The scapegoat and golden child of narcissist and toxic parents both get abused in their own way

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  • Опубликовано: 1 фев 2025

Комментарии • 64

  • @HotTamaleez
    @HotTamaleez Год назад +18

    The golden child is often infantilized and not allowed to mature into an adult which does not serve them well in adulthood personally or professionally. The scapegoats have to grow up more quickly and can often navigate life with self responsibility.

  • @SarahSmith-df7ny
    @SarahSmith-df7ny Год назад +5

    I went from golden child to scape goat. What a ride lol.

  • @SloppyJoeLee
    @SloppyJoeLee Год назад +31

    I went from the golden child to the scapegoat and you know what… it’s ok. The way my peace is set up, I’ve learned to call a spade a spade and shuffle my deck

  • @james_Cortez
    @james_Cortez Год назад +13

    Always on point, in the end, you'll always be abused by the narcissist

  • @chargennaro976
    @chargennaro976 Год назад +10

    Yes Lee I understand wholeheartedly.
    There was five children from to narcissistic parents. My mother neglected each of us where my dad seek to control and they were both alcoholics, each of us had a role and each of us got treated differently.😢 My older sister learned very well from my NPD dad and we are all separated. The only ones that are left. One is incarcerated and the other is deceased. I Am the escape goat. Would love to see more videos of narcissistic children that went through abuse and neglect and trauma. Etc. My sister wants the control and when she does not have her way because she truly believes that she is smarter than all the rest of us, We are all currently being talked about behind our backs, but I am free from being around this toxicity but it doesn't make it any easier. In therapy and learning a new healthy life. I have a Christian church family who loves me for who I am , and not what they can get from me. I am done being their supply

    • @tabithab33
      @tabithab33 Год назад +1

      💜🙏💜
      Thank you for being you in all your heart 🕊️ I relate so much to your words and feel you. It’s so devastating and painful 😓 but we have a Great God and my hope is to find true peace with support like you have. 🙏 Even when alone, Jesus is with us 🙌🔥💜🕊️

    • @MentalHealness
      @MentalHealness  Год назад +1

      🙏🏽🙏🏽

  • @Caliman4ever42188
    @Caliman4ever42188 Год назад +10

    This is what my two older kids are going through and this video opened my eyes a little more

    • @Laquia
      @Laquia Год назад +1

      Hopefully you're treating them right equally

    • @Caliman4ever42188
      @Caliman4ever42188 Год назад +3

      @@Laquia i do. I spend equally and treat them equally. Just for context I have 3 kids 6, 12 , 15 and none of them can say I love the other more or less

    • @MentalHealness
      @MentalHealness  Год назад +1

      🙏🏽🙏🏽

    • @Laquia
      @Laquia Год назад

      @@Caliman4ever42188 I respect that 👍🏾 💯 Keep up the good work Dad 💪

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 5 месяцев назад

      @@Caliman4ever42188 Do they, though? Do they ever say it?
      What would happen in they did?

  • @michellet_thatsme
    @michellet_thatsme Год назад +3

    I grew up the golden child. It's absolutely awful because not only do you have to be perfect but your siblings resent you and you resent them because as the golden child it was also my responsibility to make sure they behaved perfectly too. Its also an unspoken truth held over your head that if as the golden child you do not live up to the unrealistic expectations, you could just as easily become the scapegoat. It creates so much anxiety its hard not to become an adult that is super neurotic trying to control everything but of course you can imagine how that ends up working out...

  • @ladykym007
    @ladykym007 Год назад +3

    Omg! Lee i have been saying to my self for years that my ex had a "favoured" child. This video just confirmed it. Thank you!

    • @TinaMarieJ444
      @TinaMarieJ444 Год назад +1

      Me too & he called me crazy and delusional for saying that. I’m so glad we can out a name to what it actually is now

  • @MsGabiele
    @MsGabiele Год назад +9

    Yes! Both get abused. Just differently. The golden child thinks she is always right with her artificial pleasing mask and the scapegoat feels always wrong with its authentic self. It’s sad for both, luckily the scapegoat kept the authentic identity, the empathy but the golden child lives a fake life of what pleased its parents. To my knowledge, they pass on the narcissistic traits to the next generation of their golden children. As the scapegoat tries everything not to be like the narcissistic parent.

