This book helped break me out of the "I can fix him, he's a good guy deep down I swear" spell that my abusive ex-husband had me under. I wish I had read it sooner, but I'm glad I have the knowledge now.
and most don't want to. Have him arrested and keep on doing it, and escape but don't tell the abuser anything about it and never speak to them ever again.
Learn the KJV scriptures and find some real Christlike bible believing loving people (the hardest part) and follow Mathew 18:15-17! God is the only one that can soften hardened hearts, and God works through His disciples! When Gods people follow His word, Gods love works through them and leads abusers to Christ! Like Lundy Bankroft teaches, you need the help of family and friends in your lives, to hold the abuser accountable (Mathew 28:15-17 KJV), and this godly love causes the abuser to see the truth and repent, or causes the wicked person to flee when no one is chasing him! Either way, you are free from bondage of abuse and this is only way to help the abuser to change into a person who can treat others humanly, now or in the future!
Wish I would’ve heard or read about this book before my abuser destroyed my life. He plotted everything and I have to stray from scratch. No job no kids no house no nothing. If it wasn’t for my friend I’d be homeless.
This book is trash. It doesn't help anyone. If you left someone who was hurting you, congratulations! I hope he got some mental health treatment for his emotional problems. And hopefully you found true compassion.
This book helped me not feel guilty for staying so long, then getting out. It is beautifully written, the conversation style Lundy used he said he learned how to help sooth womens' minds while he gave them little drops of wisdom on each page.
That's why they do it. If they don't get a response from you they'll try something else. Their mission in life is to do everything you hate and make you think you're everything you aren't.
I agree. It’s like walking on eggshells around my wife. Like …. Damn can you say hi babe . Or I love you for once instead of always finding something to point out I forgot to do. Communication is key.
@@rantsbybobthesnail7496 This book and subsequent comments are about MALE abuse. The author apparently has information about female abuse, which he says is different and more complex than male abuse, but it's not in this thread of comments or video.
I hope this will help me go. He’s in the other room after kicking me out my sanctuary ‘the bathroom’ as no lock after kicking it off. ‘The shower being switched on was your queue to get TF out’. Yeah, been tormenting me for 48 hours now after I paid £2400 for car repairs. ME. Like HE paid it! (He don’t work). Anyway, I’ll be buying this book now.
I'm so tired of being threatened ,stalked,spied on,slandered and terrorized. I try hard to be good to him. I'm definitely not perfect, but I do stand up for myself and then he plays victim. The thing is that he's really really controlling. It's so discouraged and down. He's been terrorizing me for awhile. Even drugged me against my will. Now I'm worried he will get angrier. He's saying I'm the abuser,but I am only standing up for myself. My other ex and he are working in tandem. Help
Help yourself. Get out and do it in secret never threaten an abuser with leaving. Don’t tell him just get out he could disfigure you for life. Or kill you.
Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. Go no contact with both men. You deserve happiness. You deserve to feel safe. Even living at a shelter is better than staying. Their is hope. Every day away from him will make you strong to get your life started free from the abuse. Just leave today please!
I've seen my mother date this type of man when i was a young boy. It was mostly emotional abuse but no abuse should be tolerated. Please find a way to leave if you can.
Are you in an abusive relationship? Early warning signs. If you’re an adult, then tolerating tiny abuses WILL damage your soul. BUYER BEWARE. Abuse at first sight…RUN.
Very easy to read any time of day you can pick it up and open to any page. Lundy has heard the same stories over and over from counseling abusive men each page tells a story similar to your circumstances. It's like a devotional.
The book details abuse tactics and what an abuser will GET from their victim as a result (eg. throwing a tantrum about "tone" or "disrespect" whenever you ask them to do the dishes = you stop asking). So it is possible to use it as a manual to abuse, I guess? But just as good a chance this guy got called on his abuse and is calling THAT abuse.
This is what my wife says I am. She’s even listening to this audiobook. I wonder why though. I keep to myself. We barely talk. Or speak to each other. We’re like ghosts in a house. So I don’t know why she says I’m this. I’m not abusive at all. I’d love to love her but she keeps my at a distance. I feel some women who do something wrong in the relationship will tend to make the man out to be a narcissist to make the wrong doing justifiable. I think she’s actually the narcissist for acting like nothing happened. And continuing to throw shade at me. Crazy thing she’s listening to this! Most likely brainwashed by her other wrong doing wife friends.
