Prudence is a virtue. Me giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying not to judge them got me screwed over. Judge people by their character. Never judge people by their looks.
Don't confuse judgement with discernment or awareness. If I see a person is intending in misunderstanding me or hurting me I avoid them. I'm talking about day to day interactions, removing judgement of yourself in relation to how they treat you. Like in a work environment. Not hanging onto other people actions.
A true INFJ utilises Ni-Ti as an abstract rationalist to conceptually reformulate cerebral content in their psyche; nothing more nothing less. What you're referring to isn't the Jungian INFJ, nor is Wenzes, but the 'behavioural' variant of the INFJ - the cognitive ISFP.
How often have you felt like you were working for inferior superiors and decided you would never take an unnecessary promotion if it meant being part of the hierarchy chain of BS...???
@@alnotz Oh God, that just have been Hell..I can't imagine blindly serving authorities and literally given no creativity to that extent. How'd you manage?
I attended a church for a while where the leaders were manipulative and controlling. That really bothered me. The rigidity of conformity to what was perceived as God, ( Trump, the Republican Party, the weird demands of loyalty, and Right Wing Nationalism, conflating the political with faith,) all became unbearable. I spoke up in a small prayer group about some of my concerns and was immediately identified as " The Enemy," because I refused to conform to their weird agenda. I left and shook the dust off of my feet I worked at a school with learning disabled kids. My first boss was a rigid rule keeper who allowed no creativity in interaction with the kids. I can't operate that way. I lasted one year in her room. I was switched to another teacher's room who appreciated my initiative and creative approach in helping the students succeed ; we worked happily together for 11 years. My sisters never got me. One was a narcissistic social climber, always the center of attention, my other sister a rule keeper who thrived on order, and neither understood my need for solitude, my disinterest in being popular, or my flying by the seat of my pants approach to life. I did not make sense to either of them. As a child, I was a dreamer, loved fairy tales, was happy reading a book or watching cloud formations. I like to think about things. I was bullied, bossed around, mistreated. I finally reached the the place where I simply did not care. I detested bullies, people who were indifferent to another's pain, or who made fun of those who were different. I was happy with one friend. I am now 74 years of age. I love to write stories for my grandkids. I still gaze at clouds, read books, think deeply about things, walk daily and have conversational prayer to God while enjoying the trees, birds, puppy dogs, and vastness of the sky. Today I found a bed of roses while out walking. I had to lean over each bloom and inhale its fragrance. Solitary but happy. Marching to a different drum no longer a conundrum. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for your insightful podcasts. I am sure they help others find peace being true to themselves and stop caring if people around them don't get them. God bless.
I just want to go to work, get things done, and go home. All these social games and “he says, she says” just makes my eyes roll. When I ignore the the “office drama” and stay out of it, I am inevitably pulled in, because those people assign a narrative to me, when I could seriously care less.
The amount of absolutely insane theories and stories they come up with is just something else. Why can't a person choose to just mind their own business and not get pulled into this nonsense game they play?
As a female INFJ, I had some horrendous times in offices in my 20s. Other women can be vicious. I was struggling with low self esteem and disability, and already being the odd one out with my INFJness, I became a target.
Stay away from office jobs if you can! They are the worst for ppl who have integrity, aren't with the office politics and who aren't phony! It's been a lifetime of suffering for me and I still can't find a work from home job. 😢
@yumyumkitty2104 totally agree. I just found the office environment so passive-aggressive I really couldn't cope. I felt surrounded by narcissism. I wanted nothing more than to run far away, forget trying to climb any ladder.
I can never take the hierarchy at work seriously. I’m not sure if I’m an INFJ but I recognize a lot. I’m allergic to followers. Or ‘influencers’. All those ridiculous modern ways you’re supposed to join. No way.
Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can really hurt. A bully who fucks around with an INFJ will usually find out when an INFJ identifies their weakness.
Nope; the cognitive INFJ is not emotionally predictive they are logically predictive as Ni-Ti convergents they are primarily abstract logicians. Hence why owing to the behaviourally imbued stereotypes everyone on here is mistyped including Wenzes.
Don't even get me started on bullies. 🙄 I do know one thing... When I worked at a school, and I witnessed a child being bullied, I would call the bully to my office... I would say, "I'm not going to ask WHY you did what you did. Being mean to someone else has no reasoning to me." Then I would say: "Instead, Please help me understand how you think this shows that you a good person and worthy of respect?"
I'm an INFJ. Someone once told me that I was the type of person who fit in anywhere. This surprised me because I have never fit in anywhere. Having known this since I was young, I became comfortable in my own skin. I was me no matter where I was. Be your authentic self, stop worrying if you are liked, start considering if you like them. It may surprised you when you realize how few people have qualities you admire. Why care if people you don't like don't like you? Empaths need to protect themselves from having the life sucked out of them by liars and users
Bullies. There was a time when I bullied the bullies (defensively). Now I tend to walk away. Always stood up for those bullied who needed it - still do.
That's quite a mentality I picked, that I find myself supporting the team that is on the losing side, supporting the loser, the fallen... strange. That grave feeling that the winner is somehow evil, and the good only wins in the fairy tales.
Another type that hates us: Those that accuse us of being fake because we adapt to so many personalities. We're motivated by empathy, but these people accuse us of being fake, manipulative, etc, and don't trust us. --Maybe some of you can help me identify this personality type or the issues these people have that causes this reaction. Thanks❤
They're trying to trigger you to act against your good nature. Skeptics who keep you under a microscope are not worth your time, and that is their loss, not yours.
I was bullied ONCE, in second grade. I'm was a tiny little girl, he was a big chubby ass-tick, and thought he was so cool picking on little girls. I watched him at the beginning of the school year bully so many little kids, who were even younger that him, and all were smaller. After the Christmas vacation, about two weeks into January, it apparently was my turn. School let out for the day, and we who lived around the corner from school were all walking through the field to the gate to our street. Just as I started going through the gate somebody grabbed my shoulder and said, "fifteen cents to go through the gate!" I turned to see who it was touching me and it was bully boy. I said "what did you just tell me?" He says, "fifteen cents for YOU to go through the gate, if you don't pay you can't use the gate." I looked at him and said, "No I'm not paying fifteen cents to use the gate. You're not the boss of this gate so no." He shoved me and I fell. He didn't know who he was trying to bully, I got up and jumped up in the air, turning around as I did. When I faced him in a split second of jumping I punched my fist out and clocked him right in the snoot. He grabbed his face and started yelling, then crying when he saw his nose was bleeding. I told him to hurry home so his mommy could kiss his boo-boo. He ran and was crying i was in big trouble. I got home and told my mom about it and she just looked at me and said, "okay I guess we better plan on his mom coming. And she did with the ass tick in tow. She demanded I be punished for punching her baby. My mom demanded her baby be punished for bullying little girls and other kids at school. She told my mom, "oh he's just playing with them!" Mom said, "Well she was just playing with him too then, maybe he should learn to take what he dishes out?" Then mom slammed the door in her face. The next day he comes up to me with a baggie and two donuts in it. He told me he wanted to be friends and he wanted to share his donuts with me. We shared the donuts. We grew up together, he turned into an incredibly handsome guy, married his high school sweetheart, my best friend, and he became an corporate attorney. I've never been bullied since then, not once. Maybe it's the look on my face when someone seems like their going to try? I know before they even start what they're going to do, and my face must portray the "I don't think so cookie" look, because it stops in it's tracks. I don't play around like that. I call bullies out if I see one bullying somebody. I dislike them and I'm not afraid of them, so I just dig my heels in and dare them to do it.
I love this story!!! ❤and I usually don’t read long texts but this was definite worth it! Yep I got tired of being bullied at a young age as well. So I can feel this story. After 5th grade I was a different person! Thanks for sharing.
Same, so you're conditioned as a child to equate long suffering and abuse with love, because narcissists are sadistic twisted people that will tell you they love you and they're doing this (abusing you) for your own good
For me it has always come out of left field! People like me at first and then suddenly they don't! Exhibiting jealous behaviors and treating me dismissively. I haven't changed anything about myself so I don't get it. So my circle stays extremely small.
When I learned that many people are not motivated by empathy it was like a sucker punch. The fact that greed and other things lead people just is outside my mind frame. Constantly trying to adapt to their world 🌎 when it’s our world too. Hoping to figure it out someday
The cognitive INFJ is not primarily motivated by empathy but logic as Ni-Ti convergents they are a cerebral type who can be quite happy simply reformulating in their own heads. Hence the vast majority of ISFP mistypes.
I think that sometimes it's not so much a case of greed or a lack of empathy, but more that they lack enough self-awareness to realise their own selfishness. They're not necessarily 'bad at heart', just oblivious to others' needs or how their behaviour affects those around them. A bit like children, in some respects.
