The first one that comes to mind is hesitating to think before responding to a question. People will think I'm being rude, or dismiss me as being not very smart. Is this a common trait with all INFJs or something else?
I'm usually quiet and can hold my tongue patiently. But when someone is spewing their BS non-stop, I can be brutally honest. They usually get frustrated with me and/or ghost me altogether afterwards, so that I don't even have to bother with a doorslam 😄 Good Riddance.
In many cases, if clear communication is threatening, then it's because the other person was hoping to leverage obfuscation. I can't speak for every INFJ, but I'm fairly good at navigating obvious sore spots. So if I'm ghosted for clarity, accountability, and boundaries, I'm grateful; they've taken their drama, and the mess that inevitability goes with it, elsewhere.
Many people don't want to see (here: especially hear) the truth - or the bigger picture behind something into general, they're too narrow minded, and don't look over the plate.
The problem isn't lies that people tell others, it's the lies they tell themselves about their own motivations for things. If it were just a case of somebody lying and manipulating others, it would be easy to feel pretty good about calling them out on it or cutting them out of your life, but most people who do this don't even know they're doing it.
It makes it so frustrating. I like to be honest with people and don't like to cross ant boundaries. If I happen to say something that seems to bother people, I apologize immediately. I also don't even hug people without permission first. If old fashion values and respect is weird to the majority of people and I get ghosted for it, I guess that's their loss.
I am happier when people give up on trying to get under my skin just leave me alone. The best trick is to let their own insecurities do the work for you.
oh yea being authentic isn’t a weakness but always showing our true selves opens us up as a target sometimes. it’s only a weakness when we haven’t navigated how to do it well and in the right time yet
Lying is a weakness since nobody may lie forever!! So, If you wanna anihilate somebody, just tell them "please, lie more against me"... and insults are lies with harm intention... meaning: insulting others is to expose self fears!! So, if someone wanna war, bring heavy artillery to fastly get peace back: Matthew 7 Judging Others 7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. 6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. And, 6 means that if its fair, you may open your mouth to spread fire over their heads!!
Weird traits: 1) Very Direct...in a subtle way 2) Doesn't Care about fitting in 3) Can Dim our light very easily 4) Extremely strong willed despite being so agreeable 5) Extremely aware of others emotions but not aware of their own emotions Really enjoyed another deep one. I know #1 applies to me but I must be blocking out an example of it in my mind because I can't really think of one right now. But I have made a lot of people dislike me over the years and this is probably part of that "secret sauce"! The next four are bang on. #3 and #4 go hand in hand to some degree. I have gladly played sidekick to many people I have been friends with or worked with. I am very agreeable as long as I don't feel taken advantage of and as long as I still feel mutual respect. But like you said, people treat us the way we show up. If we show up as 2nd Bananas, then we start getting treated that way and we begin to realize that we are NOT being respected. So that has led to lots of breaks in friends and employment over the years. But that speaks to my strong will. I won't tolerate that disrespect for very long and I will walk away. And #5 impinges on this reaction since I have found that I will go along being agreeable for a very long time, being disrespected but not really processing my emotions about it. Then suddenly it will come to me how I really feel and I will react. Sometimes without too much further thought. I think it would be better if I had more awareness of my feelings earlier in the process. Thank you Wenzes!
This is probably the first comment section I have found on a RUclips video where virtually every comment was articulated well. INFJ's is smart peoples!
INFJ treats every person with same respect. Every person has some credit. But once credit is lost because of the other persons negative toxic actions it is over forever.
#1: makes me think other people are cowards, too weak to stand their ground and speak up. Too many don't "get" my subtle references, so I am often forced to be quite blunt. If they cross that boundary again, they get cut off. #2: some friends worry about me being alone, I think that's sweet but also hilarious, and again it makes me think other ppl are weak cowards for not having the strength to stand alone, to be authentic instead of selling out to the opinions of the crowd. I am told by some they wish they could be more like me and not give a F. #5: I've learned to hone in on my inner alarm, whereas before I would sympathize with the devil and ppl took advantage of me. Now I listen to their scam games more closely by switching off my sympathy / empathy and can recognize a con artist in an instant. Really helpful because there really are so many.
In my limited experience the weirdest thing about INFJs ist that they just need only round about 5 minutes to make me feel like we've been best friends since Kindergarden. For me they are perfecty imperfect funny, deep, a little nerdy and gentle almost mystical totoros who are able to unleash the the true potential of a person simply by existing in there presence. Nothing feels better than having them opening up to you (telling you what they like and what not) and letting you see all their beautiful true colours. It doesn't matter if they are colourful or shades of grey at times, I cherish every moment. I'm simply head over heels for (my) INFJs and simply knowing that they are out there makes me feel at ease.
#4 has gotten me into a bit of trouble. Others assume that because they are used to having their own way that it will always be that way. When something happens that is important to me, I refuse to go along and they are furious. It doesn't go their way. I don't get mad, I just refuse to go along. They can't believe it.
We are damn honest, we point out (social) grievances, we organize ourselves on a voluntary basis, we can be damn direct - and slap our counterpart right in the face with what we think of his pack of lies and backhandedness. Yes, that's totally INFJ. Many people cannot cope with this.
Me and my husband had this light and easy friendship with our neighbours, and it was all fun and games until on thing happened and I thought it was a good idea to totally Open up. They totally ghosted us. I am both sad, because I really liked them, but also reliefed because this is moments it really shows they don't got the capassity for when it gets real, they only have shallow friends. The husband wrote: "you were not who I thought you were".
not being preoccupied with eating, screwing someone over, taking someone down I am jealous of, using my time to learn, not talking negative all the time for joy
I have noticed the past three years, even those I considered “safe” have slowly become, more shut down and unable to stay open. Conversation recaps “in my head” seem a struggle.. to find that deep connection we used to have. My strong will comes into play and let’s these conversations take a back seat. It’s a strain on my few beloved connections. Is it me? Or these crazy times? Keeps my head spinning… 😏of course.
If you are being your authentic self, it’s other people. We have to stick to our guns even when others are sometimes literally yelling in our face that we are wrong.
