I was kinda abused by my mother during my childhood, and just yesterday when she was shouting at me for literally no Reason, I told her for the first time in my life not to shout at me, in a little aggressive tone. It might have hurt my mother, but it felt soo good to me and my inner child. I finally felt safe somewhere after finding safety in other emotionally unavailable peoples. i thank that avoidant bich, that somehow i ended up knowing more about me and i just recently started healing my inner child. and i hope Ill have a genuine connection with someone. and i hope you guys best of luck in your healing journey. I am soo Proud of you all , and i am soo proud of myself
Thanks a million son. I'm 52 and since birth I was not emotionally attended by both of my parents. I was abused by my elder sister. I ended up fixing problems of all the people I uncounted. Me having great problems than others I was fixing others. i hid it from the world coz I knew it was abnormal. Finally what I got is, almost all the people I fixed, walking extra miles, me having worse situations, back stabbing me, cheating me. Now I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, frightened of trying to fix people, but still unable to stop my autopilot mod. I've been working on this. This is the ultimate video that addressed my core issue. I don't have words to thank you. All my life wasted, anyway I can heal myself before my death. So much love to you!!!❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
I grew up with a schizophrenic mother and hence I've struggled with these. Suffering from relationships as an adult. Career choices. But a Catalyst Soulmate helped me awaken that I had to heal my inner child wounds and now I am in a much balanced space
I get it 🎉 . My mother can never acknowledge my experience. I dont exist to her in any real way. I'm either reflecting back her rosy view of herself, or I'm not. Those are the only two shades she sees. I had food and clothes but "adulting"has been challenging, getting better at it.
@@nandinigogoi2584 More power to you, Nandini. Well, the work was totally by me but the soulmate I was referring to triggered me to take up the journey. At the end, the work has to be done by us solely.
Man, talking to you inner child is a powerful technique. Before saying a word to myself I was already crying like a river. I have a stutter problem, so maybe this can help too. Thank you so much.
Man, I just went through a breakup and through introspection/accountability, I realized my attachment style was really beating me up in life and in my relationships. I put this video on driving and just listening to the process of healing your inner child had me start crying, especially the “give them a hug” part. I really appreciate you for making this video, you explain it so well. Thank you. Gonna start taking back my life from my past.
I have been taking a course on this subject. What helped tremendously is creating a quantum timeline of the traumatising memories. Starting ages 0-2, all the way up to 18 years. The 0-2… I did not of course remember much. So I healed based off of the incidents I have heard my mom recount. It works like literal magic. Plus, also remember that anytime you feel that chest will explode sort of panic again, remind yourself that you are no longer 2. Repeat your name & notice the objects around you. These unhealed wounds not only cause dysfunctional patterns… they also trigger PTSD.
This video has been a game changer for me. My problems really started around the age of 9, I hid from reality and became cold and detached. 45 years later I'm finally able to deal with these issues that have shaped my life. Recognizing the child's coping mechanism and re-wiring it as an adult has given me real freedom. Thank you so much.
This is the closest thing to time traveling and rewriting your own history without changing the fabric of time. At least, this is how I felt as I go back and comfort my younger self in those vulnerable and frightening moments. My issue is the fear of abandonment. As a child I saw happiness, only for it to be short lived and some life changing event pulls me away from parents, over and over again.
Not your fault. 46 yrs old. Realized i was broken thru mental breakdown. I obsessed with self-help. Fixing me. Watched Gabor Manor. So may "something that happened" for me. Like 5 major right off the bat. I had singled out to one. Living life gave hint of ancestoral pattern. I have or am working thru every character trait. Finally found this video hitting the root and real, applicable advise and explanation. Psychiatrist said i was giving my power away, to go on vacation by myself to start making my own decisions. No advise or other disscussion. Idiot. Drastic move like that could of had me in an mental ward considering how dangerous to self i was at the time. This abandon wound encompassed my every decision everyday.I felt unloved by parents, siblings, family, my children. I stopped dancing because it embarassed my daughter. I has shaped EVERY action i have taken in my life. Thought i was codependent, so many labels, but none clicked and had a solution til now. Ive been thinking, this all sounds right, tell me how to take action to fix myself. I pray this frame tech. helps me work thru my self destruction.
I needed emotional support and every one I attracted in my life was either completely logical and emotionally unavailable to me, talked me out of my feelings or dysregulated themselves wtf 😐 thank god for healing so I can properly connect with what I need 🙏 I pretty much only have work colleagues and have started talking to my family again and at 42 feels a bit weird putting things in the bin and starting all over like a teenager but I do feel a lot better 🎉
I grew up in a horrible dysfunctional family with bipolar narcissists, and have a truck ton of trauma that has been dragging me down throughout my life. So I've been looking for ways to try to heal (and let go of all the negative emotions associated with my entire life). This has been a really helpful video. Your personal examples really applied to me, although it's still difficult to let go of that victim feeling when the hurt feels so deep.
I'm glad you've been enjoying the videos! I think the real key is learning to accept yourself where and how you are right now. That's where the real healing takes place! Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be. So much of the work is really just catching your brain up to reality! We get so stuck in our past patterns and stories that we forget we're alive and free RIGHT NOW. Obviously a lot of the time that's easier said than done. So just remember to have patience and acceptance for yourself along the journey!
