My son's father failed the airport test 6 months in to my pregnancy. My mother had 24 hours left to live and he was sat in Starbucks working on laptop while I was barely able to stand on my feet with grief. He also stayed in his office until 10pm the night before her funeral. I never forgave him. Had I waited until our relationship was actually tested by a significant life event, I would never have had a child. My son is the best thing to have ever happened to me but it's been lonely knowing I can't rely on the other parent
@HandleForElleJay that's another story in itself as it was very hard since I became pretty much isolated once I'd had my baby. Slowly though, things dawned and once I got myself to a financially independent stage, I was able to be self sufficient and go. I'll never rely on a man again emotionally or financially xx
@@erinvictoriamakeupartist1323this is so inspiring, I hope you are so proud of yourself because that is not an easy thing to do so glad you chose yourself not just for you but for your child. Best of luck ❤
as a roman catholic, the vow renewals always give me anxiety about the couples' future. you dont renew the real deal. who has ever rebaptized their child? no one, because the covenant already exists.
@@91clarie thats not my lived experience as someone who grew up in the Church but it also varies heavily depending which time and which country you hail from. I was born and raised in a very leftists 2 million inhabitants city Germany and never met a misogynist priest or nun but obviously many many people unfortunately did, so your point is more than valid
The only time it's not a redflag it's ppl who wanted a big white wedding when they got married but did not have the money. Or could not have family at their wedding.
I've birthed three children from my body. Pregnancy had almost killed me twice. I was not supported one time by the sperm donor of my children. When I think about the turmoil and chaos surrounding me while my children developed inside me, it's truly heartbreaking. Don't. bring children into this world with a man you cannot trust.
I can totally relate. My son’s dad cheated on me throughout my pregnancy which caused me a great deal of stress, sadness and distress. It breaks my heart to know my son felt all of that while he was developing in my womb).
@@jessicaespinoza9951💗 and the babies still come into this world so full of love in spite of everything. You and your baby deserve peace. Never forget that. It's his loss.
to me a vow renewal is a way to force your unexpressive, unromantic, uncommunicative partner into saying something sweet and romantic so you can hold on just a little longer
My husband passed the airport test before our wedding 😅 I planned our wonderful holiday trip, and then 2020 happened. I was like: I HAVE TO GO on holiday, please do something. And he did :) our baby is 7 months now and he is a wonderful husband and a dad: always saying yes to taking care of her so I can rest, go to the gym, see my friends, get my hair done, always saying yes when I ask him to change a diaper. The first month when the baby blues hit me really hard and I was mostly crying my eyes out - he was there for me, for us: staying with us late at night, waking up to help at 3 am, cleaning, cooking, taking care of groceries and giving me plenty of hugs and kisses. We met on Tinder btw 😅
My bf is like that too but I don’t want kids. He’s always been there for me when I was dealing with health issues or when I’m severely disregulated etc. I met him on pof. Many of my coworkers in healthcare also met their husbands or bfs from online dating. People like to chirp online but I think it works
The truth for me is really thought motherhood would be way worse than it was. I hated kids. And never wanted them. But the right partner makes or breaks the experience. I enjoy motherhood because my husband does so much for me and the kids.
the airport test is the realest thing in the world, not even just for relationships, but family and friendships too traveling to another continent solely w my mom made me wanna combust
About divorced parents: at 9 years old I used to beg my mom to divorce my father, she didn’t do it until I was 18, and then she finally understood how absolutely damaging it is to raise children in an environment where your parents are constantly miserable. “Staying together for the children” is NEVER a good idea, you force them to adapt to your toxicity. Also, what kind of example are you setting for them? What are you teaching them about self love, boundaries, and authenticity? What kind of attachment style are you installing? Kids always pick up on things, even if you think they don’t.
The airport test literally happened to me the other day with my boyfriend. We missed our gate closing by only 5 minutes because my IBS decided to act up and the airport people were completely inflexible. Other than being frustrated and a bit short with the receptionist, my boyfriend got us tickets to another nearby airport, and booked the coach and fast train between cities on the spot. He plays the role of fixing things, and I keep him calm and measured.
She's always been the epitome of grace and kindness and you being touched by her personal struggles only shows that you're an empathetic, attentive person, too. It's a very valuable trait nowadays when so many people find joy in picking on others and spreading false rumours that hurt others.
@@Unknown24466 I’m sure, I wish the best for them, I really don’t have an opinion on this couple, just saying that vow renewal usually spells trouble or fooling yourself.
@@Unknown24466 Staying in a terrible relationship for the money is NEVER worth it, trust me. Better to be broke and free than 24/7 nurse to a grown baby
My older sister and I were raised by two parents who fought constantly and claimed they were only together for us- I called bullshit on that excuse at a very young age when I realised that my dad didn't want us or love us. my sister exists because my mother only wanted a baby to keep up with her friends who were having babies and she felt left out! I found out at 7 years old that I was 'the accident' when she said this to me- "When you were a baby I felt so guilty for having you because I'd look at you- the accident- and then I'd look at your sister's little face and see that I couldn't give her the attention she deserved and think 'what have I done to my real baby'- it was awful for me!' Yeah!!! That actually got said to me, I was the 'accident' and my sister was her 'real' baby. All my parents did was fight as we were kids and it's not a big shock that my sister escaped the house to run away with an older man at 16! (They've been married now for 21 years) I spent 9 years with an abusive dick who ended up raping me, I thought the rage was normal because it was all I knew. Well cut to our parents retiring and being around each other 24/7 and they fight like wild animals and they don't have the excuse of it parental stress this time, it comes down to the fact that they are two people with nothing in common who blame each other for wasting their lives and were too lazy and cowardly to divorce! My sister and I barely speak to them because they try and put us in the middle of their fights just like when we were kids- no thanks.
I too was told I was an ‘accident’, and on top of that neither parent raised me; definitely affected my mentality growing up. But I guess the bright side is, I know it wouldn’t have ever worked between them.
Sending love as well. I can relate. I was told I “ruined her life and she wished she never had me.” My mother had a TON of childhood trauma so it’s long forgiven (understood even) but it f’ing HURTS to hear that as a child, by the woman that carried & birthed you.
I had a kid with someone who passes the test. Couldn’t be a better father or husband. My friend had a kid with someone who doesn’t even come close to passing and she is miserable. Don’t have kids with men who fall apart at the smallest problems.
I met my ex husband when I was a teen and he was an adult…so he passed the airport test at the time because I didn’t know anything and basic things seemed amazing and intelligent to me. By the time I grew up and my brain was fully developed, I could see that he was actually a hot mess and an additional child for me to care for and manage. I was able to see that everything overwhelmed him and he always seemed to take the long and hard road and/or bury his head in the sand until I rescued things by stepping up to the plate. He was the opposite of bold. The dynamic completely shifted. After 10+ years of impressing me with the bare minimum, the veil was lifted and there was no way to unsee it.
Honestly, I'm genuinely so happy for them! Hailey seems like such a kind and grounded person and at least to me, Justin seems like he's healed so much and has a lot of love to give to a child. I wish them the best!
Mom of a one year old here. There are two sides of the coin. My husband is a high achiever, conscientious, hardworking, high standards, practical, efficient guy. Passed every airport test in real life with flying colours for a decade. Then we had our daughter. When you are with such a man the problem is that he will expect the same from you. I was his ideal for 12 year, then a traumatic birth and postpartum hit and I was a giant mess and he didn't know how to handle it. The first 3 months of our baby's life were the hardest of my life. I felt like a giant loser, things slipping away from me all the time and not getting things done like before and he didn't really get why I don't simply put myself together. He sort of lost respect for me. He's a terrific dad, but we are still repairing the cracks in our marriage one year later
Hello internet stranger. With all due respect, this comment sounds like you are beating yourself up a bit too much. Men who judge women for how hard pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum are simply do not understand it. How difficult birth is cannot be fixed through sheer will and hard work, and women often have such a hard time postpartum because partners treat the astronomical changes as solely the woman's burden. Please know that being gentle with yourself and expecting empathy is not only good for you, it's good for your baby. Parenting is not a competitive sport, and if a man loses 'respect' because a woman is not picture perfect after baby, that's HIM failing, not YOU failing.
Being an efficient problem solver and ego driven achiever is not the same as possessing empathy and emotional intelligence. Sounds like your husband has some maturing to do. Don’t we all. ❤
Although I don’t have kids, I can relate. I’m a conscientious, hardworking person who has suffered two mental breakdowns and burnout leading to chronic fatigue. It’s hard enough to deal with self-judgment let alone having to explain yourself to others who don’t understand mental health challenges or chronic illness. I try to remember that people are not machines to be optimized; we are humans living a human experience. Sending a big hug, loads of understanding, and best wishes for recovery at a timeline that works for you.