    • @essr758
      @essr758 Год назад +3

      So true

    • @tabithab33
      @tabithab33 Год назад +2

      Very true 😣💜🙏🙏

    • @bailujen8052
      @bailujen8052 11 месяцев назад

      I've experienced the abuse because I'm the Golden child of my family and my sister was the scapegoat.
      For a while in 2023 when I've been introduced to narcissism, I always thought I was the Narcissist until I found out my mum is that very narcissist.
      She mentally abused me, gaslights me by claiming "You're remembering things wrong", "I never did that" etc and uses "You got to move on" as a way of avoiding accountability.
      Also she's hypocritical and does double standards because she hates my dad yet denies my my want for vengeance towards my dad for fathering me out of wedlock (My dad's the Christian and my mum's the Atheist)
      When my mum and her current boyfriend went on a cruise vacation without my brother and I, we went well and independent (Even better than with her around)

  • @michelleeckert6348
    @michelleeckert6348 Год назад +1

    The golden child in my family enjoyed all the benefits. Every one. She tolerated all the screams to get all the benefits and to abuse me and my dad herself, fooling others with her mother. She knew what she was doing and still does. I feel no pity for her, none, she tried to evoke pity from me once but too many times I saw her pride and her prejudice. She hasn't xhanged but to get worse with her mother and all their monkeys. I'm the only one free, and they All hate me for it 😊

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 5 месяцев назад

      Right on, sister. My Golden Child Sis became the Worst Narky of all the family.

  • @Laquia
    @Laquia Год назад +9

    Yeah that's why I never liked the Abuela in Encanto and glad I wasn't the only one despite people feeling sorry for her all because she's old dealing with the lose of her husband after witnessing his murder with 3 fatherless triplets then by some divine intervention that saved her at the last minute in return of given the responsibility to take care of a community (without her consent mind you) for resources and protection in the pursuit of survival.
    Like damn Abuela I'm sorry you had to go through all that at a young age but you gotta heal because guess what?
    Now the younger got their own trauma to deal with.
    Although I respect her apology to Maribel at the end of the movie after realizing her mistake after the house collapsed, damn her apology.
    That does not change she has A-LOT of therapeutic work to do in order to heal.
    Hell make that FAMILY therapy since she's already passed it on lol.
    Inter-generational trauma from losing your spouse in a genocide/war does not give you, a Boomer/Gen-Xer grandparent (in-laws I'm calling y'all out too) a got dang pass to dump YOUR generational trauma all over the younger generation who didn't even ASK to be born to a dysfunctional family to inherent it. But hey she's old so I guess she gets a pass. 🤷🏾‍♀️
    Rant over 🚬 💨

    • @MentalHealness
      @MentalHealness  Год назад +2

      stay empowered

    • @Laquia
      @Laquia Год назад

      @@MentalHealness Thanks I will 👍🏾💯

  • @JoyLady-1966
    @JoyLady-1966 2 месяца назад

    This is what I am experiencing with my daughter. While I was the scapegoat in the family she was the golden child and my husband was the narc. He turned her against me while I was having mental health problems. Now I am divorced and I struggle with her. She pulls on me and never gives any thing back. She struggles with her mental health and has trouble at work but it’s never her fault. She is a danger to me because I remember and grapple with how she treated me while I was coming out of that relationship.

  • @Libertydream7
    @Libertydream7 10 месяцев назад +2

    The scapegoat gets stronger from the abuse and end up moving out and cutting communication with the demonic parent. Than the golden child becomes a scapegoat because the narc will always need a victim to bully.

  • @patriciazaragoza3269
    @patriciazaragoza3269 Год назад +1

    Good point!

  • @TinaMarieJ444
    @TinaMarieJ444 Год назад

    My youngest was the golden child & oldest was the scapegoat. He was still abusive towards the golden child but was a lot more lenient on her in many ways & didn’t give her nearly as much a hard time time as our oldest ecapegoat. The way he treated my oldest makes my hatred for my ex stronger now a year after leaving the marriage

  • @JustEPlease
    @JustEPlease Год назад +1

    Yo you had me watching this whole movie lol

  • @tranquility9325
    @tranquility9325 Год назад +8

    BINGO. 🔥

  • @JustEPlease
    @JustEPlease Год назад +2

    I didn't realize that in my family dynamics I became the golden child to my middle brother. My oldest had left the house already but my middle brother was very rebellious when my father passed so he considered himself the escape and when he left the house I became both. When I was doing good in an accomplishment I was her golden child but behind close doors when no one was looking, I was the escape.. it got so bad that she started kicking me out of my house at but then she would convince me that I choose to leave and sleep in the streets during snowy nights on my own accord. Wasn't till she finally broke the facia in front of a friend of mine, they started witnessed her kick me out and started seeing the different manorisms from my mom when they were trying to be convinced by my mom that they shouldn't be friends with me and started saying I had mental disorders whenever they were left alone with her. It got so bad I had to move out at 16 get a job while in highschool just to survive and put a roof over my head...

