That type of abuse is no joke. I was with that type of man for 3 months and it felt like 3 years. It started out with jokes, then transitioned to verbal abuse, then he got so angry he punched a wall. Once he punched the wall, I left permanently.
My ex did that too. Punched that wall right in front of me when we argued. He wanted to marry me and I said no. Rhag was 1 reason why. His dad was abusive and his mom would always say she didn't think her son would hit me. Yeah ok..
Gdeve. Hey @ALaneOfMyOwn, That is a Familiar Spirit. I Hope 🛐 this bro. @The Shumake Way deals with verbal, mental & Emotionally abuse in relationships, Marriages...In JESUS Name, amen.
This is so true. I wish more people understood this. Many women find a good man and they feel strange and will call him weird or “off”. No, he’s fine. You’re just used to abuse and neglect….I was sucked in by a narcissist that felt so familiar. That’s was the first time I had experienced that. Later I learned about narcissism and realized the familiarity was from my treatment in childhood and that narcs are natural predators that study their prey and know the right lure to trap you.
@@PaperMario64 🎯 Exactly. Those childhood experiences are the key factors to making us or breaking us as we evolve. When choosing to evolve and grow it is essential to rid of the familiar energy and spirits. I too realized over the years why I was so acquainted with my past partner.
@@SeanSean-jp9hg nope that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about characteristics that are familiar to things that aren’t good for you but because you’re used to them (familiar) you see nothing wrong with it.. it could be toxic familiar traits your partner have that you don’t realize is toxic because it’s something you’ve been exposed to your whole life.. basically it can keep you stuck
currently I am dealing with this Im having a hard time finding resources so I can get away I don't have any family its just me he threatening me all the time and the police wont do anything unless he hits me. He's always gaslighting me and telling me I'm a whore a slut and I have sex with every man I come across. he stays out all night and I be so glad bd I can rest in peace I don't care what he does out there and it bothers him I don't care so he'll resort to verbal abuse then jumping in my face chest bumping me wishing I was a man so he could punch me and he has hit me a lot especially in the pass its more financial abuse terrible mental abuse its horrible when I reached out for help it took 3 weeks before they called me back I reached out to domestic hotline I waited for over 20 mins and he was around so I ended the chat still haven't spoke to no one. if I don't perform sex acts he fusses at me for days wont allow me to sleep turns the music up really loud so I can't sleep he is so spiteful and disrespectful and nasty towards other women as well but he'll always say he will fight a dude but I doubt it bc I witnessed him cop a deuce and did not want to fight I hate him and ion hate nobody else I'm trying hang in there but its so hard my mental health is deteriorating badly I see a therapist every week. I cant even wash my underwear I cant do my hair I can't wear decent clothing bc I'm being accused of doing it to other men if I don't do my hair or put clothes on he will talk about me call me unattractive as well as other horrible names I'm not working trying to find a job but I don't want him knowing or figuring out where I work bc he wld show up there most likely drunk and high off of weed cocaine powder e-pills molly Percocet pills heroine bukes and methodone as well as alcohol smh I wish I never met him GOD help me please
Omg. I felt this in my soul. I left my marriage after years of being broken down verbally. To hear a man who is not related to me confirm this is WRONG has brought me to tears. So many people said I was wrong for leaving over how he talked to me. My life has elevated since leaving and I am glad to have my peace.
Don’t listen other people they don’t know what they are talking about, don’t even tell people your personal business The entire world caters to men no matter how messed up they are
He attached himself to me; he wanted to get a place together, and I told him I was not moving in with him. I lost and dodged months and years of abuse. I'm so glad he went to another woman. Never move in with a man ever.
@@Move-on19 Abuse isn't always physical. Emotional abuse happens. Just because this was my experience with him, it doesn't mean he’s this way with others. I'm glad he is where he wants to be.
I was abused in 2 marriages and I didnt realize it for years. I thought it was normal. I witnessed my mom being abused for decades. Anyway, God woke me up and got me out.
yup I fled him, women left, later I found out he's been accused of SA, and still its "women's fault" that snapped me out of it- when he blamed women. I knew then he was using DARVO.
We often hear about fight or flight responses, but we seldom speak about the ‘fawn’ response and the ‘freeze’ response. Fawning is when you play down what someone is doing, you kind of go along with it in some way, or laugh it off. Freezing is just sort of pretending it didn’t happen or waiting it out until the moment passes. I think these two responses are so common for women when trying to de-escalate situations with men because we are tying to avoid physical altercations. Please pay attention ladies, to the subtlety in dealing with people. We have to learn to see the YELLOW AND ORANGE flags, so we don’t have to even deal with the red ones.
Freeze response...is what I grew up with. I feel such a strong fear inside me, that in response to harassment I never react back but just go into silent shock(=appearing frozen). And on the outside I might appear calm, but on the inside I am in a state of "about to have a panic attack"....and I can continue to listen to verbal death threats or humiliation while showing no sign of anger or disappointment on the outside at all....just frozen in time and space. ..... However, this is also a positive trait, at least in part. The thing is that the best response in the face of abuse is: DO NOT REACT - RESPOND CALMLY So, I already naturally don't react with emotions or screaming, I just have to add to this a calm response. I'm almost there. Just learning to say back calmly : "I understand your frustration, but I disagree with your view of the situation." Or "I see your point. But I have a different perspective." Or even shorter: "Ok. But I don't think so." is a great way to respond. Such responses are NON-emotional. And they can NEVER be used against you, for example in court, or anywhere in life. . . Therefore, if you freeze in shock, just keep observing and say to yourself: " I'm not being abusive if I disagree" So, you do engage - but NOT IN emotional exchange of reactions. You engage in a constructive and calm dialogue. And you are half-way there every time you freeze in fear....." I am from Russia. The Soviet History and Russian Imperial past for hundreds of years back is full of violence: hundreds of years of Slavic slavery/serfdom, political oppression regimes and hunger genocides throughout entire Soviet lands (both European and Asian sides of the Soviet world). In our language we have a saying "if a man (physically) beats you - he loves you"🥴..... I actually grew up hearing that a lot in Russian language 😢....the worst part is that over many years I became conditioned and fully brainwashed to learn to like it: any male attention, even abusive, automatically turned me on😢....
@@nallely__rodriguez I know this q isn't for me, but a man's rage IS, in fact, dangerous. The nature of rage is it's out of control. Verbal abuse has ended in death too many times, it's obvious when a man is screaming in your face full of rage that it could be the last thing you ever see in this world. Have you heard the expression, " men are afraid a woman will laugh at them, women are afraid that a man will kill them."
@@nallely__rodriguezthey keep your possessions once knowing your trying to leave. they won’t allow you to leave the door. they will hurt you before you leave if they know your running.. people with anger that they can’t control, will hurt anyone ….
@@it_butters_the_bean2343 same, thats what Im going to do. I will try to apartment hunt on the day that hes working and also move things out on the same days
Me too only difference I live abroad outside the U.S. border with 2 kids. Dealing with a narrcisst. Feel my life is upside down and feel so off, drained, and cranky as of late. O hate being used and financially held. I am in the process of getting my things together to sneak away. Will pray for us all❤
Thank you for this video. This is a must-watch. Another sign of abuse is if the person wants to get serious too quickly. After days of meeting, they will say things like, “You’re the only one who gets me.” Another sign is love bombing. They shower you with compliments and gifts very early on. Those are two major red flags.
I disagree with that highly some people just wanna be loved and they fall in love quickly I'm one of those people and I get abused and left used and lied to just because someone is patient doesn't mean they're not toxic sometimes being patient is toxic why would I wanna stay with someone 10+ years kids and not be married
Ladies....also a big 🚩is a guy that always and quickly asks you what you're doing and where you're at! Lots of times it within seconds or a couples of minutes after getting on the phone with them. They never offer there location readily and that information is not relevant to the conversation, but they will make it like it is. Even when you call them, they got all the questions!
My kids father LITERALLY showed up to my house with my name tattooed on his hand. I was furious. I didnt know why, but i knew it wasn't for any good purpose....especially since i had asked him NOT to. He then tried to get me to do the same. Absolutely not!