I find trait #3 so powerful yet dangerous. Other types might not see the use in dimming our light. INFJs are mostly recommended to be therapists and social workers but beyond that… our capacity to see so clearly into people’s potential and their desires, is invaluable for creative careers. I think we kill it’s as designers, consultants, stylists & developers. Unmatched in my eyes… as long as we don’t forget to live our dreams too.
Amazingly accurate! You are like the tour guide of the INFJ mind pointing out where the different thoughts and characteristics live. Super helpful, thank you!
Is it just me but I’ve always made friends with the ‘new weird co worker’ or ‘ new kid in class’ or that ‘ one summer friend out of the blue’ but when school started it’s like you act like nothing happened….or the new friend/ new co worker in the end somehow they make it with the other crowd im back alone. I feel like I’m weirder then the weirdo. It’s like being bit by the mouse you were protecting from the cat. My ‘moments’ have been deep and real. But they don’t last long.
ALL OF THESE. Lol thank you! This brought some clarity in different areas for me. Number 5 hits hard 😅 Anyone else ever feel a bit overwhelmed by feeling other people's emotions? I've learned to pull back a bit on the empathy just to keep myself healthy, but still struggle sometimes to recognize my own emotions.
im INFJ and a software engineer. i found a lot of intelligent ppl in engineering field that is not like me but understand me. dark humor is what makes me connect with them.
I don't feel the need to belong all the time. I am an individual and have been told by friends that I have a unique personality. I'm not sure if it's my interest in ufos, my love of spirituality or my love of theater, but I feel like I don't connect with a lot of people. I can be authentic in an art environment, but that's really it. Otherwise I just feel like the odd one out.
I have to agree wirh your take on letting your light shine. Some people are around you just because you dim your light and let them shine, but cannot stand it when you let yours shine. Lwt it shine so you can weed those people out of your life!!
You make a great point about when we as INFJ‘s focus so much on other peoples emotions that we sometimes lose the reality of our own emotions however, I do believe that you can learn as I have as an INFJ, after 60 years of being an INFJ to still be very aware of other peoples emotions and always reflect back on your own very unique emotions to keep things in perspective. This is very important for us as INFJ‘s to be balanced, and to allow our emotions to influence and help understand other peoples emotions and put them in proper perspective. Understanding and appreciating and looking deep into our own emotions at the same time as we reflect on and absorb other peoples emotions can help us guide them through their specific emotions by example. Being an example is so important when trying to help other people through their emotional experiences. The only way we can be a proper example is to, not ignore our own emotions as we explore and absorb other peoples emotions… I know that may have gotten a little convoluted but I hope that makes sense to my fellow INFJ’s. 🙏
Yep. After I got open heart surgery recently, I became even more direct about EVERYTHING and sometimes that took my dear daughter by surprise. My truths back then became amplified due to the extreme circumstances I'd just gone through... I almost died. I got lucky & that really stirred up some stuff. I tell people really close to me that I'm weird because I am. At the moment, I live alone with my 2 wonderful emotional support animals, and I'm pretty much recovered. I'm single, I'm funny & charming and ODD... One day I'd love to meet someone who appreciates my kinda normal!
Thank you for your explanations .... Those 5 traits were really happening in my life ... at the end I got tired of them with all their problems n complains of their life. Since now I live alone (my husband had passed away 3 years ago) I have to prioritize my own life, nurturing my core values & my final goal is to be the best version of myself. 😊😊😊❤❤❤
I just discovered your channel and it really made sense to me. Especially being aware of others emotions but not of your own. As a teacher I have spent years working with young children and their families emotions and their needs while not realizing how draining it was for me. As much as I loved teaching I am quitting after this year. I realize that teaching is too stressful and not good for me. I don't blame others, just realized how stressed I have made myself. I don't know if I am an infj but I'm in my '50 and finally have discovered that I have a voice and have enough confidence to walk away from bad situations/people. Thank you.
Even before you started I had a chuckle when reading the title. Knew this would be a good one. 1. So true! And as a Dutchman, we already have a reputation for being direct. There have been situations where colleagues were sure that I would be fired, but I do it in a way that I get away with it and often even maintain a better relationship with, for example, management after a collision than before. I see your smile (@2:40)....yes we are naughty 2. Yes. I do believe that we should be an example 3. I think this is a very nice quality of ours, but perhaps also one that is poorly understood by others. 4. #1 can help with this to show that you are less of a push over than it seems. I also think that a bit of strength here can keep narcissists out. 5. This one is the most strange to myself. I have described it as that my bookcase with feelings has fallen over and all the books / feelings are mixed up and I use other people's feelings to clarify my own...
Direct and come off as an ass sometimes to people who don't get how management has to handle things at time. I'm also very approachable and everyone tells me everything which freaks people out at times, because they have no idea why they are doing it
So true! 1. People do not like the hints that you drop. They get really uneasy. Insecurity makes them avoid you. I never knew that I was 'crossing boundaries'. It seems like people would want to know their annoying issues in a tactful way. But they do not. What do you mean by an outlet? 2. Fitting in is a weakness the way I see it. If that is your main priority. It is sort of disgusting to me. I don't like being around inauthentic people. I appreciate the advice to be an example. Usually I get jealousy as a result. So...3. I have real problems with people who need a lot of attention. It is tiresome. I find when I dim my light then others are not threatened but they want to 'take over'. I need to be more consistent in being bright when I want. 4. Yes, a strong mind. When I let things happen I am amazed at how dominating other people can be! Life is this big power struggle to them. It is saddening. People believing that you don't have what it takes...very frequently. 5. Not aware of own emotions. True. Until something snaps because too much gets internalized for someone else's sake. Often I find myself doing that for a child or a younger person. You can understand it but you cannot tolerate it forever. Just because you can does not mean you should! Great insights, wow, thank you!
