I thought watching videos like this will give me solution to forget but It made me think about my ex-fiancé more. I still love him so much and can’t imagine moving on without him. I just want him back.
What I got from this video was that simply being with someone or in a relationship will not simply just make you happy, it's more about being happy with yourself and having self worth and self respect. Even if someone may say or do some things that make you "suffer" from jealousy or what have you, your feelings of the jealousy or anxiety come from what you truly think and feel of yourself. Doesn't mean that because that person may make you feel a certain way that you have to either stay with them or leave them, it's just about being secure and happy with yourself which you can do either on your own or while you are in a relationship. Life to me is more of a self journey and others are put into your life to help you get to the point where you need to be and sometimes that means being hurt or feeling jealous or insecure, because it helps you to grow and learn about yourself to get one step closer to fulfilling your own happiness within yourself. This is just what I got out of it and I'm not sure if it even makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me and actually makes me feel more at ease with myself because I now realize that my feelings are based mainly on how I see myself as a person, not how someone else may see me.
Plot twist: there doesn't seem to be any precise "purpose" for life, only what you think there is, objectively speaking there isn't , I don't know whether to feel sad or happy about this realization
Your reply was a really good way to sum up the video. We put meaning to Our emotions biasly. So when we become a clean slate of clear thiughts,we could make better judgements.
This is quite mind blowing. It's made me not want to change my partners actions and re evaluate my own happiness, disconnect my own self worth from his love.
So, Im kinda an Idiot. So there is a girl, she has a boyfriend and Im fine with that. Now comes the tricky part. She ALWAYS talks about this guy and his „benefits“. So basically, out of nothing, I got jealous. Thanks brain
The older I get the more I realize that jealousy is my own issue and not my partner's. If you truly love someone you cannot believe they will cheat on you all time and that if you truly love them, you must trust them. Easier said than done I know but if they are not giving you any reasons to be jealous, you are the issue.
Wow spot on my friend you hit the nail on the head of what I am doing......I am the issue I am not going to deal with this jealousy monster anymore......she has been saying thats what it was I all along and I would not believe her until now.......
You've opened my mind. I conclude that we need to love ourselves more than we love our partner. That's how it works. I love your advice. You're very helpful.
I've watched lots of vids on RUclips about jealousy as I want as many ideas as possible to lose my jealousy and this video is great too....our happiness is not in a material thing (another person) it's in us. I'm happy to just be me and if my partner talks to a prettier funnier girl I'm going to try to just absorb the moment and be like hey it's cool because if he's with me it's because he wants to be and if he goes it's because he wants to go but my happiness doesn't go with him as I'm already happy with me. It's not a direct attack on me if he goes and cheats. Jealousy won't stop him cheating anyway it will just push him away and make me feel shitty so it's a no win feeling. I'm going to try to just be at peace and calm with my inner happiness :) I love you tube videos but you have to be ready yourself to fully work on yourself. Jealousy is not the fault of someone else it's your own problem to overcome, get honest with yourself and you will set yourself free! :) great vid
It gets better with time. Truly every time you get jealous for no rhyme or reason. Just sit with it and let it pass. Don’t beat yourself up it’s a really difficult and painful wound to clean .Just say I’ll do better next time. And actively try to be better next time.
Anxiety and insecurities come in relationships. If u truly want that person, and u think they can give u happiness in the long term future, then you can go through those things to stay with the person u love. DO NOT break off something bc u are insecure or anxious. Comfort comes with time, figure yourself out and figure your relationship out.
With me I don't fear them leaving me because it makes me feel less worthy, I know that I am worthy and I know others will love me and I will be to their preference but I want to be loved by the person who I love because I enjoy their company and them being a part of my life. I'm fearful of losing that
How do you know that you are worthy? How do you know someone loves you? Are you absolutely sure about that? Is worthiness tangible? Nope. It's a concept, a thought - a belief. You just are. You don't need to believe you are worthy or unworthy. How is unworthiness measured? Show me one thing that can measure beauty, coolness, being boring etc. It just comes down to personal preference which come from thoughts. You just are and that's a beautiful thing. I hope that helped.
I think you have a very healthy mindset and I wish you the best - knowing that your worthy is the core essence of happiness - what comes after that is basically the cherry on the cake - yes you will be disappointed if they leave you but you will always remain worthy and in love with yourself
Cookie Cutter Hey, that's just called self love and let's just be grateful that she didn't lose her self-esteem. She has a healthy and great mindset or perspective of herself.
Did you know that you are watching this because this goes with your actual beliefs?, therefore you think he's smart, because for you this is to be smart, but if you watch a video that contradict your beliefs you're gonna think that person of the video is stupid.
I really need to re-watch this daily. That and the anger management stuff. Thanks for this channel. I threw a hand grenade at my relationship after all of the anxiety built up over resentment. I really want happiness... And I believe in us... I believe she is strong and has potential to be mature and responsible when enabled. I want to keep her.
This has actually helped me dramatically. I no longer wanna change his actions and words but fix my own insecurities, self doubt and stop letting my surroundings ruin my good mood and happiness because OUR happiness matters to me
Angry Hothead Well okay, that's your belief based on what you've gone through. I broke up with my gf but we still are good friends. You know, the right time and the right person will always come and for that time to come, we always have to go through bad relationship problems just to learn and not do the same mistakes for our right person in the future.
He actually meant that. That love does not exist. It is an imaginary story in your head. Something you believe is there. Like you could believe someone loves even if they were cheating on you. And you also dont love anyone, but love peace and happiness. And if someone gives you that peace - then great you want to keep them with you. Thats what I think he means.
This video helped me immensely. Although I am no longer in a relationship, I am still somewhat upset about the break up and was feeling very low, this video was spot on. Thanks again Noah Elkrief.
It's not about my family, my boyfriend or my friends but its all about ME. The whole ME and my relationship to myself. I know I have lots of insecurities and jealousy that I have to work on. And thanks to this video, it makes me understand myself more. This is all about self discovery, self growth and being WHOLE as a person regardless. But it does not mean breaking up or being away from your love ones. :)
He didn’t mean to say we need to be alone to be happy, just that we need to know that our happiness is not tied to someone else and once we realize that, our fear and anxiety (jealousy) is diminished.
