Megan Gailey - Tips for Not Getting Murdered

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  • Опубликовано: 26 сен 2018
  • Megan Gailey discusses her tips and tricks for not getting murdered and explains the beauty of dicks. (Contains strong language.)
    Megan Gailey discusses her tips and tricks for not getting murdered and explains the beauty of dicks. (Contains strong language.)
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Комментарии • 769

  • @Donnah1979
    @Donnah1979 5 лет назад +1631

    "Rick's got her, cool, cool, cool... " LOL

  • @EthyrialBleu
    @EthyrialBleu 5 лет назад +2586

    I wanted to hear more on the tips to avoid getting murdered...

    • @sunnyteki
      @sunnyteki 5 лет назад

      haha

    • @fernandoed4842
      @fernandoed4842 5 лет назад

      Roberto carlos P

    • @Shadow-st3qt
      @Shadow-st3qt 5 лет назад

      @@onceuponaharold frfr

    • @T1Oracle
      @T1Oracle 5 лет назад +6

      Don't worry, you're doing great so far...

    • @Costikeke
      @Costikeke 4 года назад +3

      just be less of her i guess lol

  • @zglrd8938
    @zglrd8938 5 лет назад +1503

    As a murderer this offends me

    • @naahmahlamia5653
      @naahmahlamia5653 5 лет назад +13

      😂😂😂😂

    • @Gymnopediea
      @Gymnopediea 5 лет назад +40

      I refuse to entirely take this unseriously. What's your zip code so I can give the FBI a lead?

    • @zglrd8938
      @zglrd8938 5 лет назад +29

      Afaf Benhara well it's only fair tgat i give you mine since i know yours 😉

    • @Gymnopediea
      @Gymnopediea 5 лет назад +5

      @@zglrd8938 :P

    • @C00kii0
      @C00kii0 5 лет назад +1

      🤣😂😂😂

  • @allinone-qz2gi
    @allinone-qz2gi 5 лет назад +1271

    "'Why are you so political?' And I'm just like, 'Stop hitting us. It hurts.'" LOL Love this!

    • @allinone-qz2gi
      @allinone-qz2gi 5 лет назад +47

      @ Yes. Not wanting to be hit is TOTALLY insane. WTF....

    • @T1Oracle
      @T1Oracle 5 лет назад +39

      @ Instead of getting mad at her and writing monologues about it on RUclips, how about getting mad at domestic abusers? The next time a guy says "I want to punch her," take it seriously.

    •  5 лет назад +8

      @T1Oracle That is what I’m talking about insanity. I never in my entire life(42 years) heard a man say something remotely similar. I never saw a man hitting a woman, although I saw a woman hitting a man and the man did nothing.
      Women are heavily protected in the Western world. You take statistics over millions and you advertise those cases as normality and ubiquitous, when the truth is that every kind of violence has decreased dramatically in every aspect in the Western world particularly fast in the last 2 decades. The data is irrefutable.
      This “punching” women you pretend to be a common thing is pure insanity (men would attack a man hitting a woman, never just witness it).
      You poison the world with lies when we have quantifiable descriptions of the decline of violence in our societies. You people are disgusting.

    • @Gymnopediea
      @Gymnopediea 5 лет назад +14

      @ I've been hit by 4 men and 2 of them were punches...I'm in my late 30's. I am pretty and not the type you think would get hit and not report it. And at least 5 molestation attempts (none were more than 1 time incidents thankfully)You need to reevaluate your victim status. (Also I just recalled a time at an Australian dance club). Fwiw...i know guys who could never do that to someone. But...i also wanna spring another truth on you...and I actually feel very uncomfortable doing this under my real name but here we go...of the 6 molestation events I mentioned (not including instances where boys just pressure you or whatever) but of those 6...three were grown adult men touching a girl under 15...under 10 and under 5 . It's possible you're a sicko that gets off on that. But on the off chance you're not...look into sex trafficking with a pure heart. You might even find redemption in helping real victims. All the best.

