Ask This Question To Make Someone Feel Truly Special
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
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Oprah Winfrey has a superpower. For over 30 years, people who speak to her have not been able to help but to open up, sometimes crying, expressing joy, or just showing the most vulnerable parts of themselves. That ability propelled Oprah to a net worth of four billion dollars not to mention launching books to the top of the bestsellers list and Dr. Phil's television career. So in this video, we are going to explore how and why Oprah is the best connector that I have ever covered on this channel. And you're gonna learn how to live so that people will naturally find themselves opening up and connecting with you. First off, Oprah sets the stage to connect literally.
Unlike many other TV show hosts, she is famous for walking the aisles of her studio audience and for sitting on the same couch as her guests. Later on, she would actually go into their homes for intimate interviews. Now, the lack of physical barriers such as a desk tends to make two people feel more connected and that's why you are more likely to find a spark on a first date if you sit adjacent to your date rather than being separated by a table.
0:33 Set the situation so connecting is easy
1:17 Connect physically and emotionally
2:58 It's easier to open up if there's eye contact
3:29 Actively listen and paraphrase accordingly
4:38 Call out whenever there are commonalities
Oprah makes James Corden cry:
• Oprah Can Make Anyone ...
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"'People won't remember what you said or did but how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
This is so relevant because Maya Angelou was a close friend to Oprah. She believed in her before other did and Oprah reciprocate the same energy. They are both women who suffers great trauma and manages to turn those tears into gold. So, in someway, I feel like this quote was indeed talking about Oprah.
@Late to the Game So by who is it then? Every source I find cites Maya Angelou.
Late to the Game Maya said it long before that.
Favourite quote 🥰
Best Quote ever
She makes people feel important. She makes people feel heard.... the key point is this: people dont always remember what you say, they remember how you MADE THEM FEEL.
Wrong, i remember both.
you're absolutely correct
that's why i record by writting every conversation i have with my crush
yeah thats a bit wrong lol, of course you remember what others say, otherwise you are just not listening or dont care
@@halolime117 men vs women.
TEDTalks but does TEDListen?
CheesecakeLasagna daamn
😂
midblown
Bio, those of science which would often claim too be this world's universal truth, rarely are willing to listen...
Based upon their perspective, now ask yourselves: Why should they? What can they learn from you, which they cannot learn from their tools, perspective and intellect? Or even already know so well?
*Everything* else, which in my world view is endless of worth, a deep infinite ever changing seanof possibility for great joy and the advancement in human nature.
Very true
As an INFJ, these skills come naturally to me. I suffer in making small talk but if the other person makes an effort to ease my tension then I leave a lasting impression by showing real empathy
Oprah is an INFJ too! its a wonderful gift INFJ's have :)
I am also an INFJ and I concur.
Agreed
Agreed! The problem is we become everyone's therapist without any reciprocity. 😕
@@pinkdiamond007 I think Oprah is an ENFJ
I think the key is a genuine interest in people and their stories. All these things come naturally when you truly value hearing someone's story and feel honored that they are willing to share it with you.
I can litterally FEEL the connection with her.
I also realized that when you look at the eyes of the speaker in a group conversation the person speaking looks toward you more
I can confirm this lmao, i always look at my boss eyes while hes talking to all of us and he mostly turns to look at me at that moment. It could be because they feel they are being heard
omg my teachers always do this with me
Help people because you care about them. That's how you get remembered forever. There is no greater power than love. It's a lesson that I've known since youth. Simply put no one expects someone to actually care. So the moment you truly want the best for someone in that moment the world changes. It's a simple truth.
That's a beautiful message. It goes back the other way too, by giving and loving others, you feel happier about yourself.
I'm Glad for you, I've been that way with a Family Member, Putting My Full Faith in them, Loving Unconditional and giving my Full Attention but it back fired! Now I get "Your Too Caring and Spoil Me". Now I get No credit, there is no winning.
Caring for others is a common trait among humans. Be very careful about calling an act of care for someome as love. Love takes time and effort, investment worth great rewards. But, love is a privelege. Caring for stangers, is very very different from investing into the people you might not like all the time, but you choose to be there for them, even when they don't appear to be in pain, or needing your genrerosity, which is when we normally 'care' for strangers.
@ True. We come with nothing, and go with nothing. Some say there is freedom in that fact.
Generic Scout You are so right 🙌🏾
I used to be this way and it can be very overwhelming to take on everyone else’s baggage. I don’t know how to separate myself from it so now I just close myself off.
