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Sonia Choquette teaches how to follow your intuition. She has an excellent channel. Also, stop with the self-resentment! We’re not meant to go through life with such pointless attachments to our shortcomings and stuff that’s long over. Resentment, guilt, regret, etc, detach and open your heart to yourself with complete acceptance. You’re here to grow, learn, love, teach, be inspired, and do what makes you shine. xo
Love the point about asking yourself and not "hearing" anything- I resonate so so much with that. Too often I look for advice on how to heal from people pleasing/fawning and they mention putting yourself first. Well, alright...how? When I ask myself what I want, and I don't hear anything back; where do I go from there? Quiet time and patience are key here because we do not yet know ourselves without another perspective to consider.
Lovingme Keep getting quiet. Keep listening. Ultimately you will have no choice but to hear. Just because you aren’t getting *immediate* answers, it doesn’t mean your higher self isn’t hearing you and guiding you. The answers come in many forms and often more clearly than we realize.
It resonate with it a lot too!! The sentece I use a lot is " I don´t know how to be me" and it was so akward and also painful to realise that aside from what others needed from me, aside from the "type of me" (cheerful, brave, soft...) people needed I did not Know myself. What I did want to say, what do I think actually about certain behaviour or attitude. How does a comment of a friend affect me. My sister got sick when I was 15 and ever since then (now I am 23) I did not know my real mood, I just make up one every day, and I silenced my true personality. And now I am trying to find it again. Also I realise about this silence when my therapist told me; "what do you need to feel better" and I did not know at all. Some months ago and after some therapy I met my most authentic self. I could not believe the words and attitude that was coming out of me, naturally no hypervigilance. however, after a stress pic and some traumas arised I went back to all this coping mechanism. I hope I connect back again with my true self. Love to everyone
Loved this episode. Realizing where I take a back seat to perceived authority from not trusting myself. I was dismissed often as a child and this makes sense where I have been dismissing my needs, feeling obligated for others needs, walking on eggshells and resentment towards myself. Ty so much
Thank you for the idea of just 'flying under the radar' and not adding to the family's stress...I couldn't understand why I developed this response in my own family...now it makes sense.
Thanks so much for this episode! This is perfect timing: I had a hard day yesterday because I have a lot of trouble with this exact thing. And I can think back to similar examples in my childhood that you both are describing. I recently realized that I don't even know myself that well and never trust my gut instincts (evn though I later see that my gut was right) because I am always listening to everyone else and 'people pleasing'. I made a promise to myself yesterday that I am going to make space to get to know myself more and know my true wants, needs, desires, limits etc. And like you both mentioned, time to check in with myself and how I'm feeling because I am sick of being so 'blank' when it comes to who I am and what I want. Xx
🤯🤯 WOW! This is so relatable... Ladies, I discovered you through TikTok. Then followed you on Instagram and Facebook. I was so delighted to find you here to get down and in depth with my issues. THANK YOU. For everything you do. You're helping me so much. Much love and gratitude. 💜
This energy helped me find a little bit more of myself at a crucial juncture on my self help journey, (at a point where I'm trying to heal my mother wound, and to resolve conflict instead of walking away from relationships) I'm really grateful 💚
This is so good. I never thought of people pleasing as being a coping mechanism… But it makes total sense. Thank you for this work. It’s life changing.
I've listened to this three times and got valuable insight of why I people please. Thank you soo much Nicole and Jenna for being vulnerable to help all of us. Much love Henriette ❤
You are helping me more then dozens of therapists and decades of therapy here in Italy. You are explaining to me every single detail of how and why my life was stuck. And it's amazing, this is not even my native language and everything is becoming more and more clear. So grateful. Thank you Nicole and Jenna ❤️❤️
I’m so very glad I got the chance to watch this. I always considered myself a helper, but there apparently was much more to it. I now have some extra insight to see how this pattern has formed. Thank you both!
