2:36 During idealization and breadcrumbing, my narcissistic Ex would use a photo of the two of us as the background image of her phone and tablet. During periods of devaluation, she'd change the image to a rock star, or movie star. And she'd flip back and forth, push and pull. I mostly just thought it was weird behavior, but I just let it roll off my shoulders. Now I know it was deliberate, had I known then, I'd have walked away sooner.
"I am THE choice, not a choice" that part right there.....the very words I reiterated to my ex before no contact.....this message resignates deeply....thank you
The good side of triangulation is that it helps the victim to open the eyes once for all on how evil narc is, so awakening to change and face the reality... Thanks Bree for the great video!
Believe me they are capeable of anything and everything. Don't put anything past them. They want to portray themselves as the martar and victim and you as the antagonist. Not true and this can invoke reactive abuse. Attempts to defend and stand up for yourself as they see you as offensive to their character and see you as challenging them. A narcissist loves drama as this resembles to them feelings of having profound power and control. They get lots of attention and their huge ego and sense of grandiosity absorbs them. They will go to any means necessary to get it such as setting up dramatics. Their push and pull tactic, silent treatments to punish you. They are guarded and detached as they know this works as they are so absorbed with themselves and signs of affection is only fleeting. They see you as a weakling and having no character as you are starved for affection and attention. They (Must) have all the attention. They are power and control junkies.
@@Prometheuspredator Thank you for this. I don't need anybody's romantic affection and attention anymore. I don't need any such partners or so-called friends. I was abused for getting up at 6 in the morning to take not my child to school, spending tons of money, and declaring my devotion. This was the basis to try to destroy my life. Dedication, commitment, trying to do the right thing - all basis for punishment. I agree, fighting against it is counter productive. I just live my best life and hope other people have enough of a brain to formulate their own opinion about me, by knowing me. Some moments... it was like a comedy, you know? I remember when I paid for her psychologist visit, the psychologist told her she needs decide who she wants to be with, me or another. She said: "I choose you because I like sushi"... and "I NEED to be the center of attention, you cannot provide that". I was a real moron to continue living in that. Without hate or malice, I should kindly said "bye". Maybe this mess wouldn't be taking place now. Anyway, thank you again.
@@SoberDiogenes I live in fear everyday. My ex malignant narcissist is retaliatory. He’s a liar, cheat, and thief. He is responsible for my PTSD and OCD.
There’s something(s) in their life that feels out of control. So their control attempts of you is insecurity grasping at straws. The thing they can’t control may be themselves, their own behavior. But they can spare themselves the grief of shame or guilty feelings or consequences of their actions by busying themselves throwing you (or whoever their target or victim is) under the proverbial bus. Because that pain might seem like it should be on them but they think they can avoid it by pushing you down (mentally, emotionally or physically). They have to talk bad about you because they have to put everyone else down because that’s what lifts them up. They feel so low that they have to tear everyone else down to get a leggup…
My thoughts are they do not feel low or inadequate. Their huge ego and sense of grandiosity prohibits it. They brush off their shame and guilt very easily onto you and for you to carry it. This happens when they feel less powerful they will target you to adjust their ego and sense of grandiosity. You are a tool to use to flatter and accessorize their ego.
I remember being triangulated all the time by my ex narc. I didn’t know what it was at the time but, when it happened, I remember ignoring it because I didn’t know what to do so I just went silent or said, “yeah, she is pretty.” My gut was tied in knots but I didn’t know it had a name or why he did it. One time he triangulated me with his ex wife by saying her handwriting was prettier than mine. At that moment he seemed comical to me. My stomach wasn’t in knots at all this time. I saw him for the fool that he was and us. As if I’m supposed to get all jealous over handwriting. Gimme a break!
