As a personal trainer, I beg you all - don't get involved with your personal trainers!!! I've seen so much shenanigans in the gym. The way they make you feel is the way they make all clients feel. The slimy ones just prey on the vulnerable ones who fall for it. Please dont ruin your marriage for foolishness.
I discovered my husband of 25 years had been having an affair when he told me he had an STD. He told me the day after my dad’s funeral. He made up a crazy story that he’d had a one night stand… all lies. I remember he got on his knees in front of me and begged for me to forgive him. He said‘I don’t want to lose my home’ At no point did he say he didn’t want to lose me or our family.. Game over..
My husband cheated on me multiple times in our 28 years of marriage 38 1/2 years together. He ADMITTED to me on cheating on me because he didn't want to go to his death bed someday without me knowing! We'd been having marital problems for a long time now and when he told me this, it killed me!!!! He to said he didn't want to loose his home. It was all about what he is getting or losing because I AM getting a divorce! We are 7 1/2 months separated and in the process of a divorce. We see a judge now in August to finalize our division of our assets we accumulated throughout 28 years of our marriage. IM DONE! The ultimate betrayal to our marriage!! I was 100% faithful to this man💔💔💔😭😭😭
The open relationship one makes me think that a lot of people today are bored and also self-absorbed. They say things like “I need attention,” and then use that as justification to step out on your marriage. Love is putting someone else’s needs before your own and serving your partner. Everything now is me/I/myself, and that attitude does not facilitate a good marriage.
It's really not that way they choose to live that way because they really do like it and it makes them both happy.. I know several married couples married for 30 years that way! Typically in this kind of relationship if your partner has found a new partner that makes you happy and vice versa... Not for me but like I said I have a lot of experience in it I actually run a lifestyle group!
@@davidjonburke2729Nope, 100% wrong. They are selfish, self centered, and have neglected their spouse, family, extended family and most important their children..if they have children. It's a crime against children. It's hard enough to have time for each other in a marriage, with family. Where are the children? Where are the grandparents? My husband and I spent mega hours with work, raising children, volunteering, fitting in extended family events. We barely had time for each other. Birth, death, taxes of life and not necessarily in that order. People who think with their genitals and instant gratification are selfish, irresponsible people to their family and society. Don't for a minute say it " worked" for them as if there is no damage.
I hate hearing these stories of failing marriages. My wife and I have our problems, but I would never leave her. She gave me our children and helped me build the life we have with both of us dealing with depression and health issues through the years. I think of her every day, and I am absolutely the luckiest man on earth to be with her, living the life that we live.
@@GreenManXYmy ex husband looked me in the eyes with zero problem he also did it I front of my young step son. Zero regard for my health or my unborn child. When my sweat little step son told me with zero idea of what he was saying my ex husband told my step son to tell me he was making up a story and that he was lying. I looked that sweat little boy in the eyes while he cried his heart out that I believed him 💯 and that I knew he was being honest. My ex kept the lie up for a couple more hours that evening till I told him I absolutely didn’t believe him and to tell the truth. Finally he admitted to it my soul literally fell to the floor I lost a huge piece of myself that moment and continued to lose myself for years to come. I was holding my brand new baby I felt faint but held on tight and wouldn’t let go. My life went on to be hell for years after. I look back and see all the signs now. And it’s true what they say once a cheater always a cheater that goes both ways for men or women. Cheating and lying and hiding it and swearing on people’s lives was all a sham. I believe his shame was then taken out on me physically because soon after the abuse started. I didn’t have the tools to understand what I was about to enter into. Long story short people like him look themselves in the mirror by never being honest with themselves. He has never taken responsibility.
If your partner is putting pictures of you on the Internet, sexualizing you and saying that you are looking to be with a man in front of him...he is marketing you. This is dangerous. Neither you nor he have any control over who encounters this information on the Internet. Your husband is dangerous. Run!
Oh, ouch. Marketing. That's exactly what my ex did to me, but I never thought of it in those terms....he put my personal info on polygamy and sister-wives sites and I had noooo idea. Ugh.😢
If she got back together with him, she guaranteed herself more years of misery. He was good at hiding that part of himself and getting caught will only make him better at it. She will never be able to, and should never, trust him again. He shared her face, body, measurements online specifically for other men to sexualize WITHOUT HER CONSENT. That’s divorce paper behaviour.
I wish my therapist and our marriage counselor would have been this upfront with us. It might have saved my marriage. It seemed we were just doing superficial work and left to flounder. Thank you for your work Dr. John.
We also tried a marriage counselor. Aside from being later & later for each appointment, I felt like she was refusing to help. When we opened with his cheating with a stripper, she looked at him, he looked at her & they laughed....while I sat crying. She knew he interacted with this hooker/stripper admitting he started by motor boating her naked body. The appointments that followed, she wore lower cut blouses each time showing more cleavage. I asked her about workbooks or exercises to help us. She insisted we weren't ready for that. Because of his lies over 32 yrs, I asked her if we could do a .polygraph test. She refused that as well. I left & never went back. Just because they hang out a shingle, doesn't mean they're qualified to help.
@@suzannewilliams759I’m so sorry for your experience. You should report her. She needs to lose her license. That’s dangerous. Same thing happened to me. First visit she was laughing with my then fiance. I sat there crying my eyes out and they were talking like we were out at a restaurant or something. I reported her to my next therapist. I left his butt behind.
That first wife needs to divorce her husband right away. This is a character issue that can not be fixed. I don't think she needs to tell all her friends their business, therapists only. Once you start telling friends it's too many cooks in the kitchen.
P*rn addiction is not a character flaw. It is an illness that has become worse for a lot of people because of the internet. A lot of times addictions stem from deep seated childhood trauma and a struggle to connect. P*rn addiction is no different than food addiction or drug addiction. That being said, if you have no trust, love can't hold its footing. She has to decide what work is worth doing if she decides to stay or go. And I agree, telling too many people causes more problems. Better to speak with a therapist and maybe one really good friend she knows will just listen and not force their opinions.
@B-MarieReally? Because my friends would think I was the reason if I just left him and there was no good reason for it. And I hear that in what she says. Everyone thinks he’s a great guy. This happened to one of my friends. She found out he’d been hooking up with randoms for years and years, and they’re still together. But she still needed to tell some of us. In part because he said he was repentant and she needed her friends (their husbands really) in the church to be part of holding him accountable. If he’s truly repentant, he has to come clean with those closest to him. I couldn’t leave something that huge out of my true friendships. My friends would be calling me out or distancing themselves from me for leaving my marriage if there was not a good reason for me to do that.
What gets me is that monogamous couples thing open marriage will save it. Truth is, open marriages take work. You have to have the boundaries and the rules already in order before you do it. You talk to your primary partner before, during, and after, always! Primary partner comes before the secondary. Too many people don't talk to their partner, they don't express their feelings, Primary ends up feeling neglected and the secondary is put on a pedestal.
@@VeronicAM313 an open marriage is not marriage. Marriage is a word with an objective, definitive meaning. Though the culture is corrupt and wicked, marriage is one thing, and one thing only.
I agree. ☝️ f your partner is asking g you to open the marriage is because he is already manning to cheat. But convincing you to participate makes him look better in public because if you’re doing it as well, then no one can point a finger at his cheating ass. I would end the relationship as well.
Financial. I know some couples have married just to multiply wealth and riches but have lovers and mistresses Sometimes it down right looks like a marriage between royalties just to protect and enrich the crown and then both wife and husband have their own partners lol@@MaletinaClarke-rq9ds
Well I think he should have been upfront and open about his wants and needs. It’s okay to be in an open marriage as long as the partner is aware and okay with it.
@@LaurenSanders13lol yeah until some guy lays some 5-star pipe or a lady gives that gluk-gluk 9000 and takes it down the hatch afterward. It’s a bad idea all around and it never works out for the better
I think that many people'd be far better if they focused on themselves rather than others. Also, helping others without them asking for help is a great violation of other people's boundaries, and you're really presumptuous if you believe you know the best what's good for other people.
@@barbthegreat586 ha. As if we don't already struggle with thinking of our own desires first. Humans do not need any help to think about themselves more. Look around at our current culture. People need to focus on themselves more ? Nuts.
I told my husband I absolutely love doing things for him. When he asked if I could do something for him, I jump up and do it. It actually makes me happy to make his life easier. He's always so appreciative of the tiniest little thing it makes loving him so easy. I always tell him he's such an easy person to love
@@liannemarie2504sounds like your love language is acts of service 🙂 My husband's 💯 the same. My love language is words of affirmation so I feel like it's a great combo. Cheers to healthy and happy marriages 🎉🫶
The second caller said, “Blame Covid, blame this Blame that”. Are you serious?! How about, I chose this instead of that. Take Responsibility For Yourself!! Also, she came back because “it didn’t work out”, not because she knew what she was doing was wrong. Nor did she say she loves her husband.🤦♀️🤷♀️
She needs accountability for her actions. That's up to her to choose. It was irresponsible to believe that being with more than one sexual partner will be the solution to their troubles. I hope the best for her and her husband.
Very good point. I always think when I hear stories like that well you came back to your husband because it didn’t work out but let’s imagine that things were going great with this new dude…would even a one thought about your husband cross your mind? The answer is no! Because she would be thinking “yeah this new dude is so great! Giving me so many great emotions! That’s what I’ve been looking for!” But in reality the fairytale stopped pretty quickly and then she goes “actually my husband wasn’t that bad I actually want to work on our relationship” well it seems to me she hasn’t changed and I would expect her to do something like that again when she again needs “more new emotions”. Unfortunately no wisdom there at least I didn’t see it 🤷🏻♂️
Big respect to Dr. Delony here....to analyze such complex situations in such a short time, to give practical steps and insight, and to offer hope - quite remarkable.
