Why I stayed, Why I left | Mada Tsagia-Papadakou | TEDxUniversityofPiraeus
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- Опубликовано: 6 май 2024
- Through her talk Mada Tsagia-Papadakou shared how she got in an abusive relationship, why she stayed, how she left and how this dark side of her life, gave her the lights to pursue her work against violence and for defending women’s rights. Mada Tsagia-Papadakou is the Founder and CEO of W.I.N. HELLAS, a public benefit organization aiming to prevent and minimize violence against women. Her personal experiences inspired her to found W.I.N Hellas. While recognizing the importance of information, she explains how we let ourselves become victims of violence and stay in an abusive environment and what “tools” and “skills” one needs to get out of such a situation. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I stayed because I loved him more than myself...
I stayed because I didn't knew that I needed to love myself. Nobody told me that. Till one day my sister said to me: "You need to love yourself." It was like a light went on.
Now I am free and very happy by myself.
No you stayed because, you didn’t love yourself
@@Vickygarcia73 please don't jump to rushed conclusions
I don't know what to do, I am torn
@@christinapalantza4059 Sister I understand you. This is my suggestion for you.
First of all if you are a believer of Jesus Christ pray to him and ask him to give you wisdom so you can free yourself from this situation. And to show you a way of escape.
Second I suggest you to listen to this people on RUclips in private without your partner and you will get knowledge so you can built yourself to make a plan of escape. They speak about Narcissist abuse/Domestic violence.
Listen to:
Dr. Carmen Brian
Dr. Les Carter
R.C. Blakes
Helen Sadler
“What kind of day are we going to have? What mood will he be in today?” I think this All. The. Time
I left my abusive husband after watching the true story of Tina Turner. I took my two small children and left everything we owned behind. I left the state and stayed with my little sister until I could get on my own feet. Life was so hard being a single mother but I finally met a nice man who helped me finish raising my children. Get out because love does exist and there are men that will never hit you or verbally abuse you. God bless all courageous woman that are now living in a terrifying situation and those brave souls that have left.
Thank you for sharing your story , I find it very inspiring
Happy for you dear
@@thasni6004 Thank you.
@@rachelo8294 If you're in an abusive relationship I promise being a single mom is so much easier than being abused. I understand the fear of doing it on your own but many woman do and they survive it. I was scared too but I couldn't stay in that horror another day. I have such a sweetheart man in my life now and I am so glad that I left my abuser.
Katrina Bergman you are a strong person, and you deserve greatness in you life!!! Way to go! I’m so proud of you!!! Your story is an inspiration to others!❤️❤️👏👏👍👍
I think the worst case scenario is when the perpetrators family encourage and support his behavior and even though they see it, they pretend they don't.
So true! His mother ran my life when he was at work
That person undoubtedly was a victim of abuse first and now that abuse manifests itself as an abuser.
Me too
Absolutely! This happened to me! I was one against six people. I got out but it wasn't with ease.
I think it's worse when the victims family does that.
She stays because “She has her power back” oh my goodness that was truth to me right now
You are in a relationship with a narcissist..it is just an illusion that you get your power back.. you will keep cycling in abuse.. check out what narcissistic personality disorder is..
Same!! I know this feeling so well
That part made no sense to me. I stayed because I had no financial means to leave.
That was the wisest thing she said.
It's the best explanation I've ever heard! I remember the desperation to leave evaporating instantly. I'd be so tired and relieved everything was "normal" again... Packing, leaving, starting over, living without him seemed like such an exhausting task
Abusers beware. Time's up thanks to survivors like this who have broken the silence and have stepped forward to educate others. Thank you!
Yes thank you Girl so strong 💪🏼💙🙏🏼
💖💜
Her story is EXACTLY like mine. Almost identical. I never thought I would be abused...I never thought my boyfriend would try to strangle me to death...but I was wrong.
Why did he do that to you?
@crooked truth83 Ik but there's usually a reason behind why some1 would do something.
There is no justifiable worthy enough excuse for abuse. Asking why would someone be abused, perpetuates the idea that there is a worthy enough explanation.
If you are looking to understand why abusers are violent - learn about their personalities.
@@MOTORCYCLES-ANDGUNS no there isn't. What reason is there possibly to justify abuse? I was abused for 2 years and he literally abused me for no reason at all. Because he felt like it that's why.
@@suzanne8678 NO WHY DID YOU STAY?? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN. YOU GUY'S HAVE EVERY1 ON YOUR SIDE AND YOU CHOOSE NOT TO REPORT THE GUY.
Cognitive Dissonance and idealism are what kept me there. Boundaries helped me make the decision to leave.