I had a roommate who was so needy, always interrupting to get attention. When I started ignoring them they immediately said they can’t live with me and tried to make it seem like I am a burden 😂 they moved out to go be roommates with a new person and now they have a personal cheerleader. I’m happy for them… from far away 😊
When people try to involve me in their problems I just say so. You’re trying to make your problem my problem. I dont do that. If you do allow it the next step is it’s all my fault or some other error in thinking and enough to make you 😡
In my experience I feel that people dont like me because they dont like what I represent. I hold a mirror up to them and they dont like what I am reflecting. Bullies, rule havers, heirachy needers etc sound like people who are stuck in structure or who require a formula that gives their lives meaning and safety in the known. They all sound insecure!😅😅
This is a very good point! We do hold mirrors to people. It can be a lot to handle emotionally when people don't want to look in the mirror but we see see who they really are.
I can simplify all of this for you. The INFJ personality type has very strong character and self confidence that intimidates people who don’t have those qualities. Simply put, if you have confidence in who you are, a person who does not have that confidence and hides behind popularity, materialism, and other superficial aspects of life, the INFJ’s presence by itself will highlight for them what they are lacking and what they are scared everyone will see. It, in their mind is like a Beaty queen standing next to a troll. You may sense their inadequacies and feel compassion for them, or distain for their front, but to them it is extremely loud and obvious and they need to destroy you and your character in the eyes of everyone around you in order to maintain their standing in everyone’s eyes. Believe it or not, the general population tends to respond to this type of expression about a person’s character over any kind of in-depth look at the person. The general population tend to be sheep. It is quite literally a fight between good and evil. Wholesome and perversion, and for some crazy reason, people will tend to believe the lie: more now then ever before. So if your feeling alone and depressed because people tend to believe lies, then yeah, your a bit of light in a world running to the darkness. Good luck and God bless you.
I love it when people don't like me. It lets me know they're jealous of who I am rather than what I have. I've known people who had all the toys and luxuries be jealous of me even when I had nothing.
Oh I don't know about that .I think they can sense our empathy and try to mirror our emotions to make us think they're good people. I attract them but I know now what to look for and they are freaking everywhere!
Nope behaviourally imbued stereotype being a cognitive Ni-Ti convergent has nothing to do with whether narcissists dislike you or not. I wish people would stop mistyping as the rare INFJ based on these stereotypes
I'm currently being scapegoated at my job. I'm not a game player and just do my thing. This environment is one that values certain rules and hierarchys and I just don't. That has made me a target for their ire. One of my coworkers told me the rest have been talking about me behind my back. It's frustrating because it makes being there very difficult. It feels isolating and I don't often get the help I give others. It's crazy that adults can act like they'er in grade school. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it😣
I went through the same exact thing recently. The mean girls were lying about me and people were believing them. I didn't respond at all. I completely ignored all of it and was determined not to let them bring me down. This went on for months until I finally told my boss. I'm not sure what he did or said, but it's over now. People don't believe their lies anymore.
Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't believe how lies really influence people. Not to sound naive but, I just couldn't do that to someone else. It feels wrong
@@CC-fi8mc You said that you don't get the help that you give others. I can relate to that 100%. I go above and beyond at work. I realize that it enables people to take advantage of me. Yesterday someone asked "Stacie, can you do me a favor?" I responded "Yes, of course." Then she told me what the favor was and I was like "Ummmm, no." I thought it was just going to be a small favor. It wasn't. I'm kind of proud of myself for saying no. I haven't been very good at saying no in the past, but I'm finally learning.
@@staciehaneline9533 Good for you👊 I feel like I'm always going out of my way to be helpful while my coworkers are sitting back. Meanwhile if I don't jump up to help them immediately I'm called lazy. It's a very aggravating, toxic work environment
True about bullies, the popularity status people, the rules people, the conformists, and the narcissists. I've had situations with all of these behaviour types - without any intention I push buttons for all of them, it's so accurate it's funny.
This is so true. I had a group of friends and one was always trying to be the leader and would get mad when I had different opinions and wouldn’t follow along. She said I was always trying to go against the grain and purposely not agreeing with everyone else. When I told her I don’t do it on purpose I just have a mind of my own that irritated all of them. Even when we would meet new ppl she would speak for me and say I’m the quiet one and once the ppl we met got to know me and see I’m down to earth and fun it would make her look like a liar 😂 it drove her crazy that she couldn’t keep me in a box
I believe C.S. Lewis wrote it best, in The Chronicals of Narnia, The Last Battle. “Well, at any rate there’s no Humbug here. We haven’t let anyone take us in. The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs.” “You see,” said Aslan. “They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.”
I remember that! Yes that is great! Lewis knew a thing or two about hierarchies and how empty they ultimately were. In "That Hideous Strength" I believe he illustrated a character always trying to get deeper into the inner circle of a group. I believe he compared it to peeling an onion. A person gets deeper into the onion, layer by layer and feels the excitement of finally getting to the core and then finds that there is no core. In both instances he is describing the type of social strivers that Wenzes was referring to as a group that hate INFJs. We seem to be able to see that there is no point in spending all our energy on chasing that next status level, But this infuriates those that do spend all their energy on that pursuit.
Yes, there a few attitudes or personalities that commit circular reasoning in confirming their bias. Cynicism is one, chronic hyper skepticism is another. Often they are more akin to a phobia than merely an attitude though. Like a phobia of spiders, or flying/falling, the fear that protects them also traps them from finding out that their phobia prevents them from discovering the actual ambiguity of the things they fear. A fear of being wrong or making a mistake can paralyze a person and keep them from taking the risks necessary to learn through trial and error.
This is hitting so deep, to my bones. As an INFJ female my life has been somewhat pebbled with difficulties with people. And being called fake felt extra ridiculous. I've had my worst interactions with clout chasers...they will throw you to the wolves and then comes back to kick the remains. Why are people so predominantly gross?
Theyre gross because theyre empty...theyre like a collective hive minds. They cant be alone, think for themselves and arent as smart as us 😂😂😂 its so powerful to be independent, genuine and intelligent. We like to know the reasons behind rules and procedures...we dont follow blindly and that makes bosses go nuts.
Clout chasers are sometimes the most Machiavellian. They are lusty for attention, cold, calculating, manipulative, and deceptive. A normal person, say a neighbor… wants to borrow a cup of sugar… the interaction is just that, they simply want to borrow a cup of sugar. A Machiavellian social climber, if they come to “borrow a cup of sugar” you can be sure it ain’t about the cup of sugar, it’s the first part of a cleverly calculated ruse to invade your life and destroy you. They have to find an excuse to get your attention and once they have it you can take it to the bank, they will lead you into maelstrom and then come back and laugh at you for falling for it.
Bullies don't like any type not just INFJ'S . Bullies have low self-esteem so they want to hurt people because it makes them feel good so any type that is vulnerable the bully will pick up on the persons fears bullies view them as prime targets .
I agree with all of the above personality types who “hate” INFJs. 😢 Letting go of “Wanting to create harmony” is hard part…especially when others go along with those types, and in a way blame you🤷🏻♀️
I just let go of a friend from my childhood, who in my view is (still) very self-centered to continue a friendship with. It really hurt, but after it really felt like getting a part of my self - respect back.
I was bullied so much in school. It's rare for me to comment on things, but I need to vent... People thought I was fake because there were times where I would help people and defend them, and when I was asked why I did it and said it was because I wanted to, I was told that there's no way anyone's that nice. It may have been the first time I felt both flattered and offended at once, lol. But I even defended the bullies too once or twice, just for them to insult me (there were wild dogs that got in school, and me and two other guys were dealing with them while the bullies were doing nothing but maybe shouting stuff at me, like how I was trying to look cool...). They always refused to accept whatever answer I gave. I realized later it was because they were projecting themselves onto me. Because I was doing things they would never do for other people, they couldn't understand why anyone else would do it. They ganged up on me so many times and only when it was too late did they decide to apologize (not by themselves, but as a group. They barely did anything alone). A girl and a guy told me they were jealous of me... but the girl made the rest of them believe her lies about me being fake and slandered my name. Even after apologizing, in college, she would still insult me at times. Some people really don't know how to leave others alone.
I've been targeted in almost every room, school, work I've ever been in. And right now. Giving myself a 10 min Mental Health break from the bullies at the new job.
I had one bully physically attack me for no reason. I didn't even know her, never noticed her, until she physically attacked me on the playground, at PE, in 6th grade. I'd never been in a physical fight before, but I responded in kind. She ended up on her back with me on top of her 😂. She was 3 years older than me, taller and bigger than me. Needless to say, I won that kid-fight. The Physical Education teacher saw what happened and I didn't get in trouble for defending myself. I always defended other kids who were bullied.
