Thank you so much!! This was very helpful to hear! Just last night mine screamed at me in car for not wanting to go to an all weekend party with him today, even though my 14 year old cat is not doing well at all, and I'm dealing with a very painful bladder infection. All he cared about was not going to this party alone. He screamed that im selfish and I can't do just this one thing for him, even though he bought me $70 in groceries yesterday. I was weeping n telling him I'm sorry. He left this morning still quietly pouting. Your video just popped up and it was so helpful. Thank you❤❤
100% i broke half my body in jail and that was better than the prolonged narc abuse i endured before that...and yeah, Im diamond supply from parental usage.
They will sweet talk & come over like the best person in the world & what a prize catch they are & how lucky you are to be with them because their is other people they can be with .. Well give it a few weeks until they cannot keep up the act & believe me it is an act , Then you’ll be wishing with all your heart that they would clear off out your life & find someone else , But trouble is that someone else will just be another victim, so if you see that they have moved on never be jealous just feel very sorry for the next person they’ve fooled, These people never ever loose any time in moving on to the next victim .. They’ve like huge spiders luring you into their webs but it’s always Web of lies & deceit..
They will sweet talk & come over like the best person in the world & what a prize catch they are & how lucky you are to be with them because they is lots other people they can be with .. Well give it a few weeks until they cannot keep up the act & believe me it is an act , Then you’ll be wishing with all your heart that they would clear off out your life & find someone else , But trouble is that someone else will just be another victim, so if you see that they have moved on never be jealous just feel very sorry for the next person they’ve fooled, These people never ever loose any time in moving on to the next victim .. They are just like huge spiders luring you into their webs but it’s always Web of lies & deceit..
At five months of pregnancy, I was told “I don’t find you attractive like that (meaning pregnant). Five minutes after my daughter was born, he laid down on the sofa in the hospital room and went to sleep. He didn’t ask if I was OK, if I needed anything, nor did he hold the baby. The nurse had taken upon herself to grab a sandwich for me, and as she walked in - - she looked at my husband on the sofa and simply said: “Asshole.” She grabbed her mouth as if the word has slipped out before she could control it, and she met my eyes, and we both burst out laughing. She will never, ever know how much that stolen meant to me. I was about to spill over with emotions of elation at the birth of my daughter while at the same time feeling a profound agony and mourning. Through my pregnancy and the birthing process, I had watched the nightmare of a narcissist grow right in front of me. And as it grew, all of my hopes and dreams receded. Two and a half years later, my toddler in her car seat one day as we were headed to the grocery asked me “mom, why do we live here ?” Startled by the question from such a young little girl, I asked her, what do you mean honey? Why do we live in Texas? Why do we live in our neighborhood? “Why do we live with someone who doesn’t love us?” She asked. That kind of raw truth cannot be ignored. I had been trying to make it work for her. I had been trying to endure, so that she would have a father. But in that moment, I realized that she was already being harmed. That night I started a process that would take me one year to realize, and we relocated and started a new life, just the two of us. I can still remember our first dinner, using moving boxes as our chairs, we shared peanut butter sandwiches. It was our freedom dinner. I had started a business and become a chef. And though by day I prepared lobster, beef tenderloin, and the choicest of dishes for customers, there has never been a better meal than that peanut butter sandwich shared with my daughter on the first evening in our new home. It would still be another five years before the trauma started loosening enough that I could see it for what it was. I didn’t know what to call it in full. But it fully and all at once. It was so profound and visceral- the grief that I heard coming up and out of the depths of my soul is something I will never forget. One human being should never have the right to do this to another. It is the false love of an antichrist. And there have never been more of them walking the earth than there are today. It has been an insidious pandemic, a disease of the soul.
I’m glad that your life is better now and that your little one will grow up with true parental love. What I’ve been wondering for a while now is what’s with all the random narcs popping up in the world? Are there more of them or are we just more attuned to recognising them? My ex partner is one and I endured a decade of his sh!t without knowing what he was but always feeling exhausted and baffled at why he was so much hard work. I only blocked him and went full and proper no contact earlier this year. I am now a full member of the 4B movement which I recommend you check out if you don’t already know what it is. Life is so peaceful now.
So profound. Thank you for sharing your story! I experienced much the same, and I am so grateful for the strength God gives when we seek with all our heart, especially on behalf of our children. God bless and keep you and your beautiful daughter!!
@@StephanieGSM over giving and people pleasing isn't the same as being a good person. Over giving and people pleasing comes from being raised in hellish homes.
@@user-dj8mj4ir2x, I don't understand why people want to villainize those people who are just extra nice. Maybe most people just aren't nice enough? Is there really such a thing as normal?
@@user-dj8mj4ir2x, the other thing with people who are extra nice is that they get drained because they almost never receive the same energy back that they give. If so called "normal" people would be able to be more empathetic, maybe the overly nice person would actually stick around and be happier long term because they wouldn't get completely drained so fast.
61 years of narcissistic abuse. My father crushed all my confidence and self worth at a very young age. Then not knowing, I married another one. I'm just getting out of a 31 year marriage of hell. I've experienced Black knight of the soul several times. 1st hearing my dad say he never loved or wanted us. Then learning my husband never loved me was #2. I can relate to everything you said. Today I sign my divorce and today I begin again. Wiser and stronger but sick that this is not discussed enough. I never knew what a narcissist was and felt stupid when I learned. Self-love and selfcare as I heal from 61 years of abuse. Thanks for your message😊❤ I am a survivor not a victim. 🙏👍💖
Can't thank you enough, dear for telling your truth🙏 My story.- 33 of marriage with that thing ,abusive stepfather...Mom always scared.Now taking care of him because he's got dementia ... It was a huge wake up call for me . Totally agree with you . We are survivors,not a victims ! All the best to you ! Much love 💞
You are not alone even though it feels like it many times. I too can relate to all in this video. There are so many survivors of narc abuse, so many. Narcs bank on the survivors never realizing just how powerful they are. They can only plant toxic seeds to keep survivors ignorant. The fact that your eyes are opened Speaks volumes. And I can tell you, my friend, that no matter how many years it took you to get where you are is just a number. You Are Strong. Big hug
People who have not been raised by narcissists (or a narc+ a flying monkey) have NO idea that there are parents out there who do NOT love their kids. Even an animal loves and protects its own offspring. What does that make a narcissist then?
A percentage of animal mothers reject their young, abuse them, abandon or even kill. Also, a percentage of animal fathers take off, whilst others stay around. Humans have this in common with animals.
@@sassy46201No. NPD is an personality disorder and it's upcoming from Your family and how their behave their children. Empathy is not learning to the kids and thats one of the disorder which is missing to those who bee a narcissist. You can't change or cure a narcissist either with love or understanding or to get a narcissist educated to be "normal and empath" cause the damage are done to them from early childhood.
My then-fiancee started a pattern of interfering with my college studies after we got engaged. He'd come home drunk and pick a fight when he knew I was studying for an exam. I finally saw the pattern and called him out on it. He admitted he was afraid I'd get my degree and make more money than him, and therefore become better than him, and leave, his words. That's why I dumped his ass because you don't try to diminish the life of someone you love.
So so many out there just like your x fiancé. Males with low self esteem threatened by women’s potential. They also pursue trashy females with zero goals bc they’re happy to have any supply the easier the better for them.
Yup. Spent first 18 years of life desperately trying to leave narc house. Then spent rest of my life with 3 more narcs. Grateful to know its not just me.
I’m so happy to see that others are seeing this! Our parents or guardians ruin us and teach us to fawn and people please. I have self diagnosed ADHD and possibly Autism also so differentiating between manipulating and loving behavior was non existent. My fawning led me into a huge group of narcissists and their flying monkeys that made me their play thing for over 30 years. Using me at every turn, draining my patience and funds and then after went no contact with my mother she started her epic smear campaign.
@@gingerrivas5354 Yeah,you're onto something. Charlie in sitcom "Two& half Men" said "find a girl with daddy issues treat her like crap". Not exactly. That is gist. Third man was a10/10 Narc. I tolerated his bad behaviour. He chased me. I definitely did not seek him out. In hindsight sight, Subconsciously there was something familiar. (Ironically) therefore safe.
A narcissist entered our family and created a very effective smear campaign. My family believed her and not me !!!! They had known me for 60 years and her for 2 , it was at that moment I realised she was not the only narc I had to deal with 😢
The narcissist is invasive like a southern Wisteria vine. It’s pretty at first then it becomes a huge problem because it wedges into your other healthy relationships. They invade into your private space like wisteria invades into healthy trees. Damaged.
Hm so we are.many to have been exposed to multiple narcs in our family environment... Wow. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me, how did I cause all this. I know realize it's a virus that spreads.
“You don’t owe anyone for basic decency.” Powerful. As I heard in a 12 step meeting, once, “The world doesn’t owe you a parade for not being an A hole.” Great quote!
I was newly married and expecting our first child. Days later after she was born my husband had a fire in his business. He was gone all the time. I was alone and depressed with postpartum blues. Years later after I realized he was a malicious narcissist, I realized he started the fire himself so he wouldn’t have to be around to help me or his newborn child. He was having affairs with other men. Yes it was that bad. Narcissistic personality disordered people hate taking care of spouses, children who are ill or recovering from childbirth or surgery because not about Them! My narcissistic mother was so cold to me and insensitive even when I was ill and especially if I was sick because she didn’t want me to get attention. These nasty narcissistic people are a curse on society and will ruin generations of families.
I can relate. Mine left me to see friends that had just had their first child the day I lost mine and returned from hospital. He also cheated with men. Amongst them a good friend. Neighbours. And even got another woman pregnant. I have no children. I only found out after years. I never got pregnant again. He stole time I needed to heal.Very sad I never will any more. Narcs are like black holes. Dark, cold and nothing of you will be left over.
When someone shows you who they are, believe it. Never underestimate the damage narcissist abuse does. Distance oneself as much as possible. I don’t believe narcs will ever improve your situation. You are love able. You are wonderful. You are enough. Don’t believe their lies they project on to you. Narcs project. Get the help you need. Let them go. Heal, and live a blessed life.
