@@alysencameron361 I seriously just got yelled at for doing research and watching these videos, and the more she tried to throw me off the sent the more she ensnared herself. too much energy for sure!
This is literally how I found this video. I was googling around because I just told someone No to giving them a ride. Now I do everything for that person, never say no but this time I did and it backfired
My daughter who was two days before her seventeenth birthday told my ex-husband he was not going to drive to school, simply stated it as a matter of fact and he went crazy and beat the living s*** out of her. They hate being told no!
It's because they are stuck developmentally at age 3. A person who is like this should not be given any power, they need a lot of therapy, but unfortunately they are not self aware enough to realise it.
The only therapy that works on them, if at all, is hard knocks. Like you say, in essence, their world view prevents them from self-examination, which is the root of genuine "therapy." They're overgrown spoiled toddlers, stuck in a fantasy they require everyone they know to collude with. Donald Duck comes to mind...
A chronic problem addict. A loser. Psycho drama queen... Enjoy your peace, it sounds like that one let you go easy. Enjoy the serenity!!! You deserve better
I was married to one. He was incapable of expressing love after we got married. It lasted 8 years and I had to get out. He would do more for a stranger than his own family. Never would take advice.
Nicole Johnson My step daughter is this way... extremely weird... resents the whole house but warms up to anyone who will talk to her outside the house...
Interesting point. I just found out my brother accepted for decades a small pension from our dad, two years after dad passed. It shut him up, and/or had him playing "career diplomat" when he should have been taking a stand. Basically, dad bought his silence on family issues. It has me writing my brother off for good. I've lost him, but actually it was decades ago. I just found out now!!
This is describing my elderly mother soooo much! She’s been this way her entire life. She made my grandparents’ life a living hell. Now I’m 55 & she STILL wants to control my life. If she does something nice for us, we owe her. When I go to repay her she refuses to accept it. She wants repaid by controlling my life. If I do something she deems not acceptable she tells us she disowns us. She talks over us & hangs up the phone. I fixed a very nice dinner & invited her & my mother-in-law over. My mom showed herself royally before dinner was even on the table & ordered my son to take her home. I had just gotten a text from my half sister that our dad had passed away. I told her I’d rather change the subject as she was sitting there going on about dad. That’s what set her off. She hasn’t spoken to me for 2 weeks except for when I called her. She yelled at me & told me it was my fault! No condolences or anything! SMH! I guess I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that my mom is crazy. I’m much happier without talking to her.
Same with conversations/arguments. They know what you’re going to say because they’ve been manipulating you. They say the words/phrases that you want to say before you can. Sometimes they just repeat what you said in a different way. I noticed this from two diff narcs. I call it mirroring because no real communication is happening. Just a fool trying to stand up to A narc....hahaha good luck with that. I say fool because it’s a waste of time to try and explain. Narc knows exactly what’s happening and enjoys it thoroughly.
Something I wrote when remembering a narcissist I once knew: You seat yourself on lofty heights while pushing me below. The things I could not quite discern were things you claimed to know. And so you lord it over me with power you don’t deserve As if you’re here to be enthroned and I am here to serve. I took the tasks up willingly, convinced that it was right To be your willing servant and struggle with my might In attempts to please you, but you always raised the bar So I could never reach it- that’s just the way you are. It has finally dawned on me- it’s not my fault at all. For I’m the one who has the heart; you only have the gall. Your kingdom falls around you now-you cannot rule alone Without a willing servant here to bow before your throne. I now declare my freedom from your autocratic rule. I’m sorry I believed in you. I was a willing fool. I have learned my lesson now, but you may never learn That respect can’t be demanded-It is something that you earn. Nancy Clay, Oct 5, 2019
So awesome.... may I send it to my brother? We have a sister who is 100% a narcissist and we have all dropped her. Unfortunately she has taken our Mother and placed her in a nursing home and we aren’t allowed to even see her without her permission and with her there. Needless to say both my brother and I have been written out of the will with her taken over and changed it. She sold the house and we have no idea what she has done with the contents. She is wearing three hat, power of attorney, heath care proxy, and executor of the will. We have nothing. We are walking away from her and what she thinks is important.
My Mother gave me the same recently...but this time, for the last time!! I stopped all communication with her and it's been so good for me!! Peace, healing...my self love journey is also blossoming now 🥰🙏🙏
@Dawn Heath You're right, Dawn, it is hard, because part of us wants to believe that the narcissist is really interested in what we have to say, so we engage with them as if they were a normal, reasonable person, expecting a normal response. Ha ha! I've gotten fooled so many times, but now I've learned not to fall into their traps.
Over anything especially if I worship God (he will say " you're as Christian as my big toe" after he tore up my Bible in my daughter's nursery!) So I started chanting Buddhism for peace he came in said you're not sitting correctly to do that
And if you point it out/say what you are doing. They will disagree and deny their part, in one way or another. No matter how plainly obvious. I have said “see, it doesn’t feel very nice does it” one too many times to know that it will never sink in. It will never even try to register in their brains. It just bounces right off. So they’d throw an anger, fury fit. Because..?
1) The truth 2)your independence 3)exposing their true self in front of others 4)being alone 5)Their true self 6)You leaving them without narc supply 7)being upstaged
Dr. C, your videos are saving my sanity. My landlord (where I rent a room) is a full-on narcissist... and your videos are teaching so much! Thank you!😄
They can't think genuinely think for themselves and your level of self awareness and independent thought threatens them. I say, let them fear what is great about you and continue to shine because all they want to do is dull it to try and get you to stoop to their level💜 Shine baby, shine!
My "task" is to RUN and never look back. There's no rhyme or reason to stay with liars, cheaters, and have my healrh compromised!! So happy with No Contact!!! Your life depends on getting away.
CAROL...I just did it 2 months ago...he was covert...I believed him for 5 yrs...I was feeling like a lost soul... he's tried to contact me...and play games...
I agree! I lived with one for 4 years & it was hell with him. I went to counselling for 2 years & he refused to join me. And his family couldnt understand why I didnt marry him!?! I left & he begged me to come back. Why? To take more of that? NO!! Then 3 years later I married a 43 yr old affluent engineer bachelor who became more controlling, self-centered & domineering. His male friends laughed it off. He even told me one day that he is better than everyone else & called all women names, unless they were loaded $$. Enough was enough!!! Thank God we never had children. I left the jerk, never got dime & never looked back.
Very much so. My ex boyfriend would punch me in the arm so hard as a "joke" if I even dared say anything about him, even if I'm repeating what he's said about himself. It's okay for him to abuse or joke about someone else but you better run if you do the same to him.
@@garyanderson9467 I spent 2 and a half years in hell with him thinking I could help. Every day was something new, worse and I was his prime target to vent his anger onto. I chose a partner that was almost like my mother. Invalidating, abusive, controlling, selfish and shallow. I'm happy to say that because of him, I know what I don't want in a partner if I ever decide to date again and won't make the same mistake. I'm pretty damaged after catering all these years to him. I need to piece myself back together before I even decide to date.
It can be particularly painful when you realize that no matter how much you love and care about another human being, there is nothing you can do to fix them. Thank you for the insightful information that you have provided, not only for myself but for my friend. I am grateful.
Exactly! My neighbor demands respect but never shows it to us. She wants to control us and we refuse to follow through with what she wants. She has no control over our property and she hates it.
@@patricialemire6738 hi i hope i have read comment correctly in what you said. Am dealing with a narcissistic wife an we have a child together an my life has been such a misery to a point i cant take no more. How did you came to realisation of your narcissistic behaviour? I would love to know as of till now i didnt realise there was a turning point. Hope you can help
@@patricialemire6738 what made you want you watch these videos? Your answer can be something amazing in such a way in helping others out there with such an illness where they to aren't aware of
Seven things narcissist's most fear. One of them is that you see through their façade and they lose control of the situation. Another one is losing the other for their emotional fuel.
Agreed!!! When they losing the other for their emotional fuel... that is crucial for them “ fuel” “ for the narc is the blood for their heart “ that can bring o lot of damaging in their emotional lives.
And the more they fear, the more they lose. The more they lose, the more they fear. Its a self fulfilling prophecy that escalates. Hence, their lack, nay, complete absence of humanity.
@@judyscheiber3661 if a woman threatens to leave them , they will put out she's a Transvestite so other men will run from her. Even if the woman gave birth to kids. He knows he can cast doubt in people's minds. Shameful!!!!!
Me too, until I learned my own worth and value in life...and don't need my Mother's approval or validation anymore!! I stopped all communication with her, my enabling father and my narcissistic brother and feel a huge weight lifted from me 🙏🙏
Matilda for sure doctor is great so smart love listening to him -- so many moving parts - addiction - Mental illness- People who are sick -- but he seems to sort it out good ❣️❣️❣️ one day at a time
Awww cute doggy napping! 1. Disrespect 2. Fear of abandonment 3. Criticism 4. Being teased 5. Being exposed (not allowed to speak of their mistakes) ...always the victim 6. Fear of Being irrelevant 7. Fear being average Yep. Truth!
@@raymondgarafano8604 They are the ultimate contortionists. They are so full of shit that their eyeballs are brown and you can smell them coming a mile away.
I just left my narc of 30 years. I know I can no longer be with him. I know I would lose a part of me if I go back. I feel for him though. I feel for the little boy who was broken because of the environment he grew up in. However my love cant heal him.
This is so true. I live with a narcissist. What I've discovered is that most individuals don't just have one borderline personality issues but multiples. The person I am with is not only a narcissist but is very delusional. He also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADD, has multiple addictions, etc
J.G. M. Yes, they take no proactive role in their happiness, just reactive.their focus is external, never internal.my observations with several narcs. It’s like they are actors in a play with all eyes on them. Which is exactly how it should be .. if you catch my drift...
My mother is a narcissist and huge negative in my life. I've always been afraid that it has been me. Maybe a year or so ago we got in to an argument and I finally found the courage to tell her how I felt, that I was terrified to talk to her. All she had to say was, "don't you dare call me a bad mother." Nothing else on it. That resonated, and it hurt. To this day it hurts. I have always been a sensitive soul but nothing hurts like her. Thank you for your videos in helping me understand her, they have been nothing but helpful.