Oh I hear that.. It's so draining. Impossible to not care but so hard to be affected so long.
It's important that you also have someone who cares about you and listen to you
Yes, I feel other people's feelings so much that for my own sanity I do at times have to close myself up or wall myself up.
I have to remind myself of this all the time: just like you listen to other people and their emotions, listen to yourself and your emotions so you feel seen and heads and can take care of yourself and your needs
I think her childhood trauma, and more importantly overcoming it, made her really empathetic. What she understands about people wanting to be heard, is what she herself needed. Now she knows, she can create this immense love for people.
You have a superpower!!! The ability to analyze, educate and inspire.
uve said it
calm voice !
It's warmth and genuine interest. Everyone responds to that.
Eye contact is tricky. A lot of Asian cultures find it very aggressive, rude, or presumptuous. I'm Filipino and the prolonged eye contact that is normal and expected in western society is really off-putting if I don't know someone well, but engaging in casual platonic touch during conversation is very normal and much more welcome.
I agree this video is not universally applicable. Eye contact and touching can come off as rude and aggressive in many cultures
Touching? Absolutely not. I don't want a stranger touching me...
eye contact is not aggressive or rude or presumptuous in asian cultures - if anything, touching is. i’ve never heard of eye-contact being off-putting in filipino culture at all.
A lot of the things he says in his videos sometimes apply to the USA but not to a lot of European countries. So the gap with even farther cultures may be bigger.
I think this video is more catered to America, in some countries it’s still extremely common for people to touch you in conversation, from my experience at least in the Arab world and the Spanish world people do it all the time
There is a distinction between:
1. getting a person to open up to you (which is one-sided), vs.
2. opening yourself up to another person (also one-sided), vs.
3. mutually connecting with a person.
In a given situation I'm usually good with #1, and occasionally #2, but really struggle with #3.
Having this amount of self-awareness I think is a huge step towards #3
#3 requires trust and effort on both sides. ❤
U have the most important skill then in my opinion because u can do what other people really need and doing what others can't give to most. Congrads bro, u have a skill to be proud of.
I immediately cried when I saw Oprah told James that "Every father has a dream for his children".
oprah can touch because she's female. female touch has a powerful effect according to studies on both men and women, while male touch creeps people out.
Bakunin really. I kinda notice that too. I really want to see the the studies. Can you send me a link?
Male touch out of order creeps people out, like he mentions in the video. You can't go hugging strangers, but I love hugs and flirty arm touches from my guy friends.
Dr. Oz seems to do a lot of touching though not as much lately, probably because of the Me Too movement.
Dr.Oz is a very good male platonic toucher. It's all about the vibe you give. If you're overly touchy with a crying girl because you think she's attract and trying to get "some" people will sense it. But if you genuinely wanna comfort people no matter the gender or looks nobody will ever call you a creep. My brother for example. He is quick to comfort and give hugs to vulnerable people looking for understanding. He actually LISTENS to what the person has to say and gives them validation that they deserved to be listened to. No matter the gender, age, look, or status people open up to him. He got that from my father who was a physical therapist. A very emotional and empathy demanding job working with resently disabled people due to accidents. What I'm trying to say is people can sense your intentions especially if you're touching them. Most young guys unfortunately are only quick to comfort pretty girls because they want something out of it. Don't do that and you'll be just fine.
It's not that a male touch is "creepy", it's because many men haven't learned to listen to their emotions based off of how they were raised/ what happened in their life. I've had men touch me who have a genuinely caring touch that feels comforting. It's just difficult to find them.
Ever since I was a child I've had the trouble of connecting with others while it is the thing I want the most. I just didn't know how to but growing up I figured out that I do some things wrong in communication. And this video just taught me the path to communicate correctly. I so happy I came across this video.
Exactly would I commented in another video similar to this one I hear you but the only thing we could really do is try and see where what happens if we fail we keep trying
You are not alone. I too had to work on my socialization skills after realising that there's too much misunderstanding than I'd like in my life. Hope you're doing better now!~
1. oprah is more touchy than Chris hemsworth. Use it in your advance. Get physically closer, avoid tables. Sit adjacent on dates.
2. 100% eye contact. Don't hide with your body. Focus your body towards the person you talk to. Be confident.
3. Exploit what moves the person emotionally. Hit close heart. Hardship, Family, Things we're ashamed of. Family is pretty hard for most of people. And they'll open up. Because you'll listen.
