You know what? When you finally get unhooked from these beings, your senses come alive, your brain relaxes, your heart calms, and you start enjoying things you always knew you liked - the small, simple things in life you were not allowed to experience, feel, get to know.
Yes Angela! I dropped every narc, moved across the country for a new job and life in November 2020, and feel truly happy and alive for the first time in over a decade. When I called my non narc sister recently, she said how much better and happier I sound, just in a short simple conversation. Be true to yourself, leave your abusers behind, move on with YOUR life, and stay strong warriors! We got this, peace.
@Whoreally Cares narcs are rarely in control of anything in their real life, so they target weak people to control, to get a feeling of control over their own life which is normally totally out of control
It's really a disgusting but sobering thought to think that there's certain people in this world that believe that my weakness, insecurities, and vulnerability are fuel for their "power" or "success". God help us..
I felt a little less self-condemning when I learned they zero in on people who tend to be gentle, kind, and ready to get along. I used to beat myself all up over being codependent, weak, and stupid, but that did me no good. Now I think, I was a nice, hard working, naive person who just really wanted a friend more than anything. No more beating myself up.
Unfortunately, certain people behave like predators. They know that I'm a prey when they feel my good energy and vulnerability. They know on some subconscious level that they would never have a chance to have that good energy and to be authentic, etc (whatever they are jealous of) so they try to destroy the prey. The prey represent an enemy in their twisted world... This video might help but as I see it, the major problem is that in a new situation I don't know the person in front of me. By the time I know that I face a narcissist, I will have revealed too much of myself...
Austin once you recognise this kind of behaviour once it makes you guarded... but that’s not a bad think as you will always be kind and loving but you will be wiser ❤️
Krisztina G. This is why I love Jane Austen movies/books. Just about every story she wrote is about learning a person’s character before becoming intimate...as you would with a close friend or partner.
You think for yourself. Make good decisions. Sucessful career. Then the sick insecure narc goes behind your back and manipulate everything for him. Then again you have to create order out if his chaos. Then you kick him in the teeth and cut his supply forever.
They push you to a point of reacting emotionally then sit back and smirk and feed on your reaction. Its all over their face, eyes twinkling with excitement over what they have caused. makes me sick to think about past interactions
I've seen it called baiting. Baiting you into defending yourself, explaining, arguing whatever it is they're looking for & then they gaslight & play the victim about how abuse your behavior is. Once I learned this I started calling it out by name to my narc & it caused her to shut down & walk away because her game was exposed.
This is one of the things that still triggers me to think about. That smirk and gleam in their eyes...ugh. And how "crazy" and "dramatic" I would feel afterward for defending myself in front of others. They would never bait me like that one on one...only as soon as someone else or many other people were around. Then suddenly, it was open season.
When you are true to yourself they go even harder at trying to destroy you because they actually hate you for those special qualities that you have. Such cowards these fools are. Empty vessels👹
You are spot on. My nar x would always try to make me feel bad about my job because it was taking to much attention away from him and my job was working with children . Give me a break. Such big ass babies 😬
Right I am tired hearing we are weak the narc use deception until we finally gathered our thoughts we recovered What so strong about using manipulation lies and other ruthless tactics to make someone your victim
@@Mysikrysa i just came down to the comments to ask about that. The more that I take care of myself, the more I get the house exactly the way he wants it, it seems like it has gotten sooooo much worse. Ohmygoodness! Every single night for 3 weeks straight. He took a couple days to be nice, then here we are again. 😑
3:26 1. You don't speak plainly or openly about who you are 4:14 2. You constantly feel the need to appease 4:43 3. You feel the need to justify your choices/actions 5:22 4. You're easily tense or anxious 6:01 5. In public, you do a good job of covering up dysfunctions 6:47 6. You're easily motivated by guilt 7:28 7. You may argue, but in the end your assertions are weak 8:04 8. Your moods are too dependent upon others 8:45 9. You're often in a bad mood 9:18 10. You may ask questions, but you don't make declarations
Rigidly authoritative parents are inherently narcissistic. Not those who demand and maintain order, but those who interpret any independence or pushback from their kids as treasonous. Absolute authority, even for a parent, is dangerous to a child's growth. The child learns to navigate under the auspices of being dominated. The children don't grow up to assert themselves and are usually underachievers. Authoritarians are thin-skinned, egotistical, and feel easily challenged. I know. I grew up under one.
Narc parents intentionally stifle their kids to keep them dependent. Kids need to have outside interests, friends,etc and the narc parent sees that as a threat to their agenda.
Empaths should take one moment and try to look at the world through a narcissist's eyes, it's horrifying and un-relatable. These are real life demons, and they're no small portion of the population, there is a real battle of good vs evil happening every day. Critical thinking is essential for decency to exist.
You took the words right out of my mouth! I was thinking how hard it is for an empath to exist in a world full of diabolical narcissists. We empaths naturally feel what other people feel and usually are very effected by them and have poor boundaries. It’s a very conscious effort to imagine just having a boundary (at least for this empath). I feel like we are born to serve and help others. I think that Satan was the original narcissist and Jesus was the original empath. It’s a tough, hard road for us empaths but in the end we’re better off for it.
They test your boundaries constantly. It's designed to provoke a reaction. They feed off your emotional responses both positive and negative. This somehow validates them. It makes them feel that they matter.
Explaining myself. This was the toughest one to get my head around. Every time I hit difficulty, I tried explaining why my choice was important. It took ages to understand how my narc actually enjoyed it and felt power in my need to explain.
On the plus side... when it happens at least we understand what’s going on. After a while, it fiiinally sank in that it was building up the wrong person. Watching the narcs face as I explained was helpful. I realized there was a smug look of satisfaction. That helped me back away. Besides, it’s normal to explain. It means we’re ok. The sick part is how they enjoy it.
I believed that if only I explained with logic, evidence, and a kind tone of voice while showing respect for the other person, things would be fine. But, narcs put good things to bad use!
No wonder I felt "crazy" in the beginning of my marriage..... I was doing all of these things. Now that I've recognized these behaviors and stopped them, my husband is angry and frustrated and trying harder to manipulate me
Good for you for figuring it out! I did it for 30 years before having to leave which was very ugly! 12 years later I remarried after 7 1/2 years of getting to know my most wonderful husband of 8 years now! A totally different experience using many of the methods I learned from reading 52 books to try to "fix" my first marriage, ha ha! He read many of the same books in his 30 year marriage which WORK with a person who is not a narcissist! Life can be beautiful!
Lori, sorry, he's not going to get better or nicer. Yes, they do get really angry when you figure out their "bag of tricks" & refuse to be their endless supply. They won't ever change. Good luck to you. Hope you keep learning from Dr. Carter & the community here! Hi & Hugs everyone.
