Avoid men with anger issues, poor emotional regulation, men who lash out on objects, and men who rely drugs and alcohol to not deal with their emotions.
That's why they fall hard for female psychopaths. They can't fight out why they can't get under her skin and why she can walk away at any time with no feelings.
I forget who told this to me but it hit me HARD the first time I heard it, and made breakups more bearable bc I no longer saw myself as some weepy dork who just couldnt magically shut off feelings, but rather someone in grief who deserved a pause to deal with it!
@@shallonlester Shalyn come on I gay man working at a women’s shelter🙄 I’m sorry you went through what you went through but don’t trust him. He’s a double agent nobody’s gonna save you. They all know it. They all think you deserve it and you have to learn to not deal with any of them and don’t give any of them any mention or clout they’re not worth it not having children and that’s the way we’re gonna clean this mess up.
Who tf would advise him to do an apology video? He is pure evil, and his ‘apology’ just further solidified that. He’s tried therapy, rehab, maybe he should try prison.
Agreed. Like he did that just to throw a bone to his critics. But by deciding what he did wrong and what punishment is acceptable to him-it smacks of narcissism. You don’t get to decide his guilt or punishment-he does. So that makes it all good I guess? I hope he gets the book thrown at him, he won’t ever learn or change unless forced to.
My biological father hit my mother in the stomach, while she was pregnant with me. Multiple times. She was devastated but chose to leave immediately for MY safety. He "apologised" though and the court decided that he had a right to see me sometimes. I had contact with him on and off again later on but he also hit me on several occasions while I was visiting him. Out of false shame I didn't tell my mum and my stepdad (who was more of a father to me back then and still is now than my biological one ever was) and now, as an adult, I deeply regret not telling them. A couple of years ago, I cut off all contact. He suddenly passed away last year but because he was pretty wealthy he had prepared his will a couple of years before just in case. He disowned me completely and his will said I wasn't his daughter in his eyes. Multiple people have tried to make me feel bad for cutting him off and not forgiving him even after his death but I don't care. All I know is it's always the right call to distance yourself from people like that.
You showed a lot of courage standing up for yourself. You did the right thing. Shame on the people who were complicit in his abuse towards you and your mother.
I grew up in an abusive household. My parents have such bad fights, they throw glasses knives full on fight each other. I literally begged them to separate get divorced. Please, two healthy happy families is better then one unhappy family. I was 6 and so depressed miserable bcoz of my parents fighting. I literally had a stomach ulcer. They both loved my younger brother and I, we were not abused. Yet it caused us so much strife, I started running away from home in my teens. I begged my parents for therapy. They finally separated, it was like a dark cloud lifted, both of them are so much happier. My relationship with them are so much better now. It's different nowadays, there is co-parenting, kids come first. I always say yes family is important. However, just bcoz u r blood related does not mean that u r healthy for each other. If being with each other causes u dark thoughts, just separate. You are not healthy for one another, u can't expect others to change. U can make the change. U are ur own entity u can build your own home, I have. Cheers from Hong Kong.
My father nearly beat my mother to death multiple times. It was disturbing how many people saw it, saw bruises and never did anything. I hate when people ask why they don’t leave - because they literally don’t want to be murdered. She finally left when she finally realized if she died, we’d be left with him. I haven’t seen him in over 20 years and I’m certain he hurt other women since. Men that violent - and violent like in that video - don’t just stop.
No one could have helped your mother before she made the decision to leave. You know that right? I'm glad she found strength in herself. She's the minority. ❤
My granfather told me when I was little that I should call "Fire" because when you call "Help" nobody will come to help you. Unfortunately, this is true in many cases.
Yeah, I've been told that in all manner of care assistant training. People don't tend to respond to "help!" But will respond if you shout "fire!". Sad that it's the case but we have to work with human behaviour rather than against it.
The biggest piece of advice I can give women as an abuse survivor is do not share your trauma EARLY in the getting to know you process. Abusive men look for women they can rescue or who they view as traumatized. They know emotionally they will be easy to target and exploit! If you are going on dates and meeting new men and telling them all your trauma there is a good chance the men you attract will see this and exploit it. Share things WAY down the road. No one needs to know your personal damage until they are shown to be trustworthy.
There's that but also often when we're traumatized, emotionally or otherwise, we also have certain behaviors abusers recognize right away. This includes - apologizing often and for everything, difficulty in taking decisions, difficulty in upholding boundaries, berating ourselves verbally, etc. BUT the good news is that, similarly, there are signs and patterns all abusers exhibit even right from the beginning! You can spot them too!
I realise now that this is the biggest problem in my relationship which is so broken because everytime he's triggered (several times a week) he will pull out something from the past I've said to use against me when he's ready to really have a dig at me, i hate it but cannot afford to live alone as rent is more than i earn
Women's standards for 'losing control over your emotions' don't hold a CANDLE to men's. Women send a text and get called 'unstable', Diddy does what he does and some people are still not willing to call him unstable.
Shallon, you are absolutely right. My grandma was that 85 yr old stuck in that toxic cycle. She was that 87 yr old stuck in that toxic cycle. My grandfather abused her everyday of their 60+ yr marriage. There wasn't a day where he didn't either physically, emotionally or verbally abuse her. He would get her flowers for her bday, anniversary etc and verbally berate her as he handed them to her. She never left him. Bonus: he was cheating on her all 60+ yrs of their marriage. She was well aware of this and refused to leave. She made him a hot meal everyday and welcomed him home every night. His endless gaslightin and lies made her paranoid and bitter. There is a lot more to her trauma but Lesson: these players grow up to become 85 yr old players too. Break the cycle now!! We deserve better.
There’s so much I wanna say.I was a bottle service waitress all over NYC from ‘99-‘09. I seen so much that I’m actually afraid to talk about it and get subpoenaed and then have them tear apart my character anyway they can.I have 2 sons now, I don’t need that. I’ll just say, I been WAITING for this all to FINALLY surface after 15 years. He’s way worse than what they are saying. Hoping Russel Simmons is next. Just saying🤦🏼♀️
I love how real you are saying women don’t sexually traumatize men the same way men traumatize women. I’m so tired of acting like men and women are same. Doesn’t mean women are always the victim because some bad experience are learning experiences. It’s just important to be real when we talk about all these dynamics.
also my abuser never showed remorse… not even when he nearly killed me and our baby… ONLY when the police played the evidence he knew nothing about and he knew he was facing jail
So real. You always look down on the women who stay with or go back to abusive men until you're in that situation. Even though I've been there and was there for 4 years, now that I'm out of it I still can't explain it very well. I feel like I was living in a manipulative trance, my wires were crossed, and the voice of reason was just on mute. I always try and push back when people criticize women who stay with abusive men and say "don't criticize what you can't understand and haven't lived through". But it is hard for people to wrap their head around it until they've lived it... And even when you've lived it, it's so hard to articulate to those who haven't been there.
