Why You're AFRAID of Intimacy (Not Just Being Picky)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 июл 2024
- Are you someone who's been labeled as "too picky" when it comes to relationships and intimacy? Perhaps you keep noticing flaws in potential partners and you turn them down. Even when things seem to be going well with someone, you might find a valid reason to stay single. But there's often more to this than meets the eye.
You're not alone. In our video, we will discuss the real reasons why you might be experiencing difficulties with intimacy.
#intimacy #love #relationship #dating
Writer: Morgan Swift
Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: ChiquitaFoncy IG@francisdequeiroz1
RUclips Manager: Cindy Cheong
Grab your own PSI emotional support plush: psych2go.shop/
References
Firestone, L. (2022, June 25). 3 Reasons Why Someone Might Avoid Intimacy. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/compassion-matters/202206/3-reasons-why-someone-might-avoid-intimacy
Fritscher, L. (2023, February 21). Fear of Intimacy: Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies. VeryWellMind. www.verywellmind.com/fear-of-intimacy-2671818
Nguyenn, J. (2022, October 31). 8 Signs You Have A Fear Of Intimacy + Advice From Therapists. Mind Body Green. www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/fear-of-intimacy
Seltzer PhD, L. (2018, April 18). 3 Reasons Intimacy Might Feel Too Dangerous for You. Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evolution-the-self/201804/3-reasons-intimacy-might-feel-too-dangerous-you
Why You Struggle with Intimacy (Not Just Being Picky)
John Lennon said it well in Take 1 of the Beatles' performance of Don't Let Me Down in their famous rooftop performance:
I know re reshi ga blee blue gee go.
In other words, don't deny your own needs if they aren't unhealthy and aren't wrong for the sake of fear or pride, but don't feel that you must go out of your way to satisfy them as quickly as possible or to your own detriment. In seeking to fulfill your healthy, good needs, you may end up making bad decisions or doing things that are unhealthy or wrong if you don't go about it in the right way. Pace yourself, know your limitations, set healthy expectations of yourself, and don't be too afraid or prideful to ask for help.
There will be failures, but we must get back up again and move forward after each one, and, often, there will be someone there to help us get to our feet; we just don't always realize or accept it.
Thank you for sharing! Hope others can see this message!
Yes, tysm ❤❤it was a beautiful message 😊
@@ZeroJinKui He briefly forgot the lyrics and just went with whatever sounds he could make, and the footage showed George and Ringo cracking up in the back. John even laughed at himself afterward.
And what kind of a wife he got.... oh noo...
I was so moved by this episode 🥺😭 I really think it was made for me, cause I can relate so much ❤️🩹thank you so much Psych2Go
When you realize how cruel and mean people can be, you start to be more cautious for your personal health, but it turns out that there are also good people that want something with you and you can't know it because of your distrust
thats so true. for me, an introvert, i don't talk very much when i'm somewhere new which is something i'm trying to change, because so far i changed schools for 3 times in 3 states (in Germany) so that was really a problem. I was that weird kid sitting in a corner in the breaks and reading books, when somehow i became friends with another 2 boys when I was like 11/12. They were also Potterheads like me this time, so we became best friend. Until we moved last year. Then I met with one of them the last time, and now they are completely ghosting me ever since. Even though I'm really good friends (platonic) with his ex-girlfriend and her best friends, which told them to message me, but they didn't. And nobody knows why. So, Moral of the story: You only know if someone is your friend when they stay friends with you even when you see them 3 times a year.
@@Gellert187 yes, very true. From all the friends I have made in my life (maybe 40?), I only have like five that are still there for me
@@unicorniodonut1295 well, i have to say that they were my first really good friends that were male, I find it tbh easier to get friends with girls maybe because i'm asexuell and don't want something sexuell from them which gives me maybe a different perspective or something like this on them, and they mostly are not as impulsive (at least in puberty and before) as boys in what they are doing. I have to say also that im really picky with friends, like I know everybody and they know me and nowbody had a problem, but friends I had like 15 at all. I lost like 4 or 5 because we or them moved and I had just no chance to keep in touch with them. I lived apart from a few too, the two that ghosted me and the 5 that I got now. For me its the hardest meeting new people and to get from knowing each other to be actually friends with them.
@@Gellert187 well, if you have 5 that are very good, it's better than a lot but fake.
Facts
And then there's me who's not even afraid of intimacy because I have no chance whatsoever 😎
MOOD😭
Same.
Real
Why do you say that?
Real
Timestamps
1). You've been betrayed before 0:21
2). You have to be cautious 1:00
3). Take care of you 1:44
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Appreciate you!
