JENNIFER LAWRENCE, MEGAN FOX & THE COOL GIRL TROPE: Why Acting "Cool" Attracts Beta Males! | Shallon
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- JENNIFER LAWRENCE, MEGAN FOX & THE COOL GIRL TROPE: Why Acting "Cool" Attracts Beta Males! | Shallon
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"You're not like other girls" is not a compliment. Using stars like #JenniferLawrence, Cameron Diaz and Megan Fox as examples, I'm breaking down the cool girl trope made famous in Gone Girl, and tell you why its only attracts beta males! #shallon #shallonlester
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Got a love, dating or friendship question? You've come to the right place! I'm Shallon Lester, a two-time published author, NYC magazine editor and star of Howcast's viral kissing videos. I spill the tea on celebs like Kylie Jenner, the Kardashians, Beyonce, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, Hailey Baldwin, Rihanna and more, breaking down their relationships, scandals and psychology to see what lessons WE can learn, and give you no-nonsense advice and real-world tips on everything from dating apps and players, to family and friends!
I spent approximately 2 years, and 10 fuckbuddy relationships pretending to be the cool girl. That's a lot of unwanted blowjobs I gave, tv shows I watched when I wanted to go out, orgasm-less sex that I endured, many "I don't know how I feel"s. All to be perceived as the cool girl. I wanted a relationship, I can say that now, but I didn't realise it at the time.
I wasted my perky tit years on trashbag beta males. Things have been said to me and done to me that you would never have allowed Shallon.
I wanted to be seen as low maintenance, when in reality I'm halfway. I ONLY drink cocktails, I like dressing up, I like going to the cinema, I like going to concerts and eating expensive meals and dressing fashionable. I'm a vegetarian. But I also love camping, love the outdoors, love buying charity shop clothes, love playing games. More importantly, I want a relationship. I'm a unique blend and I won't be made to feel guilty for that xx
I feel this so much. I wasted so much time and energy as well! We will stand up for ourselves.
Never feel guilty for being who you are. I spent most of my twenties doing that.....but your 20s are for learning. You sound like my kind of gal!!! Strong and knows who she is and what she wants!!!
@@windsong8275 I was ditched for a cool girl too.
Could have written this myself! I feel you!
Yes sis. I totally understand
My daughter called me from college a few years ago and was telling me about this “new” kinda dating that was called “friends with benefits.” I immediately told her, “listen my dear, that.s just a new name for an old game from guys on campus that want to show up at your dorm room with a six-pack of beer, a pizza, and a video, and they expect to get laid..” I told her you do not fall for yet another way for men to belittle women.. If he wants a date, he can come by and pick you up and take you out, and treat you with some respect.”
Mine never even showed up with pizza. 😒
You’re such a good mom!
Where are the mothers out there?! THIS is what the girls need
@Alex Taylor The issue isn't that girls end up with high body counts (honestly, who cares) but that they're having unsatisfying sex! There's nothing liberating about giving every guy a blowjob and having none of them get you off.
I was always the girl with the steady boyfriend. I was having more sex AND enjoying it more, but I was always doing it with the same guy.
Women need to know that if a man isn’t willing to take you on a date to start with, do not waste your time. I’ve had so many friends try to start relationships by hooking up with a guy and hoping that one day he will take them on a date and guess what, IT NEVER HAPPENS.
And the crazy thing is.... they still end up cheating on the “cool girl”, because she didn’t present herself as a “challenge” to him. Men are so ridiculous.
They'll cheat on their dream girl too.
Can I tell you
This
Yes!!!
👏👏👏
You’re not high maintenance, some men are just low effort
This is very true. Only low effort guys complain about a "high maintenance" woman.
This is very well said
👏👏👏
Say it louder for the people in the back!
I hate the “cool girl” trope. It implies that being feminine is degrading
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
It's funny how women can be labelled as "too feminine", yet guys are never labelled as "too masculine"
I could not love this comment more.
As a gay man, it’s very interesting to learn about women’s experiences. The social pressure must be exhausting.
Indi jay it rocks and it sucks at the same time.
It definitely is
honestly its awesome being a girl
It can be exhausting....lol
@@hannahm9893 unless you have pelvic pain lol then you curse your womaness lol
And sometimes...it's guys wanting the traits/vibes of their bros packaged into a 9/10 'bangable' girl. We get it, you're in love with your homies.
HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
There’s this narrative men spin like a women can’t possibly be feminine, classy and want kids and marriage while also liking sports, is laid back and authentic. Like you can be both and not be the “cool girl”
Yeah! I had a mega beta boyfriend once who told me I couldn't even bring 1 gram of makeup with me to camping. That's when I knew he was a little bitch. I have a bf now who adores makeup, nail polish, and othet feminine behaviour.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Duchess Kate gives off the blended vibe, both relaxed, authentic, sporty and feminine.
I'm a 22 year old girl who got made fun at 19 for still being a virgin , I had both Male and female friends bt it was only my female friends who would make jokes about me calling me a prude they even taunted my boyfriend of 1 year saying do u really wanna be with a prude like that and all that , I'm glad I'm with a guy who respected my choice when I was 19 . Now we're 3 years into the relationship, helping each other grow, having bomb sex , and well settled in our life ........don't let anyone force you or disrespect you for your life Choices ladies you don't have to force yourself to look cool
I totally agree with you girl keep doing what you're doing and I hope you and your boyfriend are very happy together😊🙌 heck, I didn't lose my virginity until 1 month before I turned 24....lol
Wow your friends sucks...Maybe they were jelous you had a person who really cared for you.
@Olivia Doerr yes I'm sure it totally will be , no one else bt you will know when it's the right time. Focus on your goals boys can wait ;)
@@SunnySummer777 thanks :) and I'm glad to hear that u did what was right for you .