I feel that I may not be able to really heal because I can't remember my earliest childhood and now I'm a codependent person so I may be damned for life because whatever happened to me I totally blocked out of my mind I guess to emotionally protect myself and I've been in therapy for years now and I still keep finding myself in toxic relationship with men who I try my best to make them happy and who end up using me and then just throwing me away like garbage I'm feeling like maybe I'm going to end up growing old alone because I tired of repeating the same mistakes already 😢
That's fine don't be harsh on yourself take one step at a time, it will take time, just focus on your progress whether you are doing better than tomorrow or not
The more I dig the more little memories I remember that could have created the wounds I have! I don’t remember much but little by little it unfolds so try your best not to be overwhelming by unpicking your whole childhood. It just comes to you overtime! ❤️
@@chongkeychoons9946 thank you and I'll try my best to keep having patience with my healing journey and maybe some of my childhood memories will also be remembered too 🤗
You might look at narcissist red flag videos or green flagd.. Jimmy on relationships has a few good ones. Another counselor said slow down. I think from the little you shared we have a similar story. 😊
Yes been working on this for the last year intentionally. Hard, hard work. So resonates. Very used to isolating myself from others no matter family or friends. Love to everyone consciously working on the shadow parts and inner children integration ❤❤❤
This is wonderful, thank you! It has brought healing my CPTSD (which is, ultimately, what you're describing ... damage done to the nervous system in it's developmental stages) to a new level of clear innerstanding! Here's to regulating the nervous system! Much love
My inner child has been poking at me to just have fun and play! Coloring helps connect with her! I also discovered I need to heal the perfectionism I grew up with, so as an adult I’m afraid to mess up and failing! I get to a point then stop especially with a hobby I want to may do something with! Abundance! I been told how perfect I was..
Great concise video. What really integrated my innerchild after a long ardous journey is breathwork. It took me to deepest part of my wounded child. This is illuminating on the thort level🎉
Wow.. so cool… I too have met people who I saw I had to fix them to make them feel good because that made me feel good and because of that, I too thought they wouldn’t leave.. I was wrong, no no one isn’t going to save me, I have to save myself!!
This is an amazing video summarizing so many wonderful books on the matter. Fabulous! Inner child work is the stuff of miracles. Be brave, this deep dive is worth it!
Thanks for this🙏🏾. I’m currently in a place where I’m being goody 2shoes about cursing but when you bluntly put “ Kinda FVKED Up!?” I laughed my azz off and it was needed just like this helpful content. Keep ‘em’ coming 💪🏾. I love you I’m sorry Please forgive me and Thank you 🙏🏾🫶🏼😜💜🔥🔥🔥
Thank you Andrew, your lecture is too helpful, your teaching abilities are outstanding. I am working on this key topic, your inputs come on time. Blessings
listening to this, i started to think of the little girl that was still very much inside of me; kind of dictating what i did and how i did it, for so long. how i received love, how i thought i would be worthy if i did xyz. i cried a lot. thinking about her and how present she was in so much of my life. i held her, told her she didn’t need to do any of that anymore, and cried. we both cried. i really needed this perspective shift, i feel a million times lighter. thank you for this video 🤍
You're very welcome! I actually did the same thing myself today. I gave that scared little boy inside of me a hug and showed him all of the things he's accomplished and all of the people he's been able to help. One thing I've just been introduced to in this space (I've been listening to the book "No Bad Parts" which is about IFS therapy) is the idea of inviting the parts of you that have been stuck in the past to start to take on new roles. Because of course, that little girl inside of you may have been dictating what you did and feeling alone and unseen, but by recognizing her and healing that relationship and updating her perspective on reality, she might be very excited at the prospect of being able to shift from that place of fear and avoidance and instead contribute to your present day life with a sense of excitement, creativity, curiosity, and generally more of what we typically consider to be those wonderful "childlike" characteristics that can be so magical.
Wow! Such a powerful video! Thank you for this amazing insight. Though I could really feel your pain when you described how these things made you feel. Also, I was just wondering, are you a Virgo sun by any chance? This could possibly be another factor in what you're describing.
You maybe heard it called star sign instead. It the sun placement in your natal chart. But that's cool. I could definitely mistake an Aries for a Virgo, but maybe you have Virgo somewhere in your natal chart too. Virgos are usually perfectionists. They're born leaders and very charismatic. That's the qualities I observed and of course you were explaining about perfectionism. And Aries are also born leaders and very charismatic so similar energies for sure! Not that it defines you, but I do feel those energies have an impact I feel. Its all influencial in our uniqueness! @@andrewvanhoff
I absolutely love your video, Andrew. I just had a quick question. You mentioned that there were guided meditations on RUclips. Do you recommend anyone in particular? PS: The thumbnail and soundtracks are lit 🔥
Thank you! Honestly there are so many that I'd recommend just giving yourself the freedom to try a few and see which one resonates most with you! It's quite a personal thing, and I think there's an innate benefit in trusting yourself to try a few out, rather than being overly worried about doing the "right" one, if that makes any sense.