My sister is a raging narcissist with a drug and alcohol problem to boot. After decades of abuse, I went No Contact 5 years ago and haven't looked back since. Her adult children are still under her complete control. I am tempted to help them, but as selfish as this may sound, I need to save myself by staying as far away as possible.
Just got out… actually, discarded. Fell in love and he convinced me to move cross country. I did. Got rid of everything and showed up thinking I was building my relationship and love. He kicked me out after just 5 months, tried to destroy my reputation and ruin me. Even tried to pay me off to leave. I found a place, and I’m staying and will thrive! Stay strong and don’t forge your worth!
You’re 50?? I wouldn’t have guessed you 40! Maybe late 30’s. You’re rocking 50! One of the results of my 10+ years of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is that I aged more than I had the previous 25 years. I went from being baby faced and people guessing me 10-15 years younger to people guessing me 5-10 years older than I am. Like you, I had to finally come to the realization that she never did love me or have the capacity to. She nearly ruined my life and my relationship with my daughters.
Wow! You just told my whole life story. Back in the 80s and 90s therapists never addressed narcissistic abuse. If they had, time and money would not have been wasted on them. I suspect alot of therapists are narcissists.
“It IS that bad, and I cannot handle it.” No one should have to endure this kind of abuse, is what immediately comes to mind following that statement… what I really appreciate, is that you are very attractive, articulate, savvy, and a woman of clarity, and this type of abuse is so insidious… It’s really great to hear someone like you say this truth, because it is fear of this being true that kept me locked so long… hopefully, your beautiful and vulnerable honesty on the topic will lead many strong individuals, to give up the fight against the narcissist and simply walk away. It’s so much lighter on the other side.
I was raised by a narcissist for a mother and a father who was also a narcissist. I also had three older siblings who were narcissists, as well. Over 45 years of being gaslighted and emotionally abused by every single one of them for as long as they were alive. I was about 48 years old when I finally started to realize that I grew up inside of a tortuous and toxic environment. Even after I became an adult, they constantly monitored me, controlled me and made me feel like I was this horrible person who was lucky they were even talking to me. None of what they convinced me to believe about myself, was even remotely close to the truth.
I thought you were, like, 37. Seriously. I'm 58 myself, so... but on to your points... you are so right. My mom has manipulated me all my life, and only in the last year have I come to see it. I feel like my whole life was a lie, and much of my personality is just a Frankenstein's monster of coping mechanisms stitched together, with seething rage underneath it all. I'm seriously not sure where to go from here.
Medow is correct. Let me add that if you’re near the pwNPD get away-far away- first and foremost before anything else is done. If you’re near the pwNPD, they’ll mess up, subevert, and interfere with whatever healing things you try to do (going to see friends, going to therapy, going to the gym, working a job, etc. and anything and everything).
Meadow, this has to be one of the most spot on overviews of narcissistic abuse and relationships I've seen on RUclips. I appreciate you sharing your journey.
This sounds all too familiar. I was married to a narcissist for 36 years and I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even see what was happening. Constant chaos, drama, lying, manipulation, and it goes on and on as you will know. Thank you for what you’re doing to clarify all of this for people. I am still trying to heal 12 years later. Thank you.
Showing every 15 year old this astonishingly wise, concise and comprehensive video briefing could utterly transform so many lives for the better. We cannot just stand by and see the next generation of decent but vulnerable young men and women go through what so many of our generation have had to endure. Many thanks Meadow, warmest regards, Karen
I left last summer w my kids after 22 yrs . Transactional now mt car broken he won't fix without getting in return Guess il be boring his car til this is fixed
Update gave him his car back mine wasn't fixed he shot it completely long story didn't know whay he was doing was out of work 3 days and he refused to help even though I take car of the kids Had a meltdown 2 days ago ..car works now 1700 out best 1700 ever spent not dealing w him !
They can endlessly dish out the abuse but are incapable of cleaning up the mess. That's what I am s'posed to do. There is no way to have a relationship. It's really true. Narcissists are unable to care enough for their own mental health to understand the human experience on an even playing field. This situation is progressive and dangerous. The narcissist in my life has never checked into his true nature. Only the things that massage his ego are of importance. Another important thing the narcissist requires in a relationship is your time, your suffering, and ability to be a trash receptacle for their endless stream of garbage philosophy. Not remotely healthy. I decided after decades of this ongonig insanity one of us will get healthy, quit gray rocking, and disappeared. Gone. Hit the road Jack. And I won't be back, back, back no more.
I too, am learning the harsh truths at 49. Grew up with narcississtic parents who threw me out of my home at 17 when I was of no use to them, having not seen them again for the rest of my life, I found repetitive husband and partners with the same treatments.. I have been a doormat my entire life.
God bless you!🕊️💙🙏 I just turned 50...both my parents are narcissists, my dad takes the cake. I used to struggle with "rage" and behaving in a passive aggressive pattern. I'm still learning to work with my tendency of being a "doormat", because I have a hard time understanding and validating my feelings... Mainly because I was made to feel worthless most of my life. By the grace of God, I've survived anorexia and other destructive behaviors. I believe the only thing that has saved me was being born again by the fire of the Holy Spirit three years ago. I don't see how I possibly could begin to have any hope and heal without Him. I've been married for almost 20 years, to the man the Holy Spirit had me meet when I was 12 yrs. old. As much as I love watching videos like this, by strong women, I don' t feel I could've ever found hope or joy in my life again without Him. As for people, my trust in them has been shattered forever...at this point, because of my extreme exposure to suffering since I was 5 yrs old, I've resigned to the fact that God simply wishes me to become a saint, - though you'd never think this after how much I've shared about myself here, he he LOL :) - I hope and pray that everyone in this channel is able to "get away" from being a victim of a narcissist, and if not, I'm sure they'll become saints... either way, we win!!! 😊
Yowza. You went through a lot. As a sigma empath I've had my share of narcs, but I had good parents, I thought everyone was empathetic like me (nope, not true), and only after about 2 years now of informing and educating myself about narcs can I quickly spot such people. You probably have a ton of empathy to start with and narcs will hone in on that like a vampire on easy prey. Imo narc abuse should be considered an actual crime. A narc can ruin someone's entire life or the majority of it if the victim doesn't know what's going on. Coercion, exploitation, manipulation, control, domination, nullification, lying, deceit, well the list goes on and on. Almost the opposite of what most people consider to be a sane, good human being.
It's pretty hard trying to live your life in a good positive way, and having someone constantly undermind you. You work hard all week, but when it comes to your time to rest in peace and quiet, you just keep going in stress and irritation. I am sharing a home with a loved one who is quite possibly a narc and it's so stressful! I only make $10 an hour so I can't possibly afford a place of my own, so I have to deal it every day nonetheless! She loves making me feel like I am not doing my part around here, and that she's doing it all! I help with everything! She makes the kitchen table the place to pile up clothes, blankets, books or whatever else she wants to use it for! The kitchen chairs are actually coat racks and a place to hang her pocket book. If I ask her to place it somewhere else, she says "I live here too!" However, if I leave my shoes in the living room, she will carry them to my bedroom. I am NOT ALLOWED to move her stuff out of the way though. If I move her things she's mad! I've had to put up with narcissistic BS all my life, and I am so tired of it! I am 56 years and that's a long time to lol! She makes more money than I do, so therefore she must be more important than I am lol! A person's home is supposed to be their sanctuary, but this is not a peaceful dwelling place! I got off of work yesterday and as soon as my weekend began, so did all the stupid childish head games, and art of making me feel worthless! She is always trying to keep me on a lower level than she is on! I can't discuss anything with her because she just tries to drag me down even farther, and make me feel like I'm scum. It always goes in the direction that she wants it to. I end up angry and it goes completely opposite of the way I intend! Which is why I am on here venting my frustration, and aggravation! I feel like it was meant for me to spend my entire life trapped in situations where I have to suffer from this craziness! I'm so over it! I'm done, but unfortunately I'll just keep marching to this same old drum of ridiculousness! I feel like I am in a pit MADNESS! 😢
The lesson of obligation has been a big one for me. I had people who did what seemed very generous things for me, without asking for it, only to have them throw it in my face when I put up a boundary. What helped me most was a phrase I repeated, “I am not obligated to the choice you/they made and will not feel guilty for it” sadly, I’m very weary of anyone willing to be over generous.
I am 71 and had a narcissistic mother, have a narcissistic wife since 20 years and I found out only fully about it 1 year ago. If somebody would have teach me before this 1 year all the truth, I would not even believed it. Only experiencing it will not make you a knower. For a long time you probably still believe it is your fault, or you need to help despite the circumstances. When you love a person or love a child, it is nearly impossible to see a person is not capable of love. Although there are about 30% in average, even in Switzerland 🤦😵💫
How do you cope with your wife Richard? I just reunited with my old partner and thought to myslef i could be with him if I completely ignored the gaslighting ans turning the events or denying that something had happened. But then is this possible to live like this ??
@@orianam9835 you know it is not possible to live like that. To live with a narcissistic partner is always a relation without „love“. It is more „being here employee, without salary“. When a child is involved it is even more challenging. I cope with my wife with a few tricks. I do not want to share all details because of my special situation. But I am still married and we are never fighting and alway friendly with each other. I have to lie a bit about money and set boundaries, but talk otherwise honestly with her. No jealousy and no cheating. We developed sort of into 2 girlfriends. But no sex 🤭 I do not even know why we are born for each other? karma? past life? I do not know 🤦
I'm a 50 year old male who is on the spectrum and just realized that I was raised by one of these creatures. I knew growing up I was being manipulated and guilted into doing things but it wasn't until I had my first heart attack and the narcissist in my life did not come to see me. Then after my second one, took 3 days after I was released from the hospital to call and check on me. When I inquired about it, I was told that the phone works both ways as if it's my job to call in a provide status reports. trying to make me feel guilty for being upset. I know all too well how that goes anyway. When you call to touch base and provide a status, that person will always have something they "were just doing" and need to get back to it.