4. Don't diffuse the tension if someone cries. Go with the flow. Encourage them. Be empathetic. Amplify their emotion no matter if good or bad. Actually this is psychological exploitation at its finest XD.
Brilliant. Thank you for identifying all these insights for Oprah's master skill in an excellent way! I will definitely practice this.
I took Causative Communication workshop by Ingrid Gudenas and she teaches many of these concepts. It is great to see such a great example of these concepts. Thank you!
Interpreting what you've just seen as "exploiting" says a lot about you, my friend. Authentically caring about others vs. "exploiting" them becomes apparent quickly. All good things in this world have a shadow side, the biggest lesson will be learned when you find yourself alone without long-lasting, enduring friendships because you believe your intent to "exploit" will pave the way for success and riches. It may happen, but the suffering you cause and the cost will be equally great.
I let the first “exploit” go but the second is just slightly sus.
@@janiceshayne8193 all narcissists think they’re clever. They only play themselves and end up alone.
I agree with everything except touch, I hate being touched unnecessarily, unless it's my family or man.
if oprah ever say a simple hi to me id probably bawl my eyes out. that's how powerful she is.
Biggest takeaway:
- genuinely try to understand someone’s experience with compassion and love
watch oprah's interview of meghan / harry , it is not genuinely at all - it was so fake both sides.
❤️
Which she seems able to do with most people, with one big exception. Even when corrected, she is convinced that atheists are incapable of feeling awe. She seems to view us as some miserable creatures, rather than someone who just isn’t convinced that a god exists, particularly those posited by early humans. People who often first became disillusioned with their religious group because they couldn’t square their compassion for others, with the brutality and bigotry in the scriptures.
@@katelynnehansen8115 Most christians aren't convinced a god exists as well. If they were they wouldn't sin.
The Bible isn't a book, it's a compilation of books from different writers so there's no consistency in the message. That's why I call myself christian again after years of being atheist. I sympathize with the knowledge of Jesuschrist spread out across the four gospels a lot more tĺhan with the Old Testament'book.
I don't care about what Oprah thinks of atheists becase wheter we are all atheists or we are all christians
@@marcospina162 I understand where you’re coming from. However, there are several issues I see.
The gospels have differing and contradictory stories that were all written many decades after when Jesus was supposed to have lived, and I have no way of distinguishing what of it, is actually true.
In some gospels he comes across as more of a gentle preacher of kindness and forgiveness, or a miracle worker. I must note that in modern day, we see “miracle workers” with thousands of avid supporters, who are consistently proven to be frauds.
In other gospels, he is a death cult leader, telling people to turn on their family and follow him, because the world was going to end in monstrous Armageddon even before all of his disciples were passed away.
I have learned enough about mythologies and their history, origins, and evolution, to understand how the major religions came about. How religion started out as nature and sun worship. As we became more aware and dominate as a species, we started imagining gods as more powerful versions of ourselves, and for some regions, it became a singular powerful being.
It was our best way back then of explaining reality. Of course a raging storm, erupting volcano, or crippling disease, without the tools, time, or reasoning skills to understand it, would seem like powerful angry god/s doing it on purpose.
So theism has evolved like languages. You could call Christianity and Islam, daughter religions of Judaism, which itself was influenced by the Zoroastrianism and Sumerian myths that came before it.
Trouble is, from back to ancient Egyptian days, conmen claimed that they and their family were from the gods, or that they could speak to god, or their group was chosen by gods. And many groups got progressively more brutal to those who didn’t accept their tales and allow them rule.
I would argue that the Abrahamic religions spread not because they were true or good, but because they were brutal. They spread through bloody war, horrific torture, colonization, and intense indoctrination.
They did and do, deny reality to maintain faith, sometimes to the extent of killing or imprisoning a clever human that learned something new about our universe, which happened to disagree with the accepted mythology.
It’s impossible to quantify or describe the amount of suffering inflicted in the rise to power. The loss of knowledge and progression as a species. The loss of empathy and ability to have a reason based morality, rather than what some dude said a god said. Those that converted and survived seem to have Stockholm.
So to sum up, if there’s a slim chance you read this far: I think it’s highly unlikely that most of the Bible is anything more than a collection of folklore spread by the sword and through oppressive tactics, and I believe it’s caused irreparable harm to humanity.
If you already don’t really accept the bulk of the Bible, if you already have to use your own senses to choose what you follow, and if it’s pages are stained red with all the blood shed in its name, why continue to stand by it? Why only divorce yourself from the OT when I’d argue the NT is in many ways more disturbing?
