too long can make you complacent, lazy and start regressing. so i needed a kick in the butt lol
I am so, so happy that I was able to watch this. I just graduated from college in May, and this “back to school season” will be the first in my life that I am not going back to school. That means I have some extra time to be with my own thoughts, and I’ve been avoiding doing this kind of thinking because I was scared that I wouldn’t know the answers to these kinds of questions- what makes me happy, proud, successful, confident, beautiful, etc. I keep feeling like im “behind” because i had to take an extra semester since I got very, very sick in the spring, and I don’t have a fancy job offer. After watching this I feel a lot better about where I’m at, and I’m inspired to pick up my journal and get in touch with my thoughts. As always, thank you so, so much for putting in all of the effort in your videos that you do 💗
enjoy this time of self discovery & growth :) sending you so much love 💖
I totally agree that u living for yourself not for others!! Start loving yourself and believing yourself!!❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for everything you post on this channel, you're helping a lot of people and that's one of the things you should really be proud of constantly. ❤❤❤
Also, for you reading this comment... LOVE YOURSELF, NOW! You're more than enough, cared for, unique. You should really celebrate yourself (you're alive, you grew a lot and you'll overcome difficulties, as you did in the past, because you can💪). At the same time, keep growing as a person, darling! Work on yourself even if you're scared, your future self will thank you forever. Always remember you value so so much and nobody can drag you down without your permission. Keep going in the direction of your dreams!!! Have courage, kind soul❣
you're so sweet for leaving this comment for others. i hope a lot of people read this & believe it!! 😭💖
@@lavendaire I'm so glad you read this. You're so so sweet, too!!❤ I hope people convince themselves that they deserve their own love and compassion... That's vital.🌻💖
Watched this earlier and knew I would need to save. So timely and Every thing I was needing to hear. I've always struggled with this coz of my family life. Thank you for this and the journal prompt! Can't wait to start it in my bullet journal ❤
I liked that you talked about doing things you're proud of, not just doing things that make you happy. Because there's a huge difference and I don't hear people talk about it enough
I had a very productive life for many years, mostly creative work, and then my dad died, and he was one of my best friends. I over came that, and found myself, doing almost nothing for the past three years. There have been people trying to yank me back, and I have to get back to little things like taking a shower every night. I mean I'm clear at the bottom, and it's going t take just me, to turn everything around. I wish you a Merry Christmas. Katie in Kentucky
Self-care is attractive because it conveys self-worth.
Your videos have been so helpful. I used to feel silly and a bit ashamed for putting whisper videos on RUclips. Not anymore, fortunately. Some people might think I’m odd, but, well, that’s totally OK. Their opinions are their business, not mine. Thank you for being awesome. 💚
YES GIRL YOU DO YOU 👏
@@lavendaire 🥳🥳
Just what I needed to hear ,learning to live for myself 💜
Your videos are a important part of my life, changing from a teenager to an adult... I just love your talks ❤️🥰
I love your voice!! It's so soothing and soft 🌼
Aileen that is so relatable for me. There are so many things I still wanna explore about myself. Your video gives me a lot of courage. Thanks a lot . Looking forward for your next video.
Needed to hear this! Especially the part about not knowing all of the things that make us happy because the things that did are from the past. I’m dealing with trauma and a big part of it is wishing I could be who I used to be. My therapist keeps telling me that I’ll never be her again but I can be better.
I love that you did your make up while you were making this video. Inspired me to paint my nails while I watched!
It is so funny that you mentioned not enjoying folding your laundry because I always listen to your videos when I fold my laundry! It makes the experience relaxing and more enjoyable. I think of laundry day as a way of clearing my energy as I clean my clothes and room.