Precisely put
😇
i cant stop crying watching this. this is my relationship with my ex EXACTLY. he almost ruined my life. i was suicidal, and extremely depressed
jjchick95 I hope you found a way to recover. The scars abusive relationships leave are deep and painful.
You should be in therapy..you suffered of narcissistic abuse, the danger is that you could be attracted to the same type of men, unless you understand that you have a problem, being codependent. Please educate yourself and strengthen your mental and physical being...
I can't believe I stayed so long. For five years. I have been free for about ten years, I have two children with my soulmate I found seven years ago. Run. If you are a victim of domestic violence, run when you can with what you can and never ever look back. You are worth it, you deserve love. Happiness. Safety.
Cognitive dissonance, gaslighting, guilt kept me in an abusive relationship for 11 years. Out over a year now. Working on me.
Gaslighting...so few people know what that is. People mostly think DV is physical. Although I was never “gaslit”, I suffered huge economic abuse and nobody even knows it exists.
I know what you mean
Everybody should study and spend time understanding “ narcissistic personality Disorder “
Exactly
Educating myself about narcissist is what helped me to get out of my bad marriage
As a narcisstic abuse survivor I'd like to know how do we raise awareness of NPD, to keep more people from getting hurt
@@yi_ch I agree with you. I was married for too long to a NPD .
@@truecrime98 dido!
Those who gave thumbs down to this important information must be mad that she spoke about them.
And abusers in the comment section are asking 'why did you stay?' When she explained why...fear, isolation, & brainwashing to name a few. The point of the question(s) is to blame the victim.
J G ikr! I saw comments like that and was like, "did you not watch the video? She literally explained why!"
ChicBaja1990 or brainwashed victims who think she was wrong for leaving.
God bless all women who get out of abusive relationships, I thank God he kept me alive and let me escape my abuser many years ago. Thank you for your story.
I've come to believe it's not taken seriously when inside, part of the damage
Thank god! I’m glad you got out. I have been married 5 years, and only just recently realized that ‘abuse’ is the word for what I have gone through this entire time. He has taken my heart and smashed it to pieces. I’ve decided I want to leave. However, the problem is we have a son... and own a house... I can not afford mortgage and then rent a place... And my biggest problem is that I am waaay too empathetic. I know my husband has a very wounded heart, and that is why he is sooo angry. And he has rejection issues. So I know if I leave he will be severely wounded, and so I feel forced to stay to guard his heart... yet meanwhile my heart is bleeding....
@@theJ2theQ I hope and pray your situation works out in a good way. 🙏 May I encourage you to pray and seek the Lord and let the Lord know the burden of your heart, he is a compassionate God who knows how to restore and repair broken lives and hearts. 💕 I have seen people and families healed thru the power of God's Spirit. With God *all* things are possible.
@Mary M Thank you. I do believe in the power of Gods spirit. However I also know tonnes of woman in abusive situations who are God fearing and God believing woman! And yet they end up trapped with no improvement for years upon years! That doesn’t make me doubt my faith, but I think a person has to take a step towards God and produce repentance for Him to start working in their lives. I didn’t want my son to grow up in a broken home so I thought it was selfless and loving of me to stay and endure insane unhappiness, abuse, pain, loneliness and embarrassment forever so that our family would stay together for the sake of my son... however after the last psycho incident that happened that led me to attempt to leave... and then my husband went completely nuts and threatened to take me hostage... meanwhile my son witnessed all of this... I realized this is not healthy for my son to witness! Maybe a broken family is better?!
@@theJ2theQ You make compelling points, and I'm not the one to advise you. If you have a pastor, perhaps counsel with him, I had to in my past situation. I am thinking of Abigail in the o.t., she was married to a tyrant and God delivered her. I've heard of other women in abusive relationships who prayed very specific prayers, and God did miracles for them. I was married to a very abusive man, and prayed earnestly for him, one day he just broke and gave his life to God. But, he had a drug habit which God delivered him from, and he eventually went back to that, and I divorced him later, but he had also been unfaithful to me. Every story is different. No two are alike. I know the heartache of abuse, especially with children in the home. My son witnessed the abuse, but today, all glory to God, he's married with 2 children and they are all living for God. He had some of my ex's traits, but God has done a work in him, he had some of my traits too. God can absolutely humble any person, I do believe God works in the favor of those who serve him. I hope and pray the very, very best for you. You are loved, and God absolutely sees your heart's desire.🧡 Be safe and well, in Jesus name.
36 years of marriage abuse. I identify with what you say here. I'm out now. I'm still a little guilty about leaving. But I'm happy now. It was insane. Thanks for the speech.
ah what a way to waste 36 years of your life
It takes a lot of work to break away from a toxic narcissist. You always have hope that things will change...especially when your religion tells you to stay in a marriage, no matter what.
