I heard this joke 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, I just saw Jerry Macquire for the first time, I drank 8 beers while watching it, kinda drunk. I really enjoyed the movie. When he said "We live in a cynical world" I died fucking laughing, I suddenly remembered this Patton joke I heard years ago. Laughed so hard in fact I woke up my pregnant wife. Came to RUclips to relive the joke, thanks Patton lol. I will always have this on my mind.
@@HotaruZoku It's a reference to an old Latin poem about 3 kings in the woods being confronted by 3 dead kings who warn them about the dangers of excessive pleasure and materialism.
I could be the worst kind of person, and say the most obnoxiously and nauseatingly trite of things... which is, well... You know how they say laughter is the best medicine... I know. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. But in all seriousness? I've suffered from severe and deep-seated chronic depression my entire life, as well literally crippling anxiety. As well as a whole host of other emotional and situational problems that, well, frankly? By themselves, make one hell of a case for Doctor Kevorkian. I'll just put it that way. But with all of the triteness of that previous comment, completely aside, honestly what has always and invariably helped me get over and through some of the absolute most devastating and Soul crushing moments in my life... It always has, always is, and likely always will be to the magic of Comedy. Legitimate, truly talented, relatable and compelling comics. That old expression, if I didn't laugh I would cry? It's been a lot more accurate to phrase it, if I didn't laugh, I'd have laid down and literally died. so yeah, I completely get it. And if your depression runs any way similar to mine, I know how completely exhausting that struggle is... But I can't recommend enough that, When things are getting really bad, hopefully before they do, you continue to seek out Comics that you resonate and relate to, and most importantly, who make you laugh. Keep on fighting, keep on laughing. And good luck.
This is crazy. I took it the other day it felt like 50 parts of my brain were trying to dream at once. This is so accurate it's scary. I wish I had watched this first.
I once had butt sex on Ambien. My then-wife was into it and so was I. The next morning, I barely remember it, and she remembers nothing. Ambien...for Butt-Secks.
@@Rustikreign How is one supposed to “instantly” reply to a comment that is a year old already? 😂 I mean, jeez. Remind me never to ask you for a cup of instant coffee - I’d die of thirst! 😂😂😂
My mom takes Ambien, and once we were both woken up at 12am by the fire alarm. When she came out of the house she said where's Carly (me), I said I'm right here, and then she said no, where's Carly, to which I said (more loudly) mom, I'm right here, to which she responded no, Carly, the little girl who lives here. It was like something out of The Grudge. Also once she took her pill but didn't go to bed soon enough and ate an entire cherry pie. Ambien's a hell of a drug.
I remember when I took some ambien once. I didn't go to sleep for hours, though. It felt like I was on a fucking LSD trip. I swear to God, I'm not kidding, I thought all the furniture in the room were all my best friends (not resembling particular best friends irl, but they just seemed like "people" that I really liked) and that the moon was "spying" on me. Like I'd done something bad and it was going to get me. Then, some time after it took effect, a friend came into the room and started watching some lesbian porn, just disregarding me being all fucked up. And the moments where I actually paid attention to what was on the screen, I didn't get sexually aroused at all (like I probably would while sober), but I literally started to cry a little, and thought of it as "beautiful". Not hot or sexy, but "beautiful", like an art piece or something. But then I finally fell asleep. I didn't try it again, but I get what Patton's saying. It's very trippy, depending on who you are.
***** I dig that story. I used to take it all the time - had to, unfortunately, due to horrific insomnia, but i remember i had a lot of great, colorful visions on the ceiling of my pitch-black room in that pre-sleep half hour oswalt talks about. a couple of other things i remember pretty clearly: *a conversation with painted James Dean (I had Boulevard of Broken Dreams hanging over my bed) * another conversation with the characters in some Harry Potter painting, which also hung above my bed, despite the fact that I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I guess I just liked the Van Gogh-type style of it. And they weren't just one-way conversations, either - those sons of bitches were talkin' back.
JoggingOnTheMoon Yeah, it works to put you to sleep by sort of "activating" or turning on the unconscious mind, which is the part of your brain that works when you sleep and makes you dream, which theoretically should put you to sleep. But sometimes it doesn't, and you're left having a dream while still awake, which explains the trippiness. It's just an "awake dream". I actually feel like taking it again now...
