Girls, I am 60 and have gone through 2 divorces...young ladies, don't waste your years on someone who is a taker...Takers are people who take, your hopes, your self, and your soul...you feel empty and they never give... except to get... remember, this is your life...year in year out, this is your time... VALUABLE TIME because you are valuable...don't waste your time trying to get someone to like and love you...if you have to do that, they are stingy...with themselves and everything thing they own...think smart...learn about yourself and love yourself...your worth it
The hardest part of being able leave is that not many abusers are abusive 100% of the time. There are sometimes 70% good, loving times. But 30% really horrible times.
This. It is difficult. When things are good, they are REALLY good. But I know that it's coming. I don't know when, I don't know where, but at any given moment she just turns and it becomes a hellish barrage of hate and hurt and abuse. It's like she is two different people, and I am CONSTANTLY having to live on edge because I just don't know when the next attack will come.
@@guidosarducci166 Nobody should ever have to put up with that. Someone who treats you like that does not genuinely care about you. You deserve to live a happy life where you aren't sneak attacked with terrible mood swings and abuse. I hope you are able to get out a live happily.
Or 90% horrible times and 10% “okay” times. But because you experience intense pain MOST of the time; that 10 % feels SO soothing that it almost becomes an addiction. Very hard to exit that cycle 🤧
"You can't have a rational conversation with an abusive partner, bc if they recognized they're abusive, they would've done something about it by now" - This really hit home for me. Thank you so much Steph💗
As a man this hits home for me as well. I was bad before but I made changes and improvements to show I wanted to be a better man, better lover, better partner. But I can see now that she was never interested and our relationship was toxic before I caused any harm. I have to let her go. She doesn't want to improve. She doesn't want things to get better.
@@KingNexusMOCs Deep down, she'll respect you for leaving her, and it might even motivate her to finally look at herself and make changes. - Keep on working on your healing brother. There's a Queen waiting to love you in your near future and treat you like the King you are becoming. - If I may make a suggestion, look into masculine energy. Now that I've left the abusive relationship, studying feminine energy is helping me rebuild myself as a high quality woman.
Yup, had that fight with him, informing him that he is emotionally abusing me... his response:"you are crazy"... gaslit right there. Have been intimately and emotionally rejected by him now for 5 months. I have learnt not to become as pathetic, pleading, crying and be scared he will leave me, like I did before. I am standing my ground to rather learn and love myself, as I learnt that true love does not treat one like this. He is NOT willing to see and accept that he has big issues causing me to act the way I do. He rather label me as stubborn, disrespectful and not loving him. He told me also that a man marry to be able to easily have sex for life. He definately does not understand the concept of marriage then.... I have reached my quota of enduring the insecurity about our marriage connection..
After four years, I left last month. I couldn’t take the blatant disrespect. It was tearing me down badly. Even if there are no other romantic relationships in my life, staying wasn’t tolerable any longer. My mental and physical health were deteriorating. He did it on purpose with no remorse. He enjoyed it. Ocean of red flags and getting worse. Life is better without him.
This is so hard! I left the abuse 45 days ago. I'm so depressed and constantly think of ending it all. I was isolated in that relationship. I have no friends nor family. I have been my only support through this. I had to move to another town. Sometimes I feel I don't have the strength to continue. I was stripped of my self worth, my soul, my dreams, and even my hope. I don't know who I am anymore. This life seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. What little compassion that is left in my heart goes out to all the women who have been through this and made it out alive. I pray we all can heal!!!
Girl I met a crazy ass man, that apparently sees me continuously cheating in his mind. He's beat shit crazy, and when he gets like this there's no snapping him out of it. He belittled me, he's a demon sent from hell. He is possessed, I can even tell when he wants to know something like who I was on the phone with. It triggers him and he gets this sweet crazy look in his eyes and he asks so politely "who was that babe" but little do I know I just woke a demon inside of him. Cause out of no where he will start tripping, it might take a month but it's comes and goes.
I have had 2 relationships like this. I left both when it became physical. That crossed the line. I am now married to a beautiful man and will be celebrating our silver wedding at Christmas. So yes, you can recover and move on.
We have to treat the narc as they are and not as we would like them to be. The lesson for me was to rediscover my own power. I was never truly a victim. I was a willing participant. My narc was a mirror exposing me to my character flaws such as codependency, low self esteem and poor boundaries to name a few. Narcs are predators that don’t get better. The more time you invest in them they become better predators.
Kirby Augustine This is one of the best comments I’ve ever read on our situations this is so so true I am literally delving into the exact same things going to Codependents Anonymous is very helpful I learned I totally married my dad emotionally unavailable but I took it a step further and married someone emotionally abusive
This is exactly what I needed to hear!! I want to move on ... I’ve been in this toxic relationship for 8 years and this video has given me the strength to put a stop to this cycle!
I broke it off completely after 3 years of an abusive relationship 3 months ago. It was the best decision of my life, that bad situation made me a better stronger person, I have so much more appreciation for good people. I’m now in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I look at the past as a place of reference not a place of residence.
@@donwhelan768 sorry for the late reply! We got back together and finally I was discarded by him for the best of both of us! It’s difficult because we have a trauma bond so it’s difficult to completely cut him off... but making progress every day!
Ok....after suffering for about 3 yrs w this abusive person, ,,,I left yesterday...I prepared for yesterday for a year....I found the strenght to leave .😵😿😥 I couldnt live another day...I was dead...I feel like a shredded piece of rag....Im going to heal and become the person I was before he drained my spirit...it was Soooo bad....I have severe anxiety bcuz of this relationship....I left yesterday while he was at work...I literally escaped...when 3:00 pm comes around everyday my anxiety goes thru the roof...because its the time he is on his way home...I knew that at 3:50 he was going to see my car not there and run in to find I left.I BLOCKED him everyway I could ..I was TERRIFIED...Im now staying w a fam member...but I have to park my car two blocks away so he wont drive around to see if Im at my fam house...the aftermath TRAUMA ,,,Im paranoid he is going to pop up...I promised MYSELF N GOD N MY FRIENDS N FAM I WONT GO BACK...I see a therapist...Im getting my own place in Sept...I love myself enough to know that I wasn't growing and this last time he left me BRUISES all over..where they are visible...☹😔 I had two bruises on my neck ..one on each side...he choked me so bad ..I looked in the mirror and I seen all the bruises and they hurt just as bad as the mental n emotional scars...I said...thats it...I have been thru enough of abuse..from childhood..THAT was the last draw......Now I feel ....heartbroken and happy at the same time..😢...I need to heal...I am very spiritual...its God THAT has guided and given me strenght when I was ready to kill MYSELF.....I dont want young girls to think that its normal to get treated this way......its not...We are not THE PROBLEM THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES...💖 Stay prayed up..keep God 1st..,God Bless
@@tashina505 hello😊 Im doing great. Im happy to say...I have peace of mind and have moved foward. He has been calling me through private calls but I dont answer...Ive blocked him n his emails go straight to spam...Im glad that I left.
I'm choosing to love myself first... I walked away from the situation plenty of times and today is my new beginning. I've mad a promise to myself that I deserve better. I will replay this video as many times as I need to, to stay mentally strong!
I’ve listened to this video over and over and over. I’ve got money saved, a storage unit, an attorney, and am in weekly therapy. The fear of his words still has power. You said it perfectly so many times here. I feel like I’m living 2 lives and preparing for a war. My narcissistic husband has no idea or faith in my strength. I’m using that to my advantage. I’m so close to being ready to tell him and file. Just need to close up on a place to live (we have a 2 year old) and fighting the fear of hateful words and social media abuse. Thank you for this and all of your videos!!
@@katieviljoen8409 I moved out on October 1st while he was at work. It was the absolute hardest and terrifying thing I ever did. Once he found out and started rapidly calling I could have puked. The sickness and almost out of body stress I felt at that moment I can never put in to words. I don’t want to scare you but so many videos say it’s “hard”. But I was and still am addicted to trying to make him happy. So I almost physically felt like I was going to have a heart attack …. It was the worst feeling. I just don’t know how to even put it in to words. He now is promising me the world and I just can’t go back. So even though I physically moved, because he nonstop pushes I feel like I’m in the same boat. I still haven’t severed the trauma bond. If I can help in any way please let me know. Be prepared .. if you’re like me and have been a people pleaser and empath your whole life… be prepared to feel a feeling of sickness like you’ve never felt before. 😞 I’m thinking of you. Now I still have to cut my contact. He uses the exchanges to pull me back. So I’m still very much struggling. Months later. I wish I had a lighter way to explain this. I’m here if I can help in any way though!
Unfortunately I empathize deeply with this except he is my sole source of income. I cannot secure housing 😢 my heart is with you though. Hope you and your little girl get out.
@@amylynn7881 I once read a commenter's reply, & she said she actually had to move out of state, to get away. Narcs Never change, no matter how nice you are to them. Just go, "No contact," with them once & for all. Normal people are friendly, but not all friendly people are Normal. Normal people are kind. Not all kind people are Normal. Kindness without Honesty, is Manipulation. 💗💗💗
Same here, but I have a new place to stay that he doesn't know about. Over 2 hours from our current home. I guess I have planned more than I knew because all the steps she went over I have in place.
@@KellyDawnGoneWrong Sure Kelly. The Lord healed my broken heart. We all have a common enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy us. When you say Yes God I need you so desperately and save me He will. He that calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Call on Him, cry out to Him. If you feel the pulling and tugging of your heart don’t harden it. Just say yes Lord hear I am. God loves the broken hearted and He is open to their cry. He healed mine.
My emotionally abusive partner winds me up and gaslights me he knows I have a temper then knows when I explode from the mind fucks he’ll point and laugh and say look how you’re behaving then i cry because he’s so good at what he does.
@@charleelooo that's another manipulation tactic. So that he can put the blame on you and say "look at how crazy you are". I hope you can get away soon
So today I’ve cried so many times bc, strangely, I miss my abuser. Very similar experiences to you some of those who’ve replied (strangled, humiliated, chased by knives, etc.) Your video gives me strength and hope that I CAN get thru this.
I am having the same issue. My partner is very emotionally abusive and a narcissist . We broke up and got back together a few times. However today i ended it for good..my feelings for him are still there and i do have a bit of anxiety. But i deserve better and watching this video and knowing i have loved ones around me is helping me go forward.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Nov 2018 i asked for a divorce after being together for 10 years Nov 2019 divorce granted 2021 he is remarried 2021 me still watching these videos to continue my healing journey and be the best ME i can and will be. Thank you Stephanie x
Almost 15 years with the wrong man. I knew it from the day i met him that he was probably not right for me, but i was attracted and intrigued. 6 months into it i received the first bit of verbal and emotional abuse, and it began to snowball and became a way of life. I left him the first time 5 years into it, with our 2 year old, and I ended up going back because i had very little to no resources to survive on my own. And then i left again, and came back, and again, and came back. I stayed long enough to finish college and left again, and came back.... and i don’t know what the hell is wrong with me that once i would leave it wouldn’t be long before i felt like i made a mistake, I’d feel guilty, id be manipulated, convinced that we could have so much more together and thinking maybe i didn’t try hard enough. Two kids later and I’m awake to the knowledge that he will never change! He will never grow, he will never be better than what he is. Dominating, controlling, loud, obnoxious, arrogant, demanding, difficult, impatient, judgemental...... and not there for me when I’m sick or hurt. He wants a partner to help with finances and provide sex. But if i need emotional support he can’t be bothered. If I’m sick, it’s all in my head.... if i have a need , I’m crazy!!! I’m sick of it! I’m not needy, I’m very independent, but I’m a human and i need a human connection. This monster isn’t capable of that. All he does is manipulate me into thinking that he’s connecting but what’s he’s really doing is trying to convince me that I’m wrong and that he’s right.