This happened to me just yesterday with my narcissistic step-mother. I laid out everything for her to hear and genuinely tried to get her to understand how afraid I am in my own house around her. All she had to say was how "overdramatic" I was, mocked me about everything I said, and said point blank that I need professional help. I shut down and just had a mental breakdown while she watched with a smirk on her face. I am trying to just live my life but it's hard when the person who loves to make your life hell is living with you and watching your every mood, waiting for you to make a mistake.
I had a “ friend “ that , no matter the idea or concept, if it was not HIS idea or concept, it wasn’t a good one !! It was like walking on eggshells.....
Yes, they are full of themselves. And they love to steal other people's ideas and take credits for it. But they'll blame you and everyone when something goes wrong.
The landmines one needs to avoid when speaking with a narcissist. That’s why it’s nigh impossible. You need to devalue yourself pretty much as to not threaten them.
kidsmoked no you don’t. Just grey rock. It works perfectly. Tune them out when physically present and avoid them when you can. Narcissists are easy to spot and deal with after you’ve dealt long-term with one. Be boring but maintain your self respect. They aren’t worth putting yourself down over.
Yeah. Someone I don't even know, thinks they have me all figured out. Oh look, she wears her heart on her sleeve, I can so devour this one and spit her right back out. Guess again, I'm not that simple and not so desperate.
Ty ty ty! I am trying to save my 16 year marriage with a full blown narcissist and you deserve to know that your short videos have given tremendous help to a wife who wants to salvage a partnership. Its perspective. You are clear and concise. You are easy to follow, even during crisis mode. Ty for your videos. You are a blessing to lots of ppl like me.
And they are dangerous, they are capable of killing or hiring someone to do it for them. If they're pissed off enough at you for not being their supply anymore, try divorcing them, but watch your back. They do not want you to leave. They will try to stop you any way they can. Make sure you're safe.
Got that right. I made the mistake of going into business with a narcissist. and it became a damn nightmare. When he didn't get his way he threatened about everything and unfortunately he had the money and the means to pretty much do it and was willing to sacrifice anything to get his way. I finally just flat out quit and walked away so he couldn't manipulate or control me anymore. The smartest decision I ever made. It had gotten to the point where I would have killed him if I thought I could get away with it. Fortuntely, the asshole died not too long afterwards but i still have nightmare about the monster every once in a while, but it's decreasing.
First apply grey rock then separate slowly...pretend to be upset when they discard you...it becomes much more manageable to cut them off this way....during subsequent hoovering applying grey rock again helped me...i pretended to be living a very boring life..
@@fkvtsxhk thats what I thought? But no when its to protect yourself im dealing with a 23yr old woman with child that has turned on me cause I've studied all psychopath narcissistic covent behaviours. I met this girl walking my dog and I could sense darkness off her like some type of fear anxiety. I kept getting vibes to leave but I'd pity her and child. How stupid was I. Its my greatest downfall. I felt for the baby 1half yr. I met her just passing and she seemed lonely and said she had no help no family that she was alone. Later on I seen hertwice but never any more than 3wks. Then she started trying to test me see how much I'd jump for her , asking can I get smoke off u, skins , painkillers , I wouldn't give her pain killer . I even got food for her and she wanted money instead for drink. If I'm after saying im sick in bed she was expecting me to get up out my sick bed and walk around to her with smokes. Skins, then it became money. I told her keep it but I knew that I asked her for nothing but she gave my dog some bread 1slice. Nothing else well thrown out my face. I have copd and I was tested covid, im on antibiotics and steroids she was told I was in college sick that I can't talk. Then my mate turned up and said a friend off mine passed away. She texted my phone I asked her to leave speaking till later as I had lend my phone to friend. Well all she wasn't happy with that so she kept texting all abuse to my phone knowing my friend was using it. I had texted her again pls stop texting my business and abuse to my phone ill talk later on my friend died. She said to my friend I was talking about him and other lies. why was he there. This was last 6 days now . I have been even brought into her argument with ppl I didn't even know threatening my home. Over her not wanting to pay some bill but I told her leave me alone. All from no contact she then used my Christian beliefs against me how can i be a Christian if I don't jump and pity her . Then she said im holding a sharp blade against my wrist and my son is watching me ill do it. Answer me. She then said I gave u a slice of bread all cause i asked for space due to been sick and grieving . That I'd never ask her for anything just space. Please don't turn anything around on yourself. Thats what they do to us all time so we must re program ourselves to know its not your fault u want to be free from someone trying to maliplate u or trying to emotionally control you. Abuse you into submission. We are empaths. We feel like how would we like to be treated like that but they don't think of our hurt they are causing. They love to see us hurt but we are not like that we always want to fix the hurt big mistakes for me. Its my downfall. They love good or bad supply once they get it so no contact best option. its all about them putting bait out to fish hook us onto there cycle again. Be kind to yourself. Don't feel like saving anyone but yourself because you need to find your peace of mind to be free from the puppet masters control. God bless you 🙏 What kind friend leaves me like this. I helped this girl out and let myself lose my peace of mind
Tactics to not let a narcissist harm you: 1) They cannot hurt you if you don’t need them! I.e. you don’t need their love/approval/friendship/relationship/company, etc. 2) If you have to engage/be with them at a family function, be as pleasant and superficial as possible! Be as boring as a gray rock! Find ways to busy yourself after your initial greeting. Find kitchen duties to tend to; walk the dog; offer to run to the store; or excuse yourself to make an important telephone call. 3) If they openly criticize you or are unfair to you, respond, don’t react! For example if they criticize someone you love, you could say “I am sorry, but that is not how I view ________! I know her/him to be a wonderful person whom has never hurt me! 4) They are equal opportunity offenders! Once they realize they cannot hurt you/control you, they will move on to their next target!
@@SurvivingNarcissism No they will never change. It took me 40 years to realize that my husband was a narcissist, thinking the relationship was normal until I confronted him and finally I had to get away for my sanity. It was the most challenging move I'd ever made in my life.
A narcissist is a very weak person, that's why he or she became narcissist during hard circumstances of their lives. The strongger ones, become empath in same circumstances.
I’m finding it very hard to be respectful… as an ubhigheredguacted person I wanna curse so bad. I was watching videos about electricity and came across this, thanks google. I married a narcissist and just figured it out. Never knew. For about the last four years I’ve been ready to jump off a bridge thinking I’m the asshole that fucking ruined her life. I’m not sure what she runs across on her “social media” excursions but I feel like mine keep pointing me in some directions that I don’t want to go. I want her to be the one but fuck. Leap before you look.. fml
Lol, that list goes for anyone pretty much. Who likes any of those things? If you like those things and don't mind those things on your list then you don't love yourself much.
Fear of being exposed. When I finally broke the silence and went to a counselor he went with me. The counselor was really good and after a couple of sessions my husband said he didn‘t need that and that he‘d move out. And he did. Now I know how lucky I was that he moved out. 😁At the time I was crushed because I still believed we could mend our marriage. My counselor told me that abusive pple don‘t change and that I was much better off without him. True enough 😁good riddance,
Grace A yes, he would have never changed. Being a single mother was much easier than living with a toxic person. Congrats to your divorce and wishing you a good life free of abuse 👍🏼🌻
@@teachersusanute199 Ain't that the truth! I'm less anxious and depressed, and working with the counselor to love myself again. It's hard but after I left, things just kind of fell in place. I got more support and love than I ever expected and I feel truly blessed. Happy to live life again without walking on eggshells!
It took me 15 years to gather all these puzzle pieces and now another 15 years to put the puzzle together. In 14 minutes and 54 seconds, Dr Carter laid out the whole picture, efficiently and concisely. Thank you!!!
Dude PREAAACH!! I spent this entire video nodding my head. thank you for validating what I've gone through, and helping me prove to myself that i am not the problem x
Great video. My mom was a narcissist and I discovered years ago I had inherited some of her narcissistic tendencies and it was something I didn’t like about myself. I read that true narcissists never change because they can’t do the self-reflection necessary. I consider myself lucky that I was only a partial narcissist
Glad I found this comment through all the "narcissists will never change and they're demons" comments. Same situation here except from my dad. It's hard to learn to how to fix yourself when everyone just says "it can't be fixed". Seems like that mindset would just trap people in that role with no way out.... doomed to a life of failed relationships and making everyone around you miserable. I almost decided to just embrace and utilize it to the best of my ability if I was doomed to live with it forever.
Kyle Baker, obviously you have been studying all about narcissists, so now you have basically seen how your life is, and you have shared a bit about yourself, now you can go and get help cant you, I hope you do best wishes .
I ve been worried I'm a narcissist as well because my mother is one. I keep analyzing myself to the point of exhaustion in fear that I am like her. I know for sure that I switch to narcissist mode when I feel attacked and abused by her. It's kind of like self defense.I'm just not sure to what extent I keep these narcissistic traits throughout the rest of my life and while interacting with others.
@Sarah Plummer thank you for your reply, it's been comforting and reassuring... I went no contact with her to find my peace and balance but it just had the opposite effect. Her texts and emails have been terrorizing me, her flying monkeys have been exhausting me, her lies about me and our relationship to everyone has been frustrating me. I ended up doubting if I made the right decision to go no contact, I've been feeling as if I got myself in a war, while all I needed was peace and quiet. At this point I feel completely shattered and poisoned by all the toxic feelings that I have just by thinking about her
@Sarah Plummer thank you. I needed some encouragement from someone who knows what it's like to be in such a situation. As you said, I need to remember that it's not me who is the problem and so far most of our mutual contacts try to convince me that there's something wrong with me and that has been creating for me constant self doubt and frustration. Thank you again
They are fearful of being out of control. My narc got really upset when I decided to go to Florida to visit my adult son for his birthday. He couldn't go, so he assumed I would stay home too. So when he said I can't watch the dog because he's working. He figured I would not go, or I couldn't afford a kennel or pet service. Wrong again, I took my dog with me and we had a grand time! They have a fear of being out manuvered. The time away did me a world of good! I highly recommend a quick 72 hours away from a narc.
Strangers were polite, and asked about the dogs. One nice couple bought my lunch when I was outside at a table with.the dogs.when I went.to pay for.it, it was already paid for. The note said " thank you for rescuing such a.sweet dog, good luck in your.travels home" It restored my faith in man kind.