Hi Jarrett- I have several clients who had similar critical healthcare situations where their narcissistic parents totally failed them. It is heart breaking and I am so sorry to hear that you went through this as well.
I am so sorry. I believe that you even have the heart attack because of narcisstic abuse. I am 60 and raised by one (and her flying monkeys)as the scapegoat and lost child. It's never to late to have a better life. I nearly died of it and I am not completely healed but much better. Know that they want to destroy your goodness, your talents, your strengths. As a child we have to supress all this to survive. Now we can reparent our inner child. We deserve so much better. I wish you the best life ever. ❤❤❤
I love that you say you were raised by one of these "creatures". They don't seem human to me, not as I think humans should be, with the ability to love and feel empathy, especially towards your own children. Your "mother" sounds a lot like my "mother", which is pretty awful.
Saying “No”, although it is very thing that you need to do, will not make the family members around the narcissist think well of you. Because the narcissist will be actively smearing you and because the family members who do love you, will be shocked as they didn’t see this coming. They might be embarrassed that you are creating a fuss, that you are not keeping the peace. That you are not signing off on the family narrative, what ever that was. Saying “No”, will not only piss off the toxic people in your family, because of the above, it will hurt the kind members of your family. As a result, you will likely lose them all.
I lost them all!!! (Family). It has taken years of therapy to realize what was going on, and to try and heal. It's been 15 years since they've contacted me. I finally decided not to try and find out why. I spent most of my life being the one to say what did I do wrong? I know now, I broke the family rules. They're all Narcissists. When I was younger, (in my 30's) I had questions about our background. The thing that really got me on the track of asking questions was a book I ran across called "KEEPING SECRETS" by Suzanne Somers. It screamed my family. I purchased 2 more of the books, for both of my sisters. I so wanted to educate them about our family dynamics. A started to ask my parents questions. I'll end this with NEVER ASK QUESTIONS! I became (or really was) the family scapegoat.
@@caligirl1002 The reality is that even if you asked them, "why am I the scapegoat?", they wouldn't be able to give you an a straight answer. Even the narc wouldn't be able to tell you. They are pretty oblivious to all of this. It is the longstanding family dynamic that was set up by the head narcissist who needed someone to "dump" their and the family negativity on top of. Because your light was the brightest, the head narc chose you. See it this way, it never really had anything to do with you. It was always about the narcissist. Check out Jerry Wise, he has great vids on family.
@@mightyobserver12 I know it is difficult. We have an innate biological sense that we will not fair well if we are not connected to the "group". Keep educating yourself on this disorder and the role you were forced to play in it.
@@caligirl1002 @caligirl1002 (second try). First try was deleted. The reality is that even if you asked them, "why am I the scapegoat?", they wouldn't be able to give you an a straight answer. Even the narc wouldn't be able to tell you. They are pretty oblivious to all of this. It is the longstanding family dynamic that was set up by the head narcissist who needed someone to "dump" their and the family negativity on top of. Because your light was the brightest, the head narc chose you. See it this way, it never really had anything to do with you. It was always about the narcissist. See Jer ry Wise, he has great vids on family dynamics.
Indeed, rendered me useless, stupid, ugly, crazy, while I professed my love to him, while he enjoyed life., with others. I am alone, old, afraid to live. Lived a life of a people pleaser at a huge cost, just having learned that pleasing people does not make them love you. 40 years without companionship, love, ki dness, -zero existence.
Please see a therapist hypnotherapist who uses guided imagery and positive affirmations to reprogram your mind. It was life-changing for me. Like you, I believed all of those things about myself. I look younger now. I can feel actual joy now. I remarried to a wonderful man with a calming presence who wouldn’t even imagine to hurt or disrespect me. You deserve to be loved and adored.
Everything is transactional with them, especially money..if they were generous with you , later you will start to notice that little by little they will make you return it back to them..by any means
Nailed it! Over 40 years till I had an emotional breakdown. Then he discarded me cause I could no longer be intimate with my abuser. (My body convulse violently when he got close.)
Our own marriage counselor emailed me privately to ask "has he displayed any narcissistic behaviours?" And so I answered with many examples. My own therapist has said for months that while he cannot actually diagnose him, he sounds like a narcissist. I told this to the marriage therapist then (I'd never mentioned it before to her). She emailed back saying based off observation in sessions (many) she doesnt think he has adhd - he has NPD. My mind was blown. Now I don't know what to do.
At 45, it’s surreal how many of our stories are similar among the survivors. So many of the times “it really is that bad”, and getting safe and away is just the beginning of the healing process. So many of us were trained so deeply. Now it’s time to flip the tables and keep the paths clear for us to keep moving forward. Thank you for your courage and guidance!
What I learned in Alanon was how to cope and to stay in an abusive relationship.. ACA seams to be helping me to see all the damage that has been done and to find my voice..
You’re 50?? Wow. Well, you’re beautiful, inside and out, and I wish you peace and happiness from this moment onwards. These videos are full of wisdom, hard-earned - and clearly they have helped thousands. May you go from strength to strength xxx
Its crazy that it has taken me 52 years to begin to fully comprehend the psychological effects of my childhood abuse and destabilizing to realize traits I thought were core to my personality are actually trauma responses. You describe my life perspective & personality. I very much relate to feeling like I owed people for superficial things. I have a hard time not being bitter about the course of my life that could have been.
Me too. I'm glad I was good to people in a general sense, but I wasted a lot of my life hanging around people that I believed liked me, but really just found me convenient and useful, or I realize now they would've given me the polite reasons that they just don't have time or space in their life right now.😩People only talk to me when they want something, or their usual friend isn't around. This has caused me to become a recluse for the most part. I love a chat with a stranger when I'm out and about, but love retreating to my hermit lifestyle.
So sorry you went through that hell, Meadow. You come across as so confident, intelligent, and beautiful that it's almost hard to believe you endured and rose above such a past. Thank you for sharing your story. Almost all of it rang true to my past. From having a physically abusive malignant father to now at 50 grieving the fact that my mother never loved me. Instead of my father's victim, I learned she was actually much worse as covert manipulating mother who groomed me to be a people pleasing, emotional anchor, everything she needed son. It is so difficult for an empath to see the truth about narcissists because they can not fathom that others are capable of such evil. Lately, I've been transitioning from being angry that it happened to me, to realizing that it is more of a global phenomenal which has helped me take it less personally and give me more motivation to press on with my life - hopefully to the good stuff the last few decades of my life! 🙂
That’s a weird statement as gaslighting is doing something knowing and with intend to cause harm. That is very opposite of “fooling oneself”. I think there is a very narrow line between being a victim of narcissism and acting like a narcissist oneself (learned behavior from parents for example). Biologie brings natural attraction to young beautiful women in males that dos not go away, this dos not mean he should actively torture you constantly pointing out how other females are also (or more) attractive to him, but it also dos not mean that you get to force him to pretend that he dos not notice good looking women. Because that is exactly the narcissist behavior, “you have to always make me feel good about myself every second”.
Thank you Meadow. All 10 points are spot on. Mine growing up wasn't physical abuse per se. It was alcoholic dad leaving when I was 4 and only being available only when "something better didn't come along" and mom being emotionally unavailable. Therefore, no one was there to protect me from being bullied all through school. Your first point about healing part of it but not understanding the sheer depth of the emotional scars underneath I am just now realizing and starting to address after my latest relationship with someone who checked most of the covert narc boxes. This one was especially tough as I had no physical love from family (not only were they not available, but they were also not "huggy people"). This latest relationship played not only on my people pleasing but also heavily on my need for touch. Then she cheated on me, hid it well while slowly devaluing me, and then discarded me after a year of devaluing, which hit especially hard. Thanks for all of your insights and sharing your story. I wish we all could have known this much earlier in life. I'm trying to heal now so that maybe at 58, I still can find the right one.
There are many of us out here in our 50s healing from decades of abuse, so you're not alone. Praying you'll heal from this and find the right one you deserve. ❤ As Andrew says from Narc Daily, you'll "rise from the ashes like a Phoenix". Hard to realize, especially when you're going through it, but it helps to know that trials actually make us stronger & immune to these monsters.
Love comes from God, so I like to call what you describe as ego love or love in the latency stage. People pleasing, lack of boundaries, ignoring red flags, and defending/enabling the narcs behavior are all part of the trauma bond. Definitely hard to wrap your head around that it wasn’t love or the relationship was a lie and a facade but the truth will set you free and lead you to that silver lining.
This is such great information. It is so foreign for me to understand how these people just continue to lie, and cheat with no regard for emotions or harm they may be inflicting.
The imperative prefacing this story is the mother of all red flags: he couldn't give. And love gives - man or woman doesn't matter. Its never exactly equal in a marriage, and thats's ok within limits. Attitudinally, I'd say a decent starting point is this: can the two give 40% of what their partner wants for the asking? Theoretically, that leaves just 20% of other life matters to negotiate - thats not a bad deal. Try getting that from general acquaintences - its not likely to happen. Beyond that, extreme neediness from a partner eventually breeds resentment, which cannot help but become toxic: its only a matter of when.
I sure could’ve used this information 50 years ago! Crazy thing is that I knew there was something wrong, so I took my first psychology class. Unfortunately, they didn’t have this valuable information that you are sharing right now!!! I went on to have six years of college and get a degree in psychology. (Still trying to figure out what was going on). Never once was I given this information!!! I am so happy and so excited that you are sharing this NOW!!!! This will help so many people. 😃🙏🏼 Thank you!!