I can only imagine. Only experiences ive had with pills. Vicodin - thought i was talking to my friend for hours and it wasnt real at all. Clonazepam (spelling?) thought clouds were coming out of my feet.
I love it, because I know somethings about to go wrong in my dreams. I have no control in them, everything goes wacked. Then it turns to "Ashlyn Gere" and I am happy again!!!
Ambien makes me cook and eat Bertolli meals in a bag while they are still on the stove!!! And I've eatin protein bars w Tom cruise and American Indians in my kitchen. Then I told the girl I was on the phone with , that there are pigs u dee my bed and she was one of them!! Hahahah she was like what!?!?!?
I love this guy. He's good with his words. His role on King of Queens was funny but masked his true talent. I am now realizing how funny he really is. Keep going Patton!
Patton is likely one of his generation's best comedians. I'm pretty jaded and difficult to entertain, but he has me laughing aloud in almost every bit. It's probably because of his mastery of language.
I saw the movie Identity, and the reveal of the killer at the end, I stood up and said "I KNEW IT!!!" Scared everyone in the theater. My Proudest moment.
Oh my God, I love that twist at the end of that movie. As I remember, I saw it in theaters, and I also predicted the twist at the end well in advance, as well, haha. :-) And hardly anybody remembers that movie. It's honestly one of my favorite movies and guilty pleasures. I find the plot as well as the way that they executed it very intriguing.
Ahh this takes me back to the first summer I came back home after living in the college dorm. Stuff's just weird and different, but you're only there to sleep and you're only going to be around for like 3 months, so it's not worth even complaining. My mom would take Ambien and then just...not go to sleep. I would be trying to sleep on a futon mattress on the floor of my room, and she would be in there on the one computer in the house playing freecell until 3:30am, getting weirder and weirder on Ambien. About the time she'd start hallucinating, she'd leave and go to bed.
I like ambien. I do have some odd dreams. I usually get six hours of nice sleep, sometimes I awaken sort of mildly shocked or startled about what I was dreaming, need to empty my bladder. That done I drift of for another hour or two, wake up again similarly. Since I am retired I sometimes go back to sleep again then I’m up no hangover, clear, ready to go.
I once lived in a basement apartment and the landlord lived upstairs and would regularly take ambien. He would routinely eat in his sleep and one night set the house on fire because he put a cheese quesadilla thing in the microwave and set it to 20 minutes instead of two. That was an interesting night.
Yeah I think about that all the time. Like damn I wish i was friends with these awesome, funny, cool comedians. Wish i could just call up patton, invite him over and we just drink scotch and smoke weed. That's my dream
In what world would a random person feel the need to comment on someone other random person's comment intimating heartfelt condolences? Well, I guess this world.
"I'm seeing dead kings!" Holy shit, I forgot about that line! That Jerry Maguire joke is SOOOO good. One of my favorite stand-up jokes of all time; just going off of pure funny and not making a socio/political statement in the form of a joke.
@@IETCHX69 It's called conversing, and is the exact same thing as when you talk to people in real life about movies or TV shows and discuss your favorite parts. It's a stupid fucking thing to get pissed off about.
Last time I took Mucenex, I was competing in a Judo competition and I broke out in hives and had Respiratory problems, and the hives were burning me. Took me an hour of hot water shower to stop the burning. I lost big time, just collapsed on the floor. Good times
I know someone who took ambien and they woke up the next day to see a bucket of fried chicken on the table. Meaning they'd *driven* to a KFC in the middle of the night and come home, but had no memory of it, and they stopped taking it after that. Because they rightfully were worried about driving while not being lucid.
I have something in common with the brother in this sketch, because I hated the whole experience of Jerry Maguire and wanted to scream obscenities at the screen, too.
I don't even take sleep meds and sometimes my dreams end up that random. "Cue talking velociraptors trying to break into my house. But the phone rings and I'm getting ordered to come into work, trying to explain to my boss that it's dangerous for me to leave the house... but wait, it's the velociraptors on the phone, trying to trick me. And for some strange reason my ex is there the entire time wanting to have sex..."