When I lived with my very good-looking, humorous narc for 4 years, his family couldn't understand why I wouldn't marry him!? He finally admitted he had been court ordered to go to AA mgs, never attended & forged attendance the week before I met him. His chronic lies & hot temper escalated, increased verbal & emotional abuse but not physical abuse. I was a company mgr & he worked part-time jobs. For 19 months, he told me I couldn't see my family out of state! I finally told him I wanted to see them, even for Christmas Eve & the guilt he laid on me was horrible. I did go, but only gone 23 hours, out of fear & my family all told me to leave him ASAP!! I flew back to him, only to be told as I walked in the door that he returned ALL my Christmas presents under the tree & that I "didn't deserve" any presents. I left his presents there, flipped him off & stayed at a motel on Christmas, alone. The next day 3 friends helped me move out of that house. He was there, acted surprised, stunned & said, "Babe, you're the love of my life. I love you so much. Why are you leaving me?" 🤤!! I never once looked back! Advice: STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM NARCISSISTS!!
This is almost exactly when the narcissist past knew it was over. He could see that I did not respect him for the things he valued, and a whole storm of potential retribution came my way, which I handled with grey rock. Great presentation. Thanks.
My this information is gold! Thank you for helping us understand where they're coming from. I continue to learn how to conduct myself with dignity. For those who can't afford, or can't access mental health counselors, you are a godsend.
People like him make the world a better place by allowing others who are in a bad place a way to find freedom within themselves and improve the quality of their lives. I love this man!
Yes, I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found Dr. Carter. I have become disabled due to a riding accident, so money is very tight now. I wish we could all fly to Dallas to participate in a Dr. Carter & Gus bootcamp! Waking up from the horror my abusive relationship has become - is refreshing. Every video I watch - I learn & become stronger. Reclaiming my gentle, living and kind self is a wonderful journey. So very grateful for Dr. Carter & this community.
@Red Falcon I DON'T need to win but the narcissist thinks they do and that is the difference. NO CONTACT all the way. I have a good life now and a peaceful, no drama household, and I like it that way.
#0 rule-if you recognize without doubt your partner as being a narcissist, run! Get away from them, they will eventually bring you down. It's a constant struggle with them. I am in my second year of therapy after a 5 years relationship with such a person. I ended up having very low self-esteem, increased anxiety and panic attacks. It's not worth it.
My mother is one. I’ve set boundaries and have distance myself from her but my sisters have stayed and they accept her as she is. They are very miserable 😭
@@jamesspada7370 So is my mother James. The characteristic traits that embody a narcissist clearly point to her, especially being self-absorbed, manipulative, delusional, combative, magical thinker, unreasonable, disrespectful, no empathy, and so on... I know she's not gonna change and it feels sad. I don't live with her, my father does, whose life seems like hell. I want to live a life of positivity and inner peace.
@@ReginaldoSRegis ty so much ,it meant a lot to me,so days she cool and and some days are terrible, I smoke pot to ease the pain and let it go out one ear and out the other,arugeing just makes my mom mad ,ots like a sick game,.....
@@jamesspada7370 Nobody can hold a candle towards her except me. I don't talk to her anymore as engaging in one will just ignite an argument. We argue and fight most of the time as she is so impossible to deal with. When I'm upset and stressed out, I just sit back and calm down and get hold of my 'stress away' essential oil, hehe. Hope everything's fine with you today, James 😀
It’s weird they do not have a compassionate bone in their body unless it’s towards their pets. They have very close relationships with animals in comparison to humans.
urthebest1122 They Have closer relationships with dogs because dogs are submissive by nature and don’t judge people. Tyrants hate cats because they are independent and can’t be controlled. I adore both cats and dogs so I’m not being critical of a dog’s total dedication but animals don’t talk and only can express themselves through their actions.I’ve never known a dog who didn’t love unconditionally.
I noticed this too. Not all dog lovers are narcs, but all narcs seem to love dogs and hate cats. You can't control a cat. They have a mind of their own and will only give affection when and if they decide to. My narc ex hated my cat and I could never work out why. He would always demand that we get a dog once we got our own house.
I have a girlfriend who is in a relationship with a narcissist. She complains about the same issues over and over. And because I have watched many of your videos, along with others, I have explained to her that he will not change. They fight a lot. Break up and get back together. She came over to my house so that we could talk. Mostly her talking about all the things that he has said or done to upset her. Plus if she does not want to go to an event that he does, he just leaves her home. He is a very typical narc that only really thinks he's important and everybody else is secondary or less. I think that a non-narc who stays in such a relationship must have very low self-esteem. Or if they do not, it will surely happen the longer they stay in such a dysfunctional relationship. I really can't imagine a healthy relationship with a narc. Is there such a thing? The non-narc is going to take a real beating from this underdeveloped, emotionally immature person. Plus there is no way to make the narc listen to anyone. They most likely will not seek help from a therapist, because they think nothing is wrong with them. Narcissists do suffer daily though. Their egos are so delicate that very few words can shatter it. They also suffer karma (the real meaning of karma) constantly. I would imagine that their thoughts are filled with turmoil since they have no inner substance. To me they seem like a shell of a person. Not a whole lot going on inside except constant self-gratification at the cost of others. Thanks for another terrific video doc! You make learning a pleasure.
Michelle Cox this is so true. I was going through the same with my boyfriend of whom I’ve finally decided to leave after this last threat of leaving me. All of what you said is true, they love dysfunction, if it doesn’t work for them they don’t think of anyone else. The constant on and off was so draining to me. Wanting to have stability and it’s just never going to be there. It took me a while to realize I was being manipulated, and I considered myself to be a strong person, but it definitely humbled me and made me realize that even I could get caught slipping. Either way it’s a year past due, I’ve learned. No contact. I’m over it and out.
@@Karmelli You are strong and smart! I feel like earth is a kind of school for us to learn in body what we can't in spirit. Kinda crude, but you get my point. Just a series of events that teach us things. Some of us get the point and move on. Some of us repeat the same behaviors more than once to truly get it. I heard one other doctor on RUclips say that all of us have a bit a narcissistic traits. And as you learn more about this behavior you might agree. But these folks on are on narc-overload. In a way it's very sad. They have ruined themselves for future relationships. You can be rest assured, as you move on to a more stable happy life, that he will go through basically the same trials and tribulations over and over. He will most likely not change. So his future is pretty much guaranteed to be a turbulent one. I wish you the best of luck in your next relationship. Just keep your eyes open. Learn as much as you can about being a good partner to someone. All of us have lots of room to learn. The payoff is a happier more content way to live. Cheers kiddo!
I am who I am because of my family dynamics. I’m the identified patient. That has helped me to grow into a strong empath. Your videos have taught me how to embrace who I am flaws and all while recognizing the signs that I’m a highly favored narc target. That’s when I need to pull back.
Yes it is! My dad is now 86 and my younger brother still lives with him and he is is so broken now and cannot escape him (won't listen to me at all). He is the flying monkey and feeds it.. so whenever my dad and I got into an argument, he would jump in the middle and defend my dad, then the argument would be turned toward my brother..with my dad shaking his head and saying we have anger issues..yea...total deflection. I was able to escape physically but the mental scars are still there and now I have to get a handle on how I interact with both of them. Long road ahead.
@@Shayra2you Amen to that! Almost killed me and I am so surprised I made it out of that household alive. Was actual torture. I'm so sorry you and others had to go through that as well. Would not wish a narcissistic upbringing on anybody.
This makes a lot of sense with the man I married...worked as a CEO and played me for 17 years and now I have turned the tables on him....I don't give a damn about him and he does not like it at all.
Trish Gray, they hate there own game when it’s played to them but was absolutely okay play that game to us only. Now I just choose few words eg yes, ok, sure yep lot of yep, when he ask me what am I doing I paused and think does he care and asking me or just because he’s bore so then I go no responds that’s the end. I am practicing way to respond or way to reach because he’s getting lot good energy from my weaknesses. So, my apartment is lot less screaming, yelling and lot less emotional abuse.
@@stacyprettyman5756...I had to turn the tables on my husband, so I started slowly, first replying with simple yes and no ...then, going out doing my own things, meeting up with friends for coffee, lunches..sometimes dinners. My last thing was asking him to move into the spare room...that was the difficult one....but I stood firm and said there is a strange odor coming from your body at night and it is making me sick and cannot sleep....this was a lie of course ...but he got so self conscious that he went to the doctors and was told some older men do have body odor as do some women as they age ....I laughed so hard .... now he is in the spare room and I have the master. He has been more attentive now than ever before...but I do not let my guard down ... I ensure I have the upper hand now and through this I have become much stronger...I realised after all these years crying, having no self worth ...that he now feels what I have been through ... we live like sister and brother or room mates and that is fine with me. I am now independent of him ... I am now Trish who is a wonderful mother, friend and person! I am now FREE.
Trish Gray Awesome! But you move out if and before you ever decide to file for divorce. Sometimes, people go crazy when they realize it’s finally over. He could insist on harming you, so leave before you tell him there’s no going back.
It feels so liberating to be the member of the middle of a pack 😊 let us protect our peace and appreciate dignity, respect and civility. ❤ thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
I heard on another video you don't deal with them, you handle them like you're handling a poisonous snake. Thanks Dr C. Another insightful and valuable video. Pats to Gus!
@@The1stDukeDroklar probably not though many do. Keep healing brother or if you haven't started, begin. You're worth it and it wasn't you, it was her. Take care.
..thank you, has taken me years to understand this personality disorder ...difficult to move on physically but now am able to disengage when the tantrums happen!!!...so much jealousy envy, etc and then love bombing to justify their own bad behaviour!!!...but now stand firm and calm!!!!
That video was strong for me. Here's my biggest take away after a long-term relationship with a covert narcissist: "Don't let the narcissist's fears trigger your fears." That's my biggest challenge . Trusting my feelings; trusting other people rather than fearing them. It's starting to happen and it feels great when it does.
Andrea that is great advice, thank you. I lived in fear of hearing crap, and in fear of disappointing them again! Then I was in fear of feeling like crap myself. I turned it around, lightness is better then the darkness he projected on me.
Being alone and being exposed should be at the top of the list. Can't wait to hear the rest. Love Dr C. I'm reading his book "The Anger Trap" right now. Excellent.
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello Dr.C I have been involved with a bpd and then a covert narcissist. I have questioned going back to school to become a therapist. I know you're super busy, but I would love to be able to send a couple of emails back and forth with you. If you make the time my email is cappsservices850@gmail.com
Very well explained with details that has helped me realize how VERY MANIPULATIVE narcissistic people are....wish I learned this insight years ago before I was used and abused by these family members. Thanks a whole bunch👏👍🏻
A 12 year relationship. Every trait you described rang true ! Has left me with such emotional deep scaring. Time to do me and be grateful I’m out and have the chance for a peaceful life. Thanks for helping with the healing 🙏🏼.
