And also it bugs me how a woman only is “strong” when they’re more masculine- like when they are loud, sexual, defiant and physically strong. Why can’t I be soft and feminine and still be a badass?
So pretty much Sailor Moon? The whole gender of maho shoujo to be precise. ruclips.net/video/cVC2Mv3R9_Q/видео.html a peek to Sailor Moon for those who don't know what it is. My personal favorite ruclips.net/video/bM6Z9mGMNL8/видео.html you can tell how feminine and delicate the character is, and at the same time, she is pretty strong. If anything, I own not having a "not like other girls" phase, at the fact that I was raised by Sakura Card Captor and Sailor moon, I had and still have issued with femininity as a whole, but well, I learned since a very young age, femininity it is something you should look down onto. They will sometimes resolve the day by drilling a whole in the villain's head in the most graceful way, or they will find empathy with in them and talk it out, who know? That's the appeal of this gender.
There is a label placed on every “type” of girl. Girly girl, VSCO girl, bruh girl, like what... like what if I’m just a girl who likes what I like. thank you for making this video. It can be so exhausting trying to be what ever you think other people would want you to be.
That’s the issue right there society has placed labels on everything and anything teenagers or girls in general are interested in and that’s why we can never enjoy being a girl because of the pressure women have in this downright awful society
@@lilac4795 society just hates the fact that they cant control what teenage girls like/or are interested in so they shame us for it in any way possible
Exactly. I am someone who likes to dress in baggy clothes and pants (I rarely ever wear dresses or skirts) and not the most feminine but I love soft toys and love collecting cute things. Sometimes idgaf about life and gloomy af and violent while sometimes I'm there preaching about enjoying life and being kind. Sometimes I feel like being one thing while the other day I feel like being another. Women are not just one "type". I know people who try their best to maintain their "type" by not doing things that they actually want to do just so they can fit in and be likeable by others who label them and this is just so sad
A lot of women in this thread are sharing about how they felt happier and more authentic when they embraced femininity, and that's great for them! But it's also important to recognize that not every woman is going to be more comfortable behaving or presenting feminine. For every woman that feels freed by being able to embrace femininity, there's another who still prefers to be masculine, and that's okay too! If you're masculine, it doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to be a "cool girl", it could just be the way you are and you shouldn't let this thread discourage you from being you. Everyone has different experiences. Edit: This also applies to trans and nonbinary people, and anyone else who feels social pressure to perform femininity. Be whatever is authentic to you, and support that for the people around you too.
Yess!!! Exactly! And i think its also needed to say that even though men make fun of feminine things or women being feminine or embodying feminine energy. They love it when you LOOK feminine. Ive seen girls who dont have feminine features or look masculine and if they like masculine things, they get treated harshly than girls who look feminine who likes masculine things. It boils down to how attractive you are to society and men for you to get away with anything.
Thank you! I’m genderfluid AFAB and I’m always worried that I seem like I’m trying to be a ‘cool girl’, I really appreciate what you just said. (Ik it wasn’t really about that, but it still made me feel valid) (Oh god this is gonna be awkward if you don’t support this stuff-)
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 It's funny how women overgeneralize things. No, men want human beings not sexdolls. If we wanted a sexdoll we would buy one.
What I also hate is when these kinds of subjects are talked about and how "cool girls" are really just victims of internalized mysogyny, I am succumbed to comments like "well I was never like that" which is just shaming already insecure girls for "letting men/media brainwash them". Like what, you want a medal?
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 I think no one is an exception to having internalized misogyny and feminine girls judging non feminine girls definitely got it too, they're just expressing it differently.
I went through this phase because I had some friends that would look down on feminine women and I just took that on board. Looking back, we were kind of mean. But I didn't know it.
Same here. But once I realized that it was stupid and went my own way they started picking on me. At least one of the other girls (who was a tomboy) still took my side
Also I want to add to what you said, dressing more typically masculine all the time is fine aswell as long as you know that you're not doing it for others.
i feel borderline dysphoric in feminine clothing (i'm not trans or anything i just don't feel comfortable being feminine at all) that's just my gender expression but i'm doing it for nobody but myself. if anything part of what i like about the way i dress is that it takes men's eyes off me. i don't want to be superficially attractive to them. (though of course that's not the sole reason at all.) as long as you're being authentic to yourself, you're doing it right. there is no other right or wrong way to dress. edit: okay soo as it turns out i am trans LMAOo
people need to stop asserting this gender-segregated view of the world. I don't think it's masculine to be tough or girly to be empathetic. Men wore makeup and were very concerned with fashion for most of human history. High heels were originally worn by men as well. What it means to "act feminine" is extremely subjective, not to mention the fact it's a construct to begin with. We're all just individuals. When I drink craft beer it's not a fucking statement. I just like it.
agreed... 'masculine' and 'feminine' behaviors exist within a person (girl or boy)... it's because of such segregation that gender has become so polarized and problematic.
Men didn't wear makeup at anywhere near the rates as women throughout human history. In recent western history you'd have to go back to dandys and aristocrats of the 1700's to find it widespread, then there's next to no male makeup wearing on a widespread level throughout the times before that dating back to early colonial, through Medieval right back through the dark ages. So not much makeup unless you get back to ancient times - and even then, makeup was largely used in ceremony by men rather than every day life in most ages, at least in the Roman and greek influenced world - where makeup was looked down on when used by men (much as today). Men have always had their own fashions clothes wise and still do no one is trying to say otherwise lol. You shouldn't lie to try to construct this fake history that most of recorded history has somehow been a time where the two genders didn't act stylistically in ways that are still widely recognizable today. It's a myth.
While the whole video stands by itself, whatever take you were trying to serve was too flawed and pointless. Masculinity and Femininity are attributes greatly found in men and women. In men, the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to provide, protect, lead. In women the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to nurture, beautify, care for/tend to others. If you’re a girl who shows more masculine attributes, it’s completely fine and just as beautiful as a girl who shows feminine attributes, and vice versa. It’s not up to you to say that we should all collectively as a whole population let go of these constructs, because many don’t want to. It is “masculine”, a man’s trait, to be generally “tougher” than women because that’s literally what science says. You can’t argue with this fact, no matter how many 2014 research articles from second google page, you want to use as support for your argument. Similarly, empathy is seen as a feminine trait because women are raised to show more empathy ever since youth. A man can be empathetic and that’s beautiful, a woman can be tough and that’s beautiful too. But there’s no denial that certain traits are greater found in men while others are greater found in women. Or do you think the only differences between the sexes are their genitalia? Terribly one dimensional take on things.
A great video, but I’d also like to add that some women do not possess traditional femininity and feel comfortable only in masculine clothing and that’s perfectly fine too. You don’t have to embrace femininity if you don’t want to and it doesn’t make you automatically a cool girl. Just like some women don’t want to embrace masculinity, which is fine too.
100% agreed. Also, I find it super weird that a lot of people imagine that being a NLOG implies being a tomboy or a cool girl or someone who doesn’t embrace femininity in general. I know plenty of women who express themselves in traditionally feminine ways who hate on other women and who have loads of internalized misogyny. Having internalized misogyny has nothing to do with the way someone looks or the interests they have and I don’t know why people don’t realize that there’s not a NLOG look and that there are countless other types of women you could be prejudiced against besides traditionally feminine women.
i think something important about this is people feeling like they have to pick between these two things. i grew up loving pink (i still do) but i also played video games. and as a teen now my sense of humour, a few of my interests, genres i watch on youtube etc are very masculinely charged. however i love girly stuff too, like this channel. interesting from a girls perspective. u can be the kid who likes barbies and video games. i did it. the way to do it is simply to do stuff YOU like. and not be surrounded by people who push specific traits into you. you can like make up but have an interest in computers. you don’t have to, but you can. just gotta be comfortable with your own interests. that’s what it comes from. my mum was surprised i never grew out of games and continue to play them. i didn’t worry about that and change, i just continued. it’s normal :D
Honestly, I'd say I relate to most if this. I actually remember being so girly and loving pink. Overtime I did become more tomboyish, but I still do have a lot of my girliness. Amd honestly its always nice to be girly, just as much as its lways nice to be a tomboy.
I honestly think that trying to be more boyish as a girl can also have to do with trying to escape the male gaze and doesn't necessarily mean that you are trying to be a cool girl to appease to guys
I do it because of the scars and injuries on my legs and arms. I’m not trying to be a “cool girl” I’m just trying to get through life more comfortable, I could care less if men think of me as “not feminine” it is what it is at this point.
it's mostly bi and lesbian esp stud lesbians women who dress boyish which is understandable cause it attracts women and that's the goal for them for some reason straight girls doing it makes me question if they doing it for male attention or something to try hard to be different
Bruh i just feel like some women like "masculine" things and some like "feminine" things and many like both and society and men try to categorize us into either too feminine or too masculine or whatever the hell else and its just this weird psychological manipulation to become a guy's dream girl. Ultimately we should just do whatever we want because we are human lol.
ahhhhh girl yes, "if you're an insecure man, you want an insecure woman", this is so true, by not developing yourself to be more confident and self-worthy, you're essentially just playing yourself at the end of the day, periodt.
right?! like girls liking rap is a bad thing now because they are doing it 'for the guys'. Yeah no I'm doing it because i fucking love rap. Similarly girls watching football and shit and doing their thing is cool. Why are other women getting so riled up about it?
@@beentherelovedit9150 I myself is really into football or soccer as you call it in the USA and I am in a very male dominated major which is computer science. Those are just interests nothing more , nothing less. It should not make me feel “different” , superior” or “smarter” than girls who like stereotypically girly things. People are just way too influenced by the media . All these movies showing these women that are “not like other girls” as being the only ones deserving of love started this hysterical obsession of wanting to be different.
I used to think in high school that I shouldn’t wear pink, or rarely. Even in college, I silently judged my sophomore year roommate for wearing pink a lot. Now, a few years later I’ve grown and pink is one of my two favorite colors :) I also discovered last year that I’m a lesbian so yay, more reason to love pink
I'm so glad you found out your were a lesbian, and that you love pink more now. I think pink is a pretty color. And back in 2019, I found out I was bisexual.
I also went through the "cool girl" phase because I wanted to seem better and less feminine to my guy friends 🙄 now that I have found peace and am happy with my femininity .. I also had to work through a lot of emotional things with my mom, I didn't want to be like her, she was very girly, beautiful and all the attention was on her so I tried to be the opposite but now I see that I don't want to be manly because I realized that femininity is not weak but strong. I have noticed that North Western culture, I'm from Germany and now I live in Portland, seems to see femininity as weakness and I have a problem with that because it shows girls that they're not accepted or seen as strong if they're not a "badass" .. thank you for bringing attention to this issue 💕
I’m also from Germany. I noticed it too. In Germany being feminine is seen as a weakness which is really sad. I used to get shamed by old friends and my class Teacher for it. And then I changed my self to be more masculine. Now I’m trying to become more feminine and accept that I am naturally like that💕
That's interesting, because I'm from Poland and I don't really see it. I've never been a girly girl or a tomboy, so maybe I wasn't aware of this, but looking back I don't think any of my classmates experienced anything bad because of being girly. I still believe that might have been a case for some girls in my country, but personally I've never noticed it. Also in Polish culture we admire mothers a lot- especially mothers of soldiers, who sent their sons to wars etc. They cry after them yet still are able to let them go and believe in independence. So maybe that's why being feminine is not such a bad thing in Poland, after all those praised mothers are quite feminine&strong at the same time.
