Really great job with this video. This helps other people to understand that grooming, by definition, is actually all about preparing another person to do whatever it is you want or need them to do. It can be benign or malevolent. And once you understand this, matching the flags to the grooming taking place is completely possible Well done
Another tip: Never trust someone who has laser-focus on making you like them. Getting to know someone and learning about them should come naturally at a pace that matches what you give away about yourself. The second someone starts dumping on you and prying for your life story - run. They are doing information reconnaissance. They do not care about you. They want to break your walls down and use your traumas and fears for personal gain.
I'm so glad you made this vid. It doesn't just happen to kids. I've had guys and even some women try to give me things for free or help pay for things because they knew I was struggling financially or sometimes is depressed only to find sexual intent later. Very sick and disingenuous of someone to do. These adults also prey on the neurodivergent community
That's exactly what this guy did to me. He bought me a used washing machine because I needed one and was recovering from surgery. I didn't know he was gay. When I confronted him he ran out my door and left town.
1. How they react when u say no. They pretend to be okay with it and then try again later. 2. They want you to talk about yourself. Invite you to overshare
I’m in a relationship he’s 7 years older and thank you for this. He’s a psychopath. I didn’t know such evil exist, he’s opened my eyes a lot. This video helped me understand, I am going to be patience and let the darkness come to the light. Thank you
I looked this topic up because I was groomed by my recent ex boss that was illegally recording me in the bathroom and stalking me. After everything came to light I realized he groomed me the whole 6 years I worked for him. I commented on one of the videos talking about the Coleen ballenger (Miranda sings) video talking about grooming and shared some of my situation and was attacked because they said I was using the word disrespectfully and “throwing it around” which takes a way from children that see groomed. I tried explaining how grooming children is much worse even though in my situation it has almost ruined my life but didn’t want to type out the whole story. These people attacked me making me feel worse. I didn’t ask for what happened to me but after many attempts to explain not only children can be groomed my comment was deleted and it really hurt me so thank you for making this video!
adult sexual grooming is said not to exist just because there is almost no empirical study about it. it's totally unfair. we need inductive and bottom-up approaches to prevent abuses and victim blamings in the light of adult sexual grooming.
@@kiichiroota2240 thank you! I have been put through hell and back with what happened to me and because of who my boss is he was let off with the lightest sentence ever and the amount of people that blamed me for continuing to work with him or not see the warning signs is awful. He promised me his whole practice once I finished law school and threatened me if I tried to quit. He got to know my family and me and used the lack of support I had against me to manipulate me for his own sexual needs by filming me in the bathroom at work and stalking me. I will admit those saying adult grooming doesn’t happen added salt to the wound with people not acknowledging it’s a possibility. Obviously I wouldn’t compare it to grooming children because that is a whole other level of evil but it does happen and unfortunately I’m proof of that. Thank you for your comment you have no idea how much it means to me 🩷 I would love to find a support group or something but it’s not widely talked about and so I like many will work through it the best I can and apparently make random comments on RUclips hoping to spread awareness.
@@AngelFace-fu2uv I’m so sorry that happened to you! Thank you for speaking up! I’ve literally been attacked for saying I was groomed, which is exactly what happened, by a man old enough to be my father yet I am in my 30s so I have been blamed for taking away from actual grooming done to children. It’s awful and I truly am sorry you know what I’m talking about. I’m glad you are finally coming to terms with it. Mine just happened March 2023, that’s when I found out about it, and I’ve made progress but had no idea how difficult this would be. There are so many layers to it that dissecting them all is proving to be difficult. My heart goes out to you 🩷
@@kiichiroota2240 thank you! I am beyond grateful for your comment 🩷 I literally tried reaching out on the topic for some validation of what I experienced with others that I hoped knew what I was talking about but was shamed for taking away from “actual grooming” that is done to children. Even Google shows grooming as the manipulation of children which doesn’t help whatsoever. There definitely needs to be more research or even focus on grooming of adults too. I will say the grooming of children is beyond disturbing and should be highlighted as children are far more defenseless and I would never want to take away from this problem. If anything I just want to warn people of the possibility it can also happen to adults and the implications are also damaging. It’s been a year since I found out what was happening to me (grooming and severe stalking) and I do catch myself when I start blaming myself for what happened and when others also blame me it makes it so much worse. I hate this whole topic and the worst part about all of it is I didn’t ask for any of it. I have suffered immense consequences for even speaking out against my abuser because of his power. I’ve been through multiple therapists because they don’t know how to help me and this area is so “unique”……. it’s a mess. So again thank you for validating the reality I’ve found myself in and I know others have too as well as speaking up about the topic and it’s need for more research and recognition 🩷 a few kind words go a long way. Thank you 🙏🏻
This video really sheds light on how adults can get groomed to and how it is so normalized in our society. We need to make more videos and bring more awareness❤
This is gold. I would include in the “no” their response demanding or repeated questioning WHY you are saying no. Why does this bother you, why are you saying no? “So I can understand”. This is a huge indicator to me.
You were fortunate enough to learn about this early in life, narcissists. It’s unfortunate that you had to learn about this. I was married to a Narc for 12 years before I couldn’t take the abuse anymore. I had no idea what had happened to me or what was happening to me. I let that psycho control me for years, about 16, before I figured out how to make it stop. I only discovered what a Narc was about 3 years ago. God put a bunch of Narcissist videos in my RUclips feed and I finally watched one, I was in shock after binge watching a bunch. I learned a lot about what she did to me and how it was still affecting me. I am very thankful that God put Alicia in my life. Keep fighting the good fight, stay strong.
Thanks for sharing your story. 16 years is a long time and a lot of brainwashing to undo. Good on you. I think the people who do educational videos on narcs almost literally save someone life sometimes.
My sis stayed with my aunt, most of high school, my aunt was married to a sicko, my aunt knew we didn't. So my aunt marries off all the girls under house one by one. For my sis, she finds her a narcissist psycho, who i have a feeling recognize each other, like psychopaths recognize each other....anyway, my sis is cheated on w multiple women a year by this narc psych and he is really good a grooming women and young women...but my sis doesnt see this, she gets angry, leaves and comes.back to him every single time. So she got married at 18, shes still with him almost 50, 4 kids, she pushed her mom us siblings away since marrying this sicko, basically brainwashed her thinking, now shes lost 4ever from us, nothing can be done...
@@Tito_the_fish it's not grooming in an adult context, it's just pure manipulation. Sometimes grooming can be a good thing too, a son is groomed to take over a job of his father
This is the best explanation I have come across. I am working towards living in a van. Yesterday, I watched a video of a solo young woman traveler attempt to boondock in an isolated section of the desert in Arizona where she was approached by a predator. I felt anger while watching her give all her oranges away and then stuck around for round two. She was so lucky he had self control, even if it was just barely. We women struggle with protecting ourselves. Our societal grooming began as soon as we were old enough to communicate. We're supposed to be nice and inviting. Polite. We're not supposed to say no or tell a man we aren't interested if it will crush his ego or make him mad. We were taught that we are responsible for a man's behavior while also being told that we must appeal to a man's senses.