@@glanzastarletman thank you happy to help 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Detailed time stamps always help! Love it x3
@@RayPeng-07 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I am in my early to mid 20s. I did not date as a teenager; I do not have experiences that many people have. The concept of intimacy and physical contact (from non-family members) is foreign to me; if someone does show me interest, which is very rare, I find it strange and do not know how to react. People I know have provided tips on what to do if someone shows interest, but my mind consistently draws blanks. The same happens when I have interest in someone else. I can't initiate or engage in flirting; I am too quiet and slow thinking for this.
I'm ranting at this point lol. In summary: I have nothing to say nor am I an enjoyable "fun" person, yet I desire conversation and enjoyment in life with someone else.
I've had similar issues in the past, and what really helped me was to be honest and direct with the other person. In your situation, you could just tell them that your mind tends to draw blanks more often than you'd like and that, from all the million topics you could talk about, you end up talking about nothing sometimes. If you say it in a nice and polite way, like cracking a joke at yourself, this might even lead to plenty of other conversations. Other people tend to sympathize and open up if they see you opening up. And those that don't... well, maybe you wouldn't event want anything with them in the first place. Just my 2 cents. Wish you all the best. 😊
Same here I’m in my mid 20s and I still struggle with this
this is the best part that are comngi now, where you just give up on love, and cruise singlelife on autopilot for the rest of your days!
Hard to be afraid of something nobody wants to give you.
Seriously though, I wish I had someone to be intimate with. I have been betrayed a lot, but after a year of loneliness and self-reflection... I discovered that intimacy is something I really want. I want to be loved. Sadly looks are everything and hook up culture is rampant. Very hard to find someone who actually wants to commit. When you look like me it's even harder.
Dude chill don't be too hard on urself
Hope everything really does get better for yu and u find someone who deserves you
Peace✌️
I feel the same way! No one wants to give me a chance :/ they all look at me weirdly. If someone does get close, I normally shy away anyway. It's tough...
I want that type of love & intimacy too. I'm just more afraid that people will judge me only for my cover & choose not to open the book.
I hope for not only you and me, but anyone else that wants to be loved... to find it one day. That person is out there somewhere and when you find them, they will be so lucky to have you, I promise!
Bro, Jay Z married Beyoncé. Everybody has somebody. Even if we aren’t conventionally attractive. Be the best version of you that you can be and the right people will find you. That’s what I tell myself at least🥲
@vanspacerobot87 Same here. Plus, what sucks for me is that my current life isn't really my own. Everyone around me always makes my choices for me as I'm apparently not allowed to make any choices that aren't within locked step of what everyone in my family wants so in a way, I'm kind of glad to be single because I know if I had a girlfriend, my family would want to micro manage the heck out of the situation. :/
Being told I'm worth waiting for makes me cry. I'm generally a happy and goofy person but there's a lot of pain and anxiety behind that. I have stories and the gift of gab but I never really talk about myself because I'm terrified that once that door is open, noone wants to stay.
Honestly same. Don't worry, the perfect person is out there for you. Just be yourself, don't chase after this with pain if it's what you want. In the meantime work on figuring out what makes you truly happy, and when the time is right, your perfect person will come.
Stay strong :)))
@MiaCastillo-gw4wh Goddamnit that is such a false hope you're giving him.
It's not something that happens "eventually", you have to work for it to happen. The right person won't just knock on your door and say "Hiiiii I wanna be with you".
You either actively look for a good person or stay alone.
I won't lie, though. Finding good people is proving harder by the day. Hell, I don't even see myself as a good person.
So yeah
Good luck
Oof this one hit home-
Just this month, I was dating my bestfriend (I’ll say A) but weren’t exclusive yet. My other friend (B) found out we were dating and since they also liked them, decided to ask Person A to be their partner. That would’ve been fine, a little painful yeah but it’s not like we were exclusive.
Part that bugged me was Person A did not tell me for weeks. Person B did though, and it was generally awkward. I had hoped Person A would just send even a quick message is all.
But then Person B and me talk more about it and I come to find Person A’s view on us dating. They told Person B I had been pushy for us to date and that that they regretted it but would much rather date Person B. The upsetting part is that Person A had confessed to me and asked me out. Maybe their perspective was different but I’d like to think I’m pretty laid back with that stuff with already not wanting to “burden” people with dating me so I always tell them it’s okay to change their mind. (Kinda bad mindset but not main point.)
So yeah that all just hurt.
In short, bestfriend who asked me out dropped me for my friend without hesitation and lied to people in the process.