The absoluted greatest would be if you could arrange a screening of "Jerry Maguire" in the health club that's now where the Galaxy 6 used to be located and then scream that line at the screen at that exact moment in the film. ;-D
I take Ambien but as intended for my Insomnia and he's kinda right you do feel really good when it starts to work but I think it's because it just naturally feels good to get sleepy?
actually my thing is that it can DRAAAASTICALLY alter my personality, like Tyler Durden-levels lol... So I just need to be on the ball more about that once I take the dose, actually getting into bed as soon as possible, not sitting up remaining on the computer. Because boy oh boy did I have ZERO MEMORY when I very awkwardly found out about some sent emails or message board posts the night before :-/
The issue is not about Ambien dreams. Rather the issue is about Ambien "dream" sex. However to get the best part, to reach the summit, which means the pinnacle of Ambien the "dream" sex part. Both partners must take Ambien together and at relatively the same time. Otherwise it's simply extremely weird because the amnesia part of it is wasted. Lol
That may be a reference to the predictable near-hallucinogenic experience one might have if they went 10 years without an orgasm :P If you take the right drugs you can talk to dead kings. Well, kinda :P
I usually find Patton's viewpont somewhat reasonable. I'm with his brother on this one. Jerry Maguire is the worst movie I've ever seen from beginning to end. (It's also the only Cameron Crowe movie I didn't walk out on.) Here's how they could've fixed it. thewrongmonkey.blogspot.com/2017/04/10-ways-jerry-maguire-couldve-been.html
His Jerry Maguire bit is on I heart radio I must've listen to that one over 1000 times I can recite it by heart. When he takes that pauses and says "my favorite Christmas memory of all time" in that evil Ratman voice that he has I get way too excited. That and in San Antonio we had the exact same galaxy multiplex
Patton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Kathleen Madigan, Chris Rock, Ricky Gervais.... I wish they were my friends. I would just call them up, "Hey, what are you thinking about? That's so funny."
Someone needed to go after Crowe. Sure, great movies overall, but he often goes overboard on the earnest factor, particularly with a loon like Cruise saying it, and Oswalt's brother said what had to be said.
I have limited room on my DVR but this will never be erased. Patton is fucken funny. Some people get married have kids and their comedy falls behind all else. Not Patton he's golden. All those no name comics out there need to stop trying to be HA HA funny and just be Hmm funny. They will thank themselves later. "PAINTING THE GARAGE!!" LMAO so hard I almost literally did.
You know you've watched a good video when it ends with a shot of a chick who looks fucking EXACTLY like Diablo Cody losing her shit over a joke about Cummings on a garage door.
Nope..Ambien and me don't agree. The Ambien said I was sleeping. Going to work 3 hours early and telling my boss I was done for the day and going home said I was awake. Later I ACTUALLY wake up a few to find out had conversations and DROVE a car...not remembering anything about it...No thanks
![NOSFERATU - Official Trailer [HD] - Only In Theaters December 25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nulvWqYUM8k/mqdefault.jpg)
I heard this joke 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, I just saw Jerry Macquire for the first time, I drank 8 beers while watching it, kinda drunk. I really enjoyed the movie.
When he said "We live in a cynical world" I died fucking laughing, I suddenly remembered this Patton joke I heard years ago. Laughed so hard in fact I woke up my pregnant wife.
Came to RUclips to relive the joke, thanks Patton lol. I will always have this on my mind.
i absolutely love his tempo breaks for emphasis. "Capital idea, old sport! VOMIT."
"OH MY GOD, I'M SEEING DEAD KINGS!!!"
I....dont get it.
Literally slapping my knee and wheezing at that line.
@@HotaruZoku It's a reference to an old Latin poem about 3 kings in the woods being confronted by 3 dead kings who warn them about the dangers of excessive pleasure and materialism.
I think about the dead kings line probably once a month and it makes me laugh every damn time..I think I first heard it like 4 years ago 😂😂
That line fucking slays me 💀
That, and "Uncle Patton's naked puzzle basement."
