I’m sorry you went through this experience Paul. Your clear analysis and articulation of the factors leading up to the meltdown helps all of us be more aware for ourselves and others. So thank you!
I always fancy givin' you a watch! You don't seem FAT or OLD to me--lol. Your realness/raw/genuineness is why I'm such a big supporter (like to think I'm a virtual friend/acquaintance) of you PAUL :)
Aw I’m so sorry Paul. Melting down in front of others is so painful. But if your work persona is anything like your YT persona, then your coworkers have seen a smart man with a great sense of humor who works hard and really cares about keeping people safe. I personally don’t see the harm in addressing it honestly by saying ‘I feel bad you saw me stress out on test day - that was unusual for me but I had some other things going on.’ At least that will kill the elephant in the room if there is one and you remain genuine. But that’s just me. Great video as always and I hope you get to do something relaxing this weekend Paul 🙂
Thanks Marie. I'll see how I feel as the week goes on, but I'll be talking to a senior in the week to address it and noting reasonable adjustments as I need to get the management in place for my requirements where they can be done.
Omg, I’m so glad you shared this. I ‘hit the wall’ last week and ended up going to the hospital thinking I was having a stroke. That was ruled out, but they’ll be testing for MS coming up shortly. I know in my heart that it’s ‘just’ autistic burnout leading to shutdown…which is difficult in itself but complicated by the fact that I haven’t been able to get clinically diagnosed and my doctor doesn’t believe me. So, today I took the month off work and just got home to be quiet and process when this video popped up. Bless you, I don’t feel like I’m the only person on earth that has these experiences when I watch your stuff, and it helps A LOT
I am glad it helps, but sorry to hear you are not having a good time of it at the minute. It is good to hear you taking time out to put your wellbeing first though, I like that. Well done.
I feel ya and completely understand. There's only so much a person can take, especially with our ND. You have no need to be hard on yourself; I think you coped far better than I would have :-)
Thanks. Many years ago it would have been much worse, I actually think being exhausted helped in a way as I had nothing much left in energy to allow it to get worse.
I'm a fellow manc and late- diagnosed (and ADHD) and totally appreciate your videos. Work has always been a huge stressor for me and have had most of my meltdowns have been at or after work. I actually discovered I was autistic following a big burnout 5 years ago and I was off sick for 3 months. It's so hard trying to get employers to understand. Looking back, I've lost jobs because they lost their patience with me and/or I've been struggling and made mistakes. Luckily, I find myself in the same job now for 10 years. It's not been easy and all my issues have been diagnosed while I've been here. Anyway, I'm waffling now! I just wanted to say thanks for your alternative take on things. As much as I enjoy other channels, yours feels fresher right now. Cheers!
I can relate so much to the way you described your meltdown experience. I have terrible test anxiety and difficulty reading. School was so challenging and growing undiagnosed made it worse because I couldn't understand why I struggled and everyone else made test taking seem so effortless. I had a meltdown this week to. Hang in there!
Same Whitney. Always struggled with the test, not the subject. I could understand what people are teaching, but that piece of paper in front of me gets placed down and I can't read the question for it to make sense. Then I am judged from a score on said paper instead of my practical knowledge. The anxiety pushed me over on this occasion.
I can't read and absorb written word if I am anxious. A sign can say..."danger, keep out" and I will totally miss it. It is just a piece of metal with paint on it. Just ink on paper.
I see myself in how you’re explaining the melt downs and shut downs. I’m 58 and self diagnosed. Having been well educated it is really challenging to tell people that I know I’m autistic because they see that I have been able to go through university and it doesn’t make sense to them that I can be struggling with simple daily tasks now. It’s a relief and affirming to be able to relate to other experiences and see that there can be ways to set up my life to allow me a bit of grace in the chaos. I don’t feel so alone in this autistic mind of mine so, thank you.
I think it was a week ago that I hit the wall halfway through one of my training shifts and had a very public meltdown in a major grocery store. What a nightmare it was! It feels like I might not recover from this one. I feel like it broke me. I'm really sorry so many of us struggle in these ways. It's not fair. But fuck shame. We are how we are. It's not our fault. Shame on the rest of the world for being insensitive to the needs of the sensitive ones. This world isn't for the likes of me, and I'd really rather not be here anymore. Ugh. Maybe I could read books out loud for autistic people. My soothing monotone would probably effectively lull anxious people to sleep. :P
I know that feeling absolutely. Everytime you hit that wall, it does feel like we have a finite number of times we can recover in life, and one day we won't. Recovery takes longer, and my strength takes a knock each time now, and then worry kicks in. Audio books with my voice would make drivers crash if they listened on the road!