This is so true, and so unwarranted. Usually they are jealous, hell bent on putting me in their box. I even had a teacher who hated me. That teacher had a short man complex. His students were taller than he was. I was in the 4th grade. 🤣🤣🤣 I have knocked a few blocks off in my lifetime. Usually protecting my younger siblings, I was the older sister every child who was ever bullied would want. 👊 Now that I am an adult that is really frowned on.😏 I never go back and talk to those people. Today I read people so well, I can spot their complex's and they really hate that.
Work places are almost always toxic. Big mistake to allow that or create it for the business person. If I owned a business I would avoid that before anything else. Its not easy a few people together all day and that certain manager. They can be the worst!
People don't like their thoughts challenged, an INFJ's existence is challenging the own thought, self improvement, being better, empathy & kindness. People want their bad behaviours being rewarded. Even when coming from empathy, telling the person "I am not judging you because I use to do that too before I knew better & all it took was for someone to show me the truth, so that's what I'd like to do, give you that & let you make an informed decision" (not for all cases but most can relate to a once bad behaviour we have fixed/improved/did not want to partake in/saw the damage it was doing, etc., everything required to make the changes to be better) they don't care, they want to hear GOOD things about their bad behaviours & will not hesitate to use fallacies or lies to make you feel lesser. They find the wrong people to look for confirmation bias of their horrible behaviours & when it's not given by the INFJ, it becomes THEIR fault & twisted onto them, not the person doing the harmful behaviour. This isn't just INFJ's too. This is the same for straight up Neurodivergent folks (Not Neurotypical, can be born that way or things develop like PTSD/Trauma/etc.,), especially Autistics; not all but many that have a thing called Double Empathy & are mostly feeling the world around them more than their own feelings (can lead to Alexithymia) & can get swept up in what seems like a happy moment, but it's at their expense but don't realize it yet because everyone else is feeling good, so they feel good, then later when they go come, everything comes to realization of the self feelings/situation/etc., (for myself I have meltdowns, not all of us do but it's part of it. Sometimes I personally end up in non-verbal states to stop the meltdown, but it means I cannot talk until my body/mind/mental state is ready), yet still very in touch with everything. I'd even argue INFJ's are 99-100% Neurodivergent as I have not yet met/seen/heard from/of a neurotypical INFJ. When we want time to ourselves, we're seen as selfish, yet they cannot see how much we're absorbing of the world, it's so much we have to seek solitude (&/or body doubling for some) to recharge ourselves. Additionally understanding people as a standard are taught to deny critical thinking, schools also do it so people don't break status quo/fight against injustices & INFJ's are immune to being told "hey don't think about that just do what I say" so we look disobedient as children yet we are aware the thing we are being asked to do is unfair, too much, unreasonable, needs adjustment to be able to do, & when raised by the wrong guardians, like Narcissists, everything is screaming & volatile. I would additionally argue INFJ's are most likely out of ALL people to go Vegan because they are willing to look at the propaganda/at what actually happens/facts/against all unnecessary suffering which is all animal agriculture/looking at the whole picture instead of taste pleasure. We don't have the "I could NEVER" for own feelings, we want to know how we can improve the lives we directly effect over ourselves. Compassion & understanding guide us. 💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚 Be proud of your compassion, others feel you are a threat because you are so kind, they see you as better than them even if you do not have that thought for even a moment.
Im a INFJ female... I have experienced bullying all my life. The work place is terrifying... I quit my job in April as I was being bullied... Seems the nicer I am and the more positive I respond the more vicious it becomes. I used to get bullied daily at school. I went to a therapist once and she said she couldn't understand why... She said I seem confident and someone who would be popular. I have no desire to be popular or liked even.. but I do need to work. I can't hold a job...not because I am a bad employee... I can't hold a job cause most people are threatened. I have absolutely no idea why😮😢
All my life I’ve been wondering why I’m not a likeable/popular person. But after understanding who I am as an INFJ, I actually embrace and I like this personality, nothing wrong with being different from the norm in good ways.
“No chips in the game” and “nonchalant about it” and us “doing our own thing” as so spot on. Often the undermining and dismissing of superiors of me can go undetected until another person brings my attention to it. I’ll sense it and it will affect me on a subconscious level (e.g. depressed, confused, sad) but not be able to connect the two.
This is giving some sort of closure. My mom, for as long as I can remember has always had a problem with me. Now I realize that maybe her reaction/treatment towards me was never that personal, she is 3 types of these people in 1
Bullies are shallow people with probably very little talent. People who 'play games' and are social climbing will eventually fall back down to where they started. Rules to be followed create a stable environment but others 'use' Rules to their own advantage. The rules of society mean that many will take absolutely no risks and never do anything 'new'. The 'familiar' at one time was something totally 'new'. The early automobiles were rejected by many because a horseless 'carriage' was a threat to existing 'norms' of travelling about. You should be your own person. Self centered people are a drain on you. They need to be carefully avoided as they will add absolutely nothing to your life. No matter how they 'change' their behaviour, keep yourself humble and 'true' to yourself. Thank you for this video.
I’ve been trying to remember real specific bullying when I was younger, but as an INFJ I literally couldn’t be bothered by bullying (I was immune to it?? I never knew it was part of our traits), and would protect others from bullying and would actually bully the bully back even tho I was NOT a bully.. I just hated people being needlessly mean
That is so comforting.. You answered my eternal question about the reason why people behave like this.. I blamed myslef for so long time.. It is not my fault.. Thank you..
I am divorcing a family who plays games and competes with everyone including each other. It’s been stupid and miserable. I’m looking forward to peace without them.
I lost my jobs because i couldn't care power game. Girls hated me not showing interested in those games... Also i cant follow rules so lots of people are upset about it. I feel like i am cancer in big groups...
I wish my situation was as easy as just saying, 'I'm done with you. Live your life without me.' Unfortunately, it's not. Love your videos. At least they make me feel like there are others like me. Thanks
It's not an accident I found this video. I'm very quiet. And I have always been a quiet person. It never bothered me because I like writing. And being quiet I can create in my mind. It never bothered me, but it always seems to bother people around me. I have always had problems at work because of this. I'm so glad I will be retiring soon. This video helped me so much, thank you for this.
Years ago I ran into a narcist, who immediately disliked me and wanted me gone and even continued to attack me after I was gone. In the end he only hurt himself and after several legal Battles I won in the end. The business world and military are full of such people. As an INFJ you learn to avoid them If you can and fight back if you can't.
Actually, my MBTI type (INTP) is said to be very compatible with the INFJ. Except, I've been accused of being self-centered, by my mother, "friends" and people on social media. Why? Because I disclosed to them that I didn't want to have children. I have a dog instead.
It’s the hierarchy- I refuse to get it line- not because I’m defiant- just because it doesn’t occur or make sense to me. I’m actually surprised that anyone cares what i do or don’t do. Been that way ever since childhood.
Empaths get bullied by narcissists. Many of which are very dangerous. You cannot deal with some for survival. No point in reasoning with psychopaths. Just quietly walk away.
My friend, an ISFJ, fits into a few of the categories here. Deep down, we are fundamentally different and she thinks I’m wrong for not following societal standards. She got married and is pregnant and won’t stop asking me when I’m going to get married and have kids with my partner. She doesn’t think for herself, and she thinks I’m weird for thinking about things and asking Why. She triggers me and makes me feel Wrong a lot which I can’t stand anymore now that I’m 30.
She's the typical girl who wanted that fairytale ending. Introverts just loves being alone just disregard her. Every person has their own timeframe, if it's not yet your time to go dating or being with someone then be it. Just do your own thing girl
Thank you, Wenzes. The popularity-driven one really opened my eyes and cleared up long-time confusion! I was so free and authentic around these people, and they turned their noses up😂😂😂 I get it now
This helps me to understand a friendship that suddenly ended and was never reconciled. I blamed myself for the downfall, (it was over my essential oils I wore), apologized, changed how and wat oils I wore (by the time, even now, I leave the house, the oils have been washed off), and she was hateful and rude to me, even yelled at me once. I have struggled with guilt for a year over this. Realizing it may be my personality she disliked makes sense and lines up with everything mutual friends have said, that this isn't my fault. She has passed away, so the pain is healing. As an INFJ, I am still very conscientious of how I wear my oils.
Great content - INFJs don't like "constructs" - the older we get, the more comfortable we are with ourselves and having no need to impress anyone. It's the "I'm OK, you're OK (even though where you are may not be a healthy place)
I’m retired. I just found out that I’m an INFJ-A. I’m a 5’6” Asian. Never been bullied. Never was good in team sports, but had Judo lessons when I was 11 yrs old. Karate when I was 14. Earned a black belt a few years later. No problems in the military, or afterwards in a male dominated tech occupation. Another black belt in my late 50s. I’ve been an instructor for almost 20 years. I’m polite to everyone, but 2 people have told my adult kids that I look scary 🤷🏻♂️ So my advice, learn to be confident in your abilities, whether in business or the arts. Your energy projects as a bubble around you. Bullies can sense that, they will start to avoid you. Posture should be straight, head held high. Walk smoothly, with confidence. Take a few boxing lessons or Muay Thai for beginners.