You do a really good job of pointing out subtle nuances that most others speaking about narcissism don't touch on. Every single example you gave in this video actually happened to me... and I'm guessing the same for every other person who has dealt with them. It's like they all downloaded the same virus and bug out in the same exact way
Another great video, and here is why. You offer (4) suggestions on how to deal with the narcisstic traits in another person. Don't get caught up in their game, or be afraid to be yourself, or feel that you have apologize or over apologize, and then just move on mentally/emotionally/physically. The master manipulator will sense and feed off of other people's emotions and reactions for approval and justification for their actions. If you do not approve, there is a pause, only to come at a different angle until their superiority is established. How the person establishes that superioity is manifested in the narcisstic traits....in all of the aforementioned videos. Thank you again 😊
I'm learning something new everyday (I'm the family scapegoat). I always struggled with forming female friendships, and therefore had friendships with men. Which of course led me to believe I was man crazy or socially deficient. I tried and tried and female friendships were just awkward. But how could I when my narcissistic mother never ever had a normal conversation with me? This has been such a source of shame all my life and it may be one of the hardest to repair. I want others to know this as I learn so much from them as well. One of my happiest jobs was working in a lingerie store where I was surrounded by positive caring women. Now I know why that was.
Thank you. You have helped me immensely. My parents, sister, and ex hubby are all narcissists. I got custody and child support for my kids. The kids and I moved to another county about an hour away. So far, it's the best decision.
Jeanne, I can relate. Took me awhile to figure out that my narcissistic mother raised a narcissist - my sister- who is 17 yrs my senior. And when I started to understand narcissism , I realized that I had gravitated to the familiar And had a couple of friends and in retrospect relationships with the same. After my dad died, everything became more clear. I suppose he was the buffer. Poor man lived w that for 65 yrs. all of a sudden I was angry w him for leaving me here w the crazy people. It has taken awhile to let go. These videos help so much, don't they?!
Thank you so much for these videos! I've been married to a narcissist for thirty years.. Could never name it, understand it, or know that no matter how I complied or argued, he'll never, ever change. I'm divorcing him, and the thought of being allowed to be me is wonderful. Great job of reaching out to help people.
I wish I'd have had info like this when I was younger, my Mother was a horrible Narcissist . I would have left like my sisters did, but I stayed thinking it was a sons duty. She did nothing but drag me down all my life.
I am so sorry and can relate..I didn't get to escape until I got married, my younger brother still lives with my father and has no means of escape, he would never leave him, because he is convinced my father "needs" him..so now he is an enabler. Even though I no longer live with him, I still have contact and only now have I realized what's been happening to me and my brother our whole lives, even when my Mom was alive, she was a victim and a narc herself! Narc against Narc..now there's a show! LOL Best of luck in your journey!
Bless you i have sister that one but know how handle it she hurt from pass of hurt i dont drink or smoke became vegan so neg energy try keep out of me . God bless
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They don’t give respect but they demand it
They also fear someone who is confident and can think for themself.
oh ya!
The antidote.
@@Blueocean881 YUP!
Ain't that the truth! All the energy and time they waste not learning about themselves.
@@alysencameron361 I seriously just got yelled at for doing research and watching these videos, and the more she tried to throw me off the sent the more she ensnared herself. too much energy for sure!
Another trait of a narcissist is that every conversation has to be about them.
So true; but the signs were there just another one i missed before i ended up married to one; so much any longer can lead losing my mind.
Thats so annoying!!! My Nex was into fitness and all she would do is talk about her physique and her resting heart rate etc
simon walker yes, my husband told me today... life needs to revolve around him for a change.
And always think someone is jealous of them. They make u feel special and dicard you after
Sounds like modern day rappers
If you say ... "NO" or "THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME" ... it drives them crazy !!
They will NOT take NO for an answer!
@@debbiealford4483 very true ! ... it's their way or the highway !
My boss all the time 😒.
This is literally how I found this video. I was googling around because I just told someone No to giving them a ride. Now I do everything for that person, never say no but this time I did and it backfired
My daughter who was two days before her seventeenth birthday told my ex-husband he was not going to drive to school, simply stated it as a matter of fact and he went crazy and beat the living s*** out of her. They hate being told no!
"Keep your inner peace, even though that's not a person of peace that's in front of you." Wise words.
It's because they are stuck developmentally at age 3. A person who is like this should not be given any power, they need a lot of therapy, but unfortunately they are not self aware enough to realise it.
That's what I think too........
Until they wreck an entire family.
The only therapy that works on them, if at all, is hard knocks. Like you say, in essence, their world view prevents them from self-examination, which is the root of genuine "therapy." They're overgrown spoiled toddlers, stuck in a fantasy they require everyone they know to collude with. Donald Duck comes to mind...
It's literally impossible for them to be self aware.
svartvist I don’t think they’re spoiled brats because my friend was abused not spoiled. Although some things don’t add up.
They hate it when you are genuinely better at, or more knowledgeable of, something they pretend to be an expert at. It REALLY freaks them out.
Haha so true escpecially if your a lady
Especially when you say there’s actual research on this they will still try to stand by whatever they said.
And you try to show them evidence of something you're debating and they don't want to even see it 😂
Trickbop nope they turn a blind eye and start stumbling over their words they are like robots malfunctioning 😄
Oliver Wade So true! Don’t show evidence that you discovered and they will refute it til the cows come home?!?!
Walk Away and don’t try to defend yourself , it just starts them up again❣️
@Juliette: 🤜💥🤛👣🙏
Yep! It is a very sick dance, huh!
A chronic problem addict. A loser. Psycho drama queen...
Enjoy your peace, it sounds like that one let you go easy. Enjoy the serenity!!! You deserve better
I have two left feet: I'm not dancing (that dance!) :-)
My narcissistic dad doesn't "give a shit" about anyone else but himself and his convenience!
A narcissist demands respect yet does nothing to be respectful.
I got assaulted today right outside my apartment 😢😢😢
omg!! that's so true!
Louder pls
Sadly I gave my narc(mom) unearned respect and she still complained that "it's not the right kind of respect"
@@jacquelinejones2676 dam and you just took that
I was married to one. He was incapable of expressing love after we got married. It lasted 8 years and I had to get out. He would do more for a stranger than his own family. Never would take advice.
Nicole Johnson My step daughter is this way... extremely weird... resents the whole house but warms up to anyone who will talk to her outside the house...
Nicole Johnson that was my dad
common pattern for them
Now, you can feel lucky when you know that I was married 41 years. Very complicated.
@@willjackson4505 ....,....................
Don't take gifts from them. The strings attached eventually form a web.
T-Zay deep
Interesting point. I just found out my brother accepted for decades a small pension from our dad, two years after dad passed. It shut him up, and/or had him playing "career diplomat" when he should have been taking a stand. Basically, dad bought his silence on family issues. It has me writing my brother off for good. I've lost him, but actually it was decades ago. I just found out now!!
I’ve never heard it said so completely correct. Well done.
This is describing my elderly mother soooo much! She’s been this way her entire life. She made my grandparents’ life a living hell. Now I’m 55 & she STILL wants to control my life. If she does something nice for us, we owe her. When I go to repay her she refuses to accept it. She wants repaid by controlling my life. If I do something she deems not acceptable she tells us she disowns us. She talks over us & hangs up the phone. I fixed a very nice dinner & invited her & my mother-in-law over. My mom showed herself royally before dinner was even on the table & ordered my son to take her home. I had just gotten a text from my half sister that our dad had passed away. I told her I’d rather change the subject as she was sitting there going on about dad. That’s what set her off. She hasn’t spoken to me for 2 weeks except for when I called her. She yelled at me & told me it was my fault! No condolences or anything! SMH! I guess I’m just going to have to get used to the fact that my mom is crazy. I’m much happier without talking to her.
That's actually a classic bpd move. But yeah, most borderlines have narcissistic traits.
And everything they are 'afraid' you are going to do, they will constantly do to you.
Mike Beam right 🤷♀️ like wtf ? My mil is this
Great way of putting it
Same with conversations/arguments. They know what you’re going to say because they’ve been manipulating you.
They say the words/phrases that you want to say before you can. Sometimes they just repeat what you said in a different way. I noticed this from two diff narcs. I call it mirroring because no real communication is happening. Just a fool trying to stand up to A narc....hahaha good luck with that. I say fool because it’s a waste of time to try and explain. Narc knows exactly what’s happening and enjoys it thoroughly.
Does that also mean the things the consistently accuse you off, they are most likely doing, themselves ??
Always project it onto you. Accusing you of cheating lying stealing...you deny it because...it’s not the truth but you will not win.
the narcissist is afraid of the truth . the truth does not set them free
Theyrek Rnations yes it does, but n’s are afraid of true freedom. They are broken people.
That is be cause the truth that sets people free is knowing the Truth of the gospel the Truth that Jesus talked about.
@@NurseEmilie there it is
So true
How do u set them free???
Something I wrote when remembering a narcissist I once knew:
You seat yourself on lofty heights
while pushing me below.
The things I could not quite discern
were things you claimed to know.
And so you lord it over me
with power you don’t deserve
As if you’re here to be enthroned
and I am here to serve.
I took the tasks up willingly,
convinced that it was right
To be your willing servant
and struggle with my might
In attempts to please you,
but you always raised the bar
So I could never reach it-
that’s just the way you are.
It has finally dawned on me-
it’s not my fault at all.
For I’m the one who has the heart;
you only have the gall.
Your kingdom falls around you now-you cannot rule alone
Without a willing servant here
to bow before your throne.
I now declare my freedom from your autocratic rule.
I’m sorry I believed in you. I was a willing fool.
I have learned my lesson now, but you may never learn
That respect can’t be demanded-It is something that you earn.
Nancy Clay, Oct 5, 2019
This is beautiful and deep. Hope you don't mind if I re-post it?
Wow. That was awesome. Nailed it for me as well. Thank you.
Miriam J. Osei thank you so much. I’d be honored.
Beautifully said. Thank you.