According to published author James K. Van Fleet in his audio program "Conversation Power", he said you must and your partner must "Choose to be Happy". This is a conscious decision that you will always choose happiness over any quarrel.
Hey! It's just like you always hurt someone you love! Intentionally u dont... But u always hurt the people you love because you can't hurt the people that you don't love
This is a very difficult situation to face.... when you really feel that want to stay in a relationship but you're suffering inside.. and the worst thing is that I'm suffering not because of reality but because of my thoughts that directly affect my emotions, my actions and my partner's feelings as well. This a great video to reflect. Thanks a lot!
Jealousy is part of a relationship, but you need to know your limitations because too much jealousy can affect your relationship and it might make your relationship too complicated.
i agree. it’s okay to be jealous, n it’s good to talk about those feelings. if it’s taken too far, then that’s where it becomes a concern. people can be too controlling, and that isn’t healthy. it’s best to talk those feelings out before anything gets out of hand and impulsed actions come along.
All these explanations and analogies… the best I’ve ever heard. Most RUclipsrs don’t help like this; they give advice said a billion times by every other dating guru. Words can’t explain how grateful I am to have come across this video. Thank you.
I must be honest, half way through this video I getting more jealous and anxious, but by the end I realised that this makes so much sense! I suffer from anxiety, and after a year my relationship is now long distance due to university. I have been struggling to keep jealous thoughts out of my head and keep my anxiety at bay, and by watching this I finally feel at ease. It's difficult when you think your happiness is dependant on one person and only they can make you happy, but really the only person you should hold accountable for you happiness is yourself. Thank you for sharing your discoveries x
Totally makes sense , we often forget that the only person responsible for our own happiness is ourselves , and loving ourselves has to come first. Something people including myself often forget in a relationship.
Thank you for this. I've been struggling with anxiety in relationships forever and I could never find the root of it. What you say rings true and really does nudge that roadblock.
What I got out of this video is to not feel anxiety because the things you thought you cared about really aren’t all that important. Like a person’s love towards you for example. I understand he means that they aren’t the source of your happiness, but he presents it in a way that removes the importance of the relationship to begin with. We all came here because we care about our relationships. The thing is, I’m not afraid of these things because I fear that I will consider myself a bad person or less worthy if she leaves me. I’m afraid to lose her, that’s what I fear, not because I will blame myself.
As a male at age 22 - 8 years of trying to understand love and wish to influence the "special" persons to love me back or get their love and try to figure out, why they wouldn't love me back and always being depressed and jealous and Noah opened my eyes with one sentence: "....you feel the story in your head." Thank you, Noah, for this video and your words. Greetings from Germany SK
God I hate Jealosy... no matter how natural it is to feel jealousy, The more people that know, the more they try to rub it in your face for their own satisfaction....
You know Noah, regardless of your content - which is good of course - it is always a pleasure to hear you talking, your presence for me is like watching a relaxing nature video, or listening to rain sound .. it is very relaxing :)
I completely understand where you are coming from. No matter what. I am determined to get over this. We have two kids together. I'm sure it will just take time.
I've watched this video 5 years ago and it helped at the time. Now 2024 hearing it again hits different like I picked up something new. I'm gonna listen to this again in the future. Thanks 🙏
You seem to have a video for every topic except what I'm looking for. I need a how to lose a grudge/how to stop having an intense hatred toward a person.
Also not just any kind of hatred. The kind that comes from knowing a person for a long time and having that hatred kinda evolve from what was once a feeling of love. Platonic love. A decade old and slowly turning into deep intense hatred. That might be oddly specific but what can I do? That's how life happened for me. :/
+Canadian Food A brief answer could be that you evolved into something different and you did not appreciate the fact that the other person did not follow your lead.
Canadian Food people you hold a grudge against which is the same as saying I'm very angry with this person. When you hate the only person who gets hurt is you because the person you hate either doesn't know you hate them or doesn't care
I just don't know why I became so dramatic... I used to think just like you in this video and now I'm starting to do it again. This has so much logic and sense! Thank you!
I am a victim of superjealous wife. Every single day she blames me for cheating, just because her ex's cheated her. I have never cheated her and it never even crossed my mind. I was very athletic and in good shape before meeting her and won national gold medals in combat sports etc. but some time I started smoking pack of cigarettes per day and stopped the sports, just because I was so depressed about getting blamed for no reason every single day, all than time... So before thinking that you are victim of cheating, make sure that your other half is not victim of your jealousy.
@@luckonpereda7083I'm seeing a woman who gets jealous when I speak of female actors from long ago. She doesn't want to hear me talk about any females friends or even hang out with them. She checks into my FB looking for evidence I'm cheating on her. She also has issues when I'm successful in making money for something I built. She's awesome to be around at times but usually, I have to explain to her why I'm talking to so and so. It's not fun at all when I find myself explaining to her about my female friends or why she thinks I need the center of attention when I don't. I too am in great shape and I do have females that are interested in me, but I' m not interested in anyone else. I stopped having sex with her because when I do have sex she starts acting different, demanding. I put myself on the NOFab for several weeks to help out with my bodybuilding and other areas and now she thinks I'm having sex with someone else. I broke up with her and put her on the friend zone for being insecure and now she's begging me to go back with her. Her jealousy is making me resent her, even feel angry.
Yeah, me too. I have been cheated too. I dont know to get rid of that feelings. Feeling like u dont want to lose the one you love. Its hard to trust the other person like the first time u used to be. I feel sorry to you. My advised to you buddy, u must be patient and always pay attention to ur wife. I hope ur relationship will be okay and long lasting
Noah, I agree with what you have said, but from what I understand Is that one persons love shouldn't mean anything to you. Their love isn't what makes you happy, I agree. Then what is their love? What is love period? Wouldn't love be meaningless if it isn't what makes me happy? Why would I choose a certain person over the other? What makes them so special? Why would anyone choose to be in a relationship if you don't believe the other person to be special? Sincerely, Nick K
Thank you, Noah! I decided that 2018 would be the year that I learned to overcome these relationship anxieties but now that I've found you, perhaps I'll reach this goal ahead of schedule. And, just so you know, I'm about to lie down with you. I was so inspired by this video, that I'm about to place my laptop next to my bed and play your videos until I fall asleep. Thanks again.