Don’t really want pity but it was nice to get off my chest sooooo thanks random strangers online who decided to read
ngl, that's pretty painful even just to read it, i can't imagine it at all, basically you lost your best friend and your friend altogether
I have an avoidant attachment style, and I know fear of intimacy firsthand. That said, I never get to experience that fear, because despite meeting quite a few people over my few years of adulthood so far, I never got in a position where intimacy could happen in the first place. No one has really shown interest in me beyond casual friendship, and how people go into anything deeper is beyond me. The worst part is when people - my therapist included - try to explain to me that it just happens naturally. It makes me feel like I'm just broken, not functioning "correctly", in a "natural" manner. At this point, I'm just accepting that I'll die without knowing what intimacy feels like, because every explanation I'm given just doesn't make sense, and I'm clearly someone who cannot "generate" meaningful bonds
Or you could be like me, who’s on here because I’m realizing that I never catch when people show/have that kind of interest in me because I never catch it because part of me is in denial (like lol that’s not actually happening) and the other part of me of is apparently scared (it wouldn’t work for xyz, they don’t actually know me, I might end up hurting them or our relationship overall).
Try not worry too much, but you’re not alone in feeling this way❤ praying for you that you find it soon enough :))
@@noodlenado7827 Too many what ifs. Focus on the present :)
@@Mojojojo_21 Thank you! This was really comforting, especially at the moment :)
Nothing wrong with staying single but don't be single due to insecurities if you want to be with someone do try to overcome these insecurities ❤
The first time I ever gathered the courage to admit to my crush that I liked them (I wrote an "anonymous" note), I was humiliated. Like the whole classroom made fun of me humiliated. After being made fun of a couple more times over the years, I gave you completely. No one ever expressed that they liked me. I've even had a friend tell me to back off. I often think the few friends I do have don't truely like me, maybe even see me as a nuisance, even if they do like me. I'm 27 and I've never had a romantic relationship, and I do feel like my fear of intimacy is a big factor in why I identify as asexual.
That sounds though! What can help to make your situation better: find a group of people that like to do the same things as you do - join a club that's about that activity. Have a positive attitude. Example: a hobby of mine is playing board games and this year I found out that there's a nearby board game club that I now go to - and I meet a lot of likable people there who also appreciate me.
I’m sorry if my take would be a bit self-centered, but I heard my thoughts in your comment. I was humiliated for opening up about my crush and bullied a lot as a kid. And was a kinda ugly kid, so A LOT of self-hatred. I completely shut down any hope or ‘need’ for intimacy, as I thought at least, and lived till 25 as if I don’t need anyone, alone and independent, and even okay with dying like that, with no experience at all. I was totally under the impression that no one ever would be even interested. Even had a thought I may be asexual, cause I didn’t crush on anyone, it was like a feeling that is not available anymore. This year I started my journey in figuring out all my psychological problems (my social anxiety got really bad, to the point that I’m struggling with breathing in stressful situations, physically afraid of people etc). And it was a big shock to me that my friends helped me discover that, if I stop putting myself down, not only I have a few opportunities to start, like, talking with a few guys who are interested; I also certainly had guys hitting on me in the past few years and it totally flew over me cause I wouldn’t believe in it unless they shouted it in my face apparently, and even then I would suspect it to be a joke of some kind. I know it sounds dumb that I both have troubles with literal quality of life AND worry about my non-existing love life, but here we are lol
@@maryianna912how do you know who is interested/if someone is interested? What if no one has ever actually hit on you?
@@Hubcool367 I'm working on my social skills now and one of my challenges is to get into conversations/situations I would typically avoid. In the last year I got pretty good at flirting (even if i have no interest - i do it for practice) and stepped up in reading cues. It's like a whole new language. It sounds dumb to try to describe it, but i know it when i see it. The person you speak to consistently laughs at ALL your jokes, they pick you out of the group activity and stay in one on one conversation, there is a lot of unnecessary and sudden touching like making up a reason to take your arm (to help avoid a nonexistent puddle or smth), things friends typically don't do. There are more obvious examples like drunk guys inappropriately touching or guys literally slipping into dms
@@Hubcool367 knowing how hitting on looks can suck also, cause you very clearly see other people doing it and, for example, excluding you from the group conversation more and more until they essentially leave together.
Not afraid at all. I embrace it. Tired of being deceived and not actually loved. I’ve got me.
As a 38 year old who tried to engage in a relationship twice and none worked out even as a boyfriend, I keep this little hope to find someone someday, but I don't look and I don't really mind if I never find it. Yes I was let down a number of times along these years, from a very young age, and nowadays my mind is set that every human can let me down, only non-existing characters are perfect.
I hope for you that hope will once prove true. I've pretty much lost that, too much pain that clouds the heart.
Dude you are worth it. Work on loving yourself and believing you are worth it. Once you do you will be able to better find someone. If you need help a therapist may be able to help you sort it out
Personally, i don't think I've been betrayed, but I keep my distance from people because I'm a bit too cautious.