@@michaeljahnke2916 Thanks for sharing. I'm in my 4th year of an abusive marriage (but, it's emotional abuse). I admire your strength cause I am already fed up. How did you stay for 36 years? and does it get better after 5 years as they say? (ie: they say the first 5 years of marriage are the hardest). I guess it doesn't since you got out, but does the 5-year rule apply? I guess as insane as it sounds, I am trying to cling on to hope that my husband may change, but I recognize the cycle that Mada was talking about. I know this is not your problem, but your comment struck a chord with me, cause one of the main reasons I stay married is due to my religion and I hang on to hope that God would change him but I don't want to wake up after 36 years and still feel the same. If you don't mind me asking, what helped you decide to end it?
@@biloy6327 hello. It came down to repeated abuse that never never never ended. I thought my love could change her. My love was strong down to my bones. I still have feelings for her. But these people never change. And after one more raging outburst where she called my work and complained about me anonymously (she did this many times), I said this is enough. My daughter asked me to move in with her, and I took advantage of her kindness. Not everyone has this advantage. There was also infidelity. Just so you know, it says in the book of John, that this is a justification for divorce. Not that this applies to you, but I finally let this passage from the bible help me. After 5 years, I don't think your spouse will change. I'm sorry to say that. Get out now before you throw away years of your life. Be strong. There are many videos on utube about this issue. I hope this helps a little. I am so much happier now. I see my family more (she hated them), and I've met a sweetheart of a woman. We've been dating 2 years now. Life has changed for the better!!! It works!!!
@@michaeljahnke2916 so you have met a lovely woman dating her for 2 years but you still have feelings about your abusive ex.... Ooohh boy make yourself and your date a favor and stay single you aren't ready for a healthy person yet. There is a reason why abusers pick specific victims... Because you are a enable type of a person.. you enable toxicity around you and deep inside is normal for you is safe and familiar.... Work on yourself ... The problem is not with the abuser( you just dont choose them is easy to see them if you're emocionaly healthy) is with the victim, the word says it all... Heal so you are not a victim anymore stop enabling abusers around you and valuate healthy people
Yes we don't even know it's abuse til we're out away from them...
So true. Frog in the hot water thingie.
sometimes i feel like i am learning about it and im in it know but feel scared to leave
@@hopethang143 I understand. Do whatever you can to get away, because it always gets worse.
@@jg3865 he cant change? he has alot i am so afraid also cause were do we go in timed like this with no money and 19 virus everywere some one said a go fund me but i dont know how to do social media learing know
@@hopethang143 Did he really change, or are you making excuses for his behavior? I'm speaking that way because I've spent nearly 30 years of my life in Narc. Abuse. Just like you can respond to this message, You can learn a lot from RUclips. I do understand that it is a dangerous time right now. Narcs manipulate with money, so that they have control. Squirrel away what you can & make a plan. Engage any friends or family when you are ready to make your move. I wish you the best try to stay safe during this crisis.
It took me almost 10 years to leave my first, and almost 8 years to leave my second.
Finally broke the cycle in 2011 when I met an angel...my current partner of almost 9 years now. He helped me heal, and showed me how real men treat and love women.
Thank you for sharing your story with us...it takes a huge amount of courage to tell our stories. 🙏♥️✨
I'm so happy for you 🙌🏻
Wow that sounds just like my story. I’m with a real man now . My poor kids though. They r adults now but they r still healing. That hurts me the most
I'm there now
you've cheatest on your 3rd though, havent you?
@@cyborg1320 oh, hello there abuser! Get out of here (and I mean this world).
You are so lucky that you never had a child with him. I was married to a man for over 10 years who put me through an almost identical situation. I finally broke free from him and those wounds are beginning to heal. Some already have. But it's hard to reconcile having had a child with such a monster. Not only that, he still tries to use my daughter as a pawn to manipulate me, even though he hasn't lived with me in about a year. I used to be so strong and he weakened me to almost nothing. He put me on a pedestal and I was his "prize" to show off; but it was more or less a pedestal in a Cage.
Thank you for this video and I'm glad you are healthy, strong, and safe now. Blessings to you and your children. Namaste🙏🙏🙌❤💚💯
Namaste
I left yesterday. I could not take it anymore. He was a covert narcissist, emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically abusive. He blackmailed me for months, isolated me from my family and friends but I reached a breaking point and left yesterday on Emancipation day. I emancipated myself from that demon. Thank you God 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I see your strength you are a survivor 🫂
@@SheilaBHendz thank you Queen
And i am not so strong. His Problem was hot-cold-hot-cold towards me. And no empathy when i was sad. I posted my video too where i honestly explain how weak i am.
