"...and then a bigger douchebag shows up and for a moment everyone's friends." My personal favorite and quite possibly the most magical social phenomena of all time.
Here in Germany the trains quite frequently dont arrive on schedule. Everytime that happens everyone on the train station immediately becomes friends and start to complain together.
Eric Kruckenberg it's an aspect of the human heart that's responsible for a lot of great historical and comic book team-ups: when Thanos or Hitler shows up, everyone's friends. Even Loki and Thor. Even communists and capitalists...we're all friends when the fascists show their faces.
His wife couldn’t open her own pill bottles she was so weak, he was her carer (3 weeks until death), 2 different high amounts drugs in system and his alibi is she must have been depressed and he was dropping the kids at school. Married within 8 months, called his new girl “the improvement” Divorces are expensive
Really? Because my favorite thing wad the fight when his wife was fighting for air, with his chubby fingers wrapped around her neck.... Guess she shouldn't have busted his buddy. 😉
Came upon a video while back: Skinny chinese kid, late teens, is being bullied, with the bully clearly looking for a 'fight'. Chinese kid: 'I would prefer not to. Just.... Let me go dude...' Chinese kid gets shoved, with force. However, other kid is the one moving... And again, now being closed in. Kid shrugs. Kneels down. Unties his shoes. Carefully puts them in his bag, puts that on the ground. Gets up on the balls of his feet and gives a lil hop. Bully, being denser than Trump, goes in for a punch. Chinese kid evades. Again says 'I don't like this. Just let it go' Bully again takes a swing. Lil kid does a perfect spin kick, right into the fuckers chest. Goes down crying like a sack of manure. Lil Chinese kid asks if he can go now. Carefully takes out his shoes again, puts them on, ties them, all the while only looking up at the bully's 'friends' once. Apologises to the lump of whining biomatter on the floor and walks off. Yeah, I think that it serves to be carefull around people who know to take their shoes off.
My grandfather was a reasonably successful amateur boxer back in the 60's. One of the many things he said about fights (and not getting into them) was "Never underestimate the strength of a fat guy. Moving your weight too isn't much compared to just moving his own."
My grandfather was fat almost his whole life - from about age 30 he started getting pudgy and by 40 was full on fat guy. Around age 75 his doc made him quit smoking and lose weight - he slimmed down to about 165-170 and his legs looked like he'd been competing in Mr Olympia for a few decades. Carrying around all that blubber builds a shitton of muscle - If you ask him today in his 80's why his calves are so huge he'll tell you its from "humping a rucksack up the mountains in Korea" ... but yea, no ... it's from carrying around an extra 200 lbs of gramma's lasagna for 40 years, that'll do it.
The corollary is never underestimate ANYONE's strength. I had a boss when I was a teenager-- he was probably 130 pounds-- strong as hell. Later, when I was in college, I'd go to the weight room, and there was this guy, maybe 170-- doughy looking guy, absolutely no muscle definition or muscle mass-- he would lift MASSIVE amounts. It was bizarre.
In 2001 I was at a bar getting drunk and playing pool with a couple friends and a new girlfriend. At some point I noticed off in the corner there was a guy sitting with 2 or 3 other dudes and he was just mean mugging me the whole time. I kinda gave him a wtf look, but he didn't get up or anything so I forgot about it. Turns out he was best friends with my girlfriends ex, and for some reason felt obligated to punch me out FOR his friend. So at the end of the night, the bar was closing, we are all wasted and starting to wander out of the bar, the dude walked up behind me and tried to sucker punch me in the back of the head. But he was so drunk that he missed, tripped over his own feet and hit his head on the side of the pool table as he fell. Didn't knock himself out per se, but he was VERY dazed and confused, and started to bleed like a stuck pig all over the place. We all thought the guy had just legitimately fell, and I was so drunk at that point I didn't even realize it was mean mugger guy. We had absolutely zero clue he'd even tried to hit me, all of us were were facing the other way. One of his buddies came running up and was like WTF DID YOU DO?!?! We all just kinda went "Huh?". We helped the guy to his feet, got him out of the bar, and put him into his friend's car. I didn't find out about the whole punching attempt until weeks later when a mutual acquaintance who'd seen the whole thing was like, whatever happened to the guy that tried to punch you? Who knew you could get into a fight and not even know you were a part of it? So if you happened to be at the Peacock bar in 2001 in Corvallis, Oregon and saw that go down and had no idea wtf just happened, there you go. Only bar fight I've ever been "involved" in and it was pretty gd silly so I thought I'd share, carry on...
I have a similar story from Boblingen Germany! I'm laughing because it's true! Still, to this day, I don't know why I was looked at differently (positively) after! 🤔🤣👏👍✌🙏❤
A guy was threatening me on an outdoor stairwell years ago, and after calling himself a “bad motherfucker,” he attempted to show me by kicking into the air, and fell down the steps. Even his friends (I was alone at the time) laughed their asses off at him. He was an idiot neighbor who had stolen my charcoal grill. The confrontation was over me taking it back. The moron didn’t even hide it. I just walked over and carried it home.
@@flyingardilla143 check out a cnn comment section, it's hilarious.. Filled with these scenarios. Everyone arguing, liberal sissy, conservative nazi, then one guy will say something like: "You people are all stupid, you don't even know you're being controlled by the illuminati" -Immediately swarmed by all those angry, immature people that are incapable of being civil with anyone who slightly differs politically. It's kind of beautiful
Had a moment like that. Was out with friends and this dude was berating his girlfriend, just letting her have it verbally and then he pushed her. In the blink of an eye, my group and some dudes wearing cowboy hats moved between the guy and the girl so that he couldn't get to her. He was caught between us and the wall with nowhere to go, and the ladies in our group talked the gal into leaving so she would be safe (hopefully) and we just stood there, not letting the dude move until she had enough time to get away and out of sight. We split right back into our individual groups after that.
It's beautiful. There was a time that I was hanging outside of the local grotty goth club with some friends, and the usual pack of friendly strangers (stranger than usual), and three frat-boy types walk past. As they're passing one of them said/did something that had one of my pals yelling "WHAT?!?", and yanking him back by the collar of his rugby shirt. It turns out he had just grabbed her ass and said something extremely obscene and insulting to the absolutely wrong girl that night. You see, as well as looking like an exotic, half-Asian model, (which she is), my friend also has a black-belt in Tae Kwon Do, and teaches self-defense classes designed specifically for women facing larger attackers. The entire circle from the club, including the bouncers, who don't look kindly on outsiders harassing their patrons, closed the circle while she repeated just what he'd done and said, before a lightening fast combo of broken nose, knee to the groin, and high heel slammed into the instep. Dudebro was left in a groaning mess on the sidewalk, everyone else did a slow-clap, as we strolled back into the club for another drink. Dudebro's "friends" had mysteriously vanished at the first sign of trouble.