No person is perfect but it’s really bothering me that’s he’s not being empathetic and supportive about your pp trauma. Your experience and feelings are valid and he really should be encouraging and gracious with you instead of making you feel bad for not snapping back so soon.
This is exactly what happened to me with my mom. I was her parent, my whole entire life without even realizing it. And only after I had my own child, I remember thinking “Holy cow! This is an actual baby! You’re a grown lady. Go take care of yourself!”. That did not go well, but I’ve removed her from my life.
Exactly this! I saw this with a grown man who couldn't cope with his own newborn becoming the priority to his wife who'd been taking care of him for years. I'm convinced he was literally jealous of a few-month-old baby, his OWN baby and that made his wife fall out of love sooo quickly, they're not even together anymore. And from what I heard he's still butthurt and going on and on about the situation...
@abbied yeah there was a video of him crying and she was taunting him. Also, I think she released a statement they both needed time apart to "figure out" who they were or something
Justin has had 7 years of her undivided attention. Now he’s going to need to share her with the child. This definitely may cause tension, resentment, and jealousy.
As a mom, I can tell you the focus shifts immediately, as it should, even for the dad . She will probably start resenting him immensely if he stays in that childish role ans doesn’t step up
2:30 This illustrate *them* so well, she shows up in a major way and makes a true effort, and he looks like he once again rolled out of bed and couldn’t be bothered to even wash out the sleep from his eyes. Why is he dressed like he is at home on a Sunday afternoon simply puttering about whilst waiting for his meal from his second moma? *If a guy refuses to make an effort even on your big days, wtf are you bothering?!!* Girls, if this looks like something that is romantic and that you should aim for in life, please don’t- there are actual men out there who wants to make an effort! This is not it!
To be fair to Heidi Klum and Seal, I think the yearly themed vow renewals were just because NO ONE loves a theme party more than Heidi Klum, I mean have you seen what she does every Halloween? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
So... I just had my first baby 8 weeks ago and I did not expect to struggle as much as I have. I have an amazing support system, a strong relationship with my very involved and loving husband, financial stability, strong faith, no history of mental illness or trauma... and yet here I am struggling with this life adjustment and some postpartum depression. I would say your airport test is accurate. My husband will drop anything to help me and our baby, and if he doesn't know how to help he figures it out. Dealing with the life change and caring for a baby is SO difficult even in the most optimal circumstances. I simply cannot imagine going through this alone or with a partner who wasn't as devoted, engaged, and supportive as mine.
You just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other and as long as that baby is alive and breathing, you are winning! Don’t put any undue pressure on yourself to make things Pinterest perfect or live up to some standard, just get yourself through these first few months! I truly cannot imagine how challenging motherhood is. I was almost undone by taking care of Cowboy as a rambunctious and sick puppy, I can’t imagine a person!! WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!!!!
The Airport Test is the best ❤ I wish someone would have told me that when I married my ex. He turned out to be the worst father to our children. I feel so bad that I didn’t realize the person he is. The best thing that I did was leave him. We lost everything until I could get us on our feet again but it was worth the freedom. Don’t let your blind love cloud your judgement. Use The Airport Test. Thank You for the great video. Much love and blessings
@anasofiatorres4357😂 Watch the darn video. Don't worry, Shallon here to just put all this work into uploading, only for the useful details and helpful tips and juicy bits to be handed out as a quick fix for you all. No. Just no. Rude🤪😀
Don't feel bad about your ex turning out to be the worst. I felt the same way until I realized that SO MANY PEOPLE go through this and in the end, it will be okay
I admire your ability to see reality and leave even though you lost everything. Many women sadly don't have the courage to take that step. You did. Be very proud of yourself. Your children are better for seeing their mother make the healthiest and hardest choice. Wishing you all the best. 💖🫂💖
I was married and 6 months pregnant, my now ex husband didn't want to help me take off my shoes after I just was on my feet working for 7 hours. He never wanted to get me my craving foods, I knew deep down inside. 1.5 years later we divorced. The signs where there. He was not helping with the baby, he wouldn't even help with unloading groceries when I took the baby with me. Wish I didn't stay with him. (Lots more examples) Follow your gut ladies.
Commitment is “I stay because I have to and because I said I would.” Devotion is “I stay because I want to.” Miss me with any kind of commitment, it’s devotion or nothing for me.
I have been in a happy and healthy marriage for 17 years. We have 2 kids ages 15 (almost 16) and 13. Given my life experience, when I saw the vow renewal and baby announcement it was immediate red flags for me. I wish them the best and hope that it all works out for them, clearly they’ve been going through it. ❤️ Also, my number one piece of marriage advice since day 1? NEVER become each other’s parents, especially women. We tend to naturally fall into this strange role of mothering our husbands & it’s completely “normal” & accepted within our society. Ew, absolutely not. Such a turn off, I’m a mom to my two kids and that is it. I married a man and I expect him to be a grown ass adult man in our relationship. Period.
Ok so real question: how do you NOT become that mom figure in a relationship? It seems like men at once loathe this dynamic and yet purposely seek it out! “Don’t baby me BUT ALSO please do everything” 🫠
@@shallonlester boundaries, expectations & direct communication. Being a mom is the hardest & most important job I’ve ever done, I chose to have 2 kids & that’s all the parenting I am willing to do. I made it clear from the get-go that I am not my husband’s mother. I don’t want to make decisions for him, give him curfews, discipline him, etc. I want him to make decisions that are respectful & thoughtful of his family, on his own. It’s authentic and from the heart that way, who wants to force their partner into respecting them or thinking of them, you know? Also, it is not sexy to parent your partner. 😂
My ex is on his second kid, with the girl he met after me. Felt like I got punched in the gut the first time, I couldn't breathe. The second kid, it was a moment of wow then back to business.Thankfully my favorite ex is still dating others casually 😂.
Whew samesies on the first part… ❤️🩹 Now I relish in the fact that he’s fat, looks broke af and is still a dusty while I look my absolute cutest while living my best, dust free life! ❤
My best friend once asked my stepdaughter, who was 7 when her parents separated, how she felt when her parents split. She had just split from her partner, the father of her first kid, and wanted a little kiddo insight. My stepdaughter said "I was happy! They fought all the time and it really sucked!" I think we were both stunned 😂
Im gonna be the one to burst the bubble Shallon. I have no kids but Im sorrounded by family members that have kids and I have worked with so so so many families for almost 15 years now. MOST not all but most men will stand up for the challenge on the airport situation, but because thats a rare occurance, but a lot of those same men wont stand up to their parenting duties on a daily basis, its very different
Agreed, I don't know a any father who actually pulls their weight with the kid as much as they said they would. The thing with parenting is it's a level of exhaustion you could not fathom previously, so it shows true colors in a way a few hours in an airport could never.
That helps explain the biological urge to marry “up” for women. Women inevitably carry the burden inside the house, therefore men need to carry it outside the house. There are always exceptions, and this is of course anathema to modern feminism; but biology ultimately rules.
@@AudreyWineland There's no 'biological' urge to marry, marriage is an entirely social phenomenon. And all disempowered groups seek more power, so poor men are more than happy to marry rich women, young gay men are often more than happy to date older rich men, etc. Nothing biological about it, and the faster women start seeing their current disempowerment as not inevitable, the faster they can improve their lives
@@AudreyWineland Biology absolutely is a factor in how humans interact socially and why we built the societies that we did. Source: Chapter 1 of any Anthropology and Social Psychology textbook. So I hear you and the science agrees, too 👌
Yes she will! She seems attentive, nurturing and competent. And she seems like she’d make everything perfect and organic in her own kitchen or something lolll
My parents had this dynamic all my life so it resonates so hard. I‘d rather be single all my life and do the work all by myself rather than have a useless, lazy man tbh
So true! My parents divorced and my mum remarried to a guy who's a lazy ass at home. I'm in my early 20s and living on my own and every time I visit her, I see the frustration and disappointment in her but she refuses to stand up for herself, she'd rather beg him to help around the house or do the simplest chores like a dripping tap that she's been asking him to do for literally years. And he just shrugs his shoulders, he doesn't even care. I'd refuse to endure a man like that, especially with a secure job and savings that my mum has, too, it's just not worth it.
Selena doesn’t give a SHIT! You’re wrong about that. She definitely moved on wayyyyy before he did. That low point in her life(when she broke up with Justin and he rebounded to Hayley) she now claims to be the best thing that ever happened to her. She was hurt at first but then gained so much freedom from so much shit in her life.
I will say, waiting a couple years into a marriage to have kids is not the worst idea - you know all the holidays and how they act during, how they act on trips, etc. You've also had time to consider 'should I bring a child into this?' My parents got married, and were together for about 7 years before having kids, and they're still together and in love. My Dad (a few years older than my Mum) is putting off full-time retirement until my Mum does, because he'd hate being alone and doing the retirement thing without her. Like, there's flaws, but it can work, if you're willing to be an adult about it all.