She literally CARES and LISTENS to her guests. That is the best way to connect with people!
Love it brother
Winny Films It makes me very uncomfortable that your profile pic's wink is on the right eye but the emoji's is on the left😂
Unova 777 hahaha lol! Damn it!! I fudged up!! 😂😂😂
She is a great actor. You should be on as the guest on the show to know how grest of an actor oprah is.
Shawno 7 😂
no, she is crap
One thing I noticed is when people talk about their passions, I tend to remember them for a long time.
I remember when people talk passionately about what interests them.
You know the sitting opposite facing one other, it really works. After watching this, I realised how many people have opened themselves up, especially when you make storing eye contact. Which I often do when I talk to someone. But when I immediately look away, somehow the other person will feel rejected and won't be as comfortable or safe to express.
It's beyond ridiculous how good this channel is... I'm blown away at how much I'm learning from you, and how much of an insight in to my own insecurities I'm gaining, as well as figuring out ways to battle and overcome them. Thanks a million!
Honestly, I watch her videos on RUclips just to study her amazing talent lol
New habit of mine as well
Man I see you every where!!!
He is trying to market his channel. You will see this jackass on Vox videos as well.
That's a great idea! I'll try that.
Neeraj Jadhav that's true
Can u make a video on how to make people forget about you instantly 🤔
Ha I think that is probably the default
Charisma on Command hahah thanks 😂👌
@@InvestingHustler sounds like you have a new stalker you're trying to get rid of? 😂
Hypnosis would be the key that I know the most...
Idk if this was a joke but just lol’d
you did a wonderful job capturing her greatness, i'm her fan and you've got it. thank you
you need such a rare mindset, heart and soul to be a person like this. It's admirable
Oprah is amazing indeed but dude you're channel and knowledge you share here is freaking great. What is amazing about you Charlie is that every personality you describe here seems unique and is so indeed and that's why I find you yourself unique! Great Charlie! Keep on going!
Thanks!
Great comment on the platonic touching. Guys who are buddies will put their arms on each others shoulders, slap backs, shake hands, etc. Women friends often hug or even kiss on the cheek. These gestures are only shared among people that are close.
Nepthu ive also witnessed de clapping of de cheeks amongst guys.
YES!!! I'm a marriage and family therapist and Oprah is amazing and does what many of us strive to do!! I think I also have this gift. I learned early on as a student how much people just want to feel understood. They just want someone to listen and validate them. So when I felt like, "how can I help them I'm just a student!!!' and their story of trauma seemed overwhelming, I just reminded myself of the quote (someone else shared it in the comments) "People won't remember what you say, but they will remember how you MADE THEM FEEL." so I knew it was more important for me to focus on making sure they felt heard and understood instead of what treatment/theory/psychoeducation I used. She's such a great example of "actions speak louder than words." GAHHHHHH I'm almost 35, so my mom (who's also black) watched Oprah ALL THE TIME growing up. I did sometimes but not much. My mom physically resembles Oprah... I wish her communication style did as well.
Look at others. Give them your full attention and eye contact. Turn your body towards them. As you speak to them, keep your eyes focused on them. Listen. Don't think of what you'll say next. Seek to discover what you share in common with these people. Listen, and you'll find what emotionally drives each and every living soul.
I actually hate when I am talking to someone and the person is intensively staring at me. I mean, I know it means that they are paying attention, but I have the constant fear that something is wrong with me 😂😂
Ziky 👁_👁'
Saaame 😂💀
Odds are they're doing it wrong in that case.
It's not just about eye contact, it's first about letting yourself seem like a non-judgmental and open person yourself. Once you've shown that there's absolutely nothing to fear about you, listening with eye contact gets massively stronger at actually getting people comfortable talking to you.
Ziky maybe youre insecure
Ziky Sounds like they make you aware of your insecurities. That means your job is to figure out what those are, and figure out how to be more accepting of yourself.
1. Setting the stage to connect - lack of table actually makes it easier for developing intimate relationships - also engage in constant physical touch (high-five, handshake, hug...)
2. Strong eye contact - just don't gaze at them - truly be in the present moment to feel their presence and emotion
3. Listen and summarize what the other person just said back to them - it makes them feel like they are being understood
4. Point out the commonalities - Verbally say it out loud on what is common between two of us - feeling similar to someone is one of the six most powerful factors in persuasion - easiest way to point out commonalities is to finish each other's sentences
5. What would be the most important factors in moving relationship forward? The ability to move people emotionally - Ask questions that provokes emotion
6. What makes it even better than just touching them emotionally? The ability to lean into more of their emotion without trying to diffuse the emotion - if someone is feeling sad and frustrated, ask more question in detail to dig more about their emotional core - Don't try to change the subject and redirect - Imagine yourself as being in their situation and sympathize with them.