But you did well ❤
@@mtamela1855 you got this hun, you’re stronger than you know 💪🏽 Choose YOU! You deserve so much more 💕
@mtamela1855 This breaks my heart because you did nothing wrong. You happened to meet someone who has control issues and groomed you to be abused.
I hope you are away from this situation and are in therapy and you are healing.
If not, please reach out to a domestic abuse hotline where they can help you break free if you don't feel strong enough right now to do it on your own.
All the best to you! xoxoxo
I feel your pain, I feel so blessed because I left a physically and emotionally abusive relationship I’ve tried my best to fix it but it was never enough I made infinity of sacrifices but it wasn’t appreciated
I am so happy I got divorced yesterday and I left the Romeo forever
The bit about him ignoring her and her just wanting his attention is so true...
Yeah sounds familiar...
Congratulations
Narcissistic abuse .... narcissistic abuse 100%
Yes, I am a survival of Narcissistic Abuse for 15 years got Married to him. Got Married to him at the age of 14 he was 12 years older than me.
@@khadijahkamara727 you're a very strong woman ❤️
Yes I understand 100%. I was in an abusive relationship for 40 years. Now I have had 2 bad strokes and 5 pinched nerves at my brain stem. I have to see doctors and nurologists and councilors for ITS. Which I didn't even know anyone that has not been to war can have. But they explained I was at war every day. I had to fight for my life everyday. Until you have lived it no one understands. I was in love or so I thought. I was taught and raised to make your marriage work no matter what. That's why I stayed
Waaaa my friend ,i thought 23years was long ,,but at first you dont know that you are being abused ,it takes a very long time to finally realize what it is, making a decision to leave is another thing and actually leaving is another thing,, because you are leaving someone you love ,then after leaving is onother thing ,but its worthy it, i left when i realized that he really hated me,
❤️❤️
There's the side you see and the one others see. I had no idea my father in law was a narc until he was 80 years old and I heard the way he talked to my mother in law. Then I realized this is how my husband was raised. They were both abused and were therefore abusive parents. I couldn't believe he hid that side of himself all those years. Everyone thinks my husband is such a great guy. They have no idea what he's really like.
Power to you Rosanne 🏝️🏝️🏝️
Oh sweetheart 🤗
I stayed with my abusive boyfriend for three years because I was stuck, broken, because I didn’t want my abusive ex husband to tell people “see? She can’t make anything work.” I was so stuck in abuse and one abusive partner after the other for years that I believed I was the cause. I’m in my first non abusive relationship in twenty years now. I’m 50. I feel like a child, grateful, overwhelmed, amazed. I wish I’d lived this beautiful life all along.
Im with yoj on this..one after the other
I have a question for anyone who found a "not abusive" man after an abusive relationship... Didn't the first ones have all the signs of a healthy partner and only turned abusive years later? I'm so jaded by this issue of multiple abusive partner patterns but I want to believe healthy men exist
I needed to hear this. After 11 years of mental , and physical abuse I found the strength to leave and not just go into the other room. He chocked me and pushed me around anytime I tried to walk away from him. I’ll pray to not go back.
It’s insane how we all have the same skeleton of our abuse. The details are different but that cycle … I love all of you for surviving. Let’s keep talking about it
10 years of my life went down the drain. My teenage years, my youth. Despite the loose ends, it’s been almost a year since i broken up with him. Her story is way too similar to mine, minus the physical. Honestly though, we are all becoming too numb and the emotional abuse, the physical, all equally hurts. If what i said resonated with you, i hope you find hope and courage to leave. Please leave, please hope again. If you think you reach the point of no hope and you just cant wait to sleep forever, then you have nothing to lose anymore. Leave. Walk away and leave.
The very definition of living with a behind closed doors Cluster B. Get out. Stay out. Never ever go back.
Cluster B is more dangerous then swimming with sharks 🦈. You just know ver bad things will happen to you.
I feel like this woman just read my story word for word. I would never have called my relationship abusive. But it’s almost identical
I recently escaped from an abusive relationship, it was the worst relationship I have ever been in. Almost 2 years And their family used me aswell.
Emotional and Mental abuse.
I am disgusted by the guy's sister. She knew what her brother was capable of.
Unfortunately she has been programmed with a false belief, she thinks her brother really does love her, neither of them were taught what Love is
She was probably lied to and manipulated
oh yes the family r most likely to be there flying monkeys or his or her so called friends who r under there thumb only because they r easily intimidated or feel the narc has something t offer them or just love drama because they themselves r borderline bipolar or has narcissistic sociopath tendencies.
My X's sister enabled him...she had no choice - these people surround themselves with tongue biters and enablers and they actually start resembling the abusive person when you are around them as well - it's called triangulation. Narcs are perfect at it.
Yes it’s discusting. Women should stick together and help each other. Not manipulative.
