Being an autistic teenager was hell (it got better)
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2022
- Being an autistic teenager (and undiagnosed at that!) was extremely isolating and I wanted to share my story in case it helps anyone.
Obviously, I'm not speaking for all autistic people - as we all have unique strengths, difficulties and struggles.
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Watch next: Reading my teenage diaries ruclips.net/video/CiP2NaHMNAY/видео.html
Alexithymia ruclips.net/video/S3tD94tB6T4/видео.html
Whoopy, it got better for you! So fucking what?! I’m 35, and want to die! Autism is a fucking curse!
Hi Sam, excuse me, do you know what is your IQ level? You sounds so clever.
@@ricardop.maganha5408 The only thing an IQ number tells you is how good you are at IQ tests.
Sandy so much of what you're saying regarding body differences, stretch marks, growing pains, hormones, flat feet, proprioception, sensory issues also speaks to Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome or another hypermobility disorder. I was diagnosed at 41yrs. Rheumatologist said I should get assessed for ASD as a significant crossover with my diagnosed EDS and ADHD - people with autism have hypermobility and people with hypermobility are far more likely to be on the spectrum. I'm finally getting assessed this year.
I remember being a teenager and my parents told me "You'll look back on these as the best years of your life." I was having a terrible time and all I could think was "Wait... You mean it gets WORSE!?!?!!"
I think most people consider their early 20s to be their best years, but life often is just down hill from there.
@@garethbaus5471 As an autistic person in her early/mid-20s:
Wait… You mean it’s about to get WORSE!?!?!!
How uninterested in you were your parents
This is me RN, my granoa just told me the same and it made me cry
I remember being in the student assembly at the beginning of 10th grade, and the assistant principal told us the EXACT same thing. Much better than it being my parents; I didn't take it too hard, after all everyone knew that adolescence sucks, right? But I thought that if the administrators were that clueless, it did not bode well for the school or the year.
That was my first (and last) semester in a really big high school. I had a general use notebook in my backpack, and on the "name" line on the cover, I wrote my name, followed by "ruler of the universe." I noted wryly to myself that I didn't write that out of ego, or from having a grandiose imagination; I wrote it to make the point that the school was so big and impersonal that anyone could fall through the cracks. Which I did.
I spent virtually all of my teenage years stuck in my room, drawing and painting. The curtains were permanently closed too! Funny how my parents never asked if I was ok. Typical 1970’s parenting, they probably thought it was just a phase.
Out of site out of mind. 🤦♀️😂
Omg me too. I know what you mean about 70s parenting, it was the reverse of helicopter parenting. The thing I have never quite worked out is that while she never asked, my mother knew I was odd. She let me miss about two days of school a week, and since we didn’t have blinds she made me blackout curtains. I never asked why and I can’t remember how I decided to miss so much school, though I remember planning my “days off” in eighth grade so I was there for algebra class. I think she knew I was like my nrurodivergent father, which I was. I never knew if she figured out I was also neurodivergent like she was.
"Typical 70s parenting", sorry to say it but it was the same for me in the 2010s!
I had a similar experience. I was homeschooled so I spent basically all my time alone, coming out was like walking into a minefield of sensory and physical issues.
I’m having this exact same situation right now except the internet is here to distract me. It’s terrible :(
That feeling on "someday I will arrive and be normal". That was so much of my teenage and young adult years and not understanding why I couldn't just figure it out
I didn’t stop that until 2 years ago thanks to the pandemic and I’m 34
My best advice for autistic teenagers is to teach them how to recognize and process their emotions in a healthy way (don't just ridicule them for being "moody" like my parents did). Actually, that's probably good advice for anyone...
I've heard it said, "To be autistic is to know bullying intimately and immaculately." The bullying I had as a teenager has left me with lots of psychological scars and additional disorders around abandonment, social anxiety and a touch of complex PTSD.
I have ASD 1 and ADHD Inattentive late diagnosed also have Anxiety, Depression, PTSD and RSD. I was bullied all through primary and secondary school and in the workforce. Now 41. I will never choose to work for anyone again hence why I’m on dsp
@@Dancestar1981 RSD?
@@ceterisparibus8966 rejection sensitivity disorder it means we find it difficult to trust as society in general has rejected who we are and treated us poorly over our lives for being different
Yes
@@Dancestar1981 sad but true
For me being a teenager was more purgatory than hell. I struggled with undiagnosed autism and was unhappy in all the ways one would expect. But there was a daily routine to high school that gave me a framework to live. I didn't understand the social life going on around me but I found the table in the lunch room for the 'weird kids' and felt I had a place to be in all the confusion.
Going to college was hell, no daily routine and no weird kid table. No place I could figure out to be. I didn't last long in college.
This. I feel like when I go to university, I’m just not going to be able to meet new people.
@@gliiitched
Hopefully it'll go easier for you if you already know what autism is about. I was in highschool and college back in the 90's. Society only had a vague concept of autism then mostly based on the movie Rain Man. Also I had no f---ing clue that I had autism.
Now most colleges seem to have good counseling/therapy services. If I had it to do over I would've gotten involved with those services day one. I think with that kind of support things would've been much, much better.
@@TheMosv the support has improved, but the culture never changed. People would claim to accept me if I told them I’m autistic, but would still alienate me when my mask comes off. It’s autism awareness, not autism acceptance.
It was similar for me - I wish I'd learned while still in school how to cut out a routine for myself! :)
I survived the first two years of college by over-scheduling, having three evening activities every week, and - you guessed it - being constantly stressed, often depressed, having trouble sleeping, but being too busy to do something which kept me afloat... :)
@@gliiitched True.
There are professional resources/support though. Unfortunately I'm unsure about the US and what your university offers, but looking into study groups/help or assisted living or whatever is available can make life easier. :)
"Resting is not laziness"...this hits hard. I need to hang this on my wall! Thanks for the reminder Sam!