I did All of these things, then I discovered 'assertion', calm and speak from the heart without aggression or spite.... The narcissist exploded and then ghosted and finally melted into the background. I have ME back 😌
Mine served me papers. She wanted out. I started finding the old me and she was loosing ground fast. Her smear campaign was and still is ferocious. BUT, my network is strong and resilient. She wanted more kids. We have 8. I said no and got a vasectomy. She flipped out. Said she'd turn our current kids against me. That was three years ago. She filed the 9th of Aug. I think she found a new supply that will give her what she wants. Hell she may be pregnant now.
This! And because you do not want another episode of gaslighting and being blamed for something they did, you just tell them it's about something else.
If you appease narcissists, then you're participating in your own conditioning. Love and be kind to yourself, you deserve it, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
What if you don’t have the fortitude or courage to deal with all their freakfits they’ll throw if you DON’T appease them? Someone that don’t like confrontation at all and don’t handle it well?
I remember that written in my autograph book in the early 70's. Pity I didnt take it on board. Have been far too trusting and danced to the beat of other people's drums.
I bet if you had hung up on them to go to bed they'd say you were rude and continue to say they fear that you'll hang up on them each time you're having a conversation with them. You're not rude for wanting sleep and sticking up for yourself
Yep. I am glad you mentioed this! I. Am adding the long conversation to my list of ways they test. I thought I was really clicking with a new friend in a 45 minute conversation in a parking lot. Fast forward, I get used.
Hmmm... my “conversation” was on the phone, lasted 4 hours and ended well after 1am. 4 hours of lies and a relentless desire to demean. When she was finally called out a few days later she said she was “glad the truth has come out”. What a fucking idiot I was. Lesson learnt though.
Every single video in this series is like a college course. I think I’ll soon have my honorary doctorate because of this incredible channel. You’re helping me in so many ways. Thank you
Ive always known that bullies do the things they do because theyre tortured on the inside or were dealing with problems at home, i felt bad for them.. so id let them have a win, i wouldnt end their entire career even though i could have. But now? I dont care anymore. It doesnt matter how much you try to help them with their problems, or be nice to them they always turn back to their ways. Ive cut all of these ppl out of my life and i didnt realize how itwas actually affecting me. They will never see the benefits of teamwork, or having close friends that you can rely on. They will chase everyone away and end up alone.
At the end of the 5 1/2 month bf relationship, I was horrified when he said, “ I needed to teach you a lesson.” I said, “who does that?” I mean we are 60 odd. It still gives me chills 14 months no contact later.
Ew sounds like my mom who said she “needs to put me in my place” after I stated facts and spoke up during a fight. Just remembered my ex said that too after door slamming me and changing the locks with no conversation “I needed to show you it was real” like what??? they continue to just take it further and further it’s horrible and worse when they justify it they don’t think it’s wrong
narcs have years of pent up rage and emotional stuff they don't ever deal with...so they pick targets to serve as trash cans...and funny thing of it all...even though they use people as trash cans to dump all their emotional garbage on...they never actually purge themselves of their own demons,because they never deal with them...so their inner demons always follow them and ruin their lives with whoever they get involved with
Narcissists push your buttons because they want you to blow up at them, it makes them feel justified in how badly they have treated you. If you do not respond they run away because they see it is not working and there is some sense of failure they don't want to face. My brothers and their wives only like me in family gatherings where they have flying monkeys. They tried to reconnect a few years ago to draw me back into the gatherings but when I didn't come I never heard from them again. They cannot talk to me one on one without others around because I can hold my own in confidence, they have no allies to look to for validation. They are literally afraid of me because they cannot control me. I am kind in spite of their meanness and it makes them crazy that I don't act the way they do. It is such a blessing to look back at all the times they attempted to make me feel guilty and nearly succeeded at times, but I never responded in guilt. They cannot stand that I don't feel guilty over silly things.
Congratulations, distance helps. I used to feel guilty about not seeing my family more but once I understood that they were not changing, I decided to stay away and don't regret it. I have peace of mind, money can't buy that.
I have nearly given up on family gatherings - a source of tension not joy. I'll see my dearest relatives in private one on one. I work in the medical field so I just say I have to work that day, even if I don't, and it's believable.
@@timothygenaw2199, interesting because I came to the same conclusion with my family, I will only visit with them one on one. They seem to be more subdued when it is that way and on my turf, at my home. But even that is rare these days because even those visits seem forced and unhappy. They are just jealous and unhappy people all the time.
I learned the nightmarish traumatic way being married to an abusive malignant narcissist alcoholic ex to “never wrestle with the pig You only get dirty and the pig likes it” I’ve gone completely no contact and finally getting my true authentic beautiful self back That he imprisoned for so long
Narcissists are always scanning you. They pick up on the slightest gesture or sign of tension. Sometimes, I’ll wring or rub my hands together when I’m cold and my narc mom will zero right in on that with a quick once-over: “I just saw her tense up. Good!” Like they always want something to be wrong.
They absolutely do want something to be wrong all the time. My narc husband used to always ask, “What’s wrong?” I’d respond with, “Nothing’s wrong. Why does something always have to be wrong?” I absolutely hate that question! He also always led statements or questions in the negative, like, “You don’t remember. . . “ or “You don’t want to. . . “ It was excruciating living with him. None of us could be positive, and he hated it when we laughed together. Somehow, spending time with our kids and forming strong bonds was a threat to him, even though we all did everything we could, as often as we could, to make him happy or to get him to join in the fun.
Narcissistic people are drawn to empaths and super nice people. Become more discerning and use protective shielding for empaths. Thank you for your amazing informative videos. Narcissistic people are drawn to our good nature and good energies
Wow that is so sad. My mom was an angel mom. My kids and grandkids adore me cant do enough for me. I dont understand women like that. They should publically be stripped from their mother title.
Mine tried to and I left town. That's the only way I could survive. I took a college level psychiatry course and learned not to be ashamed that I didn't love my mother. That took a huge load off my mind.
Mine was a walking, talking demon and I put up with her for 59 years. She was just one of many but probably the worst. She told me to kill my self a lot which started when I needed her the most due to a bad situation triggered by an eye injury. It only got worse with time. Anyone with a very narcissistic mother needs to get away fast and never get in contact with them again...ever, especially if you’ve been chosen as the family scapegoat. As you say they’ll leave you with no life left in you you’ll be so drained or even suicidal like I was.
I get it. I had a lot of respect for my mom who's educated and done well for herself. I was convinced that I was the problem and did everything I could in therapy, psychiatrist, medication, recovery, you name it I've done it many times over and over trying to get her approval and acceptance but she just favored my younger sister and her children that's all she had room in her heart for. Since I knew she had the capacity to love as I watched her with my sister it confirmed that I was not up to par so I kept trying. So I totally get it. No contact for 2 months now
With regard to caring about public opinion - narcissists will also use it as a weapon during the smear campaign. If you don't care about public opinion the smear campaign is ineffective.