Thanks, I decided that life is too short to play games. kids don't do that. i pick up on people real fast. some times i excuse them and other times i say good by. in a nice way, i am me don't want anything just want to be human, and have a human connection. if that's to hard for you then the door is not lock. because if you look at your hands not one finger is alike. but if you look at the palm of your hand they are different. I love me i am Beautiful .
It's really funny....I have never cared who likes me or who doesn't. Shake off the insecure people and run by them in the fast lane. Having a high IQ isn't your fault.
Absolutely everything you brought up so concisely hits home to me. Thank you I somehowe knew I was alright inside I was just me. I now look back and see I never placed myself in a 'group'. I never just conformed. The thought of it makes me cringe. I can fit in no mater what I do... like being a chameleon, yet I long for solitude and inner silence to recharge when I am alone. My one earliest learned experience was when I was lured by whom I thought were my only two 'friends' who betrayed me, were jealous of me because all of the Popular guys wanted me. I actually gave them no thought.. but when the fight happened.. I stopped midway .. I was 16. and walked away. I knew if I kept on there would have been someone in hospital. My feelings were hurt more than anything. I can still hear them calling to me to come back and fight. I guess that was the first time in my life I truely Slamed a Door. I still remember that till this day. A lesson about myself I will never forget. I just did it to my Narcissistic partner of 7 yrs. Gave him everything I could. Untill the violence was too much. This time the Door Slam was a jail cell for 20 years. I have walked away with a new life of freedom and no boundaries...Not afraid of the unknown. Open to a new beginning no matter what occurs. . just my own being that I have back again. To any of you who read this.. I wish you Love. Believe in You. In your soul you know You have this and can have the peace in your minds eye.. OSR~
Strongly disagree with the part about the INFJ being “incredibly good at not rocking the boat” and “playing the game”. What makes me an INFJ is that I DON’T play the game. I refuse to when it compromises my morals, and INFJs are nothing of not deeply and independently moral.
Wenzes does indeed have it wrong - she's not even a cognitive INFJ she's an ISFP as are most people who follow her content. INFJs with convergent Ni-Ti are primarily abstract rationalists operating from a cerebral centre - yes they can be moral but it's not a necessity.
Hi Wenzes! I think over the yrs, I’ve been able to find and surround myself w/ people that genuinely like me. I think part of that was developing better boundaries & an effort to go where likeminded people are. In particular, musicians, MBTI enthusiasts, my meditation group and people that share my interests in psychology, sociology and counseling. Working in those fields helped too.
Thank you you helped me see I dont need to explain myself to people. I have spent years trying to explain myself and my intentions to others and finally see it for what it is....a waste of my energy....Thank You!!!!
Wow this is so spot on! It took me a lifetime to understand that I am different and it is OK. I probably drove everyone crazy around me for years but I just accepted that most people don't like me and I walked my own path mostly alone and I was cool with that because fake /cruel people make me nuts. The workplace was difficult unless I was in charge. I saw things that others didn't and when I managed my store I went un- corporate and created a very efficient system and a very awesome team. It was not appreciated by upper management but my team loved it and when they moved on they wrote me letters saying that I was fair and strong and organized and treated everyone the way they deserved for good or bad. I still have contact with a couple of people who told me they loved the way I thought outside the box. In my personal life I was a disaster until I met a male version of me and we had18 fun years until he passed away 2 years ago.Good times!
On top of being an INFJ male, I was usually the or one of the smallest skinniest kids in my school grade. My ESFP Mother and ISTP Father taught me to fight back early on. I would give shelter to the kids being bullied by stepping in and then taking them under my wing and teaching them what knew, like, "bullies don't want to fight people who fight back." Eventually, the bully would come for them again, and I wouldn't get involved. I knew that they remembered or knew what it's was like to not be bullied and that they had the tools to handle it themselves. They also knew I was nearly, but yeah, they'd wind up handling it themselves. Bullies bully people who give them a reaction or someone they can sense has negative feelings about their bullying. I'd often smirk like, "I see what you are doing," and they'd smirk back and move on. The right reaction, though, (no reaction, a punch in the face, or a smirk) will stop bullying, too.
Actually, as an INFJ I work in Human Resource Department and with my role, I help other workers who got bullied in the office, and true.. the INFJ personality is really good in negotiation, to improve poor performers, to give very good advice and also to persuade employees to follow rules.. etc
A true infj eventually learns to live without judgement of self and others. You dont like me? Thats great, im actually better off without your energy.
Prudence is a virtue. Me giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying not to judge them got me screwed over. Judge people by their character. Never judge people by their looks.
Don't confuse judgement with discernment or awareness. If I see a person is intending in misunderstanding me or hurting me I avoid them. I'm talking about day to day interactions, removing judgement of yourself in relation to how they treat you. Like in a work environment. Not hanging onto other people actions.
@@feliznavidad6958 you are 100% on character being the key word
A true INFJ utilises Ni-Ti as an abstract rationalist to conceptually reformulate cerebral content in their psyche; nothing more nothing less. What you're referring to isn't the Jungian INFJ, nor is Wenzes, but the 'behavioural' variant of the INFJ - the cognitive ISFP.
Exactly
This is why I’ve always despised workplaces, especially nowadays with the bullies leading the blind culture.
I hate the office environment.
Its full of corporate zombie, desk jockey parasites.
They hate productive people that cut through their nonsense
That is so true .
How often have you felt like you were working for inferior superiors and decided you would never take an unnecessary promotion if it meant being part of the hierarchy chain of BS...???
Bullies leading the blind crowd. Lol. Speaks volumes.
True for me as well but I keep moving forward despite their intentions and good still is created.
Can’t bear people who blindly follow rules without a thought of their own
so true.. Tell me after15 years of service in the army...
@@alnotz Oh God, that just have been Hell..I can't imagine blindly serving authorities and literally given no creativity to that extent. How'd you manage?
@@alnotz I left the Army after 12 years.
I attended a church for a while where the leaders were manipulative and controlling. That really bothered me. The rigidity of conformity to what was perceived as God, ( Trump, the Republican Party, the weird demands of loyalty, and Right Wing Nationalism, conflating the political with faith,) all became unbearable. I spoke up in a small prayer group about some of my concerns and was immediately identified as " The Enemy," because I refused to conform to their weird agenda. I left and shook the dust off of my feet I worked at a school with learning disabled kids. My first boss was a rigid rule keeper who allowed no creativity in interaction with the kids. I can't operate that way. I lasted one year in her room. I was switched to another teacher's room who appreciated my initiative and creative approach in helping the students succeed ; we worked happily together for 11 years. My sisters never got me. One was a narcissistic social climber, always the center of attention, my other sister a rule keeper who thrived on order, and neither understood my need for solitude, my disinterest in being popular, or my flying by the seat of my pants approach to life. I did not make sense to either of them. As a child, I was a dreamer, loved fairy tales, was happy reading a book or watching cloud formations. I like to think about things. I was bullied, bossed around, mistreated. I finally reached the the place where I simply did not care. I detested bullies, people who were indifferent to another's pain, or who made fun of those who were different. I was happy with one friend. I am now 74 years of age. I love to write stories for my grandkids. I still gaze at clouds, read books, think deeply about things, walk daily and have conversational prayer to God while enjoying the trees, birds, puppy dogs, and vastness of the sky. Today I found a bed of roses while out walking. I had to lean over each bloom and inhale its fragrance. Solitary but happy. Marching to a different drum no longer a conundrum. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for your insightful podcasts. I am sure they help others find peace being true to themselves and stop caring if people around them don't get them. God bless.
Yes❤
I just want to go to work, get things done, and go home. All these social games and “he says, she says” just makes my eyes roll. When I ignore the the “office drama” and stay out of it, I am inevitably pulled in, because those people assign a narrative to me, when I could seriously care less.
Omg same!!
🙌 Yesss
is INFJ the enlgiten people born on planet such as JEsus, Buda, Dalai Lama, Gandhi ?
Gawd! So true
The amount of absolutely insane theories and stories they come up with is just something else. Why can't a person choose to just mind their own business and not get pulled into this nonsense game they play?
Bullies, superficial, fake, vain all these hate me. Can't say I care.
God forbid you work in the hospital where all the power hungry nurses and doctors work
Best put
As a female INFJ, I had some horrendous times in offices in my 20s. Other women can be vicious. I was struggling with low self esteem and disability, and already being the odd one out with my INFJness, I became a target.