Hey Paul! I just wanted to say that even though it’s often humiliating to experience a meltdown in front of others, and it’s easy to lump guilt and shame onto yourself for it, just remember that meltdowns are a part of life for us, and that we’ve all experienced the embarrassment, guilt and shame over our behavior during a meltdown. As much work as we do to try to train ourselves to practice self control, we can try and try, but we absolutely cannot override our neurological wiring. It’s impossible. I often find that even when I’m having a “quiet” meltdown, it’s hard to keep the actual meltdown from spilling out into the public world anyway in some form. It’s even worse when neurotypicals decide that they know better than us that we “need a friend to help us through it”, when we all know that it just doesn’t help. Try not to put guilt or shame onto yourself for something for which you’re neurologically hard-wired. We can’t stop a meltdown when it starts. We can only ride it out and hope that the damage is minimal. That’s not something that you should feel guilt or shame over, though. You can’t will away a meltdown any more than you can will away your eye color. It just doesn’t work like that, and putting that expectation onto yourself only serves to deepen the guilt and shame that you feel, and that’s not good. 😉
Thanks for that Steve, it makes a lot of sense. It was I try to tell myself, but sometimes good to hear from someone else. And I really like the term 'quiet meltdown' too, as that's what I feel it was. Don't get me wrong, I've gone much much worse, but this was definitely starting to bubble and could quite easily of reach that point. I'll try to tell myself that it is just what it is, and life moves on over the weekend, and try and go into Monday a little less annoyed at myself.
@@AdultwithAutism I’m glad that you found some value in what I said, my friend! I too categorize most of my meltdowns as “quiet meltdowns”. I just completely shut down and quietly implode, and try to contain the damage by keeping my mouth shut when it happens. If someone asks me what’s going on, I usually just tell them that I’m having a meltdown, and I’m not very good with talking at the moment. Most of the time people understand, and leave it at that. I do find that people who are compassionate will usually respect you if they know what’s happening. Of course, we also share a world with assholes, too, so the mileage might vary. 😉
Haha, the mileage definitely varies! I remove myself from most at the best of times, but right now for example with the hangover of my wobble, there isn't a chance I'll be venturing outdoors this weekend.
Thanks so much for sharing! I'm so glad there were people who were kind enough to try to help (even if they didn't). Instead of explaining, maybe a thank you to them. if it's someone you will be interacting with again and you feel comfortable sharing with them some things that help you avoid a meltdown or recharge so they know how to help you better next time. 😁
I'm definitely aiming for the future in regards to taking to them about it. Might not be any time soon, but more of when we are next together, I'll steal them one by one without others noticing, just to address it. Just to explain where it comes from more than anything. I think it's the lack of being able to give an understanding in a situation that is befitting thats tricky for me at present
Re-watching, hoping to add a view or two. I have been here, unfortunately during a group meeting more than once. It is embarrassing and so difficult to come back from for me. The first time I watched this, I was able to finally understand why meltdowns happened. Thanks Paul, this helped me an amazing amount!
Thanks Mike, glad it helped too. It's horrid to go through, and definitely hard to come back each time. But we do somehow...albeit a little different than before.
I recently went on a work course and felt quite similar to this. Thankfully they did tell us when the breaks were and I could drive back home later. I was shattered affter the three days and I can't imagine how that was for you. I personanlly wouldn't agree to going on a course away from home.
It's not a good feeling is it? I work away for a living so going away for a course, based at a building I have to visit as part of my role is too close to get out of it...although I did say that if I'd have known the course was coming up, I'd have bought it myself to do from home to avoid it. I just couldn't this time as it was already booked before I joined them.
I know it's an old video Paul, my experience was being on call every three weeks. The company I used to work for would put boiler services on as soon as it hit five pm. I just remember screaming down the phone at the manager swearing. I felt a lot of shame afterwards and apologised. These were regular meltdowns. I did an air con course a couple of years ago, no idea and was getting pretty stressed, told the trainer I would come back the following week after everyone had finished. It was either that or I would have ended up filling him in unfortunately.
Fantastic video Paul, and you have covered a lot of ground on what it’s like to be on the spectrum not just meltdowns but also when you spoke about needing to be drip fed information, what you described when doing your test is how I felt years ago at school sitting my exams, I remember sitting my first exam and can only describe the feeling of a curtain being pulled in my mind, nothing,zilch,zero could my brain produce, needless to say that I did not bother sitting the rest of my exams meaning I left school with no qualifications, thankfully as the years have gone on I have been able to do on the job training and also went to college to gain qualifications, but the difference being that there was no test at the end (I was being tested in stage’s) which suit’s how my brain copes. My wife has seen me have several meltdowns over the years and calls them my Alf Garnett moments where I tend to have a good 20 minutes or more normally shouting and swearing putting the worlds too right’s, the last meltdown I had was after being stuck in a MC Donald’s drive-thru for 45 minutes only to be met by the most obnoxious young lady take my order, I admit it is embarrassing when meltdowns are noticed by others but it is part of our disability and I’m sure that when it does happen we are providing free entertainment to others, try not to be so hard on yourself, what would you think if that was not happening to you but someone else, would you be as judgmental on them as you are being on yourself or would you show some compassion towards them ? If it’s the latter you perhaps should not judge yourself so harshly, I know it’s easier said than done.
45 mins in the drive thru...ouch. I have my Alf Garnett moments too, but I keep them away from here as YT is a bit touchy. But I have plans to stick more 'touchy' subjects elsewhere at some point! I'd definitely be compassionate as in a world of emotion and reaction I cannot relate to, I would know how it feels to react as I did, and I always try to help anyone in a bad spot. I think it's worse as I'm not overly bothered with the reaction with the people I already know, it's the people who are new to me, I just hope it wasn't as obvious as I felt it was.