  • @Stardustpal25
    @Stardustpal25 Год назад +2

    I agree with this take Lee.
    Each here can see where their family fits in this scenario. I always felt sorry for my older brother, the g.c., he was told so much hype he was melted with ego from young child, I thought, as a young child, he was broken somehow. He wasn't like other kids on our block. He was mean, nervous, always had to be clean, no rough housing but he would throw ice balls fight dirty to win. I alone knew he rocked himself to sleep violently til he was 13 or so. He wet the bed til year before. He only had friends with bribery, having a teenage business, employing the kids. He was smart, but really messed up from emotional abuse and could not just be friends, have fun. He started drinking and by 16 was a drunken brute. He went on to crash cars, beat women up, get mixed up with federal bank fraud, bankruptcy and divorce. I believe that abuse caused him a personal weakness he never recovered from, because he refused help, denial? I left before graduation, he stayed living at home til end of college, but all his choice it was all to not pay rent, help the parents, just himself. That coddling warped him, the early abuse warped him, his own denial and never getting help just made the other solidify to who he is now. Just a different false personnae each area of his life. Thank you, this is hard topic, took me years to realize this concept. Today I am grateful for my spirit to fight that ugly abuse and run to my friends house where I just stayed became one of bunch til graduation. No agency no involvement of anyone but her mom and my dad. That's Life 🙏🫂🌄

  • @HologramsOrAi
    @HologramsOrAi Год назад

    💯my brother is in therapy at 40+ .. he was the golden child.. as the TM I always was dealing with it 😉

  • @remembermyname718
    @remembermyname718 Год назад +2

    For the narcissist, children are an extension of himself.
    One will be the little angel and the other the little devil he will carry on his shoulders.
    (But the little angel is not really so angel and the little devil is not really so devil)

  • @TheAileZX2
    @TheAileZX2 7 месяцев назад

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't be mad. I'm good. >~< My mother had treated me with golden child sydrome against my brother, while I have autism. This had made me end up looking at faces way too hard, seeking validation, apologizing overtly, and just generally being an awkward mess. Me and my brother just recently realized what was going on, and we discovered Mom was at this since we were kids. I am the youngest at near 37. I WANT TO BE GOOD. ;~;

  • @NeonBlue27
    @NeonBlue27 Год назад +3

    I've had experiences of being both and it's absolutely crazy-making how it jumps back and forth.
    Do you have any thoughts to share on when someone ends up being treated like one then the other? I believe you mentioned that sometimes it's a combination of both.
    What I'll say is words like "you're so smart, you can do anything" become guilt sources, since they're only given after failure. And expectations are so high that as early as age 4 or 5, the toxic person (parent, teacher, etc.) is expecting you to know social etiquette the first time it arrives - things like make everyone's food first, then eat - and yell at you if you don't. Even if they never taught you. You're conditioned to act like a parent or adult when you're barely out of diapers.
    At some point you kinda forget that a loving home should still feel warm even when you're not in the middle of hugging it out, not empty until you do. You don't notice what you're missing. After all, nobody showed it to you - those who did take it away just as fast.

  • @autobotdiva9268
    @autobotdiva9268 4 месяца назад

    never saw the movie but good comparison

  • @roberts.valkyrie
    @roberts.valkyrie Год назад

    My sister is the golden child, but she isn't perfect. She's just spoiled, and whines like a child when she argues. They overlook the things she does, and give in to whatever she wants. I'm unaware of abuse, since she doesn't bother to mask at all.

  • @MrTeddyBoy89
    @MrTeddyBoy89 Год назад +2

    So, I guess my question to the family is, “ Do you want to be the golden child or the scapegoat?