They also encourage women to be sexually appealing and not be mad at a man if he sexually assaults us. We’re literally dangling fresh meat in front of his face and getting mad when he takes it! Women do not have to be super sexualized or super pretty all the time. It leads to people thinking we want them to try to take sex from us. Relax & look messy for once ❤ Stay safe ladies
One of the best videos talking about grooming. I have experience about grooming applied by human traffickers. I observed them and learned how that really works. I happened yo young and alder womans. They not always go directly with the girl, sometimes they start gaining the trust of the family. Some people don't have criteria and they trust in people just because are friendly and kind. They don't ask cuestions about their lives or investigate who they really are before trust on them
@@ehrensjournal Grooming isn't even an accurate word to use ffs. That mostly only applies to children, not adults. That would be like saying that a child can become an adult at age 12 or 15. If anything, this is more like a human trafficking story, not a grooming situation.
I found an amazing man without having healed before getting together with him. I had CPTSD and what you are doing is gaslighting people who haven't healed into believing that they can never have a healthy relationship.
Another question to ask isn't just what do you have of value, but what does the Groomer have to lose. Narcissist & Psychopaths love control. To them the control they have can be the value. You could be a business rival, a romantic rival, a workplace rival. Their self-esteem may be linked to controlling you. Losing control of you may force them to look at aspects of themselves that they may not wish to. They could hold a grudge. They could be jealous. Resentful. There are countless things they value, that you yourself don't possess, but that they fear to lose.
I agree with this analysis and this could be helpful to realize-- to process and understand their motivations and the ramifications of leaving them. I believe that a lack of self-confidence and a lack of understanding yourself through your own eyes can be what keeps abuse survivors in cycles of abuse over and over again, even after they leave the first abuser. That is why I, personally, think realizing what you enjoy about yourself (in reference to yourself with yourself alone), instead of viewing everything in reference to the abuser, can be beneficial in the long run. Often times everything is in reference to the abuser in the abuse survivor's mind and that's also how the abuse survivor's identity becomes lost. But everything that you wrote is also true and accurate. Thanks for sharing
I was volunteering overseas in a town and taken out of the town by a man twenty years older than me. He had readings done on me by Tibetan monks who didn’t tell me what they said. After that I was taken to different events and treated very well. I was offered to volunteer at an eco lodge but there was no public transport access and no real volunteering there. I should have never gone but this person built my trust and I thought they were being friendly. They were married and drove me back to the eco lodge and gave me lots of alcohol. They also stayed there overnight I’m still processing this as this person is very well known. I asked them why they did it and they blocked me. They also previously said “they didn’t remember”. Which is an outright lie as it was all very well planned. People have gone so far to say this person is my “twin flame”. I’m starting to find the spiritual groups and such very toxic …. I thought I could trust that person but they broke it.
fantastic video. You nailed it on the head when you talk about how you realized how you had felt empty after all the abuse and only then realized you suffered a great loss. Just went through this moment 10 years after my initial abuse and yeah, thats the moment that breaks you and changes everything.
wow as I continue watching the points just get more and more accurate. The idea of walking in a haze! You are completely trapped in your mind despite outwardly operating in the world.
wow thank u so much girl. I've been groomed all my life by man and I didn't even know about it. I'm 30 now and I can recognize these complex behaviors better but it's still challengin. What i have learned is to never alow them to make me doubt myself and be ready to leave even if it's hard cos ur attached. The longer u stay the worse it gets. The moment I feel like I'm questioning my own judgement is when I cut them off
Yes, I absolutely relate to this. This is where I still have to check in with my trusted friends / my plumb line for truth because my mind is still somewhat handicapped in this area with break ups. Keep practicing and keep learning, I believe in healing for all of us :-) Unlike what they try to convince us of-- you never have to go through your relationships /break-ups alone with them. We have friends for a reason
@@ehrensjournal True. But everything u said was eye opening 😭 It's hard to date. It's more common than we realize and the part u said they target compassionate people. I'm an empath I've e always attracted narcs n predators now I still find predators in my dating life it's exhausting. I just want to attract the right people.
@@secureboundaries Kind, emotionally healthy people are rare-- for the survivor community, as well. I think the greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to be okay with being alone. We want emotionally healthy partners but sometimes we also aren't in an emotionally healthy place ourselves. It isn't good to "need" love, from anyone. I hope we all find partners but I also want to enjoy myself, as well.
That was excellent! Awesome explanation. I lived it. I relate. The brain fog and spiritual voodoo these people do is truly almost indescribable. You can be gone and incapable of recovering or seeing while being "tapped" by the demonic in these people. Your solutions and advice were excellent! God really will miraculously rescue us and lead us out if we depend on Him.
I have been watching predator shows for years trying to figure out my life I haven't understood how I let the guy take advantage of me as a kid your video is so relatable and insightful I wish you had a support group where I am I would definitely come😢😢😢😊😊
Thank YOU! Thank GOD!! This video gave me goosebumps. So chilling and informative as to what I’ve been dealing with for almost 5 years now. knowledge is power! Let’s keep learning, sharing, and growing in truth and love. 🙏🏽♥️
What happens when you genuinely like someone but they say you groomed them? I’ve been questioning my whole love life now and it really feels like they manipulated me
So glad I found your channel today. As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse I have tried really hard to educate myself on the behaviors of manipulators, but still find myself in relationships with people like this because it's the majority of what I know. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're not as bad as I think they are, and after this last relationship I really have been struggling with blaming myself for being in that relationship because "I should know better now". But every video of yours I have watched has really helped me see why I am like this. Thank you so much for providing a perspective that I can relate to, and helping to provide advice on how to navigating potential future relationships.
12:20 The example with the briefing on how to rob the home successfully tickled me 😂 One of the best videos made to describe this kind of behavior. You broke the topic down in a very detailed manner and made it easy to understand. I think a lot of people will benefit from this ❤️ You’re saving lives!
I have watched hundreds of videos about narcissistic abuse and this is one of the best I have ever seen. Only a person who has been groomed by a master manipulator could have described it so perfectly. People who think adults can’t be groomed are badly mistaken. Your orange analogy is spot on. I was groomed for 3 years by a person and my whole life ended up destroyed. The only way I survived was by getting therapy and leaving the relationship forever. That was 20 years ago and I’m fine now. This video has been the best description of what happened to me. Thank you for your intelligent and very articulate way of helping people understand. I hope it will prevent others from being hurt. 🎉❤🎉
so brilliant. Well said It sucks to go through experiences that make you realize these things, but it really teaches you how valuable emotional regulation and awareness is. Sometimes it's just the realization, "I got out and I'm alive" that matters. They didn't take your soul or life. The realization that they're no longer taking from you and that no one will ever take from you like that again because now you know what it all means and leads to. You start to get back into your power when you realize people don't just affect you but you affect them and you need to train people how to treat you. You can only train them when you know yourself, your emotions, values, triggers, weak points, and then trust what your emotions tell you about others
This is where I am now. I’m separated from him but financially I can’t leave yet. My brain is so foggy and it’s hard to think around them. I’ve been working on my trauma stuff but I don’t have friends or family since they too are abusive. He’s not as disregarding as my ex but he literally hurts my head when we talk. I’ve been becoming abundantly aware of my own value but I feel so uncomfortable because I can tell it rubs them the wrong way. They won’t say it though and it’s just not good feeling for me. I love learning and I have dealt with exactly what you are talking about , thank you for sharing. I have been falling from God lately due to the genocide but… in hearing your knowledge and experience, I know there’s truth in your words. So again thank you, and. Look forward to learning more.