Je suis désolée que tu aies traversé ça... chaque expérience est unique et propre à chacun mais ce que tu racontes ici me parle énormément. Merci pour tes vidéos!!! Sorry... I wrote in french but it's hard to find the words in english sometimes. Hi from France :) Thanks again!
I worked in Corporate for 15 Years, and was forced to attend countless BS 'training courses' where 5 days of Material was crammed & jammed into 3 days of 'Training' (all so as to save to Co a few measly $$) (Back then I did not know I was Autistic of course...) If its any consolation Paul - I went thru all the same anxiety & stress ass you did, on almost every Course. The Neurotypical guys just Sailed through the courses, all getting High-Scores. I have an IQ of 140 - and I would Flunk most of the BS Tests/Exams. Why? Because the tests/exams were NOT DESIGNED for me to Pass!! Half the questions were 'Trick Questions', and I interpret everything as being Literal - why would I try think Otherwise!? For me - sitting in the same chair in a Hotel Conference Room for 8-10 Hours a Day was Torture: I'd Zone-out after the First 20 Min, and not be able to regain focus for the rest of the day! I tried to explain this to my Boss, - he just Didn't 'Get it' & would spit out Cliches at me like "Just try Harder Next Time' and "There's NO SUCH THING as Problems - only Opportunities!"
Sounds very similar! Trick questions too, or when they leave it open for multiple interpretations...you either want the answer or not, don't trip me up! 👍🏻
Hi Paul, I relate completely to all you are saying! I don't know if this will help you or not? . . I have learned, that in situations as you have described, I mentally give myself a break and tell myself 'All this information is going into my brain and I'm letting it go in, but I'm not forcing anything. I'm just letting it go in.' When I do that, I learn the information without even making an effort. I just give myself a break, and it all goes in. I have also found, that by doing things this way, and letting myself 'off the hook' of pressure, when I'm in an exam situation, all the information I need just flows right to me! Seriously! All the information does go in, you just can't retrieve it as quickly as other people. Just believe and know that it's gone in, then shut off and rest. I hope this helps, lots of love to you 💖
I'll give it a shot. See if I can soothe myself educated! I am not the worst at the other learning I am doing by myself as I am doing it at my pace when I have the headspace. It comes more when it is a time and a topic out of my control. If I am not ready to take it in, it doesn't go in!
Thank you Paul for another great video. I found it very moving. The teacher didn't help and it was too much overload in a short time span with no opportunity to recharge. When you talked about the exam it reminded me of taking the eleven plus exam. It was a verbal reasoning test and I felt tricked and subsequently failed. The only exams I passed at school were the ones where I had to submit a large amount of coursework. As for practical exams forget it!!! I can't bear being watched by anyone.
I would have commented but I too was melting down due to the stress of attempting to adapt to a new life environment. Man this resonates! So sorry this happened. You have such a gift for sharing this life we are living.
Thanks Karen, although if I shown you an email I received about this video from a very negative Nancy, they would strongly disagree 😂 Hope you're feeling better.
@@AdultwithAutism Well, there is a constant now isn’t it, the ones who don’t want to validate. To me you described how it is with humble honest clarity. Thank you for that!
Sounds rough. Domino effect. When something starts to go wrong it's proper avalanche after that. Anyway hope you'll get to recharge soon! The internal struggle you mentioned in the end, "should I explain myself etc". So familiar, after every social situation that I felt didn't go perfectly. Hate the mess in my brain in those situations. Hate the need to apologise for being me and not being perfect in my own eyes.
Yeah it's not fun. Someone from work has watched the video and reached out to tell me not to worry about it which was nice. If only we could turn it off inside our minds though!
You made complete sense, a very concise retelling of the circumstances. Sounds like you were backed into a corner with no options. No hotel room, no amount of walking around would help, etc. And, it sounds like a crummy teacher which is frustrating. It all sounds frustrating. I used to travel for business. What a weary bunch we are. Those traveling for pleasure look like a different species compared to those who fly, take transportation in a strange city to yet another hotel where there is a good chance kids will run in the hallway, someone will be partying down their room, and even the occasional fire alarm goes off. I learned to protect my ears in every way imaginable. You have to sleep on a normal day, so much more so when there is a classroom awaiting you. And getting “peopled” out is so easy. Now you’re in the rumination stage of reliving it. That’s a hardship. Hopefully you and George can just hang out together and you can find a temporary substitute for your PC. And, if you can retake the exam open book style from your home too. I’m sure it will work out. Getting rested could be the one and only goal for the moment.
That is hopefully an option for a retake of the exam. They did say it can be done in the future on my own so at least a sting can be taken out of it. George is having a sulk today, he had a very busy day yesterday and he refuses to sleep so he doesn't get the rest and then sulks because he's tired. He's not the brightest...