You are so right though. We have always been pressured to be competitive against women we are made it seem that when someone tells us we aren’t like other women, it’s a compliment. When in fact, there is nothing offensive being like other women cause women are damn amazing so why wouldn’t I wanna be like other women?
Dude this is so fricking stupid DO YOU GUYS NOT GET MEN HAVE THE SAME ISSUES. FIRST OF ALL IF YOU ARE MALE WOMAN STANDARDS ARE WAY TO HIGH AND YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO GET DECLINED SO WHAT THE MAN DOES IS WORK OUT AND IMPROVE ON EVERYTHING. AND WHEN HE GETS SIX PACK ABS HE ASKED TO GIRL OUT BUT SHE IS ALREADY TAKEN WHY MEANWHILE MEN EMBRACE FEMINITY AND MASCULINITY. MY PARENTS LIKE FEMININE GIRLS
@@alyssaliang9144 i’m sorry. what even is this… ? no, men don’t have to deal with exactly this. men have literally put these standards and thoughts in the society of women. they make us put each other down, and ridicule one another for not being cool enough. while men do deal with certain things, that’s not what this is about. i think that women should be able to talk about certain things without people like you bringing up the other side. let us talk.
@@avery-bi8zw I think that men should talk about the same thing without bringing the other side. Next, where is your evidence that men make women ridicule each other. Like this is starting to get annoying since because I have seen so many feminists put up a statement without facts. And second life is unfair and while men put standards on women, women put the same standards on men but they just don't like to admit it.
okay but your singing voice is beautiful 😂😍 and i was the same way with my girly side, like not wanting to embrace it. but now i recognized that i can be and do both and that i can love and do both😌
Lets remember just because your not wearing a dress or heals does not make you any less feminine, being feminine does not depend on what you are wearing .
“I don’t wanna date her, ‘cause she is one of the guys” if this isn’t the story of my life I don’t know what is. Also, I like pretty stuff but I’m lazy.
Sounds like 'pickme' women who focus on impressing guys and trying to stand out amongst other women. But I think what is "cool" depends on the guy and his values. So every woman should just embrace their own personality and interests and hope the right partner comes along to accept them as they are. Femininity can teach people how to carry themselves, embrace their own beauty, and how to be compassionate, yet prudent. Secure women can still be themselves and embrace femininity.
No really coz every time I see these videos they are hardly portrayed correctly. I fit the cool girl to a T, I grew up with 7 brothers and no sister so I’m a huge tomboy and I maintain the “small waist big ass” figure so people constantly come for me making it look like I’m pretending to be like this for guys when really it’s just who I am
I was talking to this guy about makeup and I said I don't know how to do makeup and he was like "r/notlikeothergirl" Like no Kevin I just suck at it. It's useless what woman do we get categorised anyway I know how to do it now✌🏼
Yeah, completely agree. It’s so ridiculous and misogynistic to create these divisions between women. Why do we think that everything women do is for male approval?
i feel like part of the reason it tends to be the ‘nerdy’ characters that want the cool girl is because they feel too insecure in their masculinity to talk to a girl and dont see women as people, so they want a guy in a womans body that they feel like they can speak to because they need her to be masculine to even see her as a person.
I remember my mom use to force me to act feminine, as in critiquing the way I walked, stopping me from buying certain clothes, constantly telling me to wear jewelry, telling me to wear lighter/ pink clothes etc.. and then One day I casually brought up how she was forcing me to do these things and she stopped. Now she compliments me when I walk out the house with street clothes and sneakers with a short tApered hair cut. But now I am naturally embracing my femininity.
What do you mean "naturally"? You just admitted that you were shamed into femininity by your mum, so how do you know if it's a natural desire or something that was forced on you by society? This is why I hate choice feminism.
Male gaze aside I think what truly made Mary cool wasn’t her job, or her eating habits, or her hobbies. It was that she was unapologetically herself regardless of how people saw her. It’s just sad that the message would probably get drowned out by mediocre, insecure men who want to perpetuate the idea of a guy friend they can have sex with.
Youre like a big sis to me. I have just turned 18 and i was in a "who am i really" kind of teenage depression. Also i was always envying girly girls but wasnt feeling like i was belong to that. This video ACTUALLY helped me to fix somethings in my life. Just wanted you to know...
I just want to say that by looks alone, I am considered "masculine". I don't wear makeup, sweatpants and shirts is what I wear, and I dont wear a bra. But here's the thing though, I don't wear makeup because I don't feel like myself in it, I like wearing sweatpants because I prefer to be more comfortable, and I don't wear a bra because they are uncomfortable and I have smaller boobs to not have to wear them. I don't do this for men, i do it for myself, and that's feminine.
what is true femininity and masculinity tho?my theory is that it is a construct. like men and women have different genitals but what makes clothing or objects or interests more feminine or masculine.. i am so confused
Ain’t no theory girl it literally is a construct. It does get more confusing the more you think about it. It may be a construct but legit every it. So just wear and express yourself however you want regardless of whether it’s considered feminine and masculine by society.
i guess in this sense feminine and masculine are being used as descriptors that society has assigned to help us categorize and understand different types of behavior or appearance. femininity and masculinity are descriptors that have been weaponized by men to gain control, like how she brought up that you're only cool if you're like a man. it's just misogyny paired with the societal pressures men have over women, and because these men are sexist/misogynist they hate femininity too, they're only "liking" feminine traits when it benefits them. (those men like the "feminine" acts of housewives who cook and clean, but when it comes to their feminine interests like makeup men would rather put out a cigarette on their eye than let women like feminine things that aren't directly benefiting/serving them.) i agree that it's a construct, because living in a patriarchy men have so much control over standards, and most media so they create things to keep control (constructs). betty boop, bratz, and disney princesses were all created by rich white men and they're some of the most recognized women in media. (notice how they're all fictional?) i apologize if that got off topic but what i guess i'm saying is that yes, femininity and masculinity are constructs, as well as weaponized descriptors used by men to gain control over women. she's telling us to embrace every side of us, because ultimately when you stop living for men or when you stop trying to live up to their impossible standards they set to control you, you become more true to yourself, and happier with yourself. ignoring the harmful standards will let you exist as yourself comfortably. i totally rambled but i hope my take helps you understand a little better!
Does anyone remember the movie Miss Congeniality, starring Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, and Michael Caine? She can only be the desirable cool girl if she meets the desires and fantasies of the men around her. Gracie was only considered cool once she got the beauty pageant makeover. She was considered undesirable and "one of the guys" before.
yes you don’t need to bring down other girls to compliment me🤦🏾♀️girls and other black girls alike. i don’t even take it as a compliment. i call it out now
7:57 “it also made me more attractive to guys” We should be what we want, feminine or masculine or any type of woman (or person) we want, but please let’s not do it for the male gaze because that’s not really how we are it is how men wants us to be.
I totally get the whole femininity thing, and I respect and love everyone for who they are, but lets not bluntly say the “cool girl” is a bad or an unrealistic thing. For some girls it really isn’t “just a phase”, it’s actually who we are. Some girls like pink and some like black. Some girls like dainty salads and some girls have hyperthyroidism and can eat burgers all day without getting fat. Some girls like watching chick flicks and some girls like watching action and horror movies. Some girls like going to get their nails done on the weekends and some girls like going hiking or out to surf a wave *cough cough me* Everyone is different and unique in our own way. Lets not hate either side. Just be you and own it, whatever that is.
This is not meant with the cool girl trope. The cool girl Trope , is directly connected to the male gaze. So while yes a lot of girls can be like you described , this is not the same as trying to be the cool girl.
There isn't another side. We are all women. Black and Pink are both my favorite colors, I like romantic movies and scary movies, I like to be outside and getting my nails done. It depends on my mood whether I behave more "masculine" or "femminine". I can't confine myself into one stereotype or else I'm not being myself.
@@Bellabirdtheoneandonly well youre not everyone. some people prefer mainly either masculine or feminine and not both, it doesnt mean theyre fitting into a 'stereotype' its just what they prefer
@@rubymack5782 Well don't please lol. Even though blue is still my favorite color, I like how I look in pink and I like pink flowers, especially blossoms.
I thought I was cool for liking green instead of pink loll,, and one girl would sort of brag that she was the first one to have blue as a fave colour loll
I loved this video, I felt like having a girls talk with a close friend and I also love strong femininity. There's nothing better in this world then women having each others back especially in a world where men made us believe that we have to compete with one another. Idk I really want to embrace my femininity and strength this year and I really enjoyed your vid
I get her point but her saying "eats ham burgers" etc etc is a lil stupid to me. Every THICC 🍑 girl under the sun eats ham burgers & pizza & she no where near the cool girl trope at all 😹
Lol 💀I agree, definitely doesn't apply right now. During the time this was made, being thick wasn't yet the standard so i guess that's probably why she said that.
Oh god this was me in my first relationship. To get him to like me I was instantly like "Yes I love star wars and video games and inappropriate banter" . Funny thing is I did grow to like these things after I tried them out- but I think the real kicker is that he never tried to like the things I liked- because its accepted for girls to be masculine but men who take on feminine traits are ridiculed (in movies, the guys who cry at romantic movies with their girlfriend is always the ridiculous character) because patriarchy views femininity as weakness.
Out if interest : i wonder if the type of guy you describe (eg ben stiller in tsam), growing up in a time where films tell them that the awkward, not conventionally attractive gets the girl who's the ideal as he is, has now led to the age of incels being a thing ?? Interested in discussion
I've been thinking about that too. Like, kind of the male version of a Cinderella complex, helpless female waiting for her Prince Charming to rescue her because she has no personhood. The helpless male, waiting for his Hot Girl to rescue him because he has no personhood. Though I think that incels have also probably always been a thing, so rather than leading to incels, maybe more of a symptom of it.
The problem is not in either masculinity or femininity, it is the performance of something that which is disingenuous to and at the expense of your true self, especially in the case that it exists to serve someone else’s fantasy. Be your own fantasy. Be both your ideal feminine and your ideal masculine. Be it for yourself. Not because it is sexy for others, but because it makes you feel good.
men typically find feminine women a lot more attractive then people who feel confident dressing masculine may feel the pressure to dress feminine as I do so this video is completely the wrong way round
Also notice, that these guys looking for cool girls always expect an attractive girl despite not being attractive themselves! Hence the movie characters in that moveie too. I shit you not, I was in a manosphere thread(I know I'm crazy but it's important to know how your antagonists think and look at different opinions even if they turn out to be stupid) and some asshat literally said its shallow for girls to expect to have an attractive guy but only natural that men will expect to have an attractive girl 😒 I wish I was making this up. And those are just the type of guy who would like that girl or qt the very least, wish all girls could truly be like that. Not argue/nag, not have opinions[that contradict theirs], be [naturally]beautiful because btw, make up is stupid and shallow and only stupid and shallow girls are into. Also notice these hot "cool girls" never wear make up. They have naturally flawless skin and hair despite their poor diet and minimal routines. Almost a fantasy girl tbh.