Thanks for the journaling task. It's nice to think about what is making me proud. :)
I can’t tell you how much this resonated with me, thank you so much for making this video ♥️♥️
🙏✨
"it's about the growth"❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
thank you for the written lyrics..it's much more easier to understand for no mother language speaker.! ;)
Thank you for this video! It's really helped me understand what I was missing, and it's motivated me to push myself and make myself proud :)
I love you Aileen.🍒 I love you as a person, your videos, your podcast and just everything about you. You make life so Lavendaire. 🍋
hehe live that lavendaire life, my love!! ✨
@@lavendaire oh my... 😭 Aileen❤️❤️ Thank you. 🌻
I used to not be a fan of flossing also. After a painful dentist visit I finally decided to make flossing a part of my daily routine and now several years later I don't feel right if I miss one day flossing. I remember a couple years ago when I had a cleaning after traveling overseas for more than a year, the lady cleaning my teeth kept complimenting me on how healthy my teeth and gums were. I didn't express it out loud but I was so proud in that moment because of the simple change I had made to floss every single day resulting in one of the most pleasant dentist visits I've had in my life.
This is so true 100 %. Totally agree. Thank you.
One thing you discussed that I find hard to balance is being “proud” of my life and also making sure that I’m not doing all these things for me and not because I know other people will be impressed.
you want to make YOURSELF proud, by setting your own standards & definitions
This video was meant for me to see today. I’ve been struggling with this so hard.
thank you so much for this Aileen! You are so genuine and all your words are so beautiful! I love watching your videos because I feel like I belong here! I love you! ⭐
you do belong here!! love you so much 😍
I’ve been hearing the “live life to the fullest” phrase a lot lately, and this video made me think about how I haven’t actually outlined what that means for me. I am happy right now with my career and life in general but I don’t feel like I am taking advantage of what life has to offer. I’ll try that trello list out!
the first step is deciding what that means to you :) good luck!
Lavandaire videos have been my 2020 therapist
Thank you for putting this video out. I realized through out the 29 years of my life I have been living in people's expectations in ways my life should be. Most of the time its often associated with monetary and material things. Other times its often about work statuses and education. I have pushed myself so hard to achieve these things, but forget about things that matter to my life self care, home care, being a respectful person and other things that matter. In my next milestone birthday I hope to live for myself intentionally and enjoy life with a purpose. And have a well balanced life.
love this. that's what growth & learning is about!
I love your videos! You seem to be one of the most self aware & ‘enlightened’ people I have come across. Every time I watch one of your videos, I become more motivated to find my purpose & live my best life. Thank you!
Hi Aileen...your words always inspire & motivate me... I really like ur videos especially the ones abt self love ... thanks and keep spreading positivity🙂❤
Thank you :) That was really on point, to live a life that you are proud of and doing things that make you proud of yourself is so important :)
You taught me to live for myself. I was too focus on others which makes me sad 😪😪
This video is so apt , everyone can relate to. Perfect timing
Ur so right it’s beautiful to know ur so young and so aware of 🐝 been the master of ur own self 👏👏👏👏🥂👌I found ur video because I did a similar video (monica salawe be active and loving ur self )took me years to find my self I love ur personality 🙏🙏God bless
I love how your bang-clipper (whats the nameee) match perfectly with your top 💛💛
omg I love how it just effortlessly clipped on?! never seen anything like that
Pretty sure theyre called Hair Velcro. 🙂 Ive seen them sold around where im from. Idk if thats what theyre called in the US tho
haha yeah it was unintentional! i use it all the time. it's a velcro cloth that sticks to your hair!! the purpose is to not create crinkles in your hair from a physical clip.
Lavendaire I should definitely get one for myself 😍 I commented on your video twice and you answer it twice, thankyou for bring me happiness Aileen 😂👏🏻
Yes, authenticity and setting your own standards. SO important! Such a beautiful and inspiring video ♥️
💕
You are more important that u think u can choose!
I love it so much! So relaxing and a good reminder. Thank you so much!
totally agree
I love thinking of who I want to be/am at my core vs what I need to do. Once I know who I am (a scholar, an adult, etc), I feel motivated to do all of the boring things I need to do to maintain that identity.