Like "what if they're just acting like they're telling the truth so they can get on my good side then betray me later" sort of thing :/
Same 😔
@snaukball8764 sounds like you've been betrayed before just from your answer, perhaps a repressed memory? Don't take this the wrong way but it could be you projecting your own actions onto others, take a step back and think about the possibility that you do the very thing you're scared of, best of luck to you in your journey of self-discovery!
@@Jai-Jai-Eh I know it sounds like a repressed memory, but I don't feel fear towards intimacy, just an inherent distrust towards people from what I can tell :/
Also I doubt I've really betrayed anyone. I may not trust others, but I know when they trust me, and I don't want to break their trust.
@snaukball8764 Maybe you're a cynic or a misanthrope both of those ways of thinking could invoke a general distrust of people
same
My biggest problem is trust. I have a best friend that I liked way more than a friend. She took interest in just about everything I did and we used to talk and meet up a lot. She was genuinely a great person to me and I felt really alive around her. I never asked her out though, not because of the fear of rejection but because said rejection could make things awkward between us and I would lose my best friend. I was never that lucky with relationships and yes I do consider myself picky. It almost feels like a synchronization thing, looks matter but barely, conversation and just general behavior mattered way more. So I kid you not when I expressed interest in someone they are some of the best people and are always taken.... Except her. I genuinely didn't mind being just friends with her for a long time, I just loved her smile and wanted her to be happy. However, I was basically self destructing behind the scenes. She sent a lot of mixed signals and I would internally just debate, that if I liked her how has no one else come along for her. Then I would spiral further debating whether or not I would be good enough for her and the answer would be no because my self esteem isn't really that high. In the end I broke down and pushed her away for about 5 years now. I have other great friends to hang out with but I have never missed someone so much. Its like they died and I felt dead inside. I recently contacted her again and shes just acting like the same person I used to talk to before. We re catching up slowly. As of right now I am quite happy again, I feel alive. I dont think a relationship is in the cards between us, I dont believe people forget the past. I complicated everything if there ever was a proper chance. But at least for NOW I am happy.
Biggest takeaway from this is please don't do what I did, shoot your shot. Trust other people a little more and most of all trust yourself.
Ngl I feel extremely called out by this. I really do understand this because I went through that for 6 years.
"Healthy independence" is actually called interdependence. I relate to some signs, but I'm healing. I wish the best for everyone.
I am 51. And I have already come to the fact that I will never be in a relationship or married again. I was married at 19 divorced by 21 with 2 small children under 2. I did not have time for anyone or let alone have some one be another parent. So I focused on my children and so glad I did. So now 51 I am good I see all the crap people put up with. I'm tired and old.
Yeah. This is it. I’ve been rejected many times. Friend zone, ghosted, whatever. I want a relationship but I’m too scared to get close to anyone anymore.
Congratulations. You became succesfully another victim of women. This is what they wanted to do against you, in the name of "love".
To wreck your heart so far beyond repair, you wont gain any confidence in the near, or distant future.
Welcome onboard the singlemobile, buckle up and get comfortable.
This comment section is filled with lonely people who aren't afraid of intimacy but sad because of hook up culture. They aren't being picky, they are feeling unable to be picked.
Also feels like some of them are not quite understanding themselves. Quite possible some are Asexual, Aromantic, both, or homo- oriented and not realizing it. Heteronormativity and amatonormativity can make you try to force things that don't work, simply to be "normal", without realizing you already are normal. (I hope the quotation marks help convey the distinction there.) I definitely did stuff to myself that I regret, before I realized I was Ace. I'm in a much better place now that I understand that.
It's always good to give these information to someone who hopes to build an intimate relationship but given up due to other causes. Keep up the good work!
I just don’t think I’m worth anyone’s time. After being betrayed last time I opened myself up, I don’t want to try anymore.
I would say that I am a very intimate person and I’m not afraid to express my feelings to someone I deeply care about. The problem is that others either don’t see me as their preferred type or they are trying to heal themselves from a ruined past relationship; which I understand and respect.
Just hearing something as simple as "your worth the wait" means so much, thank u guys, u gave me a big ol grin for the day
Lol "After nine years in development, you're definitely worth the wait. Thanks and have fun"
I was about to declare to all my friends that I am Asexual. But this video made so much sense that I decided to change my mind and keep going. Thank you for this precious piece of information.