Kudos to those men and women who decide to break the circle of abuse, and decide to leave. Its not easy, i saw it with one brother and one sister. And it is painful for them and us their family.
Entering my 30's, I'm learning what not to be and what not to do
Thank you so much for sharing. I was released from the ER this morning after having a heavy kitchen counter stool bashed at my desk and kicked on the floor. I’m working hard on making him realize he’s a joke and I will get past this darkness without him in my life.
Ashley Singh I hope you are no contact now
Update?? Please give me some hope that it’s possible to leave. I’m stuck and can’t breathe.
Ma’am MAGAlot you can do it! I’ve been out for three months. Sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. Please call your local women’s shelter. You do not have to stay there, but they will provide info and all kinds of free resources like counseling
@@WaKey_WaKey456 you can get out. I promise you have it in you! Think of how different your life will be soon.
Ma’am MAGAlot you can do it
Just don’t look back
You must love yourself more than you love him
It’s mental and psychological abuse
There is No real love
It’s control
"He would throw things, break things.." yeah! And ever notice how, remarkably, not one of those items belonged to him!? Yeah, think about that one.
By law it's all urs both of urs
So true! It’s never something THEY care about.
This is horrific, it's devastating to see that so many people in the comments have gone through the same; and people go through this every day! It takes a lot of courage to share this story, thank you!
Sadly I could relate but luckily I'm out of it now!
Jwala J praying for you❤️ Seek help immediately! You’re not alone.
Almost got stabbed today.. again. Also im hoping to get out of this soon.
@@TheResistance8969 take care of yourself while you can do something!
@@TheResistance8969 I know how hard it is , leave honey
@@TheResistance8969 gaat het nu iets beter? :( mijn situatie is er ook niet van beter geworden
For the longest time I never thought that I was in an emotional abuse situation. Since it wasn’t physical I thought that it was fine. Since he was “nice enough” it was fine. But not being complemented and only told what to wear. Not touched when I wanted to but when he did. Being forced out of friendships. It’s crazy now to think it took me ten years and all of my twenties to figure it out. Now at 30 I’m getting a divorce and I’m going to show my kids how a woman can love herself.
Finding this video , must be God answering my prayers . A very big thank you for this video , everything she spoke about describes my life right now. After reading through the comments section I feel like there is hope.
How are you now?
I pray you surviving
Because he never hit me I thought it wasn't "abuse". But it was. I've left him but I feel he took everything from me. I find no reason to wake up in the mornings, no "hope" like she said. I'm on anti depressants and I get panic attacks on the daily. I still find myself thinking, "it's okay, you can fix it. He wasn't that bad. He loved you." I don't know how to escape my own head.
I had this same problem after leaving my abusive relationship. You have to tell yourself the TRUTH. That’s not love, you can’t fix him and it WAS that bad. I wrote down every abusive act that he did to me and if I have a thought of missing him I go back and read it. It helps.
Shivangi, Please watch Dr. Ramani's channel. You seemed to be in a narcissistic relationship and going through some trauma. There are many other great channels on this topic and all you need to do is start somewhere. Eventually you will find strength to rebuild yourself. Good luck with your journey.
I so underdstand how you feel
I hope you're doing better. I struggle too. Getting slowly better. We deserve better 💓
I went through something similar, but left before it progressed to the physical level. I had the psychological and mental abuse. And he trie to come back but I didn’t open the door.
I stayed because I loved him so much and truly thought he would eventually change or stop hitting me or threatening me when he became upset
When you forgive him and accept him back, his respect for lowers even more.
Some women don’t leave because they literally have no where to go.
I was in a abusive relationship last summed thankfully I got away from him because he ended up going to prison. It’s been about a year an a half now and I’m still trying to find myself again. It ruined me as a person.
Tiffany Vigil were all with you
Fight for your life, Tiffany. There is a reason you are still here.
You can rebuild yourself it’s hard but so worth it don’t blame yourself you are a victim
Romeo will flatter you; shower you w gifts, shatter you confidence & then discard you only to do it over
I was searching for how to stay married to an abusive husband; in hopes to find ways to fix him. Mine is emotional abuse rather than physical, but I can relate to everything she was saying. Is there hope, or is the only solution to get out.
Getting out is the only way to regain your self esteem, to honour and live your values and boundaries. The only hope he has to gain respect for you --- is once you have got out of the relationship and have clear boundaries that protect you
Get out now
Dear Bilo Y, it has been tried before. No cure! Do get out. I did & it was good thing to do. Watch Durvasula Ramani videos for understanding. Look into co dependency to understand why you are still there.
You have No power to change anybody including your husband, you only have power over you to change you and make decisions for you. If he hasn't changed until now what makes you think he will tomorrow. Life is now and time doesn't come back, don't waste your time.