I couldn't even explain how much I can relate and every incident you mention my mind is replaying what I went through 😢. I am happy you're out of it now and moreover you're helping the others now. ❤❤
Thank you Meadow 🙏. Yes, trust the behaviour rather than the words. This piece of information is key and of great value to me. When the words don't match the behaviours it is a tell tale sign something isn't right. I remember feeling confused by this, then shaking it off and dismissing it, but in the back of my mind feeling a twinge of irritation thinking "am I missing something here?" Clearly I was. Follow that intitial twinge of discomfort. I now realise that its giving vital information about the person. Great video as ever ❤
You're a treasure and a blessing. I can relate to all you speak about, I just never had physical abuse, only emotional. Amazing how you do these videos with so much real helpful content in them, and they are so short. Thank you Meadow, love to you💖
This guy stole everything and canceled whatever he could. He then used a smear campaign, violence, gas lighting, stalking, coercive control, and fear based accusations.” Brutal. 💯🤢🙏
Thank you for this great info, in the shortest possible package. After a lifetime of trying to be who i really am, a deeply spiritual, generous, hard working and creative person, all the 'narci-rapist' abuse and violence inflicted on me (and two dozen ded frends and associates) leave me wondering - if I ever knew or had a real relationship with ANYONE. I always knew that in Europe I would find a better life, yet was forced into severe poverty and made "a homeless person" to take away any chance I would gain the wealth all my work deserved, and escape.
Oh my god My mother always said words matter more than actions I just realized she daid it because she never did anything honest she always just talked about doing good things to people but never actually did it Im soooooo furious 😠 This one sentence just helped me more than a lot of therapy
I have set sooo many boundaries in the past 3 1/2 years. And saying no, has helped me grow. I’ve been a caterpillar and am now emerging to soar. Thanks for this video. I’ve discovered the truth, and it is setting me free.
I relate with this woman and I’m only 46. The breaking point for me is when you finally realize it’s ok to say no, and you can totally use no in your life and you won’t be loved be less, quite the opposite. It’s like understanding the rabbit hole of people pleasing and how counterintuitive your life was so far. But now I woke up!
Yeah, narcissistic abuse is insidious. Discovering I was a non-confrontational person with no boundaries, I didn't want to displease him. I also made excuses for the bad behaviour. The alcohol addiction, the weed, and the sex addiction. My childhood situation was growing up with an alcoholic father. I realised I had become trapped in 2018, but I still didn't understand abuse because I blamed myself for the situation I was in.
I love it, right on the bull's eye, "You don't owe anyone for basic decency." So damn true (sorry for the word but I like to put emotion on that😁) Thank you for great guidance, you save lives.❤
I made a lot of bold moves and bad decisions trying to win the love of our pathologically narcissistic mother, frankly the most difficult person I've ever encountered. Subsequently, I hurt a lot of good people as I lived delusions and refrained from small steps that would incrementally make be a better, stronger person. But I was blessed with many good people, outside my blood family, who stood firm and loved me, who helped me understand my real purpose. I am so blessed, thankful.
Holy sh*t, this could literally be me talking. When you’re brought up believing you’re only worthy of love if you subsume all your needs for everyone else (including complete strangers), no wonder you think love is “wrong” when you do finally experience it - and then push it away.
I began seeing you pop up in my feed the last few days, I couldn't resist the title on this one so now I know. My goodness, someone has been working on themselves and paying attention. This is NOT easy folks, how do you articulate 'chaos' so that others can understand? You watch this video, and many just like it until you do. I have walked the same path myself, horrible childhood abuse and neglect and then a 4 decade marriage to a very covert narcissist. It took me 60 years and I couldn't articulate it better than this young lady did. "Behavior tells the truth, words lie", is now printed off to hang by my desk. After ALL these years chasing a medical answer for my chronic fatigue, who knew enduring mental gymnastics my entire life could be the source? We see it clearly, but childhood wounds rule the day with mind games to convince yourself this is ok and you are not being rejected. If I were the Devil, I would try to keep parents distracted and neglectful of their children and make it easy by debt and providing social programs that look great but are filled with folks who could care less about them. By the time they are ready to leave home, they don't know who they are and a world is awaiting them to fight over who gets to tell them. We think of ourselves as free of choice, but we do so from inside a prison cell and are actually being directed by everyone else. Fantastic video! She is a living testimony there IS life after abuse. Once you've learned the above lessons, the skies will begin to clear. It is NOT easy, but true life is on the other side. The dysregulation you endure fogs up your thinking and you can't see it for what it is. You are not seeking answers to the abuse, there are NONE. What you are seeking is the 'wound' that triggers your 'reactions'. You HAVE To identify those emotions, and then trace them to their root. Get trained help, they can guide you out of the chaos. YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Performative kindness is the perfect word. I remember the first time someone called me a sociopath because I had always been kind but then had to fire him (for good reasons). He couldn’t believe I could be so nice (fake) yet fire him. I realized that my kindness came off as weakness or fakeness at times.
Caring alone for my daughter also made me realize that my parent's didn't love me. I dug deeper. A lot deeper. My father was a grandiose narcissist. My mother was a covert narcissist. This catapulted me into a marriage with a female psychopath, whose father was also a covert narcissist. After 50+ years of destruction, I have finally lived in peace for the past 5 years. Better late than never.
Oh my God this is exactly my story. I’m 43 but when I got married, I married a very sweet fun man, his sister happened to be malignant narcissist but my husband always protected her and he never ever acknowledged what im complaining, she triangulated us for 18 years until I had spiritual awakening so I had to confront her, my husband been gaslighting me, and my kids raised in fights. Me and husband been fighting every week every month around the same subject, malignant doing never ended because he saw nothing wrong with what the sister is doing because he never believed me, when I figure that my mom was same like her, same, I was like what the hell when I figured that my dad is grandiose narcissist, my brother was narcissist. My sister was narc 😮I’m like who am I then? why I’m so genuine why I’m so suffering I feel so deeply and I 100% stand for social justice 😪 I’m healing for five years now, and I let go of everything I’m isolated hopeless I really wanna be a life coach, but I don’t have energy I feel drained most of the time!
I think everyone in this world is traumatized and they are traumatizing everyone. I also have found out I was abused by people around me and still are. Now my sister is with a narc. I hope she will get free if I continue working on myself.
THANK YOU soooo much for sharing your personal thoughts, feelings, context! 🙏❤ That kind of authenticity, specific markers in a story, & caring about me as a human being, are the most effecient & lovely way for me to learn anything! .... & learning helps me process confusions in my own 50yrs of alien stuff.
Holy Mother, 30 years😮 I made it just 2, and thank GOD I found self-help videos like yours and the 21 traits of a narcissist. So, I thank you and everyone else who has educated me and set me free 😊
Empower yourself 💪 get your FREE Narcissist Protection Checklist: meadowdevorcourses.com/narcissist-checklist-yt/
Thank you so much!! This was very helpful to hear! Just last night mine screamed at me in car for not wanting to go to an all weekend party with him today, even though my 14 year old cat is not doing well at all, and I'm dealing with a very painful bladder infection. All he cared about was not going to this party alone. He screamed that im selfish and I can't do just this one thing for him, even though he bought me $70 in groceries yesterday. I was weeping n telling him I'm sorry. He left this morning still quietly pouting. Your video just popped up and it was so helpful. Thank you❤❤
@@amandamoe523- Your precious, vulnerable feline has more integrity.
100% i broke half my body in jail and that was better than the prolonged narc abuse i endured before that...and yeah, Im diamond supply from parental usage.
Trust the behavior, ignore the words.
Love this!
🎯💥👊🙏🌹💞
words have a net value of 0 with me.
They will sweet talk & come over like the best person in the world & what a prize catch they are & how lucky you are to be with them because their is other people they can be with ..
Well give it a few weeks until they cannot keep up the act & believe me it is an act ,
Then you’ll be wishing with all your heart that they would clear off out your life & find someone else ,
But trouble is that someone else will just be another victim, so if you see that they have moved on never be jealous just feel very sorry for the next person they’ve fooled,
These people never ever loose any time in moving on to the next victim ..
They’ve like huge spiders luring you into their webs but it’s always
Web of lies & deceit..
They will sweet talk & come over like the best person in the world & what a prize catch they are & how lucky you are to be with them because they is lots other people they can be with ..
Well give it a few weeks until they cannot keep up the act & believe me it is an act ,
Then you’ll be wishing with all your heart that they would clear off out your life & find someone else ,
But trouble is that someone else will just be another victim, so if you see that they have moved on never be jealous just feel very sorry for the next person they’ve fooled,
These people never ever loose any time in moving on to the next victim ..
They are just like huge spiders luring you into their webs but it’s always
Web of lies & deceit..
"It's not your job to make someone look good. It's THEIR job to BE good." 🤯 🔥🔥🔥
Hits home
At five months of pregnancy, I was told “I don’t find you attractive like that (meaning pregnant). Five minutes after my daughter was born, he laid down on the sofa in the hospital room and went to sleep. He didn’t ask if I was OK, if I needed anything, nor did he hold the baby. The nurse had taken upon herself to grab a sandwich for me, and as she walked in - - she looked at my husband on the sofa and simply said: “Asshole.”
She grabbed her mouth as if the word has slipped out before she could control it, and she met my eyes, and we both burst out laughing.
She will never, ever know how much that stolen meant to me. I was about to spill over with emotions of elation at the birth of my daughter while at the same time feeling a profound agony and mourning. Through my pregnancy and the birthing process, I had watched the nightmare of a narcissist grow right in front of me. And as it grew, all of my hopes and dreams receded.
Two and a half years later, my toddler in her car seat one day as we were headed to the grocery asked me “mom, why do we live here ?”
Startled by the question from such a young little girl, I asked her, what do you mean honey? Why do we live in Texas? Why do we live in our neighborhood?
“Why do we live with someone who doesn’t love us?” She asked.
That kind of raw truth cannot be ignored. I had been trying to make it work for her. I had been trying to endure, so that she would have a father.
But in that moment, I realized that she was already being harmed.
That night I started a process that would take me one year to realize, and we relocated and started a new life, just the two of us. I can still remember our first dinner, using moving boxes as our chairs, we shared peanut butter sandwiches.
It was our freedom dinner. I had started a business and become a chef. And though by day I prepared lobster, beef tenderloin, and the choicest of dishes for customers, there has never been a better meal than that peanut butter sandwich shared with my daughter on the first evening in our new home.