I actually have chronic depression and one day i saw this special premier on comedy central and it turned my entire day around
I could be the worst kind of person, and say the most obnoxiously and nauseatingly trite of things... which is, well... You know how they say laughter is the best medicine... I know. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. But in all seriousness? I've suffered from severe and deep-seated chronic depression my entire life, as well literally crippling anxiety. As well as a whole host of other emotional and situational problems that, well, frankly? By themselves, make one hell of a case for Doctor Kevorkian. I'll just put it that way. But with all of the triteness of that previous comment, completely aside, honestly what has always and invariably helped me get over and through some of the absolute most devastating and Soul crushing moments in my life... It always has, always is, and likely always will be to the magic of Comedy. Legitimate, truly talented, relatable and compelling comics. That old expression, if I didn't laugh I would cry? It's been a lot more accurate to phrase it, if I didn't laugh, I'd have laid down and literally died. so yeah, I completely get it. And if your depression runs any way similar to mine, I know how completely exhausting that struggle is... But I can't recommend enough that, When things are getting really bad, hopefully before they do, you continue to seek out Comics that you resonate and relate to, and most importantly, who make you laugh. Keep on fighting, keep on laughing. And good luck.
@@lucyhellbroke your block of text gave me depression
You know you're watching a Patton Oswalt video when half the suggestions are batman clips.
Better bra ad after the video: "Are you tired of itchy tags, stiff cups, and metal underwire?" Me: "Then stop wearing a bra!"
Easier said than done 😂
This is crazy. I took it the other day it felt like 50 parts of my brain were trying to dream at once. This is so accurate it's scary. I wish I had watched this first.
I once had butt sex on Ambien. My then-wife was into it and so was I. The next morning, I barely remember it, and she remembers nothing. Ambien...for Butt-Secks.
@@Rustikreign Well thank you!
@@Rustikreign That's how I roll.
@@Rustikreign How is one supposed to “instantly” reply to a comment that is a year old already? 😂
I mean, jeez. Remind me never to ask you for a cup of instant coffee - I’d die of thirst! 😂😂😂
I lol'ed so fucking hard when I first listened to the Jerry Maguire story on the album. Thanks for uploading.
My mom takes Ambien, and once we were both woken up at 12am by the fire alarm. When she came out of the house she said where's Carly (me), I said I'm right here, and then she said no, where's Carly, to which I said (more loudly) mom, I'm right here, to which she responded no, Carly, the little girl who lives here. It was like something out of The Grudge. Also once she took her pill but didn't go to bed soon enough and ate an entire cherry pie. Ambien's a hell of a drug.
Great, now if I ever watch Jerry Maguire, I won't be able to keep myself from laughing at that part. 🤣
I remember when I took some ambien once. I didn't go to sleep for hours, though.
It felt like I was on a fucking LSD trip. I swear to God, I'm not kidding, I thought all the furniture in the room were all my best friends (not resembling particular best friends irl, but they just seemed like "people" that I really liked) and that the moon was "spying" on me. Like I'd done something bad and it was going to get me.
Then, some time after it took effect, a friend came into the room and started watching some lesbian porn, just disregarding me being all fucked up.
And the moments where I actually paid attention to what was on the screen, I didn't get sexually aroused at all (like I probably would while sober), but I literally started to cry a little, and thought of it as "beautiful". Not hot or sexy, but "beautiful", like an art piece or something. But then I finally fell asleep.
I didn't try it again, but I get what Patton's saying. It's very trippy, depending on who you are.
***** I dig that story. I used to take it all the time - had to, unfortunately, due to horrific insomnia, but i remember i had a lot of great, colorful visions on the ceiling of my pitch-black room in that pre-sleep half hour oswalt talks about. a couple of other things i remember pretty clearly:
*a conversation with painted James Dean (I had Boulevard of Broken Dreams hanging over my bed)
* another conversation with the characters in some Harry Potter painting, which also hung above my bed, despite the fact that I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I guess I just liked the Van Gogh-type style of it.
And they weren't just one-way conversations, either - those sons of bitches were talkin' back.
JoggingOnTheMoon Yeah, it works to put you to sleep by sort of "activating" or turning on the unconscious mind, which is the part of your brain that works when you sleep and makes you dream, which theoretically should put you to sleep. But sometimes it doesn't, and you're left having a dream while still awake, which explains the trippiness. It's just an "awake dream".
I actually feel like taking it again now...