What if you’re someone like me who very MUCH cares about public opinion of me and what people think of me? I have very low self esteem and hate it when people have any bad thoughts about me
@@EphemeralProductions u you have to learn how to find comfort in knowing the truth by yourself . I used to be like you but I had to learn how to knowing my truth because they will always use the smear campaign so you have to learn how to be strong and increase your self-esteem
I'm sure there's quite a smear campaign going on since I went no contact with my mom and sister 2 months ago however there has constantly been a smear campaign as soon as I leave the room my whole life and my children too. They just marinate in their gossip yet no one knows how to talk about anything that has any depth and no concern for the well-being of this family. Unbelievable. 25 of us just left California and moved to Idaho and within 4yrs 4 family members have bowed out. It's a shame. When you're raising it you can't see it but when you outgrow your own family you see everything clear back to the beginning
When I was engaged, he told me he had a brother who was insane and in an asylum. I was nothing but concerned. Later he told me that was just a test to see if I’d marry him anyway. Well I did ... to my everlasting regret.
Everything is supply to a narc. Praise them....Supply. Get mad at them.......Supply. Love them.......Supply. Hate them.....Supply. And if you are less successful than them they look down on you and hate you. If you are more successful than them, they are jealous of you and hate you.
1. You don't speak plainly 2. You need to appease 3. You feel the need to rationalize 4. You're easily tense/anxietal 5. Publicly a poker face 6. You appear apologetic/guilty 7. You argue, but without consequence 8. Your moods depend on others 9. You appear to be in a bad mood 10. You ask questions, without declarations
Narcissist wants to have a dysfunctional partner like themselves it makes them feel like they're in their comfort zone to be around other broken people. All the horrible things they do to you is to have company, once they see you are breaking down and having a hard time and not functioning as your old self they are happy because they created another one of themselves to play with. So don't pay no mind to them and get them out of your life as soon as possible .
thank you for sharing that image... being "happy because they created another one of themselves to play with." that helps me keep clear about why i don't x, y, z, with them
Lol, that reminds me of when I was a kid, there was a vegetable truck that drove through our neighborhood selling all sorts of vegetables, Johnson's Truck.
Dang, how clear you make it, Dr. C. Narcissists treat us how their parents treated THEM. "You're too happy and certain of yourself... I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."
Right, I wish a man woud say that to me... but they won't because I have boundaries and it shows. They have a radar and like a hungry wolf they look for weak sheep in the pack.
Narc mom is not trying to SEE where I’m vulnerable; she CREATED where I’m vulnerable. That’s the difference between meeting, or marrying a narc and being handed to a narc when you were born. I’m trying👍🏻
I used to fit all these 100%. Then one morning, I decided that when I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences, I'm the one who gets the last word. And that marked the beginning of my journey to becoming a "difficult person". Never looked back!
If they are constantly checking and pushing your limits, that only shows they are just acting like bad kids. Also reminds me a concept in Chinese says “attention whore”.😅
After beginning my healing work from narcissistic family system, I've gotten really comfortable with the words and phrases: "no", "I'm busy" "I can't do that" "I need more time" "let me get back to you" "i need to paid x". I no longer care to accommodate anyone unless I know I've got myself covered first. I don't care if someone doesn't like my "no". Not my problem.
Linda Moore I was just thinking the other day that my relationship with my ex-husband is like quicksand. They are like quicksand and when you fall into their trap the more you struggle the more they suck you in!
@@nancyclark-gaines6856 It's impossible to get out of their trap. If you can, my advice is to RUN!! Don't be around them any more than you have to. I'm stuck with my husband so I applaud you that you left!! And they play head games with you so you're never sure if it's them or yourself. Oh, they are evil is all I can say.
I was raised by a narcissist and this video describes my teenage self. I'm an adult now and trying to be more firm since I now attract narcissists left and right. Not my fault, but if there's anything I can do to protect myself I'll do it.
Thank you, you made me cry. I discovered recently about narcissistic disorder and my mother fits in everything I read or see about it. I'm 32 now, the "black sheep" and lived with her till 30, because I was worried about leaving her alone, but she always treated me like shit. Her behaviour became very strange to me after I decided to leave, and she made my life a hell; she turns everybody against me, using my personal faults to destroy my image and turn the game. I started the "zero contact" 1 month ago and its being pretty hard, sometimes it seems like I lived all my life in a bizarre kind of Truman's Show. Thank you for your job, its very important to me.
I'm 59 yo & my Sadistically 👹 Catholic 😇mother has gotten so much worse. She's a healthy 84. If I could have 30 years ahead to go now that I'm ENLIGHTENED... Your blessed to know bc I just found out 6 mos AGO that mother is an enemy not an asset.
I was in my 50s when I realized my mother was a narcissist...as was my ex husband. The more I read the more I realized what I'd been subjected to. I was lucky I was able to bring my older sister along for the ride. We healed together. My mother died 4 years ago. I've never mourned her passing and never will. I have to careful because I'm a magnet for narcs. This video pinpointed why. Well done!
Narcissists are bullies, an interesting thing about bullies is although they appear strong and their victims appear weak, the truth in each is revealed when the victim finally has had enough, and stands up for themselves, by letting the bully have it one way or another. The victim discovers they are not as weak as they thought, in fact they find out they are quite strong. The bully however, is revealed as the weakling they really are. It is the beautiful irony of justice. Each person finds out what they are made of. The victim learns to heal and becomes an even better person, while the narcissistic bully is left with nothing but his empty soul and self inflected injury.
1. No talking plainly, 2. Appease, 3. Justify your actions, 4. Anxiety, tension, 5. Covering up dysfunctions, 6. Guilt feeling, 7. Argue with weak assertions, 8. Moods dependent on other people, 9. Bad mood too often, 10. Ask questions without making declarations.
I have a confession Dr Carter - every time I know that I’m gonna be around Narcs - I go on RUclips & listen to your videos. It gives me the proper tools to handle them. Thank - you from the bottom of my heart !
To summarize : 1. you don't always speak plainly and articulate exactly what you are going to do/ what you want. 2. you tend to be a bit of a 'people pleaser' - wanting to appease others to make sure they are in a good mood. 3. you might be the kind of person who always justifies themselves, and wants to explain themselves to people. 4. You might slip into anxiety easily. 5. you might be someone who behaves very nicely in public, keeping your true feelings hidden to appear acceptable 6. you might be prone to guilt and you give apologies easily 7. you could be someone who is a little argumentative, but your assertions are 'weak' - you can be convinced otherwise. 8. your moods tend to be influenced easily by other people - you could be overly empathetic. 9. you could be moody - they'll prey on that. 10. you ask a lot of questions - gives them a chance to go on and on in return.
I'm so glad I escaped ...this time last year I was trapped. Thank you for your videos. To anyone reading keep educating yourself with videos like this and speak kind words to yourself, love yourself, you will break free. All the best.
Your words warm my heart and light the way. Like Dr C reminding us what a powerful, amazing thing it is to simply be ourselves. I'm so grateful to you and to Dr C.
When our relationship was but a friendship, I was given regularly books to read. This was the way he sort of painted an interesting picture of himself and crept into my head. After I had left him, the hardest part was to get him out of my head again. I was so used to have these conversations about what I had to think, how I needed to change blahblahblah that I felt quite lost for some time.