THATS what I kept telling My husband but he acted like I was over sensitive, too old fashioned & after a couple yrs first married hearing his FANTASIES to groom Me into his idea of fun, I said NO.. He gave up for some yrs after our 3rd yr..then somewhere into more yrs leading up to 8th, 9th yr his swinging desires went full tilt WITHOUT ME..on the sly I found out, tried talking sense to him for about 3 or 4 more yrs..eventually I kicked him out I supported him his 1st 21/2 yrs into our marriage I'm old fashioned. I believe in love. I believe in vows. Why do people swing? It's never gonna FIX ANYTHING but only make it worse I'll never forget the moment I caught him. I was on My way to do HIS LAUNDRY...and got a feeling I should return back to the apartment QUICKLY after leaving ..because I sensed he was online with HER...AND HE WAS..BUSTED! He tried to deny he was doing anything wrong...even laughed AT ME as if to imply, I'm being ridiculous...THEN.. I said show Me your minimized screen...BUSTED! I read All their sex talk of WHAT they wanted to do..like WTF...why? I was THE PERFECT WIFE!!! and I was very attractive...I was very UNDERSTANDING, PATIENT, GIVING, EASY GOING, GREAT COOK, KEPT GREAT HOME, .... so its not like he wasnt LUCKY it's ALL ABOUT his juvenile selfish wants
Second caller. Her husband allowed the "open relationship" to make her happy?!? She only stopped cheating because her "boyfriend" didn't treat her right. Did she ever mention that she loved her husband? One day the husband is going to realize that he's not enough for her. Unfortunately, it might be when she finds someone else.
Its never really love if you can allow another person to get deep up inside your partner. These people are not ready for marriage and should just stay single forever
Exactly! I feel for that man. Cucked by his wife and when her fantasy inevitably falls apart she doesn't even comprehend the possibility that he could be hurt or struggling.
To share your measurements and compromising photos of yourself taken in confidence, and sharing it sneakily to others like him is also compromising your safety, questionable and ultimate betrayal. Is he pimping her! Trust is broken. 💔
Agreed. Any weirdo could’ve seen that and and taken him up on his offer - randomly and potentially violently. That’s one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard a husband do to his wife. I’d actually report this to the police just to have it on record, then I’d file for a divorce.
She could've got a stalker from that, or had a guy attack her in her home after getting all these sexual ideas from hubby. Very unsafe. And to think of all the diseases he could've brought home. Smh.
To the 1st caller; the same thing happened to me after 30 yrs of marriage. I’m in a therapy group with other women this has happened to. Please know that recovery is possible if you want it. All this pain you feel is horrific. Please look for a CSAT therapist; so important. Don’t tell friends that can be unsafe, it can cause you even more ptsd. Again a CSAT led therapy group will help you heal. Much love ❤️
@@Gigi30107 I would just say if ur in a marriage and hees not having his needs met. And ur upset at him for trying to having his needs met (via substitute). Why are you two even together? If reconciliation can be found there needs to be a compromise. Or else he will resent you and you will hold the grude from the past. An it will become either toxic or very cold and distant.
@@Will-ef2twWill, let me guess; you've done something like this and as your girlfriend or wife was kicking you out of her home, your male ego screamed, "This is all your fault because I have needs!" Indeed you do but your URGENTLY important needs are NOT between your thighs; you can handle that need all by yourself. Your truly urgent need is between your ears in your poorly educated brain. If you ever learn that a woman is more than a living porn doll you might stand a chance at not being alone and constantly kicked to the curb.
Yes. She needs to be honest with herself. This is over. He is a narcissist and will only appear to change. She needs to quit protecting this guy! Eww. He is a creep.
@@colleengarcia7752without defending the guy for doing what he did...d.why do women CONSTANTLY jump right to labeling a guy a "Narcissist"...??? Lol!!! Ypu literaly have no basis for that nonsense. It doesn't even make sense in this situation. I'm convinced most women don't even know what being a Narcissist actually means.
“I need you to see me and still love me”! That really shook me. I wish that when we were younger, I’m 57, but I wish I had the patience and the ability to sit down and listen to people who knew what they were talking about instead of thinking I knew everything. I wish to God I could get that time back. But I can’t.
Hopefully you learned the lessons that you were meant to learn, because that (imho) is what the point of hardships and struggles are…and you will keep getting lessons given until you learn them. 😊
Thank you, Dr. Delony. I listened to your “The Most Unforgettable Marriage Calls I’ve Ever Taken Greatest Hits Vol. Two” for the first time this morning. The call with Rebecca really hit home. But what struck me, and frankly made me burst into tears, was you telling her the parts that were real in her marriage. Because I truly believed that our entire relationship, and marriage, was a lie. We were together for almost 25 years. He treated me like I was a princess for the first 20-ish years. I felt the shift, and tried to talk to him, but he denied that anything was going on. I put on my detective hat, and pretty much found out everything. We’re divorced; initially I wanted to work things out, but I discovered another piece of the puzzle, and I couldn’t go on after that. Thank you, again. I guess hearing an intelligent, caring human being (outside of my circle of family and friends) say “that part was real” is something that I needed to hear.
First woman needs to leave him and not look back. He’s NOT going to change. He might make a good attempt at faking the change, but it won’t take long for him to turn into Super Douche again.
Exactly. What does she think he's doing living on his own? Does she think he's happily waiting for her? She wasn't enough for him when they were together everyday. Why would she think she's enough, when he's flying single? Smh.
They both participated in an open marriage. While she initiated it, he seemed to be content with the idea of sleeping with other women. Honestly, they are both supremely at fault. My husband would never trade me out for open sex. Her husband didn’t love the idea but he said as long as he can have side action, he’s fine. That’s gross on both their parts. She emotionally got attached to one person, he had sexual encounters. They both defiled the marriage bed and their commitment to each other. If they are able to fix this, it will be both of them having to work on their adultery amongst many other things.
@@sitcheyr9352 You know, I think that's not the full picture. Judging by his withdrawn attitude, he is probably secretly preparing a divorce. She thinks he still wants to be with her, but she'll be shocked when she receives divorce papers. He doesn't act like a guy who is still involved in the marriage, she was just too absorbed in her affair to realize that.
@@ciobalina7445 she's using him as a place holder until she meets another guy. If the guy treated her better she would still be doing it. The husband is planning an exit .
My sis had this happen to her and it ruined her. He also repented and it was true and sincere but its been 3 yrs and they both still weep. Counselor told her if they are doing better in 5 yrs than they are doing well. It takes a long time to heal from entire marriage being a sham.
I don't think coming back from this sort of betrayal is possible. If someone has proven that they are willing and able to hide the truth and lie to your face for years on end, how can any amount of time of honesty prove that they've changed? The remedy to every grievance (beside compensation for the grievance) is a change in behaviour from the offending. You forgot something? Write a reminder so you won't. That's a guarantee that it won't happen again. There is no equivalent guarantee you can give for years of lies, deciet and manipulation. I think it's why spousal betrayal is one of the worst sins, because there's no way to remedy it, it will either upend the relationship, or the agrieved party "forgives", i.e. they pay the price for the cheater's mistake.
My husband wouldn't even stay with me when my dad was dying and I was into my third trimester and we had a daughter that was 16 months old. He had a softball game and he was the manager and said they needed him. At 31 year old man. He made it rough for me the last four and a half years of my mom's life. I need to call Dr John
As it should be! However, despite the fact that what he did was morally repugnant and most definitely wrong, if she’s clothed (even racily as she stated - shorts and a short tank top) would that still be illegal? I’m guessing not.
I actually started feeling much better about being single all my life.....I actually feel proud of myself for not settling and for making decisions that lead to physical/emotional loneliness but kept my integrity whole....
Yeah, that second call nearly violated my marriage by proxy. That dude's misery went through his wife's 2nd-hand testimony, out through my speakers and touched my soul inappropriately.
This guy is amazing. I love how he isn’t afraid to call out bullshit but also admits that he is only getting a 30000 ft birds eye view of the situation and he almost never tells people to leave or stay in a bad relationship. He also acknowledges that sometimes economics prolong a bad marriage. That isn’t talked about as much anymore now that woman can get jobs and make 3/4 as much as men.
It's truly degrading for her husband. I love it how John tells her that it will never be the same again because it's true. Their marriage will have to be completely different.
I love this show. It's a great reminder for me, why I stopped dating at all or having sex & have zero desire to get married or shack up. It's too much risk, too much work, not worth it, to me. The predicaments the callers on Dr Johns show are in, only strengthen my resolve. I'm grateful for this.
Most things in this life that are the most worthwhile and fulfilling, require sacrifice and risk. You should absolutely be smart in who you decide to spend your precious time with, and not be looking to another human being to "complete" you. But, marriage and family are truly worth it all.
@@mbwilson8592 If that is your point of view & how you choose to live your life, then, that is what suits you. Some people, such as I, are much happier, productive, remaining single & celibate. My life is so good, there is nothing that any person could or would add that could add quality to my life. I HATED being married. The ex-only beat me one time. He didn't get a chance to do it again. 6 months after the divorce I met a truly wonderful man. The connection was there, we had a lot in common. When he died, I wanted to die, too. A year after that, I began dating again, it was horrible. The liars, cheaters, sex pigs, guys with deep control issues, so jealous, so possessive. When I made the decision to stop dating at all in 2012, I became so much happier. I began volunteering, helping other people, traveling more, indulging in a hobby I'm passionate about. I began working out & going to fitness classes, more. Life is good!
@@abbyxiong3931 There is no reason or need to be sorry. When I hear of all the crap people do to each other in marriages & romantic relationships, my life is of a much higher quality. If I had stayed married, I would not have been able to travel as much as I do, I would not have the career that I love. I might even have been killed. When I was married, I loved to do volunteer work. He would become so irritated by it, tell me I was wasting my time etc. I tried talking with him, his mother tried talking to him, even our children. He wouldn't listen to anyone. He didn't believe I would leave him. Afterall, he only beat me once. (eyeroll) The creeps out there in the dating world ~ UGH!
Porn addiction..soft or hard...ruin many a relationship... especially when the partner lies about it and hides it...there is so much trust destroyed...and so much pain in thinking you are not beautiful and wanted.
Me and my wife thought about open marriage to spice things up, but then she said she was afraid that id like the other woman better and leave her. And i dont like the idea of another guy with my wife. I also knew personally 2 other couples who did that and it ended up ruining both their marriages. we just decided its not worth it and agreed to not do it. Monogamy only.
I love that you did this. As someone who had 0 family around me this time of year, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. 🙏🏽💚 Merry Christmas to you and yours
My husband kept begging to open our marriage. I finally said years. That’s how I met my new husband. Never been happier. Exhusband seems to not find what he’s looking for back then as he’s now got a drug habit lost his job and got a new gf every couple of months.
