When my wife was home with the babies sometimes I would come home to a dirty house and she would apologies for the mess. Then we would laugh about it, then I would play with my kids, then do some dishes, help tidy up because we are a family. Why would you spend your time belittling the mother of your children, instead of just helping out? Weak character
I would always apologize to my hubs for the house being a mess. Adjusting to motherhood is intense. He never belittled me either. He always said I was doing the more important and hardest work. Men Like this are the best and we have the best relationship because there’s no blaming. We are both all in and that doesn’t always mean the house is flawlessly cleaned up.
I am sitting here in tears for this young girl. I'm a 68 year old woman and to think that he has taken what sounds like such a sweetheart and hurt her to the core breaks my heart. Honey... Please hear this... Do not let this be your life. Do not be 40, 50 yo and look back and say I'm still waiting for that love. Your son's will be raised with learning how to treat a woman.... And if you think they won't turn out like him you are wrong. Leave... Go to your parents home. Have a long heart talk to them about your situation. If this is how you hoped your life would be in high school then stay.. if not run hon... Run. I will pray for you Nikki and your two boys.
A man so focused on the superficial things, like toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, is telling you where his focus is: the superficial. There is a DEEP reason he cannot look beneath the surface and he doesn’t want to see beneath the surface.
@tinysampson8832 That's very sexist lol honestly as a man I'm sorry that somethings happened to ypu to make you feel that way but trust me there are men who get off work and take care of their wives and make sure the house is good while she sits back after her long day and relaxes. We too feel sometimes our days never end, the key is to accept the responsibility in allowing it to become such an environmental and working it backwards until your in a place you feel seen and herd in your needs and you BOTH fill each other's cups
Caller 3. Going to the gym was a chore for me. Cycling is where it is for me. I ride EVERYWHERE most of the year. Don't make it about weight loss. Make it about living life.
He is just such an inherently nice, kindhearted guy! It’s what’s gotten me addicted to his show, because he has such a heart of gold, and truly wants the absolute best for everyone he works with, staff and callers, alike!
I used to be an avid runner pre pregnancy, working out 5 times per week. I even ran a half-marathon in my first trimester. Then C-section happened, and sleeplessness (which means poor recovery), and hormones(!). I desperately tried to start running again at 4 month postpartum because I missed it terribly. I was only able to scrap time together because my husband works from home and could take the baby while I got outside. I tried so hard to get back on the horse until my hips were hurting because hormones wreckes you and you become all weak. It's SO hard. That guy is a complete deuce. He just wanna pick on someone and she's available.
Omg I found my ligaments were not back to “normal” in order to run until about 8 months postpartum, and then I had to rebuild my core because I couldn’t run after how the csection messed my abs!! Stay strong 💪 also yes that dude is a total ass
It's usually more about diet than exercise, and if you're nursing it's easier to lose weight. It does require some sacrifice and figuring out which foods are fattening and which aren't. Equally important, we need to find foods we LOVE which are healthy for us and good for our figures, too. I've had five kids and I've always been thin. I have met women who say "I used to be thin like you before I had kids." Well I've had kids. I just cracked my own diet code and figured out what works for me.
@@PS-qn4oz absolutely it's about diet mostly if weight loss is your goal! That's always the case. However, I'm mostly talking about how hard it is to have a consistent workout routine soon after babies, that's what the husband was pressuring the lady in the video to have. It's not as straightforward as "take the time and be disciplined". That's what I thought before having my baby too, and I had to be humbled by hormones and sleep deprivation etc!
@@emmadeemmut1352 Oh I see. Lucky for me, I never had a workout routine to lose and be humbled by. lol Well, having five kids and chasing them around, hauling them on my back, hauling laundry and groceries, that was my "workout." :)
@@PS-qn4oz you are lucky! I run for my sanity, so it has been one of the hardest things to lose when you at the same time is required to have a lot of sanity as a parent. 😆
I live in Europe and I don't even know where this show is aired, but I came across it through the RUclips algorithm and I just love it and have been watching it since last year. It teaches me so much. Dr Delony is wonderful.
Does The Dr know how difficult it is to find a good counselor? It’s not like you make a call and then you have a good counselor. It takes time, disappointing meetings with terrible counselors and a lot of $
So true. My last experience was so bad I was retraumatized. I've had 3 sick babies 12-16 weeks premature. I have ptsd and a hard time with anything surrounding birth, pregnancy, breastfeeding. And icing on the cake I work in the nicu where my last baby lived 3months. So I tearfully told her my story and she says, "I don't understand why you think you've had trauma. Your children lived." Literally, she invalidated my reality. Similar experiences a dozen times.
@@Ss-dz6cm Jeeeeesus. Sorry you had that experience. Your trauma is definitely valid. I wonder if this counsellor has children themselves. I hope you manage to get the help you need 🙏🏻
Agreed. Why I've given up on finding a good counselor. I can no longer afford it. Alcohol is cheaper...and it keeps me functional enough to get through the next day...😅😢
The call about the boyfriend thinking the girlfriend is lazy after she just had a baby is crazy, but it also shows just how much people don't stop and think before having kids. You need to take into account these very common situations before you decide you're ready to have kids. After having kids a woman's body can change forever, are you prepared for that? If not, then you aren't ready to have biological kids. Do you understand that postpartum is a possibility? Do you understand that you may be having a LOT less sex for a long time after having a kid? Did you even talk about this stuff before getting someone pregnant?
As a single mom that I am it is easy to get comfortable but there is a limit a woman should take NOT take comfort with a man specially kicking her out due to her weight & not having a clean house. Does he know how much damage he is causing her? How he is berating a mother is going through postpartum depression. Let alone handle 2 little ones, that is a full time job! It takes 2 to make a relationship work and 2 to tango. Specially if you have 2 kids under your belt. Being a mom is hard and our job never ends but we have the reward of being a mom that many women out in the world can’t be and some of us are lucky to have that partner to help and unfortunately some of us do not. So Nicky you deserve better, because you matter!!! There shouldn’t no damn interview !
My husband and I had 4 unplanned children…we got married at 18 and had the first two right away, we never even talked about planning children. We just took them as God gave them to us! At 19 and 20 the weight came right off. The next two were 5 years apart, I gained weight, my husband never cared, but I was so hard on myself about my weight! He just said he loved me! Now we have been married 49 years and most of the weight is gone….i never could lose 10 pounds! But I’m not 18 anymore.
I like how John involves James and Kelly in the show and acknowledges all those who have been apart of the show's success behind the scenes. It really shows his humility. Congrats on the 1 year anniversary!
@@elsadapcher8346thank God u clarified that cuz I had no idea what he was talking about about (joking) lol I do the same thing 😂 it's probably autocorrect
These calls are so great for exposing conversations many people aren’t willing to have. If y’all could do an updates show on the stories you have heard back from it would be super popular
1. 7:14 I'm living in a sexless marriage 2. 25:54 I'm seeing a married woman and I feel guilty 3. 39:12 My girlfriend has gained weight, what do I do 4. 59:50 Boyfriend thinks I'm lazy and out of shape 5. 1:24:50 I get annoyed by my wife's feelings
Bro it takes like 5 minutes to do laundry. Maybe 10 to do the dishes and wipe down the counters. If you as a man would rather stress your wife out than take 20 minutes to help her tidy up and lighten her load, you're not a real man. A real man does what is required for his household, regardless of the role.
And that’s all good until they start complaining about how you u do it over and over. Men who haven’t been with a woman like that they love won’t understand how that feels
THIS comment…. Yes! It does not take much time to help her out, and the amount of stress lifted off her by his help will be amazing in her mind…. I know…
I'm surprised there aren't laws against the amount there is. It needs to be regulated. You can't buy cryptocurrency as a child, so why can you watch adults having sex? It's messed up. As someone who used to be addicted, I think it's part of the reason why I have such a high sex drive. Which is a curse unless you're dating a nymphomaniac.
Agreed! I decided I didn’t love my husband watching those kind of videos if I could help it so we made a deal where if he needed some visual stimulation and we weren’t able to be intimate, he could watch that kind of material but only ones we had made together. So it was a win win, he stopped watching unrealistic adult videos and he got to make said content with me. I’d say it has made a huge difference in our relationship and how happy we both are especially with the bedrock aspect.