I really enjoy your talks. They inspire me so much. I’m one that has always lived to please others. I need to start living for myself. Thank you. May you always be happy and successful. 💕
Lovely advice and reminders for people :) especially like what you say about moving forwards or backwards, there is no staying still - I totally agree x
Omygosh... This is I think my favourite video so far. Crazy life changing...
Thank you for this Aileen! This is a great reminder for me. Love and light 💖
Wow love this! Makes so much sense. I get a lot of anxiety when I don't feel proud of myself.
Good talk, lots of eye openers ♥ btw you look super cute in yellow!!
You're like a blessing...I needed this so much right now ! THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO 💗
I have this problem.. Up and down motivation. I watch your videos, pick up limes and some of my fav youtubers video to remotivate me. First place goes to you. Not an exaggeration. I adapted minimalism because of you. Found my ikigai and many. I am proud of myself that I am really growing. Love you Aileen.
I started watching some of your videos and I especially like this one. My favourite part was the quote you gave from the book you started reading last night. Also when you mentioned the small chores that you don't love doing but knowing they need to get done and so when you do them you are proud of yourself. It's definitely more motivating when I look at it this way too. Thanks girl!! 😀🙌🏼❤😊🙏🏻💐
I love you so much, you really don't know how important you've become in my life, thank you x 1000
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind
Aileen, It's amazing! Thanks a lot for all what are you doing for us. We love you!
love you
Life is an eternal chase
I love watch you, i learning a lot!
Thank you for everything ❣
Create your own path, be free to be yourself no matter what people think or say, you have a wonderful purpose in this life, you just need to find it ♡
I am here since 10k subscribers. Can’t believe you’re less than 200k away from a million. You go, girl! :D
🥰🥰
I love you in the soft, warm color! SO nice.
I always go to your videos for motivation and insight !! Thank you❤️
I can always find motivation while watching your video. Thanks so much
love u sooooo much aileeen you teach us many things from a small youtuber and i just want to say u thanks for everything
love u & thank you!!
good way to bring my sparks again! thank you sm aileen!! i love you
Another great video, Lavendaire! That's one of my goals--to create and live a life not only I am proud of but one that my child(ren) will be proud of! As a recovering people pleaser--this video really hit home. I agree about not knowing what you want! I believe that's why so many of us seek external validation and even guidance from people who don't know what they want themselves.
Up until I started believing in myself and knowing that I am capable--I was asking everyone around me what to do and following trends! Of course I would end up still lost ,confused (if not more) and wondering why. Personally, living for others kept me stagnant in all parts of my life.
Thank you for this gentle reminder
💛
love that so much. i'm also a recovering people pleaser & i know it takes time! here for you & your journey 🙏✨
@@lavendaire 💕💕💕✨
amazing girl. I admire you because you can say things without even have to think much. just like you were born with this special gift: to help people ^^ . love you
thanks for this video ❤ everytime i watch your content i feel more positive and motivated to follow my dreams. i feel peace in your videos and your voice is such amazing ^^ thank u so much
I really hope that my comment will make you a lil bit happier as i wanted to say thank you for backing me up with your videos and i didnt speak english that good like i do now . It was a motivation for me to understand everything and i did it 😭❤ its been 2 years so im really grateful
I'm 14, still very young and insecure, figuring out my life. your advice about life always helps me so much.Through your videos and podcasts, as a young teen I've learned a lot.I used to think so negative about life and there are still many obstacles to overcome which I'm scared about so I really appreciate your content.
Thoma Khan the fact that you’re here at such a young age, great things will happen to you Thoma. 👌🏻
i'm so grateful i could help you in any way 💖 keep going and you'll keep learning & growing. sending you lots of love!
You are such an inspiration...i just love your videos. Thank you.
I WAS IN DESPERATE NEED FOR A VIDEO LIKE THIS. Also I love grwm videos so I enjoyed this a lot!
Thank you 💛
YES! This was such perfect timing. Ahhhh