One thing I noticed Dr.John missed with the middle story was at the beginning, the first domino that so many people knock over that starts this downward trajectory is TALKING TO OUTSIDE PEOPLE about your marriage. You can speak to someone outside your marriage but it has to be a therapist or an actual marriage coach/mentor who wants things to work out in your marriage! People constantly speak to friends, parents, siblings, and co-workers about private things in their marriage. You are allowing outside strangers, who do not care about your marriage and probably are either not married or have a toxic relationship themselves, a loud voice in your marriage. As we can see speaking to another co-worker specifically the opposite gender he offers to sleep with her to fix their problem. He doesn't care about your marriage... it sounds obvious but people don't have common sense. Now when the other people got what they wanted out of your little entanglement, they can leave happy and you're left with your spouse trying to clean up the explosion that just happened inside your marriage. Its amazing how many people allow acquaintances to destroy their marriage. People can come back from these things but it is challenging. There needs to be a course people take before they get married.
Yes! I am very careful about speaking about any relationship issues or venting because it’s so easy for family and friends to demonize the side they aren’t hearing.
@@dandaniels2868 Culture teaches that men are stupid and women are the savior of relationships. Social media is destroying more men from a women's point of view, making more demands than most men can deliver. As for me, I feel inadequate. Being in competition with social media has killed any sparks of romance.
The advice in the second call was so, so good. I’m in a good and healthy marriage, but the freedom that comes from learning that there are times of hot and cold for intimacy and discussing what you want to get out of a getaway is just soooo good. I’d even push it to say that you should discuss your goals before a date night, so that even for those few hours, you both understand what you want out of it and aren’t disappointed.
I'm the first call when he said that saying or feeling "it's all fake" is a defense mechanism is incorrect I feel. Yes, he was there when Mom died, etc. but we want people's actions to be aligned with the feelings they are portraying. I've been where "everything is fake" and when it truly was, it's not a defense mechanism.
I have to say, I was impressed with the clear level of positivity, hope, and motivation the second gal was left with, at the end of the call. Nice job.
I kind of feel like disclosing the sex she had with the other guy is more to relieve her conscience, than actually heal anything in their relationship…
That's just it - it does both! From the perspective of the husband, healing comes in two ways: 1) he has another reason leave her 2) rebuild their marriage in truth when he is ready. I like the way John put, both ways are going to be incredibly difficult. She no longer has an out and must live with her choices. If she loves her man the way she claims to, she'll tell the truth.
Sharing photos of her with strangers on the internet. There would be no coming back from that with me. And the second caller just started and I cannot listen to the vocal fry, her voice is nails in my ears. Bye 👋 Merry Christmas everyone ❤
This one show of stories helped clear up so much between my wife and I, thank you so much for everything you all do not just in my life but the millions you touch everyday. Thank you.
is normal synonymous with natural? or common? If certain behaviours are common among gamblers, wouldn't there be normal addictions and abnormal addictions? both are unhealthy, like even though snake bites are rare and bad, there'd be normal bites and abnormal ones right? or like if you get envenomated, it'd be normal to have to call an ambulance.
Statistically there is a normal version of everything. Normal is in reference to a normal distribution which states which percentage of people fall into a certain place on a spectrum. Therefore there are normal serial killers, normal pedophiles, and normal cannibals. They just represent the most common version of the group they are a part of, no matter how immoral or reprehensible that group may be. Notice how John says that he is calling it normal porn addiction because of the industry that he works. He has spoken with so many people with porn addiction, he can visualize the distribution of cases and can see that the case presented was not common amongst people with porn addiction and is therefore a statistical outlier and not normal.
Right? That was just invalidating towards people who have gone through the trauma of finding out that their spouse is addicted to pron and/or entertaining chat room infidelity. This is such a man's response to something like that. Basically, "oh yeah, we've all been there" without addressing the trauma of having been completely betrayed. Just because it's ubiquitous doesn't mean it's not incredibly traumatic for the spouses who have to deal with it. The posting of pictures is just one branch of a huge betrayal.
Neither wife (last 2 callers) seemed real remorseful for the hurt they’ve caused their husbands. Very selfish immature behavior! I hope they’re just coming across in podcast as careless. And that their families can heal and go onto to live happy lives, especially for the innocent kids involved.
I don’t think people ignore their intuition or miss red flags. What seems to happen is that we tell ourselves if we don’t put up with it then we’ll always be in and out of relationships because nobody is perfect. The next person will also have all sorts of flaws and it’s only a matter of time when they do something that really puts us off.
There should be deal-breaker "red flags" early on, such as signs of low-character. If someone has low-character, there's no working with that. As far as expecting perfection out of fellow human beings, when we ourselves have flaws, that's arrogant and unfair.
If you’re raised in an environment that denies reality (like alcoholic parents denying that anything is wrong, or gaslighting their kids), a person learns to ignore or deny their instincts. Counseling can be very helpful at teaching them to sense and pay attention to their instincts.
It’s easy to miss red flags. Especially when the person is good at hiding things. Like John said, it’s only looking back after learning the truth can you see the signs. During everyday life they are easy to miss until the person either gets caught, or their behavior starts to slip and you can then notice the changes.
I love that you tell your callers truths about their situation and give them good advice with love, integrity and candor. When the lady that referenced “searching Google” said that I was thinking: trust “Delony not baloney” 😂🙌🏼. Great show! Catching up a little late ☺️ but great show!
I feel so sorry for the husband who is about to get sicker-punched with the news from his wife that she cheated on him. And the fact that she has been lying for the past 2 months - he will never feel trust in her again.
@@wstone4046 Nah. That perspective of self-preservation further elicits future episodes of not telling the truth to her husband. She may steer clear of it for a time but it further worsens the problem at hand. She'll then keep doing it to save her skin and live a life of shame that will eventually implode especially in her "faith" as a church-abiding person.
Let’s break it down…. She hoed around, husband disconnected, lost love for her, found someone else….THEN she wants to close it and fix it. Sorry lady, you played yourself and he’s moved on. He will NEVER see you the same. It’s just a long goodbye now. You broke him.
Second call--I don't agree with calling a friend to share everything. That's no ones business, and really serves no purpose other than to share the caller's misplaced guilt. She needs to talk to a professional that will be there for the long haul. At this point, only HER feelings matter, and don't muddy the waters with friends' comments.
“Everyone thinks he is perfect!” Yes you learn who your friends are. Also much you can’t tell - don’t tell - that’s isolating. You don’t want to embarrass anyone. I feel so isolated too! Unbelievable!! Wow. ❤️
John is giving you good advice. If you’re willing to lose the relationship than vomit it all up but it will only hurt your husband. But if he’s a Christian man he will find a way to forgive you. But me I’d take it to my grave. Especially with kids involved.
I"m not convinced that full disclosure about an affair is always the way to go. Sometimes the partner just can't get past the betrayal, even if the marriage is fundamentally a strong one and they both want to save it. Even if they stay together, the wound remains open.
Totally agree. Confession is only to relieve one's conscience. If it was a one night stand and you have no STDs, suck it up buttercup and leave him out of your shame and guilt. Men cannot handle infidelity. You can scar a guy forever. Women are much more tolerant.
Oh my friend, I feel so deeply for so many things in the first story of this episode. I protected my abusive, narcissistic husband who took advantage of me in a million ways-for so long. The shame and grief of being vulnerable with those close to me was overwhelming but ultimately, it was my lifeline. It was my escape and my eventual support system. I pray you marriage survived and he didn’t very deep real work necessary, but if not, you will be ok! You will be more than ok, you will thrive and those who support and know you will champion your health and well being above all!
This is the first time I tuned in .. this is the kind of therapist we need where you feel the pain bc you know it’s the truth .. I can relate w the caller w her seeing her husband behind the mask , 😷 ugly truth is she never knew her so called friend / husband :😵💫
It's no excuse when people say, "Oh, we've been together for a long time." The time doesn't kill desire. Relationships are work, and they take effort like anything in life. You want to be healthy and look good, it takes effort to eat healthy and work out; you want to save money, it takes effort and sacrifice to save money; you want a good marriage, it takes work and effort. Why would anyone ever stop putting effort into their marriage and expect it to last, is beyond dumb.
I absolutely agree. I think some people come into marriage with an immature mindset. I don't think age has as much to do with it as maturity but sometimes they do coincide. I married my husband because I could not stand the thought of not being with him for the rest of my life. The moment I met him I just felt this need to be around him. We've been married for almost 12 years and together for 13 and I still can't stand being away from him, lol. He is a wonderful person and he is just sunshine and everyone's life. He's just a good man and I really love him. I don't see this waning anytime soon. But I am blessed to have parents that are happily married after 45 years. My husband's parents have been married about the same time.
Exactly and it’s very few people who can comprehend this and it’s all ‘we love each other so that’s all’ but that’s not all you need to put in work for a seed to grow. Love also means work
I stumbled upon this channel today and I’m hooked! Dr. Felony your advice is wonderful and fair and straightforward. Listening to you is very therapeutic
People get used to being the DOORMAT. It is hard for the abuser to change but it is also hard for you to change and not be the doormat. Concentrate on you.
Story 1: He's not going to change, that's who he is 2: the second you open the marriage, the marriage is over, this Dr. Is giving false hope. 3: She lied more than once. She can't be trusted...divorce is best for him.
I'm not sure I agree with this advice. Honesty is great but I think people do it to relieve themselves of guilt...at what expense? The best thing she could do is not hurt her husband any further and become the best wife and mom she could be.
No way. What a selfish way of thinking. This is likely the reason why marriages end in divorce. She's hurting her husband way more than she is hurting herself by not telling him. The only way she can be the "best wife and mom" she can be is to have integrity with herself and with others. Hiding that shame will compound and will continue to kill her inside. No amount of therapy will help this. She has to live with her stupid choices. I'll flip it around, if your spouse or significant other cheated on you, would you want to know the truth or continue believing that this man/woman is a saint that could never do wrong?
@@kenklee4i have to agree with you. I would want to know if my partner was or has cheated on me and also i would want an explaination as to why and how it happened and if they are completely honest then maybe we could get past it and work on things. Who knows though? Everyone keeps secrets. Big or little. I would want to know.