The call with the woman with a two year old and a seven month old hit me hard. It struck me that dad was missing such a sweet and wonderful time with his wife and children. A baby and a toddler - in spite of the noise and chaos they are so nice. Unless we are missing something, she would do better with grandma and grandpa.
100%! That is the BEST time to forget everything else (safety aside of course) and focus on building relationships with your kids! Dishes, still gonna be there tomorrow; but LITERALLY OVERNIGHT your toddler can go from using a couple of words to speaking full on sentences. So important to focus on them. There is always time to clean, but you cannot reverse time❤
@@hillarybillary21exactly. I know some people don’t think marriage is necessary for commitment, but in this case, the guy obviously thinks it is. She’s not an employee, ffs.
@rosejones if the house is a pig sty it's hard for a man to deal with. My job takes me in people's homes and some people living in homes like a garbage dump. A man who goes to work and comes home to that is turned off. She's not saying how dirty the house is what kind of Job the man does. He might be exhausted from using a jack hammer all day. If she's on social media she can clean the house.
Wow. I love that you told her to leave him. I'm not one to advocate breaking up a family but that was exactly what needed to happen. My two boys were 14 months apart and the expectation of making sure no fingerprints were on the toaster was more than I could ever accomplish. Your empathy for this woman was amazing. From experience, the hell she will go through in the future cannot be described.
That the guy thinks she’s lazy & not “working hard enough” to get back into shape says it all . . He doesn’t love her for Her, only an image he wants to keep. Probably been a toxic relationship for a long time & she is insecure. Maybe she hoped having children would make it/him better . . But it hasn’t & it won’t. . . .
Re: Girl Friend Gained Weight. She does not have trouble understanding you. She KNOWS what you are feeling and it is breaking her heart. Additionally, Never diet with a man. They always loose weight faster.
Yeah I'd even argue never workout with your overweight girlfriend either lmfao. My ex wanted to start going to the gym with me, and she was doing good but I was getting shredded and she was pissed off she barely was losing weight. Then it just added even more self conscious thoughts
@@HowieRapsSo true. I did P90X (long ago) and he was losing so much weight and I was thinnish (135 at 5’9) but just watching him go from worse to be to better with me being barely different… grrr. 😆😆😆 I like lifting weights and alone.
This one makes me sad because it's so hard for women to lose weight. I eat 1200 calories a day and nothing happens. My husband can skip desserts and lose weight.
@@amaristhecrow7084 this isn’t really relevant, but 135 lb at 5’9” is very thin! BMI of 20 is pretty dang perfect. I’m 5’7” and 135 lbs., trying to get that last 5 lbs off 😜
My husband has been overweight for our entire relationship. He’s recently lost weight naturally just because he’s been working really hard and we grow a big garden so we’re eating pretty good. But I just can’t imagine pressuring him about losing weight. I think he looks great with his weight loss but I loved him just as much and was very attracted to him when he was heavier. I think it’s typical for a lot of peoples weight to fluctuate throughout our lives. I know mines fluctuated but if my husband was making me feel unattractive and unlovable because of my body I’d be so insecure and I’d probably end up gaining even more because of stress and insecurity. A handful of years ago I ended up gaining like 35 pounds and felt really bad about it. My husband told me “I’d still be attracted to you if you gained a hundred pounds!” That meant a lot to me and I was able to lose the weight over time-stress free.
I think there's a difference between normal weight gain and a lazy person who overindulges. That behavior isn't attractive. My husband is overweight to the point where its severely affecting his health and it may directly affect my future if he dies from weight-related issues. So, we have to talk about it and I have to be more direct about needing him to do something. And he has taken initiative to fix it. But sometimes, it's not about looks- its about Respecting the future you both are counting on.
Because I a soul love and that’s the best love . No conditions is hinging the person the space they to growth and make changes if they have to, I applaud you for that.
Good for you, though I doubt your truthful. You are attracted to an obese guy to start then it's way different then your not an you SO changes to the opposite of what attracts you.
@@christim1252 I am 158 lbs and I’m 5’8” and a half (age 43) so I’m larger than I’d like and I’d like to lose maybe 12-15 pounds but technically I am within the range of normal weight for my height. My husband is classified as obese. I think when we first got together he was in the morbidly obese category on the height/weight chart. Im just not bothered by his weight. I’ve always considered him a big cuddly teddy bear.
When you said they say “I have no one” I felt that in my soul. 😢 I have NOT ONE SOUL. lost both oarents to addiction , my step daughter put an awful wedge between my husband and our home and my mother in law/FIL. that we lost her also. And moving , the one cousin I have we lost touch. It’s so painful to be alone. People don’t know how heavy being so alone is. Esp then in your own home and marriage 😢😢😢😢😢😢
I wish you the best and that you can make friends. It's never to late to make friends, it is always possible. So many people are looking for connection too.
I have no one as well. My extended family is not close and would only use my situation as gossip fodder. My "friends" would do the same and I won't dump this on my grown kids. They've been through enough. 30 years of a nearly sexless marriage and lots of emotional abuse. He's at least "trying" now and we are at last in counseling but it's still so, so hard.
In my case I moved away from my family’s toxicity. All arguing over money, I made that decision almost 20 years ago and it took me almost 9 to get back to visit them. They all celebrate it me visiting them, still I’m distanced from them, they still toxic.
I’m sorry to read that you feel so alone. So many families are distant or broken. I just wanted to say please try to go out and make some friends. Just one friend can make you feel totally settled, they can be wonderful life sustaining relationships. If you can, go to a hobby class, or find something free to do in your community. Volunteering is also a great way to find friends. I wish you all the best!
Oh that poor woman with the two young children, still 'auditioning' as to whether or not she is worthy! Leave him. He is the one who is not worthy of her. Hope it worked out for her.
That guy is such a vile narcissist. Never ending hoops for her to jump thru. She will never be able to satisfy him. She needs to leave and not look back.
"Bringing home garbage" was a great point. I've never found words for it before. I do that, too, where I just want to unload my frustrations on someone who cares about me, then I feel like it's a struggle to celebrate good things together.
My heart rebroke for Nikki.... I remember when my babies were in their first year. She tried so hard to be cheerful about her situation... But I'm glad she let the tears out. He's toxic af and she definitely needs to save those kids from him.
Man, I am soooooooooo grateful to NOT be in any more pathetic relationships, ugh! Life is so much quieter and more peaceful, and so much less bullshit and “compromise” and stress about certain things. Singleness…it’s pretty cool! ☺️👍🏽
One of my most effective personal mantras is "Do the next best thing". Cause although it's good to have an ideal to be aimed at, a standard to guide you, sometimes it's too overwhelming to reach that every time. Gotta avoid that perfectionist mindset, where you only have two categories of "just right" and "unworthy". I love Jordan Peterson's explaining people are too proud to set lowly, small goals, but aren't strong enough to handle the big ones because they would never lower themselves to lift the small weights.
Nikki, you are in my thoughts. You have to see the light sooner than I saw it. Once older my kids told me I should have left earlier... It is scary outside but you will at some point meet a good partner.
Some of my favorite one-liners from Delony came from some of these episodes. People are not a puzzle to be solved or a problem to be fixed. Men need to learn to be with their partner, not over them. This throwback was awesome. Can't wait for more!
For the people who suddenly lose their libido, instead of immediately pushing them to counseling, they need to look into other things first like their overall physical health, diet, exercise, what medications are they taking, because medications can have a big effect on your libido, particularly anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. A man's hormones can be out of whack just like a woman's, and uncovering the cause can potentially also uncover a serious medical problem.
It can also be the first sign of heart issues. Hence, Viagra was actually made to be a heart med, & inadvertently found out what other blood got circulated. Not to mention, men have hormones too.
The woman with the two children is being abused and she needs to be educated about what a narcissist is and what a co-dependent relationship looks like and what she needs to do about it. She needs counseling. He will never change, and she already sounds like she is trauma bonded to him. So sad. Unfortunately, so many get trapped by being financially dependent on the narcissist. He has no interest in her wellbeing, he wants to control and is getting pleasure and supply from her when she is hurt and defending herself. Thank goodness she has parents to get help from, I hope she will take your advice and get some counseling.
Yes yes and yes. I was one of the unfortunate ones in a relationship with a man like this. Only difference is I thankfully didn't have kids with him. It never will get better. Ever. I really hope and pray she got out of that relationship. He sounds like a truly horrific person.