How about the guy that pushes you to your limit and expects you to shut up and not defend yourself or explain as to why you don’t do things a certain way but he gaslight’s you and shuts it down
Why are you still there? Are you waiting for him to Bury you and go to your funeral. You hate yourself that much that you want love from someone who detests you?? What are you waiting for? You think that love is supposed to be painful?? If you don't block the guy and move from the city to start a better life for yourself!!
I believe we usually know the truth about a person we’re in relations with, but it hurts to accept it. If it’s your friend, I would try my best to be there for her but also keep a safe distance for yourself, it’s not good to be pulled into that dynamic. When she’s ready, I’m sure she’ll call you for help
This part- don’t fall for the manipulation tactics- if they are defending their behavior using a defense that would only make sense to a CHILD…? Walk away.
I can relate to this. I survived narcissistic abuse. I’ve gone 7 months no contact with him. I’m still healing but better than I was yesterday. Prayers for all survivors of any abusive relationship. I thank the Lord for removing this demonic person from my life. It takes a minute for the love for that person to wear off, but I vowed to never return. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Well done, Stef - stay strong! The first year is the hardest, but praying helps as the Lord will deliver you from trauma bonding and heals your wounds over time. For me it has now been 5 years of No Contact, I still pray from time to time for the Lord to help me forgive him when I remember things that he did or said. The silver lining is that what the enemy meant for bad, God used it for good and brought us safely on the other side, wiser, stronger and more discerning. Praying for you sis, and for all survivors. Sending love and hugs 🥰
Man of God this is an excellent analogy of an abusive relationship! I was married to an narracistic man and it took me over 20 years to get out of this marriage. Only the holy ghost gave me the strength to leave. DV is demonic and from the devil. I was broken when I met my ex-husband. Now that I have allowed the Lord to heal me and got Christian counseling Jesus has helped me to set boundaries with everyone. I am happy and full of peace and joy. I thank Jesus for his protection, love, and grace! I want talk to other women that have experienced abuse. The love of Jesus is pure and unconditional love. Women and children deserve peace and happiness! If you don't leave DV is a cycle that will continue with your children. Jesus is a delieverr and restorer ! God bless you!
I grew up in an abusive household. The toxicity was so intense that everyone who was close/involved in a relationship to my father is either DEAD or disabled, no cap: my mother used drugs to cope, passed away from ccancer. Older brother: died of cancer. Younger sister: had a stroke at the age of 39. Another sibling ended up with an autoimmune disease. I left home at 18 and NEVER went back, thankfully I still have my health. Emotional and psychological abuse is REAL ya'll. The chronic stress will TEAR YOU DOWN. GET AWAY from an abuser as FAST as you can.
Your video made me realize that’s I was in an abusive relationship and I’ve been allowing abusive people into my life for all of my 20s. I’m 30 now and I need to make a change and do serious inner work before dating again. Some people can be vultures looking for their next victim and you wouldn’t even know that they specifically targeted you because of your unconscious and conscious behavior and thought processes. Thank you so much for giving me clarity ❤I love your videos. Its so nice hearing from a man’s perspective of how certain people can intentionally try to hurt you and if you don’t have enough self awareness and self love it could end up being fatal.
You can have All the self love in the world. Self love alone will not protect us from being attacked. Abusers also have assistance in their abuse from silence 🤫 .America itself is built off of abuse as well as other countries. 😢its a disheartening reality I'm happy we're talking about it.
@@aplusdiva7006The young lady is correct, you must love yourself enough to not allow any man to treat you any type of way. She understands she needs to work on herself so she doesn't fall prey to abusers. An abusive man will not deal with a woman who upholds the standards she has set for herself. Not allowing anyone to be a part of your life if they make you feel uncomfortable. Nip it in the bud immediately. If it doesn't feel right leave it alone no matter what anyone else has to say. She's taking time to work on herself and that's what we all need to do.
@@hopewilliams7081 I dont worry about other people.... i have my own life to live.... Im living my life so im not trying to be like anyone else, maybe you are trying to be more like her/ him.
How did you get away ? My abuser told me he was going to move me in the Middle of no where , away from my friends and family . This is after he tried to force me to Have kids for him I said no , force me to marry him I said no
They NEED to teach this in school. Kids dont want to believe their parents in their dating stages and it can be so dangerous for them. If they learned in course. It could be life saving for so many and it could teach awareness for younger teenager what signs to notice and how to help when someones in danger. Also triangulation is another tatic as well as mirroring, and teaching woman just because they say they wont hurt you or that they are not liars or cheaters doesnt mean that they are. Also teaching woman not to give so much information too soon. Another warning sign is saying "i love you" right after sex or after the first date. Got to make people more aware. Thank you for this video. Its a lot of great information.
Know about a man that talked about being afraid cause of women hurting men in a physical way. After he said this though, he started becoming very abusive. Shouting, wanting to control and wanting his way, belittling.. Felt unsafe and told him to leave and he did, without saying a word.. Yet, after he kept accusing us for things we did not do and threatening us over text messages..
This message is so real. I wish this was a mandatory course for young women starting at the high school age. It would prevent alot of future heartbreak. 😔
once upon a time virtues were taught in school and classic literature that pierced into the depths of the human psyche and explored the meaning of true love was required high school reading. today the “education” system assists and enables the dysfunction already present in homes. a vicious cycle.
It can be as insidious as crazy making. Making you feel like you overreacting to making you believe something wasn’t said or didn’t happen. That was a method used against me to try to make me doubt myself and my reality. It took a lot to be strong, remain assertive and trust myself enough to know that I’m not crazy. If someone knows you are willing to doubt yourself to appease their reality, it will get much worse. And absolutely, letting people know it’s happening and saving evidence is a must. I was always being told that I discuss too much of our business. No that’s business that needs to be shared for safety reasons in case something happened. I took photos and kept logs that were easily accessible to family if need be. Protect yourself first. If someone is abusing you, they are not interested in protecting you…they are harming you.. don’t protect them. Many abusers no matter what they say are also cheaters. They don’t respect you to begin with. If they are hitting you, they already don’t respect your physical body or your feelings, you have to respect and honor the person and the relationship not to cheat. They already disrespecting you
The other issue to add is that women and men who are being abused and have children. Please think of your children. they don't need to see their parent being hit. it hurts them. I have watched this with my own parent and I am scarred. i am in therapy and it is not cheap so please save your children's future if you have to change your name or location just do it for your child. it will save their mental health and their life
I know couples who went to counselling through a pastor with a psychology degree, before getting married then before having children. They postponed kids for a few years. They realised they weren't quite ready for parenting,as they still had to deal with some childhood issues. I genuinely believe that could be a good option for people who really wants to be good spouses and good parents.
@@munix9351 this is really stupid to say,why? Because sometimes , things are unpredictable, the "best person" can change into the worst, just give them a couple weeks, months, years or even decades!!So saying things like this is inconsiderate
As a survivor of a violent & sexually abusive relationship, truthfully I stayed b/c I was trained to. It's like breaking a wild horse. There's the "humane" way, where one patiently builds mutual trust and respect overtime. And there's the "cowboy" way, where they use whips, spurs, chains & run the horse until they have nothing left. The horse is so tired & broken that they eventually give up. Then the training begins. In my experience, the biggest red flags are in the beginning. When a person acts TOO perfect, when they buy you TOO much, when they say TOO many perfect things (overt exaggerations, love-bombing, lies). If it's too good to be true, that's b/c it is! So please, if someone shines brighter than the sun, I beg you.. don't be Icarus.
It is incredible how someone can know and understand this crazy-making cycle without having had experienced it themselves. Why is it so obvious to everyone else? Why am I so dumb to have ever let this happen?
You're not dumb and it's not that obvious. It's very strategic how abusive ppl enter your life and manipulate you so don't beat yourself up. Now you know, so going forward apply everything you've learned 🤷🏾♀️
U are not...believe this many of us who always been independent and strong and say "I would never let a man etc etc" yea well never say never...we be the main ones it's not that obvious until it's obvious!
These dudes don't let you see it until you are in too deep. That's the problem. Even if they try to leave rent is thousands a month. It''s not easy for these women to just up and leave. A lot of them can't make it on their own, especially if they have kids.