Yes there are girls out there who naturally love stereotypical male things and they are not trying to appeal to anybody. They are just being themselves. And what makes a person cool is if they have a good personality. Not what they're into
I think the hardest part is differentiating toxic femininity from natural femininity. The media likes to portray "girly" women as verbally and physically abusive to male protagonists in comedies. They hit and yell at the males in fits of anger, and this behavior is supposedly humorous. It basically states "women are more emotional than men, so if they lash out, just accept it, they can't help themselves." Young girls watching most often take this in two ways. They either internalize this idea and say "so, this is okay, I can treat people poorly and act however I want and it's excusable because I'm a woman." They use the stigmas of their gender as a way to justify atrocious behavior. (We call them, "Karens.") Or, they think "this is disgusting, I don't want people to see me like that" and they take away the belief that irrationality is tied to femininity. "Girly girls" are characterized as shallow and materialistic. Thus, they reject common representations of their gender, such as skirts, dresses, anything involving the color pink, etc. This portrayal of women is harmful in two drastically different ways, because whichever outcome one chooses, young girls are lead to believe that there is no middle ground between being emotional and feminine, and being an intelligent, reasonable, complex human being.
You exactly described my whole life on what i thought of femininity and women😭😭 tbh i like to think i don't think that way anymore but i still in fact struggle a lot with internationalized misogyny. It's still very hard for me to think girliness and bitchiness aren't synonymous. I think a lot of ppl still struggle with it, but im trying not to judge girly girls
one of my favourite lessons i learned after high school is there is no such thing as the "basic bitch". we're all way too complex with so many cool interests, even if i couldn't care for the stuff another woman likes. watching other woman enjoy things unapologetically fuels my existence.
"I'm always gonna be like other girls.. because I am one" such a simple yet powerful statement !!! also, has anyone noticed how when we were children, being a tomboy was very much accepted, yet, a little boy who wants to embrace his femininity through perhaps wanting to wear pink/play with 'girl' toys was incredibly, and still is discouraged? really goes to show how undesirable femininity really is, even when you're a kid...
I find both feminine and cool girls problematic, when i was a teen i wasn't necessarily a cool girl because altough i looked down on girly girls it wasn't to please boys but for their lack of authenticity and need of male validation because feminine girls were feminine for boys not for themselves and they looked down at other girls for not being girly. Becoming feminine later on was actually a blessing 'cause i did it for me
@@alyssapinon9670 not really, the worst part is hating on other women because they don't fit your standard, no woman is better than the other, we're just different!
It makes me so sad to remember my old self. Just like you since high school I've tried so hard to be "cool" but deep down I was just so insecure and jealous of the girly girls.. I also let myself hurt in relationships pretending I didn't care about things that I obviously did because "cool girls don't care". Ugh sooo glad to be free of this bs now, it wasn't easy tho
I have no gender preference so I’ve just decided to wear what makes me happy and if someone doesn’t like me being happy and comfortable as myself, then obviously they aren’t someone I should talk to and they probably have some internal conflicts to sort out
I think it's a massive reach to say every woman who doesn't conform to femininity automatically is conforming to some alternative male expectation, and is therefore acting like a male in a woman's body aka cool girl. No, some of us are gender non-conforming and have been all our lives, even with femininity pushed down our throats from birth. Some of us live authentically and don't care about male attention and it's quite harsh to assume that none of us have free will or aren't "aware" enough of what we're doing. I'm aware enough to know I'm not feminine and never will be. I've legit tried many times to get more into feminine hobbies, mostly out of curiosity and boredom. I'm also a 100% straight woman. I don't reject femininity...it's just that I find it boring and it doesn't hold my attention for very long. I'm much more interested in doing stuff for fun and femininity is super fucking limited and boring, plus expensive af
I used to be really insecure about being girly, because on tv its always shown the pretty girl to be stuck up or rude, so i tried to act more masculine, and i was miserable, i enjoy being feminine. And being feminine isnt always about being weak, and you dont have to act masculine to be strong. Thats why i loved seeing shows like winx club, totally spies, cause it shows girls that are feminine be super strong and powerful! It really made me happy when i was little.
Ig you could use the tomboy trait aka masculine energy in different situations and the feminine you for different situations. Rather than parents being heavily black and white they should teach their kids to accept both sides of them. There is tomboy and feminine just be wise about when to use both instead of dividing yourself so much. Just be yourself lol. One love ❤️
Tbh I think Something about Mary was satirical to some extent...at the end of the movie she ends up with a stereotypical “cool guy” who is nice, muscular, conventionally attractive, etc. So none of the men pursuing her in the movie win her over in the end, I really think all of the characters are an over exaggerated joke
im 16 right now and im very very very GIRLY like i like fairies cute stuff y2k pink my favorite color just the WORKS. but then theres the fact i go to a all black school in fact every school i ever been to has been all black since i was 5 moving on from those points a lot of girls did not like me for the fact i was girly starting off young and even now i feel like black girls have the cool girl thing as a stable within our race so a lot of them would make fun of me for it whatever it would be cause i wouldn't be into certain things like sports or games. which leaded to a lot of bullying from females Now this leads me into my male interaction this actually made a lot more guys into me cause i wasn't into masculine things and i like being girly and it does help adding the fact i am attractive and i cant tell you how being extremely girly has giving me a lot of anxiety and having to cover up that part of me in order for other girls to want to befriend me
So sorry you are going through this at such a young age. There are a lot of videos on youtube about specifically black femininty made by black women. I suggest you watch them, some are great and educational some arent so much. Black womanhood in particular is difficult to navigate because society both within and outside the black community expect certain masculine aspects of black women and this is so damging. This trope even in some ways affects how we are treated in medical settings because they think they have a higher pain tolerance which sadly leads to some black women dying because they are ignored. Anyway do you girl and embrace all your interests, ignore the internlised misgynoir comments.
For centuries women have been told how to dress and what to do by men, for men. I think it is finally time for us to stop doing that and just be ourselves! 💖
Me at 13: ugh girls are so vapid and stupid. I’m different because I read books 🙄 Me now, @ any cute girl: 🎶I’m just like youuu~ you’re just like meee🎶
when i started seeing videos criticising the “not like other girls” and they started talking about the whole doing it to attract boys i was really confused because when i went through that phase in middle school (3rd through 5th grade approx) i genuinely wanted to be considered a part of “the boys” and in 5th through 7th/8th grade grade i was “kicked out” of the group. (it was gradually) and it matched with the time i was introduced to feminism, the existence of the lgbtq+ community (i was aware of gay people but i never had a second thought of it or that you can like more than one gender and the whole thing about the non binary gender spectrum), when i started questioning my misogyny, my conception of being girly, if i was straight, if i was cis or trans i started my phase due to being bullied and excluded by my girl classmates, so there was some resentment at the beginning and then it resulted in me realising i’m trans non-binary if some parts of this doesn’t make sense or it has grammatical and redaction mistakes i apologise, english is my second language and it’s really difficult proofreading in my phone
i feel that im blocking off my feminity, i really want to embrace it but my anxiety is so bad and that im too nervous of how other people will percieve of me. I’ve been told im pretty and stuff but some say that i dont make use of it, im just stuck to be honest. I dont really show my feminity not cuz i wanna be the “cool girl” lol no, its just i feel so freaking nervous to show that side of me to people. Guy friends bring my self esteem down and people from my last school were just shitty to me. Since i’ve grown up, i met ppl on snap and stuff and they call me beautiful and that really got me thinking. Idk really i’m just nervous to show the feminine side of me to social media or anything, i wish to be like u someday ngl. Like im 17 i should at least try to be confident in myself, but its just so tough cause my anxiety isnt good rn
I understand the desire to tell woman to embrace their femininity, but personally, I don’t feel comfortable doing it because of internalized misogyny. But being aware of that fact doesn’t change the fact that it is still there. Dressing more ‘masculinely’ (t-shirts and long shorts) is also a mechanism to fight back against the misogyny. I dress that way so that I know for sure that I am not going to be given a leg up simply because of my appearance. I never want to be judged because of my appearance instead of my personality, and I know that I will always be judged by my looks, so instead I dress in ways that wouldn’t make me desirable in the stereotypical male gaze so that I won’t be judged that way. I completely understand that your experience was different, you became confident through the embracing of your femininity, but there are people who are genuinely more comfortable dressing more ‘masculinely’ and can’t just wear a dress and be okay with it. Gender identity is a really complicated thing and I think that telling people to embrace themselves is really important but I also think that telling people that the only/ main way to embrace that femininity is by wearing dresses is potentially destructive. I think the main difference between our experiences is the way that men fit into it. While you seemed to have done it to get a boyfriend, I dressed and acted that way as a defense mechanism to avoid it. I am confident in who I am, I’m just not confident in femininity. And I think that for now, that is okay.
The weird thing about this too, is that being the cool girl was like being a doormat while being a feminine lady was about setting healthy boundaries and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of without the other person feeling bad, in fact you could do it in a way that makes them feel empowered as if it were their own choice. I'm soooo glad that I stopped being hung up on being a tomboy/cool girl and instead embrace my natural feelings and instincts, I feel so much more comfortable and empowered despite me JUST realizing what I was actually doing to myself.
It's sad that being feminine, provocative, sexual, etc. as a woman is associated with being somehow weak. One of my female colleagues told me that she never wears makeup and always dresses down so that men won't think she's unintelligent. Very sad!
I think it is age-appropriate to be in your mid-twenties and asking yourself "What is femininity?", "What is masculinity?" When I was a teen, we naturally wanted to be a feminine, which is different from today. But that title had limitations. Feminine women weren't level-headed; weren't interested in science or math; weren't athletic. OK, that last one had some caveats. Certain athletic adventures were considered feminine, while others were not. At least in my circle. Problem was, I had interests that crossed that line. Some were naturally mine--like math & science. Some were dreams I hoped to be able to do--like play basketball. I grew to understand that femininity is not that limiting. Femininity is not mutually exclusive to hobbies, interests & general personality traits. I had assume that my understanding & growth was shared by society. I was wrong. Do you know of "Flo Jo"? She was an Olympic athlete/star from 1988. She is still the fastest. Her records have not been beat. At that time, excelling in athletics meant not being feminine. Boy did she not get the memo! She oozed femininity! You should look her up. Definitely a woman who was who she wanted to be...and the best at it, too. My point is that society STILL defines femininity as being emotionally unstable; logically inept; & obsessed with her outer beauty as primary asset. I'm glad you can enjoy being a woman. It can be fun sometimes.