My recommendation would just be to give yourself the freedom to find a few on RUclips, try them out, and see which one you feel helps you the most! It's such a personal process that I think the important thing is just finding one that feels right for you, rather than following a formula.
Thank you! I got the music off a service called Epidemic Sounds that provides audio FX and music licensing for social media, but I'm afraid I don't remember the specific track I used.
Its hard to believe you're worth loving yourself when nobody accepts you and everyone abandons you. Thats where im struggling. If literally everyone I've wver loved has abandoned me, cheated on me, what makes me believe im worth loving even by myself?
Well you’re watching this video so I’m sure you have many good qualities about yourself and you’re worthy of love regardless. You’ll find your people eventually :)
Fair enough! From that perspective I suppose you could look at it like this: you ARE saved! You're not unlovable or unworthy or anything like that. But as long as you're stuck in that past mindset, you're going to still be looking for somebody ELSE to save you, and that's the trap. But you're already free!
@@andrewvanhoff Yes I’ve been a Christian since I was 16, but just recently learned about the way these childhood wounds can affect your life. It’s been so good to see why I react the way I do, but much easier for me to work through some of the pain from my childhood knowing that my value and worth isn’t from other (flawed) people, but from a perfect God. It’s hard when people have gone through pain to accept the love of God, but He’s healed me tremendously even before I realized the inner healing that needed to take place!
I didn't delete anything. Maybe youtube auto deleted it for some reason? 🤔 I have a newer video I would recommend about healing the inner child through journaling. It specifically goes into a method to uncover some of your own patterns. Just to quickly summarize the important part, focus on your current struggle - whether that's fear or self loathing or whatever else - and go into it with yourself. Ask yourself "why" that's a problem, or why you feel that way. If you do this in a relaxed manner without any self-judgement, just allowing whatever comes up to come up, it can be quite revealing. My advice is to search for the hard "no"s that your mind will put up. When your why question is met with a feeling that "well that's just the way it is..." "Because I'm just not enough", or whatever else might come up. When we have fundamental beliefs that we've been holding for a long time, sometimes there doesn't need to be a substantial memory attached to the formation of the belief. The belief itself is maybe like a tangled knot of string, when you undo the knot, there's nothing at the center. Finally I'd encourage you to perhaps look at the fact that if you don't have any memories that are causing your fear and self loathing, then you actually sort of already have proof that they're illusory! Which is good news. If you can really take that to heart, you already KNOW that your fear and self loathing have no real basis in reality, and are instead just a projection of your psyche. And when you see them in that way, it makes it easier to let go of those things and move forward.
In a sense, yes! The wounds themselves will most likely already be there under the surface. Just by nature of being human and experiencing separation and insecurity and fear, we often develop that self-concept of being "damaged" or not good enough. Those teenage years might not "cause" the wounds exactly, but they will definitely reveal them. Everything is changing, high-school is full of cliques and peer pressure and the desire to fit in, and teens have their first experiences with romantic relationships and heartbreak and rejection. All of those things can trigger those inner wounds. And they might stack new layers of trauma or pain on top of the wounds that were already there. If I feel like I'm not good enough and my high-school girlfriend leaves me for my best friend, that's going to be a devastating experience that cuts straight through to that inner feeling of not being enough. But if I DO feel enough, the experience might certainly hurt and be unpleasant - but I won't interpret it as being a mark against "who I am" at a fundamental level. It's not because I'm unlovable - it's just something that happened. So, while those teen years certainly reveal our inner insecurities and wounds, I dont think they don't really "cause them" on a fundamental level. Rather they might stack new stories and new trauma on top of the old wounds (i.e., my girlfriend leaving me is MORE PROOF that I'm not good enough and that I'm unlovable - For that to be my interpretation, I need to have a core belief of unworthiness for that story to stick to)
@@andrewvanhoffwow wasn't expecting such an incredible reply! What you are doing is amazing It's so hard to think of any specific moments in my childhood that caused it though, it's so hard to pinpoint that root cause to let go of - but I definitely have an anxious attachment style once I get close to someone. I'm struggling to let go or heal that inner child with no specific event, just the fact maybe my mum was overly coddling making me overdependent well into late childhood while my dad was just meh, didn't really give af and spanked for fairly minor things. they say that inconsistent parenting styles can cause that. Just not sure how to 'reparent' myself, and cannot tell if I'm making any progress. That definitely makes sense though, grade 10 it massively compounded / layered onto that existing 'trauma'. I was always quite happy and laughing , lots of friends but never any deep relationships but then finally found a very close friend who I thought really got me - all the same tastes etc., wed hang out/chat all the time was amazing but then he cut me off all of a sudden almost without warning in a fkn text message because I was too clingy / needy, always getting triggered by unresponsiveness etc. and I was so confused and hurt.. that depression of never getting to be close to someone again lingered for over a decade now. At the time, I found self help, being present to the moment etc. It was like I found gold to finally crawl out of that hopeless depression but always used it in the context of 'getting him back'. After school I just stopped trying to form any close relationships all together, coping with massive amounts of weed and video games basically I definitely need to go way deeper into this inner child healing. Do you have any specific books on the topic that would explain how to 'reparent' yourself or something? The one thing I'm doing now is intentionally triggering myself then being a compassionate internal witness instead of being the 'inner child abuser' I used to be