You nailed it!
Same ❤
exact same.
Stay away from office jobs if you can! They are the worst for ppl who have integrity, aren't with the office politics and who aren't phony!
It's been a lifetime of suffering for me and I still can't find a work from home job. 😢
@yumyumkitty2104 totally agree. I just found the office environment so passive-aggressive I really couldn't cope. I felt surrounded by narcissism. I wanted nothing more than to run far away, forget trying to climb any ladder.
I can never take the hierarchy at work seriously. I’m not sure if I’m an INFJ but I recognize a lot. I’m allergic to followers. Or ‘influencers’. All those ridiculous modern ways you’re supposed to join. No way.
Exactly, I hate following or even people that I can view have no true identity that try to follow me.
Wenzes is a cognitive ISFP. I'd recommend Cognitive Personality Theory if you're trying to ascertain your true type.
Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can really hurt.
A bully who fucks around with an INFJ will usually find out when an INFJ identifies their weakness.
Nope; the cognitive INFJ is not emotionally predictive they are logically predictive as Ni-Ti convergents they are primarily abstract logicians. Hence why owing to the behaviourally imbued stereotypes everyone on here is mistyped including Wenzes.
This part. When provoked, I have a weird tenacity to hone in on exactly what they're in denial of
@@BlueCollarSlaveAND this! Ohh the amount of strength required to NOT poke those wounds on others when provoked....
Don't even get me started on bullies. 🙄 I do know one thing... When I worked at a school, and I witnessed a child being bullied, I would call the bully to my office...
I would say, "I'm not going to ask WHY you did what you did. Being mean to someone else has no reasoning to me."
Then I would say:
"Instead, Please help me understand how you think this shows that you a good person and worthy of respect?"
Well, what were their answers? Were they bullied at home? Were they jealous of their target? Were they insecure?
@@yumyumkitty2104 I second that. Complete the story, please.
Mean girls. People who feel they should be doing more with their lives but dont act on it
If all the shitty people dislike you, its because you are a good person.
I'm an INFJ. Someone once told me that I was the type of person who fit in anywhere. This surprised me because I have never fit in anywhere. Having known this since I was young, I became comfortable in my own skin. I was me no matter where I was. Be your authentic self, stop worrying if you are liked, start considering if you like them. It may surprised you when you realize how few people have qualities you admire. Why care if people you don't like don't like you? Empaths need to protect themselves from having the life sucked out of them by liars and users
This part.
All cluster b personality people see empaths like a wolf looking at a steak.
Bullies. There was a time when I bullied the bullies (defensively). Now I tend to walk away. Always stood up for those bullied who needed it - still do.
So true
if you know kungfu, lol and were younge.
metoo### we is just peculiar!
Me too. I don’t tolerate bullying.
That's quite a mentality I picked, that I find myself supporting the team that is on the losing side, supporting the loser, the fallen... strange. That grave feeling that the winner is somehow evil, and the good only wins in the fairy tales.
Another type that hates us: Those that accuse us of being fake because we adapt to so many personalities. We're motivated by empathy, but these people accuse us of being fake, manipulative, etc, and don't trust us. --Maybe some of you can help me identify this personality type or the issues these people have that causes this reaction. Thanks❤
Yes, I have been accused of being phoney. I can't say if it is a particular type of person though. Do not know.
anybody who exhibits narcassism
generally those people are going to be your narcissistprojecting their own insecurities 👻✍️👑🎶🐺 Sigma INFJ Empath love you all stay amazing.
Their fake persona is so exhausting that they are jealous we are genuine and at ease.
They're trying to trigger you to act against your good nature. Skeptics who keep you under a microscope are not worth your time, and that is their loss, not yours.
I was bullied ONCE, in second grade. I'm was a tiny little girl, he was a big chubby ass-tick, and thought he was so cool picking on little girls.
I watched him at the beginning of the school year bully so many little kids, who were even younger that him, and all were smaller.
After the Christmas vacation, about two weeks into January, it apparently was my turn.
School let out for the day, and we who lived around the corner from school were all walking through the field to the gate to our street.
Just as I started going through the gate somebody grabbed my shoulder and said, "fifteen cents to go through the gate!" I turned to see who it was touching me and it was bully boy. I said "what did you just tell me?" He says, "fifteen cents for YOU to go through the gate, if you don't pay you can't use the gate."
I looked at him and said, "No I'm not paying fifteen cents to use the gate. You're not the boss of this gate so no."
He shoved me and I fell.
He didn't know who he was trying to bully, I got up and jumped up in the air, turning around as I did. When I faced him in a split second of jumping I punched my fist out and clocked him right in the snoot.
He grabbed his face and started yelling, then crying when he saw his nose was bleeding. I told him to hurry home so his mommy could kiss his boo-boo.
He ran and was crying i was in big trouble.
I got home and told my mom about it and she just looked at me and said, "okay I guess we better plan on his mom coming.
And she did with the ass tick in tow. She demanded I be punished for punching her baby. My mom demanded her baby be punished for bullying little girls and other kids at school. She told my mom, "oh he's just playing with them!" Mom said, "Well she was just playing with him too then, maybe he should learn to take what he dishes out?"
Then mom slammed the door in her face.
The next day he comes up to me with a baggie and two donuts in it. He told me he wanted to be friends and he wanted to share his donuts with me.
We shared the donuts. We grew up together, he turned into an incredibly handsome guy, married his high school sweetheart, my best friend, and he became an corporate attorney.
I've never been bullied since then, not once.
Maybe it's the look on my face when someone seems like their going to try? I know before they even start what they're going to do, and my face must portray the "I don't think so cookie" look, because it stops in it's tracks.
I don't play around like that. I call bullies out if I see one bullying somebody.
I dislike them and I'm not afraid of them, so I just dig my heels in and dare them to do it.
Cool story. Sounds like it's straight out of a movie. lol
Love it when people stand up to bullies.
Picturing a chibby ass tick in tow!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Good for you!
I love this story!!! ❤and I usually don’t read long texts but this was definite worth it! Yep I got tired of being bullied at a young age as well. So I can feel this story.
After 5th grade I was a different person! Thanks for sharing.
Cool that your mom stood up for you. Mine would not have. 😕
😳 (At the long story posted by the original commenter, especially the ending)
🤔👍
When your mother is your first bully 😢
Same, so you're conditioned as a child to equate long suffering and abuse with love, because narcissists are sadistic twisted people that will tell you they love you and they're doing this (abusing you) for your own good
I have always summed it up into one statement, "Those who think highly of themselves tend to not like me much".
Are you saying bullies have confidence?
They have ogo not cafedednt
Yep they have arrogance that many see as confidence and we know it’s not.
@@yumyumkitty2104 No - they are critical of people who are different from them.
For me it has always come out of left field! People like me at first and then suddenly they don't! Exhibiting jealous behaviors and treating me dismissively. I haven't changed anything about myself so I don't get it. So my circle stays extremely small.
When I learned that many people are not motivated by empathy it was like a sucker punch. The fact that greed and other things lead people just is outside my mind frame. Constantly trying to adapt to their world 🌎 when it’s our world too. Hoping to figure it out someday
You nailed with this. ❤
The cognitive INFJ is not primarily motivated by empathy but logic as Ni-Ti convergents they are a cerebral type who can be quite happy simply reformulating in their own heads. Hence the vast majority of ISFP mistypes.
Don't adapt to their world- THEY should adapt to ours
me too
I think that sometimes it's not so much a case of greed or a lack of empathy, but more that they lack enough self-awareness to realise their own selfishness. They're not necessarily 'bad at heart', just oblivious to others' needs or how their behaviour affects those around them. A bit like children, in some respects.
I had a roommate who was so needy, always interrupting to get attention. When I started ignoring them they immediately said they can’t live with me and tried to make it seem like I am a burden 😂 they moved out to go be roommates with a new person and now they have a personal cheerleader. I’m happy for them… from far away 😊
When people try to involve me in their problems I just say so. You’re trying to make your problem my problem. I dont do that. If you do allow it the next step is it’s all my fault or some other error in thinking and enough to make you 😡
Most hate us because we’re kind of hypocrites, but we don’t realize it 😅
I am amazed at your insight. It is profoundly helpful!
@@rb.v we aren't hypocrite, we just know the right time to act in a certain way, and the narcissists hate us for this to the core.
Was this one roommate or more than one?
In my experience I feel that people dont like me because they dont like what I represent. I hold a mirror up to them and they dont like what I am reflecting.
Bullies, rule havers, heirachy needers etc sound like people who are stuck in structure or who require a formula that gives their lives meaning and safety in the known.