    • @Gymnopediea
      @Gymnopediea 5 лет назад +3

      @@elevatedaspirations you're missing the weeds for the trees. There's definitely a gender abuse reality. Arguing that guy on other merits is his way of giving you a red herring.

  • @Hinatachan360
    @Hinatachan360 5 лет назад +1049

    I gotta admit....
    I do that sprinting down the middle of the road thing too.

    • @Dorian_sapiens
      @Dorian_sapiens 5 лет назад +16

      I don't do it, but I think about doing it every time.

    • @radishsayshi
      @radishsayshi 5 лет назад +34

      I don't sprint, but I do walk in the middle of the road so no one can pop out of a dark alley and surprise me.

    • @dOVERanalyst
      @dOVERanalyst 5 лет назад +3

      Me too

    • @firebolt100
      @firebolt100 4 года назад +4

      And you out run me every time! Idk how you do it!

    • @needfoolthings
      @needfoolthings 3 года назад +1

      Still alive? Cuz it's a matter of time till they notice.

  • @noelle3780
    @noelle3780 4 года назад +163

    She feels like if the "advice giving vodka aunt" character was aged down a bit

  • @Seetiyan
    @Seetiyan 5 лет назад +1614

    I'm a guy and I approve. A number of guys say women aren't funny but are forgetting that it's about what you can relate to. Most comedians talk about real-life experiences and if you can't relate to someone's comedy, it doesn't mean it's not funny - it's just not funny to you specifically. I can relate to some of what she's saying - for instance, I walk down the center of the street at night too!

    • @zackknutsen8241
      @zackknutsen8241 5 лет назад +8

      Maria bamford is funny merry macks funny lisa lampenelli is funny this woman is funny to a small division of the populace. However people do agree and cheer for what she believes in, but that really isnt what funny typically is.

    • @Heathcoatman
      @Heathcoatman 5 лет назад +26

      Women are funny. However, comedians like this are ruining it for other women. She is a graduate of the Amy Schumer school of "Being a slutty whore is so funny that you should never tell any joke unless it is about being disgusting or being a whore". It gets really old.

    • @florzinnha
      @florzinnha 5 лет назад +51

      @@Heathcoatman go fuck yourself.

    • @petitio_principii
      @petitio_principii 5 лет назад +14

      Not to mention that some people just confuse relatable with funny, which is not the same thing, but apparently it fools some people enough to be kind of a filler.

    • @Heathcoatman
      @Heathcoatman 5 лет назад +8

      Flower Power aren't you the classy and intelligent one.

  • @WitsEndProductions
    @WitsEndProductions 5 лет назад +344

    "Do you stilllll want her emails?!!" - Killer set up and payoff ;-)

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад +5

      It was certainly the punchline of a joke, and yes, it _would_ be nice to see a member of the elite caste face justice, but that's just wishful thinking.

  • @rahiljogani4825
    @rahiljogani4825 5 лет назад +126

    My biggest problem with this video is that there weren’t enough tips on how to not get murdered...

  • @JuliusWillis
    @JuliusWillis 5 лет назад +50

    "I don't know Dad..." Hahahaaa! Frickin' hilarious!

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад +1

      The joke is that her dad has probably spoken to her more than once, and can clearly see it's her sparkling personality, totally-not what he probably did in his 20's for an equally homely girl.

    • @JuliusWillis
      @JuliusWillis 5 лет назад

      @@Moridorable true that!😃

  • @eliseisaack5218
    @eliseisaack5218 5 лет назад +69

    She looks like a younger version of Jaqueline from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt lol

    • @obode1725
      @obode1725 3 года назад

      Yes hahahahahahajajahaa

  • @TightMoneyGripp813
    @TightMoneyGripp813 5 лет назад +72

    A 6 hour drive to meet another human being, that's a true G. Eezy

  • @user-li5jc9uo6k
    @user-li5jc9uo6k 5 лет назад +69

    The six hours drive joke... My favorite 😂 😂 😂

  • @boyo-shook3891
    @boyo-shook3891 5 лет назад +43

    "Ah! no ricks got her, coolcoolcool" lmao

  • @aepet22
    @aepet22 3 года назад +16

    "magical, beautiful presents -- that happen to be attached to monsters" HAHA! she's good - her humor is off center and biting, love it

  • @SugaBee
    @SugaBee 5 лет назад +210

    AND a Hufflepuff?! 🎉

    • @alexiswilliamsinc
      @alexiswilliamsinc 5 лет назад +4

      Suga Bee Of Carolina she got a straight up GUFFAW from me for that one. I’m here just for this comment.