I’m an autistic teenager and I relate to this video so much. I will never ever “look back on my teenage years with joy”, I’ll look back at them with pain. Autism and school doesn’t seem to work at all (I’m British so I’m not sure about American school systems, but the British ones are horrific lol). Thank you for making this video! It made me feel less alone, have a lovely day
unless you get put into special ed programs it's just as bad in the US, however those programs come with the stigma of being for "certain" people (when i was growing up the people in the special ed program got the R-slur thrown at them a lot)
@@zeebo30 Those special needs programs, here in the US, are just as rough as anything normal. I attended those kind of programs when I was in school, and it made me feel horrible. It got so bad, I begged my parents to let me attend real classes, and they let me. But I struggled in those classes too. I got teased a lot, and 9/10 the teachers did nothing. The only happy memories I have of my teen years were hanging out with my friends.
@@marywilcox3102 I wasn't in them, but I have many friends who were and said that they were extremely helpful for them. It's likely you were just in a district where they were bad. Unfortunately quality of education across the country is not standardized :(
@@zeebo30 Yeah... it was difficult.
If it's any consolation to you, it does get better, though the progress can be gradual and isn't always linear! As a practical tip, I would advise immersing yourself in as much (interesting) activity as possible. Personally I find that physical exercise is a great tool against things like anxiety and low mood (but if you have physical health problems you would of course need to seek medical advice first).
i’m on disability 33 years old. i was expelled from high school and got a GED. i was expelled because i didn’t show up for classes due to social / sensory issues. i had no friends. it was very dark isolating time. i’m not perfect now but i’ve come to peace with myself. thanks for sharing your story sam i’m glad you are still here. i will never forget being 13 and getting awareness of how out of touch i was with everyone else. such severe depression, i hid inside bathroom stalls. the day after my 18th birthday they called my dad in and told him i wouldn’t be graduating and kicked me out. dark times. life got better though.. i still can’t listen to music from that time. now i’m living alone, found a boyfriend and have two cats. thank you.
You are really strong enduring and able to finally get out of that dark time. Hope you all the best.
@@gobgab1080 thank you i’m glad i’m still here.
You're amazing. I'm sorry you had such an awful time... thank you for sharing.
Thank you. Humor is a self-defense mechanism, and this has helped me cope with a horrifying life.
One of the things that caused tension between me and my friends when we were 12 or 13 (in the late 1970s) was that I wanted us to continue being the way we were when we were 10 or younger. I didn't want to go to youth club discos. I didn't want to chat up girls (I was attracted to them but also very shy of them). I still wanted us to do things like play cowboys & indians like we always had done. Saw no reason to change.
Some of my friends found my "childishness" exasperating. One of them said, "We've all moved on but you're the same as you were when we were 9." Another friend berated me for my apparent lack of interest in girls. He said, "You don't care about girls do you. You don't care two hoots."
Also, from age 12 and into my teens I experienced an upsurge in social phobia (especially around girls), OCD symptoms and obsessive worrying. I was a bit of a worrier in prepubescent childhood, but nowhere near the scale that I experienced in adolescence!
I relate to this so much. I'm a girl but like the same stuff, wanting to just play with toys and wat h cartoons as a 15 year old and not having an interest in boys romantically and feeling like I had to fake interest in boys just to be accepted by peers
@@RR-kz4hq The psychologist David Anderegg has noticed the same thing with "nerdy" kids (which overlaps with autism). ruclips.net/video/c95fEF-qbck/видео.html
As a teenager I had a lot of social anxiety because I didn't know how to relate to my peers. I wasn't outright bullied but I was never included in anything, or at least that's how it felt, and even with "friends" it didn't seem to me like they actually liked having me around, we were just the people "left over" after not fitting in anywhere else.
One of my main coping strategies was pretending that I didn't care, about any of it. I vividly remember when it dawned on me that I could do that, and it made daily life at school a lot simpler for me (but was obviously very damaging in the long run).
I always felt different but I thought that's just what it's like for everyone! And all the advice of "be yourself!" which is SO unhelpful when me being myself meant being alone at home reading a book or watching Star Trek.
✨ Vintage Trauma ✨ I'll definitely be using that term lol .
What’s painful is I’m 30 and I feel like I’m still struggling with things you felt with in your teenage years
Same, don't give up on therapy and Journaling honestly made the biggest difference for me. Set a timer for 10 minutes and just write whatever comes to your mind once a day. It's weird at first but it really does wonders for releasing pent up shoot
Oh the teenage period pain, I wish they wouldn't downplay it it, it can be agony! As a 13 year old you're just thinking what fresh hell is this!
Got mine at 10 and super painful only controlled through taking multiple antinflammatories for the first 3 to 4 days
Yeah the one size fits all period treatment made me not ask for help when I was vomiting and passed out for days from pain
😳Wow. "It is hard to be yourself when everything points to how awful that would really be."
Thank you for making this video.
This is so, so relatable. It really was utter hell. Childhood and teens in the 80s-90s was rough, so much invalidation and gaslighting. There was still a lot of stigma around mental health, nobody very trauma-informed, not a lot of support or acknowledgement of difficult things and parenting norms that were really sub-standard. Also no nerd culture that was mainstream yet and misogyny, racism, homophobia and bullying were rampant, unrecognised and insidious. Yikes. We Gen-Xers were so often quiet survivors. I've had to undo so much of my thinking that developed in those years.
I had/have a lot of skin sensitivity issues, esp around my face. Hairs touching my skin was painful, as well as irritating and distracting. So I wore my hair up most of the time (still do). I’m blessed with really great thick hair, so everyone always was trying to get me to wear it down. I didn’t have the words for it, so I told people I was allergic to my hair, as this was the best terminology I could come up with. Even adults made fun of me for saying this, without think through WHY I would phrase it like that.