So succinctly put. I feel for you and the aftermath is almost as unbearable. Thanks for being so open about this. It helps me process and makes me understand myself more. Thank you
I have ADHD but the more videos I watch of yours the more reason I have to believe I'm autistic too. I can really relate to wanting teachers to be structured, logical and only have stories that are related to the topic at hand. I also relate in terms of the practical, hands on learning. Reading has always been tricky for me. Watching a video or listening to an audio is much better for me but the best is always practical learning. I always remember trying to learn a video editing technique in uni and my friend explained it to me, whilst showing me how to do it and I didn't understand what he'd done. Then my tutor tried explaining it a little differently but not enough for it to be any clearer to me but I could see how the video had turned out so I thought well that's done now anyways so as long as I don't have to change it, I'm ok for now. Then further down the line, I was editing a different video and practically I figured it out and looked back on what my tutor had said... "Aha! now I get what they meant". I had to be in a situation where a problem became apparent in my video so that I have a problem to solve. Then when I put my problem solving cap on, I went on my own unique journey to get there which probably looks like a strange route to a neurotypical person but that's the way I naturally learn things. It takes me longer but then I know with confidence I've learnt it rather than pretending I've learnt it the neurotypical way.
Absolutely. The 'learning' style still annoys me to this day. I cannot take on a subject until I see the patterns into 'why' it is needed the way it's needed. Just talking it out doesn't mean it will go in. But we are judged on the timeframe of the knowledge going in, not the quality of how we retain the information once it translates to us. Then you also find people who taught you, also then come to you down the line as you have learnt far more than required too.
Paul I'm sorry to hear you've been through that. You have nothing to feel ashamed about though. Things happened that were outside of your control in a chain of events. You have done all you can to analyse the situation and yourself correctly and to learn what you can from it. I have had similar things happen and have dreaded going back to work to face people, but it's always been fine, well most of the time. In this situation people will allow you to move on without any shame or embarrassment of that I am sure. It is understandable but I would say that you have built it up in your mind to be worse than it actually is and are 'catasphrophising' a little bit. Sorry for the armchair psychologist bit but I think it is true... It seems that you have extremely high standards of how you want to be seen in public at all times. This is admirable of course, but I don't hold myself to such high standards at all times. I just can't do it.
Thanks Alan. It's tricky as I do what I can to break even with social masking, but then it's all about retaining composure to avoid anything that could put me in the spotlight, meltdowns included. The weekend is over and I haven't recharged as I've had the meltdown hangover...not looking forward to the week ahead!
I'm really feeling your build up of overwhelm. I was quite lucky because my special interest was always my job so any job related training or conferences were fine, and I was even happy to speak at national conferences, but it was the travel and the expectation to socialise that were very tiring on these occasions and I'd need to take a day's leave in silence afterwards just to recover.
I don't mind my job, it's courses I don't. I've always done the course, but pay for it myself and do it distance learning to avoid it. I can train no problem, and actually enjoy it a lot. I think it's because I am talking at people and not with people, so it's not really a conversation. It's a structured process where you can determine what people may ask.
Holy shit... I was always under the impression a meltdown looked/ was like what kids did, throwing a fit, or the viral video of the woman stomping around the airport check in livid that her flight was canceled. So I never thought I'd had one. The way you explained yours and everything 'piling up until boil over'... holy shit. That's me to a T. I thought it was just stress general life stress. But the way you explained how it felt as it came in, and that it was a literal flip of a page that did it... Yup. I'm definitely looking into getting assessed asap. I'm calling people next week. Thank you for your videos, and how candid and authentic you are in them. This is becoming a HUGE help in realizing and understanding myself.
You're just too intelligent for that crap, but too confused for the unorganized standards of regular folks in regular companies. Imagine you'd just put all the energy you need to think of all their useless behaviors in something you do value and you do live for, you invest yourself in. I quit for that reason, after some other manager told me lately, that I should be in charge. And I was thinking like "yeah, I think that all the time myself. Even other people tell me that. Why the heck I do all that? Its useless." So, now I'm going to build my own company. But first I'll take some days off and do the things I wanted to do for years already like visiting finally one stupid museum nearby. Maybe it's nothing for you or for someone else, but I'm done with this regular companies. Best wishes
Best of luck with your new ventures. Really hope it works out for you and it is good for your wellbeing. Nothing worse than having it affected by others.
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
I’m sorry you went through this experience Paul. Your clear analysis and articulation of the factors leading up to the meltdown helps all of us be more aware for ourselves and others. So thank you!
Thank you Nancy, I appreciate that.
I always fancy givin' you a watch! You don't seem FAT or OLD to me--lol. Your realness/raw/genuineness is why I'm such a big supporter (like to think I'm a virtual friend/acquaintance) of you PAUL :)
Thanks Di, I appreciate that 👍🏻
Aw I’m so sorry Paul. Melting down in front of others is so painful. But if your work persona is anything like your YT persona, then your coworkers have seen a smart man with a great sense of humor who works hard and really cares about keeping people safe.
I personally don’t see the harm in addressing it honestly by saying ‘I feel bad you saw me stress out on test day - that was unusual for me but I had some other things going on.’ At least that will kill the elephant in the room if there is one and you remain genuine. But that’s just me. Great video as always and I hope you get to do something relaxing this weekend Paul 🙂
Thanks Marie. I'll see how I feel as the week goes on, but I'll be talking to a senior in the week to address it and noting reasonable adjustments as I need to get the management in place for my requirements where they can be done.