Sorry it took me so long to respond! RUclips doesn't notify me of secondary responses to comments by default, so I didn't see your response! I would suggest the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson as a starting point! Then, there's also something to be said for addressing the fundamental belief that we're flawed. You might have been perceived as needy and pushy from the other person's perspective. But it's incredibly important to remember - that's just his point of view. It's just something that happened. It's not ACTUALLY personal. Even though it can feel extremely personal. Because we're conditioned from early in our lives to take other people's views of us as gospel. It's easy to get jaded when you feel like you were just open and didn't mean to do anything "wrong" and you suddenly feel shut out by the other person. People tend to close down and withdraw because they feel like they were punished for no reason - life doesn't make any sense. It's like a little kid who is happily singing and gets yelled at to be quiet. The temptation is to never show that part of ourselves to anyone ever again because it's bad. We even start to hide it from ourselves. We associate fear with the things that used to make us feel excited and happy. But the implicit belief in this entire process is that the other person was "right", and you did something "wrong". Which I would assert is simply not true. That's one of those assumptions that's born in those darn childhood wounds haha
Absolutely! Inner work of all kinds is really about reintegration of the rejected parts of ourselves. For anger in particular there are a number of potential triggers, maybe you experienced abuse, maybe you felt like you had no control as a child, maybe you felt like nobody could meet your needs - and developed anger as a response. On the other hand maybe you felt unseen and unappreciated, but wanted to be seen as "good", so you people pleased and tried to be perfect, and in doing so you cut off the "ugly angry part" of yourself, and now when it bubbles up you don't know what to do. These are just examples! There are tons of ways that these inner feelings, stories, beliefs and patterns form. The key is that by understanding the truth behind these feelings (they're not personal, you didn't chose them, they don't make you "bad", etc...) suddenly most of energy is taken out of the feeling. The importance of doing the inner work is to see and realize within yourself what your patterns actually are. You might logically "know" these things, but they go out the window when you get triggered. When you actually see within yourself the way the patterns control you, that's when you start to find freedom!
In a sense, yes! But the object is not to "get rid of" these parts of yourself. It's to understand them. The same inner insecurity manifests as anxious attachment AND the desire to rid oneself of anxious attachment. The anxiously attached person learns about attachment styles and thinks oh, great, I finally understand what's wrong with me - I just need to fix it. In truth, that's the same thought process that causes anxious attachment in the first place. It's another layer of self rejection and trying to change yourself to please people. So the key isn't in the "getting rid of" these things by force. It's in understanding the way they operate and seeing the truth behind them. Just like inner child healing is in seeing the truth behind the story and choosing the present over the past.
I was kinda abused by my mother during my childhood, and just yesterday when she was shouting at me for literally no Reason, I told her for the first time in my life not to shout at me, in a little aggressive tone. It might have hurt my mother, but it felt soo good to me and my inner child. I finally felt safe somewhere after finding safety in other emotionally unavailable peoples. i thank that avoidant bich, that somehow i ended up knowing more about me and i just recently started healing my inner child. and i hope Ill have a genuine connection with someone. and i hope you guys best of luck in your healing journey. I am soo Proud of you all , and i am soo proud of myself
Thanks a million son. I'm 52 and since birth I was not emotionally attended by both of my parents. I was abused by my elder sister. I ended up fixing problems of all the people I uncounted. Me having great problems than others I was fixing others. i hid it from the world coz I knew it was abnormal. Finally what I got is, almost all the people I fixed, walking extra miles, me having worse situations, back stabbing me, cheating me. Now I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, frightened of trying to fix people, but still unable to stop my autopilot mod. I've been working on this. This is the ultimate video that addressed my core issue. I don't have words to thank you. All my life wasted, anyway I can heal myself before my death. So much love to you!!!❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
I grew up with a schizophrenic mother and hence I've struggled with these. Suffering from relationships as an adult. Career choices. But a Catalyst Soulmate helped me awaken that I had to heal my inner child wounds and now I am in a much balanced space
So happy for u I m also in that journey but I did the self work myself. NO one was able to help as I was so badly stuck
I get it 🎉 . My mother can never acknowledge my experience. I dont exist to her in any real way. I'm either reflecting back her rosy view of herself, or I'm not. Those are the only two shades she sees. I had food and clothes but "adulting"has been challenging, getting better at it.
@@nandinigogoi2584 More power to you, Nandini. Well, the work was totally by me but the soulmate I was referring to triggered me to take up the journey. At the end, the work has to be done by us solely.
Catalyst soulmate meaning?
Man, talking to you inner child is a powerful technique. Before saying a word to myself I was already crying like a river. I have a stutter problem, so maybe this can help too. Thank you so much.
Man, I just went through a breakup and through introspection/accountability, I realized my attachment style was really beating me up in life and in my relationships. I put this video on driving and just listening to the process of healing your inner child had me start crying, especially the “give them a hug” part.
I really appreciate you for making this video, you explain it so well. Thank you. Gonna start taking back my life from my past.
