One of the craziest things I have heard my narcissists boss mentioned is that many persons understand his aggression, anger flares, humiliation,etc. Therefore others should adjust to do the same. Everyone will never become his flying monkies.
Christine Williams here - I Say “ Take Their Dang Head Off “ off did I mention off - & “ Let Them Do The Work ( chopping yeh chopping ) “ - Not some “ Clean “ “ C U T “ “ w / out suffering “ That Is J U S T I C E ! Where there is no justice for Narc Abuse Take the Abuse and Put It To Use ! Learn / Read / Educate , They will blow themselves up & Just Be There To Sign The Damb Police Report when they cross the line & they will . . .
We live in a region where narcissism is the culture. Both sides of our families did "family mobbings" in which they would come against born again Christians all the time for nothing. They would rage at any disagreement to intimidate, mock our ways and much more. I realized after writing a book about this that the entire culture for the most part in this region is narcissistic with some exceptions.
@@patriciarobinett1235 it’s worse when it’s family of origin and they all gang up on you - without knowledge, this victim goes on to have seriously defective relationships throughout life
Omg! My adult daughters (25, twins) have banded together with my 55 year old narc sister and unfortunately, I had to cut them off too. They saw how horribly she treated me and our parents for years. They threw temper tantrums and when their father and I finally said “enough is enough” they ran right to her. They had not spoken to my sister in 4+ years. Now she’s “Aunt of the year” and my husband and I are awful people. Fortunately, my entire family has known us all and sees what they are doing. Even if they didn’t, we know we made the right decision. We tried with our girls for years and we know we gave them the tools to be amazing people. We cannot make them use those tools.
The narcissist hate it when you know yourself. They are so jealous of the fact that you know who you are that they want to take it from you. Don’t let them.
@@Ski7440 Yes. Your way of being in any capacity is fuel for someone whose sole mission is to annihilate your sense of self worth. They will reach for the most basic and banal thing. Very intentional and laser-focused on their goal.
The best revenge on a narc: show them that you are happy; have no contact with them. Show them that you do not need them and you do not want them. And you don’t care how they are and you don’t want to hear from them. That is the sweetest revenge.
My mother had way too much power. No one could run away from her. She was a highly placed member of the old Soviet dominated Communist Party USA and they could find anyone anywhere in the world and make a lot of trouble for you and they did so with me when I tried moving 1000 miles away from my mother. They were scary people.
A confusing mixture of humiliation, sarcasm, devaluing, mocking my choices, rudeness, abusive language then showering me with gifts! A complete rollercoaster So very tired of it
Mine too. I’ve given my parents soooooooo many chances but last night in the supermarket was the last straw. You do not know the arguments & rows that were had 8 months ago over this convid (which I had and did not pass to them or my asthmatic sister yet she felt the need to shout my name and tell me to put my mask on in the middle of a busy supermarket. I’m 42 years of age. My mother is an agent of Satan I’ve no doubt in my mind she was told how dangerous she was, but I’m nothing but a radicalised conspiracy theorist never mind once those theories are confirmed on MSM she’s ready to chat. Plans are now being made to get so far away I forget how to come back. DONE!
I’ve found so much more happiness by finding family in extended family and friends. It’s only February and I’m already anxious about how Christmas will look this year, I don’t want to be around my immediate family
A weakness of a narcissist is their extreme hatred of being embarrassed. There is nothing worse for them than having someone point out even the slightest fault. This method of casting shame allows them to feel superior while minimizing any impact the other person might have.👍
They give fake love, fake smiles, fake lives! So happy that the Most High reveled to me what he is. So happy Im free. No more second guessing, crying, confusion, mind games. Im free!
@@triplekids3 its only been 3 weeks for me.He Left me for his ex wife! He went back to his old recycled supply. She must be a Narcissists too , to want him back! Im just happy that I know what he is. But like the bible says .... Proverbs 26:11 kjv 11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. I say so long and Good BYE! 😌
@@urimtefiki226 I notice if im crying or emotional he'll stares at my mouth or lips not my eyes, i thought that was weird. But i understand what you mean about the eyes, i would catch him staring at me and his eyes (evil) and that mischievous smile
My former boss (owner of a company) and his daughter (the sales assistant) were exactly as this man describes. It was miserable. One day, after they went home, I simply packed up my office and just left. Never even gave them a resignation letter or phone call. Never saw them again. It was a huge relief. Boss texted me and tried to pick an argument . I ignored it.
For some narcs no contact is reason to explode. My narc friend found a way to contact me anyway, calling me names etc. I think sometimes the best way is slowly taking more and more distance after the silent treatment.
Narc sister in law calls husband, ask how I’m doing? or whatever, then ask to speak to me. I stop accepting this because if she really wants a relationship or communication she can call me directly, not through my husband phone every time. Who does that? It’s her way of blaming me for everything but I don’t care anymore so I just tell him to tell her hi, and I leave it that way! I’m not going to make a fuse about her silliness. She can just stop calling for me through his phone, it’s 2021! Acts like a child, then treats us like children! Who does this?
I've got no problem cutting contact with narcs. Been there, done that. My problem is that it almost seems necessary to cut contact with everyone, in a way. Or at least, stop going to things where a narc may publicly humiliate you. And that's a lot of things, so the "normals" might get offended that you never turn up to anything except for one-on-one meetings and the like. Oh well. It would help if "normals" stopped tolerating this bullshit just because it's not directly happening to them. They're afraid of rocking the boat. I guess they're indirect victims of the narcissist or something. Maybe I think too much lol, but it's better than exposing myself to narc bullshit.
That was my life. Every day. In the hands of a narcissist, I found myself wishing for death. Every day. It would be the kindnesses shown to me by others that would save me. Every smile, every kind word, every door held open became things I deposited into a bank of strength that eventually combined to become what I leaned on as I made my escape. I hope people realise that they needn’t do huge things to help/save people. The small things can add up to big things and they can make a huge difference.❤️
Yes the smallest things can mean so much... For example: the first time I was back home away from the narc I felt sick so I went to bed halfway through the day.. after a while my sister knocked at my door and said that if I needed anything I would only have to say so.. and at that moment I nearly cried because I had completely forgotten what it was like to be treated kindly..
Yes. I felt like I was falling down a well. One day I had a wonderful conversation with someone. My entire outlook lifted, just by a single nonabusive conversation where I felt like my former confident, respected self.
The work of a lifetime! I try to remember it is advanced soul training... Masters Level. When a child is destroyed while trying to form a self, it seems to me that if we come out as even remotely functional people of any ethics and kindness, able to hold a job and treat people well, it means we have mastered persistence and upheld our character despite walking through a 600 degree fire from the moment we hit the womb, for at least the first 18-21 years of our lives. Longer if we keep them in our lives and try to retrain them behaviorally. Considering the brain is in a hypnotic state for the first 7 years of live, it's pretty astonishing if we turn out as kind people - it means we are astonishingly strong and good at the soul level if we turn out well. Recovering any self-esteem despite being basically in a torture camp from birth on, learning how to manage these people - who feel entitled to continue abusing us - is the final capstone we must manage to erect.
@@falconbritt5461 But yet, I sometimes feel like I'm no real adult with adult feelings. Sometimes I feel like a child in the costume of a middle-aged woman trying to act sensible.
@@solidstate9451 I was raised by a highly abusive mother and I literally went through hell during my childhood. I knew from a very young age that something was extremely wrong with her. This gave me the strength to endure years of humiliations and bad treatments. But the price to pay was hiding my feelings, so I can perfectly understand that you can think that you don't have adult feelings. But I am sure you have, or you wouldn't be able to write about you have been going through for so many years. Remember, love is the only potion that can really heal our feelings. When I say love, I mean loving yourself just as you are.
@@patr7115 that's a great comment, I feel the same as 'solid state'. Increasing years but still like a child but perhaps that child is who I am. They had some good traits, maybe I should keep those and actually like them. I kind of like that child side of me. After all we made it through those fires of hell battered and bruised mentally emotionally and physically also in my case. I like who that child was and is, it's just they weren't valued or protected. Maybe instead of shunning that it's a good thing ✌
You just described my in-law, with whom I would NEVER have chosen to have a relationship. After seeing some of these videos, I decided to disengage completely, even though it means losing the connection with the family member who is married to the “narcissist.” Humiliation is extremely PAINFUL.
Simply by not responding. Their goal is control and they're trying to use your own fear and shame against yourself to get you to comply. Someone here (forgot who) said it best especially when they try to involve other people: "when they can't control you, they will try to control how others see you". If you feel the need to respond, only say your piece once and leave it at that. Let the third party decide for themselves. If they decide to side with the narc, move on. Perhaps they also should not be in your life anyway.
Sad but true. My parents turned my 90 year old grandmother against me. Through there communication with her I received a letter from her telling me to go to hell. I couldn't believe it. She never took into consideration my character over the years and my kind actions. I was and am constant there, but it took my parents to convince her otherwise. It's true, there is no point in trying to revert back to the good thoughts they did have.
@@AKS-rp2pvIf I say I like someone or she is really nice, the new narc in our family says, Did you know she (something really negative). Luckily I can see through but wonder what she is say to them about me and I can see people in her family acting a little different. But I don't care, there are too many nice people to focus on and that's that.
The dirty Narcissist has GOT to humiliate you.. It regulates their emotions and it boosts their self worth and self-esteem sadly at YOUR expense. Think about it... A normal health person does NOT have to make others seem small and worthless just so THEY feel better about themselves.
CONTACT EAGLE SPY ON Whatsapp : Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 to help you too. I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years. we were so in love and so close to Each other and we were blessed with 4 kids, we struggled so much to Make money in the early stages of our marriage, finally God blessed my husband with a very good job with lucrative offers. Few months after, i started noticing some changes on his acts, it was a struggle for him to do so many things in the family, he cared less for the kids, the most annoying of it he started to keep late nights and sometimes not even come home. i was so curious and really worried with this attitude of his, so i was forced to look for a way to get into his phone to really see what he does, Someone referred me to a phone spying company EAGLE SPY, they are simply Amazing they were able to clone his phone for me and provided the password to all his phone and Social media in few hours , i have access to both deleted and incoming messages then i found out my husband has Been keeping a family aside from i and my kid, it was really Sad and disastrous for The few weeks after i knew the reasons for his depression but trust me i live very fine and happy with my kids now. you can contact him on ( Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 ) to help you spy on your narcissist spouse or abuse now to have evidence on them........====
I'm a survivor. When I started my journey back, the first & best thing I did for myself was to STOP TOLERATING DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR. Period. I didn't retaliate. I stopped attending family functions with the Narcissist. When asked why, the explanation was simple. "I won't tolerate being treated in a belittling, disrespectful manner." & I gave examples. After much cajoling , I attended a family party. Just like clockwork, it happened again. It was obvious to all why I immediately left without a word. I won't go back. Give yourself the basic humanity of SELF RESPECT. Your confidence & self worth will start to recover. Enabling destructive behavior will only encourage & perpetuate it. Everyone has the right to choose the company they keep. Enabler's should remember this old saying, " If you lay down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas. "
Venus Rising They don't even deserve a reason why you are leaving. They will just twist that too. Trying to make sense with them is a losing proposition!!
CONTACT EAGLE SPY ON Whatsapp : Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 to help you too. I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years. we were so in love and so close to Each other and we were blessed with 4 kids, we struggled so much to Make money in the early stages of our marriage, finally God blessed my husband with a very good job with lucrative offers. Few months after, i started noticing some changes on his acts, it was a struggle for him to do so many things in the family, he cared less for the kids, the most annoying of it he started to keep late nights and sometimes not even come home. i was so curious and really worried with this attitude of his, so i was forced to look for a way to get into his phone to really see what he does, Someone referred me to a phone spying company EAGLE SPY, they are simply Amazing they were able to clone his phone for me and provided the password to all his phone and Social media in few hours , i have access to both deleted and incoming messages then i found out my husband has Been keeping a family aside from i and my kid, it was really Sad and disastrous for The few weeks after i knew the reasons for his depression but trust me i live very fine and happy with my kids now. you can contact him on ( Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 ) to help you spy on your narcissist spouse or abuse now to have evidence on them........====
My mother was a pampered only child who relied on beauty and charm for attention. She felt anyone who gets attention other than her needs to be put in their place. She tried to dominate and control everything and threw tantrums when she didn't get her way. She berated and demeaned me in front of others for attention and to make it clear who the leader of the pecking order was. To her horror I had talent in art and wasn't ugly. She forbid me to have long hair, made endless cruel remarks about me to others. She tried destroying my relationships and even ruthlessly flirted with my last boyfriend a few year ago (she was in her seventies and married!) Without boundaries and having a needy, fragile ego she has always needed endless validation. A bottomless pit of want and need. I know the mean things she said and did about me weren't about me now, but when I was young it cut like a knife. I stood up to her back then, and before I learned not to react, I put her in her place. She would yell and carry on but sometimes I yelled back then left. Taking DBT therapy I learned to control my emotions. It drove her nuts but too bad. Peace feels good and keeping a calm mind makes things better. Most of all developing the boundaries to stay away and not engage helped the most. I can be who I am now with nobody trying to cut me down. If they do, it doesn't matter because I consider the source..an angry, damaged, sadistic and selfish person who cannot love. I'm hurt from the abuse but I still have empathy and knowledge of how to treat people with kindness and respect.
Funny how many things we have stuffed deep down inside ourselves. Every experience helps the healing process. thank you! I'm shocked by the level of violence these people perpetrate. They love to isolate their victims mentally and emotionally.
@@sjwillis1137 Your comment brings back memories. I have felt several times in the past like punching my mother in the face. I understand what you felt when you did it. These narcissistic mothers have an allergic reaction to their daughter's happiness. The very thought of someone loving you makes them sick to their stomachs. They constantly want you to remember you'll never be worthy of love or admiration. It's just projection on their part. Narcissist mothers only see you as a mirror image of themselves. So everything she projects onto you is what she is hearing in her head about *herself* on a daily basis. If you keep that in mind, it won't hurt you. But mothers like that are dangerous, very dangerous, because they will stop at nothing to sabotage every opportunity or ounce of happiness on the horizon for you. And given the fact that we as their children tend to hang in there with them, all you end up doing is giving her more and more info about yourself for her to use to damage your life with..... Even if it's as simple as planting ideas in your head when you're trying to accomplish something. (Example: you tell her you're going for a job interview in two days. So she decides to call you up and decimate you right before your interview, so you go in with ZERO self confidence and don't get the job.) I too was molested by a neighbor when I was a child. A neighbor she hired to babysit me. And when I told her about it, her response was *"Some children like it, it doesn't bother some children."* Can you imagine that??!!? She shamed me!! No contact is always the best solution when you have a mother like that. After I went no contact with mine, it took me a year to get rid of "phone fright". Anxiety would kick in every time the phone rang or I got a notification. Think about going no contact, you won't be free until you do. The fear of going no contact isn't real. You can survive without her. They groom you to feel like you can't, because *THEY* need *YOU* for supply. But you can do life just fine without her, but you'll never know how capable you are until you try. If she had it her way, you'd be feeling like a child your entire life.....watching your peers grow, marry, form careers, accomplish great things, while you struggle to find your way in life. Cut her loose for your own good. I'm sure she's already worked on destroying your marriage.....it's par for the course with these types of mothers. God bless you in your journey.
Ooo Lord, I am so sorry knowing a Narcistic mother can be so evil . I admire your streght ... continue growing stronger every single day. I pray for your healthy and happy mind. 🌹❤
My husband humiliates me. He even makes things up to humiliate me when he is angry. I’ve suspected he has narcissism for about 8 years. We have children together and I’ve been alienated for so long that I I’ve no support, no money, no community and everyone believes he is an amazing guy of integrity.
I feel he wants you to feel this way. My take is that you survived his cruelty, therefore you are stronger than you've had the opportunity to experience yet. You are a member of Team Healthy now, that's big. ❤
They are the kings and queens of "controlled chaos." They set the stage and you are their leading actor. Lights, Camera..Action..!! You are now being watched and followed. Your shortcomings, your struggles, your secrets will be made public to people you've never met. You are the butt of their jokes and they love when others laugh at you while they drag your name though the dirt. They hate you and they will cause an entire community to turn on you. Been in this cycle for five years. I want out.
I wonder too. For one, they don't wanna be on the receiving end or bad side of these people. Also, the feeling of inclusion draws them in. Ultimately, they are too weak to be their own person and think for themselves.
Eleanor Roosevelt's statement cannot apply to a child being humiliated by a narc mother. In order to not consent, you need to be in a position to decline consent. You require power that a small child does not have.
Yes I agree with that statement. When a child is made to feel inferior by the very person they already hold in high regard, ( that's natural for most children in my opinion) that child will take those words as absolute truth and end up labeling themselves with this words. I'm saying this because that's what I did as a child. I was called a name and I truly believed that's what I was as a child and then brought it into my young adult years. It's a very defeating way to live and I empathize with those who have been emotionally and mentally abused. There is no proof in scars because we carry them on the inside.
It's very sad, but children can do nothing against it. You could start a healing process only when you will grow up. Children are hostages of their family's reality... It's like living in a middle of bad trip without an opportunity to realize anything clear. Like being in the middle of a sea storm without a boat. Just trying to survive and not drown completely.
@Linda- Well said & absolutely true. Eleanor was no stranger to childhood neglect. Nor belittling behavior from others. Her family was wealthy. But both parents died when she was very young. Her Grandmother Hall didn't pay much attention. That experience made her very empathetic to the poor & neglected. She was a special compassionate woman who learned to respect herself.
There are two ways to have the tallest building. One way is to build the tallest building and leave the other ones alone. The other is to wreck the other buildings around yours so that yours towers over others in false comparison. Narcissists are adept at taking a wrecking ball to other people's buildings to make theirs look taller.