Nothing wrong with being a virgin.
This “cool girl” persona is what Amber from Love is Blind was trying to portray. “I’m not like other girls, I love to drink beer!” “I’m not like other girls, I can just hang with the boys.”
Omg yes!
Oh my gawd yes and she was so annoying.
@Waterbaby Oxox do you watch She-Ra 7 channel?
Omg I literally was gonna write this!! haha yes!
Sooo fucking true. That's exactly who was picturing when she was talking about this
'Having no standards is sooo sexy'' you hit it on the head Shallon. Immature men look for a dude in a hot woman's body bc they're scared of femininity. Love you!!!!!!
I had a man once tell me that he didn’t think he was good enough for me because of how I presented myself. I took his words, chuckled and said ok. Never once tried to change his mind and till this day he still chases me. I’m not low maintenance and am not apologetic about it 💁🏻
AMEEN GURLLL
VERY IMPORTANT rest of the quote from gone girl.
" Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version - maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)"
I think it represents the trope better, because otherwise both men and women just shit on women who like stereotypically male things.
We have a stereotype of having to look attractive,and if we don't wear make up or if we don't have nice shoes,or if we don't have different accessories,or if we don't do our hair,or if we don't have a diverse fashion sense,or if we don't act "proper" or feminine then we aren't a good enough women and people won't want to date us.Yet we have these "cool girl" labels that are not only trying to put us in even more singular catagorys,but are also contradicting previous catagorys that are already set in place.
@A Round Orifice in Nothingness Hey a boi who ghosts you is a boi who is a waste of your time and effort. People really will tell you who they are so believe them! I am telling you that building a full life without a man is the best piece of mind I ever gave myself. And yes, a great guy came along but he did not have to complete me. I was completed! I don't know, but I hope this helps.
@@ironsnowflake1076 Props to you!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 It's okay for us to fit in more then one catagory.We can be casual one day and completely dressed up the next day.We can rock neon colors,pastel colors,dark colors,and whatever else we want to pull off.We aren't going to be knocked down by other people trying to say that we "don't give any effort" that we "let our selves go" that we "Don't look like the person that would be wearing an outfit we just bought" that we are "too high maintenance".If you have a girlfriend who wants to apply a little make up,and some dainty jewelery to go on a morning jog,then she can.Preach.
@A Round Orifice in Nothingness They just hate to be called out. They're like "this is too much work" because you don't bend to their worldview. We're just collecting data on these men so we know exactly whether they are the type to bolt, or the ones who actually enjoy the fact we have our own opinions x
Phew this topic hits home. I’ve always embodied the “cool girl” Mostly in the “one of the guys”, casual, and low tempered aspect (despite being put in situations where i can be rightfully upset). And it has taken such a toll on me. I thought it would work in my favor, but what ive noticed is that despite men always telling me how “cool” and “great” i am, ive always lost men to “high maintenance” women. Another thing ive noticed is that these men will be a beta men to me, and an alpha to a “high maintenence” woman. One if my quarantined realizations is that I need to become a higher standard woman.
Wow.
At 37 I confirm,,, I was low maintenance, never asked or effort from a guy or made it hard,,, the high maintenance women got them.
Same
I've always been interested in more nerdy, intellectual type men. And with a very small exception, the second they start enjoying a conversation with me, they immediately stop treating me like a woman.
It has nothing to do with the kind of woman I am and everything to do with how men are sexually conditioned.
Same woman same I used to be I dependent in the army the cool girl and never could keep a man then I became high maintenance stoped working so much and took the guys for all the money I can and I literally have men falling all over to give it to me it’s sad I’m not even attractive I’m overweight now compared to how fit and toned I was back in the day
when I was in high school I tried being the “cool girl” and it resulted in one of my “guy friends” molesting me and when I told him to stop he said “ just go with the flow why are you trying to make a big deal out of this. Just enjoy it” never again! never again will I pretend to be chill and down for anything to just satisfy a man
so sorry that that happened to you....
I got molested during my cool girl phase too :( I feel you
Damn fuck him but also... you should have been allowed to act however tf u wanted. He was obviously mentally ill. Sorry that happened to u
I feel for you, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I'm so sorry :(
I know it was a really terrible experience but atleast you learnt a lesson.
I kind of went through the same thing.
“I don’t go with the flow, I am the flow.” 🙌🏼
I've come to the conclusion that some men basically want a man except with the requisite female parts.
👏👏👏
@@Rose-oo9gn so girls who arent as "feminine" and dont like makeup or like more "masculine" activities dont deserve a real man? smh
Welp, someone said it
“I don’t need you to give me the life that I want, I GIVE ME the life that I want” 👌🏽💯
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
I love this monologue. When I first heard it I realize it’s OK to not want to date someone who goes to strip clubs and plays videogames its ok to like wine over beer. guys aren’t pretending to be interested in fashion and make up just to make girls like them so why are we pretending to be somebody else for them?
Stef with an F exactly
That's the problem. You *pretend*
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
I disagree with the idea that men want “cool girls”. It maybe true for some men but in my experience men want the opposite. They want the feminine, delicate women. In my experience men drool when they see a done up girl, in short skirt, high heels, long lashes, nice hair etc. Some men may say they prefer a ‘natural’, chilled out girl but their head turns as soon as they see someone that’s hotter and usually the hot girls are ‘high maintanance’.
Baby Girl it’s because people (men and women) LIE TO THEMSELVES. This is why it is important to watch what people do and not just listen to what they say. The actions and words do not add up!
They just don't want their girlfriends to be in the bathroom for hours like preparing for a battle everytime they leave the house. And when they see a girl who's all done up they don't like the idea that if they see her next morning she'll look like a different person.