It also happens with natural or mechanical diasters, or even when theres no douchebag present to be blamed, like in a long line. I prefer those, because they don't require a scapegoat.
I'd never seen ANY Patton stand up before tonight. But I've been going down the rabbit hole the past hour. And holy shit....I've been missing out. He's hilarious. A naturally confident and likable storyteller too.
As annoying as this bastard is off the stage he is still one of my favorite comedians and storytellers. Bill Burr is another great one. They're polar opposites but they could be reading nutrition facts and I would still listen to the end.
His wife couldn’t open her own pill bottles she was so weak, he was her carer (3 weeks until death), 2 different high amounts drugs in system and his alibi is she must have been depressed and he was dropping the kids at school. Married within 8 months, called his new girl “the improvement” Divorces are expensive
That's how I feel every time I see SNL upload a skit they label "vintage", and it's from 2013. I mean come on, if that's considered "vintage", then I must be a god damn dinosaur.
Fun story from my oldest brother: Years ago (late 90s, early 2000s) he was at a party at a friend's house, everyone's having a blast, etc., but a friend got too wasted to drive home and called a buddy to come pick him up around 2am. Buddy appears in a truck and parks in front of the house, waiting for the partygoers to help his friend out so they can load him up. The neighbor, a guy about their age, maybe a few years older, sees the tail of buddy's truck is blocking his driveway a little while he waits. He comes out, screaming (mind you it's 2am and they have OTHER neighbors) and the buddy in the truck explains he'd be gone soon, but that's not good enough for the neighbor, and he keeps screaming and then kicks the guy's truck and demands a fight. Now, had there been an emergency, dude would absolutely have moved his truck, but the guy had no reason to whine other than a few inches of someone else's truck in HIS driveway, and was making such a jerk of himself for no reason and screaming in the street that truck buddy just sat there to spite him. Until the dude kicked his truck. Buddy opens the door slowly and climbs out, he is an absolute mammoth of a man, which the truck hid nicely. Neighbor is rethinking his position but before he can flee, the buddy PICKS THE GUY UP and holds him slightly above himself, says, "I'll hurt you, sir," and places him back down on his feet with such force the neighbor stumbles backwards. Jerk scuttles back into his house, friend is loaded into the truck and gets driven home, happy ending, etc. But I just love the soft threat of "I'll hurt you, sir."
I went to high school with a guy like this. He and I were the only out gay kids in the school, but nobody every gave him any trouble, because they'd seen him in the gym. I got trouble until it got around that the combination of my ballet classes and steeltoe boots made me a dangerous girl to mess with. Same general principle. ;)
Louis Cyr, still considered the strongest (recorded feats) man to have lived was average/little bit over average height at 5'9". He handily beat larger men at every feat of strength.
"He was clearly in so much pain that his brain was like, "Nah, were not gonna process this. Why don't you just stand up." Adrenaline & shock are a powerful combination.
So true! 12 years ago I fell down some icy stairs and shattered my hip and half of my pelvis. My brain couldn't process the shock and pain, so I kept trying to get up and walk away. It took nearly 15 minutes for me to FEEL it 😬
Getting your opponent off the ground always puts them into a panic. I never brought a weapon to a fight, smashing an object into a person is not as effective as smashing a person into an object.
@@swskitso ditto. I'm old doorman/head of sec, never needed a weapon. and I'm not even that big or multi-black-belt or anything. mainly just very aware of my environment.
More of a "mugging the monster". With Bullying the Dragon, the target of the bullying is obviously dangerous/powerful. With Mugging the Monster, the target initially looks weak. (I only learned this because your comment inspired me to look all of this up on TV Tropes. Before that I didn't know either of these two terms so thanks for that!)
LMAO I have a friend who powerlifts and competes in strongman competitions. He looks like a short round-shouldered nerd but he's incredibly strong. I asked him once if you could deadlift me and he did it with no visible effort. When we were in college I once saw him carry two full, full-size beer kegs at once, one under each arm.
One time I was walking and this crazy, disturbed, homeless guy bumped into me and started to scream at me "DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?" I said "no thank you." He immediately calmed down, said "okay", and shuffled off into the night.
One time I was walking my dog and a homeless guy yelled "give me your fucking dog right now" I laughed and told him to fuck off. It helped that he was in a wheelchair
People underestimate the rigor of office work and the profound impact it has on one’s physique. The fortitude and steadfast resolve it takes to religiously load reams of paper into printers and clandestinely hoist other people’s coffee creamer containers cannot be overlooked.
"If two guys are about to fight, and one of them doesn't even bother putting his cigar down... That guy's the winner." - Josh Wolf I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's the gist of it.
@@jaycorbin5361 - Thank you for the information. Does it host all sorts of different type of music or is it just metal now? I had never heard of it though my knowledge for music is very limited.
Power lifters and body builders have completely different goals, this guy had a power lifting body type, body builders are all about aesthetics, power lifters focus just on heavy weight.
Somewhere there's a black guy saying..."Hey! That's me!". Sir, the next time Mr. Oswalt performs in your city, you need only ask for your complimentary tickets.
@@fatjay9402 I'm curious, did you search out a video of Patton, read through the comments and find a random complimentary comment in which to say that he is a moron? Because at the very least, you clicked on a Patton video, read through the comments and found one to reply to.
I once saw a fight between two crackheads when I was living in Davie, FL right outside of Ft. Lauderdale. When they broke apart the one guy started to puff out his chest and get the last word. It was the absolute craziest, yet genius thing I have heard in my entire life. After fighting with another person and purposely stopping in order to get that last jab he gets in a stance and points his finger towards the other man and says: I've been friends with you for 26 years and I bet you still couldn't tell me my favorite color!!".....😳
Lol no. The other guy just turned around dismissively and slammed his door. I on the other hand offered my sympathies to the guy for having such a one sided friendship.😆
lol, that;s really funny because for one, no doubt they were wasted to some degree, but even if they were straight, why would a guy know his buddies favorite color unless every day the guy said "Blue, blue - my favorite color is blue!" Also it's such an effeminate thing to blurt out in public that it's double hilarious because he might as well be saying "I've known you for 26 years but you probably can't even tell me what color my eyes are". Damn that's funny.
@@Bugaboo-wq5sc yes dude needless to say there were several emotions present after hearing that. I virtually failed to identify them all because I couldn't stop laughing at the utter craziness of the situation. It was seriously the very furthest thing I could have ever expected given the situation.