@@AdultwithAutism good idea 👍
Omg, I’m so glad you shared this. I ‘hit the wall’ last week and ended up going to the hospital thinking I was having a stroke. That was ruled out, but they’ll be testing for MS coming up shortly. I know in my heart that it’s ‘just’ autistic burnout leading to shutdown…which is difficult in itself but complicated by the fact that I haven’t been able to get clinically diagnosed and my doctor doesn’t believe me. So, today I took the month off work and just got home to be quiet and process when this video popped up. Bless you, I don’t feel like I’m the only person on earth that has these experiences when I watch your stuff, and it helps A LOT
I am glad it helps, but sorry to hear you are not having a good time of it at the minute. It is good to hear you taking time out to put your wellbeing first though, I like that. Well done.
I have never related anything more than I relate to this video. Thank you for posting this. And thank you for all of your videos. ❤️
Thank you Cheryl, I am glad it went down well.
You look good in white mate! Thankyou for sharing as always. You are a real rock for us. 😊
That's nice of you say, thank you.
I feel ya and completely understand. There's only so much a person can take, especially with our ND. You have no need to be hard on yourself; I think you coped far better than I would have :-)
Thanks. Many years ago it would have been much worse, I actually think being exhausted helped in a way as I had nothing much left in energy to allow it to get worse.
I'm a fellow manc and late- diagnosed (and ADHD) and totally appreciate your videos. Work has always been a huge stressor for me and have had most of my meltdowns have been at or after work. I actually discovered I was autistic following a big burnout 5 years ago and I was off sick for 3 months. It's so hard trying to get employers to understand. Looking back, I've lost jobs because they lost their patience with me and/or I've been struggling and made mistakes. Luckily, I find myself in the same job now for 10 years. It's not been easy and all my issues have been diagnosed while I've been here. Anyway, I'm waffling now! I just wanted to say thanks for your alternative take on things. As much as I enjoy other channels, yours feels fresher right now. Cheers!
Thanks Laura, I appreciate that.
Work has been and will always be the hardest thing I have to do, even when everything goes well.
At least there wasn't someone around to say....."you just need a hug!" Ahhhhh, NO!!!
That would have finished me off without a doubt.
I can relate so much to the way you described your meltdown experience. I have terrible test anxiety and difficulty reading. School was so challenging and growing undiagnosed made it worse because I couldn't understand why I struggled and everyone else made test taking seem so effortless. I had a meltdown this week to. Hang in there!
Same Whitney. Always struggled with the test, not the subject. I could understand what people are teaching, but that piece of paper in front of me gets placed down and I can't read the question for it to make sense. Then I am judged from a score on said paper instead of my practical knowledge. The anxiety pushed me over on this occasion.
I can't read and absorb written word if I am anxious. A sign can say..."danger, keep out" and I will totally miss it. It is just a piece of metal with paint on it. Just ink on paper.
I don't think I would see it either if I just wanted to get on the other side for some peace!
I see myself in how you’re explaining the melt downs and shut downs. I’m 58 and self diagnosed. Having been well educated it is really challenging to tell people that I know I’m autistic because they see that I have been able to go through university and it doesn’t make sense to them that I can be struggling with simple daily tasks now. It’s a relief and affirming to be able to relate to other experiences and see that there can be ways to set up my life to allow me a bit of grace in the chaos. I don’t feel so alone in this autistic mind of mine so, thank you.
I think it was a week ago that I hit the wall halfway through one of my training shifts and had a very public meltdown in a major grocery store. What a nightmare it was! It feels like I might not recover from this one. I feel like it broke me. I'm really sorry so many of us struggle in these ways. It's not fair. But fuck shame. We are how we are. It's not our fault. Shame on the rest of the world for being insensitive to the needs of the sensitive ones. This world isn't for the likes of me, and I'd really rather not be here anymore. Ugh.
Maybe I could read books out loud for autistic people. My soothing monotone would probably effectively lull anxious people to sleep. :P
I know that feeling absolutely. Everytime you hit that wall, it does feel like we have a finite number of times we can recover in life, and one day we won't.
Recovery takes longer, and my strength takes a knock each time now, and then worry kicks in.
Audio books with my voice would make drivers crash if they listened on the road!
Hey Paul! I just wanted to say that even though it’s often humiliating to experience a meltdown in front of others, and it’s easy to lump guilt and shame onto yourself for it, just remember that meltdowns are a part of life for us, and that we’ve all experienced the embarrassment, guilt and shame over our behavior during a meltdown. As much work as we do to try to train ourselves to practice self control, we can try and try, but we absolutely cannot override our neurological wiring. It’s impossible.
I often find that even when I’m having a “quiet” meltdown, it’s hard to keep the actual meltdown from spilling out into the public world anyway in some form. It’s even worse when neurotypicals decide that they know better than us that we “need a friend to help us through it”, when we all know that it just doesn’t help.
Try not to put guilt or shame onto yourself for something for which you’re neurologically hard-wired. We can’t stop a meltdown when it starts. We can only ride it out and hope that the damage is minimal. That’s not something that you should feel guilt or shame over, though. You can’t will away a meltdown any more than you can will away your eye color. It just doesn’t work like that, and putting that expectation onto yourself only serves to deepen the guilt and shame that you feel, and that’s not good. 😉
Thanks for that Steve, it makes a lot of sense. It was I try to tell myself, but sometimes good to hear from someone else. And I really like the term 'quiet meltdown' too, as that's what I feel it was. Don't get me wrong, I've gone much much worse, but this was definitely starting to bubble and could quite easily of reach that point.