* I have to focus primarily on what I share rather than on how I differ. I have to be able to open myself first so that they will be also comfortable opening themselves up. (Deep)
I’ll definitely practice everything you said 🙏🏾
I can get ANYONE to open up to me. Funnily enough I call it a gift. I think it’s cause I’m a very kind, warm and open person (this is what I’ve learned over the years) (I’m 55). I also love people in general. I’ve never made a penny out of it though 🤷🏻♀️ Oh well.
Extroverts should always post something on social media
This helped me realize why complete strangers will tell me their life story…being genuinely present, empathetic, and intense eye contact. I have cried with strangers, who are now friends!
I've learned a lot by watching this video. Thanks! What I find most interesting in Oprah Winfrey's charisma is her "going there, too" and then being comfortable there. Being able to comfortably endure the tension. This is a Higher Status trait I've always associated more with being comfortable in awkward situations, facing uncomfortable truths and critique or staying relaxed under a cold shower, etc. But by showing/communicating her comfort with the strong emotional tension it feels like she is giving permission to her guests to be comfortable with the emotions as well. And that's a very liberating feeling.
Give everyone you meet a free car.
Awww and not pay the gift tax... Lol I remember hearing about that incident. It was the epitome of the saying 'No good deed goes unpunished' lol
@@RoxanneGutierrez010
Someone grants you a brand new car and you deem them criminals because the gift tax is not included?
Forgive me for saying, but right now I just pity you...
Or BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
*David Dobrik*
mr beast
I think Lindsay Lohan longed all of her life for appreciation and recognition from her loved ones and she didn't get it from them as she needed it or not at all, that's why people become so emotionally when someone sees their achievments
This is what I'm trying to learn. Especially, because I'm an introvert and autistic woman. The most uncomfortable and PAINFUL for me is eye contact to others. Maybe because of my autism spectrum disorder too, I couldn't express what I really want to others properly. And when I talk to people, I could feel the muscles in my throat almost broken. That's why, I wanted to learn to communicate properly
You can look briefly at some one then look down and nod in a yes yes. Ugh huh positive way. That way you don't have to make as much eye contact.. Use the nodding positivity gestures so people feel accepted.
Also showing open hands ..etc. Look that up.
There are ways to make people comfortable when YOU can't make EYE contact.
Watching these during a pandemic is crazy bc I’m like why are they touching so much
Only found your channel through the appearance on Leo Vader’s channel but wow. What an amazing case study. Oprah Winfrey is like the maternal figure that so many of us need, whether we realise it or not.
You give the purest content ever. So extremely useful and positive. I absolutely love your channel.
THIS is what I've been missing. Thank you so much CC, I understand now, and hope to be able to embark on more meaningful relationships in the close relationships I already have now! ♡
~ Best of luck. :-)
in February this year 2019
I watched a video of one of Oprah's old clips and found myself in tears.
she got superpowers
Oprah has felt the worst of pain, her surviving resilience touches others who are surviving and resilient, it connects.
She's a pro. I would say to figure out your own style of communication and master that, like Oprah has.
Never clicked a video so fast.
In the case of this video, no one else did either!
Wow awesome!
never liked a comment so fast
@Charisma on Command Awesome video bro! Thanks!
Never clicked off so fast,after I saw it was ophra
This seems like good advice. However, it’s not as easy as “Just start caring about others.” I personally find it most challenging when I have to find meaning and connection in what others are saying. All too often I find myself feeling apathetic to others situations, because they’re blowing it out of proportion, and it’s really not that deep. It feels fake for me to pretend to care, and I know others can sense when I don’t.
Oprah was my first exposure to international television as a kid and it's interesting to see how much I turned up like her conversationally.
1. Have no objects in the way
2. PLATONIC Touch
3. Strong eye contact
4. Listen and summarize
5. Empathize with others
6. Open up yourself
I never really understood why Oprah was so special until this video, thanks
I love how you breakdown talk show host styles. I would love a video on Ellen’s hosting style. I’m really curious how she gets actors to play games and how she’s able to scare actors on her show and they still come back to the show another time!