The truth, not even as an adult we are safe from abvse or gr00ming. It can even be from a younger if they are malicious. There's no guarantee of safety for any of us at any stage in life. We all can fall for it.
This is invaluable information for a disabled person on the spectrum to protect themselves from professionals assigned to care for them. Thank you very much.
A lot of the men (married, engaged, in relationships, living with their baby mama and child) at my previous job were grooming my female coworkers and tried to groom me too but I quit because of how rampant it was there. Tried to document incidents but realized there was no point going to HR because it was 70% of the men at a big car dealership. What were they going to do, fire more than half their staff?? I was in a losing situation so I noped tf out after a year.
Thank you so much. This was my life too. I agree on everything. New sub and shared. You know today is the first day I've cried in a while. I confronted today. Feeling a wee bit fragile😢Thank you and thank God. 🙏
Thank you. This was so helpful, and validating. Your description was very accurate to what I've experienced which as you said is rather the opposite of what they say - that they make it all about you, and use pity ploys. I'm sorry you've been through this and thank you for sharing.
My autistic friend is currently in the grips of an adult groomer (whos also a pedophile). He keeps her thin (she's beautiful, hes fat, old and ugly) and slowly has isolated her from friends and family. She's lost 35 lbs (she's 110 now)...she doesn't understand how doomed she is. He will eventually have a bunch of men take her to break her down further. What hes doing now is scary enough.
I know you can't do anything that's obvious, the manipulator is cleverer than us. All you can do is stay friends, watch quietly and watch for a good day to get her away from these guys.
This happened to me when my son’s adoptive parents convinced me I was an unfit/undeserving parent and that they would be able to love him more because they had more money. I relinquished my rights shortly after giving birth to him. Worst regret of my life.
Dont open up about yourself until theyve proven to be trustworth. Even then, dont give up your failures, weaknesses, sensitive issues, insecurities. Never share any info they can turn against you.
Hello, Ehren! I very much appreciated this video! I was looking into the topic of rape (it came up in my work recently) and I came accross this also. Thank you very much for putting it out here! 🙏🏻
Thank you for your video. I've seen one of your other videos before and heard your experience. I can see you have put a lot of thought into analysing the objective and behaviour of manipulators. What you said, your analogy of the orange and how to value and protect yourself was useful. Thank you
Wow, Ehren, thank you SO much! This is one of the best videos I’ve seen. I just watched your story on Facebook and it brought me to your you tube channel. Your ability to communicate and share is incredible, especially after everything you’ve been through! I see someone in you who is so grounded and spiritually strong. It is both so empowering and beautiful to witness. Every second of this video has immense value!! I’ve been groomed a couple of times in my life and it has been so helpful to see this explained to such depth. I’ve definitely learned something new today xx much love!
Wow, this video helped put so many things into perspective for me. I had known these things but you stated the ideas so clearly thank you! I can't thank u enough This made me so emotional, hope i can heal soon, me and every innocent soul out there, we deserve better❤
I love your accent and your video. I've been in therapy twice a month for the last 8 months and I've only recently been able to comprehend I was preyed upon and groomed by my now ex fiancee, she was 2 years older than me and I was a naive homeschooled kid.
Hell no, that was not only ok, but is a BIG RED FLAG to avoid that person forever. Very important. Never ever be with that person again alone or with people who would not protect you if he would do something nasty. Btw. Leaving and 100% no contact can set people up. Be aware 100% of that, so avoid that person from now on. If he calls you, say you have no time for any people right now and for the next months. No explanation needed. Say to him, thanks for hanging out together, but now you need to work something. A 30 year old who is with a 18 year old in any way, shape, form is anyway A RED FLAG. A 30 year old wants to build up a life with a full grown woman of his age or 3 years younger. Why? Because at that age, serious men want to build a family, a life..., where 2 adult people are essential to build it up. Work very hard, buy a house, this and that. Men like that who groom girls like you want something else, where you will be dragged down and thrown away, when they meet that adult woman. You are a toy to them, a pass time and a sexual challenge. A serious man does not even lose time with a woman of 18 years old, when he is 30 years old. At that age men have other priorities in life. If not, they are hunters who want to play and prey with no intention for a solud real life. No responsability either. Con men. You are young, but maybe you understand some video's i advice you to follow on youtube and maybe you want to buy the books too. Tony Gaskins. R.C. Blakes jr. 2 men, who know how man are, the good ones, the better ones, the nastier ones to avoid and they teach women to be as wise as possible in regard to men, life, work and so on, to empower them. To guide them thru life with so much dangers. Please watch them...or better bingue watch them and buy the books. R.C. Blakes or both have written a book that is titled> THE FATHER- DAUGHTER TALK. IF you want also to follow a woman on toxic people, relationships, see>>> Dr. Ramani Durvasula. If you want to learn how to not destroy relationships that seem ok, read all books written by>> John Gottman. Please, please, remember, your time and your life matters, like anyone elses, so do not LOSE IT ON people, who are just not right and good to you. Remember, you change also, into worse or better, depending what you experience and so on. Oooh, i forgot also a very important book, written by Gavin De Becker 'THE GIFT OF FEAR'. This book saves lifes. Reading books is so valuable, to educate you. P.S. focus on you and your studies, work, save money, maybe start a little business, save to buy a house, maybe even for off grid purpises, a plot land to grow your own food, just do not let you take your time away. This things are right now to important. Learn how to survive at all time. Finding a partner, the RIGHT partner for you and YOU for that special boy is one of the most important things in life. Choose very, vety, very wisely who that person might be. Do not and i mean DO NOT GIVE YOUR BODY AWAY. EVER JUST LIKE THAT. Only to the one who really DESERVES you for LIFE, until both of you are old TOGETHER! CHOOSE YOU, and see what kind of father you want for your baby, child, dog, cat, and so on. Life is for you and the vulnerable children allready hard enough with a caring, loving, trustworthy respinsable father and mother. Even, if you think or say right now...oooh but i do not want kids or maybe 1 day. I do not see much women who did not want kids, who where NOT pregnant at some point in life. With all consequences... Young lady, i am allready an older woman and i hope you just choose wisely and i hope you read or watch the right things to help you out, for making hopefully better life choices with men/women and everything. Meanwhile do not forget you are young and your life is now also. Kind regards and please, please, please, be safe out there. Do never be with a man alone and allways in public seeing them in plain daylight. Never after night falls. It has to be at day, not evening. Never give your adress, contacts your full name, facebook name, etc. Only e- mail. Also for some proof, if someone has no good intentions, for police records and so on. Never let a man pick you up at your place and never go to his place. Meet only in public, where a lot of people are, preferally with someone you can trust, like a sister, brother. Groomers want you to isolate you and be in private with you and of course..., that way you are allways vulnerable and basically they can do whatever they want and cause ptsd and so on, if they try with you something. Men are stronger. I allways advice to learn kick- boxing, selfdefence tactics and so on. Never bring your life, yourself, body, mind in a position, where someone has more power over you. Nature is beautiful, but very hard too and yes...also ugly. So preserve yourself from shite. Take your time to know eachother in face time and allways in publik. Eat ice cream somewhere in public. Nothing expensive and bring your lunch! That's easy! Not costing much. Never let a man pay you for anything, only ice cream! No gifts, money, etc. Provide for yourself. No alcohol whatsoever, no drugs ever. Be awake, alert, quick in reacting, so no drugs/alcohol of any kind. Only drink from your bottle, that was closed and never leave it 1 minute or second alone, not even to go to the ladies room. Do not ask if HE can watch it for you. Allways be independent from how you get there! Own your car and parke it somewhere safe, with him not knowing it ( do not be an open book ). I sound like a mother or big sister now, but i just felt the urge to say it anyway. English is not my language, so i hope i did my best. Maybe my post is long and you just wonder, how the heck...! Take care lady. Kind regards from Belgium.