So dr. C Where do wr anchor our knowledge of our good character. Practical who where what please! I already know why. All day we seeeeee see why. Need practical exples and help. Stuck with a work group reputation wrecked. Can't get a new one. Don't need a shrink I need a lawyer. Yes its depressing to prove the bad things the narco did. Yes it feeds their ego. But i need the job future I lost.
I find that growing up with a N mother has left me so hurt. She is so vicious and so out to humiliate me. My two siblings go along with her. It is an absolute emotional hell. This is how I feel, that I was born to be humiliated by my family. My greatest regret is not running away from home at age 15. I could have saved myself a hell of a life.
You can still run away as an adult at any age. It’s called “going no-contact.” I was in the same situation as you a few years ago - covert narcissistic mother and 3 narcissistic siblings. I finally went no-contact with them 9 years ago. Best thing I ever did for myself. I only wish I’d had the courage to do it 30 years prior.
but sadly the Narc will you this word to...i know i use to hear it a lot in my 5 horror years with her...come to think of it, she bought a shirt at K-Mart back then to show how she felt about anything she didnt want to face....
They're possessed people, without that they're dead souls. Anyone who is evil intent towards anyone in general is not worth associating with. Waste of time and pointless in bothering to love someone like that because you'll have a hard time moving on. they prob put a hex on you after you leave them so it will make them feel better knowing you're thinking of them. They're easy to see through if you have no personal feelings and have an understanding of someone that's really evil. They don't even realise how evil they are, because they don't care.
@@hellhurts8003 My Younger sister and I haven't spoken to my dad for at least 6 months now. He has had contact with my older Brother and my older sister though. And they say he wants to get into contact with me and my younger sister. Saying he feels 'guilty' about the way he treated us and wants to make amends. It's to late now I turn twenty-one in three months. And my younger sister is 17 going on 18 this December. I am already an adult and my sister is on the verge of becoming one .This should've been done 10 years ago when we we're still kids so I wouldn't have to deal with so many mental health issues now.He also acts like an adult baby and acts hopeless like oh I don't know how to contact you .like dude pick up a phone and call. I feel like it's emotional manipulation to hoover us back in so he can control us again. I am not going to get into contact with him!. He is just trying to make us feel bad for him so we feel sorry for him and let him back into are lives only to turn full cunt mode again.He was emotional and physically abusive in childhood. He had a quick temper and anything would set him of .The type of person you walk on egg shells around.Really tall intimidating guy as well. I was terrified of him at times. At times he was kind and did show some affection but not in the normal way.He wasn't tactile and never really hugged us. I do have some good memories of him though when we used to run around the house with him dancing to crazy music. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive to my mum and they argued 24-7. They had a really bad relationship yet they stayed together and neither one cheated. They are now divorced.I don't know what is wrong with my dad he has empathy but it is displayed in a really odd way that doesn't make sense. I don't think he is a psychopath.I think he maybe is a mix between borderline and covert narcissism. Any thoughts ?
@@hellhurts8003 You are absolutely right in this. Possesed people, my partner had even some kind of psychotic reaction (it was when he smoked a lot of weed, he stopped that), but last year he was talking a lot about Satan, was using satanic numbers just for " fun", talking about dead newborns-dead kids for "fun", singing songs with satan in it, talking about dead people ...yes, we ended up in a social service because of that, I was petrified. Traumatic experience. Year later, the same evilish person, I saved his life and at the end lied to the social - because his family was threatening me I ll lose my kids. And now,. he wants to make the bad guy from me. Disgusting.
@@tjradmila Honestly I think most narcs literally sold their souls to the Devil. When people do that it takes God out of them, and they're left with no feelings, that's why they think they can do what they want to people because they literally don't give an ish. They CANNOT love. They're empty vessels and they suck the life out of people, because it makes them feel powerful. They're boring people in the end. They have nothing.
Mine is covert. He isn’t that blatant. I hurt my back so much that I needed an ambulance. He wouldn’t call an ambulance. Instead, he watched the football game while I sat there in pain. Eventually he called after I begged him. Fast forward 7 years later and he fainted on the stairs from the flu. I went to immediately call the ambulance. He told me not to and asked me to drive him. Point being, I didn’t think twice about getting him help. He could care less about me. Going through the divorce process now.
I've experienced that with 2 exes. First one, I also hurt my back and was in so much pain I passed out. He leaves me alone to go on a pheasant shoot followed by a BBQ and gets home late evening. He never even phoned to check if I was ok. The next guy I was living with refused to take me for daily cancer treatment so I had to rely on hospital transport even though he was retired. He would be waiting for me to get home to prepare his meal and never once asked me how it went. When he was ill I was there for him 💯. Thankfully I'm free of these selfish creeps now.
My husband of 30 years used to do this to me. Sometimes he still tries. We are in the process of getting divorced, and haven't lived together for almost five years. In that time I've discovered your channel. I have learned much about my role in his abuse. I'm pleased to say, I'm slowly regaining "me".
Dear Deborah with the utmost respect and compassion can I ask you a question please because I don't quite understand something how can you stay with an abuser for 30 years. I humbly say to you that I have taken courses and studied psychology on having clear and healthy boundaries and so I'm trying to understand how someone is precious as you and I mean that sincerely because stick around with somebody for even one month who's abused you I say that humbly to you could you help me understand please cuz that is something I genuinely don't get do you have children I would take my children out so they don't become narcissists please help me understand
@@miss.l.c.minister we both worked. He had the night shift, I the day. Our marriage was functional economically. (Of course, we had our good times). I am learning every day these lessons about boundaries. There's no such thing as "just leave" but we started with intimacy. This was gone 18 years in. And yes, the children are affected. I was the one who had to maintain the roof over our heads and that's what I did for the next dozen years. Finally I cut him off like an ugly useless boil. He will always have this personality disorder. He will always be abusive. Only now I have boundaries. He's simply someone I was once married to. (he was my third husband) I know this now and had to teach myself, a lesson that took me years to understand... I still have a busy life. I still must maintain my home. Does this answer your question?
Narcissists are VERY JEALOUS, too - if they see you giving attention to anyone or anything else beside them, they can get very nasty. I don't care who they are, even a nice woman who's a nurse, doctor, teacher, judge, police officer, pastor, will say things that DOES NOT MATCH what they should know or be like in their profession, like a teacher or nurse being jealous of a pet when you show the pet attention, or even will even go as far as being jealous just when they hear that you fed your pet - my narcissistic parent becomes very jealous and abusive to me when anything about my pets gets brought up, just hearing that me or my husband went to the pet store to get pet food, or seeing me feed the pets, or talking about my pets, causes her to make very disgusting comments about pets and animals in general, because they are JEALOUS of the pet getting your attention in any way, so much so that a narcissist will go as far as threatening to kill your pets, or actually do it. But a lot of people in your family or their friends or coworkers would have a hard time believing they acted that way.
I believe in the dignity of humanity. No one can make you inferior without your consent. We are works in progress and we should anchor in our self respect and our dignity which is our birth right. Narcisists who humiliate tell on themselves.
I know that my character is honest, respectful and upright. And for this reason, narcissists can't humiliate me coz what they're saying doesn't match with what i know, it just falls away. So watching a narcissist trying to reduce me to dirt is like watching a cat trying to cover a crap on a carpet, and eventually it just stinks and gets boring.
My sisters usually criticize me for something inconsequential...wearing or not wearing makeup, being 5 minutes early or late, wearing wrong color or style. In these instances, I just say, "Right, I am 5 minutes late." or " This shirt? Oh, yeah." Mascara, "Yeah, I like it and don't like it". At the same, I 'vote with my feet' and move on to some other distraction. it steals their thunder. Or, just go with a distraction, "Oh! a goldfish! That cloud looked just like a goldfish!" or ask something like, "Can u smell the pine trees? It reminds me of our trips to the beach!" Then I smile to let them know I'm having a wonderful day. "My handwriting? Lol...always WAS terrible!" " I was just thinking how nice u smelled as a baby. U gave the BEST hugs!" Just blow them out of the water. Oh, here's one from my sis, "In a family of mental giants, how did u turn out to be mentally defective?" 2 answers: #1) Lol, guess I was too busy having fun! #2) I've discovered the smartest or wisest thing I can do is just to be kind.
@@bikeshop2002 Thanx, I think(?) the point was...celebrate life. The critics don't make sense. Every color u wear will be wrong, so do what u like! Shine your light...they may wake someday!
@@staceykersting705 You have such a similar philosophy & attitude as me but it’s a long, long time of taking the wind (and pieces of joy) out of my sails. We are accommodating unacceptable behavior. One day, I’ll speak truth and say exactly how it’s made me feel and if it doesn’t change- I will. I already am.
@@bluemoon472 I haven't been around them for decades. Why wd I be? I'm just saying, I've been direct, and said, "Are u trying to be hurtful?' I thought u were better than that". They're just so deeply imbedded in their own toxicity, there's no hope. I omly communicate by email, and then, rarely. It filters out all the negativity.
Remember, we’re on “team healthy “now. There’s no going back. Others do not see it because they are not the target. It’s really that simple. I had to walk away from the whole lot. It hasn’t been easy. I mourn those people
The narc im with is also my boss,whom i live with and just fired me a week ago, and I haven't received a paycheck in almost a year ! He is a covert narc & has recently become physically abusive. At this point id almost rather be hit then have to endure the daily mental torture. He knows im trying to get out. But now that im so behind financially he has put me in a sickening position. Ive lost almost 40lbs im a petite persn as it is. My hair is falling out for fuck sake! Im so lost. I dont know what to do? I have no family and no friends anymore. No one i can turn to who understands the situation. Even if i had $, the cost of rent is outrageous in Phoenix. I hate every waking moment of everyday.
I know...u see him looking up from his nap thinking, "he's STILL talking to himself. Doesn't he know I need a ______& (insert treat, pets, walk). He's a pretty boy.
@@joannek5429 Joanne - trust me in what I'm saying - take it to God. He won't let u suffer. Apply for housing - in Maryland, we have city and County housing. I had applied for county but the wait is so long so this week, I'm going to apply for city even if it means going to the projects. At least I can shut the door and rest easy in my own home. A few months ago, I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't make a decision or a phone call with regard to helping myself. I felt scared, lonely, broken....but for some reason, after crying out to God, I received a strength and have started once again, to make steps toward getting out.
My Dad would come to gatherings and say “Hello” to every single person in the room, he would always bypass my husband, and me, like we were invisible, He always made things so uncomfortable, It was so obvious he hated me....always made me feel bad about myself....After he died, my older sister and brother took up His practice, They both lied and stole from me, I was so stupid not to see what was happening. They then turned all my nephews and nieces against me... Have not spoken to anyone in my family for over 4 years....I feel like I am in a dark cold hole, I can’t get out, I keep trying.....So tired of being tired....Maybe I was the problem all along....At least Dr. Carter has framed this for me.....my family is alive with Narcissistic behaviour, The more I think back......the more I see....It’s been going on my whole life........I remember my dad steaming open my mother’s mail while feeding me breakfast....warning “Don’t you tell your mother about this”. I was like 5 years old... my whole F-ing life...things like that happened.....All the secrets backstabbing and lies and the eye rolling....It makes me sick to think of it all. I was right in the middle, knew something was wrong, but it’s your family, your blood, when the chips are down...trust them “ It’s Family” My sister and brother pushed me right out of the way and took what they wanted...I was told “Tough Luck”. I guess they are right....it’s all my tough luck... Thankyou Dr Carter....for making me start to understand narcissistic behaviour, If their was a picture in the dictionary of Narcissism.....it would be “My Family”
@@eileendonald8628 There is a lot of literature written about siblings position in the family structure. The third child gets the brunt of the mother's unresolved personal demons. My poor sister ( third child) was so horrifically treated ,there are no words to describe this without giving someone nightmares. Please know in your healing it was not you. See those abusive parents as far distant people, maybe even someone else's family. Detach. My thoughts are in such compassion for you.
Hi Georgia, WOW! The hardest realization I had to come to with my own narc family is: They have nothing to offer you. They're NEVER going to get better. Your life will actually progress at WARP SPEED when you go no contact on them all. Which will further anger them. Too bad I had to wait till my 50s to figure that out. If you're younger, make peace with the above and GET OUT!!! You will get your life back, look great and your happiness cant be hidden! That'll piss 'em off too!😀🤗👍👍👸
@@eileendonald8628 Hello Eileen, Thankyou so much for your words, It made me cry.....Brought back even more memories.....My Dad used to take us downstairs and whip us with his belt, He would slap me across my face....in front of my girlfriends....He was cruel ,always calling me fat and stupid in front of people... He was always mad...Our house was a war zone, My parents fought every single day...The screaming and yelling and name calling...it just became normal.....It never stopped till they died, 11 months apart......My older sister and brother had their plans....my parents left them as trustees, leaving me out as usual, They took what they wanted from my inheritance, gave all their kids money.......when I questioned them...was told “tough luck” and that was over 4 years ago. Money was always King in my family.....I begged my brother to talk to me....nothing but silence. So I guess we have a lot in common, Your lucky to have a son.......I was unable to have kids........that was the first time my family turned against me....but I didn’t see it then....my sister would say “stop talking about it...why do you have to make it such a big deal”. So I stopped talking about it like she wished. I am hoping for better days ahead, and I wish the same for you, I am sorry you have been treated so poorly, Dr. Carter has really helped me. So glad I started watching his vids, I wish you nothing but good days ahead, and again Thankyou for your kindness, at least I am in good company........
I have the same sort of "family". Was completely estranged for 15 years, then recently and stupidly went back to give it one last try. It was much worse; my mother has lied to and turned into sycophants siblings, grandkids, cousins aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors. The overall attitude toward me was "who are you and what are you doing here?". But the going back turned out to be good because I could see once and for all that all of those people have let themselves be turned rotten by my mother and there's not one of them I'd want in my life. I won't be wasting another speck of energy thinking about them and wondering if I can fix it somehow. It's so unfair the way we were cheated out of decent families, but some people lose whole families due to accidents, bombs or holocausts--we lost ours to mental illness.
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Love that your dog is just hanging out in the background. A calm, chill dog is evidence of a calm personality in the owner. Thank you for your time making these videos and for your message.
Humiliation was my father's strongest tool when it came to his abuse. My self esteem was driven into the ground the moment I was meant to develop it during my childhood years. He'd cycle between humiliation and love bombing depending on whether or not I was playing by his grandiose, unwritten rules. I'm in the process of finally going no contact after a lifetime of mistreatment and these videos in combination with therapy have been helping me break out of the brainwashed fog I've been living in my entire life.
I empathise so much with this, Weenifer. My father is a hideous narcissist, my (late) mother did nothing to stop him and, really, began to behave like him towards me, too. My sister was the same until I cut her (and her daughter) out four years ago. On top of this, I was bullied at school (of course I was, I'd been weakened and set up for it) and by the time I was 14, I was telling myself that if my father didn't love me, why would anyone else? And that is how I went through life, believing myself unlovable and worthless, and with such a feeling of incompetence instilled into me that I couldn't shift those beliefs. Unable to form or maintain healthy relationships (because I never learned what one looked like) I was used and abused by all that crossed my path. I learned to live (and work) alone and convinced myself that I liked it that way. It is only now, well into middle age, that (having done a lot of reading and learning about all of this) my attitude has changed and I now feel ready to go out and find myself someone to love because I at last believe I'm worthy of love in return. I feel like I've lifted my face out of the mud and looked around with new eyes. Wish me luck. I hope things are getting better for you, too. :)
Yes! You're so very worthy! I've learned it's so important to notice the ones in your life who make you feel like you're not. Aside from my NF I've had to cut long term friendships with people who I held dear because, in the end, they didn't make me feel that much deserved worthiness. Pay close attention to how people make you feel when they talk to you. If guilt and shame are frequent it's time to run! Beware of opportunists who present peace as a conditional reward. You're worthy of love, safety, and peace no matter what! Good luck on your journey, much strength to you, and many, many blessings!
@@xLittle_Lilithx Thank you. I'm in a much better place these days. :) My problem was always that, when someone made me feel bad, I assumed it was my fault. I was made to feel bad by so many people that, being the common denominator, it seemed like a logical conclusion. I had absolutely no idea about projection and even though at the core of me I knew what they were saying was untrue and their apparent dislike of me unfair, I didn't think anyone would say such things if they weren't true so thought their opinion of me was more valid than my own. My default reaction was silence, not least because I couldn't find the words to object and, if I tried, there was anger and my defence would be trashed. I went through life unable to judge or assess other people, thinking that was their job, not mine. You can imagine how that went. The way these people destabilise you is criminal.
@@janb5177 Never forget your worth- a narc makes one feel worthless, but you've risen above your past; you are a victor 🏆. Everything of the best for your future.
I got one that is rude and dismissive in private. In public (church) they either flatter me in a syrupy manner, or ignore me completely. So passive aggressive.
The worst part of all this misery, is we have allowed this to go on, because we felt love and romance with these evil beings. Love makes us vulnerable and it's when the love is gone (they chased it away) the realizations come and you become much more aware of the misery is from them. Love isn't always good.
You are the master of your love, life, nobody else. Only you. Just acceptance makes it easier for you to cope with your 'narc'. Let go. You cannot change an other person, a hard lesson given to you.
"Anchor down on your self-dignity, self-respect." That's the challenge when you're dealing with a narcissist and his/her enablers. But it's necessary for your own peace of mind.
This video hits hard. My narc sister has done this to me all my life. I’m 52 and I finally walked away a year ago. We are exactly 1 yr apart. Every single day on the way to high school she would spend our whole drive putting me down. We had two friends with us and they couldn’t stand hearing it but she wouldn’t stop. Every failure or mistake was brought up that morning. No matter how little even if it was how I ate my breakfast that day. It was a constant put downs. She loved humiliating me in public and in private. The more upset I would get that happier she was. This video really brought up a lot of memories. Thanks Dr. Carter. These videos, hard at times, really help me with my recovery and actually figuring out what needs to be healed. There’s times I have no idea where to start fixing things but then you put a video like this and it helps tons.