Baby girl, but that's the whole point of the video: you shouldn't have to be the *anything* girl. Yeah, some guy's prefer the girly girl (which is amplified when the girl in the movie gets a makeover), but who cares what they want it's all about authenticity and finding someone where you can be yourself.
Cool girls take great care of their appearance- while pretending that they don't.
But guys can look at a 300 dollar hair style and 500 dollar boots and think she's making less effort then the woman in mascara and heels- because they are easily fooled lol
Yeah ok but she said that it attracts Beta males
I’ve been waiting for this video for so long! Men basically want to date a hotter, female version of themselves who won’t talk back or challenge them in terms of intelligence and skills.
Every time I see one of those "not like other girls" posts that compares "other girls waste time doing their hair and makeup BUT I READ BOOKS" type of BS, my response to that is always "girl, you can do both."
You don't have to make one part of your interests suffer for the sake of the other. We are not one-dimensional. It adds character to like different things. You can be everything and anything you want, don't limit yourself to one category of things.
Rymyun omg I totally agree with you !!!🙌🏽🙌🏽 why can’t I/we be avid readers, business woman but still fashionable and “high-maintenance”?! As you said, we can be everything!!
Rymyun audible my dudes... multitask. read book and have great hair
👍🏻🙌
This is one of the things that bothers me the most about "cool girls": they usually disparage other women to feel better or to stand out. It looks like they are so desperate for attention of men, that they don't care about anything that involves another women. Here in my country every time a man does something wrong to a woman, the cool girl is the first to defend him even if he never would do the same for her. It makes me sick.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
You can tell the difference between and "cool girl" and a genuinely "chil"l girl because the "cool" one rarely ever has true female friends. Because she sees them as competition and thinks she's above them. A chill girl is who she is because that's what she likes and has no problem with other women being girly.
This is so true👏🏼👏🏼
Indie Cox yas!!
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Mila Kunis literally built her entire career by playing cool girls. The whole thing is so toxic
she's genuinely cool tho.
ummm i guess not her biggest role...jackie from that's 70s show
I’d say she’s played higher maintenance characters! She dumped her husband in Bad Moms for watching a cam girl and not trying to be cool. She became a single mom and did not care about pleasing some dip shit husband who wasn’t treating her right.
Yess! Her character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall comes to mind. In the movie she literally says “I’m not like other girls” 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Always hated the term “cool girl”. Just a way to put down girls who have a self respect and won’t accept shit from anyone.
That dog of yours is soooooo adorable!!!!!!!!!
Agreed!
Did you even watch the video
That’s a bad bitch not a cool girl
That’s not what that means but ok
The other thing with the "cool girl" is that she has to be super attractive. Gracie Hart in Miss Congeniality was a guy's girl and perceived as disgusting until she got her makeover. Laney in She's all that was only *IT* material until again, she had a makeover.
Yes! The cool girl NEEDS to have a skinny body and an ourglass figure, with a traditionally feminine face to complete the look. If she looks different from that stereotype, those seme guys who seem to loooove the cool girl, will bully and/or ignore her.
If she isn't extremely attractive, shes not a 'cool girl.' She's just a girl doing boyish things
I hated that movie for one reason: Benjamin bratt (I think that's his name)'s character....what a fucking douchebag....yick....and it was like the whole moral of the story was if you're pretty enough, you can get a guy like that to want you, and you can finally be a whole person....lmfao...what??
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
if we're truly being honest here, i feel like if you're not conventionally attractive, you're not even seen as a woman at all. You're just white noise.
The Take has a good video about the "cool girl" trope. It's a man fantasy. Every woman is different, and we are complex. It's ok to be girly girl, or a tomboy, or a mix of both, or neither. Women should be what they want to be.
Andrea Camp great video
I think the “cool girl” is a term that’s only reached when you stopped playing it cool. When you know who you are, and you own it, it’s really “cool” and you’re the cool girl. Ladies, you know what Madonna said once; people don’t get what they want; because they don’t say what what they really want. Don’t be afraid to be demanding. Say whatever the hell you want. Express yourself:) be true to your essence. Fuck the idea of whatever girl. At the end of the day, you know , it’s the coolest thing to do. And you are the cool girl.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Say whatever you wants but I sense the fakeness in Jennifer Lawrence from mile away
Pretty Girl SAMEEEE!!!
I think she used to be actually chill and funny..but I think she listens to the comments and it gets to her head. Both good and bad ones. It's almost she tries too hard to fit into people's narrative of her.
Excuse me please I think she became a polarizing version of herself and I don’t blame her. Sometimes that happens when you feel like people are constantly expect you to be quirky. I’ve been there
She was fake from day 1. Crass, classless, rude and arrogant. Now that her Harvey is in prison, she hid under her rock. Only kids should fall for her shtick but alas, people get dumber by the minute.
Jacqueline Ess that was the first thing I thought when all the Weinstein scandal exploded. She just disappeared! And when winning oscars, all thank you Harvey, I don’t know who did you kill for this but thank you thank you thank you
"It's fine he missed out anniversary! All I really wanted was to hear him fart!" LOL LOVE you Shallon! XD I fell over laughing!
A week ago a guy told me that I’m not feminine because I’m tall (1.77 cm). Now, I’m 29 yo, I know that I’m a fancy, girly, glam-loving woman and that being tall doesn’t cancel out or take away my femininity. But if that would have happened to me five years ago, it would probably make me cry. He’s probably very insecure about his manhood to the point where seeing a woman taller than him is a threat. Any his problems definitely don’t reflect on me. The point is that many times man will try to belittle us to make themselves feel bigger. When we don’t laugh at misogynistic jokes we’re “heavy”. When we don’t drink or smoke we’re “not fun”.
