It’s getting over the discomfort to be vulnerable and not attach to the outcome. Not fearing what your partner will say or that they may actually leave. If you show up authentically you will either repel or connect, the great thing is you will know whether it is real fit or not.
As a 51 year old man, my pattern was A) overinvesting in relationships by doing stuff for her in the hopes that she won't leave me and B) agreeing with her when I internally didn't agree to avoid conflict and thus hoping she won't leave me. The connective tissue in both scenarios are abandonment related issues. At least now, I have identified and clarified the issues and can go about working on them. :)
It's all about working with the fear..not fighting it but accepting it and not planning ahead.live each situation as it comes and trust the love within yourself. And work on yourself try to be the better you in all aspects. Im going through it myself..
Isn’t he a gem? He has helped me untwist some patterns that I can now see in myself that are no longer serving me. He says things in such an empowering way that makes me feel I can change, or that it is possible for me too to be in a healthy relationship.
I definitely resonate with this one. I think Christina nailed it! I am one of those who do exactly what she was saying and I get wrapped up in this panic and anxiety so much so that I forget there no need for it. Then I beat myself up later for recognizing that's exactly what I just did and then not knowing how to fix it or rectify the situation I created. Its A vicious cycle I am ready to end!! 💕
I disappear every time I think I’m going to be rejected then of course I’m causing ‘distance’ between me and him, like you say I’m causing the thing I fear anyway. I can’t help it 😔 My inner child was abandoned my Mum died when I was 2, I was passed around as a child.
May you be blessed. I worked on healing a process involving the loss of a parent as a child too. It takes time (22 years for me), different stages, different levels of understanding, learning, awareness and it takes conscious self-work and investment, meeting many wrong people of all sorts... and meeting the kindred spirit. Acknowledging what surfaces when it surfaces...and giving it space is good for exteriorising it. The deeper, more conscious work is gradually implemented as you go 💕.
Makes a lot of sense you guys. I'm looking for the healing part. Have not yet got to the part of seriously looking. I'm not dating or seeing anyone. Trying to just work on my stuff. Thanks for your help.
Where is the link or book on how to keep em? Either I am an idiot when it comes to picking them or I am smart as a whip for not putting up with a nutcase. My question is how can I identify a healthy partner and what attributes should I work on to be a healthy partner to someone? I'm in my 50s and never been married. Too scared to get stuck with someone, because it's not easy to get out, if your partner ends up being abusive, irresponsible or nutty.
Thank you for quality “content” - though I hate calling anything “content” as these are issues you live with and by and they are not some silly social media filler. Great video ✨
Oh that’s me, he is always telling me he loves me and affection seems excessive. I wonder if it’s fake and have I find another narcissist? I am hyperventilate too
Hi Clayton..you don't have to be what you grew up to believe you are not a nieve kid anymore..you know what's right from wrong you grew up right? Now get moving and create the life you want its your move now think with your head and make the most with your heart
Cliches can be lovely...but often it’s not as easy as repeating a message and moving on. Some people have distorted “right” and “wrong” due to the messages that were integrated in childhood, without the awareness and objectivity to question them. Healing the deep/core issues often takes a great deal of work, challenging false narratives and cognitive distortions that were laid down early on. It’s one thing to recognize something...it’s much harder to alter deeply layered and warped paradigms., As a medical professional, I have seen the terrible outcomes physical/emotional/mental/spiritual of dysfunctional childhood situations. It plays out like a spider web/domino effect in many peoples lives.
@@Alphacentauri819 Wow true yes but when something hurts its a red flag happiness is more comfortable when we are children are parents are the teachers good or bad but never perfect as we get older and have children of our own we shouldn't try to be like our parents because we know right from wrong that's not what you pass on to others the pain from childhood and holding onto something that never made you feel worthy...you need to do it correctly even if its not perfect do it another way..repeating bad memories or liaisons over and over is not working for you try learning to be yourself not your benefactors or the people who cause you pain..I always try to be opposite of things i don't feel comfortable with..you need to try to learn to get on a different track or you'll be like 2 trains heading down the track in the same direction
I can relate to this but not in direct abandonment. Almost every relationship I was in, I've been cheated on. Primarily due to me being in college, building a career, working long hours or family obligation. Because I am not "there", my previous boyfriends have found other partners who will be there for them. Even though I was able to provide a sense of security. They would rather have fun and go out with other women or/ other women would go after my boyfriend(s) because of the happiness and stability they have. When one issues goes wrong in the relationship, it is almost as if it is a ticking time bomb until things go wrong. Because in all my relationships, they go wrong. What is worse, the reasons for infidelity on the man's part are either the following: I work too much, I don't make enough money, Im not good looking enough, I do not spend all my time with them, I no longer dress a certain way or my favorite "you just don't do it for me anymore." In the end, I am told it is all my fault because it is my doing. Even if I give it my all to the point I neglect my needs to make the man happy.