Been abused by narcs repeatedly and despite what I’ve learned I still have a major problem with overly explaining myself and justifying my every move to people all the time. I’ve always been like that
Same here. It’s because we are self critical and care about how we may affect another person and they fully take advantage of that. I also projected my own good qualities onto the last narc which put me in great danger. I also trust easily and don’t require a new love interest to act differently, just because I’ve been through hell - but I better walk gingerly around their past bull$hit! No way! Never again. Hang in there. We can all try hard to keep ourselves out of another awful situation like that again. Now we know more.
Hearing Dr. C made me realize how hard of a time I must have given to the narcissists present in my life by standing up and by myself and not giving in to their BS.
Lol me too ...., your challenging me Elle !!!! He hated that ..... I thought it was hilarious 😂 6 weeks no contact .... after 5 years !!! It’s wonderful 🥰🔥🥰
This is me. This is him. I’m devastated by this realization. I have tried escaping him a million times; he always drags me back home. I have no other friends anymore because he got rid of them all. He told me nobody likes me. I finally give up. I still have a tiny voice inside me telling me to leave by any means.
I tried to be more interactive during our long lockdown, phone, since he and I are both isolated. Just pleasantries when he called. Broke the grey rock. Now I'm having panic attacks because he has pulled out all his nasty narc tricks making me feel so worthless again. So I'm back to restablishing the grey rock, but emotionally I'm degraded again. So nope they can't be given an inch they will take a mile....
@@joywebster2678 find a way to work on your healing. Feeling worthless didnt start from narc it already existed. Need to get rid of that feeling in a healthy way
Keeping feelings of guilt, serving behavior, ignoring yourself, continuing to show empathy, keep making excuses to the narcissist. Don't stand for your own opinion.
They do rely so much on our empathy. All the time. They believe we're going to forgive them no matter what they've done to us. When they see we're finally distancing ourselves from them,they might come up with serious family or work problems as an excuse for their shitty behavior,in order to make us feel bad and guilty and forgive them once again!! And that never ends! I hate these people!!
I wasn’t these things but he turned me into them bc I loved him & wanted to make my marriage work. Bc he kept threatening to divorce me. I finally said “go ahead!” Took me awhile to learn to not walk on the eggshells & to not be timid around him stilll. Finally remembered who I was tho. Now the game has changed
I can't WAIT to get to Heaven where there are no ulterior motives, evil plans, or NARCISSISTS!!! Thank you Dr. Carter your videos are tremendous, God Bless you 💕💕
The crazy thing in my life is that I’ve lived with a mother that was constantly guilting me into doing what she wants and never let me be myself and told me I’m weak and silly. Years later I’ve cut her out for good even though it was extremely difficult. Now watching these videos and realizing that she is a prime example of a narcissist and I took the best route with her. I’m much happier now. Your videos are excellent and they help to understand and realize that it wasn’t my fault. Thank you.
You should talk one day about a narcissist boss and what to do when you have to coexist and honour a toxic personality like that. A lot of business and organizational leaders after all have narcissistic traits since the system rewards that behavior I find. Just a suggestion.
Excellent suggestion! My last boss could be absolutely charming, but then flip the switch into banshee behavior when she believed others had crossed her, or when it was discovered that she’d failed to do the job she was hired for. After more than 3 years of her increasingly erratic behavior (the ‘filter’ was certainly off by now), I decided to quit. As she sat behind her desk, angry and so red-faced that I genuinely thought she was going to stroke-out, she demanded three reasons for my decision to leave. With each very specific reason, she brushed me off with comments, “You’re whining!”, then “You’re complaining!”, and finally “Oh, and more whining!” So, within a matter of a few minutes, I discovered her opinion of me was that I was an ungrateful, whining complainer, when in reality, I had been her most loyal, hard-working staff member. She told me that I was so replaceable that she’d have my position filled in 6 weeks. It took her 9 months to hire 3 people to do my work. Oh, and she told me neither to expect a letter of reference (nope - this ‘whiner’ wasn’t going to ask for one), nor would she provide any warm, glowing recommendation if any of my potential employers called her. That’s why it’s important to (1) have the next job lined up, with a confirmed start date; or (2) start your own business; or (3) retire.
I am a 50 yr old 'traditional-thinking' female & I must say that these Modern-Day🎭Feminist Females at Jobs have destroyed the Cooperation & Professionalism brought by Males!!! So Done with Crazy Emotional Cluster🎭B at Work!!!
Good suggestion! My husband just joined a company who just fired a narcissistic foreman. It seems everyone is still recovering from the aftermath of years of manipulation and bullying. Btw, the narc was fired after he physically threatened one of the guys. We suspect the boss doesn't trust anyone readily because of it.
Dr. Carter. Thank you so much. Last year I was in a dark place once I realized who I was dealing with. I am now a starter on team healthy and she has spun into drugs and of course the usual drama, chaos and entitlement. Once my eyes were open it was like the toothpaste came out of the tube and cannot be put back in. Same with me, I cannot go back ever. We still co exist due to our circumstances but my walls are thick and tall. Thank you
Oh boy! In the beginning of the relationship when he acted so strangely, I told hi "Look, Im a naive and gullible person so dont play any games with me bc I cant take it" He laughed mockingly and said "Youre HANDING it to me?!" I didnt understand then what he meant but I sure asf do now.
@@lucy766 It doesnt matter if we do or not, they will still act the same manipulative way because theyre severely mentally ill. The ONLY way with these monsters is to get the hell away and NEVER reply again. They really are bat shit fukn crazy. (Pardon my french)
@@polarbearsrus6980 I KNOW! I know that NOW, lol! "Youre handing it to me?!" He said and I didnt get what he meant but ofc..NOW I do lol! But seriously you cant see these thigns coming bc a normal person with a sound mind cant even fantasize about these personalities actually existing.
When my ex said to me that his affair partner "was a lot like me", I now know what he meant (and yes he did discard me for her) . I was desperate for love and thought he was amazing. I had no confidence or value and virtually no boundaries. I was ripe for the picking and I suspect so was she the perfect victim.
I met one on Facebook. He gave me a phone. I thanked him for it and he said, I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself. Why? Because it had spyware on it. Beware!!
Out of all of Dr Carter’s posts, this one is definitely one of the best. Fantastic concise and very clear explanation of how we unknowingly make ourselves a target and then go on to continually feed the narcissist’s entirely self centred and cruel needs. It’s almost a crime that this material is not taught in high schools.
@@joywebster2678 What we need is not a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind... Fear and hate towards someone provides them with an intoxicating sense of omnipotence... Perfect love drives out fear.
@@maricamaas5555 the spirit of love and unconditional embrace of narcs does not work with narcs...they feed off your kind nature and try to take everything from you because of that "kind, accepting and forgiving nature of yours!" if you let their bad behaviour slide, they will groom you to accept it forever and think you are a massive pushover that can be used at their beck and call. Narcs see kindness as weakness not as goodness or something to be valued.