They all sound insecure!😅😅
Agree 100%
fear and insecurity, dangerous
This is a very good point! We do hold mirrors to people. It can be a lot to handle emotionally when people don't want to look in the mirror but we see see who they really are.
Insecure people have been the bane of my existence. That IS the common denominator! 💥
Cluster b personality types. Look into it
You don’t need people in your life who do not like you. You can live your life without those people 🙂
amen
You aren’t losing anything by cutting them out of your life
I can simplify all of this for you. The INFJ personality type has very strong character and self confidence that intimidates people who don’t have those qualities. Simply put, if you have confidence in who you are, a person who does not have that confidence and hides behind popularity, materialism, and other superficial aspects of life, the INFJ’s presence by itself will highlight for them what they are lacking and what they are scared everyone will see. It, in their mind is like a Beaty queen standing next to a troll. You may sense their inadequacies and feel compassion for them, or distain for their front, but to them it is extremely loud and obvious and they need to destroy you and your character in the eyes of everyone around you in order to maintain their standing in everyone’s eyes. Believe it or not, the general population tends to respond to this type of expression about a person’s character over any kind of in-depth look at the person. The general population tend to be sheep. It is quite literally a fight between good and evil. Wholesome and perversion, and for some crazy reason, people will tend to believe the lie: more now then ever before. So if your feeling alone and depressed because people tend to believe lies, then yeah, your a bit of light in a world running to the darkness. Good luck and God bless you.
Facts!!!
❤
So it's basically that we don't fit into any mold. But I have long since stopped caring if someone doesn't like me. 😊
This is very ISFP esq as is Wenzes 😊
It's just so difficult at the job tho.
I love it when people don't like me. It lets me know they're jealous of who I am rather than what I have. I've known people who had all the toys and luxuries be jealous of me even when I had nothing.
@@leavemealone75Save your sanity and self esteem. Get yourself a work from home job or one where you're out in the field.
The narcissists and sociopaths will certainly dislike infjs.
Yet I attract them like flies to 💩bummer.😊
My mother is NPD and hates me so I agree.
Oh I don't know about that .I think they can sense our empathy and try to mirror our emotions to make us think they're good people. I attract them but I know now what to look for and they are freaking everywhere!
Nope behaviourally imbued stereotype being a cognitive Ni-Ti convergent has nothing to do with whether narcissists dislike you or not. I wish people would stop mistyping as the rare INFJ based on these stereotypes
They don't understand our empathy.
There’s no middle ground with infj, they are either loved or hated
Then I hope and pray one day to find a person who loves me. Because my list of enemies is long.
@@melindamassey14infjs are good at manifestation though, so thank God for your amazing partner that is on their way too you :)
I'm currently being scapegoated at my job. I'm not a game player and just do my thing. This environment is one that values certain rules and hierarchys and I just don't. That has made me a target for their ire. One of my coworkers told me the rest have been talking about me behind my back. It's frustrating because it makes being there very difficult. It feels isolating and I don't often get the help I give others. It's crazy that adults can act like they'er in grade school. I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it😣
I went through the same exact thing recently. The mean girls were lying about me and people were believing them. I didn't respond at all. I completely ignored all of it and was determined not to let them bring me down. This went on for months until I finally told my boss. I'm not sure what he did or said, but it's over now. People don't believe their lies anymore.
Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry that happened to you. I can't believe how lies really influence people. Not to sound naive but, I just couldn't do that to someone else. It feels wrong
@@CC-fi8mc You said that you don't get the help that you give others. I can relate to that 100%. I go above and beyond at work. I realize that it enables people to take advantage of me. Yesterday someone asked "Stacie, can you do me a favor?" I responded "Yes, of course." Then she told me what the favor was and I was like "Ummmm, no." I thought it was just going to be a small favor. It wasn't. I'm kind of proud of myself for saying no. I haven't been very good at saying no in the past, but I'm finally learning.
@@staciehaneline9533 Good for you👊 I feel like I'm always going out of my way to be helpful while my coworkers are sitting back. Meanwhile if I don't jump up to help them immediately I'm called lazy. It's a very aggravating, toxic work environment
@@CC-fi8mc Me too!!! I was getting picked on for the stupidest little things.
True about bullies, the popularity status people, the rules people, the conformists, and the narcissists. I've had situations with all of these behaviour types - without any intention I push buttons for all of them, it's so accurate it's funny.
is INFJ the enlgiten people born on planet such as JEsus, Buda, Dalai Lama, Gandhi ?
No.
This is so true. I had a group of friends and one was always trying to be the leader and would get mad when I had different opinions and wouldn’t follow along. She said I was always trying to go against the grain and purposely not agreeing with everyone else. When I told her I don’t do it on purpose I just have a mind of my own that irritated all of them. Even when we would meet new ppl she would speak for me and say I’m the quiet one and once the ppl we met got to know me and see I’m down to earth and fun it would make her look like a liar 😂 it drove her crazy that she couldn’t keep me in a box
that was esfj :D
@@serendptyhere5023 i was thinking the same. description of an esfj !
Just sounds like a narcissist and their codependant minions, good for you standing up for yourself.
Sounds all too familiar
I hope you have friends that are more compatible with you rn.
I believe C.S. Lewis wrote it best, in The Chronicals of Narnia, The Last Battle. “Well, at any rate there’s no Humbug here. We haven’t let anyone take us in. The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs.”
“You see,” said Aslan. “They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.”
I remember that! Yes that is great! Lewis knew a thing or two about hierarchies and how empty they ultimately were. In "That Hideous Strength" I believe he illustrated a character always trying to get deeper into the inner circle of a group. I believe he compared it to peeling an onion. A person gets deeper into the onion, layer by layer and feels the excitement of finally getting to the core and then finds that there is no core. In both instances he is describing the type of social strivers that Wenzes was referring to as a group that hate INFJs. We seem to be able to see that there is no point in spending all our energy on chasing that next status level, But this infuriates those that do spend all their energy on that pursuit.
Yes, there a few attitudes or personalities that commit circular reasoning in confirming their bias. Cynicism is one, chronic hyper skepticism is another. Often they are more akin to a phobia than merely an attitude though. Like a phobia of spiders, or flying/falling, the fear that protects them also traps them from finding out that their phobia prevents them from discovering the actual ambiguity of the things they fear. A fear of being wrong or making a mistake can paralyze a person and keep them from taking the risks necessary to learn through trial and error.
This is hitting so deep, to my bones. As an INFJ female my life has been somewhat pebbled with difficulties with people. And being called fake felt extra ridiculous. I've had my worst interactions with clout chasers...they will throw you to the wolves and then comes back to kick the remains. Why are people so predominantly gross?
Throw you to the wolves, then come back to kick the remains...wow. That's pretty dark. Love it
Theyre gross because theyre empty...theyre like a collective hive minds. They cant be alone, think for themselves and arent as smart as us 😂😂😂 its so powerful to be independent, genuine and intelligent. We like to know the reasons behind rules and procedures...we dont follow blindly and that makes bosses go nuts.
Clout chasers are sometimes the most Machiavellian. They are lusty for attention, cold, calculating, manipulative, and deceptive. A normal person, say a neighbor… wants to borrow a cup of sugar… the interaction is just that, they simply want to borrow a cup of sugar. A Machiavellian social climber, if they come to “borrow a cup of sugar” you can be sure it ain’t about the cup of sugar, it’s the first part of a cleverly calculated ruse to invade your life and destroy you. They have to find an excuse to get your attention and once they have it you can take it to the bank, they will lead you into maelstrom and then come back and laugh at you for falling for it.
Narcissists do this, because they don't have true empathy.
Yes, the bully needs to know how it feels to be bullied.✌️🎯 I'm that guy. I couldn't care what the bullies think.
much love ❤
lol. me too.
Bullies don't like any type not just INFJ'S . Bullies have low self-esteem so they want to hurt people because it makes them feel good so any type that is vulnerable the bully will pick up on the persons fears bullies view them as prime targets .
I agree with all of the above personality types who “hate” INFJs. 😢 Letting go of “Wanting to create harmony” is hard part…especially when others go along with those types, and in a way blame you🤷🏻♀️
I just let go of a friend from my childhood, who in my view is (still) very self-centered to continue a friendship with. It really hurt, but after it really felt like getting a part of my self - respect back.
Good for you. I let go of two best friends. I feel much lighter without them, but yes it's unfortunate when it gets to that point.