Doing my laundry on a beautiful day here at the laundromat in Ventura CA. They have WiFi here! Just flipped open my computer to You-Tube and was looking at the algorithms suggestions and seen this one posted. Of course any and all things having to do with NPD I will run etc. Also my favorite topic of intrigue of weaponry by these people. (narcs) Triangulation. She runs through the spectrum how and who with this tactic is sometimes played out! Mine ran the first triangulation on me very successfully with a (on my side) family member' but doubled down when she invited her ex-lover into our relationship. lol. She also pulled the tactic of triangulation in a manner I never heard discussed before but was certainly applicable from my experience as well. (just after the 4 minute mark) Using her side of the family to create distrust attempting to get me to fight for the relationship straightaway! (Saying I may have to steal her away cause her family didn't trust or like me) Etc.. They didn't even know me and have never met me! lol. Even after 8 months aspects & components of what was going on continue to become more clear. This gal did a great job in this short video!! Two thumbs up!
@@WillyNillyBaptistBilly thank you - so sad you had to experience that! Hope the laundry wasn’t too terrible to do 😂 but glad it’s at least in a pretty place! Thank you for the watch and the compliments! I appreciate that!
Why do they put words in your mouth, you don't say, or they say things you never did, there never wrong they are the victim. They act like theirs nothing wrong with them 😮
That’s what they accuse you of… when you tell them something like, ‘the way you treat me, says you don’t trust me’ … then they say, ‘I never said that’
@@ScottD-lk7mu I know - they can’t even speak like there is anything wrong with them, sadly, because that would require they look at their flaws, lol. Drives me crazy!
@@ScottD-lk7mu they pick a fight with you & then they become the victim & then lie, lie, lie. Use your fam & friends. It's demonic what they are capable of.
I would count this as a form triangulation, i would drive down to my ex girlfriend covert narcs house, Im sure she would have me seen me park up outside, I would walk into her front room and conveniently she would be having a conversation with her daughter, the conversation would be about where she had been, and seen or spoken to a man i would have no knowledge of, she would say, oh yes, hes such a lovely man etc, her daughter would often reply oh yes i know who you mean blah blah yes he is, It was an intuition red flag for me as it seemed to me to have been rehearsed, this happened in various forms and occasions over the 3 yr relationship, im not a jealous guy at all, and i do know people sometimes talk that way quite openly, at the time it really meant nothing to me, and to be honest it went into one ear and out of the other, but now Ive gained the knowledge and learned from good people like yourself, I see it for what it really was, it was a childish attempt at triangulation. There were multiple other events of a similar nature, and now when I look back i should have listened to my intuition, and walked away. My advice to anyone reading this, never disregard your intuition, it will pay dividends.
I love that... Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be! That's right! God will save us from ourselves, because we do not think that way. 🤣Walk... The jokes on them!
The narc father of mine loves triangulation, bullying, neglect, silent treatment, gaslighting, double standards, being a backstabbing hypocrite, loves exploiting people, cheating, gossiping behind my back, false accusations, playing mind games, gangstalking, using projection, malicious intent, never admit when he's wrong, acts like he's holier than thou, putting me through isolation, he loves belittling, outcasting me from society he loves gaslighting and playing mind games.
It was one of the most hurtful tactics i had to deal with. He used his ex to minimize my SA, then when I once asked for emotional support because I was feeling stressed, it was “how dare I feel stressed when his friend lost his job and didn’t complain about you?”.. it tortured me for months.. how someone can be so inconsiderate of your feelings when you are vulnerable with them.. triangulation is not something i am willing to forgive and forget for the moment.
🤔All I want to know is, how much time have you spent with my toxic, dysfunctional family to have gotten to know them so well???😬🙄 Awesome message and so incredibly true! Thank you!🙏🏽😃
What an excellent presentation on triangulation. I'd say you covered it all here. A game of two or more - against one. No fun for the one. Thank you for all you do!
My ex wife has had her new boyfriends threaten me in front of our children multiple times. Every story has two sides, but I have never done anything to warrant such disrespect in front of my kids.
@@phoenix.444.rising it really is. My heart breaks to see their faces and eyes looking at me while they’ve done it. She thrives on it and smirks, it truly is sickening.
