The overuse of narcissist drives me crazy, it invalidates the abuse I went through. I have cut off all contact with my family and I firmly believe both my parents have npd and the jury is out on my siblings but one of them is for sure on the shortlist
16:53 I am sorry but I don't think he is StAyInG FoR tHe KiDs, he most likely is staying for not having to pay alimony and child support. I couldn't know him but it is just such a used excuse.
I think that stretching of that definition might be very accurate in some cases. When I was 21 I got accepted to one of the best film schools in Europe and I was over the moon bc of that. The teachers were mainly well known directors. One of them - 55yo at the time - started hitting up on me and gradually, using multiple manipulation tactics and blackmail, it ended sexual for me and him. At the time I was convinced that nothing was wrong because we were technically both adults, and this was the exact argument he was using as well. I wasnt raped but I got "convinced into wanting" sex I suppose, because after that (and still today 10 years later) I feel very icky about that and mildly traumatized. The fact that I was 21 and an adult shouldn't have been so important. He was 34 years older than me, he was famous and he was my teacher - he could have kicked me out of school at any time if he wanted to so had a lot of power over me.
Well as you said, he was in a position of power and used his power to engage in behaviors that blurred the lines boundaries between a professional and sexual relationship. The only reason it wouldn't be called grooming in this case is because adults can still consent in most cases, while there is no context where it would be appropriate to cultivate a relationship with a child for the purpose of having a sexual relationship with them. His actions would still be questionable even if he was around your age.
Yeah the thing about talking as a teenager with an older person about interest is not really the issue but to pay attention to how the relationship evolves, it could start with very minute things and if a person get’s into a headspace that they start seeing you as an adult and maybe can go further and stuff like that then the adult put’s themselves in a situation that can be very dangerous so you do have to keep in my that you are still talking to a minor. Maybe an adult does not talk with a younger person for any alterior motives but it could easily transofrm in something more dangerous. I was lonly as a teenager too and I also started talking with a person that was much older then me and my familiar situation was not contributing as well and there was a point where I really started thinking about running away and stuff like that, thankfully enough it never happend and my parents even found out which broth a whole new set of shame and having to be lecctured for hours on end and stuff like that but still, on one hand I was grateful they found out eventually. To the time where I was talking to that person a lot of news reposrts started comung up of young people disappearing or that things happend to them in similar circumstances and I though “man… are the news after me, do they know…?” I felt extremly unconfortable because I did not want to believe that maybe it could have been something that could have happend to me Gonestly, I never talked with someone about that ever but since I don’t have a lot of shame around that topic anymore I thought it might be helpful. Because I thought the same thing as a teenager too, what’s so bed about talking to someone that is older then you or even “falling in love” but my life circumstance probabbly would have led me to build a close relationship woth anyone that would have offered it so yeah….
I've always been annoyed by this word. It seems like Americans can't stop using "groomers" every chance they get. Also in the Latourneau case, do you really consider that as grooming? The problem is, many men, including myself, have fantasised about our female teachers around the same age. I always felt like we are the perpetrators. Not sure if Vili Fualaau thought the same but there doesn't seem to be any damaging effect of that relationship like psychological trauma, he's living a normal life now with another woman. I'd love to hear an elaborate take of yours on this case.
The overuse of narcissist drives me crazy, it invalidates the abuse I went through. I have cut off all contact with my family and I firmly believe both my parents have npd and the jury is out on my siblings but one of them is for sure on the shortlist
I could never be a therapist because the anger i felt listening to that first email.. idk if I'd be able to hide my reaction lol
16:53 I am sorry but I don't think he is StAyInG FoR tHe KiDs, he most likely is staying for not having to pay alimony and child support. I couldn't know him but it is just such a used excuse.
I think that stretching of that definition might be very accurate in some cases.
When I was 21 I got accepted to one of the best film schools in Europe and I was over the moon bc of that. The teachers were mainly well known directors. One of them - 55yo at the time - started hitting up on me and gradually, using multiple manipulation tactics and blackmail, it ended sexual for me and him. At the time I was convinced that nothing was wrong because we were technically both adults, and this was the exact argument he was using as well. I wasnt raped but I got "convinced into wanting" sex I suppose, because after that (and still today 10 years later) I feel very icky about that and mildly traumatized.
The fact that I was 21 and an adult shouldn't have been so important. He was 34 years older than me, he was famous and he was my teacher - he could have kicked me out of school at any time if he wanted to so had a lot of power over me.
Well as you said, he was in a position of power and used his power to engage in behaviors that blurred the lines boundaries between a professional and sexual relationship. The only reason it wouldn't be called grooming in this case is because adults can still consent in most cases, while there is no context where it would be appropriate to cultivate a relationship with a child for the purpose of having a sexual relationship with them. His actions would still be questionable even if he was around your age.
You regretted sex you had a decade ago and are playing mental gymnastics to show it wasn’t your fault..
Yeah the thing about talking as a teenager with an older person about interest is not really the issue but to pay attention to how the relationship evolves, it could start with very minute things and if a person get’s into a headspace that they start seeing you as an adult and maybe can go further and stuff like that then the adult put’s themselves in a situation that can be very dangerous so you do have to keep in my that you are still talking to a minor.
Maybe an adult does not talk with a younger person for any alterior motives but it could easily transofrm in something more dangerous.
I was lonly as a teenager too and I also started talking with a person that was much older then me and my familiar situation was not contributing as well and there was a point where I really started thinking about running away and stuff like that, thankfully enough it never happend and my parents even found out which broth a whole new set of shame and having to be lecctured for hours on end and stuff like that but still, on one hand I was grateful they found out eventually.
To the time where I was talking to that person a lot of news reposrts started comung up of young people disappearing or that things happend to them in similar circumstances and I though “man… are the news after me, do they know…?”
I felt extremly unconfortable because I did not want to believe that maybe it could have been something that could have happend to me
Gonestly, I never talked with someone about that ever but since I don’t have a lot of shame around that topic anymore I thought it might be helpful.
Because I thought the same thing as a teenager too, what’s so bed about talking to someone that is older then you or even “falling in love” but my life circumstance probabbly would have led me to build a close relationship woth anyone that would have offered it so yeah….
probably from the word (to pee), oshikko
Ah. Makes sense.
I've always been annoyed by this word. It seems like Americans can't stop using "groomers" every chance they get. Also in the Latourneau case, do you really consider that as grooming? The problem is, many men, including myself, have fantasised about our female teachers around the same age. I always felt like we are the perpetrators. Not sure if Vili Fualaau thought the same but there doesn't seem to be any damaging effect of that relationship like psychological trauma, he's living a normal life now with another woman. I'd love to hear an elaborate take of yours on this case.
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you never cut to the chase... just answer the question, what is grooming? stop talking about what is obviously not grooming and allegations.
Feel free to Google the definition. We're here for the rambling and subtilities.