As someone who thought they were aroace for a bit I realised nope I want love I just can't trust no one but myself to give it bec ppl are shit💀
keep going? don't be afraid and hide your sexuality, being vocal about your Asexuality to others would help them understand you better :)
@@bleuet3897 I think they ment they realised they arnt ace and instead they are just hesitant on intimacy
I have way different problem, because I'm very sure I'm aroace. I never think about being sexually intimate with someone. But I'm kinda trying out a semi-romantic-sexual relationship with a person that's really important to me. So when they asked me to be sexually intimate and do slightly sexual stuff, it really disgusts me. So this video made me think if I'm also afraid of intimacy, besides being aroace. But then again I usually don't have problems with other types of intimacy. So, no idea.
I'm not looking for help in the comments, unless someone actually can help, lol. I just wanna write down my thoughts to sort them and let them be free, lol
I feel that too. A few years back I thought I might be aromantic. Even though I had a crush before that, I was just so intensely uncomfortable around love. Watching romantic anime and reading couple stories actually helped me get comfortable at first haha😂 But forcing myself into a not so good relationship didn't really help. Take it slow. You're worth the wait ❤
As someone who was 4 when their parents divorced, and had an extremely emotionally and physically abusive father..
Yeah I spent most of my life so far emotionally hungry and not knowing what healthy relationships even looked like..
And had a bunch of messy/failed relationships as a result..
Got my head straight now, and actually like myself (and know who myself is), only took me until I was 40 to get here.
I look forward to meeting this patient and understanding person that is out there for me, one day..
I love your videos!!! They're amusing and simple, but with very good information!
I'm not afraid of intimacy, intimacy is afraid of me.
i haven't had a speck of romance in over a year, no one wants me, please help
I definitely relate. Also I love this animation style so much❤
Because it's hard to tell who you should spill your heart on, and see if they will sincerely do the same for you.
This was relatable and really calming. Thank you ❤
A very wonderful topic, it is sensitive for the person to say, but there are always solutions with the right person who appreciates you and loves you ☀️
My issue is that I'm too scared of rejection and failure to make approaches. What ends up happening is that I try to show that I'm interested in a way that would only be interpreted as interest if the woman is already interested so that I can't get rejected, but I also can't get accepted because she's not looking for signs and nothing happens.
You have literally just described me. As a fellow hopeless guy, stay strong.
Thank you for this, perfect timing! I feel neglected by my mother and betrayed by my late husband. Since his passing, I'm extremely cautious and make excuses to flee closer relationships. I wasn't for sure why until I heard this!
im not picky, i just dont trust anyone anymore so im too scared to put any emotions or real feelings in a relationship for when it doesnt work :D
How did you know I was struggling and thinking this 😢
Thank you
...
For this
I was betrayed by my 1st long term relationship, disabled on top of that, I’m my own support system unfortunately.. I have very little family that would go that extra mile if I was careless with a relationship.
I feel like I want to pursue a relationship again but i have to be extra cautious compared to an able body
I somewhat envy that my roommate finally found love, and he has the same disability I do but he has a family that will enable his screw ups, already have with his ex who he has a child with.. I can see it happening with the new girlfriend too.
I’ve been betrayed so much I don’t even have wiggle room to let loose.
And with the state of the world these last few years.. I find it harder to trust people.
I’m going to try my best to work on me next year and hopefully someday I’ll be ready again.
The vid really helped weed out the root of my issues or at least acknowledge them.
Thank you very much. This is what I needed this day.
As always information I didn't know I needed.❤
The narrator is such a kind voice and tone! Thank you🤗
Thanks. Recently brought this to light in all its puzzling agony, thanks for keeping it simple
Being single does have advantages
I had family members who were narcissistic and they ignore my feelings and emotions so growing up I only learned to keep to myself and I'm quite unattractive 4.5 out of 10
Overweight acne and lack of fashion which can be improved
And one thing I learned from them is money is life it's peace of mind and allows you to get your dreams
You can change for the better! Even I'm struggling with depression I did have a girlfriend once but it was one sided as she took no part of it and left me with trust issues! You got this!
@@hyperwheezy8353 thanks bro
😮
Thank you for always making great informational healthy videos.! When things are troubling me n sumthing isn’t right with me ur videos always provide me with insight.!💙👍🏽💯
I love your animation! I relate to being hurt before. I had a stepmother who told me every day that I was worthless.
Worse than never finding love is to find the most beautiful and true love one can discover in this damn world, and then lose it due to your own mental illnesses. Sometimes, in the quest for true love, you may have gone through other relationships that weren't so good. So, when that truly special person appears in your life, you may be so accustomed to having unhealthy relationships that you simply can't perceive what is right in front of you. One who has only seen lead doesn't know what gold is.
After all these years, I still love her, and that in itself can be a type of curse. To anyone who knows this pain, stay strong and remember, it's best to have your heart full of love even if you're suffering from the lack of reciprocity than to have a heart full of hate. Love will always prevail, and if it doesn't, make it.
