Richard! I love the way you explain things!!! Please please dont feel like you have to dumb down ANYTHING you're one of the best if not THE BEST narc. coach out here right now love.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I was able leave my abusive situationship because of your videos alone.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 GRATITUDE dear brother🥰❤🙏🏼💐
Narc’s will not hold themselves accountable when caught doing something that does not align with their idealized self and they will attack you and play the victim
I remember, years ago catching my partner (ex now) blatantly lying to his adult daughters. I hadn’t realized he was regularly lying to me, till I saw him casually lying to them and other people. I was so shocked that not only would he lie so casually but that he didn’t seem to be at all concerned that I had caught him. I explained that I felt very uncomfortable about it, especially since I was sure he was going to get caught and I would be implicated too. At first he was calm, along the lines of he’d sort it out. Then after a week I realized he’d actually lied to them about lying, and put it all on me. So I called him on that too. Then he realized I really had a problem with his behaviour and went into a rage. I was actually afraid and packed up and went home. He was furious and gave me the silent treatment for three weeks but only after calling me to make sure I was still talking to him. This was a turning point for me because I suddenly went into a panic when I realized he wasn’t going to answer my calls or texts. Suddenly he had the upper hand and I was a total mess. I was so relieved when he called I forgot the real issue and grovelled in order to smooth things over and “get back to normal”. And that was the beginning of fifteen years of being trapped in a trauma bond. Knowing I needed to get out but constantly being in a heightened state of anxiety. It took years of counselling to get to the point where I had the strength and commitment to leave. And when I did I tried to console him and I told him what a great guy he was but that I just had a ton of problems I needed to work on. So now I’m free but he smugly can tell everyone I have issues and was falling apart so I’m getting help. The skill with which he can lie and manipulate people including his family boggles my mind. Right now though I am just so happy to have escaped. 🙏🏼
The matrix we are in without concept/consion/knowing, leaves us tangled in a web of unknowning(the fog)To come out of, is to find back to you… and just you. For me it was absolut important to be only with me, no more entanglement with anybody(except my children) to find the way back to my real self! Cause you are an easy slap for the next matrix master to lure you in!
Yes it is! I've been clean from meth and fentanyl for almost 2 years. I've been trying to heal from a covert narcissist relationship and it is definitely more emotionally exhausting.
The therapeutic resolution: 1. Pull apart the shared fantasy. Brick by brick. 2. Challenge the idealization. Of both people. 3. Reintegrate the fractured parts and the split memories. The pain comes from the cognitive dissonance. It’s not like a normal heartbreak. 28:37
As they devalue you,; to detach without pain. You need to devalue them by attaching negativity to each memory as it arises. Do not keep any memories untainted, as they will prevent detatchment. The entire event was bad, the entirity of them is bad, to think otherwise is incorrect and simply your refusal to cut the poisomous cord, as you think there is still a small chance. Devalue and discard.
So painful to do if you have children as they want you to still have beautiful memories untainted of when they were young and that they were from a loving relationship. I guess they become a part of the shared fantasy.
These people ruin your lives. Yes every thought about them should be negative to promote the healing. That’s what therapy is for. We can evaluate why we chose this person and to continue the relationship can ruin your life.
This really helps illustrate why these personalities and relationships are so complicated. 'Normal' people will not understand it until they are out and are able to reflect. It is like being in a matrix and takes a PHD to see the dysfunctionality clearly.
I once had a boyfriend who said “you make me look good” one day walking down the street…and then I knew I was in trouble…and yes he was in the spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder.
@@DonL-p9q I don’t understand what you mean. I’m referring to the part of the video where the narcissist puts you (and himself) on a pedestal and in my case he did it in a very selfish way with a form of backhanded compliment.
That could have just been a self deprecating compliment, but it really depends on the person who said it. That statement alone doesn't appear to be narcissism.
This is a spot on explanation. Six months before I left my husband, my best friend was just in awe of the way we treated each other. She had witnessed him telling me good night and saying I love you so much darling and my reply with a kiss and I love you so much too. Both of us with much enthusiasm. She asked, ‘Is this what your marriage is really like? I would give anything to have a marriage like this.’ When I left him she could not comprehend how I could leave that person. My explanation to her regarding that night was that it was an act and that I was playing my part, too because I desperately wanted it to be true. I’ve never heard anyone explain it like this before. Thank you for the work you do!
Exactly my thoughts too. Couldn't have expressed it better. Are we to blame for having such fantasies ? Is it wrong to want to have a partner you can count on, depend on ? A simple allegory. I never was a good swimmer and always felt comfortable in the sea knowing that the person with me was a good swimmer and would rescue me if the need arose. Lesson learnt the hard way, took me 25 yrs. Become a good swimmer if you want to venture out into the sea !
@@ArchAngel435we are social creatures and do rely on other people’s strengths as they rely on us for ours. Usually we are stronger when working together. Unfortunately the one you found wasn’t working towards a shared goal. Don’t be too hard on yourself. 💚
@@xolalaloI don’t understand how this is considered a fantasy. This seems like something normal for someone who has goals and ambition. Should we have this fantasy to do this alone with out a partner? To be single for the rest of our lives? Or to live in poverty or just getting by? I think it would be a fantasy for someone who just has pipe dreams and no follow through but not for a normal or somewhat normal (because who is really normal these days really) and wants to create a better life for themselves or their family.
Richard -‘ya blood’s worth bottlin’ ‘ ..you really nailed it with this video. It’s baffling certainly when your memory loss kicks in and you’re scrambling to explain the bad times.. ppl think you’re phony . . And all you’re trying to do is find the ‘real’ you… Thank you.. your videos really help & soothe my heart
One of THE best explanations I've come across that explains why it's taken me a lifetime to come to grips with the trauma of narc abuse. I still suffer occasional bouts of cognitive dissonance and couldn't understand why I struggle to shake it off. Now I do. Thank you, Richard! So grateful. ☺
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I struggled to shake off how my family members who are meant to be supportive and loving, are nothing but. Instead, they are manipulative, moody, critical, cruel and punishing. My relationship with each of them has been incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. I have spent so much of my life struggling to understand what the hell was going on. Now I'm learning to accept that they will never change as they refuse to take accountability for their horrid behaviour. I used to feel there was hope for us. Now that hope is gone and as I adjust to fully accepting that, I'm still in grieving what could have been. It's been really hard to accept that there is no hope for us ever having healthy, loving, adult relationships with one another.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I held on for dear life to the hope that, despite every indication I was dealing with emotionally immature people who put me down, criticized me, physically and emotionally abused me, didn’t listen, and behaved like selfish five-year-olds whose needs were always more important than my own, I refused to accept that my family was not good for me. They were family. I couldn’t cut them off. I was banging my head against the wall, not understanding the trauma bond or why they continued to be so horrible when I asked them to stop and spent time explaining how their actions were hurting me. Either my words didn’t get through, or if they indicated they understood, they would forget the next time conflict arose in our relationship. I now understand that I took on the role of a nurturing, supportive parent to their traumatized child, hoping I could help heal them so that we could have a better relationship. Despite my pleas, my narcissistic family refused to change or seek therapy in any meaningful way. I was the villain; it was all my fault that we didn’t get along. I was being blamed for the problems. It was the most frustrating experience of my life, but there was nothing I could do but walk away. Now that I FINALLY understand what has been going on and have learned to accept it, I’m no longer banging my head against the wall. I’m at peace with my decision to go no contact. I deserve better. But there are moments when I'm still shocked that this has happened to me, to my family. I'm hoping that over time this feeling will lessen.