The Good Choice There's nothing wrong with you for going back, you are Trauma Bonded to him & it is so hard to break. It is literally like coming off a drug when that bond is broken. Also you see hope, potential & have empathy-- all human qualities. I keep going back to my abusive husband also. My friends & family all want me to stay away from him but I know I cannot do it until I am ready within myself to deal with the pain and terror of leaving for good. Love and light to you...
Reading your story is like reading my future story.. I got married 7 month back and my husband have same behavior as your husband he always wants me but he is never available for me . He always convence me that I was wrong that's why this happen. And now his family also supports him . He have this habbit of telling everything even our personal bed room talks to his mother . And justify his actions by saying that's my habbit . A month before we had fight he got vilont on me and abbuses me and my family . I have left his home . That also dint realese him his mistake he was giving reasons why he hit me . One day out of angre when I said I dont this relationship I wanted to end it . After some hours he called and said Please forgive me give me one last chance . I'm am really not getting what to do it's only 7 month of marriage should I give him one last chance or not . ?
I can relate my ex was never there emotional for me but wanted sex I refused so now he's mad and he knows not calling me hurt my feelings. I learning to love myself first and next time I will time my time and much sure he's actions line up with his words. I'm done with empty promises.
OMG!!! AS I STARTED READING YOUR COMMENT, ALL I COULD THINK WAS, "THIS IS ME!!" IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO YEARS BUT WHEN I FIRST STARTED TALKING TO HIM, I KNEW HE WOULDN'T BE GOOD FOR ME, BUT I WAS INTRIGUED BY HIS CONVERSATIONS. HE STARTED VERBALLY ABUSING ME LIKE 9 MONTHS IN. HE'S BEEN TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT BUT FOR SOME REASON I JUST WILL NOT CONCEIVE A CHILD AT THE MOMENT. I FEEL AS IF MY SPIRIT GUIDES ARE PROTECTING ME. I LEFT AGAIN TODAY!
Yohhh Good Choice, I was also in the same position as you, but I had to put an end to this come back and forth. I was always blaming myself that maybe, there's something wrong with me. He would blame me for everything that he was doing, stating that I pushed him to that. I would feel bad. He was so manipulative, demanded sex like I was his sex slave, but I am glad that I managed to get out of that relationship
i can relate, she has a point when she says they twist your words and your feelings so that you feel that you’re making a wrong decision, if you survived before they existed you can survive after and be more resilient!
@@sharonjackson199 There is plenty of help for you and your kids, DO NOT BE AFRAID to use the resources available in your community; they can help you and protect you. Stay positive
The narcissist expects the relationship to end, right from the first day meeting you. They know you're not going to put up with their abuse and manipulation forever. You will leave or at least take a step back from giving them supply, to the point where they are forced to discard you. They know this is inevitable.
Hands down one of the best relationship advice videos I've seen. I shared it with a friend. This really helped me today... The hardest part is knowing it's time to walk away when pouring your heart out and trying to communicate time and time again only to be ignored by the person who's never willing to admit their faults, apologize and work on resolution. You know it's over when you finally resort to name-calling because nothing else works, but then you just feel terrible while they continue to ignore you. There comes a time when you just have to respect yourself and your boundaries. Never let someone get comfortable disrespecting and/or disregarding you.
Well, on the other side, someone who is verbally attacking you for 2 or 3 hours, calling you a liar, cheater, etc. is painful, too. All his wrongful accuses are still ringing in my ears and hurting me.
Yesterday I broke up with my ex for the third and final time. He was very emotionally abusive as well as an alcholholic. I'm teetering on being strong and having an emotional breakdown. I have to keep my head in the right place or else I'll just break! Luckily I prepared myself for this but definately not easy.
I've been in and out of an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 yrs. I was codependent on him. I wanted to fix him because he was abused physically and emotionally by his mother. She recently passed and it breaks my heart that she left without making amends. So I made excuses for his cheating and at times narcissistic behavior. He's incapable of changing or doesn't want to but I can't do it anymore. I'm learning to love myself and being my own hero. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so done with him and his shit and abuse. I'm leaving. He has no idea. He has threatened to kill me if I leave, that he will find me. I dont even care anymore. I'm terrified. But I'm also hopeful for a better future. He took everything from me and I'm going to get it back.
I’m being isolated, doesn’t like me seeing my family, doesn’t want me going to work related things, always thinking I’m sleeping with male dentists that I work with, doesn’t like me calling my kids when they’re with their father. It’s so fucking draining and hard as fuck ! Please lord give me the strength to leave this narcissist
Hey... did you end up leaving? I’m kinda going through the same thing I been with him for 2 years and 8 months and at one point I was happy and thought things were getting better.. but things are starting to come down again... it’s constantly me being accused of being with other guys or liking other guys.. I literally had icing stain on my shirt the other day from work and he starts accusing me saying that I’m with other guys and that it’s cum and saying all this random shit. Not even the worst part he calls me a “bitch” “dumbass” and that I always ruin everything and everything is my fault... when all I do is try to make things better and what’s hard is that I’m starting to normalize the name calling... but it’s draining I felt like ever since I got with him I got depressed again and I just can find the courage to leave but I notice myself getting tired slowly...I guess I just don’t want be lonely I’m scared to be by myself I have no friends and he’s made me grow apart from my family, that at this point I feel like I got no one...
@@Leslie-yh6de hunni you’re not alone ! Yes I left 10 months ago now ! Thank god ! He controlled my life and much much more :( if you want add me on Insta and we can chat x
A friend who had been through this told me the same, and I’ll tell you now. It will never stop being your fault in their eyes. They will always twist anything back on you. They will always be in denial and not truly change.
Katie Mccoy I’m in this exact position now. I’m 19, we’ve been together for almost a year, he’s my second ever love, but he’s the most emotionally abusive person and he somehow makes everything my fault, even if I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m trying to leave, but somehow he keeps manipulating me into staying. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, especially alone.
I am planning to leave my physically and emotionally abusive husband tomorrow. Despite all the promises to act better he never changed but I am realising that I am changing. I am turning into a sad and angry person. I am losing my sanity. I can barely remember the last time I heartily laughed which I used to frequently do before meeting him. I believe I deserve better. I deserve to be happy again. God give me strength.
So true🙌🏻I didn’t realize that he was isolating me!! If I work: where are you!! If I’m home: your always home!!! I have no freedom!! I thought after years of being with a narcissist I would never be in another covert abusive relationship!! There are so many versions of abuse 😔Thank you for this eye opening video 🙏🏻
@david sanders thank you for sharing this! One of the things I kept thinking that made it not toxic was that he didn’t isolate me. But I realized I isolated me because it was too hard not to. What I’d come home to want worth it, so I isolated myself from everyone. I also started to think I didn’t like people, but I realize it was self preservation. I hope you are doing better today ❤️
When I worked he didn't care how much sleep he would make me lose, when I'd wake up on the mornings id have to be very quiet or he would get mad. When I dont work he complains im home all the time, I dont contribute, its my fault everything is awful because I'm "lazy". When I worked he was home playing game all day, then calls me down because I'm tried afterwards and dont wanna do dishes because I cleaned all day at work.. but again I'm lazy and don't help out all I do is work but dont help.. and no matter how much I help I dont do enough. Its just this exhausting cycle. It won't ever ever matter what I do I'm just not good enough. Get thrown out, let back in just to be thrown out again at some point because its inevitable. I'm getting ready to leave im just getting a few things in order, im going to stay with my parents, get a job and take care of myself. I'm sick of this im not gaining anything, the love I receive is minimal and on his terms. I cant even pick the movies we watch because "you take too long to pick", or "the movies you pick suck"... im sick of completely catering to him. I lost myself totally, and im disappointed in myself for that. He honestly doesn't care if im here, or not. So I might as well do myself a favor, and get as far from him as possible hes just weighing me down because he can.
Stephanie every time I watch you you say exactly what I went through 3 years ago. There is no rationalizing with them. I was a “terrible person, selfish person, the child is going to hate me, la la la”. I heard it all and it was awful but I ignored it with help. I quickly learned to argue was like arguing with a fence post. You are spot on and I hope this reaches people before they leave so they know what to expect. I had no idea what kind of fire I was playing with but I did it! And made it through it and am very happily remarried now. 🙏
@david sanders David, the hardest thing about leaving an abusive relationship is the fact that you're not going to get closure. Before this marriage with covert emotional abuser, while back I had a relationship with an over narcissist (yes as this video indicates, clearly I need to work on my own issues so they do not walk into another relationship like this) and the hardest thing with coping with the fact that there would be no closure, and no admission of responsibility from my boyfriend at the time. Waiting for anyone with narcissistic traits to take responsibility for their part in the relationship well, you are going to be waiting till pigs are ice skating in hell. We have to validate ourselves. Talk to as many people as you can who are empathetic. Watch as many of these videos as you can. I have been binge-watching videos on narcissism for a year now. In fact whenever I think my partner is a rational person and I go to him with my feelings about something, and I'm reminded once again that I am dealing with someone that will go on the attack, invalidate me, gaslight me and not so subtly put me down, or act like I'm being ridiculous and crazy, I come here to remind myself that I'm not dealing with a rational person. It's hard not to want the validation from that person. What they're doing is so obviously abusive and it's just mind-boggling that they don't see it. But we need to accept that they wont and never will. I think it's the only way to heal and move on.
Lies and Infidelity is a very serious issue to deal with and it’s a major threat to most marriages and relationships.Scars left behind from a narcissist husband is hard to erase from the mind. I was reluctant at first about finding the truth about my cheating husband but I’m glad I finally took the courage for it .I got help from Cyber Hack Solutions as he helped clone my cheating husband’s phone and I got access to all his phone call logs, emails, text messages both deleted texts and also social media chats; whatsApp , Facebook, Instagram without having access to his phone because he is mostly out of town due to the nature of his work and I was able to track his location too, all I provided was his phone number to this wonderful hacker. This was very revealing for me as he’s a serial cheater until I got into his phone and ended things.I’m glad to uncover his, lies, secrets and Infidelity. You can contact this amazing Hacker David via gmail (cyberhack003) or text and call on his phone and WhatsApp : +15303784744
HAHA! Yes, I've totally been living on RUclips to prepare myself to make this change in my life! It really has given me the strength to stand on my own two feet. The repetition of listening to these videos from Stephanie and many of the other vloggers has helped me to have the words in my head & heart so I am able to speak my truth when needed.,
The first two minutes and I want to be strong enough to leave my relationship. You are right it feels like living two lives, I even want to run away to my country. people have told me to just leave but isnt easy, I feel atached with super glue, but I want decide to leave soon, he told me that If i leave Ill hurt him, that Im a bad person... Thanks for this video, I ll be brave, ill be strong...I want be confident and not going back ....
Most shelters are nice and let U stay a long time. I didnt wanna go either, but when I did he rarely crossed my mind. They let U rest there, fix amazing meals, and give U legal/free counseling. My mistake is coming back. Here I am 12 years in, sadder than hell. Just go! When. u can
Ronald Irwin THAT'S exactly what I summarized from all these experiences .... The first person who need to love at my core its me , and only a person who really loves and treats me right as I am , is the one that I really care for ...