I gottaa find a job soon to be able to psy my own rent inthink last year while hevwas drunk he chocked me out punched me kicked me and pushed me my son saw it all , i left that night i think i locked him out tgat night too hus back in my house now he still drinks verbally emotionally abuses me cheated on me three weeks before my bday this year it was in april … ive been thriugh more than thatvwith him tho met him when i was 18 him 21 im about to be 27 coming april , my son is autistic and is 5 about to be 6 in January i can do this ! He even went thriugh my ohone amd saw i was chattingvw other ppl i knew he was probably upset because he didnt sleep in the bed wuth me , and im used to not getting hugs and kisses unless i ask first but i asked today and he acted like he didnt want me to touch him …. So idk i do need to leave
😢❤🙏🏿thank you so much for this video. I’m a 30 year old black woman who is very kind and sweet. I just ended a relationship with with an abusive guy and I didn’t even know that he was actively trying to manipulate me and groom me for abuse. I just never felt comfortable around him and he would always try to cross my boundaries. At first he loved everything about me and wanted to know everything but then as time went on during the very short 3 months, he would gaslight me and criticize me about my appearance that he loved before and he would also undermine my confidence and my intelligence. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something was terribly wrong after awhile because he would always had something negative to say about any topic or thing I would bring up. He also tried to discourage me from making great career moves that would be beneficial for my future (I’m a Travel Nurse). I figured it was all due to insecurities. He came off like a nice guy but secretly he was terribly troubled mentally.
I hope and pray that everybody, man or woman that are being abused....they soon will have the courage to leave that relationship, heal, learn what selflove is and have a wonderfull live serounded by the right people. AMEN!
thank you for making this video. i wish more male content creators would speak to abuse & femicide. in the case of the mother in St. Pete’s… she had just thrown her child’s father a 21st b-day party at their apartment w/ friends & family 4 hours before he killed her. i just don’t understand what could’ve happened in that short period of time… not that anything would be sensical to this horrific outcome. ugh. so heartbreaking 💔
Thank you for posting this. I've never seen a black man against abusing women. Nonetheless one speaking against it and making others aware! God bless you!!
It’s refreshing to see a young man think this way. I’m happy I found your page, been watching for a few months now. Very relatable & common sensical. Keep thriving!
This is why it’s so important for healthy people who have experienced or observed abuse to tell their story or say what the observed. I grew up thinking this behavior was normal.
I get a little thrill of joy when I find good Christian relationship advice. It's so rare. " your body is a temple". A reminder to honor God with our bodies and not honor man
Thank you so much for making this video. I just broke up with my boyfriend for this very reason, verbal abuse that was become physical and he gaslit me and said he was going to change but became aggressive when I said I was still leaving him and said he’d never let me go. Something in my soul was telling me he wasn’t right fully in the head and everything you’re saying is ringing alarms for me 😩 I pray more women see this ❤
If you are currently talking to someone online and the algorithm suggested this or similar videos, take that as a sign! Nothing is private anymore, not their convos with you or their convos they may be having with others and that's how platforms like RUclips choose content and marketing to put your way.
Unfortunately, we don't always recognize abuse until many years have gone by or someone else points it out to us. Particularly, when you've been raised in an abusive family, you don't recognize abusive behavioiurs. It's normalized.
This video was really helpful to me. After 10 years of abuse, I am finally getting out. Someone in the chat replay said that a lot of people are groomed to be this way by parents and that this doesn't always start with spouses. I know that's the truth for me. Thank you so much for speaking about this. And PRAISE JESUS for delivering me from this horribly abusive marriage!
When I would pray and ask the Father for guidance, I would get constant vivid nightmares of my children’s father killing my children and I. Deep down in my spirit I knew I was stuck in a abusive cycle and got out after 5 months. Being stuck in domestic abuse is legitimately dangerous! RUN❗️
He is in therapy but still verbally abusive and turns every one of his problems onto me. He's really controlling my emotions. I'm being supportive but he won't change and I keep repeating myself. I have done all I can do and i'm giving up
Thank you for this video! I am a victim of DV and everything you’re saying is accurate. Can you do a video about the aftermath of leaving a DV relationship? I didn’t know this when I escape my ex but I wasn’t able to function properly. My confidence was abnormally low, I was paranoid, indecisive, sensitive, emotionally fragile, angry, ptsd, and ironically started to become abusive too when intoxicated. There’s a personal battle after the escape and it is brutal! However its an awakening journey I learned a lot about myself and childhood. I had to go into a spiritual wilderness to see clearly. I’m still healing and not 💯 but the Most High is taking amazing care of me and endless blessings.
Love and respect yourself enough to were you feel and know the small signs before the big/obvious signs. I ran into a guy that was married and had a DV case and jailed for not abiding by a protection order. I felt the signs so before we went on our first date, I did a background check and it confirmed everything I was feeling from this guy. He was FINE-FINE 😍but I had to let him go EARLY!!!
Ive listened to so many Christian womens spiritual channels and I truly appreciate your content, and having a male spiritual perspective without being another toxic male. Wonderful!
I’m currently in this situation…10 weeks pregnant n been assaulted multiple times n constantly being told it’s me. Now I’m stranded in a different state n constantly on edge. Smh I pray I figure this out I’m glad I came across this video
A mixed race Jamaican woman was just killed by her husband at 42 in her last year of medical residency. As someone who was in an emotional abusive relationship they don't just let you go. They will call a hundred times, show up at your house etc. It literally causes stress and panic attacks when you leave them. It's like a drug.
My dad broke my mom's bones in front of me and my sister when I was like 4. Apparently there was a lot of violence in our house. I don't remember it though. I struggle with relationships, friendships and romantic. I wonder how much of it stems from these experiences.
everything you saying is so true unfortunately I am the one that got trapped thru pregnancy and the tattoo, I was so vulnerabale at the time I met this person and now im going thru DV , going to have charges pressed on my abuser tomorrow ... I been going thru HELL for the past 3 years and I am only 23 years old . I am ready to start my new life
This describes what I went through for 5 years, I got out with our daughter nearly 2 months ago to a refuge. He's currently on remand until trial, even with picture and video evidence against him. It started with I love you very quickly. I've never loved anyone like this before. Expensive gifts. Got pregnant 6 months later, turning up at my work and lost my job. The verbal abuse started. Arm grabbing. Hand around my throat. He has strangled me, suffocated me, kicked me, pulled me to the ground by my hair. Bruised me so badly I was limping. I've been looking at so many videos to understand what I went through. Still going through even though I've left. This video is so insightful. He made me feel amazing in the beginning. Then after so long he made me feel worthless for a long time. He put cameras up, made me give my passwords to my social media, would check my phone and take it away. His mum was living with us the whole time. She never helped me. Or even stopped him. I went through a lot more than I want to type. If your a woman or even man that reads my comment. Please get out. If I hadn't got out. Maybe he would have killed me, like he threatened and did try and do. From England here.
Ex tried to make me fully depend on him and didn't want me being close to my mom and didn't want me to have platonic friendships with my male friends. Didn't want me talking to anyone. Used to tell me he can't eat or sleep without me. Crazy stuff like it's do or die. Had to wake up and run. Initially it's hard when they gaslighting you and trying to make you look crazy and doubt the reality of their abusive nature...
He couldn't eat or sleep without you, but yet he was able to survive for how many decades before he met you?! Lol! These "below sub-beings" are something else
Yeah this guys playing with me right now saying you just get my temper up.... they actually try to convince you ur special for getting them upset to confuse you with the fact they care etc "I got you right where I want you".... with a smile... he's so playful to manipulate
Thank you for openly talking about this subject that is supressed because of shame on one hand and lack of availability and safety for people to talk about this without being judged! When it comes to abuse, i learnt and noticed a consistent pattern to keep an eye on. Anybody that practices verbal abuse of any shape or form needs to be set a strong boundary... meaning, you consistently do NOT verbally abuse anyone... if you stick to respecting your own boundaries... you soon know when to call somebody out, tell them your boundary and what happens when it is broken, AND most importantly, YOU got to stick to the 3 things: 1- do NOT verbally abuse 2- set that boundary clear to others and consequences of crossing it 3- Stick to it firmly and unapologetically! I found original verbal abuse is a reflection of what is hidden inside the heart. From a fountain, we never get both salty and drinkable water... it is either one or the other, so let us make sure out of our mouths come words that build, bring wisdom, speaks truth in love, and nurtures the mind, heart and spirit!! The inability to sit down to talk about what makes people mad... whilst being cool, calm and collected... is proof that the person needs to heal and grow before getting with anyone else. I love you because i see that coolness, calmness and collectedness even talking about subjects that are obviously upsetting and close to your heart due to past experiences you witnessed and lived through and healed from thanks to God ❤ Your work, builds, pulls the good to the surface, calling out that which needs be NOT entertained. You are inspiring in more ways than you are aware of and i thank God for you whilst I pray that He blesses you, your family and the work you do, that it may be a blessing and a light to those who are lost. Thank you 🌻
I made sure I went through the whole process of court the last time my ex was abusive . All the other times I had dropped charges for being forgiving but this last time .. I said this enough and made sure he is sentenced. Especially I have no father in my life , I need to stand my ground and not accept any abuse from no man.