Dr Carter....Your help has been essential. I now picture the Narc as a psychological Mountain lion. A cunning predator who will lie in wait to attack when your back is turned. And use everything in their power to take you down. No mercy. No exceptions. For me that clarified the absolute necessity to go No Contact & protect myself. Thank you.
I had been on an anti-anxiety medication for PTSD from a terrible physically abusive relationship.. but when I started dating my narcissist he told me that I was “a drug addict” for taking that prescription. So I got off of it and was in a constant state of anxiety around him. The day after seeing him I would sleep for sooo long! That should have been a sign right there. It makes sense now why he wanted me off of it. He wanted me weak.
Almost 3 weeks no contact. It's been a dark time for me and I've had to subdue myself from the majority of my friends due to a malignant narc in the group. They will understand one day, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
@@polarbearsrus6980 Thank you Its a strange situation The narc has my friends working on his vehicles (extensive stuff) so he can drive and take them home They cant stand him He is moving thousands of miles away in next couple months to work The narc likes to drive things rough and break shit Including his parent's vehicles Overall I am doing better and I'm out of the situation and giving it way less energy. But it is still a healing process - I still have my people by my side and we make our own plans. They are patient with me. At the end of the day I need to become by own best friend again... speaking it into existence now
I decided to try an experiment. I am counting how many days go by without his asking how I'm doing, how I feel, how did I sleep, etc. Any questions that would show concern for my health or my feelings. So far, we are on day 15. Maybe I should sell tickets. One thing I already know,,,, he is clueless about connecting with another human.
I still deal with my narcissist on my terms. Nothing he says or does bothers me now that I’ve educated myself on his behavior. I feel so much better that I’m in control and 2 steps ahead
Dr. Carter ... you continue to teach valuable and insightful techniques to help us manage/leave relationships that are toxic. You are a gift. I appreciate the work you do to produce not only these videos, but also the many other tools you offer us. Thank you ...
I wasnt aware of Narcissism before watching those kind of videos. Now I see that I'm surrounded by crowds of those. Because they exhaust me even by calling my name I thought of them as energy vampires. I have also a specific question. Watching this videos it looks to me like narcissist try to keep victims close or at least return to their victims sometime. Is it possible to be kicked by a narcissist out of his life?
"Be true to who you are." My grandmother would always say to me, on a regular basis, as I was growing up, "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." At first I didn't truly understand what it meant, then after a while as I matured, (and there are people who will argue that point), I started to realise what my grandmother was trying to teach me. The phrase implies a multiplicity of meanings. The first meaning is that someone can better judge themself if they have done, or tried to do, what they should or could have done. The second meaning is that one must be honest in their ways and relations. The third meaning is that one must always do the right thing, no matter what the consequences are to them. I actually made it my rule as to who I am as a person. I know I have made more enemies than friends because of it, but then I also learnt a very long time ago that you can't be everybodies cup of tea... a friend to all is a friend to no-one. I realise now that is why when my ex-wife took her mask off after we got married the shit truly hit the fan with our relationship. She tried to turn me into something that I wasn't; always telling me that I wan't good enough; that I could never do anything right, no matter how hard I tried; that I had all these faults that needed to be rectified; that I had to become the person that she wanted me to be. She tried to change everything about me, and I resisted. She even said to me shortly before I left, "If you want this marriage to last you better change who you are. My way or the highway." I responded with, "If I am such an awful person then why did you marry me? Why did you even bother to fall in love with me in the first place?" She couldn't even answer the questions. She just turned around and walked away. Now, when ever I get to see my son, I tell him the exact samething my grandmother used to tell me.
@@northstar5919 I try to whilst pointing out the different types of shaming language that females and society use against men to manipulate them, like the good old, "If you were a real man (insert some toxically gynocentric bullshit here)".
@@janb5177 The mental gymnastics that you had to go to to come up with the conclusion that I was attempting to turn my son into a woman-hater by being an honest person especially to himself must have you mentally exhausted.
@@jasa9707 I didn't say you were attempting to turn your son into a woman-hater. I was pointing out that it could happen if you're telling him, very early in his life, that women are manipulative creatures and that he should be wary of them. If he goes out into the world believing this is true of all women his chances of finding a happy, healthy relationship will be limited, to say the least. There is a difference between guiding a child and inculcating him and you are doing the latter. The hostility of your reply persuades me that you will, indeed, turn your son into a woman-hater like yourself.
That's why you should listen to what people do, not what they say they do. Best advice I ever got, totally change my life. The signs are there, you just have to be listening and not ignore it.
I wish I knew your information 50 years ago. I have been victimized by narcs my whole life. They are attracted to me like flies on poop. They sense, right away, I am kind, empathetic and would help if I could. But after 2 years of watching yours and others videos, I am so on to them. I can smell one within a few encounters. This particular video is brilliant in assessing what we might be doing to tempt them to use US. Thanks again, Dr. Carter, for your forthright, clear insight and practical suggestions. Just brilliant.
You know what? When you finally get unhooked from these beings, your senses come alive, your brain relaxes, your heart calms, and you start enjoying things you always knew you liked - the small, simple things in life you were not allowed to experience, feel, get to know.
Amen, amen, amen!
Yes Angela! I dropped every narc, moved across the country for a new job and life in November 2020, and feel truly happy and alive for the first time in over a decade. When I called my non narc sister recently, she said how much better and happier I sound, just in a short simple conversation. Be true to yourself, leave your abusers behind, move on with YOUR life, and stay strong warriors! We got this, peace.
you don't need drugs or alcohol 🤪🤯 you be free! @ ✌
How I wish I could leave...😥
@Whoreally Cares narcs are rarely in control of anything in their real life, so they target weak people to control, to get a feeling of control over their own life which is normally totally out of control
It's really a disgusting but sobering thought to think that there's certain people in this world that believe that my weakness, insecurities, and vulnerability are fuel for their "power" or "success". God help us..
I felt a little less self-condemning when I learned they zero in on people who tend to be gentle, kind, and ready to get along. I used to beat myself all up over being codependent, weak, and stupid, but that did me no good. Now I think, I was a nice, hard working, naive person who just really wanted a friend more than anything. No more beating myself up.
@@sage9836 i relate to that very much. I hope I can find more wisdom to abstain from self sabotage.
Unfortunately, certain people behave like predators. They know that I'm a prey when they feel my good energy and vulnerability. They know on some subconscious level that they would never have a chance to have that good energy and to be authentic, etc (whatever they are jealous of) so they try to destroy the prey. The prey represent an enemy in their twisted world... This video might help but as I see it, the major problem is that in a new situation I don't know the person in front of me. By the time I know that I face a narcissist, I will have revealed too much of myself...
Austin once you recognise this kind of behaviour once it makes you guarded... but that’s not a bad think as you will always be kind and loving but you will be wiser ❤️
Krisztina G. This is why I love Jane Austen movies/books. Just about every story she wrote is about learning a person’s character before becoming intimate...as you would with a close friend or partner.