This channel is so important to young women like me who need this information. Thank you for opening your heart to RUclips and lending an emotional helping hand to these confusing sitiuations that many of us find ourselves in. The moment before leaving an abusive partner is a very dark one. I'm living proof that you can do it, and it took me over five years. You're never alone. ❤
I feel it’s wrong for anyone to date a narcissist gladly I could hack my spouses phone on time with the help of a hacker and didn’t get to marry them because I saw their conversations with people and how entitled they felt! Contact mike if you need any hack help! He will help you hack whatsoever you need to social media phones you name it his contact details are: Instagram @MIKESWILFRED WhatsApp/text +15182175945 and email HACKELITE0077@GMAIL.COM
I needed this. I’m on brink of leaving 25 year emotionally abusive marriage and I’m looking for motivation. you spoke exactly to what I’m going through.
Did you leave? Ive been in this repeat marriage with a very bi-polar narrcisist who knows I have no where to go. I need a financial plan. I need a plan. I never know when he is going to crack! I will miss the good times, but the bad sometimes outweighs the good. What have you done to go. I need a job. My youngest is 15 now. 31 years.
I have started to watch your videos and been in an abusiva relationship for 16yrs. My fear has been how am I going to make it in this world but I decided to go visit a shelter that will help me and my kids. I thank you for your words. I need to do this while I still can.
I am definitely going through this process. I been married for 18 years and been solely financially dependent. I am looking for a job, been going to counseling, and working out at the gym to get myself mentally and physically stable to leave. I no longer engage in conversations with my abuser and focuses on myself. Getting money is huge for me to move out and away from his verbal abuse and intimidation. I am ready to leave and live the life I deserve.
Hi, how did you help yourself to get financial independent? My keep me on his travels in cant get me a normal job... Im looking for online work...dont know where to start..💔
8 years of marriage and with two young children, leaving my abusive husband finally came. I left by decision and the strength I didn't think I Had, helped me understand it was time to go. It's hard so hard especially trying not to feel guilty for leaving, but deeply I was fed up with the constant yelling, punching holes, put downs, humiliated, breaking things, belittled, etc Day by day I try to Surround myself with people who seem to understand me, and lifts up my spirit. He still believes I'm coming back and says he will change. I still communicate bc we have children together, but he still tries to find ways to make me feel insecure. It takes day by day to rebuild the strength I've lost. To those who haventeft, only you will know when it's time to leave. I'm still trying to fight off the feeling of guilt of leaving but I knox I'm at a better place.
I can't believe Tania it is my story and my life presently. Each and every word you've said. And still stuck with him because of the kids. That's my only problem right now. Thank god there are women who still fight for their lives and well being. I feel that I am not the only one, the crazy one, the one who separated a family. Good luck Tania...
This is where I am at now, I feel the guilt and worry about my kids future. I feel like I am going crazy! I have lost my identity, I live in complete isolation, his favorite saying is "YOur a cry baby, there you go ruining the day again". I need uplifting ppl in my life.
Watching and listening to motivational videos and audios helps especially with headphones through the night to reprogram the subconscious I've seen a huge difference in fear of leaving. I'm no longer afraid of the unknown. Just do it. I'm ready and I'm halfway there!!!!!
leaving after 22 years probably the hardest thing I have ever done! I know I deserve so much better. I was having an anxiety attack when i started this video. you calmed me down and reaffirmed my feelings thank you so much
Thank you for this message Stephanie. I am getting ready to go into a battle. After 34 years of abuse, I have left. I've been out for 2 months and in a couple weeks I will file for divorce. It's not the divorce that scares me. It's the battles that lead up to it and the courtroom. This is where I believe she will make herself the ultimate victim. It doesn't matter anymore. Freedom is not cheap. This message of yours really helped me . Thanks again, You are a blessing!! Ken Lips
I am so thankful I’ve found this channel. I’ve been wandering in the dark about what to do next and you’ve given me the tools to find myself and I am SO thankful of that ♥️ I’ve always thought of myself as the strong, always stood up for myself, never took crap from anyone person. But when I opened up to this person and he destroyed me to the point of hating myself and wondering why it’s MY fault, I really had to look back at why am I feeling this way? He’s taken my strength and turned it against me. You’ve given me courage to begin the journey of self love and begin the process of leaving. It’s scary but I know the outcome will be a better life for me and my child who does not need to witness his mother being taken advantage of. ♥️
Thank you so much. I just left last night. I havent slept in over 24 hours and I needed this video. It was very soothing too, I've been so anxious all day.
@@ranyaperez8941 yeah, I'm doing a lot better now... I've been in therapy since December (took me a while to get to that point) and I got a new job but because of the pandemic I'm not able to work but that's okay, I atleast feel like I'm back in control of my life again. Still can have bad days like with anxiety/depression/ptsd when triggered but overall doing well and therapy has helped a lot with that. Healing is possible.
Thank you so much for educating me about manipulative behavior, I broke up with my abusive partner yesterday, he’s love bombing, gaslighting, guilt tripping, and trying everything to make me go back…. NO!! Because you taught me what this looks like along with therapy.
Mentally preparing myself and making myself tough! im ashamed how much i have put up with but financially dependent right now which plays right in to their hands! Thanks🙏
Thank you ❤ I made the decision and left the relationship over 2 months ago but the self-doubt and uncertainty kicked in and I have been questioning my decision....until I saw this. The thing that hit me the most was to stop thinking that I could have and continue to have rational discussions with him. Nearly ever word you said resonated with me. And I wholeheartedly agree with your '3 things you MUST do'. Xxx
You did it! You left a toxic relationship! You are so smart and courageous! YOU CAN DO THIS!! You will feel like a butterfly and be free…just give it more time! 🦋💕🌈
i had to get out recently. my tears were all down my face! i am so glad that i had gotten out. my ex bf was too much. so many of my friends were telling me to get him out! I didn't know what to do. I called the domestic violence hotline. then i realized how he used me, and take advantage of my emotions. Controlling someone is never normal. i am strong enough to leave that behind me.
Many times thank you !!! You actually saved me , I found your channel , when I need it the most ❤ I listen to your videos every day , and I am getting stronger everyday! ♥️♥️♥️
I have been in the most emotionally abusive relationship with my sons father for 3 years. EVERYTHING is always my fault. No matter what it is he takes everything out on me. I have left 4 times and this last time I came back was because he promised he will change and get us our own place. I used to feel so bad for him like I had to save him from his past wounds and heal him but in the end he cut me. My family never liked him. They seen right through him from the very beginning. I had so many red flags in the beginning but growing up in similar childhood abuse environments it made me want to nurture him even more. My son is 2 years old and is already showing extreme signs of the abuse. He cries so much and lashes out when he is upset and I absolutely can not let him go through this anymore. He is stuck to my hip trying to protect me and it just breaks my heart 😭😰 He tries to break me down so bad to the point where I look in the mirror I dont even know who I'm looking at. I was so happy before I met him and I will be happy after. My son and I am moving tomorrow with family. They have always had my back no matter what. Thank you sooooo much for this! It has helped me once before it will help me again. My son deserves this
On the preparation note - I did some role playing with a loved one where I had them pretend to be my (now ex) partner and push all the buttons that I knew he would push and all the places I felt vulnerable and I just practiced standing my ground. It really helped. I also recorded conversations so I could go back and review where I got upset and what triggered me. Your videos have really been helping me through the breakup and healing. Thank you!
Stephanie, love the video. I’ve been in a toxic marriage with an emotional roller coaster, ride up and down. For 22 years, I am 53 years old, with my first marriage, my soon to be ex. This is her second marriage. With me, we have two daughters, I am in this place in my life or I keep thinking something will change and it never does. My wife does not respect me, badmouth, my mother and father and family, belittles me, calls me a loser. And blames me for everything wrong in our marriage, refuses to go to any counseling. I’m having a difficult time moving forward, though, have tried counseling, but my counselor is leaving the practice. I’m looking for a life coach to help me get through this and guide me. I’ve been watching a lot of your videos you inspire me and now I have to work on more ways to love myself because I’ve been knocked down for multiple years and I’ve put up with it, because of the fear of my children taking their mother side, because it’s affected them as well. All I want to do is find happiness and peace within my life even if I remain single as long as I have my two daughters and happiness. I think I can do this, thanks Rick
I’ve rlly started to try and love myself more I used to tell myself I deserve this. But now I know I do not deserve this I am not going to have my kindness taken as a weakness anymore. he met me at a very low time. I’ve been watching videos to help myself grow and I can’t grow without self love. How can u love yourself when someone you love doesn’t make you feel loved? You can’t. I need to end this relationship I know I do but I need to go at my own pace and I will get out of this I know I will. 💪🏻
My best friend is married to a narcissist. How do you be a supportive friend? Her husband has convinced her that I am not supportive because I call out his bs. I have even sent her your videos which he found out about and now she won’t speak to me. I can’t sit back and watch the abuse without being vocal about it so I haven’t tried to reach out in months(which he loves). In a way I feel like I have abandoned her. Any advice?
MommyHeartsMakeup its prob him ( not her ) my bff ex husband was same way , some bs he says are you wanting her for a friend or me , but if he was a healthy husband he'd never bring that up let alone make her choose . we were friends for 30 plus years :(
You are a good friend! I say, stay supportive as you can while also recognize it is her choice and when she is ready to see it/change she will but as friends we can't make them. Keep praying xx
As someone who was on the side of your friend, the best advice I could say is to definitely let her know that you are not abandoning her, that you are not mad at her, but that you are creating distance because you see that it is causing more friction then support at this time. Trust me, when I say that when she wakes up and looks around for that support, you are going to be the first person that she looks for. I have girlfriends that check on me all the time, and to be completely honest I struggle sometimes with talking to them because I don't always want them to know exactly the depth of what's going on. But my true support is when I know I can pick up the phone and they won't judge me, they won't scold me, but they will welcome me with open arms. It does hurt when someone feels like you are mad at them or you turned your back on them because they shut down. Oftentimes, you do what the narcissist says to keep the peace. I too went through that phase in the beginning where he just did not like any of my friends, did not want me reaching out to my family because he didn't have a close relationship with his family. How it all changed was when I started seeing a therapist, and they encouraged me to start taking baby steps to start going against the grain. Which meant going back to visit girlfriends keeping in touch with him, visiting family. At first there was definitely resistance. He tried. He would say stuff like, we don't have enough money for you to go visit your family, or you're selfish going to visit your girlfriends and have girl time when you should be home with the kids. There was definitely a lot of resistance. But I pushed past that and void it out the nasty comments and went to see them anyway. And I am so glad that I did. Because in doing that it became easier and easier, and he backed away. But to be honest, taking baby steps is the first steps to getting back to you because others will have the Liberty to tell you the Injustice that they see, and you'll feel more free 2 understand what they mean, instead of just brushing it off all the time. so I do hope that your friend one day wakes up and is able to see that you were just being a good friend to her. and again I say to you, don't give up on her and don't ever make her feel like you have isolated her. At this moment in time, that is the last thing that she because to a true narcissist, he will use that to further beat her down. He willbecause to a true narcissist, he will use that to further beat her down. He will tell her things like see I told you they were no good, or you're better off without them, or then see what I see and what I've been telling you so I've been right all this time....... I wish I knew then what I know now and how he was with his family. He was always Downing them and making it seem like they were the problem. Now I see why none of his family ever wanted him around! Which should have been a red flag!