Ella Nola. The only help is for the person to admit he has a problem. If he doesn’t, there will likely not be a change...
Separated for four months now.... but I still want my marriage to work. I started to miss my husband from last week but I’m not going back unless he takes full responsibility and work on himself. New immigration, separation, physical abuse, past physical abuse, trauma, childhood trauma....I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t know how I’m still keep going.
@umhani..I am in a similar dilemma..Are you back into your marriage? What happened did your partner change?
@@rashmisinha3573 Hi Rashmi! Wow my previous comment was 8 months ago?! No, I didn’t go back and I am not going back. I started studying again and my new job will start from this month. He will never change. Even if he does, what we had is gone, it’s ruined. I have put myself into so much, not anymore. He doesn’t deserve me. We talked about divorce and will finalise it soon.
If you are in an abusive marriage, think twice about going back. Talk to therapist to get clarity. And I will tell you not to go back. Build your own life. You deserve better. You don’t deserve this. Take care of yourself. Don’t think about society or anybody else.
💓
struggling to get out of my emotional abusive relationship. very helpful and inspiring
you can do it! 💪💪
Me too I'm scared but I'm not ok don't know how or where to go and feel better
Yes, never open the door to an Abuser. Once an abuser always an abuser. They never change, only develop more strategies to deceive you until they achieve what they willfully set out to do which is to Erase Your Entire Life.
I lived this exact same narcissistic abuse. I just realized that I was ABUSED TOO. 5 years later I am finally ready to share my story to help others like us. I have healed and agree TIME IS UP! 🙏🏻❤️
Been in such similar situations. He's story is inspiring yet what's off putting is when someone says they left something abusive and somehow they found the right guy. I'm happy for her, yet I don't believe that you need to meet someone else to have a happy ever after and know youre worthy.
If you do happen to meet someone; then great, if not youre still a star!
So many similarities...watch the LOVE BOMBER - this is a HUGE RED FLAG I MISSED - It can happen to the strongest women...I know - I am a survivor! Thank you for the contrast X husband - so I know EXACTLY what I don't want - I will forever be grateful...
Wow. Great job explaining the ways that emotional abuse manifests in the every day life of a couple living a dysfunctional relationship! Very real, very accurate.
There are patterns in abuse, if you pay attention you will see the rollercoaster ride. Thank You for sharing your story! ..... It takes the courage to open up and talk about it to start the conversation to hopefully save someone elses life! God Bless You!
they make you feel like you need them to love you, but in reality, they need you to love themselves. don’t allow yourself to be used for that, use that love for yourself, for the ones that truly deeply care. the ones that if they knew the reality of the situation, they would do everything in their power to show you how much more you deserve, and how much that person has been taking that away from you. i stayed for the same reason as she described, i stayed because he managed to make me believe like he was the only one who truly cared and loved me. but in a healthy relationship, you would never have to feel like your significant other is your only hope. that person should encourage you to do the things you love, be around the people you love, and make you feel loved; not feel worthless, unlovable, dependent on their own well being to be okay.
I am M.D. coming from loving and supportive family was in a relationship for 3 years . My nightmare begins when I unplanned got pregnant when he became emotional and psychological abusive. He abused me so much so that I miscarried . I couldn' t recognize him who he was . He started abusing me when I didn't play by his rules a.k.a. he didn't want to take responsibility for the child. I had to fly in my mother so he would stop and leave the appartment. He never apologized or showed some remorse. Even had to go to police.But fortunately for me I managed to keep calm and collected even though I feared him . This nightmare is over hopefully but dont think the man who are educated and nice won't abuse you and don't think that because you are well off and educated this will never happen to you . The saddest part that there are always women who will say or think that you are at fault and men get away with the abuse
about to leave a psychologically abusive partner, I'm scared but also proud of myself (╯︵╰,)
Me too 👑😭
If you come across this video. Please don't think it is by mistake or coincidence. God bless you to see this for a reason. If you are in this situation. Know that all is well, and God have better for you, and you don't have to stay in this mess in Jesus name.
This needs to be shared.This is so prevalent and commonplace and all you have is a nagging feeling that something is wrong. She is brave to share her story.
Most men wouldn't dare add a comment.
I know this kind of emotional abuse. It's also a learned behavior or an understanding of behavior carried on/imprinted, sometimes by the victim. Emotional and mental abuse isn't always physical and can be any mentality. men, women gender neutral or adolescent.
WOmen emotionally abuse men in domestic environments. No one would admit this though,
Your mum is very courageous,my family is Greek too and I am discovering just how much of a hold my mother has on me and my children who are autistic as well as my severely disabled son who is in a wheelchair with pegfeeds. I hope we can get through this without a too much pain. Thankyou to your mum as well.