  • @suzylux
    @suzylux 3 года назад +4

    The tampon bit is a fucking masterpiece.

  • @TimothyEspinosa
    @TimothyEspinosa 5 лет назад +3

    This was amazing!!! 😂😂😂

  • @bodyboardingchronicles602
    @bodyboardingchronicles602 5 лет назад +1

    I needed this, thank you cousin!
    😂

  • @discussingitall7399
    @discussingitall7399 5 лет назад +4

    this was funny as hell lol

  • @monatavafzadeh439
    @monatavafzadeh439 5 лет назад +34

    Can you post the full show?

  • @drewblanche
    @drewblanche 5 лет назад +10

    "Oh, my vagina's awake.. time to go to work!"

  • @blakewiley5304
    @blakewiley5304 4 года назад +2

    She lost I’ll flush a fucking shoe! A man in
    a hazmat suit, chiseling away a Robert E Lee tampon sculpture!!! I’m dying right now so fucking funny!😂😂😂😂😂

  • @anaviveri
    @anaviveri 5 лет назад +16

    I love her

  • @AlilishSuki
    @AlilishSuki 3 года назад

    Love this!

  • @DavidBlaze420
    @DavidBlaze420 5 лет назад +30

    "I worry about getting murdered aloa-EEH"

  • @dAfoodie808
    @dAfoodie808 5 лет назад +8

    i have no clue why i thought i could drink water and watch this at the same time

  • @lumpy0100
    @lumpy0100 5 лет назад +15

    Thanks Comedy Central Stand-Up.☺

  • @gemzstarr5839
    @gemzstarr5839 5 лет назад +77

    She reminds me a lot of Rachael Bloom

  • @KCMMFB
    @KCMMFB 2 года назад

    Is there a full show of this i want more

  • @AVALON81159
    @AVALON81159 5 лет назад +3

    She is freaking brilliant.

  • @terrell28374
    @terrell28374 5 лет назад +3

    Totally in love 😍.

  • @Protectobot
    @Protectobot 4 года назад +1

    'Rick's got her!' hahahahaa.

  • @shawnashley4938
    @shawnashley4938 5 лет назад +60

    She's funny. I'd watch more of her.

  • @trancedoutkid
    @trancedoutkid 5 лет назад +401

    LOL i knew what type of neckbeard comments I'd find down here for even scrolling.

    • @notrealy180217
      @notrealy180217 5 лет назад +8

      You have to be a neckbeard to agree that an obviously unfunny comedian, is unfunny?

    • @oppie2363
      @oppie2363 5 лет назад +24

      @@notrealy180217 Let me know when you book your comedy Central special. With a name like "DabTime" you've clearly got your finger on the pulse of everything witty and hip in junior high locker rooms.

    • @agonleed3841
      @agonleed3841 5 лет назад +11

      @@oppie2363 yep. Because you have to be a comedian to know what's funny or not. I guess the people in the crow that laughed ARE comedians. And the ones who didn't just need to become one...thats the logic, right?

    • @oppie2363
      @oppie2363 5 лет назад +12

      @@agonleed3841 Yes, that's exactly what I said. Top notch reading comprehension, 10/10.

    • @notrealy180217
      @notrealy180217 5 лет назад +2

      @@oppie2363 She isn't funny though.