BUT I DO LOVE ME. Its just, i get anxiety and worry because im putting so much in, and it would suck to say i wasted 5 years on an idiot. Its not that im insecure, or that my happiness depends on them...
Sameeeee This is what it’s about for me also I don’t think I’m unworthy if they stop loving me I just don’t wanna waste time I don’t even care if I’m told I’m cheated on, like ok whatever bye. My bf of 6 years cheated. It’s the fact of not knowing for me and wasting time
Same. After years of investing (time & energy) during the most productive and “prime” years of my life with her, anxiety of her showing interest in another is more about fear of all that important time wasted (and fear of the pain associated with it) than my ego or self worth or things I feel I need to work on.
I’m not sure about the vid as a whole. But to your question. Gotta stop thinking abt it as an investment. Enjoy every single minute you have it - the present. Same thing with Investments, the house may catch fire, ur stock portfolio may take a downturn or that cattle you bought got sick a died just enjoy while you have it and be grateful.
Oh my goodness. I needed this so much right now. THANK YOU. You are so well spoken, coming from a person with clinical anxiety in a relationship with a person that I absolutely am head over heels with, but he doesnt quite show his affection the way I do. I need to love myself more.
This helped me release so much pain from a neglectful, abusive, unloving single parent. I sobbed throughout your video & afterwards at the simple, yet powerful truth behind of all your points. Thank you so much Noah for being my friend today, listening to you & feeling your kindness has helped me find a conclusion to a decade of healing. This has saved my budding relationship with the woman I want to marry. For this, you have my love. I can only hope to repay you in a similarly profound way someday. ✌🏽💙🙏🏽🖖🏽 Maxximilian Alexander
Great information! I learned that my jealousy and clinging tendencies are the result of identifying with my thoughts. The ideas in my head that say if I can win her affection or lose them it will relieve my suffering (or define my sense of worth). This a conditioning that was probably brought on by early childhood experiences and reinforced by external influences. But, it also points to a choice in practicing present mindedness and not identifying with the stories in my head. Thank you for the valuable insight.
This is very very powerful for those of us having thought that being loved is meaning and happiness - and being scared from loosing it. I just went through a break up, that caught me of guard with no "closure" - and now I see that if I had the chance while being in the relationship to be single and happy and free from suffering, rather than being with her and still having all my insecurities. This is enlightenment that truly changed the way I have been dealing with the breakup and now see that it's about me being happy first and foremost and not about her and she can never make me happy. This is a video that would make sense to watch daily as a reminder. Thanks Noah!
@@camilacabellosfa7716 u can do it, don't react or asking her who are u talking too or who is this guy... Etc, let me tell u she'll get mad/crazy when you don't react when she tries to make u jealous.
That's what I thought so before, but when u love someone and u lose it because of that tactic then that's your fault, gotta have some leverage. Agree or disagree??
Noah has made me think about so many things so differently, he shines a light on aspects that effect so many people but in such a rational and thoughtful way, thankyou Noah X :)
Why does every guru want to tell people how to stop or eliminatw the prime natural emotions like jealousy, fear and anxiety? It's not possible to eliminate them. Rather accept them for what they are and see if they can even help you.
I think in every relationship you would have times when you are not happy, after fights, there would be times of jealousy and what not. but what your saying is that if im in any relationship i wont be happy? because in every relationship things happen, fights happen, and bad things are said. but that doesnt mean that you have to leave the person because of it.
Thank you SO much. I have been suffering from jealousy as if it were a disease from some time now. And I know many people who often feel the same...so I think I'll do a little bit of video sharing now:) Thank you!!
Thank you Noah. I am experiencing jealousy for the first time in my life, with somebody I'm not even in a love relationship, only friendship. Your video really helped me and inspired me. You're "effing" on point on my emotions.
I’m jealous if someone has a better grade than me ,spends more time with someone than me ,has more likes than me ,has more friends than me ,has a better body than me, is prettier than me, goes out more than me, has more attention than me and all that because I’m insecure, jealousy destroys my life and makes it times more difficult just because of some insecures
I have to say that this is the most impacting and accurate video that I have come across during my search on why exactly my partner gets jealous. Now I have a good idea on what exactly goes on. Thank you Mr. Noah
They are special to you because you like something about them.That doesn't mean that they are special to everyone else,just to you because you like something that makes them them.That could be their music taste,kindness,intelligence or something else that someone else doesn't appreciate as much as you do.
So I relate to the worry that my partner will leave me for someone else. I know one my biggest problems with this is that a lot of the time I dont appreciate myself, and feel I have very little self-worth and therefore he will find someone better and leave me. I listened to the "anxiety they will leave you" part, and I dont think it helped... he said about whatever makes you happy in life. But, to be honest... All of my life sucks until I am with that person. Currently our relationship is long distance, when I'm alone at home, I am never truly happy... I get sad VERY often and all my troubles in life hit me like a brick wall. But as soon as I go and stay at his, its like he makes all my troubles seem so insignifcant and I get so happy I cant describe. I've never had friends or family make me feel this way. I have no hobbies that make me truly happy. So... For you (Noah) to say that even if he leaves I can still be happy, that is SO hard to see... Am I too reliant on my relationship? How to do fix my fear that he will leave me for someone else and I will be alone. I dont get jealous, I'm happy for him to hang around with other people, they're amazing people too. But I get MAJOR anxiety when I hear that he's hanging around with a girl that I know is beautiful and smart and funny, not because I want to be her, but because I'm afraid he'll see that she is better than me, and leave me for her. HELP. I feel like most of the answer is basically just saying "if you loose them, dont worry, its not the end of the world" Which I totally agree with... but this doesnt help me to not feel it. I dont want the ralationship to end, and I sure he doesnt either. But how do I stop feeling this way without telling him, if I tell him that I feel this way when he hangs out with girls, he's either going to try and not hang out with girls, or try to avoid telling me when he does. Which is both a horrible thing for me to even think of! I need to deal with it by myself.