From a 64 yr old single woman who has done the work……..you are awesome! Brilliant……spot on! Thank you. May you be a huge blessing to the younger women! Awesome video!
He put a statement out denying the domestic violence accusations... He said he was going to prove his innocence etc and then as soon as the video comes out he then admits to everything .. because he got caught
I remember in the amazing Netflix show Maid, a character said this quote “Before They Bite, They Bark. Before They Hit You, They Hit Near You” and I think about it a lot... May Cassie and her family have the brightest future.
At this point i feel like shallon is the only youtuber who i can listen to for 55 minutes straight and actually pay full attention to. She is so articulate and hypnotizing its insane
i have just left my partner/ father of my child… he became abusive whilst i was pregnant and put me in the hospital multiple times. he continued to abuse me after my extremely early emergency c section and our baby fighting for his life in the ICU. oh he also jumped on tinder whilst our baby was nearly dying everyday in there… he’s in jail since! i didn’t have the strength for me but i did for my child
Girl , good job but try to stay single !! Wait until your baby is old enough to talk WELL and teach him About his personal space .. monsters look for moms alone and prey on ur loneliness .. don’t let them xo ur child is everything
"And I'm not going to be issuing any trigger warnings throughout the video, you're an adult, your triggers, your problem, grow up." I fucking love this!!
Omg I’ve been waiting months for you to touch on this whole situation. I remember the celebrity video you did telling us The interaction you had years back with him and his security.. it was absolutely disgusting!
Actually Kim Porter's autopsy report states that she died of cardiac arrest. If you give someone too much potassium they will go into cardiac arrest. And it is hard to trace in an autopsy. Kim did receive IV fluids before she died. Also, Kim was in the process of publishing a tell-all book about Diddy, which never came out after she died.
Shallon, I am sorry that happened to you. You are a precious soul and he was a vicious creature. When you told people you deserved to be held and shown empathy instead of dismissed as if it didn't matter. People are awful . Thank you for sharing a very personal story. I have seen a lot of your videos and have found this to be one of the deepest ones I have seen. The experiences we have as women, I don't know how men can say we are not strong. (I don't mean physically). Due to these mentally weak but physically strong predators we have been forced to become strong, to live for ourselves.
One thing that really worked on me to blind me to my verbally abusive ex-bf is he would make me feel guilty for having boundaries towards him, he would say things like "i don't want you to see me as a stranger, i want to be like a family to you, someone close" when i showed healthy caution because i just knew the guy less than a month. I would then feel guilty for being cautious when he just "wanted to be close to me" and ''he is so romantic" and I would lower my boundaries one step at the time. Never feel guilty or feel like you're a bad person for being cautious, you're not being cynical it's your life and your peace that's at stake after all.
I agree with 99.99% of Shallon’s perspectives on topics. I appreciate you validating the fact that it literally can be scary to do many things as a woman alone.
People think it'll never be them! But even strong women that haven't experienced past trauma can end up in this situation. If you have empathy or any other 'in' they can exploit then you just simply have to be vigilant out there. Some people specially like to damage the strong seeming ones. They are also interested in the least suspecting and may test you to see how you'll respond before they move in further. Thank you for sharing your experience Shallon, and for breaking the Cassie situation down for us 💛👑
My mom’s friend had to kill her husband in self defense. They were both black belts and he was very abusive. One day he went too far and by the grace of God her skills outweighed his
Love you, and not because I always agree with you, but because you represent a version of a woman that I can connect with, and that I admire, and I respect your opinion and strength.
I live in Virginia, where a male student shot his female teacher in the middle of class. I live about 10 mins away from the school and attended there myself long ago. All because she wouldn't let him run a muck in the classroom. He shot her, and this was a first grader, so younger than 10!. It has gotten very scary for women in America, and especially all over the globe. The teacher rightly sued after multiple failures by the administration to respond to concerns that the student had a gun on the school campus. The school district filed a motion to dismiss Zwerner's lawsuit, which included claims that her injuries fell under the Virginian Worker's comp. The school didn't even want to take responsibility for this, worker's com???
As someone who was literally bleeding asking for help from my neighbors while being assaulted by my ex partner and they legit said run someone will help you eventually trust me no one will come to save you.
Shallon I grew up witnessing domestic violence with my mother and your videos on this topic have really helped me, you’ve done a couple of videos before on this topic. I seriously appreciate your videos, you’ve made me choose healthier options in my life. I’m sorry this topic just hits deep for me ❤
I was lucky enough that when my ex bf was abusing me in our hotel room someone called the cops 👮♂️ 👮♀️ & they hauled his ass off to jail & the girl @ the front desk who had previously been in an abusive relationship let me stay w/ her till I could get into a women's shelter, since I had no friends or family or money of my own. He had me completely isolated & dependant on him. That's how it starts & at first it was verbal abuse, but after awhile the kicking, hitting, body slamming, choking kicked in. He was an ex Canadian football player, so he was a big guy. It also involved sexual & financial abuse. The court appointed psychiatrist diagnosed him as a sociopath. He was a well respected pediatric nurse, so here I thought he was the greatest guy in part because of that. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm still in trauma therapy for my ptsd.
One thing to note is narcissistically abusive partners tend to go for people who embody what they want to be or someone who will make them look good. So even if you present well and hold yourself to a higher value, you are not 100% out of the woods to encountering abusive people. Just have to know their tells which unfortunately mostly comes from experiencing that type of relationship.
“Why didn’t she leave?” That question in itself represents how society fails domestic abuse survivors. Why? Because at the same time we say that, we turn around and proclaim “everyone deserves a second chance” and “deep down, everyone is good inside.” No one deserves a second chance when they verbally or physically abuse you. More importantly, we need to recognize that not everyone is good inside or deep down they mean well. Shallon’s story is textbook. It does not sound insane. Abusers always manipulate and twist the story so that they are the victim. PDiddys “apology” proves that.
The thing is before the 1st hit there was already a thousand little transgressions. We need to teach girls to recognize & leave at the 1st transgressions but by the time he chokes you & hit you its already too late. He knows you are going nowhere.
And she’s literally trying to leave in the video. She even left while he was in the shower. This fool chased her in a towel to stop her. I’m surprised he wasn’t naked!