Wow! These are traits of which I was not aware. Now that I've watched your video, I can identify these in me. The only exception for me is the last one, about not knowing my own emotion. I've heard this said by other INFJs, and have never understood what it meant. I am very aware of my own emotion. I can easily switch between awareness of myself and others. I suspect what you and others are getting at is, the INFJ ability to suppress his own emotions. I did this back when I was less than healthy, married to a narcissist. I slowly muted my awareness of how I felt. I did this slowly, by moving my "center" of who I am. I neglected my Fe and focused on Ni-Ti looping, and possibly some other non-typical INFJ functions. This took its toll on me. Thankfully, I am out of that relationship for good (cue sound of door slam)! Wow! Just by writing that, I am feeling a beautiful sigh of relief!! PS: Before anyone asks, I'm very certain I am INFJ and not INFP. I easily exhibit the Ni and Fe traits; I get into Ni-Ti loops, and love my Se. There are three things which might explain my seemingly INFP traits: 1) My J/P score is near zero. 2) I have ADHD 3) I lived through 31 years of constant stress (narcissist partner). For example, I am good at structuring my thoughts (J?). However, I do not plan anything ahead of time, and I dislike doing something in the same way more than once; I like spontaneity (P?). I am very aware of my own emotions (Fi?). I can read and feel the emotions of people around me, and can't turn it off (Ni-Fe), but I can also put myself into a person's shoes and see the possibilities for how they must feel (Fi-Ne?). I used to have very strong, uncontrollable emotions, even overpowering (Fi?). This was from when I was a child all the way into college age. Something happened during college--I don't know what--and it just finally stopped. My emotions are "normal" intensity now.
No. 5 was the one I have been working on the most. Too many times I put out all types of efforts without giving myself that energy. Probably will keep on doing it but be aware of what I am doing as I do. Thanks Wenzes
“Now I’m not really able to think about other people’s emotions as much, but when I look back, when I was younger I went WAY overboard.” Thank you for this - I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this dichotomy for a while ☺️
I've always said I don't want to be "cookie cutter". It's okay with me that I'm different. I really, really have to like something...... to the point of not being able to live without it......before I go for trends!
I knew I was different when I was 2 years old. I understood more about the world and how people act and react before I was 5 years old. I knew I wasn’t gay at 5 years old. I knew I liked girls and I liked to hang out with girls when I was a child while other boys thought girls were icky. I found there differences intriguing and was curious about learning peoples traits and how they think
I pressing forward day by day and focusing on the things that matter most to me at the moment, but my time to shine will come, though it may be too bright for some people. I already know this in advance, which is why I'm bracing myself. 😎💡💯👍
I had never known about these 4 letter personalities but after hearing the infj stuff it’s so trippy to see myself. I thought I was kind of alone/different but I guess there are many others that share this. I didn’t see the bigger picture of myself and often feel shame. These vids help me understand better.
I have every one of these. For not caring about not fitting in, I have used the label “unconventional,” as have others about me. I’m perfectly fine with that. At times I’ve embraced the labels “nonconformist” and “rebel.” I learned about dimming the light very early in life-as a survival mechanism. I’m a bit of a master at it now. Same with the agreeable-strong will dynamic. I can hang out for years playing second fiddle, knowing at any time I can be an effective leader when necessary. Mostly I just don’t care.
I'm 70 years old and I have yet, to meet anyone who understands me as a person. Being misunderstood is a way of life for me and the only life I've ever known
If somebody cross your boundaries, that gives you the deserved right to cross boundaries back. Master said "Dont judge if you dont wish to been judged by the same rule you just judged." And that doesnt means to not judge... Means that you may throw the first stone only if you are free of guilt! Then... get fun if you wish to been judged!!
Stone means judgement in tongues. Remember: Monkeys poop and throw material each others... and we dont abandoned the tradition!! But animals are fair, since no monkey is going to say you that they are throwing flowers!!
I feel we should aggressively defend our own boundaries when people encroach on ours, but not retaliate. If we stoop to their level, things can escalate beyond our ability to control. Many people draw strength from perceived feelings of vengeance, just look at the world for practical examples. When we don’t give them any ammunition but defend our own hill, they have a tendency to back down and hesitate to try it again.
@@excrono out of YOUR control? Sorry, but if you are INFJ, the only able to stand all those chaos is another INFJ!! I know you are going to hate this but ¿Do you dont notice that you are just built for war? Mean, if YOU just lost control... then the others are suffering real Apocalypse!!
I am a kind man, particularly to children and elderly. Conversely, though I don't anger easily, if I am triggered hard, I can unleash a vicious verbal whirl wind and other if necessary.
As an INFJ, this is all well and good. However, what you look like, how tall you are, and how much money you have--these are much more powerful predictors of how others act towards you. At the same time, people generally like to think they are above this sort of thing. I'm continually amazed at how shallow people can be while telling themselves the opposite. Awareness of this shallowness is important to understand about people. My apologies if this sounds cynical, but a person needs to be aware of human frailties.
There is another play on this. You know your game, and it is outside the norm, but has enormous potential for healing and transformation. By whatever circumstances, e.g. God planted someone in your way and you go "Oh, they are interesting. Looking at their street creds, maybe they are in on the game too." But you do not know if they are in on the game, but simply happen to be someone who happened to be in the right place with the right knowledge and skills to attract forces, but they are completely oblivious to what is going down. There can be an impasse, where you do not know if they are in on the game and simply playing really cool (stealth happens at some levels) and do not know that you are also in on the game. Or, they happened to luck on certain skills and knowledge that made them attractive to some forces, but only consider this stuff at an abstract level and do not really believe it plays out in real life. So then the question is do they have the knowledge and skills to play at the next level, or a simply non-players who were on the board just by luck but not part of the game play. So circumstances might play out where it is demonstrated they were not in the game and just a piece that happened to be there by some kind of weird conjunction and there was nothing better around. You happen to have what is better around, and they have abrogated all knowledge or investure in playing the game. But then there is a doubt. If they had known the game and scale that was going to go down, would they have chosen in? Can they be trusted? So you bust a move to see if they are up for the game. Their reply is thanks, but no thanks, and do not do that again. That is an acceptable response. They have declared they are not a player in the game, not interested in the game, and do not want to be invited into the game. So one thing INFJs do is call the fence-sitters bluff. There is a game in the field, do you want in or out? Fence-sitters get to say "Hell, yeah! I'm in!" and start playing the game or "Thanks, but no thanks, I like the fence, thank you very much". So sometimes things are awkward and rejection follows. But this is a good thing. Someone who cannot or will not step up is no longer dragging on your chains tying you back to lost causes and nil sum games. Sure, they can enjoy their sandpit and castles, but you are no longer shacked to them and can get on with the next phase of your development.