I dated a man just like this and it nearly broke me. Fortunately we have no children together. Not to say that made it easy to break away from him. I was extremely codependent and stuck in a narcissistic abuse cycle with him for years. He never said the words that I was “interviewing” to be his wife but that’s definitely how he treated me. He would tell me that there’s something missing, something I wasn’t doing to make him happy, but he wouldn’t communicate to me what it was because ( I’m paraphrasing here) if he tells me what it is then it’s not genuine and authentic when I do it because then I’d only be doing it because he told me that’s what he wants rather than it being something I do naturally. (Sorry for the run on sentence). So I was always trying to crack the code of what would make him want to make the ultimate commitment. It was a very weird and immature way to approach a relationship and I was too weak and brainwashed to see it at the time.
Some of Delony’s guidance for callers becomes an eloquent flow of poetry. I love James’ commentary… the insightful clarity and thoughtful humor really add to the show!
Seriously! When she said that so casually my jaw hit the floor. She deserves someone who treats her like a queen, not a servant. She needs to figure out why her self esteem is so low that she has put up with him for 6 years and kick him to the curb.
The devastation of being rejected by your husband is physically painful. 12 years of it. He gave me 7 different reasons for it. Now I think he was a covert narc who enjoyed hurting me.
3rd story: He's lying. He hesitated and knew he'd look bad if he said no. I think he needs her to lose weight to be attracted to her and you can hear it in his voice.
As much as that would hurt to hear, I would be glad to know it. Cause the solution is easy. Lose the weight, and be healthy. It’s not hard to lose weight. It’s hard to lead a healthy lifestyle, but it’s easy to lose weight.
She knows this and it's causing her to feel very insecure, which results in emotional eating. I've known two obese young women who lost all their weight once they met men who really liked and loved them as they were. This gave them such a sense of emotional safety that they simply began dropping the pounds till they reached their optimal, healthy (and very sexy) weight. Both turned out to be stunners.
Dr. Delony is my favorite personality on the show. He is so kind, smart, and weird all at the same time. He definitely represents the way people should treat each other in 2021. He is a Christian who doesn't let conservative political ideology overrule his response to human issues. Dr. Delony is the reason why I continue to watch the Ramsey show. People needed help, love, guidance, correction, and support in 2021, not random conservative political ideology that has nothing to do with faith in God and Christian principles that Dave seems to rant on about nowadays. I love Dave's financial advice but his conservative ideological rants are too much and hurt a lot of people. Dave seems to divide more than bring people together. Again, I love the kindness of Dr. Delony, he brings communities together. Dave did something right by adding him to the team.
Exactly. I'm agnostic used to be Christian and he's great at what he does. Not every christian needs to talk about God all the time he's already doing so. One doesn't have to talk to God to get the point across.
I’m actually shocked that John Delony is associated with Ramsey at all and really really wish he wasn’t bc I seriously considered not watching anymore when I found out. Dr. John is too damn smart, too insightful, too decent of a person to be associated with an absolute grifter like fucking Ramsey. And he’s absolutely a grifter and his financial advice is worth about as much as any of his political ideologies.
Since I discovered this show, everytime someone comes to me with a relationship question I think, "hmm what would Delony say?" 🤔😂🤣🤣. I am learning so much and also thanks for all the book recommendations. Dr Gabor's scattered mind is blowing my mind man. Keep it up guys! Congratulations on 1 year!!!!!🎊🎉
Happy 1 year anniversary Dr. D and team. This show has changed my life in so many ways. Has helped me take responsibility for my own mental health and redefine the way I control my thoughts and actions. Thank you so much!!! Cheers to many more years to come and also thank you to EVERYONE that has helped produce and get this show up and running. 🎉❤️
1:21:23 Writing a letter to yourself in the third person might lead you to seeing things you wouldn't have if you addressed it as I. Like the idea of, "what would you tell a friend in your situation?" You could connect the dots you couldn't see before. Good tip!
Honestly, the John Delony show (and his entire production crew) have blessed me in so many ways! While I cannot relate to many of the situations discussed first-hand, I can relate to all because we as humans are faulty and can improve. Each episode gives me at least 2 opportunities: to learn how to communicate better and to stop and pray for each situation. Thank you, Dr. Deloney and crew!
Actually have visited a counselor twice in my life time, would be fortunate to find someone who is as grounded and has the morals that Dr. John has. Love the perspective and Faith you bring to the calls you answer, I have learned a LOT. And truly have applied a lot of it to my own life starting over at 66, who would have thought divorce would be my restart to life but finding my way. Thanks Dr John.
My husband is the most valuable person to me, I never want to dump my garbage on to him, and he’s the same with me. I believe this is what makes our marriage successful! ❤
Ha! The one with the girlfriend who gained weight… as an old lady at my church said: “Guys, don’t marry a girl because she’s 36-24-36. Because after a few babies, she’s gonna be 40-40-oh Lordy!”.
Not 40 40 o lordy 😅. I did gain weight with pregnancy for years but finally lost it thru low carb and it was a hard journey but my goodness your comment had me on the floor 😂
This is the best episode. I love the debriefing. Such amazing calls. I have learned from each call something I can apply to all my relationships even though I don’t have any of these particular problems. So much to learn here!
In regards your question about how someone doesn’t see that when looking in the mirror to the caller Nikki, I think a huge part was someone just breaking down her spirit little by little for so many years, not supporting her, not being there for her. It didn’t allow her to see herself clearly or what she’s worth. That mirror in front of her is completely fogged out.
My husband stopped wanted sex as soon as we got married. I don’t think he ever cheated, but I had the feeling that he was gay. After 7 years our marriage broke up because he fell back into addiction. I know he was r@ped by an uncle when he was a child, and since we divorced he has never been with another woman…he told me he would always love me, which I believe. During our entire time together I noted that he only noticed how men were ‘checking him out’…strange, I thought. I do think he is supressing his homosexual tendencies, I doubt he will ever admit it. I had to leave to protect myself and our son (we had him prior to our marriage).
Possibly- but I’ve also noticed a pattern from other women whose husbands have been sexually abused as children, tend to have difficulty with their sexuality. Whether it be low drive, difficulty getting stimulated, body shutting down to touch & confusion about their own sexual attraction to the same sex.
@@vanessadacenzo5764 that certainly sounds plausible. He is a tormented man. 2 of his brothers who were also m@lested by the uncle ended up in prison…one foe life…he abused his 2 girls. Such a terrible history in that family. I’m glad I took my son away and broke the family curse of sexual and substance abuse…my son is 24 and an incredible young man.
@@vanessadacenzo5764 that certainly sounds plausible. He is a tormented man. 2 of his brothers who were also m@lested by the uncle ended up in prison…one foe life…he abused his 2 girls. Such a terrible history in that family. I’m glad I took my son away and broke the family curse of sexual and substance abuse…my son is 24 and an incredible young man.
The”put on my shoes for a while”.Backfired for me.For a week I did nothing after work.He packed up the kids lunches got them off to school.Then he vac,dusted,did laundry and cooked.After he got them from school they all played at the park and he took them for a snack.When they got home the kids were quiet and sleepy.After all of that he gave me a smirk and said see that was easy,I don’t know why you have a hard time with it all.I didn’t speak to him for a week
You work too. Splitting chores sounds great. Kids should receive age appropriate chores too. If he changes your oil or fixes the gutters outside, do a worthwhile chores of his instead. Give and take certainly.
It's easy for a week. Let him do it for 5 years, while grocery shopping, making dinner, and getting up at 3 in the morning with kids throwing up on you
@@SoleSystemz Right? A lot of times women withhold sex as a form of punishment. Sex isn.t to be used as a weapon and if a woman plays games like that then she.s practically sending him to cheat.
Exactly what I was thinking. He keeps his "mommy " for cooking, cleaning etc and has the side chick for fun. He's obviously getting his home made cake and eating it to. He has no reason to change anything. I wonder how he would feel if she started dressing nice and going out. If she told him she was going to have HER needs met.
OMG! I've paused at the "he was really into porn when we were dating" in regard to the sexless marriage. I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. The mystery to the question is solved, in one word: PORN. Porn is at the root, and many are the symptoms that stem from it. I find it very frustrating that not once did anyone address this.
Lady with 2 kids… if he just wants to kick you out because of the house. There is something else wrong with him… someone needs to hug that woman and make her see her worth!