I needed this today. Just got diagnosed with ASD and my daughter also got diagnosed when "everything clicked."
Your videos helped me a lot before I got diagnosed. I related to a lot of the things you went through as a child. Thank you for this.
If it doesn't bother you, may I ask how did you get referring from your GP and be successful? I have asked 2 different GP for autistic assessment references but both of them ended up either laugh at me or just snatch my script away being very rude.
I can not ask anyone close to me to go with either because my parents are those type of people who only believe in stereotype autistic children and will not change their viewpoint.
I'm currently 18 and due to not having accommodation and other autistic supports, almost drop out of high school. I need the assessment and diagnosis so I can legally get accommodation and helps in my college and employment. Because not knowing exactly what I must do about these stuff plus the autistic burnout I have for a long time, I am unable to get or stay in a job for long enough to at least move away from my abusive parents and then do the college thing on my own.
@@gobgab1080 I'm so sorry you're going through that. Usually school teachers are the ones that recommend to your parents that you might be on the Autism spectrum. But it seems that you're not getting the help you need. So, ask to talk to a school counselor or psychologist and tell them that you're experiencing things that relate to behaviors that is considered autistic.
If not, on your next doctor's appointment, mention to your doctor that you're experiencing difficulties at school and in your home life that might be due to being autistic. The doctor will assess the examples of autistic traits you've described to her. Your grades might reflect that you're lacking in certain subjects and that you might be burned out for trying too hard.
Your doctor will refer you to a testing facility and they will do an evaluation for pretty much everything.
My daughter got diagnosed at 14 and she has autism and ADHD. Make sure you point out what you think you're exhibiting when you fill out the Intake Form so things don't get missed. Insurance would cover most cost if you're parents have you in their insurance or some facilities even take certain type of Medicaid.
Start learning how to accommodate for yourself because a lot of parents are busy surviving themselves and things get missed. You're 18 now, so when you go to your doctor, ask to speak to them with privacy if that's more comfortable for you. You can make your own appointments now too, since you're 18.
Good luck. I feel that it will get things going once you speak to your doctor and tell them exactly what you need and what they need to do for you.
@@gobgab1080 ruclips.net/video/UcqBgXCxddE/видео.html
This video has a lot of great info. If you relate to a lot of the things he mentioned, then you're definitely in the autism spectrum.
Yo Samdy Sam is also a great resource and she did a video with Aspergers from the inside channel Paul
@@veronicacrittendon6903 thank you, I will be talking to my first gp tomorrow because the new one told me to get info or something from him first.
I wouldn't like to be doing this because what he did back then and I don't see the necessity either because I didn't tell him anything about autistic which I need assessment for.
I will be updating after I talked to him tomorrow
@@gobgab1080 hello. I’m sorry you went through that sort of ridicule. I once tried to talked to a gp (who was actually a trainee gp and it SHOWED) to say I thought I might be autistic after I watched a ted talk from a girl who basically described my life. She asked if I had any friends and I said yes, then she got frustrated and essentially told me to go talk to the samiritans 😑 it was really disheartening and although I live somewhere else now I’m afraid to bring it up again even though I’m struggling with life. I hope you got on better, did they believe you this time?
I literally had my therapist today tell me 'Resting is not laziness'. She didn't use those exact words, but it was close enough that it shook me a little to hear it again in one of my subscription videos.
I was undiagnosed until 30 and I can really relate. I went through a goth phase, was in drama club and was a bit of an outcast in high school. I also felt big and awkward. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Definitely need to check out "Turning Red" it sounds great! ❤
If you don’t mind my asking, how did you manage to reach a diagnosis? Did you initiate this conversation with your doctor or was it through someone/something else?
@@eilzmo I don't mind! My son is nonspeaking and recieved his diagnosis at 2.5 years old, he is now 5. I started seeing a psychologist after doing research and learning how it can present differently. She did an autism assessment, questioned me over about 6 sessions, interviewed my mom, and used the DSM-5 to diagnose me last year.
You are right about The Sims thing! I am a female who was undiagnosed until last year at the age if 30. I played the Sims for hours as a young teen and it got me through so many hard times and was/ is still a special interest and escape for me. I even think it taught me a lot of social interactions and how to socialise and I feel like I can live vicariously through them and take risks 😂
On another note, I completely resonate with everything you said about being an autistic teenager. It makes me feel less like an imposter and more like I have the right diagnosis.
Hello 👋 from Australia 🇦🇺
I used the sims in the exact same way 🤣 sorry if this is too personal a question but as a lady of 30 years too, I’m curious what you said to your doctor to take you seriously about asd? I’m terrified of bringing it up to my current gp because I tried it once, years ago, and got shut down so fast
@@eilzmo I hate to say it but I don’t think my gp believes me to this day. I just told her that I wanted to see a psychologist again (I also have anxiety and ocd) and I got a referral. You don’t need to justify it to your gp, just go in there and say that you think you may be autistic and would like a mental health referral. If If you have anxiety or other symptoms too that will open the door even more. At the end of the day, if the doctor questions you tell them that you are good at masking and go in there with a written list of symptoms to support your case. That worked for me as I often have trouble advocating for myself when I’m anxious or trying to talk to authority. So a list really helps. Act confident and nobody will question you 😉
The last words I heard from my supportive dad was him calling me a "useless c**t". After 34 years of confusion, suffering and inability to relate to the humans, I realise that I've got autism. I've got a first class masters degree in engineering but never had a decent job. I'll happily walk 15 miles daily so I'm hardly "lazy", but put me around humans and I can't deal with them. I've been waiting on a diagnosis from the 3rd February but due to Covid there's apparently a backlog so who knows when that'll happen and who knows what actual help it'll be once I get the diagnosis.