I recenly was groomed online, and feel lost, i struggle to even tell my dad. but i reconised it and reached out and they helped me reconise it, looking back i feel like i was brainwashed
You are too smart....when they ask you to open up about yourself, isnt because they care. Its because they need information they will use to put you down, kill your selfesteem,make you angry. Thank you for this video.
God I love your content! This is so important!! Something I've been thinking about is how they sort of pull this glamour spell over us, where what we see is a distortion of what is really there.
This was profound. 🎯 Subscribed. 😊✨ I appreciate your usage of visual languaging and examples. Those help me immensely. RUclips is also one of my anchors lol. It's been a major element that's saved me more than once. I look forward to cruising through your videos like the YT addict I am 😂👍🏼.
The burglar metaphor is great as well as the house tour. Do you get emotional transference with these people? When they’re lying and trying to pull off a scam, they get really nervous. The tells are really important too. I saw so many tells with the predators and seeing them flesh out over time. I knew what they were without knowing what they were planning.
I checked and I only have apples ... (Just kidding ... Great video and ty for sharing + articulating a perspective that parallels the concept of sociopathic behavior we should all be taught to be wary of..)
I need some advice. How do I approach this situation as a concerned onlooker? I work in a factory and one of my male colleague in my immediate work area I believe is being groomed by our male supervisor. My colleague is small in stature for a guy, not native to our country, Indian, 33, married with a wife, has kids, and our supervisor is in his 50s with a wife and white. I’ve directly witnessed my colleague cower away while our supervisor physically touches him; both hands on his shoulders from behind, rubbing the inside/back of his thigh up and down. This touching is clearly making my colleague uncomfortable and it’s not consensual. I’ve had my own experience of an older male superior physically grooming me, so I know it can be the most innocent looking events of touching, but are actually not necessary and predatory. As an onlooker I don’t know if I should approach my colleague and ask if he is okay.
Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. It is like taking a valuable course in psychology. I am truly grateful and will keep this video in my files.
This is amazing. You resonate!💗 I wondered if a situation in my life fit the criteria of having an “adult groomer,” and I needed to hear all of this 🤙Thank you - you’re doing God’s work!
I had this happen in the church and had no clue what was going on(happened by a pastor). Had a gut feeling from the moment I met him that something was off but I didn’t really know what(serious predatory vibes now looking back). I’ve learned since to listen to my gut screaming at me and I don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. I feel like I need counseling to deal with the psychological impact it has left on me…
Really great job with this video. This helps other people to understand that grooming, by definition, is actually all about preparing another person to do whatever it is you want or need them to do. It can be benign or malevolent. And once you understand this, matching the flags to the grooming taking place is completely possible
Well done
yes great video ,seems like this girl TOTALLY KNOWS what these creatures do to others ...very well done!
grooming is essentially committing trust fraud
It's manipulation.
Another tip: Never trust someone who has laser-focus on making you like them. Getting to know someone and learning about them should come naturally at a pace that matches what you give away about yourself. The second someone starts dumping on you and prying for your life story - run. They are doing information reconnaissance. They do not care about you. They want to break your walls down and use your traumas and fears for personal gain.
I'm so glad you made this vid. It doesn't just happen to kids. I've had guys and even some women try to give me things for free or help pay for things because they knew I was struggling financially or sometimes is depressed only to find sexual intent later. Very sick and disingenuous of someone to do. These adults also prey on the neurodivergent community
That's exactly what this guy did to me. He bought me a used washing machine because I needed one and was recovering from surgery. I didn't know he was gay. When I confronted him he ran out my door and left town.
@@markh4926What? Being gay doesn't make someone a creep or pervert.
@@jopainting1668yes it makes.
@@jopainting1668no but it was the principle of it, he acted like if the mark guy was gay but didn’t even confirm it. He acted creepy
"The spirit knows" 100%
yep!!!!!!!!!!!!11,just follow that,,,because THAT is YOU!
Right. I felt something was off.God was warning me.
1. How they react when u say no. They pretend to be okay with it and then try again later.
2. They want you to talk about yourself. Invite you to overshare
I’m in a relationship he’s 7 years older and thank you for this. He’s a psychopath. I didn’t know such evil exist, he’s opened my eyes a lot. This video helped me understand, I am going to be patience and let the darkness come to the light. Thank you
Get out. Your not safe with a psychopath. Turn to Jesus and break soul tie from sex.
Covert narcissism. It is rife in society and goes mostly unchecked. It is a complex subject given the type of people these narcissists are.
the undercurrents are roaring
Yep my first ex was that. Didn’t see until it was too late
I looked this topic up because I was groomed by my recent ex boss that was illegally recording me in the bathroom and stalking me. After everything came to light I realized he groomed me the whole 6 years I worked for him. I commented on one of the videos talking about the Coleen ballenger (Miranda sings) video talking about grooming and shared some of my situation and was attacked because they said I was using the word disrespectfully and “throwing it around” which takes a way from children that see groomed. I tried explaining how grooming children is much worse even though in my situation it has almost ruined my life but didn’t want to type out the whole story. These people attacked me making me feel worse. I didn’t ask for what happened to me but after many attempts to explain not only children can be groomed my comment was deleted and it really hurt me so thank you for making this video!
adult sexual grooming is said not to exist just because there is almost no empirical study about it. it's totally unfair. we need inductive and bottom-up approaches to prevent abuses and victim blamings in the light of adult sexual grooming.
@@kiichiroota2240 thank you! I have been put through hell and back with what happened to me and because of who my boss is he was let off with the lightest sentence ever and the amount of people that blamed me for continuing to work with him or not see the warning signs is awful. He promised me his whole practice once I finished law school and threatened me if I tried to quit. He got to know my family and me and used the lack of support I had against me to manipulate me for his own sexual needs by filming me in the bathroom at work and stalking me. I will admit those saying adult grooming doesn’t happen added salt to the wound with people not acknowledging it’s a possibility. Obviously I wouldn’t compare it to grooming children because that is a whole other level of evil but it does happen and unfortunately I’m proof of that. Thank you for your comment you have no idea how much it means to me 🩷 I would love to find a support group or something but it’s not widely talked about and so I like many will work through it the best I can and apparently make random comments on RUclips hoping to spread awareness.
