Awesome story max. People who've never had a panic attack or experienced anxiety will never truly understand what it's like. But since I do understand, hearing you talk about it made me feel a lot better about my own struggles and made me feel much less crazy. Thanks for that.
I've suffered from anxiety my whole life. The thing about it is that you never know when it will flare up, or even WHAT will cause it to flare up. But when it does, it really does feel like you are going to die, and once it passes, you are completely drained of energy. I completely understand where you're coming from on this, Max. It's a rough thing to deal with.
I have an anxiety disorder and this is the first time I've heard someone describe panic attacks the way I feel them. Thanks for making this video (three years ago) Max.
I used to have panic attacks, like a lot back when I was 13-14. It was so bad but i couldn't do anything about it. Had one in front of my mom and she just said it's because I'm lazy and she went back to doing what she was doing at the time. Sucks xD Glad you're doing somewhat okay right now Max!
can't imagine the amount of stress involved in playing competitive fighters professionally. I know my heart always raced playing SF2 and MK2 back in arcades when there was a group of people and line of quarters. I'm a fairly new subscriber and really enjoy your content. keep up the great work!
Hey, man. Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Don't worry about it being a 'bummer' - stories like this make you three-dimensional to those of us who only know you from your videos. It's really positive and affirming how you view your experience now as something that helped lead you to your current life's path. Bless you, d00d.
Max, thank you so much for sharing your experience. To me it is almost eerie how closely your story mirrors my own. In my senior year of high school I too felt a "weird feeling" that was completely indescribable to myself or people around me. It lasted almost two months until I experienced my first panic attack. I dont often tell people about it not because I am ashamed of having anxiety disorder but because i know they will never truly understand how confusing and destitute the experience was.
Hi Max. I finally found this video and to keep my personal story knitted, I too had experienced somewhat that you have experienced. Maybe to a slight less degree. One day, I was settling home from a long walk, as life was passing me by. Responsibilities were handled easily as usual and most of my daily routine work went through without a problem. Everything was fine for me as I came home. Dropped my keys on the ledge, went to go take my shower. But secretly, somewhere inside, my heart began to falter. I couldn't breathe as properly, so I had to sit down and wondered what was wrong with me. Two days afterwards, I was sitting on my desk at 3-4 am in the middle of the night when suddenly my entire body couldn't move and I was in entire shock. I had to collapse on the floor for an entire ten minutes because I couldn't handle it, although my mind was perfectly clear in knowing where I was. My wrists were shaking as I struggled to reach for the phone. In North York (where I lived at the time in Canada), we had an emergency system from the hospital that called themselves the EMS I believe (a dispatch unit that handles emergency medical situations such as intoxications and such.) I even had to go to the hospital during the middle of the night while the people came to put me up on a stretcher. Although at first I did not know if maybe my heart was bleeding out internally or whether or not I must be imagining things, my doctor really could not figure out what was going wrong, nor could they diagnose it. But somehow inside, I knew there was something funny going on inside of me. At the end of the morning, I had been released with my hospital gown as I walked down the hallways. But never had I completely figured out how close I was to "dying." Even to this day, my heart feels compressed or struck with an impact or stressed out with a slight tingle that trickles across my upper left from time to time. Then for weeks I'm perfectly normal, making cartwheels, running from side to side in a tennis court and going around in circles without having to catch my breath.. The truth is, I believe this anxiety order of mine is probably due to the fact that my mindset have been forced and attempted to be skewed by the constant news, ("dumb," sorry to say) media outlet or out in the world where everybody demands that everyone act and be fitted to run a certain way, and to behave that certain way in society. In fact, I wasn't that much of a victim. It happened to be vice-versa, where I witnessed people personally attacked by discrimination, prejudice against those who would stand up for women as individual beings (and not just treated as a "get me a sandwich" type of women) and so forth. But the mere thought that if you fall out of trend -- if you draw disappointment to those who really looked up to you, become uncool all of a sudden for the slightest misstep you've revealed -- because you don't like American bands when you're heart falls more into the Japanese music culture kind of thing while admitting it; and even something so remotely silly, that even certain people are annoyed by your habits of saying sorry too much here and there, that they grip their teeth and chisel their anger at you right away, thinking you are a phony and your niceties are such a fake. I figured out that it was secretly eating me up alive, trying to please everyone. Everytime I looked at the mirror, I felt as if I was living a life where people want me to behave a certain way, force myself to be someone who I am not, rather than telling myself that it's my choice of who I want to be (as long as I'm never hurting anyone; to actually be that person to help them). I knew I wasn't at fault, though I lacked reassurance and self-confidence to believe that I need to be who I want to be, and not be subjected through other people's narrow views just because my personality is different from theirs. I don't like to go to bars -- it's like telling Mr. Grumpy, :"can't you respect my decision and just let these ridiculous trivial things go?" (I never liked alcohol, but there are crazy people out there who think you are a loser because you don't drink like other young adults need to be doing *rolls eyes*) Personally, I got along well with a lot of people, and those of my closest friends who really knew me before the incident had happened said it's just a bunch of narrow-minded "kids," angry elders who thrive on making other people's lives miserable for the heck of it, and anonymous figures who just like to be plain mean. Sometimes, some of them like to be in control. Others -- God knows what is going through their minds. I even wonder -- how the heck did they ever come to thinking such terrible things when people shouldn't be harming each other on this green Earth.) At one point, I was well known in the community. People said hi and such. Heck, even at the place I worked, nearly everyone acknowledged my presence and treated me as if I was like family. I've handled customers, clients, patients, and a lot of people even behind my back (I figured this out later on, even though I never wanted to...) always left kind words about me. I always forced myself to being ever so gracious and humble. Heck, I wanted to be humble for much of my life, enjoying things as they come. Putting smiles on people's faces because I don't always deserve to be in that kind of spotlight, full of warmth and love. But then out of the hundreds of nice things that were done and were handed nicely to me, one rough sore loser happens to ruin my day. Like a bolt of lightning. And then my anxiety would kick in. Secretly, I would brush it off as if it was nothing. Like as if never even existed. Then a week later it would come bouncing back to me in my sleep and then my depression would kick in. Like you, I've always been a happy and bubbly person. It doesn't show on my face, but it is what it is. It takes a heck of a lot for me to actually get agitated. But in the end it gets to me. Somehow, some way. As if I've given up on this world, the way they demand things out of others, and even you if you aren't too careful about it. Life is so much easier when you are unchained -- free as a bee, to do whatever you like, without anyone holding you back and telling you what you can and cannot do. In a world where you don't have to worry about people being made fun of anymore. Heck, had I not been stressful on myself and how I view disappointment in humanity in this world for far too long, I too would have been lived a far much happier lifestyle. The healing process has slowly been recovering for me for all these given years. Every time I see something wrong going on in this world, it would be so much better just to lose the newspaper, turn off the Internet and just play video games like Final Fantasy from time to time. Heck, I'd bring my best friend along for the ride, and play hours and hours as if we could care less about the troublesome people in our world. Okay, I'll end my post here. I'd be shocked even if you read this whole message, Max. "Don't let people get the best of you. Remember, you are in control of your own destiny. Be who you want to be. Be free, and be with those who care about you always, then those who don't." - Lorelei
This is my biggest barrier to getting into competitive games first there is the anxiety and tension that makes you feel like garbage from getting overwhelmed by competitive opponents online or competent live opponents. Then depression sets in after losing a lot then you get over the depression and you still have trouble with the pressure. Then your hands might get issues because they start moving too much. The pressure on your mind and body in competitive gaming is the reason not everyone gets into the competitive scene because the pressure usually cracks opponents before they ever get there. If I can just get over the pressure I'll be fine I'm getting over it better now than I've ever done before. Its just difficult to quantify getting over pressure sigh...