  • @rayflyhigh
    @rayflyhigh 3 года назад

    I love this girls stand up lol

  • @NileshR12
    @NileshR12 5 лет назад +4

    She was hilarious 😂😂

  • @mjade1673
    @mjade1673 5 лет назад +8

    This woman has a part of my heart💞💞💞💞💞😇✌😆

  • @roboCL0WN
    @roboCL0WN 3 года назад +2

    Best morning glory jokes I've heard, noice!

  • @yuuurawizzard
    @yuuurawizzard 5 лет назад +170

    Duuuude, she's hilarious

    • @gavinbrown1159
      @gavinbrown1159 3 года назад +4

      No

    • @PaxyWaxy
      @PaxyWaxy 3 года назад +1

      @@gavinbrown1159 my bruh Just straight up said no, respect

  • @SHANEIZOID
    @SHANEIZOID 2 года назад +1

    Her timing is so on point 💪

  • @noelhutchins7366
    @noelhutchins7366 5 лет назад +4

    High compliment: My favorite comedian was Mitch Hedberg, RIP: Emphasis, Was, this is the comedian he would've loved. She's my new fav.

    • @jimthompson178
      @jimthompson178 4 года назад

      noel hutchins absolutely nothing of this set shares style points with Mitch Hedberg. You should kinda apologize

  • @Deondre_Clark
    @Deondre_Clark 5 лет назад +3

    She's 1 of the best Daily Zeitgeist guests

  • @AR-io8fv
    @AR-io8fv 5 лет назад +3

    I'm in love

  • @ikraa.basakk
    @ikraa.basakk 5 лет назад +390

    Lmao all the men hating on her underneath the vid and I’m not even surprised

    • @thomasbarchen
      @thomasbarchen 5 лет назад +1

      Cus she sucks!

    • @ikraa.basakk
      @ikraa.basakk 5 лет назад +17

      thomasbarchen Rogers sorry to break it to you but it doesn’t “suck” just bc you don’t like it

    • @thomasbarchen
      @thomasbarchen 5 лет назад +1

      Oh yeah it does!

    • @shatter3472
      @shatter3472 5 лет назад +12

      Well, you have to admit she does come off a little sexist. Maybe she doesn't mean to, but it's bound too rub some people the wrong way. The actual "how not to be murdered" joke was pretty funny though.

    • @jessedaniels4494
      @jessedaniels4494 5 лет назад +18

      She was very sexist in this especially the part about not caring about the guys who have to clean up after her tampons and then justifying it by the wage gap(which is not real once you factor in the variables)

  • @abbywolffe4114
    @abbywolffe4114 5 лет назад +6

    "I'M A GRYFFINDOR AAAAND A HUFFLEPUFFFFF!"

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад +1

      I love it when women develop their personality around their interest in harry potter. Way better than dudes addicted to cawadoody.

  • @abigailmoore7352
    @abigailmoore7352 5 лет назад +8

    I really related to that dad joke... My dad a hater in denial 😂

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад

      Bring back some money after and see if his disposition improves.

  • @emmanuellemimieux397
    @emmanuellemimieux397 5 лет назад +6

    I LOVE THIS!!!! She is so funny and witty :DD!

  • @AlluKat
    @AlluKat 5 лет назад +3

    I wasn't in love but i laughed

  • @jackpavlik563
    @jackpavlik563 3 года назад

    Final bit was a beauty.

  • @scottstern1236
    @scottstern1236 2 года назад

    Love love love love love!!!!!!!

  • @JLoyd2012
    @JLoyd2012 5 лет назад +77

    Megan, We Love you! Hilarious. One of the Dopest Comedians Out.

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад +3

      She's not going to fuck you.

    • @gavinbrown1159
      @gavinbrown1159 3 года назад

      Disconnect Google+ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭she is not funny at all

  • @TriangularPrison
    @TriangularPrison 5 лет назад

    1:20 me too sister , me too

  • @DrEvil-hu1fi
    @DrEvil-hu1fi 3 года назад +6

    "I'm a Gryffindor AND a Hufflepuff!" Lmao 😂😭

  • @dawrongwitch9036
    @dawrongwitch9036 5 лет назад +1

    First joke..LMAO!!!