Thank God I found you I have watched various RUclips therapist and clinical psychiatrist that are experts and you are the first person to explain what's really going on, I couldn't figure out how Caring or loving them made the narc person hate and despise you more. People like this are evil😢
Thank you for all your hard work in explaining so much of this in layman’s terms for us people that really have no idea how to respond. Richard I truly believe this is your way to give back to humanity. Truly…..THANK YOU!
@@zx81qw what I mean: behaviours are toxic, attitudes can be toxic or harmful and so on. Of course, everybody understands what meant with "toxic people". The problem I see here is that is not much different from the religiously motivated "good catholic", "bad godless people". This meme works AGAINST a differentiation, makes the world dichotomous. And it simply doesn't help. It is simplification trickled down to the language and we are getting used to it. Characterisation helps, not simplification. Language matters.
Thank you. That has given me a lot to process. My (ex) husband & I were together for 25 years. We both idealised each other in the beginning & created a shared fantasy… which is beautiful & natural in the heady early stages of being drugged in love! Everything moved really quick & we bought a house together within 6 months & was married 11 months later. I most definitely had a window of expected behaviour to adhere to & sex/affection was routinely withheld if I didn’t conform. We would only have sex 4 times a year & I was rejected & belittled when I’d initiate outside of these times. He would boast to his friends (in front of me) that I was a sex maniac. He loved the thought of his friends ‘wanting’ me & of them thinking how lucky he was to have a wife that always wanted sex. Others had their own ‘fantasies’ about me, which alienated me from the other wives. My confidence grew through having our children & looking after their needs. Our daughter is autistic & my needs completely turned towards the children. I was allowed to do that as he put me on a pedestal as ‘best mum’- including being his ‘mum’ & looking after all the responsibilities. He wasn’t cruel or mean (until the end), as long as he had his TV, all the box-sets he wanted, dinner, a nice home, a holiday & to be left alone to do his own thing, he was fine. We all watched his programmes so that we had shared interests in what he wanted. If someone were to ask me what music/films etc I like, they wouldn’t be separate from his…. I don’t necessarily know what’s out there or even how to search for something different…& how do you discern your own likes/dislikes… how do I differentiate? One of the cruellest things he said to me was that I was a ghost to him now; that our whole life had been a lie, I wasn’t the person he’d believed me to be. I had a cancer scare (It was a false alarm)- he’d told me how disappointed he was as he’d wanted me to have cancer so he could nurse me through it & show me how much he loves me. Then told me that it would be easier for him if I were dead as then at least he could mourn his loss, rather than see the person that I am. I still have those thoughts run through my head. I have gone through many stages since the divorce believing at different points that I am the narcissist & feeling mortified that I’d ruined his life with my ‘illness’. My step-father was a full blown narcissist & my mum has strong traits & my dad is on the autistic spectrum…I developed heightened sensitivities & empathy to be able to cope growing up & looking after my brother. I was already primed… Accepting someone as they are, sounds easy but it’s one of the most challenging & previous things we can give to each other.
This helps me to make sense of the whole mess I was in with my narc abusers. Yes, they still live in my head, and it's been driving me crazy. Finally, I can start to do something about it and hopefully heal from all the madness that they created!
My God that was amazing 🎯🤘 It has been so incredibly difficult trying to explain my personal experience w/this to my loved ones that are genuinely trying to support me and understand recovery. It is a subject SO complex and in a sense “tangled” and tho I’ve made progress coming back there is still a lot I struggle with. This video, to the best of what I’ve learned thus far, really does put it in terms that are simple, straightforward and frankly the easiest video I’ve seen on the subject to understand! 🤣 I’m imagining this will undoubtedly help those too on their recovery journey, but also those seeking to help them along the way. A thousand thanks to you!!!!
Thank you Richard, for everything you do. I was being groomed by a narcissist for a year, but thankfully, I got myself out before he got what he wanted. Now I'm using your videos to educate myself and my followers on RUclips, Instagram and Facebook about the dangers of NPD. Many of them are at risk or have already fallen into the trap of the same NPD person I nearly was harmed by. I've recommended your channel to my followers.
Finally !! This one NAILED IT for me .... Ah Ha moment ... This was too much fun ... got the lesson , learned something and got to smile and laugh through one of these things!! That's new !! 🙌 ❣️💯👏👏 PS ... we are going to need a bigger white board 🤔🤣🤪
Most interesting part of this wonderful insight is the cognitive dissonance and forgetfulness. I read old journal notes and witness the extreme rumination and confusion I felt, but I forgot these experiences in the present moment if not for the journal reminders. The one thing that kept me in it all the years was the feeling that I didn’t want to hurt him…I thought that was the entire reason, but now I see it more holistically. Thank you
Thank you so much, Richard! I ended an almost 4 year relationship (developmentally feels like it was only maybe 1) 6 weeks ago. I have been intensely struggling with splitting/fracturing. It’s a horrible feeling and experience. It was the worst the first 4 weeks, but I’m still suffering with it. The constant confusion and sense of unrest from the dissonance. It’s been torture. And the anxiety that hardly subsides. I don’t want the relationship or person back. That, after many tries to break it off, I am settled on. But it has been hell trying to get a grip on reality. They aren’t struggling like me, at all. But, I also struggled throughout the entire relationship. Things never felt quite right. I was almost always some level of confused. But I’m thankful for this and the timing of it! I have been pondering my need to integrate the past few days. I figured it was also due to how often I dissociated during the frequent conflict. Since dissociation is essentially a mild form of dissociative identity disorder, it really feels like I have been fractured in order to cope and survive. I even had a dream at one point where there were two of me, trying to leave this person. It was highly symbolic. I even think the third entity chasing “us” in the dream, not letting us leave, was yet another part of me. I’ll have to look into your course. Thank you for what you do and share. I’ve been watching your videos for many years! They’ve had such an impact. You make me feel less crazy!