We don’t owe a thing to anyone! And we don’t need to fake anything to make them feel cool or manly. I wish that they would put those confining labels aside and just let us exist the way we are.
1.77 cm is pretty short actually.
Rob Duper LOL I’m 2 cm taller than the average height for men in my country. And I’m about 10-15 cm taller than most of my female friends
Girls, just please do not be in a relationship, just because you dont´t want to be ALONE. You are NOT ALONE, you have YOUR BRAIN.
As an "authentic cool girl", I've mainly attracted ' cheap guys", who go for a low maintenance girl because they are stingy. They like camping because it's cheap, they like the fact you don't spend much. When I saw the ten dollars engagement ring, from a man who had a proper job, I realised that I was in fact the " Cheap girl" In his eyes.
Cool girl means having no standards. I pity them.
I think Katy Perry was like that when she was younger at the start of her music career...wow,she came a long way and became her best version and she's got a better man...it's inspiring(Good for her btw).
Yes her whole album One of the Boys.. love that album 💕
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
My boyfriend is looking at me while I watch this video 😂😂
He looks concerned
Make that fucker sweat!!
@@TheCc064 😂😂
AUTHENTICITY ALL THE WAY! I spend many years attempting to fit into one lane/box of femininity- now I am actively learning to play & blend as I choose. I am a powerlifting, bachata dancing, adventure guide, lipstick wearing, Brazilian jujitsu practicing, jazz singing, flirtatious, public speaking, mermaiding, sober, part-time-living-in-a-van-down-by-the-river, cooking, sparkling, neuromuscular massage therapist... Men love me & boys have no idea how to process! It has often been a hell of a challenge exploring & developing myself to this stage in a world that loves to tropify woman 😎
To me, Jennifer Lawrence is obnoxious and always wanting to be the center of attention.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
For me, the cringest "cool girl" misconception is Beverly from the movie IT. I find disturbing that the character was created to be perfectly fine to be DTF with all her friends from the Losers Club... Literally, all of them according to the book and def not shown in any of the films (TG). So it reinforces the idea of the perfect active girl that won't say NO in order to not make any of her male peers feel uncomfortable or rejected... #disgusting 🤢🤮
I am actually reading the book right now. So true, she was "not like the other girls" and all of the boys liked her, lol.
In the movies she's not the cool girls.
@@fawnedover I think that's because she's deeply traumatised, as we can see from the choices she made later on. Deep down she believes she has to pay for the affection and protection she receives from the boys with sexual/emotional gratification of their own feelings. To be fair, she is willing to be sexual with the boys, she appreciates the attention she receives from them, something that is very different from the situation with her father. She's not a cool girl, she is a deeply traumatised person who happens to be a tomboy not by choice, but as a coping mechanism to avoid her father's eyes on her.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
My experience with this: I study at a nerdy tech university in Zurich and most people around the campus look like nerds. I realized that if I want to be taken seriously, especially as a women, I need to stop wearing my wedges, skirts or earrings. I feel it all the time, that most people ask themselves how I even got into the program etc. So I stoped being that feminine/girly one. (I still am in comparison..)Sometimes my more feminine site peaks through, especially when passed the hard exams, but still I feel insecure being who I am around 70% guys. It really is true that most beta males (also women) will judge and doubt your intelligence and interests. Like they can’t wrap their heads around that I (women) am more than just a girl. And like you said, I can like many thinks. Yes, I like maths and physics and being nerdy. But I also like beautiful shoes and flowers and earrings and lipstick and literature. I never understood why it’s so weird to accept that people are more dimensional. Anyway, love all of your videos. Edit: I need to say that I’ve never had any trouble. I can just feel the vibes I get. Also, „you wouldn’t think of what others thought of you if you knew how seldom they did.“ Maybe it’s also society telling me I as a women don’t belong there in a big picture kind of way. Feelings like this are really complicated and deeply rooted on our life long experiences. My family always encouraged me, but there is so much more than that I think. Anyway thanks all and we can do this!
And I think it's super important that you stay true to yourself because it could be a lesson to all of them. Prove whatever sexist stereo type they have in their head wrong. Xx
Never ever compete with men. Be your true accomplished feminine self. I also work in a field that is male dominated but I never leave my femininity behind. I am serious when I have to but warm and welcoming. People appreciate that in a work environment and men/colleagues love a feminine woman. Be you.
Fosna yes, exactly. Maybe it’s a problem with myself but I feel insecure even if I know that I belong at this uni.
Rose Rivera, you know what? Go on read those damn books and look great while doing it. Like Shallon said. Most are putting us in boxes. This is their problem. We are so much more than how we look, but some (men and women in my experience) cannot conceptualize this. We can!
Aoife Gaughan, thanks so much! Yes, I am working on not believing them and proving them wrong. Xx!
My daughter got picked on all through elementary & middle school for being “too girly”!! By guys but mostly other girls..sad how much internal misogyny we carry..
Madison Beer is the perfect example of a "cool girl" poor baby even wrote a song about it.
Her music is unbearable
What song is that?
which song is it?
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Ruth Sanchez selfish
I love camping, and I also love skincare and styling my hair. I love hanging out doing "dude stuff", and I also love shopping and makeup. I love shooting guns and rock climbing, but I HATE beer/alcohol. I enjoy soccer (I've been a soccer referee for 8 years), but I hate basically every other sport. I am high-maintenance, and my eyebrows and nails are always perfect. I dumped the guy who *did* try to change me after 2 weeks.
It makes my blood boil when guys insist that you can ONLY do one or the other, preferably the one that benefits them. Thank you as always for bringing a topic like this to everyone's attention ❤
I'm glad younger women are learning this. I'm in my early 30s and I'm seeing that folks in their 20s have been duped by this trope. Now I understand why men in their 30s&40s want 20s girls. They've been sold the okie doke.