Ahhhhh - #1 (I love ME !!! ) - It's a good thing there is #2 because there *IS* ... *THAT #1 AHHHH - *GOOD THING* there is that #3 because there is *that #1 *AHHHH - GOOD THING there is that #4 because there is *that #1 Ahhh good thing there is that #4 because there is that #5 (P.S. it took the length of this video to write this comment - sounds slow / feels fast - which is a interesting sensation of a evaluation) This is GREAT VIDEO INFJ'S are "fearfully and wonderfully made" as the GOOD BOOK might extrapolate to relate - and thats *A GOOD THING* (EDIT: Its like algebra - Its as if the 'beingness of it' couldn't exist without each of the components)
Your the best! Your beautiful strength is magnificently warm and wonderful. Its nice to experience on the outside. Someone I can relate to, thank you so very much Wenz, ×1000😊. Much love!!!❤🦋
INFJ'S are not misfits they blend in pretty well in social dynamics INFJ's uses Fe this means that they love and respect others and want harmony in their relationships INFJ'S do not want to offend others they respect others boundaries this is a healthy INFJ When they trust you they can share their opinions and beliefs with ease also you'll be able to see their sense of humor just remember that INFJ'S would never want to offend people and would feel bad if they did and they would not incorporate this attitude into their lives and those they come across so no it wouldn't be advantages for INFJ'S to think that they should be blunt and express themselves however way they want to this would be unhealthy and disrespectful to others which would make them feel bad if they are honest it's not honesty that would hurt others but to benefit others with their authenticity and letting others know what's on the INFJ'S mind . This is consistent with a healthy INFJ .
Very true. I find the last one isn't true for me. I think "4" is the most self aware of them all, very much in tune with personal feelings, probably less aware of it in others sometimes, conversely. But I'd say it's a healthy balance in general of both. Thank you for this video.
I suppose my weird trait is the way I love and understand children and want to be friends with them. This got me arrested and sent to the county jail, on unproven and false accusations that I was a molester, what cost me $30,000 in lawyer and legal fees to defend myself
It was interesting to hear this. I realize that I have often linked up #1 and #4. 12:32 😊 It's good to be direct and tell the truth but if possible, I prefer to do it without bluntness and being outspoken. I tried to avoid loaded words with a lot of negative connotations. And I found that it did help me stay true to myself and still be agreeable. It usually means commiting myself to self respect - and doing my own thing anyway! 🙂 It has nothing to do with being "weak.". Quite the opposite!
Do you think that as INFJs, we need to hide our INFJ personality type from others? I mean, could people approach us solely because of this? Is it possible that people might plan to take advantage of us? What do you think? Please advise.
If the person wants to take advantage of our agreeable nature and always having the spotlight, yes. Become more aware bc we can sense others intentions better than most
Name: Weird Hero here. Literally part of my name. Weird means more than Weird in Chinese/Vietnamese. Won't say it here. Paternally given. Maternally is my legal: Asher Michael. Needed this with everything I've been dealing with.. my whole life, but extremely intensely in the past three months.
question: if conversing nicely don't get through, and you can't be direct - (and I tend to be not subtle direct when the other person still can't get the message), please tell me what do you suggest? i really need the answe r. my own solution so far is: i left the person.
I've been incredibly annoyed in trying to ''play by the rules'' since childhood. So I finally occupied a cave and turned into a hermit much like ''Mr. Garrison'' from South Park😂. Now I can at least retain some sense of myself in this daily toxicity that everyone else calls ''normality''.
Like when a chick has messed with a man I'm interactive with I can tell they are uncomfortable or unsure,, and so I lay out the ground work to show I'm someone safe to talk to and still they will lie and use backdoor sarcasm. 😅😂😂😂😂
What are some of your traits that seem to throw people off all the time?
My uninhibitedness is sometimes viewed as cockiness and weirdness.
I utilize what I call the 'shock factor'...
The trick to IT is this: "get IN and *GET OUT* "...
because, 'shock' wears off
The first one that comes to mind is hesitating to think before responding to a question. People will think I'm being rude, or dismiss me as being not very smart. Is this a common trait with all INFJs or something else?
I'm usually quiet and can hold my tongue patiently. But when someone is spewing their BS non-stop, I can be brutally honest. They usually get frustrated with me and/or ghost me altogether afterwards, so that I don't even have to bother with a doorslam 😄
Good Riddance.
Honesty, most people lie to some degree 0:39
As you get older you will be brutally direct.
I think I'm working up to this😅
@@healingpalmtree714 It’s been my experience that you will lose so called friends. They will reach out when they need you.
I've found that to be an excellent social filtration method and a litmus test for actual worthwhile people.
N I love it
💯 I have no time for BS.
In many cases, if clear communication is threatening, then it's because the other person was hoping to leverage obfuscation. I can't speak for every INFJ, but I'm fairly good at navigating obvious sore spots. So if I'm ghosted for clarity, accountability, and boundaries, I'm grateful; they've taken their drama, and the mess that inevitability goes with it, elsewhere.
It makes life no less frustrating. Especially when someone we care about is attempting to deceive and becomes defensive when the ruse falls apart.
Many people don't want to see (here: especially hear) the truth - or the bigger picture behind something into general, they're too narrow minded, and don't look over the plate.
The problem isn't lies that people tell others, it's the lies they tell themselves about their own motivations for things. If it were just a case of somebody lying and manipulating others, it would be easy to feel pretty good about calling them out on it or cutting them out of your life, but most people who do this don't even know they're doing it.
It makes it so frustrating. I like to be honest with people and don't like to cross ant boundaries. If I happen to say something that seems to bother people, I apologize immediately. I also don't even hug people without permission first. If old fashion values and respect is weird to the majority of people and I get ghosted for it, I guess that's their loss.
I am happier when people give up on trying to get under my skin just leave me alone. The best trick is to let their own insecurities do the work for you.
Being authentic is not a weakness in character.
oh yea being authentic isn’t a weakness but always showing our true selves opens us up as a target sometimes. it’s only a weakness when we haven’t navigated how to do it well and in the right time yet
Lying is a weakness since nobody may lie forever!!