So awesome.... may I send it to my brother? We have a sister who is 100% a narcissist and we have all dropped her. Unfortunately she has taken our Mother and placed her in a nursing home and we aren’t allowed to even see her without her permission and with her there. Needless to say both my brother and I have been written out of the will with her taken over and changed it. She sold the house and we have no idea what she has done with the contents. She is wearing three hat, power of attorney, heath care proxy, and executor of the will. We have nothing. We are walking away from her and what she thinks is important.
I love when my covert narcasssit sister gives me the silent treatment. So peaceful!
My Mother gave me the same recently...but this time, for the last time!! I stopped all communication with her and it's been so good for me!! Peace, healing...my self love journey is also blossoming now 🥰🙏🙏
Wish my husband would do that, but he won’t because he knows it would make me happy
😂
Yayyy
So pathetic their childish games
"Keep your inner peace." That is the secret to happiness, even with a narcissist floating through your life.
So hard to do.
I agree this information is good. I am so grateful for all this knowledge it helps whip I deal with.
@Dawn Heath You're right, Dawn, it is hard, because part of us wants to believe that the narcissist is really interested in what we have to say, so we engage with them as if they were a normal, reasonable person, expecting a normal response. Ha ha! I've gotten fooled so many times, but now I've learned not to fall into their traps.
yes but not so easy!!
What a lofty idea.....sheesh.
was married to someone I honestly believe is a narcissist, it doesn't happen at once, It happens over time and gets worse and worse.
Me too
@@antoniaang5542 and its not fun
It's better the FROG jumped out the saucepan...water will warm up sooner...
we are survivours
How true
When I started to treat him as he did me, he started to say I was rude now ...
Haha same pinch ..exactly what happened with me
YEP, When I said something back I'm the bad person now! That why he is by himself now!!!
Typical..be they flew into a rage.
Over anything especially if I worship God (he will say " you're as Christian as my big toe" after he tore up my Bible in my daughter's nursery!) So I started chanting Buddhism for peace he came in said you're not sitting correctly to do that
And if you point it out/say what you are doing. They will disagree and deny their part, in one way or another. No matter how plainly obvious.
I have said “see, it doesn’t feel very nice does it” one too many times to know that it will never sink in. It will never even try to register in their brains. It just bounces right off. So they’d throw an anger, fury fit. Because..?
To me the best remedy to deal with narcissistic people is to simply walk away and do not look back.
I agree. It is not worth the effort to deal with a narc. I've got better things to do.
No contact.
They don’t let you as they are massive stalkers
But wonder if you love them despite their illness?
It's not always that easy, unfortunately. Some of us are trapped and can only dream of escaping.
Joanne Davis easier said than done if you share life with them, (I.e., small children.)
1) The truth 2)your independence 3)exposing their true self in front of others 4)being alone
5)Their true self 6)You leaving them without narc supply 7)being upstaged
Thank you!!! Signed, your ADHD friend. 💜
Thank you very much 👍🌷👏
💯💯💯💯
Dr. C, your videos are saving my sanity. My landlord (where I rent a room) is a full-on narcissist... and your videos are teaching so much! Thank you!😄
Single best advice on YT: Keep your inner peace even though that's not a person of peace in front of you.
Dr. Carter, I have always said to my mother." You are like a mobster; YOU demand respect but never give it." GOD BLESS
They can't think genuinely think for themselves and your level of self awareness and independent thought threatens them. I say, let them fear what is great about you and continue to shine because all they want to do is dull it to try and get you to stoop to their level💜 Shine baby, shine!
My "task" is to RUN and never look back. There's no rhyme or reason to stay with liars, cheaters, and have my healrh compromised!!
So happy with No Contact!!!
Your life depends on getting away.
Carol Loraine I think many of us agree with that!
CAROL...I just did it 2 months ago...he was covert...I believed him for 5 yrs...I was feeling like a lost soul... he's tried to contact me...and play games...
I agree! I lived with one for 4 years & it was hell with him. I went to counselling for 2 years & he refused to join me. And his family couldnt understand why I didnt marry him!?! I left & he begged me to come back. Why? To take more of that? NO!! Then 3 years later I married a 43 yr old affluent engineer bachelor who became more controlling, self-centered & domineering. His male friends laughed it off. He even told me one day that he is better than everyone else & called all women names, unless they were loaded $$. Enough was enough!!! Thank God we never had children. I left the jerk, never got dime & never looked back.
Hi Carol, would you like to go to dinner tonight?
I know I'm at Peace Thank you Lord!
Narcissists, can Dish It out. But, can't take it.
NO CONTACT.
Great video.
Thank you
So True!
Sound like anybody in the news to you?
Very much so. My ex boyfriend would punch me in the arm so hard as a "joke" if I even dared say anything about him, even if I'm repeating what he's said about himself. It's okay for him to abuse or joke about someone else but you better run if you do the same to him.
@@FatFrogChonk Good think he's an ex. Hope you don't make that mistake again.
@@garyanderson9467 I spent 2 and a half years in hell with him thinking I could help. Every day was something new, worse and I was his prime target to vent his anger onto. I chose a partner that was almost like my mother. Invalidating, abusive, controlling, selfish and shallow. I'm happy to say that because of him, I know what I don't want in a partner if I ever decide to date again and won't make the same mistake. I'm pretty damaged after catering all these years to him. I need to piece myself back together before I even decide to date.
It can be particularly painful when you realize that no matter how much you love and care about another human being, there is nothing you can do to fix them. Thank you for the insightful information that you have provided, not only for myself but for my friend. I am grateful.
Exactly! My neighbor demands respect but never shows it to us. She wants to control us and we refuse to follow through with what she wants. She has no control over our property and she hates it.
"healthy and secure people " admit their mistakes and that they're Not perfect...secure= Mature
I work with lots of people who are insecure, so I disagree they are all narcissistic
Many insecure people try really hard to please others. That's not how a narcissist works
These videos have allowed me to see my illness for a lifetime as a narcissist and begin my search for becoming different and making a new life today .
@@patricialemire6738 hi i hope i have read comment correctly in what you said. Am dealing with a narcissistic wife an we have a child together an my life has been such a misery to a point i cant take no more. How did you came to realisation of your narcissistic behaviour? I would love to know as of till now i didnt realise there was a turning point. Hope you can help
@@patricialemire6738 what made you want you watch these videos? Your answer can be something amazing in such a way in helping others out there with such an illness where they to aren't aware of
Seven things narcissist's most fear. One of them is that you see through their façade and they lose control of the situation. Another one is losing the other for their emotional fuel.
Raoul Kleijntjens I totally agree.
Agreed!!! When they losing the other for their emotional fuel... that is crucial for them “ fuel” “ for the narc is the blood for their heart “ that can bring o lot of damaging in their emotional lives.
Raoul Kleijntjens
So true. My ex fled when he realized I wasn't paying attention to his bs anymore.
And the more they fear, the more they lose. The more they lose, the more they fear. Its a self fulfilling prophecy that escalates. Hence, their lack, nay, complete absence of humanity.
@@judyscheiber3661 if a woman threatens to leave them , they will put out she's a Transvestite so other men will run from her. Even if the woman gave birth to kids. He knows he can cast doubt in people's minds. Shameful!!!!!
My life was full of anxiety, depression, fear. Why? Mom was a severe Narcissist.
Same dude
Me too, until I learned my own worth and value in life...and don't need my Mother's approval or validation anymore!! I stopped all communication with her, my enabling father and my narcissistic brother and feel a huge weight lifted from me 🙏🙏
LoveWarrior1111 exactly!! Me too ! I’m glad you realized your worth ! 😘🙏🏽💗
Mother AND Grandmother- a double dose of Evil
Same
"don't let their fear trigger any fear in you", good advice to keep our head up. thank you
Matilda lesson learned boy too late their fear runs off on you big time but it’s sneaky you don’t see it until it’s too late live & learn ❣️
@@caffrey1100 yes, sometimes we don't see it, but we do live and learn. Stronger next time, eh!
Matilda for sure doctor is great so smart love listening to him -- so many moving parts - addiction - Mental illness- People who are sick -- but he seems to sort it out good ❣️❣️❣️ one day at a time
It's too late for me...
Ros Sita it’s never too late hon don’t speak t into existence never to late❣️💥❣️
Awww cute doggy napping!
1. Disrespect
2. Fear of abandonment
3. Criticism
4. Being teased
5. Being exposed (not allowed to speak of their mistakes) ...always the victim
6. Fear of Being irrelevant
7. Fear being average
Yep. Truth!
Grown sad little angry people 🤦🏿♂️
Toddlers in adult bodies. Black holes in skinsuits.
Black holes in meat suits!
Children in adult bodies.
@@クルックシャンクバド running around with their heads so far up their back-
sides you could literally roll them around like a hoop.
@@raymondgarafano8604 They are the ultimate contortionists. They are so full of shit that their eyeballs are brown and you can smell them coming a mile away.
I just left my narc of 30 years. I know I can no longer be with him. I know I would lose a part of me if I go back.
I feel for him though. I feel for the little boy who was broken because of the environment he grew up in. However my love cant heal him.
sometimes letting go is the Love
Exactly Susan💔
Susan Madison very mature and sane of you to understand you can never heal that deep wound you did not make.
Neither can my love... deep, genuine love heal my broken husband of 20 years.. i feel so sorry for him
Wow. Congratulations. I think my husband is either a narcissist or I am? Could I be gas lit? I guess I need to make a decision, is this bbn worth it?
It makes sense now why my ex would take everything as being disrespectful, as if I could never disagree with him or have my own opinions
Black black black!!! . Aren’t you gonna say. White 😡
This is so true. I live with a narcissist. What I've discovered is that most individuals don't just have one borderline personality issues but multiples. The person I am with is not only a narcissist but is very delusional. He also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADD, has multiple addictions, etc
So this all adds up to insecurities within themselves. Highly manipulative people that have a need to control their environment!
J.G. M. Yes, they take no proactive role in their happiness, just reactive.their focus is external, never internal.my observations with several narcs. It’s like they are actors in a play with all eyes on them. Which is exactly how it should be .. if you catch my drift...
Canipulative Canniving and Manipulative
Because they have no self control!
So many narcissists out there! Thank you for these tools. My new rule: "Don't talk to them, don't talk about them!"
