I can see these characteristics in my marriage, for each of us. We were on the verge of divorce and have recently dedicated our lives to God, and we're already falling back in love with renewed joy in our hearts, praise Jesus! This video really helps me put things into perspective and I believe it will be helpful to share it with my husband and have a good discussion. Thank you, God bless!
@@shannonk3146be patient. I've been there for ten years married. Wife filed for divorce and the light finally came on. It's not just your husband. It's men in general. And no im not saying to file for divorce. So he wakes up.
I would say that I was super bad about playing the victim until we went to a marriage intensive and tied it back to some childhood stuff and then started to realize I was catastrophizing. I'm better now but always have to be mindful and tell myself to stick with what I was told and not spin it out of control. Great content! Shared it on FB.
Thank you for clearly explaining in depth of conflict that afflicts us all. It sounds to me now more than ever individuals falls into a spectrum in Narcissistic Behavior Patterns. Eye opener “everyone gets older but not everyone grows up!”
I just want to thank Mr Allen Parr for bringing me to your channel and taking me to Jon McCray's, Ruslan KD's, Mike Wegner's, and many more. More grace!!!
Thank you..I think i have most of the characters you mentioned..I think I am one of the score keeper..I always remember my husband small fault 7 years ago
I learned early on in our marriage how good I am at being an escape artist and I still have to fight that “flight” feeling and stay in the conversation to work through our conflicts. You’re so right on about it being a maturity thing. Going to think through what other immaturity issues I might need to address in myself. That was the easy one to identify but could definitely be others. Thanks for the great insight again. Keep it up!
I just try to stay in my place and not agitate but I will express when I’am not happy about something. I try to stay humble to avoid stress. I like your input for growing in maturity.
Ouch. I unfortunately have done most of these except maybe “keep it real” but every other box, yep checked at some point. When you said “Pathway to intimacy is often through conflict” I needed to hear that, I do absolutely pray the pain away.
I relate with all of them, I really need to find counsellor to help me deal with these issues. Thank you so much for the teaching, it's an eye opener because I haven't been able to identify these issues until now
Thank you for such amazing content, these videos have helped me so so much and I’m always sending them to my best friend so she can further strengthen her marriage too!
Simple and useful! Thank you for decoding the messages the Spirit of the Lord yells at us in every tantrum we throw. Magnificent explanation and great sense of structure. Brilliant!
Great stuff as usual... I fluctuate from escape artist and keeping it real... However, I'm transitioning into first, acknowledging my partner's concern or comments. Next I ask for a moment to process the issue before giving my "keeping it real" response. He has noticed my growth and it has enhanced our communication immensely.
Awesome, great approach! The mix of keeping it real and escape artist always makes me laugh. I picture someone who punches you in the face and then runs off 🤣
Great information. I thank I have been all of these types over the years and at different stages in my marriage. I’m going to focus this week on trying to respond thoughtfully in my relationships. Thanks for the insight.
Me and my wife just watched and wow, took some shots on that one...I would have to say that, I would be the "ScoreKeeper"...Playing sports and being apart of a team my entire life, you are taught every man must do their job and when someone is not then it drags down everyone...so you call them on it eventutally and most of the time it came out in heated moments....definitely dont want to treat my marriage that way.... Me (wife) I'm the "Keep it Real" person. I usually get to this point in my marriage when I'm pushed. I try to be patient and listen, but the "ScoreKeeper" in him can really push the "Keep it Real" in me.
I’m struggling with the avoidance and the “intimacy through conflict”. At this point it feels easiest to just not even attempt intimacy anymore and just try to be happy without it. But that’s impossible for me and I’m stuck it seems at this point.
It will always be the easier path to avoid conflict and hard conversations and just keep on rolling, but that doesn’t get us to where we want to be. I’m a fan of gettin gout side help anytime you feel stuck. Let a third party (counselor, mentor couple, videos, etc) give some insight and help
My husband projects that I am most of these- when in reality, it is him. It is exhausting. Same mountainS for 22years. I think he desires trauma bonding. I just cannot function in that! It’s gross to me.
Growing in maturity is alot of work after all, i always thought i was, but this is shedding some light on tons i did not want to see. Whats my first step? Cause I can be all of these depending on what I want- dang it, i guess that's it "what I want" ooooooweeeee
IDude, I just keep on laughing about it, because realizing n analizing it, these are all behavior of an immature children, but as a Christian n a mature one, really we should not act like this, thank u, indeed these are all an opener for us
Fortunately, I am none of those. My 25-0 winning record in arguments proves it!!! “The Stubborn Scorekeeper” might be a better match because I can dig the heels in and win an argument even though I know my point is wrong. Still a work in progress but I am far better at tapping out and admitting it than I used to be.