There's so much of me here in your sharings...so much. People pleasing. Even after finding out the people pleasing term and understanding it, as well as codependency and love addiction, didn't really changed a lot. After separation I kept people pleasing the volunteers, giving of myself, resources and money, so much. The intellectual understanding is far away from being enough. It takes a deep practice of self care, self love and true commitment to oneself in order to slowly start to shift all those patterns. Thank you for being here. I could really see myself in Jenna's words about giving my power away to others, not trusting in myself to make decisions, as well as in Nicole's words about the commitment to meetings with other people. So Much. 💜
So good! There were many aha moments that I resonated and seen myself doing! Confusing Resentment towards other instead of myself were one of them! Overcommitting and obligation😫
Excellent podcast on how to forgive! I love the personal experiences shared by Jenna & Nicole. It is so refreshing to hear and learn about the positive thoughts I can use to improve myself. Thank you both for providing all the valuable podcasts.
My goodness... I can't even feel safe to choose myself. I am totally unable to move and I feel locked. This is about my own situation right now... I even chose my relationship like this.
I was there. Keep following the breadcrumbs of wisdom and guidance from all the sources that present themselves. This is exciting work once you get moving. You’ve got this, Mariska. You ARE safe. And you’re worthy and way more powerful than you’re realizing right now. xo
Wow Janet was my life Antille a year ago I am 45 years old I reached a point where enough is enough, I stop look at myself, to please everyone around me,to make people happy because I always was in danger ⛔️
This one is my favorite so far lol I say that every week but seriously this was so good. QUESTION is it at all possible to heal childhood wounds (Do the work)without having to go backwards and relive the episodes and confront or even question the people on the situations that caused the trauma reaction. At 55 years old I can relate to “fawn”trauma reaction and the thought of putting anyone in the position of discomfort to help me emotionally heal feels wrong somehow. I have learned so much following the videos and am grateful how much education I’m getting.
Your past is important as far as to understand why you are not able to be authentic and respond to the present moment. Apart from that it doesn't have any significance in your healing. You need not relive the trauma but you need to resolve it by changing your negative core beliefs. That's why your past needs to be revisited every now and then but you need not relive it. Remember, trauma is subjective. It is not what happens to us but how we perceive it to twist the reality to feed our negative beliefs of being worthless, unlovable, powerless, incompetent etc.. hope this helps.
@@luckycharm1212 Thank you for the response it is very helpful. I’m going to be optimistic get the book and do the work and know for the remainder of years on earth i have I’m as deserving of the same peace that I try to bring others.
There's nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, just do it genuinely! Sometimes, you're doing something just not because you want something from them, but bc your family, your kids can get some benefits from what you did for ppl. Again, do it genuinely. Being nice can almost get you anything you want from your enemies. Just do it genuinely
Did you watch the video. People pleasing isnt about doing something nice. It's about "controlling a situation" by dismissing yourself to try to create the peace, the "proper" enviroment etc.
Is it possible children in a home where there’s yelling and physical violence at times they don’t develop this people pleasing? They develop selfishness instead?
56 and been people pleasing my whole life. I’m so excited for my new beginnings. In my growth I actually feel like I’m getting younger🥰
That's great to hear Karen
That’s so amazing to hear Karen!!! Go you! 🙌💓🥰
🙌🏼
It's important to understand / remember.. You are not responsible for other people's emotions when you stop people pleasing.. ❤️
I'd love more talks on the topic of getting past that "blank" when you ask "what do you want?", and "why don't I know?"
I feel that way about not knowing what I want at 40! Yes resentment of myself for not following my gut!
Sonia Choquette teaches how to follow your intuition. She has an excellent channel. Also, stop with the self-resentment! We’re not meant to go through life with such pointless attachments to our shortcomings and stuff that’s long over. Resentment, guilt, regret, etc, detach and open your heart to yourself with complete acceptance. You’re here to grow, learn, love, teach, be inspired, and do what makes you shine. xo
@@kathyannk Thank you so much!
You’re welcome. xo
Love the point about asking yourself and not "hearing" anything- I resonate so so much with that. Too often I look for advice on how to heal from people pleasing/fawning and they mention putting yourself first. Well, alright...how? When I ask myself what I want, and I don't hear anything back; where do I go from there? Quiet time and patience are key here because we do not yet know ourselves without another perspective to consider.