This is Great!! ❤ just listened to the end, and the fragmenting causes addictive cravings of cognitive dissonance in the non-narcissistic partner after the relationship has ended by the colonisation part of ourselves! This was REALLY good Richard and Danny, thank you!! ❤❤❤ very simply and logically explained! It fits for me for sure! I'm going to listen to this a few times x
I loved this and I would love to see more of Danny while you explain the concepts! You guys are excellent together. also - I did watch the one others said was confusing and I fully understood it and it helped me massively. My main takeaway from that was to stop asking “why?” And to understand that of course it won’t make logical sense because my brain doesn’t work like narcissistic brains do. In that video you also explained what safe, healthy love feels like in comparison to the trauma bond they create, and though it’s depressing, I have only known trauma bonds - in “love” relationships; so therefore knowing that helped me to heal as well, and stop questioning. But I studied psychology, (yep and still dated a narcissist) so your jargon is familiar to me. In case my feedback helps at all. Thank you! You’re the best.
Yes when you get fatigued of your pedestal and want to step down for a while (10 minutes is too much) and you reach down in your memory for an authentic thought and verbalize it (even in your head bc they will read your mind)...then comes the sneering sarcasm, the disgust, the staring, the "where is this coming from"... If you're with a psychopath or borderline, the wrong words will get you in physical trouble. I had two relationships when I was very young that mirrored this behavior and the behavior I grew up in. Anything could be perceived as me thinking I was "better than them"...the most baffling things, any different opinion. It gets so sickening you can't keep the tolerance mask on your face so you can't look them in the eyes which again will be disrespectful. It was really awful. And men are dealing with this from their masculine women just as much.
@@zerowheeler I know but the way woman speak to men these days and way women speak to other women about men has that domineering tone and feel that some men once had (and of course some still do) over women. It's like wanting the woman under his thumb so to speak. So, leave the term narcissism in or out of the conversation. It's the late era of feminism that wants to have this domineering quality.
@@alethea6781 I understand. It's not all women that present that way, just like any other trait or feature. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with her. I'm fairly certain I had it in my family too, both the women and men.
Richard, taking the time to write legibly + writing the words out instead of shorthand helps our brains take in and digest the material. THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO
I’m in the process of letting go the narc. It is so difficult. Some days I’m strong enough for me; others I just feel so guilt and ashamed. Struggling to adapt to the process. Thanks for making these videos ❤
This was fantastic, thank you Richdenrel😂 bring Danny from time to time, it's very relaxing and entertaining even the topic is serious 🤭. And this was good idea, I finally understand some things which was quite confusing for me before 🎉thank you ❤
So humbled after watching this wonderful version of Richard Grannon. So authentic. It was from a healing heart perspective. Danny brings out the best in you!! What a blessing it’s got to be having a comrade in friendship with Danny after all that you’ve been through.
I was sceptical of this format to begin with, but I really enjoyed this video. I would have liked more information/guidance about recovery. However, out of ALLLLLLLL of the videos I have watched, books I have read so far, this is the best explanation I have come across. Thank you for doing this and for the vulnerability that came with it. It really helped me to understand this better.
Thank you so much! Finally someone who can actually explain what is happening to me. I have been in this hell for over 3 years. Third party and all. I have been wondering if I am crazy? I love the concepts of the Supra psychological pedestal and the splitting. It makes this crazy relationship make sense finally. Now I know what is wrong with me. He had me convinced he loves me yet he no longer acts like he loves me but he doesn’t want to live without me. Such torture! Thank you again for the explanation. It’s important to understand what is actually going on in order to heal. At least for myself it is. ❤
my mother is a narcissistic enabler. the most violating insidious confusing existence. I'm 40 and just working through my exit plan. head up folks it gets better❤
Very well done . Thank you very much , last here right after I broke up with my narcissistic ex wife I watched you video where you drew out the diagram with the mothership and the colonization. It was hard to grasp but I thought this guy is on to something. After watching this it totally makes sense wow how can it be so universal you don’t even know me or my situation but it all fits. Thanks you have helped me lot in my healing process. And it’s a process it’s removing from the mind and emotional fucking of a lifetime. Thank you
The matrix we are in without concept/consion/knowing, leaves us tangled in a web of unknowning(the fog)To come out of, is to find back to you… and just you. For me it was absolut important to be only with me, no more entanglement with anybody(except my children) to find the way back to my real self! Cause you are an easy slap for the next matrix master to lure you in!
Great explanation. I've been following you for 10 years and still really appreciate this video. I will add that you also have to find something to replace the PAYOFF but don't look for another person to replace it. I have done the work to make peace, quiet and solitude my replacement for the PAYOFF.
Omg!! I’m only 22:11 mins into this video and I just had to comment how everything you are saying is ringing true with me and so well said too. You had words for what I was feeling and going through where I had none- only huge emotion .
The most important thing : you have to play game with its own rigid rules just not to expose the trauma of narcissist. So he / she trains you through rage that you should be scared to cross the specific lines in relationship, such as: speaking about your feelings, discussing difficult issues, discussing their unhealthy behavior, because all of these may bring feelings of shame and guilt, which they cannot cope with. So they just want to keep avoiding those feelings at any cost. Thus, relationship with narcissist is a dance around his/her trauma on the cost of your mental and physical wellbeing
Thank You! 🙏 Amazing Explanation - relatable, have lived through this in several different types of relationships. So helpful! Makes so much sense. Am enjoying sketching notes alongside this video!! Love the fantasy pedistal explaintion and the stuffing away of an authentic self. Traumatic stuff. Many Thanks. 🙏
This friendship is adorable . Although I have read a lot about CPANs , ( 1 year 2 mos no contact from the ex) , I had never heard that they want the honeymoon phase to continue forever. This tracks. His ( ours) lasted for 6 years. This is why the love bombing idea didn’t quite read . There were more intense attention, gifts, compliments, at first but for the most part it continued on .
I'd love to see you chat with Dr Amy Pearson - Durham Uni -Autistic......she's done research on IPV; autistic masking/burnout. Would love to hear you both talk about trauma and where the cross overs and vulnerabilities are.
Without question, the best analysis of the relationship dynamic of a bpd or npd I have heard yet, connected many dots because of this video. Richard is blessed with the gift if discernment..❤❤
Oh wow! Thank you for this great explanation of why i feel thorn and sentimental about a 18-years relationship. The shared fantasy was really cool and the shared reality was really not.