I suffer from anxiety and i fight it everyday. I went to my first local tournament, i got bodied but it was a small victory. Now im going to a major biggest in my country.
I can totally relate to this. I had same panic attack on my way to my engineering exam when i was like 21. It coincided with me failing my exams 2 years in a row. I think what happens is, people cope with really nasty things over a long period of time and that builds up inside. I had real bad experience for the past 3-4 years then. Never been one to feel nervous or anxious before. So yeah. I think it is a bit like it all adds up. And one fine day your body just gives up. And you begin wondering what happened all of a sudden. Take care dude. Thankfully lately i have been ok too. Cheers.
I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder for a few years now. I used to have pretty regular panic attacks; just when things would be calming down another one would start up. Thankfully for me, it was diagnosed correctly pretty quickly; the first time it happened I was trying to go to sleep, at around midnight, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and then it just hit me like a tonne of bricks... It really does feel like dying. I called an ambulance(I was 16 or 17 at the time), and explained everything. They checked me out, and were pretty positive right away that it was just a panic attack, because everything was pretty normal. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor in the morning, but he couldn't get me in for a few weeks. What followed was easily the worst time of my life. Every time I closed my eyes, my body screamed at me, told me I was going to die if I fell asleep, and this was a damning combination with insomnia problems I've had all my life. In the end I was getting one or two hours of sleep on average. Eventually though, I did get in. It took a few tries and a lot of tweaking, but we eventually found a medication and a dosage that worked for me. I'm doing a lot better now. I still have some anxiety problems, but I haven't had any major attacks since I got on them. Plus, it wasn't all bad. I actually met my girlfriend because of it--we're both dealing with similar issues, and even take the same medicine now. I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, to anyone out there dealing with this shit, it'll get better. It's one of the worst things you'll ever have to go through, but you can get through it, and something good might even come out of it. Don't be afraid to seek out help. You shouldn't have to do it alone.
I really appreciate you making this video because I've gone through the same thing. It's comforting knowing that others live with the same issue/experience.
Anxiety disorder is super vague and doctors like to throw it around. The soccer mom getting stressed because her work and kids has "anxiety disorder" but so does the kid who goes blue in the face, numb in the extremities, and feels like he's dying on the daily even after being prescribed 2 mg of xanax and knows it's just a panic attack. People who ACTUALLY suffer from panic attack disorder can't stop the attack from happening even after the 1000th time. You can take preventative measures like medication but in the end it's your bodies choice of a response and it isn't normal....so yeah it's a disorder
This video is 7 years old and I only watched it NOW? Damn it! I have anxiety and I know the feeling, so you have my sympathy, Max. Keep up the good work. And as far as I'm aware, considering it's been 7 years, you have kept it up.
I know the feeling. I'm a very anxious person and I deal with panic attacks all the time. In my case is a more complicated issue thought. But I'm happy to see that you're through that now. It kinda gives me hope. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with us! Peace (^_^)y
Man, this was made in 2013, that year was the year of panic attacks for me. I've had so many that I brush them off now and people look at me like I'm insane and since Max said "you may ignore real heart attack symptoms, and thus die", that's probably gonna be me. Or a stroke. Though when I have panic attacks, it really feels like your heart stops, like you have a cold pit in your chest cuz that organ gave up.
dude max for how positive you stay through out all ive seen of you and your videos to hear a story like this is no bummer what so ever honestly it made me respect you more cause i can only wonder how it mustve been trying to do all this stuff while dealing with this never feel like getting on a deep level about something is ever a bummer cause you always are trying to keep things hyped and keep people happy i barely ever can recall you ever being really much else other than happy and i know from experience its not easy to do that keep it real max we wouldnt want it any other way
Hey Max, I know this vid is over a decade over but I just wanted to add a comment about this whole situation. I understand gaming anxiety very well, so much online competitive gameplay is something that I can't do as often as I'd hope because I panic over it just by thinking about it... however, I can also public speak just fine. I don't understand why our bodies are like this but I know where you're coming from. I hope 10 years later you're doing much better! I'm still learning how to cope, recently it's been bad but this video made me feel better especially knowing you dealt with it as well. Stay safe and thank you for all the entertainment.
I feel yah. I have had panic attacks at random for the last 5 years. Got my first one around age 21. I consider myself chill which is bizarre but everything you said is the story of my life.
I've watched you for years (still do) and this is the first time I've seen this video. 3 years ago during covid I had my first panic attack and your experience with it is almost 100% just like mine. Its so bizarre to hear someone explain my experience back to me
Its really great that you shared this with us. I can relate so well. I have a anxiety/panic disorder and i've been dealing with it for years. When I had my first one, I was terrified It was the worst feeling ever and I honestly thought I was going to die. I was going through a lot of stress too with school, family etc. Its hard even to exercise because I get the same symptoms as a panic attack. I really want to compete in offline/online tournaments but I know the anxiety will effect my gameplay or me going at all. You're awesome and inspirational man. Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully you're dealing with the anxiety ok.
Ok DAMN dude - that has to be like the worst thing to happen to a gamer. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, dude, and I am glad you're able to continue play video games.
Thank you for this video! I also deal with anxiety and my big panic attack also happened in traffic on the freeway. It’s a struggle and sometimes I feel like I’m along in dealing with it so it’s awesome to hear your story and know I’m not alone! Thanks Max!
Wow, Max, what a story. I work with people of all ages with brain dysfunctions and disorders, and I've had some panic attacks myself. So while your story isn't much new to me, I do feel for you. I've been a sub for roughly two years and always thought "why the hell don't I see you in tournaments? You seem like you'd wipe floors with Sonicfox." I understand now why I don't see you up there. My prayers to you for keeping at what you do
Max. I deal with the exact same thing. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder the end of last year and hearing you tell your story was so therapeutic to me because I know the exact thing that you went through. I’m still dealing with it. Thank you for sharing your story.
Max, thank you so much for sharing this. I'm going through my own place crash right now and you have no idea how nice it is to hear all of this. Shine on man.
I experienced the same thing.. I took a EKG.. Everything was fine.. Come to find out I had vertigo from Labyrinthitis.. I would get catscans left and right... Nothing. Panic attacks developed.... Disabled me from work.. I would play games online and just never be into it.. I would freak out.. My Equilibrium was off. I never got it playing video games offline.. I get it whenever life situations catch up to me I have no control over.. It triggers... I get what I like to call "Warm Headaches" that were stress induced..
This resonates big time. Thanks for sharing Max. The way you described your first panic/anxiety attack was spot on, and I hope you have it under control these days
I have that same problem too, i can talk to a HUGE group of people but when it turns to competitive games my heart beats so much faster and i get nervous
tldr: Stress sucks and you have my empathy. Please do all you need to control it and put the entertainment of others afterwards. I don't have panic attacks, but I have stress-related epilepsy (although it originates from a head injury). At university we couldn't really link it to anything so I was just diagnosed "epilepsy" and we kept messing around with medication to reduce seizures. After uni, I worked in an accounting firm and had to do professional exams. We got our first set of results back during a morning meeting and I found out I'd failed one exam and barely passed the other. Seconds later I had a crazy-bad seizure (seriously, everyone who saw it was given the rest of the day off since they got so panicked). After some time off work I returned and it seemed that every time I had a bad work assignment I would either have a seizure or just plain pass out. Needless to say, I left the job not too long afterwards. I went to bed when I got home and slept for 34 hours straight. Although I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, my family helped to get my stress under control and I haven't had a seizure since. I can't imagine it being a constant worry, and anyone who has to live with something like anxiety is a real soldier.
This episode was pretty personal to me. I went through the exact same thing and missed a year of high school because of it. I still struggle sometimes but I'm much better now. Its nice to hear that I'm not the only one!
Thats the worst man, Ive had two panics attack in my life and you are right, you physically feel like you are having a heart attack, like feeling my left arm go numb levels, and the panic robs your ability to distinguish between actual symptoms and imagined ones.
Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to bear someone who's story sounds pretty much identical to mine, including the sleeping part. Most people seem to have always suffered from anxiety. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who got blindsided one day. It's hard to describe how much anxiety truly sucks because it's one of those invisible illnesses. Unless you've experienced it, then you'll never really get it.
My anxiety too had only lasted a few months after my second panic attack and after that I had learned to manage my triggers. On top of that I have never heard any doctor or person with anxiety describe the weird feeling so articulately and so similarly to the way I felt three years ago. So thank you for so transparently explaining your experience and giving me finally a sense of normalcy and commonality. Also, love the UMVC3 TOW series, keep up the good work!
+Runslik3Wind I have a question about this. I sometimes (very rarely) have something that I feel may be what you describe as sleep paralysis. It usually happens to me when I have fever, but also sometimes seems to happen randomly. It usually happens after I wake up in the middle of the night, and Ill just wake up and something will feel incredibly wrong. I cant put my finger on it, but its distinctly a feeling that something is very very wrong....and that falling asleep or even just closing my eyes is a very very bad idea. The only situation I can then put myself in is to start pacing around my room- that tends to help a bit, but Im still freaked out. The weirdest part is that in my mind, and what i say to people who witness this happen to me, is complete nonsense. I will talk about dinosaurs or monkeys and how because of them I cant go to sleep, and even as I say it, I know that im talking complete gibberish, but it seems to be the most natural explanation to give to myself and others.... that "things are wrong because of so and so" without really explaining why. I dont know if this sounds completely random to you, but yea i wanted to know whether any of this resonates with you as sleep paralysis.
came here after a link through Maxs 800,000 sub video, just wanna say you awesome Max and i love seeing your thumbnail pop up on my phone as i never know what exciting video is coming next from you, keep up the good work Dood to make it to a million! as for the anxiety ive had the awful experience numerous times as well as depression and being prone to migraines, basically im falling to pieces! haha live with your dream and your dream will live with you. x
That whole speech in front of a 1000 people without getting nervous but gets nervous when you play competitive arcade games in a crowd gets you sweaty and nervous, I get that as well and idk why
Here from the 800k video. Listening to this brought me to tears because I’ve lived this and for too long tried to ignore it or just plain didn’t get the help I needed (for lots of reasons, including financial). I’ve gone to therapy for a year and I’m finally going for neuropsych testing next week for lots of reasons but this really helped me understand how to approach my own issues because you talk about it in such plain language. Thanks Max.
yea Max, this is a good video to put out. I had been playing online MKX so I could practice and try to get in some local tournaments. The netcode was so frustrating I found myself button mashing til my thumbs felt like they were gonna fall off while I was typing at work. Then I watched a different video of yours recently and you said you don't play competitively anymore. I decided to just have fun myself. My wife has anxiety attacks and I don't know how to appreciate it.
I feel the same when it comes to online or competitive play. Its like i have no problem if i lose to an AI enemy because they're designed to try and kill me but i can't stand losing to another person, maybe because subconsciously I'm thinking they are better then me. Sounds silly and petty but it's true. That's why i prefer single player games or cooperative online games like Diablo. Really the only competitive game i play is mortal kombat and i am looking forward to mortal kombat x coming soon.
this is an old vid, but i know exactly where you coming from max, i was teaching and freelancing myself online as an artist n deadlines, lesson plans were seriously fatiguing me at the time and panic attacks, stress, peoples expectations of you n all that pressure. totally understand. it took like nearly a year to get past it man but it makes you more focused for it n helps change your lifestyle and how you assess things for sure. keep up the good work!
Your brain does that because basically, the panic attack stems most often from a defense mechanism conflict which involves repressed desires. The reason you experience it in some areas which "shouldn't be as stressful" and then not experience it in some colloquially highly stressful areas is because of your personal "trigger". If your subconscious brain detects something as a threat to your established coping mechanism, it will do EVERYTHING to stop that threat. Including going into panic attack, as one of the more harsher resorts. Thing is, it's not something you can "feel" or analyze, because it's below your cognitive level. As in, really below, not some subsurface thing. That's why it might not make sense to you even if it's, well, you:)
I know this video is a little old but this is the second time I've listened to it and Maximillion I feel you thank you for sharing that, took a lot for you to share and a great deal of people in the video game community will benefit from what you shared in this video.
Max Anxiety is something your subconscious does because It learned how to do. Once it opened that door in your brain it will always know how to open it. But it doesn't mean you have to have it happen often. You can beat anxiety ! its possible ! You just need a Totem...something to keep you rooted spiritually inside you. A phrase or a belief. Meditate on it ! You can regain control over the subconscious to where it doesn't open that door of anxiety.
i also have an anxiety dissorder. i went to hospital 4 times to check my heart because i had panic attacks many times a week. later i found out what it was. now im on medication and hope to get better in a year or so. this has totally changed my life. im so happy to hear maximilian bring this up
*cont* I really thought I was having a heart attack, and the doctor told me the same thing. Even though I was getting payed really well for my age (close to six figures at the end of it) I hated my career path and what it was doing to me and my family. I quit my job, moved with my family, and we settled down in Maine. I bought a big chunk of land and now live in the fucking boondocks. But, my health is way better, my family is happier, and I'm doing what I want. Stay strong Max. You're the man
Thank you for this video. I had my 1st panic attack 3 weeks ago and it was terrifying. I still have attacks and it calmed me to know it can take a few months to recover. I don't wish this on anyone. I appreciate you sharing your story.
Yo Max, I totally get you. I'm going to an art college right now studying illustration, and I've gone through crazy amounts of stress from being away from home, having a million things to do everyday, and being pressured to produce good work for my classes. It's fucking maddening to keep myself at a chill level, but I'm learning. Thanks for putting something this real and important out there for your viewers to learn about. Keep calm, and yo' video games!
Honestly video games and music and all this high stimulation is causing a lot more known cases of anxiety. The statement max said that hit me hard was that he'd never really been anxious his entire life, and that was EXACTLY what I was thinking when it first hit me at the age of 19. I wanted to know why so bad, for me it was an on going thing, and slowly got better over the course of 2 years or so. And it's the worst when you have to give up things you love because when you try to expose yourself to them, this unnatural feeling comes over you that you can't explain, you can't reason with it, and you sometimes have to just run from it and the thing you used to love doing. I hope that we can learn more about the issue and how to improve our psychological health, but also thanks for posting this video. A lot of the people commenting are saying the same thing: it's nice to hear other people are dealing with it. It's not just people who come across as loners and shut ins; even people who seem very outgoing deal with it. I've been in musicals, dance concerts, sung in open mics in front of people, given speeches, and all sorts of stuff. Anyways it does get better
Yo Max! Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I suffer from Panic Disorder myself, which is basically uncontrollable, severe panic attacks out of nowhere. It can be incredibly debilitating, but thankfully I've been able to get through it with the help of doctors and my family. Still struggle, but I'm making it. Glad to see you kept on keeping in in spite of your problems. That is the number one advice I've always received: just do it. Don't let anxiety ever beat you!
Hi Maximilian. Marco,from Italy. Playin Beat em up since I was 7(now 35 :/),and I have known you since last week. I watched a large amount of ur vids,from boss rage to real talk and I wanted to thank you. You’re that kind of guy I donno if I wish you’re my neighboor or my dad,and I found a lot of myself in some of your Real Talks. Please keep it on, i wish I could join ur friends in that room,I think we could be great friends. Ps: Approached to DBFz last month,yours is the best guide for combos beginners. Thanks for all, for what it worths.
Max, thanks for this video. I'm a guy who's been trying to manage playing as many old games as possible for a review show I used to try to do regularly, watch as many old animated shows as possible for another review show I was trying to get off the ground, while also completely following modern games, the wrestling scene, and being a full time College Student. It feels so therapeutic to hear someone else going through the similar anxiety that stopped me from doing those shows.