I'll try to tell myself that it is just what it is, and life moves on over the weekend, and try and go into Monday a little less annoyed at myself.
@@AdultwithAutism I’m glad that you found some value in what I said, my friend! I too categorize most of my meltdowns as “quiet meltdowns”. I just completely shut down and quietly implode, and try to contain the damage by keeping my mouth shut when it happens. If someone asks me what’s going on, I usually just tell them that I’m having a meltdown, and I’m not very good with talking at the moment. Most of the time people understand, and leave it at that. I do find that people who are compassionate will usually respect you if they know what’s happening. Of course, we also share a world with assholes, too, so the mileage might vary. 😉
Haha, the mileage definitely varies! I remove myself from most at the best of times, but right now for example with the hangover of my wobble, there isn't a chance I'll be venturing outdoors this weekend.
Thanks so much for sharing! I'm so glad there were people who were kind enough to try to help (even if they didn't). Instead of explaining, maybe a thank you to them. if it's someone you will be interacting with again and you feel comfortable sharing with them some things that help you avoid a meltdown or recharge so they know how to help you better next time. 😁
I'm definitely aiming for the future in regards to taking to them about it. Might not be any time soon, but more of when we are next together, I'll steal them one by one without others noticing, just to address it. Just to explain where it comes from more than anything. I think it's the lack of being able to give an understanding in a situation that is befitting thats tricky for me at present
Re-watching, hoping to add a view or two. I have been here, unfortunately during a group meeting more than once. It is embarrassing and so difficult to come back from for me. The first time I watched this, I was able to finally understand why meltdowns happened. Thanks Paul, this helped me an amazing amount!
Thanks Mike, glad it helped too. It's horrid to go through, and definitely hard to come back each time. But we do somehow...albeit a little different than before.
I recently went on a work course and felt quite similar to this. Thankfully they did tell us when the breaks were and I could drive back home later. I was shattered affter the three days and I can't imagine how that was for you. I personanlly wouldn't agree to going on a course away from home.
It's not a good feeling is it?
I work away for a living so going away for a course, based at a building I have to visit as part of my role is too close to get out of it...although I did say that if I'd have known the course was coming up, I'd have bought it myself to do from home to avoid it. I just couldn't this time as it was already booked before I joined them.
That is the worst!!! Thanks for sharing.
No problem 👍🏻
I know it's an old video Paul, my experience was being on call every three weeks. The company I used to work for would put boiler services on as soon as it hit five pm. I just remember screaming down the phone at the manager swearing. I felt a lot of shame afterwards and apologised. These were regular meltdowns. I did an air con course a couple of years ago, no idea and was getting pretty stressed, told the trainer I would come back the following week after everyone had finished. It was either that or I would have ended up filling him in unfortunately.
I did tell him I had autism at the end, he said I should have told him at the beginning and things could have been different.
Fantastic video Paul, and you have covered a lot of ground on what it’s like to be on the spectrum not just meltdowns but also when you spoke about needing to be drip fed information, what you described when doing your test is how I felt years ago at school sitting my exams, I remember sitting my first exam and can only describe the feeling of a curtain being pulled in my mind, nothing,zilch,zero could my brain produce, needless to say that I did not bother sitting the rest of my exams meaning I left school with no qualifications, thankfully as the years have gone on I have been able to do on the job training and also went to college to gain qualifications, but the difference being that there was no test at the end (I was being tested in stage’s) which suit’s how my brain copes. My wife has seen me have several meltdowns over the years and calls them my Alf Garnett moments where I tend to have a good 20 minutes or more normally shouting and swearing putting the worlds too right’s, the last meltdown I had was after being stuck in a MC Donald’s drive-thru for 45 minutes only to be met by the most obnoxious young lady take my order, I admit it is embarrassing when meltdowns are noticed by others but it is part of our disability and I’m sure that when it does happen we are providing free entertainment to others, try not to be so hard on yourself, what would you think if that was not happening to you but someone else, would you be as judgmental on them as you are being on yourself or would you show some compassion towards them ? If it’s the latter you perhaps should not judge yourself so harshly, I know it’s easier said than done.
45 mins in the drive thru...ouch.
I have my Alf Garnett moments too, but I keep them away from here as YT is a bit touchy. But I have plans to stick more 'touchy' subjects elsewhere at some point!
I'd definitely be compassionate as in a world of emotion and reaction I cannot relate to, I would know how it feels to react as I did, and I always try to help anyone in a bad spot.
I think it's worse as I'm not overly bothered with the reaction with the people I already know, it's the people who are new to me, I just hope it wasn't as obvious as I felt it was.
Je suis désolée que tu aies traversé ça... chaque expérience est unique et propre à chacun mais ce que tu racontes ici me parle énormément.
Merci pour tes vidéos!!!
Sorry... I wrote in french but it's hard to find the words in english sometimes.
Hi from France :) Thanks again!