So the shared fantasy is normal ? Whew, that's a relief to hear. I was wondering what part of wanting a good partner, good marriage was a fantasy, not real.
Thank you, fantastic presentation spoken in layman’s terms and is easy to understand. I’ve been listening to Mr Grannon for many years,this video is fantastic if you are in recovery from NPD abuse. And if you are I’m sorry 😔
It's so true that in the end there is no real heartbreak. It's just unraveling the tentacles around our colonized minds that feels so painful - the absolute mind f*ck of it all. Any memory that may have previously felt good just turns to nothingness within the void of a black hole of lies. Looking at it all through a science fiction lens is the closest anyone can hope to come to making any sense of it.
Brilliant breakdown, Thanks Ritchie! On another note ; Speaking of “different parts” I highly recommend , Dr Richard Schwartz new book “You Are the One” Furthermore, it would be lovely to see him on your channel one day. 🧜♀️✌️
Thank you! I greatly appreciate this. I need this course. I was married to a man that was a Narcissist for 30 years. I'm trying to get past this garbage. It's slow going.
I was with someone who was this way inclined for 29 years, I found he often took things that were my interests or films I loved, for his own, to make him more interesting. He would copy things I had said, written or created and believed they were his. He even went after my childhood friends to keep them for himself after we split. I just had to claim them all back and reintegrate myself with my stuff. I have now built my own little interesting life and when I hear about him he’s so different and quite dull to me now. 💚
Thanks Richard, your assistance has really been helping me through some extraordinarily difficult times in my life. I pull from a few different resources and go to therapy but your channel is a core pillar. You're doing amazing work, keep it up
Excellent explaining , this also has been going on in a friendship with the narccistist I met and broke up with after years , couldn,t go , felt sorry for him untill I realized he was destroying me and after readinga lot about NPD I new I had to break up to save my soul .
When my ex husband is trying to hoover me back up, he always asks me to remember the way people look at us. When he's not devaluing me, he openly tells me everyone thinks we are above them. He gladly specifies in which ways they supposedly think this. Physical attractiveness, aristocracy, morality, intelligence, wisdom. He's Chechen so he has no shame to make such embarrassing claims. Cultural norms vary from country to country. It's an intoxicating delusion and this may be why so many victims merge with and become narcissistic themselves. Leaving the narc can feel like leaving hope or a shared fantasy in which you are the winners of life. Very difficult to do if you were in a low place before meeting.
These relationships killed my desire to even date. The cost/benefit ratio has been so grossly disproportionate, I literally don’t see the point anymore. I’m healing for me. Not with the intent to date again. I FINALLY have my life in order and am doing well. I’ll be damned if I let anyone in to ruin it for me and my daughter.
I’m fine until I meet someone new who has an interest in dating me and then I completely lose it and panic I break no contact with my narc ex I beg cry plead It’s exhausting humiliating and worse I end up hurting someone else in the process I STILL can’t get to the part where I’m not loyal to him anymore Everything else feels fake I only feel like myself when I’m with him 💔
Mine only ever talked good about what I have and what I can provide. Soon he was boasting to his friends and family that HE acquired a homestead, vehicles etc....in reality, I already owned all of it before he came along. Pretty soon he took over 2 of my 3 bedrooms, slept in a separate room and had HIS clutter all over MY property. The light bulb went off when he told ME to pack my stuff and leave.....thats when I fought back and let him know it's MY property and nothing is his.....
Love the content! How do you get your boundaries back when you are living in a cultlike situation where everyone has targeted you and nroke all your boundaries. I feel like I'm helping them hurt me by giving then info because the mask they put on me has no boundaries? Thank you Rochard.
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Richard! I love the way you explain things!!! Please please dont feel like you have to dumb down ANYTHING you're one of the best if not THE BEST narc. coach out here right now love.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 I was able leave my abusive situationship because of your videos alone.🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 GRATITUDE dear brother🥰❤🙏🏼💐
Narc’s will not hold themselves accountable when caught doing something that does not align with their idealized self and they will attack you and play the victim
M
When you confront them with their faults, they deny and go cheat and find validation elsewhere…
Spot On 🌬💞🎶🎯
I remember, years ago catching my partner (ex now) blatantly lying to his adult daughters. I hadn’t realized he was regularly lying to me, till I saw him casually lying to them and other people. I was so shocked that not only would he lie so casually but that he didn’t seem to be at all concerned that I had caught him. I explained that I felt very uncomfortable about it, especially since I was sure he was going to get caught and I would be implicated too. At first he was calm, along the lines of he’d sort it out. Then after a week I realized he’d actually lied to them about lying, and put it all on me. So I called him on that too. Then he realized I really had a problem with his behaviour and went into a rage. I was actually afraid and packed up and went home. He was furious and gave me the silent treatment for three weeks but only after calling me to make sure I was still talking to him. This was a turning point for me because I suddenly went into a panic when I realized he wasn’t going to answer my calls or texts. Suddenly he had the upper hand and I was a total mess. I was so relieved when he called I forgot the real issue and grovelled in order to smooth things over and “get back to normal”. And that was the beginning of fifteen years of being trapped in a trauma bond. Knowing I needed to get out but constantly being in a heightened state of anxiety. It took years of counselling to get to the point where I had the strength and commitment to leave. And when I did I tried to console him and I told him what a great guy he was but that I just had a ton of problems I needed to work on. So now I’m free but he smugly can tell everyone I have issues and was falling apart so I’m getting help. The skill with which he can lie and manipulate people including his family boggles my mind. Right now though I am just so happy to have escaped. 🙏🏼
You wisely managed the situation ;)
Takes a long time to heal Therapy is a blessing for us. It is abuse what we have been through.
The matrix we are in without concept/consion/knowing, leaves us tangled in a web of unknowning(the fog)To come out of, is to find back to you… and just you. For me it was absolut important to be only with me, no more entanglement with anybody(except my children) to find the way back to my real self!
Cause you are an easy slap for the next matrix master to lure you in!
Now I understand why the relationship became so exhausting.
Wow, and I truly believed that whipping my opiate addiction was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. This hole is far deeper to climb out of.
Yes it is! I've been clean from meth and fentanyl for almost 2 years. I've been trying to heal from a covert narcissist relationship and it is definitely more emotionally exhausting.
I thought I was just weak Ty for giving me some perspective ✌️
Knowing that the abuser doesn't know why they are doing it either, freed me from spending my time trying to figure out WHY.
The therapeutic resolution:
1. Pull apart the shared fantasy. Brick by brick.
2. Challenge the idealization. Of both people.
3. Reintegrate the fractured parts and the split memories.
The pain comes from the cognitive dissonance. It’s not like a normal heartbreak.