Emma Newman I am going through the exact same thing at the moment. I know all of the “issues” my boyfriend and I are having come straight from my anxiety with life in general but mostly from me thinking he’s gonna cheat on me or something like that. He gets annoyed by how I am starting to “control” his life which is the last thing I want to do to him. And I agree 100% with you because I just moved to College this fall where I won’t see him until the weekend and all week I’ll be majorly stressed and anxious and upset but the moment I see his face I light up and all the stress is gone and when I leave I have a break down. Overall I love him more than I’ve ever loved another person and we work so well together but my jealously and anxiety are getting in the way of things /:
The answer is self love, massive amounts of self love and self worth. If you truly saw and accepted yourself as the most beautiful/amazing person in the world without comparing yourself, would you be afraid of losing your guy to another girl? NO.. they would feel privileged being with you
Very helpful I've been with this girl for 7 years I'm 21 after I watched this I see that my thoughts have consumed me they no longer do thank you so much
all I can say is thank you! I'm a smart guy and thought I knew everything cause I have an answer for everything and 9 times out of 10 I'm right I've had a psychiatrist for over a year and she never helped me cause of what "I know". You have dumbfounded me and made me realize how stupid I am and I appreciate that cause somebody needed to! so thank you
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
I thought watching videos like this will give me solution to forget but It made me think about my ex-fiancé more. I still love him so much and can’t imagine moving on without him. I just want him back.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in a similar situation, and I know how painful it is.
Did you find a way to get your partner back? I feel so lost.
I did. I reached out to Father Akabu. He’s a spiritual counselor who helps people restore broken relationships. He’s truly amazing.
Do you think he could help me too? I just want my fiancé back so badly.
I’m confident he can. He’s helped so many people like us. You can look him up he’s truly gifted.
am just tired of this feeling
DAMN STRAIGHT!
Me too
me too..
Same...i hate feeling and being like this...
Same here 😭😭😭😢😢😢
I'm jealous of other girls talking to him and I'm jealous of the girls he talked to before we dated and what he said to them
Jenna Spence same here but opposite
same feeling for me to my wife
Jenna Spence you are not the only one...
same here and its killing me
Yes I have the same problem
What I got from this video was that simply being with someone or in a relationship will not simply just make you happy, it's more about being happy with yourself and having self worth and self respect. Even if someone may say or do some things that make you "suffer" from jealousy or what have you, your feelings of the jealousy or anxiety come from what you truly think and feel of yourself. Doesn't mean that because that person may make you feel a certain way that you have to either stay with them or leave them, it's just about being secure and happy with yourself which you can do either on your own or while you are in a relationship. Life to me is more of a self journey and others are put into your life to help you get to the point where you need to be and sometimes that means being hurt or feeling jealous or insecure, because it helps you to grow and learn about yourself to get one step closer to fulfilling your own happiness within yourself. This is just what I got out of it and I'm not sure if it even makes sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to me and actually makes me feel more at ease with myself because I now realize that my feelings are based mainly on how I see myself as a person, not how someone else may see me.
makes sense
+Jennifer Ann this respond is just as good as the video. amazing input and you further solidify how i comprehend his concept..... or truth
Plot twist: there doesn't seem to be any precise "purpose" for life, only what you think there is, objectively speaking there isn't , I don't know whether to feel sad or happy about this realization
Your reply was a really good way to sum up the video. We put meaning to Our emotions biasly. So when we become a clean slate of clear thiughts,we could make better judgements.
+Jennifer Ann yes girl!
“If you just try to change their behavior, you’re going to suffer”
It is such an important quote, thanks for highlighting it!
Chocolate Coated damn right man
Modt relatable quote i swearrr
Watching this with a heavy heart. I hate this feeling😭
Hey hey .... Keep your head up !!
Same
Same
This is quite mind blowing. It's made me not want to change my partners actions and re evaluate my own happiness, disconnect my own self worth from his love.
true
Emma Burgess yes! Awesome!
Today i'd breakup with mah love but i couldn't understand he sae he his fade up of me b'cos i'm to much jealous of other girls
Wonderfully said💜
Yesssss
Anyone working on themselves this 2019?
Trying.
I struggle daily with these insecurities I just TRY!
We should work on our mental health just as we work out our bodies 😁
For sure. I'm not even in a relationship at the moment, but I am just trying to become better in general before doing so again.
So, Im kinda an Idiot.
So there is a girl, she has a boyfriend and Im fine with that. Now comes the tricky part. She ALWAYS talks about this guy and his „benefits“. So basically, out of nothing, I got jealous. Thanks brain
The older I get the more I realize that jealousy is my own issue and not my partner's. If you truly love someone you cannot believe they will cheat on you all time and that if you truly love them, you must trust them. Easier said than done I know but if they are not giving you any reasons to be jealous, you are the issue.
Wow spot on my friend you hit the nail on the head of what I am doing......I am the issue I am not going to deal with this jealousy monster anymore......she has been saying thats what it was I all along and I would not believe her until now.......
Yeah man,but same if they're not giving you any reason to trust them and 1736389 to not trust them
Not that I didn't believe her. It just a childish word she said about her guy friend. "He's cute and handsome" hit me on heart.
@@SheraXGD bro leave her wtf
, that’s deff not cool
@@SheraXGD she did it to evoke jealousy in you
Leave her or tell her to stop hurting you as that’s not love
You've opened my mind. I conclude that we need to love ourselves more than we love our partner. That's how it works. I love your advice. You're very helpful.
yea.. indeed
Robin Williams says otherwise.