Comes a time we must let go because they only get worse. To this day, I won't talk to my oldest sister. It got so bad, anything the color purple I had, threw it away. Purple was her favorite color. Purple reminded me of her. When my sister (13mo. Older than me died) her lies, greed, rotten,two faced,, stealing light was shinning to bright. All the lies from all the years were exposed. All the hurt she had caused in the family. Mom seen her true color but was to old and weak to deal with her. She'd shake her fist at her. Then, I remember, when my grandmother was in the Nursing home, from stroke, couldn't talk, would grit her teeth and shake a fist at her. My younger brother and sister had to tell her off, then my son and daughter. She doesn't work, would call them on their job to argue. She has a big ingrown pool and constantly complaining, we never used it. My Son told her, What you calling me for, I never pissed in your pool. Lol...Everyone cares about our sick brother-in-law, but can't talk to him because of her. He says, half of her is going to heaven and half of her is going to hell. Because she repeats what she hears the TV preacher say.Then lies and causes trouble. She has never had friends, didn't get along with her in-laws, now, no family. Especially the way she treated and lied on Mama(RIP) AND MY SISTER....EVERYONE WASHED THEIR HANDS.
I went No Contact with mine 7 years ago. Five days at her place for her 60th Birthday. She pulled _every_ trick in the book including punching me in the breast. When I left I simply stopped off at a shop and bought a new SIM card.
For All the put downs, for All the lies and half truths, for All the way my ex put me down to our adult children and people he knew, they acted like Anything I said I was lieing. It really makes you want to cut people out of your life because you feel you have to prove anything you say! It is Heartbreaking and he loved to make me feel lower than dirt.
Not long before I finally cut her out of my life, my sister criticised me for sneezing 'too loud'. It actually quite makes me laugh, now, that she was so desperate to find things to criticise me for that she would criticise something I have no control over! I'm glad you finally managed to extricate yourself. I've been four years no contact with my sister, I wish I'd done it sooner. She did a lot worse than the example I've given. The sad part is that I adored her once upon a time. :(
I'm glad you were able to walk away. That must have been very tough. I find that watching these kinds of videos, although they can tough to watch - keep me sharp - focussed on what I need to avoid, and why - and how to deal better with these negative types of people if I ever come across them again.
"Narcissism is compensation for being inadequate." Dr. Les, I couldn't have said it better myself! You essentially described my father to a tee! I must admit though, it was a big triggering to see all of those characteristics of the narcissist that you described. I felt my anger towards my father welling up within me, while at the same time, I feel powerless to stop his narcissistic attacks and put him in his place. I have issues of my own to deal with, but I flat-out refuse to tear somebody down in order to feel better about myself. Only people with twisted mentalities do that!
I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. The realization that a family member is one can be shocking and gut wrenching. Learn all you can from RUclips and follow folks on Quora. Hope you are able to manage your relationship. You see a lot of video saying go no contact but it’s not that easy. Good luck to you and Godspeed.
I remember when my covert malignant narc adult son would invite his friends to visit in my home and then he would criticize me in front of his guests and try to make me seem like an awful person. I had no way of defending myself in front of these people because I did no know them. Looking back I feel sad at how much emotional abuse I tolerated from him just to have him in my life. He is just not worth my having to endure all of that suffering. I am glad that he and his covert narc wife discarded me because I no longer have to tolerate either one of them.
Make 110% certain you leave behind an ironclad will that will benefit them only so much as you wish, following the law (so you'll need a good lawyer probably), and, though you may never know, having the last laugh. Draw up any other paperwork as well that keeps them out of your life if you ever become disabled. You probably don't want them making decisions on your behalf. Prepare!
I love this, "What kind of person would feel the need to do that?" but also, how can anyone live with him/herself having said those things? When I screw up, I feel like s**t and want to hide; I am embarrassed and ashamed at my own behavior. How is it that they are okay with their style of torment? How are they not ashamed? I don't get it.
@@SurvivingNarcissism absolutely. They don’t have the same human decency most of us live with, therefore never see where they do or say any wrong. Sadly, in their mind, it must always be someone else’s wrong doing that causes harm bc they are superior.
They're that deluded. It takes an awful lot of self deception to be able to think the way they do. I guess it's like any trait/mental health issue... The further down the rabbit hole you go the more you get stuck. Like we've spent weeks months years and in many cases decades like myself being convinced that it's us that are the problem, they've done the same but in the opposite direction thinking they aren't the problem. If like my parents their delusions overlap it's self fulfilling and that falsity becomes reality and anyone outside of that must be wrong. Plus they got it from their fam and theirs before. If nobody says hey wait a minute, it just continues. Seems to be the human condition especially in groups. We just have to deal with the business that we aren't of the same mould of going on to get along when things aren't helpful or working or even reasonable
I have been subjected to this type of narcissistic trauma and abuse for decades. When I consider this fact, I know it's a miracle (divine intervention) that I've survived this long.
I despise narcissists. My father was a raging, abusive narcissist who regularly humiliated me and assaulted my dignity. He was mean, petty, unforgiving, raging, cold, downright mean, treated me like dirt. He is long gone, but the damage he did to me remains very much alive. I don't miss him, I don't love him, and I'm glad he is no longer in my life. I think he was a very very very unhappy man.
They thrive off your mistakes and misfortunes. Unfortunately, this is the only way for them to feel relevant when they're around you. They can't rely on anything else, so they will pick at your scabs and wounds.
@Susie Spann So true. But imagine being a narcissist whose entire disorder is about *avoiding* the shame and guilt you feel. That's basically all that disorder is, a defense mechanism against shame and guilt. When a person feels inadequate and worthless, shame and guilt feels like a deadly threat.
@@tessw9744 I agree. My view is primarily from the point of teaching anger management for an adult probation department. For the people who have some level of control over their thoughts and feelings, getting them to give themselves permission to feel guilty and then move on is crucial to their recovery. When a person takes control over their feelings and gives themselves permission to be human, with permission to let go and move on, they have taken a step toward self respect and maybe even self love. They can let go (hopefully) of some negative habits and begin to heal.
Thank you. My daughter attacks my character and humiliates me every time I make a mistake or when I say something she doesn't agree with. I have anxiety every time I'm near her. I'm now in the process of disconnecting which is killing me. I wish everyone here suffering great strength and know you matter. ♥️
Completely feel your pain, Roro. I too have had to disconnect from my daughter as much as possible. Fortunately, I live far away and allow only minimal contact online, even going so far as to refuse video chat invitations from her. It's hard, Roro. So danged hard! When you're not grieving, you're wondering if you're doing the right thing or how much of the blame is yours - for how she turned out, for the situation as it is, for not finding a way to make things better between the two of you. I am so sorry for what you (and I and far too many parents to count) have endured. I wish you peace and strength.
This is so wrong! Something more has to be done about this pandemic of narcissim. It would be helpful if this issue can be taught in schools from an early age. Dishonouring of parents is one route that gaurantees a future life of painful regret. In my culture we have a saying thats says: "Whoever is not taught/instructed by the mother, they shall be taught by the world".
@@peterkyalo1653 Thank you Peter; I completely agree with you. Have you seen the Kdrama What's Wrong with this Family? It revolves around the lack of filial piety - should be mandatory viewing around the world!
krejados1 I know what you mean, I'm tortured by thoughts of is it my fault, could I have avoided things going so wrong, etc, could I mend things, but I think you have to realise in your heart that you did try very hard. It isn't all your responsibility, adults have to each take responsibility for their behaviour. It's very painful, I wish you all the best, these are extremely painful things to deal with, we're all trying to cope, I'm glad of your company and everyone else.
i feel traumatized by all his humiliation in all its forms for so many years. but i will rise form the ashes!!! and i fond myself going to my place of peace. i am good, strong, loving , kind, genuine and honest, and i make mistakes like any normal person. and those are the people i want in my life.
My narc brother's go-to tactics whenever he can't win an argument has always been to start insulting your intellect, job, looks, friends, opinions, tastes, etc. (even the TV shows you watch!). It's interesting that it's typical with narcs to do this. He also tells his wife if she doesn't go along with all of his actions towards others, that she's a traitor. He has been raging against me and my husband for a year and a half now since he and my husband had an argument. And I mean raging - involving nasty letters from lawyers, a lawsuit, physically assaulting me, etc, because unfortunately we co-own property.
Ms. Hood, all this is creepily familiar! Daddy was right. No partners, no prisoners! Even narcs who have no legal standing will try to gain leverage(raging), rushing you to an important decision. Nope. Always time to think about it.
Betsy Hood - you may want to get a copy of your Deed (County Clerk's office) to determine the type of joint ownership you have. That will determine severability & if you are able to sell your half. Just a thought...
Character reveals certain behaviors. Certain behaviors reveal character. For the longest time i couldn’t understand why his “character” and his “behaviors” contradicted themselves. I honestly thought they were two separate things. After learning about the multifaceted aspects of narcissism, i now know character and behavior are one in the same and what to two produce is integrity or a lack of.
Thank you for showing the non-physical abuse side of this problem so many people discard verbal abuse but it scars way deeper than any physical abuse could have and you take it with you for life it’s a reel to reel tape that runs in your head every single day until you die.
I dated and fell in love with a narcissist. Didn't realize it till later but she would yell at me in public and indoors. She would say I'm pathetic and not a man, she said I was abusive and jealous of her, which was a complete lie. She'd constantly try to make me feel like awful person. If I defended myself in a civil manner, it would just get worse. In the end she lied to her family and said I was abusive, she cheated on me and then dumped me in cruel way over text. I seeked closure some time later and told her about my pain and she laughed at me lol. I'm 6'1 200ibs and she's a tiny 5'1 115 pound girl and its wicked how small she made me feel and I'm a very confident guy. Evil is out there boys! Don't let it kill your spirit
Leo, on my channel I tend to say that narcissism is not gender specific. Women are just as brutal. I'm sorry you went through that. They can find empaths like shark can find blood in the water. Through time you will get better, and realize that the mind bend that she tried, is her hatred of anything good which is her problem, not yours. Just be sure to fully heal before you get with someone else, which we all have to do. The good thing is, we can detect signs a lot sooner now. Hugs, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
@@tranquility9325 she's my neighbor too lol. It took a year to recover, but I'm still not interested in a relationship. Especially with how the world is at the moment.
I married my wife narc, should have seen all the lies bwforehand as red flags, im currwntly getting divorced, conatantly sealing with police, lawyer, and her narc family. They do it together, they are her monkeys and she is theirs. Im alone and by myself standing my ground..numerous counselors, numerous investigators, nothing happens, noone believes me, the smear has casted doubt to evsryone, yet when i go to court settings the judge gibes me this look of " how can you be going through all of this" i show him evidence...ive had some serious fucking problems documenting everything, its consumes me and its the only thing protecting myself...im going crazy
@@jessoftherocks good luck brethren! Once its over, never look back. These narcs don't have happy endings anyway. When they're on they're death bed they'll come to terms with how ugly they are. They just want people to suffer because they are rotten on the inside. The only way they win is if they break your spirit. Think of them as a rampant virus with a crab mentality set loose in this matrix to haunt us
In public, they’re “sweethearts”. Loved by everybody. When you report their behaviour to love ones, every body blames you - nobody believe you. Behind closed doors they’re like a “twin brother / sister to the devil”. They derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction in humiliating you, seeing you in pain and pulling you down. Even when the relationship ends, they will refuse to move on with their lives. They will continue to “stalk” you. They never loved you but “used” you to hide who they really are. Once you’ve moved on from a narcissist, give yourself time to heal - Avoid contact. They will suffer “narcissistic injury” when they realise you’re happy and better without them.
It’s very insidious to take delight in another’s humiliation or hurt. What type of person would do that? Someone you want to get FAR away from. Thanks for yet another great video, Dr. C. U rock!
Getting an education, thanks to you, after a lifetime of humiliation from two important individuals has finally freed me to live in joy and self respect. God bless you in your crucial work.
My covert malignant narc adult son likes to put me down every chance he gets and he has been doing this for a very long time. Recently he has been humiliating me in order to build up his wife. I am blessed that they both discarded me and this time I ill be staying very far away from those two toxic individuals. I am now free of narcissistic abuse!!!!
You and I have the same son. My son was always putting me down, especially in front of his wife. She doesn't like me and I could care less about her. I have changed all my financial affairs and cut my selfish son out of my life. I have so much less stress.
Amazing! My situation is the exact same thing only it's my MIL that was turning my husband against me during frequent visits. I really think he was oblivious to the tactics because it was a pattern he was accustomed to long before I came into his life. I was like a 3'rd wheel when she visited and they made all the plans while I attempted to distract myself with the kids or chores. The final straw was when MIL threw a huge emotional tantrum claiming not to have had special mother/son time alone during the whole visit "with just the 2 of them". I had graciously extended a 2 week invitation to the ocean at a lovely beachfront hotel and I distinctly recall several times they went somewhere and I was left with the 5 children. The reason this backfired (finally) was because this one instance was on my wedding anniversary. To me this was immature and inexcusable behavior to exhibit considering all I had put up with over the years. Where I got the courage to speak to her afterwards I don't know. Up to that point in time I would experience shortness of breath, stammering and a constricted throat if I even thought of bringing up a difficult conversation. This time I was calm and honest. I simply asked her point blank what kind of woman goes out with a man on his wedding anniversary when that is a special day reserved to honor the commitment they made to each other. To my astonishment, she turned bright red , looked down at the floor and burst into tears while walking rapidly away. I think the tears were so that she could avoid me until she could regain control. In this way I would look mean for expecting the dignity of a sincere apology by bringing it up. This was a rare episode of me standing up for myself. I hate to admit how many times over the years I let down my guard and fell into a carefully maneuvered trap. I pray for the ability to forgive from my heart. It's been 7 years and only 3 short visits whereas it used to be 1 or 2 week visits every 3 or 4 months. They would stay at my house which was to their advantage considering I did most of the cooking,cleaning, childcare, laundry, clean sheets, etc. My FIL was always kind to me and fair. When he passed away the abrasiveness of my MIL became unbearable and I initiated no contact except for those 3 brief visits which were very uncomfortable and awkward. Every day my heart is heavy because of this. I had hoped and longed for a close loving relationship with her and I think she saw that and enjoyed rejecting me. Now my kids want nothing to do with her and they are her only grandchildren because they saw what she was doing. It's sad and there are no winners. It could have been so different!
That's one of my favorite quotes too! "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." --Eleanor Roosevelt There was a healthy person under this all-- and it's coming back out the longer I'm No Contact with the narcissist.
What I find to be curious is that they will never measure themselves against people in their own league. They have to dig at the bottom of barrel. Why can't they surround themselves with people who measure up to their values?
Humiliating, yes they love to humiliate you. It was nothing for him to flirt with women infront of me, I had a cist in my spine. The one Dr said there is nothing wrong.but luckily another pick it up and I had a very big op. No empathy but he actually said infront of me that I think I have cancer but the Dr said there is nothing wrong. Many times he will humiliate me infront of people. Thank goodness its over. He can never be happy.
I had (yay for past tense) a spouse who had torn me up. I felt like crap and looked like it. He would point out the desirable qualites of other women he saw, like at the mall, and say "I'd do her." Then I started to see the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Still, it was hard to take.
@@sage9836 The flirting and complementing other women in front of you was right out of the Narcissist playbook. It's a test and a control tactic. They test how much you'll take from them. And secondly, they put you down as if to say *"You should feel lucky I want you, because I could be with her."* The answer to his nonsense comment "I'd do her." ,should be *"Yeah, but would SHE did YOU?!"* That would be turning things around on him. Answer like that and you would have killed both his motives in one sentence.😂😂😂
DRC. Dignity, Respect, and Civility! Exactly how people should be treated. That means you keep your promises, don't lie to your spouse or significant other, and don't cheat. You never find a replacement for that person before you leave them if you have integrity. You leave, cut ALL ties with the narc, learn to love yourself again and set up boundaries.
I witnessed this during a Live show I listened to just several days ago on social media. A mother called in and attempted to humiliate her daughter whom the mother recently learned participated in the chat comments on the live stream. As the mother commenced to tell the daughter's very personal and private story in a most humiliating fashion I am proud to say that the very emotionally intelligent ladies in this live stream including myself quickly caught on and we were not having it. We lit up the chat calling out the mother for the abuser she was. It was clear that myself and most of the other ladies were not getting off on hearing this mother humiliate her daughter and put her most embarrassing moments on blast publicly on a live-stream going out to total strangers. We were concerned about the daughter and wanted to protect her as well as anyone else listening that might feel triggered by what they were hearing .. while her parent was throwing her to the streets. I am glad to say that our quick and vigorous response was able to get the host's attention and the mother was cut off from continuing her performance.
We all need to do this for each other. There’s no one, who ever stood up for me. We , can shut them down. I’d love to eradicate these people from the planet. Maybe that’s just not an option, but we can send very clear messages.
7:45 " I'm not humiliating you. You completely brought this on yourself!" Amen. I thought I was the only one who heard this crazy crap and KNEW it was wrong. But IF YOU GO a step too far in their humiliation game, like I did, you'll start to question yourself when you should NOT HAVE in the first place. I'm only starting to realize that hearing this video. And I was already questioning a lot of things. But this is getting me to that next level I needed to get to
I wish there were therapists who took Medicaid/Medicare who were informed about narcissistic abuse. If there were there would be a lot less people on SSI/a lot more fully functioning people.