John, I am a big fan, I just found your show the last couple of months. I’ve watched many episodes. You give great advice. Please tell me why you tell your callers you love them, why? They are strangers to you. You don’t know them. I just find it very odd. Other than that, I have nothing else negative to say, if that was even negative, lol.
Well, I'm a Christian and I love everyone. Even people I don't know. I want everyone to be loved and feel loved. It's sad to me that other people don't feel that way
How do you cheat on someone and not feel like an absolute piece of garbage for not telling them? How is going on without them knowing the truth acceptable? What a broken moral compass…
If they don't feel guilty thinking or planning the trust, the adrenaline will continue to fuel the choice and overriding the conscience. If there is no conviction after getting caught, there is no loyalty or morality in that person.
Little Drummer Boy is actually a sweet song. He felt he had nothing to give to honor Jesus, but he did what he could, and it was enough and made Jesus smile. The message is even if we don't have money, we're still valued and appreciated. We are enough.
I love listening to you! My life has been a series of trauma an abuse. My last relationship was ten years past, with a horrible narcissist, cruel abusive man. Since then I have been alone, he took it all from me..then I got cancer, my health just never bounced back. So I still feel like I can’t trust,now I don’t know joy. I have no idea, what makes me feel alive, I really don’t care…no-one cares I am 64 disabled, an have nothing to offer, nothing to bring to the table.
Care I do! Although it has been 4wks since you wrote this... I'm hoping you got through the holidays and are feeling stronger on all levels. Seems as if I were shish kebab'd at birth. The last relationship spent me too. It takes a toll on our well-being, and those also involved directly, as well, indirectly. I've one suggestion for another therapist online that dwells deep into complex trama. *Tim Fletcher* May your days be filled with choices that add life to your smile. So sorry for your pain and sorrow. Lifted in prayer for strength in all area's needed. The world is over-whelmed... yet, remember... more than I care! Today is a reminder.
@@myhalowithin Thank you so very much for your reply, it really touched my heart. I woke at 4 am Wens night an was unable to walk. I have serious back issues, from working in bars for 40 years with lung issues, having to use strong steroids to keep me going. Spent a night in ER now waiting for insurance to give me referral for MRI . Another day in paradise… I did find a therapist just doing the paperwork for that also lol. But mostly wanting to say you are very kind for stopping an taking your precious time to make my heart feel better. Your a great person. I needed to say that. Hope you are well, an have people who tell you everyday they love an need you. I care that you are here, just so you can reply to me an make me feel something today ❤️ THANK YOU MY NEW FRIEND
@@bobbieboomboomkelly Then we are new friends. I'm not great by far, however, you are welcome. First off I was impressed with you speaking up! Everybody moves so fast :) Oh, you might want to look up an, (Sigma INFJ-T) that's me, mostly... along with the complex. Personally, it helped greatly to take the online Myers Personality Test, then other's to verify results were as accurate as, my answers true. Once the therapist I mentioned above was in the knowledge mix, well... that somehow helped my strength I was determined to retrieve, after making a very bad error only hidesight could show me. It took a huge toll on my every level. I've had MS for most of my life, and able to control it with life style mostly, until what I/You/other's find themselves in, abusive relationship of one, or more if we start taking on mirroring traits. Well, I'm a door slammer! My health incurred too much stress, and when there is enough pressure on something, the weakest part oozes out. So, now... losing my sight more and more, along with hands and feet that once thrived. It gets scary for sure... you too. I hope you get answers so you will be able to make the best choices for you probable. I hope you stay out of the ER's. Those ICU's have a lot of people there with Peek-a-boo problems! 🤭 Warning: Love silly jokes. I was not expecting a new friend. Welcome. I really think you are going to benefit from the complex therapy, or at least it is my hope you will, too. Whew! wooped now🤣😂 Hope you have some refreshing sleep and find the morning a bit brighter, no matter what. 🙏 Talk with you again. 🤍
I love that John said (to first caller) to call two friend and being open about this issue. Such a healthy way to deal with such a secret sin, bring it into the light so it will die for your future to be better.
As a personal trainer, I beg you all - don't get involved with your personal trainers!!! I've seen so much shenanigans in the gym. The way they make you feel is the way they make all clients feel. The slimy ones just prey on the vulnerable ones who fall for it. Please dont ruin your marriage for foolishness.
I say have the Personal trainers keep doing what they are doing.
They are saving a bunch of men from unfaithful women. Assuming they ever find out
Agreed!
@mildchaos6037 Sometimes it's the attention, and these charmers know what to say. Not all are unfaithful. Some are broken
@@Mrscarricom it will never cease to amaze me that women still don’t understand a man will tell you literally anything to sleep with you
@mildchaos6037 it's why the creator called them the weaker vessel
I discovered my husband of 25 years had been having an affair when he told me he had an STD.
He told me the day after my dad’s funeral.
He made up a crazy story that he’d had a one night stand… all lies.
I remember he got on his knees in front of me and begged for me to forgive him.
He said‘I don’t want to lose my home’
At no point did he say he didn’t want to lose me or our family.. Game over..
Batard
My husband cheated on me multiple times in our 28 years of marriage 38 1/2 years together. He ADMITTED to me on cheating on me because he didn't want to go to his death bed someday without me knowing! We'd been having marital problems for a long time now and when he told me this, it killed me!!!! He to said he didn't want to loose his home. It was all about what he is getting or losing because I AM getting a divorce! We are 7 1/2 months separated and in the process of a divorce. We see a judge now in August to finalize our division of our assets we accumulated throughout 28 years of our marriage. IM DONE! The ultimate betrayal to our marriage!! I was 100% faithful to this man💔💔💔😭😭😭
My home? 😒 it was about the consequences, not what he's done to you..
👌🙏
the caller knew the marriage was over. she didnt know how to move on from that. She was isolated
The open relationship one makes me think that a lot of people today are bored and also self-absorbed. They say things like “I need attention,” and then use that as justification to step out on your marriage. Love is putting someone else’s needs before your own and serving your partner. Everything now is me/I/myself, and that attitude does not facilitate a good marriage.
They want the safety of being married but the fun of an extramarital affair. Totally selfish.
It's really not that way they choose to live that way because they really do like it and it makes them both happy.. I know several married couples married for 30 years that way! Typically in this kind of relationship if your partner has found a new partner that makes you happy and vice versa... Not for me but like I said I have a lot of experience in it I actually run a lifestyle group!
They are narcs. Raised by codependent permissive parents. The world resolves around them.
Yes yes and yes
@@davidjonburke2729Nope, 100% wrong. They are selfish, self centered, and have neglected their spouse, family, extended family and most important their children..if they have children. It's a crime against children.
It's hard enough to have time for each other in a marriage, with family.
Where are the children?
Where are the grandparents?
My husband and I spent mega hours with work, raising children, volunteering, fitting in extended family events. We barely had time for each other.
Birth, death, taxes of life and not necessarily in that order.
People who think with their genitals and instant gratification are selfish, irresponsible people to their family and society.
Don't for a minute say it " worked" for them as if there is no damage.
I hate hearing these stories of failing marriages. My wife and I have our problems, but I would never leave her. She gave me our children and helped me build the life we have with both of us dealing with depression and health issues through the years. I think of her every day, and I am absolutely the luckiest man on earth to be with her, living the life that we live.
Same. I wonder how these men live with themselves? Like, how can you look yourself in the mirror when you cheat on your pregnant wife?
That’s what marriage vows are about.
I wish you and your wife the very best. I hope that my husband has your character when the chips are down ⭐️
@@GreenManXYmy ex husband looked me in the eyes with zero problem he also did it I front of my young step son. Zero regard for my health or my unborn child. When my sweat little step son told me with zero idea of what he was saying my ex husband told my step son to tell me he was making up a story and that he was lying. I looked that sweat little boy in the eyes while he cried his heart out that I believed him 💯 and that I knew he was being honest. My ex kept the lie up for a couple more hours that evening till I told him I absolutely didn’t believe him and to tell the truth. Finally he admitted to it my soul literally fell to the floor I lost a huge piece of myself that moment and continued to lose myself for years to come. I was holding my brand new baby I felt faint but held on tight and wouldn’t let go. My life went on to be hell for years after. I look back and see all the signs now. And it’s true what they say once a cheater always a cheater that goes both ways for men or women. Cheating and lying and hiding it and swearing on people’s lives was all a sham. I believe his shame was then taken out on me physically because soon after the abuse started. I didn’t have the tools to understand what I was about to enter into. Long story short people like him look themselves in the mirror by never being honest with themselves. He has never taken responsibility.
God bless you.
If your partner is putting pictures of you on the Internet, sexualizing you and saying that you are looking to be with a man in front of him...he is marketing you. This is dangerous. Neither you nor he have any control over who encounters this information on the Internet. Your husband is dangerous. Run!
Oh, ouch. Marketing. That's exactly what my ex did to me, but I never thought of it in those terms....he put my personal info on polygamy and sister-wives sites and I had noooo idea. Ugh.😢
I watched a reality show where a man had done that to his wife. She left when he drugged her and men took turns while he watched. Seriously RUN!
Doing that without a spouse's permission is wrong. But don't confuse that with consensual open marriages.
I said the same thing. He could be opening her up to be trafficked.
Open what now?😂@@user-rf3te8uf2d
First wife. Your husband has not stopped his sick addiction. Trust me.
Exactly. I can bet my life on it. He is Just putting up the show of improving and all... In reality it's just bla bla bla
Right, nobody can stop something that deep cold turkey. Well maybe not nobody, but it would be very rare.
If she got back together with him, she guaranteed herself more years of misery. He was good at hiding that part of himself and getting caught will only make him better at it. She will never be able to, and should never, trust him again. He shared her face, body, measurements online specifically for other men to sexualize WITHOUT HER CONSENT. That’s divorce paper behaviour.
Yea that’s wild though because I can express all that stuff to my wife freely 🤷♂️
First wife. You are crazy if you stay. Dump him and move back to your home state before the divorce. He was not your best friend.
I wish my therapist and our marriage counselor would have been this upfront with us. It might have saved my marriage.
It seemed we were just doing superficial work and left to flounder.
Thank you for your work Dr. John.
The second call had excellent advice for any relationship struggling over any issue. Simple, but not easy steps for healing .
Yeah... a bad therapist can destroy your life
@@ineedhoez .... how do you know? Did this happen to anyone that you know?