Amber - Please check into Relationship Attachment styles, the information is extremely important and valuable, life changing! Also, lookup Alan Robarge on youtube. He is an awesome source of information, like Clayton! Best wishes! 🤗🤗🤗
Great video Clayton. I have been working on my childhood survival patterns and it is very true that when you have some recognition of them you can start being mindful of the part they play in your present life and start addressing how they might trip you up.
Gay, spiritual and dating great point and I appreciate you naming that for other women to see. I will say that there are people that lie cheat and steal and the type of relationship they are able to create would be considered low quality.
Hello Clayton, I think I don't want to get hurt again, so I try to let first or not date at all. I don't believe I have been good at picking the best person.
For more help, advice, and information please research "Relationship Attachment styles" - the info on this is incredibly important and valuable! Check it out!! Alan Robarge on youtube is an incredible source as well. Ty for all the advice in your videos!
Gluten is wheat/barley/rye..oats/corn/rice. Rice is low in gluten. Wild rice has no gluten. Gluten may cause most brain/body health issues and hair loss. People who have a pattern maybe picking people who are also hurt by gluten. Gluten may cause addictions/abuse/alcohol use/drug use/have many coping issues/may have depression and moods etc. Whole family trees maybe hurt by gluten.
@@claytonolsoncoaching No Grains may help people/pets thrive in health/energy/relationships/have a long life. Grains may have gluten/Roundup. Zn may raise testosterone and help 50 chemical reactions. Mg may help 350 chemical reactions. Fish oil/evening primrose oil/lecthin (defat the liver and help memory)/coenzymated B vitamins/Vit D3 5000IU/sunlight (low sunlight may trigger gluten issues)/Nature's Plus- Source of life multiple/Vit B12 with intrinsic factor/5000mcg of biotin/folate/Vit C/Vit E/Vit A/ginkgo/rhodiola/coenzyme Q10 (spark plug for cells) and more may help rebuild cells to work right in the brain/body. A chiropractor can help with supplements/gluten issues/diet/detoxing/hair test (shows if intestines are absorbing and if the liver is working well and what minerals are too low and what heavy metals are too high). Rosemary in shampoo may help hair grow once gluten is stopped. Hidden gluten maybe in deli meat/nuts not sold in the shell/meat basting/some spices/air/lotions/food in a box. LDN helps block low amounts of gluten...is awesome help. Alternative doctor may offer LDN which is less than $1 a day. Peter Osborne on Youtunbe explains gluten issues and wrote a book No Grain No Pain. Gluten may cause physical/emotional/relationsihp pain and suffering. Fix the gluten issue and people may thrive again. I had 1000X more energy and felt 20 years younger after 2 weeks of no gluten when my intestines started working again. HCl and enzymes (Now brand) with meals and strong probiotic like Orthobiotic before a meal may help. Amour thyroid maybe needed if gluten hurt the thyroid. Brazil nuts may help the thyroid work better and iodine. MACA that is gelatininzed may help nourish glands. People may fix their health and then they have energy to live a full life and have happy/great relationships. Vit D3 5000IU/sunlight may help people laugh again and exercise may help mitochondria (engines of the cells multiply). Sweating may detox. People can heal. God bless!
It’s getting over the discomfort to be vulnerable and not attach to the outcome. Not fearing what your partner will say or that they may actually leave. If you show up authentically you will either repel or connect, the great thing is you will know whether it is real fit or not.
As a 51 year old man, my pattern was A) overinvesting in relationships by doing stuff for her in the hopes that she won't leave me and B) agreeing with her when I internally didn't agree to avoid conflict and thus hoping she won't leave me.
The connective tissue in both scenarios are abandonment related issues. At least now, I have identified and clarified the issues and can go about working on them. :)
It's all about working with the fear..not fighting it but accepting it and not planning ahead.live each situation as it comes and trust the love within yourself. And work on yourself try to be the better you in all aspects. Im going through it myself..
What a gem you are Clayton. Thanks to Christina for her insight. So many truths there that I could relate to. Really helpful
Isn’t he a gem? He has helped me untwist some patterns that I can now see in myself that are no longer serving me. He says things in such an empowering way that makes me feel I can change, or that it is possible for me too to be in a healthy relationship.