@@lesliemartin3 -- That's what makes this kind of shit so funny is that we CAN'T imagine it because it's so crazy, much like what Patton saw with the stubby black guy in the suit. I once saw a crazy thing outside my apt. It was a hot, muggy summers night, probably 1 or 2 am (after bars close of course!), and there was all this noise on the street so I looked out and two chubby-ish guys were in jeans but no shirts, and they had their belts off and were trying to whip each other, moving around in circles with the occasional 'whip' and the whole time their pants kept falling down! They had the same builds and were probably buddies that were drunk because WTF else would take their their belts off? It was a totally bizarre thing and of course I was half asleep watching it so it was like some crazed dream. It was ultimately harmless and reminded me of this video which always cracks me up when I think of it. ruclips.net/video/l06ofG0rk7Q/видео.html
Alright the gigs up, now I'm convinced someone is up in my phone watching what videos I watch, how in the last hour do I watch hannibal buress and then realized I never watched the McGregor vs cowboy fight and literally just got done with it before I began watching this video. Obviously I don't think your spying on me but dam if that isn't weird as shit.
Absolute power move. Id pay to see what this drunken group of office workers, concert goers and metal heads reaction to this 2am parking lot “fight” was cause I can only imagine they went ape shit
I have always been absolutely positive that I saw the video of the scene happening, but he describes it so accurately that the scene may have just been generated by my brain.
Those were fancy going out to get poon cowboy boots, far too slick to fight on pavement. He may be ignorant but clearly he has experience fighting in those boots and knows not to. You may be right though, this was likely a city boy dressed as a cowboy as we see so much today.
Love Patton, looking forward to his new special. Speaking of The Rainbow Bar , Lemmy from Motorhead used to hang there , his seat is still there.. (You aren't allowed to sit in it)
Saw a huge fat dude 6’ 2” 300ish pick on a little 5’4” 120lb dude in a bar in Lock Haven, Pa. Problem was the little dude was a nationally ranked D1 wrestler. Fat dude’s night ended getting rolled onto a body board for a trip to the hospital. Not only was this funny but brought back a memory for me.
Patton has an awesome piece on George bush being the biblical apocalypse. It is one of the all time funniest pieces ever. Hard to find, but so funny. It was included as bonus material on the rock against bush comps years ago. So funny.
If you ever go to Miami or Vegas (i'm sure there's other cities where this is common) wait outside of the bars and clubs once they close. Get some popcorn and a chair and you have some incredible entertainment!
I work half a block up from the Roxy and Rainbow Room. I can tell you with absolute certainty that shit like this happens there ALL THE TIME. That whole part of the Sunset Strip is a hotspot of weird shit.
I believe it because of the attitudes. At my gym, the guys who are the biggest powerlifters there whether they're big or tall, they barely say a word out loud, they barely even grunt when working out. Very kind. But the more athletic-looking who are clearly on steroids, those are the guys who never shut their mouth.
I like how Patton describes a short chubby-looking guy when he’s ALSO 5’3 and chubby 😝 seriously though: short guys are STRONG and chubby guys can run fast sometimes. I’m tall and skinny but I’m a WEAKLING with no stamina 😆
I'm guessing "Cowboy Boots" wouldn't have started shit with somebody his height, picked on the shorter guy thinking it would be an easy win and got slammed to the pavement.
The fact that he played Jesse from Minecraft story mode I just can't stop thinking that it's Jesse talking and it makes it so much funnier to me 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
I will never forget him talking about Phil Collins being punk rock back in the day because he wore a suit and sneakers together, which is just cRaAaZyYyYyy. I miss Patton Oswalt. Lollipops and werewolves.
As soon as Patton described the black guy, I had a super-pimp version of Gary Coleman in my head. The fact the smaller round guy lifted and slammed the taller guy on the ground without extinguishing this cigar just got me!
Its not. It’s like if the 80s and 90s metal/rock scene never left and all your favorite dads drove their motorcycles to go to a bar and listen to Guns n Roses.
This didn't really make me laugh but I was completely enraptured by Patton's storytelling. I find a lot of his material this way, not so much laugh out loud funny as much as just insanely interesting.
Someone tell me what its like to take home one of these badass wannabe dudes after he starts a fight and gets his ass handed to him? All of my homies were either chill enough not to start fights or skilled enough to end them
Lotta silence from everyone except the dude that lost the fight. After the adrenaline wears off there's a lot of pain and cursing. The next day we make fun of the dude. Life goes on.
I'm guessing if it happens a few times, and they have a few brain cells to rub together, the wannabes might straighten up, stop acting like douchenozzles and become mature adults.
In the dorms after a fight which I did not witness, my roommate dragged the loser into our building and up to our floor where he drank more beer and kept repeating the same story that it was either and unfair fight or that he wanted us to help him find the guy and we’d all beat him up- for hours- like for at least two hours he repeated the sane sentences dozens of times and then his roommate came into our room and slept on our floor. The next day I still thought it was funny, but his roommate was legitimately angry with him.
At the time, rainbows were indicative of peace and free spirits/independence. It started as an early era rock hall and then evolved into a heavy metal bar as times changed. It's actually quite the historical location, look it up.
Its even funnier for me cause I knew a guy EXACTLY as Patton describes. Dude was basically round and smoked what seemed like a metric ton of weed a week. We lived in the same house. He rented out the basement and due to the vents of the house going all over to every floor whenever he was getting baked in the basement the rest of the house would get a STRONG contact high. Guy on the top floor used to comment about waking up for work and being so baked he couldn't drive. I found out later that the guy in the basement was (at least at that time) the World Dead lift record holder. I'd see him bouncing as a second job and it was hilarious watching drunk assholes that thought they could take him try fighting. I once watched a dude that was maybe 5'10 with that typical Napolean complex try fighting literally everyone at the bar so of course the bouncer "escorted" him out. The kid hit the bouncer like 7 times in the chest which the bouncer completely ignored but then the dumb kid hit the bouncer in the head I think clipping his ear. The bouncer stopped, took a deep breath then like someone picking up a rowdy puppy, literally picked the kid up with one arm by the back of his neck and just walked him outside. It was amazing and a moment of me making a mental note to never piss the guy off.
I really enjoy seeing surreal situations that make you scratch your head. What's happening to you or around you is so ludicrous you refuse to think it's really happening.
@@scorpiusbalthazar4327 Pryor and Carlin would call you a f_g for such a random take on someone else's opinion. It's my favorite bit and im glad it bothers you
@@kanikmesh8870 the only one here "bothered" is you. And no, neither one of them would've called me a gay slur over my opinion, an opinion that the whole planet shares. I'll repeat this part seeing as how you were too bothered to see it the first time, this was a good skit. Smoke a joint and calm down little man.
that...that sounds like an assistant principal I had in high school. super nice dude but mannnnn don't start with him. I saw him break up a fight once by grabbing one kid throwing him up against the chain link fence, kids feet were two feet off the ground. we all went "whoa....ok don't piss off Mr b" (this was mid 90s and he did not get in trouble for it. he was well respected and pretty sure the students and teachers would have had protests if he had gotten fired)
"...and then a bigger douchebag shows up and for a moment everyone's friends."