We also tried a marriage counselor. Aside from being later & later for each appointment, I felt like she was refusing to help. When we opened with his cheating with a stripper, she looked at him, he looked at her & they laughed....while I sat crying. She knew he interacted with this hooker/stripper admitting he started by motor boating her naked body. The appointments that followed, she wore lower cut blouses each time showing more cleavage. I asked her about workbooks or exercises to help us. She insisted we weren't ready for that. Because of his lies over 32 yrs, I asked her if we could do a .polygraph test. She refused that as well. I left & never went back.
Just because they hang out a shingle, doesn't mean they're qualified to help.
@@suzannewilliams759I’m so sorry for your experience. You should report her. She needs to lose her license. That’s dangerous. Same thing happened to me. First visit she was laughing with my then fiance. I sat there crying my eyes out and they were talking like we were out at a restaurant or something. I reported her to my next therapist. I left his butt behind.
Crazy how people always don't know what to do AFTER they've done everything to ruin their marriages.
😂💯🙃 IKR?
Make it sound easy.
😂😂😂
Right?
😂😂 and it only happens when they are caught and trying so hard to backpedal and it's so slippery and slimy, just like themselves.
That first wife needs to divorce her husband right away. This is a character issue that can not be fixed. I don't think she needs to tell all her friends their business, therapists only. Once you start telling friends it's too many cooks in the kitchen.
I agree. Talk about making things worse.
P*rn addiction is not a character flaw. It is an illness that has become worse for a lot of people because of the internet. A lot of times addictions stem from deep seated childhood trauma and a struggle to connect. P*rn addiction is no different than food addiction or drug addiction.
That being said, if you have no trust, love can't hold its footing. She has to decide what work is worth doing if she decides to stay or go.
And I agree, telling too many people causes more problems. Better to speak with a therapist and maybe one really good friend she knows will just listen and not force their opinions.
@datheamore6395 food addiction and drug addiction aren't breaking a covenant, and neither is a reason for divorce in Christianity. Porn is.
@@datheamore6395but she doesn’t have to live with that…what kind of life is that. Don’t be scared of being alone. Live your life.
@B-MarieReally? Because my friends would think I was the reason if I just left him and there was no good reason for it. And I hear that in what she says. Everyone thinks he’s a great guy. This happened to one of my friends. She found out he’d been hooking up with randoms for years and years, and they’re still together. But she still needed to tell some of us. In part because he said he was repentant and she needed her friends (their husbands really) in the church to be part of holding him accountable. If he’s truly repentant, he has to come clean with those closest to him. I couldn’t leave something that huge out of my true friendships. My friends would be calling me out or distancing themselves from me for leaving my marriage if there was not a good reason for me to do that.
How do people think an open marriage is ever okay?!?!😰
Abraham, David, Noah, Solomon…
@@greenAbbotoh yeah they all worked out so well 😂
Open marriage always looked like a lot to me.
What gets me is that monogamous couples thing open marriage will save it. Truth is, open marriages take work. You have to have the boundaries and the rules already in order before you do it. You talk to your primary partner before, during, and after, always! Primary partner comes before the secondary. Too many people don't talk to their partner, they don't express their feelings, Primary ends up feeling neglected and the secondary is put on a pedestal.
@@VeronicAM313 an open marriage is not marriage. Marriage is a word with an objective, definitive meaning. Though the culture is corrupt and wicked, marriage is one thing, and one thing only.
An offer for open marriage would immediately end the relationship for me. Absolutely no way I'm doing that
I agree. ☝️ f your partner is asking g you to open the marriage is because he is already manning to cheat. But convincing you to participate makes him look better in public because if you’re doing it as well, then no one can point a finger at his cheating ass. I would end the relationship as well.
Yeah, so why bother getting married !!?
Financial. I know some couples have married just to multiply wealth and riches but have lovers and mistresses
Sometimes it down right looks like a marriage between royalties just to protect and enrich the crown and then both wife and husband have their own partners lol@@MaletinaClarke-rq9ds
Well I think he should have been upfront and open about his wants and needs. It’s okay to be in an open marriage as long as the partner is aware and okay with it.
@@LaurenSanders13lol yeah until some guy lays some 5-star pipe or a lady gives that gluk-gluk 9000 and takes it down the hatch afterward.
It’s a bad idea all around and it never works out for the better
One of our preachers said to ask your self each day “what can I do to help my mate today”. It takes the thought off self and onto your mate.
I think that many people'd be far better if they focused on themselves rather than others. Also, helping others without them asking for help is a great violation of other people's boundaries, and you're really presumptuous if you believe you know the best what's good for other people.
@@barbthegreat586 ha. As if we don't already struggle with thinking of our own desires first. Humans do not need any help to think about themselves more. Look around at our current culture. People need to focus on themselves more ? Nuts.
I told my husband I absolutely love doing things for him. When he asked if I could do something for him, I jump up and do it. It actually makes me happy to make his life easier. He's always so appreciative of the tiniest little thing it makes loving him so easy. I always tell him he's such an easy person to love
@@liannemarie2504sounds like your love language is acts of service 🙂 My husband's 💯 the same. My love language is words of affirmation so I feel like it's a great combo. Cheers to healthy and happy marriages 🎉🫶
Love languages are different for everyone.. it’s important to have that conversation with a partner.
The second caller said, “Blame Covid, blame this Blame that”. Are you serious?! How about, I chose this instead of that. Take Responsibility For Yourself!! Also, she came back because “it didn’t work out”, not because she knew what she was doing was wrong. Nor did she say she loves her husband.🤦♀️🤷♀️
I blame the husband. He "agreed to it to keep her happy" - instead of saying hell no - I will leave you so fast and be out the door
Exactly! She's sounds very immature.
Yep, she just talked about HER needs not getting met, not getting attention, etc.
She needs accountability for her actions. That's up to her to choose. It was irresponsible to believe that being with more than one sexual partner will be the solution to their troubles. I hope the best for her and her husband.
Very good point. I always think when I hear stories like that well you came back to your husband because it didn’t work out but let’s imagine that things were going great with this new dude…would even a one thought about your husband cross your mind? The answer is no! Because she would be thinking “yeah this new dude is so great! Giving me so many great emotions! That’s what I’ve been looking for!” But in reality the fairytale stopped pretty quickly and then she goes “actually my husband wasn’t that bad I actually want to work on our relationship” well it seems to me she hasn’t changed and I would expect her to do something like that again when she again needs “more new emotions”. Unfortunately no wisdom there at least I didn’t see it 🤷🏻♂️
Big respect to Dr. Delony here....to analyze such complex situations in such a short time, to give practical steps and insight, and to offer hope - quite remarkable.
He gets long emails and his staff interviews the callers first weeks in advance so he goes in prepped.
If the two of you are already having problems, involving a third party will only make things worse.
Yes, it's like having a baby to save the marriage. Terrible idea
I had a coworker that tried that. They divorced and he ended up remarrying and had another child.
THATS what I kept telling My husband but he acted like I was over sensitive, too old fashioned & after a couple yrs first married hearing his FANTASIES to groom Me into his idea of fun, I said NO..
He gave up for some yrs after our 3rd yr..then somewhere into more yrs leading up to 8th, 9th yr his swinging desires went full tilt WITHOUT ME..on the sly
I found out, tried talking sense to him for about 3 or 4 more yrs..eventually I kicked him out
I supported him his 1st 21/2 yrs into our marriage
I'm old fashioned. I believe in love. I believe in vows.
Why do people swing? It's never gonna FIX ANYTHING but only make it worse
I'll never forget the moment I caught him. I was on My way to do HIS LAUNDRY...and got a feeling I should return back to the apartment QUICKLY after leaving ..because I sensed he was online with HER...AND HE WAS..BUSTED! He tried to deny he was doing anything wrong...even laughed AT ME as if to imply, I'm being ridiculous...THEN..
I said show Me your minimized screen...BUSTED!
I read All their sex talk of WHAT they wanted to do..like WTF...why?
I was THE PERFECT WIFE!!! and I was very attractive...I was very UNDERSTANDING, PATIENT, GIVING, EASY GOING, GREAT COOK, KEPT GREAT HOME, ....
so its not like he wasnt LUCKY
it's ALL ABOUT his juvenile selfish wants
Second caller. Her husband allowed the "open relationship" to make her happy?!? She only stopped cheating because her "boyfriend" didn't treat her right. Did she ever mention that she loved her husband? One day the husband is going to realize that he's not enough for her. Unfortunately, it might be when she finds someone else.
Its never really love if you can allow another person to get deep up inside your partner. These people are not ready for marriage and should just stay single forever
She never cheated he consented to an open marriage 💀
But l thought she said husband accepted it because he had someone else too. Maybe l missed something.
@@alejandroc7357 I'm in a closed throuple... What's that mean for me?
"Hes just there."
🤣😂 yeah you really love the guy.
Exactly! I feel for that man. Cucked by his wife and when her fantasy inevitably falls apart she doesn't even comprehend the possibility that he could be hurt or struggling.
He’s a potted plant
The woman in this relationship seems horrible. Poor dude
yep thats why MGTOW is going mainstream, we are no longer being a ATM machine or a pack mule for ungrateful western whores !
To share your measurements and compromising photos of yourself taken in confidence, and sharing it sneakily to others like him is also compromising your safety, questionable and ultimate betrayal. Is he pimping her! Trust is broken. 💔
Agreed. Any weirdo could’ve seen that and and taken him up on his offer - randomly and potentially violently. That’s one of the most absurd things I’ve ever heard a husband do to his wife. I’d actually report this to the police just to have it on record, then I’d file for a divorce.
i agree......it seemed like he was trying to put her in danger on purpose....really sick.
She could've got a stalker from that, or had a guy attack her in her home after getting all these sexual ideas from hubby. Very unsafe. And to think of all the diseases he could've brought home. Smh.
To the 1st caller; the same thing happened to me after 30 yrs of marriage. I’m in a therapy group with other women this has happened to. Please know that recovery is possible if you want it. All this pain you feel is horrific. Please look for a CSAT therapist; so important. Don’t tell friends that can be unsafe, it can cause you even more ptsd. Again a CSAT led therapy group will help you heal. Much love ❤️
Thankyou
@@Gigi30107 I would just say if ur in a marriage and hees not having his needs met. And ur upset at him for trying to having his needs met (via substitute). Why are you two even together? If reconciliation can be found there needs to be a compromise. Or else he will resent you and you will hold the grude from the past. An it will become either toxic or very cold and distant.