Thanks for this, Max. You rambled a bit for the beginning, but i got your message at the end (although your pretty easy guy to listen to, and I didn't know before that your history with fightinggames went back to 2k... pretty stellar). Listen, people don't like talking about this stuff, and I'm glad you said you experienced this. More than anything im glad your company supported, though im sorry you had to spend couple thousand to learn it. I was walked into a hospital and trapsed through a bunch of test just for a nurse to basically laugh at me while he had me on a stretcher and say "Dude, you don't know what a panic attack is? You need to lay off of video games. Oh well, you paid my bills." literally. So, we learned our lessons, eh? Also, that fricken Doom comeback near 14:30 was amazing. All my love.
damn dude, that 'i don't know what but something's wrong' speech was pretty raw, and I feel like I've been through something similar recently, so it's good to hear someone else put it into words. Hope you're good man!
Holy moly! I just love your videos and I’m so late to them but happen to run across this and thought it was going to be about something else. Wow! Just thank you for sharing this. This is deep but real stuff. Really listened and took your words in.
Max, I subscribed to your channel because of your assist me series, even though I dont even play UMVC or any of the games on your channel. But your channel and your absolute love of games whether fighting or casual, is what drew me to you and your such heartfelt videos. I love every video put out and I am moderately jealous that you get to do what you love and receive such love for it. Max, you are one in a million and sincerely thank you for you, your story, and your video games.
Max, I'm going through the same thing now. It's good to see someone else who has made it through this, it makes me feel like it's possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your story. I recovered from a horrible breakdown where I had about 20+ panic attacks in the span of a week. I took a year to recover but I learned a lot about myself and life, and now I'm a much happier person now
Thanks Max for sharing this. My mom suffers from panic attacks and has done so for many years, to the point that it eventually did cause a stroke. I never really understood what she was going through but the way you described your experience really helped me to grasp what she was feeling. Keep doing what you do Max and stay chill, hopefully I will get a chance to play with you one day. :D
Really appreciate the sincerity Max. Particularly because I suffered a very similar incident 2 years ago, at the tender age of 21. Hearing your story and the positivity you managed to create from an otherwise negative situation is uplifting. Thanks again, keep the awesome coming.
Hey Max, I have struggled with mental health all my life and anxiety is a large component of my daily life. Video games are a safe haven when I'm having an episode and what you do is helpful to me. your recount of your experience was brave and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
thanks for sharing that story with us Max, its really cool that youre sharing these storys with us when you dont even have to. and ill be waiting for that next video about the jobs. ive been hoping to become a competitor in the future, because, but i still have no idea what to do as a job thats relating to something i really love. Fighting Games.
Thanks for sharing Max, I also suffer from anxiety and i'm sorry you went through this horrible episode. I think I speak for a lot of the community when I say I appreciate what you've done for us. Also, take a break next time it all gets too much dood!
Brilliant story! Very important you bring things like this up. Anxiety can affect a wide range of people and anything that raises awareness about keeping good mental health is always valued!
I've actually had an anxiety attack because of work related stress and I know how scary that can be. Good to know that something good came out of that attack. The good being you continuing with the online warrior, assist me, etc
A lot of respect to you Max. Anxiety and panic attacks can be very difficult stuff. It is the big reason why I don't play competitive any more. =/ I did kind of wonder why you sort of disappeared from the competitive scene after that SFxT CC tourney, but now that thought has been put to rest. Keep up the wonderful work you do, have fun, and always remember to relax! Maybe some day we will see you start playing casual matches and such on WNF/TRB or something. At any rate, best of luck to you!
Anxiety is tough to deal with. I used to get it real bad but over time i learned how to control it and now i dont get anxiety no where near as bad as i used to. Thanks for this video dude!
I've been there, Max, with having panic attacks. They really are one of the scariest things you can go through. 2007-2008 was a crazy year for me and the amount of stress I had caused me to have quite a few of them. Work stuff on top of medical bills (appendectomies are expensive)...no fun at all. I still get that way sometimes. Thank you for sharing this story, since it's not something a lot of folks talk about or feel comfortable sharing with others. Here's hoping you have been well lately
Your symptoms -- even down to having difficulty falling and staying asleep - mirror my experiences when helping my brother deal with alcoholism. Too much sweeping responsibility on our subconscious mind --- and the pressure of finding success, can be ravaging. Great vid, Max. One of my favorites. Your humanity is what makes this.
Thank you Max I really appreciate you sharing this with us, while you had no duty at all to report what's happening in your life or what you have been through...however you did it. Million THX!!! that makes me feel more respect for you as a person and your work too...hope you're OK now...I'm under a similar situation at work and other duties but I'm still planning to be following what's happening on the fighting game scene...you encouraged me to continue...once again...THX a lot...
Thanks for sharing your story, Max. I've had 3 bad really panic attacks in my young life and I completely know what you mean. It's really difficult to really grasp it and come to terms with it and then share it. You have big huevos, sir.
great videos Max. The title says it all. its nice to have a member of the FGC be open to the community and also sharing your own personal experiences and struggles whether they are negative or positive. :)
I just watched this and it really hit home with whats happened to me in my own local scene. I got to be a power ranked player and suddenly started panicking and worrying much worse then I typically would and it sucks because I want to compete. I want to find a way to compete again but I realize my health comes first, it was really comforting to known im not alone with this. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this Max, I had my first panic attack back in November and I'm so happy to hear I'm not alone with how crazy and awful that felt. Keep doing what you do, dood.
Hey Max. I appreciate how open you've been with us about all this. I understand it can't be easy to relive some of this, especially on the internet. I just want to let you know that if you start killing yourself from overwork then I'm gonna be more pissed about that than no vids for a month or something along those lines. You're a great dood Max and your hard work is appreciated across the world. Best wishes to you and yours from Scotland, mate
Yo Max no worries. I've had a similar situation, ironically also in the car I had a panic/anxiety attack. Had to pull over and have the ambulance come. Not a fun feeling those fake heart attacks. Glad to hear you're good now and things are going well. Don't push yourself too hard, I think we can do without an Online Warrior episode every now and then ;)
i'm glad and impressed you can actually tell us this much about your life Max :3 Being a tournament player would hinder your current work, it takes way too much dedication and isolation, like with some competitive players for instance that hate being streamed because of exposure of their technique. It would be stressful to you and we would get less content if you had that sort of attitude too. In all i just wish you lots of good health and just remain who you are, doing what you love to do ^^
Awesome story max. People who've never had a panic attack or experienced anxiety will never truly understand what it's like. But since I do understand, hearing you talk about it made me feel a lot better about my own struggles and made me feel much less crazy. Thanks for that.
"You feel like youre dying" - The best description and yet the hardest thing to explain to ppl.
Online and offline are 2 different animals. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN.
I've suffered from anxiety my whole life. The thing about it is that you never know when it will flare up, or even WHAT will cause it to flare up. But when it does, it really does feel like you are going to die, and once it passes, you are completely drained of energy.
I completely understand where you're coming from on this, Max. It's a rough thing to deal with.
How are you now 7 years later?
I have an anxiety disorder and this is the first time I've heard someone describe panic attacks the way I feel them. Thanks for making this video (three years ago) Max.
3 years ago
@@imperatorsamusaaran7115 6 years ago
I used to have panic attacks, like a lot back when I was 13-14. It was so bad but i couldn't do anything about it. Had one in front of my mom and she just said it's because I'm lazy and she went back to doing what she was doing at the time. Sucks xD
Glad you're doing somewhat okay right now Max!
Damn Max I feel you. I have chronic panic attacks and know that feeling all too well.
can't imagine the amount of stress involved in playing competitive fighters professionally. I know my heart always raced playing SF2 and MK2 back in arcades when there was a group of people and line of quarters. I'm a fairly new subscriber and really enjoy your content. keep up the great work!