Met a man recently that was talking crazy via text and we met 3 days ago. I ended up blocking him and he left the nastiest voicemail on my phone threatened me and all. Im keeping him blocked and praying i never see him again. I can only imagine what he would be capable of in the future. Definitely would kill me
ive been supporting victims of DV since the 90s. this advice is SPOT ON. you watch this and also read Lundy Bancrofts 'Why Does he Do that?' you will be set. sooner the better. tat someone name on your body after 20 years of honesty and support. matter of fact make it thirty. you want a name that bad on you tat your kids names on you, they likely wont beat and kill you. thank you for this Shumake. I will just add...for women...try to have money saved up when you date someone. in an account that NO ONE knows about but you. it will come in handy if you need to escape and will be money he cant use to control you or wipe out to control you.
This is really good as your sharing things that are not spoken about from professionals who talk about abuse. I think people will be able to recognise the signs in a more relatable way 👍
You have to plan and take the steps to leave. Often with the physical and mental abuse comes financial abuse. So when it’s time to leave you have to plan, save, move in silence keep the faith that it want always be like that and you will get out safely.
Thank you so much for this!! Please keep spreading awareness!! Someone I love, dearly, has been a victim for years and doesn't even realize it. It's heartbreaking and disturbing to witness.
This 💯 you are speaking my past relationships this hits different!!! I feel my heart hurting and welling up 😢 thank you for this I needed to hear is today. Your an angel keep doing what you do. God bless you and your wife
This resonates so much with me. My ex was like that. He used to be my best friend so I ignored all the red flags when we started dating even though they were right in my face. So happy I got out of there.
That's the hard part cus even when the victim is in danger, shes still soft in the heart or is too scared to further the drama cus a lot of black guys lose their life in the hands of police over nothing.
I’m a bw who is not anti police. I’m 911 friendly and will make good use of my tax dollars if anyone dares to put their hands on me. Man or woman. My father raised me to look after myself and put myself first.
Omggg I’m so glad I watched this! I’ve never been in an abusive relationship but i know way too many women close to me who have, so i watch & send videos like these all the time. I recently broke up with a guy i only dated for THREE MONTHS & i couldn’t really prove it until now but i felt like he was tryna groom me. The details in this video just confirm I WAS RIGHT! He even went as far as tattooing my name on his brow & gaslighting me like i told him to do it. I’ve always trusted myself but i trust myself so much more knowing i was spot on & left in the smartest safest way possible.
Have an exit plan of an abusive relationship. Hospitals have advocates and resources. Ask male colleagues to walk with you to your car. Look for room rentals of homeowners, rent is usually inexpensive. Open a separate savings account and p.o. box for yourself where mail can be sent. Safeguard legal documents and give to trusted friend. Save cash tips and keep separate. Never accept abuse! Never protect your abuser by staying mute! Know when to leave!
We have been married since this past September, and last night was this 1st time he ever threatened me. He told me that I was lying about and a door situation kept seeing me smile, and he told me that he was going to mess up my face and kept walking up on me. I literally had to beg him not to. 😢 I honestly got myself in a messed up situation. I'm scared.
Hi Brother Shumake way. Thank you so much for you important topic. I think it's truly wonderful, that you don't abuse your wife. That's says a lot!! Your helping to make a difference in this world. God Bless you, I pray God leads you to further His desire to protect woman, and men from getting stuck or threatened to be in an abusive relationship. To God be all the glory!!!
That type of abuse is no joke. I was with that type of man for 3 months and it felt like 3 years. It started out with jokes, then transitioned to verbal abuse, then he got so angry he punched a wall. Once he punched the wall, I left permanently.
My ex did that too. Punched that wall right in front of me when we argued. He wanted to marry me and I said no. Rhag was 1 reason why. His dad was abusive and his mom would always say she didn't think her son would hit me. Yeah ok..
Same, mine lasted 9 months ...the little time did much
Some show this in the beginning
Undermining and jabs disguised as”JOKES”
my ex dropped his phone onto me ! And he punched the wall and trees and hurt himself .and one time he was drank he dragged me onto the floor ….
Verbal abuse is shocking and like you said it’s certain things a man should never call a woman
Familiarity plays a huge part. Everything familiar is NOT good.
Gdeve. Hey @ALaneOfMyOwn, That is a Familiar Spirit.
I Hope 🛐 this bro. @The Shumake Way deals with verbal, mental & Emotionally abuse in relationships, Marriages...In JESUS Name, amen.
This is so true. I wish more people understood this. Many women find a good man and they feel strange and will call him weird or “off”. No, he’s fine. You’re just used to abuse and neglect….I was sucked in by a narcissist that felt so familiar. That’s was the first time I had experienced that. Later I learned about narcissism and realized the familiarity was from my treatment in childhood and that narcs are natural predators that study their prey and know the right lure to trap you.
@@PaperMario64 🎯 Exactly. Those childhood experiences are the key factors to making us or breaking us as we evolve. When choosing to evolve and grow it is essential to rid of the familiar energy and spirits. I too realized over the years why I was so acquainted with my past partner.
So is getting too familiar with your spouse a bad thing ?
@@SeanSean-jp9hg nope that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about characteristics that are familiar to things that aren’t good for you but because you’re used to them (familiar) you see nothing wrong with it.. it could be toxic familiar traits your partner have that you don’t realize is toxic because it’s something you’ve been exposed to your whole life.. basically it can keep you stuck
Verbal abuse it's the longer you stay the hardest to leave because the person tear you down for a years you start to believe that no one can save you
So true!
currently I am dealing with this Im having a hard time finding resources so I can get away I don't have any family its just me he threatening me all the time and the police wont do anything unless he hits me. He's always gaslighting me and telling me I'm a whore a slut and I have sex with every man I come across. he stays out all night and I be so glad bd I can rest in peace I don't care what he does out there and it bothers him I don't care so he'll resort to verbal abuse then jumping in my face chest bumping me wishing I was a man so he could punch me and he has hit me a lot especially in the pass its more financial abuse terrible mental abuse its horrible when I reached out for help it took 3 weeks before they called me back I reached out to domestic hotline I waited for over 20 mins and he was around so I ended the chat still haven't spoke to no one. if I don't perform sex acts he fusses at me for days wont allow me to sleep turns the music up really loud so I can't sleep he is so spiteful and disrespectful and nasty towards other women as well but he'll always say he will fight a dude but I doubt it bc I witnessed him cop a deuce and did not want to fight I hate him and ion hate nobody else I'm trying hang in there but its so hard my mental health is deteriorating badly I see a therapist every week. I cant even wash my underwear I cant do my hair I can't wear decent clothing bc I'm being accused of doing it to other men if I don't do my hair or put clothes on he will talk about me call me unattractive as well as other horrible names I'm not working trying to find a job but I don't want him knowing or figuring out where I work bc he wld show up there most likely drunk and high off of weed cocaine powder e-pills molly Percocet pills heroine bukes and methodone as well as alcohol smh I wish I never met him GOD help me please
or no one will ever love you
The scary part is you never see stories of it getting better it seems like it just gets worse or they never change
Right, the abuse makes people sick, and they eventually think they can't leave.
It never gets better
Yeah, then Stockholm Syndrome can kick in and the victim never leaves alive
Exactly it doesn't get better or completely change! The reason is because if u stay they know that u won't leave when they do it again!!!!