@@Will-ef2twDon't u dare blame her!
@@Will-ef2twWill, let me guess; you've done something like this and as your girlfriend or wife was kicking you out of her home, your male ego screamed, "This is all your fault because I have needs!" Indeed you do but your URGENTLY important needs are NOT between your thighs; you can handle that need all by yourself. Your truly urgent need is between your ears in your poorly educated brain. If you ever learn that a woman is more than a living porn doll you might stand a chance at not being alone and constantly kicked to the curb.
If he is not satisfied- it is up to him to be HONEST & communicate with his WIFE… not live a life of lies!!
Only true Delony fans are listening now on Christmas Day. 🤪🎄🎄🎄 deck the halls and listen to tragic stories falalalalala
Sorry im not Christian or catholic. Howevr i found this on jan 25, 2024
Cool miserable stories on Christmas. 😂
😂
😂😂😂😂
This comment is gold😂😂😂
Here for it 🙌 ❤
😂
That husband who posted pictures of his wife will never change. I don't care how much he goes to therapy.
Yes. She needs to be honest with herself. This is over. He is a narcissist and will only appear to change. She needs to quit protecting this guy! Eww. He is a creep.
Jesus Christ died for all
@@colleengarcia7752without defending the guy for doing what he did...d.why do women CONSTANTLY jump right to labeling a guy a "Narcissist"...??? Lol!!! Ypu literaly have no basis for that nonsense. It doesn't even make sense in this situation. I'm convinced most women don't even know what being a Narcissist actually means.
IF WE WILL LET HIM, HE MAKES THE ONLY WAY FOR US TO CHANGE!!!@@DrDoerk
@@mr.fettesq.7705it has nothing to do with gender. Most people cant diagnose a narcissist.
“I need you to see me and still love me”! That really shook me. I wish that when we were younger, I’m 57, but I wish I had the patience and the ability to sit down and listen to people who knew what they were talking about instead of thinking I knew everything. I wish to God I could get that time back. But I can’t.
😢me too
Hopefully you learned the lessons that you were meant to learn, because that (imho) is what the point of hardships and struggles are…and you will keep getting lessons given until you learn them. 😊
Perfect day to have this come out. Ho, Ho, Ho's all around 😆😆😆
😅
I snickered, nah I laughed😂
😂😂😂
😂😂😂
Thank you, Dr. Delony. I listened to your “The Most Unforgettable Marriage Calls I’ve Ever Taken Greatest Hits Vol. Two” for the first time this morning. The call with Rebecca really hit home. But what struck me, and frankly made me burst into tears, was you telling her the parts that were real in her marriage. Because I truly believed that our entire relationship, and marriage, was a lie. We were together for almost 25 years. He treated me like I was a princess for the first 20-ish years. I felt the shift, and tried to talk to him, but he denied that anything was going on. I put on my detective hat, and pretty much found out everything. We’re divorced; initially I wanted to work things out, but I discovered another piece of the puzzle, and I couldn’t go on after that. Thank you, again. I guess hearing an intelligent, caring human being (outside of my circle of family and friends) say “that part was real” is something that I needed to hear.
That's heartbreaking I'm so sorry 😔
First woman needs to leave him and not look back. He’s NOT going to change. He might make a good attempt at faking the change, but it won’t take long for him to turn into Super Douche again.
he may be a sex addict. Plus he's pimping out her pics....unbelievable.
I agree she needs to leave. Also I laughed at the super douche part I thought I only said that lol 😂
Exactly. What does she think he's doing living on his own? Does she think he's happily waiting for her? She wasn't enough for him when they were together everyday. Why would she think she's enough, when he's flying single? Smh.
I’m mad that ophelia wants her husband back after the boyfriend thing ended. Her husband has to be so hurt.
They both participated in an open marriage. While she initiated it, he seemed to be content with the idea of sleeping with other women. Honestly, they are both supremely at fault. My husband would never trade me out for open sex. Her husband didn’t love the idea but he said as long as he can have side action, he’s fine. That’s gross on both their parts. She emotionally got attached to one person, he had sexual encounters. They both defiled the marriage bed and their commitment to each other. If they are able to fix this, it will be both of them having to work on their adultery amongst many other things.
If someone came to me about an open marriage I would agree. Then I will get a divorce the next day. That's an open marriage.
@@sitcheyr9352 You know, I think that's not the full picture. Judging by his withdrawn attitude, he is probably secretly preparing a divorce. She thinks he still wants to be with her, but she'll be shocked when she receives divorce papers. He doesn't act like a guy who is still involved in the marriage, she was just too absorbed in her affair to realize that.
@@joshuapope6563😂I like it
@@ciobalina7445 she's using him as a place holder until she meets another guy. If the guy treated her better she would still be doing it. The husband is planning an exit .
My sis had this happen to her and it ruined her. He also repented and it was true and sincere but its been 3 yrs and they both still weep. Counselor told her if they are doing better in 5 yrs than they are doing well. It takes a long time to heal from entire marriage being a sham.
I don't think coming back from this sort of betrayal is possible. If someone has proven that they are willing and able to hide the truth and lie to your face for years on end, how can any amount of time of honesty prove that they've changed?
The remedy to every grievance (beside compensation for the grievance) is a change in behaviour from the offending. You forgot something? Write a reminder so you won't. That's a guarantee that it won't happen again. There is no equivalent guarantee you can give for years of lies, deciet and manipulation. I think it's why spousal betrayal is one of the worst sins, because there's no way to remedy it, it will either upend the relationship, or the agrieved party "forgives", i.e. they pay the price for the cheater's mistake.
@@balazsfoldes4700 just the creepiness factor is enough to end it.
@@balazsfoldes4700it is also the most common result of marrying a man.
Been 25 years for me and still haven’t recovered. You never do.
Absolutely… ive been the one paying. Big mistake to stay.
My husband wouldn't even stay with me when my dad was dying and I was into my third trimester and we had a daughter that was 16 months old. He had a softball game and he was the manager and said they needed him. At 31 year old man. He made it rough for me the last four and a half years of my mom's life. I need to call Dr John
Good Lord, Honey. I hope you are divorced from that jack*ss
❤🙏
He's a pig.
Hope you have! May 2024
Sorry you have been treated so poorly 😔
Gotta love Dr. D, giving us all the gift of "see, somebody else out there has an even *more* screwed-up family!"
I asked my husband if he would ever want another wife. He said that one wife is trouble enough. He would like to have his sanity intact hahahaha.
LOL. Mine says the same thing! I used to tease him about getting a sister wife, and he would visibly cringe😂
Ha ha ha. My husband said he does not know how some Muslims have 4 wives as they are allowed. One wife is ENOUGH, to drive a man nuts.
Saying these things does not mean anything.
what a strange question to ask your husband
Exactly! Every married man I know says that one woman is trouble enough!😂😂😂
Posting or sharing sexual photos of someone else without their permission is illegal in Australia! 😮 this is vile behaviour.
As it should be! However, despite the fact that what he did was morally repugnant and most definitely wrong, if she’s clothed (even racily as she stated - shorts and a short tank top) would that still be illegal? I’m guessing not.
It’s illegal in the US. I’m kind of surprised John didn’t say that she has the option to sue.
They were not sexual though. Caller said that in the call.
Who else has trust issues after listening to this ?
I actually started feeling much better about being single all my life.....I actually feel proud of myself for not settling and for making decisions that lead to physical/emotional loneliness but kept my integrity whole....
Yeah, that second call nearly violated my marriage by proxy. That dude's misery went through his wife's 2nd-hand testimony, out through my speakers and touched my soul inappropriately.
This guy is amazing. I love how he isn’t afraid to call out bullshit but also admits that he is only getting a 30000 ft birds eye view of the situation and he almost never tells people to leave or stay in a bad relationship. He also acknowledges that sometimes economics prolong a bad marriage. That isn’t talked about as much anymore now that woman can get jobs and make 3/4 as much as men.
He just told the First Lady to leave. Is he a psychologist? He should not give his opinion ( s)
@@carlakenyon6073Yea she should leave the hell ?????
I love an expert who does take that extra step n ask such messed up folks to leave. That first relationship will never heal
The Ophelia call broke my heart. Those people are ruined forever…
It's truly degrading for her husband. I love it how John tells her that it will never be the same again because it's true. Their marriage will have to be completely different.
She seems like a terrible self absorbed person. I hope she listened to this call back after to hear herself.
@inosuke4708 in her first few sentences I thought,selfish woman here
It made me feel sick listening to her talking. Its psychopath behavior.
It's a circus out there, that's for sure
And this is how we ruin a marriage folks
I love this show. It's a great reminder for me, why I stopped dating at all or having sex & have zero desire to get married or shack up. It's too much risk, too much work, not worth it, to me. The predicaments the callers on Dr Johns show are in, only strengthen my resolve. I'm grateful for this.
Most things in this life that are the most worthwhile and fulfilling, require sacrifice and risk. You should absolutely be smart in who you decide to spend your precious time with, and not be looking to another human being to "complete" you. But, marriage and family are truly worth it all.
Agree totally!
Spot on 👍👍👍👍👍👍
@@mbwilson8592 If that is your point of view & how you choose to live your life, then, that is what suits you. Some people, such as I, are much happier, productive, remaining single & celibate.
My life is so good, there is nothing that any person could or would add that could add quality to my life.
I HATED being married.
The ex-only beat me one time. He didn't get a chance to do it again.
6 months after the divorce I met a truly wonderful man. The connection was there, we had a lot in common. When he died, I wanted to die, too.
A year after that, I began dating again, it was horrible. The liars, cheaters, sex pigs, guys with deep control issues, so jealous, so possessive.
When I made the decision to stop dating at all in 2012, I became so much happier. I began volunteering, helping other people, traveling more, indulging in a hobby I'm passionate about. I began working out & going to fitness classes, more.
Life is good!
@@abbyxiong3931 There is no reason or need to be sorry. When I hear of all the crap people do to each other in marriages & romantic relationships, my life is of a much higher quality.