You don't have to do anything. Your friend is not strong. She is confused what to do. Sometimes if we try to help our friend, then also they will not understand. Better to be silent
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I am watching this in the bitter midst of trying to get my abuser to leave. I have already decided to end this regardless of guilt; fully aware of my role as co-creator of this toxic mess. He is using everything you call out to convince me not to end this relationship. The potential backlash is looming. I am experiencing right now and from the same stage of awareness rabbit hole you describe. You give me a bit more strength. I am hearing exactly what I need to hear right now. Thank you. I have the power in me to do this.
I spent 5 years with my best friend and boyfriend and then when we had kids he became emotionally abusive I tried to put up with it but I couldn't we broke up for 2 years try to get back together realize he was the same person I have tried to fix what I thought was wrong with relationship and then I realize that I needed to stop going back to somebody's mental abuse it's giving me anxiety and turned me into a different person. Thank you for making this video I needed to know that somebody else went through this so I could know there is a way out.
I listened to this this morning . And I am in the middle of the 8th breakup with this man over a 3 1/2 year period. Such turmoil! I almost lost all my friends and distanced from all my family. I felt like I was going crazy. I am 57 years old and can’t do this anymore. Just so hard to stay away from him as he comes back “love bombing”. Thank you for helping me finally moving forward.
Am here I lost all my friends he asked me to block all of them, leave my work bla bla and I feel am crazy and my life doesn't feel like am in it.Soo numb 😭😭😭
Emotionally abusive relationship is hard as you dont see scars, it creates trauma bonds- addiction to person and toxicity without knowing, cognitive dissonance. I experienced it first 35 years of my life. Now I am aware of emotional abuse. My mom is emotionally abusive, I have no expectations from her for anything, she is as good as dead body for me, with that acceptance I feel more free.
Stephanie, you have no idea how much I needed this. I don't feel comfortable enough to open up about my story in the comments, but do know every point you made in this video is spot on and thank you for being there while I build my better self.
Thank you for this video. I want some advise on what to do when the abusive person you are breaking up with cry and says how much he loves you etc etc. I’ve been in this situation many times and I usually tell the person to leave my house for a while because I’m too stressed after his rage scene. When He can actually sees I’m actually having a burn out he changes the speech and become loving again. I know it is a cycle but when he does it sounds and look very genuine and that’s how he prevents the real break up. I find it hard to let him go when he put up the good mask on.
Thank you! I had an epiphany with the part about attempting to have a “logical” conversation with a person who is so obviously NOT ready to have one. It’s hard to NOT feel like the @$$hole when “you” finally work up the courage to say enough is enough and I can’t go on with this. It’s feels like ripping out someone’s heart and still feel like it is my fault… the difference is: i blame my self for letting it run so long :(
I'm in the same situation and I'm enough ,the is no commutation and he call me names ,I'm not working and have 2 children 15 and 4 it's very hard,in this relationship fro 16 years I'm 38.
I am in the middle of the battle of a lifetime… I am so glad that I watched this video because I did try to rationalize why I don’t trust that he will change at first he was very apologetic which is the same reactions that I’ve seen for the past five years. I know that it’s time and this must be done… this is my second serious relationship and one thing I noticed is that when I left the first one I used alcohol to cope. I am so happy that my soul and it’s purpose have led me to this very moment. I have chosen me for the first time and look forward to the peace of mind love and respect I deserve. I appreciate you more than you know!
I'm gay and was in a 6-month relationship (yes, it can get bad in just 6 months and leave scars) with someone who I at first thought was my soulmate. Stephanie is so right about bringing one's own wounds to a relationship that allow you to get hooked and tolerate mistreatment. Mine were about being neglected and ignored. You don't see the red flags or just get confused by them. That guy trashed my self confidence, ability to trust, even my grasp of reality. The preexisting wounds can let you get sucked in even if it's for a week and just make them raw again. And he got nasty, just like Stephanie has said about emotionally abusive people. Do the self-love and growth, like I did, to make sure you never get taken in again. I wish emotional abuse was illegal somehow like physical abuse. A sense of justice would be helpful for me. I still see him around or hear about him once in a while and I don't know how to deal with it. I call him the heart rapist.
Stephanie, you are on target 🎯 once again! I'm 63 and finally have a peace of mind and truly understand it takes power and strength to MOVE ON! And yes we do deserve BETTER! Thank you Steph!
You just earned a new subscriber. That was very informative and helpful I am going through a relationship with all those problem, plus fake friends and family members as well that use me as an emotional punching bag. Thanks for the emotional support and strength in your video.
In a lot of your videos you’ve talked about Consequence when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and I would love if you could make a video talking about types of consequences because the only thing I can think about is leaving the situation, I’d like to know more please and thank you.
It’s happened me last 12 years and still continue is hard situation for emotional people . In 24 hour she changed her statement 10 time . I feel stuck .
3:46 got me motivated deep in my 46 year old miserable, broke gut...THANK YOU...thank you...I can do this because I deserve better because I AM WORTHY.
I needed this thank you so much. Leaving and moving on is not easy but when someone is pushing you that far regardless of what you for them. Self respect and Yourself is and has to be prior
Step 1- Decide to leave. Step 2 - You have to be constantly working on yourself. Step 3 - Be prepared for the backlash. Mentally prepare. Step 4- Spend the time, effort, energy, money and invest in yourself. Heal. Step 5- Surround yourself with your tribe. People who love you, encourage you, and uplift you
Even though we have children together, when I left for the 3rd and final time, I HAD to go no contact. Now I'm dealing with the courts but I know in my heart I did the right thing. When I left, and still now, I didn't have the strength to deal with the emotional abuse and manipulation and negative effects of his addiction and my codependency. It was imperative for my own sanity. I am with family, seeing a counselor, seeking help from my outside support to get things straightened out. It's been 6 months and it's been so hard but it's so worth it to end the cycle, for my kids especially. I am so thankful for this topic on RUclips and I love your videos so much. Thank you Stephanie for all the time you put into helping others be rescued from horribly toxic relationships. ❤
I was divorced in 2021 and got into another relationship, seemed perfect until the first night he beat me up. It happened many times after that and I never left, always wanted to but didnt have courage and the fear of being alone. But after a holiday this weekend I realised I have been disrespected for far too long. Even if theres no violence, theres threats, swearing, picking on me, calling me an idiot calling me stupid, putting me down telling me to shut up, gaslighting, manipulation, guilt. I am done done DONE. I deserve better. I am 38 years old and i am not going to waste my life with someone sucking the joy out of my soul. I pray to the universe to give me and everyone here the strength and courage to make a better life for ourselves. I surrender to the universe and hope for a better life and a love I deserve ❤
I'm struggling hard to stop myself from trying to reason with him. I have to actually say out loud, "you're deflecting, you can't be reasoned with, I don't have the energy for this, etc" and that feels more like I'm being the toxic one. I believe that if I don't say these things out loud though, more for myself than for him, I won't recognize his deflection, that he isn't taking responsibility, that he can't be reasoned with, and I feel it would be more difficult to set boundaries. I'm still learning how to not be baited into arguments with him.
![NOSFERATU - Official Trailer [HD] - Only In Theaters December 25](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nulvWqYUM8k/mqdefault.jpg)
Girls, I am 60 and have gone through 2 divorces...young ladies, don't waste your years on someone who is a taker...Takers are people who take, your hopes, your self, and your soul...you feel empty and they never give... except to get... remember, this is your life...year in year out, this is your time... VALUABLE TIME because you are valuable...don't waste your time trying to get someone to like and love you...if you have to do that, they are stingy...with themselves and everything thing they own...think smart...learn about yourself and love yourself...your worth it
Thank you ma’am!
thnx
Thank you
Thank you so much your a very smart Women thank you for Sharing vital advice
Stop getting married
I broke up with him today. I deserve better. It’s been a rollercoaster. Now the healing begins!
Sending you positive energy.. you got this!
🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️❤
❤️
Another woman crying. No loyalty
.b
P m
The hardest part of being able leave is that not many abusers are abusive 100% of the time. There are sometimes 70% good, loving times. But 30% really horrible times.
It’s like they’re two different people. Dr. Jekyll and Hyde
This. It is difficult. When things are good, they are REALLY good. But I know that it's coming. I don't know when, I don't know where, but at any given moment she just turns and it becomes a hellish barrage of hate and hurt and abuse. It's like she is two different people, and I am CONSTANTLY having to live on edge because I just don't know when the next attack will come.
@@guidosarducci166 Nobody should ever have to put up with that. Someone who treats you like that does not genuinely care about you. You deserve to live a happy life where you aren't sneak attacked with terrible mood swings and abuse. I hope you are able to get out a live happily.
and* live happily
Or 90% horrible times and 10% “okay” times. But because you experience intense pain MOST of the time; that 10 % feels SO soothing that it almost becomes an addiction. Very hard to exit that cycle 🤧
"You can't have a rational conversation with an abusive partner, bc if they recognized they're abusive, they would've done something about it by now" - This really hit home for me. Thank you so much Steph💗
As a man this hits home for me as well.
I was bad before but I made changes and improvements to show I wanted to be a better man, better lover, better partner.
But I can see now that she was never interested and our relationship was toxic before I caused any harm.
I have to let her go. She doesn't want to improve. She doesn't want things to get better.
@@KingNexusMOCs Deep down, she'll respect you for leaving her, and it might even motivate her to finally look at herself and make changes. - Keep on working on your healing brother. There's a Queen waiting to love you in your near future and treat you like the King you are becoming. - If I may make a suggestion, look into masculine energy. Now that I've left the abusive relationship, studying feminine energy is helping me rebuild myself as a high quality woman.
Yes, it's true.
So true amen.
Yup, had that fight with him, informing him that he is emotionally abusing me... his response:"you are crazy"... gaslit right there.
Have been intimately and emotionally rejected by him now for 5 months. I have learnt not to become as pathetic, pleading, crying and be scared he will leave me, like I did before. I am standing my ground to rather learn and love myself, as I learnt that true love does not treat one like this.
He is NOT willing to see and accept that he has big issues causing me to act the way I do. He rather label me as stubborn, disrespectful and not loving him.
He told me also that a man marry to be able to easily have sex for life. He definately does not understand the concept of marriage then....
I have reached my quota of enduring the insecurity about our marriage connection..
This video is 5 yrs old and is helping folks in 2023. ❤
And now 2024.
Timeless content
2024
After four years, I left last month. I couldn’t take the blatant disrespect. It was tearing me down badly. Even if there are no other romantic relationships in my life, staying wasn’t tolerable any longer. My mental and physical health were deteriorating. He did it on purpose with no remorse. He enjoyed it. Ocean of red flags and getting worse. Life is better without him.
After 23 years a peaceful home is all I want.
Me too after 17 years. Health and peace are what we need.I wish you all the best in life!
Yes. Peace is my goal too.
Me too
Blessings
To you .
All I want is peace , joy , and a healthy happy home not only for myself but for my Children .enough is enough .
And it's not too much to ask
Breaking up is hard to do, but necessary to grow.
110% agree!
True true true!!! The six year relationship has stumped my growth!!
This is so hard! I left the abuse 45 days ago. I'm so depressed and constantly think of ending it all. I was isolated in that relationship. I have no friends nor family. I have been my only support through this. I had to move to another town. Sometimes I feel I don't have the strength to continue. I was stripped of my self worth, my soul, my dreams, and even my hope. I don't know who I am anymore. This life seems like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. What little compassion that is left in my heart goes out to all the women who have been through this and made it out alive. I pray we all can heal!!!