***** me too, all this talk (type) about it is getting me nostalgic
***** Shit dude, sounds like a party!
I can only imagine. Only experiences ive had with pills. Vicodin - thought i was talking to my friend for hours and it wasnt real at all. Clonazepam (spelling?) thought clouds were coming out of my feet.
I hate it when Dream Theater shows up in my dreams.
I love it, because I know somethings about to go wrong in my dreams. I have no control in them, everything goes wacked. Then it turns to "Ashlyn Gere" and I am happy again!!!
Evan S I Wanna Rock Your Body (Until the Break of Dawn)
that's beautiful, it's like poetry
GET INTO MAH CAH!
I' m not afraid
Ambien makes me cook and eat Bertolli meals in a bag while they are still on the stove!!! And I've eatin protein bars w Tom cruise and American Indians in my kitchen. Then I told the girl I was on the phone with , that there are pigs u dee my bed and she was one of them!! Hahahah she was like what!?!?!?
This video brought to you by Ambien Walrus™.
"Put Scarlet Johannson's face on the chainsaw-titted clown"...Fuck I can't breathe!
Now, just try and watch that movie, without thinking of Patton's brother...I didn't like Jerry Maguire either.
God damn that movie sucked the only decent part may be cuba gooding jr but even then, “decent” may be a strong word
I love this guy. He's good with his words. His role on King of Queens was funny but masked his true talent. I am now realizing how funny he really is. Keep going Patton!
He was an English major in college. He’s very well-read and has a very good command of the language.
Patton is likely one of his generation's best comedians. I'm pretty jaded and difficult to entertain, but he has me laughing aloud in almost every bit. It's probably because of his mastery of language.
I saw the movie Identity, and the reveal of the killer at the end, I stood up and said "I KNEW IT!!!"
Scared everyone in the theater. My Proudest moment.
Oh my God, I love that twist at the end of that movie. As I remember, I saw it in theaters, and I also predicted the twist at the end well in advance, as well, haha. :-) And hardly anybody remembers that movie. It's honestly one of my favorite movies and guilty pleasures. I find the plot as well as the way that they executed it very intriguing.
I thought it was a good movie
I"M SEEING DEAD KINGS!
This is my happy place.
Ahh this takes me back to the first summer I came back home after living in the college dorm. Stuff's just weird and different, but you're only there to sleep and you're only going to be around for like 3 months, so it's not worth even complaining.
My mom would take Ambien and then just...not go to sleep. I would be trying to sleep on a futon mattress on the floor of my room, and she would be in there on the one computer in the house playing freecell until 3:30am, getting weirder and weirder on Ambien. About the time she'd start hallucinating, she'd leave and go to bed.
(camera zooms in on Tom Cruise's tear-stricken face)
Tom Cruise: WE....LIVE....IN A CYNICAL...WORLD!
Patton Oswalt's Brother: FUCKKKKK YOOOUUUUU!
I like ambien. I do have some odd dreams. I usually get six hours of nice sleep, sometimes I awaken sort of mildly shocked or startled about what I was dreaming, need to empty my bladder. That done I drift of for another hour or two, wake up again similarly. Since I am retired I sometimes go back to sleep again then I’m up no hangover, clear, ready to go.
I once lived in a basement apartment and the landlord lived upstairs and would regularly take ambien. He would routinely eat in his sleep and one night set the house on fire because he put a cheese quesadilla thing in the microwave and set it to 20 minutes instead of two. That was an interesting night.
Yeah I think about that all the time. Like damn I wish i was friends with these awesome, funny, cool comedians. Wish i could just call up patton, invite him over and we just drink scotch and smoke weed. That's my dream
I just got the news; my thoughts and heart goes out to you, Patton, your daughter, and your family on the passing of your wife.
R.I.P. Return If Possible
In what world would you believe that Patton Oswalt would see a random comment on a random youtube clone video of one of his specials?
In what world would a random person feel the need to comment on someone other random person's comment intimating heartfelt condolences? Well, I guess this world.
"I'm seeing dead kings!"
Holy shit, I forgot about that line! That Jerry Maguire joke is SOOOO good. One of my favorite stand-up jokes of all time; just going off of pure funny and not making a socio/political statement in the form of a joke.