I told my now boyfriend once that I want Good Morning Texts. 2 years later and he still has been texting me every morning. If I said the same thing to my exes he would give me 20 reasons to not do so.
Before the news broke, their pastor said to “pray for” them, and he’s spent a bunch of time in the desert away from her. Does that sound like a good start to learning you’re a father? The visa marriage window has now closed. Interesting timing 😬
Having kids adds stress to any relationship. I’m 28 and have 2 kids. Got married at 23. But honestly, seeing how stressful being a parent can be has made me extremely happy I chose to have kids with the man I did. Currently watching this (watched, I’m done now lol) while doing self tanner and makeup while my husband took our two toddlers to rural king to go look at baby chickens and ducks and whatever else to give me time alone. If you have a man child who can’t dress them, get them ready to go and take them out while you have you time, DO NOT DO IT My husband and I look at each other sometimes and just say “if we can make it through two toddlers at once I think we can basically do almost anything” 🤣 Funny about the airport test too, we got stuck in Tampa airport for 2 hours with two hungry screaming kids fresh off a plane after one of them threw up all over himself, and we just laughed about it.
PLEASE PLEASE do the topic of 'best friend having a baby with the worst guy ever', because that is literally happening to me right now and I am struggling with lots of terrible feelings. I just don't want her trapped and so I have to fake being happy for her while grieving immensely inside.
@@alexandrawalton1392 I'm so, so, so worried my friend will never leave, which means I will have to hang out around that guy too, because she's everywhere he is. ☹
As someone who's been there, I recommend doing the "slow fade" on this friendship until she's moved from bestie to friendly acquaintance. Focus on your own personal development, make new friends, have fun, travel, volunteer, work on your career, and live your best life. Don't worry about the friend. She's a grown adult who is free to make bad decisions for herself, and if you say anything about her crappy relationship, you'll just be dismissed as an unhinged jealous villain. When you catch yourself thinking about the situation, immediately distract yourself with a more fun and interesting activity. Then when she occasionally sends you screenshots of his various criminal court appearances and jail sentences, you'll won't be upset by it. If she wants to ruin her life, let her. It's not your responsibility to save another competent adult who doesn't want to be saved.
Shallon maybe you will never see this comment but i've been watching you since 2013 when i was a 15 year old unnexperienced teenager. Now I'm a full grown 25 year old doctor and damn... You've been in my life and built my pattern of relationships so bad. I feel like you're my older sister/mom. The amount of wisdom and maturity i gained from your advices is insane. I dont think there's another youtuber this helpful as you are. And i'm sure thousands of other women feel the same. Thank you for your content girl ❤
15:00 exactly. I was asked advice on giving birth. I said the best advice is to be core solid with your husband and be ready to overcome whatever comes your way. We had incredibly difficult first months and yet we did everything together side by side each taking care of the baby as best as we could.
My husband would pass the airport test anytime, he was the best choice for me! We have one child and we kinda enjoy parenthood! I have time for myself, and it's only possible beacuse he is a PARTNER! I woundn't and couldn't do it any other way! 😊
In this way, I’m glad they are as rich as they are, for their sake and the baby’s. Because she won’t have to struggle for anything financially, ever. Nanny’s can always help!
I 100% agree with you on this topic Shallon, and I actually think this video is a great example of why covering celebrities as examples of broader topics is important. I have known many women who thought a baby would make their immature male partner grow up, and every single time it has gotten them in bad situations. Women need to stop trying to be the catalyst for male growth, either through marriage, or babies. Poor Hailey was already exhausted taking care of her man baby husband, and now that poor gal is stuck with two babies. I sincerely just want better for her. Thank you for the video and your insightful takes, and I wish more young women would heed your advice!!
I would absolutely not trust the airport test. It failed me monumentally. My ex husband was incredible at navigating international airports, long flights, stressful layovers. He also was unemployed and insecure the entire 10 years of our marriage. Didn't use a vacuum or run an errand once because of "anxiety". But was great at airports and big crises, fucking SOMEHOW. Part of how he kept me believing things would get better. They never did.
At 19 I had a boyfriend, with whom I was for 1 day!!,when I got a shoulder injury in my right arm,and I couldn't even tie my shoelaces and the next day he said he was discussing my problem with his roomates,we were all 19, and he came and showed me how I could solve my problem!
It takes a village to raise a kid and at the very least you deserve a good partner who will pull their weight to share the duties of child care AND making sure their woman isn't falling apart. We go through a hormonal freaking frenzy for a hot minute post delivery and truly having a standup man there to help is soooo much more important and meaningful than many realize
Sister, let me tell you what hit me the other day. Mind you, yeah I'm 42, but I don't think of myself or feel "old". Still, let me tell you this reality hit. So, my husband was 9 years older than me (yes "was" - he sadly passed away 5 years ago), and he brought his 2 daughters into our relationship. They're absolutely amazing girls, truly. His oldest was 8 when I met him and now she's 25... which is the precise age I was when I met him! Holy fucking cow!
@@ja8243Selena has a boyfriend yet can’t stop talking about her relationship with Justin. P Diddy has nothing to do with Justin being a father. If you like whisper goose, go to her channel.
@@BabezillaI dont like Selena but the way yall OBSESSIVELY hate on her says a lot about you. Get a life. Selena is in a relationship and hasnt said anything about Justin or Hailey. P.Diddy has dirt on Justin and all the shady things hes been involved in. It obviously will affect Justin as a father.
@@ja8243 I think you got it twisted Justin is victim to Diddy in that situation and it’s been years since that happened so who’s to say he’s not ready to be a dad? Having kids changes a lot
@@ja8243 also I wouldn’t say anything about Selena but it was just recent she was liking mean tiktoks about Justin and Hailey so she kinda asked for it
my partner passed the tests with flying colours PRIOR to the birth. he was hands on with EVERYTHING. he would clean, fetch me anything i needed, build and fix things and do anything to help. he lost his mind after the birth and let his family walk all over me when i nearly lost my life during birth with my baby in intensive care. he became so mean and his behaviour flipped … to the point by three weeks after the birth he went to prison which is where he will be indefinitely. so yup….
I have a 2yr old and 4yr old with my husband (together 6 yrs beforehand and now 10.5 yrs). I knew early on that I could really trust him. I lost my mom recently who was my best friend... and I'm in a deep depression (in therapy working on it). He has been doing everything in his power to make things easier for me. I truly appreciate that and him. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I didn't have him. Losing my mom has been testing me.... I've been distant, checking out and just...angry. But I'm working on that. I don't want my kids to see me so depressed, and I want to try to get better for all of them.
Hilarious commentary 😂. I really like the idea of the airport test...it comes down to problem solving...can the person solve problems or will they create a bunch more that you will end up having to solve? Need trust! I think these are things that you learn to consider with experience or wisdom. Marriage and children is very serious business!!
I would say the vow renewal is always for the partner who wishes the other would be more invested in staying in the marriage. Normally that's the wife, but sometimes it's the husband after the wife finds out he cheated on her 🤣🤣🤣
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972why do married guys do that 🙄 a married coworker is always trying to talk to me and even said we should hang out sometime and get food.. like ru serious 🙄
I dont think that Justin would be an awful dad necessarily, but, a lot of men who have arrested development in some areas are challenged by the birth of a new child (even if they adore and love that child) because they are no longer the centre of attention and their co-dependent wife's universe. You think it might impossible for parents to be jealous of their own kids, but, you'll be surprised.
I’d love to hear more about that! What do you do if you already have a child with a guy and he’s jealous of your kid?👀 I don’t have kids yet but I’d love to understand the psychology behind this
@@worldwide123 unsually some narsassits are inclined to behave this way. I remember when Kim was discussing Kayne, Kayne was wanting Kim to give him " attention hours" just like all four of her children, so he acted like her fifth child. I doubt he did much to help around the house and she did far more work inside the home, on top of the work she already did have, and he expected her to give him some equal attention because he is a big narsasstic man child.
I think vow renewals can be special if there is intentionality behind them and it isn't a big public display. My husband and I did a vow renewal with my family because they weren't there for the first wedding at the courthouse. It was such a special time for my Dad to officially give me away and have more of a ceremony with just family.
Basically all of us saw that Bieber RUclips docu. series, and know she’ll be a single mother in a marriage. A future of being parentified is coming this child’s way for sure...sadly!
He’ll be on the same level as an older adult brother who plays with his parents’ 2 year old, swing them around and do a feed here and there but have no clue about the toddler’s allergies and doctor’s appointments etc.!