I worked in Corporate for 15 Years, and was forced to attend countless BS 'training courses' where 5 days of Material was crammed & jammed into 3 days of 'Training' (all so as to save to Co a few measly $$)
(Back then I did not know I was Autistic of course...)
If its any consolation Paul - I went thru all the same anxiety & stress ass you did, on almost every Course. The Neurotypical guys just Sailed through the courses, all getting High-Scores. I have an IQ of 140 - and I would Flunk most of the BS Tests/Exams.
Why? Because the tests/exams were NOT DESIGNED for me to Pass!! Half the questions were 'Trick Questions', and I interpret everything as being Literal - why would I try think Otherwise!?
For me - sitting in the same chair in a Hotel Conference Room for 8-10 Hours a Day was Torture: I'd Zone-out after the First 20 Min, and not be able to regain focus for the rest of the day! I tried to explain this to my Boss, - he just Didn't 'Get it' & would spit out Cliches at me like "Just try Harder Next Time' and "There's NO SUCH THING as Problems - only Opportunities!"
Sounds very similar! Trick questions too, or when they leave it open for multiple interpretations...you either want the answer or not, don't trip me up! 👍🏻
Hi Paul, I relate completely to all you are saying! I don't know if this will help you or not? . . I have learned, that in situations as you have described, I mentally give myself a break and tell myself 'All this information is going into my brain and I'm letting it go in, but I'm not forcing anything. I'm just letting it go in.' When I do that, I learn the information without even making an effort. I just give myself a break, and it all goes in. I have also found, that by doing things this way, and letting myself 'off the hook' of pressure, when I'm in an exam situation, all the information I need just flows right to me! Seriously! All the information does go in, you just can't retrieve it as quickly as other people. Just believe and know that it's gone in, then shut off and rest. I hope this helps, lots of love to you 💖
I'll give it a shot. See if I can soothe myself educated!
I am not the worst at the other learning I am doing by myself as I am doing it at my pace when I have the headspace. It comes more when it is a time and a topic out of my control. If I am not ready to take it in, it doesn't go in!
Thank you Paul for another great video. I found it very moving. The teacher didn't help and it was too much overload in a short time span with no opportunity to recharge. When you talked about the exam it reminded me of taking the eleven plus exam. It was a verbal reasoning test and I felt tricked and subsequently failed. The only exams I passed at school were the ones where I had to submit a large amount of coursework. As for practical exams forget it!!! I can't bear being watched by anyone.
So many different learning styles, yet a pattern recognition style hasn't been developed. This would strongly assist Autistic minds in learning.
I would have commented but I too was melting down due to the stress of attempting to adapt to a new life environment. Man this resonates! So sorry this happened. You have such a gift for sharing this life we are living.
Thanks Karen, although if I shown you an email I received about this video from a very negative Nancy, they would strongly disagree 😂
Hope you're feeling better.
@@AdultwithAutism Well, there is a constant now isn’t it, the ones who don’t want to validate. To me you described how it is with humble honest clarity. Thank you for that!
Always. Glad it goes down well with the right people.
Sounds rough. Domino effect. When something starts to go wrong it's proper avalanche after that. Anyway hope you'll get to recharge soon!
The internal struggle you mentioned in the end, "should I explain myself etc". So familiar, after every social situation that I felt didn't go perfectly. Hate the mess in my brain in those situations. Hate the need to apologise for being me and not being perfect in my own eyes.
Yeah it's not fun. Someone from work has watched the video and reached out to tell me not to worry about it which was nice. If only we could turn it off inside our minds though!
You made complete sense, a very concise retelling of the circumstances.
Sounds like you were backed into a corner with no options. No hotel room, no amount of walking around would help, etc.
And, it sounds like a crummy teacher which is frustrating. It all sounds frustrating.
I used to travel for business. What a weary bunch we are. Those traveling for pleasure look like a different species compared to those who fly, take transportation in a strange city to yet another hotel where there is a good chance kids will run in the hallway, someone will be partying down their room, and even the occasional fire alarm goes off.
I learned to protect my ears in every way imaginable. You have to sleep on a normal day, so much more so when there is a classroom awaiting you.
And getting “peopled” out is so easy.
Now you’re in the rumination stage of reliving it. That’s a hardship.
Hopefully you and George can just hang out together and you can find a temporary substitute for your PC. And, if you can retake the exam open book style from your home too. I’m sure it will work out. Getting rested could be the one and only goal for the moment.
That is hopefully an option for a retake of the exam. They did say it can be done in the future on my own so at least a sting can be taken out of it.
George is having a sulk today, he had a very busy day yesterday and he refuses to sleep so he doesn't get the rest and then sulks because he's tired.
He's not the brightest...
So succinctly put. I feel for you and the aftermath is almost as unbearable. Thanks for being so open about this. It helps me process and makes me understand myself more. Thank you
No problem at all. I hope they help where they can 👍🏻
I have ADHD but the more videos I watch of yours the more reason I have to believe I'm autistic too. I can really relate to wanting teachers to be structured, logical and only have stories that are related to the topic at hand. I also relate in terms of the practical, hands on learning. Reading has always been tricky for me. Watching a video or listening to an audio is much better for me but the best is always practical learning.