My personal favorite and quite possibly the most magical social phenomena of all time.
Eric Kruckenberg
It’s rlly true too
It’s so rare but when it does happen ^chef’s kiss^
Here in Germany the trains quite frequently dont arrive on schedule. Everytime that happens everyone on the train station immediately becomes friends and start to complain together.
It's douchebag gravity. It pulls everyone closer together
Eric Kruckenberg it's an aspect of the human heart that's responsible for a lot of great historical and comic book team-ups: when Thanos or Hitler shows up, everyone's friends. Even Loki and Thor. Even communists and capitalists...we're all friends when the fascists show their faces.
"Their torso turns into a bicep - "
Best description of the power lifter build I've ever heard.
Aye. Can confirm.
abs so ripped they become one again
Yup…. Great description, nailed it.
I liked this from 999 to 1k and that makes me smile
His wife couldn’t open her own pill bottles she was so weak, he was her carer (3 weeks until death), 2 different high amounts drugs in system and his alibi is she must have been depressed and he was dropping the kids at school.
Married within 8 months, called his new girl “the improvement”
Divorces are expensive
“My skin is gonna hit skin at one velocity or another” is my new favorite thing
Really?
Because my favorite thing wad the fight when his wife was fighting for air, with his chubby fingers wrapped around her neck.... Guess she shouldn't have busted his buddy. 😉
@Claudia Solomon golden gate killer?
The best!-
@Claudia Solomon yea, he had that side piece lined up quick for a grieving widow. 😂
Whitesnake reference. Slow and easy.
As a former wrestler I can attest that it's the square shaped guys you have to look out for. Gravity and geometry is on their side.
thats almost funny like theyre the nokia of people in shape and function gravity and geometry shit
aKTuALLy the triiiangle is the strongest shape in nature. read a book.
@@cassiusjones4061 you ever seen a triangle shaped person?
@@fatlarry161 😐
@@cassiusjones4061 This exchange is literally the best thing I've ever seen in the comments on RUclips!
"My money's on the guy that didn't have to take his shoes off to get involved."
That is usually the safest bet.
Western boots have slippery leather soles so you don't get caught in the stirrups. Not so great for walking around on cement though lol
Came upon a video while back:
Skinny chinese kid, late teens, is being bullied, with the bully clearly looking for a 'fight'.
Chinese kid: 'I would prefer not to. Just.... Let me go dude...'
Chinese kid gets shoved, with force. However, other kid is the one moving...
And again, now being closed in.
Kid shrugs. Kneels down. Unties his shoes. Carefully puts them in his bag, puts that on the ground. Gets up on the balls of his feet and gives a lil hop.
Bully, being denser than Trump, goes in for a punch.
Chinese kid evades. Again says 'I don't like this. Just let it go'
Bully again takes a swing.
Lil kid does a perfect spin kick, right into the fuckers chest. Goes down crying like a sack of manure.
Lil Chinese kid asks if he can go now. Carefully takes out his shoes again, puts them on, ties them, all the while only looking up at the bully's 'friends' once. Apologises to the lump of whining biomatter on the floor and walks off.
Yeah, I think that it serves to be carefull around people who know to take their shoes off.
900th like
When I heard him say, "Oh! He's a power lifter!" I thought to myself the old phrase,
"Do one thing, and do it well." 😂
Of course he's not gonna put his cigar down; they're expensive.
"I'm gonna beat the shit outta this dude but I gonna lose money over this shit."
If you can beat the shit out of someone while maintaining a cigar and then doing a power hit off it, you are the boss.
@jocelynjohnston8257 No, they aren’t. Spoken like someone who has never smoked a cigar in their life.🤡🤦♂️🙄
@@spanqueluv9ersome of us don't smoke the cheap shit
My grandfather was a reasonably successful amateur boxer back in the 60's. One of the many things he said about fights (and not getting into them) was "Never underestimate the strength of a fat guy. Moving your weight too isn't much compared to just moving his own."
Look up Casey Heynes the big boy from Australia that was getting bullied. Exactly what your grandfather was talking about.
My grandfather was fat almost his whole life - from about age 30 he started getting pudgy and by 40 was full on fat guy. Around age 75 his doc made him quit smoking and lose weight - he slimmed down to about 165-170 and his legs looked like he'd been competing in Mr Olympia for a few decades. Carrying around all that blubber builds a shitton of muscle - If you ask him today in his 80's why his calves are so huge he'll tell you its from "humping a rucksack up the mountains in Korea" ... but yea, no ... it's from carrying around an extra 200 lbs of gramma's lasagna for 40 years, that'll do it.
@@Gaolii LOL!
@@Gaolii your grandpa is a legend :D
The corollary is never underestimate ANYONE's strength. I had a boss when I was a teenager-- he was probably 130 pounds-- strong as hell.
Later, when I was in college, I'd go to the weight room, and there was this guy, maybe 170-- doughy looking guy, absolutely no muscle definition or muscle mass-- he would lift MASSIVE amounts. It was bizarre.
In 2001 I was at a bar getting drunk and playing pool with a couple friends and a new girlfriend. At some point I noticed off in the corner there was a guy sitting with 2 or 3 other dudes and he was just mean mugging me the whole time. I kinda gave him a wtf look, but he didn't get up or anything so I forgot about it. Turns out he was best friends with my girlfriends ex, and for some reason felt obligated to punch me out FOR his friend. So at the end of the night, the bar was closing, we are all wasted and starting to wander out of the bar, the dude walked up behind me and tried to sucker punch me in the back of the head. But he was so drunk that he missed, tripped over his own feet and hit his head on the side of the pool table as he fell. Didn't knock himself out per se, but he was VERY dazed and confused, and started to bleed like a stuck pig all over the place. We all thought the guy had just legitimately fell, and I was so drunk at that point I didn't even realize it was mean mugger guy. We had absolutely zero clue he'd even tried to hit me, all of us were were facing the other way. One of his buddies came running up and was like WTF DID YOU DO?!?! We all just kinda went "Huh?". We helped the guy to his feet, got him out of the bar, and put him into his friend's car. I didn't find out about the whole punching attempt until weeks later when a mutual acquaintance who'd seen the whole thing was like, whatever happened to the guy that tried to punch you? Who knew you could get into a fight and not even know you were a part of it? So if you happened to be at the Peacock bar in 2001 in Corvallis, Oregon and saw that go down and had no idea wtf just happened, there you go. Only bar fight I've ever been "involved" in and it was pretty gd silly so I thought I'd share, carry on...