I've watched lots of vids on RUclips about jealousy as I want as many ideas as possible to lose my jealousy and this video is great too....our happiness is not in a material thing (another person) it's in us. I'm happy to just be me and if my partner talks to a prettier funnier girl I'm going to try to just absorb the moment and be like hey it's cool because if he's with me it's because he wants to be and if he goes it's because he wants to go but my happiness doesn't go with him as I'm already happy with me. It's not a direct attack on me if he goes and cheats. Jealousy won't stop him cheating anyway it will just push him away and make me feel shitty so it's a no win feeling. I'm going to try to just be at peace and calm with my inner happiness :) I love you tube videos but you have to be ready yourself to fully work on yourself. Jealousy is not the fault of someone else it's your own problem to overcome, get honest with yourself and you will set yourself free! :) great vid
unknown userr
Are you projecting?
Have you been able to get a handle on the jealousy? WHat have you found that is helpful for it?
Notice she doesn't answer your question
wow this makes me feel better
It gets better with time. Truly every time you get jealous for no rhyme or reason. Just sit with it and let it pass. Don’t beat yourself up it’s a really difficult and painful wound to clean .Just say I’ll do better next time. And actively try to be better next time.
This sound like a video you need to watch after a breakup. Your argument is valid but it's not helping when dealing with jealousy
Exactly what i was thinking. Not really helping.
Exactly.
Anxiety and insecurities come in relationships. If u truly want that person, and u think they can give u happiness in the long term future, then you can go through those things to stay with the person u love. DO NOT break off something bc u are insecure or anxious. Comfort comes with time, figure yourself out and figure your relationship out.
When u say "right" its very reassuring lol
M
Heute 13.00uhr mime tant house
Very comforting
Was searching for that comment
Or when she goes sarcastic and you don’t know what to say cause nothing you say will help
This is so true. My goodness. I have severe anxiety and it effects even the simplest things because my thoughts go to a bad place.
With me I don't fear them leaving me because it makes me feel less worthy, I know that I am worthy and I know others will love me and I will be to their preference but I want to be loved by the person who I love because I enjoy their company and them being a part of my life. I'm fearful of losing that
How do you know that you are worthy? How do you know someone loves you? Are you absolutely sure about that? Is worthiness tangible? Nope. It's a concept, a thought - a belief. You just are. You don't need to believe you are worthy or unworthy. How is unworthiness measured? Show me one thing that can measure beauty, coolness, being boring etc. It just comes down to personal preference which come from thoughts. You just are and that's a beautiful thing. I hope that helped.
I think you have a very healthy mindset and I wish you the best - knowing that your worthy is the core essence of happiness - what comes after that is basically the cherry on the cake - yes you will be disappointed if they leave you but you will always remain worthy and in love with yourself
You're missing the point... you are NOT worthy. How do you know you're worthy? How do you know others will love you and not just love sticking it in?
Cookie Cutter Hey, that's just called self love and let's just be grateful that she didn't lose her self-esteem. She has a healthy and great mindset or perspective of herself.
Alice Smith fat people are not worthy of love. Everybody knows that. It's basic
Such a smart man. Big respect for sharing your wisdom.
Rico Suave Thanks Rico. But this doesn't come from intellect, it comes from just watching thoughts.
Noah Elkrief :)
True
great video i'm dealing with this
Did you know that you are watching this because this goes with your actual beliefs?, therefore you think he's smart, because for you this is to be smart, but if you watch a video that contradict your beliefs you're gonna think that person of the video is stupid.
I really need to re-watch this daily. That and the anger management stuff. Thanks for this channel. I threw a hand grenade at my relationship after all of the anxiety built up over resentment. I really want happiness... And I believe in us... I believe she is strong and has potential to be mature and responsible when enabled. I want to keep her.
I want my next boyfriend to be just like this guy. So emotionally intelligent and handsome at the same time!
You have just found it :)
Praetorian 61
Ha ha!
Gra Piken I can be that
Cameron Rightmier
Except I avoid gigolos.
you dont deserve a ''next'' boyfriend, or any boyfriend with that mindset of ''next boyfriend''
This has actually helped me dramatically. I no longer wanna change his actions and words but fix my own insecurities, self doubt and stop letting my surroundings ruin my good mood and happiness because OUR happiness matters to me
When he said "love is not real" i think he meant love is not "concrete".. you can't see nor touch it but it's definitely real. Just my opinion :)
+Dear Ella yea lol someone can get really damaged if they didn't decipher it well
Dear Ella correct
Angry Hothead Well okay, that's your belief based on what you've gone through. I broke up with my gf but we still are good friends. You know, the right time and the right person will always come and for that time to come, we always have to go through bad relationship problems just to learn and not do the same mistakes for our right person in the future.
He actually meant that. That love does not exist. It is an imaginary story in your head. Something you believe is there. Like you could believe someone loves even if they were cheating on you. And you also dont love anyone, but love peace and happiness. And if someone gives you that peace - then great you want to keep them with you. Thats what I think he means.
Dear Ella agreed. Love is real but not a physical REAL thing we can touch
This video helped me immensely. Although I am no longer in a relationship, I am still somewhat upset about the break up and was feeling very low, this video was spot on. Thanks again Noah Elkrief.
It's not about my family, my boyfriend or my friends but its all about ME. The whole ME and my relationship to myself. I know I have lots of insecurities and jealousy that I have to work on. And thanks to this video, it makes me understand myself more. This is all about self discovery, self growth and being WHOLE as a person regardless. But it does not mean breaking up or being away from your love ones. :)
Mel Magamayo I love your comment ,I'm the same way , it's so interesting topic to talk about
Is being alone the only way avoiding suffering? Is there a possibility we can stay in a realationship and still remain happy?
Mr. Nobody same question haha
He didn’t mean to say we need to be alone to be happy, just that we need to know that our happiness is not tied to someone else and once we realize that, our fear and anxiety (jealousy) is diminished.
According to published author James K. Van Fleet in his audio program "Conversation Power", he said you must and your partner must "Choose to be Happy". This is a conscious decision that you will always choose happiness over any quarrel.