@@soilgrasswaterairI think you’re right. I don’t agree with the person that said he won’t be present or loving. I think he’ll try but his immaturity will probably get the best of him and if he was going through things mentally before, I can’t even imagine what he’ll go through once he’s a dad..😬 I hope he’s able to handle everything
NOOOO SHALLON IVE BEEN DYING TO GO WITH YOU TO ITALY AND I NEVER THOUGHT YOUD PLAN ONE AGAIN 😭😭 I just booked a cruise cause I didn’t know what else to do 😭😭😭
So true when you were talking about parents staying and negatively impacting the children. I dated someone in college for 3 years, we graduated and started our lives together and it was hell. He came from a wealthy family and the mom and dad stayed together until he graduated high school. My parents are from a lower class and divorced when I was eight. I am so much stronger from that experience and all I saw from him was a broken boy who needed years and years of therapy. He had so much anger and tried to repeat the same issues/relationship that his parents had. It was insane. Their perfect life was anything but perfect when my imperfect life helped to make me strong and smarter to deal with life. Seriously so true. I’m so proud of my mom and have such a good relationship with her when my ex resents his mom and does not respect her unless he wants someone to treat him like a baby.
I witnessed a couple fail the airport test recently and it gave me such an ick. I was by myself getting off a flight and the electronic passport control gates crashed meaning we were waiting in a hot cramped corridor for hours while they were fixing it. I noticed a couple next to me where the woman was complaining she needed fresh air and water, I then noticed she was pregnant. Normal course of action would have been for the man to ask people to let them through because she is pregnant - he just stood there and it took a stranger (woman) to intervene and come to her help to ask people to let her through.
My man knows I can be on my own. Point blank I don’t need you but he knows he can make my life better and can help me elevate. I’m just fine being on my own not knowing the better things in life, I’ll be healthy and happy- but to him that’s CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. 🔥❤️ that’s love ❤️
I'm actually really happy for them, I honestly do think they're a cute and strong couple considering all the shit they have been through because of Selena and her fans, I wish them all the best
Hailey isn't stupid. The moment she felt that Justin was going to Divorce her she was going to get pregnant. I believe this was always her back up plan and it lasted 7 years.
I don’t feel old often, but when Macaulay culkin (the home alone boy) turned 40 I had to smoke weed and watch great British baking show because an existential crisis was knocking at the door
I love every time you bring up the airport test because my God, it’s so true. I knew my husband was going to be my husband the minute he told an extremely rude airport employee to NEVER speak to me the way they did 💅🏼 Literal and figurative airports test a relationship and it’s definitely a good way to gauge how things are going to turn out!
People think that other people’s babies on planes are a nightmare: imagine you are the parent with those babies. It’s unbelievably stressful. My father-in-law lived out of state yet really wanted to be in our and our children’s lives so he would fly us across the country for visits sometimes, and oh my god-SO STRESSFUL. My (ex) husband and I just barely managed to make it through, but he did not create extra problems. He did once have a minor freakout asking “where are the girls??” when he was pushing their stroller with them in it! Which was funny. But for the most part, We made it through. The marriage ever after 13 years though (he left once he started making a lot more money).
That's true!! One of my uncles renewed his wedding vows, they even went on a second honey moon and guess what... after like a year or so he fell in love with another woman and dumped my aunt🤷🏼♀️ Their marriage was over WAY before...
Maybe the problem with renewing vows is that it implies a “do-over” “starting fresh” when in fact a healthy marriage is always evolving based on difficult (& wonderful & mundane for that matter) circumstances. Maybe it signals an immature emphasis on romanticism and self regard in what needs to be a sacrificial and mutually compromising relationship in service of each other, the larger family unit, and thus society as a whole.
I love your channel! Maybe if you feel like you can’t really talk about having kids and that new stage in your life a suggestion could be to invite a mother on your channel and have a conversation with her ? I would be super interested in a video like that !
![Lil Uzi Vert - Chill Bae [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/D7F42F_JM3U/mqdefault.jpg)
“He is fine as a man as long as he doesn’t have to do the things a man actually has to do” 😬 so good Shallon. This just slapped me across the face 😂
My son's father failed the airport test 6 months in to my pregnancy. My mother had 24 hours left to live and he was sat in Starbucks working on laptop while I was barely able to stand on my feet with grief. He also stayed in his office until 10pm the night before her funeral. I never forgave him. Had I waited until our relationship was actually tested by a significant life event, I would never have had a child. My son is the best thing to have ever happened to me but it's been lonely knowing I can't rely on the other parent
😢
Did you leave ??
@HandleForElleJay that's another story in itself as it was very hard since I became pretty much isolated once I'd had my baby. Slowly though, things dawned and once I got myself to a financially independent stage, I was able to be self sufficient and go.
I'll never rely on a man again emotionally or financially xx
@@erinvictoriamakeupartist1323this is so inspiring, I hope you are so proud of yourself because that is not an easy thing to do so glad you chose yourself not just for you but for your child. Best of luck ❤
I’m just so glad I got my fallopian tubes removed when I was 19
@@Ana-pj1gf thank you so much. That's really kind xx
He really stepped it up and took a shower within the past week 🤣🤣🤣
as a roman catholic, the vow renewals always give me anxiety about the couples' future. you dont renew the real deal. who has ever rebaptized their child? no one, because the covenant already exists.
BOOM!
Catholisiscm doesn't make any sense though and is very misogynistic
@@91clarie thats not my lived experience as someone who grew up in the Church but it also varies heavily depending which time and which country you hail from. I was born and raised in a very leftists 2 million inhabitants city Germany and never met a misogynist priest or nun but obviously many many people unfortunately did, so your point is more than valid
The only time it's not a redflag it's ppl who wanted a big white wedding when they got married but did not have the money. Or could not have family at their wedding.
@@beewest5704 true that!
I've birthed three children from my body. Pregnancy had almost killed me twice. I was not supported one time by the sperm donor of my children.
When I think about the turmoil and chaos surrounding me while my children developed inside me, it's truly heartbreaking. Don't. bring children into this world with a man you cannot trust.
3... Wow!
That is so sad, you are so strong! Be proud ❤❤❤
I can totally relate. My son’s dad cheated on me throughout my pregnancy which caused me a great deal of stress, sadness and distress. It breaks my heart to know my son felt all of that while he was developing in my womb).
@@jessicaespinoza9951💗 and the babies still come into this world so full of love in spite of everything. You and your baby deserve peace. Never forget that. It's his loss.
So you weren’t supported the first time then you thought you should have two more with him? Takes two to tango sis. You are irresponsible for that.
to me a vow renewal is a way to force your unexpressive, unromantic, uncommunicative partner into saying something sweet and romantic so you can hold on just a little longer
This is exactly how I feel about it!
Baby not even born yet, and already has a job...to fix someone
So true
😂
truth bomb
Right? And babies only create more tension. My son has autism. It was BEYOND stressful! Almost broke us
@@The_real_JulieKelsea My son has autism too. 16 and nonverbal.
Love to you, autism mama ❤️❤️❤️
Honestly I can't believe there's a younger generation than mine🤣
I’m a mom and I still feel this way. 🤣 4ever young
My husband passed the airport test before our wedding 😅 I planned our wonderful holiday trip, and then 2020 happened. I was like: I HAVE TO GO on holiday, please do something. And he did :) our baby is 7 months now and he is a wonderful husband and a dad: always saying yes to taking care of her so I can rest, go to the gym, see my friends, get my hair done, always saying yes when I ask him to change a diaper. The first month when the baby blues hit me really hard and I was mostly crying my eyes out - he was there for me, for us: staying with us late at night, waking up to help at 3 am, cleaning, cooking, taking care of groceries and giving me plenty of hugs and kisses.
We met on Tinder btw 😅
❤ this. May your family stay blessed.
😮Tinder? THE Tinder?! 😮
My bf is like that too but I don’t want kids. He’s always been there for me when I was dealing with health issues or when I’m severely disregulated etc. I met him on pof. Many of my coworkers in healthcare also met their husbands or bfs from online dating. People like to chirp online but I think it works
@@Bunny11344love this for both you, ladies 🤍🤍 that’s how it should be!!
What is the airport test?
HB will not divorce, he is her identity
Motherhood could change that tho
@blakerobinson5084, so true! The veil has lifted for so many of my gfs after a child was born. That's sad, though.
@@friktermindso many of ur gf had? how many baby mama u got
@@xoxo2026, friends, who are girls = girlfriends
@@friktermindwhat do you mean by the veil had lifted?
The truth for me is really thought motherhood would be way worse than it was. I hated kids. And never wanted them. But the right partner makes or breaks the experience. I enjoy motherhood because my husband does so much for me and the kids.