Cool Story. (no sarcasm)
@@UltimateKeyboardWarrior klantopia too, once you get out of the cities with colleges
I have a similar story from Boblingen Germany! I'm laughing because it's true! Still, to this day, I don't know why I was looked at differently (positively) after! 🤔🤣👏👍✌🙏❤
A guy was threatening me on an outdoor stairwell years ago, and after calling himself a “bad motherfucker,” he attempted to show me by kicking into the air, and fell down the steps. Even his friends (I was alone at the time) laughed their asses off at him.
He was an idiot neighbor who had stolen my charcoal grill. The confrontation was over me taking it back. The moron didn’t even hide it. I just walked over and carried it home.
THAT is a GREAT story!
"Who knew you could get into a fight and not even know you were a part of it?" Oh Man, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!
I lost it when he said "and he didn't put his cigar down to do this, which HAUNTS me to this day"
also cigar is an odd choice for an athlete. Maybe you need much of a wind for power-lifting.
Me too.
The fact that he started with Street Fighter and ended with Mortal Kombat haunts me to this day
he should know better.
It mixed up his references. It hurts but it's fine. I doubt he's an avid gamer
That's what he ENDED with! I loved the whole thing, and then left with a reeling cringe hahaaa
Yup. Same. Daniel Tosh did the same thing. Shame.
It's not that big deal
Oh yes! I love that moment when a douchebag brings strangers together as friends for a brief period of time, its the best.
Unless you are the douchebag
@@flyingardilla143 check out a cnn comment section, it's hilarious.. Filled with these scenarios.
Everyone arguing, liberal sissy, conservative nazi, then one guy will say something like:
"You people are all stupid, you don't even know you're being controlled by the illuminati"
-Immediately swarmed by all those angry, immature people that are incapable of being civil with anyone who slightly differs politically. It's kind of beautiful
Had a moment like that. Was out with friends and this dude was berating his girlfriend, just letting her have it verbally and then he pushed her. In the blink of an eye, my group and some dudes wearing cowboy hats moved between the guy and the girl so that he couldn't get to her. He was caught between us and the wall with nowhere to go, and the ladies in our group talked the gal into leaving so she would be safe (hopefully) and we just stood there, not letting the dude move until she had enough time to get away and out of sight. We split right back into our individual groups after that.
It's beautiful. There was a time that I was hanging outside of the local grotty goth club with some friends, and the usual pack of friendly strangers (stranger than usual), and three frat-boy types walk past. As they're passing one of them said/did something that had one of my pals yelling "WHAT?!?", and yanking him back by the collar of his rugby shirt. It turns out he had just grabbed her ass and said something extremely obscene and insulting to the absolutely wrong girl that night. You see, as well as looking like an exotic, half-Asian model, (which she is), my friend also has a black-belt in Tae Kwon Do, and teaches self-defense classes designed specifically for women facing larger attackers. The entire circle from the club, including the bouncers, who don't look kindly on outsiders harassing their patrons, closed the circle while she repeated just what he'd done and said, before a lightening fast combo of broken nose, knee to the groin, and high heel slammed into the instep. Dudebro was left in a groaning mess on the sidewalk, everyone else did a slow-clap, as we strolled back into the club for another drink. Dudebro's "friends" had mysteriously vanished at the first sign of trouble.
It also happens with natural or mechanical diasters, or even when theres no douchebag present to be blamed, like in a long line.
I prefer those, because they don't require a scapegoat.
"So are we bringing in like muffins on Monday for the Christmas party?" 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Rewinded that like 20 times 😂
That cigar stayed in his hand the whole time :)
Like it never happened!
hillarious
I'd never seen ANY Patton stand up before tonight.
But I've been going down the rabbit hole the past hour.
And holy shit....I've been missing out. He's hilarious. A naturally confident and likable storyteller too.
As annoying as this bastard is off the stage he is still one of my favorite comedians and storytellers. Bill Burr is another great one. They're polar opposites but they could be reading nutrition facts and I would still listen to the end.
His wife couldn’t open her own pill bottles she was so weak, he was her carer (3 weeks until death), 2 different high amounts drugs in system and his alibi is she must have been depressed and he was dropping the kids at school.
Married within 8 months, called his new girl “the improvement”
Divorces are expensive
@@Cononized lmao can't tell if you're joking or not.
@@Cononized Go away troll. You're the one that needs medication with that rambling rant.
@@eelnai2503 I’m not… he killed his wife. 100% cold blood killer who didn’t want to pay for a divorce or be a carer.
hearing the words “way back” and “in 2000” in the same sentence is kinda crazy
That was 20 years ago. We're old now
Ok boomer
The turn of the century
I was 3 in 2000, now I'm on unemployment 🤙🤙
That's how I feel every time I see SNL upload a skit they label "vintage", and it's from 2013. I mean come on, if that's considered "vintage", then I must be a god damn dinosaur.
Fun story from my oldest brother: Years ago (late 90s, early 2000s) he was at a party at a friend's house, everyone's having a blast, etc., but a friend got too wasted to drive home and called a buddy to come pick him up around 2am. Buddy appears in a truck and parks in front of the house, waiting for the partygoers to help his friend out so they can load him up. The neighbor, a guy about their age, maybe a few years older, sees the tail of buddy's truck is blocking his driveway a little while he waits. He comes out, screaming (mind you it's 2am and they have OTHER neighbors) and the buddy in the truck explains he'd be gone soon, but that's not good enough for the neighbor, and he keeps screaming and then kicks the guy's truck and demands a fight. Now, had there been an emergency, dude would absolutely have moved his truck, but the guy had no reason to whine other than a few inches of someone else's truck in HIS driveway, and was making such a jerk of himself for no reason and screaming in the street that truck buddy just sat there to spite him. Until the dude kicked his truck. Buddy opens the door slowly and climbs out, he is an absolute mammoth of a man, which the truck hid nicely. Neighbor is rethinking his position but before he can flee, the buddy PICKS THE GUY UP and holds him slightly above himself, says, "I'll hurt you, sir," and places him back down on his feet with such force the neighbor stumbles backwards. Jerk scuttles back into his house, friend is loaded into the truck and gets driven home, happy ending, etc. But I just love the soft threat of "I'll hurt you, sir."
It's always the quiet ones you need to fear...
That's the most simple, direct, and _polite_ threat I have ever heard.
@@jamietodd2560 that’s why it’s also so scary
Never underestimate the 5ft tall 5ft wide black guy
I went to high school with a guy like this. He and I were the only out gay kids in the school, but nobody every gave him any trouble, because they'd seen him in the gym. I got trouble until it got around that the combination of my ballet classes and steeltoe boots made me a dangerous girl to mess with. Same general principle. ;)
Dont fuck with the Cube
@@neuralmute and then everyone clapped
Louis Cyr, still considered the strongest (recorded feats) man to have lived was average/little bit over average height at 5'9". He handily beat larger men at every feat of strength.