I’ve been humiliated me consistently, yelling, demean, ridiculed, embarrassed me front of my family, directly in front of my his family, ex wives, children, grandchildren, subtly from my family.. to make sure my creditability and shaped opinion of me so everyone thinks I am a non intelligent, incompetent, undeserving of respect, I’m to blame for being dormant human that can’t succeed or make wise choices w/out him. Yet I’ve achieved and accomplished more then most average women have. Trauma is insane. Flying monkeys caught up in his charisma, charm, feeding financial to workers… Pushes superiority since he holds the bag financially…
My husband doesn't necessarily try to humiliate me in public (though it has happened occasionally) or demean my character to others, but he will go on long rants to ME about how awful he thinks I am. He just really focuses his energy on trying to keep me self doubting and needy. He hasn't figured out it's not working anymore. Thank you Dr. C for these helpful videos.
i had a friend in college whose bf at the time, in a restaurant when it was dessert time, goes to her, ' oh no, you do not want dessert.'in front of all their friends. first of all, she was not overweight. it bothered her for days because she mentioned it to us days later.
THE UNDERCUTTING OF MY AUTHORITY WHEN IT COMES TO OUR CHILDREN IS THE WORST OF THEM ALL BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO POWERLESS OVER THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN!
Yes the evil smirk that they flash briefly when they THINK they have succeeded in humiliating me. I'm not ashamed of any of the choices that I have made.
Yesterday .... My partner threw me out of the house , saying that's where I am meant to be . Then after sometime came told me to get inside. Saying It's my Fault that he behaves like that !!!!! Character assassination and humiliation has always been there . I know myself, so when he character assassinates, I don't get affected....then comes the rage .... With a slew of unspeakable things... I wonder...when will I gather the COURAGE to walk out ... Having responsibility of my aged mother makes it difficult to just walk out . Am not financially independent. I first need to become financially independent so I can be where I want to be. Thanks for these videos Sir ... Makes us Aware of our situations. Much respect and gratitude .
If one repeats a lie a thousand times even very highly intelligent people are likely to fall prey to believing it. If you confront them, you are declared rude and if you don't confront them, their lies and propaganda go unchecked and you are declared guilty. It's a situation of 'damned if you do and doomed if you don't do'.
I am really glad you paid attention to my comment Dr. Carter. Let me elaborate my situation a little further. Several years ago I inadvertantly crossed paths with some people, both male and female, of very fragile ego but of high social status in India, the country where I live. The only solution to satisfy their fragile ego and make them look better than me was to turn me into a failure. So I was ruthlessly pursued everywhere and in everything I tried to do; defamation through bad propaganda and lies has been their way, an art that they have so skillfully mastered that you couldn't differentiate the good, the bad and the ugly among them. My initial quick successes made them fearful and so the stakes were raised. How badly I was pursued is a story in itself. During the time my colleagues were struggling with their own intellectual limitations, I was made to struggle with these harsh situations artificially created around me, yet I made good headways initially. Situation got bad to worse to worst as the days passed. I have been and still am being even digitally stalked by some totally perverted but devoted minds. How much their brains and personality is twisted is clearly reflected in their comments. You must never throw pebbles in rotten poo and so the best strategy is not to respond. When it all started, I was told indirectly that I am too assertive and that I will be fixed. Today when all opportunities of my doing something remarkable in my career are exhausted, they have no shame in telling me that they have fixed me, even today through indirect conversations only, a true marker of cowards. Midway through my ordeal the baton was passed from sophisticated Caste narcissists to raw Caste narcissists making the situation even bleaker. When you go down its not just the main Narcs that are your problem, even people like neighbors, your own community members and even relatives seek opportunities in your ordeal which is an even worse experience. Almost a year back my sister, who was supporting me through my struggle was also killed and I am still waiting for the police to do something. An action as simple as a forensic investigation of the crime scene has yet not been done. Even her viscera report is still pending. Several times through my ordeal I had tried to take help of the Police and other responsible authorities but the response barring only perhaps once was as if there was to be no compromise on humiliating me. My situation has pushed me into silence largely. It's better to look inward, interact with only good people and believe in God in such times as these. I have been raised with this belief and I am making good use of it at present.
They put you in a double bind a lose lose situation. You stick up for yourself your being'over dramatic' you don't stick up for yourself you get treated like crap 💩. The only thing you can do is just not give them any time of day or any attention at all because you cannot come to a reasonable solution with people who want to make you there enemy. Once you go of the radar however, bad this sounds they will forget you exist. These people have something called 'low object constancy' when your out of sight your out of mind. They will easily forget about you and move on to someone else who they can get their supply of and doesn't 'criticise' them as much as you do. Because how dare you criticise them they are gods in their own minds. They probably scapegoated you because you are intelligent and you worked out what they were doing. That's good because in the future you can protect yourself from such people. Sometimes the worse life lessons you have to learn the hard way.
@@veraishani4702 Exactly! X well I dunno If I believe in God because I am only young so I am still on my own spiritual journey. But yes I agree if god exists he knows what happens.if he doesn't then you know what happens and that is enough xxx
This is the first video that discusses when you made a mistake and have guilt and shame from what you've done and that it's still not right to humiliate you by their words using family and social media! I could never wrap my mind around a human being that can humiliate you not just once, but time and time again every time you have fallen short, lost yourself! I want to point out that their goal is to make you feel worthless and extremely vulnerable! He humiliated me so much on social media that a very dark deep depression set in. I stayed in my room for almost a month with my curtains blackened from the sunlight, only getting up to feed my children and make sure they were alright, couldn't face my family because he tagged them in the post, the pain was unbearable. So, thank you for making a video that speaks of human shortcomings, making mistakes but no one deserves to be humiliated! I hope you make more videos related to this matter. Because of listening to this video, I just might be able to let go, to heal!🥀
🙏❤Spot on again! Guilt, shame and humiliation have surrounded me for 50 years. They work in packs to influence and don't care who they use and hurt. Until my kids started to experience this, I thought no one would ever understand. Then I wished I were the only one😭. Now I know too many know. Your kindness, understanding, validation and wisdom are what so many have needed our whole lives. Thanks for the life changing support🙏❤❤
Thank you Dr. Les Carter. I am finally finding my way back to God after many years of not prioritizing my relationship with Him. Being with my Heavenly Father has brought me to a place of healing where inner peace can finally be crafted. Listening to your video is such a helpful and gentle reminder that this is the right path. Thank you for the work that you do. May you recieve many blessings.
Thank You so much for this. I am still struggling every day from feeling like dirt, panic attacks and guilt. It's unbelievable how a person can take a genuinely loving person and make them feel subhuman. You are very empowering. Thank You.
Design Inc....I could not have said that better. I have lived it and truly wish neither one of us had to. I am believing for both of us, by doing the self love on just us, we will come to the other side of the storm seeing the rainbows in our life. Thank you for sharing what I have been living! 🥰
@@littleiodine9480 And I Thank You. Strangely, I wound up leaving that State a few weeks ago, because although my last roommate had a great heart, he is alcoholic, and I started to see the EXACT Red Flags developing after his Son moved out. We still talk, but I was rebuilding my life there. Now I am adjusting to a different environment. I am sad, but my friends thought it best I went back to the East Coast to help me Recover. I have friendly roommates, but I still have not fully Recovered. I have been told it takes time, and I find myself fatigued. Narcissists do not care how they ruin people because that's their goal. No one here can believe what I survived, and I do hope to continue writing my own book on the events that took place. No Psychiatrist has helped, except for sedative medicine and now I need 2 sleeping medications. But the Night Terrors stopped. I am so sorry you had to go through this too. The Emotional Wounds will heal, but leave Scarring. I use that "Developing Scar", to Alert me to Narcs. I sometimes feel I should have stood my ground and not left the State, but I would have gone through the same abuse (my roommate was drunk and locked me in a pitch black garage to punish me for speaking during a telephone program, and I was not allowed to go back to bed), because when Peace Officers have to intervene, and I am a "rotten, crazy person ", and my roommate is the victim. It was building up, but my friends were BEGGING me to leave, and I Boarded the next plane - with my Rabbit 🐇 - and now my roommate said his dog misses me, and life is "Living Hell " without me. He has another roommate already, but his dog is urinating all over his clothes now. I am so sad for the dog. Narcissists DON'T EVER stop to think about the feelings of Others, and being an Empath, I relate to animals because we are very much like them: astute, sensitive and willing to Love. I don't feel bad for whoever is there, because they are using my television and air condtioner,, but they obviously don't give the Love and Affection and Time I put in. As for my Narcissist Ex-boyfriend, I'm not worthy of living. That's rather odd, because my new roommate and I talk, laugh, and they show compassion. I can't wait for the Day this all goes away. Thank You again for your kind words and I Wish You All The Best. Personally, I think Narcissists should have a State, or Island, they can all be placed on, and have a taste of each others abuse. ❤❤❤
I actually wound up going back to the State I call Home, because I missed it. And I don't want him to feel like he Won and I whimpered away. What they do to us, honestly. 🙄
Hum. I can see how I internalise the critics, the shaming, the humiliation. I'm becoming my own narcissistic voice... That's what hurts the most, the repetition of it.
Get away from narcissists and turn that voice around. Make a conscious effort to contradict that voice. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." They are all smoke and mirrors. Remind yourself that you are real and strong and beautiful.
@@myutube5882 Thank you for your gentle support. In this case, the smoke and mirrors are coming from within, so I am obviously abusing myself, which shows my addiction to suffering. I've noticed as well how defensive I've become, so I'm now trying to discriminate between truth and falsehood, in order not to jump straight away into the victim position, which, as we know by now, is not a nice place to be.
The other night I realized that I even let their voices reign in my thoughts - I debase my own thoughts by thinking of worst case scenarios to bring me down if I start feeling too good or hopeful. I supply my own backlash because I internalized their backlash to me when I was a child/teen/young adult. I want to stop this. We can do it, Phoenix Rising. Being aware is the first step. Insert your own voice loud and clear and tell yourself, “This is their baloney. It doesn’t belong to me. It won’t reside here. This is my head. Out. Avaunt." Keep up the practice. I wish us both luck in this.
@@lolo9553ify Thank you. Work in progress: I've stopped identifying myself with the voices in my head, whatever their content since I've noticed 90% of the thinking process is just useless repetition that can be harmful. We will get there Darling, trust the process. xx
@@lolo9553ify What you wrote reminds me of ULP, a way of punishing yourself for feeling good., check it out sis: "ULP stands for Upper Limit Problem, which comes from thousands of years of our ancestors being really good at noticing when something is wrong. Think about it as an "invisible thermostat" for how much of things going well we can tolerate... When we exceed the thermostat setting for how much love and positive energy our nervous systems can handle, we humans have the tendency to do something unconscious, such as criticizing ourselves or others, breaking an agreement, or in someway sabotaging something good that's happening. Our work is all about making the daily choices that can allow us to expand in consciously giving and receiving more love every day." Katie and Gay Hendricks
The narc in my building has taken his humiliation needs to a whole new level. He just bought a drone and has been caught using it on the other homeowners. And then shares those images with a select few for 30 seconds of giggles and snorts. The police said he can’t be arrested because he lives here. I have appointments with two realtors this week. I am so done with that nutcase. And am very interested in Dr Carters insights in this.
Cymbolic Human Ha...great ideas! Coincidentally, my brother is a FCC licensed drone operator for the msm. I called and asked him if it’s legal to shoot it. He said no. But I am set up now to take video of it, every time he does it. With enough occurrences, I should be able to get a restraining order, which MIGHT mean, we can evict him from the building too. But, you know, even that wouldn’t stop a narc. I’ve been wanting to move away from the city anyway. (Sanctuary state.) Time for a new, healing adventure...but I like your ideas for the interim! Gotta listen to Dr C. now...thanks!
That reminds me of the show in England but on RUclips now. It's called my narcissist neighbor. It is real but reenacted but the original people also speak. Wow, they are some really sick people. One guy wold sit on his shed and just stare at the neighbors every time they were in the yard trying to really enjoy it. This other lady would bang on the walls all hours of the night. In some cases it started with an innocent request and the Narc didn't like being asked to turn tv down etc.
Mine took a happy, healthy, independent woman, financially fit and broke me down. I ended up saying things to him that I wouldn't say to anyone out of frustration.He stole my joy! I'm getting it back though!
They'll humiliate you, and when you call them on it, they say "I was just joking, you're too sensitive".
Very much true.
One of the craziest things I have heard my narcissists boss mentioned is that many persons understand his aggression, anger flares, humiliation,etc. Therefore others should adjust to do the same. Everyone will never become his flying monkies.
Spot on. 👍
That's exactly what is said to me !
Christine Williams here - I Say “ Take Their Dang Head Off “ off did I mention off - & “ Let Them Do The Work ( chopping yeh chopping ) “ - Not some “ Clean “ “ C U T “ “ w / out suffering “ That Is J U S T I C E ! Where there is no justice for Narc Abuse Take the Abuse and Put It To Use ! Learn / Read / Educate , They will blow themselves up & Just Be There To Sign The Damb Police Report when they cross the line & they will . . .
Any person who uses humiliation as a weapon towards others is the most broken person of all... this can also be a family trait...
We live in a region where narcissism is the culture. Both sides of our families did "family mobbings" in which they would come against born again Christians all the time for nothing. They would rage at any disagreement to intimidate, mock our ways and much more. I realized after writing a book about this that the entire culture for the most part in this region is narcissistic with some exceptions.
@@aw3271 - this sounds like Luciferian behavior to me. So sorry you are involved with this type of person. They are toxic.
@@patriciarobinett1235 it’s worse when it’s family of origin and they all gang up on you - without knowledge, this victim goes on to have seriously defective relationships throughout life
Omg! My adult daughters (25, twins) have banded together with my 55 year old narc sister and unfortunately, I had to cut them off too. They saw how horribly she treated me and our parents for years. They threw temper tantrums and when their father and I finally said “enough is enough” they ran right to her. They had not spoken to my sister in 4+ years. Now she’s “Aunt of the year” and my husband and I are awful people. Fortunately, my entire family has known us all and sees what they are doing. Even if they didn’t, we know we made the right decision. We tried with our girls for years and we know we gave them the tools to be amazing people. We cannot make them use those tools.
Yes passed down from mother to my sister and on to my own daughter 😕🙏
The narcissist hate it when you know yourself. They are so jealous of the fact that you know who you are that they want to take it from you. Don’t let them.
Yes they resent your authenticity. They always have to find something outside themselves instead of fixing within.
Agree 💯
@@taraarrington2285 yes!
This is not my quote but is so accurate I will never forget it, "narcissists eat your emotions".
they want to create a false being for you one that is weak and feel insecure.
Sadly, they can do a lot more harm than just humiliation. They can
Actually kill your desire to live.
That is very true.
Yep
They're Satan's children. Don't date them
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🎯
So true! The MANY I knew had me very suicidal for several decades and I almost succeeded several times. They are dangerous!
They humiliate ur clothing , your words , your accent , your sense of humour , your approach to anything , and your behaviour in any capacity …
Also your weight, house, neighborhood, child's choices, husband,hair, looks, etc.
Yes. Your entire existence. 💯
@@Ski7440 Yes. Your way of being in any capacity is fuel for someone whose sole mission is to annihilate your sense of self worth. They will reach for the most basic and banal thing. Very intentional and laser-focused on their goal.
The best revenge on a narc: show them that you are happy; have no contact with them. Show them that you do not need them and you do not want them. And you don’t care how they are and you don’t want to hear from them. That is the sweetest revenge.
Current President is showing this type of personality against the US populace
Thanks for reminding me roxithefox.
@@reginaford8575 true
Yes, they are a total waste of time and your energy
My mother had way too much power. No one could run away from her. She was a highly placed member of the old Soviet dominated Communist Party USA and they could find anyone anywhere in the world and make a lot of trouble for you and they did so with me when I tried moving 1000 miles away from my mother. They were scary people.
It IS abuse, it IS bullying and they CHOOSE to behave in this appauling way!!..and like all bullies they are COWARDS!
Yep. People that treat people like this are ruled by demons!
Yep.... Cowards. Only word you need
A confusing mixture of humiliation, sarcasm, devaluing, mocking my choices, rudeness, abusive language then showering me with gifts!
A complete rollercoaster
So very tired of it
Sounds exactly like my situation
Mine too. I’ve given my parents soooooooo many chances but last night in the supermarket was the last straw. You do not know the arguments & rows that were had 8 months ago over this convid (which I had and did not pass to them or my asthmatic sister yet she felt the need to shout my name and tell me to put my mask on in the middle of a busy supermarket. I’m 42 years of age. My mother is an agent of Satan I’ve no doubt in my mind she was told how dangerous she was, but I’m nothing but a radicalised conspiracy theorist never mind once those theories are confirmed on MSM she’s ready to chat. Plans are now being made to get so far away I forget how to come back. DONE!
Playing with the pet
Same here, its over!
I got fed up with his cruel & strange behaviours.
"Humiliation reveals their brokenness." I love this.
70 percent are spoiled BRATS, 30 percent are abused according to Dr. Sam Vaknin.
Facts
The humiliation and ridicule is so childlike, it's like you're back in the playground dealing with a 6 year old.
Unfortunately, you're right. Dr. C
Exactly. Narcs are adult toddlers.
The wickedness of the week.
Don't call them out on that one though, I tried. The project it right back to you: You're the immature one here, noone else, and go on a tirade.
@@MysteriousDrella true, and that's why it's best to not talk to them at all
It's so refreshing to be in the presence of 'normal' people, and to actually have a conversation! It's like going on a wonderful vacation!
YES!! Patricia, I totally agree!
I’ve found so much more happiness by finding family in extended family and friends. It’s only February and I’m already anxious about how Christmas will look this year, I don’t want to be around my immediate family
@Siobhan Fogarty So true,its a world of difference.
What a miracle, Pat! 🤖🖖🤖
Thanks again,a dark spirit is in my life again,i will use all the tools i got from you to beat this 🖖
Watching people that are supposed to love you celebrating your suffering is something i will never understand.
The only reason why they keep a contact with you is to check if you gave up or not. Yep, your OWN family !