I’m probably 32% victim, 28% keeping it real, and 12% keeping a tally....before I open my mouth/in my mind. Then I stop and think and gather myself. After years of growth i can see the buffoonery before it comes out. Lol! Daily battle!
people who have never dated and jump right into marriage are immature. You need to date and make mistakes and learn. Trust me...no matter how mature you think you are, you don't know shit until you've been in a messy relationship and see how you handle it. People who have dated for more than 4 years are probably safe if they get into marriage. 2 years or less and you decide to tie the knot....huge risks. 3 years moderate risk...4 years...you probably safe and level headed.
I would agree that too quickly is unwise. 2 years is usually a pretty universally agreed upon length of time where researches see a higher long term success rate after people have dated for 2 years. Depending on season of life, 4 years might be a little slow or even an indication of some breakup/makeup scenarios when the couple are both independent adults, out of college and parents home, etc.
I feel like I'm kind of a scorekeeper, but not to cause guilt or divert, as I like to admit when I'm wrong, as I find it builds trust and intimacy. I do it only when necessary, to show my husband that it's ok to make this mistake or that mistake, when he's too hard on me. He still calls it dredging, and I don't know how to reach him. I just need him to admit that he makes the same mistakes as everyone else, so let's just relax about it. He's a wonderful husband, because he tries hard to get better over time, and he does. Hope I'm not a negative scorekeeper. What do you think
Maybe it's a timing issue of when you deliver the info about his mistakes. Have you tried a weekly staff meeting where you talk about the business side of marriage (budgets, kids, appointments, etc) and can also use this time for each of you to ask the other for feedback on how you have done the past week on whatever area you each are working on? This can sometimes make the difficult truths more palatable and easier to receive if we know when it is coming and both know that this particular conversation is a place to do it.
I would have to say I see myself in the victim category being married to a keeping it real person let's just say I hate the phrase just saying because sometimes you shouldn't we're growing slowly
Happiness in life is understanding the difference between expectation and observation.
Great content as always man! Love this!
THE BEAT by Allen Parr Thanks AGP!
I can see these characteristics in my marriage, for each of us. We were on the verge of divorce and have recently dedicated our lives to God, and we're already falling back in love with renewed joy in our hearts, praise Jesus! This video really helps me put things into perspective and I believe it will be helpful to share it with my husband and have a good discussion. Thank you, God bless!
Awesome! Congrats on leaning back into your marriage and seeing God turn things around 👏🏼
I'm in Christ. My husband who is in Christ is not doing or listening to this advice because he's Emotionality immature. It's exhausting
@@shannonk3146be patient. I've been there for ten years married. Wife filed for divorce and the light finally came on. It's not just your husband. It's men in general. And no im not saying to file for divorce. So he wakes up.
I would say that I was super bad about playing the victim until we went to a marriage intensive and tied it back to some childhood stuff and then started to realize I was catastrophizing. I'm better now but always have to be mindful and tell myself to stick with what I was told and not spin it out of control. Great content! Shared it on FB.
Let me clarify, better meaning not as bad about it as I used to be. Think it will always require me to work to realize it and not respond defensively.
Better is a step in the right direction!
I'm partially the victim and 100% the escape artist.
Thank you for clearly explaining in depth of conflict that afflicts us all. It sounds to me now more than ever individuals falls into a spectrum in Narcissistic Behavior Patterns. Eye opener “everyone gets older but not everyone grows up!”
I just want to thank Mr Allen Parr for bringing me to your channel and taking me to Jon McCray's, Ruslan KD's, Mike Wegner's, and many more. More grace!!!
Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks I've been guilty of bottling somethings up and exploding. Hope to work on giving them to God and forgive more.
Thank you..I think i have most of the characters you mentioned..I think I am one of the score keeper..I always remember my husband small fault 7 years ago
I can say I’m the score keeper - I need to work on letting go of the past.
GOOD LESSON BRO!
I learned early on in our marriage how good I am at being an escape artist and I still have to fight that “flight” feeling and stay in the conversation to work through our conflicts. You’re so right on about it being a maturity thing. Going to think through what other immaturity issues I might need to address in myself. That was the easy one to identify but could definitely be others. Thanks for the great insight again. Keep it up!