“Think for yourself, or others will think for you without thinking of you.”
- Henry David Thoreau
Very good and very true.
good one! never heard that before but love Thoreau!
Yes, this good! 🥳thanks💕
Love that so so true...
You think for yourself. Make good decisions. Sucessful career. Then the sick insecure narc goes behind your back and manipulate everything for him. Then again you have to create order out if his chaos. Then you kick him in the teeth and cut his supply forever.
They push you to a point of reacting emotionally then sit back and smirk and feed on your reaction. Its all over their face, eyes twinkling with excitement over what they have caused. makes me sick to think about past interactions
It's called the Gotcha game. Dr. C
True That
I've seen it called baiting. Baiting you into defending yourself, explaining, arguing whatever it is they're looking for & then they gaslight & play the victim about how abuse your behavior is. Once I learned this I started calling it out by name to my narc & it caused her to shut down & walk away because her game was exposed.
This is one of the things that still triggers me to think about. That smirk and gleam in their eyes...ugh. And how "crazy" and "dramatic" I would feel afterward for defending myself in front of others. They would never bait me like that one on one...only as soon as someone else or many other people were around. Then suddenly, it was open season.
True
When you are true to yourself they go even harder at trying to destroy you because they actually hate you for those special qualities that you have. Such cowards these fools are. Empty vessels👹
Empty vessels that believe a four year college experience is better than their children being able to choose their own path of experience
Elaine James, It seems to provoke them if you have a natural confidence in yourself.
You are spot on. My nar x would always try to make me feel bad about my job because it was taking to much attention away from him and my job was working with children . Give me a break. Such big ass babies 😬
Right I am tired hearing we are weak the narc use deception until we finally gathered our thoughts we recovered What so strong about using manipulation lies and other ruthless tactics to make someone your victim
dealing with this now because i dared to call them out on their superioroity complex i've seen all my 57-years of livin....😱
When we become good with ourselves on the inside and we learn to have strong boundaries we stop being a fuel tanker for narcissists.
When you want to establish the boundaries with the narcissist, they hate you even more because you dared to shatter their kingdom of absolute power.
amen!
The fuel tanker cpmparison vividly depicts how a relationship with a narcisist works!
@@Mysikrysa i just came down to the comments to ask about that. The more that I take care of myself, the more I get the house exactly the way he wants it, it seems like it has gotten sooooo much worse. Ohmygoodness! Every single night for 3 weeks straight. He took a couple days to be nice, then here we are again. 😑
i resent the term we..
3:26 1. You don't speak plainly or openly about who you are
4:14 2. You constantly feel the need to appease
4:43 3. You feel the need to justify your choices/actions
5:22 4. You're easily tense or anxious
6:01 5. In public, you do a good job of covering up dysfunctions
6:47 6. You're easily motivated by guilt
7:28 7. You may argue, but in the end your assertions are weak
8:04 8. Your moods are too dependent upon others
8:45 9. You're often in a bad mood
9:18 10. You may ask questions, but you don't make declarations
Thanks for listing😊
Thanks!!!!!
Thank you!!
I appreciate you for taking the time to make this list because I was able to take a screenshot to save and look back on later 👍🏾😁💯💜
@@radiant1583 me too!
Rigidly authoritative parents are inherently narcissistic. Not those who demand and maintain order, but those who interpret any independence or pushback from their kids as treasonous. Absolute authority, even for a parent, is dangerous to a child's growth. The child learns to navigate under the auspices of being dominated. The children don't grow up to assert themselves and are usually underachievers. Authoritarians are thin-skinned, egotistical, and feel easily challenged. I know. I grew up under one.
I had two narcs for parents... Overt & Covert
Narc parents intentionally stifle their kids to keep them dependent. Kids need to have outside interests, friends,etc and the narc parent sees that as a threat to their agenda.
Empaths should take one moment and try to look at the world through a narcissist's eyes, it's horrifying and un-relatable. These are real life demons, and they're no small portion of the population, there is a real battle of good vs evil happening every day. Critical thinking is essential for decency to exist.
I’ve tried that. It’s something I can’t wrap my mind around.
I agree. We wrestle not against flesh & blood!
I can FEEL myself being dragged down around him.
They ARE demons. Some people say there are no truly evil people. I disagree.
You took the words right out of my mouth! I was thinking how hard it is for an empath to exist in a world full of diabolical narcissists. We empaths naturally feel what other people feel and usually are very effected by them and have poor boundaries. It’s a very conscious effort to imagine just having a boundary (at least for this empath). I feel like we are born to serve and help others. I think that Satan was the original narcissist and Jesus was the original empath. It’s a tough, hard road for us empaths but in the end we’re better off for it.
God help us !
They test your boundaries constantly. It's designed to provoke a reaction. They feed off your emotional responses both positive and negative. This somehow validates them. It makes them feel that they matter.
F@@@ them
I enjoy telling them they are not special, important, relevant or matter!✌️
Thirty years ago I was weak and vulnerable. They fed off my grief issues that created weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Not now. I am redeemed.
Explaining myself. This was the toughest one to get my head around. Every time I hit difficulty, I tried explaining why my choice was important. It took ages to understand how my narc actually enjoyed it and felt power in my need to explain.
I still get tripped up by this one. Happened last night.
On the plus side... when it happens at least we understand what’s going on. After a while, it fiiinally sank in that it was building up the wrong person. Watching the narcs face as I explained was helpful. I realized there was a smug look of satisfaction. That helped me back away. Besides, it’s normal to explain. It means we’re ok. The sick part is how they enjoy it.
@@p_tiffanii : Well said!
I believed that if only I explained with logic, evidence, and a kind tone of voice while showing respect for the other person, things would be fine. But, narcs put good things to bad use!
Just fell into that trap again and lost my cool again
Any guidance from mr c is like wearing a suite of armour emotionally ... guarded , wiser and protected 💕
damm straight
YESSSSS @ Lynn Fincham. This man saved my life.
Dr. Carter is the best, so WISE & wise about these creeps.
Exactly! 💪😊
Yes,me too.Dr.L.Carter gives me courage to stand firm through his videos,I am so thankful.God bless him.
That sinking but sobering feeling you get when you realise you have nearly every weakness that narcs seek out in a victim...😬😰
No wonder I felt "crazy" in the beginning of my marriage..... I was doing all of these things. Now that I've recognized these behaviors and stopped them, my husband is angry and frustrated and trying harder to manipulate me
you have changed - you are not the weak person he married :))
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d Exactly
Good for you for figuring it out! I did it for 30 years before having to leave which was very ugly! 12 years later I remarried after 7 1/2 years of getting to know my most wonderful husband of 8 years now! A totally different experience using many of the methods I learned from reading 52 books to try to "fix" my first marriage, ha ha! He read many of the same books in his 30 year marriage which WORK with a person who is not a narcissist! Life can be beautiful!