Extremely self centered people are the hardest
I was bullied so much in school. It's rare for me to comment on things, but I need to vent... People thought I was fake because there were times where I would help people and defend them, and when I was asked why I did it and said it was because I wanted to, I was told that there's no way anyone's that nice. It may have been the first time I felt both flattered and offended at once, lol. But I even defended the bullies too once or twice, just for them to insult me (there were wild dogs that got in school, and me and two other guys were dealing with them while the bullies were doing nothing but maybe shouting stuff at me, like how I was trying to look cool...). They always refused to accept whatever answer I gave. I realized later it was because they were projecting themselves onto me. Because I was doing things they would never do for other people, they couldn't understand why anyone else would do it. They ganged up on me so many times and only when it was too late did they decide to apologize (not by themselves, but as a group. They barely did anything alone). A girl and a guy told me they were jealous of me... but the girl made the rest of them believe her lies about me being fake and slandered my name. Even after apologizing, in college, she would still insult me at times. Some people really don't know how to leave others alone.
Dance more, Art harder, Be who you are, who cares what they think🎉
I've been targeted in almost every room, school, work I've ever been in. And right now. Giving myself a 10 min Mental Health break from the bullies at the new job.
I feel ppl around me aren't even matured enough to verbally hear and grasp these concepts and be aware of their patterns... sigh
I’ve had several people tell me that I was always the same person as the person they originally met, and then pulled away from me 🤣
💙🙏🏻💙
I had one bully physically attack me for no reason. I didn't even know her, never noticed her, until she physically attacked me on the playground, at PE, in 6th grade. I'd never been in a physical fight before, but I responded in kind.
She ended up on her back with me on top of her 😂. She was 3 years older than me, taller and bigger than me. Needless to say, I won that kid-fight. The Physical Education teacher saw what happened and I didn't get in trouble for defending myself.
I always defended other kids who were bullied.
This is so true, and so unwarranted. Usually they are jealous, hell bent on putting me in their box.
I even had a teacher who hated me. That teacher had a short man complex. His students were taller than he was. I was in the 4th grade. 🤣🤣🤣
I have knocked a few blocks off in my lifetime. Usually protecting my younger siblings, I was the older sister every child who was ever bullied would want. 👊
Now that I am an adult that is really frowned on.😏
I never go back and talk to those people.
Today I read people so well, I can spot their complex's and they really hate that.
And there are the combos: attention seeking bullies in structured workplaces, etc
Work places are almost always toxic. Big mistake to allow that or create it for the business person. If I owned a business I would avoid that before anything else. Its not easy a few people together all day and that certain manager. They can be the worst!
I would tend to agree!
People don't like their thoughts challenged, an INFJ's existence is challenging the own thought, self improvement, being better, empathy & kindness. People want their bad behaviours being rewarded. Even when coming from empathy, telling the person "I am not judging you because I use to do that too before I knew better & all it took was for someone to show me the truth, so that's what I'd like to do, give you that & let you make an informed decision" (not for all cases but most can relate to a once bad behaviour we have fixed/improved/did not want to partake in/saw the damage it was doing, etc., everything required to make the changes to be better) they don't care, they want to hear GOOD things about their bad behaviours & will not hesitate to use fallacies or lies to make you feel lesser. They find the wrong people to look for confirmation bias of their horrible behaviours & when it's not given by the INFJ, it becomes THEIR fault & twisted onto them, not the person doing the harmful behaviour. This isn't just INFJ's too. This is the same for straight up Neurodivergent folks (Not Neurotypical, can be born that way or things develop like PTSD/Trauma/etc.,), especially Autistics; not all but many that have a thing called Double Empathy & are mostly feeling the world around them more than their own feelings (can lead to Alexithymia) & can get swept up in what seems like a happy moment, but it's at their expense but don't realize it yet because everyone else is feeling good, so they feel good, then later when they go come, everything comes to realization of the self feelings/situation/etc., (for myself I have meltdowns, not all of us do but it's part of it. Sometimes I personally end up in non-verbal states to stop the meltdown, but it means I cannot talk until my body/mind/mental state is ready), yet still very in touch with everything. I'd even argue INFJ's are 99-100% Neurodivergent as I have not yet met/seen/heard from/of a neurotypical INFJ. When we want time to ourselves, we're seen as selfish, yet they cannot see how much we're absorbing of the world, it's so much we have to seek solitude (&/or body doubling for some) to recharge ourselves.
Additionally understanding people as a standard are taught to deny critical thinking, schools also do it so people don't break status quo/fight against injustices & INFJ's are immune to being told "hey don't think about that just do what I say" so we look disobedient as children yet we are aware the thing we are being asked to do is unfair, too much, unreasonable, needs adjustment to be able to do, & when raised by the wrong guardians, like Narcissists, everything is screaming & volatile. I would additionally argue INFJ's are most likely out of ALL people to go Vegan because they are willing to look at the propaganda/at what actually happens/facts/against all unnecessary suffering which is all animal agriculture/looking at the whole picture instead of taste pleasure. We don't have the "I could NEVER" for own feelings, we want to know how we can improve the lives we directly effect over ourselves. Compassion & understanding guide us.
💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚💙💙💙💚💚💚
Be proud of your compassion, others feel you are a threat because you are so kind, they see you as better than them even if you do not have that thought for even a moment.
Im a INFJ female... I have experienced bullying all my life. The work place is terrifying... I quit my job in April as I was being bullied... Seems the nicer I am and the more positive I respond the more vicious it becomes.
I used to get bullied daily at school.
I went to a therapist once and she said she couldn't understand why... She said I seem confident and someone who would be popular. I have no desire to be popular or liked even.. but I do need to work.
I can't hold a job...not because I am a bad employee... I can't hold a job cause most people are threatened. I have absolutely no idea why😮😢
All my life I’ve been wondering why I’m not a likeable/popular person. But after understanding who I am as an INFJ, I actually embrace and I like this personality, nothing wrong with being different from the norm in good ways.
“No chips in the game” and “nonchalant about it” and us “doing our own thing” as so spot on. Often the undermining and dismissing of superiors of me can go undetected until another person brings my attention to it. I’ll sense it and it will affect me on a subconscious level (e.g. depressed, confused, sad) but not be able to connect the two.
This is giving some sort of closure. My mom, for as long as I can remember has always had a problem with me. Now I realize that maybe her reaction/treatment towards me was never that personal, she is 3 types of these people in 1
I almost didn't click on this one because I thought, "Do I care who doesn't like me"?
Im so glad I listened! Thank you 😊
Scam artists seem to be at the top of the list. Too aware of fraud in action.
Bullies are shallow people with probably very little talent. People who 'play games' and are social climbing will eventually fall back down to where they started. Rules to be followed create a stable environment but others 'use' Rules to their own advantage. The rules of society mean that many will take absolutely no risks and never do anything 'new'. The 'familiar' at one time was something totally 'new'. The early automobiles were rejected by many because a horseless 'carriage' was a threat to existing 'norms' of travelling about. You should be your own person. Self centered people are a drain on you. They need to be carefully avoided as they will add absolutely nothing to your life. No matter how they 'change' their behaviour, keep yourself humble and 'true' to yourself. Thank you for this video.
I’ve been trying to remember real specific bullying when I was younger, but as an INFJ I literally couldn’t be bothered by bullying (I was immune to it?? I never knew it was part of our traits), and would protect others from bullying and would actually bully the bully back even tho I was NOT a bully.. I just hated people being needlessly mean
🍃CORRECT!!🍃 Solitude is a beautiful thing🍃
Yes
It's because nothing gets past us😂
Yep.
That is so comforting.. You answered my eternal question about the reason why people behave like this.. I blamed myslef for so long time.. It is not my fault.. Thank you..
In my younger years, I encountered the bully very often. It wasn't until my mid 20s, that I was able to overcome them and was no longer targeted.
I am divorcing a family who plays games and competes with everyone including each other. It’s been stupid and miserable. I’m looking forward to peace without them.
We're social chameleons.
Oh I am who I am and the haters can pound salt.
I lost my jobs because i couldn't care power game. Girls hated me not showing interested in those games... Also i cant follow rules so lots of people are upset about it. I feel like i am cancer in big groups...
Narcissist tormenting me for 40 years, so far. . I wish bullies left me alone. But I'm juicy for them
I wish my situation was as easy as just saying, 'I'm done with you. Live your life without me.' Unfortunately, it's not. Love your videos. At least they make me feel like there are others like me. Thanks
It's not an accident I found this video. I'm very quiet. And I have always been a quiet person. It never bothered me because I like writing. And being quiet I can create in my mind. It never bothered me, but it always seems to bother people around me. I have always had problems at work because of this. I'm so glad I will be retiring soon. This video helped me so much, thank you for this.
Years ago I ran into a narcist, who immediately disliked me and wanted me gone and even continued to attack me after I was gone. In the end he only hurt himself and after several legal Battles I won in the end. The business world and military are full of such people. As an INFJ you learn to avoid them If you can and fight back if you can't.
WOW. What an eye opener. I’ve never really fit in or had the same goals as almost everyone. Maybe this is why
Actually, my MBTI type (INTP) is said to be very compatible with the INFJ. Except, I've been accused of being self-centered, by my mother, "friends" and people on social media. Why? Because I disclosed to them that I didn't want to have children. I have a dog instead.