I’m just confused on why every video I’ve seen on ‘exploring your own femininity’ always directs attention to wearing makeup, dresses, etc. Like, I understand these are attributes often associated with femininity, but my question is why? Weren’t makeup and dresses initially created for men, anyways? Why must I wear makeup and dresses to be feminine? I think the message of your video is good, but your way of explaining could’ve been better. I think the only real way for one to explore their own femininity, truly, is to activate the innate qualities within us that are present due to being female- the biological qualities we have as women.
Embrace fragility! Feminism adds to the diversity and possibility of how different types of women we can become, not just all trying to be cool and strong and restricting our choices.
Omg i wish my younger self knew about this, i can't stop cringing at my old self. I can't believe that I'm a female and misogynistic back then. I just want some attention and to look "quirky" especially for male attention, now i realized being like the other girls is a compliment because women are amazing (same as men), everyone is amazing! Love yourself girls 💖 you don't need the approval of others to be confident, being confident makes you look more beautiful, you're amazing just the way you are 😻💅👑
it all started when someone posted a meme about us girls collectively going thru a phase of hating pink. and we started to put it together and realize even a complex as little as a phase of hating a feminine color, speaks so much. I felt like I was nodding along with this video the whole time. well done!
Love it love it love it but whereee did you get those boots??? They’re perfect! On a real level, I’ve recently started acknowledging, embracing and accepting my v divine femininity and it’s really liberating. It helps that I’m getting into my spirituality invoking witchcraft and coming into my own as an adult woman. I feel sexy and I want other women to feel like that as well. We need to show up and out for ourselves first bby!
This is exactly how I felt growing up to a T...down to the part of rejecting my femininity just to seem "cool" and feeling weak for being girly. I'm now beginning to explore my feminine journey 🦋
Omg I was just like this in middle school but as a dude. hated masculinity, acted like I hated men, defended women being sexist because of all they have to go through, lived off of female validation💀. So glad I realised I could be masculine without being that weird messed up view of men I had been taught. finally got some male friends and some female friends that I wasn't just friends with for validation.
with me it wasn't that I looked down feminine or girly things it was because I felt feminine enough I never really felt tombyish enough either so yeah , and I feel I always had to force myself to like and act a certain way because I'm girl, it was also me trying to prove a point the liking stereotypically feminine or girly doesn't make you women, women much more are then just what they wear and like. I feel more comfortable and confident im not trying to be masculine or feminine but being me which somewhere in the middle. oh and i also used to do it to not get attention from men because man like feminine women , I didn't really work though 😅
Being in between feminine and masculine is being androgynous, which is what I usually associate myself to be most of the time. You’re not super masculine or feminine, but you have a pretty good mix of both traits and can lean towards one more than the other sometimes.
I felt the need to be more masculine and dress more masculine and constantly try to please men when I was unhappy with my appearance, very insecure and intimidated by other women. Embracing femininity is the best thing I've ever done, it also makes you stop seeing other women as rivals. The cool girl is a male fantasy, I've never met a girl like that, it's so sexist it's ridiculous.
I just realized I was trying to be a cool girl in elementary school. I put in all this effort just for 4 ft boys not noticing me :(. Also, my mom didn't like my cool girl phase. She never supported it and bought clothes she wanted, which were "girly". Ik I was a child, but I just wanted to dress tomboyish and not girly. Thankfully my mom didn't listen to me, so I just wear what I'd like. Also, I tried being edgy and shit by watching a horror movie and scaring my female friends so I could attract the little boys. Idk if I was misogynistic, but I acted like I was not like other girls. I'm glad that I've changed.
I’m so glad your channel ended up in my recommendations. The algorithm is getting too specific I swear 👀 I went through this phase in high school because I needed male validation to boost my self esteem (also gender dysphoria but that’s another story) . As soon as I left I was like wait I actually love being feminine and enjoying “basic” things.
Yes! When she said she related 'being feminine with being weak' I felt that. Younger me would try her best to just never act or do something in a feminine way. I would literally go around saying I didn't feel pain (when I got my period, it'd be terrible but I told everyone they were making a big deal about it) and refused to cry (because people said "boys don't cry only girls do"), cook and clean(was considered the wife's job) , etc which are basic skills my parents wanted both me and my brother to learn I was so determined to act like a male because I thought that was the only way I'd matter or be seen as powerful Thankfully, I have brains now
As a woman born and raised in the 80s in Spain I was the “cool” girl, basically a tomboy and I was relentlessly bullied and called a lesbian. Wish I was born now tbh.
It's very cool to be who you are. And 'she's not like other girls' is toxic as fuck. I would say, in the group of who I'm surrounded with I am seen as 'different'. Like, they've said that to my face. 'When I first met you I thought you were a bit different but you're lovely', 'you're really different but it's cool'. I think it would be easier for me if I liked the same things as everyone else. I personally believe I'm naturally more masculine than lots of the girls I know. And I don't want to be ashamed of that, I prefer beer to vodka cranberry - not cause I'm making a statement, I like it - it benefits by drinking habit etc etc . I also play guitar which is seen very much a male thing - WHY? I don't think it's natural, I think women are not encouraged as much because it was viewed that they have no reason to pick up a guitar, or play sports or whatever. I hate all these girl labels created by the media as well, like 'tomboy', 'she's different', ugh it's so exhausting with all of these fucking expectations. Do what you like, as long as you're not effecting others in a negative way. It's not shameful to love makeup and clothes, I do, but yes I suppose I have suppressed femininity to appear strong. But, that makes me weak overall. Some I'm just gonna be myself. Embrace your natural woman-ness, but also don't restrict yourself - you can be strong and energetic and loud and funny, it doesn't matter what the boys think. If that's who you are it's who you are! But if you feel you are very 'feminine' and you're trying to suppress it, let it out. It's very much in Western culture for women to be quieter and more passive, and that pisses me off. It's developed in our culture due to toxic beliefs created by greedy white men and some women would have been involved. But we can make stupid ugly faces, and fart - cause everyone fucking farts bitch
The problem of seeing femininity as something week is so deep rooted in our history and past I think it takes a lot to change that in the long run I played with a little six year old boy who I felt like was raised bye a very feminist Mother I played with two puppets Both were girls but one of them was dressed like a boy and fightet with other knights in a Battle The other one however was dressed like a girl and was supposed to be a princess I was shocked about the behavior of the Boy I played with because he always referred to her as weak and she can’t do things and stuff like that and I didn’t understand why he made such a difference just because she was more feminine
I actually don't even know where these 'cool girls' get this idea that you will please or keep a man by acting like a man. In my experience being feminine and authentic to yourself instead of just agreeing with everything dudes say will actually get you further with them and in life too. I like video games and football, but beer makes me sick and and I adore makeup and dresses. I think it's important to have a mix of feminine and masculine traits.
i am so glad i saw your video on pretty privilege , after that i started binge watching ur videos thank you so much for helping me i really enjoy ur content 😊
remember if the cool girl isnt pretty then she is the weird girl
Omg yes! They want a girl who doesn’t worry about counting calories but also wants her to have an unrealistically fast metabolism
@Naerie Representacoes correction: she must be nerdy and like burgers but also must be skinny and shaved
LMAOO
@@alyssapinon9670 right? they’re like “so quirky😍” but if she starts to get fat they’re like “ew”
@@noriii yes. Enforcing body standards for women while simultaneously shaming them for trying to meet that standard. Men like that are 🗑
And also it bugs me how a woman only is “strong” when they’re more masculine- like when they are loud, sexual, defiant and physically strong. Why can’t I be soft and feminine and still be a badass?
Good point!
So pretty much Sailor Moon? The whole gender of maho shoujo to be precise.
ruclips.net/video/cVC2Mv3R9_Q/видео.html a peek to Sailor Moon for those who don't know what it is.
My personal favorite ruclips.net/video/bM6Z9mGMNL8/видео.html you can tell how feminine and delicate the character is, and at the same time, she is pretty strong.
If anything, I own not having a "not like other girls" phase, at the fact that I was raised by Sakura Card Captor and Sailor moon, I had and still have issued with femininity as a whole, but well, I learned since a very young age, femininity it is something you should look down onto.
They will sometimes resolve the day by drilling a whole in the villain's head in the most graceful way, or they will find empathy with in them and talk it out, who know? That's the appeal of this gender.
period, they have made us hate our feminity
FINALLY SOMEONE SAUD IT
why do i see "Elain" vibes everywhere. google you up to something?!!! P.S. just rambling about a book im obsessed with, ignore me.
So I clicked and Ariana Grande starts to sing and I-
same I thought I clicked the on a Ariana grande music video
IK THIS GIRL CAN SINGG
Ew don’t compare this queen to Ariana the black Fisher
@@EllieValentineWong girl do you even know what black fishing means…
@@EllieValentineWong are u even black??😹
There is a label placed on every “type” of girl. Girly girl, VSCO girl, bruh girl, like what... like what if I’m just a girl who likes what I like. thank you for making this video. It can be so exhausting trying to be what ever you think other people would want you to be.
That’s the issue right there society has placed labels on everything and anything teenagers or girls in general are interested in and that’s why we can never enjoy being a girl because of the pressure women have in this downright awful society
FACTSSSSSS just let people have shit
@@lilac4795 society just hates the fact that they cant control what teenage girls like/or are interested in so they shame us for it in any way possible
And unironically, "pick me girl" lol
Exactly. I am someone who likes to dress in baggy clothes and pants (I rarely ever wear dresses or skirts) and not the most feminine but I love soft toys and love collecting cute things. Sometimes idgaf about life and gloomy af and violent while sometimes I'm there preaching about enjoying life and being kind. Sometimes I feel like being one thing while the other day I feel like being another. Women are not just one "type". I know people who try their best to maintain their "type" by not doing things that they actually want to do just so they can fit in and be likeable by others who label them and this is just so sad
A lot of women in this thread are sharing about how they felt happier and more authentic when they embraced femininity, and that's great for them! But it's also important to recognize that not every woman is going to be more comfortable behaving or presenting feminine.
For every woman that feels freed by being able to embrace femininity, there's another who still prefers to be masculine, and that's okay too! If you're masculine, it doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to be a "cool girl", it could just be the way you are and you shouldn't let this thread discourage you from being you. Everyone has different experiences.
Edit: This also applies to trans and nonbinary people, and anyone else who feels social pressure to perform femininity. Be whatever is authentic to you, and support that for the people around you too.
Yess!!! Exactly! And i think its also needed to say that even though men make fun of feminine things or women being feminine or embodying feminine energy. They love it when you LOOK feminine. Ive seen girls who dont have feminine features or look masculine and if they like masculine things, they get treated harshly than girls who look feminine who likes masculine things. It boils down to how attractive you are to society and men for you to get away with anything.