Kari Shone I’m sure Scott will have some ideas to help if you ask him 😁
I just try to stay in my place and not agitate but I will express when I’am not happy about something. I try to stay humble to avoid stress. I like your input for growing in maturity.
Ouch. I unfortunately have done most of these except maybe “keep it real” but every other box, yep checked at some point. When you said “Pathway to intimacy is often through conflict” I needed to hear that, I do absolutely pray the pain away.
I relate with all of them, I really need to find counsellor to help me deal with these issues. Thank you so much for the teaching, it's an eye opener because I haven't been able to identify these issues until now
kenny olo2 Glad the video helped with some clarity on the issues. You got this!
This is exactly what I need!
Thank you for such amazing content, these videos have helped me so so much and I’m always sending them to my best friend so she can further strengthen her marriage too!
Awesome! Glad you are finding them helpful and thanks for sharing! 👏🏼😁
so wonderful teaching.. so real and true.
I should watch this again with my husband.
Sounds like a good date night!!
Simple and useful! Thank you for decoding the messages the Spirit of the Lord yells at us in every tantrum we throw. Magnificent explanation and great sense of structure. Brilliant!
Thanks Kathy. Glad it resonated
This is on point.....well done "E"
I feel attacked in a good way 😂
Subbed
I’m here for the truthbombs
Hahaha. No attack intended…all love 😁
Great stuff as usual... I fluctuate from escape artist and keeping it real... However, I'm transitioning into first, acknowledging my partner's concern or comments. Next I ask for a moment to process the issue before giving my "keeping it real" response. He has noticed my growth and it has enhanced our communication immensely.
Awesome, great approach! The mix of keeping it real and escape artist always makes me laugh. I picture someone who punches you in the face and then runs off 🤣
This is good stuff and wisdom
Glad you enjoyed
Whew 😅 I've been the "keeping it real" person. It took some years unlearning that toxic behavior but I'm glad I did.
J Hamp Yeah, got to bite that tongue sometimes
There was a gap alright in 12 years of an abusive marriage. He tired to kill me once. Finally I had him put out on a restraining order.
A great video. Very helpful
Glad you enjoyed it!
I know I can be the Keeping it real person. I’ve gotten better but what a great reminder.
Lance Lawshe Quit being mean Lance 😁
Same...I'm still trying to MASTER being tactful. When I can't, I just be quiet 😂 until I can figure out what to say.
This was so GOOD. I have been all of these, but "keeping it real or the agitator".😂😂😂😂😂
Hahaha 🙈
@@RelationShots 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Love this Eric, looking forward to going with you on this journey with Brother Parr.
Looking forward to it!
I have been all these at one time or another. Slowly but surely, the Lord is making me grow. I still hold to being 29 for 33 years now, though!
Rick Brewer Can’t work on things without starting with some truth...you’re not 29 bro 😁
Great information. I thank I have been all of these types over the years and at different stages in my marriage. I’m going to focus this week on trying to respond thoughtfully in my relationships. Thanks for the insight.
Nanette Turner I’m right there with you, have been different characters in different seasons
Me and my wife just watched and wow, took some shots on that one...I would have to say that, I would be the "ScoreKeeper"...Playing sports and being apart of a team my entire life, you are taught every man must do their job and when someone is not then it drags down everyone...so you call them on it eventutally and most of the time it came out in heated moments....definitely dont want to treat my marriage that way....
Me (wife) I'm the "Keep it Real" person. I usually get to this point in my marriage when I'm pushed. I try to be patient and listen, but the "ScoreKeeper" in him can really push the "Keep it Real" in me.
K Hill Great recognition of how you both operate at times. Now the question becomes how can you minimize or eliminate those behaviors?
😊😊😊 At you are honest.
I’m struggling with the avoidance and the “intimacy through conflict”. At this point it feels easiest to just not even attempt intimacy anymore and just try to be happy without it. But that’s impossible for me and I’m stuck it seems at this point.
It will always be the easier path to avoid conflict and hard conversations and just keep on rolling, but that doesn’t get us to where we want to be. I’m a fan of gettin gout side help anytime you feel stuck. Let a third party (counselor, mentor couple, videos, etc) give some insight and help
My husband projects that I am most of these- when in reality, it is him. It is exhausting. Same mountainS for 22years. I think he desires trauma bonding. I just cannot function in that! It’s gross to me.