Read that wrong at first
IFUCKING HHAATTEE WHENPEOPLETYPEINWHATHESAID . ANDTHENYOUOTHERRETARDSTHUMBSUP . >
@@IETCHX69 It's called conversing, and is the exact same thing as when you talk to people in real life about movies or TV shows and discuss your favorite parts. It's a stupid fucking thing to get pissed off about.
Ambien is some craaaaazy shit, man. If you've never taken it... holy balls.
I have never seen Jerry Maguire but, if I ever do, I will make it my mission to yell out "FUCK YOU!!!" when this part of the movie happens.
It's like I am legend but you can get a sandwich
i like that movie. we do live in a cynical world but the grass is always teaching people to fish so they can become better people on Christmas
ibuprophen and mucenex cough syrup is giving awesome dreams with plotlines and recurring themes it's awesome
Last time I took Mucenex, I was competing in a Judo competition and I broke out in hives and had Respiratory problems, and the hives were burning me. Took me an hour of hot water shower to stop the burning. I lost big time, just collapsed on the floor.
Good times
I love this guy!
I know someone who took ambien and they woke up the next day to see a bucket of fried chicken on the table. Meaning they'd *driven* to a KFC in the middle of the night and come home, but had no memory of it, and they stopped taking it after that. Because they rightfully were worried about driving while not being lucid.
I have something in common with the brother in this sketch, because I hated the whole experience of Jerry Maguire and wanted to scream obscenities at the screen, too.
I despise it too and have never felt so connected to a standup joke before lol
I don't even take sleep meds and sometimes my dreams end up that random.
"Cue talking velociraptors trying to break into my house. But the phone rings and I'm getting ordered to come into work, trying to explain to my boss that it's dangerous for me to leave the house... but wait, it's the velociraptors on the phone, trying to trick me. And for some strange reason my ex is there the entire time wanting to have sex..."
The absoluted greatest would be if you could arrange a screening of "Jerry Maguire" in the health club that's now where the Galaxy 6 used to be located and then scream that line at the screen at that exact moment in the film. ;-D
I don't know what he's talking about. When I was on Ambien I'd just black out. Wake up the next morning like, "Huh? When did I even get into bed?"
I hate Jerry Maguire. Seen it maybe three times and I just can't understand why some people like it so much. So, that joke really hits home for me lol
I take Ambien but as intended for my Insomnia and he's kinda right you do feel really good when it starts to work but I think it's because it just naturally feels good to get sleepy?
actually my thing is that it can DRAAAASTICALLY alter my personality, like Tyler Durden-levels lol... So I just need to be on the ball more about that once I take the dose, actually getting into bed as soon as possible, not sitting up remaining on the computer. Because boy oh boy did I have ZERO MEMORY when I very awkwardly found out about some sent emails or message board posts the night before :-/
Patton Oswalt is top 3 favorite whit guys next to Bill Burr and Michael rapaport
The issue is not about Ambien dreams.
Rather the issue is about Ambien "dream" sex.
However to get the best part, to reach the summit, which means the pinnacle of Ambien the "dream" sex part.
Both partners must take Ambien together and at relatively the same time. Otherwise it's simply extremely weird because the amnesia part of it is wasted.
Lol
That may be a reference to the predictable near-hallucinogenic experience one might have if they went 10 years without an orgasm :P If you take the right drugs you can talk to dead kings. Well, kinda :P
after "The Mummy", i really want to yell "fuck you" at Tom Cruise, too
Ambien addiction sucks! I was pretty strung out on it for quite awhile. This did make me laugh though.
This man murdered his wife because she was overweight and got a new girlfriend
I usually find Patton's viewpont somewhat reasonable. I'm with his brother on this one. Jerry Maguire is the worst movie I've ever seen from beginning to end. (It's also the only Cameron Crowe movie I didn't walk out on.) Here's how they could've fixed it. thewrongmonkey.blogspot.com/2017/04/10-ways-jerry-maguire-couldve-been.html
The real question is would you still do Scarlette Johanson if she were a chainsaw tited clown?
Yes, as long as I can call her Harley
Your analysis is correct.
sleep meds are the best to stay awake on. tried it once, felt like I was stoned
Check his book out, too good.