My mother is a narcissist and huge negative in my life. I've always been afraid that it has been me. Maybe a year or so ago we got in to an argument and I finally found the courage to tell her how I felt, that I was terrified to talk to her. All she had to say was, "don't you dare call me a bad mother." Nothing else on it. That resonated, and it hurt. To this day it hurts. I have always been a sensitive soul but nothing hurts like her. Thank you for your videos in helping me understand her, they have been nothing but helpful.
This happened to me just yesterday with my narcissistic step-mother. I laid out everything for her to hear and genuinely tried to get her to understand how afraid I am in my own house around her. All she had to say was how "overdramatic" I was, mocked me about everything I said, and said point blank that I need professional help. I shut down and just had a mental breakdown while she watched with a smirk on her face. I am trying to just live my life but it's hard when the person who loves to make your life hell is living with you and watching your every mood, waiting for you to make a mistake.
I had a “ friend “ that , no matter the idea or concept, if it was not HIS idea or concept, it wasn’t a good one !! It was like walking on eggshells.....
Eventually they will take your ideas and present them as there own, then they are the best ideas in the world!
I know the feeling. And everything is twisted to be my fault!!!!
Yes, they are full of themselves. And they love to steal other people's ideas and take credits for it. But they'll blame you and everyone when something goes wrong.
The constant challenging of everything you say is so exhausting! Ugh!
I live in a family like this. My father will literally say that he's my god and if I disobey him I'll die.
The landmines one needs to avoid when speaking with a narcissist. That’s why it’s nigh impossible. You need to devalue yourself pretty much as to not threaten them.
Totally true.☺
kidsmoked no you don’t. Just grey rock. It works perfectly. Tune them out when physically present and avoid them when you can. Narcissists are easy to spot and deal with after you’ve dealt long-term with one. Be boring but maintain your self respect. They aren’t worth putting yourself down over.
Yeah. Someone I don't even know, thinks they have me all figured out. Oh look, she wears her heart on her sleeve, I can so devour this one and spit her right back out. Guess again, I'm not that simple and not so desperate.
Elana Fariss that’s the right mentality. So long as you remain neutral and don’t give them much, you’ll just blend into the background.
Ty ty ty! I am trying to save my 16 year marriage with a full blown narcissist and you deserve to know that your short videos have given tremendous help to a wife who wants to salvage a partnership. Its perspective. You are clear and concise. You are easy to follow, even during crisis mode. Ty for your videos. You are a blessing to lots of ppl like me.
And they are dangerous, they are capable of killing or hiring someone to do it for them. If they're pissed off enough at you for not being their supply anymore, try divorcing them, but watch your back. They do not want you to leave. They will try to stop you any way they can. Make sure you're safe.
Got that right. I made the mistake of going into business with a narcissist. and it became a damn nightmare. When he didn't get his way he threatened about everything and unfortunately he had the money and the means to pretty much do it and was willing to sacrifice anything to get his way. I finally just flat out quit and walked away so he couldn't manipulate or control me anymore. The smartest decision I ever made. It had gotten to the point where I would have killed him if I thought I could get away with it. Fortuntely, the asshole died not too long afterwards but i still have nightmare about the monster every once in a while, but it's decreasing.
Wooow
First apply grey rock then separate slowly...pretend to be upset when they discard you...it becomes much more manageable to cut them off this way....during subsequent hoovering applying grey rock again helped me...i pretended to be living a very boring life..
@@garyanderson9467 wow dude! Just wow!
@@virginiasanderson519 I should have listened to my brother. He warned me.
*To know love is to know trust; to know oneself is to know truth.*
🌿🐡
carefulcarpenter .. thank you
God is Love. To know God is to know Truth.
@@deeb8733 which god(s)?
@@notwhatiwasraised2b The One True God of The Bible.
@@deeb8733 Why not 'The One True God' of Islam or the gods of Hinduism?
Give them NO attention!
Best medicine.😏
Is that mean silent treatment, is that make us one of them?
@@fkvtsxhk thats what I thought?
But no when its to protect yourself im dealing with a 23yr old woman with child that has turned on me cause I've studied all psychopath narcissistic covent behaviours.
I met this girl walking my dog and I could sense darkness off her like some type of fear anxiety.
I kept getting vibes to leave but I'd pity her and child.
How stupid was I.
Its my greatest downfall.
I felt for the baby 1half yr.
I met her just passing and she seemed lonely and said she had no help no family that she was alone.
Later on I seen hertwice but never any more than 3wks. Then she started trying to test me see how much I'd jump for her , asking can I get smoke off u, skins , painkillers , I wouldn't give her pain killer .
I even got food for her and she wanted money instead for drink.
If I'm after saying im sick in bed she was expecting me to get up out my sick bed and walk around to her with smokes. Skins, then it became money.
I told her keep it but I knew that I asked her for nothing but she gave my dog some bread 1slice. Nothing else well thrown out my face.
I have copd and I was tested covid, im on antibiotics and steroids she was told I was in college sick that I can't talk.
Then my mate turned up and said a friend off mine passed away.
She texted my phone I asked her to leave speaking till later as I had lend my phone to friend.
Well all she wasn't happy with that so she kept texting all abuse to my phone knowing my friend was using it.
I had texted her again pls stop texting my business and abuse to my phone ill talk later on my friend died.
She said to my friend I was talking about him and other lies. why was he there.
This was last 6 days now .
I have been even brought into her argument with ppl I didn't even know threatening my home.
Over her not wanting to pay some bill but I told her leave me alone.
All from no contact she then used my Christian beliefs against me how can i be a Christian if I don't jump and pity her .
Then she said im holding a sharp blade against my wrist and my son is watching me ill do it.
Answer me.
She then said I gave u a slice of bread all cause i asked for space due to been sick and grieving .
That I'd never ask her for anything just space.
Please don't turn anything around on yourself.
Thats what they do to us all time so we must re program ourselves to know its not your fault u want to be free from someone trying to maliplate u or trying to emotionally control you.
Abuse you into submission.
We are empaths.
We feel like how would we like to be treated like that but they don't think of our hurt they are causing. They love to see us hurt but we are not like that we always want to fix the hurt big mistakes for me.
Its my downfall.
They love good or bad supply once they get it so no contact best option.
its all about them putting bait out to fish hook us onto there cycle again.
Be kind to yourself.
Don't feel like saving anyone but yourself because you need to find your peace of mind to be free from the puppet masters control.
God bless you 🙏
What kind friend leaves me like this.
I helped this girl out and let myself lose my peace of mind
@@lisamarieromeo6122 - it is 'covert ' not 'convent'. You need help...
@@GraceCanadaful just cause I missed spelled a word i need help r u for real.
That gray rock makes their head explode 💣🧨💣🧨
Tactics to not let a narcissist harm you:
1) They cannot hurt you if you don’t need them! I.e. you don’t need their love/approval/friendship/relationship/company, etc.
2) If you have to engage/be with them at a family function, be as pleasant and superficial as possible! Be as boring as a gray rock! Find ways to busy yourself after your initial greeting. Find kitchen duties to tend to; walk the dog; offer to run to the store; or excuse yourself to make an important telephone call.
3) If they openly criticize you or are unfair to you, respond, don’t react! For example if they criticize someone you love, you could say “I am sorry, but that is not how I view ________! I know her/him to be a wonderful person whom has never hurt me!
4) They are equal opportunity offenders! Once they realize they cannot hurt you/control you, they will move on to their next target!
#1 rule-if you're in a relationship with one, stop trying to change them. It won't work!
So right! Dr. C
You're not supposed to try changing anybody at all.🤷♂️
@@SurvivingNarcissism No they will never change. It took me 40 years to realize that my husband was a narcissist, thinking the relationship was normal until I confronted him and finally I had to get away for my sanity. It was the most challenging move I'd ever made in my life.
Actually that's the #2 rule. #1 rule is get the fuck out of that relationship
For more than 50 Years I thought everyone had the right to be oneself...After discovering I was married to a narc I have changed my opinion
A narcissist is a very weak person, that's why he or she became narcissist during hard circumstances of their lives. The strongger ones, become empath in same circumstances.
Truth!
I’m finding it very hard to be respectful… as an ubhigheredguacted person I wanna curse so bad. I was watching videos about electricity and came across this, thanks google. I married a narcissist and just figured it out. Never knew. For about the last four years I’ve been ready to jump off a bridge thinking I’m the asshole that fucking ruined her life. I’m not sure what she runs across on her “social media” excursions but I feel like mine keep pointing me in some directions that I don’t want to go. I want her to be the one but fuck. Leap before you look.. fml
Yes!!
1) Abandonment
2) Rejection
3)Being Disrespected
4) Being Ignored
5) Being Made Fun Of
6) Narcissistic Injury.
7) Being Discarded
Lol, that list goes for anyone pretty much. Who likes any of those things? If you like those things and don't mind those things on your list then you don't love yourself much.
And they have absolutely NO sense of humor!
Fear of being exposed. When I finally broke the silence and went to a counselor he went with me. The counselor was really good and after a couple of sessions my husband said he didn‘t need that and that he‘d move out. And he did. Now I know how lucky I was that he moved out. 😁At the time I was crushed because I still believed we could mend our marriage.
My counselor told me that abusive pple don‘t change and that I was much better off without him.
True enough 😁good riddance,
Teacher Susan congrats
My counselor told me the same too. In the midst of a divorce right now.
Grace A yes, he would have never changed. Being a single mother was much easier than living with a toxic person. Congrats to your divorce and wishing you a good life free of abuse 👍🏼🌻
Clap clap clap!
@@teachersusanute199 Ain't that the truth! I'm less anxious and depressed, and working with the counselor to love myself again. It's hard but after I left, things just kind of fell in place. I got more support and love than I ever expected and I feel truly blessed. Happy to live life again without walking on eggshells!
It took me 15 years to gather all these puzzle pieces and now another 15 years to put the puzzle together. In 14 minutes and 54 seconds, Dr Carter laid out the whole picture, efficiently and concisely.
Thank you!!!
Me too.
V Blue, I hope you situation is getting better and better as you grow stronger.
Dude PREAAACH!!
I spent this entire video nodding my head.
thank you for validating what I've gone through, and helping me prove to myself that i am not the problem x
literally
Dear Dr. Carter, You are a beacon of light. Thank you for being a guide. Bless you.
Every conversation has to be about them
Great video. My mom was a narcissist and I discovered years ago I had inherited some of her narcissistic tendencies and it was something I didn’t like about myself. I read that true narcissists never change because they can’t do the self-reflection necessary. I consider myself lucky that I was only a partial narcissist
Glad I found this comment through all the "narcissists will never change and they're demons" comments. Same situation here except from my dad. It's hard to learn to how to fix yourself when everyone just says "it can't be fixed".