Really interesting comment about The Sims!! I hadn’t heard that one before. That’s actually how I figured out how to “be a better friend”. I saw every person with an interaction bar on a list in my head. I made the connection one day that every interaction increased friendship in real life too and neglecting the friend, decreased the friendship. It was quite the ah-ha moment for me!
I feel equal parts seen and called out by this. 🙃
And yes, please add obsession with Sims to the DSM.
I never felt like I could talk about playing the Sims, because I didn't care about the Sims themselves; I would spend hours and hours just building houses. |D
I never even thought about how much tampon commercials contributed to my feeling so worthless for laying curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor during my period. It really made me think that everybody felt the same way and i was selfish for not wanting to hang out with my friends or family.
Our experiences are so similar. Down to html websites, and marrying someone who finally 'gets' you. In high school I could see that the 'cool' kids slacked off in class, and so I tried so hard to look like I wasn't trying. I wish I could go back and tell myself that in 20 years I won't know any of the people I went to high school with, so just do the work to the best of my ability.
"Resting is not laziness". Thanks, I really needed to hear that today 💜
I always had trouble getting along with other people my own age, and puberty seemed to make this situation worse, never knowing what behavior was expected, or not acceptable.
I was undiagnosed until 35. And I had a weird polar experience compared to yours. I suffered in elementary school with no friends, known as the weird girl who talked to herself. I could not relate to anyone my age and just kept to myself.
Middle school was the first time I felt normal and seen. I made friends who shared my interests. I did well in school, way better than I had before. I actually look upon middle school fondly.
High school was hell tho. I felt trapped in my old interests and watched my friends grow away from me. I also was unaware of my asexuality at the time and couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel the same way my friends did over boys or even girls. I felt like I was trapped in childhood while my friends all grew up.
I honestly don’t mind being asexual or my autism. I feel like it is a part of who I am. I enjoy what I enjoy, and don’t really want to change for anyone. I went through phases in elementary school where I tried to be someone I wasn’t to get friends. It worked but I didn’t like who I was nor did I really like my so called friends. I think I got that out of my system early. So I had no intention of changing who I was in high school, a rather childish girl who loved cartoons and writing stories. But I did grieve losing all my friends.
I still struggle with making friends. And I worry constantly that if I’m too much myself, I’ll chase them away. And unfortunately, that sometimes ends up being true. I still have some good old friends but they have grown up and often no longer share any interests with me. I hope that I can make new friends that do accept me and share my interests in the future. But right now, it’s often just me and my cat.
I also dealt with similar issues; well, I’m only 17, so I still do somewhat. I got diagnosed with hypermobile EDS at 11 since my mother got diagnosed (after fighting with doctors for about 9-10 years.) My doctors told me I had “growing pains” even though I was experiencing some pretty extreme amounts of pain daily, so my EDS diagnosis was a relief. I was still experiencing other odd symptoms that turned out to be POTS as well, which I found out around 2 years ago after ending up in the ER a few times for heart issues, which I now know were triggered by caffeine. The fun thing about EDS is that it causes many other issues, including ADHD and asd! This is when I finally realized that I most likely have those. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 14, but I’m still working on that autism diagnosis. My therapist has been trying to get me tested for about a year now.
Careful not to over do and pace yourself… there’s also an overlap with ME/CFS. I’m autistic, ADHD, hypermobility, POTS, multiple chemical sensitivities, and have ME/CFS as well. I know quite a number of people who are autistic with ME/CFS and many who don’t have autism have siblings who are neurodiverse. (You can search the Net and see the links drawn between the two.) Make sure when you work, you find work that is not too stressful or demanding.
My mum actually emphasised my love for the Sims during my autism assessment last year 😂😂😂
I want to hug young Sam. Also, there is so much truth in this and so many similarities to my own struggles. I tried so hard to achieve and be better and be what everyone wanted, now I'm 40 and burnt out.
I had trouble in high school as an autistic. I tried being myself and struggled with relating to my peers. I still look back poorly on my high school years, I wish that other people would have been more understanding of my learning disabilities, thanks for uploading.
I actually cringe about it but like it at the same time, there was a lot of light moments as well as dark :) 🌞🌞
I relate to this heavily!! My mom didn’t even know I was starting my period when I told her I was bleeding so it sent me into a panic thinking I was gonna bleed out and die, my mom used to yell at me for needing pads, and the pain and fatigue was absolutely draining🥲 School was hard bc people made fun of me and my arthritic hands but we had a set routine so that was helpful. My grades were trash and I always tried to skip school bc it was just too overwhelming🥴
And from elementary school to now people always say how funny and bubbly I am but little do they know I’m masking and putting on a show😂 my old friend said he didn’t like me the first year or two he knew me bc I was super annoying (I was legit being myself 🥹) so when I put on my funny persona that’s when I’d make the most friends and have an easier (using that word v lightly) time socializing🥴 now I have crippling social anxiety and I’m going through like a 3 month long burnout🥹🥹
And omg I met my bf at 19 then we split for 4 years and now we’re back together and I told him I think I might be autistic and he goes “I know baby, I even see that” 😂😂 he’s so sweet and patient w me and even joins in with me finding rocks bc it’s my special interest! He said he’s getting me a rock tumbler for my birthday and I’m so excited!!
Through my teen years people would constantly ask me about what I was going to do with my life. It still happens relatively often at 21. It made me feel like I had to have my life figured out the moment I turned 18, it actually gave me a lot of anxiety about turning 18, as I didn't know what I wanted to do after I graduated. I still have no idea what I want to do. I also know can't have a traditional job because of the physical pain I experience. I know none of those people who asked me about university or what job I wanted, ment anything harmful by what they said, but it has unfortunately stuck with me. I feel ashamed for not knowing what I want to do with my life, as because they asked me that I assume (even though I know it's not true) they must have everything figured out as, why would they be asking me that if they didn't. I never realized before now that I'm mourning the life I could of had if I didn't have pain, or I wasn't autistic. PS. I'm not saying I wish I wasn't autistic, learning that I'm autistic has been the most freeing and amazing thing I've ever experienced. I finally feel like I'm not just weird or that there's something wrong with me. My sensory and executive functioning issues, and my inability to read my own emotions are actually normal, and other people experience them. Sorry for the long comment.