Oh my goodness, this was my wife and my ex and my mum. Crikeys, I even recognize it in my sister. Thinking about it, it's no wonder so many more men are on the streets, failing school, losing their kids and committing suicide .. no support and being falsely accused as the abuser, which I reckon would make anyone look angry (men tend not to use the tears). It's a terrible thing to promote 'abuse' as a gender issue .. that is antiquated and damaging. Research shows, as men knew anyway, that women are more abusive and instigate physical abuse.
I am so sorry you went through this. I have also faced horrible abuse, from men and from women too. I do not think abuse is a gender issue. And I do not think this book labels abuse as a gender issue. The therapist so happens to specialise in helping men who are abusive to become better. The same way some people specialise in helping women who are abusive to become better. There indeed needs to be more support for male victims of abuse. However research does not show that women are more abusive. That is incorrect. Please do not aim to make abuse about gender, as you assumed this author of this book was doing as well.
@@ffreshfields5211 don't pander to IT. If m3n need more support then other m3n can provide it. It is a patriarchy anyway. This is why wom3n support wom3n. M3n don't.
I don’t think it implies that physical abuse as minimising..infact you have a lot of both in controlling abusive relationships..emotionally abuse is just as bad as physical abuse
They are both abuse, just two different kinds. Its natural to compare different things in the same category. Emotional abuse can be followed by physical abuse.....
Only speaking for myself, but I'll take the physical hit over the verbal assault any day of the week. Obviously I shouldn't have to take either but that's not the point. The point is that emotional abuse messed me up worse and took way longer to recover from than the physical abuse.
This book is half decent advice, and half nonsensical psychological contrivance. If you want to know about the mind of an abusive man, countless men who've abused people in the past have written books where they talk about why and how they did what they did.
I agree. This book was written (self proclaimed to be so) by a "good" person who had a decent childhood. Books written by quite evil people like Mavhiavelli and Hitler are useful in getting a better understanding of abusive people from the perspective of "bad" personalities.
@@kalui96 that's false and based solely on your opinions because you can't accept the material that exposes abusers . In fact the book is excellent and has helped many women escape.
Your opinion is your opinion and not the rules of basic human logic. You can clearly see that this book exposes the most common everyday abusive male very adequately and truthful as it gets.
Can you elaborate why exactly? Is there misinformation or are you just an abusive ex-husband who got left because his ex-wife read this book and now you are single and mad? 😂
@@alanamcintyre8150 Your comment proves his point. You didn't like his comment so you labeled it abusive, thus validating his sexist opinion. Should have just left it alone. Don't feed the trolls.
Manipulated, insulted, controlled , verbally abused, intimidated, disrespected....now DIVORCED
blessed to be DIVORCED
unfortunate my mother is too dumb to realize that every single thing applies to her and that my father is a disgusting husband
😢 crazy for someone's child to say that about there mom . Hits home 😢😢
Definitely needed to be reminded of all this ...
@oofyboi5357 she's not dumb. Your father is evil .
This book helped break me out of the "I can fix him, he's a good guy deep down I swear" spell that my abusive ex-husband had me under. I wish I had read it sooner, but I'm glad I have the knowledge now.
24:30
"You can't change an abusive man. He has to change himself".
and most don't want to. Have him arrested and keep on doing it, and escape but don't tell the abuser anything about it and never speak to them ever again.
And that won’t ever happen
@@betsysimpson318 more reasons to escape and never look back
@@betsysimpson318 What won’t ever happen? 🤔
Learn the KJV scriptures and find some real Christlike bible believing loving people (the hardest part) and follow Mathew 18:15-17! God is the only one that can soften hardened hearts, and God works through His disciples! When Gods people follow His word, Gods love works through them and leads abusers to Christ! Like Lundy Bankroft teaches, you need the help of family and friends in your lives, to hold the abuser accountable (Mathew 28:15-17 KJV), and this godly love causes the abuser to see the truth and repent, or causes the wicked person to flee when no one is chasing him! Either way, you are free from bondage of abuse and this is only way to help the abuser to change into a person who can treat others humanly, now or in the future!
This is THE book that helped me escape
Me too. 22 years ago .
@@kaystephens2672 Me in 2015.
I wish I would have read this book 45 years ago.
Wish I would’ve heard or read about this book before my abuser destroyed my life. He plotted everything and I have to stray from scratch. No job no kids no house no nothing. If it wasn’t for my friend I’d be homeless.
I’m glad you had your friend. I hope you are free now.
That's what they want. You to have nothing
🥰 I feel for you, my friend.
This book was beautifully written I absolutely love it helped me escape from an abusive man I plan on buying the whole book.
The book is really good, worth the money.