Try then to keep calm by looking to your inner self to ser all as just a noise going away. That can make a feeling of tranquility which the kids take to themselves.
Oh poor doggy....my aunt's dog was itchy too...she did everything you mentioned....turns out....there was an ingredient in the food she fed him that caused an itchy allergic reaction....
I want to step in and talk about this important topic you brought up. My ex is living in our home. He’s a malignant narcissist. He doesn’t understand that people see through him. We’re moving and he refuses to clean before showings. Two days ago we had a clogged toilet with fecal matter. He said he would clean it. He didn’t. He told my Father I was doing a terrible job and they left me feeling horrible. I had obscenities screamed at me.I’m a Mormon,so I called a friend from Church to get me. The thing is, neither one of them said sorry for treating me that way. He literally turned my own Father against me. My Dad had dropped by to help, and is now helping a bit more.
@@katiemangiagli3878 I am so very sorry - the “future faking” is, sadly, so common. I hope and pray for more support for you. Remember how amazing you are. Remember that it’s all a facade to keep you down. The best thing you can do is to make you and the people who actively love you important and let everyone else learn their place they have chosen in your life. Sending love to you!
@@phoenix.444.rising Thank you so much. I have noticed the narcissist I live with brags about himself, but I question if they ever happened. He thinks he’s too good to work. He won’s talk to my family.Have you noticed a sense of arrested development?
3:50 Or you find out the hard way that they've destroyed your relationship thru triangulation with a body restructuring professional (compromising your service).
There’s something(s) in their life that feels out of control. So their control attempts of you is insecurity grasping at straws. The thing they can’t control may be themselves, their own behavior. But they can spare themselves the grief of shame or guilty feelings or consequences of their actions by busying themselves throwing you (or whoever their target or victim is) under the proverbial bus. Because that pain might seem like it should be on them but they think they can avoid it by pushing you down (mentally, emotionally or physically). So, just start turning your shoulder and walking away. Illustrate with actions that you won’t tolerate disrespect. Don’t argue over it. Just illustrate. If they act negative you will be absent that conversation.
@@user-cs9ws5ek7n I think you just act as a safe space for them and give love to them. They have to decide to leave that situation for themselves and if you force any separation, it may remove the bond of trust you may have with them - that’s the hard part of it.
The whole thing is just wild. I still cant wrap my head around people that think like this.
@@angelicarcturianmessagesan2830 I can’t really either, but I have experienced it so much that I see it too well, sadly
2:36 During idealization and breadcrumbing, my narcissistic Ex would use a photo of the two of us as the background image of her phone and tablet. During periods of devaluation, she'd change the image to a rock star, or movie star. And she'd flip back and forth, push and pull. I mostly just thought it was weird behavior, but I just let it roll off my shoulders. Now I know it was deliberate, had I known then, I'd have walked away sooner.
@@gangGreenthumb hindsight 🤷♀️ it’s so exhausting and confusing that we often don’t have the mental capacity to see it for what it is in the moment.
A narcissist always tries to triangulate in order to control others. It's all one big trip in order to control others. Nothing more nothing less
@@Reese-ck3ks it’s so true
"I am THE choice, not a choice" that part right there.....the very words I reiterated to my ex before no contact.....this message resignates deeply....thank you
@@haneefahmuhammad3447 I’m so proud of you for going no contact. It’s difficult for sure - and you are welcome. We deserve better
@@phoenix.444.rising Absolutely!!!
@@haneefahmuhammad3447 ……I hope I can steal your words, soon. You’re incredibly brave ❤️
The good side of triangulation is that it helps the victim to open the eyes once for all on how evil narc is, so awakening to change and face the reality...
Thanks Bree for the great video!
@@donald2024on that’s such a great perspective! I love thinking of it that way! I am all about changing the narrative. Thank you for your support 🙏
Living in fear is probably the right assessment for the cause.