So, If you wanna anihilate somebody, just tell them "please, lie more against me"... and insults are lies with harm intention...
meaning: insulting others is to expose self fears!! So, if someone wanna war, bring heavy artillery to fastly get peace back:
Matthew 7
Judging Others
7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
6 “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.
And, 6 means that if its fair, you may open your mouth to spread fire over their heads!!
@@lizzygrant02 Well said.
Weird traits:
1) Very Direct...in a subtle way
2) Doesn't Care about fitting in
3) Can Dim our light very easily
4) Extremely strong willed despite being so agreeable
5) Extremely aware of others emotions but not aware of their own emotions
Really enjoyed another deep one. I know #1 applies to me but I must be blocking out an example of it in my mind because I can't really think of one right now. But I have made a lot of people dislike me over the years and this is probably part of that "secret sauce"! The next four are bang on. #3 and #4 go hand in hand to some degree. I have gladly played sidekick to many people I have been friends with or worked with. I am very agreeable as long as I don't feel taken advantage of and as long as I still feel mutual respect. But like you said, people treat us the way we show up. If we show up as 2nd Bananas, then we start getting treated that way and we begin to realize that we are NOT being respected. So that has led to lots of breaks in friends and employment over the years. But that speaks to my strong will. I won't tolerate that disrespect for very long and I will walk away. And #5 impinges on this reaction since I have found that I will go along being agreeable for a very long time, being disrespected but not really processing my emotions about it. Then suddenly it will come to me how I really feel and I will react. Sometimes without too much further thought. I think it would be better if I had more awareness of my feelings earlier in the process. Thank you Wenzes!
Very well stated👵🏽✌🏾🦅☀️🦅💚
@@kathyborthwick6738LakotaEmoji thank you!
This is probably the first comment section I have found on a RUclips video where virtually every comment was articulated well. INFJ's is smart peoples!
INFJ treats every person with same respect. Every person has some credit. But once credit is lost because of the other persons negative toxic actions it is over forever.
For me, once the other party acts in a way that fails my credibility test, the door becomes a solid wall.
#1: makes me think other people are cowards, too weak to stand their ground and speak up. Too many don't "get" my subtle references, so I am often forced to be quite blunt. If they cross that boundary again, they get cut off. #2: some friends worry about me being alone, I think that's sweet but also hilarious, and again it makes me think other ppl are weak cowards for not having the strength to stand alone, to be authentic instead of selling out to the opinions of the crowd. I am told by some they wish they could be more like me and not give a F. #5: I've learned to hone in on my inner alarm, whereas before I would sympathize with the devil and ppl took advantage of me. Now I listen to their scam games more closely by switching off my sympathy / empathy and can recognize a con artist in an instant. Really helpful because there really are so many.
In my limited experience the weirdest thing about INFJs ist that they just need only round about 5 minutes to make me feel like we've been best friends since Kindergarden.
For me they are perfecty imperfect funny, deep, a little nerdy and gentle almost mystical totoros who are able to unleash the the true potential of a person simply by existing in there presence. Nothing feels better than having them opening up to you (telling you what they like and what not) and letting you see all their beautiful true colours. It doesn't matter if they are colourful or shades of grey at times, I cherish every moment.
I'm simply head over heels for (my) INFJs and simply knowing that they are out there makes me feel at ease.
I love when I come across complete strangers and feel this way. it is very rare so we don’t take if for granted 😊
#4 has gotten me into a bit of trouble. Others assume that because they are used to having their own way that it will always be that way. When something happens that is important to me, I refuse to go along and they are furious. It doesn't go their way. I don't get mad, I just refuse to go along. They can't believe it.
That's when they start saying "you're so negative" which translates to "you're not a sheep that will follow me blindly after all, are you"?
I hear you 😂👵🏽✌🏾
We are damn honest, we point out (social) grievances, we organize ourselves on a voluntary basis, we can be damn direct - and slap our counterpart right in the face with what we think of his pack of lies and backhandedness. Yes, that's totally INFJ. Many people cannot cope with this.
I’ve been called ‘brutally honest’ more than once...
In my experience, people can tell a straight talker. Most are relieved...some are threatened. It depends on their m/o.
Me and my husband had this light and easy friendship with our neighbours, and it was all fun and games until on thing happened and I thought it was a good idea to totally Open up. They totally ghosted us. I am both sad, because I really liked them, but also reliefed because this is moments it really shows they don't got the capassity for when it gets real, they only have shallow friends. The husband wrote: "you were not who I thought you were".
@@somethingbambi875 Consider their ghosting as an early favour. People come. People go throughout life.
This whole video is a blueprint on how to be authentically yourself. Thank you. This is solid gold!
not being preoccupied with eating, screwing someone over, taking someone down I am jealous of, using my time to learn, not talking negative all the time for joy
I have noticed the past three years, even those I considered “safe” have slowly become, more shut down and unable to stay open. Conversation recaps “in my head” seem a struggle.. to find that deep connection we used to have. My strong will comes into play and let’s these conversations take a back seat. It’s a strain on my few beloved connections. Is it me? Or these crazy times? Keeps my head spinning… 😏of course.
If you are being your authentic self, it’s other people. We have to stick to our guns even when others are sometimes literally yelling in our face that we are wrong.
I find trait #3 so powerful yet dangerous. Other types might not see the use in dimming our light. INFJs are mostly recommended to be therapists and social workers but beyond that… our capacity to see so clearly into people’s potential and their desires, is invaluable for creative careers. I think we kill it’s as designers, consultants, stylists & developers. Unmatched in my eyes… as long as we don’t forget to live our dreams too.
Amazingly accurate! You are like the tour guide of the INFJ mind pointing out where the different thoughts and characteristics live. Super helpful, thank you!
Is it just me but I’ve always made friends with the ‘new weird co worker’ or ‘ new kid in class’ or that ‘ one summer friend out of the blue’ but when school started it’s like you act like nothing happened….or the new friend/ new co worker in the end somehow they make it with the other crowd im back alone. I feel like I’m weirder then the weirdo. It’s like being bit by the mouse you were protecting from the cat. My ‘moments’ have been deep and real. But they don’t last long.
Now I know what you mean by authentic. And why people are actually afraid of being authentic. Sad but true. I accept that.