I genuinely don’t know what to do, I first started watching your videos thinking that autism was just something people who get really obsessed with maths have but I watched so many of your videos and started realising I fit the exact description that your giving so I told my mother this and she said she would try and get an appointment to see if I am but it never happened so I talk to her today and she laughed in my face and told me I’m not autistic because I’m not smart enough then went to tell her boyfriend whilst laughing then he started laughing too saying ‘she’s just making excuses for being so lazy’ and now I don’t know if I am just making excuses for being lazy and this is all in my head but Jesus I’m so angry and I don’t know what to do with this anger I don’t know what to do
Wow, so many parallels to my own experience 🤯
The sensory issues with our own bodies changing is such interesting food for thought.
Your husband gives a wonderful example of how to treat others... love your videos, Sam... very encouraging...
I was obsessed with the Sims; haha I've never heard that before 😅 I feel so seen after listening to this, and I love how much you validate rest. My tween and teen years in school were hell, even with my nerd "friends." I also was so tense and trying to monetize everything I did for a future career purpose; I really don't remember many times truly having fun.
The Sims comment… lol. I hadn’t heard that either, but that’s still me, but with the mobile version now, The Sims FreePlay 🤣🙈
Sam, a few days ago I caught up with watching your entire series of videos. Now, at age 68, I am convinced that I am a semi-self-diagnosed autistic, and see how it has affected my life. Semi-self diagnosed - sometime during my long years in psychotherapy, I was diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome, but after the DSM-V came out, the same therapist told me that I didn't meet the criteria for ASD. Perhaps I had become too good at masking. I'm just now learning about problems with executive function, and have adopted the app Tiimo to help organize my days and keep me on track. As far as the subject of this video - grades 6 through 9 were especially hellish, mostly because of bullying. I tried to be invisible, but it didn't always work.
If you were diagnosed with Asperger's, you should definitely meet the criteria for ASD under the DSM5, unless whoever assessed you didn't take making into consideration at all
Truly is a grounding feeling when I heard your comment about playing The Sims as I listen to your video while playing it on my computer!
This video was heart-breakingly relatable. We were kids and someone should have looked after us. I've been thinking lately that because I was too depressed/overworked as a teen, I had most of my coming-of-age Adolescent Experiences(TM) in my early 20s instead (dyed my hair, went on dates, explored my sexuality, etc), and now I've spent my late 20s since my age 25 diagnosis catching up on my early 20s experiences (finishing my degree, experimenting with vegetarianism, learning new skills and hobbies, figuring out what a healthy relationship looks like for me, etc.)
I'm glad I'm well enough to do these things now, but I cry sometimes for that kid I used to be who was struggling so much.
Sam I think you are very funny! Just in your own way! I crack up watching your videos because of the way you explain things and use your own sense of humor to help make difficult topics not so hard to identify with. So thanks for the awesome information, personal stories and the laughs!
Maybe our experience wasn't unique as much as we think but I can't believe that we've been through such similar things at our highschool years. Throughout my teenagehood, I've experienced almost everything you said.
OMG I love your videos. I swear every one sounds like a page from my diary... that is if I could keep a diary for longer than 2 days. Thanks ADHD! The year I got my period, I had a female PE teacher that would yell in the locker room that period pain was not an excuse to not participate in PE. I had such bad cramps that I would often vomit, faint and curl up in the bath to get some pain relief and eventually fall asleep/pass out. I thought this was normal because of the teacher and didn't want to complain because I thought people would just think it was an excuse cause I was lazy/fat. I didn't seek treatment until my senior year of college, after living with a bunch of girls for several years made me realize it wasn't normal. I have PCOS. I also had a book all about "my changing body" and I was obsessed with it because I thought I would get skinny from puberty changes. I was sadly disappointed. Mine was from The American Girls.
I had the same reaction from having my period too. If I didn’t take Tylenol as soon as I realized it was that time, I would be throwing up, having diarrhea (sometimes at the same time) and would pass out. It was horrible and so embarrassing ending up on the office floor at school trying and re-compose myself after looking like I was about to pass out and throw up. Thankfully after my first kid at 24, my hormones “balanced out” and my period issues became completely non-existent! Being a teenager really sucks and I’m sorry you had to deal with that on top of it too. Thankfully my mother was empathetic (for once!) about my period issues, so she actually helped me whenever possible. For the parents, believe in your teens pain (no matter what kind it is).
OMG! So I’m not the only one who threw up due to a period! Went through two years of that in my teens, being sick on the first day I came on! I just thought I was weird because no-one ever mentioned being sick in all the things they told me about when it came to “what to expect when you’re having a period”! They mentioned stomach cramps, low mood, irritability, etc, but not one single person ever said it might cause me to do the ol’ reverse lunch!
Finding autistic age 33. Got bullied at school, didn't brush or wash my hair or body, I smelt , I didn't know I had to or care to, my parents were neglectful. My cruel friend would try and trigger my meltdowns, had teachers humiliate me, I didn't know how to socialise . Didn't brush my teeth until I was 14 as it was a learned behaviour not something came natrually. I failed most GCSE as I couldn't function at my school. Horrific
i got bad grades at school, never got any extra help, i struggled and it felt like school knew i wouldn't succeed so gave up, i was in the bottom sets for every subject and constantly exhausted as well as ill, especially when it was my GCSE year, then anxiety hit, i was diagnosed with ADHD last year and waiting on an Autism diagnosis.