Girl I met a crazy ass man, that apparently sees me continuously cheating in his mind. He's beat shit crazy, and when he gets like this there's no snapping him out of it. He belittled me, he's a demon sent from hell. He is possessed, I can even tell when he wants to know something like who I was on the phone with. It triggers him and he gets this sweet crazy look in his eyes and he asks so politely "who was that babe" but little do I know I just woke a demon inside of him. Cause out of no where he will start tripping, it might take a month but it's comes and goes.
I too am currently going through this alone. It’s only been a week and a half for me. It’s devastating. We can survive!
Me too... They tend to isolate their partner from friends and family... It's all part of the manipulation...
Im so sorry🙏🏽
How are you feeling these days?
Good that you left abuse. 💖
I have had 2 relationships like this. I left both when it became physical. That crossed the line. I am now married to a beautiful man and will be celebrating our silver wedding at Christmas. So yes, you can recover and move on.
I love that you found a beautiful man.
I needed to see this
@@newme2308 Me too. I just really hope there is a chance of a decent relationship after what we went through...
@@philima I think it’s us that needs to change and everything outside us will change
The word beautiful doesn’t sound like a strong masculine guy….
We have to treat the narc as they are and not as we would like them to be. The lesson for me was to rediscover my own power. I was never truly a victim. I was a willing participant. My narc was a mirror exposing me to my character flaws such as codependency, low self esteem and poor boundaries to name a few. Narcs are predators that don’t get better. The more time you invest in them they become better predators.
Kirby Augustine This is one of the best comments I’ve ever read on our situations this is so so true I am literally delving into the exact same things going to Codependents Anonymous is very helpful I learned I totally married my dad emotionally unavailable but I took it a step further and married someone emotionally abusive
Kirby Augustine: Wow, you couldn’t have said it better. You’re exactly right and should be a wake up call for all who endure abuse.
wow! testimonal truth!
So true this is what I say I let him in and stayed around when I should have left him long time ago
RA P o
This is exactly what I needed to hear!!
I want to move on ... I’ve been in this toxic relationship for 8 years and this video has given me the strength to put a stop to this cycle!
Did u leave? I just ended my 11 yr marriage. I dont know how I'm gonna go thru it
@@maribella2139 I'm in the same situation right now..14 years. 3 kids. I'm lost.
Me too Bianca. 7 years, dated him since I was 12 when we started, I’m 18 now.
Bianca how did the break up go.Im stuck in a very toxic abusive relationship
I’m in the same boat..
I broke it off completely after 3 years of an abusive relationship 3 months ago. It was the best decision of my life, that bad situation made me a better stronger person, I have so much more appreciation for good people. I’m now in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I look at the past as a place of reference not a place of residence.
Congrats. I pray with all my heart I can say the same ASAP
Right on! I love imma keep that saying! Very happy to hear ur story. Gives others hope always in storytelling. Aloha!
That last sentence.. the past is reference on residence
That gives a lot of us hope. Thank you for your comment 👏
Thanks for this line- a place of reference not residence! Indeed, so well said.
I finally left today, finally. I’m not sure what the future holds but I’m ready to see what will happen.
I hope you’re in a better place today❤️ sending you strength and smiles
I'm in a similar situation, how did it work out Samantha?
@@donwhelan768 Wondering as well
@@donwhelan768 sorry for the late reply! We got back together and finally I was discarded by him for the best of both of us! It’s difficult because we have a trauma bond so it’s difficult to completely cut him off... but making progress every day!
I left I don’t how to feel!
I am 76 and in abusive relationship. Thought I was too old. You have inspired me. Thank you!
Our heart is never old. We can find love at any moment in our life. You are loved. Cheers my dear.
Five yrs later I decided ( today) I decided to move. I have 3 children with him and they have to stay
This video literally changed my life. I left my abusive partner and am doing so much better now. Thank you stephanie 💕
Hi Lydia, in a similar situation, after 2 years do you still think you made the right choice?
Ok....after suffering for about 3 yrs w this abusive person, ,,,I left yesterday...I prepared for yesterday for a year....I found the strenght to leave .😵😿😥
I couldnt live another day...I was dead...I feel like a shredded piece of rag....Im going to heal and become the person I was before he drained my spirit...it was Soooo bad....I have severe anxiety bcuz of this relationship....I left yesterday while he was at work...I literally escaped...when 3:00 pm comes around everyday my anxiety goes thru the roof...because its the time he is on his way home...I knew that at 3:50 he was going to see my car not there and run in to find I left.I BLOCKED him everyway I could ..I was TERRIFIED...Im now staying w a fam member...but I have to park my car two blocks away so he wont drive around to see if Im at my fam house...the aftermath TRAUMA ,,,Im paranoid he is going to pop up...I promised MYSELF N GOD N MY FRIENDS N FAM I WONT GO BACK...I see a therapist...Im getting my own place in Sept...I love myself enough to know that I wasn't growing and this last time he left me BRUISES all over..where they are visible...☹😔 I had two bruises on my neck ..one on each side...he choked me so bad ..I looked in the mirror and I seen all the bruises and they hurt just as bad as the mental n emotional scars...I said...thats it...I have been thru enough of abuse..from childhood..THAT was the last draw......Now I feel ....heartbroken and happy at the same time..😢...I need to heal...I am very spiritual...its God THAT has guided and given me strenght when I was ready to kill MYSELF.....I dont want young girls to think that its normal to get treated this way......its not...We are not THE PROBLEM
THEY HAVE THEIR OWN ISSUES...💖 Stay prayed up..keep God 1st..,God Bless
rivers nature your situation sounds just like mine!! So glad you left I will be leaving soon. Leaving my home I built and 2 dogs but I have to !
Terri Cornwell
Please do. I feel soooooooooooooo much better😥😊
Better things to come for us!😀👍💖💖 Stay strong and positive .
rivers nature god bless both of you!
@@tashina505 hello😊 Im doing great. Im happy to say...I have peace of mind and have moved foward. He has been calling me through private calls but I dont answer...Ive blocked him n his emails go straight to spam...Im glad that I left.
@@tashina505 u left him tday? Congratulations...its really tough...so be proud ...how do you feel?
I'm choosing to love myself first... I walked away from the situation plenty of times and today is my new beginning. I've mad a promise to myself that I deserve better. I will replay this video as many times as I need to, to stay mentally strong!
We’re you able to stay strong ?
@@provaakter7050 yes now. Wow you just helped me realize I’ve been back since this comment. But also that I’ve let go for the final time 4 months ago.
@@lifeofthebeautifulalchemis1288
How’s things going now?
@@ItsCherry504 I’ve moved away and doing good with my life. The healing process is still tedious but I finally let it go 9 months ago.
Good for you, I have been practicing about loving myself for once..
I’ve listened to this video over and over and over. I’ve got money saved, a storage unit, an attorney, and am in weekly therapy. The fear of his words still has power. You said it perfectly so many times here. I feel like I’m living 2 lives and preparing for a war. My narcissistic husband has no idea or faith in my strength. I’m using that to my advantage. I’m so close to being ready to tell him and file. Just need to close up on a place to live (we have a 2 year old) and fighting the fear of hateful words and social media abuse. Thank you for this and all of your videos!!
I’m in same situation as you ! How have you got on ?
@@katieviljoen8409 I moved out on October 1st while he was at work. It was the absolute hardest and terrifying thing I ever did. Once he found out and started rapidly calling I could have puked. The sickness and almost out of body stress I felt at that moment I can never put in to words. I don’t want to scare you but so many videos say it’s “hard”. But I was and still am addicted to trying to make him happy. So I almost physically felt like I was going to have a heart attack …. It was the worst feeling. I just don’t know how to even put it in to words. He now is promising me the world and I just can’t go back. So even though I physically moved, because he nonstop pushes I feel like I’m in the same boat. I still haven’t severed the trauma bond. If I can help in any way please let me know. Be prepared .. if you’re like me and have been a people pleaser and empath your whole life… be prepared to feel a feeling of sickness like you’ve never felt before. 😞 I’m thinking of you. Now I still have to cut my contact. He uses the exchanges to pull me back. So I’m still very much struggling. Months later. I wish I had a lighter way to explain this. I’m here if I can help in any way though!
Unfortunately I empathize deeply with this except he is my sole source of income. I cannot secure housing 😢 my heart is with you though. Hope you and your little girl get out.
@@amylynn7881 I once read a commenter's reply, & she said she actually had to move out of state, to get away. Narcs Never change, no matter how nice you are to them. Just go, "No contact," with them once & for all.
Normal people are friendly, but not all friendly people are Normal.
Normal people are kind.
Not all kind people are Normal.
Kindness without Honesty, is Manipulation. 💗💗💗
Same here, but I have a new place to stay that he doesn't know about. Over 2 hours from our current home. I guess I have planned more than I knew because all the steps she went over I have in place.
We are both toxic to each other. I hate myself and he is a selfish monster from hell.
Let God Love you and you will heal and learn to love yourself. You are not the way someone treated you.
@@webuysellhousesaptscashoff9453 Thank you so much 🙏
@@KellyDawnGoneWrong Sure Kelly. The Lord healed my broken heart. We all have a common enemy who seeks to steal, kill and destroy us. When you say Yes God I need you so desperately and save me He will. He that calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Call on Him, cry out to Him. If you feel the pulling and tugging of your heart don’t harden it. Just say yes Lord hear I am. God loves the broken hearted and He is open to their cry. He healed mine.
My emotionally abusive partner winds me up and gaslights me he knows I have a temper then knows when I explode from the mind fucks he’ll point and laugh and say look how you’re behaving then i cry because he’s so good at what he does.
@@charleelooo that's another manipulation tactic. So that he can put the blame on you and say "look at how crazy you are". I hope you can get away soon
I can't stop crying. Everything you say is so accurate and empowering
yes
Not quite. There’s a hint of victim blaming in there. Read Dr Jessica Taylor, Lundy Bancroft, and Don Hennessy
Needed this. Could you follow up with healing after an emotional abusive relationship?
So today I’ve cried so many times bc, strangely, I miss my abuser. Very similar experiences to you some of those who’ve replied (strangled, humiliated, chased by knives, etc.) Your video gives me strength and hope that I CAN get thru this.
I am so glad the videos have helped!
I am having the same issue. My partner is very emotionally abusive and a narcissist . We broke up and got back together a few times. However today i ended it for good..my feelings for him are still there and i do have a bit of anxiety. But i deserve better and watching this video and knowing i have loved ones around me is helping me go forward.
Yeah, I wished him the best as I said goodbye and thanked him for the good times while he wished me pain and loneliness. He's the one at a loss.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Nov 2018 i asked for a divorce after being together for 10 years
Nov 2019 divorce granted
2021 he is remarried
2021 me still watching these videos to continue my healing journey and be the best ME i can and will be. Thank you Stephanie x
Almost 15 years with the wrong man. I knew it from the day i met him that he was probably not right for me, but i was attracted and intrigued.
6 months into it i received the first bit of verbal and emotional abuse, and it began to snowball and became a way of life. I left him the first time 5 years into it, with our 2 year old, and I ended up going back because i had very little to no resources to survive on my own. And then i left again, and came back, and again, and came back. I stayed long enough to finish college and left again, and came back.... and i don’t know what the hell is wrong with me that once i would leave it wouldn’t be long before i felt like i made a mistake, I’d feel guilty, id be manipulated, convinced that we could have so much more together and thinking maybe i didn’t try hard enough.