It would still be another five years before the trauma started loosening enough that I could see it for what it was. I didn’t know what to call it in full. But it fully and all at once. It was so profound and visceral- the grief that I heard coming up and out of the depths of my soul is something I will never forget.
One human being should never have the right to do this to another. It is the false love of an antichrist. And there have never been more of them walking the earth than there are today. It has been an insidious pandemic, a disease of the soul.
I’m glad that your life is better now and that your little one will grow up with true parental love. What I’ve been wondering for a while now is what’s with all the random narcs popping up in the world? Are there more of them or are we just more attuned to recognising them?
My ex partner is one and I endured a decade of his sh!t without knowing what he was but always feeling exhausted and baffled at why he was so much hard work. I only blocked him and went full and proper no contact earlier this year. I am now a full member of the 4B movement which I recommend you check out if you don’t already know what it is.
Life is so peaceful now.
When your kid asks you “does your boyfriend hug you when you cry?” And you respond, “Yes.” And then your kid responds, “That’s a good thing!”
Yes but you CHOSE that person. Why?
So profound. Thank you for sharing your story! I experienced much the same, and I am so grateful for the strength God gives when we seek with all our heart, especially on behalf of our children. God bless and keep you and your beautiful daughter!!
"Over-giving, people-pleasing, performative kindness is a dysfunctional trait that makes you the perfect bait for narcissistic predators." 💯
Basically... being a really good and caring person 😂
@@StephanieGSM over giving and people pleasing isn't the same as being a good person. Over giving and people pleasing comes from being raised in hellish homes.
Over giving and people pleasing are low key toxic but narc victims need them to have outside atleast it's complex
@@user-dj8mj4ir2x, I don't understand why people want to villainize those people who are just extra nice. Maybe most people just aren't nice enough? Is there really such a thing as normal?
@@user-dj8mj4ir2x, the other thing with people who are extra nice is that they get drained because they almost never receive the same energy back that they give. If so called "normal" people would be able to be more empathetic, maybe the overly nice person would actually stick around and be happier long term because they wouldn't get completely drained so fast.
61 years of narcissistic abuse. My father crushed all my confidence and self worth at a very young age. Then not knowing, I married another one. I'm just getting out of a 31 year marriage of hell. I've experienced Black knight of the soul several times. 1st hearing my dad say he never loved or wanted us. Then learning my husband never loved me was #2. I can relate to everything you said. Today I sign my divorce and today I begin again. Wiser and stronger but sick that this is not discussed enough. I never knew what a narcissist was and felt stupid when I learned. Self-love and selfcare as I heal from 61 years of abuse. Thanks for your message😊❤ I am a survivor not a victim. 🙏👍💖
I feel for you love. Your message touched me really deep...
Can't thank you enough, dear for telling your truth🙏
My story.- 33 of marriage with that thing ,abusive stepfather...Mom always scared.Now taking care of him because he's got dementia ...
It was a huge wake up call for me .
Totally agree with you .
We are survivors,not a victims !
All the best to you !
Much love 💞
I am proud of you
@ellenholiday737we are survivors .
You are not alone even though it feels like it many times. I too can relate to all in this video. There are so many survivors of narc abuse, so many. Narcs bank on the survivors never realizing just how powerful they are. They can only plant toxic seeds to keep survivors ignorant. The fact that your eyes are opened Speaks volumes. And I can tell you, my friend, that no matter how many years it took you to get where you are is just a number. You Are Strong. Big hug
People who have not been raised by narcissists (or a narc+ a flying monkey) have NO idea that there are parents out there who do NOT love their kids. Even an animal loves and protects its own offspring. What does that make a narcissist then?
A percentage of animal mothers reject their young, abuse them, abandon or even kill. Also, a percentage of animal fathers take off, whilst others stay around. Humans have this in common with animals.
The devil
A monster
@@sassy46201No. NPD is an personality disorder and it's upcoming from Your family and how their behave their children. Empathy is not learning to the kids and thats one of the disorder which is missing to those who bee a narcissist. You can't change or cure a narcissist either with love or understanding or to get a narcissist educated to be "normal and empath" cause the damage are done to them from early childhood.
An enemy.
My then-fiancee started a pattern of interfering with my college studies after we got engaged. He'd come home drunk and pick a fight when he knew I was studying for an exam. I finally saw the pattern and called him out on it. He admitted he was afraid I'd get my degree and make more money than him, and therefore become better than him, and leave, his words. That's why I dumped his ass because you don't try to diminish the life of someone you love.
your last sentence is the truest thing we need to know & renember!
So so many out there just like your x fiancé. Males with low self esteem threatened by women’s potential. They also pursue trashy females with zero goals bc they’re happy to have any supply the easier the better for them.
Wow, that crazy! :) Cool that you did that :)
YES. Being raised by a narcissist trains one to seek out narcissists.
Yup. Spent first 18 years of life desperately trying to leave narc house. Then spent rest of my life with 3 more narcs. Grateful to know its not just me.
It's being in an environment that you are familiar with!
I’m so happy to see that others are seeing this! Our parents or guardians ruin us and teach us to fawn and people please. I have self diagnosed ADHD and possibly Autism also so differentiating between manipulating and loving behavior was non existent. My fawning led me into a huge group of narcissists and their flying monkeys that made me their play thing for over 30 years. Using me at every turn, draining my patience and funds and then after went no contact with my mother she started her epic smear campaign.
Not to seek, to tolerate one
@@gingerrivas5354 Yeah,you're onto something. Charlie in sitcom "Two& half Men" said "find a girl with daddy issues treat her like crap". Not exactly. That is gist. Third man was a10/10 Narc. I tolerated his bad behaviour. He chased me. I definitely did not seek him out. In hindsight sight, Subconsciously there was something familiar. (Ironically) therefore safe.
Narcissists want you to not show feelings. That sets them off and so does happiness
Spot on. I totally agree.
"You don't owe anyone for basic decency" I should never forget this
A narcissist entered our family and created a very effective smear campaign. My family believed her and not me !!!! They had known me for 60 years and her for 2 , it was at that moment I realised she was not the only narc I had to deal with 😢
🎯🧐😢
The narcissist is invasive like a southern Wisteria vine. It’s pretty at first then it becomes a huge problem because it wedges into your other healthy relationships. They invade into your private space like wisteria invades into healthy trees. Damaged.
Yup
Same so sad
Hm so we are.many to have been exposed to multiple narcs in our family environment... Wow. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me, how did I cause all this. I know realize it's a virus that spreads.
Scary but obviesly 😢
“You don’t owe anyone for basic decency.” Powerful. As I heard in a 12 step meeting, once, “The world doesn’t owe you a parade for not being an A hole.” Great quote!
We already have more than we deserve.
Words and wisdom!
That's a real Ahole tendency, seems to me. 😂
Thank you
Wow. I just told him last night he doesn't get a medal for cleaning up after HIS dog.
Imagine how many women left colleges in order to pursue the fairy tale narcissist promised them.
I was newly married and expecting our first child. Days later after she was born my husband had a fire in his business. He was gone all the time. I was alone and depressed with postpartum blues. Years later after I realized he was a malicious narcissist, I realized he started the fire himself so he wouldn’t have to be around to help me or his newborn child. He was having affairs with other men. Yes it was that bad. Narcissistic personality disordered people hate taking care of spouses, children who are ill or recovering from childbirth or surgery because not about Them! My narcissistic mother was so cold to me and insensitive even when I was ill and especially if I was sick because she didn’t want me to get attention. These nasty narcissistic people are a curse on society and will ruin generations of families.
I can relate. Mine left me to see friends that had just had their first child the day I lost mine and returned from hospital. He also cheated with men. Amongst them a good friend. Neighbours. And even got another woman pregnant. I have no children. I only found out after years. I never got pregnant again. He stole time I needed to heal.Very sad I never will any more. Narcs are like black holes. Dark, cold and nothing of you will be left over.
Mans inhumanity to man ( and women) is insidious and will never end… it takes courage just to live.
100% ,nothing and noone matters except their endless narcasistic supply lines and flying monkey.
💙💙💙
Absolutely, these nasty narcissistic people are an EVIL curse on society & will ruin good people.
Here's a good saying for you "don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining". They will never take responsibility for anything they do.
Wow!!! 👍🏻👍🏻👏🏻👏🏻
When someone shows you who they are, believe it. Never underestimate the damage narcissist abuse does. Distance oneself as much as possible. I don’t believe narcs will ever improve your situation. You are love able. You are wonderful. You are enough. Don’t believe their lies they project on to you. Narcs project. Get the help you need. Let them go. Heal, and live a blessed life.
My sister is a raging narcissist with a drug and alcohol problem to boot. After decades of abuse, I went No Contact 5 years ago and haven't looked back since. Her adult children are still under her complete control. I am tempted to help them, but as selfish as this may sound, I need to save myself by staying as far away as possible.
As much as you could tell them they won’t be able to see it anyway. They have to realize it for themselves. Pray for them.
Just got out… actually, discarded. Fell in love and he convinced me to move cross country. I did. Got rid of everything and showed up thinking I was building my relationship and love. He kicked me out after just 5 months, tried to destroy my reputation and ruin me. Even tried to pay me off to leave. I found a place, and I’m staying and will thrive! Stay strong and don’t forge your worth!
Yep, mine got me out here 1k miles from all my friends and family. Then he started the threats
Going back to the relationship to try to help the narcissist is like going back into a burning building to save the accelerant.
Ain't that the truth
That's a profound way to put it.. gonna say this to my male best friend who can't walk away from a very toxic situation
@@sharon_rose724 I hope it helps him.
You’re 50?? I wouldn’t have guessed you 40! Maybe late 30’s. You’re rocking 50! One of the results of my 10+ years of being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is that I aged more than I had the previous 25 years. I went from being baby faced and people guessing me 10-15 years younger to people guessing me 5-10 years older than I am. Like you, I had to finally come to the realization that she never did love me or have the capacity to. She nearly ruined my life and my relationship with my daughters.