  • @BlueGlow26
    @BlueGlow26 5 лет назад

    A fairly fresh take 😆😅

  • @jademoreno7838
    @jademoreno7838 5 лет назад +2

    Ricks got her cool😂😂😂

  • @crayothewarrior7713
    @crayothewarrior7713 5 лет назад

    That murder bit was good, I she kept it going

  • @laineydiamond
    @laineydiamond 5 лет назад +1

    i'm cackling like a witch lol

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад +1

      If it walks like a duck. . .

  • @Misanthropic-King
    @Misanthropic-King 5 лет назад +3

    I think im in love

  • @danileonard215
    @danileonard215 5 лет назад +4

    Intro: I worry about getting murdered a lot.

  • @DawnKellyMedia
    @DawnKellyMedia 5 лет назад +1

    This is me lol!

  • @fletchadox1421
    @fletchadox1421 2 года назад

    Good bit.

  • @adambailey7932
    @adambailey7932 4 года назад

    Amazing! Hahaha!

  • @StarmanBuckRogers
    @StarmanBuckRogers 4 года назад

    Love THE PAUSES!!!!

  • @keirasilk6918
    @keirasilk6918 5 лет назад +5

    😂😂😂😂 that was funny!

  • @bingolio
    @bingolio 5 лет назад +1

    Razor sharp wit

  • @emremutlu44
    @emremutlu44 5 лет назад +1

    2:35 sounds like a Disney princess :D

  • @sadadraj
    @sadadraj 5 лет назад +2

    damn... she's good

  • @namrathav8010
    @namrathav8010 4 года назад

    I love her oh god

  • @VianneyCreates
    @VianneyCreates 5 лет назад +32

    I love this woman. OMG!! I'm a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff!

    • @urmomlovesme811
      @urmomlovesme811 5 лет назад +3

      You can not be both

    • @alexiswilliamsinc
      @alexiswilliamsinc 5 лет назад +2

      FuckingSlytherinQueen ha, says Slytherin ...typical

    • @urmomlovesme811
      @urmomlovesme811 5 лет назад +3

      @@alexiswilliamsinc
      Ok, first of, at least I am mature enough to not be house biased and blame something on a whole house.
      And seconed! No, it is litterally impossible to be in two houses at the same time. People who fin in multiple houses go through what's called a house stall, but in the end the hat still choses one house! Like with Harry for an example, he went through a hat stall between Gryffindor and Slytherin, but even so the hat still chose one house! And when you say which house he's in you say Gryffindor because that's the one the hat chose and the ONE he ended up in, you don't say Gryffindor and Slytherin just because he fits in both!

    • @alexiswilliamsinc
      @alexiswilliamsinc 5 лет назад +1

      FuckingSlytherinQueen First, I love you for simply engaging me in this conversation. Second, yes, Slytherins are awesome, I was just playing. Third, I know, I know, but like, wouldn’t it just be a cool idea to be both? Either way, that part made me lol irl.

    • @urmomlovesme811
      @urmomlovesme811 5 лет назад +1

      @@alexiswilliamsinc Lmao, i kinda went of, didn't I?

  • @MyawesumMe
    @MyawesumMe 3 года назад +2

    Little does she know, that guy is getting paid OT for that tampon mess.

  • @luisfrau9810
    @luisfrau9810 3 года назад

    Never seen her before. Really funny.

  • @haidercoversynthpianomusic747
    @haidercoversynthpianomusic747 2 года назад +1

    Funny stuff

  • @margaritam.9118
    @margaritam.9118 5 лет назад +4

    Today I was walking down the street after the dark.
    I kept looking back like a paranoic.
    I thought someone was following me, but no one was following me.
    Gosh, I’m so lonely.

  • @TheTomboy345
    @TheTomboy345 5 лет назад

    At the end it took a big turn...

  • @platystrophia
    @platystrophia 5 лет назад

    I'm flushing shoes now.