I have been taking a course on this subject. What helped tremendously is creating a quantum timeline of the traumatising memories. Starting ages 0-2, all the way up to 18 years. The 0-2… I did not of course remember much. So I healed based off of the incidents I have heard my mom recount. It works like literal magic.
Plus, also remember that anytime you feel that chest will explode sort of panic again, remind yourself that you are no longer 2. Repeat your name & notice the objects around you. These unhealed wounds not only cause dysfunctional patterns… they also trigger PTSD.
@TrinaMoitra the course sound such a benefit to you. Can you share the course please?
This video has been a game changer for me. My problems really started around the age of 9, I hid from reality and became cold and detached. 45 years later I'm finally able to deal with these issues that have shaped my life. Recognizing the child's coping mechanism and re-wiring it as an adult has given me real freedom. Thank you so much.
This is the closest thing to time traveling and rewriting your own history without changing the fabric of time. At least, this is how I felt as I go back and comfort my younger self in those vulnerable and frightening moments. My issue is the fear of abandonment. As a child I saw happiness, only for it to be short lived and some life changing event pulls me away from parents, over and over again.
Not your fault. 46 yrs old. Realized i was broken thru mental breakdown. I obsessed with self-help. Fixing me. Watched Gabor Manor. So may "something that happened" for me. Like 5 major right off the bat. I had singled out to one. Living life gave hint of ancestoral pattern. I have or am working thru every character trait. Finally found this video hitting the root and real, applicable advise and explanation. Psychiatrist said i was giving my power away, to go on vacation by myself to start making my own decisions. No advise or other disscussion. Idiot. Drastic move like that could of had me in an mental ward considering how dangerous to self i was at the time. This abandon wound encompassed my every decision everyday.I felt unloved by parents, siblings, family, my children. I stopped dancing because it embarassed my daughter. I has shaped EVERY action i have taken in my life. Thought i was codependent, so many labels, but none clicked and had a solution til now. Ive been thinking, this all sounds right, tell me how to take action to fix myself. I pray this frame tech. helps me work thru my self destruction.
Thinking of you, sounds like you're doing amazing work. Remember how far you have come. Keep going, you've got this x
I was aware that something was wrong , but I didn't know how to heal. Thank you.
I needed emotional support and every one I attracted in my life was either completely logical and emotionally unavailable to me, talked me out of my feelings or dysregulated themselves wtf 😐 thank god for healing so I can properly connect with what I need 🙏 I pretty much only have work colleagues and have started talking to my family again and at 42 feels a bit weird putting things in the bin and starting all over like a teenager but I do feel a lot better 🎉
I grew up in a horrible dysfunctional family with bipolar narcissists, and have a truck ton of trauma that has been dragging me down throughout my life. So I've been looking for ways to try to heal (and let go of all the negative emotions associated with my entire life). This has been a really helpful video. Your personal examples really applied to me, although it's still difficult to let go of that victim feeling when the hurt feels so deep.
I'm glad you've been enjoying the videos! I think the real key is learning to accept yourself where and how you are right now. That's where the real healing takes place! Wherever you are is exactly where you need to be.
So much of the work is really just catching your brain up to reality! We get so stuck in our past patterns and stories that we forget we're alive and free RIGHT NOW.
Obviously a lot of the time that's easier said than done. So just remember to have patience and acceptance for yourself along the journey!
I feel that I may not be able to really heal because I can't remember my earliest childhood and now I'm a codependent person so I may be damned for life because whatever happened to me I totally blocked out of my mind I guess to emotionally protect myself and I've been in therapy for years now and I still keep finding myself in toxic relationship with men who I try my best to make them happy and who end up using me and then just throwing me away like garbage I'm feeling like maybe I'm going to end up growing old alone because I tired of repeating the same mistakes already 😢
That's fine don't be harsh on yourself take one step at a time, it will take time, just focus on your progress whether you are doing better than tomorrow or not
@@BishakaDas527 Thank you for your words and comfort and support I truly appreciate it 🤗
The more I dig the more little memories I remember that could have created the wounds I have! I don’t remember much but little by little it unfolds so try your best not to be overwhelming by unpicking your whole childhood. It just comes to you overtime! ❤️
@@chongkeychoons9946 thank you and I'll try my best to keep having patience with my healing journey and maybe some of my childhood memories will also be remembered too 🤗
You might look at narcissist red flag videos or green flagd.. Jimmy on relationships has a few good ones. Another counselor said slow down. I think from the little you shared we have a similar story. 😊
I love all the positive comments here and how so many people are taking such great steps to heal their hearts and lives. Let’s GO humanity!! 🎉❤😊
Yes been working on this for the last year intentionally. Hard, hard work. So resonates. Very used to isolating myself from others no matter family or friends. Love to everyone consciously working on the shadow parts and inner children integration ❤❤❤
So wise so young!, thank you 🍃🌱☘🍀🌿🪴🌳bless you LOVE xoxOxox
One of the best videos i have ever watched. Thank you. Keep it up man
Hey thanks for the kind words! Glad you enjoyed it!
Guy is on top of it and in touch with the source of truth that will heal you
This was a very well-explained and powerful process for me. Thank you for sharing it, Andrew.