High maintenance, high reward 👑
Chidella I wish I knew this but now I do and will be doing high maintenance for now.
I knew a girl like this my senior year of high school. She was my boyfriend’s at the time “best friend.” She was an art student and played video games. The opposite of me. I like fashion, makeup, and tv shows. She always hung around my ex and my ex would say I’m “jealous”of her. Was I? I sure was but in secret. It seemed like he payed more attention to her than to me even though I was his gf. I found myself wanting to be like her. I was obsessed. She had a 23 year old boyfriend even though she was only 17 but still flirted with my boyfriend any chance she got- even in front of me. But she didn’t flirt in the classic way we all see in movies, she flirted in her own “I’m just one of the guys” kinda way. That was her thing. She always called herself “one of the boys.” After things with my boyfriend didn’t work out (he did end up admitting to cheating on me at a party) he asked her to senior prom and they went together. Her 23 year old boyfriend was okay with it I guess. From what I heard my ex grinded with her at prom. I was disgusted. It’s something I always think about to this day when I hear about someone being the “cool” girl.
Noooooooope GOSH he sucks! How have you managed to cope with this situation? Just know that one day she end up probably on drugs or with a guy that doesn’t love her to be with her long enough if this is her behavior. You win you not with that asshole
Adrianna I forgot to add this but during that time I heard her say that she did crack with her boyfriend
Adrianna I just moved on from it. Senior year was pretty much over after prom. I distanced myself from everyone who was fake and started beginning my life after high school.
Sorry fuck her their desperate
That shit is brutal girl, you didn't loose much
“I don’t go with the flow, I am the flow.”
I know men who tell you the story of their life. When it comes to the women they "loved", it sounds like they're talking about a character rather than a whole person. I got so tired of the way a friend described a former girlfriend that it took him decades to get over. I finally asked him what he thought things looked like from HER point-of-view.
Cue several seconds of stunned silence. He'd never considered it.
He betrayed his friend who was married to her, by seducing her when the marriage started falling apart. He became her boyfriend after they divorced. He ended up being bitterly sorry he betrayed his friend, which is emotional growth.
BUT! All his regret is about his friend. He describes HER merely as a beautiful object the devil used to knock him off his horse. I'm like, dude, I'm pretty sure she had hopes and dreams, and none of them included being reduced to being the "Devil's Prop".
I’m supper chill, I love camping, I love hiking, I love cars and guns, I sew my own clothing and I never do my nails, however, I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, I’m a lawyer, my family is, fortunately, very wealthy, I travel a lot and speak many languages, so I find that actually man are surprised at how “low maintenance” I am. But, no matter what I like or how I dress, I still hear from man that “I can never give you the life you want”, not because I’m high maintenance, but because I have high standards, from both myself and other people.
What I have found however is that women who pretend to be the cool girl are actually supper competitive with other women, so much so that I barely have any girl friends, most of my girl friends are supper girly, high maintenance girls who are supper supportive of who I am and of my dreams, while “cool girls” are so insecure they consider other girls to be their competition and not their allies.
Ana Goldstein you really put it into words perfectly. I have 100% agree!
That's true... I also experience the same thing. From what I went through, I found that the so-called cool girls are rather men-hungry compared to the feminine, girly girls. The cool girls always told me what men think, what they like, how to fish them and they also always nit-pick on my feminine likes. I don't experience this EVER with the feminine girls counterpart. The feminine girls are feminine, of course but there is an air of modesty and liberation when I mingle with them. The feminine ones look after themselves and fellow girls but don't always pry on men like the 'cool girls' .
This reminds me of how to lose a guy in ten days. She won the guy by being the “cool girl” but tried to lose him by not being the cool girl. Then at the end of the movie she ends up being the cool girl after all and the couple ends up happily ever after
In my opinion, there's only one truly dangerous belief that family systems (not singular families, but the system as a whole) have created and media have spread: that women must be pleasers.
Yes! This really resonates with the "pick me" trend on TikTok at the moment!
Meabh O'Shea yes, same thing essentially
Exactly - I prefer to stay single my whole life than to be a pick me. A lot of pick me stay with a man just to say they have a man 🤢🙄
"We aren't just one thing!!"
Couldnt agree more. Love you Shallon. You have such a way with words and are so insightful. I may not agree with every single thing you say but I can appreciate and admire a smart, spirited woman when I see one. You have so much personality and are so vibrant.
omg its been a minute and 38 comments. Shallon I'm really excited to see how you've responded to all the negativity. I can feel a shift in your videos and I really appreciate that. We haven't lost the reason we're here in the first place, but things are a little more on track with growth and OUR experience right? I hope that makes sense.
it makes perfect sense. we're women who put on the work to be better, we need content for growth and self-actualization
That chick amber from love is blind wouldn’t shut up about her being the cool girl 🙄
Yes!!
dani b I always thought she was playing a part
Shes a clown....absolute nightmare!!....
Yes! Shallon needs to make a video on her and Barnett(or whatever his name is), I don't think their relationship is healthy at all.
Yes...my whole life I've been more "chill" (I hate beer and cigarettes) but I don't use that much makeup, dress really normal, I play electric guitar in a rock band, etc a lot of my friends in high school were boys and stuff like that. Guys have done 2 things to me: 1) they friendzone me or 2) they don't treat me like a girl just because I look "chill", so they don't make the effort to take me on real dates, they just want to "hang out", talk about other girls to me, they just want it the easy way because the "other girls are so hard to please" and shit like that. I wish they could just treat me normal and not like one of the dudes, I am who I am but I want a real man!