This book is trash. It doesn't help anyone. If you left someone who was hurting you, congratulations! I hope he got some mental health treatment for his emotional problems. And hopefully you found true compassion.
This book helped me not feel guilty for staying so long, then getting out. It is beautifully written, the conversation style Lundy used he said he learned how to help sooth womens' minds while he gave them little drops of wisdom on each page.
just grateful I was able to see the abuse clearly before I married him
I'm happy for you
My ex got jealous when he saw me talking to my cousin.
Good thing he's an ex! That's crazy.
Mine once got that way because I chose a check-out line with a male cashier.
I hate the most the mood swings they have.
That's why they do it. If they don't get a response from you they'll try something else. Their mission in life is to do everything you hate and make you think you're everything you aren't.
I agree. It’s like walking on eggshells around my wife. Like …. Damn can you say hi babe . Or I love you for once instead of always finding something to point out I forgot to do. Communication is key.
@@rantsbybobthesnail7496
This book and subsequent comments are about MALE abuse.
The author apparently has information about female abuse, which he says is different and more complex than male abuse, but it's not in this thread of comments or video.
It helped in the past and it helps me now. All other approaches are useless.
I hope this will help me go. He’s in the other room after kicking me out my sanctuary ‘the bathroom’ as no lock after kicking it off. ‘The shower being switched on was your queue to get TF out’. Yeah, been tormenting me for 48 hours now after I paid £2400 for car repairs. ME. Like HE paid it! (He don’t work). Anyway, I’ll be buying this book now.
Hey, how are you doing? I hope you're good
@@bondifiedshawty I’m ok. Still here, still plotting my escape. Tysm for asking. X hope ur good
This book helped me soooo much after my divorce and has helped me recognize red flags quickly. ❤
Why Does he do That ???
Cause he is a Total waste of Space..!
pretty much. the world would be a much better place without abusive males in it.
That just totally cracked me up.
Also, BECAUSE HE *CAN* AND SECRETLY FEELS GOOD ABOUT THAT.
Because he’s basically a coward, so he bullies someone that he perceives to be weaker
These are really the beta males not alpha
Excuse for a man
😂😂😂😂
I'm so tired of being threatened ,stalked,spied on,slandered and terrorized. I try hard to be good to him. I'm definitely not perfect, but I do stand up for myself and then he plays victim. The thing is that he's really really controlling. It's so discouraged and down. He's been terrorizing me for awhile. Even drugged me against my will. Now I'm worried he will get angrier. He's saying I'm the abuser,but I am only standing up for myself. My other ex and he are working in tandem. Help
Help yourself. Get out and do it in secret never threaten an abuser with leaving. Don’t tell him just get out he could disfigure you for life. Or kill you.
Stalking is so common. If you dont have kids in common gray rock him
@@aurora8749 yup,gray rocking now. I have accepted that this is going to happen for awhile. The key is to not care, and still be cautious.
Please find a way to leave as soon as you can. Go no contact with both men. You deserve happiness. You deserve to feel safe. Even living at a shelter is better than staying. Their is hope. Every day away from him will make you strong to get your life started free from the abuse. Just leave today please!
Are you safe now?
I've seen my mother date this type of man when i was a young boy. It was mostly emotional abuse but no abuse should be tolerated. Please find a way to leave if you can.
"No abuse should be tolerated" ❤ thank you for your kindness, you clearly have a big heart & I'm so sorry you had to witness the abuse of your mom.
It was validating to hear this from a male voice. So many just tell us we're garbage.
This is good, but I can't listen to it. It's too infuriating. I've lived it and been around others who were like that and I just can't
I find this to be an excellent bite-size resource for the traits and tactics of an abuser. Thank you.
Are you in an abusive relationship? Early warning signs. If you’re an adult, then tolerating tiny abuses WILL damage your soul. BUYER BEWARE.
Abuse at first sight…RUN.
Very easy to read any time of day you can pick it up and open to any page. Lundy has heard the same stories over and over from counseling abusive men each page tells a story similar to your circumstances. It's like a devotional.
Right it’s not because you’re not the dream girl it’s because he is entitled me wants power over you.
I’ve read this book along with Dragonslippers (Rosalind B. Penfold). Both are very compelling and informative.
Thank you 🙏🏽
😮safely exit ladies, atleast those of you who has options i dont yet anyway
Just ordered.
Yesterday i was choked because i refused to do what he said....
My abusive ex used this book to abuse me, took trained therapists to save me from it
Can you elaborate
The book details abuse tactics and what an abuser will GET from their victim as a result (eg. throwing a tantrum about "tone" or "disrespect" whenever you ask them to do the dishes = you stop asking). So it is possible to use it as a manual to abuse, I guess?