  • @lozannevanniekerk5489
    @lozannevanniekerk5489 Год назад +1

    I have to agree on this I don't believe in favoring a child over the other both suffer abuse in different froms . I do believe in discipline . Yet treat all children with love . It is how the child receives the trauma as a result . You will get some children in these dynamics becomes more empathic others become narcissistic others feel guilty or jealousy occurs between siblings as well . Jealously and pinning them against each other could easily lead to murder blood and gore .When they start feeling the only option or to deal with a situation is to kill which will only lead into a early prison sentence. Some kids begs other kids are just quiet and kills . Jealousy is not something to play with it's unwise rather give each their own unique special place and see how love flows . Each child is unique . I want to make peace with you and we need to talk and we both love Sara as well . Yet have to agree also a golden child might also feel entitled to special treatment . It all depends yet have to agree both actions are abusive that is why balance is needed in all areas of our lives as well. Don't harden your heart we are here to learn love make peace and grow there are past lives as well . I am open to talk and make amends as well. We both love Sara as well you know that. We need to have that forgiveness I don't hold the past against you I know better than that and are better than that are you . We both love Sara I have good faith in her love and think of her everyday she is never far from my thoughts . I love you both don't harden your heart and get stuck in these low vibrations I am saying this for a reason it's important .

  • @YouTubePurgetheblackplague
    @YouTubePurgetheblackplague 7 месяцев назад

    Just like movie wish where the female character was the super villain.

  • @bailujen8052
    @bailujen8052 11 месяцев назад

    I remember this animated "True" story where it focuses on a golden son and a scapegoat daughter
    (For simplicity and forgetful sake let's call the boy James and the sister Millie)
    Throughout James' life before Millie was born, his parents were very "Loving" towards him (Spoiler they're helicopter parents), until when Millie was born the father was enraged a daughter was born and not another son.
    James was the only one who cared for Millie
    Until one day James decided to migrate to a private school, his parents were supportive but when hes out, they abused Millie.
    James always calls Millie daily so see what's going on with each other's lives until one day Millie didn't answer and it was happening daily, James realised there was a problem so he went back home.
    When James came to visit Millie's room, there was nothing and James questioned his parents until he decided to go to the backyard Garage, he saw Millie who's has severe malnutrition, later James escaped with Millie.
    James and Millie lives in a foster home where the family ended happily ever after.

  • @Rainbowofthefallen
    @Rainbowofthefallen Год назад +3

    💜

  • @olilumgbalu5653
    @olilumgbalu5653 Год назад

    I find that a lot of these family tropes used commonly in psychology and psychiatry don't really fit immigrant families. For instance, the golden child in an immigrant family is by default a son esp a first-born son (if a son is available) even if that son misbehaves himself, he is still coddled. Then the first-born daughter is treated as the family maid who is parentified and later and a lot of times, even earlier before the parents even reach retirement age or are considered 'elderly', she expected to be the caretaker of the parents. To the Western worldview, she would appear to be the "golden child" and in a way is but with no benefits, just the appearance of being the golden child. The son who may appear to be a scapegoat and in some ways IS a scapegoat but without any real consequences or responsibilities, he's shifted all his responsibilities to the "golden child" first-born daughter.

  • @lindac6919
    @lindac6919 5 месяцев назад +1

    What a load of crapola. The Golden Child gets abused...but they still have it a lot better.

    • @MentalHealness
      @MentalHealness  5 месяцев назад

      Wowo

    • @lindac6919
      @lindac6919 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@MentalHealness GC gets an electric blanket, and SG gets yelled at every morning for putting her winter jackets on top of her bedspread, so she can stay warm enough to sleep.
      GC gets braces, and SG gets effed up teeth.
      GC gets the royal road that ramps her up to University and self-sufficiency and independence and status in the home community,
      and SG gets ramped up to creepy men, to become a teen pregnancy; so she and her baby will need to stay, and end up slaves to Narky Family forever.
      Not me, Narky. I took the Pill, and Narky parents didn't know it. I got a job pulling boards at the mill and ran away after graduation.

  • @coayanisqatsi
    @coayanisqatsi Год назад

    I am sorry...I just understood one thing and i have to be honest. I understood that EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO is..... T R Y I N G. And this is exacly what you are doing. You are TRYING. People should to hear it. A lot of them will move their brain. Everything what Narcs can do for real....it is TRYING TO MAKE the therapy works. Its a truth. I am sorry.