This is wonderful, thank you! It has brought healing my CPTSD (which is, ultimately, what you're describing ... damage done to the nervous system in it's developmental stages) to a new level of clear innerstanding! Here's to regulating the nervous system! Much love
Best video I have watched on this. Seeing this at perfect timing 😢❤
This is me. At least I know what to do next. Thank you. I am going to get the help I need
what you resist persists. let your "bad" feelings be, try to see what they are trying to teach you, thank them and let them go.
My inner child has been poking at me to just have fun and play! Coloring helps connect with her! I also discovered I need to heal the perfectionism I grew up with, so as an adult I’m afraid to mess up and failing! I get to a point then stop especially with a hobby I want to may do something with! Abundance! I been told how perfect I was..
Thank you! I'm crying. I've needed this and the way you explain it for 20 years. I will make progress now.
You're so welcome! That's awesome to hear!
I hope you are keeping at it; this is healing that’s hard to do alone. But that’s a common pattern for us; to isolate and try to figure it out 😖🤷🏼♂️
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These videos are insanely helpful.
Great concise video. What really integrated my innerchild after a long ardous journey is breathwork. It took me to deepest part of my wounded child. This is illuminating on the thort level🎉
new to your video's; liked/subscribed (and favorite). Thank you for your work.
Wow.. so cool… I too have met people who I saw I had to fix them to make them feel good because that made me feel good and because of that, I too thought they wouldn’t leave.. I was wrong, no no one isn’t going to save me, I have to save myself!!
You have helped me a lot. it's not too much to say that you have saved my life and transformed me into a more self-fulfilled and balanced person.
This is my missing piece I've been looking for. Thank you so much Andrew.
You're very welcome!
This is an amazing video summarizing so many wonderful books on the matter. Fabulous! Inner child work is the stuff of miracles. Be brave, this deep dive is worth it!
You said it so succinctly and eloquently. Fantastic orator. Even though I’ve watched many videos on this, I got lots of new insights from you
I'm so grateful for your videos. Life changing. I send you all my love.
I beg of you, please, stop calling me out 😭
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😮😂
Thank you 😪I didn’t know this was a thing !
Thank you! Truly an easy guide🙏🏼
You've been a blessing, Andrew
Thank you so much for this❤
Love this video and will watch it several times!
Fantastic...very Grateful
That was phenomenal!!! Very well articulated, thank you
Andrew. You are speaking to me. Thank you so much. ❤
So timely to have found your videos.
Wow Thank You💛
This is precious , thank you Andrew 💕
You're welcome!
Thanks for this🙏🏾. I’m currently in a place where I’m being goody 2shoes about cursing but when you bluntly put “ Kinda FVKED Up!?” I laughed my azz off and it was needed just like this helpful content. Keep ‘em’ coming 💪🏾. I love you I’m sorry Please forgive me and Thank you 🙏🏾🫶🏼😜💜🔥🔥🔥
You are so welcome! I try not to go overboard with the language, but I also want to keep it real, you know? :P Glad you enjoyed haha
Brilliant, thank u! ❤
I usually never comment on videos, but this was quite a profound video. Thanks Andrew subscribed
Thank you Andrew, your lecture is too helpful, your teaching abilities are outstanding. I am working on this key topic, your inputs come on time. Blessings
Glad it was helpful!
That was awesome and the way you explained it, was so great. I loved your passion 😊
Thank you, your explanation is at my level , understandable ❤
Just found your channel ! Gobbling up all this advice
Excellent video and info. Thank you soooooooo much!!!!!!❤
Thanks, very insightful, I’m a stoic individual and I always wonder how? 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you Andrew….this is crystal clear to me now.
Thank you for this! Very well said!
Its hell trying to heal your inner child and at the same feel unloved by your spouse
Thanks for the video!
You're welcome!
Thankyou…very nicely explained
listening to this, i started to think of the little girl that was still very much inside of me; kind of dictating what i did and how i did it, for so long. how i received love, how i thought i would be worthy if i did xyz. i cried a lot. thinking about her and how present she was in so much of my life. i held her, told her she didn’t need to do any of that anymore, and cried. we both cried.
i really needed this perspective shift, i feel a million times lighter. thank you for this video 🤍
You're very welcome! I actually did the same thing myself today. I gave that scared little boy inside of me a hug and showed him all of the things he's accomplished and all of the people he's been able to help.
One thing I've just been introduced to in this space (I've been listening to the book "No Bad Parts" which is about IFS therapy) is the idea of inviting the parts of you that have been stuck in the past to start to take on new roles. Because of course, that little girl inside of you may have been dictating what you did and feeling alone and unseen, but by recognizing her and healing that relationship and updating her perspective on reality, she might be very excited at the prospect of being able to shift from that place of fear and avoidance and instead contribute to your present day life with a sense of excitement, creativity, curiosity, and generally more of what we typically consider to be those wonderful "childlike" characteristics that can be so magical.
Thank you for this video ❤
Wow! Such a powerful video! Thank you for this amazing insight. Though I could really feel your pain when you described how these things made you feel. Also, I was just wondering, are you a Virgo sun by any chance? This could possibly be another factor in what you're describing.