28:37
As they devalue you,; to detach without pain. You need to devalue them by attaching negativity to each memory as it arises. Do not keep any memories untainted, as they will prevent detatchment. The entire event was bad, the entirity of them is bad, to think otherwise is incorrect and simply your refusal to cut the poisomous cord, as you think there is still a small chance. Devalue and discard.
So painful to do if you have children as they want you to still have beautiful memories untainted of when they were young and that they were from a loving relationship.
I guess they become a part of the shared fantasy.
These people ruin your lives. Yes every thought about them should be negative to promote the healing. That’s what therapy is for. We can evaluate why we chose this person and to continue the relationship can ruin your life.
Thanks for saying it that way. So true and I needed to hear that.
That is exactly what I needed to hear right now…
This really helps illustrate why these personalities and relationships are so complicated. 'Normal' people will not understand it until they are out and are able to reflect. It is like being in a matrix and takes a PHD to see the dysfunctionality clearly.
I once had a boyfriend who said “you make me look good” one day walking down the street…and then I knew I was in trouble…and yes he was in the spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder.
@@DonL-p9q I don’t understand what you mean. I’m referring to the part of the video where the narcissist puts you (and himself) on a pedestal and in my case he did it in a very selfish way with a form of backhanded compliment.
It's eerie .... My narcissist ex husband used to say the same thing 😮
@@MsJess-xs7ktthey all have the same script somehow
@CharlotteOCph yes. So peculiar 😅
That could have just been a self deprecating compliment, but it really depends on the person who said it. That statement alone doesn't appear to be narcissism.
This is a spot on explanation. Six months before I left my husband, my best friend was just in awe of the way we treated each other. She had witnessed him telling me good night and saying I love you so much darling and my reply with a kiss and I love you so much too. Both of us with much enthusiasm. She asked, ‘Is this what your marriage is really like? I would give anything to have a marriage like this.’ When I left him she could not comprehend how I could leave that person. My explanation to her regarding that night was that it was an act and that I was playing my part, too because I desperately wanted it to be true. I’ve never heard anyone explain it like this before. Thank you for the work you do!
My fantasy was to get with a partner where we worked together to build something the thing was it felt like I was pushing a boulder.
Exactly my thoughts too. Couldn't have expressed it better. Are we to blame for having such fantasies ? Is it wrong to want to have a partner you can count on, depend on ? A simple allegory. I never was a good swimmer and always felt comfortable in the sea knowing that the person with me was a good swimmer and would rescue me if the need arose. Lesson learnt the hard way, took me 25 yrs. Become a good swimmer if you want to venture out into the sea !
@@ArchAngel435we are social creatures and do rely on other people’s strengths as they rely on us for ours. Usually we are stronger when working together. Unfortunately the one you found wasn’t working towards a shared goal.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. 💚
That is MY fantasy too. Business partner partnership…
@@xolalaloI don’t understand how this is considered a fantasy. This seems like something normal for someone who has goals and ambition. Should we have this fantasy to do this alone with out a partner? To be single for the rest of our lives? Or to live in poverty or just getting by? I think it would be a fantasy for someone who just has pipe dreams and no follow through but not for a normal or somewhat normal (because who is really normal these days really) and wants to create a better life for themselves or their family.
Richard -‘ya blood’s worth bottlin’ ‘ ..you really nailed it with this video.
It’s baffling certainly when your memory loss kicks in and you’re scrambling to explain the bad times.. ppl think you’re phony . . And all you’re trying to do is find the ‘real’ you…
Thank you.. your videos really help & soothe my heart
One of THE best explanations I've come across that explains why it's taken me a lifetime to come to grips with the trauma of narc abuse. I still suffer occasional bouts of cognitive dissonance and couldn't understand why I struggle to shake it off. Now I do. Thank you, Richard! So grateful. ☺
Could you elaborate what happens to you during those bouts?
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I struggled to shake off how my family members who are meant to be supportive and loving, are nothing but. Instead, they are manipulative, moody, critical, cruel and punishing. My relationship with each of them has been incredibly confusing and emotionally draining. I have spent so much of my life struggling to understand what the hell was going on. Now I'm learning to accept that they will never change as they refuse to take accountability for their horrid behaviour. I used to feel there was hope for us. Now that hope is gone and as I adjust to fully accepting that, I'm still in grieving what could have been. It's been really hard to accept that there is no hope for us ever having healthy, loving, adult relationships with one another.
Dissociation @@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 I held on for dear life to the hope that, despite every indication I was dealing with emotionally immature people who put me down, criticized me, physically and emotionally abused me, didn’t listen, and behaved like selfish five-year-olds whose needs were always more important than my own, I refused to accept that my family was not good for me. They were family. I couldn’t cut them off. I was banging my head against the wall, not understanding the trauma bond or why they continued to be so horrible when I asked them to stop and spent time explaining how their actions were hurting me. Either my words didn’t get through, or if they indicated they understood, they would forget the next time conflict arose in our relationship.
I now understand that I took on the role of a nurturing, supportive parent to their traumatized child, hoping I could help heal them so that we could have a better relationship. Despite my pleas, my narcissistic family refused to change or seek therapy in any meaningful way. I was the villain; it was all my fault that we didn’t get along. I was being blamed for the problems. It was the most frustrating experience of my life, but there was nothing I could do but walk away. Now that I FINALLY understand what has been going on and have learned to accept it, I’m no longer banging my head against the wall. I’m at peace with my decision to go no contact. I deserve better. But there are moments when I'm still shocked that this has happened to me, to my family. I'm hoping that over time this feeling will lessen.
Just two gym buddies playing Pictionary 😃❤ * wholesome *
Thank God I found you I have watched various RUclips therapist and clinical psychiatrist that are experts and you are the first person to explain what's really going on, I couldn't figure out how Caring or loving them made the narc person hate and despise you more. People like this are evil😢
Thank you for all your hard work in explaining so much of this in layman’s terms for us people that really have no idea how to respond. Richard I truly believe this is your way to give back to humanity.
Truly…..THANK YOU!
Long long time listener Richard - just check in once in awhile now to see how youre doing and have to tell you - this is really really good!
“No one can hurt you as badly as toxic people”
- Milos Vucetic
This "toxic people" meme is such a nonsense, a primitive and polarizing simplification.
It's like "heretic!" in the middle ages.
@@robertbenedek4463 “Sand may get in your eyes; but only people make you cry”
- Paint Your Wagon
We can use any noun that seems appropriate, but the reality is this: Treating people like crap will not make them like you more.
@@zx81qw
what I mean:
behaviours are toxic,
attitudes can be toxic or harmful and so on.