I heard so many great things in this giant episode. Although I don't have any of these situations, the feedback provided to each caller is really meaningful to my own life for different reasons.
You just came up on my Home Screen. Maybe because I subbed to Ramsey but I am glad. Seriously thinking of contacting you. Thanks for the excellent advice!
If a wife has problems with a husband who has mother issues (mother who controlled them or emotional-incest), there is a book called "When He's Married to Mom" by a PhD Psychologist that explains the issues these men are dealing with and how it affects or ruins their marriages. This book is so good and it's so surprising how unknown these issues are. These things still affect the man even when they don't live near the mother and even after the mother has passed.
I just started watching the show a few months ago, and I came across this one where they’re celebrating a year of doing the show. Then I saw that it was posted 3 years ago! So cool!!! I’m glad this show exists. It helps me with my own life, and applying these conversations with my own relationships.
I think it would be so amazing if some of the callers called back in and took some of the advice John gave. If they’re still working on themselves maybe their relationships.
If you speak from the heart and being as kind as you are people will keep following you and you help so many.. Over here in South Africa we just don't have that kind of luxury
Just found your channel and I think the way you talk to the callers is amazing and so helpful ❤ it also leads to very helpful and open minded talks between me and my partner.... What ifs... Ty for being a beautiful, funny, caring soul and being a cry in the dark for so many ❤
I’m gonna write about myself in 3rd person!!!! Thank you!!!! I def struggle with coming up with a solution to my problems and not knowing what to do. But with someone else, the path forward is always clearer!!!!!
The woman in the 4th call made me tear up 🙁 She kept laughing to try and keep the call lighthearted but as soon as he had her imagine her son treating someone the way her bf is treating her, she's couldn't contain her heartbreak and anger anymore 😭
I love the synergy, discussions, advice and insight between 3 of you and all the callers. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Also I don't think you talked too much DR John
I just fall in love with this show. What a wonderful platform to help people that we struggle with in this days. I am so glad to find this show and it is helping me to understand so many things that i should have known.
My husband started to have this problem right after we got together. We planned a pregnancy early on in our relationship at three months of dating. We just knew what we had felt different and thankfully it worked out for us and we have been together for 10 years, married for 9. We struggled with a sexless marriage for 6-7 years and it was so hard. At one point he told me that he didn’t have any feelings for me. He no longer could feel any feelings, he told me he just felt numb. Their was so much hurt from both sides and we spent tons of money on medication and doctors including specialists. We separated a year ago and thankfully we have not had that issue since working things out and all of a sudden he hasn’t had that issue. We can’t explain why, and the doctors couldn’t figure it out either. He had an enlarged prostate at 22 years old. I feel for this woman and I pray that she will get through this with her husband. Take care of yourself like he said and make sure you support him mentally. The shame and sadness that he is feeling is soul crushing to him. Stay blessed. My heart goes out to you.
I’m repulsed by the guy who thinks a mom of 2 under 2 should be all fit. How gross 🤮🤮🤮 what a jerk. Men get baby birthing guts and never give birth. Give me a break!!!! How awful.
I just had two babies back to back and not once did my boyfriend ever speak of my body and hé didnt stop loving on me while i was at my fattest. I had a friend who was treated horribly while pregnant,the guy was nuts
Happy 1 year anniversary Dr. D and the whole team! This show has been great for me, I listen as soon as they premiere every day at work! You all are amazing, and Dr. D, your self deprecating humor always makes me laugh and I feel seen lol. Thanks for everything!
I was living in Oklahoma when this show first started. Maybe if I had taken the relationship advice Dr. Delony gave his callers more seriously, I'd still be there. :(
Story 3: no matter how much you can see that they need help. No matter how much you want to help; unless somebody wants to help themselves, all you can do is be there when they need it, but never impose yourself on them.
Dr. John is moralistic and truthful. He tries hard to be tactful, but he does not sugar coat. That's a good counselor.
When my wife was home with the babies sometimes I would come home to a dirty house and she would apologies for the mess. Then we would laugh about it, then I would play with my kids, then do some dishes, help tidy up because we are a family. Why would you spend your time belittling the mother of your children, instead of just helping out? Weak character
right on !
I salute you (and this comment)!!
Outstanding character. TFS😊
I would always apologize to my hubs for the house being a mess. Adjusting to motherhood is intense. He never belittled me either. He always said I was doing the more important and hardest work. Men Like this are the best and we have the best relationship because there’s no blaming. We are both all in and that doesn’t always mean the house is flawlessly cleaned up.
Thank you finally a real man with compassion
I am sitting here in tears for this young girl. I'm a 68 year old woman and to think that he has taken what sounds like such a sweetheart and hurt her to the core breaks my heart. Honey... Please hear this... Do not let this be your life. Do not be 40, 50 yo and look back and say I'm still waiting for that love. Your son's will be raised with learning how to treat a woman.... And if you think they won't turn out like him you are wrong. Leave... Go to your parents home. Have a long heart talk to them about your situation. If this is how you hoped your life would be in high school then stay.. if not run hon... Run. I will pray for you Nikki and your two boys.
A man so focused on the superficial things, like toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, is telling you where his focus is: the superficial. There is a DEEP reason he cannot look beneath the surface and he doesn’t want to see beneath the surface.
Wow, you just called my dad out in 4K lmao. That's actually insanely accurate. Thank you, I definitely gotta remember this.
it's not helping - it's supporting. the word 'help' in the household should't be there. it's 100/100 on both.
He could pick up toys do dishes etc. I worked and did all my wife duties after work. Cooking cleaning child care. They're day ends a woman's doesn't
@tinysampson8832
That's very sexist lol honestly as a man I'm sorry that somethings happened to ypu to make you feel that way but trust me there are men who get off work and take care of their wives and make sure the house is good while she sits back after her long day and relaxes. We too feel sometimes our days never end, the key is to accept the responsibility in allowing it to become such an environmental and working it backwards until your in a place you feel seen and herd in your needs and you BOTH fill each other's cups
I'm gonna go vacuum the rugs for my 8mo preggo wife now. Ty Delony!
It's funny that I read your 8mo comment 😅
..after all they are your rugs too! 😊
@@tamiaustinyoga ha! You guys are too cute!!!
You have a baby now!! How's them carpets?!
Who's rugs are they?
Caller 3. Going to the gym was a chore for me. Cycling is where it is for me. I ride EVERYWHERE most of the year. Don't make it about weight loss. Make it about living life.
Dude! When asking Nikki how she would feel if her son treated a woman how she's being treated...my soul...that's making it real
"you are somebody else's chew toy." One of John's gifts is that he uses very down to earth, relatable examples to help people understand his point.
He's so much like Dave!
I love how John does not act like the boss ,he makes all of his employees feel valued ,and a part of his success.
That's because he is not the boss
He is just such an inherently nice, kindhearted guy! It’s what’s gotten me addicted to his show, because he has such a heart of gold, and truly wants the absolute best for everyone he works with, staff and callers, alike!
@@ChristosAlexakos Papa Dave always around the corner with eyes and ears 😂
That is because John isn’t the boss, he is an employee of Ramsey solutions 👍🏼
That's because they're all coworkers, he's not their boss
Love how you ask callers to see others as people and not puzzles. I need to engrave that on my heart.
yeahh
I used to be an avid runner pre pregnancy, working out 5 times per week. I even ran a half-marathon in my first trimester. Then C-section happened, and sleeplessness (which means poor recovery), and hormones(!). I desperately tried to start running again at 4 month postpartum because I missed it terribly. I was only able to scrap time together because my husband works from home and could take the baby while I got outside. I tried so hard to get back on the horse until my hips were hurting because hormones wreckes you and you become all weak. It's SO hard. That guy is a complete deuce. He just wanna pick on someone and she's available.
Omg I found my ligaments were not back to “normal” in order to run until about 8 months postpartum, and then I had to rebuild my core because I couldn’t run after how the csection messed my abs!! Stay strong 💪 also yes that dude is a total ass
It's usually more about diet than exercise, and if you're nursing it's easier to lose weight. It does require some sacrifice and figuring out which foods are fattening and which aren't. Equally important, we need to find foods we LOVE which are healthy for us and good for our figures, too. I've had five kids and I've always been thin. I have met women who say "I used to be thin like you before I had kids." Well I've had kids. I just cracked my own diet code and figured out what works for me.