I have been groomed as an adult three times only just coming to terms with this now ...the first one was over 38 years ago now ...its real
@@AngelFace-fu2uv I’m so sorry that happened to you! Thank you for speaking up! I’ve literally been attacked for saying I was groomed, which is exactly what happened, by a man old enough to be my father yet I am in my 30s so I have been blamed for taking away from actual grooming done to children. It’s awful and I truly am sorry you know what I’m talking about. I’m glad you are finally coming to terms with it. Mine just happened March 2023, that’s when I found out about it, and I’ve made progress but had no idea how difficult this would be. There are so many layers to it that dissecting them all is proving to be difficult. My heart goes out to you 🩷
@@kiichiroota2240 thank you! I am beyond grateful for your comment 🩷 I literally tried reaching out on the topic for some validation of what I experienced with others that I hoped knew what I was talking about but was shamed for taking away from “actual grooming” that is done to children. Even Google shows grooming as the manipulation of children which doesn’t help whatsoever. There definitely needs to be more research or even focus on grooming of adults too. I will say the grooming of children is beyond disturbing and should be highlighted as children are far more defenseless and I would never want to take away from this problem. If anything I just want to warn people of the possibility it can also happen to adults and the implications are also damaging. It’s been a year since I found out what was happening to me (grooming and severe stalking) and I do catch myself when I start blaming myself for what happened and when others also blame me it makes it so much worse. I hate this whole topic and the worst part about all of it is I didn’t ask for any of it. I have suffered immense consequences for even speaking out against my abuser because of his power. I’ve been through multiple therapists because they don’t know how to help me and this area is so “unique”……. it’s a mess. So again thank you for validating the reality I’ve found myself in and I know others have too as well as speaking up about the topic and it’s need for more research and recognition 🩷 a few kind words go a long way. Thank you 🙏🏻
This video really sheds light on how adults can get groomed to and how it is so normalized in our society. We need to make more videos and bring more awareness❤
This is gold. I would include in the “no” their response demanding or repeated questioning WHY you are saying no. Why does this bother you, why are you saying no? “So I can understand”. This is a huge indicator to me.
You were fortunate enough to learn about this early in life, narcissists. It’s unfortunate that you had to learn about this. I was married to a Narc for 12 years before I couldn’t take the abuse anymore. I had no idea what had happened to me or what was happening to me. I let that psycho control me for years, about 16, before I figured out how to make it stop. I only discovered what a Narc was about 3 years ago. God put a bunch of Narcissist videos in my RUclips feed and I finally watched one, I was in shock after binge watching a bunch. I learned a lot about what she did to me and how it was still affecting me. I am very thankful that God put Alicia in my life. Keep fighting the good fight, stay strong.
Thanks for sharing your story. 16 years is a long time and a lot of brainwashing to undo. Good on you. I think the people who do educational videos on narcs almost literally save someone life sometimes.
Maybe the algorithm not so bad
This is more like a human trafficking story, not a grooming story. Don't get things confused.
My sis stayed with my aunt, most of high school, my aunt was married to a sicko, my aunt knew we didn't. So my aunt marries off all the girls under house one by one. For my sis, she finds her a narcissist psycho, who i have a feeling recognize each other, like psychopaths recognize each other....anyway, my sis is cheated on w multiple women a year by this narc psych and he is really good a grooming women and young women...but my sis doesnt see this, she gets angry, leaves and comes.back to him every single time. So she got married at 18, shes still with him almost 50, 4 kids, she pushed her mom us siblings away since marrying this sicko, basically brainwashed her thinking, now shes lost 4ever from us, nothing can be done...
Online grooming for adults is so real.
How???
@@Chris-bs4qy There's online videos for it. You could just do your own research.🤦🏾♂
@@Tito_the_fish you could say this counts as research
@@Chris-bs4qy I clearly didn't so what's your point?👂🏾
@@Tito_the_fish it's not grooming in an adult context, it's just pure manipulation. Sometimes grooming can be a good thing too, a son is groomed to take over a job of his father
I love the idea of using orange analogy to help kids understand when they're being manipulated. Thanks
Sometimes the simple things really help get a point across.
This is the best explanation I have come across. I am working towards living in a van. Yesterday, I watched a video of a solo young woman traveler attempt to boondock in an isolated section of the desert in Arizona where she was approached by a predator. I felt anger while watching her give all her oranges away and then stuck around for round two. She was so lucky he had self control, even if it was just barely.
We women struggle with protecting ourselves. Our societal grooming began as soon as we were old enough to communicate. We're supposed to be nice and inviting. Polite. We're not supposed to say no or tell a man we aren't interested if it will crush his ego or make him mad. We were taught that we are responsible for a man's behavior while also being told that we must appeal to a man's senses.
They also encourage women to be sexually appealing and not be mad at a man if he sexually assaults us.
We’re literally dangling fresh meat in front of his face and getting mad when he takes it!
Women do not have to be super sexualized or super pretty all the time.
It leads to people thinking we want them to try to take sex from us.
Relax & look messy for once ❤
Stay safe ladies
This is profound
One of the best videos talking about grooming.
I have experience about grooming applied by human traffickers. I observed them and learned how that really works. I happened yo young and alder womans.
They not always go directly with the girl, sometimes they start gaining the trust of the family. Some people don't have criteria and they trust in people just because are friendly and kind. They don't ask cuestions about their lives or investigate who they really are before trust on them
Yes, many people are taught to think that only kind people are kind
@@ehrensjournal Manipulative Human Traffickers Try to Gain The Socially Naive Family's Trust of That Peculiar Victim 🔥
agree!
9:36 "I find the hole that they have filled and become it." People really need healing before they start dating.
Yes. Many people date in order to find healing, they do not heal in order to be able to date.
@@ehrensjournal This is unrelated to the topic of the video.
I want to ask:
CAN I BOOK YOU as a coach to become skinny?
@@ehrensjournal Grooming isn't even an accurate word to use ffs. That mostly only applies to children, not adults. That would be like saying that a child can become an adult at age 12 or 15. If anything, this is more like a human trafficking story, not a grooming situation.
Start with amphetamin 150mg a day and you will be skinny (: @@Yomomma-jf9iy
I found an amazing man without having healed before getting together with him. I had CPTSD and what you are doing is gaslighting people who haven't healed into believing that they can never have a healthy relationship.
Another question to ask isn't just what do you have of value, but what does the Groomer have to lose. Narcissist & Psychopaths love control. To them the control they have can be the value. You could be a business rival, a romantic rival, a workplace rival. Their self-esteem may be linked to controlling you. Losing control of you may force them to look at aspects of themselves that they may not wish to. They could hold a grudge. They could be jealous. Resentful. There are countless things they value, that you yourself don't possess, but that they fear to lose.
I agree with this analysis and this could be helpful to realize-- to process and understand their motivations and the ramifications of leaving them.