When I got bad grades, my teachers and parents asked me if I was failing on purpose. How tf are you supposed to unpack that when you're genuinely having a hard time as a teen?
I went to a gifted school full of undiagnosed autistic kids myself. It has been a fascinating look back now that I know I am autistic and I can see it so many of my old school mates when I think back.
That's interesting. Do you think that made school easier for you all than it might otherwise have been ?
@@jessieduncan1461 Yes compared to normal school from before that
My neurodivergent daughter has a couple of friends who are autistic. They can be brutally honest on occasion. Others take it personally, but my daughter understands they don't mean to be rude it just their opinion. And that's OK.
My adolescence was hell because I was constant depressed. And i mean serious clinical depression. Doctors didn't take it seriously.
I didn't have any problems with things like teen drama or broken heart, never experienced that. That's why it was much more harder because I knew it's different and even more difficult but I didn't understand what's wrong.
I was diagnosed autistic at the age of 24 and even the doctor who diagnosed me said she was doing so because i "wanted" a diagnosis. All the positive autism tests and the things i said about my childhood, teenage years, adult life... everything felt like it didn't matter just because i went to college and had friends 🤡. She said my autism doesn't impact me, only my anxiety 🤷♀️. Also, she is specialized in autism, that why i went to her
I’m so excited for the Buffy video. That was my favorite show too 🖤
Watching this in bed while I felt that I was being extremely lazy.. so that reminder of it's not laziness was very nice. I had to remind myself for a bit that I did a lot the last couple of days. Thank you ❤️
Also I'm curious how you handle being a mom and work.. for me I am even unable to work but do have a child wish.. I am however constantly tired after small things such as cleaning, cooking and other normal daily tasks.
Oh please do the Buffy video!! I'm rewatching for the uncountableth time. The world needs more Buffy nerds.
Being an undiagnosed Autistic Teen was hell even in a more standard comprehensive school (in the UK), accommodation was non-existiant and understanding that girls could even be autistic yet in mainstream schooling was non-existent when I was at secondary school in the early 2000s. Sixth-form college was slightly better but only because it was more like a university than a school.
And as for Periods, it was the start of 20 years of unmitigated hell, no one thought to tell us that if our periods were so painful we could not function or that if the PMS (they did admit that existed just) made us unable to function it might be a problem, it was a case of just eat some chocolate or the like and get on with it. Long story short in my late 20's I was finally diagnosed with PMDD (the evil twin of PMS) for which no hormone treatments worked (in my case, they can for some people) and a referral to a specialist clinic for the more radical solution. I also totally agree that periods and sensory issues are a big thing, I am just glad that I am 11 months past that ever being a problem for me again.
I have been recently reading the book The Reasons I jump since the beginning of this month. As I am finding out how my "personality traits" matched with the asd traits. It gets quite emotional when I read that book and your video helps me a lot to identidy the possibility that I am not a tragedy, I may just am autistic.
Playing the Sims for hours in end; I feel called out haha 😂
I'm a recently diagnosed autistic teen. Haven't watched the video yet but I can confirm the title is accurate to my experience so far.
I thought I was a loser for living the way I did, so when I was 14, I forced myself to be “cool.” I only talked to popular kids, ignored my sensitivities, and gave up on my special interests. What followed was a year and half of misery that ended with the coronavirus lockdown. Ever since then, I’ve been taking parts of myself back from the mask and although I now have more stressors than ever, I never want to go back.
I look forward to all your videos. You've helped me a lot on my journey to learn more about autisim and myself.
I'm 22 and now that I've been in the workforce for a while, it's so difficult for me to just let myself enjoy hobbies without feeling like it has to have a financial/career-based goal to get me out of my dead end job...
I was like this too, until pressure from parents and then-partner pushed me into a high earning job that I didn’t enjoy and ended up giving 4 years of my life to an experience that crippled me mentally, physically and emotionally. I found myself wishing I never left my “dead end job” that I loved dearly, because no amount of money is worth your health (mental or physical). I finally found a good therapist that taught me well to remember that I’m allowed to just be, and to do what I want because I want to. So if you wanna go after your career/financial goals, do so but just don’t lose sight of yourself along the way.
"you get good grades; there's no problem here" yepppppppp
I don't blame the teachers though. I honestly believe that if I had gone to them and said "look, I'm having terrible trouble with this and I need help" that they absolutely would have tried to help me. Unfortunately, autism was still very new and thought of as a boy's disease, and I was doing my best to hide my troubles. They were also massively overworked and expected to do way more than they were paid for.
I relate a lot.
I developed situational mutism pretty much as soon as I started secondary school, and it stayed with me for the whole 6 years of the experience. High school, with all of its changing classrooms, changing classmates, changing bodies, loudness and stress, just was never going to work out for me.
Add some severe gender dysphoria, depression, and anxiety, and the combination was just wonderful. I wasn't diagnosed as anything and didn't have the words to describe any of the things I was going through at the time. It left me genuinely wondering if I was a human at all, and why I was living in this body and this life that didn't belong to me. To this day, my counter to negative self talk is 'I AM a person', because I guess that's still something I need to hear.
It was 6 years of me just being permanently shut down, and periodically melting down every couple of months too.
But yeah no my grades were always excellent so my teachers didn't think there was a problem. They were aware I literally couldn't speak and had no friends, but they didn't think there was a problem.
And I did actually also play the sims a lot... That is pretty confronting actually.
Hey, have you ever considered that some of your physical issues - stretch marks, flat feet, “growing pains,” etc., might have been and continue to be a result of Ehler’s Danlos Sybdrome (EDS). EDS and hypermobility are far more common in people with autism. EDS is also associated with higher levels of anxiety.
i was just about to comment this!!