ALL OF THESE. Lol thank you! This brought some clarity in different areas for me. Number 5 hits hard 😅 Anyone else ever feel a bit overwhelmed by feeling other people's emotions? I've learned to pull back a bit on the empathy just to keep myself healthy, but still struggle sometimes to recognize my own emotions.
It's SOOO funny to say really hard things to people but in a smart or diplomatic way.
Never been part of a group/clique and I wouldn't want to be 💯
im INFJ and a software engineer. i found a lot of intelligent ppl in engineering field that is not like me but understand me. dark humor is what makes me connect with them.
Trait #1: "I speak as I find." [Miss Elizabeth Bennett] / a quote I use often.
Over sharing is my kryptonite.
I don't feel the need to belong all the time. I am an individual and have been told by friends that I have a unique personality. I'm not sure if it's my interest in ufos, my love of spirituality or my love of theater, but I feel like I don't connect with a lot of people. I can be authentic in an art environment, but that's really it. Otherwise I just feel like the odd one out.
I have to agree wirh your take on letting your light shine. Some people are around you just because you dim your light and let them shine, but cannot stand it when you let yours shine. Lwt it shine so you can weed those people out of your life!!
You make a great point about when we as INFJ‘s focus so much on other peoples emotions that we sometimes lose the reality of our own emotions however, I do believe that you can learn as I have as an INFJ, after 60 years of being an INFJ to still be very aware of other peoples emotions and always reflect back on your own very unique emotions to keep things in perspective. This is very important for us as INFJ‘s to be balanced, and to allow our emotions to influence and help understand other peoples emotions and put them in proper perspective. Understanding and appreciating and looking deep into our own emotions at the same time as we reflect on and absorb other peoples emotions can help us guide them through their specific emotions by example. Being an example is so important when trying to help other people through their emotional experiences. The only way we can be a proper example is to, not ignore our own emotions as we explore and absorb other peoples emotions… I know that may have gotten a little convoluted but I hope that makes sense to my fellow INFJ’s. 🙏
Yep. After I got open heart surgery recently, I became even more direct about EVERYTHING and sometimes that took my dear daughter by surprise. My truths back then became amplified due to the extreme circumstances I'd just gone through... I almost died. I got lucky & that really stirred up some stuff. I tell people really close to me that I'm weird because I am. At the moment, I live alone with my 2 wonderful emotional support animals, and I'm pretty much recovered. I'm single, I'm funny & charming and ODD... One day I'd love to meet someone who appreciates my kinda normal!
Thank you for your explanations ....
Those 5 traits were really happening in my life ... at the end I got tired of them with all their problems n complains of their life. Since now I live alone (my husband had passed away 3 years ago) I have to prioritize my own life, nurturing my core values & my final goal is to be the best version of myself.
😊😊😊❤❤❤
I just discovered your channel and it really made sense to me. Especially being aware of others emotions but not of your own. As a teacher I have spent years working with young children and their families emotions and their needs while not realizing how draining it was for me. As much as I loved teaching I am quitting after this year. I realize that teaching is too stressful and not good for me. I don't blame others, just realized how stressed I have made myself. I don't know if I am an infj but I'm in my '50 and finally have discovered that I have a voice and have enough confidence to walk away from bad situations/people. Thank you.
I've observed ISFJs being highly aware of others' emotions also.
I thank you for creating these videos. You verbalize my thoughts perfectly, and ive shared your video. Blessings on your journey. You are awesome.
Even before you started I had a chuckle when reading the title. Knew this would be a good one.
1. So true! And as a Dutchman, we already have a reputation for being direct. There have been situations where colleagues were sure that I would be fired, but I do it in a way that I get away with it and often even maintain a better relationship with, for example, management after a collision than before.
I see your smile (@2:40)....yes we are naughty
2. Yes. I do believe that we should be an example
3. I think this is a very nice quality of ours, but perhaps also one that is poorly understood by others.
4. #1 can help with this to show that you are less of a push over than it seems. I also think that a bit of strength here can keep narcissists out.
5. This one is the most strange to myself. I have described it as that my bookcase with feelings has fallen over and all the books / feelings are mixed up and I use other people's feelings to clarify my own...
Direct and come off as an ass sometimes to people who don't get how management has to handle things at time. I'm also very approachable and everyone tells me everything which freaks people out at times, because they have no idea why they are doing it
So true! 1. People do not like the hints that you drop. They get really uneasy. Insecurity makes them avoid you. I never knew that I was 'crossing boundaries'. It seems like people would want to know their annoying issues in a tactful way. But they do not. What do you mean by an outlet? 2. Fitting in is a weakness the way I see it. If that is your main priority. It is sort of disgusting to me. I don't like being around inauthentic people. I appreciate the advice to be an example. Usually I get jealousy as a result. So...3. I have real problems with people who need a lot of attention. It is tiresome. I find when I dim my light then others are not threatened but they want to 'take over'. I need to be more consistent in being bright when I want. 4. Yes, a strong mind. When I let things happen I am amazed at how dominating other people can be! Life is this big power struggle to them. It is saddening. People believing that you don't have what it takes...very frequently. 5. Not aware of own emotions. True. Until something snaps because too much gets internalized for someone else's sake. Often I find myself doing that for a child or a younger person. You can understand it but you cannot tolerate it forever. Just because you can does not mean you should! Great insights, wow, thank you!
Narcissist are drawn to us and we try to help we're utterly crushed...
Wow! These are traits of which I was not aware. Now that I've watched your video, I can identify these in me.
The only exception for me is the last one, about not knowing my own emotion. I've heard this said by other INFJs, and have never understood what it meant. I am very aware of my own emotion. I can easily switch between awareness of myself and others.
I suspect what you and others are getting at is, the INFJ ability to suppress his own emotions. I did this back when I was less than healthy, married to a narcissist. I slowly muted my awareness of how I felt. I did this slowly, by moving my "center" of who I am. I neglected my Fe and focused on Ni-Ti looping, and possibly some other non-typical INFJ functions. This took its toll on me. Thankfully, I am out of that relationship for good (cue sound of door slam)!
Wow! Just by writing that, I am feeling a beautiful sigh of relief!!