I believe that a lack of self-confidence and a lack of understanding yourself through your own eyes can be what keeps abuse survivors in cycles of abuse over and over again, even after they leave the first abuser. That is why I, personally, think realizing what you enjoy about yourself (in reference to yourself with yourself alone), instead of viewing everything in reference to the abuser, can be beneficial in the long run.
Often times everything is in reference to the abuser in the abuse survivor's mind and that's also how the abuse survivor's identity becomes lost.
But everything that you wrote is also true and accurate. Thanks for sharing
I was volunteering overseas in a town and taken out of the town by a man twenty years older than me. He had readings done on me by Tibetan monks who didn’t tell me what they said. After that I was taken to different events and treated very well. I was offered to volunteer at an eco lodge but there was no public transport access and no real volunteering there. I should have never gone but this person built my trust and I thought they were being friendly. They were married and drove me back to the eco lodge and gave me lots of alcohol. They also stayed there overnight I’m still processing this as this person is very well known. I asked them why they did it and they blocked me. They also previously said “they didn’t remember”. Which is an outright lie as it was all very well planned.
People have gone so far to say this person is my “twin flame”. I’m starting to find the spiritual groups and such very toxic ….
I thought I could trust that person but they broke it.
I’m so so sorry
I feel like a piece of crap we always know who we are. I gave up so much of myself. This is a toxic society
You're a good person remember that
@thiccredgyal3404 I was sexually molested as a kid. On was never able to put it behind me
@percubit10 what happened to you says nothing about you. You're not the problem, your perpetrator is. You're a strong person.
@@thiccredgyal3404 Had to deal with gaslighting.
Love it! So well explained! I have been groomed by two people, I had gut feeling, now you’re validating all I’m feeling.
You mean sexually abused? Grooming and human trafficking are 2 different things in the same category, but they aren't the same thing.
fantastic video. You nailed it on the head when you talk about how you realized how you had felt empty after all the abuse and only then realized you suffered a great loss. Just went through this moment 10 years after my initial abuse and yeah, thats the moment that breaks you and changes everything.
wow as I continue watching the points just get more and more accurate. The idea of walking in a haze! You are completely trapped in your mind despite outwardly operating in the world.
wow thank u so much girl. I've been groomed all my life by man and I didn't even know about it. I'm 30 now and I can recognize these complex behaviors better but it's still challengin. What i have learned is to never alow them to make me doubt myself and be ready to leave even if it's hard cos ur attached. The longer u stay the worse it gets. The moment I feel like I'm questioning my own judgement is when I cut them off
Yes, I absolutely relate to this. This is where I still have to check in with my trusted friends / my plumb line for truth because my mind is still somewhat handicapped in this area with break ups. Keep practicing and keep learning, I believe in healing for all of us :-) Unlike what they try to convince us of-- you never have to go through your relationships /break-ups alone with them. We have friends for a reason
@@ehrensjournal True. But everything u said was eye opening 😭 It's hard to date. It's more common than we realize and the part u said they target compassionate people. I'm an empath I've e always attracted narcs n predators now I still find predators in my dating life it's exhausting. I just want to attract the right people.
@@ehrensjournal Can I share your video on tiktok? I would like to spread awareness.
@@secureboundaries Kind, emotionally healthy people are rare-- for the survivor community, as well. I think the greatest gift you can give yourself is the ability to be okay with being alone. We want emotionally healthy partners but sometimes we also aren't in an emotionally healthy place ourselves. It isn't good to "need" love, from anyone. I hope we all find partners but I also want to enjoy myself, as well.
@@secureboundaries Sure, just leave a link to my RUclips somehow
That was excellent! Awesome explanation. I lived it. I relate. The brain fog and spiritual voodoo these people do is truly almost indescribable. You can be gone and incapable of recovering or seeing while being "tapped" by the demonic in these people. Your solutions and advice were excellent! God really will miraculously rescue us and lead us out if we depend on Him.
Spiritual voodoo is a great description. They will destroy you spiritually if you don’t get away from them.
Yes! The mind games are really otherworldly. Master manipulators.
I have been watching predator shows for years trying to figure out my life I haven't understood how I let the guy take advantage of me as a kid your video is so relatable and insightful I wish you had a support group where I am I would definitely come😢😢😢😊😊
You didnt "let" him do anything, he wasnt a guy he was a predator, in the wild do the prey animals "let" the predators catch them?
Good idea re support group
"Knowing the value of the orange". That was so point on. Bless you for this video. Brilliant
Yes, the grace of God is why I'm here, not out of my mind & have been as safe as I have been. I was surrounded by wolves most of my life.
Yes. Not letting them make us bitter is the next prayer I pray for myself after surviving them.
💯
Thank YOU! Thank GOD!! This video gave me goosebumps. So chilling and informative as to what I’ve been dealing with for almost 5 years now. knowledge is power! Let’s keep learning, sharing, and growing in truth and love. 🙏🏽♥️
I agree with you so many people resent your happiness. Keep it to yourself it's a envious world that wants whatever you have. Whatever!
What happens when you genuinely like someone but they say you groomed them? I’ve been questioning my whole love life now and it really feels like they manipulated me
Maybe they applied reversed psychology on you. Accusing you of what they did to you.
So glad I found your channel today. As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse I have tried really hard to educate myself on the behaviors of manipulators, but still find myself in relationships with people like this because it's the majority of what I know. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're not as bad as I think they are, and after this last relationship I really have been struggling with blaming myself for being in that relationship because "I should know better now". But every video of yours I have watched has really helped me see why I am like this. Thank you so much for providing a perspective that I can relate to, and helping to provide advice on how to navigating potential future relationships.
“Your spirit knows the truth before the mind does, and the information about narcs and psychopaths help you figure it out”
12:20 The example with the briefing on how to rob the home successfully tickled me 😂
One of the best videos made to describe this kind of behavior. You broke the topic down in a very detailed manner and made it easy to understand. I think a lot of people will benefit from this ❤️ You’re saving lives!
I tended to oversharing myself too ! 🤦♀️
@@Catherine_Dana happens to the best of us 😂 We’re only trying to educate others 🙃
I have watched hundreds of videos about narcissistic abuse and this is one of the best I have ever seen. Only a person who has been groomed by a master manipulator could have described it so perfectly. People who think adults can’t be groomed are badly mistaken. Your orange analogy is spot on. I was groomed for 3 years by a person and my whole life ended up destroyed. The only way I survived was by getting therapy and leaving the relationship forever. That was 20 years ago and I’m fine now. This video has been the best description of what happened to me. Thank you for your intelligent and very articulate way of helping people understand. I hope it will prevent others from being hurt. 🎉❤🎉
My therapist is the one who groomed me. Even they are not always safe.
so brilliant. Well said
It sucks to go through experiences that make you realize these things, but it really teaches you how valuable emotional regulation and awareness is. Sometimes it's just the realization, "I got out and I'm alive" that matters. They didn't take your soul or life. The realization that they're no longer taking from you and that no one will ever take from you like that again because now you know what it all means and leads to. You start to get back into your power when you realize people don't just affect you but you affect them and you need to train people how to treat you. You can only train them when you know yourself, your emotions, values, triggers, weak points, and then trust what your emotions tell you about others
Spot on. When you ask God to show you, he will. It's crazy how people will lie.