A weakness of a narcissist is their extreme hatred of being embarrassed. There is nothing worse for them than having someone point out even the slightest fault. This method of casting shame allows them to feel superior while minimizing any impact the other person might have.👍
Bingo.
You get it. Dr. C
rightly so!
Yep
If he ever touches me i will pour a drink down on him. Whatever happens after that is Gods will.
They give fake love, fake smiles, fake lives! So happy that the Most High reveled to me what he is. So happy Im free. No more second guessing, crying, confusion, mind games. Im free!
I got away 8 weeks ago and I’m loving it, left my narc of 33 years and not ever going back
@@triplekids3 its only been 3 weeks for me.He Left me for his ex wife! He went back to his old recycled supply. She must be a Narcissists too , to want him back! Im just happy that I know what he is.
But like the bible says ....
Proverbs 26:11 kjv
11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.
I say so long and Good BYE! 😌
Thanking God that He has led you to your freedom! Please pray for me and my children
@@marisadaniela6 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾☝🏾
@@urimtefiki226 I notice if im crying or emotional he'll stares at my mouth or lips not my eyes, i thought that was weird. But i understand what you mean about the eyes, i would catch him staring at me and his eyes (evil) and that mischievous smile
My former boss (owner of a company) and his daughter (the sales assistant) were exactly as this man describes. It was miserable. One day, after they went home, I simply packed up my office and just left. Never even gave them a resignation letter or phone call. Never saw them again. It was a huge relief. Boss texted me and tried to pick an argument . I ignored it.
Walk away, hang up the phone and do not respond. Give them nothing to work with.
For some narcs no contact is reason to explode. My narc friend found a way to contact me anyway, calling me names etc. I think sometimes the best way is slowly taking more and more distance after the silent treatment.
In my family they just make up lies anyway so it wouldn't make a difference.
Narc sister in law calls husband, ask how I’m doing? or whatever, then ask to speak to me. I stop accepting this because if she really wants a relationship or communication she can call me directly, not through my husband phone every time. Who does that? It’s her way of blaming me for everything but I don’t care anymore so I just tell him to tell her hi, and I leave it that way! I’m not going to make a fuse about her silliness. She can just stop calling for me through his phone, it’s 2021! Acts like a child, then treats us like children! Who does this?
If you are able to do so, it's the best way to deal with a narcissist.
I've got no problem cutting contact with narcs. Been there, done that.
My problem is that it almost seems necessary to cut contact with everyone, in a way. Or at least, stop going to things where a narc may publicly humiliate you. And that's a lot of things, so the "normals" might get offended that you never turn up to anything except for one-on-one meetings and the like. Oh well.
It would help if "normals" stopped tolerating this bullshit just because it's not directly happening to them. They're afraid of rocking the boat. I guess they're indirect victims of the narcissist or something. Maybe I think too much lol, but it's better than exposing myself to narc bullshit.
That was my life. Every day. In the hands of a narcissist, I found myself wishing for death. Every day.
It would be the kindnesses shown to me by others that would save me. Every smile, every kind word, every door held open became things I deposited into a bank of strength that eventually combined to become what I leaned on as I made my escape.
I hope people realise that they needn’t do huge things to help/save people. The small things can add up to big things and they can make a huge difference.❤️
😢I’ve been there. All I thought of was suicide. Every second for decades.
@@Eaglespy72gmailcom Stop okay. No one is interested.
Yes the smallest things can mean so much... For example: the first time I was back home away from the narc I felt sick so I went to bed halfway through the day.. after a while my sister knocked at my door and said that if I needed anything I would only have to say so.. and at that moment I nearly cried because I had completely forgotten what it was like to be treated kindly..
Wow that is awesome, such a good reminder : )))
Yes. I felt like I was falling down a well. One day I had a wonderful conversation with someone. My entire outlook lifted, just by a single nonabusive conversation where I felt like my former confident, respected self.
It is not easy to build self-respect when you were raised humiliated by several people...
The work of a lifetime! I try to remember it is advanced soul training... Masters Level. When a child is destroyed while trying to form a self, it seems to me that if we come out as even remotely functional people of any ethics and kindness, able to hold a job and treat people well, it means we have mastered persistence and upheld our character despite walking through a 600 degree fire from the moment we hit the womb, for at least the first 18-21 years of our lives. Longer if we keep them in our lives and try to retrain them behaviorally. Considering the brain is in a hypnotic state for the first 7 years of live, it's pretty astonishing if we turn out as kind people - it means we are astonishingly strong and good at the soul level if we turn out well. Recovering any self-esteem despite being basically in a torture camp from birth on, learning how to manage these people - who feel entitled to continue abusing us - is the final capstone we must manage to erect.
@@falconbritt5461 But yet, I sometimes feel like I'm no real adult with adult feelings. Sometimes I feel like a child in the costume of a middle-aged woman trying to act sensible.
@@solidstate9451 I was raised by a highly abusive mother and I literally went through hell during my childhood. I knew from a very young age that something was extremely wrong with her. This gave me the strength to endure years of humiliations and bad treatments. But the price to pay was hiding my feelings, so I can perfectly understand that you can think that you don't have adult feelings. But I am sure you have, or you wouldn't be able to write about you have been going through for so many years. Remember, love is the only potion that can really heal our feelings. When I say love, I mean loving yourself just as you are.
@@patr7115 that's a great comment, I feel the same as 'solid state'. Increasing years but still like a child but perhaps that child is who I am. They had some good traits, maybe I should keep those and actually like them. I kind of like that child side of me. After all we made it through those fires of hell battered and bruised mentally emotionally and physically also in my case. I like who that child was and is, it's just they weren't valued or protected. Maybe instead of shunning that it's a good thing ✌
You just described my in-law, with whom I would NEVER have chosen to have a relationship. After seeing some of these videos, I decided to disengage completely, even though it means losing the connection with the family member who is married to the “narcissist.” Humiliation is extremely PAINFUL.
Simply by not responding. Their goal is control and they're trying to use your own fear and shame against yourself to get you to comply. Someone here (forgot who) said it best especially when they try to involve other people: "when they can't control you, they will try to control how others see you". If you feel the need to respond, only say your piece once and leave it at that. Let the third party decide for themselves. If they decide to side with the narc, move on. Perhaps they also should not be in your life anyway.
Absolutely. And I remember reading the quote.
Sad but true. My parents turned my 90 year old grandmother against me. Through there communication with her I received a letter from her telling me to go to hell. I couldn't believe it. She never took into consideration my character over the years and my kind actions. I was and am constant there, but it took my parents to convince her otherwise. It's true, there is no point in trying to revert back to the good thoughts they did have.
@@AKS-rp2pv
Terrible.
@@AKS-rp2pvIf I say I like someone or she is really nice, the new narc in our family says, Did you know she (something really negative). Luckily I can see through but wonder what she is say to them about me and I can see people in her family acting a little different. But I don't care, there are too many nice people to focus on and that's that.
Absolutely spot on 👍
The dirty Narcissist has GOT to humiliate you.. It regulates their emotions and it boosts their self worth and self-esteem sadly at YOUR expense.
Think about it... A normal health person does NOT have to make others seem small and worthless just so THEY feel better about themselves.
My narc is running out of people to humiliate. How's that working out, sis?
CONTACT EAGLE SPY ON Whatsapp : Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 to help you too.
I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years. we were so in love and so close to Each other and we were blessed with 4 kids, we struggled so much to Make money in the early stages of our marriage, finally God blessed my husband with a very good job with lucrative offers. Few months after, i started noticing some changes on his acts, it was a struggle for him to do so many things in the family, he cared less for the kids, the most annoying of it he started to keep late nights and sometimes not even come home. i was so curious and really worried with this attitude of his, so i was forced to look for a way to get into his phone to really see what he does, Someone referred me to a phone spying company EAGLE SPY, they are simply Amazing they were able to clone his phone for me and provided the password to all his phone and Social media in few hours , i have access to both deleted and incoming messages then i found out my husband has Been keeping a family aside from i and my kid, it was really Sad and disastrous for The few weeks after i knew the reasons for his depression but trust me i live very fine and happy with my kids now. you can contact him on ( Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 ) to help you spy on your narcissist spouse or abuse now to have evidence on them........====
100% this.
Your profile name made me smile
Thank you. This helps me. I am someone that needs to “understand” what is happening to get it.
I so needed those words just now! ‘No one can make u feel inferior without your consent!’
I'm a survivor. When I started my journey back, the first & best thing I did for myself was to STOP TOLERATING DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR. Period. I didn't retaliate. I stopped attending family functions with the Narcissist. When asked why, the explanation was simple. "I won't tolerate being treated in a belittling, disrespectful manner." & I gave examples. After much cajoling , I attended a family party. Just like clockwork, it happened again. It was obvious to all why I immediately left without a word. I won't go back.
Give yourself the basic humanity of SELF RESPECT. Your confidence & self worth will start to recover. Enabling destructive behavior will only encourage & perpetuate it. Everyone has the right to choose the company they keep. Enabler's should remember this old saying, " If you lay down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas. "
Perfectly said!
give me an inspiration
... thank you! 🌹
Venus Rising
They don't even deserve a reason why you are leaving. They will just twist that too.
Trying to make sense with them is a losing proposition!!
CONTACT EAGLE SPY ON Whatsapp : Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 to help you too.
I am here to talk about my Experience, we were married for about 10 years. we were so in love and so close to Each other and we were blessed with 4 kids, we struggled so much to Make money in the early stages of our marriage, finally God blessed my husband with a very good job with lucrative offers. Few months after, i started noticing some changes on his acts, it was a struggle for him to do so many things in the family, he cared less for the kids, the most annoying of it he started to keep late nights and sometimes not even come home. i was so curious and really worried with this attitude of his, so i was forced to look for a way to get into his phone to really see what he does, Someone referred me to a phone spying company EAGLE SPY, they are simply Amazing they were able to clone his phone for me and provided the password to all his phone and Social media in few hours , i have access to both deleted and incoming messages then i found out my husband has Been keeping a family aside from i and my kid, it was really Sad and disastrous for The few weeks after i knew the reasons for his depression but trust me i live very fine and happy with my kids now. you can contact him on ( Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 ) to help you spy on your narcissist spouse or abuse now to have evidence on them........====
Yes. Rule number one. You know it will happen again so stay away for good. They are low life’s with fleas.
My mother was a pampered only child who relied on beauty and charm for attention. She felt anyone who gets attention other than her needs to be put in their place. She tried to dominate and control everything and threw tantrums when she didn't get her way. She berated and demeaned me in front of others for attention and to make it clear who the leader of the pecking order was. To her horror I had talent in art and wasn't ugly. She forbid me to have long hair, made endless cruel remarks about me to others. She tried destroying my relationships and even ruthlessly flirted with my last boyfriend a few year ago (she was in her seventies and married!) Without boundaries and having a needy, fragile ego she has always needed endless validation. A bottomless pit of want and need.
I know the mean things she said and did about me weren't about me now, but when I was young it cut like a knife. I stood up to her back then, and before I learned not to react, I put her in her place. She would yell and carry on but sometimes I yelled back then left. Taking DBT therapy I learned to control my emotions. It drove her nuts but too bad. Peace feels good and keeping a calm mind makes things better. Most of all developing the boundaries to stay away and not engage helped the most. I can be who I am now with nobody trying to cut me down. If they do, it doesn't matter because I consider the source..an angry, damaged, sadistic and selfish person who cannot love. I'm hurt from the abuse but I still have empathy and knowledge of how to treat people with kindness and respect.
Hi Carolyn! I always enjoy your well-articulated and insightful posts! See you on the other vlogs! 👍💪❤️
Funny how many things we have stuffed deep down inside ourselves.
Every experience helps the healing process.
thank you!
I'm shocked by the level of violence these people perpetrate.
They love to isolate their victims mentally and emotionally.
@@sjwillis1137
Your comment brings back memories. I have felt several times in the past like punching my mother in the face. I understand what you felt when you did it.
These narcissistic mothers have an allergic reaction to their daughter's happiness. The very thought of someone loving you makes them sick to their stomachs. They constantly want you to remember you'll never be worthy of love or admiration. It's just projection on their part. Narcissist mothers only see you as a mirror image of themselves. So everything she projects onto you is what she is hearing in her head about *herself* on a daily basis. If you keep that in mind, it won't hurt you.
But mothers like that are dangerous, very dangerous, because they will stop at nothing to sabotage every opportunity or ounce of happiness on the horizon for you. And given the fact that we as their children tend to hang in there with them, all you end up doing is giving her more and more info about yourself for her to use to damage your life with..... Even if it's as simple as planting ideas in your head when you're trying to accomplish something.
(Example: you tell her you're going for a job interview in two days. So she decides to call you up and decimate you right before your interview, so you go in with ZERO self confidence and don't get the job.)
I too was molested by a neighbor when I was a child. A neighbor she hired to babysit me. And when I told her about it, her response was *"Some children like it, it doesn't bother some children."*
Can you imagine that??!!?
She shamed me!!
No contact is always the best solution when you have a mother like that.
After I went no contact with mine, it took me a year to get rid of "phone fright". Anxiety would kick in every time the phone rang or I got a notification.
Think about going no contact, you won't be free until you do. The fear of going no contact isn't real. You can survive without her. They groom you to feel like you can't, because *THEY* need *YOU* for supply. But you can do life just fine without her, but you'll never know how capable you are until you try. If she had it her way, you'd be feeling like a child your entire life.....watching your peers grow, marry, form careers, accomplish great things, while you struggle to find your way in life. Cut her loose for your own good. I'm sure she's already worked on destroying your marriage.....it's par for the course with these types of mothers.
God bless you in your journey.
Ooo Lord, I am so sorry knowing a Narcistic mother can be so evil . I admire your streght ... continue growing stronger every single day. I pray for your healthy and happy mind. 🌹❤
Impressed with your integrity! Thx for illuminating this and mirroring my own experience. Blessings.
My husband humiliates me. He even makes things up to humiliate me when he is angry. I’ve suspected he has narcissism for about 8 years. We have children together and I’ve been alienated for so long that I I’ve no support, no money, no community and everyone believes he is an amazing guy of integrity.
Self-Protection!! Support!! God!! 😢💔😪❤️🙏🙏🤗
I believe you.
@@brandiphillips5775 and they swear what they made up is real. My bf does this in front of his parents and I’m constantly saying” I didn’t say that”
I feel he wants you to feel this way.
My take is that you survived his cruelty, therefore you are stronger than you've had the opportunity to experience yet. You are a member of Team Healthy now, that's big. ❤
They are the kings and queens of "controlled chaos." They set the stage and you are their leading actor. Lights, Camera..Action..!! You are now being watched and followed. Your shortcomings, your struggles, your secrets will be made public to people you've never met. You are the butt of their jokes and they love when others laugh at you while they drag your name though the dirt. They hate you and they will cause an entire community to turn on you. Been in this cycle for five years. I want out.
Too bad so many people witness this and do absolutely nothing to take up for those being terrorized by these bullys
We have licenses to drive cars but not to raise a child. Some training should be required at the very least.
Right? Not ok.
I wonder too. For one, they don't wanna be on the receiving end or bad side of these people. Also, the feeling of inclusion draws them in. Ultimately, they are too weak to be their own person and think for themselves.
Enablers worse
Emotional maturity of a small child. They just get better at being a small child.
Lol perfectly said!
Eleanor Roosevelt's statement cannot apply to a child being humiliated by a narc mother. In order to not consent, you need to be in a position to decline consent. You require power that a small child does not have.
Absolutely.
Yes I agree with that statement. When a child is made to feel inferior by the very person they already hold in high regard, ( that's natural for most children in my opinion) that child will take those words as absolute truth and end up labeling themselves with this words. I'm saying this because that's what I did as a child. I was called a name and I truly believed that's what I was as a child and then brought it into my young adult years. It's a very defeating way to live and I empathize with those who have been emotionally and mentally abused. There is no proof in scars because we carry them on the inside.
@nimbleneedle Yes, again applies to adult but not a child, where so much of the damage occurs.
It's very sad, but children can do nothing against it. You could start a healing process only when you will grow up. Children are hostages of their family's reality... It's like living in a middle of bad trip without an opportunity to realize anything clear. Like being in the middle of a sea storm without a boat. Just trying to survive and not drown completely.
@Linda- Well said & absolutely true. Eleanor was no stranger to childhood neglect. Nor belittling behavior from others. Her family was wealthy. But both parents died when she was very young. Her Grandmother Hall didn't pay much attention. That experience made her very empathetic to the poor & neglected. She was a special compassionate woman who learned to respect herself.
There are two ways to have the tallest building. One way is to build the tallest building and leave the other ones alone. The other is to wreck the other buildings around yours so that yours towers over others in false comparison.
Narcissists are adept at taking a wrecking ball to other people's buildings to make theirs look taller.
Nice comparison
💯
Great analogy
good analogy.
So dr. C Where do wr anchor our knowledge of our good character. Practical who where what please! I already know why. All day we seeeeee see why. Need practical exples and help. Stuck with a work group reputation wrecked. Can't get a new one. Don't need a shrink I need a lawyer. Yes its depressing to prove the bad things the narco did. Yes it feeds their ego. But i need the job future I lost.
I find that growing up with a N mother has left me so hurt. She is so vicious and so out to humiliate me. My two siblings go along with her. It is an absolute emotional hell. This is how I feel, that I was born to be humiliated by my family. My greatest regret is not running away from home at age 15. I could have saved myself a hell of a life.
Wow, we must be sisters from another mother, even down to your greatest regret.
Make that triplets… from the same mother. 😉
You can still run away as an adult at any age. It’s called “going no-contact.” I was in the same situation as you a few years ago - covert narcissistic mother and 3 narcissistic siblings. I finally went no-contact with them 9 years ago. Best thing I ever did for myself. I only wish I’d had the courage to do it 30 years prior.