Thank you! I’m genderfluid AFAB and I’m always worried that I seem like I’m trying to be a ‘cool girl’, I really appreciate what you just said. (Ik it wasn’t really about that, but it still made me feel valid) (Oh god this is gonna be awkward if you don’t support this stuff-)
@@beanfilms3069 Don't worry, I support nonbinary people! You're valid :)
Thank you for this comment, I won't embrace feminity 100%. I really don't wanna be like other girls or blend with them.
@@nicoleharrington9086 I.... I think you missed the point of this video.
Nobody who actually talks to real women wants a girl like the 'cool girl'
No, men hate it when women act like normal human being. They want a feminine woman, who care about her appearance and nothing else
It might be bc I’m a woman but I’m bi and dating the ‘cool girl’ is my actual nightmare
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 It's funny how women overgeneralize things. No, men want human beings not sexdolls. If we wanted a sexdoll we would buy one.
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 Sorry you've never spoken to a man and you're only exposure to them are incels.
@@ratemate458 sure you would
Left ear❌ ✨Right ear✨
HAHAHAH
It had me scared af cuz I just bought new earbuds lol
@@MSW96 omg same
I thought my headphones broke
LMAOOOOOOOO me right now😭😂‼️
What I also hate is when these kinds of subjects are talked about and how "cool girls" are really just victims of internalized mysogyny, I am succumbed to comments like "well I was never like that" which is just shaming already insecure girls for "letting men/media brainwash them". Like what, you want a medal?
Yeah. I think we all kind of bought the cool girl lie to an extent. So shaming people for responding to their environment is just shitty
I honestly hate when people say “I would never do that”. Like they think they are so superior, when in reality they look stupid.
@@theprettypaw4615 ä
I’m sorry but it’s usually girls who care a lot about makeup and feminine things who have internalised misogyny
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 I think no one is an exception to having internalized misogyny and feminine girls judging non feminine girls definitely got it too, they're just expressing it differently.
I went through this phase because I had some friends that would look down on feminine women and I just took that on board. Looking back, we were kind of mean. But I didn't know it.
Same here. But once I realized that it was stupid and went my own way they started picking on me. At least one of the other girls (who was a tomboy) still took my side
society straight up lied to me and told me that hating pink made me different...
!!!!!
@@vlra2021 gurl if we listen to society we neva geta life, time to move on wit another mindset.
You’ll notice that the “Cool Girl” doesn’t tend to have a female friendship circle.
Also I want to add to what you said, dressing more typically masculine all the time is fine aswell as long as you know that you're not doing it for others.
I agree, i personality prefer the male street fashion. And that's ok! The same way its ok for girls to wear super cute and girly things
i feel borderline dysphoric in feminine clothing (i'm not trans or anything i just don't feel comfortable being feminine at all) that's just my gender expression but i'm doing it for nobody but myself. if anything part of what i like about the way i dress is that it takes men's eyes off me. i don't want to be superficially attractive to them. (though of course that's not the sole reason at all.) as long as you're being authentic to yourself, you're doing it right. there is no other right or wrong way to dress.
edit: okay soo as it turns out i am trans LMAOo
righttt!
so what if u r doing it for others? isn't it a woman's choice?
@@beentherelovedit9150 yeah but it's not very feminist if the choice is to live for men's approval
What makes you cool is being who you are unapologetically.
The only “how to be a cool girl” tutorial we need
people need to stop asserting this gender-segregated view of the world. I don't think it's masculine to be tough or girly to be empathetic. Men wore makeup and were very concerned with fashion for most of human history. High heels were originally worn by men as well. What it means to "act feminine" is extremely subjective, not to mention the fact it's a construct to begin with. We're all just individuals. When I drink craft beer it's not a fucking statement. I just like it.
agreed... 'masculine' and 'feminine' behaviors exist within a person (girl or boy)... it's because of such segregation that gender has become so polarized and problematic.
Men didn't wear makeup at anywhere near the rates as women throughout human history. In recent western history you'd have to go back to dandys and aristocrats of the 1700's to find it widespread, then there's next to no male makeup wearing on a widespread level throughout the times before that dating back to early colonial, through Medieval right back through the dark ages. So not much makeup unless you get back to ancient times - and even then, makeup was largely used in ceremony by men rather than every day life in most ages, at least in the Roman and greek influenced world - where makeup was looked down on when used by men (much as today). Men have always had their own fashions clothes wise and still do no one is trying to say otherwise lol.
You shouldn't lie to try to construct this fake history that most of recorded history has somehow been a time where the two genders didn't act stylistically in ways that are still widely recognizable today. It's a myth.
??????
Stop trying to desex humanity lmao
While the whole video stands by itself, whatever take you were trying to serve was too flawed and pointless. Masculinity and Femininity are attributes greatly found in men and women. In men, the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to provide, protect, lead. In women the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to nurture, beautify, care for/tend to others. If you’re a girl who shows more masculine attributes, it’s completely fine and just as beautiful as a girl who shows feminine attributes, and vice versa. It’s not up to you to say that we should all collectively as a whole population let go of these constructs, because many don’t want to. It is “masculine”, a man’s trait, to be generally “tougher” than women because that’s literally what science says. You can’t argue with this fact, no matter how many 2014 research articles from second google page, you want to use as support for your argument. Similarly, empathy is seen as a feminine trait because women are raised to show more empathy ever since youth. A man can be empathetic and that’s beautiful, a woman can be tough and that’s beautiful too. But there’s no denial that certain traits are greater found in men while others are greater found in women. Or do you think the only differences between the sexes are their genitalia? Terribly one dimensional take on things.
A great video, but I’d also like to add that some women do not possess traditional femininity and feel comfortable only in masculine clothing and that’s perfectly fine too. You don’t have to embrace femininity if you don’t want to and it doesn’t make you automatically a cool girl. Just like some women don’t want to embrace masculinity, which is fine too.
100% agreed. Also, I find it super weird that a lot of people imagine that being a NLOG implies being a tomboy or a cool girl or someone who doesn’t embrace femininity in general. I know plenty of women who express themselves in traditionally feminine ways who hate on other women and who have loads of internalized misogyny. Having internalized misogyny has nothing to do with the way someone looks or the interests they have and I don’t know why people don’t realize that there’s not a NLOG look and that there are countless other types of women you could be prejudiced against besides traditionally feminine women.
You’re right
@@purplekitten6637 yea exactly
i think something important about this is people feeling like they have to pick between these two things. i grew up loving pink (i still do) but i also played video games. and as a teen now my sense of humour, a few of my interests, genres i watch on youtube etc are very masculinely charged. however i love girly stuff too, like this channel. interesting from a girls perspective. u can be the kid who likes barbies and video games. i did it. the way to do it is simply to do stuff YOU like. and not be surrounded by people who push specific traits into you. you can like make up but have an interest in computers. you don’t have to, but you can. just gotta be comfortable with your own interests. that’s what it comes from. my mum was surprised i never grew out of games and continue to play them. i didn’t worry about that and change, i just continued. it’s normal :D
and great point. liking what you like makes you cool
I agree with everything you said
Preach it! I love "girly stuff" and "boyish stuff" too!
Honestly, I'd say I relate to most if this. I actually remember being so girly and loving pink. Overtime I did become more tomboyish, but I still do have a lot of my girliness. Amd honestly its always nice to be girly, just as much as its lways nice to be a tomboy.
Ikkrr it's okay to just be you and stop trying to fit a label
I honestly think that trying to be more boyish as a girl can also have to do with trying to escape the male gaze and doesn't necessarily mean that you are trying to be a cool girl to appease to guys
True, most men prefer feminine women so I can definetely see that being a thing.
I do it because of the scars and injuries on my legs and arms. I’m not trying to be a “cool girl” I’m just trying to get through life more comfortable, I could care less if men think of me as “not feminine” it is what it is at this point.
I hate how boyish girls and women are just internalized misogynists now bc this whole topic has demonized boyish females
it's mostly bi and lesbian esp stud lesbians women who dress boyish which is understandable cause it attracts women and that's the goal for them for some reason straight girls doing it makes me question if they doing it for male attention or something to try hard to be different
What's wrong with being attractive to boys? Like most ppl of both genders try to be attractive to opposite gender
Bruh i just feel like some women like "masculine" things and some like "feminine" things and many like both and society and men try to categorize us into either too feminine or too masculine or whatever the hell else and its just this weird psychological manipulation to become a guy's dream girl. Ultimately we should just do whatever we want because we are human lol.
yep
ahhhhh girl yes, "if you're an insecure man, you want an insecure woman", this is so true, by not developing yourself to be more confident and self-worthy, you're essentially just playing yourself at the end of the day, periodt.
Liking football or video games is not a personality trait
Indeed my dude :there's a name for what they are:interests
right?! like girls liking rap is a bad thing now because they are doing it 'for the guys'. Yeah no I'm doing it because i fucking love rap. Similarly girls watching football and shit and doing their thing is cool. Why are other women getting so riled up about it?
Liking makeup and nail polish isn’t either baby girl
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 never said it was 🤦🏽♀️
@@beentherelovedit9150 I myself is really into football or soccer as you call it in the USA and I am in a very male dominated major which is computer science. Those are just interests nothing more , nothing less. It should not make me feel “different” , superior” or “smarter” than girls who like stereotypically girly things. People are just way too influenced by the media . All these movies showing these women that are “not like other girls” as being the only ones deserving of love started this hysterical obsession of wanting to be different.
I’m OBSESSED with your content💕 Thank you for being so real and honest
I used to think in high school that I shouldn’t wear pink, or rarely. Even in college, I silently judged my sophomore year roommate for wearing pink a lot. Now, a few years later I’ve grown and pink is one of my two favorite colors :) I also discovered last year that I’m a lesbian so yay, more reason to love pink
I'm so glad you found out your were a lesbian, and that you love pink more now. I think pink is a pretty color. And back in 2019, I found out I was bisexual.
@@nickixiusdangelolunala7779 I’m happy for you figuring out that you were bisexual! Yes I agree, it’s a really nice color.
@@ima.m.1658 oh thank you so much. 💕 ♥️ 💜 💙
@@nickixiusdangelolunala7779🏳️🌈💕
@@ima.m.1658 🌈 🏳️🌈 🌈 🏳️🌈 🌈 🏳️🌈 love your name!! 💕 ♥️ 💜 💙 🧡
I also went through the "cool girl" phase because I wanted to seem better and less feminine to my guy friends 🙄 now that I have found peace and am happy with my femininity .. I also had to work through a lot of emotional things with my mom, I didn't want to be like her, she was very girly, beautiful and all the attention was on her so I tried to be the opposite but now I see that I don't want to be manly because I realized that femininity is not weak but strong. I have noticed that North Western culture, I'm from Germany and now I live in Portland, seems to see femininity as weakness and I have a problem with that because it shows girls that they're not accepted or seen as strong if they're not a "badass" .. thank you for bringing attention to this issue 💕
I’m also from Germany. I noticed it too. In Germany being feminine is seen as a weakness which is really sad. I used to get shamed by old friends and my class Teacher for it. And then I changed my self to be more masculine. Now I’m trying to become more feminine and accept that I am naturally like that💕
That's interesting, because I'm from Poland and I don't really see it. I've never been a girly girl or a tomboy, so maybe I wasn't aware of this, but looking back I don't think any of my classmates experienced anything bad because of being girly. I still believe that might have been a case for some girls in my country, but personally I've never noticed it. Also in Polish culture we admire mothers a lot- especially mothers of soldiers, who sent their sons to wars etc. They cry after them yet still are able to let them go and believe in independence. So maybe that's why being feminine is not such a bad thing in Poland, after all those praised mothers are quite feminine&strong at the same time.