Hey, man. Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Don't worry about it being a 'bummer' - stories like this make you three-dimensional to those of us who only know you from your videos. It's really positive and affirming how you view your experience now as something that helped lead you to your current life's path. Bless you, d00d.
Thank you Max for making this, made me feel a lot better about what I've been going through with anxiety
Max, thank you so much for sharing your experience. To me it is almost eerie how closely your story mirrors my own. In my senior year of high school I too felt a "weird feeling" that was completely indescribable to myself or people around me. It lasted almost two months until I experienced my first panic attack. I dont often tell people about it not because I am ashamed of having anxiety disorder but because i know they will never truly understand how confusing and destitute the experience was.
Hi Max. I finally found this video and to keep my personal story knitted, I too had experienced somewhat that you have experienced. Maybe to a slight less degree. One day, I was settling home from a long walk, as life was passing me by. Responsibilities were handled easily as usual and most of my daily routine work went through without a problem. Everything was fine for me as I came home. Dropped my keys on the ledge, went to go take my shower. But secretly, somewhere inside, my heart began to falter. I couldn't breathe as properly, so I had to sit down and wondered what was wrong with me.
Two days afterwards, I was sitting on my desk at 3-4 am in the middle of the night when suddenly my entire body couldn't move and I was in entire shock. I had to collapse on the floor for an entire ten minutes because I couldn't handle it, although my mind was perfectly clear in knowing where I was. My wrists were shaking as I struggled to reach for the phone. In North York (where I lived at the time in Canada), we had an emergency system from the hospital that called themselves the EMS I believe (a dispatch unit that handles emergency medical situations such as intoxications and such.) I even had to go to the hospital during the middle of the night while the people came to put me up on a stretcher.
Although at first I did not know if maybe my heart was bleeding out internally or whether or not I must be imagining things, my doctor really could not figure out what was going wrong, nor could they diagnose it. But somehow inside, I knew there was something funny going on inside of me. At the end of the morning, I had been released with my hospital gown as I walked down the hallways. But never had I completely figured out how close I was to "dying." Even to this day, my heart feels compressed or struck with an impact or stressed out with a slight tingle that trickles across my upper left from time to time. Then for weeks I'm perfectly normal, making cartwheels, running from side to side in a tennis court and going around in circles without having to catch my breath..
The truth is, I believe this anxiety order of mine is probably due to the fact that my mindset have been forced and attempted to be skewed by the constant news, ("dumb," sorry to say) media outlet or out in the world where everybody demands that everyone act and be fitted to run a certain way, and to behave that certain way in society. In fact, I wasn't that much of a victim. It happened to be vice-versa, where I witnessed people personally attacked by discrimination, prejudice against those who would stand up for women as individual beings (and not just treated as a "get me a sandwich" type of women) and so forth. But the mere thought that if you fall out of trend -- if you draw disappointment to those who really looked up to you, become uncool all of a sudden for the slightest misstep you've revealed -- because you don't like American bands when you're heart falls more into the Japanese music culture kind of thing while admitting it; and even something so remotely silly, that even certain people are annoyed by your habits of saying sorry too much here and there, that they grip their teeth and chisel their anger at you right away, thinking you are a phony and your niceties are such a fake. I figured out that it was secretly eating me up alive, trying to please everyone. Everytime I looked at the mirror, I felt as if I was living a life where people want me to behave a certain way, force myself to be someone who I am not, rather than telling myself that it's my choice of who I want to be (as long as I'm never hurting anyone; to actually be that person to help them). I knew I wasn't at fault, though I lacked reassurance and self-confidence to believe that I need to be who I want to be, and not be subjected through other people's narrow views just because my personality is different from theirs. I don't like to go to bars -- it's like telling Mr. Grumpy, :"can't you respect my decision and just let these ridiculous trivial things go?" (I never liked alcohol, but there are crazy people out there who think you are a loser because you don't drink like other young adults need to be doing *rolls eyes*)
Personally, I got along well with a lot of people, and those of my closest friends who really knew me before the incident had happened said it's just a bunch of narrow-minded "kids," angry elders who thrive on making other people's lives miserable for the heck of it, and anonymous figures who just like to be plain mean. Sometimes, some of them like to be in control. Others -- God knows what is going through their minds. I even wonder -- how the heck did they ever come to thinking such terrible things when people shouldn't be harming each other on this green Earth.) At one point, I was well known in the community. People said hi and such. Heck, even at the place I worked, nearly everyone acknowledged my presence and treated me as if I was like family. I've handled customers, clients, patients, and a lot of people even behind my back (I figured this out later on, even though I never wanted to...) always left kind words about me.
I always forced myself to being ever so gracious and humble. Heck, I wanted to be humble for much of my life, enjoying things as they come. Putting smiles on people's faces because I don't always deserve to be in that kind of spotlight, full of warmth and love. But then out of the hundreds of nice things that were done and were handed nicely to me, one rough sore loser happens to ruin my day. Like a bolt of lightning. And then my anxiety would kick in. Secretly, I would brush it off as if it was nothing. Like as if never even existed. Then a week later it would come bouncing back to me in my sleep and then my depression would kick in.
Like you, I've always been a happy and bubbly person. It doesn't show on my face, but it is what it is. It takes a heck of a lot for me to actually get agitated. But in the end it gets to me. Somehow, some way. As if I've given up on this world, the way they demand things out of others, and even you if you aren't too careful about it. Life is so much easier when you are unchained -- free as a bee, to do whatever you like, without anyone holding you back and telling you what you can and cannot do. In a world where you don't have to worry about people being made fun of anymore. Heck, had I not been stressful on myself and how I view disappointment in humanity in this world for far too long, I too would have been lived a far much happier lifestyle. The healing process has slowly been recovering for me for all these given years.
Every time I see something wrong going on in this world, it would be so much better just to lose the newspaper, turn off the Internet and just play video games like Final Fantasy from time to time. Heck, I'd bring my best friend along for the ride, and play hours and hours as if we could care less about the troublesome people in our world.
Okay, I'll end my post here.
I'd be shocked even if you read this whole message, Max.
"Don't let people get the best of you. Remember, you are in control of your own destiny. Be who you want to be. Be free, and be with those who care about you always, then those who don't." - Lorelei
This is my biggest barrier to getting into competitive games first there is the anxiety and tension that makes you feel like garbage from getting overwhelmed by competitive opponents online or competent live opponents.
Then depression sets in after losing a lot then you get over the depression and you still have trouble with the pressure.
Then your hands might get issues because they start moving too much.
The pressure on your mind and body in competitive gaming is the reason not everyone gets into the competitive scene because the pressure usually cracks opponents before they ever get there.
If I can just get over the pressure I'll be fine I'm getting over it better now than I've ever done before. Its just difficult to quantify getting over pressure sigh...
Lord Vapersmith Dracomar don't give up fam
I suffer from anxiety and i fight it everyday. I went to my first local tournament, i got bodied but it was a small victory. Now im going to a major biggest in my country.
I can totally relate to this. I had same panic attack on my way to my engineering exam when i was like 21. It coincided with me failing my exams 2 years in a row. I think what happens is, people cope with really nasty things over a long period of time and that builds up inside. I had real bad experience for the past 3-4 years then. Never been one to feel nervous or anxious before. So yeah. I think it is a bit like it all adds up. And one fine day your body just gives up. And you begin wondering what happened all of a sudden. Take care dude. Thankfully lately i have been ok too. Cheers.
