I have a really hard time disappointing people, so I either say yes, or give in after a poorly received "no". I'm getting better with people outside my household, but with my kids especially I still struggle with those boundaries.
@@jeniferjagler2320 For me, I care more about the other person than myself and feel bad for upsetting others. The discomfort of upsetting the other person for getting what I want is more painful than getting what I want but upsetting the other person. Instead of compromising or arguing for what I want, I will give into what the other person wants. This eventually builds resentment in myself while the other person takes my sacrifices for granted. Then when I do say “no” or argue for what I want, the other person is taken aback for my audacity for not giving in.
@Jzen So perfectly said. It's like who am I to need/want things...especially if it feels like it's at the expense of others needs/wants. Maybe if we could learn to value our authentic selves, it would be easier to take care of ourselves & stop pleasing.
@@jeniferjagler2320 I’m working on being more what I’ve tentatively termed “altruistically selfish”. There needs to be another word for “selfish”; one that involves prioritizing one’s needs first in ways that provides a net positive to society. As comedian Whitney Cumming says “People pleasing is ass holery’. When we say “I got it” when we don’t really got it or we’ve got it resentfully; when we offer to pick up everyone’s slack with a smile; etc we end up monopolizing help and in ways become condescending as we don’t allow others to express their human desire to help, and we often assume we can do it better than others-which may or may not be true be-but we selfishly deny others the opportunity to help.
I feel you on this one. But is important to stand up for yourself too if people go against your boundaries - I am a recovering people pleaser and i am so used to saying yes to people that i don't even know i am even manipulated to people's lies sometimes. We're not everyone's cup of tea, lets be realistic, not everyone will appreciate us too. So we got to learn to say no for ourselves more than the people we're pleasing.
What if your core gifts are those things that require others? My gifts are honesty, compassion, empathy, kindness, being helpful and friendly, being humourous, and being authentic ....... That is all part of me authentically. But really those things benefit others. And i really do suck at most conventional things. But I am awesome. Wanted to share incase somone is in that boat too. I definitely think you can have your best qualities be those things. Care about others. But also know when there are people that take advantage or break others down and you need boundries to protect yourself. I do care about others feelings but also am very aware of my own limitations and that i cant be everything to everyone all the time. I am honest up front to people and put myself out there flaws and all. Something that I have learned over the years is how refreshing it is to others to share your stories and listen to theirs. We all are rainbows full of all kinds if stuff. I think being authentic is important. But also there are those in the world that maybe you dont shine that rainbow to because they will just steal your gold and your sunshine. But others you can give the gold to and they help the world shine brighter. Also..... I am very extroverted so me defending others being part of my gifts is probably part of that. ❤😊 Get to know and love your self. And always grow in areas that you need to or areas that you want to. We are not black and white. We are rainbows. 🌈
![Summer Walker - Heart Of A Woman [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SFddctbZzw8/mqdefault.jpg)
In what ways are you a people-pleaser?
I have a really hard time disappointing people, so I either say yes, or give in after a poorly received "no". I'm getting better with people outside my household, but with my kids especially I still struggle with those boundaries.
@@jeniferjagler2320 For me, I care more about the other person than myself and feel bad for upsetting others. The discomfort of upsetting the other person for getting what I want is more painful than getting what I want but upsetting the other person. Instead of compromising or arguing for what I want, I will give into what the other person wants. This eventually builds resentment in myself while the other person takes my sacrifices for granted. Then when I do say “no” or argue for what I want, the other person is taken aback for my audacity for not giving in.
@Jzen So perfectly said. It's like who am I to need/want things...especially if it feels like it's at the expense of others needs/wants. Maybe if we could learn to value our authentic selves, it would be easier to take care of ourselves & stop pleasing.
@@jeniferjagler2320 I’m working on being more what I’ve tentatively termed “altruistically selfish”. There needs to be another word for “selfish”; one that involves prioritizing one’s needs first in ways that provides a net positive to society.
As comedian Whitney Cumming says “People pleasing is ass holery’. When we say “I got it” when we don’t really got it or we’ve got it resentfully; when we offer to pick up everyone’s slack with a smile; etc we end up monopolizing help and in ways become condescending as we don’t allow others to express their human desire to help, and we often assume we can do it better than others-which may or may not be true be-but we selfishly deny others the opportunity to help.
Her comment about having an unavailable parent resulting in a people-pleasing child was really REALLY eye-opening to me. Thank you for this.
T.K. I so needed your words today. Thank you for your perspective and wisdom, always.
I feel you on this one.
But is important to stand up for yourself too if people go against your boundaries - I am a recovering people pleaser and i am so used to saying yes to people that i don't even know i am even manipulated to people's lies sometimes. We're not everyone's cup of tea, lets be realistic, not everyone will appreciate us too. So we got to learn to say no for ourselves more than the people we're pleasing.
I love that there are no advertisements and no bs on this channel. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! Others are infomercials these days and I’m tired of it.
What if your core gifts are those things that require others? My gifts are honesty, compassion, empathy, kindness, being helpful and friendly, being humourous, and being authentic ....... That is all part of me authentically. But really those things benefit others. And i really do suck at most conventional things. But I am awesome. Wanted to share incase somone is in that boat too. I definitely think you can have your best qualities be those things. Care about others. But also know when there are people that take advantage or break others down and you need boundries to protect yourself. I do care about others feelings but also am very aware of my own limitations and that i cant be everything to everyone all the time. I am honest up front to people and put myself out there flaws and all. Something that I have learned over the years is how refreshing it is to others to share your stories and listen to theirs. We all are rainbows full of all kinds if stuff. I think being authentic is important. But also there are those in the world that maybe you dont shine that rainbow to because they will just steal your gold and your sunshine. But others you can give the gold to and they help the world shine brighter. Also..... I am very extroverted so me defending others being part of my gifts is probably part of that. ❤😊 Get to know and love your self. And always grow in areas that you need to or areas that you want to. We are not black and white. We are rainbows. 🌈
The only person I've ever aimed to Please , is myself. I only know how to be me.
I literally started following her on Twitter a few days ago!! I love her!! She gives great advice!
She needs to defend herself 😂
There’s no need to change of being co dependent YOU SHOULD NEVER CHANGE YOURSELF TO FIT ANOTHER PERSONS NARRATIVE
Thank you for this video I really needed this im growing and im no longer a people pleaser
There is a song called people pleaser that is fantastic by Cat Burns. Recommend giving a listen. 🙂
Love this!! ❤️
TK... 🙇♀🙏
Yah there’s nun wrong with being a codependent ❤like wtf codependency is cool if u ask me