Should have plugged or mentioned the book title. I didn't even know he had a book until I stumbled across your comment.
Great ad for Ambien
6:26. ladies and gentlemen, Miss Scarlett Johannson.
Picasso1975 she looks like Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace
it's like I am legend, but ye can get a sandwich
UTOPIA!!!!
Wow I better NEVER take Ambien then because my dreams are all pretty much that nonsensical in the first place...
His Jerry Maguire bit is on I heart radio I must've listen to that one over 1000 times I can recite it by heart. When he takes that pauses and says "my favorite Christmas memory of all time" in that evil Ratman voice that he has I get way too excited. That and in San Antonio we had the exact same galaxy multiplex
Dead Kings ❤
Tim Cain..wait until you hear Patton's new special- Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time. Absolutely brilliant
Those are ambien dreams, huh? Dude, I get those every fucking day. Whilst unmedicated.
Patton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Kathleen Madigan, Chris Rock, Ricky Gervais.... I wish they were my friends. I would just call them up, "Hey, what are you thinking about? That's so funny."
@kevin willems I Wish You Knew
That I Gave Your Comment A 👎...
IM SEEING DEAD KINGS!
Ohhh I didn't realize it referenced anything, I was just laughing REALLY hard at that part.
Just as long as Scarlet’s weird ass face ends FINALLY.....
@Brotassium00
Meth addicts are hilarious. Depressed insomniacs are only occasionally mildly funny.
The vivid dreams is so true!
@roctimo - Funny! He actually looks like he dropped a few pounds from his last stand-up.
so damn true
"We live in a cynical world 'Fuck you!' " ahahhhahahaahha
His brother is 100% correct.
My mother uses ambien and goes crazy, usually takes her clothes off and goes outside.
What I shouted at the end of The Force Awakens
Wouldn't that be Rise of Skywalker?
Someone needed to go after Crowe. Sure, great movies overall, but he often goes overboard on the earnest factor, particularly with a loon like Cruise saying it, and Oswalt's brother said what had to be said.
jerry maquir... OWW!
One of my all time favorite comedians!
we have christmas memories 1 and 2. whats 3?
I just snorted 3 lines of Ambien before this video. I'll keep you updated
This isn't thefucking goldbergs
😂😂😂
Jesus fucking Christ. I never remembered this comment or fucking video
@@gnomez00.
That's how you know you were on Ambien. I have so many comments like that.
What's with the weird Robin the Boy Wonder stance in front of the mike?
after seeing this I watches Jerry MaGuire and I must be agreeing with Pattons bro..this movie sucks!
If that Ambien dream bit isn't how he got the job for Sandman, it fucking should be.
I have limited room on my DVR but this will never be erased. Patton is fucken funny. Some people get married have kids and their comedy falls behind all else. Not Patton he's golden. All those no name comics out there need to stop trying to be HA HA funny and just be Hmm funny. They will thank themselves later. "PAINTING THE GARAGE!!" LMAO so hard I almost literally did.
This is somehow funnier after what happened with Roseanne
Roseanne was fucking railroaded, cuz her joke was true and funny, and she said nothing wrong at all whatsoever....
why is it i can't fine the part about the circus
Jenny slate would crack the living shit out of herself if she watched this video
@RoseannaBarr
That's how all my dreams are.
Which/What special is this? I haven't heard/seen this one before.
Is he still apologizing for knowing Dave Chappell?
omg. The imagery Oswalt uses at the end of the clip...
You know you've watched a good video when it ends with a shot of a chick who looks fucking EXACTLY like Diablo Cody losing her shit over a joke about Cummings on a garage door.
i need to try ketamine again, dmt and now ambien.
Is the "I see dead kings" bit a reference to something?
I think he's just talking about the sperm in the joke.
Potential for major blackout on Ambien
That reminds me, my garage needs a new coat of paint.
2:47 that part kills me every time
holy crap. gold.
Patton's brother rules.
Nope..Ambien and me don't agree. The Ambien said I was sleeping. Going to work 3 hours early and telling my boss I was done for the day and going home said I was awake. Later I ACTUALLY wake up a few to find out had conversations and DROVE a car...not remembering anything about it...No thanks
also both involved Matt Oswalt
Mirtazapine kinda feels like that, too.