Seems like that mindset would just trap people in that role with no way out.... doomed to a life of failed relationships and making everyone around you miserable. I almost decided to just embrace and utilize it to the best of my ability if I was doomed to live with it forever.
Kyle Baker, obviously you have been studying all about narcissists, so now you have basically seen how your life is, and you have shared a bit about yourself, now you can go and get help cant you, I hope you do best wishes .
I ve been worried I'm a narcissist as well because my mother is one. I keep analyzing myself to the point of exhaustion in fear that I am like her. I know for sure that I switch to narcissist mode when I feel attacked and abused by her. It's kind of like self defense.I'm just not sure to what extent I keep these narcissistic traits throughout the rest of my life and while interacting with others.
@Sarah Plummer thank you for your reply, it's been comforting and reassuring... I went no contact with her to find my peace and balance but it just had the opposite effect. Her texts and emails have been terrorizing me, her flying monkeys have been exhausting me, her lies about me and our relationship to everyone has been frustrating me. I ended up doubting if I made the right decision to go no contact, I've been feeling as if I got myself in a war, while all I needed was peace and quiet. At this point I feel completely shattered and poisoned by all the toxic feelings that I have just by thinking about her
@Sarah Plummer thank you. I needed some encouragement from someone who knows what it's like to be in such a situation. As you said, I need to remember that it's not me who is the problem and so far most of our mutual contacts try to convince me that there's something wrong with me and that has been creating for me constant self doubt and frustration. Thank you again
They really don't like it when you treat them the way they treat you, I'm not with the guy anymore
I'm so glad I found a definition for this creature that somehow slithered it's way into my atmosphere..
They are fearful of being out of control. My narc got really upset when I decided to go to Florida to visit my adult son for his birthday. He couldn't go, so he assumed I would stay home too. So when he said I can't watch the dog because he's working. He figured I would not go, or I couldn't afford a kennel or pet service.
Wrong again, I took my dog with me and we had a grand time! They have a fear of being out manuvered. The time away did me a world of good! I highly recommend a quick 72 hours away from a narc.
Or for good
@@sugarbum99 I hear.that!
Strangers were polite, and asked about the dogs. One nice couple bought my lunch when I was outside at a table with.the dogs.when I went.to pay for.it, it was already paid for. The note said " thank you for rescuing such a.sweet dog, good luck in your.travels home"
It restored my faith in man kind.
When I lived with my very good-looking, humorous narc for 4 years, his family couldn't understand why I wouldn't marry him!? He finally admitted he had been court ordered to go to AA mgs, never attended & forged attendance the week before I met him. His chronic lies & hot temper escalated, increased verbal & emotional abuse but not physical abuse. I was a company mgr & he worked part-time jobs. For 19 months, he told me I couldn't see my family out of state! I finally told him I wanted to see them, even for Christmas Eve & the guilt he laid on me was horrible. I did go, but only gone 23 hours, out of fear & my family all told me to leave him ASAP!! I flew back to him, only to be told as I walked in the door that he returned ALL my Christmas presents under the tree & that I "didn't deserve" any presents. I left his presents there, flipped him off & stayed at a motel on Christmas, alone. The next day 3 friends helped me move out of that house. He was there, acted surprised, stunned & said, "Babe, you're the love of my life. I love you so much. Why are you leaving me?" 🤤!! I never once looked back! Advice: STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM NARCISSISTS!!
How about a life time away
Yes, yes they are special, the world exists because of them
This is almost exactly when the narcissist past knew it was over. He could see that I did not respect him for the things he valued, and a whole storm of potential retribution came my way, which I handled with grey rock. Great presentation. Thanks.
4:10 TRUTH! So much criticism, can't take it at all. A calm discussion suddenly becomes a war.
when you meet a narcissist I recommend to think only about how to discard them with the least amount of pain.
Charlie Angkor amen that
Best bit of info I ever heard, thanks
I never laughed and cried so hard at tge same time. Great comment
🗑🗑🗑🗑That’s where they belong. Right in the trash can.
You're literally a lifesaver, man; thank you again for all your videos.
My this information is gold! Thank you for helping us understand where they're coming from. I continue to learn how to conduct myself with dignity. For those who can't afford, or can't access mental health counselors, you are a godsend.
People like him make the world a better place by allowing others who are in a bad place a way to find freedom within themselves and improve the quality of their lives. I love this man!
@@elanabethfariss117 exactly!!!
Yes, I feel so incredibly fortunate to have found Dr. Carter. I have become disabled due to a riding accident, so money is very tight now. I wish we could all fly to Dallas to participate in a Dr. Carter & Gus bootcamp! Waking up from the horror my abusive relationship has become - is refreshing. Every video I watch - I learn & become stronger. Reclaiming my gentle, living and kind self is a wonderful journey. So very grateful for Dr. Carter & this community.
Just cut them off maintain a NO Contact stance and move on with your life. You cannot win in an argument with a narcissist.
Jennifer L yep
...because you have boundaries and narcs probably don't
Can't reason with an unreasonable person. Better to invest our time and energy into ourselves in moving on with our lives in a positive way. 🕊
@Red Falcon I DON'T need to win but the narcissist thinks they do and that is the difference. NO CONTACT all the way. I have a good life now and a peaceful, no drama household, and I like it that way.
@@christinamclaughlin322 they are easy to spot when you learn the red flag,they all act the same..
#0 rule-if you recognize without doubt your partner as being a narcissist, run! Get away from them, they will eventually bring you down. It's a constant struggle with them. I am in my second year of therapy after a 5 years relationship with such a person. I ended up having very low self-esteem, increased anxiety and panic attacks. It's not worth it.
My mother is one. I’ve set boundaries and have distance myself from her but my sisters have stayed and they accept her as she is. They are very miserable 😭
Omg so is my mother,she so hateful always arguing, controlling, these people should be ashamed of themselves, no empathy toward me at all
@@jamesspada7370 So is my mother James. The characteristic traits that embody a narcissist clearly point to her, especially being self-absorbed, manipulative, delusional, combative, magical thinker, unreasonable, disrespectful, no empathy, and so on... I know she's not gonna change and it feels sad. I don't live with her, my father does, whose life seems like hell. I want to live a life of positivity and inner peace.
@@ReginaldoSRegis ty so much ,it meant a lot to me,so days she cool and and some days are terrible, I smoke pot to ease the pain and let it go out one ear and out the other,arugeing just makes my mom mad ,ots like a sick game,.....
@@jamesspada7370 Nobody can hold a candle towards her except me. I don't talk to her anymore as engaging in one will just ignite an argument. We argue and fight most of the time as she is so impossible to deal with. When I'm upset and stressed out, I just sit back and calm down and get hold of my 'stress away' essential oil, hehe. Hope everything's fine with you today, James 😀
@@ReginaldoSRegis it's hard for me. Cuz I live with her,the last few days she's been ok,hopefully she got a wake up call
Keep YOUR inner peace. That makes sense to me. Don’t ever let someone conform you! Thank you Dr. Les! 🙏🏻💗
This is the most honest, revealing description of a narcissist. Thank u for your post. Profound and informative. Regards.
It’s weird they do not have a compassionate bone in their body unless it’s towards their pets. They have very close relationships with animals in comparison to humans.
Whoa!
urthebest1122 They Have closer relationships with dogs because dogs are submissive by nature and don’t judge people. Tyrants hate cats because they are independent and can’t be controlled. I adore both cats and dogs so I’m not being critical of a dog’s total dedication but animals don’t talk and only can express themselves through their actions.I’ve never known a dog who didn’t love unconditionally.
Connie Crawford Yes, the narcissist I know has 2 dogs and 3 ferrets. Go figure.
When I left my husband with my child he screamed at me.... I'm sick of bonding with animals and then loosing them 😂 so much for us
I noticed this too. Not all dog lovers are narcs, but all narcs seem to love dogs and hate cats. You can't control a cat. They have a mind of their own and will only give affection when and if they decide to. My narc ex hated my cat and I could never work out why. He would always demand that we get a dog once we got our own house.
I have a girlfriend who is in a relationship with a narcissist. She complains about the same issues over and over. And because I have watched many of your videos, along with others, I have explained to her that he will not change. They fight a lot. Break up and get back together. She came over to my house so that we could talk. Mostly her talking about all the things that he has said or done to upset her. Plus if she does not want to go to an event that he does, he just leaves her home. He is a very typical narc that only really thinks he's important and everybody else is secondary or less.
I think that a non-narc who stays in such a relationship must have very low self-esteem. Or if they do not, it will surely happen the longer they stay in such a dysfunctional relationship. I really can't imagine a healthy relationship with a narc. Is there such a thing? The non-narc is going to take a real beating from this underdeveloped, emotionally immature person. Plus there is no way to make the narc listen to anyone. They most likely will not seek help from a therapist, because they think nothing is wrong with them.
Narcissists do suffer daily though. Their egos are so delicate that very few words can shatter it. They also suffer karma (the real meaning of karma) constantly. I would imagine that their thoughts are filled with turmoil since they have no inner substance. To me they seem like a shell of a person. Not a whole lot going on inside except constant self-gratification at the cost of others.
Thanks for another terrific video doc! You make learning a pleasure.
Michelle Cox this is so true. I was going through the same with my boyfriend of whom I’ve finally decided to leave after this last threat of leaving me. All of what you said is true, they love dysfunction, if it doesn’t work for them they don’t think of anyone else. The constant on and off was so draining to me. Wanting to have stability and it’s just never going to be there. It took me a while to realize I was being manipulated, and I considered myself to be a strong person, but it definitely humbled me and made me realize that even I could get caught slipping. Either way it’s a year past due, I’ve learned. No contact. I’m over it and out.
@@Karmelli You are strong and smart! I feel like earth is a kind of school for us to learn in body what we can't in spirit. Kinda crude, but you get my point. Just a series of events that teach us things. Some of us get the point and move on. Some of us repeat the same behaviors more than once to truly get it. I heard one other doctor on RUclips say that all of us have a bit a narcissistic traits. And as you learn more about this behavior you might agree. But these folks on are on narc-overload. In a way it's very sad. They have ruined themselves for future relationships. You can be rest assured, as you move on to a more stable happy life, that he will go through basically the same trials and tribulations over and over. He will most likely not change. So his future is pretty much guaranteed to be a turbulent one. I wish you the best of luck in your next relationship. Just keep your eyes open. Learn as much as you can about being a good partner to someone. All of us have lots of room to learn. The payoff is a happier more content way to live. Cheers kiddo!