It’s the hierarchy- I refuse to get it line- not because I’m defiant- just because it doesn’t occur or make sense to me. I’m actually surprised that anyone cares what i do or don’t do. Been that way ever since childhood.
'Rules Based Order' types get upset by my freedom. Unfortunately, I want to help them be free but have to unwind that.
Empaths get bullied by narcissists. Many of which are very dangerous. You cannot deal with some for survival. No point in reasoning with psychopaths. Just quietly walk away.
My friend, an ISFJ, fits into a few of the categories here. Deep down, we are fundamentally different and she thinks I’m wrong for not following societal standards. She got married and is pregnant and won’t stop asking me when I’m going to get married and have kids with my partner. She doesn’t think for herself, and she thinks I’m weird for thinking about things and asking Why. She triggers me and makes me feel Wrong a lot which I can’t stand anymore now that I’m 30.
She's the typical girl who wanted that fairytale ending. Introverts just loves being alone just disregard her. Every person has their own timeframe, if it's not yet your time to go dating or being with someone then be it. Just do your own thing girl
This sounds very ISFP esq as is Wenzes; convergent Fi-Ni doesn't like fitting into any mold. Conversely, the cognitive INFJ is an abstract rationalist
Ooh yeah, but after time you just don't care...
Thank you, Wenzes. The popularity-driven one really opened my eyes and cleared up long-time confusion! I was so free and authentic around these people, and they turned their noses up😂😂😂 I get it now
Oh, this is exactly what have I experienced so often. And it is so relieving now to understand what really happened by then and that wasn't my fault.
The INFJ person's response to people who can't stand you: Your loss, my gain.
This helps me to understand a friendship that suddenly ended and was never reconciled. I blamed myself for the downfall, (it was over my essential oils I wore), apologized, changed how and wat oils I wore (by the time, even now, I leave the house, the oils have been washed off), and she was hateful and rude to me, even yelled at me once. I have struggled with guilt for a year over this. Realizing it may be my personality she disliked makes sense and lines up with everything mutual friends have said, that this isn't my fault. She has passed away, so the pain is healing. As an INFJ, I am still very conscientious of how I wear my oils.
This is so helpful. I often feel like my existence pisses people off. It makes so much more sense now.
Well hell, I must be meeting the same five people all day long😂
😂
Society tells you to be honest, but if you are brutally honest, they say you are toxic.
Great content - INFJs don't like "constructs" - the older we get, the more comfortable we are with ourselves and having no need to impress anyone. It's the "I'm OK, you're OK (even though where you are may not be a healthy place)
I’m retired. I just found out that I’m an INFJ-A. I’m a 5’6” Asian. Never been bullied. Never was good in team sports, but had Judo lessons when I was 11 yrs old. Karate when I was 14. Earned a black belt a few years later. No problems in the military, or afterwards in a male dominated tech occupation. Another black belt in my late 50s. I’ve been an instructor for almost 20 years. I’m polite to everyone, but 2 people have told my adult kids that I look scary 🤷🏻♂️ So my advice, learn to be confident in your abilities, whether in business or the arts. Your energy projects as a bubble around you. Bullies can sense that, they will start to avoid you. Posture should be straight, head held high. Walk smoothly, with confidence. Take a few boxing lessons or Muay Thai for beginners.
I validate myself :) It's so freeing.
it's still very sad to me that it took me so long to understand that "they'll never get it" 😔
Thanks, I decided that life is too short to play games. kids don't do that. i pick up on people real fast. some times i excuse them and other times i say good by. in a nice way, i am me don't want anything just want to be human, and have a human connection. if that's to hard for you then the door is not lock. because if you look at your hands not one finger is alike. but if you look at the palm of your hand they are different. I love me i am Beautiful .
It's really funny....I have never cared who likes me or who doesn't. Shake off the insecure people and run by them in the fast lane. Having a high IQ isn't your fault.
im almost 54 - these bullies still hounding ...they can talk to the hand ✋🏻
Yes! People dislike me before I’ve even spoken a word to them or dislike me no matter how nice I am to them 😣
Absolutely everything you brought up so concisely hits home to me. Thank you I somehowe knew I was alright inside I was just me. I now look back and see I never placed myself in a 'group'. I never just conformed. The thought of it makes me cringe. I can fit in no mater what I do... like being a chameleon, yet I long for solitude and inner silence to recharge when I am alone. My one earliest learned experience was when I was lured by whom I thought were my only two 'friends' who betrayed me, were jealous of me because all of the Popular guys wanted me. I actually gave them no thought.. but when the fight happened.. I stopped midway .. I was 16. and walked away. I knew if I kept on there would have been someone in hospital. My feelings were hurt more than anything. I can still hear them calling to me to come back and fight. I guess that was the first time in my life I truely Slamed a Door. I still remember that till this day. A lesson about myself I will never forget. I just did it to my Narcissistic partner of 7 yrs. Gave him everything I could. Untill the violence was too much. This time the Door Slam was a jail cell for 20 years. I have walked away with a new life of freedom and no boundaries...Not afraid of the unknown. Open to a new beginning no matter what occurs. . just my own being that I have back again. To any of you who read this.. I wish you Love. Believe in You. In your soul you know You have this and can have the peace in your minds eye.. OSR~
Strongly disagree with the part about the INFJ being “incredibly good at not rocking the boat” and “playing the game”. What makes me an INFJ is that I DON’T play the game. I refuse to when it compromises my morals, and INFJs are nothing of not deeply and independently moral.
Wenzes does indeed have it wrong - she's not even a cognitive INFJ she's an ISFP as are most people who follow her content. INFJs with convergent Ni-Ti are primarily abstract rationalists operating from a cerebral centre - yes they can be moral but it's not a necessity.
That's such an infp thing to say.
These are exact reasons why I like INFJs! - an INFP
Self-centered, social-climbing bullies are the worst :)
There are bully's everwhere... I stopped worring about it! There will always be someone who doesn't like someone...
Bullies?
I never afraid of bullies...
Fight them (if you want to)...or explicitly ignore them in front of public....
Hi Wenzes! I think over the yrs, I’ve been able to find and surround myself w/ people that genuinely like me. I think part of that was developing better boundaries & an effort to go where likeminded people are. In particular, musicians, MBTI enthusiasts, my meditation group and people that share my interests in psychology, sociology and counseling. Working in those fields helped too.
Yes
Good for you. I'm jealous. I have yet to find my 'tribe.'
BTW, I'm also into psychology, sociology, meditation, etc. 😮
Thank you you helped me see I dont need to explain myself to people. I have spent years trying to explain myself and my intentions to others and finally see it for what it is....a waste of my energy....Thank You!!!!
Waouh OMG my own mother has 3/5 types ! I just understand sooo much better why she cannot see me like i really am ! Thank you so much for your work 🙏
Wow this is so spot on! It took me a lifetime to understand that I am different and it is OK. I probably drove everyone crazy around me for years but I just accepted that most people don't like me and I walked my own path mostly alone and I was cool with that because fake /cruel people make me nuts. The workplace was difficult unless I was in charge. I saw things that others didn't and when I managed my store I went un- corporate and created a very efficient system and a very awesome team. It was not appreciated by upper management but my team loved it and when they moved on they wrote me letters saying that I was fair and strong and organized and treated everyone the way they deserved for good or bad. I still have contact with a couple of people who told me they loved the way I thought outside the box. In my personal life I was a disaster until I met a male version of me and we had18 fun years until he passed away 2 years ago.Good times!
I’ve always said that I dont mind being hated by the right people…..
I totally piss off bullies and narcissists…
Im good with that..
I was so blind to being manipulated by people. I’ve toughened up since!
On top of being an INFJ male, I was usually the or one of the smallest skinniest kids in my school grade. My ESFP Mother and ISTP Father taught me to fight back early on. I would give shelter to the kids being bullied by stepping in and then taking them under my wing and teaching them what knew, like, "bullies don't want to fight people who fight back." Eventually, the bully would come for them again, and I wouldn't get involved. I knew that they remembered or knew what it's was like to not be bullied and that they had the tools to handle it themselves. They also knew I was nearly, but yeah, they'd wind up handling it themselves. Bullies bully people who give them a reaction or someone they can sense has negative feelings about their bullying. I'd often smirk like, "I see what you are doing," and they'd smirk back and move on. The right reaction, though, (no reaction, a punch in the face, or a smirk) will stop bullying, too.
Actually, as an INFJ I work in Human Resource Department and with my role, I help other workers who got bullied in the office, and true.. the INFJ personality is really good in negotiation, to improve poor performers, to give very good advice and also to persuade employees to follow rules.. etc