If I had stayed married, I would not have been able to travel as much as I do, I would not have the career that I love. I might even have been killed.
When I was married, I loved to do volunteer work. He would become so irritated by it, tell me I was wasting my time etc.
I tried talking with him, his mother tried talking to him, even our children. He wouldn't listen to anyone.
He didn't believe I would leave him. Afterall, he only beat me once. (eyeroll)
The creeps out there in the dating world ~ UGH!
Porn addiction..soft or hard...ruin many a relationship... especially when the partner lies about it and hides it...there is so much trust destroyed...and so much pain in thinking you are not beautiful and wanted.
100%
they get addicted to it....and prefer it to real relationships.
Me and my wife thought about open marriage to spice things up, but then she said she was afraid that id like the other woman better and leave her. And i dont like the idea of another guy with my wife.
I also knew personally 2 other couples who did that and it ended up ruining both their marriages. we just decided its not worth it and agreed to not do it. Monogamy only.
Have you maybe considered a s*x doll ?? Good innocent fun and nobody gets hurt, they're an investment but could save a marriage 😍
I love that you did this. As someone who had 0 family around me this time of year, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. 🙏🏽💚 Merry Christmas to you and yours
All the best to you in 2024.
My husband kept begging to open our marriage. I finally said years. That’s how I met my new husband. Never been happier. Exhusband seems to not find what he’s looking for back then as he’s now got a drug habit lost his job and got a new gf every couple of months.
That is so sad....
One thing I noticed Dr.John missed with the middle story was at the beginning, the first domino that so many people knock over that starts this downward trajectory is TALKING TO OUTSIDE PEOPLE about your marriage. You can speak to someone outside your marriage but it has to be a therapist or an actual marriage coach/mentor who wants things to work out in your marriage!
People constantly speak to friends, parents, siblings, and co-workers about private things in their marriage. You are allowing outside strangers, who do not care about your marriage and probably are either not married or have a toxic relationship themselves, a loud voice in your marriage. As we can see speaking to another co-worker specifically the opposite gender he offers to sleep with her to fix their problem.
He doesn't care about your marriage... it sounds obvious but people don't have common sense. Now when the other people got what they wanted out of your little entanglement, they can leave happy and you're left with your spouse trying to clean up the explosion that just happened inside your marriage.
Its amazing how many people allow acquaintances to destroy their marriage. People can come back from these things but it is challenging.
There needs to be a course people take before they get married.
I think most people dont understand accountability. I see it more in todays women. Sadly
Yes! I am very careful about speaking about any relationship issues or venting because it’s so easy for family and friends to demonize the side they aren’t hearing.
@@dandaniels2868
Culture teaches that men are stupid and women are the savior of relationships. Social media is destroying more men from a women's point of view, making more demands than most men can deliver.
As for me, I feel inadequate. Being in competition with social media has killed any sparks of romance.
I don't know, he recommended the first caller tell some close friends about what's happening with her marriage.
Idk. What usually happens is the man forbids the woman from talking to anyone, meanwhile he feels free to complain about her to his friends.
The advice in the second call was so, so good. I’m in a good and healthy marriage, but the freedom that comes from learning that there are times of hot and cold for intimacy and discussing what you want to get out of a getaway is just soooo good. I’d even push it to say that you should discuss your goals before a date night, so that even for those few hours, you both understand what you want out of it and aren’t disappointed.
I'm the first call when he said that saying or feeling "it's all fake" is a defense mechanism is incorrect I feel. Yes, he was there when Mom died, etc. but we want people's actions to be aligned with the feelings they are portraying. I've been where "everything is fake" and when it truly was, it's not a defense mechanism.
I have to say, I was impressed with the clear level of positivity, hope, and motivation the second gal was left with, at the end of the call. Nice job.
Dr Delony is the BEST and most HONEST psychologist today!
I kind of feel like disclosing the sex she had with the other guy is more to relieve her conscience, than actually heal anything in their relationship…
Agree, just because an item needs to be said, does not mean an item needs to be heard
@@wstone4046 - Ooh!! I like that!
That's just it - it does both! From the perspective of the husband, healing comes in two ways: 1) he has another reason leave her 2) rebuild their marriage in truth when he is ready. I like the way John put, both ways are going to be incredibly difficult. She no longer has an out and must live with her choices. If she loves her man the way she claims to, she'll tell the truth.
Yeah she doesn’t sound too upset. I feel like she’s fine with a divorce if it does come to that
eww you're a woman of poor character. i hope your husband cheats on you LOOOOL
The first one. Run! Go out, don't trust him anymore no matter what he say or do. Go run.
Agree, don’t tell any friends they can’t help you they’ll just be talking your business pay for professional help.
Sharing photos of her with strangers on the internet. There would be no coming back from that with me. And the second caller just started and I cannot listen to the vocal fry, her voice is nails in my ears. Bye 👋 Merry Christmas everyone ❤
Yess! Or her up talking too.....
This one show of stories helped clear up so much between my wife and I, thank you so much for everything you all do not just in my life but the millions you touch everyday. Thank you.
No, i couldn't move past husband posting pics of me and asking who is interested.
Exactly!!!!
I would press charges
There's nothing "normal" about a pornography addiction
maybe not “normal,” but common
Might as well be normal now.
is normal synonymous with natural? or common? If certain behaviours are common among gamblers, wouldn't there be normal addictions and abnormal addictions? both are unhealthy, like even though snake bites are rare and bad, there'd be normal bites and abnormal ones right? or like if you get envenomated, it'd be normal to have to call an ambulance.
Statistically there is a normal version of everything. Normal is in reference to a normal distribution which states which percentage of people fall into a certain place on a spectrum. Therefore there are normal serial killers, normal pedophiles, and normal cannibals. They just represent the most common version of the group they are a part of, no matter how immoral or reprehensible that group may be. Notice how John says that he is calling it normal porn addiction because of the industry that he works. He has spoken with so many people with porn addiction, he can visualize the distribution of cases and can see that the case presented was not common amongst people with porn addiction and is therefore a statistical outlier and not normal.
Right? That was just invalidating towards people who have gone through the trauma of finding out that their spouse is addicted to pron and/or entertaining chat room infidelity. This is such a man's response to something like that. Basically, "oh yeah, we've all been there" without addressing the trauma of having been completely betrayed. Just because it's ubiquitous doesn't mean it's not incredibly traumatic for the spouses who have to deal with it. The posting of pictures is just one branch of a huge betrayal.
Reminds me why I love being single after 2 marriages. Never again do I want anyone interrupting my peace❤
And if your marriage is falling apart, Merry Christmas. 😂😂😂
Neither wife (last 2 callers) seemed real remorseful for the hurt they’ve caused their husbands. Very selfish immature behavior! I hope they’re just coming across in podcast as careless. And that their families can heal and go onto to live happy lives, especially for the innocent kids involved.
Can't believe this comes out on Christmas Day 😅
I don’t think people ignore their intuition or miss red flags. What seems to happen is that we tell ourselves if we don’t put up with it then we’ll always be in and out of relationships because nobody is perfect. The next person will also have all sorts of flaws and it’s only a matter of time when they do something that really puts us off.
There should be deal-breaker "red flags" early on, such as signs of low-character. If someone has low-character, there's no working with that. As far as expecting perfection out of fellow human beings, when we ourselves have flaws, that's arrogant and unfair.
If you’re raised in an environment that denies reality (like alcoholic parents denying that anything is wrong, or gaslighting their kids), a person learns to ignore or deny their instincts. Counseling can be very helpful at teaching them to sense and pay attention to their instincts.
It’s easy to miss red flags. Especially when the person is good at hiding things. Like John said, it’s only looking back after learning the truth can you see the signs. During everyday life they are easy to miss until the person either gets caught, or their behavior starts to slip and you can then notice the changes.
He was seeking out for attention of other couples, and was basically pimping her out to the other couples as a freebie sounds rather insulting
The lady that was with the trainer, belongs to the streets. 😮
And she had a 2 year old and a 4 year old! I can't imagine the mental gymnastics she did to justify that. makes me sick.
@@epsilona7472blaming men is always easy, maybe that’s how she justified
I commend all these people that are brave enough to call and talk to Dr John on the air.
I love that you tell your callers truths about their situation and give them good advice with love, integrity and candor. When the lady that referenced “searching Google” said that I was thinking: trust “Delony not baloney” 😂🙌🏼. Great show! Catching up a little late ☺️ but great show!
I feel so sorry for the husband who is about to get sicker-punched with the news from his wife that she cheated on him. And the fact that she has been lying for the past 2 months - he will never feel trust in her again.
She needs to shut up, fly right, and never stray again. No way should she ever tell him.
@@wstone4046 I think that’s so wrong to withhold something that big.
@@wstone4046Found the cheater.
@@wstone4046 Nah. That perspective of self-preservation further elicits future episodes of not telling the truth to her husband. She may steer clear of it for a time but it further worsens the problem at hand. She'll then keep doing it to save her skin and live a life of shame that will eventually implode especially in her "faith" as a church-abiding person.
@@wstone4046 Agree! Never go to another gym. Ask God for forgiveness, forgive yourself and move on!
Let’s break it down….
She hoed around, husband disconnected, lost love for her, found someone else….THEN she wants to close it and fix it. Sorry lady, you played yourself and he’s moved on. He will NEVER see you the same. It’s just a long goodbye now. You broke him.
So true! I still don’t feel like she actually cares for him. She just wants him back because she’s lonely now😏
Are there any update videos?
Second call--I don't agree with calling a friend to share everything. That's no ones business, and really serves no purpose other than to share the caller's misplaced guilt. She needs to talk to a professional that will be there for the long haul. At this point, only HER feelings matter, and don't muddy the waters with friends' comments.
Sure she should. Best day to call a friend and dump your troubles is Christmas morning. 😂
@@JustinCase780 👍would just be awful
People who have porn blocks and warnings on their phones can easily get past that to keep their old behavior going.
I truly appreciate how honest you are. Listening to you has helped me be honest and open. It is a great feeling being free of secrets! Thank You!
Couldn't torture that information out of me. You tell your friends and you and your husband will be the weirdos FOREVER.
“Everyone thinks he is perfect!”
Yes you learn who your friends are. Also much you can’t tell - don’t tell - that’s isolating. You don’t want to embarrass anyone. I feel so isolated too! Unbelievable!!