"Watch what people do, not what they say" has been a saying of mine for a long time. Great video!
Plz all young people listen to her and do not waste your life with these monsters.
Wow! You just told my whole life story. Back in the 80s and 90s therapists never addressed narcissistic abuse. If they had, time and money would not have been wasted on them. I suspect alot of therapists are narcissists.
So how do we find out they are not narcissists? 😮 ugh seriously I don’t want to spend money on a narc therapists
“It IS that bad, and I cannot handle it.” No one should have to endure this kind of abuse, is what immediately comes to mind following that statement… what I really appreciate, is that you are very attractive, articulate, savvy, and a woman of clarity, and this type of abuse is so insidious… It’s really great to hear someone like you say this truth, because it is fear of this being true that kept me locked so long… hopefully, your beautiful and vulnerable honesty on the topic will lead many strong individuals, to give up the fight against the narcissist and simply walk away. It’s so much lighter on the other side.
“It’s like growing up in the Sahara thinking you know how to navigate an Amazon Rain Forest.” Exactly.
I was raised by a narcissist for a mother and a father who was also a narcissist. I also had three older siblings who were narcissists, as well. Over 45 years of being gaslighted and emotionally abused by every single one of them for as long as they were alive. I was about 48 years old when I finally started to realize that I grew up inside of a tortuous and toxic environment. Even after I became an adult, they constantly monitored me, controlled me and made me feel like I was this horrible person who was lucky they were even talking to me. None of what they convinced me to believe about myself, was even remotely close to the truth.
I thought you were, like, 37. Seriously. I'm 58 myself, so... but on to your points... you are so right. My mom has manipulated me all my life, and only in the last year have I come to see it. I feel like my whole life was a lie, and much of my personality is just a Frankenstein's monster of coping mechanisms stitched together, with seething rage underneath it all. I'm seriously not sure where to go from here.
You're doing the right thing by educating yourself here... then, when you're ready, find someone you can talk to.
Medow is correct. Let me add that if you’re near the pwNPD get away-far away- first and foremost before anything else is done. If you’re near the pwNPD, they’ll mess up, subevert, and interfere with whatever healing things you try to do (going to see friends, going to therapy, going to the gym, working a job, etc. and anything and everything).
Meadow, this has to be one of the most spot on overviews of narcissistic abuse and relationships I've seen on RUclips. I appreciate you sharing your journey.
Thank you, I'm so glad you found it valuable. ❤
This sounds all too familiar. I was married to a narcissist for 36 years and I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even see what was happening. Constant chaos, drama, lying, manipulation, and it goes on and on as you will know. Thank you for what you’re doing to clarify all of this for people. I am still trying to heal 12 years later. Thank you.
I also spent 36 years in a marriage with one. I keep asking myself why I didn’t see it. It’s crazy how that’s even possible.
You are a survivor and using your pain to help others. Thank you. ❤
After 18 years I'm free. Nasty person I was "trying" to help.
Showing every 15 year old this astonishingly wise, concise and comprehensive video briefing could utterly transform so many lives for the better.
We cannot just stand by and see the next generation of decent but vulnerable young men and women go through what so many of our generation have
had to endure.
Many thanks Meadow,
warmest regards,
Karen
Feels like I was listening to my own story. I finally left my husband with our kids. He is acting all nice but I know better.
I left last summer w my kids after 22 yrs . Transactional now mt car broken he won't fix without getting in return
Guess il be boring his car til this is fixed
Update gave him his car back mine wasn't fixed he shot it completely long story didn't know whay he was doing was out of work 3 days and he refused to help even though I take car of the kids
Had a meltdown 2 days ago ..car works now 1700 out best 1700 ever spent not dealing w him !
“It’s not your job to make someone look good. It’s their job to be good.”
#10 is the gut puncher and absolutely true. It is a huge bummer, especially if their ability to fake their love felt really good…
Yah. Gut puncher is exactly the right name for it. 💔
They can endlessly dish out the abuse but are incapable of cleaning up the mess. That's what I am s'posed to do. There is no way to have a relationship. It's really true. Narcissists are unable to care enough for their own mental health to understand the human experience on an even playing field.
This situation is progressive and dangerous. The narcissist in my life has never checked into his true nature. Only the things that massage his ego are of importance.
Another important thing the narcissist requires in a relationship is your time, your suffering, and ability to be a trash receptacle for their endless stream of garbage philosophy.
Not remotely healthy. I decided after decades of this ongonig insanity one of us will get healthy, quit gray rocking, and disappeared. Gone. Hit the road Jack. And I won't be back, back, back no more.
Wow! Extremely well articulated. Thank you, thank you
Don't you know, they aren't the problem, you are the problem......always.
I too, am learning the harsh truths at 49. Grew up with narcississtic parents who threw me out of my home at 17 when I was of no use to them, having not seen them again for the rest of my life, I found repetitive husband and partners with the same treatments.. I have been a doormat my entire life.
So sorry to hear that you’ve experienced this. 💔
really sorry you had to experience this and not be valued, seen and cherished for being you
God bless you!🕊️💙🙏
I just turned 50...both my parents are narcissists, my dad takes the cake. I used to struggle with "rage" and behaving in a passive aggressive pattern. I'm still learning to work with my tendency of being a "doormat", because I have a hard time understanding and validating my feelings... Mainly because I was made to feel worthless most of my life. By the grace of God, I've survived anorexia and other destructive behaviors. I believe the only thing that has saved me was being born again by the fire of the Holy Spirit three years ago. I don't see how I possibly could begin to have any hope and heal without Him. I've been married for almost 20 years, to the man the Holy Spirit had me meet when I was 12 yrs. old. As much as I love watching videos like this, by strong women, I don' t feel I could've ever found hope or joy in my life again without Him. As for people, my trust in them has been shattered forever...at this point, because of my extreme exposure to suffering since I was 5 yrs old, I've resigned to the fact that God simply wishes me to become a saint, - though you'd never think this after how much I've shared about myself here, he he LOL :) - I hope and pray that everyone in this channel is able to "get away" from being a victim of a narcissist, and if not, I'm sure they'll become saints... either way, we win!!! 😊
They where all enemies. Behaving like enemies...
Yowza. You went through a lot. As a sigma empath I've had my share of narcs, but I had good parents, I thought everyone was empathetic like me (nope, not true), and only after about 2 years now of informing and educating myself about narcs can I quickly spot such people. You probably have a ton of empathy to start with and narcs will hone in on that like a vampire on easy prey. Imo narc abuse should be considered an actual crime. A narc can ruin someone's entire life or the majority of it if the victim doesn't know what's going on. Coercion, exploitation, manipulation, control, domination, nullification, lying, deceit, well the list goes on and on. Almost the opposite of what most people consider to be a sane, good human being.
Amen!!!!
"Holding on to what they COULD become ..." that hit me hard - yep, decades I wasted waiting .... thank you for this!
It's pretty hard trying to live your life in a good positive way, and having someone constantly undermind you. You work hard all week, but when it comes to your time to rest in peace and quiet, you just keep going in stress and irritation. I am sharing a home with a loved one who is quite possibly a narc and it's so stressful! I only make $10 an hour so I can't possibly afford a place of my own, so I have to deal it every day nonetheless! She loves making me feel like I am not doing my part around here, and that she's doing it all! I help with everything! She makes the kitchen table the place to pile up clothes, blankets, books or whatever else she wants to use it for! The kitchen chairs are actually coat racks and a place to hang her pocket book. If I ask her to place it somewhere else, she says "I live here too!" However, if I leave my shoes in the living room, she will carry them to my bedroom. I am NOT ALLOWED to move her stuff out of the way though. If I move her things she's mad! I've had to put up with narcissistic BS all my life, and I am so tired of it! I am 56 years and that's a long time to lol! She makes more money than I do, so therefore she must be more important than I am lol! A person's home is supposed to be their sanctuary, but this is not a peaceful dwelling place! I got off of work yesterday and as soon as my weekend began, so did all the stupid childish head games, and art of making me feel worthless! She is always trying to keep me on a lower level than she is on! I can't discuss anything with her because she just tries to drag me down even farther, and make me feel like I'm scum. It always goes in the direction that she wants it to. I end up angry and it goes completely opposite of the way I intend! Which is why I am on here venting my frustration, and aggravation! I feel like it was meant for me to spend my entire life trapped in situations where I have to suffer from this craziness! I'm so over it! I'm done, but unfortunately I'll just keep marching to this same old drum of ridiculousness! I feel like I am in a pit MADNESS! 😢
The lesson of obligation has been a big one for me. I had people who did what seemed very generous things for me, without asking for it, only to have them throw it in my face when I put up a boundary. What helped me most was a phrase I repeated, “I am not obligated to the choice you/they made and will not feel guilty for it” sadly, I’m very weary of anyone willing to be over generous.
*wary not weary
I am 71 and had a narcissistic mother, have a narcissistic wife since 20 years and I found out only fully about it 1 year ago. If somebody would have teach me before this 1 year all the truth, I would not even believed it. Only experiencing it will not make you a knower. For a long time you probably still believe it is your fault, or you need to help despite the circumstances. When you love a person or love a child, it is nearly impossible to see a person is not capable of love. Although there are about 30% in average, even in Switzerland 🤦😵💫
How do you cope with your wife Richard?
I just reunited with my old partner and thought to myslef i could be with him if I completely ignored the gaslighting ans turning the events or denying that something had happened.
But then is this possible to live like this ??
@@orianam9835 you know it is not possible to live like that. To live with a narcissistic partner is always a relation without „love“. It is more „being here employee, without salary“. When a child is involved it is even more challenging. I cope with my wife with a few tricks. I do not want to share all details because of my special situation. But I am still married and we are never fighting and alway friendly with each other. I have to lie a bit about money and set boundaries, but talk otherwise honestly with her. No jealousy and no cheating. We developed sort of into 2 girlfriends. But no sex 🤭 I do not even know why we are born for each other? karma? past life? I do not know 🤦
I'm a 50 year old male who is on the spectrum and just realized that I was raised by one of these creatures. I knew growing up I was being manipulated and guilted into doing things but it wasn't until I had my first heart attack and the narcissist in my life did not come to see me. Then after my second one, took 3 days after I was released from the hospital to call and check on me. When I inquired about it, I was told that the phone works both ways as if it's my job to call in a provide status reports. trying to make me feel guilty for being upset. I know all too well how that goes anyway. When you call to touch base and provide a status, that person will always have something they "were just doing" and need to get back to it.