It's like I always have a mask on and walls up! In the new year, I wanna change that and not be afraid. Just live with more love and let love in
I have schizophrenia and I take medication, but I don't see any results
I'm dull and I don't feel anything
I'm not enjoying anything
I dont know what to do
Well
My love life is a paradox in itself.
I'm not even sad about it, I got used to it.
Each person I had crush on didn't feel the same as me.
It might be because most of them were internet friendships.
Simply, spot on! Psych2Go has impeccable timing too. Are you intuitive about our needs or should I close my curtains from now on, Psych2Go? 😳
If you guys tried to create a safe space for this kind of topic, you made it and did it in the nicest possible way
For me the year 2023 has been a very lonely year. I hope that 2024 will be the year of life and happiness. I might maybe have a job on my hand, its too early to tell as I have only reached very early stage of a job interview, I hope I don't mess up the interview. If I am lucky it means I have to move a cross my country strait to the capitol. I am not much of people person but I crave connections with people as I currently live in middle of nowhere, not really knowing anyone around here. I think it is time for me to start a new life, new friends and hopefully a future wife.
Everyone, I wish you all (soon) a happy new year with new opportunities for success!
Happy 2024 ❤❤
It’s kind of been a kooky thing that when I’m facing a self-love dilemma recently, every single video on the topic pops up right as I need it.
For instance, the segment in this one about taking care of myself; I’ve been told all my life, esp now in my adulthood, that I don’t need someone to support me-I can do that myself…but I really desire someone whom I can support in return. But it feels like it’s an endless loop of “oh when are you gonna find a boyfriend?” then a minute later “you don’t need anyone but you” like come on😑 I’ve been working on me honestly for years now, and no luck has come my way (in attraction/love/even just being noticed) I know some recent sessions have stated as to why I do this to myself, but this is just what I had on mind right now. Thank you guys for giving me some relief in my journey❤
I didn’t think I’d be hit that hard by this video but right here: 0:14 sparked a panic inside me and made me realize that maybe I do have a fear of intimacy at least emotionally if not in other ways as well. One of the things I like about cognitive behavioral therapy is it’s aloud me to view these emotions judge free and as they are, and help me search out why I feel the way I do, I’m going to dig into it further and hopefully my next relationship will allow me to let my walls down.
I does sound familiar to me. Thank you for everything you're doing for us. Now I can understand myself more than ever.
Great video:) ❤
I appreciate this video… it gave me peace. 🙏🏽❤️
Im 14 and from turkey,i got rejected 3 times in a row,and i started to hate girls and also started to believe that i dont need a gf or love..honeslty i never been really happy in my life cuz of family problems and other things like that...i always see people in my age having girlfriends for like a week and leaving,cuz of fun or to show off,but i sometimes just want a special person and want to be loved once...
Well.. I see myself on every point.. mostly on first one.. exactly :
- experienced my parents divorced when I was kid
- girl left me emotionally destroyed
- one of my parents was demotivating me down until we becamed strangers to each other..
And sadly, everything experienced with disease I have that makes it feel way more harder... (1st and 19th first letters of 2 words)
Thank You So Much Really Needed It
Thanks for watching! Do you struggle with intimacy with others?
Yes
Thanks for your videos i always enjoy your videos you help
Having a parent in hospital for a long time defined as a betrayal has kind of thrown my entire world upside down.
I kind of wish there was a proper guide for when things count as betrayal or neglect, for what defines a need vs a want and where those overlap, and for how to determine where the line between "can't" and "won't" is in terms of your ability to *do* things when mentally ill (especially in the case of things like executive dysfunction and decision paralysis). I find myself surprised all the time by new information regarding these things.
I feel like I'm fighting my own brain bc I can objectively see my bf loves me a lot, friends can too etc but I'm so paranoid as an abuse victim I'm going to be hurt again so I'm trying really hard to trust him but it's exhausting mentally y'know. I really want to get to a place where my past doesn't stop me from loving and trusting him fully. I really do love him, we were friends before anything else and we hang out all the time y'know, just talking about random hobbies we both share and doing nothing in particular. He's so sweet. I just hope my brain will work enough to prove it, even though he's always reassuring me and telling me its okay. Thanks for the video I really thought about some things, and oh happy new years!
Happy New Holidays!
Awesome video
Yep, definitely been hurt before. It was so bad that I even took a pretty long break from dating. What’s annoying is when i actually found someone who made me feel like i can try again, who made me feel like i can trust and be open again, it turns out that she was talking to another guy even though she has undoubtedly shown interest in me. I was honestly hoping for it to be successful, but now that that didn’t go as planned, I don’t even know if I have the energy to go through any more talking stages only to get left yet again.
i learnt something outside the topic from this
I legit had struggles today regarding this topic once more. Questioning if it’s even worth it, if I’m worth if and if I’m even good enough. Now this video comes in my recommended, lol.