This is where I am now. I’m separated from him but financially I can’t leave yet. My brain is so foggy and it’s hard to think around them. I’ve been working on my trauma stuff but I don’t have friends or family since they too are abusive. He’s not as disregarding as my ex but he literally hurts my head when we talk. I’ve been becoming abundantly aware of my own value but I feel so uncomfortable because I can tell it rubs them the wrong way. They won’t say it though and it’s just not good feeling for me. I love learning and I have dealt with exactly what you are talking about , thank you for sharing. I have been falling from God lately due to the genocide but… in hearing your knowledge and experience, I know there’s truth in your words. So again thank you, and. Look forward to learning more.
The truth, not even as an adult we are safe from abvse or gr00ming. It can even be from a younger if they are malicious. There's no guarantee of safety for any of us at any stage in life. We all can fall for it.
This is invaluable information for a disabled person on the spectrum to protect themselves from professionals assigned to care for them. Thank you very much.
A lot of the men (married, engaged, in relationships, living with their baby mama and child) at my previous job were grooming my female coworkers and tried to groom me too but I quit because of how rampant it was there. Tried to document incidents but realized there was no point going to HR because it was 70% of the men at a big car dealership. What were they going to do, fire more than half their staff?? I was in a losing situation so I noped tf out after a year.
Thank you so much for shining your light on this subject.
I appreciate you so much..
Absolutely on point with great analogies.
Thank you so much. This was my life too. I agree on everything. New sub and shared. You know today is the first day I've cried in a while. I confronted today. Feeling a wee bit fragile😢Thank you and thank God. 🙏
You will continue to get stronger and I believe that your journey of healing will be a success. You got this
Hope you're feeling better! We are stronger than we think!
I just want to thank you for this video ❤
Thank you for being brave enough to share.
Thank you. This was so helpful, and validating. Your description was very accurate to what I've experienced which as you said is rather the opposite of what they say - that they make it all about you, and use pity ploys. I'm sorry you've been through this and thank you for sharing.
I'm glad that this could be helpful for you
i know it may sound weird but i miss my groomer, his name was seven labosky. i was groomed by him nearly a year ago.
That's not weird, that's super common, I discuss that in my video on Craving and Relapse
I get it
My autistic friend is currently in the grips of an adult groomer (whos also a pedophile). He keeps her thin (she's beautiful, hes fat, old and ugly) and slowly has isolated her from friends and family. She's lost 35 lbs (she's 110 now)...she doesn't understand how doomed she is. He will eventually have a bunch of men take her to break her down further. What hes doing now is scary enough.
Call adult protective services
please call your local emergency hotline!
How are you a friend if you aren't doing anything to help?
I know you can't do anything that's obvious, the manipulator is cleverer than us. All you can do is stay friends, watch quietly and watch for a good day to get her away from these guys.
@@johnvincent1088 You are making excuses. Doing nothing about this is WRONG.
This is an outstanding, detailed explanation. Thank you for helping others.
Excellent talk ...should be shown to pre teens in school ...thank you
Thank you for covering this subject
This happened to me when my son’s adoptive parents convinced me I was an unfit/undeserving parent and that they would be able to love him more because they had more money. I relinquished my rights shortly after giving birth to him. Worst regret of my life.
Dont open up about yourself until theyve proven to be trustworth. Even then, dont give up your failures, weaknesses, sensitive issues, insecurities. Never share any info they can turn against you.
Hello, Ehren! I very much appreciated this video! I was looking into the topic of rape (it came up in my work recently) and I came accross this also. Thank you very much for putting it out here! 🙏🏻
Great analogies and great insights. God bless!
Amazing talk!!! Wow!! Thank you 🙏
This was incredibly helpful. Thank you so much Ehren 💞
Glad it could help
This was very insightful
Ohhhhh thank you 🙏
I needed to hear this
I’m being groomed and I’m running up the mountains with all my oranges now ❤❤❤
Here's a cart! An orange-carrying rickshaw! GO, GO, GO!! Bless you, and much love, the eyes are open, Beloved! 💗💗💗
Thank you for your video. I've seen one of your other videos before and heard your experience. I can see you have put a lot of thought into analysing the objective and behaviour of manipulators. What you said, your analogy of the orange and how to value and protect yourself was useful. Thank you
Wow, Ehren, thank you SO much! This is one of the best videos I’ve seen. I just watched your story on Facebook and it brought me to your you tube channel. Your ability to communicate and share is incredible, especially after everything you’ve been through! I see someone in you who is so grounded and spiritually strong. It is both so empowering and beautiful to witness. Every second of this video has immense value!! I’ve been groomed a couple of times in my life and it has been so helpful to see this explained to such depth. I’ve definitely learned something new today xx much love!
Thank you
Wow, this video helped put so many things into perspective for me. I had known these things but you stated the ideas so clearly thank you! I can't thank u enough
This made me so emotional, hope i can heal soon, me and every innocent soul out there, we deserve better❤
This was extremely helpful! Thank you so much!
This video made me realize that I had actually been groomed. Thankfully I’m no longer in contact with that person.
I love your accent and your video.
I've been in therapy twice a month for the last 8 months and I've only recently been able to comprehend I was preyed upon and groomed by my now ex fiancee, she was 2 years older than me and I was a naive homeschooled kid.
I'm very secure & confident and still these narcs pursued me full throttle. It was as if they wanted to break me.
This was great and very helpful. Thank you
This is incredible information stated so well! Thank you!!!
i had just turned 18 and he was 30, he liked that i was scared. i just need someone to tell me that it wasnt okay
It wasn’t okay and you will come out of this stronger 🤗
Hell no, that was not only ok, but is a BIG RED FLAG to avoid that person forever.
Very important.
Never ever be with that person again alone or with people who would not protect you if he would do something nasty.
Btw.
Leaving and 100% no contact can set people up. Be aware 100% of that, so avoid that person from now on.
If he calls you, say you have no time for any people right now and for the next months. No explanation needed.
Say to him, thanks for hanging out together, but now you need to work something.
A 30 year old who is with a 18 year old in any way, shape, form is anyway A RED FLAG.
A 30 year old wants to build up a life with a full grown woman of his age or 3 years younger. Why? Because at that age, serious men want to build a family, a life..., where 2 adult people are essential to build it up. Work very hard, buy a house, this and that.
Men like that who groom girls like you want something else, where you will be dragged down and thrown away, when they meet that adult woman.
You are a toy to them, a pass time and a sexual challenge.
A serious man does not even lose time with a woman of 18 years old, when he is 30 years old. At that age men have other priorities in life. If not, they are hunters who want to play and prey with no intention for a solud real life. No responsability either. Con men.
You are young, but maybe you understand some video's i advice you to follow on youtube and maybe you want to buy the books too.
Tony Gaskins.
R.C. Blakes jr.
2 men, who know how man are, the good ones, the better ones, the nastier ones to avoid and they teach women to be as wise as possible in regard to men, life, work and so on, to empower them. To guide them thru life with so much dangers.