🙏 honored to hear that from both you.
I definitely resonate with this one. I think Christina nailed it! I am one of those who do exactly what she was saying and I get wrapped up in this panic and anxiety so much so that I forget there no need for it. Then I beat myself up later for recognizing that's exactly what I just did and then not knowing how to fix it or rectify the situation I created. Its A vicious cycle I am ready to end!! 💕
Giving becomes control, the feeling of being needed is a high.
Clayton! A powerful video for stopping the codependency cycle and learning stable attachment. Thanks!
Total genius. Best ever content on addressing the suffering of abandonment issues and possibility for change. Thank you!
I disappear every time I think I’m going to be rejected then of course I’m causing ‘distance’ between me and him, like you say I’m causing the thing I fear anyway.
I can’t help it 😔
My inner child was abandoned my Mum died when I was 2, I was passed around as a child.
Myra House thank you for sharing. I’m sure many can relate to this dynamic.
May you be blessed. I worked on healing a process involving the loss of a parent as a child too. It takes time (22 years for me), different stages, different levels of understanding, learning, awareness and it takes conscious self-work and investment, meeting many wrong people of all sorts... and meeting the kindred spirit. Acknowledging what surfaces when it surfaces...and giving it space is good for exteriorising it. The deeper, more conscious work is gradually implemented as you go 💕.
I find myself getting triggered like crazy, then asking insecure questions, then worrying more…. I’m scared
Absolutely fantastic video!! Soooo insightful. I love every second of it. Thank you so much to both of you for creating and sharing this!
Rossana Motta appreciate you
Yes people need to look at themselves to see how they contribute.
Makes a lot of sense you guys. I'm looking for the healing part. Have not yet got to the part of seriously looking. I'm not dating or seeing anyone. Trying to just work on my stuff. Thanks for your help.
One of my most favorite videos to date! Thanks Clayton ❤️
Where is the link or book on how to keep em? Either I am an idiot when it comes to picking them or I am smart as a whip for not putting up with a nutcase. My question is how can I identify a healthy partner and what attributes should I work on to be a healthy partner to someone? I'm in my 50s and never been married. Too scared to get stuck with someone, because it's not easy to get out, if your partner ends up being abusive, irresponsible or nutty.
This was priceless
Thank you for quality “content” - though I hate calling anything “content” as these are issues you live with and by and they are not some silly social media filler. Great video ✨
Oh that’s me, he is always telling me he loves me and affection seems excessive.
I wonder if it’s fake and have I find another narcissist?
I am hyperventilate too
Carol Ashlee it’s important to stay grounded and move at your own pace. If he has a problem with taking it slow that’s a red flag
This was a really great video with great advice. Thank you Clayton!
Thank you!
Im Gay but this is really helpful to me cuz it's about men
Hi Clayton..you don't have to be what you grew up to believe you are not a nieve kid anymore..you know what's right from wrong you grew up right? Now get moving and create the life you want its your move now think with your head and make the most with your heart
moonucky hellen create the life you want ARE WISE WORDS!!
Cliches can be lovely...but often it’s not as easy as repeating a message and moving on.
Some people have distorted “right” and “wrong” due to the messages that were integrated in childhood, without the awareness and objectivity to question them.
Healing the deep/core issues often takes a great deal of work, challenging false narratives and cognitive distortions that were laid down early on.
It’s one thing to recognize something...it’s much harder to alter deeply layered and warped paradigms.,
As a medical professional, I have seen the terrible outcomes physical/emotional/mental/spiritual of dysfunctional childhood situations. It plays out like a spider web/domino effect in many peoples lives.
@@Alphacentauri819 Wow true yes but when something hurts its a red flag happiness is more comfortable when we are children are parents are the teachers good or bad but never perfect as we get older and have children of our own we shouldn't try to be like our parents because we know right from wrong that's not what you pass on to others the pain from childhood and holding onto something that never made you feel worthy...you need to do it correctly even if its not perfect do it another way..repeating bad memories or liaisons over and over is not working for you try learning to be yourself not your benefactors or the people who cause you pain..I always try to be opposite of things i don't feel comfortable with..you need to try to learn to get on a different track or you'll be like 2 trains heading down the track in the same direction
@@dlwsport250 we don't get to live to be 300 live😁 not😯
@@cindycinn2724 Please check into Relationship Attachment styles, the information is extremely important and valuable, life changing!