I don't reach clinical criteria for hEDS but I am hypermobile so it's something I'm keeping an eye on
@@YoSamdySam There are more forms of hEDS than doctors in the UK recognise, including regular hypermobility. Word of warning if you have flat, hypermobile feet (being hypermobile doesn’t mean every joint is, but flat feet is a clue), then avoid flip flops and heels or you could end up with very painful neuromas in your feet. I started wearing Correct Toes and barefoot shoes (including dress shoes) at age 64. After having flat feet since I can remember (was put in corrective shoes at 6), I now have arches.
@Jordan V Thank you for this comment! Until I read your comment week ago, I didn’t know this syndrome existed and it clicked in regards to my ASD daughter’s symptoms. After looking it up, and doing some experiments, I am getting them evaluated. Turns out that they have an aunt that has EDS. Never knew.
@@jm71193 my pleasure 😇
This was just waaay too relatable! And you're on to something with that Sims theory. I was completely addicted to playing the Sims and would have played it every hour of the day if it was possible!!! Lol. These days when I'm feeling disregulated/burnt out I think of myself as a Sim and try to assess which of my life bars are in the red. Weird but it helps me figure out how I'm feeling and how I can fix it which is something I struggled with in the past.
12:42 checks out, I have a sims podcast and still play and I am also late diagnosed! Truly though thanks to you and your channel, you helped me realize it about myself and to get the gears turning toward diagnosis around a year ago and official diagnosis in March this year💜 you and I had a lot of similar experiences
If you don’t mind my asking, how did you get them to take you seriously about it? I mentioned asd once to a gp and got told to go call the Samaritans 😑😂
gosh i relate to so much of this. i believe i'm autistic (not diagnosed, nhs is a fuck) and my teenage years were such hell and made me extremely depressed. even up until a few years ago, i hadn't really dealt with the trauma of being 'different' and feeling uncomfortable with myself and my surroundings with no release other than (much like yourself) being creative and watching and re-watching comfort shows (mine were naruto, daria and buffy as well). even my first couple of years at university were pretty hellish in that i at first tried so hard to be like everyone else and be cool that i made a lot of awful decisions and generally made people uncomfortable being around me then throwing myself completely into working as hard as possible (my bread and butter) which wasn't healthy as i went to art school and even if you literally work on your projects for over 40 hours a week, it's still completely subjective and your tutors might think it's trash (i only ever got one A at art school and it was for an essay- absolutely crushing to someone whose entire self esteem is precariously balanced on others' approval). i also had body image issues that led to some disordered eating and i think potentially this was influenced a bit by the autism because i was extremely uncomfortable eating around other people as i have always found it to be a joyful experience and i have never been a very 'normal' eater. i eat things separately from each other even if on the same plate because it's too overwhelming to have multiple foods in my mouth at once, i 'play' with my food and eat certain things in a specific order because it's just fun?? stuff like that- obviously oversharing because *gestures at self*
thank you for sharing this sam, i'm glad to hear that i'm not alone. i'm only 24 so i was born when you were reading that horrid period book but i suppose some experiences are fairly timeless. i hope that other autistic people going through tween/teen/young adulthood can find wonderful people like your husband much like i eventually found beautiful wonderful friends and met my darling partner who accept me for who i am, deadpan jokes or not.
Yea, I am also very picky while eating
I'm watching this video while planning my next sims 2 neighborhood :D
How did you get the sims 2 to work on your PC!!??
I wish I could still access my Sims 2 neighbourhoods…
I played the Sims allllll the time 😅
😜
I was bullied a lot as a child, but it was on a whole new level in high school. Now I'm in my thirties and I'm surrounded by people who constantly bully me for being weird. Aka, husband and in-laws 🙄.
Patiently and excitedly awaiting the Buffy video because Buffy is one of my special interests too😁💗
👉🏻 RESTING IS NOT LAZINESS 👈🏻
Feel like I would be repeating myself, saying I was diagnosed when I was a teen back then.
Some of Secondary school teachers, would scream as loud as possible at me, I feel part of the reason, was the colour of my skin.
Even people around my age back then, would scream and start swearing at me, then say what's wrong with you?
I'm glad I never saw those horrible people again, when I had finished.
I spend my time now, learning to try and make a game, using software called Blender and Unreal Engine.
It's so cool that you're making a game!! I always admire people who make them because I've always wanted to make one myself but could never organize myself enough to do it unfortunately. I want to so much but I just can't get myself past the initial points and learning curves
Wow this clicked way more than I would have liked to, while also being very *very* different from my teenage experience.
I was also flying under the radars for autism and adhd because good grades in an "elite" school, but my familial life was so messy that I used every bit of energy to mask at home (even I wasn't aware of it) to be the perfect girl, leaving me just hollow at school. I called myself "transparent", and it was true. I just couldn't express anything at all, share any bit of a personality I thought I didn't have. Of course, no close friend at all, until after highschool.
Now I built a real me, I have a healthy social life, a wonderful boyfriend, and my family apologised for these awful years, so everything is good :)
The very worst time of my life pure hell!
I didn't expect that the rest of your videos will also be about experiences with a dual diagnosis. But Im happy that they are... Im crying... I felt this way, too. I did all of the things you are describing. I see hope now, I look at you and I realise that I will do just fine.
The things you love really do come back :) i always loved classical music, but I was so adaptive in my teenage years that I would completely surpress anything I like to do and just did what others did. Stopped playing for 7 years as a teenager and started again in my mid-twenties and am a professional musician now. There’s really no escape :) your passions will find you :)
at this point i take "i miss school" as a red flag because the chances are too high that the people who say that were bullies
I hated my teens, and hearing people talk about how great their teens were before the world ground them down made me feel hopeless, because everything was already so painful. The idea it would be worse and more exhausting when i was already trying so hard and failing made me suicidal. I was already failing, and it was supposed to be the easy part, and it felt like I was going to be failing for the rest of my life.