Hi Jarrett- I have several clients who had similar critical healthcare situations where their narcissistic parents totally failed them. It is heart breaking and I am so sorry to hear that you went through this as well.
I am so sorry. I believe that you even have the heart attack because of narcisstic abuse. I am 60 and raised by one (and her flying monkeys)as the scapegoat and lost child. It's never to late to have a better life. I nearly died of it and I am not completely healed but much better. Know that they want to destroy your goodness, your talents, your strengths. As a child we have to supress all this to survive. Now we can reparent our inner child. We deserve so much better. I wish you the best life ever. ❤❤❤
I love that you say you were raised by one of these "creatures". They don't seem human to me, not as I think humans should be, with the ability to love and feel empathy, especially towards your own children. Your "mother" sounds a lot like my "mother", which is pretty awful.
Saying “No”, although it is very thing that you need to do, will not make the family members around the narcissist think well of you. Because the narcissist will be actively smearing you and because the family members who do love you, will be shocked as they didn’t see this coming. They might be embarrassed that you are creating a fuss, that you are not keeping the peace. That you are not signing off on the family narrative, what ever that was. Saying “No”, will not only piss off the toxic people in your family, because of the above, it will hurt the kind members of your family. As a result, you will likely lose them all.
And it is fine.
My friends believe me bcoz they know my siblings even before.
It just erupted
I lost them all!!! (Family). It has taken years of therapy to realize what was going on, and to try and heal. It's been 15 years since they've contacted me. I finally decided not to try and find out why. I spent most of my life being the one to say what did I do wrong? I know now, I broke the family rules. They're all Narcissists. When I was younger, (in my 30's) I had questions about our background. The thing that really got me on the track of asking questions was a book I ran across called "KEEPING SECRETS" by Suzanne Somers. It screamed my family. I purchased 2 more of the books, for both of my sisters. I so wanted to educate them about our family dynamics. A started to ask my parents questions. I'll end this with NEVER ASK QUESTIONS! I became (or really was) the family scapegoat.
@@caligirl1002 The reality is that even if you asked them, "why am I the scapegoat?", they wouldn't be able to give you an a straight answer. Even the narc wouldn't be able to tell you. They are pretty oblivious to all of this. It is the longstanding family dynamic that was set up by the head narcissist who needed someone to "dump" their and the family negativity on top of. Because your light was the brightest, the head narc chose you. See it this way, it never really had anything to do with you. It was always about the narcissist. Check out Jerry Wise, he has great vids on family.
@@mightyobserver12 I know it is difficult. We have an innate biological sense that we will not fair well if we are not connected to the "group". Keep educating yourself on this disorder and the role you were forced to play in it.
@@caligirl1002 @caligirl1002 (second try). First try was deleted. The reality is that even if you asked them, "why am I the scapegoat?", they wouldn't be able to give you an a straight answer. Even the narc wouldn't be able to tell you. They are pretty oblivious to all of this. It is the longstanding family dynamic that was set up by the head narcissist who needed someone to "dump" their and the family negativity on top of. Because your light was the brightest, the head narc chose you. See it this way, it never really had anything to do with you. It was always about the narcissist. See Jer ry Wise, he has great vids on family dynamics.
I don't cry, haven't for years. Not till I'm alone, it's just more hurt to cry in front of the one who hurt me and receive more rejection.
Indeed, rendered me useless, stupid, ugly, crazy, while I professed my love to him, while he enjoyed life., with others.
I am alone, old, afraid to live.
Lived a life of a people pleaser at a huge cost, just having learned that pleasing people does not make them love you.
40 years without companionship, love, ki dness, -zero existence.
Get any help. Find yourself . Listen to dr Ramani, Vaknin, Lisa Romano.
Heal yourself ❤
You allowed it. Find and understand the reason why..
Please see a therapist hypnotherapist who uses guided imagery and positive affirmations to reprogram your mind. It was life-changing for me. Like you, I believed all of those things about myself. I look younger now. I can feel actual joy now. I remarried to a wonderful man with a calming presence who wouldn’t even imagine to hurt or disrespect me. You deserve to be loved and adored.
@@orianam9835you’re an a$$hole. Try to understand why.
I love the truth that kindness isnt transactional. I hear from narcs all the things they do for you, so you have to do them back. Uh, no you dont.
Everything is transactional with them, especially money..if they were generous with you , later you will start to notice that little by little they will make you return it back to them..by any means
Nailed it! Over 40 years till I had an emotional breakdown. Then he discarded me cause I could no longer be intimate with my abuser. (My body convulse violently when he got close.)
The body knows, doesn't it? It's got to be so much more peaceful when it's no longer 24/7. ❤
I’m in tears…. I have lived your life! Literally! ❤
Our own marriage counselor emailed me privately to ask "has he displayed any narcissistic behaviours?" And so I answered with many examples. My own therapist has said for months that while he cannot actually diagnose him, he sounds like a narcissist. I told this to the marriage therapist then (I'd never mentioned it before to her). She emailed back saying based off observation in sessions (many) she doesnt think he has adhd - he has NPD. My mind was blown. Now I don't know what to do.
It is a huge thing to reconcile. I'm so grateful that you've had people help you with this. My heart goes out to you. ❤️
Leave If Possible
Is he emotionally detached? Mine wouldn’t speak in therapy at all.
Keep watching narc abuse videos. Do not reconcile
Behavior tells the TRUTH words lie!!!!
At 45, it’s surreal how many of our stories are similar among the survivors. So many of the times “it really is that bad”, and getting safe and away is just the beginning of the healing process. So many of us were trained so deeply.
Now it’s time to flip the tables and keep the paths clear for us to keep moving forward. Thank you for your courage and guidance!
Thank you for sharing your story. Same here. It really helps to know one is not alone.🌷
What I learned in Alanon was how to cope and to stay in an abusive relationship.. ACA seams to be helping me to see all the damage that has been done and to find my voice..
You’re 50?? Wow. Well, you’re beautiful, inside and out, and I wish you peace and happiness from this moment onwards. These videos are full of wisdom, hard-earned - and clearly they have helped thousands. May you go from strength to strength xxx
Its crazy that it has taken me 52 years to begin to fully comprehend the psychological effects of my childhood abuse and destabilizing to realize traits I thought were core to my personality are actually trauma responses. You describe my life perspective & personality. I very much relate to feeling like I owed people for superficial things. I have a hard time not being bitter about the course of my life that could have been.
Me too. I'm glad I was good to people in a general sense, but I wasted a lot of my life hanging around people that I believed liked me, but really just found me convenient and useful, or I realize now they would've given me the polite reasons that they just don't have time or space in their life right now.😩People only talk to me when they want something, or their usual friend isn't around. This has caused me to become a recluse for the most part. I love a chat with a stranger when I'm out and about, but love retreating to my hermit lifestyle.
So sorry you went through that hell, Meadow. You come across as so confident, intelligent, and beautiful that it's almost hard to believe you endured and rose above such a past. Thank you for sharing your story. Almost all of it rang true to my past. From having a physically abusive malignant father to now at 50 grieving the fact that my mother never loved me. Instead of my father's victim, I learned she was actually much worse as covert manipulating mother who groomed me to be a people pleasing, emotional anchor, everything she needed son. It is so difficult for an empath to see the truth about narcissists because they can not fathom that others are capable of such evil. Lately, I've been transitioning from being angry that it happened to me, to realizing that it is more of a global phenomenal which has helped me take it less personally and give me more motivation to press on with my life - hopefully to the good stuff the last few decades of my life! 🙂
For me people who say there is nothing wrong with porn, are just fooling theirselves and trying to gaslight others.
Most people rationalize their porn consumption.
That’s a weird statement as gaslighting is doing something knowing and with intend to cause harm. That is very opposite of “fooling oneself”.
I think there is a very narrow line between being a victim of narcissism and acting like a narcissist oneself (learned behavior from parents for example). Biologie brings natural attraction to young beautiful women in males that dos not go away, this dos not mean he should actively torture you constantly pointing out how other females are also (or more) attractive to him, but it also dos not mean that you get to force him to pretend that he dos not notice good looking women. Because that is exactly the narcissist behavior, “you have to always make me feel good about myself every second”.
Porn destroys generations in many shapes and forms, levels and layers.
The sex industry is criminal, run by nasty, brute human beings.
Thank you Meadow. All 10 points are spot on. Mine growing up wasn't physical abuse per se. It was alcoholic dad leaving when I was 4 and only being available only when "something better didn't come along" and mom being emotionally unavailable. Therefore, no one was there to protect me from being bullied all through school. Your first point about healing part of it but not understanding the sheer depth of the emotional scars underneath I am just now realizing and starting to address after my latest relationship with someone who checked most of the covert narc boxes. This one was especially tough as I had no physical love from family (not only were they not available, but they were also not "huggy people"). This latest relationship played not only on my people pleasing but also heavily on my need for touch. Then she cheated on me, hid it well while slowly devaluing me, and then discarded me after a year of devaluing, which hit especially hard. Thanks for all of your insights and sharing your story. I wish we all could have known this much earlier in life. I'm trying to heal now so that maybe at 58, I still can find the right one.
It's definitely not too late. Keep healing. ❤️
There are many of us out here in our 50s healing from decades of abuse, so you're not alone. Praying you'll heal from this and find the right one you deserve. ❤ As Andrew says from Narc Daily, you'll "rise from the ashes like a Phoenix". Hard to realize, especially when you're going through it, but it helps to know that trials actually make us stronger & immune to these monsters.
That was pretty amazing, Meadow. You are lucky you survived and the rest of us are lucky you have so much to say.