@@beewest5704 you are 100% correct. And we as mothers, friends, sisters, society, etc need to stop justifying behaviors with that first transgression. “Maybe he was nervous on that first date” “maybe he was having a bad day” “maybe no one taught him manners growing up” “you really want to break up with him because he said that? Look at all the flowers he brought you and didn’t he fix your car last week……” To your point, we need to reinforce that if something feels off, then it is; and it’s ok to walk away…..you don’t need to justify or explain to anyone why you did so.
I was about to say the same thing. My abuser enjoyed when I fought back. He would push and prod until I finally cracked and exploded myself (which gave him the cop out “oh, my crazy and unreasonable gf/ex” He chose me as his gf/victim because he knew how assertive and outspoken I am. There is a reason red pillers don’t want a trad wife. They want a successful woman they can break!
@@hilfeengland9321the thing is sometimes a loud or strong personality doesn’t mean you don’t have any weaknesses. And it’s not really about “fighting back” it’s about leaving, or not even being there in the first place. Respectfully. One of my best friends was (is) in an abusive relationship and she’s a very strong personality. Very successful and talented. Fought him back. All of that. Not because of “strength.” They love an outward display of strength. They don’t like the kind of person who, the moment he gives an eye dropper of this behavior (the slick comment, the rudeness/meanness to others, hints of emotional manipulation, the teeniest testers they put out) she doesn’t even go another date with him. I’m not saying it’s bad to have a big persona. But it’s equally the super timid/ashamed girl and the big persona that I’ve seen be in these situations. Again, respectfully. But I do agree that they get off on leveling a girl like Maddie from Euphoria. A Rihanna. Those are the worst guys. The other ones would enjoy kicking a puppy because they like there being zero possibility of a fight. It’s the abusers fault either way. Not yours.
I wish I had this video when I was 15. A boy I was friends with sexually harassed me and gave me so much trauma and pain. Thank you Shallon!! This gave me some closure.
As a gay man in my experience with friendships with straight men so so many of them seem to have higher levels of anger. They describe to me this sense of complete animal rage they get sometimes that I’ve never experienced aside from if someone threw a punch at me. They call women more emotional but they let one thing not going their way ruin their entire life! 😭😭
I freaking adore you. Sharing your story, your dark moments and your own dysfunctionality all of it paired with life lessons, humor and important questions. It's so valuable ❤ You're not the most politically correct but you're real - I always feel like I'm learning so much on this channel
It takes real self work, dedication, and courage to be vulnerable and Strong. Yo go Shallon. Your strength inspires me. .... the comment about a 13 year old boy- i have thought this before.
Shallon u truly opened my eyes today. If someone like you, strong and smart living in America can go through such an experience, I can't even imagine the things that can happen to me. Forewarned is forearmed, girl thanks a lot for your honesty here ❤
My ex has BPD -I didn’t know and I was a teenager leaving home in a hurry-jumped straight into the fire. There’s no negotiating with their feelings, then the emotional blackmail. The fighting a fight, you didn’t know you were fighting -and if you lose-the price is always going to be high. Someone being angry at you, for things that aren’t really to do with you. It’s exhausting and it’s horrible having your life being judged and dissected-when you did nothing wrong. Going from constant anxiety, the emotional hostage negotiations, to the strange emptiness and almost a void-after all the intense emotions and ups and down. It leaves a space, after all that they demanded of you, that needs something to fill it.
Shallon, thank you so much for sharing your domestic abuse story ❤❤❤ I think you are so brave, strong and wonderful ❤️❤️❤️ as you said, we are quick to judge, but listening to your story and understanding the abused woman's point of view is so eye-opening. Thanks for the great content! 😊
Every single person should have spoken up immediately at that dinner when your ex called you that name! I hope everyone starts really calling out verbal abuse more, it's so often the prelude to worse.
I haven’t watched you for a while because because I’ve had a baby and have less time. But girl you seem to be glowing even more and even more confident. Awesome to see
This is my second comment, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you went thru that Shallon. Thats so awful no one came to your rescue. Its gross how people will walk by a woman getting beat and not even care.. 😔. And people just dont get it, it's so easy to say "just walk away," its never that simple. Whenever I hear people say that I lose a little respect for them.. but I also know if they ever were to go thru it they would hopefully see it differently.. When your in it its so hard to see it for what it is.
They never "lose control" with anyone bigger, stronger, or more powerful. Men with a lack of self-control in any aspect of their lives are terrifying because it's really easy for the lack of self-control to extend to other things. Suddenly, it's not just money they can't manage or their addiction they can't keep under control; it's their anger and their ability to do harm. When we draw the metaphorical short stick biologically, we need to have a higher sense of self-preservation. When men say not all men, they know they are full of it. It's yet another excuse to play victims when they are the aggressors. Same with the scenario of running into a bear vs a man you don't know in the forest. Men made it into a statistics war of how likely it is that a bear would tear us apart. It was an exercise in empathy, and they refused to get it. If you ask if I would rather run into a man and I say "no," and you come at me, attacking me for it, you have already proved my point. You can't even respect a woman's right to say "No" in a hypothetical scenario. But sure, women are the bad apples for fearing men until they have proof that they are maybe safe. That maybe is a big maybe. I am not risking my life on a maybe. I do far too many things in my daily life to try to stay safe to lower my guard for a date or an interaction of any type with a man, especially one I don't know.
🙌🙌 so raw and so true. I listened to this video 3 times this week. Because I identify so much with everything you said, both as a predator and a victim. I've never been physically hurt, but it has taken me years to understand the psychological damage.
Shallon I’ve noticed that sayings you’ve had in your videos are now going viral on tik tok like people are discovering America. And I’m just like “yeah Shallon said that years ago”
Ha! Well hey, you know that my ultimate goal is to become obsolete because everyone knows these lessons and fuck boys have been extinct and women are thriving so maybe we’re getting one step closer!
Does it feel like these predators only claim “mental health issues AFTER a crime? There are no mental health issues when you bring it like, “Hey, I noticed you’ve abandoned a healthy diet and exercise for video games. Do you think you might have a problem?”… It’s after when they get caught and can't cover it up.
"A civil complaint filed by Ventura last year says Combs paid the hotel $50,000 for the security footage" (KTLA) + More Hurtlocker videos please. How do we deal with them / get past it, especially when they are toxic to us (the many levels of toxic).
Choose who chooses you. Who loves you. Adore you, admire you. If a man wants you, he will move mountains. If he does not, then you will know too. So choose you. And people who want to be with you. Forget everybody else.