I’m alone but I’m jealous of the girls that talk to my crush so no, apparently even when your single you still can’t avoid suffering
Hey! It's just like you always hurt someone you love! Intentionally u dont... But u always hurt the people you love because you can't hurt the people that you don't love
This is a very difficult situation to face.... when you really feel that want to stay in a relationship but you're suffering inside.. and the worst thing is that I'm suffering not because of reality but because of my thoughts that directly affect my emotions, my actions and my partner's feelings as well. This a great video to reflect. Thanks a lot!
Jealousy is part of a relationship, but you need to know your limitations because too much jealousy can affect your relationship and it might make your relationship too complicated.
It's difficult when you're in the moment..
May be am getting too much jealous now a days 😑 I Don want to but I can't control it
i agree. it’s okay to be jealous, n it’s good to talk about those feelings. if it’s taken too far, then that’s where it becomes a concern. people can be too controlling, and that isn’t healthy. it’s best to talk those feelings out before anything gets out of hand and impulsed actions come along.
yes but sometimes you can't control it
i have too much jealousy and it’s bad. it gets out of control and idk how to stop it. someone help please.
Man, seriously. I've seen mentors on youtube, but you man! you're the best. seriously.. you're changing lives here.
That feeling when you have no reason not to trust them, but every part of you is screaming you cant trust them.
Worst feeling ever😩
Going through that right now
Abondenment issues
Everyday , she texts her guy friends and I get that way but I know she won’t do anything but I just CANT bring myself to trust and idk
fucks sake there has to be way to deal with this believe
Everytime he said “right” i went 🥺
You just saved me from the anguish I've been in. I can't thank you enough. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You're awesome! Thank you.
2020 goals 😂 anyone with me?
Me watching because my otaku girlfriend keep rubbing my face with anime character and even wants them more than me and I'm glad they die 👁👄👁
Me
yeap
Yea:\
Hell ya
All these explanations and analogies… the best I’ve ever heard. Most RUclipsrs don’t help like this; they give advice said a billion times by every other dating guru. Words can’t explain how grateful I am to have come across this video. Thank you.
Ego! It has been ruining the life of man for eons.
I must be honest, half way through this video I getting more jealous and anxious, but by the end I realised that this makes so much sense! I suffer from anxiety, and after a year my relationship is now long distance due to university. I have been struggling to keep jealous thoughts out of my head and keep my anxiety at bay, and by watching this I finally feel at ease. It's difficult when you think your happiness is dependant on one person and only they can make you happy, but really the only person you should hold accountable for you happiness is yourself. Thank you for sharing your discoveries x
"If they love you, does that mean you are great, and worthy, and lovable? NO!" lol. I loved this.
J. Martin I lolled at this I was like “..wait dafuq”
Totally makes sense , we often forget that the only person responsible for our own happiness is ourselves , and loving ourselves has to come first. Something people including myself often forget in a relationship.
I want peace, happiness, joy, and fulfillment myself.
Probably best video that explains the root cause. Most videos tell you just be confident. No jealousy is an anxiety issue that stems from fear.
Thank you for this. I've been struggling with anxiety in relationships forever and I could never find the root of it. What you say rings true and really does nudge that roadblock.
Have you been able to identify what are soem triggers for these feelings?
Truly powerful, having lost a lot in traumas of life, I am living again and struggle with insecurity, but this will help. THANK YOU
I cried when im watching it,It reminds my self and our relationship,Thank You for making this video
What I got out of this video is to not feel anxiety because the things you thought you cared about really aren’t all that important. Like a person’s love towards you for example. I understand he means that they aren’t the source of your happiness, but he presents it in a way that removes the importance of the relationship to begin with. We all came here because we care about our relationships. The thing is, I’m not afraid of these things because I fear that I will consider myself a bad person or less worthy if she leaves me. I’m afraid to lose her, that’s what I fear, not because I will blame myself.
Jealousy in a relationship usually stems from past experiences.
Your calmness shows that you have understood life.. Life must be pretty easy and enchanting for you now.. Great.. God bless you..
This really helped me reflect on my actions and my own happiness. You're amazing, thank you!
As a male at age 22 - 8 years of trying to understand love and wish to influence the "special" persons to love me back or get their love and try to figure out, why they wouldn't love me back and always being depressed and jealous and Noah opened my eyes with one sentence:
"....you feel the story in your head."
Thank you, Noah, for this video and your words.
Greetings from Germany
SK
Noah you really making me want to be single hahaha
SHOCKBIRD15 which is good?
I feel you too .
same😂
Deadass 😂😂😂😂😂
You just discussed the problem of my life.. I'm working on it 😢💔 thank you so much
I needed vids like that cause I’m so jealous that now I’m getting possessive and ion like that feeling 😭
it's me hoes meeeeeeeee toooooooo
I have never understood and truly felted the saying "it is better to loose the person you love than to loose yourself", until this video.
God I hate Jealosy... no matter how natural it is to feel jealousy, The more people that know, the more they try to rub it in your face for their own satisfaction....
I watched this 9 years ago and you wouldn't believe how much it helped me
This is the realist stuff I've ever listened too
Noah Elkrief seriously bro your best motivational speaker of the world. i respect you
You know Noah, regardless of your content - which is good of course - it is always a pleasure to hear you talking, your presence for me is like watching a relaxing nature video, or listening to rain sound .. it is very relaxing :)
I completely understand where you are coming from. No matter what. I am determined to get over this. We have two kids together. I'm sure it will just take time.
Well. He convinced me to stay alone
I've watched this video 5 years ago and it helped at the time. Now 2024 hearing it again hits different like I picked up something new. I'm gonna listen to this again in the future. Thanks 🙏
You seem to have a video for every topic except what I'm looking for.
I need a how to lose a grudge/how to stop having an intense hatred toward a person.
Also not just any kind of hatred. The kind that comes from knowing a person for a long time and having that hatred kinda evolve from what was once a feeling of love. Platonic love. A decade old and slowly turning into deep intense hatred. That might be oddly specific but what can I do? That's how life happened for me. :/
+Canadian Food A brief answer could be that you evolved into something different and you did not appreciate the fact that the other person did not follow your lead.