@@FourEyedOwlmany women and girls have escaped and will continue to but better yet they won't date or marry or breed with misogynists
Omg. I felt this in my soul. I left my marriage after years of being broken down verbally. To hear a man who is not related to me confirm this is WRONG has brought me to tears. So many people said I was wrong for leaving over how he talked to me. My life has elevated since leaving and I am glad to have my peace.
Big hugs sister❤. I left also.
You are guilty of adultery. Wise men will avoid you.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Very wise of you Strong 👸🏾♥️ God bless you sista.
Don’t listen other people they don’t know what they are talking about, don’t even tell people your personal business
The entire world caters to men no matter how messed up they are
He attached himself to me; he wanted to get a place together, and I told him I was not moving in with him. I lost and dodged months and years of abuse. I'm so glad he went to another woman.
Never move in with a man ever.
im so happy for you. he showed himself early
Why are you glad he went to another woman ? May she be safe!!
@@Move-on19 Abuse isn't always physical. Emotional abuse happens. Just because this was my experience with him, it doesn't mean he’s this way with others. I'm glad he is where he wants to be.
Never let a leech- I mean women move in either
@@SasukeUchiha-xy4vj I don't think women ever ask to leech on or move in with a man. That's like asking to be a slave
I was abused in 2 marriages and I didnt realize it for years. I thought it was normal. I witnessed my mom being abused for decades. Anyway, God woke me up and got me out.
My advice is walk out of an abusive relationship as soon as you can. Trauma bond is usually what keeps people stuck in a toxic relationship.
They make you feel like it’s your fault.
yup I fled him, women left, later I found out he's been accused of SA, and still its "women's fault" that snapped me out of it- when he blamed women. I knew then he was using DARVO.
Exactly, they do make you feel like it’s your fault.
This that's the most exhausting part that shit drained me so bad like how am I accountable for your actions and your not
We often hear about fight or flight responses, but we seldom speak about the ‘fawn’ response and the ‘freeze’ response. Fawning is when you play down what someone is doing, you kind of go along with it in some way, or laugh it off. Freezing is just sort of pretending it didn’t happen or waiting it out until the moment passes.
I think these two responses are so common for women when trying to de-escalate situations with men because we are tying to avoid physical altercations.
Please pay attention ladies, to the subtlety in dealing with people. We have to learn to see the YELLOW AND ORANGE flags, so we don’t have to even deal with the red ones.
Well said!
Such an amazing and well said comment. As a woman I agree with this wholeheartedly based on my own experiences.
Yes !!!
Freeze response...is what I grew up with. I feel such a strong fear inside me, that in response to harassment I never react back but just go into silent shock(=appearing frozen). And on the outside I might appear calm, but on the inside I am in a state of "about to have a panic attack"....and I can continue to listen to verbal death threats or humiliation while showing no sign of anger or disappointment on the outside at all....just frozen in time and space. .....
However, this is also a positive trait, at least in part. The thing is that the best response in the face of abuse is:
DO NOT REACT -
RESPOND CALMLY
So, I already naturally don't react with emotions or screaming, I just have to add to this a calm response. I'm almost there.
Just learning to say back calmly : "I understand your frustration, but I disagree with your view of the situation."
Or "I see your point. But I have a different perspective."
Or even shorter: "Ok. But I don't think so." is a great way to respond.
Such responses are NON-emotional.
And they can NEVER be used against you, for example in court, or anywhere in life. . . Therefore, if you freeze in shock, just keep observing and say to yourself: " I'm not being abusive if I disagree"
So, you do engage - but NOT IN emotional exchange of reactions. You engage in a constructive and calm dialogue. And you are half-way there every time you freeze in fear....."
I am from Russia. The Soviet History and Russian Imperial past for hundreds of years back is full of violence: hundreds of years of Slavic slavery/serfdom, political oppression regimes and hunger genocides throughout entire Soviet lands (both European and Asian sides of the Soviet world). In our language we have a saying "if a man (physically) beats you - he loves you"🥴..... I actually grew up hearing that a lot in Russian language 😢....the worst part is that over many years I became conditioned and fully brainwashed to learn to like it: any male attention, even abusive, automatically turned me on😢....
Brilliant
Please don’t overlook people that speak really calmly and sweetly- don’t listen to words- pay attention to actions and how they make you FEEL.
Yes this is soooo true. My ex could sell himself as a Tony Robbin’s type in reality he was the devil. So happy I walked away!!!
He could always sound SO normal. Kind. Thoughtful. Humble. Even wholesome. It messed with me so much!
Man I new this one man that was like that
@ It’s very unsettling and deeply disturbing
it’s VERY DANGEROUS to just ‘leave’. most people need to plan that for a long time before going
I’d like to know more about this… why do you think it’s dangerous? I’m curious
@@nallely__rodriguez I know this q isn't for me, but a man's rage IS, in fact, dangerous. The nature of rage is it's out of control. Verbal abuse has ended in death too many times, it's obvious when a man is screaming in your face full of rage that it could be the last thing you ever see in this world. Have you heard the expression, " men are afraid a woman will laugh at them, women are afraid that a man will kill them."
It could be dangerous to announce you're leaving
@@nallely__rodriguezthey keep your possessions once knowing your trying to leave. they won’t allow you to leave the door. they will hurt you before you leave if they know your running.. people with anger that they can’t control, will hurt anyone ….
@@JoevannaMagnusson93 definitely. When I tried to move out the first time, my abuser hid my car keys.
I'm going through this right now. I've decided today to take control of my life.
@@it_butters_the_bean2343 same, thats what Im going to do. I will try to apartment hunt on the day that hes working and also move things out on the same days
He never fucking deserved you.
Me too only difference I live abroad outside the U.S. border with 2 kids. Dealing with a narrcisst. Feel my life is upside down and feel so off, drained, and cranky as of late. O hate being used and financially held. I am in the process of getting my things together to sneak away. Will pray for us all❤
@@chevvonnejohnson8367same here gurrl ;( I feel your pain
Pray Angels, God will guide you through the wilderness and trouble ❤ remember that you are loved, worthy and more than enough. God said so.
Thank you for this video. This is a must-watch. Another sign of abuse is if the person wants to get serious too quickly. After days of meeting, they will say things like, “You’re the only one who gets me.” Another sign is love bombing. They shower you with compliments and gifts very early on. Those are two major red flags.
I disagree with that highly some people just wanna be loved and they fall in love quickly I'm one of those people and I get abused and left used and lied to just because someone is patient doesn't mean they're not toxic sometimes being patient is toxic why would I wanna stay with someone 10+ years kids and not be married
@@recovermylife2976 good point. I’m sorry that abuse happened to you.
Yes. Happened to me. Gave me a ring very early on. Etc. Abuse started when he moved in, and ended when I left.
@@lmiller1413 I’m sorry that happened to you
@brownparkproductions3488 thank you. It was disorienting. Still doesn't make sense today. Thank you for your kind words.
Ladies....also a big 🚩is a guy that always and quickly asks you what you're doing and where you're at! Lots of times it within seconds or a couples of minutes after getting on the phone with them. They never offer there location readily and that information is not relevant to the conversation, but they will make it like it is. Even when you call them, they got all the questions!
or when they want you to take a picture so they can know where you are at. its time to move on
@lowlowseesee I've heard about that, bever been asked. But the last guy put a GPS on my car and would stalk me even when I was in the phone with him.
Also Video calls all the time. I had someone video call me at 5am in morning to check if I'm at my place
Or show your surroundings to him on camera ..I’m drained
@@BeenyKay video calls can be very intrusive to your privacy in general!
That's horrible and terrible. Men can be so scary when they abuse women Smh
My kids father LITERALLY showed up to my house with my name tattooed on his hand. I was furious. I didnt know why, but i knew it wasn't for any good purpose....especially since i had asked him NOT to. He then tried to get me to do the same. Absolutely not!
They go through all of that just so they can be physically abusive and get away with it. Think about how sick that is.
How about the guy that pushes you to your limit and expects you to shut up and not defend yourself or explain as to why you don’t do things a certain way but he gaslight’s you and shuts it down
Why are you still there? Are you waiting for him to Bury you and go to your funeral. You hate yourself that much that you want love from someone who detests you?? What are you waiting for? You think that love is supposed to be painful?? If you don't block the guy and move from the city to start a better life for yourself!!