@@PS-qn4oz absolutely it's about diet mostly if weight loss is your goal! That's always the case. However, I'm mostly talking about how hard it is to have a consistent workout routine soon after babies, that's what the husband was pressuring the lady in the video to have. It's not as straightforward as "take the time and be disciplined". That's what I thought before having my baby too, and I had to be humbled by hormones and sleep deprivation etc!
@@emmadeemmut1352 Oh I see. Lucky for me, I never had a workout routine to lose and be humbled by. lol Well, having five kids and chasing them around, hauling them on my back, hauling laundry and groceries, that was my "workout." :)
@@PS-qn4oz you are lucky! I run for my sanity, so it has been one of the hardest things to lose when you at the same time is required to have a lot of sanity as a parent. 😆
"You're still completely alone, dude". BOOM!! So true.
I live in Europe and I don't even know where this show is aired, but I came across it through the RUclips algorithm and I just love it and have been watching it since last year. It teaches me so much. Dr Delony is wonderful.
Franklin Tennessee in usa
he is !!
I agree !!
Very honest and understanding.
Does The Dr know how difficult it is to find a good counselor? It’s not like you make a call and then you have a good counselor. It takes time, disappointing meetings with terrible counselors and a lot of $
True!
So true. My last experience was so bad I was retraumatized. I've had 3 sick babies 12-16 weeks premature. I have ptsd and a hard time with anything surrounding birth, pregnancy, breastfeeding. And icing on the cake I work in the nicu where my last baby lived 3months. So I tearfully told her my story and she says, "I don't understand why you think you've had trauma. Your children lived." Literally, she invalidated my reality. Similar experiences a dozen times.
@@Ss-dz6cm Jeeeeesus. Sorry you had that experience. Your trauma is definitely valid. I wonder if this counsellor has children themselves. I hope you manage to get the help you need 🙏🏻
Agreed.
Why I've given up on finding a good counselor.
I can no longer afford it.
Alcohol is cheaper...and it keeps me functional enough to get through the next day...😅😢
@Ss-dz6cm I'm so sorry your Therapist was a piece of trash.
The call about the boyfriend thinking the girlfriend is lazy after she just had a baby is crazy, but it also shows just how much people don't stop and think before having kids. You need to take into account these very common situations before you decide you're ready to have kids. After having kids a woman's body can change forever, are you prepared for that? If not, then you aren't ready to have biological kids. Do you understand that postpartum is a possibility? Do you understand that you may be having a LOT less sex for a long time after having a kid? Did you even talk about this stuff before getting someone pregnant?
They say half of all pregnancies are unplanned.
That poor Nikki, is losing her mind, laughing, poor baby!!
As a single mom that I am it is easy to get comfortable but there is a limit a woman should take NOT take comfort with a man specially kicking her out due to her weight & not having a clean house. Does he know how much damage he is causing her?
How he is berating a mother is going through postpartum depression.
Let alone handle 2 little ones, that is a full time job!
It takes 2 to make a relationship work and 2 to tango. Specially if you have 2 kids under your belt. Being a mom is hard and our job never ends but we have the reward of being a mom that many women out in the world can’t be and some of us are lucky to have that partner to help and unfortunately some of us do not. So Nicky you deserve better, because you matter!!!
There shouldn’t no damn interview !
My husband and I had 4 unplanned children…we got married at 18 and had the first two right away, we never even talked about planning children. We just took them as God gave them to us! At 19 and 20 the weight came right off. The next two were 5 years apart, I gained weight, my husband never cared, but I was so hard on myself about my weight! He just said he loved me! Now we have been married 49 years and most of the weight is gone….i never could lose 10 pounds! But I’m not 18 anymore.
@@itsonlyatailHad neither of you heard of contraception?
If they will cheat with you. They will cheat on you.
Yes!!!!
Amen
DUH
So true! ( original comment, not the dumb comment above mine)
@@dawnkunkel2564 obviously the comment it was answering has been deleted internet stranger. Be careful what you say ✨ Love to you ❤️
That surgeon analogy with that other man sleeping with a married woman was spot on like no other. LOVED THAT
I like how John involves James and Kelly in the show and acknowledges all those who have been apart of the show's success behind the scenes. It really shows his humility. Congrats on the 1 year anniversary!
'a part' :)
@@elsadapcher8346thank God u clarified that cuz I had no idea what he was talking about about (joking) lol I do the same thing 😂 it's probably autocorrect
These calls are so great for exposing conversations many people aren’t willing to have. If y’all could do an updates show on the stories you have heard back from it would be super popular
+1 I've watched all of them and I haven't seen any updates
Yes! I'm waiting for updates!! 🙏
Still waiting
1. 7:14 I'm living in a sexless marriage
2. 25:54 I'm seeing a married woman and I feel guilty
3. 39:12 My girlfriend has gained weight, what do I do
4. 59:50 Boyfriend thinks I'm lazy and out of shape
5. 1:24:50 I get annoyed by my wife's feelings
❤ thanks
@@costi101 you're welcome! ❤️
Thanks saves time
Thank you sir
TYVM!
Bro it takes like 5 minutes to do laundry. Maybe 10 to do the dishes and wipe down the counters. If you as a man would rather stress your wife out than take 20 minutes to help her tidy up and lighten her load, you're not a real man. A real man does what is required for his household, regardless of the role.
Exactly what I was thinking. I'd get off work and start cleaning before I settled down because I wanted to help.
Dishes isn't her load, that's the main point you both have missed.
And that’s all good until they start complaining about how you u do it over and over. Men who haven’t been with a woman like that they love won’t understand how that feels
THIS comment…. Yes! It does not take much time to help her out, and the amount of stress lifted off her by his help will be amazing in her mind…. I know…
If only most men had this attitude, the world would ultimately be a better place
These Ramsey Personalities are so good at what they do. They radiate competence. I find it inspiring.
Actually, porn (as fake sex) is a HUGE problem when it comes to real sex, sexual desire, true intimacy, etc. This should be researched.
Yes. Porn becomes a replacement.
Somebody has to be working on this.
I'm surprised there aren't laws against the amount there is. It needs to be regulated. You can't buy cryptocurrency as a child, so why can you watch adults having sex? It's messed up. As someone who used to be addicted, I think it's part of the reason why I have such a high sex drive. Which is a curse unless you're dating a nymphomaniac.
Agreed! I decided I didn’t love my husband watching those kind of videos if I could help it so we made a deal where if he needed some visual stimulation and we weren’t able to be intimate, he could watch that kind of material but only ones we had made together. So it was a win win, he stopped watching unrealistic adult videos and he got to make said content with me. I’d say it has made a huge difference in our relationship and how happy we both are especially with the bedrock aspect.
It is researched. People still ignore that.
The call with the woman with a two year old and a seven month old hit me hard. It struck me that dad was missing such a sweet and wonderful time with his wife and children. A baby and a toddler - in spite of the noise and chaos they are so nice. Unless we are missing something, she would do better with grandma and grandpa.
100%! That is the BEST time to forget everything else (safety aside of course) and focus on building relationships with your kids!
Dishes, still gonna be there tomorrow; but LITERALLY OVERNIGHT your toddler can go from using a couple of words to speaking full on sentences. So important to focus on them.
There is always time to clean, but you cannot reverse time❤
Girlfriend, not wife. Never made that commitment to her.
@@hillarybillary21exactly. I know some people don’t think marriage is necessary for commitment, but in this case, the guy obviously thinks it is. She’s not an employee, ffs.
@rosejones if the house is a pig sty it's hard for a man to deal with.
My job takes me in people's homes and some people living in homes like a garbage dump.
A man who goes to work and comes home to that is turned off.
She's not saying how dirty the house is what kind of Job the man does. He might be exhausted from using a jack hammer all day.
If she's on social media she can clean the house.
@@eileenwatt8283hahaha very funny
Wow. I love that you told her to leave him. I'm not one to advocate breaking up a family but that was exactly what needed to happen. My two boys were 14 months apart and the expectation of making sure no fingerprints were on the toaster was more than I could ever accomplish. Your empathy for this woman was amazing. From experience, the hell she will go through in the future cannot be described.
Me too, some people are just scared of saying it. LEAVE HIM, if you do they stop talking to you after asking for advice .