You are so right though. We have always been pressured to be competitive against women we are made it seem that when someone tells us we aren’t like other women, it’s a compliment. When in fact, there is nothing offensive being like other women cause women are damn amazing so why wouldn’t I wanna be like other women?
exactly! very backwards thinking. i’m glad women are getting out of that mindset and we realize how stupid it is.
Let them embrace being different. Jesus christ.
Dude this is so fricking stupid DO YOU GUYS NOT GET MEN HAVE THE SAME ISSUES. FIRST OF ALL IF YOU ARE MALE WOMAN STANDARDS ARE WAY TO HIGH AND YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO GET DECLINED SO WHAT THE MAN DOES IS WORK OUT AND IMPROVE ON EVERYTHING. AND WHEN HE GETS SIX PACK ABS HE ASKED TO GIRL OUT BUT SHE IS ALREADY TAKEN WHY MEANWHILE MEN EMBRACE FEMINITY AND MASCULINITY. MY PARENTS LIKE FEMININE GIRLS
@@alyssaliang9144 i’m sorry. what even is this… ? no, men don’t have to deal with exactly this. men have literally put these standards and thoughts in the society of women. they make us put each other down, and ridicule one another for not being cool enough. while men do deal with certain things, that’s not what this is about. i think that women should be able to talk about certain things without people like you bringing up the other side. let us talk.
@@avery-bi8zw I think that men should talk about the same thing without bringing the other side. Next, where is your evidence that men make women ridicule each other. Like this is starting to get annoying since because I have seen so many feminists put up a statement without facts. And second life is unfair and while men put standards on women, women put the same standards on men but they just don't like to admit it.
okay but your singing voice is beautiful 😂😍
and i was the same way with my girly side, like not wanting to embrace it. but now i recognized that i can be and do both and that i can love and do both😌
Lets remember just because your not wearing a dress or heals does not make you any less feminine, being feminine does not depend on what you are wearing .
“I don’t wanna date her, ‘cause she is one of the guys” if this isn’t the story of my life I don’t know what is. Also, I like pretty stuff but I’m lazy.
Sounds like 'pickme' women who focus on impressing guys and trying to stand out amongst other women. But I think what is "cool" depends on the guy and his values. So every woman should just embrace their own personality and interests and hope the right partner comes along to accept them as they are. Femininity can teach people how to carry themselves, embrace their own beauty, and how to be compassionate, yet prudent. Secure women can still be themselves and embrace femininity.
Lol "pick me" is just a slur some wannabe gold diggers and "influences" made up to excuse themselves for being such a-holes.
@@poocrayon4588 cope
@@zaharah5462 lol yep. Triggered
@@poocrayon4588 aww I hope he picks you
No really coz every time I see these videos they are hardly portrayed correctly. I fit the cool girl to a T, I grew up with 7 brothers and no sister so I’m a huge tomboy and I maintain the “small waist big ass” figure so people constantly come for me making it look like I’m pretending to be like this for guys when really it’s just who I am
I was talking to this guy about makeup and I said I don't know how to do makeup and he was like "r/notlikeothergirl"
Like no Kevin I just suck at it. It's useless what woman do we get categorised anyway
I know how to do it now✌🏼
Yeah, completely agree. It’s so ridiculous and misogynistic to create these divisions between women. Why do we think that everything women do is for male approval?
@@purplekitten6637 ikrrr
sadly women are always judged no matter what they do…btw cute jk pfp💜
i feel like part of the reason it tends to be the ‘nerdy’ characters that want the cool girl is because they feel too insecure in their masculinity to talk to a girl and dont see women as people, so they want a guy in a womans body that they feel like they can speak to because they need her to be masculine to even see her as a person.
I used to reject femininity so badly. And your whole narrative is f**king relatable. Thank you!
I remember my mom use to force me to act feminine, as in critiquing the way I walked, stopping me from buying certain clothes, constantly telling me to wear jewelry, telling me to wear lighter/ pink clothes etc.. and then One day I casually brought up how she was forcing me to do these things and she stopped. Now she compliments me when I walk out the house with street clothes and sneakers with a short tApered hair cut. But now I am naturally embracing my femininity.
Same about feeling pressure to be feminine
Relatable
What do you mean "naturally"? You just admitted that you were shamed into femininity by your mum, so how do you know if it's a natural desire or something that was forced on you by society? This is why I hate choice feminism.
Male gaze aside I think what truly made Mary cool wasn’t her job, or her eating habits, or her hobbies. It was that she was unapologetically herself regardless of how people saw her.
It’s just sad that the message would probably get drowned out by mediocre, insecure men who want to perpetuate the idea of a guy friend they can have sex with.
Youre like a big sis to me. I have just turned 18 and i was in a "who am i really" kind of teenage depression. Also i was always envying girly girls but wasnt feeling like i was belong to that. This video ACTUALLY helped me to fix somethings in my life. Just wanted you to know...
thats so cool!!
Then I learn, being "cool, cute, attractive, sexy" is subjective. _Trying_ to be these things without knowing this, ends up backfiring.
I just want to say that by looks alone, I am considered "masculine". I don't wear makeup, sweatpants and shirts is what I wear, and I dont wear a bra. But here's the thing though, I don't wear makeup because I don't feel like myself in it, I like wearing sweatpants because I prefer to be more comfortable, and I don't wear a bra because they are uncomfortable and I have smaller boobs to not have to wear them. I don't do this for men, i do it for myself, and that's feminine.
same i don't wear makeup because i feel like i don't look 'myself'.
Yes! Me too
But they wont accept that haha
Me too, so relatable
what is true femininity and masculinity tho?my theory is that it is a construct. like men and women have different genitals but what makes clothing or objects or interests more feminine or masculine.. i am so confused
just dumb labels to control people
Ain’t no theory girl it literally is a construct. It does get more confusing the more you think about it. It may be a construct but legit every it. So just wear and express yourself however you want regardless of whether it’s considered feminine and masculine by society.
@@jes7119 thank y!! i followed👌👌
@@supereggtartersauce6464 yeahh totally!!
i guess in this sense feminine and masculine are being used as descriptors that society has assigned to help us categorize and understand different types of behavior or appearance. femininity and masculinity are descriptors that have been weaponized by men to gain control, like how she brought up that you're only cool if you're like a man.
it's just misogyny paired with the societal pressures men have over women, and because these men are sexist/misogynist they hate femininity too, they're only "liking" feminine traits when it benefits them. (those men like the "feminine" acts of housewives who cook and clean, but when it comes to their feminine interests like makeup men would rather put out a cigarette on their eye than let women like feminine things that aren't directly benefiting/serving them.)
i agree that it's a construct, because living in a patriarchy men have so much control over standards, and most media so they create things to keep control (constructs). betty boop, bratz, and disney princesses were all created by rich white men and they're some of the most recognized women in media. (notice how they're all fictional?) i apologize if that got off topic but what i guess i'm saying is that yes, femininity and masculinity are constructs, as well as weaponized descriptors used by men to gain control over women. she's telling us to embrace every side of us, because ultimately when you stop living for men or when you stop trying to live up to their impossible standards they set to control you, you become more true to yourself, and happier with yourself. ignoring the harmful standards will let you exist as yourself comfortably.
i totally rambled but i hope my take helps you understand a little better!
Does anyone remember the movie Miss Congeniality, starring Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, and Michael Caine? She can only be the desirable cool girl if she meets the desires and fantasies of the men around her. Gracie was only considered cool once she got the beauty pageant makeover. She was considered undesirable and "one of the guys" before.
Let's also not forget that presenting and being masculine doesn't take away from your womanhood / make you less of a woman.
You do realise some women like to dress and act masculine it’s not always a bad thing you don’t have to be feminine to be a girl
Yeah, this is what I was thinking. I have short hair and I'm a girl, which is how I'm comfortable.
yes you don’t need to bring down other girls to compliment me🤦🏾♀️girls and other black girls alike. i don’t even take it as a compliment. i call it out now
that's respectable of u
7:57 “it also made me more attractive to guys” We should be what we want, feminine or masculine or any type of woman (or person) we want, but please let’s not do it for the male gaze because that’s not really how we are it is how men wants us to be.
I totally get the whole femininity thing, and I respect and love everyone for who they are, but lets not bluntly say the “cool girl” is a bad or an unrealistic thing. For some girls it really isn’t “just a phase”, it’s actually who we are. Some girls like pink and some like black. Some girls like dainty salads and some girls have hyperthyroidism and can eat burgers all day without getting fat. Some girls like watching chick flicks and some girls like watching action and horror movies. Some girls like going to get their nails done on the weekends and some girls like going hiking or out to surf a wave *cough cough me*
Everyone is different and unique in our own way. Lets not hate either side. Just be you and own it, whatever that is.
Yesss
This is not meant with the cool girl trope. The cool girl Trope , is directly connected to the male gaze. So while yes a lot of girls can be like you described , this is not the same as trying to be the cool girl.
@@LiLa-yb4om ^^
There isn't another side. We are all women. Black and Pink are both my favorite colors, I like romantic movies and scary movies, I like to be outside and getting my nails done. It depends on my mood whether I behave more "masculine" or "femminine". I can't confine myself into one stereotype or else I'm not being myself.
@@Bellabirdtheoneandonly well youre not everyone. some people prefer mainly either masculine or feminine and not both, it doesnt mean theyre fitting into a 'stereotype' its just what they prefer
When I was a kid I thought I was cool for being a girly girly that didn't like pink but liked blue.
i always pretended to NOT like pink lol
@@rubymack5782 Well don't please lol.
Even though blue is still my favorite color, I like how I look in pink and I like pink flowers, especially blossoms.
@@imontosomething2609 OMG WE ARE THE SAME PERSON LOL. blue has always been y fav color but i also like pink things!
I thought I was cool for liking green instead of pink loll,, and one girl would sort of brag that she was the first one to have blue as a fave colour loll
@@rubymack5782 oh i always wondered why i was like the only person who liked pink
I loved this video, I felt like having a girls talk with a close friend and I also love strong femininity. There's nothing better in this world then women having each others back especially in a world where men made us believe that we have to compete with one another. Idk I really want to embrace my femininity and strength this year and I really enjoyed your vid
I get her point but her saying "eats ham burgers" etc etc is a lil stupid to me. Every THICC 🍑 girl under the sun eats ham burgers & pizza & she no where near the cool girl trope at all 😹
Lol 💀I agree, definitely doesn't apply right now. During the time this was made, being thick wasn't yet the standard so i guess that's probably why she said that.