Two kids later and I’m awake to the knowledge that he will never change! He will never grow, he will never be better than what he is.
Dominating, controlling, loud, obnoxious, arrogant, demanding, difficult, impatient, judgemental...... and not there for me when I’m sick or hurt.
He wants a partner to help with finances and provide sex. But if i need emotional support he can’t be bothered. If I’m sick, it’s all in my head.... if i have a need , I’m crazy!!!
I’m sick of it! I’m not needy, I’m very independent, but I’m a human and i need a human connection.
This monster isn’t capable of that. All he does is manipulate me into thinking that he’s connecting but what’s he’s really doing is trying to convince me that I’m wrong and that he’s right.
The Good Choice There's nothing wrong with you for going back, you are Trauma Bonded to him & it is so hard to break. It is literally like coming off a drug when that bond is broken. Also you see hope, potential & have empathy-- all human qualities. I keep going back to my abusive husband also. My friends & family all want me to stay away from him but I know I cannot do it until I am ready within myself to deal with the pain and terror of leaving for good. Love and light to you...
Reading your story is like reading my future story.. I got married 7 month back and my husband have same behavior as your husband he always wants me but he is never available for me . He always convence me that I was wrong that's why this happen. And now his family also supports him . He have this habbit of telling everything even our personal bed room talks to his mother . And justify his actions by saying that's my habbit . A month before we had fight he got vilont on me and abbuses me and my family . I have left his home . That also dint realese him his mistake he was giving reasons why he hit me . One day out of angre when I said I dont this relationship I wanted to end it . After some hours he called and said Please forgive me give me one last chance . I'm am really not getting what to do it's only 7 month of marriage should I give him one last chance or not . ?
I can relate my ex was never there emotional for me but wanted sex I refused so now he's mad and he knows not calling me hurt my feelings. I learning to love myself first and next time I will time my time and much sure he's actions line up with his words. I'm done with empty promises.
OMG!!! AS I STARTED READING YOUR COMMENT, ALL I COULD THINK WAS, "THIS IS ME!!" IT'S ONLY BEEN TWO YEARS BUT WHEN I FIRST STARTED TALKING TO HIM, I KNEW HE WOULDN'T BE GOOD FOR ME, BUT I WAS INTRIGUED BY HIS CONVERSATIONS. HE STARTED VERBALLY ABUSING ME LIKE 9 MONTHS IN. HE'S BEEN TRYING TO GET ME PREGNANT BUT FOR SOME REASON I JUST WILL NOT CONCEIVE A CHILD AT THE MOMENT. I FEEL AS IF MY SPIRIT GUIDES ARE PROTECTING ME. I LEFT AGAIN TODAY!
Yohhh Good Choice, I was also in the same position as you, but I had to put an end to this come back and forth. I was always blaming myself that maybe, there's something wrong with me. He would blame me for everything that he was doing, stating that I pushed him to that. I would feel bad. He was so manipulative, demanded sex like I was his sex slave, but I am glad that I managed to get out of that relationship
So so hard when there’s a child involved ☹️
Its harder when there is 4 involved 😢
i can relate, she has a point when she says they twist your words and your feelings so that you feel that you’re making a wrong decision, if you survived before they existed you can survive after and be more resilient!
I got two kids and I need to get out soon as possible
@@sharonjackson199 There is plenty of help for you and your kids, DO NOT BE AFRAID to use the resources available in your community; they can help you and protect you. Stay positive
Sharon Jackson praying for you xoxo
The narcissist expects the relationship to end, right from the first day meeting you. They know you're not going to put up with their abuse and manipulation forever. You will leave or at least take a step back from giving them supply, to the point where they are forced to discard you. They know this is inevitable.
Narc Survivor That's foul. Narcissism should be vaccinated. Wow.
You’re exactly right! I have heard them admit this.
Yeah they often test you or warn you of their bad side in the beginning..
Narc Survivor So true. I was looking for our marriage certificate a few weeks after getting married and found it filed under Divorce.
But whyyyy
Hands down one of the best relationship advice videos I've seen. I shared it with a friend. This really helped me today... The hardest part is knowing it's time to walk away when pouring your heart out and trying to communicate time and time again only to be ignored by the person who's never willing to admit their faults, apologize and work on resolution. You know it's over when you finally resort to name-calling because nothing else works, but then you just feel terrible while they continue to ignore you. There comes a time when you just have to respect yourself and your boundaries. Never let someone get comfortable disrespecting and/or disregarding you.
Well, on the other side, someone who is verbally attacking you for 2 or 3 hours, calling you a liar, cheater, etc. is painful, too. All his wrongful accuses are still ringing in my ears and hurting me.
Yesterday I broke up with my ex for the third and final time. He was very emotionally abusive as well as an alcholholic. I'm teetering on being strong and having an emotional breakdown. I have to keep my head in the right place or else I'll just break! Luckily I prepared myself for this but definately not easy.
You sure
I could have literally wrote this myself. I’m leaving mines this weekend
I’m right where you werw
"you deserve better" - how true!!
... did I say Thank You?...
... I'm so glad you are here ✨
I've been in and out of an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 yrs. I was codependent on him. I wanted to fix him because he was abused physically and emotionally by his mother. She recently passed and it breaks my heart that she left without making amends. So I made excuses for his cheating and at times narcissistic behavior. He's incapable of changing or doesn't want to but I can't do it anymore. I'm learning to love myself and being my own hero.
Thank you for sharing.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
If you are scrolling for a good video on this subject, you found it!! This one says it all!
I'm so done with him and his shit and abuse. I'm leaving. He has no idea. He has threatened to kill me if I leave, that he will find me. I dont even care anymore. I'm terrified. But I'm also hopeful for a better future. He took everything from me and I'm going to get it back.
Hope you got it back Elizabeth
I’m being isolated, doesn’t like me seeing my family, doesn’t want me going to work related things, always thinking I’m sleeping with male dentists that I work with, doesn’t like me calling my kids when they’re with their father. It’s so fucking draining and hard as fuck ! Please lord give me the strength to leave this narcissist
Hey... did you end up leaving?
I’m kinda going through the same thing I been with him for 2 years and 8 months and at one point I was happy and thought things were getting better.. but things are starting to come down again... it’s constantly me being accused of being with other guys or liking other guys.. I literally had icing stain on my shirt the other day from work and he starts accusing me saying that I’m with other guys and that it’s cum and saying all this random shit. Not even the worst part he calls me a “bitch” “dumbass” and that I always ruin everything and everything is my fault... when all I do is try to make things better and what’s hard is that I’m starting to normalize the name calling... but it’s draining I felt like ever since I got with him I got depressed again and I just can find the courage to leave but I notice myself getting tired slowly...I guess I just don’t want be lonely I’m scared to be by myself I have no friends and he’s made me grow apart from my family, that at this point I feel like I got no one...
@@Leslie-yh6de hunni you’re not alone ! Yes I left 10 months ago now ! Thank god ! He controlled my life and much much more :( if you want add me on Insta and we can chat x
@@Leslie-yh6de I am literally going through the same thing. I’m so depressed and don’t know how to leave him.
@@cbreezy220 we can do this.
Damn that was like a whole season of therapy packed into 15 minutes. Thanks!!!
I'm 20 years old and going through an emotional abusive relationship, somehow everything is my fault... My time will come soon
A friend who had been through this told me the same, and I’ll tell you now. It will never stop being your fault in their eyes. They will always twist anything back on you. They will always be in denial and not truly change.
Katie Mccoy I’m in this exact position now. I’m 19, we’ve been together for almost a year, he’s my second ever love, but he’s the most emotionally abusive person and he somehow makes everything my fault, even if I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m trying to leave, but somehow he keeps manipulating me into staying. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, especially alone.
What happened after 9 months?
soon is now
Katie Mccoy I am am in the same situation right now ... it just got worse and I was blamed for it all .
I am planning to leave my physically and emotionally abusive husband tomorrow. Despite all the promises to act better he never changed but I am realising that I am changing. I am turning into a sad and angry person. I am losing my sanity. I can barely remember the last time I heartily laughed which I used to frequently do before meeting him. I believe I deserve better. I deserve to be happy again. God give me strength.
So true🙌🏻I didn’t realize that he was isolating me!! If I work: where are you!! If I’m home: your always home!!! I have no freedom!! I thought after years of being with a narcissist I would never be in another covert abusive relationship!! There are so many versions of abuse 😔Thank you for this eye opening video 🙏🏻
@david sanders thank you for sharing this! One of the things I kept thinking that made it not toxic was that he didn’t isolate me. But I realized I isolated me because it was too hard not to. What I’d come home to want worth it, so I isolated myself from everyone. I also started to think I didn’t like people, but I realize it was self preservation. I hope you are doing better today ❤️
When I worked he didn't care how much sleep he would make me lose, when I'd wake up on the mornings id have to be very quiet or he would get mad. When I dont work he complains im home all the time, I dont contribute, its my fault everything is awful because I'm "lazy". When I worked he was home playing game all day, then calls me down because I'm tried afterwards and dont wanna do dishes because I cleaned all day at work.. but again I'm lazy and don't help out all I do is work but dont help.. and no matter how much I help I dont do enough. Its just this exhausting cycle. It won't ever ever matter what I do I'm just not good enough. Get thrown out, let back in just to be thrown out again at some point because its inevitable. I'm getting ready to leave im just getting a few things in order, im going to stay with my parents, get a job and take care of myself. I'm sick of this im not gaining anything, the love I receive is minimal and on his terms. I cant even pick the movies we watch because "you take too long to pick", or "the movies you pick suck"... im sick of completely catering to him. I lost myself totally, and im disappointed in myself for that. He honestly doesn't care if im here, or not. So I might as well do myself a favor, and get as far from him as possible hes just weighing me down because he can.
Stephanie every time I watch you you say exactly what I went through 3 years ago. There is no rationalizing with them. I was a “terrible person, selfish person, the child is going to hate me, la la la”. I heard it all and it was awful but I ignored it with help. I quickly learned to argue was like arguing with a fence post. You are spot on and I hope this reaches people before they leave so they know what to expect. I had no idea what kind of fire I was playing with but I did it! And made it through it and am very happily remarried now. 🙏
I'm going through this dilema.. I'm scared to make the wrong decision mainly because of my 3 children, but I know in my heart that I am not happy..
@david sanders David, the hardest thing about leaving an abusive relationship is the fact that you're not going to get closure. Before this marriage with covert emotional abuser, while back I had a relationship with an over narcissist (yes as this video indicates, clearly I need to work on my own issues so they do not walk into another relationship like this) and the hardest thing with coping with the fact that there would be no closure, and no admission of responsibility from my boyfriend at the time.
Waiting for anyone with narcissistic traits to take responsibility for their part in the relationship well, you are going to be waiting till pigs are ice skating in hell.
We have to validate ourselves. Talk to as many people as you can who are empathetic. Watch as many of these videos as you can. I have been binge-watching videos on narcissism for a year now. In fact whenever I think my partner is a rational person and I go to him with my feelings about something, and I'm reminded once again that I am dealing with someone that will go on the attack, invalidate me, gaslight me and not so subtly put me down, or act like I'm being ridiculous and crazy, I come here to remind myself that I'm not dealing with a rational person.
It's hard not to want the validation from that person. What they're doing is so obviously abusive and it's just mind-boggling that they don't see it. But we need to accept that they wont and never will. I think it's the only way to heal and move on.
elisa diaz I’m in the same situation right now. I cry myself to be strong for my kids but I know sooner or later this is not a place for me
You give me hope!!!!!