PS: Before anyone asks, I'm very certain I am INFJ and not INFP. I easily exhibit the Ni and Fe traits; I get into Ni-Ti loops, and love my Se. There are three things which might explain my seemingly INFP traits:
1) My J/P score is near zero.
2) I have ADHD
3) I lived through 31 years of constant stress (narcissist partner).
For example, I am good at structuring my thoughts (J?). However, I do not plan anything ahead of time, and I dislike doing something in the same way more than once; I like spontaneity (P?). I am very aware of my own emotions (Fi?). I can read and feel the emotions of people around me, and can't turn it off (Ni-Fe), but I can also put myself into a person's shoes and see the possibilities for how they must feel (Fi-Ne?). I used to have very strong, uncontrollable emotions, even overpowering (Fi?). This was from when I was a child all the way into college age. Something happened during college--I don't know what--and it just finally stopped. My emotions are "normal" intensity now.
No. 5 was the one I have been working on the most. Too many times I put out all types of efforts without giving myself that energy. Probably will keep on doing it but be aware of what I am doing as I do. Thanks Wenzes
This was excellent! These all resonated with me perfectly. You made some connections for me that I wouldn't have made on my own. Thank you!
“Now I’m not really able to think about other people’s emotions as much, but when I look back, when I was younger I went WAY overboard.” Thank you for this - I’ve been trying to wrap my head around this dichotomy for a while ☺️
I've always said I don't want to be "cookie cutter". It's okay with me that I'm different. I really, really have to like something...... to the point of not being able to live without it......before I go for trends!
Again, you nailed it, all 5, 100%. There is not any doubt INFJ is me
So spot on! You are really evolving and developing as an INFJ and becoming very inspiring to other fellow INFJ’s. Namaste 🙏 my fellow INFJ…
I knew I was different when I was 2 years old. I understood more about the world and how people act and react before I was 5 years old. I knew I wasn’t gay at 5 years old. I knew I liked girls and I liked to hang out with girls when I was a child while other boys thought girls were icky. I found there differences intriguing and was curious about learning peoples traits and how they think
Comment 111 love all My weirdos I'd rather be a weirdo 👻✍️👑 Sigma INFJ Empath bringing back Alchemy 😉🤪😜🤣❤️❤️👽
I pressing forward day by day and focusing on the things that matter most to me at the moment, but my time to shine will come, though it may be too bright for some people. I already know this in advance, which is why I'm bracing myself. 😎💡💯👍
It is diferent personally. At the internet we are worse than in person.
I had never known about these 4 letter personalities but after hearing the infj stuff it’s so trippy to see myself. I thought I was kind of alone/different but I guess there are many others that share this. I didn’t see the bigger picture of myself and often feel shame. These vids help me understand better.
I have every one of these. For not caring about not fitting in, I have used the label “unconventional,” as have others about me. I’m perfectly fine with that. At times I’ve embraced the labels “nonconformist” and “rebel.” I learned about dimming the light very early in life-as a survival mechanism. I’m a bit of a master at it now. Same with the agreeable-strong will dynamic. I can hang out for years playing second fiddle, knowing at any time I can be an effective leader when necessary. Mostly I just don’t care.
Great understand of me ❗️❗️am I a book lol
I'm 70 years old and I have yet, to meet anyone who understands me as a person. Being misunderstood is a way of life for me and the only life I've ever known
We have a strong presence and people sense it so naturally they try to appeal to us but we can see past the facade and just accept them like that...
Wenzies, you speak from experience, yours and that of every other INFJ!
If somebody cross your boundaries, that gives you the deserved right to cross boundaries back.
Master said "Dont judge if you dont wish to been judged by the same rule you just judged."
And that doesnt means to not judge... Means that you may throw the first stone only if you are free of guilt!
Then... get fun if you wish to been judged!!
Stone means judgement in tongues.
Remember: Monkeys poop and throw material each others... and we dont abandoned the tradition!! But animals are fair, since no monkey is going to say you that they are throwing flowers!!
I feel we should aggressively defend our own boundaries when people encroach on ours, but not retaliate. If we stoop to their level, things can escalate beyond our ability to control. Many people draw strength from perceived feelings of vengeance, just look at the world for practical examples. When we don’t give them any ammunition but defend our own hill, they have a tendency to back down and hesitate to try it again.
@@excrono out of YOUR control? Sorry, but if you are INFJ, the only able to stand all those chaos is another INFJ!! I know you are going to hate this but ¿Do you dont notice that you are just built for war?
Mean, if YOU just lost control... then the others are suffering real Apocalypse!!
I refuse to hide myself anymore and like being different……xx
Being honest is a major problem for some.
I'm myself 24/7, i don't give a fek if ppl don't like me
I actually think its funny when ppl hate me for bein myself 😄😄😄
My 20 year old son is having a complete meltdown today because of my directness with strangers
09:00 very much true, not that everything else was not but this, oh my gosh....it's an hell, yes!...
I am a kind man, particularly to children and elderly. Conversely, though I don't anger easily, if I am triggered hard, I can unleash a vicious verbal whirl wind and other if necessary.
Finally a decent video.
As an INFJ, this is all well and good. However, what you look like, how tall you are, and how much money you have--these are much more powerful predictors of how others act towards you. At the same time, people generally like to think they are above this sort of thing. I'm continually amazed at how shallow people can be while telling themselves the opposite. Awareness of this shallowness is important to understand about people. My apologies if this sounds cynical, but a person needs to be aware of human frailties.
Society (sensors generally) use all of those as boxes and pressures people and yourself to conform, but we need to resist despite the consequences.
I wish i was around and direct forever ago. With the right approach would be great content.
You're so fabulous Wenzes, bless you for helping & empowering others in such an effective way.💚💚💚
ODear #5 is rough for me.