Thid is oddly specific
@@munix9351 I’m not there lol it’s not me
I believe we usually know the truth about a person we’re in relations with, but it hurts to accept it. If it’s your friend, I would try my best to be there for her but also keep a safe distance for yourself, it’s not good to be pulled into that dynamic. When she’s ready, I’m sure she’ll call you for help
This part- don’t fall for the manipulation tactics- if they are defending their behavior using a defense that would only make sense to a CHILD…? Walk away.
Trauma bond kept me there. Free now and never again.
I can relate to this. I survived narcissistic abuse. I’ve gone 7 months no contact with him. I’m still healing but better than I was yesterday. Prayers for all survivors of any abusive relationship. I thank the Lord for removing this demonic person from my life. It takes a minute for the love for that person to wear off, but I vowed to never return. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Well done, Stef - stay strong! The first year is the hardest, but praying helps as the Lord will deliver you from trauma bonding and heals your wounds over time. For me it has now been 5 years of No Contact, I still pray from time to time for the Lord to help me forgive him when I remember things that he did or said. The silver lining is that what the enemy meant for bad, God used it for good and brought us safely on the other side, wiser, stronger and more discerning. Praying for you sis, and for all survivors. Sending love and hugs 🥰
Man of God this is an excellent analogy of an abusive relationship! I was married to an narracistic man and it took me over 20 years to get out of this marriage. Only the holy ghost gave me the strength to leave. DV is demonic and from the devil. I was broken when I met my ex-husband. Now that I have allowed the Lord to heal me and got Christian counseling Jesus has helped me to set boundaries with everyone. I am happy and full of peace and joy. I thank Jesus for his protection, love, and grace! I want talk to other women that have experienced abuse. The love of Jesus is pure and unconditional love. Women and children deserve peace and happiness! If you don't leave DV is a cycle that will continue with your children. Jesus is a delieverr and restorer ! God bless you!
I grew up in an abusive household. The toxicity was so intense that everyone who was close/involved in a relationship to my father is either DEAD or disabled, no cap: my mother used drugs to cope, passed away from ccancer. Older brother: died of cancer. Younger sister: had a stroke at the age of 39. Another sibling ended up with an autoimmune disease. I left home at 18 and NEVER went back, thankfully I still have my health. Emotional and psychological abuse is REAL ya'll. The chronic stress will TEAR YOU DOWN. GET AWAY from an abuser as FAST as you can.
Praise God you’re still here and keep letting God use as a vessel on this earth. You’re needed! ❤️❤️❤️
@Kellie-Marie
AMEN!
@@smustipher
Praise God. He is faithful! 🙏🏽
Hi Kelley Marie.. I know this was 8months ago.. but If You see this, Is it Possible for Us to talk.. Sending Love💕 God Bless You!🙏🏾
Your video made me realize that’s I was in an abusive relationship and I’ve been allowing abusive people into my life for all of my 20s. I’m 30 now and I need to make a change and do serious inner work before dating again. Some people can be vultures looking for their next victim and you wouldn’t even know that they specifically targeted you because of your unconscious and conscious behavior and thought processes. Thank you so much for giving me clarity ❤I love your videos. Its so nice hearing from a man’s perspective of how certain people can intentionally try to hurt you and if you don’t have enough self awareness and self love it could end up being fatal.
You can have All the self love in the world. Self love alone will not protect us from being attacked. Abusers also have assistance in their abuse from silence 🤫 .America itself is built off of abuse as well as other countries. 😢its a disheartening reality I'm happy we're talking about it.
@@aplusdiva7006The young lady is correct, you must love yourself enough to not allow any man to treat you any type of way. She understands she needs to work on herself so she doesn't fall prey to abusers. An abusive man will not deal with a woman who upholds the standards she has set for herself. Not allowing anyone to be a part of your life if they make you feel uncomfortable. Nip it in the bud immediately. If it doesn't feel right leave it alone no matter what anyone else has to say. She's taking time to work on herself and that's what we all need to do.
@@hopewilliams7081 I dont worry about other people.... i have my own life to live.... Im living my life so im not trying to be like anyone else, maybe you are trying to be more like her/ him.
I left the first time he hit him because I LOVE ME MORE. I pray everyone can get to this point
Girl yes. Not answering calls slow to text ... One time is enough honestly
My ex said two things that spooked me. He said he was going to make me disappear, and that I was going to always be with him. BYE!
How did you get away ? My abuser told me he was going to move me in the Middle of no where , away from my friends and family . This is after he tried to force me to Have kids for him I said no , force me to marry him I said no
They NEED to teach this in school. Kids dont want to believe their parents in their dating stages and it can be so dangerous for them. If they learned in course. It could be life saving for so many and it could teach awareness for younger teenager what signs to notice and how to help when someones in danger. Also triangulation is another tatic as well as mirroring, and teaching woman just because they say they wont hurt you or that they are not liars or cheaters doesnt mean that they are. Also teaching woman not to give so much information too soon. Another warning sign is saying "i love you" right after sex or after the first date. Got to make people more aware. Thank you for this video. Its a lot of great information.
When you are in LOVE you will put up with anything, you have to be strong and get out and NEVER ago BACK
You my soul mate run ladies...
Or twin flame😭😭
Know about a man that talked about being afraid cause of women hurting men in a physical way. After he said this though, he started becoming very abusive. Shouting, wanting to control and wanting his way, belittling.. Felt unsafe and told him to leave and he did, without saying a word.. Yet, after he kept accusing us for things we did not do and threatening us over text messages..
This message is so real. I wish this was a mandatory course for young women starting at the high school age. It would prevent alot of future heartbreak. 😔
once upon a time virtues were taught in school and classic literature that pierced into the depths of the human psyche and explored the meaning of true love was required high school reading. today the “education” system assists and enables the dysfunction already present in homes. a vicious cycle.
Facts!!❤
It can be as insidious as crazy making. Making you feel like you overreacting to making you believe something wasn’t said or didn’t happen. That was a method used against me to try to make me doubt myself and my reality. It took a lot to be strong, remain assertive and trust myself enough to know that I’m not crazy. If someone knows you are willing to doubt yourself to appease their reality, it will get much worse.
And absolutely, letting people know it’s happening and saving evidence is a must. I was always being told that I discuss too much of our business. No that’s business that needs to be shared for safety reasons in case something happened. I took photos and kept logs that were easily accessible to family if need be. Protect yourself first. If someone is abusing you, they are not interested in protecting you…they are harming you.. don’t protect them.
Many abusers no matter what they say are also cheaters. They don’t respect you to begin with. If they are hitting you, they already don’t respect your physical body or your feelings, you have to respect and honor the person and the relationship not to cheat. They already disrespecting you
💯💯
Facts!!! I told my family...
I000% facts❤
The other issue to add is that women and men who are being abused and have children. Please think of your children. they don't need to see their parent being hit. it hurts them. I have watched this with my own parent and I am scarred. i am in therapy and it is not cheap so please save your children's future if you have to change your name or location just do it for your child. it will save their mental health and their life
I know couples who went to counselling through a pastor with a psychology degree, before getting married then before having children. They postponed kids for a few years.
They realised they weren't quite ready for parenting,as they still had to deal with some childhood issues.
I genuinely believe that could be a good option for people who really wants to be good spouses and good parents.
And every time the cycle starts over it is worser than the last time.
Bible tells us that if we get rid of a demon and let it him back he brings 7 more with him 🤔 think about that!!! Matthew 12:45
Women need to learn how to defend themselves by taking up self defense classes get a gun and get a concealed carrying Permit can go to the rang.
We need to learn how not to enter relationships with men who are no good.
Yes
@@munix9351yes !
Or men could simply not be abusive… just a thought.
@@munix9351 this is really stupid to say,why? Because sometimes , things are unpredictable, the "best person" can change into the worst, just give them a couple weeks, months, years or even decades!!So saying things like this is inconsiderate
As a survivor of a violent & sexually abusive relationship, truthfully I stayed b/c I was trained to. It's like breaking a wild horse.
There's the "humane" way, where one patiently builds mutual trust and respect overtime. And there's the "cowboy" way, where they use whips, spurs, chains & run the horse until they have nothing left. The horse is so tired & broken that they eventually give up. Then the training begins.