Love this for you ❤
the airport test is the realest thing in the world, not even just for relationships, but family and friendships too
traveling to another continent solely w my mom made me wanna combust
What’s the airport test and how do you pass? I’m traveling tomorrow and my boyfriend will drop me off and pick me up from the airport.
What’s the airport test? How do you pass?
About divorced parents: at 9 years old I used to beg my mom to divorce my father, she didn’t do it until I was 18, and then she finally understood how absolutely damaging it is to raise children in an environment where your parents are constantly miserable. “Staying together for the children” is NEVER a good idea, you force them to adapt to your toxicity. Also, what kind of example are you setting for them? What are you teaching them about self love, boundaries, and authenticity? What kind of attachment style are you installing? Kids always pick up on things, even if you think they don’t.
The airport test literally happened to me the other day with my boyfriend. We missed our gate closing by only 5 minutes because my IBS decided to act up and the airport people were completely inflexible. Other than being frustrated and a bit short with the receptionist, my boyfriend got us tickets to another nearby airport, and booked the coach and fast train between cities on the spot. He plays the role of fixing things, and I keep him calm and measured.
I feel weirdly attached to Kate Middleton...when the news came up she got cancer. I cried for days and I never even met her.
She did not deserve to be hounded by the media like that! Having to make that video explaining things while looking so sick just made me upset.
I got tears in my eyes when i found out😿 she’s like an imaginary older sister for me lol
She's always been the epitome of grace and kindness and you being touched by her personal struggles only shows that you're an empathetic, attentive person, too. It's a very valuable trait nowadays when so many people find joy in picking on others and spreading false rumours that hurt others.
Good on her. I don't want kids but whenever I find out another lady is pregnant I'm so happy for them
@@Unknown24466 and?
Stop pushing depopulation propaganda
Same! Wishing her a healthy peaceful pregnancy❤
Your hair looks GORGEOUS!!
Hailey is doing a DOUBLE HAIL MARY lol! Having a kid and a vow renewal amazing lol!
Uh oh…Vow renewal = future divorce
@@Unknown24466 I’m sure, I wish the best for them, I really don’t have an opinion on this couple, just saying that vow renewal usually spells trouble or fooling yourself.
@@Unknown24466 Staying in a terrible relationship for the money is NEVER worth it, trust me. Better to be broke and free than 24/7 nurse to a grown baby
I just realized this!
My older sister and I were raised by two parents who fought constantly and claimed they were only together for us- I called bullshit on that excuse at a very young age when I realised that my dad didn't want us or love us.
my sister exists because my mother only wanted a baby to keep up with her friends who were having babies and she felt left out!
I found out at 7 years old that I was 'the accident' when she said this to me-
"When you were a baby I felt so guilty for having you because I'd look at you- the accident- and then I'd look at your sister's little face and see that I couldn't give her the attention she deserved and think 'what have I done to my real baby'- it was awful for me!'
Yeah!!! That actually got said to me, I was the 'accident' and my sister was her 'real' baby.
All my parents did was fight as we were kids and it's not a big shock that my sister escaped the house to run away with an older man at 16! (They've been married now for 21 years)
I spent 9 years with an abusive dick who ended up raping me, I thought the rage was normal because it was all I knew.
Well cut to our parents retiring and being around each other 24/7 and they fight like wild animals and they don't have the excuse of it parental stress this time, it comes down to the fact that they are two people with nothing in common who blame each other for wasting their lives and were too lazy and cowardly to divorce!
My sister and I barely speak to them because they try and put us in the middle of their fights just like when we were kids- no thanks.
Everything hit close to home. I feel you girl.
I’m so sorry you were made to feel like a burden. That is a heavy cross to carry your whole life.
Sending a big hug ❤
That’s so awful. I’m so sorry you were treated like and exposed to that.
I too was told I was an ‘accident’, and on top of that neither parent raised me; definitely affected my mentality growing up. But I guess the bright side is, I know it wouldn’t have ever worked between them.
Sending love as well. I can relate. I was told I “ruined her life and she wished she never had me.” My mother had a TON of childhood trauma so it’s long forgiven (understood even) but it f’ing HURTS to hear that as a child, by the woman that carried & birthed you.
I had a kid with someone who passes the test. Couldn’t be a better father or husband. My friend had a kid with someone who doesn’t even come close to passing and she is miserable. Don’t have kids with men who fall apart at the smallest problems.
I met my ex husband when I was a teen and he was an adult…so he passed the airport test at the time because I didn’t know anything and basic things seemed amazing and intelligent to me. By the time I grew up and my brain was fully developed, I could see that he was actually a hot mess and an additional child for me to care for and manage. I was able to see that everything overwhelmed him and he always seemed to take the long and hard road and/or bury his head in the sand until I rescued things by stepping up to the plate. He was the opposite of bold. The dynamic completely shifted. After 10+ years of impressing me with the bare minimum, the veil was lifted and there was no way to unsee it.
Probably the exact reason he was dating teens. He could not impress anyone his age.
I'm sorry you had that experience but glad you grew up and raised your standards! 🙂
@@beewest5704 Exactly
I think Kendall has anxietyyy because she doesn’t eat enough and her body is in survival mode 24/7 for her model carrier 😢
It’s not easy for socially awkward people to maneuver through life though especially in front of so many people.
I dont think thats it.
Has she not had anxiety since she was a kid. Sometimes it's even genetic but I'm sure her eating habits doesn't make it better.
She’s also been on camera her whole life since like…age 10? 11?
Honestly, I'm genuinely so happy for them! Hailey seems like such a kind and grounded person and at least to me, Justin seems like he's healed so much and has a lot of love to give to a child. I wish them the best!
Me too I love them and I love this!
Mom of a one year old here. There are two sides of the coin. My husband is a high achiever, conscientious, hardworking, high standards, practical, efficient guy. Passed every airport test in real life with flying colours for a decade. Then we had our daughter. When you are with such a man the problem is that he will expect the same from you. I was his ideal for 12 year, then a traumatic birth and postpartum hit and I was a giant mess and he didn't know how to handle it. The first 3 months of our baby's life were the hardest of my life. I felt like a giant loser, things slipping away from me all the time and not getting things done like before and he didn't really get why I don't simply put myself together. He sort of lost respect for me. He's a terrific dad, but we are still repairing the cracks in our marriage one year later
Hello internet stranger. With all due respect, this comment sounds like you are beating yourself up a bit too much. Men who judge women for how hard pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum are simply do not understand it. How difficult birth is cannot be fixed through sheer will and hard work, and women often have such a hard time postpartum because partners treat the astronomical changes as solely the woman's burden. Please know that being gentle with yourself and expecting empathy is not only good for you, it's good for your baby. Parenting is not a competitive sport, and if a man loses 'respect' because a woman is not picture perfect after baby, that's HIM failing, not YOU failing.
Being an efficient problem solver and ego driven achiever is not the same as possessing empathy and emotional intelligence. Sounds like your husband has some maturing to do.
Don’t we all. ❤
Although I don’t have kids, I can relate. I’m a conscientious, hardworking person who has suffered two mental breakdowns and burnout leading to chronic fatigue. It’s hard enough to deal with self-judgment let alone having to explain yourself to others who don’t understand mental health challenges or chronic illness. I try to remember that people are not machines to be optimized; we are humans living a human experience. Sending a big hug, loads of understanding, and best wishes for recovery at a timeline that works for you.
This man sounds like a psycho
No person is perfect but it’s really bothering me that’s he’s not being empathetic and supportive about your pp trauma. Your experience and feelings are valid and he really should be encouraging and gracious with you instead of making you feel bad for not snapping back so soon.
This is exactly what happened to me with my mom. I was her parent, my whole entire life without even realizing it. And only after I had my own child, I remember thinking “Holy cow! This is an actual baby! You’re a grown lady. Go take care of yourself!”. That did not go well, but I’ve removed her from my life.
SAME HERE
Yep.
Exactly this! I saw this with a grown man who couldn't cope with his own newborn becoming the priority to his wife who'd been taking care of him for years. I'm convinced he was literally jealous of a few-month-old baby, his OWN baby and that made his wife fall out of love sooo quickly, they're not even together anymore. And from what I heard he's still butthurt and going on and on about the situation...
This is in the midst of Pdiddy drama unfolding…
Right. Poor teste, if you ask me.
Omg didn't she leave him not long ago?🙄
Poor child.
Shallon is a clown what do u expect
@@Espi90She did? 🙀
@abbied yeah there was a video of him crying and she was taunting him. Also, I think she released a statement they both needed time apart to "figure out" who they were or something
Justin has had 7 years of her undivided attention. Now he’s going to need to share her with the child. This definitely may cause tension, resentment, and jealousy.
i think she’s been justin’s ‘mother’ during their marriage. and now she’s actually be a
mother. she’s gunna look at him like grow up already
Oouuuuu, fabulous point! Indeed.