Sometimes the algorithm can be goofy
I feel like I was always reluctant for intimacy or just reluctant to any type of chance for hanging out one-on-one with a male friend. Thus I've turned many invites down in that scenario because it just doesn't feel right to me- I prefer hanging out with a group of friends instead of being on one-on-one hangouts- or dates... The idea just doesn't sit right with me so I feel like I'm always pushing guys away if they get too close... I don't really understand why but I talked about it with my female friends and it could just be that aromantic? But I'm not sure.
It sounds like you are afraid of the unknown: that you don't know what's going to happen or what to say when you are one-on-one. A solution can be to just try it a few times. It will probably feel awkward in the beginning. What also can help is to do an activity together so the focus is less on talk. For example: play an easy to learn card game together (if you like games). Or in case you are creative: create something together (make wishing cards, follow a draw class, crochet).
@@MegaChriz Afraid of the unknown- woah that does sound really likely, but mainly just in the relationship category I believe. Thanks for the tips, and yes whenever I do hangouts there are usually activities so that we won’t just be talking the whole time, but the more casual things like u mentioned playing a card game usually happens unplanned, but when a meetup is planned I don’t rlly know what to do lol
100% me. Thank you for sharing
Thanks for watching!
I’m 35 and never even been on a date. I totally understand
Oh, thanks for the reminder Psych2Go.
I don't know if I'm afraid of it, I just know that nobody else has ever wanted it.
I do relate to some of the things mentioned in this video so I always keep people at arms length it's easier to keep myself safe that way
I'm not afraid of intimacy, intimacy is afraid of me.
I won't lie, this video got me
Thank you for this
Why did this make me tear up 😢
To anyone who is struggling in life right now, I want you to accomplish your dreams!
It’s a difficult calculus. My mom was a fierce and strong independent woman who saw no need for a partner. Due to many experiences with a lot ending poorly and she relished life and her independence but in her final years as she was terminally ill and withering away she regretted that individual independence she strived for leaving her with no partner for her final days.
I’m not afraid of intimacy, I crave it but never got it from anyone no matter how hard I tried not to focus on it too much. I yearn for it and intimacy with someone can be the cure to my depression as long as that person loves me for who I am.
Have you tried just getting into a relationship?
Because i guarantee you that once you do, women will be head over heels for you. Not because of who you are, your personality or what your hobbies and interests are, your worth or what you stand for.
No, women will be head over heels for you, because youre occupied already, and all women want what they cannot have, 100% of the time.
I'd love to see a video or something discussing how to let people in, I see so much stuff about how to cut people out and let people go, but nothing about letting people in
wow thanks youtube for recommending me this 💀😭
These videos are so helpful ❤
Thank you for watching and your support in our work! If there are any topics you'd like to us to cover. Feel free to let us know!
@@Psych2go 1. Difference between Delusional Disorder, Schizophrenia(WIthout hallucinations and with presence of delusions), Schizotypal Personality Disorder.
2. Sadism and working according to the fate without even liking it(being controlled by supernatural I guess)
3. Signs of intense laziness (experienced in painful way) and what to do?
4. How to rebuild yourself if you're currently having a spoiled reputation.
5. How to find peace if you're being persecuted by religious groups.
6. What to do if we've excess paranoia, how to distinguish persecutive delusions from real betrayals.
7. Clear signs that someone doesn't have dementia.
Please attach paranoia with religious persecutive beliefs, stigma either because of a mental health condition or liking to horror, extreme isolation because of something which we don't know how to fix.
@@Psych2go um healthy topics and you're welcome!
@@Psych2go These topics are very healthy for someone who feels like been rejected, attacked and bad. Only those who experience it knows. I mean, give a little break for trends. That would help us a lot. ❤
Omg thank u 💖
💙💙Sharing the significance of being there for our partners when they face challenges with love and intimacy is really important. It's all about patience, open communication, and understanding each other's unique experiences and wounds.💙💙
Yeah I can relate to a few of these
2:07 This is absolutely me!
I just watched this vid today, it's really relatable with what's happening to me, I'm going through trauma of betrayal, so when there's someone convey his feeling to me, I just can't accept them, i'm also in denial that they will keep loving me, I always think they'll gonna leave me as soon as they find someone better, well I jinxed it, so every time i think i have a close relationship with someone that i already rejected at first, they end up leaving me for someone else. It just irony, i'm the one who reject them first, and yet i'm the one who feeling hurt when they left because a third party. And the problem is, they were a good friend before romance shit starting, so i broke my heart and also lose a friend, i can't having a convo with them without feeling puking.