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
I feel you. I was that girl in high school. And the worst part is that girls around start to treat you differently. It was me, like the real me, but I still was treated as if I was acting.
Mila kunis in friends with benefits embodies that for me. I spent so much of my life trying to be the cool girl to make guys like me. I was never the pretty one or the fun one, so I just shrinked and dumbed myself down in the hopes I would be the friend they wanna chill with and will somehow fall in love with. Now at the age of 31 I'm like, why?! Embarrassing
That movie legit set my own personal growth back a decade, I'm not even kidding. I really felt like I HAD to be just like her, ditto with Samantha from SATC.
Do not talk about Mila Kunis unless you have seen every episode of That 70s show.
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
@@anuyahawah3056 errr what?
@@sabrinac8453 I didn't say she was?
I get this a lot. I'm pretty girly when I leave the house, I'm a former ballerina, I competed in pageants, Iattended a huge southern football university so I know football, I'm a nerd, I workout, I do drink beer periodically, I watch sports, love music, and I'm laid back. I recently had to dismiss someone because yes he assumed that all of that meant I had no standards sexually. He assumed i was dtf after I vehemently objected to sex. I didn't want to sleep with him. I didn't know him. We had met only one time before he was trying to rip my clothes off. I left and I'm not interested. He only thought to ask me to dinner after I didn't want to sleep with him. He claims I needed to prove my intention to him but buddy its obvious your intention is to be disrespectful. So I declined.
If they want a "cool" person, they can go date their buddy ;)
I'm not alive to live to a man's fantasy, I'm not a toy on a shelf. I actually live for myself. If that means not getting a man, I'm fine with that. What an amazing video, Shallon!
Well said!
Amber from Love is Blind is the embodiment of “Cool Girl”
YEP, and what was amber also: DESPERATE. Financially, emotionally, physically she couldn't even stop pawing at him. The cool girl and the desperation walk hand in hand...
When I was younger, I stopped celebrating my birthday because the guy I was with didn't like celebrating birthdays and always forgot mine. So this way I was 'cool' in his books because I never called him out on not taking me out or getting me any gifts...or even texted me happy birthday (ik the bar was real low lol) Trying to be what he wanted was not worth it.
I walk in the light of my truth now and I've come a long way. I live authentically to me and it's great!
Love your videos Shallon, you've helped me through some tough times. ❤️❤️
Elle Felize sounds like my ex husband. No birthday or Christmas presents and I couldn’t complain because that was materialistic. Note he’s my ex husband.
I can totally attest to what Shallon is saying. I finally found someone I am authentic with, and I never realized until now, how miserable it was dating people I felt like I had to be the “cool girl” with. Like Shallon said, I remember many of them saying “it’s not my fault you wore heels” 🙄 Deff some good advice in this video 😍
I could listen to this all day. You nail the subject and its causes. When I was younger I made some unconcious (because the patriaechy often works in invisible ways) attempts to appear more "down with the guys" than I was (I still consider myself chill, though. But dressing casually doesn't make me have less interests, standards and dimentions). Anyway, fortunately, I don't think I was perceived differently by the boys I dated, probably because we were teens and we were all kinda chill. Still, the goal image I had for myself was something like the cool girl, meaning continuing to be chill but also making an effort with my appearence so that I'd seem "effortlessly beautiful". I am done with this now (mostly, I am still working on myself as we all girls in the comments do)
-The Take (youtube channel) also has an amazing and very informative video essay about this trope, and as a channel run by two boss women, I support it without a second thought
Yes we do need to talk about how to get treated like a princess! I’m a very chill girl. My mother and sister were CHAOTIC and I was raised by my single dad who brought me everywhere with him. I’m a professional boxer who loves a good cigar and has excellent taste in scotch. I don’t get fussy about much, and ex’s have walked all over me. I might not demand the world, but I do deserve it - and I’m not accepting any less.
There is an amazing video by "The Take" explaining the cool girl trope !
thepaulacooper is that a you tuber?
I'm a down to earth feminine woman, and a few years ago, i really really liked this guy. I hung out with him a few times, and his friends were always around drinking beer, burping, and saying raunchy things. It was getting irritating and one night, push came to shove when one of his friends was joking with me in a grotesque way in front of everyone and I got embarrassed. My crush did not stand up for me (why did I think he would though)and I knew I was in the wrong circle. Just because I sometimes enjoy being in the company of men, does not mean I'm here to be your "bro" and chug back beer (I don't like beer, either). If you want to do that, go ahead, but it seems difficult to find classy men who don't tell dick jokes. I miss being treated like a lady, and I think modern day "men" assume you can treat a lady like your "bro", and if you're unapproachable, you're a "bitch".
I have a personality somewhat fitting into the “cool girl” Im really a chill person, I love video games(that’s what growing up with tons of boy cousins does to you) and I love living life in a way that’s exciting and adventurous, however men around me saw that as having no boundaries and being the girl who’s not gonna say anything when they do shit which is far from my truth, what I did to fix this was to share more of my feminine sides like how I love cooking, how I love shopping...my point is it’s important to pay attention on what you share about yourself and be really careful on it other than just being it, saves you a lot of headaches
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷
Yas! Cool girls describe high-maintenance girl as being desperate, while in fact, it's them acting even more desperate to be liked by males. Same stuff, but while wearing Converse, not Laboutins.
Жанна Мелентьева lmao 😂 so true. I am cool girl 😎 and their isn’t nothing wrong with being high maintenance. I wish I was earlier but now I know.
'Gone Girl' is the only version of the bible I'll accept.
I'm a man...
...but same! 😅
grand theft ana girl your going straight to hell
Why do I feel like Hailey Bieber is a "cool girl" version of you. 🤔
The antiquated change of surname after marriage just gives the "coolness" away.