Glad it was helpful! To be honest I'm not sure what a Virgo sun means, much less if I am one. I think I'm an Aries haha that's all I know
You maybe heard it called star sign instead. It the sun placement in your natal chart. But that's cool. I could definitely mistake an Aries for a Virgo, but maybe you have Virgo somewhere in your natal chart too. Virgos are usually perfectionists. They're born leaders and very charismatic. That's the qualities I observed and of course you were explaining about perfectionism. And Aries are also born leaders and very charismatic so similar energies for sure! Not that it defines you, but I do feel those energies have an impact I feel. Its all influencial in our uniqueness! @@andrewvanhoff
your videos are great, thank you for your wokr!
Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed!
Thank you. I have a few. Experiences that where quite damaging.
Great vid thx. Aaron doughty has good vids on this and jungian psychology is great as well
Oh gosh this descripes me so well...
Thank you😭😭❤
Excellent you're so dashing 😮🎉
So interesting thx
I absolutely love your video, Andrew. I just had a quick question. You mentioned that there were guided meditations on RUclips. Do you recommend anyone in particular?
PS: The thumbnail and soundtracks are lit 🔥
Thank you!
Honestly there are so many that I'd recommend just giving yourself the freedom to try a few and see which one resonates most with you! It's quite a personal thing, and I think there's an innate benefit in trusting yourself to try a few out, rather than being overly worried about doing the "right" one, if that makes any sense.
Andrew thx I would spend more time on the methodology of the healing rather than the theory of trauma
Really good video. Thank you. Do you have any recommendations of guided meditation's for this?
My recommendation would just be to give yourself the freedom to find a few on RUclips, try them out, and see which one you feel helps you the most! It's such a personal process that I think the important thing is just finding one that feels right for you, rather than following a formula.
Great video. Helps the long road to recovery. Also, what’s the instrumental in the background? Bless
Thank you! I got the music off a service called Epidemic Sounds that provides audio FX and music licensing for social media, but I'm afraid I don't remember the specific track I used.
Thank you. Can you do one on panic disorder/agoraphobia?
liked this a lot!
& Thank you:)
Its hard to believe you're worth loving yourself when nobody accepts you and everyone abandons you. Thats where im struggling. If literally everyone I've wver loved has abandoned me, cheated on me, what makes me believe im worth loving even by myself?
Well you’re watching this video so I’m sure you have many good qualities about yourself and you’re worthy of love regardless. You’ll find your people eventually :)
I'm struggling with perfectionism as use it as a way to feel good enough
❤
yup
Big up bro like it 💪🏼🫶🏻
Wow 😢
10:40 says “Nobody is going to come save you” but Jesus did come to save you! He will do the work of healing your wounds if you let him. God bless ❤️
Fair enough! From that perspective I suppose you could look at it like this: you ARE saved! You're not unlovable or unworthy or anything like that. But as long as you're stuck in that past mindset, you're going to still be looking for somebody ELSE to save you, and that's the trap. But you're already free!
@@andrewvanhoff Yes I’ve been a Christian since I was 16, but just recently learned about the way these childhood wounds can affect your life. It’s been so good to see why I react the way I do, but much easier for me to work through some of the pain from my childhood knowing that my value and worth isn’t from other (flawed) people, but from a perfect God. It’s hard when people have gone through pain to accept the love of God, but He’s healed me tremendously even before I realized the inner healing that needed to take place!
*encountered
🤨First post was deleted why? BTW i don't remember any of these memories I have that are causing my fear & self loathing. How do i find them.
I didn't delete anything. Maybe youtube auto deleted it for some reason? 🤔
I have a newer video I would recommend about healing the inner child through journaling. It specifically goes into a method to uncover some of your own patterns.
Just to quickly summarize the important part, focus on your current struggle - whether that's fear or self loathing or whatever else - and go into it with yourself. Ask yourself "why" that's a problem, or why you feel that way.
If you do this in a relaxed manner without any self-judgement, just allowing whatever comes up to come up, it can be quite revealing.
My advice is to search for the hard "no"s that your mind will put up. When your why question is met with a feeling that "well that's just the way it is..." "Because I'm just not enough", or whatever else might come up.
When we have fundamental beliefs that we've been holding for a long time, sometimes there doesn't need to be a substantial memory attached to the formation of the belief. The belief itself is maybe like a tangled knot of string, when you undo the knot, there's nothing at the center.
Finally I'd encourage you to perhaps look at the fact that if you don't have any memories that are causing your fear and self loathing, then you actually sort of already have proof that they're illusory! Which is good news. If you can really take that to heart, you already KNOW that your fear and self loathing have no real basis in reality, and are instead just a projection of your psyche. And when you see them in that way, it makes it easier to let go of those things and move forward.
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
What would sexual abuse as a child create? What inner child wound would that create?
How about stopping for a breath every now and then…
I found this for you! ruclips.net/video/9KLEFACEdF0/видео.html
😂
can these wounds still form in teens 14-18yo?
In a sense, yes! The wounds themselves will most likely already be there under the surface. Just by nature of being human and experiencing separation and insecurity and fear, we often develop that self-concept of being "damaged" or not good enough.
Those teenage years might not "cause" the wounds exactly, but they will definitely reveal them. Everything is changing, high-school is full of cliques and peer pressure and the desire to fit in, and teens have their first experiences with romantic relationships and heartbreak and rejection.