@ Michelle Cox Your last paragraph, i have been thinking the same thing.
Currently in the process of deprogramming myself from a narcissist. It's really upsetting because I loved him so much.
These channels are helping me to heal❤️. Wish I'd known all of this earlier in my life.
Look at Gus curled up in that chair ❤️
He knows his master is a good man and definantly not a narcissist!!!
No Contact Sandy Williams such a good dog
Is gus a border terrier
Didn’t see him until I read this comment💜
Gus is super cute...it'd be nice to see him more often. 💖
I am who I am because of my family dynamics. I’m the identified patient. That has helped me to grow into a strong empath. Your videos have taught me how to embrace who I am flaws and all while recognizing the signs that I’m a highly favored narc target. That’s when I need to pull back.
I wish I knew this stuff when my mother was alive. It's horrible being raised by one.
Barbara Catino you aren’t kidding! I know exactly what you’re talking about! I stayed away from her every minute I could!
I totally get you hon my mother is one too.i can’t be around her
It was ten times worse being raised by 2.
Yes it is! My dad is now 86 and my younger brother still lives with him and he is is so broken now and cannot escape him (won't listen to me at all). He is the flying monkey and feeds it.. so whenever my dad and I got into an argument, he would jump in the middle and defend my dad, then the argument would be turned toward my brother..with my dad shaking his head and saying we have anger issues..yea...total deflection. I was able to escape physically but the mental scars are still there and now I have to get a handle on how I interact with both of them. Long road ahead.
@@Shayra2you Amen to that! Almost killed me and I am so surprised I made it out of that household alive. Was actual torture. I'm so sorry you and others had to go through that as well. Would not wish a narcissistic upbringing on anybody.
This makes a lot of sense with the man I married...worked as a CEO and played me for 17 years and now I have turned the tables on him....I don't give a damn about him and he does not like it at all.
Trish Gray, they hate there own game when it’s played to them but was absolutely okay play that game to us only. Now I just choose few words eg yes, ok, sure yep lot of yep, when he ask me what am I doing I paused and think does he care and asking me or just because he’s bore so then I go no responds that’s the end. I am practicing way to respond or way to reach because he’s getting lot good energy from my weaknesses. So, my apartment is lot less screaming, yelling and lot less emotional abuse.
I’m in the same boat...😢
@@stacyprettyman5756...I had to turn the tables on my husband, so I started slowly, first replying with simple yes and no ...then, going out doing my own things, meeting up with friends for coffee, lunches..sometimes dinners. My last thing was asking him to move into the spare room...that was the difficult one....but I stood firm and said there is a strange odor coming from your body at night and it is making me sick and cannot sleep....this was a lie of course ...but he got so self conscious that he went to the doctors and was told some older men do have body odor as do some women as they age ....I laughed so hard .... now he is in the spare room and I have the master. He has been more attentive now than ever before...but I do not let my guard down ... I ensure I have the upper hand now and through this I have become much stronger...I realised after all these years crying, having no self worth ...that he now feels what I have been through ... we live like sister and brother or room mates and that is fine with me. I am now independent of him ... I am now Trish who is a wonderful mother, friend and person! I am now FREE.
Trish Gray
Awesome! But you move out if and before you ever decide to file for divorce. Sometimes, people go crazy when they realize it’s finally over. He could insist on harming you, so leave before you tell him there’s no going back.
Narcs are great CEO, that's their domain, leave him and don't look back
It feels so liberating to be the member of the middle of a pack 😊 let us protect our peace and appreciate dignity, respect and civility. ❤ thank you dr Carter❤ God bless you❤
I heard on another video you don't deal with them, you handle them like you're handling a poisonous snake. Thanks Dr C. Another insightful and valuable video. Pats to Gus!
@@The1stDukeDroklar probably not though many do. Keep healing brother or if you haven't started, begin. You're worth it and it wasn't you, it was her. Take care.
Abandonment-it all boils to their fear of abandonment. Yes, it’s quite paradoxical.
Indeed. Dr. C
..thank you, has taken me years to understand this personality disorder ...difficult to move on physically but now am able to disengage when the tantrums happen!!!...so much jealousy envy, etc and then love bombing to justify their own bad behaviour!!!...but now stand firm and calm!!!!
In my experience the number one thing they hate is being recognized as such and then abandoned/ignored.
Yep! Dr. C
It could also be a method for ostracizing....
That video was strong for me. Here's my biggest take away after a long-term relationship with a covert narcissist: "Don't let the narcissist's fears trigger your fears." That's my biggest challenge . Trusting my feelings; trusting other people rather than fearing them. It's starting to happen and it feels great when it does.
Andrea that is great advice, thank you. I lived in fear of hearing crap, and in fear of disappointing them again! Then I was in fear of feeling like crap myself. I turned it around, lightness is better then the darkness he projected on me.
Wow. Thank you. Great insight.
i just did all that to a narcissist without being aware, i touched their greatest fears and restored my power. thank you .this is very helpful sir
Just laugh in their face they really hate that.they feel threatened.
No, just move on and don't entertain their bad behavior.
@Regina Patrice The heart of God. ( your response)
It works ;but do you really want to hear them afterwards?
@Regina Patrice you talking nonsense, I'm sorry. Clearly you don't know what this topic is really about.
Yes! That was one thing that whipped my husband into shape for starters.
Being alone and being exposed should be at the top of the list. Can't wait to hear the rest. Love Dr C. I'm reading his book "The Anger Trap" right now. Excellent.
Mary Louise exactly. And their abusive lying behaviour ensures both will happen. They really are the ultimate in self sabotage aren’t they?
Thanks, Mary. Hope you like the book. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism hello Dr.C I have been involved with a bpd and then a covert narcissist. I have questioned going back to school to become a therapist. I know you're super busy, but I would love to be able to send a couple of emails back and forth with you. If you make the time my email is cappsservices850@gmail.com
Very well explained with details that has helped me realize how VERY MANIPULATIVE narcissistic people are....wish I learned this insight years ago before I was used and abused by these family members. Thanks a whole bunch👏👍🏻
A 12 year relationship. Every trait you described rang true ! Has left me with such emotional deep scaring. Time to do me and be grateful I’m out and have the chance for a peaceful life. Thanks for helping with the healing 🙏🏼.
The narcissist cries out in pain as he strikes you!
Well I don't feel sorry for him/her. No one has the right to strike anyone... I don't care how 'hurt' they are. No excuses.
Lol
Demoncrats
Yes it's so sick
Just like the lying cheating demoncrats
You do a really good job of pointing out subtle nuances that most others speaking about narcissism don't touch on. Every single example you gave in this video actually happened to me... and I'm guessing the same for every other person who has dealt with them. It's like they all downloaded the same virus and bug out in the same exact way
Yes, it’s like they all went to the same school. Weird
This is dead on. I was married to one for many years.
Angela Bailey same here!
Another great video, and here is why. You offer (4) suggestions on how to deal with the narcisstic traits in another person. Don't get caught up in their game, or be afraid to be yourself, or feel that you have apologize or over apologize, and then just move on mentally/emotionally/physically.
The master manipulator will sense and feed off of other people's emotions and reactions for approval and justification for their actions. If you do not approve, there is a pause, only to come at a different angle until their superiority is established. How the person establishes that superioity is manifested in the narcisstic traits....in all of the aforementioned videos.
Thank you again 😊
Yup
They fear being abandon but yet always threaten to leave you. I told my husband that he was a bully.
I'm learning something new everyday (I'm the family scapegoat). I always struggled with forming female friendships, and therefore had friendships with men. Which of course led me to believe I was man crazy or socially deficient. I tried and tried and female friendships were just awkward. But how could I when my narcissistic mother never ever had a normal conversation with me? This has been such a source of shame all my life and it may be one of the hardest to repair. I want others to know this as I learn so much from them as well. One of my happiest jobs was working in a lingerie store where I was surrounded by positive caring women. Now I know why that was.
Yes- the narcissist is a Trojan horse full of troubles if you let them in your life. These videos give a feeling of validation which helps. Thanks!
You are a precious jewel for this planet.thank you for your knowledge.
Thank you. You have helped me immensely. My parents, sister, and ex hubby are all narcissists. I got custody and child support for my kids. The kids and I moved to another county about an hour away. So far, it's the best decision.
Jeanne, I can relate. Took me awhile to figure out that my narcissistic mother raised a narcissist - my sister- who is 17 yrs my senior.
And when I started to understand narcissism , I realized that I had gravitated to the familiar And had a couple of friends and in retrospect relationships with the same. After my dad died, everything became more clear. I suppose he was the buffer. Poor man lived w that for 65 yrs. all of a sudden I was angry w him for leaving me here w the crazy people. It has taken awhile to let go.
These videos help so much, don't they?!
Much love from an Empath, married to a Narcissist...(28 yrs) you give me the wisdome and armor that I've lacked ❣ and hi Gus ❣
Next week's video is entitled, When The Narcissist Meets The People Pleaser. Dr. C
Thank you so much for these videos! I've been married to a narcissist for thirty years.. Could never name it, understand it, or know that no matter how I complied or argued, he'll never, ever change. I'm divorcing him, and the thought of being allowed to be me is wonderful. Great job of reaching out to help people.
I wish I'd have had info like this when I was younger, my Mother was a horrible Narcissist . I would have left like my sisters did, but I stayed thinking it was a sons duty. She did nothing but drag me down all my life.
mcgaugh You are Sooooooo awesome for have survived it all. May God continue to Bless you and those in your life 🙏🏻👼👏😇
I am so sorry and can relate..I didn't get to escape until I got married, my younger brother still lives with my father and has no means of escape, he would never leave him, because he is convinced my father "needs" him..so now he is an enabler. Even though I no longer live with him, I still have contact and only now have I realized what's been happening to me and my brother our whole lives, even when my Mom was alive, she was a victim and a narc herself! Narc against Narc..now there's a show! LOL Best of luck in your journey!
Bless you i have sister that one but know how handle it she hurt from pass of hurt i dont drink or smoke became vegan so neg energy try keep out of me . God bless