Thank you for being so open about your experience Sam. Your account of your teen years resonated strongly here and I found it very emotional to watch, not only because it felt all too familiar to my own past but also because, as an educator and mother, I know many young people still go through the similar struggles, often unsupported and misunderstood/not celebrated for who they are. There was such a noticeable shift in your demeanor, the way you relaxed and showed real joy at the point you described your teen hobbies and interests, it was so heartwarming to see in among your recollection of what was clearly a traumatic experience of adolescence. Thank you for sharing.
The world is pretty over whelming to many autistic people and that takes energy. We definitely need rest… a focus on self care (I’m still pretty bad at it at age 66) from a young age is essential I think.
My daughter survived her teen years by watching Friends and playing Sims…but she is suffering terribly in her 20s because she expected it would be like friends but really her college friends took jobs all over the country and she can’t make friends at work…can’t even handle the office environment at all…or manage the 9-5 schedule of “normal” jobs. I thought having computer skills (usable job skills) and graduating college with honors would somehow save her from my fate but no 😢😢😢 PS, she still plays Sims all the time and complains constantly about her stretch marks! Every word you said describes my daughter’s life. Thanks you!
Your story does help. The message is, be authentic, don't worry about pleasing everyone. Nobody else pleases everyone.
Your teen experiences are relatable & your advice is great. I'm sure you've helped many people with this video.
Im Autistic, undiagnosed adhd. Very true, they were hell, being misunderstood and looked at as different was tough. People called me weird, emotional, creep, crybaby, strange, nice guy, pushover, weak, airheaded etc, and I never really fit in during my teenage years.
I struggled lots in school, and I never really fit in with other males. I always felt comfort and safety with women than men, I was made fun of and belittled for crying and being a sensitive male. I played the sims lots actually haha. I was always into simulator type of games, such as the Sims, City Skylines, Simcity, Flight Simulator, Truck Simulator, racing games.
Any Buffy video will be the best Buffy video because there aren’t enough anymore!!! 💜
*Please feed MY special interest lol
Thanks to one of your videos randomly appearing in my RUclips list (and inspiring me to watch a lot more of them) I am now going through the assessment process with very high expectations of an ASD diagnosis (at 50!!) so I really glad that you have produced these over the years. So many things that you talk about resonate with my memories of my teenage years that I am now realising that it wasn't my fault and things make a lot more sense (doesn't make them any better but a little easier to understand). At my age a diagnosis is more about making acceptance of who you really are easier than changing anything (I have been pretty lucky so can't really complain too much) so having so much information on your channel that validates my 'self-diagnosis' is already making a huge difference to how I feel in myself (hard to describe but feels 'lighter').
Your story reminds me of what I went through growing up. Thanks for sharing it, Sam!
I love your new intro it's so visually pleasing and purple is my favourite colour!
Thank you so much for the video! I related so hard to all of this; particularly that part about how social relationships get so much more complicated and everything is just harder and harder to navigate. I also tried so much harder to my university years to be like everyone else, to almost no effect. No matter what I tried, I was always different. I definitely don't look back into my teenage years with fondness, either.
So thanks! This felt really validating.
this video was so refreshing 😌 thank u for sharing this nuance, it helps me see myself in how Autism interacts with other aspects of life
I'm almost 21 now, but I have to agree. Being a teenager with autism has been really stressful for me, including the fact that students AND teachers were bullying me, there was absolutely NO understanding of my problems and things I need to learn with my autism, and other horrible things that I probably shouldn't mention on a public comment like this. It was a rough 7, almost 8 years. I talk a lot about my past experiences and my autism in a podcast that I have. I'm not trying to advertise or anything, I'm just saying that I've expressed my thoughts and feelings while having autism along with past experiences in a podcast. It kind of helps me open up a little bit.
Thank you so, so much for sharing this. It’s so honest and vulnerable of you. And so very validating for people like me. I’m not diagnosed but I know I’m autistic. I look like I’m fine but I’m so not fine and it’s so nice to hear that there are people who experienced life the way I did.
omg my whole life up to this point is falling into place ,listening to you talk and thinking about my experiences i am understanding my neuro diversity ...cant thank you enough xxx
oh dear Sam! I hope you realize what a gift you are to so many people ...even all the way over here in Canada ❣️ I relate to so many things that you post and it helps me have more compassion for myself. I am a mom and caregiver that expends enormous amounts of energy trying to adjust to societal norms! Thank you for reminding us all that it is okay to rest ❣️ I wish you all the best 🌼🌻🌺
This is so helpful. I was nodding as you described your experience. I was overly busy and was completely exhausted and burned out when I graduated high school. I recently self- diagnosed at 43 when I started researching female autism for my 15to and everything clicked for me. I'm homeschooling my kids and my precious girl is having a completely different experience than I had. But I appreciate the advice that not everything has to be practical or monetized, especially as homeschool moms tend to look at every interest as a potential career 🤣
you have such a bright, fun, and clever personality 😊 thank you for all the inspiration and all the information you share in your channel.
"something wrong with your body", as an ice skater this hit. It took me about a year to learn how to do a waltz jump (that's the most simpilest jump in ice skating, also, I'm a high school sophmore, the other students are middle schoolers). I thought something must be wrong with my body, because, when you are surrounded by younger people who are working on much harder stuff than you, and the teacher is priotizing them (even you're doing stuff need to pass the level, and they are not), you think that your body must be wrong (for context, I am relatively top heavy for my size, am short, and have a broad torso), compared to those around me who are short, yes, but are more beanpole like. Thankfully, I finished the session off with being able to complete a waltz jump (due to a better teacher), and I reconnected with a friend of mine who was learning with me, and made me feel less alone. Friends help raise your self-esteam!
I had to pause when you listed your undiagnoses I am shook (also a kindred spirit- undiagnosed asd, borderline pd, adhd, and cptsd)