That the guy thinks she’s lazy & not “working hard enough” to get back into shape says it all . . He doesn’t love her for Her, only an image he wants to keep. Probably been a toxic relationship for a long time & she is insecure. Maybe she hoped having children would make it/him better . . But it hasn’t & it won’t. . . .
Re: Girl Friend Gained Weight.
She does not have trouble understanding you. She KNOWS what you are feeling and it is breaking her heart.
Additionally, Never diet with a man. They always loose weight faster.
Yeah I'd even argue never workout with your overweight girlfriend either lmfao. My ex wanted to start going to the gym with me, and she was doing good but I was getting shredded and she was pissed off she barely was losing weight. Then it just added even more self conscious thoughts
@@HowieRapsSo true. I did P90X (long ago) and he was losing so much weight and I was thinnish (135 at 5’9) but just watching him go from worse to be to better with me being barely different… grrr. 😆😆😆 I like lifting weights and alone.
This one makes me sad because it's so hard for women to lose weight. I eat 1200 calories a day and nothing happens. My husband can skip desserts and lose weight.
@@amaristhecrow7084 this isn’t really relevant, but 135 lb at 5’9” is very thin! BMI of 20 is pretty dang perfect. I’m 5’7” and 135 lbs., trying to get that last 5 lbs off 😜
@@ApacheJulie same… 💯😆 It’s so frustrating!
My husband has been overweight for our entire relationship. He’s recently lost weight naturally just because he’s been working really hard and we grow a big garden so we’re eating pretty good. But I just can’t imagine pressuring him about losing weight. I think he looks great with his weight loss but I loved him just as much and was very attracted to him when he was heavier. I think it’s typical for a lot of peoples weight to fluctuate throughout our lives. I know mines fluctuated but if my husband was making me feel unattractive and unlovable because of my body I’d be so insecure and I’d probably end up gaining even more because of stress and insecurity. A handful of years ago I ended up gaining like 35 pounds and felt really bad about it. My husband told me “I’d still be attracted to you if you gained a hundred pounds!” That meant a lot to me and I was able to lose the weight over time-stress free.
I think there's a difference between normal weight gain and a lazy person who overindulges. That behavior isn't attractive. My husband is overweight to the point where its severely affecting his health and it may directly affect my future if he dies from weight-related issues. So, we have to talk about it and I have to be more direct about needing him to do something. And he has taken initiative to fix it. But sometimes, it's not about looks- its about Respecting the future you both are counting on.
Because I a soul love and that’s the best love . No conditions is hinging the person the space they to growth and make changes if they have to, I applaud you for that.
Good for you, though I doubt your truthful. You are attracted to an obese guy to start then it's way different then your not an you SO changes to the opposite of what attracts you.
Your most likely large too
@@christim1252 I am 158 lbs and I’m 5’8” and a half (age 43) so I’m larger than I’d like and I’d like to lose maybe 12-15 pounds but technically I am within the range of normal weight for my height. My husband is classified as obese. I think when we first got together he was in the morbidly obese category on the height/weight chart. Im just not bothered by his weight. I’ve always considered him a big cuddly teddy bear.
That’s crazy it’s been a year already! I’m one of your 17 listeners who has listened to every episode and I’ve loved it.
I absolutely love Dr. John's style in dealing with these issues. He is very direct and does not sugar coat stuff. He is amazing.
While showing empathy. Very good, yes
When you said they say “I have no one” I felt that in my soul. 😢 I have NOT ONE SOUL. lost both oarents to addiction , my step daughter put an awful wedge between my husband and our home and my mother in law/FIL. that we lost her also. And moving , the one cousin I have we lost touch. It’s so painful to be alone. People don’t know how heavy being so alone is. Esp then in your own home and marriage 😢😢😢😢😢😢
I wish you the best and that you can make friends. It's never to late to make friends, it is always possible. So many people are looking for connection too.
I have no one as well. My extended family is not close and would only use my situation as gossip fodder. My "friends" would do the same and I won't dump this on my grown kids. They've been through enough. 30 years of a nearly sexless marriage and lots of emotional abuse. He's at least "trying" now and we are at last in counseling but it's still so, so hard.
In my case I moved away from my family’s toxicity. All arguing over money, I made that decision almost 20 years ago and it took me almost 9 to get back to visit them. They all celebrate it me visiting them, still I’m distanced from them, they still toxic.
I’m a soul that’s here if you need someone to chat with.
I’m sorry to read that you feel so alone. So many families are distant or broken. I just wanted to say please try to go out and make some friends. Just one friend can make you feel totally settled, they can be wonderful life sustaining relationships. If you can, go to a hobby class, or find something free to do in your community. Volunteering is also a great way to find friends. I wish you all the best!
Oh that poor woman with the two young children, still 'auditioning' as to whether or not she is worthy!
Leave him. He is the one who is not worthy of her.
Hope it worked out for her.
That guy is such a vile narcissist. Never ending hoops for her to jump thru. She will never be able to satisfy him. She needs to leave and not look back.
John should release an episode that is a compilation of the first call, followed by a follow up call. That way we get the whole story in one viewing.
Yes!!!!
This should be the top comment. You totally should email him this lol
My thoughts!!!
Excellent suggestion.
(I had the same idea, lol)
"Bringing home garbage" was a great point. I've never found words for it before. I do that, too, where I just want to unload my frustrations on someone who cares about me, then I feel like it's a struggle to celebrate good things together.
My heart rebroke for Nikki.... I remember when my babies were in their first year. She tried so hard to be cheerful about her situation... But I'm glad she let the tears out. He's toxic af and she definitely needs to save those kids from him.
Aah that magic word you utter before making babies...MARRIAGE!
@@nervotica7991it's not the 1950s, we have moved on
I love how you handle the calls. How real you are and vulnerable. You have compassion and talk from the heart. THANK YOU!!!!!
Man, I am soooooooooo grateful to NOT be in any more pathetic relationships, ugh! Life is so much quieter and more peaceful, and so much less bullshit and “compromise” and stress about certain things. Singleness…it’s pretty cool! ☺️👍🏽
Always nice to have those co-workers or employees that tell you their unblemished opinion.
One of my most effective personal mantras is "Do the next best thing". Cause although it's good to have an ideal to be aimed at, a standard to guide you, sometimes it's too overwhelming to reach that every time. Gotta avoid that perfectionist mindset, where you only have two categories of "just right" and "unworthy". I love Jordan Peterson's explaining people are too proud to set lowly, small goals, but aren't strong enough to handle the big ones because they would never lower themselves to lift the small weights.
John spends so much energy during the show. He probably goes home and immediately goes to bed after this.
😂
He talks a lot.
I am heavier...but so is my husband. I am owning that and working to heal. I can only work on me.
Nikki, you are in my thoughts. You have to see the light sooner than I saw it. Once older my kids told me I should have left earlier... It is scary outside but you will at some point meet a good partner.
What man wants a woman with 2 kids? You’re delusional.
Some of my favorite one-liners from Delony came from some of these episodes.
People are not a puzzle to be solved or a problem to be fixed.
Men need to learn to be with their partner, not over them.
This throwback was awesome. Can't wait for more!
Come on 1mil SUBS!! The Show deserves it, they've helped so many people.
For the people who suddenly lose their libido, instead of immediately pushing them to counseling, they need to look into other things first like their overall physical health, diet, exercise, what medications are they taking, because medications can have a big effect on your libido, particularly anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. A man's hormones can be out of whack just like a woman's, and uncovering the cause can potentially also uncover a serious medical problem.
Yep. Medications have way more side effects than we know. "Oh looks like you were the first one to get ED from this, congratulations!"
It can also be the first sign of heart issues. Hence, Viagra was actually made to be a heart med, & inadvertently found out what other blood got circulated. Not to mention, men have hormones too.
The woman with the two children is being abused and she needs to be educated about what a narcissist is and what a co-dependent relationship looks like and what she needs to do about it. She needs counseling. He will never change, and she already sounds like she is trauma bonded to him. So sad. Unfortunately, so many get trapped by being financially dependent on the narcissist. He has no interest in her wellbeing, he wants to control and is getting pleasure and supply from her when she is hurt and defending herself. Thank goodness she has parents to get help from, I hope she will take your advice and get some counseling.
Yes yes and yes. I was one of the unfortunate ones in a relationship with a man like this. Only difference is I thankfully didn't have kids with him. It never will get better. Ever.