Lovingme Keep getting quiet. Keep listening. Ultimately you will have no choice but to hear. Just because you aren’t getting *immediate* answers, it doesn’t mean your higher self isn’t hearing you and guiding you. The answers come in many forms and often more clearly than we realize.
It resonate with it a lot too!! The sentece I use a lot is " I don´t know how to be me" and it was so akward and also painful to realise that aside from what others needed from me, aside from the "type of me" (cheerful, brave, soft...) people needed I did not Know myself. What I did want to say, what do I think actually about certain behaviour or attitude. How does a comment of a friend affect me. My sister got sick when I was 15 and ever since then (now I am 23) I did not know my real mood, I just make up one every day, and I silenced my true personality. And now I am trying to find it again. Also I realise about this silence when my therapist told me; "what do you need to feel better" and I did not know at all. Some months ago and after some therapy I met my most authentic self. I could not believe the words and attitude that was coming out of me, naturally no hypervigilance. however, after a stress pic and some traumas arised I went back to all this coping mechanism. I hope I connect back again with my true self. Love to everyone
"It takes time and it takes practice" my favourite to hear again and again on my healing journey 😊
Loved this episode. Realizing where I take a back seat to perceived authority from not trusting myself. I was dismissed often as a child and this makes sense where I have been dismissing my needs, feeling obligated for others needs, walking on eggshells and resentment towards myself. Ty so much
Thank you for the idea of just 'flying under the radar' and not adding to the family's stress...I couldn't understand why I developed this response in my own family...now it makes sense.
I Need to buy a notebook to start penning down some notes because these episodes are giving a lot of aha moments
So true. For me too
I have a journal for this, I’ve gained so much aha moments and most importantly clarity.
Thanks so much for this episode! This is perfect timing: I had a hard day yesterday because I have a lot of trouble with this exact thing. And I can think back to similar examples in my childhood that you both are describing. I recently realized that I don't even know myself that well and never trust my gut instincts (evn though I later see that my gut was right) because I am always listening to everyone else and 'people pleasing'. I made a promise to myself yesterday that I am going to make space to get to know myself more and know my true wants, needs, desires, limits etc. And like you both mentioned, time to check in with myself and how I'm feeling because I am sick of being so 'blank' when it comes to who I am and what I want. Xx
Amazing insight Jemm.
🤯🤯 WOW! This is so relatable...
Ladies, I discovered you through TikTok. Then followed you on Instagram and Facebook. I was so delighted to find you here to get down and in depth with my issues. THANK YOU. For everything you do. You're helping me so much. Much love and gratitude. 💜
This energy helped me find a little bit more of myself at a crucial juncture on my self help journey, (at a point where I'm trying to heal my mother wound, and to resolve conflict instead of walking away from relationships) I'm really grateful 💚
This is so good. I never thought of people pleasing as being a coping mechanism… But it makes total sense. Thank you for this work. It’s life changing.
I've listened to this three times and got valuable insight of why I people please. Thank you soo much Nicole and Jenna for being vulnerable to help all of us. Much love Henriette ❤
Wow this just changed my life, this made me conscious of a childhood trauma I’ve been wanting to pinpoint. Thank you ladies!
You are helping me more then dozens of therapists and decades of therapy here in Italy. You are explaining to me every single detail of how and why my life was stuck. And it's amazing, this is not even my native language and everything is becoming more and more clear. So grateful. Thank you Nicole and Jenna ❤️❤️
I’m so very glad I got the chance to watch this. I always considered myself a helper, but there apparently was much more to it. I now have some extra insight to see how this pattern has formed. Thank you both!
59 years old and learning this
There's so much of me here in your sharings...so much. People pleasing. Even after finding out the people pleasing term and understanding it, as well as codependency and love addiction, didn't really changed a lot. After separation I kept people pleasing the volunteers, giving of myself, resources and money, so much. The intellectual understanding is far away from being enough. It takes a deep practice of self care, self love and true commitment to oneself in order to slowly start to shift all those patterns. Thank you for being here. I could really see myself in Jenna's words about giving my power away to others, not trusting in myself to make decisions, as well as in Nicole's words about the commitment to meetings with other people. So Much. 💜
So good! There were many aha moments that I resonated and seen myself doing! Confusing Resentment towards other instead of myself were one of them! Overcommitting and obligation😫
I can relate to both Nicole and Jenna in your stories, growing up in childhood, in regards to people pleasing!