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HAHA! Yes, I've totally been living on RUclips to prepare myself to make this change in my life! It really has given me the strength to stand on my own two feet. The repetition of listening to these videos from Stephanie and many of the other vloggers has helped me to have the words in my head & heart so I am able to speak my truth when needed.,
The first two minutes and I want to be strong enough to leave my relationship. You are right it feels like living two lives, I even want to run away to my country. people have told me to just leave but isnt easy, I feel atached with super glue, but I want decide to leave soon, he told me that If i leave Ill hurt him, that Im a bad person... Thanks for this video, I ll be brave, ill be strong...I want be confident and not going back ....
😞I'm scared I just can't take it no more I'm pregnant and have no job. I need God to send me an angel Dios protejeme de todo mal
Stay strong things will get better
Most shelters are nice and let U stay a long time. I didnt wanna go either, but when I did he rarely crossed my mind. They let U rest there, fix amazing meals, and give U legal/free counseling. My mistake is coming back. Here I am 12 years in, sadder than hell. Just go! When. u can
This is me currently
@@amandam5210 same for me. I’m 24 and have a little girl. Not his, thank gosh! It’s so hard when I feel so alone!
Rosa, como seguiste? Qué pasó?
People who love you, love you at your core. I am entering a phase of life that includes war. It is not easy.
Ronald Irwin THAT'S exactly what I summarized from all these experiences .... The first person who need to love at my core its me , and only a person who really loves and treats me right as I am , is the one that I really care for ...
Also listen to Robert Blakes jr on youtube he will pray for you through this
If I can financially manage to get out of this marriage, I'm never doing this again.
I feel you. Do you have kids?
Same
Same here
Same here
NEVER
You are a gift to so many of us around the world. 💕 You were born to do this
This channel is so important to young women like me who need this information. Thank you for opening your heart to RUclips and lending an emotional helping hand to these confusing sitiuations that many of us find ourselves in. The moment before leaving an abusive partner is a very dark one. I'm living proof that you can do it, and it took me over five years. You're never alone. ❤
I feel it’s wrong for anyone to date a narcissist gladly I could hack my spouses phone on time with the help of a hacker and didn’t get to marry them because I saw their conversations with people and how entitled they felt! Contact mike if you need any hack help! He will help you hack whatsoever you need to social media phones you name it his contact details are:
Instagram @MIKESWILFRED WhatsApp/text +15182175945 and email HACKELITE0077@GMAIL.COM
I needed this. I’m on brink of leaving 25 year emotionally abusive marriage and I’m looking for motivation. you spoke exactly to what I’m going through.
I understand where your coming from mine is 22 years.
Did you leave? Ive been in this repeat marriage with a very bi-polar narrcisist who knows I have no where to go. I need a financial plan. I need a plan. I never know when he is going to crack! I will miss the good times, but the bad sometimes outweighs the good. What have you done to go. I need a job. My youngest is 15 now. 31 years.
I have started to watch your videos and been in an abusiva relationship for 16yrs. My fear has been how am I going to make it in this world but I decided to go visit a shelter that will help me and my kids. I thank you for your words. I need to do this while I still can.
I am definitely going through this process. I been married for 18 years and been solely financially dependent. I am looking for a job, been going to counseling, and working out at the gym to get myself mentally and physically stable to leave. I no longer engage in conversations with my abuser and focuses on myself. Getting money is huge for me to move out and away from his verbal abuse and intimidation. I am ready to leave and live the life I deserve.
Hi, how did you help yourself to get financial independent? My keep me on his travels in cant get me a normal job... Im looking for online work...dont know where to start..💔
It’s been four years! How have you been?
8 years of marriage and with two young children, leaving my abusive husband finally came. I left by decision and the strength I didn't think I Had, helped me understand it was time to go. It's hard so hard especially trying not to feel guilty for leaving, but deeply I was fed up with the constant yelling, punching holes, put downs, humiliated, breaking things, belittled, etc Day by day I try to Surround myself with people who seem to understand me, and lifts up my spirit.
He still believes I'm coming back and says he will change. I still communicate bc we have children together, but he still tries to find ways to make me feel insecure. It takes day by day to rebuild the strength I've lost.
To those who haventeft, only you will know when it's time to leave. I'm still trying to fight off the feeling of guilt of leaving but I knox I'm at a better place.
I can't believe Tania it is my story and my life presently. Each and every word you've said. And still stuck with him because of the kids. That's my only problem right now. Thank god there are women who still fight for their lives and well being. I feel that I am not the only one, the crazy one, the one who separated a family. Good luck Tania...
11 years and I’m still having a hard time leaving 😔
Tania Silva how are your children coping? How is co-parenting? Does he use the children against you or try?
yup been there and done that I had made that choice I'm not coming back..I need to change for me and my children
This is where I am at now, I feel the guilt and worry about my kids future. I feel like I am going crazy! I have lost my identity, I live in complete isolation, his favorite saying is "YOur a cry baby, there you go ruining the day again". I need uplifting ppl in my life.
Watching and listening to motivational videos and audios helps especially with headphones through the night to reprogram the subconscious I've seen a huge difference in fear of leaving. I'm no longer afraid of the unknown. Just do it. I'm ready and I'm halfway there!!!!!
leaving after 22 years probably the hardest thing I have ever done! I know I deserve so much better. I was having an anxiety attack when i started this video. you calmed me down and reaffirmed my feelings thank you so much
Going through the same thing... but if you don't mind me asking how did you do it? Any kids?
Thank you for this message Stephanie. I am getting ready to go into a battle. After 34 years of abuse, I have left. I've been out for 2 months and in a couple weeks I will file for divorce. It's not the divorce that scares me. It's the battles that lead up to it and the courtroom. This is where I believe she will make herself the ultimate victim. It doesn't matter anymore. Freedom is not cheap. This message of yours really helped me . Thanks again, You are a blessing!! Ken Lips
I am so thankful I’ve found this channel. I’ve been wandering in the dark about what to do next and you’ve given me the tools to find myself and I am SO thankful of that ♥️ I’ve always thought of myself as the strong, always stood up for myself, never took crap from anyone person. But when I opened up to this person and he destroyed me to the point of hating myself and wondering why it’s MY fault, I really had to look back at why am I feeling this way? He’s taken my strength and turned it against me. You’ve given me courage to begin the journey of self love and begin the process of leaving. It’s scary but I know the outcome will be a better life for me and my child who does not need to witness his mother being taken advantage of. ♥️
You literally described my situation!
How do you co-parent with someone like this? Is he still a good parent to your child?
You go girl!
Thank you so much. I just left last night. I havent slept in over 24 hours and I needed this video. It was very soothing too, I've been so anxious all day.
any updates?
@@ranyaperez8941 yeah, I'm doing a lot better now... I've been in therapy since December (took me a while to get to that point) and I got a new job but because of the pandemic I'm not able to work but that's okay, I atleast feel like I'm back in control of my life again. Still can have bad days like with anxiety/depression/ptsd when triggered but overall doing well and therapy has helped a lot with that. Healing is possible.
Sarah C thank you so much! I needed to hear that. I hope you continue healing ❤️
@@ranyaperez8941 same to you 💜💜
Thank you so much for educating me about manipulative behavior, I broke up with my abusive partner yesterday, he’s love bombing, gaslighting, guilt tripping, and trying everything to make me go back…. NO!! Because you taught me what this looks like along with therapy.
I left him 3 days ago. Want so bad to go back. Trying to stay strong. Thank you for this
Please don't. It will only get worse for you leaving in the first place and the abuse will escalate. Honestly you can really get physically hurt.
Please....Don't!
Learn a language, travel, hear music.
But don't go back.
Mentally preparing myself and making myself tough! im ashamed how much i have put up with but financially dependent right now which plays right in to their hands! Thanks🙏
Add self-compassion, no shame. You didn't know better and now you do which is the key to yr new life. Sending love and prayers!
Thank u, u are beautiful inside and out❤️🙏
Thank you ❤ I made the decision and left the relationship over 2 months ago but the self-doubt and uncertainty kicked in and I have been questioning my decision....until I saw this. The thing that hit me the most was to stop thinking that I could have and continue to have rational discussions with him. Nearly ever word you said resonated with me. And I wholeheartedly agree with your '3 things you MUST do'. Xxx
You did it! You left a toxic relationship! You are so smart and courageous! YOU CAN DO THIS!! You will feel like a butterfly and be free…just give it more time! 🦋💕🌈
i had to get out recently. my tears were all down my face! i am so glad that i had gotten out. my ex bf was too much. so many of my friends were telling me to get him out! I didn't know what to do. I called the domestic violence hotline. then i realized how he used me, and take advantage of my emotions. Controlling someone is never normal. i am strong enough to leave that behind me.
Love the way you authenticity in you teaching and how easy it is to understand. Thanks
Many times thank you !!!
You actually saved me ,
I found your channel , when I need it the most ❤
I listen to your videos every day , and I am getting stronger everyday!
♥️♥️♥️
You are very good adviser, thank you so much for this video, it really helps me.
Love your videos ❤
And i thank you
I don't think it's easy to leave when spouse controls the $
I have been in the most emotionally abusive relationship with my sons father for 3 years. EVERYTHING is always my fault. No matter what it is he takes everything out on me. I have left 4 times and this last time I came back was because he promised he will change and get us our own place. I used to feel so bad for him like I had to save him from his past wounds and heal him but in the end he cut me. My family never liked him. They seen right through him from the very beginning. I had so many red flags in the beginning but growing up in similar childhood abuse environments it made me want to nurture him even more. My son is 2 years old and is already showing extreme signs of the abuse. He cries so much and lashes out when he is upset and I absolutely can not let him go through this anymore. He is stuck to my hip trying to protect me and it just breaks my heart 😭😰 He tries to break me down so bad to the point where I look in the mirror I dont even know who I'm looking at. I was so happy before I met him and I will be happy after. My son and I am moving tomorrow with family. They have always had my back no matter what. Thank you sooooo much for this! It has helped me once before it will help me again. My son deserves this
On the preparation note - I did some role playing with a loved one where I had them pretend to be my (now ex) partner and push all the buttons that I knew he would push and all the places I felt vulnerable and I just practiced standing my ground. It really helped. I also recorded conversations so I could go back and review where I got upset and what triggered me.
Your videos have really been helping me through the breakup and healing. Thank you!
Stephanie, love the video. I’ve been in a toxic marriage with an emotional roller coaster, ride up and down. For 22 years, I am 53 years old, with my first marriage, my soon to be ex. This is her second marriage. With me, we have two daughters, I am in this place in my life or I keep thinking something will change and it never does. My wife does not respect me, badmouth, my mother and father and family, belittles me, calls me a loser. And blames me for everything wrong in our marriage, refuses to go to any counseling. I’m having a difficult time moving forward, though, have tried counseling, but my counselor is leaving the practice. I’m looking for a life coach to help me get through this and guide me. I’ve been watching a lot of your videos you inspire me and now I have to work on more ways to love myself because I’ve been knocked down for multiple years and I’ve put up with it, because of the fear of my children taking their mother side, because it’s affected them as well. All I want to do is find happiness and peace within my life even if I remain single as long as I have my two daughters and happiness. I think I can do this, thanks Rick
I’ve rlly started to try and love myself more I used to tell myself I deserve this. But now I know I do not deserve this I am not going to have my kindness taken as a weakness anymore. he met me at a very low time. I’ve been watching videos to help myself grow and I can’t grow without self love. How can u love yourself when someone you love doesn’t make you feel loved? You can’t. I need to end this relationship I know I do but I need to go at my own pace and I will get out of this I know I will. 💪🏻
My best friend is married to a narcissist. How do you be a supportive friend? Her husband has convinced her that I am not supportive because I call out his bs. I have even sent her your videos which he found out about and now she won’t speak to me. I can’t sit back and watch the abuse without being vocal about it so I haven’t tried to reach out in months(which he loves). In a way I feel like I have abandoned her. Any advice?