Diddy was invincible until now..his whole career started with 9 dead people in a cramped college campus sports hall..getting to where he did after that incident & multiple murder schemes later, he must have literally felt he was a God..he could do anything & he did😒
Thanks Shalligator for sharing and being real. This abuse is not Diddy's only problem. Will girls ever learn? God, I hope so. Abusers can be very dodgy. They won't show you until they show you.
So many things said in this video! Thank you for sharing your story. DV also happened to me. My then boyfriend snapped when I broke things up, but I tried protecting myself and injured him... so he went around telling people I attacked him. Leaving him was easy and immediate since I had no feelings towards him, any remaining ones turned into disgust. People didn't care about my story, it didn't make flinch. It was like I was telling a story about the time I fell of a bike or something... I was blamed if anything. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been had I loved him, how hard it would've been if he was a good boyfriend. Tons, tons of respect towards DV survivors.
I remember that night where I was trying to scream to get his mom to run to that door and see her son hitting me. He choked me so I couldn’t scream. She never came, instead she took her son’s side. I should have known since she’s in love her own son 🙄
No matter what she had done or why she stayed doesn't justify abuse. Shaming thr victim never helps, let's reinforce thr message ITS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT. This is traumatic and hope she is getting the support, she is very Brave to speak out, Too many women hide these things and that's why men can get comfortable ❤❤
Just finishing this podcast and listened to your JLo/Ben video earlier this weekend (slow days at work). Your lived experience is so valuable to young women out there trying to find their way. I was in my 20s in the 90s - grew up with PDiddy as part of the tapestry of maturing but always sensed he was a cruel, manipulative player. Well, well, well....we were right. I wish I had paid attention to my gut feelings about people that came into my life. I didn't and I paid the price and foolishly married the wrong guy but pride/shame stopped me from leaving. My family warned me against this decision but I was "in LOVE" and couldn't leave the abuse until the relationship crumbled (I crumbled). Now I have more to talk about in therapy this week. :-) Keep doing what you're doing, Shallon. You have quite a platform - keep making your videos...I think it's really pissing off a segment of weak, emotionally immature men.
Thank you for the comment about Dateline victims. I was recently going on a rant about how the Dateline victim’s friends are always like ‘she was the sweetest, so innocent, so maternal. She was the best mom!’ Do we ever think these passive babydoll traits are part of what made her a victim? Again, not to blame women - no one deserves this! But yeah, maybe what society values in women isn’t always what’s best to keep them alive
Another thing is, these abusive fckers are after what is the most wanted and valuable. They won't go after "flawed" women, why would they? These people are soulless creatures, they can't love anyone unconditionally, that's also why their victims were perfect women.
Thank you for sharing your experience as an alpha woman who fell into an abusive relationship. Happened to me too as a younger girl. It is true these older males prey on naive younger girls bc those their age won’t deal with their bs 💜 and u don’t look bad u look fabulous
I think feeling afraid after an incident (whether knowing their unstable or safety more in danger) is more understated than the other reasons. It's the primary reason women stay!
"Someone who wants to love you back to life is a predation of its own." 🙌🙌🙌 Say it louder for the people in the back!
Avoid men with anger issues, poor emotional regulation, men who lash out on objects, and men who rely drugs and alcohol to not deal with their emotions.
Literal ex checked every box
@MmmKimboSlice Yes!!!! I agree with this list
@MmmKimboSlice Also, AVOID men that are vindictive in nature….at all cost! 🙅🏽♀️
Men who love to party too much too
You should also avoid men who talk badly about women. If they don't love women, they won't love you.
They say men are not more "logical" thinkers, they just lack empathy
This. Would make so much sense
I agree
Empathy is logical, you need empathy to keep a tribe together, to care for children.
Yep
That's why they fall hard for female psychopaths. They can't fight out why they can't get under her skin and why she can walk away at any time with no feelings.
“Your triggers are your problem. You’re an adult. Grow up.”
LOL facts! I love Shallon 😂🩷
Loved this too lol.. Totally stealing it.
Shallon is doing these powerful, empathic, dynamic, SURVIVOR videos! I’m here for it…..isn’t she great…I could quote her all day ;)
Yes!! I say this all the time! When you’re an adult, your mental health is your problem. And responsibility
And honestly, aren't trigger warnings a trigger in and of themselves?? Nothing makes sense!
hahaha
How is this the first time I’ve heard grief described as “love with nowhere to go…”? Brb crying
🌷🩷🩷
I forget who told this to me but it hit me HARD the first time I heard it, and made breakups more bearable bc I no longer saw myself as some weepy dork who just couldnt magically shut off feelings, but rather someone in grief who deserved a pause to deal with it!
Just a week ago someone told me grief is unexpressed love. It is wild you said the same thing 😮@shallonlester
@@shallonlester Shalyn come on I gay man working at a women’s shelter🙄 I’m sorry you went through what you went through but don’t trust him. He’s a double agent nobody’s gonna save you. They all know it. They all think you deserve it and you have to learn to not deal with any of them and don’t give any of them any mention or clout they’re not worth it not having children and that’s the way we’re gonna clean this mess up.
Same
Who tf would advise him to do an apology video? He is pure evil, and his ‘apology’ just further solidified that. He’s tried therapy, rehab, maybe he should try prison.
Narcissists don’t take professional advice, they think they know better!
That’s a great idea
This is such a badass and funny comment
In his apology he said i went to rehab and got better.
Oh wonderful, we are so glad YOU are feeling better now!
Agreed. Like he did that just to throw a bone to his critics. But by deciding what he did wrong and what punishment is acceptable to him-it smacks of narcissism. You don’t get to decide his guilt or punishment-he does. So that makes it all good I guess? I hope he gets the book thrown at him, he won’t ever learn or change unless forced to.
My biological father hit my mother in the stomach, while she was pregnant with me. Multiple times. She was devastated but chose to leave immediately for MY safety. He "apologised" though and the court decided that he had a right to see me sometimes.
I had contact with him on and off again later on but he also hit me on several occasions while I was visiting him. Out of false shame I didn't tell my mum and my stepdad (who was more of a father to me back then and still is now than my biological one ever was) and now, as an adult, I deeply regret not telling them. A couple of years ago, I cut off all contact. He suddenly passed away last year but because he was pretty wealthy he had prepared his will a couple of years before just in case. He disowned me completely and his will said I wasn't his daughter in his eyes. Multiple people have tried to make me feel bad for cutting him off and not forgiving him even after his death but I don't care. All I know is it's always the right call to distance yourself from people like that.