@@SoberDiogenes agree
Believe me they are capeable of anything and everything. Don't put anything past them. They want to portray themselves as the martar and victim and you as the antagonist. Not true and this can invoke reactive abuse. Attempts to defend and stand up for yourself as they see you as offensive to their character and see you as challenging them. A narcissist loves drama as this resembles to them feelings of having profound power and control. They get lots of attention and their huge ego and sense of grandiosity absorbs them. They will go to any means necessary to get it such as setting up dramatics. Their push and pull tactic, silent treatments to punish you. They are guarded and detached as they know this works as they are so absorbed with themselves and signs of affection is only fleeting. They see you as a weakling and having no character as you are starved for affection and attention. They (Must) have all the attention. They are power and control junkies.
@@Prometheuspredator Thank you for this. I don't need anybody's romantic affection and attention anymore. I don't need any such partners or so-called friends. I was abused for getting up at 6 in the morning to take not my child to school, spending tons of money, and declaring my devotion. This was the basis to try to destroy my life. Dedication, commitment, trying to do the right thing - all basis for punishment. I agree, fighting against it is counter productive. I just live my best life and hope other people have enough of a brain to formulate their own opinion about me, by knowing me. Some moments... it was like a comedy, you know? I remember when I paid for her psychologist visit, the psychologist told her she needs decide who she wants to be with, me or another. She said: "I choose you because I like sushi"... and "I NEED to be the center of attention, you cannot provide that". I was a real moron to continue living in that. Without hate or malice, I should kindly said "bye". Maybe this mess wouldn't be taking place now. Anyway, thank you again.
@@Prometheuspredator that’s the saddest part
@@SoberDiogenes I live in fear everyday. My ex malignant narcissist is retaliatory. He’s a liar, cheat, and thief. He is responsible for my PTSD and OCD.
There’s something(s) in their life that feels out of control. So their control attempts of you is insecurity grasping at straws. The thing they can’t control may be themselves, their own behavior. But they can spare themselves the grief of shame or guilty feelings or consequences of their actions by busying themselves throwing you (or whoever their target or victim is) under the proverbial bus. Because that pain might seem like it should be on them but they think they can avoid it by pushing you down (mentally, emotionally or physically).
They have to talk bad about you because they have to put everyone else down because that’s what lifts them up. They feel so low that they have to tear everyone else down to get a leggup…
@@brightpage1020 so very very true
My thoughts are they do not feel low or inadequate. Their huge ego and sense of grandiosity prohibits it. They brush off their shame and guilt very easily onto you and for you to carry it. This happens when they feel less powerful they will target you to adjust their ego and sense of grandiosity. You are a tool to use to flatter and accessorize their ego.
@@Prometheuspredator very true
Good job Bree keep up the good work 😇
@@courtneymiller2680 thank you!!!🙏
I remember being triangulated all the time by my ex narc. I didn’t know what it was at the time but, when it happened, I remember ignoring it because I didn’t know what to do so I just went silent or said, “yeah, she is pretty.” My gut was tied in knots but I didn’t know it had a name or why he did it. One time he triangulated me with his ex wife by saying her handwriting was prettier than mine. At that moment he seemed comical to me. My stomach wasn’t in knots at all this time. I saw him for the fool that he was and us. As if I’m supposed to get all jealous over handwriting. Gimme a break!
@@user-wz1sv3br1l that’s so ridiculous - why are there so many people who act so childish?!?! I am sorry! I am glad he is an ex!
Doing my laundry on a beautiful day here at the laundromat in Ventura CA. They have WiFi here! Just flipped open my computer to You-Tube and was looking at the algorithms suggestions and seen this one posted. Of course any and all things having to do with NPD I will run etc. Also my favorite topic of intrigue of weaponry by these people. (narcs) Triangulation. She runs through the spectrum how and who with this tactic is sometimes played out! Mine ran the first triangulation on me very successfully with a (on my side) family member' but doubled down when she invited her ex-lover into our relationship. lol. She also pulled the tactic of triangulation in a manner I never heard discussed before but was certainly applicable from my experience as well. (just after the 4 minute mark) Using her side of the family to create distrust attempting to get me to fight for the relationship straightaway! (Saying I may have to steal her away cause her family didn't trust or like me) Etc.. They didn't even know me and have never met me! lol. Even after 8 months aspects & components of what was going on continue to become more clear. This gal did a great job in this short video!! Two thumbs up!