  • @minhazulislam4682
    @minhazulislam4682 3 года назад +2

    I don't consider myself as a feminist but man! the Robert E Lee part was AWESOME! I personally think Megan should try acting. Nice expressions.

  • @jacobheitmann6795
    @jacobheitmann6795 3 года назад

    I've never seen a harry potter punchline hit like I'm still waiting

  • @trafalgarlaw8373
    @trafalgarlaw8373 5 лет назад +62

    I enjoy the comments attacking the right-wing criticism that i couldn't find after scrolling through 30 comments.

    • @taliayett668
      @taliayett668 5 лет назад +5

      I mean the comment literally right above yours is right wing criticism

    • @MaureenMurphy_
      @MaureenMurphy_ 5 лет назад +1

      Talia Yett exactly

    • @winstonmarlowe5254
      @winstonmarlowe5254 3 года назад

      If you don't hate men then you're an official member of the Alt-Right ™

  • @shrutikavargant3673
    @shrutikavargant3673 5 лет назад +42

    I see a Harry Potter reference. I approve

    • @mariaemadatteya7027
      @mariaemadatteya7027 3 года назад

      I didn't understand it

    • @robfab5204
      @robfab5204 3 года назад

      @@mariaemadatteya7027 so go to like 3:23 and you will hear her say two of the four houses of Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry, which is a large portion of JK Rowling's Harry Potter book series.

  • @Lwoods1717
    @Lwoods1717 5 лет назад +6

    I thought this was Jane Krakowski ( Mrs. Voorhees from unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt)

    • @IbokRock811
      @IbokRock811 4 года назад

      Lipi Rastogi She’s also great

  • @priestmorrison6564
    @priestmorrison6564 5 лет назад

    scary, but funny!

  • @pjay450
    @pjay450 5 лет назад +2

    I'd love to see a roast battle between her and Andrew Schultz

  • @bellrose2659
    @bellrose2659 5 лет назад

    She is so funny

  • @hayleymundy6943
    @hayleymundy6943 5 лет назад +1

    One time I went into the bathroom at a tim hortons, and it was clogged because somebody had flushed a maxi pad when there was one of those wall trash can things specifically for pads

  • @piersfarthing4814
    @piersfarthing4814 5 лет назад

    lol 77 cents on the dollar

  • @artheaux666
    @artheaux666 5 лет назад +1

    She was fucking amazing
    Lighten up, it’s a performance

  • @alexandersmith7061
    @alexandersmith7061 5 лет назад +1

    I like this girl, she has a lot of charm

    • @Moridorable
      @Moridorable 5 лет назад

      Lies make baby jesus cry, sir. This is a Christian video board.

  • @deshaundozier
    @deshaundozier 5 лет назад

    Oh boy. She's good

  • @m.sarset7909
    @m.sarset7909 5 лет назад +1

    STREET SMARTS

  • @oriolesfan61
    @oriolesfan61 Год назад

    I like her a lot

  • @swanmoristo595
    @swanmoristo595 4 года назад +1

    I LOvE hER❣

  • @zerocool-zerocool
    @zerocool-zerocool 5 лет назад +2

    this is priceless... period

  • @allysongailey5168
    @allysongailey5168 5 лет назад +5

    i wonder if we're related

  • @2edge2fury99
    @2edge2fury99 5 лет назад

    Started out good. Started.

  • @JasonKeilholtz
    @JasonKeilholtz 5 лет назад

    You're ear ring are purdy

  • @Raymond-rr5iv
    @Raymond-rr5iv 3 года назад

    Good plan !!♡!!
    You'll live longer !!

  • @nigelanicette9243
    @nigelanicette9243 3 года назад +1

    Megan Gailey is so funny! LOL!XD How not get murdered: Run in the center. Smart move Megan ,smart move. They'll never catch her there. That's like, how not to get murdered 101. Everyone knows this. Oh, side note ,side note, get pepper spray. That tends to work on murderers.

  • @MohammedRahman00
    @MohammedRahman00 2 года назад

    2:45