You showed a lot of courage standing up for yourself. You did the right thing. Shame on the people who were complicit in his abuse towards you and your mother.
Those people can go to hell! Wtf always defending abusive sociopaths for no reason! And fuck the courts too
If you were the bad person they said you were, you would have stuck around for an inheritance. You have to consider why you could not.
I grew up in an abusive household. My parents have such bad fights, they throw glasses knives full on fight each other. I literally begged them to separate get divorced. Please, two healthy happy families is better then one unhappy family. I was 6 and so depressed miserable bcoz of my parents fighting. I literally had a stomach ulcer. They both loved my younger brother and I, we were not abused. Yet it caused us so much strife, I started running away from home in my teens. I begged my parents for therapy. They finally separated, it was like a dark cloud lifted, both of them are so much happier. My relationship with them are so much better now. It's different nowadays, there is co-parenting, kids come first. I always say yes family is important. However, just bcoz u r blood related does not mean that u r healthy for each other. If being with each other causes u dark thoughts, just separate. You are not healthy for one another, u can't expect others to change. U can make the change. U are ur own entity u can build your own home, I have. Cheers from Hong Kong.
Omg people who presume they know your father better than you do are the worst
My father nearly beat my mother to death multiple times. It was disturbing how many people saw it, saw bruises and never did anything. I hate when people ask why they don’t leave - because they literally don’t want to be murdered. She finally left when she finally realized if she died, we’d be left with him. I haven’t seen him in over 20 years and I’m certain he hurt other women since. Men that violent - and violent like in that video - don’t just stop.
No one could have helped your mother before she made the decision to leave. You know that right? I'm glad she found strength in herself. She's the minority. ❤
I don’t think she’s the minority
My granfather told me when I was little that I should call "Fire" because when you call "Help" nobody will come to help you. Unfortunately, this is true in many cases.
Yeah, I've been told that in all manner of care assistant training. People don't tend to respond to "help!" But will respond if you shout "fire!". Sad that it's the case but we have to work with human behaviour rather than against it.
Wow this is extremely good advice, thank you.
I’ve heard that too
The biggest piece of advice I can give women as an abuse survivor is do not share your trauma EARLY in the getting to know you process.
Abusive men look for women they can rescue or who they view as traumatized. They know emotionally they will be easy to target and exploit!
If you are going on dates and meeting new men and telling them all your trauma there is a good chance the men you attract will see this and exploit it.
Share things WAY down the road. No one needs to know your personal damage until they are shown to be trustworthy.
So true! I learned that after abuser number 2. No sharing since.
There's that but also often when we're traumatized, emotionally or otherwise, we also have certain behaviors abusers recognize right away. This includes - apologizing often and for everything, difficulty in taking decisions, difficulty in upholding boundaries, berating ourselves verbally, etc. BUT the good news is that, similarly, there are signs and patterns all abusers exhibit even right from the beginning! You can spot them too!
ABSOLUTE FACTS
I learned this the hard way. I shared once and never again! I don’t think I’ll ever share the abuse I endured with a man as long as I live.
I realise now that this is the biggest problem in my relationship which is so broken because everytime he's triggered (several times a week) he will pull out something from the past I've said to use against me when he's ready to really have a dig at me, i hate it but cannot afford to live alone as rent is more than i earn
Women's standards for 'losing control over your emotions' don't hold a CANDLE to men's. Women send a text and get called 'unstable', Diddy does what he does and some people are still not willing to call him unstable.
“He’s got to go younger and younger until he finds a sweet spot of women who cannot identify his deficiencies. Due to lack of experience.”
VERY TRUE.
“I’ve seen middle-aged women named Barb move better at Zumba.” LOLLLLL 🤣🤣
Shallon is hilarious 😂 😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣 My favorite!
I don’t know any middle-aged women named Barb in 2024. They’re all seniors or dead.
LOL
"You were victimized you are not a victim" I love that Shallon.
Shallon, you are absolutely right. My grandma was that 85 yr old stuck in that toxic cycle. She was that 87 yr old stuck in that toxic cycle. My grandfather abused her everyday of their 60+ yr marriage. There wasn't a day where he didn't either physically, emotionally or verbally abuse her. He would get her flowers for her bday, anniversary etc and verbally berate her as he handed them to her. She never left him. Bonus: he was cheating on her all 60+ yrs of their marriage. She was well aware of this and refused to leave. She made him a hot meal everyday and welcomed him home every night. His endless gaslightin and lies made her paranoid and bitter. There is a lot more to her trauma but Lesson: these players grow up to become 85 yr old players too. Break the cycle now!! We deserve better.
There’s so much I wanna say.I was a bottle service waitress all over NYC from ‘99-‘09. I seen so much that I’m actually afraid to talk about it and get subpoenaed and
then have them tear apart my character anyway they can.I have 2 sons now, I don’t need that. I’ll just say, I been WAITING for this all to FINALLY surface after 15 years. He’s way worse than what they are saying. Hoping Russel Simmons is next. Just saying🤦🏼♀️
I’ve heard about Russel Simmons and Jay z for years as well. These men are sick
And Jay Z, Clive Davis, Bryan Singer, Lucien Grainge and so many others
Clive Davis?
“Sought out professional help” 😂that man needs jail time.
right! that ship sailed a long ass time ago lmao, he can get help while in jail 😅
I love how real you are saying women don’t sexually traumatize men the same way men traumatize women. I’m so tired of acting like men and women are same. Doesn’t mean women are always the victim because some bad experience are learning experiences. It’s just important to be real when we talk about all these dynamics.
indeed!
also my abuser never showed remorse… not even when he nearly killed me and our baby… ONLY when the police played the evidence he knew nothing about and he knew he was facing jail
Exactly if someone was really sorry they wouldn’t be FORCED to apologize because evidence is stacking up.
Also so sorry! That’s awful.
I am just SO heartbroken that 'experiencing v*olence at the hands of men' is the universal female experience.
“He can absolutely die in a fire” took me outtt😂
This is a class in mental self defense 101. I swear any girl should listen to!
So real. You always look down on the women who stay with or go back to abusive men until you're in that situation. Even though I've been there and was there for 4 years, now that I'm out of it I still can't explain it very well. I feel like I was living in a manipulative trance, my wires were crossed, and the voice of reason was just on mute. I always try and push back when people criticize women who stay with abusive men and say "don't criticize what you can't understand and haven't lived through". But it is hard for people to wrap their head around it until they've lived it... And even when you've lived it, it's so hard to articulate to those who haven't been there.