Triangulation
Where would you go
I remember from one of Dr. Carter's videos telling us to use that one word that can neutralize a narcissist, just say;
"WHATEVER"
but sadly the Narc will you this word to...i know i use to hear it a lot in my 5 horror years with her...come to think of it, she bought a shirt at K-Mart back then to show how she felt about anything she didnt want to face....
I simply ask, "SO WHAT?"
Okay works too
How about the abuser that only does this at home not in public
? On the outside they look great. Nobody knows how they really are behind closed doors.
Yeah my dad did that.
They're possessed people, without that they're dead souls. Anyone who is evil intent towards anyone in general is not worth associating with. Waste of time and pointless in bothering to love someone like that because you'll have a hard time moving on. they prob put a hex on you after you leave them so it will make them feel better knowing you're thinking of them. They're easy to see through if you have no personal feelings and have an understanding of someone that's really evil. They don't even realise how evil they are, because they don't care.
@@hellhurts8003 My Younger sister and I haven't spoken to my dad for at least 6 months now. He has had contact with my older Brother and my older sister though. And they say he wants to get into contact with me and my younger sister. Saying he feels 'guilty' about the way he treated us and wants to make amends. It's to late now I turn twenty-one in three months. And my younger sister is 17 going on 18 this December. I am already an adult and my sister is on the verge of becoming one .This should've been done 10 years ago when we we're still kids so I wouldn't have to deal with so many mental health issues now.He also acts like an adult baby and acts hopeless like oh I don't know how to contact you .like dude pick up a phone and call. I feel like it's emotional manipulation to hoover us back in so he can control us again. I am not going to get into contact with him!. He is just trying to make us feel bad for him so we feel sorry for him and let him back into are lives only to turn full cunt mode again.He was emotional and physically abusive in childhood. He had a quick temper and anything would set him of .The type of person you walk on egg shells around.Really tall intimidating guy as well. I was terrified of him at times. At times he was kind and did show some affection but not in the normal way.He wasn't tactile and never really hugged us. I do have some good memories of him though when we used to run around the house with him dancing to crazy music. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive to my mum and they argued 24-7. They had a really bad relationship yet they stayed together and neither one cheated. They are now divorced.I don't know what is wrong with my dad he has empathy but it is displayed in a really odd way that doesn't make sense. I don't think he is a psychopath.I think he maybe is a mix between borderline and covert narcissism. Any thoughts ?
@@hellhurts8003 You are absolutely right in this. Possesed people, my partner had even some kind of psychotic reaction (it was when he smoked a lot of weed, he stopped that), but last year he was talking a lot about Satan, was using satanic numbers just for " fun", talking about dead newborns-dead kids for "fun", singing songs with satan in it, talking about dead people ...yes, we ended up in a social service because of that, I was petrified. Traumatic experience. Year later, the same evilish person, I saved his life and at the end lied to the social - because his family was threatening me I ll lose my kids. And now,. he wants to make the bad guy from me. Disgusting.
@@tjradmila Honestly I think most narcs literally sold their souls to the Devil. When people do that it takes God out of them, and they're left with no feelings, that's why they think they can do what they want to people because they literally don't give an ish. They CANNOT love. They're empty vessels and they suck the life out of people, because it makes them feel powerful. They're boring people in the end. They have nothing.
Mine is covert. He isn’t that blatant. I hurt my back so much that I needed an ambulance. He wouldn’t call an ambulance. Instead, he watched the football game while I sat there in pain. Eventually he called after I begged him.
Fast forward 7 years later and he fainted on the stairs from the flu. I went to immediately call the ambulance. He told me not to and asked me to drive him. Point being, I didn’t think twice about getting him help. He could care less about me. Going through the divorce process now.
Hope you seek support. That is NOT covert 😳😔🙏🏽
i could write a book on all the begging i did for her....
Divorce hom such a fool sorry
I've experienced that with 2 exes. First one, I also hurt my back and was in so much pain I passed out. He leaves me alone to go on a pheasant shoot followed by a BBQ and gets home late evening. He never even phoned to check if I was ok. The next guy I was living with refused to take me for daily cancer treatment so I had to rely on hospital transport even though he was retired. He would be waiting for me to get home to prepare his meal and never once asked me how it went. When he was ill I was there for him 💯. Thankfully I'm free of these selfish creeps now.
@@Jessica-zf2df Creeps is exactly right. Creeping creepy creeps…
My husband of 30 years used to do this to me. Sometimes he still tries. We are in the process of getting divorced, and haven't lived together for almost five years. In that time I've discovered your channel. I have learned much about my role in his abuse. I'm pleased to say, I'm slowly regaining "me".
Only dealt with an abuser for 3. He asked to marry him I said, "nope." Lol
Congratulations on your divorce! Enjoy your freedom!! I just got out of a 40 yr marriage and it’s wonderful !
I hope to regain me too.... and grow into a better place in the future ❤️🌹❤️
Dear Deborah with the utmost respect and compassion can I ask you a question please because I don't quite understand something how can you stay with an abuser for 30 years. I humbly say to you that I have taken courses and studied psychology on having clear and healthy boundaries and so I'm trying to understand how someone is precious as you and I mean that sincerely because stick around with somebody for even one month who's abused you I say that humbly to you could you help me understand please cuz that is something I genuinely don't get do you have children I would take my children out so they don't become narcissists please help me understand
@@miss.l.c.minister we both worked. He had the night shift, I the day. Our marriage was functional economically. (Of course, we had our good times). I am learning every day these lessons about boundaries. There's no such thing as "just leave" but we started with intimacy. This was gone 18 years in. And yes, the children are affected. I was the one who had to maintain the roof over our heads and that's what I did for the next dozen years. Finally I cut him off like an ugly useless boil. He will always have this personality disorder. He will always be abusive. Only now I have boundaries. He's simply someone I was once married to. (he was my third husband)
I know this now and had to teach myself, a lesson that took me years to understand...
I still have a busy life. I still must maintain my home. Does this answer your question?
Narcissists are VERY JEALOUS, too - if they see you giving attention to anyone or anything else beside them, they can get very nasty. I don't care who they are, even a nice woman who's a nurse, doctor, teacher, judge, police officer, pastor, will say things that DOES NOT MATCH what they should know or be like in their profession, like a teacher or nurse being jealous of a pet when you show the pet attention, or even will even go as far as being jealous just when they hear that you fed your pet - my narcissistic parent becomes very jealous and abusive to me when anything about my pets gets brought up, just hearing that me or my husband went to the pet store to get pet food, or seeing me feed the pets, or talking about my pets, causes her to make very disgusting comments about pets and animals in general, because they are JEALOUS of the pet getting your attention in any way, so much so that a narcissist will go as far as threatening to kill your pets, or actually do it. But a lot of people in your family or their friends or coworkers would have a hard time believing they acted that way.
I can’t play pickle ball on opposite ends of the court with his guy friend.. my guy of 33 years is a nutbag.
Super jealous people
I believe in the dignity of humanity. No one can make you inferior without your consent. We are works in progress and we should anchor in our self respect and our dignity which is our birth right. Narcisists who humiliate tell on themselves.
So accurate.
I know that my character is honest, respectful and upright. And for this reason, narcissists can't humiliate me coz what they're saying doesn't match with what i know, it just falls away.
So watching a narcissist trying to reduce me to dirt is like watching a cat trying to cover a crap on a carpet, and eventually it just stinks and gets boring.
Leighatkins22
This will stay in my head while he’s trying to demean me. Nothing else has. Cat shit, cat shit, cat shit- got it, bless your soul honey😘
My sisters usually criticize me for something inconsequential...wearing or not wearing makeup, being 5 minutes early or late, wearing wrong color or style. In these instances, I just say, "Right, I am 5 minutes late." or " This shirt? Oh, yeah." Mascara, "Yeah, I like it and don't like it". At the same, I 'vote with my feet' and move on to some other distraction. it steals their thunder. Or, just go with a distraction, "Oh! a goldfish! That cloud looked just like a goldfish!" or ask something like, "Can u smell the pine trees? It reminds me of our trips to the beach!" Then I smile to let them know I'm having a wonderful day. "My handwriting? Lol...always WAS terrible!" " I was just thinking how nice u smelled as a baby. U gave the BEST hugs!" Just blow them out of the water. Oh, here's one from my sis, "In a family of mental giants, how did u turn out to be mentally defective?" 2 answers: #1) Lol, guess I was too busy having fun! #2) I've discovered the smartest or wisest thing I can do is just to be kind.
@@bikeshop2002 Thanx, I think(?) the point was...celebrate life. The critics don't make sense. Every color u wear will be wrong, so do what u like! Shine your light...they may wake someday!
@@staceykersting705 You have such a similar philosophy & attitude as me but it’s a long, long time of taking the wind (and pieces of joy) out of my sails. We are accommodating unacceptable behavior. One day, I’ll speak truth and say exactly how it’s made me feel and if it doesn’t change- I will. I already am.
@@bluemoon472 I haven't been around them for decades. Why wd I be? I'm just saying, I've been direct, and said, "Are u trying to be hurtful?' I thought u were better than that". They're just so deeply imbedded in their own toxicity, there's no hope. I omly communicate by email, and then, rarely. It filters out all the negativity.
Remember, we’re on “team healthy “now. There’s no going back. Others do not see it because they are not the target. It’s really that simple. I had to walk away from the whole lot. It hasn’t been easy. I mourn those people
I'm with you, Rauxie.
Well done time helps it gets better😊
They're not the target. Wow. Exactly. So accurate
That dog on the chair behind him is waiting so patiently for his person.
The narc im with is also my boss,whom i live with and just fired me a week ago, and I haven't received a paycheck in almost a year ! He is a covert narc & has recently become physically abusive. At this point id almost rather be hit then have to endure the daily mental torture. He knows im trying to get out. But now that im so behind financially he has put me in a sickening position. Ive lost almost 40lbs im a petite persn as it is. My hair is falling out for fuck sake! Im so lost. I dont know what to do? I have no family and no friends anymore. No one i can turn to who understands the situation. Even if i had $, the cost of rent is outrageous in Phoenix. I hate every waking moment of everyday.
@@joannek5429 really sorry to hear you story. Prayed for you ♥️
I know...u see him looking up from his nap thinking, "he's STILL talking to himself. Doesn't he know I need a ______& (insert treat, pets, walk). He's a pretty boy.
@@joannek5429 Joanne - trust me in what I'm saying - take it to God. He won't let u suffer. Apply for housing - in Maryland, we have city and County housing. I had applied for county but the wait is so long so this week, I'm going to apply for city even if it means going to the projects. At least I can shut the door and rest easy in my own home. A few months ago, I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't make a decision or a phone call with regard to helping myself. I felt scared, lonely, broken....but for some reason, after crying out to God, I received a strength and have started once again, to make steps toward getting out.
That's Gus. He is so cute ❤
My Dad would come to gatherings and say “Hello” to every single person in the room, he would always bypass my husband, and me, like we were invisible, He always made things so uncomfortable, It was so obvious he hated me....always made me feel bad about myself....After he died, my older sister and brother took up His practice, They both lied and stole from me, I was so stupid not to see what was happening. They then turned all my nephews and nieces against me... Have not spoken to anyone in my family for over 4 years....I feel like I am in a dark cold hole, I can’t get out, I keep trying.....So tired of being tired....Maybe I was the problem all along....At least Dr. Carter has framed this for me.....my family is alive with Narcissistic behaviour, The more I think back......the more I see....It’s been going on my whole life........I remember my dad steaming open my mother’s mail while feeding me breakfast....warning “Don’t you tell your mother about this”. I was like 5 years old... my whole F-ing life...things like that happened.....All the secrets backstabbing and lies and the eye rolling....It makes me sick to think of it all. I was right in the middle, knew something was wrong, but it’s your family, your blood, when the chips are down...trust them “ It’s Family” My sister and brother pushed me right out of the way and took what they wanted...I was told “Tough Luck”. I guess they are right....it’s all my tough luck... Thankyou Dr Carter....for making me start to understand narcissistic behaviour, If their was a picture in the dictionary of Narcissism.....it would be “My Family”
Next to mine !!
@@eileendonald8628 There is a lot of literature written about siblings position in the family structure. The third child gets the brunt of the mother's unresolved personal demons. My poor sister ( third child) was so horrifically treated ,there are no words to describe this without giving someone nightmares. Please know in your healing it was not you. See those abusive parents as far distant people, maybe even someone else's family. Detach. My thoughts are in such compassion for you.
Hi Georgia, WOW! The hardest realization I had to come to with my own narc family is:
They have nothing to offer you.
They're NEVER going to get better.
Your life will actually progress at WARP SPEED when you go no contact on them all. Which will further anger them.
Too bad I had to wait till my 50s to figure that out. If you're younger, make peace with the above and GET OUT!!!
You will get your life back, look great and your happiness cant be hidden! That'll piss 'em off too!😀🤗👍👍👸
@@eileendonald8628 Hello Eileen, Thankyou so much for your words, It made me cry.....Brought back even more memories.....My Dad used to take us downstairs and whip us with his belt, He would slap me across my face....in front of my girlfriends....He was cruel ,always calling me fat and stupid in front of people... He was always mad...Our house was a war zone, My parents fought every single day...The screaming and yelling and name calling...it just became normal.....It never stopped till they died, 11 months apart......My older sister and brother had their plans....my parents left them as trustees, leaving me out as usual, They took what they wanted from my inheritance, gave all their kids money.......when I questioned them...was told “tough luck” and that was over 4 years ago. Money was always King in my family.....I begged my brother to talk to me....nothing but silence. So I guess we have a lot in common, Your lucky to have a son.......I was unable to have kids........that was the first time my family turned against me....but I didn’t see it then....my sister would say “stop talking about it...why do you have to make it such a big deal”. So I stopped talking about it like she wished. I am hoping for better days ahead, and I wish the same for you, I am sorry you have been treated so poorly, Dr. Carter has really helped me. So glad I started watching his vids, I wish you nothing but good days ahead, and again Thankyou for your kindness, at least I am in good company........
I have the same sort of "family". Was completely estranged for 15 years, then recently and stupidly went back to give it one last try. It was much worse; my mother has lied to and turned into sycophants siblings, grandkids, cousins aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors. The overall attitude toward me was "who are you and what are you doing here?". But the going back turned out to be good because I could see once and for all that all of those people have let themselves be turned rotten by my mother and there's not one of them I'd want in my life. I won't be wasting another speck of energy thinking about them and wondering if I can fix it somehow. It's so unfair the way we were cheated out of decent families, but some people lose whole families due to accidents, bombs or holocausts--we lost ours to mental illness.
When I see children treated in this demeaning, humiliating way - It rips into my heart. Love, Honor, Cherish
CONTACT EAGLE SPY ON Whatsapp : Whatsapp :+1 650 246 9893 to help you too.
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Love that your dog is just hanging out in the background. A calm, chill dog is evidence of a calm personality in the owner. Thank you for your time making these videos and for your message.
Yes, Gus is a reflection of his papa.
I think his voice is relaxing to that dog lmao.
Not always..My Ex Husband loved his dog most of all...I was jealous! She was so cute I could not hold it against her!
Gus has his PhD as well. Lol.
Agree me too, love Gus
Humiliation was my father's strongest tool when it came to his abuse. My self esteem was driven into the ground the moment I was meant to develop it during my childhood years. He'd cycle between humiliation and love bombing depending on whether or not I was playing by his grandiose, unwritten rules. I'm in the process of finally going no contact after a lifetime of mistreatment and these videos in combination with therapy have been helping me break out of the brainwashed fog I've been living in my entire life.
I empathise so much with this, Weenifer. My father is a hideous narcissist, my (late) mother did nothing to stop him and, really, began to behave like him towards me, too. My sister was the same until I cut her (and her daughter) out four years ago. On top of this, I was bullied at school (of course I was, I'd been weakened and set up for it) and by the time I was 14, I was telling myself that if my father didn't love me, why would anyone else? And that is how I went through life, believing myself unlovable and worthless, and with such a feeling of incompetence instilled into me that I couldn't shift those beliefs. Unable to form or maintain healthy relationships (because I never learned what one looked like) I was used and abused by all that crossed my path. I learned to live (and work) alone and convinced myself that I liked it that way. It is only now, well into middle age, that (having done a lot of reading and learning about all of this) my attitude has changed and I now feel ready to go out and find myself someone to love because I at last believe I'm worthy of love in return. I feel like I've lifted my face out of the mud and looked around with new eyes. Wish me luck.
I hope things are getting better for you, too. :)
Yes! You're so very worthy! I've learned it's so important to notice the ones in your life who make you feel like you're not. Aside from my NF I've had to cut long term friendships with people who I held dear because, in the end, they didn't make me feel that much deserved worthiness. Pay close attention to how people make you feel when they talk to you. If guilt and shame are frequent it's time to run! Beware of opportunists who present peace as a conditional reward. You're worthy of love, safety, and peace no matter what! Good luck on your journey, much strength to you, and many, many blessings!
@@xLittle_Lilithx Thank you. I'm in a much better place these days. :)
My problem was always that, when someone made me feel bad, I assumed it was my fault. I was made to feel bad by so many people that, being the common denominator, it seemed like a logical conclusion. I had absolutely no idea about projection and even though at the core of me I knew what they were saying was untrue and their apparent dislike of me unfair, I didn't think anyone would say such things if they weren't true so thought their opinion of me was more valid than my own. My default reaction was silence, not least because I couldn't find the words to object and, if I tried, there was anger and my defence would be trashed. I went through life unable to judge or assess other people, thinking that was their job, not mine. You can imagine how that went. The way these people destabilise you is criminal.
I am joyful that you moved away from that monster. You deserved to live as a cherished daughter. Hats off to you!!
@@janb5177 Never forget your worth- a narc makes one feel worthless, but you've risen above your past; you are a victor 🏆. Everything of the best for your future.
I got one that is rude and dismissive in private. In public (church) they either flatter me in a syrupy manner, or ignore me completely. So passive aggressive.