I've been dealing with an anxiety disorder for a few years now. I used to have pretty regular panic attacks; just when things would be calming down another one would start up. Thankfully for me, it was diagnosed correctly pretty quickly; the first time it happened I was trying to go to sleep, at around midnight, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, and then it just hit me like a tonne of bricks... It really does feel like dying. I called an ambulance(I was 16 or 17 at the time), and explained everything. They checked me out, and were pretty positive right away that it was just a panic attack, because everything was pretty normal.
I scheduled an appointment with my doctor in the morning, but he couldn't get me in for a few weeks. What followed was easily the worst time of my life. Every time I closed my eyes, my body screamed at me, told me I was going to die if I fell asleep, and this was a damning combination with insomnia problems I've had all my life. In the end I was getting one or two hours of sleep on average. Eventually though, I did get in.
It took a few tries and a lot of tweaking, but we eventually found a medication and a dosage that worked for me. I'm doing a lot better now. I still have some anxiety problems, but I haven't had any major attacks since I got on them. Plus, it wasn't all bad. I actually met my girlfriend because of it--we're both dealing with similar issues, and even take the same medicine now.
I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, to anyone out there dealing with this shit, it'll get better. It's one of the worst things you'll ever have to go through, but you can get through it, and something good might even come out of it. Don't be afraid to seek out help. You shouldn't have to do it alone.
Thank you for talking about this. I've had this for years and I have yet to recover from it. I don't know if I ever will.
I really appreciate you making this video because I've gone through the same thing. It's comforting knowing that others live with the same issue/experience.
Anxiety disorder is super vague and doctors like to throw it around. The soccer mom getting stressed because her work and kids has "anxiety disorder" but so does the kid who goes blue in the face, numb in the extremities, and feels like he's dying on the daily even after being prescribed 2 mg of xanax and knows it's just a panic attack. People who ACTUALLY suffer from panic attack disorder can't stop the attack from happening even after the 1000th time. You can take preventative measures like medication but in the end it's your bodies choice of a response and it isn't normal....so yeah it's a disorder
This video is 7 years old and I only watched it NOW? Damn it! I have anxiety and I know the feeling, so you have my sympathy, Max. Keep up the good work. And as far as I'm aware, considering it's been 7 years, you have kept it up.
You described the feeling of a panic attack really well.
I know the feeling. I'm a very anxious person and I deal with panic attacks all the time. In my case is a more complicated issue thought. But I'm happy to see that you're through that now. It kinda gives me hope. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with us! Peace (^_^)y
Man, this was made in 2013, that year was the year of panic attacks for me. I've had so many that I brush them off now and people look at me like I'm insane and since Max said "you may ignore real heart attack symptoms, and thus die", that's probably gonna be me. Or a stroke. Though when I have panic attacks, it really feels like your heart stops, like you have a cold pit in your chest cuz that organ gave up.
dude max for how positive you stay through out all ive seen of you and your videos to hear a story like this is no bummer what so ever honestly it made me respect you more cause i can only wonder how it mustve been trying to do all this stuff while dealing with this never feel like getting on a deep level about something is ever a bummer cause you always are trying to keep things hyped and keep people happy i barely ever can recall you ever being really much else other than happy and i know from experience its not easy to do that keep it real max we wouldnt want it any other way
We understand, Max. You're the coolest, most chill guy around and we all love you.
Hey Max, I know this vid is over a decade over but I just wanted to add a comment about this whole situation. I understand gaming anxiety very well, so much online competitive gameplay is something that I can't do as often as I'd hope because I panic over it just by thinking about it... however, I can also public speak just fine. I don't understand why our bodies are like this but I know where you're coming from.
I hope 10 years later you're doing much better! I'm still learning how to cope, recently it's been bad but this video made me feel better especially knowing you dealt with it as well. Stay safe and thank you for all the entertainment.
I feel yah. I have had panic attacks at random for the last 5 years. Got my first one around age 21. I consider myself chill which is bizarre but everything you said is the story of my life.
I've watched you for years (still do) and this is the first time I've seen this video. 3 years ago during covid I had my first panic attack and your experience with it is almost 100% just like mine. Its so bizarre to hear someone explain my experience back to me
Just keep having fun Dood, and ill keep watching.
Its really great that you shared this with us. I can relate so well. I have a anxiety/panic disorder and i've been dealing with it for years. When I had my first one, I was terrified It was the worst feeling ever and I honestly thought I was going to die. I was going through a lot of stress too with school, family etc. Its hard even to exercise because I get the same symptoms as a panic attack. I really want to compete in offline/online tournaments but I know the anxiety will effect my gameplay or me going at all. You're awesome and inspirational man. Keep doing what you're doing and hopefully you're dealing with the anxiety ok.
Ok DAMN dude - that has to be like the worst thing to happen to a gamer. I'm sorry you had to go through all that, dude, and I am glad you're able to continue play video games.
Thank you for this video! I also deal with anxiety and my big panic attack also happened in traffic on the freeway. It’s a struggle and sometimes I feel like I’m along in dealing with it so it’s awesome to hear your story and know I’m not alone! Thanks Max!
Wow, Max, what a story. I work with people of all ages with brain dysfunctions and disorders, and I've had some panic attacks myself. So while your story isn't much new to me, I do feel for you.
I've been a sub for roughly two years and always thought "why the hell don't I see you in tournaments? You seem like you'd wipe floors with Sonicfox." I understand now why I don't see you up there. My prayers to you for keeping at what you do
Max. I deal with the exact same thing. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder the end of last year and hearing you tell your story was so therapeutic to me because I know the exact thing that you went through. I’m still dealing with it. Thank you for sharing your story.
Max's brain was randomly like "Yo hold this."
Scary shit, man. Glad you're okay now and giving us dat video game footage. Stay healthy.
Max, thank you so much for sharing this. I'm going through my own place crash right now and you have no idea how nice it is to hear all of this. Shine on man.
I experienced the same thing.. I took a EKG.. Everything was fine.. Come to find out I had vertigo from Labyrinthitis.. I would get catscans left and right... Nothing. Panic attacks developed.... Disabled me from work.. I would play games online and just never be into it.. I would freak out.. My Equilibrium was off. I never got it playing video games offline.. I get it whenever life situations catch up to me I have no control over.. It triggers... I get what I like to call "Warm Headaches" that were stress induced..
This resonates big time. Thanks for sharing Max. The way you described your first panic/anxiety attack was spot on, and I hope you have it under control these days
I have that same problem too, i can talk to a HUGE group of people but when it turns to competitive games my heart beats so much faster and i get nervous
tldr: Stress sucks and you have my empathy. Please do all you need to control it and put the entertainment of others afterwards.
I don't have panic attacks, but I have stress-related epilepsy (although it originates from a head injury). At university we couldn't really link it to anything so I was just diagnosed "epilepsy" and we kept messing around with medication to reduce seizures. After uni, I worked in an accounting firm and had to do professional exams. We got our first set of results back during a morning meeting and I found out I'd failed one exam and barely passed the other. Seconds later I had a crazy-bad seizure (seriously, everyone who saw it was given the rest of the day off since they got so panicked). After some time off work I returned and it seemed that every time I had a bad work assignment I would either have a seizure or just plain pass out. Needless to say, I left the job not too long afterwards. I went to bed when I got home and slept for 34 hours straight. Although I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, my family helped to get my stress under control and I haven't had a seizure since.
I can't imagine it being a constant worry, and anyone who has to live with something like anxiety is a real soldier.
Thanks for sharing Max.. sorry that happened to you.
This episode was pretty personal to me. I went through the exact same thing and missed a year of high school because of it. I still struggle sometimes but I'm much better now. Its nice to hear that I'm not the only one!
Thats the worst man, Ive had two panics attack in my life and you are right, you physically feel like you are having a heart attack, like feeling my left arm go numb levels, and the panic robs your ability to distinguish between actual symptoms and imagined ones.
Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to bear someone who's story sounds pretty much identical to mine, including the sleeping part. Most people seem to have always suffered from anxiety. It's nice to hear I'm not the only one who got blindsided one day.