As a mom, I can tell you the focus shifts immediately, as it should, even for the dad . She will probably start resenting him immensely if he stays in that childish role ans doesn’t step up
2:30 This illustrate *them* so well, she shows up in a major way and makes a true effort, and he looks like he once again rolled out of bed and couldn’t be bothered to even wash out the sleep from his eyes. Why is he dressed like he is at home on a Sunday afternoon simply puttering about whilst waiting for his meal from his second moma?
*If a guy refuses to make an effort even on your big days, wtf are you bothering?!!*
Girls, if this looks like something that is romantic and that you should aim for in life, please don’t- there are actual men out there who wants to make an effort! This is not it!
Exactly and this is such typical man behaviour too. The bare minimum. Most men are like this once they’re comfortable in a relationship.
Bet he wrote his vows at 2am on the back of a coaster.
I don’t think he even knew it was going to happen. I think Hailey likes Justin in the depressed state.
He wore a backwards baseball cap for his VOWS. Oh, hell, naw! That is a whole new level of disrespect.
@@cheryl-lynneellis8671 Deal with your internalized, misogyny! Your thought process here is really off.
To be fair to Heidi Klum and Seal, I think the yearly themed vow renewals were just because NO ONE loves a theme party more than Heidi Klum, I mean have you seen what she does every Halloween? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
So... I just had my first baby 8 weeks ago and I did not expect to struggle as much as I have. I have an amazing support system, a strong relationship with my very involved and loving husband, financial stability, strong faith, no history of mental illness or trauma... and yet here I am struggling with this life adjustment and some postpartum depression.
I would say your airport test is accurate. My husband will drop anything to help me and our baby, and if he doesn't know how to help he figures it out.
Dealing with the life change and caring for a baby is SO difficult even in the most optimal circumstances. I simply cannot imagine going through this alone or with a partner who wasn't as devoted, engaged, and supportive as mine.
You just keep putting 1 foot in front of the other and as long as that baby is alive and breathing, you are winning! Don’t put any undue pressure on yourself to make things Pinterest perfect or live up to some standard, just get yourself through these first few months!
I truly cannot imagine how challenging motherhood is. I was almost undone by taking care of Cowboy as a rambunctious and sick puppy, I can’t imagine a person!! WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!!!!
The Airport Test is the best ❤ I wish someone would have told me that when I married my ex. He turned out to be the worst father to our children. I feel so bad that I didn’t realize the person he is. The best thing that I did was leave him. We lost everything until I could get us on our feet again but it was worth the freedom. Don’t let your blind love cloud your judgement. Use The Airport Test. Thank You for the great video. Much love and blessings
@anasofiatorres4357😂
Watch the darn video.
Don't worry, Shallon here to just put all this work into uploading, only for the useful details and helpful tips and juicy bits to be handed out as a quick fix for you all.
No. Just no. Rude🤪😀
Don't feel bad about your ex turning out to be the worst. I felt the same way until I realized that SO MANY PEOPLE go through this and in the end, it will be okay
@@roxy4325 Thank you so much for the advice and message. I really appreciate it. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
I admire your ability to see reality and leave even though you lost everything. Many women sadly don't have the courage to take that step. You did. Be very proud of yourself.
Your children are better for seeing their mother make the healthiest and hardest choice.
Wishing you all the best. 💖🫂💖
@@MariaLuckyxo Thank You 🙏 so very much I appreciate it. Much love and blessings to You and Your Family.
I was married and 6 months pregnant, my now ex husband didn't want to help me take off my shoes after I just was on my feet working for 7 hours. He never wanted to get me my craving foods, I knew deep down inside. 1.5 years later we divorced. The signs where there. He was not helping with the baby, he wouldn't even help with unloading groceries when I took the baby with me. Wish I didn't stay with him. (Lots more examples)
Follow your gut ladies.
So so proud you made him an ex-!
These d- bags are like lemons that need to be sent back to the manufacturer. You deserved better
I hope their vow renewal is more as a "f u" to everyone, and not a last resort. I'm rooting for them so much
Same on both counts!
Commitment is “I stay because I have to and because I said I would.”
Devotion is “I stay because I want to.”
Miss me with any kind of commitment, it’s devotion or nothing for me.
❤❤❤❤❤
!!!!!Yup! ❤️🔥
I have been in a happy and healthy marriage for 17 years. We have 2 kids ages 15 (almost 16) and 13. Given my life experience, when I saw the vow renewal and baby announcement it was immediate red flags for me. I wish them the best and hope that it all works out for them, clearly they’ve been going through it. ❤️
Also, my number one piece of marriage advice since day 1? NEVER become each other’s parents, especially women. We tend to naturally fall into this strange role of mothering our husbands & it’s completely “normal” & accepted within our society. Ew, absolutely not. Such a turn off, I’m a mom to my two kids and that is it. I married a man and I expect him to be a grown ass adult man in our relationship. Period.
Ok so real question: how do you NOT become that mom figure in a relationship? It seems like men at once loathe this dynamic and yet purposely seek it out! “Don’t baby me BUT ALSO please do everything” 🫠
@@shallonlester boundaries, expectations & direct communication. Being a mom is the hardest & most important job I’ve ever done, I chose to have 2 kids & that’s all the parenting I am willing to do. I made it clear from the get-go that I am not my husband’s mother. I don’t want to make decisions for him, give him curfews, discipline him, etc. I want him to make decisions that are respectful & thoughtful of his family, on his own. It’s authentic and from the heart that way, who wants to force their partner into respecting them or thinking of them, you know? Also, it is not sexy to parent your partner. 😂
@@shallonlesterJillz Guerin made a really great video on this called "How to stop mothering your man." 10/10 recommend!
My ex is on his second kid, with the girl he met after me. Felt like I got punched in the gut the first time, I couldn't breathe. The second kid, it was a moment of wow then back to business.Thankfully my favorite ex is still dating others casually 😂.
Whew samesies on the first part… ❤️🩹
Now I relish in the fact that he’s fat, looks broke af and is still a dusty while I look my absolute cutest while living my best, dust free life! ❤
2 of my exes had babies after me. One of them broke up not long after the baby was born. Poor baby 😔
"my favorite ex" 😂 love the concept.
Move on babe move on
Your fav ex.. that got me 😂
My best friend once asked my stepdaughter, who was 7 when her parents separated, how she felt when her parents split. She had just split from her partner, the father of her first kid, and wanted a little kiddo insight. My stepdaughter said "I was happy! They fought all the time and it really sucked!" I think we were both stunned 😂
yes 7 year olds know exactly what they want and feel and why 🙄
Im gonna be the one to burst the bubble Shallon. I have no kids but Im sorrounded by family members that have kids and I have worked with so so so many families for almost 15 years now. MOST not all but most men will stand up for the challenge on the airport situation, but because thats a rare occurance, but a lot of those same men wont stand up to their parenting duties on a daily basis, its very different
Agreed, I don't know a any father who actually pulls their weight with the kid as much as they said they would. The thing with parenting is it's a level of exhaustion you could not fathom previously, so it shows true colors in a way a few hours in an airport could never.
That helps explain the biological urge to marry “up” for women. Women inevitably carry the burden inside the house, therefore men need to carry it outside the house. There are always exceptions, and this is of course anathema to modern feminism; but biology ultimately rules.
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 absolutely. I know of men that pull their weight daily but its a rare occurance,
@@AudreyWineland There's no 'biological' urge to marry, marriage is an entirely social phenomenon. And all disempowered groups seek more power, so poor men are more than happy to marry rich women, young gay men are often more than happy to date older rich men, etc. Nothing biological about it, and the faster women start seeing their current disempowerment as not inevitable, the faster they can improve their lives
@@AudreyWineland Biology absolutely is a factor in how humans interact socially and why we built the societies that we did. Source: Chapter 1 of any Anthropology and Social Psychology textbook. So I hear you and the science agrees, too 👌
The good news is that Hailey will be a great mom.
Justin as a dad is tbd.
Yes she will! She seems attentive, nurturing and competent. And she seems like she’d make everything perfect and organic in her own kitchen or something lolll
Co dependants characters do not make good parents.
My parents had this dynamic all my life so it resonates so hard. I‘d rather be single all my life and do the work all by myself rather than have a useless, lazy man tbh
So true! My parents divorced and my mum remarried to a guy who's a lazy ass at home. I'm in my early 20s and living on my own and every time I visit her, I see the frustration and disappointment in her but she refuses to stand up for herself, she'd rather beg him to help around the house or do the simplest chores like a dripping tap that she's been asking him to do for literally years. And he just shrugs his shoulders, he doesn't even care. I'd refuse to endure a man like that, especially with a secure job and savings that my mum has, too, it's just not worth it.