You conveyed this little known formulaic nightmare so well. ❤ May Peace Radiate From You Healing Those Who Sadly Understand.
My situation is so twisted. The honeymoon phase in the cycle in my relationship is me begging my abuser for forgiveness because he always convinces me everything was my fault.
Please find the strength to leave❤️ it will be very hard but I promise you what you are going through rn is harder. Once an abuser always an abuser and don’t let him change your mind on that. You deserve better and happiness. This isn’t normal
I can feel you
@@oopslater9352 after reading this ik its true , but it breaks my heart that we love them its so difficult
Emotional abuse can hurt just as much as physical abuse. Abusers can make you feel as though you are losing your mind. When I was with my ex that I was walking on eggshells and as if I couldn't do anything right. I never knew what would make him mad. I was always scared if I said or did the wrong thing he would leave me since he always threatened to break up with me. Sometimes I didnt even know why. I blessed that I found the strength to leave him. If I didnt leave I was afraid he would start beating me.
My story of getting free from my abuser is different from hers. I broke up with him but he will not leave. I was living with my grandfather and brothers. I will tell him to get out and he won't leave. My grandfather always opened the door for him. I went to court to get a restraining order but he was sitting in my living room when I made it home. I walked in and immediately turned around to go and call the police. He ran after me and began beating me up. The police did nothing but said that I took him back but that was not true. He was waiting for me when I got home and I tried to get away. I decided that I was going to one to leave my grandfather's home. Still, my baby daddy followed me breaking into my home. I ran to the police sitting in a car for help, the officer told me that I was going to just take him back. I said, "I have a restraining order." Still, the officer didn't even attempt to get out of his car. My abuser got a 2x4 and knocked a hole in my front door and reached his hand in to unlock the door. I grabbed his hand and cut his wrist. The police asked him does he want to press charges against me. The police officers insisted that this man and I were a couple. I had to explain to them that this person doesn't live with me and I never let him into my home. He would not have to break in if he lived there. The police told me that it was not safe for me to live in my home because of my abuser. I moved out of state to escape him. My abuser traveled out of state searching for me. My abuser stalked me for over 2 years before he left and moved up North. Think about it we were only a couple for 3 months. This was over 20 years ago and he still tries to contact me through his child. Sometimes the only way for a woman to get rid of her abuser is for her abuser to find another victim or kill him.
God bless you, Shay. You are awesome 💝
Totally relate to this, taken me years to heal, still having flashbacks but have good friends and beautiful daughters that have walked through this with me.
I’m going through the same thing. I’m here listening to this with a bruised face
🫂
He was only physical with me a few times but the emotional and mental abuse was just as you described. It's impossible to explain to people why I stayed for so long..."if it was that bad...why didn't you just leave" they ask or because he wasn't physically abusive, it somehow negates the years of crushing isolation and debasement. He has been gone for a few years now and I still can't shake the feelings shame/failure for not being enough for him. I have crippling fear that he will comeback and say all the right things and I will be too weak to say "No". I'm sorry your situation was so horrible but I really appreciate you sharing because in listening to this talk suddenly I feel less alone in my journey....Nothing compared to yours but your words rang so true....Thank you.
Renee' McClure I go through days where I feel so shaky inside that I can’t really concentrate and get anything done.
I have been looking for a video about this for quite some time! Thank You so much! This is a conversation that everyone needs to be part of because this kind of abuse cycle is effecting more and more peoples lives, and we can cure it! I wish there was more information about how to get help. What most women, and children, need is a place to go to be safe long term
A cure is a long way off. Every woman with children who stays in an abusive relationship is raising the next generation of abusers and victims of abuse.
Every doting mother who spoils her sons is raising monsters with an exaggerated sense of entitlement.
Look at your partner's parents. The pattern of their relationship is how your partner expects a relationship to work.
Once you have been a victim or rather survivor of abuse, its too easy to repeat the pattern of relationship' type.
For myself, I'm still hoping to find the kind of love that my parents had.
They genuinely were made for each other. Equally yolked, both pulling in the same direction, their love and respect for each other never dimmed with the passing years.
I guess I yearn for that closeness and security and mutual joy.
I thought, in my innocence, that everyone was like that. Consequently, I was vulnerable to abuse...abusers can stiff out innocent' trust.
Its very sad that so few find true love.
Thanks for sharing! I needed to hear this. It brought up some painful memories. Women can abuse and manipulate men as well.
Yes it's true. However statistics show that women have less power and control. And that women are more likely to be abused physically, emontionally and financially.
Your right women do abuse their partners. People think that because most women are not stronger than men, that they always have to be the victim. This isn't true. No one deserves this, male or female.