MommyHeartsMakeup its prob him ( not her ) my bff ex husband was same way , some bs he says are you wanting her for a friend or me , but if he was a healthy husband he'd never bring that up let alone make her choose . we were friends for 30 plus years :(
You are a good friend! I say, stay supportive as you can while also recognize it is her choice and when she is ready to see it/change she will but as friends we can't make them. Keep praying xx
As someone who was on the side of your friend, the best advice I could say is to definitely let her know that you are not abandoning her, that you are not mad at her, but that you are creating distance because you see that it is causing more friction then support at this time. Trust me, when I say that when she wakes up and looks around for that support, you are going to be the first person that she looks for. I have girlfriends that check on me all the time, and to be completely honest I struggle sometimes with talking to them because I don't always want them to know exactly the depth of what's going on. But my true support is when I know I can pick up the phone and they won't judge me, they won't scold me, but they will welcome me with open arms. It does hurt when someone feels like you are mad at them or you turned your back on them because they shut down. Oftentimes, you do what the narcissist says to keep the peace. I too went through that phase in the beginning where he just did not like any of my friends, did not want me reaching out to my family because he didn't have a close relationship with his family. How it all changed was when I started seeing a therapist, and they encouraged me to start taking baby steps to start going against the grain. Which meant going back to visit girlfriends keeping in touch with him, visiting family. At first there was definitely resistance. He tried. He would say stuff like, we don't have enough money for you to go visit your family, or you're selfish going to visit your girlfriends and have girl time when you should be home with the kids. There was definitely a lot of resistance. But I pushed past that and void it out the nasty comments and went to see them anyway. And I am so glad that I did. Because in doing that it became easier and easier, and he backed away. But to be honest, taking baby steps is the first steps to getting back to you because others will have the Liberty to tell you the Injustice that they see, and you'll feel more free 2 understand what they mean, instead of just brushing it off all the time. so I do hope that your friend one day wakes up and is able to see that you were just being a good friend to her. and again I say to you, don't give up on her and don't ever make her feel like you have isolated her. At this moment in time, that is the last thing that she because to a true narcissist, he will use that to further beat her down. He willbecause to a true narcissist, he will use that to further beat her down. He will tell her things like see I told you they were no good, or you're better off without them, or then see what I see and what I've been telling you so I've been right all this time....... I wish I knew then what I know now and how he was with his family. He was always Downing them and making it seem like they were the problem. Now I see why none of his family ever wanted him around! Which should have been a red flag!
You don't have to do anything. Your friend is not strong. She is confused what to do. Sometimes if we try to help our friend, then also they will not understand. Better to be silent
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Amazing video. Just what I needed to hear. I was feeling stuck in my emotions and this was the validation that I needed to continue to move forward
I am watching this in the bitter midst of trying to get my abuser to leave. I have already decided to end this regardless of guilt; fully aware of my role as co-creator of this toxic mess. He is using everything you call out to convince me not to end this relationship. The potential backlash is looming.
I am experiencing right now and from the same stage of awareness rabbit hole you describe. You give me a bit more strength. I am hearing exactly what I need to hear right now. Thank you.
I have the power in me to do this.
this lady is my new goddess. every single thing she says hits home to my situation massively. thank you stephanie. thank you so much
I spent 5 years with my best friend and boyfriend and then when we had kids he became emotionally abusive I tried to put up with it but I couldn't we broke up for 2 years try to get back together realize he was the same person I have tried to fix what I thought was wrong with relationship and then I realize that I needed to stop going back to somebody's mental abuse it's giving me anxiety and turned me into a different person. Thank you for making this video I needed to know that somebody else went through this so I could know there is a way out.
They show true colors when kids are born. They know they got U, and itll be hard 2 leave. Mine did the same.
I listened to this this morning . And I am in the middle of the 8th breakup with this man over a 3 1/2 year period. Such turmoil! I almost lost all my friends and distanced from all my family. I felt like I was going crazy. I am 57 years old and can’t do this anymore. Just so hard to stay away from him as he comes back “love bombing”. Thank you for helping me finally moving forward.
Am here I lost all my friends he asked me to block all of them, leave my work bla bla and I feel am crazy and my life doesn't feel like am in it.Soo numb 😭😭😭
Describing me and my 30 year relationship. Thanks for validating and focusing my perspectives. Thanks for sharing and helping to self-soothe.🐦🌈💜😍
Emotionally abusive relationship is hard as you dont see scars, it creates trauma bonds- addiction to person and toxicity without knowing, cognitive dissonance. I experienced it first 35 years of my life. Now I am aware of emotional abuse. My mom is emotionally abusive, I have no expectations from her for anything, she is as good as dead body for me, with that acceptance I feel more free.
Stephanie, you have no idea how much I needed this. I don't feel comfortable enough to open up about my story in the comments, but do know every point you made in this video is spot on and thank you for being there while I build my better self.
Thank you for this video. I want some advise on what to do when the abusive person you are breaking up with cry and says how much he loves you etc etc. I’ve been in this situation many times and I usually tell the person to leave my house for a while because I’m too stressed after his rage scene. When He can actually sees I’m actually having a burn out he changes the speech and become loving again. I know it is a cycle but when he does it sounds and look very genuine and that’s how he prevents the real break up. I find it hard to let him go when he put up the good mask on.
I cried this entire video. Thank you ❤️ everything you said was right so right! I can’t wait to watch the rest of your videos!
Thank you! I had an epiphany with the part about attempting to have a “logical” conversation with a person who is so obviously NOT ready to have one. It’s hard to NOT feel like the @$$hole when “you” finally work up the courage to say enough is enough and I can’t go on with this. It’s feels like ripping out someone’s heart and still feel like it is my fault… the difference is: i blame my self for letting it run so long :(
I know the feeling
I'm in the same situation and I'm enough ,the is no commutation and he call me names ,I'm not working and have 2 children 15 and 4 it's very hard,in this relationship fro 16 years I'm 38.
I can't explain how much this video helped me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am in the middle of the battle of a lifetime… I am so glad that I watched this video because I did try to rationalize why I don’t trust that he will change at first he was very apologetic which is the same reactions that I’ve seen for the past five years. I know that it’s time and this must be done… this is my second serious relationship and one thing I noticed is that when I left the first one I used alcohol to cope. I am so happy that my soul and it’s purpose have led me to this very moment. I have chosen me for the first time and look forward to the peace of mind love and respect I deserve. I appreciate you more than you know!
You're an angel. 💙💜 your motivation is on point and genuine. I can tell you understand and put your heart into your work. I subscribed🙌🏻
I'm gay and was in a 6-month relationship (yes, it can get bad in just 6 months and leave scars) with someone who I at first thought was my soulmate. Stephanie is so right about bringing one's own wounds to a relationship that allow you to get hooked and tolerate mistreatment. Mine were about being neglected and ignored. You don't see the red flags or just get confused by them. That guy trashed my self confidence, ability to trust, even my grasp of reality. The preexisting wounds can let you get sucked in even if it's for a week and just make them raw again.
And he got nasty, just like Stephanie has said about emotionally abusive people. Do the self-love and growth, like I did, to make sure you never get taken in again.
I wish emotional abuse was illegal somehow like physical abuse. A sense of justice would be helpful for me. I still see him around or hear about him once in a while and I don't know how to deal with it. I call him the heart rapist.
I needed this!! Thank you. Im so glad I found you!! Im dealing with trying to end a relationship like this at the moment...so thank you so much ❤
Stephanie, you are on target 🎯 once again! I'm 63 and finally have a peace of mind and truly understand it takes power and strength to MOVE ON! And yes we do deserve BETTER!
Thank you Steph!
You just earned a new subscriber. That was very informative and helpful I am going through a relationship with all those problem, plus fake friends and family members as well that use me as an emotional punching bag. Thanks for the emotional support and strength in your video.
In a lot of your videos you’ve talked about Consequence when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and I would love if you could make a video talking about types of consequences because the only thing I can think about is leaving the situation, I’d like to know more please and thank you.
It’s happened me last 12 years and still continue is hard situation for emotional people . In 24 hour she changed her statement 10 time . I feel stuck .
3:46 got me motivated deep in my 46 year old miserable, broke gut...THANK YOU...thank you...I can do this because I deserve better because I AM WORTHY.
@NY Nurse, yes, we can, we really can, it's about time.
Kristy Kabui YAS Kristy we can and we will! Thank you!
it’s so hard to leave when you love that person more than you love your self
You have to love you first 💗
I left before and came back 4 months later. I'm worried about that happening again. He doesn't even support me at all. Thank you so much!
I needed this thank you so much. Leaving and moving on is not easy but when someone is pushing you that far regardless of what you for them. Self respect and Yourself is and has to be prior
Great video, with a humble delivery, which makes it easier to accept that a "cancerous relationship" can sneak up on anyone.
OMG I cannot thank you enough for validating my feelings of leaving my long 5 year emotional and power and controlling abusive relationship 💗
Step 1- Decide to leave.
Step 2 - You have to be constantly working on yourself.
Step 3 - Be prepared for the backlash. Mentally prepare.
Step 4- Spend the time, effort, energy, money and invest in yourself. Heal.
Step 5- Surround yourself with your tribe. People who love you, encourage you, and uplift you
Even though we have children together, when I left for the 3rd and final time, I HAD to go no contact. Now I'm dealing with the courts but I know in my heart I did the right thing. When I left, and still now, I didn't have the strength to deal with the emotional abuse and manipulation and negative effects of his addiction and my codependency. It was imperative for my own sanity. I am with family, seeing a counselor, seeking help from my outside support to get things straightened out. It's been 6 months and it's been so hard but it's so worth it to end the cycle, for my kids especially.
I am so thankful for this topic on RUclips and I love your videos so much. Thank you Stephanie for all the time you put into helping others be rescued from horribly toxic relationships. ❤
I was divorced in 2021 and got into another relationship, seemed perfect until the first night he beat me up. It happened many times after that and I never left, always wanted to but didnt have courage and the fear of being alone. But after a holiday this weekend I realised I have been disrespected for far too long. Even if theres no violence, theres threats, swearing, picking on me, calling me an idiot calling me stupid, putting me down telling me to shut up, gaslighting, manipulation, guilt. I am done done DONE. I deserve better. I am 38 years old and i am not going to waste my life with someone sucking the joy out of my soul. I pray to the universe to give me and everyone here the strength and courage to make a better life for ourselves. I surrender to the universe and hope for a better life and a love I deserve ❤
I'm struggling hard to stop myself from trying to reason with him. I have to actually say out loud, "you're deflecting, you can't be reasoned with, I don't have the energy for this, etc" and that feels more like I'm being the toxic one. I believe that if I don't say these things out loud though, more for myself than for him, I won't recognize his deflection, that he isn't taking responsibility, that he can't be reasoned with, and I feel it would be more difficult to set boundaries. I'm still learning how to not be baited into arguments with him.