I use to try to be the "cool girl" until I realized the guys I was trying to be cool for weren't even that #Cewl! 😎
Lol that’s a mood
why is it like we’re all living the same life ? anyways, we love character development
YASSS GURLLL
Oh god this was me in my first relationship. To get him to like me I was instantly like "Yes I love star wars and video games and inappropriate banter" . Funny thing is I did grow to like these things after I tried them out- but I think the real kicker is that he never tried to like the things I liked- because its accepted for girls to be masculine but men who take on feminine traits are ridiculed (in movies, the guys who cry at romantic movies with their girlfriend is always the ridiculous character) because patriarchy views femininity as weakness.
Well on the flip side, you are expected to perform femininity in order to be cool. As in wearing makeup and skirts, being into pop, etc.
Out if interest : i wonder if the type of guy you describe (eg ben stiller in tsam), growing up in a time where films tell them that the awkward, not conventionally attractive gets the girl who's the ideal as he is, has now led to the age of incels being a thing ?? Interested in discussion
I've been thinking about that too. Like, kind of the male version of a Cinderella complex, helpless female waiting for her Prince Charming to rescue her because she has no personhood. The helpless male, waiting for his Hot Girl to rescue him because he has no personhood. Though I think that incels have also probably always been a thing, so rather than leading to incels, maybe more of a symptom of it.
It is very, very likely that is the case.
The problem is not in either masculinity or femininity, it is the performance of something that which is disingenuous to and at the expense of your true self, especially in the case that it exists to serve someone else’s fantasy. Be your own fantasy. Be both your ideal feminine and your ideal masculine. Be it for yourself. Not because it is sexy for others, but because it makes you feel good.
men typically find feminine women a lot more attractive then people who feel confident dressing masculine may feel the pressure to dress feminine as I do so this video is completely the wrong way round
Also notice, that these guys looking for cool girls always expect an attractive girl despite not being attractive themselves! Hence the movie characters in that moveie too.
I shit you not, I was in a manosphere thread(I know I'm crazy but it's important to know how your antagonists think and look at different opinions even if they turn out to be stupid) and some asshat literally said its shallow for girls to expect to have an attractive guy but only natural that men will expect to have an attractive girl 😒
I wish I was making this up.
And those are just the type of guy who would like that girl or qt the very least, wish all girls could truly be like that. Not argue/nag, not have opinions[that contradict theirs], be [naturally]beautiful because btw, make up is stupid and shallow and only stupid and shallow girls are into. Also notice these hot "cool girls" never wear make up. They have naturally flawless skin and hair despite their poor diet and minimal routines. Almost a fantasy girl tbh.
Yes there are girls out there who naturally love stereotypical male things and they are not trying to appeal to anybody. They are just being themselves. And what makes a person cool is if they have a good personality. Not what they're into
I think the hardest part is differentiating toxic femininity from natural femininity. The media likes to portray "girly" women as verbally and physically abusive to male protagonists in comedies. They hit and yell at the males in fits of anger, and this behavior is supposedly humorous. It basically states "women are more emotional than men, so if they lash out, just accept it, they can't help themselves." Young girls watching most often take this in two ways. They either internalize this idea and say "so, this is okay, I can treat people poorly and act however I want and it's excusable because I'm a woman." They use the stigmas of their gender as a way to justify atrocious behavior. (We call them, "Karens.") Or, they think "this is disgusting, I don't want people to see me like that" and they take away the belief that irrationality is tied to femininity. "Girly girls" are characterized as shallow and materialistic. Thus, they reject common representations of their gender, such as skirts, dresses, anything involving the color pink, etc. This portrayal of women is harmful in two drastically different ways, because whichever outcome one chooses, young girls are lead to believe that there is no middle ground between being emotional and feminine, and being an intelligent, reasonable, complex human being.
You exactly described my whole life on what i thought of femininity and women😭😭 tbh i like to think i don't think that way anymore but i still in fact struggle a lot with internationalized misogyny. It's still very hard for me to think girliness and bitchiness aren't synonymous. I think a lot of ppl still struggle with it, but im trying not to judge girly girls
one of my favourite lessons i learned after high school is there is no such thing as the "basic bitch". we're all way too complex with so many cool interests, even if i couldn't care for the stuff another woman likes. watching other woman enjoy things unapologetically fuels my existence.
"I'm always gonna be like other girls.. because I am one" such a simple yet powerful statement !!! also, has anyone noticed how when we were children, being a tomboy was very much accepted, yet, a little boy who wants to embrace his femininity through perhaps wanting to wear pink/play with 'girl' toys was incredibly, and still is discouraged? really goes to show how undesirable femininity really is, even when you're a kid...
I find both feminine and cool girls problematic, when i was a teen i wasn't necessarily a cool girl because altough i looked down on girly girls it wasn't to please boys but for their lack of authenticity and need of male validation because feminine girls were feminine for boys not for themselves and they looked down at other girls for not being girly.
Becoming feminine later on was actually a blessing 'cause i did it for me
Basically disingenuous people are problematic not necessarily how they express themselves
@@alyssapinon9670 not really, the worst part is hating on other women because they don't fit your standard, no woman is better than the other, we're just different!
@@ayarac ok that’s true. Like I always said if you don’t like mean, judgmental people then don’t act like one yourself
@@alyssapinon9670 exactly!!
There's nothing wrong in wanting to attract opposite gender. Like guys do that too.
The key is to just be yourself!!!
It makes me so sad to remember my old self. Just like you since high school I've tried so hard to be "cool" but deep down I was just so insecure and jealous of the girly girls.. I also let myself hurt in relationships pretending I didn't care about things that I obviously did because "cool girls don't care". Ugh sooo glad to be free of this bs now, it wasn't easy tho
I have no gender preference so I’ve just decided to wear what makes me happy and if someone doesn’t like me being happy and comfortable as myself, then obviously they aren’t someone I should talk to and they probably have some internal conflicts to sort out
Preach! 👏
I think it's a massive reach to say every woman who doesn't conform to femininity automatically is conforming to some alternative male expectation, and is therefore acting like a male in a woman's body aka cool girl. No, some of us are gender non-conforming and have been all our lives, even with femininity pushed down our throats from birth. Some of us live authentically and don't care about male attention and it's quite harsh to assume that none of us have free will or aren't "aware" enough of what we're doing. I'm aware enough to know I'm not feminine and never will be. I've legit tried many times to get more into feminine hobbies, mostly out of curiosity and boredom. I'm also a 100% straight woman. I don't reject femininity...it's just that I find it boring and it doesn't hold my attention for very long. I'm much more interested in doing stuff for fun and femininity is super fucking limited and boring, plus expensive af
Reminder that it’s okay to be the cool girl as long as it’s not for men…. Coz then your just a ‘pick me’
I used to be really insecure about being girly, because on tv its always shown the pretty girl to be stuck up or rude, so i tried to act more masculine, and i was miserable, i enjoy being feminine. And being feminine isnt always about being weak, and you dont have to act masculine to be strong. Thats why i loved seeing shows like winx club, totally spies, cause it shows girls that are feminine be super strong and powerful! It really made me happy when i was little.
I was a "cool girl" / nlog most of my teen years and young adult life. Only to find out I'm actually just an NB trans guy xD The train hit hard
Ig you could use the tomboy trait aka masculine energy in different situations and the feminine you for different situations. Rather than parents being heavily black and white they should teach their kids to accept both sides of them. There is tomboy and feminine just be wise about when to use both instead of dividing yourself so much. Just be yourself lol. One love ❤️
Tbh I think Something about Mary was satirical to some extent...at the end of the movie she ends up with a stereotypical “cool guy” who is nice, muscular, conventionally attractive, etc. So none of the men pursuing her in the movie win her over in the end, I really think all of the characters are an over exaggerated joke
im 16 right now and
im very very very GIRLY like i like fairies cute stuff y2k pink my favorite color just the WORKS.
but then theres the fact i go to a all black school in fact every school i ever been to has been all black since i was 5 moving on from those points
a lot of girls did not like me for the fact i was girly starting off young and even now i feel like black girls have the cool girl thing as a stable within our race so a lot of them would make fun of me for it whatever it would be cause i wouldn't be into certain things like sports or games. which leaded to a lot of bullying from females
Now this leads me into my male interaction this actually made a lot more guys into me cause i wasn't into masculine things and i like being girly and it does help adding the fact i am attractive and
i cant tell you how being extremely girly has giving me a lot of anxiety and having to cover up that part of me in order for other girls to want to befriend me
Me tooo girl yeah I like being girly yes sometimes I would be made fun of but like Idgaf I still be me either way
So sorry you are going through this at such a young age. There are a lot of videos on youtube about specifically black femininty made by black women. I suggest you watch them, some are great and educational some arent so much. Black womanhood in particular is difficult to navigate because society both within and outside the black community expect certain masculine aspects of black women and this is so damging. This trope even in some ways affects how we are treated in medical settings because they think they have a higher pain tolerance which sadly leads to some black women dying because they are ignored. Anyway do you girl and embrace all your interests, ignore the internlised misgynoir comments.
Make that into a Netflix movie and go take your money , people are shit
For centuries women have been told how to dress and what to do by men, for men. I think it is finally time for us to stop doing that and just be ourselves! 💖
Me at 13: ugh girls are so vapid and stupid. I’m different because I read books 🙄
Me now, @ any cute girl: 🎶I’m just like youuu~ you’re just like meee🎶
when i started seeing videos criticising the “not like other girls” and they started talking about the whole doing it to attract boys i was really confused because when i went through that phase in middle school (3rd through 5th grade approx) i genuinely wanted to be considered a part of “the boys” and in 5th through 7th/8th grade grade i was “kicked out” of the group. (it was gradually)
and it matched with the time i was introduced to feminism, the existence of the lgbtq+ community (i was aware of gay people but i never had a second thought of it or that you can like more than one gender and the whole thing about the non binary gender spectrum), when i started questioning my misogyny, my conception of being girly, if i was straight, if i was cis or trans
i started my phase due to being bullied and excluded by my girl classmates, so there was some resentment at the beginning and then it resulted in me realising i’m trans non-binary
if some parts of this doesn’t make sense or it has grammatical and redaction mistakes i apologise, english is my second language and it’s really difficult proofreading in my phone
Your singing ❤️😍 my heart stopped
i feel that im blocking off my feminity, i really want to embrace it but my anxiety is so bad and that im too nervous of how other people will percieve of me. I’ve been told im pretty and stuff but some say that i dont make use of it, im just stuck to be honest. I dont really show my feminity not cuz i wanna be the “cool girl” lol no, its just i feel so freaking nervous to show that side of me to people. Guy friends bring my self esteem down and people from my last school were just shitty to me. Since i’ve grown up, i met ppl on snap and stuff and they call me beautiful and that really got me thinking. Idk really i’m just nervous to show the feminine side of me to social media or anything, i wish to be like u someday ngl. Like im 17 i should at least try to be confident in myself, but its just so tough cause my anxiety isnt good rn
I understand the desire to tell woman to embrace their femininity, but personally, I don’t feel comfortable doing it because of internalized misogyny. But being aware of that fact doesn’t change the fact that it is still there. Dressing more ‘masculinely’ (t-shirts and long shorts) is also a mechanism to fight back against the misogyny. I dress that way so that I know for sure that I am not going to be given a leg up simply because of my appearance. I never want to be judged because of my appearance instead of my personality, and I know that I will always be judged by my looks, so instead I dress in ways that wouldn’t make me desirable in the stereotypical male gaze so that I won’t be judged that way. I completely understand that your experience was different, you became confident through the embracing of your femininity, but there are people who are genuinely more comfortable dressing more ‘masculinely’ and can’t just wear a dress and be okay with it.