So glad to have you here.
Love comes from God, so I like to call what you describe as ego love or love in the latency stage. People pleasing, lack of boundaries, ignoring red flags, and defending/enabling the narcs behavior are all part of the trauma bond. Definitely hard to wrap your head around that it wasn’t love or the relationship was a lie and a facade but the truth will set you free and lead you to that silver lining.
This is such great information. It is so foreign for me to understand how these people just continue to lie, and cheat with no regard for emotions or harm they may be inflicting.
My video next week is all about the lies (why they lie and how to handle their lies). Stay tuned!
Keep shining light on this. Great explanation. The only way to save victims is education.
You are very lucky, because you know, so many do not.
The imperative prefacing this story is the mother of all red flags: he couldn't give. And love gives - man or woman doesn't matter. Its never exactly equal in a marriage, and thats's ok within limits. Attitudinally, I'd say a decent starting point is this: can the two give 40% of what their partner wants for the asking? Theoretically, that leaves just 20% of other life matters to negotiate - thats not a bad deal. Try getting that from general acquaintences - its not likely to happen. Beyond that, extreme neediness from a partner eventually breeds resentment, which cannot help but become toxic: its only a matter of when.
I sure could’ve used this information 50 years ago!
Crazy thing is that I knew there was something wrong, so I took my first psychology class. Unfortunately, they didn’t have this valuable information that you are sharing right now!!! I went on to have six years of college and get a degree in psychology. (Still trying to figure out what was going on). Never once was I given this information!!! I am so happy and so excited that you are sharing this NOW!!!! This will help so many people. 😃🙏🏼 Thank you!!
This is exactly the truth and I experienced so much abuse from narcissist and how you think you can fix it when you can't no matter how hard tried
Can we talk about how all the toxicity luckily didn’t age you out-- cause girl you look good for 50!!
People with great empathy sometimes age well, finally letting go of toxicity as they get older rather than taking it on more. It shows! ❤
Clear and well structured pointers, thank you.
Yes, Meadow is the first for me with non-rambling content!
I couldn't even explain how much I can relate and every incident you mention my mind is replaying what I went through 😢. I am happy you're out of it now and moreover you're helping the others now. ❤❤
3 c‘s :
1: i didn‘t caused it
2: i can‘t control it
3: i can‘t change it
Yes - blaming the narcs target is evil.
Thank you Meadow 🙏. Yes, trust the behaviour rather than the words. This piece of information is key and of great value to me. When the words don't match the behaviours it is a tell tale sign something isn't right. I remember feeling confused by this, then shaking it off and dismissing it, but in the back of my mind feeling a twinge of irritation thinking "am I missing something here?" Clearly I was. Follow that intitial twinge of discomfort. I now realise that its giving vital information about the person. Great video as ever ❤
This 10 min video just made me realise my own experiences. 😭
You're a treasure and a blessing. I can relate to all you speak about, I just never had physical abuse, only emotional.
Amazing how you do these videos with so much real helpful content in them, and they are so short.
Thank you Meadow, love to you💖
Thank you so much for watching and sharing here.
Emotional abuse is extremely harmful.
This guy stole everything and canceled whatever he could. He then used a smear campaign, violence, gas lighting, stalking, coercive control, and fear based accusations.” Brutal. 💯🤢🙏
Thank you for this great info, in the shortest possible package.
After a lifetime of trying to be who i really am, a deeply spiritual, generous, hard working and creative person,
all the 'narci-rapist' abuse and violence inflicted on me (and two dozen ded frends and associates) leave me wondering - if I ever knew or had a real relationship with ANYONE.
I always knew that in Europe I would find a better life, yet was forced into severe poverty and made "a homeless person" to take away any chance I would gain the wealth all my work deserved, and escape.
This video is fabulous. You are so eloquent in your ability to describe this horrible form of abuse. Thank you
Oh my god
My mother always said words matter more than actions
I just realized she daid it because she never did anything honest she always just talked about doing good things to people but never actually did it
Im soooooo furious 😠
This one sentence just helped me more than a lot of therapy
I have set sooo many boundaries in the past 3 1/2 years. And saying no, has helped me grow. I’ve been a caterpillar and am now emerging to soar. Thanks for this video. I’ve discovered the truth, and it is setting me free.
This happened to me. I'm grateful It only lasted a year or so---not counting the grooming and the stalking.
I relate with this woman and I’m only 46. The breaking point for me is when you finally realize it’s ok to say no, and you can totally use no in your life and you won’t be loved be less, quite the opposite. It’s like understanding the rabbit hole of people pleasing and how counterintuitive your life was so far. But now I woke up!
You are So Beautiful ;] GOD BLESS You & Your Daughter 🦋😊💕🌎 You are a Truth Warrior & Your Messages are Very Valuable to us All…Thank you MyLady ;]
Yeah, narcissistic abuse is insidious. Discovering I was a non-confrontational person with no boundaries, I didn't want to displease him. I also made excuses for the bad behaviour. The alcohol addiction, the weed, and the sex addiction. My childhood situation was growing up with an alcoholic father.
I realised I had become trapped in 2018, but I still didn't understand abuse because I blamed myself for the situation I was in.
Thanks for Truth 9 - I find it hard to trust myself on people due to neurodivergence but you're right, behaviours are more significant than words
9 years! I’m out! Thankyou for your story!
I love it, right on the bull's eye, "You don't owe anyone for basic decency." So damn true (sorry for the word but I like to put emotion on that😁) Thank you for great guidance, you save lives.❤
Love isn't transactional - wow, great truth. And the opposite of much current advice, which claims that all relations are transactional.
You rock darl ! I am on my own journey , at the moment im lost as im in perimenopause. But im working thru things , seeing things for what they are .
I made a lot of bold moves and bad decisions trying to win the love of our pathologically narcissistic mother, frankly the most difficult person I've ever encountered. Subsequently, I hurt a lot of good people as I lived delusions and refrained from small steps that would incrementally make be a better, stronger person. But I was blessed with many good people, outside my blood family, who stood firm and loved me, who helped me understand my real purpose. I am so blessed, thankful.
Holy sh*t, this could literally be me talking. When you’re brought up believing you’re only worthy of love if you subsume all your needs for everyone else (including complete strangers), no wonder you think love is “wrong” when you do finally experience it - and then push it away.
I began seeing you pop up in my feed the last few days, I couldn't resist the title on this one so now I know. My goodness, someone has been working on themselves and paying attention. This is NOT easy folks, how do you articulate 'chaos' so that others can understand? You watch this video, and many just like it until you do.
I have walked the same path myself, horrible childhood abuse and neglect and then a 4 decade marriage to a very covert narcissist. It took me 60 years and I couldn't articulate it better than this young lady did. "Behavior tells the truth, words lie", is now printed off to hang by my desk. After ALL these years chasing a medical answer for my chronic fatigue, who knew enduring mental gymnastics my entire life could be the source? We see it clearly, but childhood wounds rule the day with mind games to convince yourself this is ok and you are not being rejected.
If I were the Devil, I would try to keep parents distracted and neglectful of their children and make it easy by debt and providing social programs that look great but are filled with folks who could care less about them. By the time they are ready to leave home, they don't know who they are and a world is awaiting them to fight over who gets to tell them. We think of ourselves as free of choice, but we do so from inside a prison cell and are actually being directed by everyone else.
Fantastic video! She is a living testimony there IS life after abuse. Once you've learned the above lessons, the skies will begin to clear. It is NOT easy, but true life is on the other side. The dysregulation you endure fogs up your thinking and you can't see it for what it is. You are not seeking answers to the abuse, there are NONE. What you are seeking is the 'wound' that triggers your 'reactions'. You HAVE To identify those emotions, and then trace them to their root. Get trained help, they can guide you out of the chaos.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
I could No longer put up with his reckless behavior exactly 100
Mine is still very reckless.
@@sylviamontero6030 same and now kids are involved and I'm mama bear
Performative kindness is the perfect word. I remember the first time someone called me a sociopath because I had always been kind but then had to fire him (for good reasons). He couldn’t believe I could be so nice (fake) yet fire him. I realized that my kindness came off as weakness or fakeness at times.
Caring alone for my daughter also made me realize that my parent's didn't love me. I dug deeper. A lot deeper. My father was a grandiose narcissist. My mother was a covert narcissist. This catapulted me into a marriage with a female psychopath, whose father was also a covert narcissist. After 50+ years of destruction, I have finally lived in peace for the past 5 years. Better late than never.
Oh my God this is exactly my story. I’m 43 but when I got married, I married a very sweet fun man, his sister happened to be malignant narcissist but my husband always protected her and he never ever acknowledged what im complaining, she triangulated us for 18 years until I had spiritual awakening so I had to confront her, my husband been gaslighting me, and my kids raised in fights. Me and husband been fighting every week every month around the same subject, malignant doing never ended because he saw nothing wrong with what the sister is doing because he never believed me, when I figure that my mom was same like her, same, I was like what the hell when I figured that my dad is grandiose narcissist, my brother was narcissist. My sister was narc 😮I’m like who am I then? why I’m so genuine why I’m so suffering I feel so deeply and I 100% stand for social justice 😪 I’m healing for five years now, and I let go of everything I’m isolated hopeless
I really wanna be a life coach, but I don’t have energy I feel drained most of the time!
I think everyone in this world is traumatized and they are traumatizing everyone. I also have found out I was abused by people around me and still are. Now my sister is with a narc. I hope she will get free if I continue working on myself.
You are 50 and ready for the BEST part of life to come...thank you God Blesss 🙌
THANK YOU soooo much for sharing your personal thoughts, feelings, context! 🙏❤ That kind of authenticity, specific markers in a story, & caring about me as a human being, are the most effecient & lovely way for me to learn anything! .... & learning helps me process confusions in my own 50yrs of alien stuff.
Holy Mother, 30 years😮 I made it just 2, and thank GOD I found self-help videos like yours and the 21 traits of a narcissist. So, I thank you and everyone else who has educated me and set me free 😊