@@WillyNillyBaptistBilly thank you - so sad you had to experience that! Hope the laundry wasn’t too terrible to do 😂 but glad it’s at least in a pretty place! Thank you for the watch and the compliments! I appreciate that!
Why do they put words in your mouth, you don't say, or they say things you never did, there never wrong they are the victim. They act like theirs nothing wrong with them 😮
That’s what they accuse you of… when you tell them something like, ‘the way you treat me, says you don’t trust me’ … then they say, ‘I never said that’
@@ScottD-lk7mu I know - they can’t even speak like there is anything wrong with them, sadly, because that would require they look at their flaws, lol. Drives me crazy!
@@OfftoShambala yep - gaslighting - it’s awful!!!
@@ScottD-lk7mu they pick a fight with you & then they become the victim & then lie, lie, lie. Use your fam & friends. It's demonic what they are capable of.
@@ScottD-lk7mu omG! How many times did I say, that's not what I meant! I didn't say that!
I would count this as a form triangulation, i would drive down to my ex girlfriend covert narcs house, Im sure she would have me seen me park up outside, I would walk into her front room and conveniently she would be having a conversation with her daughter, the conversation would be about where she had been, and seen or spoken to a man i would have no knowledge of, she would say, oh yes, hes such a lovely man etc, her daughter would often reply oh yes i know who you mean blah blah yes he is, It was an intuition red flag for me as it seemed to me to have been rehearsed, this happened in various forms and occasions over the 3 yr relationship, im not a jealous guy at all, and i do know people sometimes talk that way quite openly, at the time it really meant nothing to me, and to be honest it went into one ear and out of the other, but now Ive gained the knowledge and learned from good people like yourself, I see it for what it really was, it was a childish attempt at triangulation. There were multiple other events of a similar nature, and now when I look back i should have listened to my intuition, and walked away. My advice to anyone reading this, never disregard your intuition, it will pay dividends.
@@vincent7255 yep - they can be very small or very large, but always to bring out jealousy and anger to control. It is sad.
I love that... Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be! That's right! God will save us from ourselves, because we do not think that way. 🤣Walk... The jokes on them!
@@diannamiddleton8389 God is good that way ❤️ and, YES! Walk away!
Getting divorced in sept from my narc husband. Come peace come!
@@glowieokenney7915 amen to that!!!
The narc father of mine loves triangulation, bullying, neglect, silent treatment, gaslighting, double standards, being a backstabbing hypocrite, loves exploiting people, cheating, gossiping behind my back, false accusations, playing mind games, gangstalking, using projection, malicious intent, never admit when he's wrong, acts like he's holier than thou, putting me through isolation, he loves belittling, outcasting me from society he loves gaslighting and playing mind games.
@@mikesmith6594 I have been there - my mom is also this way. I am so sorry you have to deal with that
Horrible. And even worse when the narc gets flying monkeys and others helping them to fuck their victim.
It was one of the most hurtful tactics i had to deal with. He used his ex to minimize my SA, then when I once asked for emotional support because I was feeling stressed, it was “how dare I feel stressed when his friend lost his job and didn’t complain about you?”.. it tortured me for months.. how someone can be so inconsiderate of your feelings when you are vulnerable with them.. triangulation is not something i am willing to forgive and forget for the moment.
@@essamyy that is awful. You are a survivor!! Never again should we let people minimize our experiences. I agree - not something I’m willing to forget
Stay away from these monsters
🤔All I want to know is, how much time have you spent with my toxic, dysfunctional family to have gotten to know them so well???😬🙄
Awesome message and so incredibly true! Thank you!🙏🏽😃
@@badbro2820 isn’t it crazy how many families are like this? 🙄 and! You are welcome! Thank you!