Thank you 💜
There is another play on this. You know your game, and it is outside the norm, but has enormous potential for healing and transformation. By whatever circumstances, e.g. God planted someone in your way and you go "Oh, they are interesting. Looking at their street creds, maybe they are in on the game too." But you do not know if they are in on the game, but simply happen to be someone who happened to be in the right place with the right knowledge and skills to attract forces, but they are completely oblivious to what is going down. There can be an impasse, where you do not know if they are in on the game and simply playing really cool (stealth happens at some levels) and do not know that you are also in on the game. Or, they happened to luck on certain skills and knowledge that made them attractive to some forces, but only consider this stuff at an abstract level and do not really believe it plays out in real life. So then the question is do they have the knowledge and skills to play at the next level, or a simply non-players who were on the board just by luck but not part of the game play. So circumstances might play out where it is demonstrated they were not in the game and just a piece that happened to be there by some kind of weird conjunction and there was nothing better around. You happen to have what is better around, and they have abrogated all knowledge or investure in playing the game. But then there is a doubt. If they had known the game and scale that was going to go down, would they have chosen in? Can they be trusted? So you bust a move to see if they are up for the game. Their reply is thanks, but no thanks, and do not do that again. That is an acceptable response. They have declared they are not a player in the game, not interested in the game, and do not want to be invited into the game. So one thing INFJs do is call the fence-sitters bluff. There is a game in the field, do you want in or out? Fence-sitters get to say "Hell, yeah! I'm in!" and start playing the game or "Thanks, but no thanks, I like the fence, thank you very much". So sometimes things are awkward and rejection follows. But this is a good thing. Someone who cannot or will not step up is no longer dragging on your chains tying you back to lost causes and nil sum games. Sure, they can enjoy their sandpit and castles, but you are no longer shacked to them and can get on with the next phase of your development.
Ahhhhh - #1 (I love ME !!! ) -
It's a good thing there is #2 because there *IS* ... *THAT #1
AHHHH - *GOOD THING* there is that #3 because there is *that #1
*AHHHH - GOOD THING there is that #4 because there is *that #1
Ahhh good thing there is that #4 because there is that #5
(P.S. it took the length of this video to write this comment - sounds slow / feels fast - which is a interesting sensation of a evaluation)
This is GREAT VIDEO INFJ'S are "fearfully and wonderfully made" as the GOOD BOOK might extrapolate to relate - and thats *A GOOD THING*
(EDIT: Its like algebra - Its as if the 'beingness of it' couldn't exist without each of the components)
Excellent advise!
this i needed to hear! thankyou! especially trait 5
I highly recommend maybelline collasal and a good mascara wand. Or au natural. Love your content, btw ☺️👍
Love you sunshine 👻✍️👑😉❤️ Sigma INFJ 🌍
Thank you 💕
Your the best! Your beautiful strength is magnificently warm and wonderful. Its nice to experience on the outside. Someone I can relate to, thank you so very much Wenz, ×1000😊. Much love!!!❤🦋
I don't care if I'm shadow banned, will still try hahaha
INFJ'S are not misfits they blend in pretty well in social dynamics INFJ's uses Fe this means that they love and respect others and want harmony in their relationships INFJ'S do not want to offend others they respect others boundaries this is a healthy INFJ When they trust you they can share their opinions and beliefs with ease also you'll be able to see their sense of humor just remember that INFJ'S would never want to offend people and would feel bad if they did and they would not incorporate this attitude into their lives and those they come across so no it wouldn't be advantages for INFJ'S to think that they should be blunt and express themselves however way they want to this would be unhealthy and disrespectful to others which would make them feel bad if they are honest it's not honesty that would hurt others but to benefit others with their authenticity and letting others know what's on the INFJ'S mind . This is consistent with a healthy INFJ .
WOW 😳! Me!!
Thank you. Great content.
Very helpful.
You're great, Wenzes... keep it up! Maybe sometime you'll tell us about your unusual name... thanks for all you do!
Never need to be brutal that borders on power play.
Very true. I find the last one isn't true for me. I think "4" is the most self aware of them all, very much in tune with personal feelings, probably less aware of it in others sometimes, conversely. But I'd say it's a healthy balance in general of both. Thank you for this video.
Beautifully explained
Once again you are square on the mark.
Thank you
I suppose my weird trait is the way I love and understand children and want to be friends with them. This got me arrested and sent to the county jail, on unproven and false accusations that I was a molester, what cost me $30,000 in lawyer and legal fees to defend myself
thank you. thank you. thank you. x
entlightening as always. love the new look btw 😉
Alhamde liAllah الحمد لله
A Religious INFJ :)
It was interesting to hear this. I realize that I have often linked up #1 and #4.
12:32 😊
It's good to be direct and tell the truth but if possible, I prefer to do it without bluntness and being outspoken. I tried to avoid loaded words with a lot of negative connotations. And I found that it did help me stay true to myself and still be agreeable. It usually means commiting myself to self respect - and doing my own thing anyway! 🙂
It has nothing to do with being "weak.". Quite the opposite!
I think we don't really enjoy the spotlight but we crave to be recognized and accepted as we are not because of what we accomplish...
The word is UNacceptable, not inacceptable...
Do you think that as INFJs, we need to hide our INFJ personality type from others? I mean, could people approach us solely because of this? Is it possible that people might plan to take advantage of us? What do you think? Please advise.
If the person wants to take advantage of our agreeable nature and always having the spotlight, yes. Become more aware bc we can sense others intentions better than most
This helps a lot! 😍
Thank You Wenzes! I love your talks 😊❤
Name: Weird Hero here. Literally part of my name. Weird means more than Weird in Chinese/Vietnamese. Won't say it here. Paternally given. Maternally is my legal: Asher Michael.
Needed this with everything I've been dealing with.. my whole life, but extremely intensely in the past three months.
question: if conversing nicely don't get through, and you can't be direct - (and I tend to be not subtle direct when the other person still can't get the message), please tell me what do you suggest? i really need the answe r. my own solution so far is: i left the person.
If I think you’re a weirdo. Always be yourself. Just not near me.
Magnífica
I have a question: How can we be so strong when we have been abused all our lives??? (agreeable and independent).
I've been incredibly annoyed in trying to ''play by the rules'' since childhood. So I finally occupied a cave and turned into a hermit much like ''Mr. Garrison'' from South Park😂. Now I can at least retain some sense of myself in this daily toxicity that everyone else calls ''normality''.
Like when a chick has messed with a man I'm interactive with I can tell they are uncomfortable or unsure,, and so I lay out the ground work to show I'm someone safe to talk to and still they will lie and use backdoor sarcasm. 😅😂😂😂😂