In one of her interviews on one of the Jimmy's, she demonstrated how she can literally open beer bottles with her bare teeth. I don't know any other Insta model that cavalier with her moneymaker.
And she has that effortlessly gorgeous thing down too.
And for all the shit she silently takes from Justin, you can't help but wish she were a little less "cool" for her own good.☹️
I remember when she did that I was like HAILEY NO NOT YOUR TEETH! Yeah I think she's really trying so hard to be understanding and cool for Justin and I don't get the vibe that he morphs himself in the same way for her :/
@@shallonlester
U replied!! 😍😍😍
U made my day 🤗
One day- hopefully not too many years from now, she will tire of
playing mommy and cool girl to Bieber. She is so young still, she is hardly an adult. You just wait. The same thing happened to my sister who was married at 20, a mom at 21. One day in her 30's she'd had enough of her narcissistic, alcoholic, beta, fat husband and divorced him out of nowhere. We had no idea she was so unhappy because she'd been trying to play the happy, cool wife role for sooo long.
There was no pre nup with the Bieber marriage- so if Justin divorces her or something happens to him, Hailey gets everything. This is a common scam, Manuela Tesalioni did it with Prince and got and continues to get a ton of money from Princes estate.
In college I tried to be the cool girl for a certain HURT LOCKER and let me tell you, it was exhausting..and he cheated on me ANYWAY. Authenticity and your best version of self is always the way to go! Thanks queen, you nailed it again!
Yepppppp been there too! There's SUCH a correlation between being the ~cool girl~ and a hurtlocker obsession. We are so resentful of our own inauthenticity that we HAVE to "get" the guy to justify how we've twisted ourself into something we don't recognize or respect.
@@shallonlester EXACTLY!! Ironically, he wanted me exclusively down the road when I embraced my independence and didnt want him anymore.. so silly
I've been concentrating on studying in this last 3 weeks and girl, this is the first thing I'm doing bc I was missing u very much.
The feels when Shallon drops not one, or two but three videos in three days (replenished)!
This is a great topic and was recently covered by The Take, a channel focusing on film / character analysis.
What you said about gay men preening themselves is true, though it definitely reserved for the more feminine / image conscious.
Grateful for your insights as always, love your acerbic wit and delivery 😄
First !!!! Just wanted to say that I've been learning so much with you this quarantine. I wish I knew all of those things in the past , it would keep away from so much suffering... Love you ❤️
I would love to see a video about your fave books, movies, tv shows, and podcasts, Shallon! You have great taste
I actually had a problem with this also because i actually like the “cool girl” stuff, i have many guy friends but i am also feminine, and some guys saw me as a one dimensional being thats from their dreams and when they actually saw i have a personality and that i have emotions and that i am like any other girl they ran away
Good riddance. Kudos for being you ❤️
Same
This is me, literally.
too many fake women but how can I blame them we were all the "cool" girl at one point at our lives
So true we all Been there lmfao
Go with the flow just drifts you further away from your standateds and worth. Going with the flow can leave you deserted in the middle of nowhere. Fight for your right to have standards
I feel like i used to represent myself as the "cool girl" even though deep down to my core I'm very girly high maintenance. I attracted many many guys. and i finally fell in love with one of those guys and i got married. and i feel like i fucked myself. we recently had our first anniversary and i bought a gift (very expensive), balloons ect and i didn't even get a lousy text. I have no one to blame other than myself because "I'm a cool girl". I just wish i would have been myself from day one. A lesson learned. awesome video shallon.
Until I met my husband, I was always trying to hold onto unhealthy relationships by bring the cool girl.....what a waste of time, and energy.....I finally was able to admit I like pink and rom coms and my husband thinks I am perfect for him anyway!!! We will be married 10 years on Friday and still in love and actually like each other. Honesty goes far in a relationship. Be yourself and it will get you your partner of your dreams!!!
I fit into the “cool girl” trope for a very long time. In high school I was the only girl in drum line, hung out mostly with guys and the nerds playing Magic, etc. I played call of duty with my drum line friends on the weekends, but I loved it. I sucked, but I just liked having a good time. They’re still my best friends to this day. Sure I’ll go meet them for beers at goat hill, but I’m gonna spend two hours getting ready to go there while they tell me to hurry up!
When I started college I realized how much I liked shopping, and putting on makeup, learning how to style myself, and drinking girly drinks and watching girly movies. But, I had to be the cool girl for my (piece of shit bitch ass) boyfriend at the time. His “best friend” was a cool girl who was basically his clone but as a lanky girl with boobs. I thought I had to be like her, because he paid more attention to her than he did to me. Turns out when we broke up he cheated on me with her 😁😁😁 jokes on her, she let him walk all over her. All. Over. Her. And now I’m on my 4th year of my PhD 🤷🏻♀️ Ladies, if you feel like you need to be smaller for a guy to like you, ask yourself what HE is bringing to the table! It’s most likely nothing. Why should you have to change your fundamental being for someone who offers you nothing? Much love from a fellow OC gyal, Shallon!
This explains the entire MGTOW movement. The first time I heard one of them whining, all I could think was 'what a bunch of betas.'
lol I know, and I almost choked when I realized the acronym was "men going their own way" like THAT is what you betas came up with?? Bro just...go your own way...no one is chasing you 😂
Christopher Brown news flash. No one has to get married! If you chose to get married, then that’s your choice . No one forcing you. I refuse to feel bad for them choosing to do something.
Omg yaaasss PLEASE do a video on how to be treated like a princess. My mum and I were discussing feminine wiles the other day, but I don't understand how to use them/what they could be.