Best wishes! 🤗🤗🤗
Looking good Clayton ! As always relevant content 🥰
i'd just like to thank the both of you for this video i really needed to hear this
You’re welcome!
I can relate to this but not in direct abandonment. Almost every relationship I was in, I've been cheated on. Primarily due to me being in college, building a career, working long hours or family obligation. Because I am not "there", my previous boyfriends have found other partners who will be there for them. Even though I was able to provide a sense of security. They would rather have fun and go out with other women or/ other women would go after my boyfriend(s) because of the happiness and stability they have. When one issues goes wrong in the relationship, it is almost as if it is a ticking time bomb until things go wrong. Because in all my relationships, they go wrong. What is worse, the reasons for infidelity on the man's part are either the following: I work too much, I don't make enough money, Im not good looking enough, I do not spend all my time with them, I no longer dress a certain way or my favorite "you just don't do it for me anymore." In the end, I am told it is all my fault because it is my doing. Even if I give it my all to the point I neglect my needs to make the man happy.
Amber - Please check into Relationship Attachment styles, the information is extremely important and valuable, life changing! Also, lookup Alan Robarge on youtube. He is an awesome source of information, like Clayton!
Best wishes! 🤗🤗🤗
Great video Clayton. I have been working on my childhood survival patterns and it is very true that when you have some recognition of them you can start being mindful of the part they play in your present life and start addressing how they might trip you up.
RACHELLE BARRETT exactly.
Thanks so much💕
Best one so far
Excellent topic. Thank you.
Yep
Incredibly helpful. Not sure about the phrase high quality man just as I dont believe there's such a thing as a low quality man.
Gay, spiritual and dating great point and I appreciate you naming that for other women to see. I will say that there are people that lie cheat and steal and the type of relationship they are able to create would be considered low quality.
Thank you!
Thank you
loved this felt seen
Hello Clayton, I think I don't want to get hurt again, so I try to let first or not date at all. I don't believe I have been good at picking the best person.
For more help, advice, and information please research "Relationship Attachment styles" - the info on this is incredibly important and valuable! Check it out!!
Alan Robarge on youtube is an incredible source as well. Ty for all the advice in your videos!
Gluten is wheat/barley/rye..oats/corn/rice. Rice is low in gluten. Wild rice has no gluten. Gluten may cause most brain/body health issues and hair loss. People who have a pattern maybe picking people who are also hurt by gluten. Gluten may cause addictions/abuse/alcohol use/drug use/have many coping issues/may have depression and moods etc. Whole family trees maybe hurt by gluten.
Shasha8674 yeah, I do my best to eliminate gluten. Have become more sensitive to it as I’ve gotten older
@@claytonolsoncoaching No Grains may help people/pets thrive in health/energy/relationships/have a long life. Grains may have gluten/Roundup. Zn may raise testosterone and help 50 chemical reactions. Mg may help 350 chemical reactions. Fish oil/evening primrose oil/lecthin (defat the liver and help memory)/coenzymated B vitamins/Vit D3 5000IU/sunlight (low sunlight may trigger gluten issues)/Nature's Plus- Source of life multiple/Vit B12 with intrinsic factor/5000mcg of biotin/folate/Vit C/Vit E/Vit A/ginkgo/rhodiola/coenzyme Q10 (spark plug for cells) and more may help rebuild cells to work right in the brain/body. A chiropractor can help with supplements/gluten issues/diet/detoxing/hair test (shows if intestines are absorbing and if the liver is working well and what minerals are too low and what heavy metals are too high). Rosemary in shampoo may help hair grow once gluten is stopped. Hidden gluten maybe in deli meat/nuts not sold in the shell/meat basting/some spices/air/lotions/food in a box. LDN helps block low amounts of gluten...is awesome help. Alternative doctor may offer LDN which is less than $1 a day. Peter Osborne on Youtunbe explains gluten issues and wrote a book No Grain No Pain. Gluten may cause physical/emotional/relationsihp pain and suffering. Fix the gluten issue and people may thrive again. I had 1000X more energy and felt 20 years younger after 2 weeks of no gluten when my intestines started working again. HCl and enzymes (Now brand) with meals and strong probiotic like Orthobiotic before a meal may help. Amour thyroid maybe needed if gluten hurt the thyroid. Brazil nuts may help the thyroid work better and iodine. MACA that is gelatininzed may help nourish glands. People may fix their health and then they have energy to live a full life and have happy/great relationships. Vit D3 5000IU/sunlight may help people laugh again and exercise may help mitochondria (engines of the cells multiply). Sweating may detox. People can heal. God bless!