@@chelli5845 that's why I no longer have family. I refuse to allow their poison into my life, and since they will never change, peace out✌
don’t take it personal, just control your RESPONSE and don’t REACT
I would rather be ignored than have to be subject to their put on "syrupy" manner.
@@Sharon-sw7mr me too
Yeah, I know the type, And to them, it is a normal thing to do.
Getting myself back up. Most important.
I am deeply sorry for the pain of the narcissist that needs to feel superior to me & i am also sorry for all my pain too. 😢 nobody wins
I'm so with you on this. Thanks for your remarks. Dr. C
The worst part of all this misery, is we have allowed this to go on, because
we felt love and romance with these evil beings. Love makes us vulnerable
and it's when the love is gone (they chased it away) the realizations come
and you become much more aware of the misery is from them. Love isn't always good.
You are the master of your love, life, nobody else. Only you.
Just acceptance makes it easier for you to cope with your 'narc'. Let go. You cannot change an other person, a hard lesson given to you.
The worst part is not being believed..
So Love makes you strong.
@@Stigmatix666 that is for you to decide, not hem.
Believe in yourself.
And start studying The Knowledge of your self.
Love n happiness r overrated, life is plain n simple and very real. If we can handle reality we can b free.
"Anchor down on your self-dignity, self-respect." That's the challenge when you're dealing with a narcissist and his/her enablers. But it's necessary for your own peace of mind.
I won't show it externally. But internally I can't wrap my head around someone having to insult and humiliate my children to feel good about himself.
This video hits hard. My narc sister has done this to me all my life. I’m 52 and I finally walked away a year ago. We are exactly 1 yr apart. Every single day on the way to high school she would spend our whole drive putting me down. We had two friends with us and they couldn’t stand hearing it but she wouldn’t stop. Every failure or mistake was brought up that morning. No matter how little even if it was how I ate my breakfast that day. It was a constant put downs. She loved humiliating me in public and in private. The more upset I would get that happier she was. This video really brought up a lot of memories. Thanks Dr. Carter. These videos, hard at times, really help me with my recovery and actually figuring out what needs to be healed. There’s times I have no idea where to start fixing things but then you put a video like this and it helps tons.
Comes a time we must let go because they only get worse. To this day, I won't talk to my oldest sister. It got so bad, anything the color purple I had, threw it away. Purple was her favorite color. Purple reminded me of her. When my sister (13mo. Older than me died) her lies, greed, rotten,two faced,, stealing light was shinning to bright. All the lies from all the years were exposed. All the hurt she had caused in the family. Mom seen her true color but was to old and weak to deal with her. She'd shake her fist at her. Then, I remember, when my grandmother was in the Nursing home, from stroke, couldn't talk, would grit her teeth and shake a fist at her. My younger brother and sister had to tell her off, then my son and daughter. She doesn't work, would call them on their job to argue. She has a big ingrown pool and constantly complaining, we never used it. My Son told her, What you calling me for, I never pissed in your pool. Lol...Everyone cares about our sick brother-in-law, but can't talk to him because of her. He says, half of her is going to heaven and half of her is going to hell. Because she repeats what she hears the TV preacher say.Then lies and causes trouble. She has never had friends, didn't get along with her in-laws, now, no family. Especially the way she treated and lied on Mama(RIP) AND MY SISTER....EVERYONE WASHED THEIR HANDS.
I went No Contact with mine 7 years ago. Five days at her place for her 60th Birthday. She pulled _every_ trick in the book including punching me in the breast. When I left I simply stopped off at a shop and bought a new SIM card.
For All the put downs, for All the lies and half truths, for All the way my ex put me down to our adult children and people he knew, they acted like Anything I said I was lieing. It really makes you want to cut people out of your life because you feel you have to prove anything you say! It is Heartbreaking and he loved to make me feel lower than dirt.
Not long before I finally cut her out of my life, my sister criticised me for sneezing 'too loud'. It actually quite makes me laugh, now, that she was so desperate to find things to criticise me for that she would criticise something I have no control over!
I'm glad you finally managed to extricate yourself. I've been four years no contact with my sister, I wish I'd done it sooner. She did a lot worse than the example I've given.
The sad part is that I adored her once upon a time. :(
I'm glad you were able to walk away. That must have been very tough. I find that watching these kinds of videos, although they can tough to watch - keep me sharp - focussed on what I need to avoid, and why - and how to deal better with these negative types of people if I ever come across them again.
"Narcissism is compensation for being inadequate." Dr. Les, I couldn't have said it better myself! You essentially described my father to a tee! I must admit though, it was a big triggering to see all of those characteristics of the narcissist that you described. I felt my anger towards my father welling up within me, while at the same time, I feel powerless to stop his narcissistic attacks and put him in his place. I have issues of my own to deal with, but I flat-out refuse to tear somebody down in order to feel better about myself. Only people with twisted mentalities do that!
I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. The realization that a family member is one can be shocking and gut wrenching. Learn all you can from RUclips and follow folks on Quora. Hope you are able to manage your relationship. You see a lot of video saying go no contact but it’s not that easy. Good luck to you and Godspeed.
Get coach Corey Wayne’s book 3% man
My dad too! He’s in an assisted living with both legs hip replacement and in a wheelchair and it’s my fault he can’t go home and live alone !!!
They have such ugly behaviour!
My dad was hardest thing he’s dead 💀 so I don’t have to deal with him 🙏🏽
I remember when my covert malignant narc adult son would invite his friends to visit in my home and then he would criticize me in front of his guests and try to make me seem like an awful person. I had no way of defending myself in front of these people because I did no know them. Looking back I feel sad at how much emotional abuse I tolerated from him just to have him in my life. He is just not worth my having to endure all of that suffering. I am glad that he and his covert narc wife discarded me because I no longer have to tolerate either one of them.
That is terrible. So sorry!
Make 110% certain you leave behind an ironclad will that will benefit them only so much as you wish, following the law (so you'll need a good lawyer probably), and, though you may never know, having the last laugh. Draw up any other paperwork as well that keeps them out of your life if you ever become disabled. You probably don't want them making decisions on your behalf. Prepare!
😰
Your will, will speak ...
I love this, "What kind of person would feel the need to do that?" but also, how can anyone live with him/herself having said those things? When I screw up, I feel like s**t and want to hide; I am embarrassed and ashamed at my own behavior. How is it that they are okay with their style of torment? How are they not ashamed? I don't get it.
Your questions imply a decency and a lack of inclination to think like an indecent person.
@@SurvivingNarcissism absolutely. They don’t have the same human decency most of us live with, therefore never see where they do or say any wrong. Sadly, in their mind, it must always be someone else’s wrong doing that causes harm bc they are superior.
They're that deluded. It takes an awful lot of self deception to be able to think the way they do. I guess it's like any trait/mental health issue... The further down the rabbit hole you go the more you get stuck. Like we've spent weeks months years and in many cases decades like myself being convinced that it's us that are the problem, they've done the same but in the opposite direction thinking they aren't the problem. If like my parents their delusions overlap it's self fulfilling and that falsity becomes reality and anyone outside of that must be wrong. Plus they got it from their fam and theirs before. If nobody says hey wait a minute, it just continues. Seems to be the human condition especially in groups. We just have to deal with the business that we aren't of the same mould of going on to get along when things aren't helpful or working or even reasonable
I have been subjected to this type of narcissistic trauma and abuse for decades. When I consider this fact, I know it's a miracle (divine intervention) that I've survived this long.
I despise narcissists. My father was a raging, abusive narcissist who regularly humiliated me and assaulted my dignity. He was mean, petty, unforgiving, raging, cold, downright mean, treated me like dirt. He is long gone, but the damage he did to me remains very much alive. I don't miss him, I don't love him, and I'm glad he is no longer in my life. I think he was a very very very unhappy man.
“Get Humble”, screams the narcissist, but what they really mean is; make yourself easier for my narcissistic evils to pray upon you..
I've been told get humble my whole life when I'm doing well and when I'm in the dirt
They love it when you fail - it gives them something to use against you.
They thrive off your mistakes and misfortunes. Unfortunately, this is the only way for them to feel relevant when they're around you. They can't rely on anything else, so they will pick at your scabs and wounds.
Guilt is a necessary feeling that keeps us honest and makes us human. The trick is that a little bit of guilt goes a long way.
Qoutable!
themindsjournal.com/covert-emotional-manipulation-tactics-narcissists-use/.
Covert narcissist uses this tactic. X
@Susie Spann
So true. But imagine being a narcissist whose entire disorder is about *avoiding* the shame and guilt you feel. That's basically all that disorder is, a defense mechanism against shame and guilt. When a person feels inadequate and worthless, shame and guilt feels like a deadly threat.
@@tessw9744 I agree. My view is primarily from the point of teaching anger management for an adult probation department. For the people who have some level of control over their thoughts and feelings, getting them to give themselves permission to feel guilty and then move on is crucial to their recovery. When a person takes control over their feelings and gives themselves permission to be human, with permission to let go and move on, they have taken a step toward self respect and maybe even self love. They can let go (hopefully) of some negative habits and begin to heal.
Thank you. My daughter attacks my character and humiliates me every time I make a mistake or when I say something she doesn't agree with. I have anxiety every time I'm near her. I'm now in the process of disconnecting which is killing me. I wish everyone here suffering great strength and know you matter. ♥️
I’m so sorry ☹️ Sending you tons of love & hugs. You’re loved 🥰
Completely feel your pain, Roro. I too have had to disconnect from my daughter as much as possible. Fortunately, I live far away and allow only minimal contact online, even going so far as to refuse video chat invitations from her.
It's hard, Roro. So danged hard! When you're not grieving, you're wondering if you're doing the right thing or how much of the blame is yours - for how she turned out, for the situation as it is, for not finding a way to make things better between the two of you.
I am so sorry for what you (and I and far too many parents to count) have endured.
I wish you peace and strength.
This is so wrong! Something more has to be done about this pandemic of narcissim. It would be helpful if this issue can be taught in schools from an early age. Dishonouring of parents is one route that gaurantees a future life of painful regret. In my culture we have a saying thats says: "Whoever is not taught/instructed by the mother, they shall be taught by the world".
@@peterkyalo1653 Thank you Peter; I completely agree with you. Have you seen the Kdrama What's Wrong with this Family? It revolves around the lack of filial piety - should be mandatory viewing around the world!
krejados1 I know what you mean, I'm tortured by thoughts of is it my fault, could I have avoided things going so wrong, etc, could I mend things, but I think you have to realise in your heart that you did try very hard. It isn't all your responsibility, adults have to each take responsibility for their behaviour. It's very painful, I wish you all the best, these are extremely painful things to deal with, we're all trying to cope, I'm glad of your company and everyone else.
This is so true! Publicly smearing your name among people that know or don't know you!
i feel traumatized by all his humiliation in all its forms for so many years. but i will rise form the ashes!!! and i fond myself going to my place of peace. i am good, strong, loving , kind, genuine and honest, and i make mistakes like any normal person. and those are the people i want in my life.
My narc brother's go-to tactics whenever he can't win an argument has always been to start insulting your intellect, job, looks, friends, opinions, tastes, etc. (even the TV shows you watch!). It's interesting that it's typical with narcs to do this. He also tells his wife if she doesn't go along with all of his actions towards others, that she's a traitor. He has been raging against me and my husband for a year and a half now since he and my husband had an argument. And I mean raging - involving nasty letters from lawyers, a lawsuit, physically assaulting me, etc, because unfortunately we co-own property.
Ms. Hood, all this is creepily familiar!
Daddy was right. No partners, no prisoners!
Even narcs who have no legal standing will try to gain leverage(raging), rushing you to an important decision. Nope. Always time to think about it.
Betsy Hood - you may want to get a copy of your Deed (County Clerk's office) to determine the type of joint ownership you have. That will determine severability & if you are able to sell your half. Just a thought...
@@mdee860 Even TIC, was a can of worms, best hope is the jerk finds a new partner to buy in.
And the argument about price! 🤯
A ha! This sounds familiar. And how about after all the insults, judgments and criticisms to add "I'm just WORRIED about you!
"They can make fun of your unique interests" in front of other people as well.
Character reveals certain behaviors.
Certain behaviors reveal character.
For the longest time i couldn’t understand why his “character” and his “behaviors” contradicted themselves. I honestly thought they were two separate things. After learning about the multifaceted aspects of narcissism, i now know character and behavior are one in the same and what to two produce is integrity or a lack of.
Thank you for showing the non-physical abuse side of this problem so many people discard verbal abuse but it scars way deeper than any physical abuse could have and you take it with you for life it’s a reel to reel tape that runs in your head every single day until you die.
Yes, they do delight in creating trauma over and over
HUMILIATION THEIR FORTE. ABUSE. CREATE TRAUMA. NO RESPECT . THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.
I dated and fell in love with a narcissist. Didn't realize it till later but she would yell at me in public and indoors. She would say I'm pathetic and not a man, she said I was abusive and jealous of her, which was a complete lie. She'd constantly try to make me feel like awful person. If I defended myself in a civil manner, it would just get worse. In the end she lied to her family and said I was abusive, she cheated on me and then dumped me in cruel way over text. I seeked closure some time later and told her about my pain and she laughed at me lol.
I'm 6'1 200ibs and she's a tiny 5'1 115 pound girl and its wicked how small she made me feel and I'm a very confident guy. Evil is out there boys! Don't let it kill your spirit
Leo, on my channel I tend to say that narcissism is not gender specific. Women are just as brutal.
I'm sorry you went through that. They can find empaths like shark can find blood in the water. Through time you will get better, and realize that the mind bend that she tried, is her hatred of anything good which is her problem, not yours.
Just be sure to fully heal before you get with someone else, which we all have to do.
The good thing is, we can detect signs a lot sooner now. Hugs, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
@@tranquility9325 she's my neighbor too lol. It took a year to recover, but I'm still not interested in a relationship. Especially with how the world is at the moment.
I married my wife narc, should have seen all the lies bwforehand as red flags, im currwntly getting divorced, conatantly sealing with police, lawyer, and her narc family. They do it together, they are her monkeys and she is theirs. Im alone and by myself standing my ground..numerous counselors, numerous investigators, nothing happens, noone believes me, the smear has casted doubt to evsryone, yet when i go to court settings the judge gibes me this look of " how can you be going through all of this" i show him evidence...ive had some serious fucking problems documenting everything, its consumes me and its the only thing protecting myself...im going crazy
@@jessoftherocks good luck brethren! Once its over, never look back. These narcs don't have happy endings anyway. When they're on they're death bed they'll come to terms with how ugly they are. They just want people to suffer because they are rotten on the inside.
The only way they win is if they break your spirit. Think of them as a rampant virus with a crab mentality set loose in this matrix to haunt us
Hi Leo, just read your comment. Sounds awful, been there with the text nessage dumping. Hope your doing ok
In public, they’re “sweethearts”. Loved by everybody. When you report their behaviour to love ones, every body blames you - nobody believe you. Behind closed doors they’re like a “twin brother / sister to the devil”. They derive a lot of pleasure and satisfaction in humiliating you, seeing you in pain and pulling you down. Even when the relationship ends, they will refuse to move on with their lives. They will continue to “stalk” you. They never loved you but “used” you to hide who they really are. Once you’ve moved on from a narcissist, give yourself time to heal - Avoid contact. They will suffer “narcissistic injury” when they realise you’re happy and better without them.
You're so right, Esther 👍
It’s very insidious to take delight in another’s humiliation or hurt. What type of person would do that? Someone you want to get FAR away from. Thanks for yet another great video, Dr. C. U rock!
It' sadistic "to take dellight in another's humiliation or hurt."
Getting an education, thanks to you, after a lifetime of humiliation from two important individuals has finally freed me to live in joy and self respect. God bless you in your crucial work.
Keep learning, Alta, and thanks for including me on your journey! Dr. C
He told his friend I'm not to smart!
I felt so ashamed because it was the first time I met this friend.
My covert malignant narc adult son likes to put me down every chance he gets and he has been doing this for a very long time. Recently he has been humiliating me in order to build up his wife. I am blessed that they both discarded me and this time I ill be staying very far away from those two toxic individuals. I am now free of narcissistic abuse!!!!
You and I have the same son. My son was always putting me down, especially in front of his wife. She doesn't like me and I could care less about her. I have changed all my financial affairs and cut my selfish son out of my life. I have so much less stress.
Amazing! My situation is the exact same thing only it's my MIL that was turning my husband against me during frequent visits. I really think he was oblivious to the tactics because it was a pattern he was accustomed to long before I came into his life. I was like a 3'rd wheel when she visited and they made all the plans while I attempted to distract myself with the kids or chores. The final straw was when MIL threw a huge emotional tantrum claiming not to have had special mother/son time alone during the whole visit "with just the 2 of them". I had graciously extended a 2 week invitation to the ocean at a lovely beachfront hotel and I distinctly recall several times they went somewhere and I was left with the 5 children. The reason this backfired (finally) was because this one instance was on my wedding anniversary. To me this was immature and inexcusable behavior to exhibit considering all I had put up with over the years. Where I got the courage to speak to her afterwards I don't know. Up to that point in time I would experience shortness of breath, stammering and a constricted throat if I even thought of bringing up a difficult conversation. This time I was calm and honest. I simply asked her point blank what kind of woman goes out with a man on his wedding anniversary when that is a special day reserved to honor the commitment they made to each other. To my astonishment, she turned bright red , looked down at the floor and burst into tears while walking rapidly away. I think the tears were so that she could avoid me until she could regain control. In this way I would look mean for expecting the dignity of a sincere apology by bringing it up. This was a rare episode of me standing up for myself. I hate to admit how many times over the years I let down my guard and fell into a carefully maneuvered trap. I pray for the ability to forgive from my heart. It's been 7 years and only 3 short visits whereas it used to be 1 or 2 week visits every 3 or 4 months. They would stay at my house which was to their advantage considering I did most of the cooking,cleaning, childcare, laundry, clean sheets, etc. My FIL was always kind to me and fair. When he passed away the abrasiveness of my MIL became unbearable and I initiated no contact except for those 3 brief visits which were very uncomfortable and awkward. Every day my heart is heavy because of this. I had hoped and longed for a close loving relationship with her and I think she saw that and enjoyed rejecting me. Now my kids want nothing to do with her and they are her only grandchildren because they saw what she was doing. It's sad and there are no winners. It could have been so different!