Canadian Food people you hold a grudge against which is the same as saying I'm very angry with this person. When you hate the only person who gets hurt is you because the person you hate either doesn't know you hate them or doesn't care
I just don't know why I became so dramatic... I used to think just like you in this video and now I'm starting to do it again. This has so much logic and sense! Thank you!
I am a victim of superjealous wife. Every single day she blames me for cheating, just because her ex's cheated her. I have never cheated her and it never even crossed my mind. I was very athletic and in good shape before meeting her and won national gold medals in combat sports etc. but some time I started smoking pack of cigarettes per day and stopped the sports, just because I was so depressed about getting blamed for no reason every single day, all than time... So before thinking that you are victim of cheating, make sure that your other half is not victim of your jealousy.
Sorry to hear that. Godbless
@@luckonpereda7083I'm seeing a woman who gets jealous when I speak of female actors from long ago. She doesn't want to hear me talk about any females friends or even hang out with them. She checks into my FB looking for evidence I'm cheating on her. She also has issues when I'm successful in making money for something I built. She's awesome to be around at times but usually, I have to explain to her why I'm talking to so and so. It's not fun at all when I find myself explaining to her about my female friends or why she thinks I need the center of attention when I don't. I too am in great shape and I do have females that are interested in me, but I' m not interested in anyone else. I stopped having sex with her because when I do have sex she starts acting different, demanding. I put myself on the NOFab for several weeks to help out with my bodybuilding and other areas and now she thinks I'm having sex with someone else. I broke up with her and put her on the friend zone for being insecure and now she's begging me to go back with her. Her jealousy is making me resent her, even feel angry.
Yeah, me too. I have been cheated too. I dont know to get rid of that feelings. Feeling like u dont want to lose the one you love. Its hard to trust the other person like the first time u used to be. I feel sorry to you. My advised to you buddy, u must be patient and always pay attention to ur wife. I hope ur relationship will be okay and long lasting
Wanting happiness but confusing it with that (or any) person GIVING you happiness... that's key! Very insightful. Thanks!
Noah,
I agree with what you have said, but from what I understand Is that one persons love shouldn't mean anything to you. Their love isn't what makes you happy, I agree. Then what is their love? What is love period? Wouldn't love be meaningless if it isn't what makes me happy? Why would I choose a certain person over the other? What makes them so special? Why would anyone choose to be in a relationship if you don't believe the other person to be special?
Sincerely,
Nick K
Upon trying to better myself this 2019, I’ve learned that love truly doesn’t exist. Make yourself happy; spend time with people who make you laugh.
Best video I've ever heard on this subject. Completely Amazing!!!
You’re very wise Noah.
this guy knows his shit.
thats why hes a doctor???????????????????dickhead
@@bigboy1250 I think that was a compliment.
Thank you, Noah! I decided that 2018 would be the year that I learned to overcome these relationship anxieties but now that I've found you, perhaps I'll reach this goal ahead of schedule. And, just so you know, I'm about to lie down with you. I was so inspired by this video, that I'm about to place my laptop next to my bed and play your videos until I fall asleep. Thanks again.
BUT I DO LOVE ME. Its just, i get anxiety and worry because im putting so much in, and it would suck to say i wasted 5 years on an idiot. Its not that im insecure, or that my happiness depends on them...
XXbiz I feel
You
I felt that
Sameeeee
This is what it’s about for me also
I don’t think I’m unworthy if they stop loving me I just don’t wanna waste time
I don’t even care if I’m told I’m cheated on, like ok whatever bye. My bf of 6 years cheated.
It’s the fact of not knowing for me and wasting time
Same. After years of investing (time & energy) during the most productive and “prime” years of my life with her, anxiety of her showing interest in another is more about fear of all that important time wasted (and fear of the pain associated with it) than my ego or self worth or things I feel I need to work on.
I’m not sure about the vid as a whole. But to your question. Gotta stop thinking abt it as an investment. Enjoy every single minute you have it - the present. Same thing with Investments, the house may catch fire, ur stock portfolio may take a downturn or that cattle you bought got sick a died just enjoy while you have it and be grateful.
Oh my goodness. I needed this so much right now. THANK YOU. You are so well spoken, coming from a person with clinical anxiety in a relationship with a person that I absolutely am head over heels with, but he doesnt quite show his affection the way I do. I need to love myself more.
This helped me release so much pain from a neglectful, abusive, unloving single parent. I sobbed throughout your video & afterwards at the simple, yet powerful truth behind of all your points.
Thank you so much Noah for being my friend today, listening to you & feeling your kindness has helped me find a conclusion to a decade of healing. This has saved my budding relationship with the woman I want to marry. For this, you have my love.
I can only hope to repay you in a similarly profound way someday.
✌🏽💙🙏🏽🖖🏽
Maxximilian Alexander
I hope you’re doing well today! :) head up, don’t give up on whatever it is you’re currently working through.
Thank you @@brownhairedgirl23! Right back at you. Happy to say I worked through this! Today is a different challenge, however 😅, but never giving up!
Great information! I learned that my jealousy and clinging tendencies are the result of identifying with my thoughts. The ideas in my head that say if I can win her affection or lose them it will relieve my suffering (or define my sense of worth). This a conditioning that was probably brought on by early childhood experiences and reinforced by external influences.
But, it also points to a choice in practicing present mindedness and not identifying with the stories in my head.
Thank you for the valuable insight.
I connect to this on a whole other level...
This is very very powerful for those of us having thought that being loved is meaning and happiness - and being scared from loosing it.
I just went through a break up, that caught me of guard with no "closure" - and now I see that if I had the chance while being in the relationship to be single and happy and free from suffering, rather than being with her and still having all my insecurities.
This is enlightenment that truly changed the way I have been dealing with the breakup and now see that it's about me being happy first and foremost and not about her and she can never make me happy.
This is a video that would make sense to watch daily as a reminder.
Thanks Noah!
Just don't care too much and u won't feel jealousy,u welcome
I agree
How can I not care too much when I love her so much?