Lol I'm curious too
Because they love Ellen , she is funny and likeable
Notice how she "Yes And"s every interaction!:)
She’s an introvert but she’s also a good communicator that’s exactly how I wish to be I learned a few things from her The key point is she really makes people feel heard
Bro I always touch to communicate but people keep thinking I’m tryna harass them but I’m just touching their shoulder ??
How to get people to open up!
Nuanced Touches
Eye contact
Calls out their Commonalities
Relate with the person
Question them on their hardship, family and dreams
Don't diffuse their emotional feelings
When I was in med school, during the intro to clinical medicine section on interviewing, we were specifically directed to observe Oprah's technique. What was specifically praised was her ability to get people to open up. Unfortunately not such was discussed in the way of specific methods, just that she was especially good at it.
Hello! I don't usually make comments on RUclips and this video is pretty old, but I just wanna say that your channel has really helped me not only develop a more outgoing persona, but recognize my own character and how I act. I realize how capable I am of being the person I want to become, and while im sure thats different for everyone here, you help a ton of people discover this too. Keep up the good work
~ Thank you, Zahra! Glad the channel is making a positive impact. :-)
As somone with social anxiety i just wanna say these videos really help me understand alot of what's going on in conversation and interactions with people. Thank you dude!
I agree that physical touch includes bonds. It's tough when you don't want to cause discomfort if the other person doesn't want to be touched
it's so cool because this was how my best friend and i became best friends. We started talking on the school bus, so we were basically forced to sit on the same side and we made a lot of eye contact and we've asked each other really deep and meaningful questions. We're both really open with our emotions :D
She lets people feel their feelings and says they’re real and valid and acknowledges them. It’s powerful
I have this gift , seeing people (near or far) as they are without judgment , desiring to always celebrate others , that healing and happiness can come. ~ Watch I will see this among wolves attention seekers. Always be yourself thou. Give to those who will honestly execute and pay it forward , even unto you. Beware of people that reject love , sincerity, and security , they worry me , actually scare me.
my Grandma is an opra personality. She can talk to anyone and asks the best questions because shes truly interested. Its a gift
Guys. I rewatched this vid for the 2nd time. Before the second minute ended, I've got tears...
From my personal experience, Charlie, I would recommend to NOT go with this approach as our default approach when we’re looking to build long-term relationships that tend to have lower sense of boundaries, like friendships, romantic relationships and with relatives, as they may put us on a pedestal and expect the same level of understanding ALL THE TIME, without considering that we’d like it to be reciprocated sometimes.
People may often not reciprocate as they'd believe we are an EXCEPTION, and they, simply, are not capable of giving that much. They might not dig deep to believe that it takes efforts for us to give. This can create a huge imbalance, where we're expected to act as their therapist, mentor, parent, apart from the relationship we already share with them.
I've had people who'd come to me at any incidence of emotional imbalance, to talk about their childhood trauma, bothersome office politics, relationship woes, detached parents, mean siblings, self-centred friends. All of this is okay until we're bombarded with their woes so much without receiving any respect of our time and preference, that can leave us feel CONSUMED.
I've been burned by this many times. It's only recently I realised that this only works better in two ways.
One, when we aren't expected to share an intimacy with a person; we can easily chuck away the small talk, get to know each other and build a deeper connection.
Two, when we build strong boundaries from the start (or at least NOW), so we don't become the 'go to person' for every ordeal, and we aren't being demanded to keep up with this approach often, just because we're more of a giver.
I relate so much with what you're writing. My struggle is right now that I am feeling egoistic or narcistic when I don't give on the same level as before. But I learned when I connect so deeply with a person and the pure their heart out but it's one sided and I can't do the same, the relationship won't last, or at least at some point I loose the will to give the same again again. So the relationship is not equally shared and the other person is kind of fooled by the level of connection they think you share, but they opened up so much and you gave room for that, and in the end you don't do that same and can't go on the same level of intimacy or connection. It's so complex and I didn't understand that fully but I will hopefully. I want to have balanced formes of connection and not just me being like Oprah and not getting the credit that it may deserve... Haha don't know if it makes sense to anyone
Great listeners are gifts from heaven. From the clip with Rihanna, Lindsay and the guy after her who asked himself "why am I crying on Ophrah?" (don't know his name, sorry lmao), I can almost feel how vulnerable they are and how good Oprah really is.
I don't remember being taught these things, I think it came from years of dealing with people as a bartender.
Ok the girl i take my class with is Oprah then, i talked to her for the first time and she really got my to open up to her, she does the high fives really connects with just anyone she talks to.