I really hope and pray she got out of that relationship. He sounds like a truly horrific person.
I dated a man just like this and it nearly broke me. Fortunately we have no children together. Not to say that made it easy to break away from him. I was extremely codependent and stuck in a narcissistic abuse cycle with him for years. He never said the words that I was “interviewing” to be his wife but that’s definitely how he treated me. He would tell me that there’s something missing, something I wasn’t doing to make him happy, but he wouldn’t communicate to me what it was because ( I’m paraphrasing here) if he tells me what it is then it’s not genuine and authentic when I do it because then I’d only be doing it because he told me that’s what he wants rather than it being something I do naturally. (Sorry for the run on sentence). So I was always trying to crack the code of what would make him want to make the ultimate commitment. It was a very weird and immature way to approach a relationship and I was too weak and brainwashed to see it at the time.
Some of Delony’s guidance for callers becomes an eloquent flow of poetry. I love James’ commentary… the insightful clarity and thoughtful humor really add to the show!
That mother of two girlfriend really broke my heart. I can’t imagine my boyfriend saying I’m on a job interview. How demoralizing
Seriously! When she said that so casually my jaw hit the floor. She deserves someone who treats her like a queen, not a servant. She needs to figure out why her self esteem is so low that she has put up with him for 6 years and kick him to the curb.
She made her choices and now she has to live with them. Taking her children away from their father isn’t the solution.
@@emclaire18yes stay an then let the man go after ur kids too
@@emclaire18yes it is. He's dangerous.
@@emclaire18Her kids did not make those decisions. They don't deserve whatever punishment you think she deserves. Period.
The devastation of being rejected by your husband is physically painful. 12 years of it. He gave me 7 different reasons for it. Now I think he was a covert narc who enjoyed hurting me.
33 years later and I’m still in a sexless marriage. … he is not interested in helping us out
Me too. Same same same
I don’t know how you do it, but you get to the heart of the issue quickly and you provide such good advice. It’s so impressive!
3rd story: He's lying. He hesitated and knew he'd look bad if he said no. I think he needs her to lose weight to be attracted to her and you can hear it in his voice.
Correct. It really bothers him. I get it. But here's the thing - we're all going to look different in 5 years no matter what. People are not static.
@@KstoneCreator correct, and being less static loses weight. Gaining that much is insulting to your partner.
As much as that would hurt to hear, I would be glad to know it. Cause the solution is easy. Lose the weight, and be healthy. It’s not hard to lose weight. It’s hard to lead a healthy lifestyle, but it’s easy to lose weight.
She knows this and it's causing her to feel very insecure, which results in emotional eating.
I've known two obese young women who lost all their weight once they met men who really liked and loved them as they were. This gave them such a sense of emotional safety that they simply began dropping the pounds till they reached their optimal, healthy (and very sexy) weight. Both turned out to be stunners.
@@vaska1999yes! This is so true! Great example!
Dr. Delony is my favorite personality on the show. He is so kind, smart, and weird all at the same time. He definitely represents the way people should treat each other in 2021. He is a Christian who doesn't let conservative political ideology overrule his response to human issues. Dr. Delony is the reason why I continue to watch the Ramsey show. People needed help, love, guidance, correction, and support in 2021, not random conservative political ideology that has nothing to do with faith in God and Christian principles that Dave seems to rant on about nowadays. I love Dave's financial advice but his conservative ideological rants are too much and hurt a lot of people. Dave seems to divide more than bring people together. Again, I love the kindness of Dr. Delony, he brings communities together. Dave did something right by adding him to the team.
Exactly. I'm agnostic used to be Christian and he's great at what he does. Not every christian needs to talk about God all the time he's already doing so. One doesn't have to talk to God to get the point across.
I agree Dave is annoying he should just stick to financial advice.
Interesting...the definition of 'Christian' must be different than my understanding of it. 🤔
I’m actually shocked that John Delony is associated with Ramsey at all and really really wish he wasn’t bc I seriously considered not watching anymore when I found out.
Dr. John is too damn smart, too insightful, too decent of a person to be associated with an absolute grifter like fucking Ramsey. And he’s absolutely a grifter and his financial advice is worth about as much as any of his political ideologies.
@@mariahconklin4150100% agree. Dave is a curmudgeon. He’s unfortunately lost something to become who he is today.
I just realised this is basically Frasier and that's why I love it
A hot frasier!
😂😂😂
Omg!! Yeees! 😅😅
thought of this too i love frasier
NO! doesn't matter whose baby - leave that family alone.
Don't tell your buddies, it might slip out
John has grown a lot in affirming-- right from the start-- the caller's pain, and acknowledging rheir bravery for calling. ❤
Since I discovered this show, everytime someone comes to me with a relationship question I think, "hmm what would Delony say?" 🤔😂🤣🤣. I am learning so much and also thanks for all the book recommendations. Dr Gabor's scattered mind is blowing my mind man. Keep it up guys! Congratulations on 1 year!!!!!🎊🎉
Love this comment - so true!
I do the same!!!! 😊
I like this camera angle see James and Kelly's faces, instead of looking at the back of their heads.
Happy 1 year anniversary Dr. D and team. This show has changed my life in so many ways. Has helped me take responsibility for my own mental health and redefine the way I control my thoughts and actions. Thank you so much!!! Cheers to many more years to come and also thank you to EVERYONE that has helped produce and get this show up and running. 🎉❤️
I'm hearing these calls and sensing the love is simply gone. Letting go is hard.
1:21:23 Writing a letter to yourself in the third person might lead you to seeing things you wouldn't have if you addressed it as I. Like the idea of, "what would you tell a friend in your situation?" You could connect the dots you couldn't see before. Good tip!
As a therapist that is part of a technique I use. I like Dr John I believe in continuous learning and like his style. He is teaching us too
Honestly, the John Delony show (and his entire production crew) have blessed me in so many ways! While I cannot relate to many of the situations discussed first-hand, I can relate to all because we as humans are faulty and can improve. Each episode gives me at least 2 opportunities: to learn how to communicate better and to stop and pray for each situation. Thank you, Dr. Deloney and crew!
Subscriber here since day 1. Keep going! My relationship with my wife has gotten so much better since the Dr. John Delony show. Thanks!
Actually have visited a counselor twice in my life time, would be fortunate to find someone who is as grounded and has the morals that Dr. John has. Love the perspective and Faith you bring to the calls you answer, I have learned a LOT. And truly have applied a lot of it to my own life starting over at 66, who would have thought divorce would be my restart to life but finding my way. Thanks Dr John.
I can't believe I have been listening for a year! You do good work. Thank you for just, never giving up.
My husband is the most valuable person to me, I never want to dump my garbage on to him, and he’s the same with me. I believe this is what makes our marriage successful! ❤
Ha! The one with the girlfriend who gained weight… as an old lady at my church said: “Guys, don’t marry a girl because she’s 36-24-36. Because after a few babies, she’s gonna be 40-40-oh Lordy!”.
Not 40 40 o lordy 😅. I did gain weight with pregnancy for years but finally lost it thru low carb and it was a hard journey but my goodness your comment had me on the floor 😂
@@blueseptember2174low carb typically isn’t good for women.
@@malinoisnation9392yes it is, high sugar isn't natural
@@glideappsecho low carb isn’t good for women. Now define low carb.
@@malinoisnation9392 Low carb has been wonderful for me and numerous other woman I know. Is your opinion coming from your own experience?
This is the best episode. I love the debriefing. Such amazing calls. I have learned from each call something I can apply to all my relationships even though I don’t have any of these particular problems. So much to learn here!
In regards your question about how someone doesn’t see that when looking in the mirror to the caller Nikki, I think a huge part was someone just breaking down her spirit little by little for so many years, not supporting her, not being there for her. It didn’t allow her to see herself clearly or what she’s worth. That mirror in front of her is completely fogged out.
Yes it’s learned helplessness after years of narcissistic manipulation and abuse!
The reason why we watch is because your real and genuine.
My husband stopped wanted sex as soon as we got married. I don’t think he ever cheated, but I had the feeling that he was gay. After 7 years our marriage broke up because he fell back into addiction. I know he was r@ped by an uncle when he was a child, and since we divorced he has never been with another woman…he told me he would always love me, which I believe. During our entire time together I noted that he only noticed how men were ‘checking him out’…strange, I thought. I do think he is supressing his homosexual tendencies, I doubt he will ever admit it. I had to leave to protect myself and our son (we had him prior to our marriage).