What an excellent presentation on triangulation. I'd say you covered it all here. A game of two or more - against one. No fun for the one. Thank you for all you do!
@@noverguy thank you! Hope you are doing well!
My ex wife has had her new boyfriends threaten me in front of our children multiple times. Every story has two sides, but I have never done anything to warrant such disrespect in front of my kids.
@@Nohate911 I am so sorry - it’s so painful, especially when children have to see it.
@@phoenix.444.rising it really is. My heart breaks to see their faces and eyes looking at me while they’ve done it. She thrives on it and smirks, it truly is sickening.
Try then to keep calm by looking to your inner self to ser all as just a noise going away.
That can make a feeling of tranquility which the kids take to themselves.
Oh poor doggy....my aunt's dog was itchy too...she did everything you mentioned....turns out....there was an ingredient in the food she fed him that caused an itchy allergic reaction....
@@haneefahmuhammad3447 I’ve wondered about that…
Congrats! Excelent clarifications and actions solutions. Thank you very much
@@brarsoler6512 thank you! And I am glad to help!
I want to step in and talk about this important topic you brought up. My ex is living in our home. He’s a malignant narcissist. He doesn’t understand that people see through him. We’re moving and he refuses to clean before showings. Two days ago we had a clogged toilet with fecal matter. He said he would clean it. He didn’t. He told my Father I was doing a terrible job and they left me feeling horrible. I had obscenities screamed at me.I’m a Mormon,so I called a friend from Church to get me. The thing is, neither one of them said sorry for treating me that way. He literally turned my own Father against me. My Dad had dropped by to help, and is now helping a bit more.
@@katiemangiagli3878 I am so very sorry - the “future faking” is, sadly, so common. I hope and pray for more support for you. Remember how amazing you are. Remember that it’s all a facade to keep you down. The best thing you can do is to make you and the people who actively love you important and let everyone else learn their place they have chosen in your life. Sending love to you!
@@phoenix.444.rising Thank you so much. I have noticed the narcissist I live with brags about himself, but I question if they ever happened. He thinks he’s too good to work. He won’s talk to my family.Have you noticed a sense of arrested development?
@@katiemangiagli3878 yes! I compare the ones I’ve been around to 4-5 year olds - the temper tantrums and the lack of real self-awareness is sad
@@phoenix.444.rising ………I don’t think people realize how entitled these individuals can be!
Compete for me soooooo true. Thank you❤
@@ceceb9082 you are welcome
Wow! Thank you so much.❤
@@PerfectlyBackwardsBubby you are welcome!
about my body, my ex just told me that my stomach is ugly and was very blunt about how ugly I was
@@sarahaltizer7833 what an awful way to treat you. I hope you know it came from him projecting his insecurities onto you!
3:50 Or you find out the hard way that they've destroyed your relationship thru triangulation with a body restructuring professional (compromising your service).
@@kristinmeyer489 ooof - so sorry
There’s something(s) in their life that feels out of control. So their control attempts of you is insecurity grasping at straws. The thing they can’t control may be themselves, their own behavior. But they can spare themselves the grief of shame or guilty feelings or consequences of their actions by busying themselves throwing you (or whoever their target or victim is) under the proverbial bus. Because that pain might seem like it should be on them but they think they can avoid it by pushing you down (mentally, emotionally or physically).
So, just start turning your shoulder and walking away. Illustrate with actions that you won’t tolerate disrespect. Don’t argue over it. Just illustrate. If they act negative you will be absent that conversation.
@@brightpage1020 yes! Exactly! Walk away!
How can I help someone who has had that done to them?
@@user-cs9ws5ek7n I think you just act as a safe space for them and give love to them. They have to decide to leave that situation for themselves and if you force any separation, it may remove the bond of trust you may have with them - that’s the hard part of it.
Talk is cheap
@@socialstealthh bring the action 🤷♀️😂
@@phoenix.444.rising where the juice 😂
it hurts when I read #youdeservebetter and im like thats not guaranteed for me. lol. I feel patronized. Its good for me . its funny.