I always remember trying to learn a video editing technique in uni and my friend explained it to me, whilst showing me how to do it and I didn't understand what he'd done. Then my tutor tried explaining it a little differently but not enough for it to be any clearer to me but I could see how the video had turned out so I thought well that's done now anyways so as long as I don't have to change it, I'm ok for now.
Then further down the line, I was editing a different video and practically I figured it out and looked back on what my tutor had said... "Aha! now I get what they meant". I had to be in a situation where a problem became apparent in my video so that I have a problem to solve. Then when I put my problem solving cap on, I went on my own unique journey to get there which probably looks like a strange route to a neurotypical person but that's the way I naturally learn things. It takes me longer but then I know with confidence I've learnt it rather than pretending I've learnt it the neurotypical way.
Absolutely. The 'learning' style still annoys me to this day. I cannot take on a subject until I see the patterns into 'why' it is needed the way it's needed. Just talking it out doesn't mean it will go in. But we are judged on the timeframe of the knowledge going in, not the quality of how we retain the information once it translates to us.
Then you also find people who taught you, also then come to you down the line as you have learnt far more than required too.
@@AdultwithAutism Yeah, sometimes because we go down a longer path we end up better teachers to others in the future.
Thanks for sharing.
No problem 👍🏻
Cool video. Very information
Thank you 👍🏻
Paul I'm sorry to hear you've been through that. You have nothing to feel ashamed about though. Things happened that were outside of your control in a chain of events. You have done all you can to analyse the situation and yourself correctly and to learn what you can from it. I have had similar things happen and have dreaded going back to work to face people, but it's always been fine, well most of the time. In this situation people will allow you to move on without any shame or embarrassment of that I am sure. It is understandable but I would say that you have built it up in your mind to be worse than it actually is and are 'catasphrophising' a little bit. Sorry for the armchair psychologist bit but I think it is true... It seems that you have extremely high standards of how you want to be seen in public at all times. This is admirable of course, but I don't hold myself to such high standards at all times. I just can't do it.
Thanks Alan. It's tricky as I do what I can to break even with social masking, but then it's all about retaining composure to avoid anything that could put me in the spotlight, meltdowns included.
The weekend is over and I haven't recharged as I've had the meltdown hangover...not looking forward to the week ahead!
@@AdultwithAutism I understand. It's not ideal is it, but all the best with your week ahead, I hope it goes OK.
Thanks Alan, appreciated 👍🏻
I'm really feeling your build up of overwhelm. I was quite lucky because my special interest was always my job so any job related training or conferences were fine, and I was even happy to speak at national conferences, but it was the travel and the expectation to socialise that were very tiring on these occasions and I'd need to take a day's leave in silence afterwards just to recover.
I don't mind my job, it's courses I don't. I've always done the course, but pay for it myself and do it distance learning to avoid it.
I can train no problem, and actually enjoy it a lot. I think it's because I am talking at people and not with people, so it's not really a conversation. It's a structured process where you can determine what people may ask.
@@AdultwithAutism Yes it's easier when you make and learn a script.
Sure is. Even had scripted jokes 😂
Holy shit...
I was always under the impression a meltdown looked/ was like what kids did, throwing a fit, or the viral video of the woman stomping around the airport check in livid that her flight was canceled. So I never thought I'd had one.
The way you explained yours and everything 'piling up until boil over'... holy shit. That's me to a T. I thought it was just stress general life stress. But the way you explained how it felt as it came in, and that it was a literal flip of a page that did it...
Yup. I'm definitely looking into getting assessed asap. I'm calling people next week.
Thank you for your videos, and how candid and authentic you are in them. This is becoming a HUGE help in realizing and understanding myself.
No problem, let me know how it progresses. Just glad to be able to help 👍🏻
Seagulls, though lol
Yeah I sleep with earplugs, a white noise machine, and a fan/ac otherwise any nose i hear keeps me up
Just Googled White Noise Machines, interesting concept. Might look into them for when I work away when I am more unsettled.
Yeah they're pretty good. Mine has a few settings. I like the rain one best but the general white noise setting is cool too
I like that they give a steady sound to reduce the impact of other sounds that appear. Might be handy for me with the birds.
@@AdultwithAutism yeah I got one because I used to have birds lol
They drive me mad 😂
Some of the blame has to be on him, as he doesn't sound like a good teacher/tutor.
He wasn't. Spend a lot of time talking about things that were not related to the course. Made it harder to follow.
You're just too intelligent for that crap, but too confused for the unorganized standards of regular folks in regular companies.
Imagine you'd just put all the energy you need to think of all their useless behaviors in something you do value and you do live for, you invest yourself in.
I quit for that reason, after some other manager told me lately, that I should be in charge. And I was thinking like "yeah, I think that all the time myself. Even other people tell me that. Why the heck I do all that? Its useless."
So, now I'm going to build my own company. But first I'll take some days off and do the things I wanted to do for years already like visiting finally one stupid museum nearby.
Maybe it's nothing for you or for someone else, but I'm done with this regular companies.
Best wishes
Best of luck with your new ventures. Really hope it works out for you and it is good for your wellbeing. Nothing worse than having it affected by others.