Lori, sorry, he's not going to get better or nicer. Yes, they do get really angry when you figure out their "bag of tricks" & refuse to be their endless supply. They won't ever change. Good luck to you. Hope you keep learning from Dr. Carter & the community here! Hi & Hugs everyone.
@@mdee860 Yes, I agree. They don't get better.
I did All of these things, then I discovered 'assertion', calm and speak from the heart without aggression or spite.... The narcissist exploded and then ghosted and finally melted into the background. I have ME back 😌
Mine served me papers. She wanted out. I started finding the old me and she was loosing ground fast. Her smear campaign was and still is ferocious. BUT, my network is strong and resilient. She wanted more kids. We have 8. I said no and got a vasectomy. She flipped out. Said she'd turn our current kids against me. That was three years ago. She filed the 9th of Aug. I think she found a new supply that will give her what she wants. Hell she may be pregnant now.
@@komododragon4242 Omg....she wants more kids... 😂
And the funny thing is that on number 9 when you said they love when we’re “always in a crummy mood” and they’re literally the cause of that 🤦🏻♀️
This! And because you do not want another episode of gaslighting and being blamed for something they did, you just tell them it's about something else.
If you appease narcissists, then you're participating in your own conditioning. Love and be kind to yourself, you deserve it, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
"Participating in your own conditioning"---never thought of it that way before, but you are exactly right. I will remember that phrase!
@@carolinacooper7068 Looking at my behavior in that way finally got me to change, glad you found it helpful too.
What if you don’t have the fortitude or courage to deal with all their freakfits they’ll throw if you DON’T appease them? Someone that don’t like confrontation at all and don’t handle it well?
I have a 14 months to go with a narc boss. I cant lose the job. I have to appease to get through. its a nightmare.
Giving fuel for their soul drains mine!
Nicely said, and so accurate.
@Whoreally Cares preach!!!
My gas station is closed!!!!!
They drain everything
I do feel drained
Love many
Trust few
Always paddle
Your own canoe
I remember that written in my autograph book in the early 70's. Pity I didnt take it on board. Have been far too trusting and danced to the beat of other people's drums.
Yup they use anxiety and sickness against you..my kid does this..they do pick up on EVERTHING.
that's cute.
Love this 👍
I like that.
I realized after being sucked into a “conversation” that lasted till past 1am that I got pulled into a supply trap again
Me too just before valentine's day she managed to contact me despite i blocked her everywhere and i got sucked in
I bet if you had hung up on them to go to bed they'd say you were rude and continue to say they fear that you'll hang up on them each time you're having a conversation with them. You're not rude for wanting sleep and sticking up for yourself
Yep. I am glad you mentioed this! I. Am adding the long conversation to my list of ways they test. I thought I was really clicking with a new friend in a 45 minute conversation in a parking lot. Fast forward, I get used.
And here I thought that was my own private hell. Very astute.
Hmmm... my “conversation” was on the phone, lasted 4 hours and ended well after 1am. 4 hours of lies and a relentless desire to demean. When she was finally called out a few days later she said she was “glad the truth has come out”. What a fucking idiot I was. Lesson learnt though.
Every single video in this series is like a college course. I think I’ll soon have my honorary doctorate because of this incredible channel. You’re helping me in so many ways. Thank you
I agree 150 %. Yes, thank you
Ive always known that bullies do the things they do because theyre tortured on the inside or were dealing with problems at home, i felt bad for them.. so id let them have a win, i wouldnt end their entire career even though i could have. But now? I dont care anymore. It doesnt matter how much you try to help them with their problems, or be nice to them they always turn back to their ways. Ive cut all of these ppl out of my life and i didnt realize how itwas actually affecting me. They will never see the benefits of teamwork, or having close friends that you can rely on. They will chase everyone away and end up alone.
I love the idea of being " confidently calm " . That's peace !
At the end of the 5 1/2 month bf relationship, I was horrified when he said, “ I needed to teach you a lesson.” I said, “who does that?”
I mean we are 60 odd. It still gives me chills 14 months no contact later.
Eww. I'm glad you got out.
Wow good you’re out
Ew sounds like my mom who said she “needs to put me in my place” after I stated facts and spoke up during a fight. Just remembered my ex said that too after door slamming me and changing the locks with no conversation “I needed to show you it was real” like what??? they continue to just take it further and further it’s horrible and worse when they justify it they don’t think it’s wrong
Good for you for getting out! I'm inspired.
narcs have years of pent up rage and emotional stuff they don't ever deal with...so they pick targets to serve as trash cans...and funny thing of it all...even though they use people as trash cans to dump all their emotional garbage on...they never actually purge themselves of their own demons,because they never deal with them...so their inner demons always follow them and ruin their lives with whoever they get involved with
They don’t care about anything you do in terms of moral. But they use your moral to shame you and feed on that.
Narcissists push your buttons because they want you to blow up at them, it makes them feel justified in how badly they have treated you. If you do not respond they run away because they see it is not working and there is some sense of failure they don't want to face. My brothers and their wives only like me in family gatherings where they have flying monkeys. They tried to reconnect a few years ago to draw me back into the gatherings but when I didn't come I never heard from them again. They cannot talk to me one on one without others around because I can hold my own in confidence, they have no allies to look to for validation. They are literally afraid of me because they cannot control me. I am kind in spite of their meanness and it makes them crazy that I don't act the way they do. It is such a blessing to look back at all the times they attempted to make me feel guilty and nearly succeeded at times, but I never responded in guilt. They cannot stand that I don't feel guilty over silly things.
Congratulations, distance helps. I used to feel guilty about not seeing my family more but once I understood that they were not changing, I decided to stay away and don't regret it. I have peace of mind, money can't buy that.
More power to you.
I have nearly given up on family gatherings - a source of tension not joy. I'll see my dearest relatives in private one on one. I work in the medical field so I just say I have to work that day, even if I don't, and it's believable.
@@timothygenaw2199, interesting because I came to the same conclusion with my family, I will only visit with them one on one. They seem to be more subdued when it is that way and on my turf, at my home. But even that is rare these days because even those visits seem forced and unhappy. They are just jealous and unhappy people all the time.
I wish that were true. He just keeps coming and coming and uses the children to further his agenda. I will not respond in any shape way or form.
I learned the nightmarish traumatic way being married to an abusive malignant narcissist alcoholic ex to
“never wrestle with the pig
You only get dirty and the pig likes it”
I’ve gone completely no contact and finally getting my true authentic beautiful self back
That he imprisoned for so long
Narcissists are always scanning you. They pick up on the slightest gesture or sign of tension. Sometimes, I’ll wring or rub my hands together when I’m cold and my narc mom will zero right in on that with a quick once-over: “I just saw her tense up. Good!” Like they always want something to be wrong.
Yes, it is so terribly annoying, I have to teach myself not to take this controlling nonsense seriously.
@@mariaawake4502 Exactly! It’s another way of controlling the mood.