From a 64 yr old single woman who has done the work……..you are awesome! Brilliant……spot on! Thank you. May you be a huge blessing to the younger women! Awesome video!
He put a statement out denying the domestic violence accusations... He said he was going to prove his innocence etc and then as soon as the video comes out he then admits to everything .. because he got caught
I remember in the amazing Netflix show Maid, a character said this quote “Before They Bite, They Bark. Before They Hit You, They Hit Near You” and I think about it a lot... May Cassie and her family have the brightest future.
At this point i feel like shallon is the only youtuber who i can listen to for 55 minutes straight and actually pay full attention to. She is so articulate and hypnotizing its insane
Not to mention that she always has something extremely smart and useful to say. ISTG I get wiser after her every video!
I agree with you guys, and also Shallon is hilarious, she makes me laugh so hard 😂💕
She was a baby and he preyed on her. She didn't stand a chance.
Her parents should have known better...
i have just left my partner/ father of my child… he became abusive whilst i was pregnant and put me in the hospital multiple times. he continued to abuse me after my extremely early emergency c section and our baby fighting for his life in the ICU. oh he also jumped on tinder whilst our baby was nearly dying everyday in there… he’s in jail since! i didn’t have the strength for me but i did for my child
for the data.. he had a weak chin 😅
Girl , good job but try to stay single !! Wait until your baby is old enough to talk WELL and teach him
About his personal space .. monsters look for moms alone and prey on ur loneliness .. don’t let them xo ur child is everything
i don’t want to date anyone because i’m too scared of them abusing my child - many friends in the force and the stats are scary 😢
@@christinas8782 he’s lucky to have such an amazing mama xo
"And I'm not going to be issuing any trigger warnings throughout the video, you're an adult, your triggers, your problem, grow up." I fucking love this!!
Lmaooo Savage
Omg I’ve been waiting months for you to touch on this whole situation. I remember the celebrity video you did telling us The interaction you had years back with him and his security.. it was absolutely disgusting!
Actually Kim Porter's autopsy report states that she died of cardiac arrest. If you give someone too much potassium they will go into cardiac arrest. And it is hard to trace in an autopsy. Kim did receive IV fluids before she died. Also, Kim was in the process of publishing a tell-all book about Diddy, which never came out after she died.
Cassie’s husband was Diddy n Cassie’s personal trainer. He saw it n it appears he helped her escape.
I hope he is nothing like Diddy and didn’t see Casey as an easy target.
Ikr🙁@@gossipandgrigio7200
and now they are super in love and have adorable daughters. they have such a cute little family together♥
Oh Shallon your story of abuse was horrifying, I'm so sorry to hear it. Unfortunately this story is on replay for women all over the world.
Shallon, I am sorry that happened to you. You are a precious soul and he was a vicious creature. When you told people you deserved to be held and shown empathy instead of dismissed as if it didn't matter. People are awful . Thank you for sharing a very personal story. I have seen a lot of your videos and have found this to be one of the deepest ones I have seen. The experiences we have as women, I don't know how men can say we are not strong. (I don't mean physically). Due to these mentally weak but physically strong predators we have been forced to become strong, to live for ourselves.
Never forget when he blew up Kid Cudis car because Cassie was interested in Kid Cudi.
😮 really? Like a terrorist attack? Or tried to murder him?
As a warning to stay away. Insanity.
@@estelao.b.1473 yea! It’s in Cassie’s lawsuit that he blew up a man’s car that she was interested in, and Kid Cudi confirmed that he was the guy.
One thing that really worked on me to blind me to my verbally abusive ex-bf is he would make me feel guilty for having boundaries towards him, he would say things like "i don't want you to see me as a stranger, i want to be like a family to you, someone close" when i showed healthy caution because i just knew the guy less than a month. I would then feel guilty for being cautious when he just "wanted to be close to me" and ''he is so romantic" and I would lower my boundaries one step at the time. Never feel guilty or feel like you're a bad person for being cautious, you're not being cynical it's your life and your peace that's at stake after all.
I agree with 99.99% of Shallon’s perspectives on topics. I appreciate you validating the fact that it literally can be scary to do many things as a woman alone.
People think it'll never be them! But even strong women that haven't experienced past trauma can end up in this situation. If you have empathy or any other 'in' they can exploit then you just simply have to be vigilant out there. Some people specially like to damage the strong seeming ones. They are also interested in the least suspecting and may test you to see how you'll respond before they move in further.
Thank you for sharing your experience Shallon, and for breaking the Cassie situation down for us 💛👑
My mom’s friend had to kill her husband in self defense. They were both black belts and he was very abusive. One day he went too far and by the grace of God her skills outweighed his
wow!
Fun fact, it's better to scream: fire than help. Because then people get less stuck in the bystander effect
Love you, and not because I always agree with you, but because you represent a version of a woman that I can connect with, and that I admire, and I respect your opinion and strength.
I live in Virginia, where a male student shot his female teacher in the middle of class. I live about 10 mins away from the school and attended there myself long ago. All because she wouldn't let him run a muck in the classroom. He shot her, and this was a first grader, so younger than 10!. It has gotten very scary for women in America, and especially all over the globe. The teacher rightly sued after multiple failures by the administration to respond to concerns that the student had a gun on the school campus. The school district filed a motion to dismiss Zwerner's lawsuit, which included claims that her injuries fell under the Virginian Worker's comp. The school didn't even want to take responsibility for this, worker's com???
As someone who was literally bleeding asking for help from my neighbors while being assaulted by my ex partner and they legit said run someone will help you eventually trust me no one will come to save you.
Shallon I grew up witnessing domestic violence with my mother and your videos on this topic have really helped me, you’ve done a couple of videos before on this topic. I seriously appreciate your videos, you’ve made me choose healthier options in my life. I’m sorry this topic just hits deep for me ❤
I was lucky enough that when my ex bf was abusing me in our hotel room someone called the cops 👮♂️ 👮♀️ & they hauled his ass off to jail & the girl @ the front desk who had previously been in an abusive relationship let me stay w/ her till I could get into a women's shelter, since I had no friends or family or money of my own. He had me completely isolated & dependant on him. That's how it starts & at first it was verbal abuse, but after awhile the kicking, hitting, body slamming, choking kicked in. He was an ex Canadian football player, so he was a big guy. It also involved sexual & financial abuse. The court appointed psychiatrist diagnosed him as a sociopath. He was a well respected pediatric nurse, so here I thought he was the greatest guy in part because of that. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm still in trauma therapy for my ptsd.