Please watch them...or better bingue watch them and buy the books.
R.C. Blakes or both have written a book that is titled> THE FATHER- DAUGHTER TALK.
IF you want also to follow a woman on toxic people, relationships, see>>>
Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
If you want to learn how to not destroy relationships that seem ok, read all books written by>>
John Gottman.
Please, please, remember, your time and your life matters, like anyone elses, so do not LOSE IT ON people, who are just not right and good to you.
Remember, you change also, into worse or better, depending what you experience and so on.
Oooh, i forgot also a very important book, written by Gavin De Becker 'THE GIFT OF FEAR'.
This book saves lifes.
Reading books is so valuable, to educate you.
P.S. focus on you and your studies, work, save money, maybe start a little business, save to buy a house, maybe even for off grid purpises, a plot land to grow your own food, just do not let you take your time away. This things are right now to important. Learn how to survive at all time.
Finding a partner, the RIGHT partner for you and YOU for that special boy is one of the most important things in life. Choose very, vety, very wisely who that person might be.
Do not and i mean DO NOT GIVE YOUR BODY AWAY. EVER JUST LIKE THAT.
Only to the one who really DESERVES you for LIFE, until both of you are old TOGETHER!
CHOOSE YOU, and see what kind of father you want for your baby, child, dog, cat, and so on.
Life is for you and the vulnerable children allready hard enough with a caring, loving, trustworthy respinsable father and mother.
Even, if you think or say right now...oooh but i do not want kids or maybe 1 day.
I do not see much women who did not want kids, who where NOT pregnant at some point in life. With all consequences...
Young lady, i am allready an older woman and i hope you just choose wisely and i hope you read or watch the right things to help you out, for making hopefully better life choices with men/women and everything.
Meanwhile do not forget you are young and your life is now also.
Kind regards and please, please, please, be safe out there.
Do never be with a man alone and allways in public seeing them in plain daylight. Never after night falls. It has to be at day, not evening.
Never give your adress, contacts your full name, facebook name, etc. Only e- mail. Also for some proof, if someone has no good intentions, for police records and so on. Never let a man pick you up at your place and never go to his place. Meet only in public, where a lot of people are, preferally with someone you can trust, like a sister, brother. Groomers want you to isolate you and be in private with you and of course..., that way you are allways vulnerable and basically they can do whatever they want and cause ptsd and so on, if they try with you something. Men are stronger. I allways advice to learn kick- boxing, selfdefence tactics and so on.
Never bring your life, yourself, body, mind in a position, where someone has more power over you.
Nature is beautiful, but very hard too and yes...also ugly. So preserve yourself from shite.
Take your time to know eachother in face time and allways in publik. Eat ice cream somewhere in public. Nothing expensive and bring your lunch! That's easy! Not costing much. Never let a man pay you for anything, only ice cream! No gifts, money, etc. Provide for yourself. No alcohol whatsoever, no drugs ever. Be awake, alert, quick in reacting, so no drugs/alcohol of any kind. Only drink from your bottle, that was closed and never leave it 1 minute or second alone, not even to go to the ladies room. Do not ask if HE can watch it for you. Allways be independent from how you get there! Own your car and parke it somewhere safe, with him not knowing it ( do not be an open book ). I sound like a mother or big sister now, but i just felt the urge to say it anyway.
English is not my language, so i hope i did my best.
Maybe my post is long and you just wonder, how the heck...!
Take care lady.
Kind regards from Belgium.
18 is an adult. You really seem to be a victim so badly.
*want to be
18 is an adult.
Thank you for sharing.
This video was super insightful! Very applicable to all parts of life as well. Knowing your value is a skill that is always useful!
I recenly was groomed online, and feel lost, i struggle to even tell my dad. but i reconised it and reached out and they helped me reconise it, looking back i feel like i was brainwashed
You are too smart....when they ask you to open up about yourself, isnt because they care. Its because they need information they will use to put you down, kill your selfesteem,make you angry. Thank you for this video.
God I love your content! This is so important!! Something I've been thinking about is how they sort of pull this glamour spell over us, where what we see is a distortion of what is really there.
I'm going to make a video about this soon called The Labyrinth
Ehren thank you for your content. Your a gem 💎🫡
Awesome explanation Thank you Ehran
This was profound. 🎯 Subscribed. 😊✨ I appreciate your usage of visual languaging and examples. Those help me immensely. RUclips is also one of my anchors lol. It's been a major element that's saved me more than once. I look forward to cruising through your videos like the YT addict I am 😂👍🏼.
YES YES YES!!! They keep asking after you've said no.
I fully agree with you I've had several online interactions with people just like what youre described thank you for sharing that analogy!
Great analogy. Love it.
The fact there arent severe legal ramifications for this shit worldwide, and for every greater degree, is a stain on the tapestry of humanity.
Thank you, great info for everyone and anyone...eye opener for sure! Thank you for sharing.
The burglar metaphor is great as well as the house tour.
Do you get emotional transference with these people? When they’re lying and trying to pull off a scam, they get really nervous. The tells are really important too. I saw so many tells with the predators and seeing them flesh out over time. I knew what they were without knowing what they were planning.
👏🏼👏🏼thank you so much this is so true
Good information./insight.
Wow this video is great thank you scary true and well said
I checked and I only have apples ... (Just kidding ... Great video and ty for sharing + articulating a perspective that parallels the concept of sociopathic behavior we should all be taught to be wary of..)
Hey there , fantastic video, you have really opened my eyes thank you so much 😊
I need some advice. How do I approach this situation as a concerned onlooker?
I work in a factory and one of my male colleague in my immediate work area I believe is being groomed by our male supervisor. My colleague is small in stature for a guy, not native to our country, Indian, 33, married with a wife, has kids, and our supervisor is in his 50s with a wife and white. I’ve directly witnessed my colleague cower away while our supervisor physically touches him; both hands on his shoulders from behind, rubbing the inside/back of his thigh up and down. This touching is clearly making my colleague uncomfortable and it’s not consensual. I’ve had my own experience of an older male superior physically grooming me, so I know it can be the most innocent looking events of touching, but are actually not necessary and predatory. As an onlooker I don’t know if I should approach my colleague and ask if he is okay.
Your video is incredible! Explains everything so clearly.
Thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. It is like taking a valuable course in psychology. I am truly grateful and will keep this video in my files.
This is amazing. You resonate!💗 I wondered if a situation in my life fit the criteria of having an “adult groomer,” and I needed to hear all of this 🤙Thank you - you’re doing God’s work!
I had this happen in the church and had no clue what was going on(happened by a pastor). Had a gut feeling from the moment I met him that something was off but I didn’t really know what(serious predatory vibes now looking back). I’ve learned since to listen to my gut screaming at me and I don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. I feel like I need counseling to deal with the psychological impact it has left on me…
I love the orange analogy!!
Thank you so much for posting this video.
Thanks for sharing this. Needed to hear this
I've had problems with this before...its so frustrating.
Ive literally had someone lie to me about their identity for this reason. Awful.
Thank you for this
Thank you for doing this
Wow! This helped.. Thanks❤