It's hard to describe how much anxiety truly sucks because it's one of those invisible illnesses. Unless you've experienced it, then you'll never really get it.
So Max is 31... Mystery solved
You sure about that? He looks like he is 35-40 to be really honest with you.
31? errr ok I guess.
Xecutionner2K aaaah come on, he doesn't look that old. Comparing him with his youthful self from videos when he used to compete of course
He's turning 40 this year (2017).
NightFury173 yea he is around my age 31-32
My anxiety too had only lasted a few months after my second panic attack and after that I had learned to manage my triggers. On top of that I have never heard any doctor or person with anxiety describe the weird feeling so articulately and so similarly to the way I felt three years ago. So thank you for so transparently explaining your experience and giving me finally a sense of normalcy and commonality. Also, love the UMVC3 TOW series, keep up the good work!
Yeah man I used to have sleep paralysis
and yeah it would feel like death to even close your eyes
+Runslik3Wind I have a question about this. I sometimes (very rarely) have something that I feel may be what you describe as sleep paralysis. It usually happens to me when I have fever, but also sometimes seems to happen randomly. It usually happens after I wake up in the middle of the night, and Ill just wake up and something will feel incredibly wrong. I cant put my finger on it, but its distinctly a feeling that something is very very wrong....and that falling asleep or even just closing my eyes is a very very bad idea. The only situation I can then put myself in is to start pacing around my room- that tends to help a bit, but Im still freaked out. The weirdest part is that in my mind, and what i say to people who witness this happen to me, is complete nonsense. I will talk about dinosaurs or monkeys and how because of them I cant go to sleep, and even as I say it, I know that im talking complete gibberish, but it seems to be the most natural explanation to give to myself and others.... that "things are wrong because of so and so" without really explaining why.
I dont know if this sounds completely random to you, but yea i wanted to know whether any of this resonates with you as sleep paralysis.
You have a lot of anxiety/stress.
You need to find a way to be happy
came here after a link through Maxs 800,000 sub video, just wanna say you awesome Max and i love seeing your thumbnail pop up on my phone as i never know what exciting video is coming next from you, keep up the good work Dood to make it to a million! as for the anxiety ive had the awful experience numerous times as well as depression and being prone to migraines, basically im falling to pieces! haha live with your dream and your dream will live with you. x
That whole speech in front of a 1000 people without getting nervous but gets nervous when you play competitive arcade games in a crowd gets you sweaty and nervous, I get that as well and idk why
Here from the 800k video. Listening to this brought me to tears because I’ve lived this and for too long tried to ignore it or just plain didn’t get the help I needed (for lots of reasons, including financial). I’ve gone to therapy for a year and I’m finally going for neuropsych testing next week for lots of reasons but this really helped me understand how to approach my own issues because you talk about it in such plain language.
Thanks Max.
what you do now for the fighting game community seems like a perfect fit. keep it up!
yea Max, this is a good video to put out. I had been playing online MKX so I could practice and try to get in some local tournaments. The netcode was so frustrating I found myself button mashing til my thumbs felt like they were gonna fall off while I was typing at work. Then I watched a different video of yours recently and you said you don't play competitively anymore. I decided to just have fun myself. My wife has anxiety attacks and I don't know how to appreciate it.
I feel the same when it comes to online or competitive play. Its like i have no problem if i lose to an AI enemy because they're designed to try and kill me but i can't stand losing to another person, maybe because subconsciously I'm thinking they are better then me. Sounds silly and petty but it's true. That's why i prefer single player games or cooperative online games like Diablo. Really the only competitive game i play is mortal kombat and i am looking forward to mortal kombat x coming soon.
this is an old vid, but i know exactly where you coming from max, i was teaching and freelancing myself online as an artist n deadlines, lesson plans were seriously fatiguing me at the time and panic attacks, stress, peoples expectations of you n all that pressure. totally understand. it took like nearly a year to get past it man but it makes you more focused for it n helps change your lifestyle and how you assess things for sure. keep up the good work!
Your brain does that because basically, the panic attack stems most often from a defense mechanism conflict which involves repressed desires.
The reason you experience it in some areas which "shouldn't be as stressful" and then not experience it in some colloquially highly stressful areas is because of your personal "trigger".
If your subconscious brain detects something as a threat to your established coping mechanism, it will do EVERYTHING to stop that threat. Including going into panic attack, as one of the more harsher resorts.
Thing is, it's not something you can "feel" or analyze, because it's below your cognitive level. As in, really below, not some subsurface thing. That's why it might not make sense to you even if it's, well, you:)
From someone dealing with anxiety attacks, thank you for taking the time to talk about this.
Really appeciate this video...
I know this video is a little old but this is the second time I've listened to it and Maximillion I feel you thank you for sharing that, took a lot for you to share and a great deal of people in the video game community will benefit from what you shared in this video.
Max Anxiety is something your subconscious does because It learned how to do. Once it opened that door in your brain it will always know how to open it. But it doesn't mean you have to have it happen often. You can beat anxiety ! its possible ! You just need a Totem...something to keep you rooted spiritually inside you. A phrase or a belief. Meditate on it ! You can regain control over the subconscious to where it doesn't open that door of anxiety.
Dude I get the anxiety thing completely. I’m sorry you had to deal with that man. It sucks.
Thank you for being transparent and opening up about your panic attack. I can relate and it was a good feeling to know I'm not alone.
i also have an anxiety dissorder. i went to hospital 4 times to check my heart because i had panic attacks many times a week. later i found out what it was.
now im on medication and hope to get better in a year or so.
this has totally changed my life. im so happy to hear maximilian bring this up
*cont*
I really thought I was having a heart attack, and the doctor told me the same thing. Even though I was getting payed really well for my age (close to six figures at the end of it) I hated my career path and what it was doing to me and my family. I quit my job, moved with my family, and we settled down in Maine. I bought a big chunk of land and now live in the fucking boondocks. But, my health is way better, my family is happier, and I'm doing what I want. Stay strong Max. You're the man
Thank you for this video. I had my 1st panic attack 3 weeks ago and it was terrifying. I still have attacks and it calmed me to know it can take a few months to recover. I don't wish this on anyone. I appreciate you sharing your story.
Yo Max, I totally get you. I'm going to an art college right now studying illustration, and I've gone through crazy amounts of stress from being away from home, having a million things to do everyday, and being pressured to produce good work for my classes. It's fucking maddening to keep myself at a chill level, but I'm learning. Thanks for putting something this real and important out there for your viewers to learn about. Keep calm, and yo' video games!
Honestly video games and music and all this high stimulation is causing a lot more known cases of anxiety. The statement max said that hit me hard was that he'd never really been anxious his entire life, and that was EXACTLY what I was thinking when it first hit me at the age of 19. I wanted to know why so bad, for me it was an on going thing, and slowly got better over the course of 2 years or so. And it's the worst when you have to give up things you love because when you try to expose yourself to them, this unnatural feeling comes over you that you can't explain, you can't reason with it, and you sometimes have to just run from it and the thing you used to love doing. I hope that we can learn more about the issue and how to improve our psychological health, but also thanks for posting this video. A lot of the people commenting are saying the same thing: it's nice to hear other people are dealing with it. It's not just people who come across as loners and shut ins; even people who seem very outgoing deal with it. I've been in musicals, dance concerts, sung in open mics in front of people, given speeches, and all sorts of stuff. Anyways it does get better
Yo Max! Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I suffer from Panic Disorder myself, which is basically uncontrollable, severe panic attacks out of nowhere. It can be incredibly debilitating, but thankfully I've been able to get through it with the help of doctors and my family. Still struggle, but I'm making it. Glad to see you kept on keeping in in spite of your problems. That is the number one advice I've always received: just do it. Don't let anxiety ever beat you!
good shit man, proud of you. hopefully that sick "assist me " live stream the other day shows how much we all actually care,we'll be around ,always.