Possibly- but I’ve also noticed a pattern from other women whose husbands have been sexually abused as children, tend to have difficulty with their sexuality. Whether it be low drive, difficulty getting stimulated, body shutting down to touch & confusion about their own sexual attraction to the same sex.
@@vanessadacenzo5764 that certainly sounds plausible. He is a tormented man. 2 of his brothers who were also m@lested by the uncle ended up in prison…one foe life…he abused his 2 girls. Such a terrible history in that family. I’m glad I took my son away and broke the family curse of sexual and substance abuse…my son is 24 and an incredible young man.
@@vanessadacenzo5764 that certainly sounds plausible. He is a tormented man. 2 of his brothers who were also m@lested by the uncle ended up in prison…one foe life…he abused his 2 girls. Such a terrible history in that family. I’m glad I took my son away and broke the family curse of sexual and substance abuse…my son is 24 and an incredible young man.
@@vanessadacenzo5764and those are all symptoms of porn addiction.
The”put on my shoes for a while”.Backfired for me.For a week I did nothing after work.He packed up the kids lunches got them off to school.Then he vac,dusted,did laundry and cooked.After he got them from school they all played at the park and he took them for a snack.When they got home the kids were quiet and sleepy.After all of that he gave me a smirk and said see that was easy,I don’t know why you have a hard time with it all.I didn’t speak to him for a week
It didn’t backfire. He showed he can do it. Now you can split the chores and he can’t say he can’t do it. Having to do it week in week out is harder.
You work too. Splitting chores sounds great. Kids should receive age appropriate chores too. If he changes your oil or fixes the gutters outside, do a worthwhile chores of his instead. Give and take certainly.
It's easy for a week. Let him do it for 5 years, while grocery shopping, making dinner, and getting up at 3 in the morning with kids throwing up on you
I appreciate Delony's metaphores, puts another light on it. Helps clarify the situations....and I'm talking about Joshua's call.
Sometimes the sexless marriage is due to the husband being ‘faithful’ to his mistress.
I was thinking that too. If testosterone level is normal than it seems likely he's seeing another woman.
Yeah thats it always blame the man without hearing his side
@@SoleSystemz
Right? A lot of times women withhold sex as a form of punishment. Sex isn.t to be used as a weapon and if a woman plays games like that then she.s practically sending him to cheat.
Exactly what I was thinking. He keeps his "mommy " for cooking, cleaning etc and has the side chick for fun. He's obviously getting his home made cake and eating it to.
He has no reason to change anything.
I wonder how he would feel if she started dressing nice and going out. If she told him she was going to have HER needs met.
@3martiniplaydate that's why SHE called in.
OMG! I've paused at the "he was really into porn when we were dating" in regard to the sexless marriage. I can't stop shaking my head in disbelief. The mystery to the question is solved, in one word: PORN. Porn is at the root, and many are the symptoms that stem from it. I find it very frustrating that not once did anyone address this.
Glad someone else knows that too!!!
Wrong. Clearly he has low testosterone
The caller at 1 hr. She’s black and he’s Black. There whole culture is twisted.
@@malinoisnation9392racist idiot
@@malinoisnation9392 Racist statement from someone who can’t even spell. It’s they’re not “there”. You’re welcome from a black former teacher.
Lady with 2 kids… if he just wants to kick you out because of the house. There is something else wrong with him… someone needs to hug that woman and make her see her worth!
I heard so many great things in this giant episode. Although I don't have any of these situations, the feedback provided to each caller is really meaningful to my own life for different reasons.
You just came up on my Home Screen. Maybe because I subbed to Ramsey but I am glad. Seriously thinking of contacting you. Thanks for the excellent advice!
If a wife has problems with a husband who has mother issues (mother who controlled them or emotional-incest), there is a book called "When He's Married to Mom" by a PhD Psychologist that explains the issues these men are dealing with and how it affects or ruins their marriages. This book is so good and it's so surprising how unknown these issues are. These things still affect the man even when they don't live near the mother and even after the mother has passed.
I almost married a man who had an incestuous-like relationship with his mom!! I dodged a bullet!
I just started watching the show a few months ago, and I came across this one where they’re celebrating a year of doing the show. Then I saw that it was posted 3 years ago! So cool!!! I’m glad this show exists. It helps me with my own life, and applying these conversations with my own relationships.
I think it would be so amazing if some of the callers called back in and took some of the advice John gave. If they’re still working on themselves maybe their relationships.
If you speak from the heart and being as kind as you are people will keep following you and you help so many.. Over here in South Africa we just don't have that kind of luxury
Glad I remembered all these calls , I’m a loyal listener!😃😃😃 happy anniversary to this great show !!!!!🙏🙌
Just found your channel and I think the way you talk to the callers is amazing and so helpful ❤ it also leads to very helpful and open minded talks between me and my partner.... What ifs... Ty for being a beautiful, funny, caring soul and being a cry in the dark for so many ❤
When my ex husband was having multiple affairs he would use lack of desire as his excuse.
Yeah. I keep thinking that man could be giving it out elsewhere and that's why he has no desire for his wife.
For 9 years tho!?!!?
It the classic excuse when they are cheating either with a real life women OR the females of porn.
I’m gonna write about myself in 3rd person!!!! Thank you!!!! I def struggle with coming up with a solution to my problems and not knowing what to do. But with someone else, the path forward is always clearer!!!!!
The woman in the 4th call made me tear up 🙁 She kept laughing to try and keep the call lighthearted but as soon as he had her imagine her son treating someone the way her bf is treating her, she's couldn't contain her heartbreak and anger anymore 😭
I love the synergy, discussions, advice and insight between 3 of you and all the callers. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Also I don't think you talked too much DR John
I just fall in love with this show. What a wonderful platform to help people that we struggle with in this days. I am so glad to find this show and it is helping me to understand so many things that i should have known.
You give us women a voice, no one on internet let us know we are OK. God Bless you man
Kim from Chicago
A follow up show would be awesome! Thank you.
Anger is FEAR!
Happy anniversary 🎊 love your show Dr John and learned so much from you. Thank you Delony team
Happy anniversary Dr. John and team!! This show has literally changed my life.
I'd really like to hear a follow up from Nikki. I sure hope she dumped the boyfriend.
I DONT WANT TO CHEAT.......I LOVE MY HUSBAND..................that part made me ......tear up ..a little
My husband started to have this problem right after we got together. We planned a pregnancy early on in our relationship at three months of dating. We just knew what we had felt different and thankfully it worked out for us and we have been together for 10 years, married for 9. We struggled with a sexless marriage for 6-7 years and it was so hard. At one point he told me that he didn’t have any feelings for me. He no longer could feel any feelings, he told me he just felt numb. Their was so much hurt from both sides and we spent tons of money on medication and doctors including specialists. We separated a year ago and thankfully we have not had that issue since working things out and all of a sudden he hasn’t had that issue. We can’t explain why, and the doctors couldn’t figure it out either. He had an enlarged prostate at 22 years old. I feel for this woman and I pray that she will get through this with her husband. Take care of yourself like he said and make sure you support him mentally. The shame and sadness that he is feeling is soul crushing to him. Stay blessed. My heart goes out to you.
I’m repulsed by the guy who thinks a mom of 2 under 2 should be all fit. How gross 🤮🤮🤮 what a jerk. Men get baby birthing guts and never give birth. Give me a break!!!! How awful.
I just had two babies back to back and not once did my boyfriend ever speak of my body and hé didnt stop loving on me while i was at my fattest. I had a friend who was treated horribly while pregnant,the guy was nuts
Dude, you are so intuitive! You amaze me.
Happy 1 year anniversary Dr. D and the whole team! This show has been great for me, I listen as soon as they premiere every day at work! You all are amazing, and Dr. D, your self deprecating humor always makes me laugh and I feel seen lol. Thanks for everything!
I was living in Oklahoma when this show first started. Maybe if I had taken the relationship advice Dr. Delony gave his callers more seriously, I'd still be there. :(
Story 3: no matter how much you can see that they need help. No matter how much you want to help; unless somebody wants to help themselves, all you can do is be there when they need it, but never impose yourself on them.