In my experience, the biggest red flags are in the beginning. When a person acts TOO perfect, when they buy you TOO much, when they say TOO many perfect things (overt exaggerations, love-bombing, lies). If it's too good to be true, that's b/c it is!
So please, if someone shines brighter than the sun, I beg you.. don't be Icarus.
"Don't be Icarus" that's a bar that I'm stealing!!!
It is incredible how someone can know and understand this crazy-making cycle without having had experienced it themselves. Why is it so obvious to everyone else? Why am I so dumb to have ever let this happen?
You're not dumb and it's not that obvious.
It's very strategic how abusive ppl enter your life and manipulate you so don't beat yourself up.
Now you know, so going forward apply everything you've learned 🤷🏾♀️
@yourstruly1984 that's right!
U are not...believe this many of us who always been independent and strong and say "I would never let a man etc etc" yea well never say never...we be the main ones it's not that obvious until it's obvious!
These dudes don't let you see it until you are in too deep. That's the problem. Even if they try to leave rent is thousands a month. It''s not easy for these women to just up and leave. A lot of them can't make it on their own, especially if they have kids.
So true
Bingo you hit the nail on the head...that part...
I gottaa find a job soon to be able to psy my own rent inthink last year while hevwas drunk he chocked me out punched me kicked me and pushed me my son saw it all , i left that night i think i locked him out tgat night too hus back in my house now he still drinks verbally emotionally abuses me cheated on me three weeks before my bday this year it was in april … ive been thriugh more than thatvwith him tho met him when i was 18 him 21 im about to be 27 coming april , my son is autistic and is 5 about to be 6 in January i can do this ! He even went thriugh my ohone amd saw i was chattingvw other ppl i knew he was probably upset because he didnt sleep in the bed wuth me , and im used to not getting hugs and kisses unless i ask first but i asked today and he acted like he didnt want me to touch him …. So idk i do need to leave
😢❤🙏🏿thank you so much for this video. I’m a 30 year old black woman who is very kind and sweet. I just ended a relationship with with an abusive guy and I didn’t even know that he was actively trying to manipulate me and groom me for abuse. I just never felt comfortable around him and he would always try to cross my boundaries. At first he loved everything about me and wanted to know everything but then as time went on during the very short 3 months, he would gaslight me and criticize me about my appearance that he loved before and he would also undermine my confidence and my intelligence. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I knew something was terribly wrong after awhile because he would always had something negative to say about any topic or thing I would bring up. He also tried to discourage me from making great career moves that would be beneficial for my future (I’m a Travel Nurse). I figured it was all due to insecurities. He came off like a nice guy but secretly he was terribly troubled mentally.
I hope and pray that everybody, man or woman that are being abused....they soon will have the courage to leave that relationship, heal, learn what selflove is and have a wonderfull live serounded by the right people. AMEN!
Amen it starts with self love
thank you for making this video. i wish more male content creators would speak to abuse & femicide.
in the case of the mother in St. Pete’s… she had just thrown her child’s father a 21st b-day party at their apartment w/ friends & family 4 hours before he killed her. i just don’t understand what could’ve happened in that short period of time… not that anything would be sensical to this horrific outcome.
ugh. so heartbreaking 💔
Sometimes with people like that man , there is nothing that could have changed . Just that rage and need to control .
Maybe she was financially dominant in the relationship, maybe he couldn’t afford to throw someone a party.
@@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
@@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022 WTF r u talking about? and what topic are you on?? 😒
@@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022jealousy maybe
Thank You for being a protector for those who need protecting! Knowing what to lookout for and what to do when faced with abusers! God Bless!
Thank you for posting this. I've never seen a black man against abusing women. Nonetheless one speaking against it and making others aware! God bless you!!
What!?
It’s refreshing to see a young man think this way. I’m happy I found your page, been watching for a few months now. Very relatable & common sensical. Keep thriving!
Get ARMED & TRAIN OFTEN
This is why it’s so important for healthy people who have experienced or observed abuse to tell their story or say what the observed. I grew up thinking this behavior was normal.
I get a little thrill of joy when I find good Christian relationship advice. It's so rare. " your body is a temple". A reminder to honor God with our bodies and not honor man
Thank you so much for making this video. I just broke up with my boyfriend for this very reason, verbal abuse that was become physical and he gaslit me and said he was going to change but became aggressive when I said I was still leaving him and said he’d never let me go. Something in my soul was telling me he wasn’t right fully in the head and everything you’re saying is ringing alarms for me 😩 I pray more women see this ❤
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Unfortunately, we don't always recognize abuse until many years have gone by or someone else points it out to us. Particularly, when you've been raised in an abusive family, you don't recognize abusive behavioiurs. It's normalized.
I’m dealing with something like this now. Thank you.
This video was really helpful to me. After 10 years of abuse, I am finally getting out. Someone in the chat replay said that a lot of people are groomed to be this way by parents and that this doesn't always start with spouses. I know that's the truth for me. Thank you so much for speaking about this. And PRAISE JESUS for delivering me from this horribly abusive marriage!
When I would pray and ask the Father for guidance, I would get constant vivid nightmares of my children’s father killing my children and I. Deep down in my spirit I knew I was stuck in a abusive cycle and got out after 5 months. Being stuck in domestic abuse is legitimately dangerous! RUN❗️
He is in therapy but still verbally abusive and turns every one of his problems onto me. He's really controlling my emotions. I'm being supportive but he won't change and I keep repeating myself. I have done all I can do and i'm giving up
Give up
You deserve what
U are not the woman he needs to be with...u need to get out of there!!! He not gonna change for u...
Leave... it won't get better. 🙏
Thank you for this video! I am a victim of DV and everything you’re saying is accurate. Can you do a video about the aftermath of leaving a DV relationship? I didn’t know this when I escape my ex but I wasn’t able to function properly. My confidence was abnormally low, I was paranoid, indecisive, sensitive, emotionally fragile, angry, ptsd, and ironically started to become abusive too when intoxicated. There’s a personal battle after the escape and it is brutal! However its an awakening journey I learned a lot about myself and childhood. I had to go into a spiritual wilderness to see clearly. I’m still healing and not 💯 but the Most High is taking amazing care of me and endless blessings.
Im glad u outta there 🤗
Love and respect yourself enough to were you feel and know the small signs before the big/obvious signs. I ran into a guy that was married and had a DV case and jailed for not abiding by a protection order. I felt the signs so before we went on our first date, I did a background check and it confirmed everything I was feeling from this guy. He was FINE-FINE 😍but I had to let him go EARLY!!!
You let a fine piece of trash go 😂
Always do a background check...smart girl u are 🤗
@@lala5061i want to do a background check but its expensive I honestly feel that background checks should be free when you're dating
Ive listened to so many Christian womens spiritual channels and I truly appreciate your content, and having a male spiritual perspective without being another toxic male. Wonderful!
I’m currently in this situation…10 weeks pregnant n been assaulted multiple times n constantly being told it’s me. Now I’m stranded in a different state n constantly on edge. Smh I pray I figure this out I’m glad I came across this video
This was a whole sermon 🙌🏽. I can attest to a person being amazing in the beginning and then tearing you down from there.
A mixed race Jamaican woman was just killed by her husband at 42 in her last year of medical residency. As someone who was in an emotional abusive relationship they don't just let you go. They will call a hundred times, show up at your house etc. It literally causes stress and panic attacks when you leave them. It's like a drug.
It is so good hearing a man's perspective on this issue. Thanks for all you do to bring us these videos. May God bless you abundantly..👍❤👍❤👍❤
🎯That Part! 💯 This is much needed in this old Evil 🌍, with Very evil Men & Women whether Fam. or Stranger's, etc.
I'm going to take extreme measures to make sure my kid does not go through what I went through
My dad broke my mom's bones in front of me and my sister when I was like 4. Apparently there was a lot of violence in our house. I don't remember it though. I struggle with relationships, friendships and romantic. I wonder how much of it stems from these experiences.
everything you saying is so true unfortunately I am the one that got trapped thru pregnancy and the tattoo, I was so vulnerabale at the time I met this person and now im going thru DV , going to have charges pressed on my abuser tomorrow ... I been going thru HELL for the past 3 years and I am only 23 years old . I am ready to start my new life
I’m praying for your healing and that God will be with you every step of the way as you overcome this ! You’re a survivor ❤
I hope you pressed charged and that "thing" is out of your life now.