Can I just note that the most important thing about Oprah is that she is genuine. Without that, all of it would mean nothing.
she’s aquarius... as aquarian’s this is one of our best qualities. we connect with people naturally
Whoa, those Oprah clips got me tearing up.
*studies these videos because I'm an awkward sociopath*
Vianella.
@yerb it does help me
Same 🎃
Same here
The way she touch is a mother like touching making you feeling you are in safe hands
I feel this is naturally my personality type and after years of being treated like an unpaid therapist something inside me has closed off. People feel like a difficult experience for me and everything feels good from a distance. I've trained myself to spend more time with skills and nature. I always focused more on people and now I focus more on painting, hiking, trees, music and designing. It's almost like someone else lives in my body now.
She is so freakin inspiring! Just being present to people is the biggest gift to give
She's a two faced hypocrite
@@_sam_ddn Thank you. Oprah is horrific…. But she is a good interviewer, I’ll give her that.
Here’s the big question for me. How do you relate to people and try to commiserate with people in a genuine way without looking like you are “one upping” them? If someone says “I’m an introvert” and you say “Me too!” And then you both go on to talk about it, I end up feeling like I took their moment from them. Does that make sense? I didn’t realize how amazing Oprah was at this. She’s not my cup of tea politically but, she’s powerful with people! She made ME cry by saying “every father has a dream”. Omgosh. Thank you.
Great video. I learned that I need to shut up and listen!!
Ok but why did I actually cry watching this. Even though the words Oprah had were for her guests somehow it felt like she was talking directly to me as well. Some things you really don't know you need to hear until it's spoken. Thank you so much for the video. And thank you Oprah!!!!
"Meet oprah (have great convo) and dont cry" added to bucket list👍🏽
I mean If Oprah Winfrey big time billionaire hugged me I’d remember it for the rest of my life as well
This is actually my biggest fear. I would way rather be invisible but I'm making progress by trying to watch this🙆♀️
This is something I do naturally too. I'm a connector. My mom has always said that as she observed me as I grew up. Connector. And also Empath.
I admire her confidence. I struggle with eye contact and i don't like to touch or be touched by strangers. I know i could connect with people easier if i was better at these skills.
I know about her early life. she is such an inspiration.
She's a backstabber and a hypocrite
@@_sam_ddn Please forgive me for asking, but could you elaborate?
Great video mate, also I used your advice from your video on how to deal with toxic (family member) and I can honestly say it worked so well I am still in shock and forever thankful for you video, keep it up mate!
Seriously appreciate this video. My question for you is what if people talk incessantly about themselves and their struggles and you have no idea how to break the pattern so you also have a chance to contribute rather than it being a one-sided affair where you are merely the listener.
Yes that can be difficult... I suggest try ask questions
As a sometimes exploited good listener AND an excessive talker (thanks, executive dysfunction!), my first thought was, "Leave the room, permanently." LOL And actually, creating an artificial pause might be a good chance to change the topic. ; - ) Possible Tips: 1) Be kindly assertive; 2) Recognize if you're a user magnet; 3) Identify your preferences; 4) Be willing to end conversations & relationships; 5) Avoid incompatible types to start with.
> "We teach people how to treat us." <
I've come to realize I'm a user magnet, in part because I was raised to always put others first and therefore have poor boundaries, but also because I genuinely like listening to others & unconsciously clam up when people are not good listeners with me. That has meant acknowledging that I also bear some responsibility for the one-sided relationships I've inadvertently co-created.
Empathetic listening is essential for me in my close relationships, and I don't like having to repeatedly ask for reciprocity or defend my boundaries. So being willing to let go of bad listeners (or limiting contact) has been game changing for my well-being, self-esteem, and general happiness.
I know from experience that even people who genuinely care about you often won't change ingrained communication patterns, so now I consciously look for signs that someone is naturally empathetic and reciprocal early on before getting attached to new people. If they're not, I walk away or limit depth & contact, no matter how fun (or needy) they might seem.
Limited Activity/Acquaintance friends are sometimes an exception because you don't have to be an empathetic listener to work on a joint project or hang out twice a year at a mutual friend's gathering. But they also don't get to call me at two a.m. after a breakup! That's a Soul Friend perk!
HOW-TO
If the excessive talker is a stranger with selfish or blowhard vibes, I prefer to just leave. There are over 7 billion people on the planet. Why give your precious time (aka Life) to someone who doesn't show an interest in you or others?
Otherwise, a polite topic change can help:
"I just want to jump in. I'm so glad/sorry/__. to hear about X. And you're reminding me of Y [segue to your thing]..."