Gender identity is a really complicated thing and I think that telling people to embrace themselves is really important but I also think that telling people that the only/ main way to embrace that femininity is by wearing dresses is potentially destructive.
I think the main difference between our experiences is the way that men fit into it. While you seemed to have done it to get a boyfriend, I dressed and acted that way as a defense mechanism to avoid it. I am confident in who I am, I’m just not confident in femininity. And I think that for now, that is okay.
The weird thing about this too, is that being the cool girl was like being a doormat while being a feminine lady was about setting healthy boundaries and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of without the other person feeling bad, in fact you could do it in a way that makes them feel empowered as if it were their own choice. I'm soooo glad that I stopped being hung up on being a tomboy/cool girl and instead embrace my natural feelings and instincts, I feel so much more comfortable and empowered despite me JUST realizing what I was actually doing to myself.
It's sad that being feminine, provocative, sexual, etc. as a woman is associated with being somehow weak. One of my female colleagues told me that she never wears makeup and always dresses down so that men won't think she's unintelligent. Very sad!
For me, embracing my feminity helped me realize that I am a huge sapphic😅
(guys don't tell nobody but, cool girl is actually for people who are secretly gay but also want to be straight. don't tell anyone ok?)
I think it is age-appropriate to be in your mid-twenties and asking yourself "What is femininity?", "What is masculinity?"
When I was a teen, we naturally wanted to be a feminine, which is different from today. But that title had limitations. Feminine women weren't level-headed; weren't interested in science or math; weren't athletic. OK, that last one had some caveats. Certain athletic adventures were considered feminine, while others were not. At least in my circle.
Problem was, I had interests that crossed that line. Some were naturally mine--like math & science. Some were dreams I hoped to be able to do--like play basketball.
I grew to understand that femininity is not that limiting. Femininity is not mutually exclusive to hobbies, interests & general personality traits. I had assume that my understanding & growth was shared by society. I was wrong.
Do you know of "Flo Jo"? She was an Olympic athlete/star from 1988. She is still the fastest. Her records have not been beat. At that time, excelling in athletics meant not being feminine. Boy did she not get the memo! She oozed femininity! You should look her up. Definitely a woman who was who she wanted to be...and the best at it, too.
My point is that society STILL defines femininity as being emotionally unstable; logically inept; & obsessed with her outer beauty as primary asset.
I'm glad you can enjoy being a woman. It can be fun sometimes.
I’m just confused on why every video I’ve seen on ‘exploring your own femininity’ always directs attention to wearing makeup, dresses, etc. Like, I understand these are attributes often associated with femininity, but my question is why? Weren’t makeup and dresses initially created for men, anyways? Why must I wear makeup and dresses to be feminine? I think the message of your video is good, but your way of explaining could’ve been better. I think the only real way for one to explore their own femininity, truly, is to activate the innate qualities within us that are present due to being female- the biological qualities we have as women.
Does that mean menstruating, wearing bras and having babies ?
Embrace fragility! Feminism adds to the diversity and possibility of how different types of women we can become, not just all trying to be cool and strong and restricting our choices.
Omg i wish my younger self knew about this, i can't stop cringing at my old self. I can't believe that I'm a female and misogynistic back then. I just want some attention and to look "quirky" especially for male attention, now i realized being like the other girls is a compliment because women are amazing (same as men), everyone is amazing! Love yourself girls 💖 you don't need the approval of others to be confident, being confident makes you look more beautiful, you're amazing just the way you are 😻💅👑
it all started when someone posted a meme about us girls collectively going thru a phase of hating pink. and we started to put it together and realize even a complex as little as a phase of hating a feminine color, speaks so much. I felt like I was nodding along with this video the whole time. well done!
Love it love it love it but whereee did you get those boots??? They’re perfect!
On a real level, I’ve recently started acknowledging, embracing and accepting my v divine femininity and it’s really liberating. It helps that I’m getting into my spirituality invoking witchcraft and coming into my own as an adult woman. I feel sexy and I want other women to feel like that as well. We need to show up and out for ourselves first bby!
You're right in 100%, but the thing that I can't not to say is your singing voice is so damn amazing
The fact that your profile pic is Ariana Grande makes it more wonderful😂at first i really thought that it was ari's voice👀
OH MYGHOD YOU CAN SING TOO?!? GOODBYE IM IN LOVE
This is exactly how I felt growing up to a T...down to the part of rejecting my femininity just to seem "cool" and feeling weak for being girly. I'm now beginning to explore my feminine journey 🦋
Omg I was just like this in middle school but as a dude. hated masculinity, acted like I hated men, defended women being sexist because of all they have to go through, lived off of female validation💀. So glad I realised I could be masculine without being that weird messed up view of men I had been taught. finally got some male friends and some female friends that I wasn't just friends with for validation.
What makes u cool is ur personality. Not if u dress girly or tomboyish
or have "feminine" or "masculine" intrests, or liking or disliking the color pink
with me it wasn't that I looked down feminine or girly things it was because I felt feminine enough I never really felt tombyish enough either so yeah , and I feel I always had to force myself to like and act a certain way because I'm girl, it was also me trying to prove a point the liking stereotypically feminine or girly doesn't make you women, women much more are then just what they wear and like. I feel more comfortable and confident im not trying to be masculine or feminine but being me which somewhere in the middle.
oh and i also used to do it to not get attention from men because man like feminine women , I didn't really work though 😅
Being in between feminine and masculine is being androgynous, which is what I usually associate myself to be most of the time. You’re not super masculine or feminine, but you have a pretty good mix of both traits and can lean towards one more than the other sometimes.
I felt the need to be more masculine and dress more masculine and constantly try to please men when I was unhappy with my appearance, very insecure and intimidated by other women. Embracing femininity is the best thing I've ever done, it also makes you stop seeing other women as rivals. The cool girl is a male fantasy, I've never met a girl like that, it's so sexist it's ridiculous.
I just realized I was trying to be a cool girl in elementary school. I put in all this effort just for 4 ft boys not noticing me :(. Also, my mom didn't like my cool girl phase. She never supported it and bought clothes she wanted, which were "girly". Ik I was a child, but I just wanted to dress tomboyish and not girly. Thankfully my mom didn't listen to me, so I just wear what I'd like. Also, I tried being edgy and shit by watching a horror movie and scaring my female friends so I could attract the little boys. Idk if I was misogynistic, but I acted like I was not like other girls. I'm glad that I've changed.
Jennifer’s body is great and it flopped because of misogyny and now gen z is giving it the credit it deserves change my mind
It flopped because it was marketed towards men. It’s a shame because I really love Jennifer’s Body.
I’m so glad your channel ended up in my recommendations. The algorithm is getting too specific I swear 👀 I went through this phase in high school because I needed male validation to boost my self esteem (also gender dysphoria but that’s another story) . As soon as I left I was like wait I actually love being feminine and enjoying “basic” things.
Yes! When she said she related 'being feminine with being weak' I felt that. Younger me would try her best to just never act or do something in a feminine way.
I would literally go around saying I didn't feel pain (when I got my period, it'd be terrible but I told everyone they were making a big deal about it) and refused to cry (because people said "boys don't cry only girls do"), cook and clean(was considered the wife's job) , etc which are basic skills my parents wanted both me and my brother to learn
I was so determined to act like a male because I thought that was the only way I'd matter or be seen as powerful
Thankfully, I have brains now
As a woman born and raised in the 80s in Spain I was the “cool” girl, basically a tomboy and I was relentlessly bullied and called a lesbian. Wish I was born now tbh.
It's very cool to be who you are. And 'she's not like other girls' is toxic as fuck. I would say, in the group of who I'm surrounded with I am seen as 'different'. Like, they've said that to my face. 'When I first met you I thought you were a bit different but you're lovely', 'you're really different but it's cool'. I think it would be easier for me if I liked the same things as everyone else. I personally believe I'm naturally more masculine than lots of the girls I know. And I don't want to be ashamed of that, I prefer beer to vodka cranberry - not cause I'm making a statement, I like it - it benefits by drinking habit etc etc . I also play guitar which is seen very much a male thing - WHY? I don't think it's natural, I think women are not encouraged as much because it was viewed that they have no reason to pick up a guitar, or play sports or whatever. I hate all these girl labels created by the media as well, like 'tomboy', 'she's different', ugh it's so exhausting with all of these fucking expectations. Do what you like, as long as you're not effecting others in a negative way. It's not shameful to love makeup and clothes, I do, but yes I suppose I have suppressed femininity to appear strong. But, that makes me weak overall. Some I'm just gonna be myself. Embrace your natural woman-ness, but also don't restrict yourself - you can be strong and energetic and loud and funny, it doesn't matter what the boys think. If that's who you are it's who you are! But if you feel you are very 'feminine' and you're trying to suppress it, let it out. It's very much in Western culture for women to be quieter and more passive, and that pisses me off. It's developed in our culture due to toxic beliefs created by greedy white men and some women would have been involved. But we can make stupid ugly faces, and fart - cause everyone fucking farts bitch
The problem of seeing femininity as something week is so deep rooted in our history and past
I think it takes a lot to change that in the long run
I played with a little six year old boy who I felt like was raised bye a very feminist Mother
I played with two puppets
Both were girls but one of them was dressed like a boy and fightet with other knights in a Battle
The other one however was dressed like a girl and was supposed to be a princess
I was shocked about the behavior of the Boy I played with because he always referred to her as weak and she can’t do things and stuff like that and I didn’t understand why he made such a difference just because she was more feminine
I actually don't even know where these 'cool girls' get this idea that you will please or keep a man by acting like a man. In my experience being feminine and authentic to yourself instead of just agreeing with everything dudes say will actually get you further with them and in life too. I like video games and football, but beer makes me sick and and I adore makeup and dresses. I think it's important to have a mix of feminine and masculine traits.
Thisssss! I feel like over my life I’ve attracted some pretty cool guys just by being myself and embracing my masculine and feminine energy.
So I saw your comment on Kelly stamps video and I had to pass by and wooooooow I love you already I love your content and I think am here to stay😌😌😌😌
i am so glad i saw your video on pretty privilege , after that i started binge watching ur videos thank you so much for helping me i really enjoy ur content 😊
Her outfit is my fav color combo atm ugh I love it