@@Fab4Sunrises the smoking cube
"He was clearly in so much pain that his brain was like, "Nah, were not gonna process this. Why don't you just stand up."
Adrenaline & shock are a powerful combination.
So true! 12 years ago I fell down some icy stairs and shattered my hip and half of my pelvis. My brain couldn't process the shock and pain, so I kept trying to get up and walk away. It took nearly 15 minutes for me to FEEL it 😬
Black guy should've said: "No, leave them. They're my boots now"
haha
Loot drop!
nah, just turning back to his friends was the coldest thing he could have done.
dudes best shot didn't even interrupt the his convo. ice cold.
It should be titled "that one time Patton Oswalt met Kingpin"
Kingpin once told spiderman he had only 2% boby fat, 350lbs of muscle, then gave him a good squeeze bear hug, looked very painful too
@@shoqwavebeats8745 if you ever read Back in Black, you know Kingpin doesn't even stand a SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL against a serious Spidey.
Specifically the Daredevil movie Kingpin
Or Blob
Patton watched someone land a raw command grab and it gave him hope in the species lmao
The cowboy did grab his lapel first. Teched a throw into a standing 720
ohmygod - "raw command grab!"
/ded
why do hear Zangief's "huh!!"
Getting your opponent off the ground always puts them into a panic.
I never brought a weapon to a fight, smashing an object into a person is not as effective as smashing a person into an object.
@@swskitso truer words were never spoken
@@swskitso ditto. I'm old doorman/head of sec, never needed a weapon. and I'm not even that big or multi-black-belt or anything. mainly just very aware of my environment.
TV Tropes calls this scenario "Bullying The Dragon."
Thank you for that information, I was wondering if there was a name for this.
Neat
More of a "mugging the monster". With Bullying the Dragon, the target of the bullying is obviously dangerous/powerful. With Mugging the Monster, the target initially looks weak. (I only learned this because your comment inspired me to look all of this up on TV Tropes. Before that I didn't know either of these two terms so thanks for that!)
oh hey look tv tropes!
Is there a TV trope for when a bigger douchebag shows up and suddenly everyone is friends?
LMAO I have a friend who powerlifts and competes in strongman competitions. He looks like a short round-shouldered nerd but he's incredibly strong. I asked him once if you could deadlift me and he did it with no visible effort. When we were in college I once saw him carry two full, full-size beer kegs at once, one under each arm.
Did you show him this routine?
One time I was walking and this crazy, disturbed, homeless guy bumped into me and started to scream at me "DO YOU WANT ME TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?" I said "no thank you."
He immediately calmed down, said "okay", and shuffled off into the night.
One time I was walking my dog and a homeless guy yelled "give me your fucking dog right now"
I laughed and told him to fuck off. It helped that he was in a wheelchair
Lift. Fatality.
The only part I actually laughed at
Phyto Alchemist same😂
That had me cracking up!
That part got me dude
Jax Wins
FLAWLESS VICTORY
Someone needs to animate this story!
Cesar Gonzales
YES!!
100%
PLEASE
With Patton as Remy, narrating this story in the same place he narrated Ratatoullie.
Yeessss!
I love how he tells stories. I can picture it perfectly in my mind.
That is his true gift.
I know it wasn’t him but I am picturing CeeLo
Yeah me too
Me too !!!!! Looool
😂😂😂
Does that make you crazy?
Benjamin von Sück only when I see him driving around town with the girl I love 😡😂
"Lift and fatality" has got to be my favorite new move.
People underestimate the rigor of office work and the profound impact it has on one’s physique. The fortitude and steadfast resolve it takes to religiously load reams of paper into printers and clandestinely hoist other people’s coffee creamer containers cannot be overlooked.
"If two guys are about to fight, and one of them doesn't even bother putting his cigar down... That guy's the winner." - Josh Wolf
I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's the gist of it.
groucho's verbal judo ..
I wasn't expecting a metal bar to be called the Rainbow Grille.
Yeah that business name gives a whole different vibe. Maybe the owner is a Dio fan?
The Rainbow Grill has been around since like the 60s, it's iconic in the Music scene.
@@jaycorbin5361 - Thank you for the information. Does it host all sorts of different type of music or is it just metal now? I had never heard of it though my knowledge for music is very limited.
@@cappadocius9379 mainly all types of music, it mainly got the "Metal" tag when it became a big hangout for Motorhead and many 80s hair bands.
@@jaycorbin5361 Didn't Warren Zevon name-drop it in one of his songs?
As a gym-goer, I can attest to Patton's description of bodybuilders.
Power lifters and body builders have completely different goals, this guy had a power lifting body type, body builders are all about aesthetics, power lifters focus just on heavy weight.
And the guy never dropped the Cigar, and kept talking as if nothing had happened. That's Classic
I love it! "Yeah, so....we bringing muffins for the Xmas party on Monday?"
Badass!
It almost has the feeling that it happened before.
Somewhere there's a black guy saying..."Hey! That's me!".
Sir, the next time Mr. Oswalt performs in your city, you need only ask for your complimentary tickets.
I love the way Patton tells his jokes/stories.
He is a fucking moron
@@fatjay9402 I'm curious, did you search out a video of Patton, read through the comments and find a random complimentary comment in which to say that he is a moron? Because at the very least, you clicked on a Patton video, read through the comments and found one to reply to.
It only because of you
@@fatjay9402 you're the best. ❤️
Thx have nice day!
I once saw a fight between two crackheads when I was living in Davie, FL right outside of Ft. Lauderdale. When they broke apart the one guy started to puff out his chest and get the last word. It was the absolute craziest, yet genius thing I have heard in my entire life. After fighting with another person and purposely stopping in order to get that last jab he gets in a stance and points his finger towards the other man and says: I've been friends with you for 26 years and I bet you still couldn't tell me my favorite color!!".....😳
Well? Did the guy know his favorite color?
Lol no. The other guy just turned around dismissively and slammed his door. I on the other hand offered my sympathies to the guy for having such a one sided friendship.😆
lol, that;s really funny because for one, no doubt they were wasted to some degree, but even if they were straight, why would a guy know his buddies favorite color unless every day the guy said "Blue, blue - my favorite color is blue!" Also it's such an effeminate thing to blurt out in public that it's double hilarious because he might as well be saying "I've known you for 26 years but you probably can't even tell me what color my eyes are". Damn that's funny.
@@Bugaboo-wq5sc yes dude needless to say there were several emotions present after hearing that. I virtually failed to identify them all because I couldn't stop laughing at the utter craziness of the situation. It was seriously the very furthest thing I could have ever expected given the situation.