You're really insightful. You should counsel for a living. Lol. Excellent points as always! Really appreciate you. God bless you.
Haha. Maybe I’ll give it a shot! 🤣
New Subscriber her. Allen Parr recommend😘
Welcome. Glad you’re here!
Growing in maturity is alot of work after all, i always thought i was, but this is shedding some light on tons i did not want to see. Whats my first step? Cause I can be all of these depending on what I want- dang it, i guess that's it "what I want" ooooooweeeee
Tammy Curtis First step is to pick one to work on, or better yet ask your spouse which one they think you should work on. One thing at a time!
Great work, as always!
Sidney Tornio Thanks Sid! Just trying to help you out by getting Anthony in line 😁
I definitely used to be the Escape Artist, but I’m getting better day by day lol.
Dalya Sanders Step by step...it’s a journey!
IDude, I just keep on laughing about it, because realizing n analizing it, these are all behavior of an immature children, but as a Christian n a mature one, really we should not act like this, thank u, indeed these are all an opener for us
You’ve been running through quite a few of these today!! Appreciate all the feedback!
Fortunately, I am none of those. My 25-0 winning record in arguments proves it!!! “The Stubborn Scorekeeper” might be a better match because I can dig the heels in and win an argument even though I know my point is wrong. Still a work in progress but I am far better at tapping out and admitting it than I used to be.
Scott S 25-0??? That would make Kari 0-25 which means you married a loser which would make you 0-1 in choosing spouses 🤷🏻♂️😁
@@RelationShotsholy ghost fire
I’m probably 32% victim, 28% keeping it real, and 12% keeping a tally....before I open my mouth/in my mind. Then I stop and think and gather myself. After years of growth i can see the buffoonery before it comes out. Lol! Daily battle!
So basically you're everything!! haha
Daily battle is right Toya! I am feeling this one 😳. An sidenote I am absolutely now adding the word “buffoonery” into my vocabulary officially. 😏
Thank you PEW
Will you be holding conferences in the future?
We'll see, maybe somewhere down the road.
people who have never dated and jump right into marriage are immature. You need to date and make mistakes and learn. Trust me...no matter how mature you think you are, you don't know shit until you've been in a messy relationship and see how you handle it. People who have dated for more than 4 years are probably safe if they get into marriage. 2 years or less and you decide to tie the knot....huge risks. 3 years moderate risk...4 years...you probably safe and level headed.
I would agree that too quickly is unwise. 2 years is usually a pretty universally agreed upon length of time where researches see a higher long term success rate after people have dated for 2 years. Depending on season of life, 4 years might be a little slow or even an indication of some breakup/makeup scenarios when the couple are both independent adults, out of college and parents home, etc.
I can relate to the escape artist
marquia holmes That’s me too
Me too! I did it last night.
I am the “keeping real” wife.
Nicole Allen Be nice! 😁
I feel like I'm kind of a scorekeeper, but not to cause guilt or divert, as I like to admit when I'm wrong, as I find it builds trust and intimacy. I do it only when necessary, to show my husband that it's ok to make this mistake or that mistake, when he's too hard on me. He still calls it dredging, and I don't know how to reach him. I just need him to admit that he makes the same mistakes as everyone else, so let's just relax about it. He's a wonderful husband, because he tries hard to get better over time, and he does. Hope I'm not a negative scorekeeper. What do you think
Maybe it's a timing issue of when you deliver the info about his mistakes. Have you tried a weekly staff meeting where you talk about the business side of marriage (budgets, kids, appointments, etc) and can also use this time for each of you to ask the other for feedback on how you have done the past week on whatever area you each are working on? This can sometimes make the difficult truths more palatable and easier to receive if we know when it is coming and both know that this particular conversation is a place to do it.
I’m the one that adds fire 🔥. Sort of. 🤨
Hi how can I get to chat with you as I need her
Wow!!!!
How can I share this on my IG?
Kia Belo Should be able to just hit Share, copy the link and share wherever you want to paste it
Unfortunately the number of marriages in America is in decline due to immaturity , mental health problems , money problems and addictions problems .
Scorekeeper or escape artist
Well then quit it already! 🤣
Escape Artist
Leonard Johnson I’m with you on that one
This video was eye opening!
I would have to say I see myself in the victim category being married to a keeping it real person let's just say I hate the phrase just saying because sometimes you shouldn't we're growing slowly
Hard to get out of that victim mode of your partner is always “keeping it real” in hurtful ways
Agitator is an arsonist