That's one of my favorite quotes too!
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt
There was a healthy person under this all-- and it's coming back out the longer I'm No Contact with the narcissist.
They also idealize themselves at another person's expense.
What I find to be curious is that they will never measure themselves against people in their own league. They have to dig at the bottom of barrel. Why can't they surround themselves with people who measure up to their values?
Yep.. I can check every box. When you ask, "Why would you do that?" The response: "To see your reaction."
& then comes the evil laugh smh ❌
Also he answered, "I did it because I CAN!" and sneered.
@@nd612 You are absolutely right ! They enjoy every minute of it ! Smirk on their faces is a dead giveaway.
omg...yes!!!!!!!! I never know if he is joking or not, but its still bothersome.
Humiliating, yes they love to humiliate you. It was nothing for him to flirt with women infront of me, I had a cist in my spine. The one Dr said there is nothing wrong.but luckily another pick it up and I had a very big op. No empathy but he actually said infront of me that I think I have cancer but the Dr said there is nothing wrong. Many times he will humiliate me infront of people. Thank goodness its over. He can never be happy.
I had (yay for past tense) a spouse who had torn me up. I felt like crap and looked like it. He would point out the desirable qualites of other women he saw, like at the mall, and say "I'd do her." Then I started to see the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Still, it was hard to take.
@@sage9836 I'm sure it was hard to take. When my" n" hurts me it's tough for me to take too.
One really good thing about this is, we aren't alone!
@@sage9836
The flirting and complementing other women in front of you was right out of the Narcissist playbook. It's a test and a control tactic. They test how much you'll take from them. And secondly, they put you down as if to say *"You should feel lucky I want you, because I could be with her."*
The answer to his nonsense comment "I'd do her." ,should be *"Yeah, but would SHE did YOU?!"*
That would be turning things around on him.
Answer like that and you would have killed both his motives in one sentence.😂😂😂
Hi vicky, sounds awful. X
DRC. Dignity, Respect, and Civility! Exactly how people should be treated. That means you keep your promises, don't lie to your spouse or significant other, and don't cheat. You never find a replacement for that person before you leave them if you have integrity. You leave, cut ALL ties with the narc, learn to love yourself again and set up boundaries.
When you finally find out what you’ve been going through for 46 years..... PRICELESS!
Yes, very broken...and they want other people to become warped....that surround them.
So true
Not happening over here!
Amen girlfriend!
@@strictlyuniqueful tell it!
I witnessed this during a Live show I listened to just several days ago on social media. A mother called in and attempted to humiliate her daughter whom the mother recently learned participated in the chat comments on the live stream. As the mother commenced to tell the daughter's very personal and private story in a most humiliating fashion I am proud to say that the very emotionally intelligent ladies in this live stream including myself quickly caught on and we were not having it. We lit up the chat calling out the mother for the abuser she was. It was clear that myself and most of the other ladies were not getting off on hearing this mother humiliate her daughter and put her most embarrassing moments on blast publicly on a live-stream going out to total strangers. We were concerned about the daughter and wanted to protect her as well as anyone else listening that might feel triggered by what they were hearing .. while her parent was throwing her to the streets. I am glad to say that our quick and vigorous response was able to get the host's attention and the mother was cut off from continuing her performance.
Bravissimo!
We all need to do this for each other. There’s no one, who ever stood up for me. We , can shut them down. I’d love to eradicate these people from the planet.
Maybe that’s just not an option, but we can send very clear messages.
7:45 " I'm not humiliating you. You completely brought this on yourself!" Amen. I thought I was the only one who heard this crazy crap and KNEW it was wrong. But IF YOU GO a step too far in their humiliation game, like I did, you'll start to question yourself when you should NOT HAVE in the first place. I'm only starting to realize that hearing this video. And I was already questioning a lot of things. But this is getting me to that next level I needed to get to
I wish there were therapists who took Medicaid/Medicare who were informed about narcissistic abuse. If there were there would be a lot less people on SSI/a lot more fully functioning people.
There are - mine certainly is, as are many on her staff.
Agreed but the best part is there are 1000’s of hrs of great Dr ‘s & coaches online for free on your time To Heal 🙏🏻🗣✍🏻
@@hannahpumpkins4359 I'm 60 years old. Hopefully things have improved/are improving.
Maybe even better candidates for leading positions.
Yes, I have tried for over 30 years and never had one that knew anything about my problem which all stemmed from narcissistic abuse. They all sucked!
I’ve been humiliated me consistently, yelling, demean, ridiculed, embarrassed me front of my family, directly in front of my his family, ex wives, children, grandchildren, subtly from my family.. to make sure my creditability and shaped opinion of me so everyone thinks I am a non intelligent, incompetent, undeserving of respect, I’m to blame for being dormant human that can’t succeed or make wise choices w/out him. Yet I’ve achieved and accomplished more then most average women have. Trauma is insane. Flying monkeys caught up in his charisma, charm, feeding financial to workers… Pushes superiority since he holds the bag financially…
My husband doesn't necessarily try to humiliate me in public (though it has happened occasionally) or demean my character to others, but he will go on long rants to ME about how awful he thinks I am. He just really focuses his energy on trying to keep me self doubting and needy. He hasn't figured out it's not working anymore. Thank you Dr. C for these helpful videos.
i had a friend in college whose bf at the time, in a restaurant when it was dessert time, goes to her, ' oh no, you do not want dessert.'in front of all their friends. first of all, she was not overweight. it bothered her for days because she mentioned it to us days later.
THE UNDERCUTTING OF MY AUTHORITY WHEN IT COMES TO OUR CHILDREN IS THE WORST OF THEM ALL BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO POWERLESS OVER THE LIVES OF OUR CHILDREN!
Yes the evil smirk that they flash briefly when they THINK they have succeeded in humiliating me. I'm not ashamed of any of the choices that I have made.
Yesterday .... My partner threw me out of the house , saying that's where I am meant to be . Then after sometime came told me to get inside. Saying It's my Fault that he behaves like that !!!!!
Character assassination and humiliation has always been there .
I know myself, so when he character assassinates, I don't get affected....then comes the rage .... With a slew of unspeakable things...
I wonder...when will I gather the COURAGE to walk out ... Having responsibility of my aged mother makes it difficult to just walk out . Am not financially independent. I first need to become financially independent so I can be where I want to be.
Thanks for these videos Sir ...
Makes us Aware of our situations.
Much respect and gratitude .
If one repeats a lie a thousand times even very highly intelligent people are likely to fall prey to believing it.
If you confront them, you are declared rude and if you don't confront them, their lies and propaganda go unchecked and you are declared guilty. It's a situation of 'damned if you do and doomed if you don't do'.
I am really glad you paid attention to my comment Dr. Carter. Let me elaborate my situation a little further.
Several years ago I inadvertantly crossed paths with some people, both male and female, of very fragile ego but of high social status in India, the country where I live. The only solution to satisfy their fragile ego and make them look better than me was to turn me into a failure. So I was ruthlessly pursued everywhere and in everything I tried to do; defamation through bad propaganda and lies has been their way, an art that they have so skillfully mastered that you couldn't differentiate the good, the bad and the ugly among them. My initial quick successes made them fearful and so the stakes were raised. How badly I was pursued is a story in itself. During the time my colleagues were struggling with their own intellectual limitations, I was made to struggle with these harsh situations artificially created around me, yet I made good headways initially. Situation got bad to worse to worst as the days passed.
I have been and still am being even digitally stalked by some totally perverted but devoted minds. How much their brains and personality is twisted is clearly reflected in their comments. You must never throw pebbles in rotten poo and so the best strategy is not to respond.
When it all started, I was told indirectly that I am too assertive and that I will be fixed. Today when all opportunities of my doing something remarkable in my career are exhausted, they have no shame in telling me that they have fixed me, even today through indirect conversations only, a true marker of cowards.
Midway through my ordeal the baton was passed from sophisticated Caste narcissists to raw Caste narcissists making the situation even bleaker. When you go down its not just the main Narcs that are your problem, even people like neighbors, your own community members and even relatives seek opportunities in your ordeal which is an even worse experience.
Almost a year back my sister, who was supporting me through my struggle was also killed and I am still waiting for the police to do something. An action as simple as a forensic investigation of the crime scene has yet not been done. Even her viscera report is still pending.
Several times through my ordeal I had tried to take help of the Police and other responsible authorities but the response barring only perhaps once was as if there was to be no compromise on humiliating me.
My situation has pushed me into silence largely. It's better to look inward, interact with only good people and believe in God in such times as these. I have been raised with this belief and I am making good use of it at present.
They put you in a double bind a lose lose situation.
You stick up for yourself your being'over dramatic' you don't stick up for yourself you get treated like crap 💩.
The only thing you can do is just not give them any time of day or any attention at all because you cannot come to a reasonable solution with people who want to make you there enemy.
Once you go of the radar however, bad this sounds they will forget you exist.
These people have something called 'low object constancy' when your out of sight your out of mind.
They will easily forget about you and move on to someone else who they can get their supply of and doesn't 'criticise' them as much as you do.
Because how dare you criticise them they are gods in their own minds.
They probably scapegoated you because you are intelligent and you worked out what they were doing.
That's good because in the future you can protect yourself from such people. Sometimes the worse life lessons you have to learn the hard way.
@@Livebetter77 exactly.
There is a God who sees and hears ALL
@@veraishani4702 Exactly! X well I dunno If I believe in God because I am only young so I am still on my own spiritual journey. But yes I agree if god exists he knows what happens.if he doesn't then you know what happens and that is enough xxx
This is the first video that discusses when you made a mistake and have guilt and shame from what you've done and that it's still not right to humiliate you by their words using family and social media! I could never wrap my mind around a human being that can humiliate you not just once, but time and time again every time you have fallen short, lost yourself! I want to point out that their goal is to make you feel worthless and extremely vulnerable! He humiliated me so much on social media that a very dark deep depression set in. I stayed in my room for almost a month with my curtains blackened from the sunlight, only getting up to feed my children and make sure they were alright, couldn't face my family because he tagged them in the post, the pain was unbearable. So, thank you for making a video that speaks of human shortcomings, making mistakes but no one deserves to be humiliated! I hope you make more videos related to this matter. Because of listening to this video, I just might be able to let go, to heal!🥀
Glad it resonated...and yes I hope you find healing.
🙏❤Spot on again! Guilt, shame and humiliation have surrounded me for 50 years. They work in packs to influence and don't care who they use and hurt. Until my kids started to experience this, I thought no one would ever understand. Then I wished I were the only one😭. Now I know too many know. Your kindness, understanding, validation and wisdom are what so many have needed our whole lives. Thanks for the life changing support🙏❤❤
When did you meet my mother? You described her thoroughly.
Thank you for this video. These covert narcissists love to poke their finger into any core wounds you may reveal to them. Rub salt in your wounds!
Thank you Dr. Les Carter. I am finally finding my way back to God after many years of not prioritizing my relationship with Him. Being with my Heavenly Father has brought me to a place of healing where inner peace can finally be crafted. Listening to your video is such a helpful and gentle reminder that this is the right path. Thank you for the work that you do. May you recieve many blessings.
Thank You so much for this. I am still struggling every day from feeling like dirt, panic attacks and guilt. It's unbelievable how a person can take a genuinely loving person and make them feel subhuman. You are very empowering. Thank You.
Design Inc....I could not have said that better. I have lived it and truly wish neither one of us had to. I am believing for both of us, by doing the self love on just us, we will come to the other side of the storm seeing the rainbows in our life. Thank you for sharing what I have been living! 🥰
@@littleiodine9480 And I Thank You. Strangely, I wound up leaving that State a few weeks ago, because although my last roommate had a great heart, he is alcoholic, and I started to see the EXACT Red Flags developing after his Son moved out. We still talk, but I was rebuilding my life there. Now I am adjusting to a different environment. I am sad, but my friends thought it best I went back to the East Coast to help me Recover. I have friendly roommates, but I still have not fully Recovered. I have been told it takes time, and I find myself fatigued. Narcissists do not care how they ruin people because that's their goal. No one here can believe what I survived, and I do hope to continue writing my own book on the events that took place.
No Psychiatrist has helped, except for sedative medicine and now I need 2 sleeping medications. But the Night Terrors stopped.
I am so sorry you had to go through this too. The Emotional Wounds will heal, but leave Scarring. I use that "Developing Scar", to Alert me to Narcs. I sometimes feel I should have stood my ground and not left the State, but I would have gone through the same abuse (my roommate was drunk and locked me in a pitch black garage to punish me for speaking during a telephone program, and I was not allowed to go back to bed), because when Peace Officers have to intervene, and I am a "rotten, crazy person ", and my roommate is the victim. It was building up, but my friends were BEGGING me to leave, and I Boarded the next plane - with my Rabbit 🐇 - and now my roommate said his dog misses me, and life is "Living Hell " without me. He has another roommate already, but his dog is urinating all over his clothes now. I am so sad for the dog.
Narcissists DON'T EVER stop to think about the feelings of Others, and being an Empath, I relate to animals because we are very much like them: astute, sensitive and willing to Love.
I don't feel bad for whoever is there, because they are using my television and air condtioner,, but they obviously don't give the Love and Affection and Time I put in.
As for my Narcissist Ex-boyfriend, I'm not worthy of living. That's rather odd, because my new roommate and I talk, laugh, and they show compassion. I can't wait for the Day this all goes away. Thank You again for your kind words and I Wish You All The Best.
Personally, I think Narcissists should have a State, or Island, they can all be placed on, and have a taste of each others abuse. ❤❤❤
I actually wound up going back to the State I call Home, because I missed it. And I don't want him to feel like he Won and I whimpered away. What they do to us, honestly. 🙄
Same...
The weight of the humiliation is hard to bear today.
Hum. I can see how I internalise the critics, the shaming, the humiliation. I'm becoming my own narcissistic voice... That's what hurts the most, the repetition of it.
Get away from narcissists and turn that voice around. Make a conscious effort to contradict that voice. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." They are all smoke and mirrors. Remind yourself that you are real and strong and beautiful.
@@myutube5882 Thank you for your gentle support. In this case, the smoke and mirrors are coming from within, so I am obviously abusing myself, which shows my addiction to suffering.
I've noticed as well how defensive I've become, so I'm now trying to discriminate between truth and falsehood, in order not to jump straight away into the victim position, which, as we know by now, is not a nice place to be.
The other night I realized that I even let their voices reign in my thoughts - I debase my own thoughts by thinking of worst case scenarios to bring me down if I start feeling too good or hopeful. I supply my own backlash because I internalized their backlash to me when I was a child/teen/young adult. I want to stop this. We can do it, Phoenix Rising. Being aware is the first step. Insert your own voice loud and clear and tell yourself, “This is their baloney. It doesn’t belong to me. It won’t reside here. This is my head. Out. Avaunt." Keep up the practice. I wish us both luck in this.
@@lolo9553ify Thank you. Work in progress: I've stopped identifying myself with the voices in my head, whatever their content since I've noticed 90% of the thinking process is just useless repetition that can be harmful. We will get there Darling, trust the process. xx
@@lolo9553ify
What you wrote reminds me of ULP, a way of punishing yourself for feeling good., check it out sis:
"ULP stands for Upper Limit Problem, which comes from thousands of years of our ancestors being really good at noticing when something is wrong. Think about it as an "invisible thermostat" for how much of things going well we can tolerate... When we exceed the thermostat setting for how much love and positive energy our nervous systems can handle, we humans have the tendency to do something unconscious, such as criticizing ourselves or others, breaking an agreement, or in someway sabotaging something good that's happening. Our work is all about making the daily choices that can allow us to expand in consciously giving and receiving more love every day."
Katie and Gay Hendricks
The narc in my building has taken his humiliation needs to a whole new level. He just bought a drone and has been caught using it on the other homeowners. And then shares those images with a select few for 30 seconds of giggles and snorts. The police said he can’t be arrested because he lives here.
I have appointments with two realtors this week. I am so done with that nutcase.
And am very interested in Dr Carters insights in this.
I guess since your privacy is in jeopardy...maybe get ready for the
next appearance of the drone and throw a net on it...Or hot soup!
Cymbolic Human Ha...great ideas! Coincidentally, my brother is a FCC licensed drone operator for the msm. I called and asked him if it’s legal to shoot it. He said no. But I am set up now to take video of it, every time he does it. With enough occurrences, I should be able to get a restraining order, which MIGHT mean, we can evict him from the building too. But, you know, even that wouldn’t stop a narc. I’ve been wanting to move away from the city anyway. (Sanctuary state.) Time for a new, healing adventure...but I like your ideas for the interim! Gotta listen to Dr C. now...thanks!
Someones gonna have a busted up drone soon lol
S Gomez Hoo-yah!
That reminds me of the show in England but on RUclips now. It's called my narcissist neighbor. It is real but reenacted but the original people also speak. Wow, they are some really sick people. One guy wold sit on his shed and just stare at the neighbors every time they were in the yard trying to really enjoy it. This other lady would bang on the walls all hours of the night. In some cases it started with an innocent request and the Narc didn't like being asked to turn tv down etc.
Mine took a happy, healthy, independent woman, financially fit and broke me down. I ended up saying things to him that I wouldn't say to anyone out of frustration.He stole my joy! I'm getting it back though!
Humiliation only works because of other people's delight in the salacious and willingness to buy into gossip.