@@lesliemartin3 -- That's what makes this kind of shit so funny is that we CAN'T imagine it because it's so crazy, much like what Patton saw with the stubby black guy in the suit. I once saw a crazy thing outside my apt. It was a hot, muggy summers night, probably 1 or 2 am (after bars close of course!), and there was all this noise on the street so I looked out and two chubby-ish guys were in jeans but no shirts, and they had their belts off and were trying to whip each other, moving around in circles with the occasional 'whip' and the whole time their pants kept falling down! They had the same builds and were probably buddies that were drunk because WTF else would take their their belts off? It was a totally bizarre thing and of course I was half asleep watching it so it was like some crazed dream. It was ultimately harmless and reminded me of this video which always cracks me up when I think of it. ruclips.net/video/l06ofG0rk7Q/видео.html
When he said he "just picked 'em up." I spit milk from cereal onto the laptop screen!!!!!
One thing I have learned over the years: Never be eating or drinking when watching comedy.
Lol! 😆
I'm picturing Hannibal Burress fighting "Cowboy" Cerrone
Alright the gigs up, now I'm convinced someone is up in my phone watching what videos I watch, how in the last hour do I watch hannibal buress and then realized I never watched the McGregor vs cowboy fight and literally just got done with it before I began watching this video. Obviously I don't think your spying on me but dam if that isn't weird as shit.
@@dudewheresmycube dang....tf did i just see
Fuck yessss!!
jared kyser when the FBI agent assigned to watching you forgets to not comment
I was thinkin more Patrice O’Neal but aight
Too much testosterone and alcohol is a bad combo.
Luckily patton doesn't ever have to worry about too much testosterone
That's the best description of all men on earth.
I'm a bartender. I agree lol.
@@Iburn247 testosterone is overrated anyway and causes mostly nothing but trouble.
His friend picking up the cowboy boots is a wonderful detail. Man I love patton, hes a master.
Instantly sober!
I closed my eyes to hear Remy tell the story
That's where the fuck I know this voice from!! How did I not realize he voiced Remy 😂
Thanks for this 😂
I did the same. lol
I was low key thinking I was gonna be the only person thinking of Ratatouille when it was some other type of reference but I'm glad I was wrong lol
I hear Jesse from Minecraft Story Mode.
What a phenomenal storyteller. Naturally humorous.
Absolute power move. Id pay to see what this drunken group of office workers, concert goers and metal heads reaction to this 2am parking lot “fight” was cause I can only imagine they went ape shit
I have always been absolutely positive that I saw the video of the scene happening, but he describes it so accurately that the scene may have just been generated by my brain.
I frickin LOVE Patton Oswalt
Me too. Check out his Christmas Shoes bit. It murders.
No real cowboy removes their boots to fight.
Those were fancy going out to get poon cowboy boots, far too slick to fight on pavement. He may be ignorant but clearly he has experience fighting in those boots and knows not to.
You may be right though, this was likely a city boy dressed as a cowboy as we see so much today.
No real cowboy lives in Hollywood.
Billy Jack was an Indian.
Love Patton, looking forward to his new special. Speaking of The Rainbow Bar , Lemmy from Motorhead used to hang there , his seat is still there.. (You aren't allowed to sit in it)
I've heard like 6 different comedians tell this story. My buddy is the hero of this story, and this is one of many stories like this about him
I love this man.
Just a great human being.
At one point, the lights on the stage made me think, “holy shit... so many ads!!”
I wasn’t gonna comment this but I’m surprised someone else said it lol.
Saw a huge fat dude 6’ 2” 300ish pick on a little 5’4” 120lb dude in a bar in Lock Haven, Pa. Problem was the little dude was a nationally ranked D1 wrestler. Fat dude’s night ended getting rolled onto a body board for a trip to the hospital. Not only was this funny but brought back a memory for me.
Gotta keep those short stocky guys at arms length. They can lift more than you would think.
Dwarves aren't feared for nothing. And when they are underestimated, the other party regrets it.
I've been looking for this video for so damn long, and I find it the day it's posted. Thank you so much.
YES, me too!!!
Patton has an awesome piece on George bush being the biblical apocalypse. It is one of the all time funniest pieces ever. Hard to find, but so funny. It was included as bonus material on the rock against bush comps years ago. So funny.
I hope every bit of that is true.
If you ever go to Miami or Vegas (i'm sure there's other cities where this is common) wait outside of the bars and clubs once they close. Get some popcorn and a chair and you have some incredible entertainment!
Elliot Moon Not one line.
I work half a block up from the Roxy and Rainbow Room. I can tell you with absolute certainty that shit like this happens there ALL THE TIME. That whole part of the Sunset Strip is a hotspot of weird shit.
T G Cool, but this particular story is fiction
I believe it because of the attitudes. At my gym, the guys who are the biggest powerlifters there whether they're big or tall, they barely say a word out loud, they barely even grunt when working out. Very kind. But the more athletic-looking who are clearly on steroids, those are the guys who never shut their mouth.
One of the best story tellers of Comedy genre. Love Patton.
One of those storyteller comedians that are worth paying to see live.
I've seen this before, but still watched it anyway. Perfect story.
The black guy is a mini Michel Clarke Duncan. The Green Mile magician. I can almost see this in real time.
okay this is trippy. I'm fairly certain I've heard this story from the black guy. Confirmed!
Like, personally?
I like how Patton describes a short chubby-looking guy when he’s ALSO 5’3 and chubby 😝 seriously though: short guys are STRONG and chubby guys can run fast sometimes. I’m tall and skinny but I’m a WEAKLING with no stamina 😆
One of Patton's best modern bits. I love this.
My friends dad is 6’2” and a power lifter. I’d like to see him against cowboy boots 😂
I'm guessing "Cowboy Boots" wouldn't have started shit with somebody his height, picked on the shorter guy thinking it would be an easy win and got slammed to the pavement.
@@yellowblanka6058 yeah 5'3 is was funnier. Sorry Luna Rando
So like, Zangief'ed the cowboy dude. But face first.
Soooo...
Zangief'ed the guy.
Zangief crushes man's skull between thighs like sparrow egg.
The fact that he played Jesse from Minecraft story mode I just can't stop thinking that it's Jesse talking and it makes it so much funnier to me 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
Oh my god I laughed so hard constantly throughout this. Every point was so funny omg
I knew a guy that fits the "chubby" guys to a T. I could definitely see him doing exactly that.
so the black dude is kingpin from daredevil?
Bruh, kingpin from spiderman
@@fatlarry161 I know kingpin is from spider man I'm talking about kingpin from dare devil cause he mentioned the guy was black.