❤️🙏
@@flowerfreedom7168 ❤️
One thing to note is narcissistically abusive partners tend to go for people who embody what they want to be or someone who will make them look good. So even if you present well and hold yourself to a higher value, you are not 100% out of the woods to encountering abusive people. Just have to know their tells which unfortunately mostly comes from experiencing that type of relationship.
“Why didn’t she leave?” That question in itself represents how society fails domestic abuse survivors.
Why? Because at the same time we say that, we turn around and proclaim “everyone deserves a second chance” and “deep down, everyone is good inside.”
No one deserves a second chance when they verbally or physically abuse you. More importantly, we need to recognize that not everyone is good inside or deep down they mean well.
Shallon’s story is textbook. It does not sound insane. Abusers always manipulate and twist the story so that they are the victim.
PDiddys “apology” proves that.
The thing is before the 1st hit there was already a thousand little transgressions. We need to teach girls to recognize & leave at the 1st transgressions but by the time he chokes you & hit you its already too late. He knows you are going nowhere.
And she’s literally trying to leave in the video. She even left while he was in the shower. This fool chased her in a towel to stop her. I’m surprised he wasn’t naked!
@@beewest5704 you are 100% correct. And we as mothers, friends, sisters, society, etc need to stop justifying behaviors with that first transgression. “Maybe he was nervous on that first date” “maybe he was having a bad day” “maybe no one taught him manners growing up” “you really want to break up with him because he said that? Look at all the flowers he brought you and didn’t he fix your car last week……”
To your point, we need to reinforce that if something feels off, then it is; and it’s ok to walk away…..you don’t need to justify or explain to anyone why you did so.
No wonder you’re so strong, girl you been through it too. I love seeing the vulnerable side of you.
Abusers go after people who don't stand up for themselves and seem like easy targets.
Not true, sometimes they get pleasure in breaking a strong woman down
I was about to say the same thing. My abuser enjoyed when I fought back. He would push and prod until I finally cracked and exploded myself (which gave him the cop out “oh, my crazy and unreasonable gf/ex”
He chose me as his gf/victim because he knew how assertive and outspoken I am. There is a reason red pillers don’t want a trad wife. They want a successful woman they can break!
Both points are true.. depending on the kind of narcissist.... some love challenging women to break down, some want fragile women to control
@@hilfeengland9321the thing is sometimes a loud or strong personality doesn’t mean you don’t have any weaknesses. And it’s not really about “fighting back” it’s about leaving, or not even being there in the first place. Respectfully. One of my best friends was (is) in an abusive relationship and she’s a very strong personality. Very successful and talented. Fought him back. All of that. Not because of “strength.” They love an outward display of strength. They don’t like the kind of person who, the moment he gives an eye dropper of this behavior (the slick comment, the rudeness/meanness to others, hints of emotional manipulation, the teeniest testers they put out) she doesn’t even go another date with him. I’m not saying it’s bad to have a big persona. But it’s equally the super timid/ashamed girl and the big persona that I’ve seen be in these situations. Again, respectfully. But I do agree that they get off on leveling a girl like Maddie from Euphoria. A Rihanna. Those are the worst guys. The other ones would enjoy kicking a puppy because they like there being zero possibility of a fight. It’s the abusers fault either way. Not yours.
To add to what Shallon intelligently says, “he might not hit you” I will add “but he will most certainly abuse you - one way or another..”
We need a weight loss update. Ur looking too good 😘💯
I wish I had this video when I was 15. A boy I was friends with sexually harassed me and gave me so much trauma and pain. Thank you Shallon!! This gave me some closure.
I saw a tweet saying that they should let cassie sh**t diddy on national television like the hunger games 😂
He'd probably like it. Ugh.
As a gay man in my experience with friendships with straight men so so many of them seem to have higher levels of anger. They describe to me this sense of complete animal rage they get sometimes that I’ve never experienced aside from if someone threw a punch at me. They call women more emotional but they let one thing not going their way ruin their entire life! 😭😭
I think a lot of women have been in sketchy situationship and education about this kind of abuse helps us see the red flags and get out sooner.
Shallon you look insanely good in this video?? The color and cut of your top, paired with your slight tan and hair color? You are GLOWING
I freaking adore you. Sharing your story, your dark moments and your own dysfunctionality all of it paired with life lessons, humor and important questions. It's so valuable ❤ You're not the most politically correct but you're real - I always feel like I'm learning so much on this channel
It takes real self work, dedication, and courage to be vulnerable and
Strong. Yo go Shallon. Your strength inspires me. .... the comment about a 13 year old boy- i have thought this before.
“Cool, where’s the ice machine?!!”
SHALLON this video 🤣🤣
Shallon u truly opened my eyes today. If someone like you, strong and smart living in America can go through such an experience, I can't even imagine the things that can happen to me.
Forewarned is forearmed, girl thanks a lot for your honesty here ❤
My ex has BPD -I didn’t know and I was a teenager leaving home in a hurry-jumped straight into the fire. There’s no negotiating with their feelings, then the emotional blackmail. The fighting a fight, you didn’t know you were fighting -and if you lose-the price is always going to be high. Someone being angry at you, for things that aren’t really to do with you. It’s exhausting and it’s horrible having your life being judged and dissected-when you did nothing wrong. Going from constant anxiety, the emotional hostage negotiations, to the strange emptiness and almost a void-after all the intense emotions and ups and down. It leaves a space, after all that they demanded of you, that needs something to fill it.
Heart locker concept and our obssession with men we want to emulate is just brilliant. So well put into words. Hugs from Luxembourg, Shallon!
For those who want to skip DA stories straight to the advice to avoid it, start at 34:05
Shallon is so smart & deserves every blessing. She had helped me in so many ways when it comes to men, love & relationships. 😊
Shallon, thank you so much for sharing your domestic abuse story ❤❤❤ I think you are so brave, strong and wonderful ❤️❤️❤️ as you said, we are quick to judge, but listening to your story and understanding the abused woman's point of view is so eye-opening. Thanks for the great content! 😊
Every single person should have spoken up immediately at that dinner when your ex called you that name! I hope everyone starts really calling out verbal abuse more, it's so often the prelude to worse.
Of course, people only look at the physical abuse, verbal abuse is terrible and psychologically damaging I would know 😔
I haven’t watched you for a while because because I’ve had a baby and have less time. But girl you seem to be glowing even more and even more confident. Awesome to see
So glad you’re covering this Shallon!!! You always bring such a fresh air to every topic you touch
This is my second comment, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you went thru that Shallon. Thats so awful no one came to your rescue. Its gross how people will walk by a woman getting beat and not even care.. 😔. And people just dont get it, it's so easy to say "just walk away," its never that simple. Whenever I hear people say that I lose a little respect for them.. but I also know if they ever were to go thru it they would hopefully see it differently.. When your in it its so hard to see it for what it is.