I relate with Jenna , that was my entire childhood as well as adulthood unless I started facing ny trauma and healing.
Amazing and so helpful!!!! 💖💖💖💖 Loved it!! Thanks for this ladies!!! This is sooo hard to unbreak!!!
Love this so much! Thanks for all that you do, Jenna and Nicole!!
Oh my, it's time for me. thank you for this. It's never too late to celebrate you.
Excellent podcast on how to forgive! I love the personal experiences shared by Jenna & Nicole. It is so refreshing to hear and learn about the positive thoughts I can use to improve myself. Thank you both for providing all the valuable podcasts.
Thank you for wonderful, on-point examples and the how we get to people pleasing.
😫 too familiar...😫 thank you!So good to hear all of this from someone else 🙏
This is exactly what I’ve been looking for 🥺 thank you!
My goodness... I can't even feel safe to choose myself. I am totally unable to move and I feel locked. This is about my own situation right now... I even chose my relationship like this.
I was there. Keep following the breadcrumbs of wisdom and guidance from all the sources that present themselves. This is exciting work once you get moving. You’ve got this, Mariska. You ARE safe. And you’re worthy and way more powerful than you’re realizing right now. xo
thank you!
Wow Janet was my life Antille a year ago I am 45 years old I reached a point where enough is enough, I stop look at myself, to please everyone around me,to make people happy because I always was in danger ⛔️
Wonderful episode, keep up!
This was so timely of a video. Totally relate to Jenna's story...Take Easy
This one is my favorite so far lol I say that every week but seriously this was so good. QUESTION is it at all possible to heal childhood wounds (Do the work)without having to go backwards and relive the episodes and confront or even question the people on the situations that caused the trauma reaction. At 55 years old I can relate to “fawn”trauma reaction and the thought of putting anyone in the position of discomfort to help me emotionally heal feels wrong somehow. I have learned so much following the videos and am grateful how much education I’m getting.
Your past is important as far as to understand why you are not able to be authentic and respond to the present moment. Apart from that it doesn't have any significance in your healing. You need not relive the trauma but you need to resolve it by changing your negative core beliefs. That's why your past needs to be revisited every now and then but you need not relive it. Remember, trauma is subjective. It is not what happens to us but how we perceive it to twist the reality to feed our negative beliefs of being worthless, unlovable, powerless, incompetent etc.. hope this helps.
@@luckycharm1212 Thank you for the response it is very helpful. I’m going to be optimistic get the book and do the work and know for the remainder of years on earth i have I’m as deserving of the same peace that I try to bring others.
@@lisahinckley9359 Good for you.. I wish you peace in your journey towards yourself..
There's nothing wrong with being a people pleaser, just do it genuinely!
Sometimes, you're doing something just not because you want something from them, but bc your family, your kids can get some benefits from what you did for ppl.
Again, do it genuinely.
Being nice can almost get you anything you want from your enemies.
Just do it genuinely
Did you watch the video. People pleasing isnt about doing something nice. It's about "controlling a situation" by dismissing yourself to try to create the peace, the "proper" enviroment etc.
Omg the preplanning/commitment lolololol
pleeeease make an episode on codependency 🥺❤️
I love listening to your podcasts! I feel like I'm not alone.
Btw, where did you find those rug coasters?
i will hear for second time or more time
Dear god this describes my life
can you guys talk about social anxiety caused by bullying
Thank you 🙏🏻
You two are starting to sound alike :)
Is it possible children in a home where there’s yelling and physical violence at times they don’t develop this people pleasing? They develop selfishness instead?
Powerful. TY.
I think so…each individual responds to trauma/neglect in their own unique way.
very interesting question they might or we might
Yes people are wired differently and therefore develop different copies g mechanisms
WOW!
I wish have CC for translate
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