Oh yes, when I saw the vow renewal, I was waiting to hear your thoughts!! Your hair looks shiny and gorgeous as always ❤
Selena doesn’t give a SHIT! You’re wrong about that. She definitely moved on wayyyyy before he did. That low point in her life(when she broke up with Justin and he rebounded to Hayley) she now claims to be the best thing that ever happened to her. She was hurt at first but then gained so much freedom from so much shit in her life.
If you can’t use the airport test, use the restaurant test; it works as well, the worst service restaurant can show his worst personality
I will say, waiting a couple years into a marriage to have kids is not the worst idea - you know all the holidays and how they act during, how they act on trips, etc. You've also had time to consider 'should I bring a child into this?'
My parents got married, and were together for about 7 years before having kids, and they're still together and in love.
My Dad (a few years older than my Mum) is putting off full-time retirement until my Mum does, because he'd hate being alone and doing the retirement thing without her.
Like, there's flaws, but it can work, if you're willing to be an adult about it all.
I told my now boyfriend once that I want Good Morning Texts. 2 years later and he still has been texting me every morning. If I said the same thing to my exes he would give me 20 reasons to not do so.
I married the man I actually didn’t have to say anything & he still new what to do, what a woman likes etc.. 😂 my exes could never .. hahah
Happy women celebrate happy women! 🥂 Love this for us all!
Before the news broke, their pastor said to “pray for” them, and he’s spent a bunch of time in the desert away from her. Does that sound like a good start to learning you’re a father?
The visa marriage window has now closed. Interesting timing 😬
Who spent a bunch of time in the desert away from her? Justin?
you work quick girl 😂
When I first read this news, I was like can’t wait for Shallon to cover this. So excited for them
Having kids adds stress to any relationship. I’m 28 and have 2 kids. Got married at 23. But honestly, seeing how stressful being a parent can be has made me extremely happy I chose to have kids with the man I did. Currently watching this (watched, I’m done now lol) while doing self tanner and makeup while my husband took our two toddlers to rural king to go look at baby chickens and ducks and whatever else to give me time alone.
If you have a man child who can’t dress them, get them ready to go and take them out while you have you time, DO NOT DO IT
My husband and I look at each other sometimes and just say “if we can make it through two toddlers at once I think we can basically do almost anything” 🤣
Funny about the airport test too, we got stuck in Tampa airport for 2 hours with two hungry screaming kids fresh off a plane after one of them threw up all over himself, and we just laughed about it.
The part of you talking about having divorced parents who only stayed together for the kids… hits hard LOL
PLEASE PLEASE do the topic of 'best friend having a baby with the worst guy ever', because that is literally happening to me right now and I am struggling with lots of terrible feelings. I just don't want her trapped and so I have to fake being happy for her while grieving immensely inside.
Single mom in a marriage 😭 that was me so hard. But on the plus side it makes leaving him very easy.
@@alexandrawalton1392 I'm so, so, so worried my friend will never leave, which means I will have to hang out around that guy too, because she's everywhere he is. ☹
As someone who's been there, I recommend doing the "slow fade" on this friendship until she's moved from bestie to friendly acquaintance. Focus on your own personal development, make new friends, have fun, travel, volunteer, work on your career, and live your best life. Don't worry about the friend. She's a grown adult who is free to make bad decisions for herself, and if you say anything about her crappy relationship, you'll just be dismissed as an unhinged jealous villain. When you catch yourself thinking about the situation, immediately distract yourself with a more fun and interesting activity. Then when she occasionally sends you screenshots of his various criminal court appearances and jail sentences, you'll won't be upset by it. If she wants to ruin her life, let her. It's not your responsibility to save another competent adult who doesn't want to be saved.
The airport test is wise! I can see many not passing this lol
my gosh the advice in this video is so wise. every woman should watch it.
Shallon maybe you will never see this comment but i've been watching you since 2013 when i was a 15 year old unnexperienced teenager. Now I'm a full grown 25 year old doctor and damn... You've been in my life and built my pattern of relationships so bad. I feel like you're my older sister/mom. The amount of wisdom and maturity i gained from your advices is insane. I dont think there's another youtuber this helpful as you are. And i'm sure thousands of other women feel the same. Thank you for your content girl ❤
15:00 exactly. I was asked advice on giving birth. I said the best advice is to be core solid with your husband and be ready to overcome whatever comes your way. We had incredibly difficult first months and yet we did everything together side by side each taking care of the baby as best as we could.
My husband would pass the airport test anytime, he was the best choice for me! We have one child and we kinda enjoy parenthood! I have time for myself, and it's only possible beacuse he is a PARTNER! I woundn't and couldn't do it any other way! 😊
You had me howling in this one omg girl every video I watch I want to be your best friend more and more
My parents got divorced after 36 years but my entire childhood was full of tension and resentment.They should have gotten divorced way sooner!!!!
Great news but Haley is going to live a very difficult life. I dont expect Justin to be a good father. I hope they make it though.
In this way, I’m glad they are as rich as they are, for their sake and the baby’s. Because she won’t have to struggle for anything financially, ever. Nanny’s can always help!
Believe me she‘ll make it as otherwise he‘s to paaaaaay, she‘s now in a powerful position 😂
I 100% agree with you on this topic Shallon, and I actually think this video is a great example of why covering celebrities as examples of broader topics is important. I have known many women who thought a baby would make their immature male partner grow up, and every single time it has gotten them in bad situations. Women need to stop trying to be the catalyst for male growth, either through marriage, or babies. Poor Hailey was already exhausted taking care of her man baby husband, and now that poor gal is stuck with two babies. I sincerely just want better for her. Thank you for the video and your insightful takes, and I wish more young women would heed your advice!!
I would absolutely not trust the airport test. It failed me monumentally. My ex husband was incredible at navigating international airports, long flights, stressful layovers. He also was unemployed and insecure the entire 10 years of our marriage. Didn't use a vacuum or run an errand once because of "anxiety". But was great at airports and big crises, fucking SOMEHOW. Part of how he kept me believing things would get better. They never did.
At 19 I had a boyfriend, with whom I was for 1 day!!,when I got a shoulder injury in my right arm,and I couldn't even tie my shoelaces and the next day he said he was discussing my problem with his roomates,we were all 19, and he came and showed me how I could solve my problem!
It takes a village to raise a kid and at the very least you deserve a good partner who will pull their weight to share the duties of child care AND making sure their woman isn't falling apart. We go through a hormonal freaking frenzy for a hot minute post delivery and truly having a standup man there to help is soooo much more important and meaningful than many realize
Sister, let me tell you what hit me the other day. Mind you, yeah I'm 42, but I don't think of myself or feel "old". Still, let me tell you this reality hit. So, my husband was 9 years older than me (yes "was" - he sadly passed away 5 years ago), and he brought his 2 daughters into our relationship. They're absolutely amazing girls, truly. His oldest was 8 when I met him and now she's 25... which is the precise age I was when I met him! Holy fucking cow!
It's going to hit Millie Bobby Brown when she has a 14 year old. Now she is defending her relationship with Drake.
Yea, I am around Justin's age and I was shocked, even though he's in his 30s
I mean he just turned 30 but I get it
He just turned 30 like this yr
“I love her but what the fuck is she doing” me when Taylor went out with Matty Healy 😂😂😂😭
I knew once I saw the pregnancy you would be on it! 😂 I’m excited to watch this. I bet Selena is going through it.. poor poor soul
She has a boyfriend 🤦🏻♀️ plus they are in no place to be having a child especially with Justin and the Diddy drama
@@ja8243Selena has a boyfriend yet can’t stop talking about her relationship with Justin. P Diddy has nothing to do with Justin being a father. If you like whisper goose, go to her channel.
@@BabezillaI dont like Selena but the way yall OBSESSIVELY hate on her says a lot about you. Get a life. Selena is in a relationship and hasnt said anything about Justin or Hailey. P.Diddy has dirt on Justin and all the shady things hes been involved in. It obviously will affect Justin as a father.
@@ja8243 I think you got it twisted Justin is victim to Diddy in that situation and it’s been years since that happened so who’s to say he’s not ready to be a dad? Having kids changes a lot
@@ja8243 also I wouldn’t say anything about Selena but it was just recent she was liking mean tiktoks about Justin and Hailey so she kinda asked for it
my partner passed the tests with flying colours PRIOR to the birth. he was hands on with EVERYTHING. he would clean, fetch me anything i needed, build and fix things and do anything to help. he lost his mind after the birth and let his family walk all over me when i nearly lost my life during birth with my baby in intensive care. he became so mean and his behaviour flipped … to the point by three weeks after the birth he went to prison which is where he will be indefinitely. so yup….