They never "lose control" with anyone bigger, stronger, or more powerful. Men with a lack of self-control in any aspect of their lives are terrifying because it's really easy for the lack of self-control to extend to other things. Suddenly, it's not just money they can't manage or their addiction they can't keep under control; it's their anger and their ability to do harm. When we draw the metaphorical short stick biologically, we need to have a higher sense of self-preservation. When men say not all men, they know they are full of it. It's yet another excuse to play victims when they are the aggressors. Same with the scenario of running into a bear vs a man you don't know in the forest. Men made it into a statistics war of how likely it is that a bear would tear us apart. It was an exercise in empathy, and they refused to get it. If you ask if I would rather run into a man and I say "no," and you come at me, attacking me for it, you have already proved my point. You can't even respect a woman's right to say "No" in a hypothetical scenario. But sure, women are the bad apples for fearing men until they have proof that they are maybe safe. That maybe is a big maybe. I am not risking my life on a maybe. I do far too many things in my daily life to try to stay safe to lower my guard for a date or an interaction of any type with a man, especially one I don't know.
Appreciate you being open about moving past younger guys
🙌🙌 so raw and so true. I listened to this video 3 times this week. Because I identify so much with everything you said, both as a predator and a victim. I've never been physically hurt, but it has taken me years to understand the psychological damage.
In tears hearing your story. You’re so incredibly strong I hope he gets what he deserves
Shallon I’ve noticed that sayings you’ve had in your videos are now going viral on tik tok like people are discovering America. And I’m just like “yeah Shallon said that years ago”
Ha! Well hey, you know that my ultimate goal is to become obsolete because everyone knows these lessons and fuck boys have been extinct and women are thriving so maybe we’re getting one step closer!
Your story is so heavy, my God. Thank you for sharing and helping everyone see these patterns. 🙏🏻💐
You are brave to be so honest and vulnerable ❤
Shallon is a gift to society and don’t even dare say otherwise ❤
Does it feel like these predators only claim “mental health issues AFTER a crime? There are no mental health issues when you bring it like, “Hey, I noticed you’ve abandoned a healthy diet and exercise for video games. Do you think you might have a problem?”…
It’s after when they get caught and can't cover it up.
Best content ever created. Seriously
My husband hit me and I called the cops and left him.. the 1st time.
With my 3 babies
I rarely comment on videos but I have to say, this one was powerful. You nailed it girl!!
Thats true, im working on filling the holes in my life. I made my intention is to be SELF FULL. I will not overgive to anyone until im self full.
Please talk about Jlo and Ben next
"A civil complaint filed by Ventura last year says Combs paid the hotel $50,000 for the security footage" (KTLA)
+ More Hurtlocker videos please. How do we deal with them / get past it, especially when they are toxic to us (the many levels of toxic).
Choose who chooses you. Who loves you. Adore you, admire you. If a man wants you, he will move mountains. If he does not, then you will know too. So choose you. And people who want to be with you. Forget everybody else.
Diddy was invincible until now..his whole career started with 9 dead people in a cramped college campus sports hall..getting to where he did after that incident & multiple murder schemes later, he must have literally felt he was a God..he could do anything & he did😒
Thanks Shalligator for sharing and being real. This abuse is not Diddy's only problem. Will girls ever learn? God, I hope so. Abusers can be very dodgy. They won't show you until they show you.
As girls are taught to be nice, overly nice, empathetic and forgiving. Often works in our detriment...
That top looks amazing on you Shallon!
So many things said in this video! Thank you for sharing your story.
DV also happened to me. My then boyfriend snapped when I broke things up, but I tried protecting myself and injured him... so he went around telling people I attacked him. Leaving him was easy and immediate since I had no feelings towards him, any remaining ones turned into disgust.
People didn't care about my story, it didn't make flinch. It was like I was telling a story about the time I fell of a bike or something... I was blamed if anything.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been had I loved him, how hard it would've been if he was a good boyfriend.
Tons, tons of respect towards DV survivors.
make then flinch*
I remember that night where I was trying to scream to get his mom to run to that door and see her son hitting me. He choked me so I couldn’t scream. She never came, instead she took her son’s side. I should have known since she’s in love her own son 🙄
That story was terrifying how did she tell it so casually??!
No matter what she had done or why she stayed doesn't justify abuse. Shaming thr victim never helps, let's reinforce thr message ITS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT. This is traumatic and hope she is getting the support, she is very Brave to speak out, Too many women hide these things and that's why men can get comfortable ❤❤
Your most important video yet. Thanks for sharing Shallon
One of the best videos you've ever done...great content ❤❤❤❤❤
Just finishing this podcast and listened to your JLo/Ben video earlier this weekend (slow days at work). Your lived experience is so valuable to young women out there trying to find their way. I was in my 20s in the 90s - grew up with PDiddy as part of the tapestry of maturing but always sensed he was a cruel, manipulative player. Well, well, well....we were right. I wish I had paid attention to my gut feelings about people that came into my life. I didn't and I paid the price and foolishly married the wrong guy but pride/shame stopped me from leaving. My family warned me against this decision but I was "in LOVE" and couldn't leave the abuse until the relationship crumbled (I crumbled). Now I have more to talk about in therapy this week. :-) Keep doing what you're doing, Shallon. You have quite a platform - keep making your videos...I think it's really pissing off a segment of weak, emotionally immature men.
Thank you for the comment about Dateline victims. I was recently going on a rant about how the Dateline victim’s friends are always like ‘she was the sweetest, so innocent, so maternal. She was the best mom!’ Do we ever think these passive babydoll traits are part of what made her a victim? Again, not to blame women - no one deserves this! But yeah, maybe what society values in women isn’t always what’s best to keep them alive
Another thing is, these abusive fckers are after what is the most wanted and valuable. They won't go after "flawed" women, why would they? These people are soulless creatures, they can't love anyone unconditionally, that's also why their victims were perfect women.
Shallon, you are an absolute gem 💎❤ thank you for being you!
Thank you for sharing your experience as an alpha woman who fell into an abusive relationship. Happened to me too as a younger girl. It is true these older males prey on naive younger girls bc those their age won’t deal with their bs 💜 and u don’t look bad u look fabulous
I think feeling afraid after an incident (whether knowing their unstable or safety more in danger) is more understated than the other reasons. It's the primary reason women stay!