@@camilacabellosfa7716 u can do it, don't react or asking her who are u talking too or who is this guy... Etc, let me tell u she'll get mad/crazy when you don't react when she tries to make u jealous.
Hello I want to be your friend
That's what I thought so before, but when u love someone and u lose it because of that tactic then that's your fault, gotta have some leverage. Agree or disagree??
Noah has made me think about so many things so differently, he shines a light on aspects that effect so many people but in such a rational and thoughtful way, thankyou Noah X :)
Why does every guru want to tell people how to stop or eliminatw the prime natural emotions like jealousy, fear and anxiety? It's not possible to eliminate them. Rather accept them for what they are and see if they can even help you.
Many will happily end their relationshits after listening to this video.
Wonderful video, by the way!!!!
I think in every relationship you would have times when you are not happy, after fights, there would be times of jealousy and what not. but what your saying is that if im in any relationship i wont be happy? because in every relationship things happen, fights happen, and bad things are said. but that doesnt mean that you have to leave the person because of it.
That's what I got from this video... That no matter what relationship you are you you are going to be unhappy no matter what ?
Dan Harrison what do you mean?
I need to watch your videos multiple times until I can think this way naturaly. You're amazing!!
I’m here because I love my boyfriend and myself and trying to improve myself.
And I’m crazy ho
Thank you SO much. I have been suffering from jealousy as if it were a disease from some time now. And I know many people who often feel the same...so I think I'll do a little bit of video sharing now:) Thank you!!
Got it staying alone forever. Thanks.
Thank you Noah. I am experiencing jealousy for the first time in my life, with somebody I'm not even in a love relationship, only friendship. Your video really helped me and inspired me. You're "effing" on point on my emotions.
Thank you!
haha no way! awesome :)
Incredibly wise for such a young man! Peace is the only goal!
She said she would even lift an eye on other guys, I walked through the corridor today and saw her with another guy laughing, just the two of them.
I honestly felt attacked in the first 30 seconds, but this has helped me realize i don't need them to make me happy or love me. - thank you
Oh, man. You made me cry.
Be happy first and do whatever fits that best.
I’m jealous if someone has a better grade than me ,spends more time with someone than me ,has more likes than me ,has more friends than me ,has a better body than me, is prettier than me, goes out more than me, has more attention than me and all that because I’m insecure, jealousy destroys my life and makes it times more difficult just because of some insecures
Same i get jealous how other people are more beautiful than me
I have to say that this is the most impacting and accurate video that I have come across during my search on why exactly my partner gets jealous. Now I have a good idea on what exactly goes on. Thank you Mr. Noah
It's weird to think that someone you love is not special? the reason you fel in love with someone is because there are special and unique.
They are special to you because you like something about them.That doesn't mean that they are special to everyone else,just to you because you like something that makes them them.That could be their music taste,kindness,intelligence or something else that someone else doesn't appreciate as much as you do.
thank you for this man i feel much lighter after watching it
You are awesome. This was just what I needed to hear today. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
The way he deliver the message makes anyone say yes😀.... Especially when he says right? ... I am convinced✋🏼
So I relate to the worry that my partner will leave me for someone else. I know one my biggest problems with this is that a lot of the time I dont appreciate myself, and feel I have very little self-worth and therefore he will find someone better and leave me. I listened to the "anxiety they will leave you" part, and I dont think it helped... he said about whatever makes you happy in life. But, to be honest... All of my life sucks until I am with that person. Currently our relationship is long distance, when I'm alone at home, I am never truly happy... I get sad VERY often and all my troubles in life hit me like a brick wall. But as soon as I go and stay at his, its like he makes all my troubles seem so insignifcant and I get so happy I cant describe. I've never had friends or family make me feel this way. I have no hobbies that make me truly happy. So... For you (Noah) to say that even if he leaves I can still be happy, that is SO hard to see... Am I too reliant on my relationship? How to do fix my fear that he will leave me for someone else and I will be alone. I dont get jealous, I'm happy for him to hang around with other people, they're amazing people too. But I get MAJOR anxiety when I hear that he's hanging around with a girl that I know is beautiful and smart and funny, not because I want to be her, but because I'm afraid he'll see that she is better than me, and leave me for her. HELP. I feel like most of the answer is basically just saying "if you loose them, dont worry, its not the end of the world" Which I totally agree with... but this doesnt help me to not feel it. I dont want the ralationship to end, and I sure he doesnt either. But how do I stop feeling this way without telling him, if I tell him that I feel this way when he hangs out with girls, he's either going to try and not hang out with girls, or try to avoid telling me when he does. Which is both a horrible thing for me to even think of! I need to deal with it by myself.
Emma Newman I can definitely relate
Emma Newman I am going through the exact same thing at the moment. I know all of the “issues” my boyfriend and I are having come straight from my anxiety with life in general but mostly from me thinking he’s gonna cheat on me or something like that. He gets annoyed by how I am starting to “control” his life which is the last thing I want to do to him. And I agree 100% with you because I just moved to College this fall where I won’t see him until the weekend and all week I’ll be majorly stressed and anxious and upset but the moment I see his face I light up and all the stress is gone and when I leave I have a break down. Overall I love him more than I’ve ever loved another person and we work so well together but my jealously and anxiety are getting in the way of things /:
The answer is self love, massive amounts of self love and self worth. If you truly saw and accepted yourself as the most beautiful/amazing person in the world without comparing yourself, would you be afraid of losing your guy to another girl? NO.. they would feel privileged being with you
You are Insecure. Spend Your Time, Being the BEST that YOU Can Be, and Stop Worrying About What MAY or May Not Happen.
Very helpful I've been with this girl for 7 years I'm 21 after I watched this I see that my thoughts have consumed me they no longer do thank you so much
i think a lot of couples will end their relationship After watching this video hahaha
all I can say is thank you! I'm a smart guy and thought I knew everything cause I have an answer for everything and 9 times out of 10 I'm right I've had a psychiatrist for over a year and she never helped me cause of what "I know". You have dumbfounded me and made me realize how stupid I am and I appreciate that cause somebody needed to! so thank you