Of course, everybody understands what meant with "toxic people".
The problem I see here is that is not much different from the religiously motivated "good catholic", "bad godless people".
This meme works AGAINST a differentiation, makes the world dichotomous. And it simply doesn't help.
It is simplification trickled down to the language and we are getting used to it.
Characterisation helps, not simplification. Language matters.
Is it possible that we are experiencing bondage through labels, and ignoring the behaviour through false etiquette?
Thank you. That has given me a lot to process.
My (ex) husband & I were together for 25 years. We both idealised each other in the beginning & created a shared fantasy… which is beautiful & natural in the heady early stages of being drugged in love! Everything moved really quick & we bought a house together within 6 months & was married 11 months later.
I most definitely had a window of expected behaviour to adhere to & sex/affection was routinely withheld if I didn’t conform. We would only have sex 4 times a year & I was rejected & belittled when I’d initiate outside of these times. He would boast to his friends (in front of me) that I was a sex maniac. He loved the thought of his friends ‘wanting’ me & of them thinking how lucky he was to have a wife that always wanted sex. Others had their own ‘fantasies’ about me, which alienated me from the other wives.
My confidence grew through having our children & looking after their needs. Our daughter is autistic & my needs completely turned towards the children. I was allowed to do that as he put me on a pedestal as ‘best mum’- including being his ‘mum’ & looking after all the responsibilities. He wasn’t cruel or mean (until the end), as long as he had his TV, all the box-sets he wanted, dinner, a nice home, a holiday & to be left alone to do his own thing, he was fine. We all watched his programmes so that we had shared interests in what he wanted. If someone were to ask me what music/films etc I like, they wouldn’t be separate from his…. I don’t necessarily know what’s out there or even how to search for something different…& how do you discern your own likes/dislikes… how do I differentiate?
One of the cruellest things he said to me was that I was a ghost to him now; that our whole life had been a lie, I wasn’t the person he’d believed me to be. I had a cancer scare (It was a false alarm)- he’d told me how disappointed he was as he’d wanted me to have cancer so he could nurse me through it & show me how much he loves me. Then told me that it would be easier for him if I were dead as then at least he could mourn his loss, rather than see the person that I am.
I still have those thoughts run through my head.
I have gone through many stages since the divorce believing at different points that I am the narcissist & feeling mortified that I’d ruined his life with my ‘illness’.
My step-father was a full blown narcissist & my mum has strong traits & my dad is on the autistic spectrum…I developed heightened sensitivities & empathy to be able to cope growing up & looking after my brother. I was already primed…
Accepting someone as they are, sounds easy but it’s one of the most challenging & previous things we can give to each other.
‘Precious’ things (auto spell!)
My ex said a similiar thing - he would miss looking after me when I had 'flu. He actually had gone away on holiday when I had 'flu.
Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry and I’m glad you were strong enough to walk away and love yourself
Thank you Richard. Your course narcassistic matrix re integration is very good for anyone thinking about it , helped me a lot .
Thankyou, your fiver is the post 😆
This helps me to make sense of the whole mess I was in with my narc abusers. Yes, they still live in my head, and it's been driving me crazy. Finally, I can start to do something about it and hopefully heal from all the madness that they created!
My God that was amazing 🎯🤘 It has been so incredibly difficult trying to explain my personal experience w/this to my loved ones that are genuinely trying to support me and understand recovery. It is a subject SO complex and in a sense “tangled” and tho I’ve made progress coming back there is still a lot I struggle with. This video, to the best of what I’ve learned thus far, really does put it in terms that are simple, straightforward and frankly the easiest video I’ve seen on the subject to understand! 🤣 I’m imagining this will undoubtedly help those too on their recovery journey, but also those seeking to help them along the way.
A thousand thanks to you!!!!
Thank you Richard, for everything you do. I was being groomed by a narcissist for a year, but thankfully, I got myself out before he got what he wanted. Now I'm using your videos to educate myself and my followers on RUclips, Instagram and Facebook about the dangers of NPD. Many of them are at risk or have already fallen into the trap of the same NPD person I nearly was harmed by. I've recommended your channel to my followers.
you can tell Danny Wilson is a good friend to you
Finally !! This one NAILED IT for me .... Ah Ha moment ...
This was too much fun ... got the lesson , learned something and got to smile and laugh through one of these things!! That's new !! 🙌 ❣️💯👏👏
PS ... we are going to need a bigger white board 🤔🤣🤪
I have NEVER heard what I am going through explained so accurately! WOW! Exactly what I needed to hear. This is so helpful! You just nailed it!
Most interesting part of this wonderful insight is the cognitive dissonance and forgetfulness. I read old journal notes and witness the extreme rumination and confusion I felt, but I forgot these experiences in the present moment if not for the journal reminders. The one thing that kept me in it all the years was the feeling that I didn’t want to hurt him…I thought that was the entire reason, but now I see it more holistically. Thank you
Exactly what she did to me. This is incredibly enlightening. 💯
You guys are hilarious together! Perhaps you should make a comedy show about narcissism?
"Looking at themselfes through YOUR eyes" i sort of already knew my "family" did that but it makes much more sense now
Thank you so much, Richard!
I ended an almost 4 year relationship (developmentally feels like it was only maybe 1) 6 weeks ago. I have been intensely struggling with splitting/fracturing. It’s a horrible feeling and experience.
It was the worst the first 4 weeks, but I’m still suffering with it. The constant confusion and sense of unrest from the dissonance. It’s been torture. And the anxiety that hardly subsides.
I don’t want the relationship or person back. That, after many tries to break it off, I am settled on. But it has been hell trying to get a grip on reality. They aren’t struggling like me, at all. But, I also struggled throughout the entire relationship. Things never felt quite right. I was almost always some level of confused.
But I’m thankful for this and the timing of it! I have been pondering my need to integrate the past few days. I figured it was also due to how often I dissociated during the frequent conflict. Since dissociation is essentially a mild form of dissociative identity disorder, it really feels like I have been fractured in order to cope and survive.
I even had a dream at one point where there were two of me, trying to leave this person. It was highly symbolic. I even think the third entity chasing “us” in the dream, not letting us leave, was yet another part of me.
I’ll have to look into your course. Thank you for what you do and share. I’ve been watching your videos for many years! They’ve had such an impact. You make me feel less crazy!
Thanks for speaking this, I really relate
Looking forward to your chat with Danny 🏋🏼♀️. Putting in the reps both in the emotional and physical realms is how we get stronger 🦾.