@@TheKorfish thought he was white in that one too?
@@fatlarry161 not in the movie he wasn't
@@TheKorfish thought you were talking about the show
nothing brings people together more than the guy who went too far
This is one of my favorite Patton stories. The other one is the 4th of July rat.
4th of July Rat may be the funniest thing of all time 🤣🤣
“Eek eek eek, life, braaa, fall, splat, AHHHHH!”
A Samarian ‘prankster god.”
---
I love the PAAS Easter Egg kit bit.
I will never forget him talking about Phil Collins being punk rock back in the day because he wore a suit and sneakers together, which is just cRaAaZyYyYyy. I miss Patton Oswalt. Lollipops and werewolves.
As soon as Patton described the black guy, I had a super-pimp version of Gary Coleman in my head. The fact the smaller round guy lifted and slammed the taller guy on the ground without extinguishing this cigar just got me!
For some reason, the cigar makes this story ten times better than it otherwise would be.
Yeah don't mess with powerlifters :)
This COMPLETELY describes Sunset Blvd in Hollywood California. The drunken blob statement is on point.
First mistake was underestimating the short person.
This is one of my favorite comedy bits. When I need cheering up, I watch this.
Ahaha, caught a glimpse of a real life version of Marvel's Kingpin. Surprised he didn't throw that reference in there.
Hes so good at story telling.
Master.
Rainbow Bar and Grill sounds like a gay bar 😅😂
Darkwing_Dann Far from it
That's the joke...
Its not. It’s like if the 80s and 90s metal/rock scene never left and all your favorite dads drove their motorcycles to go to a bar and listen to Guns n Roses.
Ivan Gotsukdov yeah pretty much 😂
T G And eat? What’s on the grill?
I looked at this guy and immediately went "Hey! Its the guy from agents of shield!"
The realization is way crazier when you started out knowing him as a comedian and THEN see him on Agents of Shield
Lmfao as a current powerlifter this has brought joy to my day lmfao
Lolol love this bit. Far as the cowboy guy you would think you would want to keep your boots on if your were wanting to kick some ass lol
This didn't really make me laugh but I was completely enraptured by Patton's storytelling. I find a lot of his material this way, not so much laugh out loud funny as much as just insanely interesting.
It’s a story, life is funny. Best stuff cannot be made up. The story presents its own humor.
'...a big drunken blob at 2am' :D
Someone tell me what its like to take home one of these badass wannabe dudes after he starts a fight and gets his ass handed to him? All of my homies were either chill enough not to start fights or skilled enough to end them
Lotta silence from everyone except the dude that lost the fight. After the adrenaline wears off there's a lot of pain and cursing. The next day we make fun of the dude. Life goes on.
I had to listen to 1 hour of excuses on the ride home once, lol
I'm guessing if it happens a few times, and they have a few brain cells to rub together, the wannabes might straighten up, stop acting like douchenozzles and become mature adults.
In the dorms after a fight which I did not witness, my roommate dragged the loser into our building and up to our floor where he drank more beer and kept repeating the same story that it was either and unfair fight or that he wanted us to help him find the guy and we’d all beat him up- for hours- like for at least two hours he repeated the sane sentences dozens of times and then his roommate came into our room and slept on our floor. The next day I still thought it was funny, but his roommate was legitimately angry with him.
I could use a drink during this lockdown
And a bag of weed
uh... so have one.
@@brpitrepeters7983 so get one.
Lockdown no liquor@@SecretGerms
Dennis Colney where do you live?! liquor stores are one of the only places open, and they’re making a killing now.
Haven't heard this story in a looooong time. Still good too.
Anybody got the backtory of how a heavy metal, headbangers bar came to be named The Rainbow Bar & Grill?
@@TFT-bp8zk
That wasnt my question.
@@DBMe33 rainbows were considered badass back in the day until gay people were invented
At the time, rainbows were indicative of peace and free spirits/independence. It started as an early era rock hall and then evolved into a heavy metal bar as times changed. It's actually quite the historical location, look it up.
If fights were cookies, I'd actually try one of yours
Loved Patton in Justified. Good actor. Respect.
Its even funnier for me cause I knew a guy EXACTLY as Patton describes. Dude was basically round and smoked what seemed like a metric ton of weed a week. We lived in the same house. He rented out the basement and due to the vents of the house going all over to every floor whenever he was getting baked in the basement the rest of the house would get a STRONG contact high. Guy on the top floor used to comment about waking up for work and being so baked he couldn't drive. I found out later that the guy in the basement was (at least at that time) the World Dead lift record holder. I'd see him bouncing as a second job and it was hilarious watching drunk assholes that thought they could take him try fighting. I once watched a dude that was maybe 5'10 with that typical Napolean complex try fighting literally everyone at the bar so of course the bouncer "escorted" him out. The kid hit the bouncer like 7 times in the chest which the bouncer completely ignored but then the dumb kid hit the bouncer in the head I think clipping his ear. The bouncer stopped, took a deep breath then like someone picking up a rowdy puppy, literally picked the kid up with one arm by the back of his neck and just walked him outside. It was amazing and a moment of me making a mental note to never piss the guy off.
You can't have a Napoleon complex when you are 5'10, it's for short people only. He'd have to be 5'4 or shorter.
I really enjoy seeing surreal situations that make you scratch your head. What's happening to you or around you is so ludicrous you refuse to think it's really happening.
This joke was so simple yet made me laugh so hard
Been watching standup for 20 years.. this is my favorite bit ever by any comic. If anyone ever asks I have my solid answer.. this bit.
This was funny but you really need to expand your standup list, it's not even note worthy compared to the titans like George Carlin or Richard Pryor.
@@scorpiusbalthazar4327 Pryor and Carlin would call you a f_g for such a random take on someone else's opinion. It's my favorite bit and im glad it bothers you
@@kanikmesh8870 the only one here "bothered" is you. And no, neither one of them would've called me a gay slur over my opinion, an opinion that the whole planet shares. I'll repeat this part seeing as how you were too bothered to see it the first time, this was a good skit. Smoke a joint and calm down little man.
that...that sounds like an assistant principal I had in high school. super nice dude but mannnnn don't start with him. I saw him break up a fight once by grabbing one kid throwing him up against the chain link fence, kids feet were two feet off the ground. we all went "whoa....ok don't piss off Mr b" (this was mid 90s and he did not get in trouble for it. he was well respected and pretty sure the students and teachers would have had protests if he had gotten fired)
This bit and his bit about the Robert Evans radio ads for ESPN are my two favorite bits of his.
For a moment I thought the stage lights were all ad breaks in the video lol. Was about to close the video.
Trevor Noah had the short mexican jedi. Oswalt has the short black street fighting lifter. And i can not decide witch one is better! Great story :)