I have a 2yr old and 4yr old with my husband (together 6 yrs beforehand and now 10.5 yrs). I knew early on that I could really trust him. I lost my mom recently who was my best friend... and I'm in a deep depression (in therapy working on it). He has been doing everything in his power to make things easier for me. I truly appreciate that and him. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I didn't have him. Losing my mom has been testing me.... I've been distant, checking out and just...angry. But I'm working on that. I don't want my kids to see me so depressed, and I want to try to get better for all of them.
Hilarious commentary 😂. I really like the idea of the airport test...it comes down to problem solving...can the person solve problems or will they create a bunch more that you will end up having to solve? Need trust! I think these are things that you learn to consider with experience or wisdom. Marriage and children is very serious business!!
Wish I had known that once you have a child your anxiety will be on another level.
Same
Exactly!
Can you elaborate?
with all due respect, how can you not know…? it’s common sense and another reason, for me at least, not to have a child.
Omg people don't talk about this enough it's like one constant panic attack.
She’s going to go through it with the baby and him. Best of luck!
I have never clicked so fast on a video before !!!!
Exactly. The vow renewal is always for the wife. The husband could care less.
Not really. My ex-husband was the one that wanted us to do it, and I said no. And I had a couple more friends in the same situation.
I would say the vow renewal is always for the partner who wishes the other would be more invested in staying in the marriage. Normally that's the wife, but sometimes it's the husband after the wife finds out he cheated on her 🤣🤣🤣
@@FishareFriendsNotFood972why do married guys do that 🙄 a married coworker is always trying to talk to me and even said we should hang out sometime and get food.. like ru serious 🙄
I dont think that Justin would be an awful dad necessarily, but, a lot of men who have arrested development in some areas are challenged by the birth of a new child (even if they adore and love that child) because they are no longer the centre of attention and their co-dependent wife's universe. You think it might impossible for parents to be jealous of their own kids, but, you'll be surprised.
I’d love to hear more about that! What do you do if you already have a child with a guy and he’s jealous of your kid?👀 I don’t have kids yet but I’d love to understand the psychology behind this
@@worldwide123nothing. You picked a wrong guy and you are in for a lot of misery. He needs to acknowledge it and get help.
@@worldwide123 unsually some narsassits are inclined to behave this way. I remember when Kim was discussing Kayne, Kayne was wanting Kim to give him " attention hours" just like all four of her children, so he acted like her fifth child. I doubt he did much to help around the house and she did far more work inside the home, on top of the work she already did have, and he expected her to give him some equal attention because he is a big narsasstic man child.
I can see Selena’s social media tantrum coming her fans have already started
I think vow renewals can be special if there is intentionality behind them and it isn't a big public display. My husband and I did a vow renewal with my family because they weren't there for the first wedding at the courthouse. It was such a special time for my Dad to officially give me away and have more of a ceremony with just family.
Basically all of us saw that Bieber RUclips docu. series, and know she’ll be a single mother in a marriage. A future of being parentified is coming this child’s way for sure...sadly!
YES
Exactly. Justin should be in a lot of therapy not having kids
He'll be a dead beat dad. He'll pay the money, but won't be present nor loving. He has serious issues, so does she.
He’ll be on the same level as an older adult brother who plays with his parents’ 2 year old, swing them around and do a feed here and there but have no clue about the toddler’s allergies and doctor’s appointments etc.!
@@soilgrasswaterairI think you’re right. I don’t agree with the person that said he won’t be present or loving. I think he’ll try but his immaturity will probably get the best of him and if he was going through things mentally before, I can’t even imagine what he’ll go through once he’s a dad..😬 I hope he’s able to handle everything
Wow you know Justin Beiber personally and have a time machine so cool 😎
@muthukannan7300
Thank you for that comment. I think there's a lot of negative comments here, which ARE unfair particularly with recent news.
It’s none of my business but what are hers? She seems healthy but I am curious. 👀
She looks insanely beautiful pregnant. She was looking mannish for a while. This gave her a glow and curves
My friend still has guilt from her kids being miserable with always seeing her and her husband fighting
What you saying is true I have a lot of resentment towards my mother for staying married, I’ve come to understand my mother enjoyed the drama.
Shallon cracks me up!! I love how she just talks & whatever comes out, comes out!! The stupid are inheriting the Earth!!! 😂😂😂
😂😂
NOOOO SHALLON IVE BEEN DYING TO GO WITH YOU TO ITALY AND I NEVER THOUGHT YOUD PLAN ONE AGAIN 😭😭 I just booked a cruise cause I didn’t know what else to do 😭😭😭
I think the baby honestly will help stabilize them and specifically him I think he’s gonna get a lot of healing by being a father
For sure. It will be challenging but I can see him healing his inner child.
@@ja8243 yess exactly spot on!
This will rather trigger his family wounds, his father was a mess
@@victoriailcheva4789 not saying you're wrong, but that could actually motivate him not to be like his dad
yeah….nah….that’s not usually how it works.
So true when you were talking about parents staying and negatively impacting the children. I dated someone in college for 3 years, we graduated and started our lives together and it was hell. He came from a wealthy family and the mom and dad stayed together until he graduated high school. My parents are from a lower class and divorced when I was eight. I am so much stronger from that experience and all I saw from him was a broken boy who needed years and years of therapy. He had so much anger and tried to repeat the same issues/relationship that his parents had. It was insane. Their perfect life was anything but perfect when my imperfect life helped to make me strong and smarter to deal with life. Seriously so true.
I’m so proud of my mom and have such a good relationship with her when my ex resents his mom and does not respect her unless he wants someone to treat him like a baby.
absolute amazing tips and advice! thank you so much 🤍⚡️
Loved the Spirit Airlines jab because it's true. I'll be visiting Rome, Venice and Florence in July. Safe travels Shalligators ❤
Shallon always so fast with the news😁
I witnessed a couple fail the airport test recently and it gave me such an ick. I was by myself getting off a flight and the electronic passport control gates crashed meaning we were waiting in a hot cramped corridor for hours while they were fixing it. I noticed a couple next to me where the woman was complaining she needed fresh air and water, I then noticed she was pregnant. Normal course of action would have been for the man to ask people to let them through because she is pregnant - he just stood there and it took a stranger (woman) to intervene and come to her help to ask people to let her through.
My man knows I can be on my own. Point blank I don’t need you but he knows he can make my life better and can help me elevate. I’m just fine being on my own not knowing the better things in life, I’ll be healthy and happy- but to him that’s CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. 🔥❤️ that’s love ❤️
Nice.
I'm actually really happy for them, I honestly do think they're a cute and strong couple considering all the shit they have been through because of Selena and her fans, I wish them all the best
Hailey isn't stupid. The moment she felt that Justin was going to Divorce her she was going to get pregnant. I believe this was always her back up plan and it lasted 7 years.
I don’t feel old often, but when Macaulay culkin (the home alone boy) turned 40 I had to smoke weed and watch great British baking show because an existential crisis was knocking at the door
Mine was Britney getting pregnant. I couldn’t handle it.
I love every time you bring up the airport test because my God, it’s so true. I knew my husband was going to be my husband the minute he told an extremely rude airport employee to NEVER speak to me the way they did 💅🏼 Literal and figurative airports test a relationship and it’s definitely a good way to gauge how things are going to turn out!
People think that other people’s babies on planes are a nightmare: imagine you are the parent with those babies. It’s unbelievably stressful. My father-in-law lived out of state yet really wanted to be in our and our children’s lives so he would fly us across the country for visits sometimes, and oh my god-SO STRESSFUL. My (ex) husband and I just barely managed to make it through, but he did not create extra problems. He did once have a minor freakout asking “where are the girls??” when he was pushing their stroller with them in it! Which was funny. But for the most part, We made it through. The marriage ever after 13 years though (he left once he started making a lot more money).
That's true!! One of my uncles renewed his wedding vows, they even went on a second honey moon and guess what... after like a year or so he fell in love with another woman and dumped my aunt🤷🏼♀️ Their marriage was over WAY before...
Maybe the problem with renewing vows is that it implies a “do-over” “starting fresh” when in fact a healthy marriage is always evolving based on difficult (& wonderful & mundane for that matter) circumstances. Maybe it signals an immature emphasis on romanticism and self regard in what needs to be a sacrificial and mutually compromising relationship in service of each other, the larger family unit, and thus society as a whole.
@@AudreyWinelandI just said "wow" two times and screenshotted your comment. Insight.
I love the idea of how divorce should be an option, otherwise you're not really choosing to be with that person.
I'm happy for them! I'm looking forward to their new era.
I love your channel! Maybe if you feel like you can’t really talk about having kids and that new stage in your life a suggestion could be to invite a mother on your channel and have a conversation with her ? I would be super interested in a video like that !