This is Great!! ❤ just listened to the end, and the fragmenting causes addictive cravings of cognitive dissonance in the non-narcissistic partner after the relationship has ended by the colonisation part of ourselves! This was REALLY good Richard and Danny, thank you!! ❤❤❤ very simply and logically explained! It fits for me for sure! I'm going to listen to this a few times x
Thanks for the explanation
It hurts we given our best to a narc who destroyed me and my child
He left us to pursue another supply
I loved this and I would love to see more of Danny while you explain the concepts! You guys are excellent together.
also - I did watch the one others said was confusing and I fully understood it and it helped me massively. My main takeaway from that was to stop asking “why?” And to understand that of course it won’t make logical sense because my brain doesn’t work like narcissistic brains do.
In that video you also explained what safe, healthy love feels like in comparison to the trauma bond they create, and though it’s depressing, I have only known trauma bonds - in “love” relationships; so therefore knowing that helped me to heal as well, and stop questioning.
But I studied psychology, (yep and still dated a narcissist) so your jargon is familiar to me. In case my feedback helps at all. Thank you! You’re the best.
Narcissists put you on a pedestal, and themselves on a THRONE. You become the court jester, while they are the King/Queen.
"Everyone meeds a thick mate..." 😂😂😂. So matter of fact, roflmao
He caught me off guard there 😂
@@RICHARDGRANNONthat had me in stitches had to take a brake 😅
Yes when you get fatigued of your pedestal and want to step down for a while (10 minutes is too much) and you reach down in your memory for an authentic thought and verbalize it (even in your head bc they will read your mind)...then comes the sneering sarcasm, the disgust, the staring, the "where is this coming from"... If you're with a psychopath or borderline, the wrong words will get you in physical trouble. I had two relationships when I was very young that mirrored this behavior and the behavior I grew up in. Anything could be perceived as me thinking I was "better than them"...the most baffling things, any different opinion. It gets so sickening you can't keep the tolerance mask on your face so you can't look them in the eyes which again will be disrespectful. It was really awful. And men are dealing with this from their masculine women just as much.
My mother was a covert narcissist. Very feminine in her presentation
I don’t understand the masculine women bit, anyone with any outward appearance can be narcissistic.
@@zerowheeler I know but the way woman speak to men these days and way women speak to other women about men has that domineering tone and feel that some men once had (and of course some still do) over women. It's like wanting the woman under his thumb so to speak. So, leave the term narcissism in or out of the conversation. It's the late era of feminism that wants to have this domineering quality.
@@alethea6781 I understand. It's not all women that present that way, just like any other trait or feature. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with her. I'm fairly certain I had it in my family too, both the women and men.
@@evelyngarrison6007 I don’t hear women speak in a derogatory way about men specifically, depends who you spend time with. Make better friends, maybe?
Richard, taking the time to write legibly + writing the words out instead of shorthand helps our brains take in and digest the material.
THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO
Brilliant. This will be the video I send to friends and family to explain my planned breakup after 26 years.
I’m in the process of letting go the narc. It is so difficult. Some days I’m strong enough for me; others I just feel so guilt and ashamed. Struggling to adapt to the process. Thanks for making these videos ❤
This was fantastic, thank you Richdenrel😂 bring Danny from time to time, it's very relaxing and entertaining even the topic is serious 🤭. And this was good idea, I finally understand some things which was quite confusing for me before 🎉thank you ❤
So humbled after watching this wonderful version of Richard Grannon. So authentic. It was from a healing heart perspective. Danny brings out the best in you!! What a blessing it’s got to be having a comrade in friendship with Danny after all that you’ve been through.
I was sceptical of this format to begin with, but I really enjoyed this video. I would have liked more information/guidance about recovery. However, out of ALLLLLLLL of the videos I have watched, books I have read so far, this is the best explanation I have come across. Thank you for doing this and for the vulnerability that came with it. It really helped me to understand this better.
Thank you so much! Finally someone who can actually explain what is happening to me. I have been in this hell for over 3 years. Third party and all. I have been wondering if I am crazy? I love the concepts of the Supra psychological pedestal and the splitting. It makes this crazy relationship make sense finally. Now I know what is wrong with me. He had me convinced he loves me yet he no longer acts like he loves me but he doesn’t want to live without me. Such torture! Thank you again for the explanation. It’s important to understand what is actually going on in order to heal. At least for myself it is. ❤
my mother is a narcissistic enabler.
the most violating insidious confusing existence. I'm 40 and just working through my exit plan. head up folks it gets better❤
Very well done . Thank you very much , last here right after I broke up with my narcissistic ex wife I watched you video where you drew out the diagram with the mothership and the colonization. It was hard to grasp but I thought this guy is on to something. After watching this it totally makes sense wow how can it be so universal you don’t even know me or my situation but it all fits.
Thanks you have helped me lot in my healing process. And it’s a process it’s removing from the mind and emotional fucking of a lifetime.
Thank you
Haha the collab we didn’t know we needed 😂
Thank you for this explanation, it hurts, to realize she was building me up to have pieces to tear down whenever she was dissatisfied..
Hey Richard, one of your old subscribers here! Your channel, your wisdom, and your funny jokes brought me so much comfort back in the days. Thank you!
The matrix we are in without concept/consion/knowing, leaves us tangled in a web of unknowning(the fog)To come out of, is to find back to you… and just you. For me it was absolut important to be only with me, no more entanglement with anybody(except my children) to find the way back to my real self!
Cause you are an easy slap for the next matrix master to lure you in!
Great explanation. I've been following you for 10 years and still really appreciate this video. I will add that you also have to find something to replace the PAYOFF but don't look for another person to replace it. I have done the work to make peace, quiet and solitude my replacement for the PAYOFF.
Love and respect Richard for your humanity ground work
Omg!! I’m only 22:11 mins into this video and I just had to comment how everything you are saying is ringing true with me and so well said too. You had words for what I was feeling and going through where I had none- only huge emotion .
The most important thing : you have to play game with its own rigid rules just not to expose the trauma of narcissist.
So he / she trains you through rage that you should be scared to cross the specific lines in relationship, such as: speaking about your feelings, discussing difficult issues, discussing their unhealthy behavior, because all of these may bring feelings of shame and guilt, which they cannot cope with. So they just want to keep avoiding those feelings at any cost.
Thus, relationship with narcissist is a dance around his/her trauma on the cost of your mental and physical wellbeing
Thank You! 🙏 Amazing Explanation - relatable, have lived through this in several different types of relationships. So helpful! Makes so much sense. Am enjoying sketching notes alongside this video!! Love the fantasy pedistal explaintion and the stuffing away of an authentic self. Traumatic stuff. Many Thanks. 🙏
This friendship is adorable . Although I have read a lot about CPANs , ( 1 year 2 mos no contact from the ex) , I had never heard that they want the honeymoon phase to continue forever. This tracks. His ( ours) lasted for 6 years. This is why the love bombing idea didn’t quite read . There were more intense attention, gifts, compliments, at first but for the most part it continued on .