Should I leave on my on two feet or in a coffin?
This describes what I went through for 5 years, I got out with our daughter nearly 2 months ago to a refuge. He's currently on remand until trial, even with picture and video evidence against him.
It started with I love you very quickly. I've never loved anyone like this before. Expensive gifts. Got pregnant 6 months later, turning up at my work and lost my job. The verbal abuse started. Arm grabbing. Hand around my throat. He has strangled me, suffocated me, kicked me, pulled me to the ground by my hair. Bruised me so badly I was limping. I've been looking at so many videos to understand what I went through. Still going through even though I've left. This video is so insightful. He made me feel amazing in the beginning. Then after so long he made me feel worthless for a long time. He put cameras up, made me give my passwords to my social media, would check my phone and take it away. His mum was living with us the whole time. She never helped me. Or even stopped him. I went through a lot more than I want to type.
If your a woman or even man that reads my comment. Please get out.
If I hadn't got out. Maybe he would have killed me, like he threatened and did try and do.
From England here.
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO. ABUSE IS HORRIBLE. I KNOW. I LIVED WITH IT. IM DONE
Ex tried to make me fully depend on him and didn't want me being close to my mom and didn't want me to have platonic friendships with my male friends. Didn't want me talking to anyone. Used to tell me he can't eat or sleep without me. Crazy stuff like it's do or die. Had to wake up and run. Initially it's hard when they gaslighting you and trying to make you look crazy and doubt the reality of their abusive nature...
He couldn't eat or sleep without you, but yet he was able to survive for how many decades before he met you?! Lol! These "below sub-beings" are something else
Yeah this guys playing with me right now saying you just get my temper up.... they actually try to convince you ur special for getting them upset to confuse you with the fact they care etc "I got you right where I want you".... with a smile... he's so playful to manipulate
15:43
YESSSSS
And TEAR YOU DOWN THEY WILL!!!!!
Believe this ☝️
Typically emotional/mental and/or verbal abuse WILL eventually lead to physical abuse.
Thank you for openly talking about this subject that is supressed because of shame on one hand and lack of availability and safety for people to talk about this without being judged!
When it comes to abuse, i learnt and noticed a consistent pattern to keep an eye on.
Anybody that practices verbal abuse of any shape or form needs to be set a strong boundary... meaning, you consistently do NOT verbally abuse anyone... if you stick to respecting your own boundaries... you soon know when to call somebody out, tell them your boundary and what happens when it is broken, AND most importantly, YOU got to stick to the 3 things:
1- do NOT verbally abuse
2- set that boundary clear to others and consequences of crossing it
3- Stick to it firmly and unapologetically!
I found original verbal abuse is a reflection of what is hidden inside the heart.
From a fountain, we never get both salty and drinkable water... it is either one or the other, so let us make sure out of our mouths come words that build, bring wisdom, speaks truth in love, and nurtures the mind, heart and spirit!!
The inability to sit down to talk about what makes people mad... whilst being cool, calm and collected... is proof that the person needs to heal and grow before getting with anyone else.
I love you because i see that coolness, calmness and collectedness even talking about subjects that are obviously upsetting and close to your heart due to past experiences you witnessed and lived through and healed from thanks to God ❤
Your work, builds, pulls the good to the surface, calling out that which needs be NOT entertained.
You are inspiring in more ways than you are aware of and i thank God for you whilst I pray that He blesses you, your family and the work you do, that it may be a blessing and a light to those who are lost.
Thank you 🌻
I made sure I went through the whole process of court the last time my ex was abusive . All the other times I had dropped charges for being forgiving but this last time .. I said this enough and made sure he is sentenced. Especially I have no father in my life , I need to stand my ground and not accept any abuse from no man.
This was so discretely helpful. I hope one day we’ll talk but for now. Thank you.
Met a man recently that was talking crazy via text and we met 3 days ago. I ended up blocking him and he left the nastiest voicemail on my phone threatened me and all. Im keeping him blocked and praying i never see him again. I can only imagine what he would be capable of in the future. Definitely would kill me
everyone needs to hear this video
ive been supporting victims of DV since the 90s. this advice is SPOT ON. you watch this and also read Lundy Bancrofts 'Why Does he Do that?' you will be set. sooner the better. tat someone name on your body after 20 years of honesty and support. matter of fact make it thirty. you want a name that bad on you tat your kids names on you, they likely wont beat and kill you. thank you for this Shumake. I will just add...for women...try to have money saved up when you date someone. in an account that NO ONE knows about but you. it will come in handy if you need to escape and will be money he cant use to control you or wipe out to control you.
Look at what's love got to do with it movie. This what Tina turner went thru.
This is really good as your sharing things that are not spoken about from professionals who talk about abuse. I think people will be able to recognise the signs in a more relatable way 👍
My exit was blocking them from all 3 #s and staying away and just jot contacting them
Yes, I married someone with all of those tactics.
Thank you for giving me hope. It's so painful to go through
Been there ! I always think that I am not as good as other people .
You have to plan and take the steps to leave. Often with the physical and mental abuse comes financial abuse. So when it’s time to leave you have to plan, save, move in silence keep the faith that it want always be like that and you will get out safely.
This is what i needed to hear my entire life. Thank you
Thank u for spreading wisdoms. This is scary and is so common. Its so hard to make the suspect leave.
Thank you so much for this!! Please keep spreading awareness!! Someone I love, dearly, has been a victim for years and doesn't even realize it. It's heartbreaking and disturbing to witness.
Thank you - it’s great having a male perspective
This 💯 you are speaking my past relationships this hits different!!! I feel my heart hurting and welling up 😢 thank you for this I needed to hear is today. Your an angel keep doing what you do. God bless you and your wife
Excellent video! I will surely pass this on!
This resonates so much with me. My ex was like that. He used to be my best friend so I ignored all the red flags when we started dating even though they were right in my face. So happy I got out of there.
Also dont be afraid to call police bw have been conditioned to take abuse and not say nothing
That's the hard part cus even when the victim is in danger, shes still soft in the heart or is too scared to further the drama cus a lot of black guys lose their life in the hands of police over nothing.
@@jhica5718 still call the police
@@jhica5718that's caring more about the abuser than yourself. Its called Stockholm syndrome 😢
I’m a bw who is not anti police. I’m 911 friendly and will make good use of my tax dollars if anyone dares to put their hands on me. Man or woman. My father raised me to look after myself and put myself first.
The police can’t save you nor a restraining order. My best advice would be to relocate and have a support system to help you thru this process.
You advice is pure wisdom. Thank you!
This video was a much needed wake up call. Thank you
Omggg I’m so glad I watched this! I’ve never been in an abusive relationship but i know way too many women close to me who have, so i watch & send videos like these all the time. I recently broke up with a guy i only dated for THREE MONTHS & i couldn’t really prove it until now but i felt like he was tryna groom me. The details in this video just confirm I WAS RIGHT! He even went as far as tattooing my name on his brow & gaslighting me like i told him to do it. I’ve always trusted myself but i trust myself so much more knowing i was spot on & left in the smartest safest way possible.
Familiar isn't always safe.
He told me under his breath- then wouldn’t repeat it-“if you cheat on me I’ll kill your dog” !
Have an exit plan of an abusive relationship. Hospitals have advocates and resources. Ask male colleagues to walk with you to your car. Look for room rentals of homeowners, rent is usually inexpensive. Open a separate savings account and p.o. box for yourself where mail can be sent. Safeguard legal documents and give to trusted friend. Save cash tips and keep separate. Never accept abuse! Never protect your abuser by staying mute! Know when to leave!
My ex used to rape me constantly it was my nightmare come true he also didn’t let me leave him. Thank God I got away.
We have been married since this past September, and last night was this 1st time he ever threatened me. He told me that I was lying about and a door situation kept seeing me smile, and he told me that he was going to mess up my face and kept walking up on me. I literally had to beg him not to. 😢 I honestly got myself in a messed up situation. I'm scared.
Hi Brother Shumake way. Thank you so much for you important topic. I think it's truly wonderful, that you don't abuse your wife. That's says a lot!! Your helping to make a difference in this world. God Bless you, I pray God leads you to further His desire to protect woman, and men from getting stuck or threatened to be in an abusive relationship. To God be all the glory!!!