More direct yet extremely polite:
"It's so important to me to hear what's going on with you, and I'm so glad/sorry/honored/___ to hear about X. Thank you for telling me. I also really want to talk with you about Y if possible because I'm excited/upset about it and value your thoughts/really need to vent. Can I tell you about that for a bit? [Optional if their topic seemed emotionally charged: We can also keep talking about X now if you need to, and of course come back to it later if you want.]"
Explicitly taking turns has revolutionized my relationship with one of my neurodiverse friends who talks endlessly and has a hard time listening. Her obvious lack of interest when I used to talk in my natural lengthy way hurt my feelings for years (luckily she has other good qualities). By learning to break up even my most emotional stories into small chunks and take frequent turns, she's now able to be more present, which feels great.
Positive Reinforcement Tip: Instead of criticizing bad listening, when a usually not-great listener does a good job, it can be helpful to sincerely tell them how good they made you feel.
SIDE BENEFIT OF DIRECTNESS
Polite directness may also reveal what type of excessive talker you're dealing with, which can be helpful in determining next steps.
A non-selfish excess talker like me might be initially taken aback then leap at the chance to make things more balanced, whereas a needy person may seem hurt or shut down, and a narcissist could become invalidating or snide.
People who are long-winded by nature (i.e. with limited or no conscious control) may have been shamed their whole lives and can therefore be very sensitive. But if you are kind about it and they value reciprocity and/or genuinely like to listen, it can be win-win to co-create a system of turn-taking, check-ins, or other ways to keep things balanced. I often tell friends that I want them to talk first when time is limited because it genuinely bums me out when I don't get to hear what they have to say because I went on & on. I have also set timers on my phone during conversations because I find it so frustrating.
I believe damaged people who truly don't have the skills yet to self-soothe deserve special handling and kindness, including gentle direction towards counseling and other resources if it can be done in a non-shaming way.
I've learned to be grateful when selfish people behave obviously badly (e.g. attempting to gaslight or punish me for a reasonable request like having a chance to speak!) because it frees me to let them go with less second-guessing or guilt. Gray rocking and fading away may have fewer repercussions than an overt "it's over" if the person is truly toxic.
Taking the step of consciously phasing someone out of one's life can be challenging, including to one's self-identity ("Am I not 'nice' if I do this?"). But secretly resenting someone for their communication style is not kind to either party. And healthier relationships mean more joy and energy to create good things in this world. ❤😍❤
I gotta say this really depends on the culture. I don't know many people who would feel comfortable being touched by strangers and I already find it very odd when a friend's friend who I just met hugs me. I kind of got used to the hugging, but if anybody would touch me as much as she touches people I would be sooo uncomfortable.
Same with eye contact. My aunt makes just as much eye contact and I love her so much, but it drives me crazy and I know I am not the only one feeling uncomfortable by that. I feel as if people are trying to read me when they look at me too much when I talk, so the effect for me is quite the opposite and I would not open up at all, but be extra careful.
But then again, the american culture is very different to the german one.
She is the most beautiful and kindest person ever. she understand that everyone has thier own value and stories that they want other to see it
Wisdom teacher/American Queen (Oprah Winfrey) is so personable, sweet as Pie, a great inspiration for all she presents to. A truly God send. Much blessings to her. JS.
Why am I watching this during a breakdown. 💖
I just realized how much of an Oprah I am 🥺
Absolutely stunned that Oprah thinks of herself as an introvert. I had to rewind a few times to make sure I’d actually heard that right!
I am the type of touchy feely person and some people do not like it, I can tell... I guess you have to be famous to get strangers accept to be touched for more than one minute
Can you do a charisma and manipulation techniques breakdown of Hannibal Lecter from the series?
YES, PLEASE!
jazzblack666
Yes I really need to learn from Hannibal. He is my mentor
Since Anthony Hopkins plays Hannibal from the movie, I’d also love to see some charisma analysis from Charlie of him as an actor
Yess
No because he's fictional.
If you feel genuine warmth and love for people as well as being truly present in life you will do all of these things automatically! ❤️ xxxxx Practice self love and meditation 🧘♂️ xxxx
i saw the better health ad and i gasped
Damn Opera really is amazing.
huh?
@@hijiibijii9324
You know, singing~~?
Also a nice browser
Great video!!! Thanks for all the effort you put into making high quality content!
I think an amazing video would be on how Andy Puddicombe makes meditation so calm and soothing in Headspace.