This is a great video!!!! It really helped me see how things appear like narcissism vs actually being a narcissistic relationship.
You guys are amazing! Thank you very much for sharing this Richard. ❤
Thank you for the added description and “break down” of this concept. It is very important to understand in order to heal and move on.
Thank you for your videos! It makes so much sense! You are brilliant at explaining things very well.
I'd love to see you chat with Dr Amy Pearson - Durham Uni -Autistic......she's done research on IPV; autistic masking/burnout. Would love to hear you both talk about trauma and where the cross overs and vulnerabilities are.
I enjoyed watching the friendly interaction between the two of you! What a great friendship you must share!
Without question, the best analysis of the relationship dynamic of a bpd or npd I have heard yet, connected many dots because of this video. Richard is blessed with the gift if discernment..❤❤
Everytime My brain splits and plays the reel I counter it by playing all the negative moments works every time.
I just love your laughter Richard Grannon😃
So good fellas! ❤️ Always right on time for me Richard. Thank you
Oh wow! Thank you for this great explanation of why i feel thorn and sentimental about a 18-years relationship. The shared fantasy was really cool and the shared reality was really not.
Omg you are the absolute GURU of this living nightmare and I cannot thank you enough - PERFECT 🙏
Also, more of Richard and Danny show please
Tired and hurt. It's s roller coaster that's almost impossible to get off of. 😢
The narcissist is a solipsist; he cannot perceive that other people have needs, priorities, dreams, fears, hopes, emotions, and cognitive processes.
Good word, solipsists they are , will never change
Such a good laugh and simple explanation! I'm gonna use it at my therapy session!
Yep... Crystal clear and very familiar !
Thank you Richard for taking it appart in this detailed and articulate manner.
Had much relief from this.
Richard, you brought a lot of light into my understanding. Thank you, I see a lot clearer now.
So the shared fantasy is normal ? Whew, that's a relief to hear. I was wondering what part of wanting a good partner, good marriage was a fantasy, not real.
Thank you, fantastic presentation spoken in layman’s terms and is easy to understand. I’ve been listening to Mr Grannon for many years,this video is fantastic if you are in recovery from NPD abuse. And if you are I’m sorry 😔
It's so true that in the end there is no real heartbreak. It's just unraveling the tentacles around our colonized minds that feels so painful - the absolute mind f*ck of it all. Any memory that may have previously felt good just turns to nothingness within the void of a black hole of lies. Looking at it all through a science fiction lens is the closest anyone can hope to come to making any sense of it.
Wow thank you so much for this - it’s all starting to make sense now, though I was going nuts
Loved this, super helpful with the translations 🤘
Brilliant breakdown,
Thanks Ritchie!
On another note ;
Speaking of “different parts”
I highly recommend ,
Dr Richard Schwartz
new book
“You Are the One”
Furthermore, it would be lovely to see him on your channel one day. 🧜♀️✌️
Thank you, Richard and Danny. Such a powerful and accurate description.
Thank you! I greatly appreciate this. I need this course. I was married to a man that was a Narcissist for 30 years. I'm trying to get past this garbage. It's slow going.
I was with someone who was this way inclined for 29 years, I found he often took things that were my interests or films I loved, for his own, to make him more interesting. He would copy things I had said, written or created and believed they were his.
He even went after my childhood friends to keep them for himself after we split.
I just had to claim them all back and reintegrate myself with my stuff. I have now built my own little interesting life and when I hear about him he’s so different and quite dull to me now. 💚
this was a comprehensive explanation on a narcissistic relationship. Good Work
You are the best! You have it all figured out..
Thanks Richard, your assistance has really been helping me through some extraordinarily difficult times in my life. I pull from a few different resources and go to therapy but your channel is a core pillar.
You're doing amazing work, keep it up
Excellent explaining , this also has been going on in a friendship with the narccistist I met and broke up with after years , couldn,t go , felt sorry for him untill I realized he was destroying me and after readinga lot about NPD I new I had to break up to save my soul .
I really Love and appreciate this break down! Thank you
That was brilliant! Having to slow down & question brought forward important insights. I get it now, finally.
Respect for your efforts 👍
When my ex husband is trying to hoover me back up, he always asks me to remember the way people look at us. When he's not devaluing me, he openly tells me everyone thinks we are above them. He gladly specifies in which ways they supposedly think this. Physical attractiveness, aristocracy, morality, intelligence, wisdom. He's Chechen so he has no shame to make such embarrassing claims. Cultural norms vary from country to country. It's an intoxicating delusion and this may be why so many victims merge with and become narcissistic themselves. Leaving the narc can feel like leaving hope or a shared fantasy in which you are the winners of life. Very difficult to do if you were in a low place before meeting.
You guys are hilarious that candid interaction made this really fun and informative to watch!! 😂😂🎉🎉
These relationships killed my desire to even date. The cost/benefit ratio has been so grossly disproportionate, I literally don’t see the point anymore. I’m healing for me. Not with the intent to date again. I FINALLY have my life in order and am doing well. I’ll be damned if I let anyone in to ruin it for me and my daughter.
It’s like watching an amazing television series and then it’s over…and I almost don’t know who I am without this fantasy world.
I absolutely LOOOOOOVE your content Richard wow. This is helping me immensely
I’m fine until I meet someone new who has an interest in dating me and then I completely lose it and panic I break no contact with my narc ex I beg cry plead It’s exhausting humiliating and worse I end up hurting someone else in the process I STILL can’t get to the part where I’m not loyal to him anymore Everything else feels fake I only feel like myself when I’m with him 💔
I love watching your mind process new information! The way you and your friend interact is effective and entertaining ❤
We need Danny on more videos! Ha ha ha Richard/Danny Bromance! 😂
Mine only ever talked good about what I have and what I can provide. Soon he was boasting to his friends and family that HE acquired a homestead, vehicles etc....in reality, I already owned all of it before he came along. Pretty soon he took over 2 of my 3 bedrooms, slept in a separate room and had HIS clutter all over MY property.
The light bulb went off when he told ME to pack my stuff and leave.....thats when I fought back and let him know it's MY property and nothing is his.....
Love the content! How do you get your boundaries back when you are living in a cultlike situation where everyone has targeted you and nroke all your boundaries. I feel like I'm helping them hurt me by giving then info because the mask they put on me has no boundaries? Thank you Rochard.