Wow. ❤️
John is giving you good advice. If you’re willing to lose the relationship than vomit it all up but it will only hurt your husband. But if he’s a Christian man he will find a way to forgive you. But me I’d take it to my grave. Especially with kids involved.
I love how you help people and counsel them thru this hard time with your solid advice. Very sweet ❤
This lady may be shocked that her friends don't think that her husband is that great .
I"m not convinced that full disclosure about an affair is always the way to go.
Sometimes the partner just can't get past the betrayal, even if the marriage is fundamentally a strong one and they both want to save it.
Even if they stay together, the wound remains open.
Totally agree. Confession is only to relieve one's conscience. If it was a one night stand and you have no STDs, suck it up buttercup and leave him out of your shame and guilt. Men cannot handle infidelity. You can scar a guy forever. Women are much more tolerant.
if that first one was me I really think it would be over. soliciting sex on my behalf is terrifying and one step away from trafficking
I agree!!
Oh my friend, I feel so deeply for so many things in the first story of this episode. I protected my abusive, narcissistic husband who took advantage of me in a million ways-for so long. The shame and grief of being vulnerable with those close to me was overwhelming but ultimately, it was my lifeline. It was my escape and my eventual support system. I pray you marriage survived and he didn’t very deep real work necessary, but if not, you will be ok! You will be more than ok, you will thrive and those who support and know you will champion your health and well being above all!
I was having a not so good Christmas morning but I feel better now lol merry Christmas y’all 🎅
LOOOVE the digital echos on the “paaah-ra-pah-pah-puuum!” 😂
Out for a walk now and need some Delony in my life.
This is the first time I tuned in .. this is the kind of therapist we need where you feel the pain bc you know it’s the truth .. I can relate w the caller w her seeing her husband behind the mask , 😷 ugly truth is she never knew her so called friend / husband :😵💫
nobody talks more about their trauma than a cheater does
The second lady who called can only be saved by being served divorce papers
Totally agree.
She needs lots of therapy before she can be in a relationship - getting back together is not a great idea for her husband.
Just discovered your channel few days ago and been binge watching ever since. I sent this one straight to mama. Lol. 👊🏻
42:11 Ugh "It went too far." "We ended up sleeping together." Girl, you CHOSE to sleep with him! This didn't just Happen to you!
Well, I identify with caller #1 and it has been 3 years. Still not healed.
Me too friend 😢
22 years. Still not healed because very little changed.
I'm sorry. I imagine your spouse had porn addiction.
Why are you with him
We aren't.@@fredflinstone6601
It's no excuse when people say, "Oh, we've been together for a long time." The time doesn't kill desire. Relationships are work, and they take effort like anything in life. You want to be healthy and look good, it takes effort to eat healthy and work out; you want to save money, it takes effort and sacrifice to save money; you want a good marriage, it takes work and effort. Why would anyone ever stop putting effort into their marriage and expect it to last, is beyond dumb.
I absolutely agree. I think some people come into marriage with an immature mindset. I don't think age has as much to do with it as maturity but sometimes they do coincide. I married my husband because I could not stand the thought of not being with him for the rest of my life. The moment I met him I just felt this need to be around him. We've been married for almost 12 years and together for 13 and I still can't stand being away from him, lol. He is a wonderful person and he is just sunshine and everyone's life. He's just a good man and I really love him. I don't see this waning anytime soon. But I am blessed to have parents that are happily married after 45 years. My husband's parents have been married about the same time.
Exactly and it’s very few people who can comprehend this and it’s all ‘we love each other so that’s all’ but that’s not all you need to put in work for a seed to grow. Love also means work
I stumbled upon this channel today and I’m hooked! Dr. Felony your advice is wonderful and fair and straightforward. Listening to you is very therapeutic
Autocorrect…Dr Felony 😂😂😂
Grief demands a witness!!!!
Loving the conversation cards! Thanks for Questions for Humans! Merry Christmas!
First caller needs to leave that guy and take everything
People get used to being the DOORMAT. It is hard for the abuser to change but it is also hard for you to change and not be the doormat. Concentrate on you.
That's sad
I’m being married for 10 years. I’ve spend 8 or 9 Crismases alone. I’m never the priority. I’m tired of it.
Why you are alone every Christmas? I’m sorry you have to go through that
Run
Why are you letting yourself be a Doormat?
@@joinjen3854 I don’t have family or friends in USA , I’ve been sick for a while and depressed. I don’t have a job at the moment.
Be done, it will get worse the older you get
Story 1: He's not going to change, that's who he is
2: the second you open the marriage, the marriage is over, this Dr. Is giving false hope.
3: She lied more than once. She can't be trusted...divorce is best for him.
I'm not sure I agree with this advice. Honesty is great but I think people do it to relieve themselves of guilt...at what expense? The best thing she could do is not hurt her husband any further and become the best wife and mom she could be.
Yeah, how is that going to happen? She doesn't seem to have accepted responsibility for her actions.
No. Do not deny someone their ability to make a choice. She already hurt him. He just doesn't know about it.
No way. What a selfish way of thinking. This is likely the reason why marriages end in divorce. She's hurting her husband way more than she is hurting herself by not telling him. The only way she can be the "best wife and mom" she can be is to have integrity with herself and with others. Hiding that shame will compound and will continue to kill her inside. No amount of therapy will help this. She has to live with her stupid choices. I'll flip it around, if your spouse or significant other cheated on you, would you want to know the truth or continue believing that this man/woman is a saint that could never do wrong?
No. Honesty is the most important.
@@kenklee4i have to agree with you. I would want to know if my partner was or has cheated on me and also i would want an explaination as to why and how it happened and if they are completely honest then maybe we could get past it and work on things. Who knows though? Everyone keeps secrets. Big or little. I would want to know.
John, I am a big fan, I just found your show the last couple of months. I’ve watched many episodes. You give great advice. Please tell me why you tell your callers you love them, why? They are strangers to you. You don’t know them. I just find it very odd. Other than that, I have nothing else negative to say, if that was even negative, lol.
Yeah. It cheapens the word. I appreciate you would be a better statement
This is a religious based company and I think they want to spread love.
Many other celebrities say they love their fans. It's not that strange.
Well, I'm a Christian and I love everyone. Even people I don't know. I want everyone to be loved and feel loved. It's sad to me that other people don't feel that way
How do you cheat on someone and not feel like an absolute piece of garbage for not telling them? How is going on without them knowing the truth acceptable? What a broken moral compass…
If they don't feel guilty thinking or planning the trust, the adrenaline will continue to fuel the choice and overriding the conscience.
If there is no conviction after getting caught, there is no loyalty or morality in that person.
Merry Christmas to everyone including those in rough situations ❤
Little Drummer Boy is actually a sweet song. He felt he had nothing to give to honor Jesus, but he did what he could, and it was enough and made Jesus smile.
The message is even if we don't have money, we're still valued and appreciated. We are enough.
I love listening to you! My life has been a series of trauma an abuse. My last relationship was ten years past, with a horrible narcissist, cruel abusive man. Since then I have been alone, he took it all from me..then I got cancer, my health just never bounced back. So I still feel like I can’t trust,now I don’t know joy. I have no idea, what makes me feel alive, I really don’t care…no-one cares I am 64 disabled, an have nothing to offer, nothing to bring to the table.
Care I do! Although it has been 4wks since you wrote this... I'm hoping you got through the holidays and are feeling stronger on all levels. Seems as if I were shish kebab'd at birth. The last relationship spent me too. It takes a toll on our well-being, and those also involved directly, as well, indirectly. I've one suggestion for another therapist online that dwells deep into complex trama. *Tim Fletcher*
May your days be filled with choices that add life to your smile. So sorry for your pain and sorrow. Lifted in prayer for strength in all area's needed.
The world is over-whelmed... yet, remember... more than I care! Today is a reminder.
@@myhalowithin Thank you so very much for your reply, it really touched my heart. I woke at 4 am Wens night an was unable to walk. I have serious back issues, from working in bars for 40 years with lung issues, having to use strong steroids to keep me going. Spent a night in ER now waiting for insurance to give me referral for MRI . Another day in paradise… I did find a therapist just doing the paperwork for that also lol. But mostly wanting to say you are very kind for stopping an taking your precious time to make my heart feel better. Your a great person. I needed to say that. Hope you are well, an have people who tell you everyday they love an need you. I care that you are here, just so you can reply to me an make me feel something today ❤️ THANK YOU MY NEW FRIEND
@@bobbieboomboomkelly
Then we are new friends. I'm not great by far, however, you are welcome. First off I was impressed with you speaking up! Everybody moves so fast :)
Oh, you might want to look up an, (Sigma INFJ-T) that's me, mostly... along with
the complex. Personally, it helped greatly to take the online Myers Personality Test, then other's to verify results were as accurate as, my answers true. Once
the therapist I mentioned above was in the knowledge mix, well... that somehow helped my strength I was determined to retrieve, after making a very bad error
only hidesight could show me. It took a huge toll on my every level. I've had MS for most of my life, and able to control it with life style mostly, until what I/You/other's find themselves in, abusive relationship of one, or more if we start taking on mirroring traits. Well, I'm a door slammer! My health incurred too much stress, and when there is enough pressure on something, the weakest part oozes out. So, now... losing my sight more and more, along with hands and feet that once thrived. It gets scary for sure... you too.
I hope you get answers so you will be able to make the best choices for you probable. I hope you stay out of the ER's. Those ICU's have a lot of people there with Peek-a-boo problems! 🤭 Warning: Love silly jokes.
I was not expecting a new friend. Welcome.
I really think you are going to benefit from the complex therapy, or at least it is my hope you will, too.
Whew! wooped now🤣😂 Hope you have some refreshing sleep and find the morning a bit brighter, no matter what. 🙏
Talk with you again. 🤍
@@bobbieboomboomkelly - I will attempt an answer again tomorrow. (wrote one and it disappeared).
Good night, my friend.
I've been censored again. I hope this day brings you a deep smile just for you!
🙏
Listening on Christmas Day all the way from Cincinnati while doing my hair and makeup 😂😂
That’s when I usually listen. 😂
I love that John said (to first caller) to call two friend and being open about this issue. Such a healthy way to deal with such a secret sin, bring it into the light so it will die for your future to be better.