@@adelejones4088 its not about power and control than people don't know what love is , a punch in the face is NOT love. but they all say I love him ,wake up .
This is so profoundly sick, I almost want to believe it couldn't possibly have happened the way she's saying.
I watched this about a month ago and thought about this video everyday. I appreciate you sharing your story and showing why we stay. I'm a counselor for kids with behavioral health issues. I worked this video into a group therapy session.
This reminded me of strength I forgot I had, thank you for this.
Mada, I am so sorry you had to go through abuse, but I'm glad you found the strength to leave the power to heal in a healthy way & are able to have a happy ending with your beautiful family. 💗
Estella Camacho thank you!!!
Thank you very much for this. I have been trying to figure out the pattern and reasons. I need to hear this!
Thank you for this I was finally able to speak up To my sister and my decision was made for me
Never been in a relationship, but this is so eye-opening. Thank you for sharing Mada!
It's seems it's really hard for a woman in love to see an abusive partner from the beginning. In all this the solution is to speak up.
Thank you so much for this ted talk, you never think that abuse can happen to you.
"Every single minute of my day. . ."
Love bombing.
"It had a name"
Abuse, trauma bond, covert/overt abuse.
"Time is up"
Breaking free. Healing that inner child. Changing your beliefs.
That hit me.
I’m so happy I found this video. I feel so validated in my experience.
I can relate to your story very much. I went from victim to victor of Domestic Violence 9 years ago and am Thriving and sharing my story with the world through my Podcast to help people break the silence and find their voice.
wow..this hit me, thank you for this ted talk.
Yeah Right person won't feel insecure. Insecurity kills relationships.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻❤️
Bravo Manda and God bless you...!!!
I think it is important to know his or her family history. Fast engagements or marriages are not always a wise decision.
I thank God for this lady's testimony among others who have also lived to testify. They have and still are teaching me to pray, observe and make wise decisions, concerning relationships/marriage.
Love is a choice, but don't let anyone "cut off your nose to spoil your face", if you know what I mean.
God's Peace & Blessings to you all!
I have been in this situation since i was 28. I am 41 😢 and we have a 5 yr old daughter. He is a manipulative narcissist alcoholic. I try to stay away. I finally did for 6 months. Unfortunately i heard he was doing bad. I went back and took him to the hospital for his pancreas. Now i feel I’m back in that hole and cant get out again.
Bianca Gallegos am so sorry about this. :(
Bianca Gallegos you should seek for help! Sometimes we just need the right “life tools” to help us out of a bad situation. No one deserves to be in pain...
Its okay to be kind to someone that needs it. One thing from the Male Perspective, is it seems as women do not consider men feeling beings. My feelings are crushed on a regular basis, I just don't break down in tears. If he is sick and accepts help without being poisonous, give it. If he starts making you become what you don't want to be, leave him to the doctors and nurses.
Hi Bianca
Sort what you are going through
Can you please give me some advise my husband uses herion I just want to end this situation with him
Get out
Mada you are describing my 28 year marriage. I was not allowed friends or see my side of the family. Had three marriage counsellors were she fired the last one. I never had a bank card or did any of the finances as I TRUSTED her. Finally the lies started to show up as my cheques were being forged and in bad debt. I took the Bull by the horns and started the changes which in turn she had the Courts involved were most of the 22 Judges I had hammered me every time I was in Court. My children went to their mothers side as with me working two jobs and paying so much support I had to live on -$5.00/hr. Lost every thing only to live with friends or on the street. I was glad to get a Divorce after the abuse. After not seeing my children for 15 years my one son shows up to see Dad. I found out all my children in their 30's are suffering with mental illness and Depression and still living with the Abuser. How does this happen and was told it is the Stockholm Syndrome. Terrible out come.
I think that it's very important that abused women who finally got out, share therir story and that the abusers go to prison for the rest of their life!!
The most powerful thing IS forgiveness, although I’m not quite there yet, I know it’s what will be me being free.
It’s the resentment that stops me from overcoming and being me again.
I will never forgive and I was able to move on just fine after trauma therapy. 😊
I identify with this situation so much, we hope it gets better as it's getting worse...
wow... the ignoring and not paying attention... wow.. I mean a lot of the things she says are the same that ive gone through. I thought i was going crazy but after listening to these I see I'm not :(
It's watching stuff like this that helped me see what was happening before it got legitimately bad. I at least can feel proud that I saw his bullcrap and he never had any power over me to abuse.
I left my ex because of emotional abuse, and we have a child together. That didn't stop him though and I'm still recovering.
I really want to walk away from him , i am very tired of him . 😢😭😭
I have always been proud of my Greek heritage, however you just made me a little prouder😌 Your such a strong woman.
Can relate. Strength and self love. ♥️
This hurt so bad im devastated