All of those things can trigger those inner wounds. And they might stack new layers of trauma or pain on top of the wounds that were already there.
If I feel like I'm not good enough and my high-school girlfriend leaves me for my best friend, that's going to be a devastating experience that cuts straight through to that inner feeling of not being enough.
But if I DO feel enough, the experience might certainly hurt and be unpleasant - but I won't interpret it as being a mark against "who I am" at a fundamental level. It's not because I'm unlovable - it's just something that happened.
So, while those teen years certainly reveal our inner insecurities and wounds, I dont think they don't really "cause them" on a fundamental level. Rather they might stack new stories and new trauma on top of the old wounds (i.e., my girlfriend leaving me is MORE PROOF that I'm not good enough and that I'm unlovable - For that to be my interpretation, I need to have a core belief of unworthiness for that story to stick to)
@@andrewvanhoffwow wasn't expecting such an incredible reply! What you are doing is amazing
It's so hard to think of any specific moments in my childhood that caused it though, it's so hard to pinpoint that root cause to let go of - but I definitely have an anxious attachment style once I get close to someone. I'm struggling to let go or heal that inner child with no specific event, just the fact maybe my mum was overly coddling making me overdependent well into late childhood while my dad was just meh, didn't really give af and spanked for fairly minor things. they say that inconsistent parenting styles can cause that. Just not sure how to 'reparent' myself, and cannot tell if I'm making any progress.
That definitely makes sense though, grade 10 it massively compounded / layered onto that existing 'trauma'. I was always quite happy and laughing , lots of friends but never any deep relationships but then finally found a very close friend who I thought really got me - all the same tastes etc., wed hang out/chat all the time was amazing but then he cut me off all of a sudden almost without warning in a fkn text message because I was too clingy / needy, always getting triggered by unresponsiveness etc. and I was so confused and hurt.. that depression of never getting to be close to someone again lingered for over a decade now. At the time, I found self help, being present to the moment etc. It was like I found gold to finally crawl out of that hopeless depression but always used it in the context of 'getting him back'. After school I just stopped trying to form any close relationships all together, coping with massive amounts of weed and video games basically
I definitely need to go way deeper into this inner child healing. Do you have any specific books on the topic that would explain how to 'reparent' yourself or something? The one thing I'm doing now is intentionally triggering myself then being a compassionate internal witness instead of being the 'inner child abuser' I used to be
Sorry it took me so long to respond! RUclips doesn't notify me of secondary responses to comments by default, so I didn't see your response!
I would suggest the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson as a starting point!
Then, there's also something to be said for addressing the fundamental belief that we're flawed. You might have been perceived as needy and pushy from the other person's perspective. But it's incredibly important to remember - that's just his point of view. It's just something that happened. It's not ACTUALLY personal. Even though it can feel extremely personal. Because we're conditioned from early in our lives to take other people's views of us as gospel.
It's easy to get jaded when you feel like you were just open and didn't mean to do anything "wrong" and you suddenly feel shut out by the other person. People tend to close down and withdraw because they feel like they were punished for no reason - life doesn't make any sense. It's like a little kid who is happily singing and gets yelled at to be quiet.
The temptation is to never show that part of ourselves to anyone ever again because it's bad. We even start to hide it from ourselves. We associate fear with the things that used to make us feel excited and happy.
But the implicit belief in this entire process is that the other person was "right", and you did something "wrong". Which I would assert is simply not true. That's one of those assumptions that's born in those darn childhood wounds haha
My inner child is dead.
Incredible video 🫶
Does inner child healing help repressed anger ?
Absolutely! Inner work of all kinds is really about reintegration of the rejected parts of ourselves. For anger in particular there are a number of potential triggers, maybe you experienced abuse, maybe you felt like you had no control as a child, maybe you felt like nobody could meet your needs - and developed anger as a response. On the other hand maybe you felt unseen and unappreciated, but wanted to be seen as "good", so you people pleased and tried to be perfect, and in doing so you cut off the "ugly angry part" of yourself, and now when it bubbles up you don't know what to do.
These are just examples! There are tons of ways that these inner feelings, stories, beliefs and patterns form. The key is that by understanding the truth behind these feelings (they're not personal, you didn't chose them, they don't make you "bad", etc...) suddenly most of energy is taken out of the feeling.
The importance of doing the inner work is to see and realize within yourself what your patterns actually are. You might logically "know" these things, but they go out the window when you get triggered.
When you actually see within yourself the way the patterns control you, that's when you start to find freedom!
Can this help get rid of limereance /anxious attachment
In a sense, yes!
But the object is not to "get rid of" these parts of yourself. It's to understand them. The same inner insecurity manifests as anxious attachment AND the desire to rid oneself of anxious attachment.
The anxiously attached person learns about attachment styles and thinks oh, great, I finally understand what's wrong with me - I just need to fix it. In truth, that's the same thought process that causes anxious attachment in the first place. It's another layer of self rejection and trying to change yourself to please people.
So the key isn't in the "getting rid of" these things by force. It's in understanding the way they operate and seeing the truth behind them. Just like inner child healing is in seeing the truth behind the story and choosing the present over the past.