Well I'm glad you're still here, Max. Your work is such high quality and you seem really cool!
Hi Maximilian.
Marco,from Italy.
Playin Beat em up since I was 7(now 35 :/),and I have known you since last week.
I watched a large amount of ur vids,from boss rage to real talk and I wanted to thank you.
You’re that kind of guy I donno if I wish you’re my neighboor or my dad,and I found a lot of myself in some of your Real Talks. Please keep it on, i wish I could join ur friends in that room,I think we could be great friends.
Ps: Approached to DBFz last month,yours is the best guide for combos beginners.
Thanks for all, for what it worths.
Max, thanks for this video. I'm a guy who's been trying to manage playing as many old games as possible for a review show I used to try to do regularly, watch as many old animated shows as possible for another review show I was trying to get off the ground, while also completely following modern games, the wrestling scene, and being a full time College Student. It feels so therapeutic to hear someone else going through the similar anxiety that stopped me from doing those shows.
Thanks for this, Max. You rambled a bit for the beginning, but i got your message at the end (although your pretty easy guy to listen to, and I didn't know before that your history with fightinggames went back to 2k... pretty stellar). Listen, people don't like talking about this stuff, and I'm glad you said you experienced this. More than anything im glad your company supported, though im sorry you had to spend couple thousand to learn it. I was walked into a hospital and trapsed through a bunch of test just for a nurse to basically laugh at me while he had me on a stretcher and say "Dude, you don't know what a panic attack is? You need to lay off of video games. Oh well, you paid my bills." literally.
So, we learned our lessons, eh?
Also, that fricken Doom comeback near 14:30 was amazing. All my love.
damn dude, that 'i don't know what but something's wrong' speech was pretty raw, and I feel like I've been through something similar recently, so it's good to hear someone else put it into words. Hope you're good man!
I appreciate you speaking about anxiety... your the coolest dood and thank you for all your content and personality.
Holy moly! I just love your videos and I’m so late to them but happen to run across this and thought it was going to be about something else. Wow! Just thank you for sharing this. This is deep but real stuff. Really listened and took your words in.
Max, I subscribed to your channel because of your assist me series, even though I dont even play UMVC or any of the games on your channel. But your channel and your absolute love of games whether fighting or casual, is what drew me to you and your such heartfelt videos. I love every video put out and I am moderately jealous that you get to do what you love and receive such love for it. Max, you are one in a million and sincerely thank you for you, your story, and your video games.
Max, I'm going through the same thing now. It's good to see someone else who has made it through this, it makes me feel like it's possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your story. I recovered from a horrible breakdown where I had about 20+ panic attacks in the span of a week. I took a year to recover but I learned a lot about myself and life, and now I'm a much happier person now
Thanks Max for sharing this. My mom suffers from panic attacks and has done so for many years, to the point that it eventually did cause a stroke. I never really understood what she was going through but the way you described your experience really helped me to grasp what she was feeling. Keep doing what you do Max and stay chill, hopefully I will get a chance to play with you one day. :D
Really appreciate the sincerity Max. Particularly because I suffered a very similar incident 2 years ago, at the tender age of 21. Hearing your story and the positivity you managed to create from an otherwise negative situation is uplifting.
Thanks again, keep the awesome coming.
Hey Max, I have struggled with mental health all my life and anxiety is a large component of my daily life. Video games are a safe haven when I'm having an episode and what you do is helpful to me. your recount of your experience was brave and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
thanks for sharing that story with us Max, its really cool that youre sharing these storys with us when you dont even have to. and ill be waiting for that next video about the jobs. ive been hoping to become a competitor in the future, because, but i still have no idea what to do as a job thats relating to something i really love. Fighting Games.
Thanks for sharing Max, I also suffer from anxiety and i'm sorry you went through this horrible episode. I think I speak for a lot of the community when I say I appreciate what you've done for us. Also, take a break next time it all gets too much dood!
Brilliant story! Very important you bring things like this up. Anxiety can affect a wide range of people and anything that raises awareness about keeping good mental health is always valued!
After watching this, it makes his Goku comeback in FighterZ sooo much better
I've actually had an anxiety attack because of work related stress and I know how scary that can be. Good to know that something good came out of that attack. The good being you continuing with the online warrior, assist me, etc
A lot of respect to you Max. Anxiety and panic attacks can be very difficult stuff. It is the big reason why I don't play competitive any more. =/ I did kind of wonder why you sort of disappeared from the competitive scene after that SFxT CC tourney, but now that thought has been put to rest.
Keep up the wonderful work you do, have fun, and always remember to relax! Maybe some day we will see you start playing casual matches and such on WNF/TRB or something. At any rate, best of luck to you!
Anxiety is tough to deal with. I used to get it real bad but over time i learned how to control it and now i dont get anxiety no where near as bad as i used to. Thanks for this video dude!
Congratulations on over 100,000 subscribers Max! I'm glad I stayed with you from the very beginning!
I've been there, Max, with having panic attacks. They really are one of the scariest things you can go through. 2007-2008 was a crazy year for me and the amount of stress I had caused me to have quite a few of them. Work stuff on top of medical bills (appendectomies are expensive)...no fun at all. I still get that way sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this story, since it's not something a lot of folks talk about or feel comfortable sharing with others. Here's hoping you have been well lately
Your symptoms -- even down to having difficulty falling and staying asleep - mirror my experiences when helping my brother deal with alcoholism. Too much sweeping responsibility on our subconscious mind --- and the pressure of finding success, can be ravaging.
Great vid, Max. One of my favorites. Your humanity is what makes this.
Thank you Max I really appreciate you sharing this with us, while you had no duty at all to report what's happening in your life or what you have been through...however you did it. Million THX!!! that makes me feel more respect for you as a person and your work too...hope you're OK now...I'm under a similar situation at work and other duties but I'm still planning to be following what's happening on the fighting game scene...you encouraged me to continue...once again...THX a lot...
Thanks for sharing your story, Max. I've had 3 bad really panic attacks in my young life and I completely know what you mean. It's really difficult to really grasp it and come to terms with it and then share it.
You have big huevos, sir.
great videos Max. The title says it all. its nice to have a member of the FGC be open to the community and also sharing your own personal experiences and struggles whether they are negative or positive.
:)
Thank you for sharing this story. Your assist me show taught me how to play fighting games and I've been following you ever since. Keep it up man!
I just watched this and it really hit home with whats happened to me in my own local scene. I got to be a power ranked player and suddenly started panicking and worrying much worse then I typically would and it sucks because I want to compete. I want to find a way to compete again but I realize my health comes first, it was really comforting to known im not alone with this. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this Max, I had my first panic attack back in November and I'm so happy to hear I'm not alone with how crazy and awful that felt. Keep doing what you do, dood.
Hey Max. I appreciate how open you've been with us about all this. I understand it can't be easy to relive some of this, especially on the internet. I just want to let you know that if you start killing yourself from overwork then I'm gonna be more pissed about that than no vids for a month or something along those lines. You're a great dood Max and your hard work is appreciated across the world.
Best wishes to you and yours from Scotland, mate
Yo Max no worries. I've had a similar situation, ironically also in the car I had a panic/anxiety attack. Had to pull over and have the ambulance come. Not a fun feeling those fake heart attacks. Glad to hear you're good now and things are going well. Don't push yourself too hard, I think we can do without an Online Warrior episode every now and then ;)
i'm glad and impressed you can actually tell us this much about your life Max :3
Being a tournament player would hinder your current work, it takes way too much dedication and isolation, like with some competitive players for instance that hate being streamed because of exposure of their technique.
It would be stressful to you and we would get less content if you had that sort of attitude too.
In all i just wish you lots of good health and just remain who you are, doing what you love to do ^^