If you're seeing this comment just know that i thank you for your videos it helped me keep going but the depression is just making me think about off-ing myself all the time. So if i ever disappear just know that i am thankful to your videos which kept me going...✌️
I've been cheated on and whatnot with me already hating myself each time i wake up, having no personal evidence that i won't get hurt like that again, seeing no good thing about myself, forgive me if i find it immensely suspiciously that someone that hasn't known me for as long as i have known me sees something good about me that i haven't. As much as i want to be in a relationship, i have also accepted that getting into a relationship is like the metaphorical equivalent of walking in the Sahara, seeing an oasis and hope and pray that it either isn't an illusion or poisoned water.
I felt so identified with this. I used to think i didn't have something like this, but with almost 25 years single, and due to my family history, i came to realize I'm just fucking terrified of intimacy. I hope one day I get a perso who's willing to wait for me till I can trust them
This hits me hard since im a introvert 😮💨
I found your channel, so that's a form of finding love ❤😊
Welcome to the channel! Which was your first watched Psych2go video? Is there any other topics you're curious about that we can cover more on? :)
@@Psych2gothank you sm🥰 and I love everything you post! Keep up the wonderful work! My first video that popped up of you was the 5 personality traits on being a lone wolf 🐺❤ great video btw! 😊
This is a nice video... :)
This is so true. My mums long going cancer and death made me scared. Scared of being with someone and get sick and leave them OR they geting sick and leaving me. And when I GOT deadly sick I feelt so lonely not having someone loving and support me. I was so regretted how I had lived. BUT I think I feel still scared but I will try to find love anyway. Others are scared to and they find love.
Ive given up on finding anyone to even begin to let in and im fine with that. Its the loneliness that pulls me back to dating sites where I speak to someone and then get mad and ignore the site after a few moments as I just cant connect and im really not into talking. I cant even see myself being intimate with anyone again, its just too much of an ordeal to think about.
its because im physically not cut out for it. it is not in my cards to find love, some people are destined to have long and happy lives living thier dream and some arent. it is what it is
I’ve consistently been turned down and replaced and rejected by so many people and yk what? whatever. it’s not a problem. If you aren’t interested you aren’t interested fair enough. But why are some of these people in my life keep leading me on? First their was this guy I matched with: Why would you only tell me you aren’t interested in me anymore an hour before you and I are meant to go on a date? Another one: Why would you spend years (and I mean literally YEARS) telling me you liked me and all of this promising and hinting to come over to where I live or me coming to see you finally just for you to suddenly start dating someone else and bragging about how amazing they for face timing you or wanting to msg you because they were thinking about you when I did all of those exact same thing. Also another situation? How come it always ends with me getting ignored because I asked you about your fucking day? Am I that hideous? Am I that fucking insufferable to talk to? Finally another person: im not some fucking whore you can use because you’re bored only to just replace me with someone else and rub it in my face every fucking opportunity you get You never gave me this type of care and attention. All of these people NEVER find anyone who treats them as good as I would and all they have done is just throw it back in my face.
I’m sick of being manipulated and led on by everyone. Worst about this: if I ever told anyone of these people how I felt about this I’d would end up with them saying I’m overreacting and I’d lose them forever and that’s worse.
My biggest problem is the feeling that I'm not enough, leading to the feeling that I don't deserve to be loved.
I like to have experiences but can never decide on a date plan or a place to visit, and most of the time I feel I must entertain the other person and be interesting. Everyone else seems to be interesting to be around and full of stories to tell and I'm just me!
I like to appreciate the moment and so I'm not a social media kind of guy that takes pictures of each moment. I don't know how I could be interesting to another person.
Did you guys ever make or will make a video of this kind that dives into the issue of pushing people away because you're afraid you will disappoint them or hurt them down the line?
Just a suggestion to make or a request for a link to such video. ❤
I was sexually harassed when I was a kid I believe that's why I never want to touch anyone, even when hugging my mom I sometimes feel disgusted :(
Well that sucks :(
I am sorry you had to go through that. I was once in a similar situation like you and it took a while for me to get out of that (or maybe I still haven't) but talking about it relieves the burden by a lot. Try talking about it to a professional or someone you trust. All the best! ❤
Recommend looking into cognitive reframing/reconstruction.
Trying to rewire your brain to overwrite old connections by reconsidering the way you automatically feel and react. Even if you already know that it doesn't really make sense for yourself to react in fear or discomfort, bringing these feelings to the surface, learning and reminding yourself reasons you should feel differently may help the healing process.
@@mythoelogy ❤️