Find your videos tres empowering 💃🏼💃🏼
Gone Girl is definally the revenge of the cool girl
@Andrew Smith until she goes back, isn't it still a revenge?
@@mfjulianna How is it a revenge when it all comes down crashing on her and she's tied up to him yet again?
The thing about the 'cool girl' is that she doesn't exist in real life. Sure, people can mimic that facade but the root of the cool girl is that she is effortless with no problems or baggage. It should also be mentioned that the one feature she must have is being 'hot.' This idea shames other females for their 'girlie-ness'. As a woman who grew up with more guy friends and into more boyish activities, I find it really a disgusting trope. I hate how my gender matters for certain activities, like being called a 'gamer girl' if I want to play video games. Just let me do what I want without your input.
My whole life I've been called "the cool girl" and I HATED IT!!! First of all, because I never understood it (I don't see myself as 'cool') and it made me insecure about stepping more into my feminine because I didn't want friends to say I "changed", but now i am stepping more into my feminine while remaining true to all the cool things I like (hiphop, sports, sneakers, etc.) but I'm leading with being a feminine woman (makeup, style of dress, heels!) first as to not define me as the "cool girl".
Omg, it sucked. I have been friend-zoned my whole life because of it I feel like, and now that I am feminine, guys - when they actually take time get to know me - think I am "cool" because they get a feminine counterpart who also enjoys the things that they enjoy. I have always been a "princess" in my house (daddy's girl who treated me how I should be treated but also influenced my love for hiphop + sports), so now I am remaining balanced in that and I am loving the result. I AM HIGH MAINTENANCE AND THAT IS OKAY! Dad taught me to never expect anything less.
why are men so OBSESSED with the rebellious woman/girl or the femme fatale?? a video on this please!!
I genuinely believe the only reasons why a man treats you with respect and doesn't run if you're not that cool girl is if he has a crush on you or if you're particularly attractive to him that he sees you as a conquest. Feelings and desire alone keep him in check.
It wasn't until I became a full-fledged adult that I became way more insulted than flattered when dudes pulled the "you're not like other girls" card! When I was younger and wanted that, it was all an act, then I'd get all smug like "yeah, I'm totally cool" even though I had just been crying over spilled nail polish 3 hours earlier lol. Then, as a *woman* having had her heart broken so many times, it just felt offensive. Wtf is wrong with being... a girl? _I'm not trying to be like anyone else. And who I happen to be IS a girl._ Now I see right through that manipulative bullshit. And girls who continue to fall for it make me so sad.
Omg girl this was such an awesome video. When I was like 22 I read Gone Girl for the first time and when I read that passage about "cool girl" I was like omg this is me. Im 28 now, but from 17 to like 23 I was cool girl. My ex was the exact kinda fuck boy who made me feel I needed to be that girl to please him. Reading that passage in that book honestly changed my life and I stopped being cool girl. Like it slapped me in the face reading that page lol. Thanks for another great talk 💜
You go Shallon! The last time I went to hostel, I saw a rat in the kitchen. You make me feel good about getting my nails done, staying in a nice hotel, buying hair extensions, and dead lifting 320 lbs in the gym. I can be an incredibly strong 💪 woman while being a high maintenance. Love you Shallon! You really made me feel good about being me! You are very likeable, and I feel like you would be the best friend the world. Who cares about haters.
billie eilish is the epitome of this.
FINALLY someone said it!
I don't think she is at all. She doesn't even date (at least publicly). I've never gotten the impression that she's forcing her personality or style to please men. That's what the difference is.
How?
PHH I only love this comment because I’m jealous of her :) thanks lol
I would like for Shallon to elaborate on how she doesn’t go with the flow and accomplishes things.
Sometimes I feel I should be single forever. I can’t keep a man and will never fight to keep one. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a ”cool girl.” My experience is we get treated like ”friends.” I have to tell them I like flowers and romance. Which in essence takes the romance of it all out of the situation. So I pretend to be more girly. Let me tell you that shit is exhausting! The time and effort definitely makes me more bitchy 😂 I expect to be swept off of my dam pedicured toes.
What suck is that if you do have some or many of the "cool girl" traits you sometimes find guys that like you for that instead of you and it hurts. I might like serving the guy I'm with and be chill and "cool" but I'm also an autonomous person living my own life. Pretentious guys are the ones who have this shrinking mentality.
Exactly. I feel like when I tell guys I like cars and video games, I instantly become an "attractive person" to them. If I never told them that, I don't even think I'd have any guy friends. The hot girls without any particular skills or interests always have guy friends, though. Sometimes I even question myself whether I genuinely really like those two things or just like it cuz of the attention, even though I was interested in them since I was 7 years old. I'm thinking of just never telling them that so that they would see me as a person as a whole
Guys at College shame me for being feminine. A guy asked me why i drink coconut water and i told him it’s Good for my Skin, After that he Hated me 😂😂😂 i have to Tone down the way i dress soso much in College, all my Peers dress like Men
Keep doing you, and fuck what people say. I relate to your problem so much and people always point out why I'm groomed. I like taking care of myself but it's tiring too to explain that I do what I love for myself and not to impress them.
It's better to do what makes you happy for yourself than impressing others for losing our sense of peace
Wow
Honestly Shallon this is a good video!! I hated what you said about mental illness, but it seems you got the memo and are now back on track making great content again! I'm glad I decided to check you out again bc a lot of your content is helpful and entertaining too. This cool girl thing has been annoying me forever. It seems "not being like other girls" is a compliment and I find it annoying af that it is, bc it implies that the average girl is unacceptable. Keep up the good content!
Huh. Never met a gal like that: & to quote Austen: 'she must be a fearsome thing to behold' lol
Using that quote in this context is absolutely classy! I agree 100%
I feel the point is to be yourself. Ijs🍷