But just as good a chance this guy got called on his abuse and is calling THAT abuse.
@@laurelgardneragree about OP'S likely motivation.
Was recommended by a narcissist even though I'm a Straight guy apparently only real men are narcissists
This is what my wife says I am. She’s even listening to this audiobook. I wonder why though. I keep to myself. We barely talk. Or speak to each other. We’re like ghosts in a house. So I don’t know why she says I’m this. I’m not abusive at all. I’d love to love her but she keeps my at a distance. I feel some women who do something wrong in the relationship will tend to make the man out to be a narcissist to make the wrong doing justifiable.
I think she’s actually the narcissist for acting like nothing happened. And continuing to throw shade at me. Crazy thing she’s listening to this! Most likely brainwashed by her other wrong doing wife friends.
M. C dc. I- zas seui ooou
Why does SHE do that ?
Men are predators. Most women are not
Oh my goodness, this was my wife and my ex and my mum. Crikeys, I even recognize it in my sister. Thinking about it, it's no wonder so many more men are on the streets, failing school, losing their kids and committing suicide .. no support and being falsely accused as the abuser, which I reckon would make anyone look angry (men tend not to use the tears).
It's a terrible thing to promote 'abuse' as a gender issue .. that is antiquated and damaging. Research shows, as men knew anyway, that women are more abusive and instigate physical abuse.
Check the stat. Men are leading
Sounds like something hit a nerve. You must be abusive yourself lol
I am so sorry you went through this. I have also faced horrible abuse, from men and from women too. I do not think abuse is a gender issue. And I do not think this book labels abuse as a gender issue. The therapist so happens to specialise in helping men who are abusive to become better. The same way some people specialise in helping women who are abusive to become better. There indeed needs to be more support for male victims of abuse. However research does not show that women are more abusive. That is incorrect. Please do not aim to make abuse about gender, as you assumed this author of this book was doing as well.
@@ffreshfields5211 don't pander to IT. If m3n need more support then other m3n can provide it. It is a patriarchy anyway. This is why wom3n support wom3n. M3n don't.
found one lol
I'm sorry, but comparing emotional abuse with physical abuse really minimizes physical assault. It's insulting
Don’t minimize emotional abuse
I don’t think it implies that physical abuse as minimising..infact you have a lot of both in controlling abusive relationships..emotionally abuse is just as bad as physical abuse
They are both abuse, just two different kinds.
Its natural to compare different things in the same category.
Emotional abuse can be followed by physical abuse.....
Only speaking for myself, but I'll take the physical hit over the verbal assault any day of the week. Obviously I shouldn't have to take either but that's not the point. The point is that emotional abuse messed me up worse and took way longer to recover from than the physical abuse.
It doesn't. It's to show emotional abuse is a specific kind of evil that most people don't recognize as abuse
This book is half decent advice, and half nonsensical psychological contrivance. If you want to know about the mind of an abusive man, countless men who've abused people in the past have written books where they talk about why and how they did what they did.
I agree. This book was written (self proclaimed to be so) by a "good" person who had a decent childhood. Books written by quite evil people like Mavhiavelli and Hitler are useful in getting a better understanding of abusive people from the perspective of "bad" personalities.
@@kalui96 that's false and based solely on your opinions because you can't accept the material that exposes abusers . In fact the book is excellent and has helped many women escape.
Your opinion is your opinion and not the rules of basic human logic. You can clearly see that this book exposes the most common everyday abusive male very adequately and truthful as it gets.
@@kalui96 "bad" personalities??? 6,180,366 people would agree Hitler was a bad personality.
@@kalui96 Lol normie take. Austrian painter guy was actually cool
This book is 100% trash. Absolutely terrible. Do not recommend!
Why do you not recommend it?
Can you elaborate why exactly? Is there misinformation or are you just an abusive ex-husband who got left because his ex-wife read this book and now you are single and mad? 😂
🤔
This is a guy pretending to be a woman
@@julia7200That’s the reason lol
This guy is a shill.
Abuse is anything women don't like
that sentence right there is abusive in nature.
You are an abuser.
😂 found the abuser (unless you've been abused by a woman...see: covert narcissist. In that case I'm sorry)
@@alanamcintyre8150 Your comment proves his point. You didn't like his comment so you labeled it abusive, thus validating his sexist opinion. Should have just left it alone. Don't feed the trolls.
About the same brilliant deduction that one sees from insecure men make of critical feedback being equated as 'hate speech'