They absolutely do want something to be wrong all the time. My narc husband used to always ask, “What’s wrong?” I’d respond with, “Nothing’s wrong. Why does something always have to be wrong?” I absolutely hate that question! He also always led statements or questions in the negative, like, “You don’t remember. . . “ or “You don’t want to. . . “ It was excruciating living with him. None of us could be positive, and he hated it when we laughed together. Somehow, spending time with our kids and forming strong bonds was a threat to him, even though we all did everything we could, as often as we could, to make him happy or to get him to join in the fun.
It is so sad how they can take such joy in taking advantage of any piece they can!
My ex narc partner would notice if I made any particular movements and mention it in condescending manner. What an evil being.
Narcissistic people are drawn to empaths and super nice people.
Become more discerning and use protective shielding for empaths.
Thank you for your amazing informative videos.
Narcissistic people are drawn to our good nature and good energies
But if we enjoy being the softer presence that lets go of our reality to please, then it’s us.
12 years of living with my narcissistic mother and I'm done, she's sucked every bit of joy and energy and self esteem....and life out of me.
teeka7777,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
Wow that is so sad. My mom was an angel mom. My kids and grandkids adore me cant do enough for me. I dont understand women like that. They should publically be stripped from their mother title.
Mine tried to and I left town. That's the only way I could survive. I took a college level psychiatry course and learned not to be ashamed that I didn't love my mother. That took a huge load off my mind.
Mine was a walking, talking demon and I put up with her for 59 years. She was just one of many but probably the worst. She told me to kill my self a lot which started when I needed her the most due to a bad situation triggered by an eye injury. It only got worse with time. Anyone with a very narcissistic mother needs to get away fast and never get in contact with them again...ever, especially if you’ve been chosen as the family scapegoat. As you say they’ll leave you with no life left in you you’ll be so drained or even suicidal like I was.
I get it. I had a lot of respect for my mom who's educated and done well for herself. I was convinced that I was the problem and did everything I could in therapy, psychiatrist, medication, recovery, you name it I've done it many times over and over trying to get her approval and acceptance but she just favored my younger sister and her children that's all she had room in her heart for. Since I knew she had the capacity to love as I watched her with my sister it confirmed that I was not up to par so I kept trying. So I totally get it. No contact for 2 months now
With regard to caring about public opinion - narcissists will also use it as a weapon during the smear campaign. If you don't care about public opinion the smear campaign is ineffective.
good comment
👍🏽
What if you’re someone like me who very MUCH cares about public opinion of me and what people think of me? I have very low self esteem and hate it when people have any bad thoughts about me
@@EphemeralProductions u you have to learn how to find comfort in knowing the truth by yourself . I used to be like you but I had to learn how to knowing my truth because they will always use the smear campaign so you have to learn how to be strong and increase your self-esteem
I'm sure there's quite a smear campaign going on since I went no contact with my mom and sister 2 months ago however there has constantly been a smear campaign as soon as I leave the room my whole life and my children too. They just marinate in their gossip yet no one knows how to talk about anything that has any depth and no concern for the well-being of this family. Unbelievable. 25 of us just left California and moved to Idaho and within 4yrs 4 family members have bowed out. It's a shame. When you're raising it you can't see it but when you outgrow your own family you see everything clear back to the beginning
When I was engaged, he told me he had a brother who was insane and in an asylum. I was nothing but concerned. Later he told me that was just a test to see if I’d marry him anyway. Well I did ... to my everlasting regret.
Everything is supply to a narc. Praise them....Supply. Get mad at them.......Supply. Love them.......Supply. Hate them.....Supply. And if you are less successful than them they look down on you and hate you. If you are more successful than them, they are jealous of you and hate you.
1. You don't speak plainly
2. You need to appease
3. You feel the need to rationalize
4. You're easily tense/anxietal
5. Publicly a poker face
6. You appear apologetic/guilty
7. You argue, but without consequence
8. Your moods depend on others
9. You appear to be in a bad mood
10. You ask questions, without declarations
Thank you for the list!
Narcissist wants to have a dysfunctional partner like themselves it makes them feel like they're in their comfort zone to be around other broken people. All the horrible things they do to you is to have company, once they see you are breaking down and having a hard time and not functioning as your old self they are happy because they created another one of themselves to play with. So don't pay no mind to them and get them out of your life as soon as possible .
thank you for sharing that image... being "happy because they created another one of themselves to play with." that helps me keep clear about why i don't x, y, z, with them
I do damn near all of these thing. It’s time to stop giving supply
It's time. Dr. C
It's past time... you deserve a peaceful life.
I live in this miserable loop. I do all of them except no1
My grandfather used to say, "They think I just fell off the turnip truck". Referring to narcissists.
OR “ I was born at night but last night”
That’s a cool saying 😎😊 and after reading that I’ve decided from now on I’m no one’s turnip. 💁🏻♀️
Lol, that reminds me of when I was a kid, there was a vegetable truck that drove through our neighborhood selling all sorts of vegetables, Johnson's Truck.
@@curtiskd8776 You mean "not last night"? That is a good one.
Dang, how clear you make it, Dr. C. Narcissists treat us how their parents treated THEM. "You're too happy and certain of yourself... I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."
Yes and they punish people for something they survived
Right, I wish a man woud say that to me... but they won't because I have boundaries and it shows. They have a radar and like a hungry wolf they look for weak sheep in the pack.
Narc mom is not trying to SEE where I’m vulnerable; she CREATED where I’m vulnerable. That’s the difference between meeting, or marrying a narc and being handed to a narc when you were born. I’m trying👍🏻
I used to fit all these 100%. Then one morning, I decided that when I'm the one who has to deal with the consequences, I'm the one who gets the last word. And that marked the beginning of my journey to becoming a "difficult person". Never looked back!
If they are constantly checking and pushing your limits, that only shows they are just acting like bad kids.
Also reminds me a concept in Chinese says “attention whore”.😅
Exactly
😂
I love that.
After beginning my healing work from narcissistic family system, I've gotten really comfortable with the words and phrases: "no", "I'm busy" "I can't do that" "I need more time" "let me get back to you" "i need to paid x". I no longer care to accommodate anyone unless I know I've got myself covered first. I don't care if someone doesn't like my "no". Not my problem.
Excellent advice!
Ugh learning this too lesson after lesson with different people!!
That's so cool that you feel really comfortable with those phrases! I'm beginning to see that practicing saying no in a kind way can actually be fun!
You go, girl!!!
Aren't they just so wicked??!! Wow, they are certainly conniving. It's like quicksand around them. Dangerous people.
Linda Moore
I was just thinking the other day that my relationship with my ex-husband is like quicksand. They are like quicksand and when you fall into their trap the more you struggle the more they suck you in!
Great analogy!
@@nancyclark-gaines6856 It's impossible to get out of their trap. If you can, my advice is to RUN!! Don't be around them any more than you have to. I'm stuck with my husband so I applaud you that you left!! And they play head games with you so you're never sure if it's them or yourself. Oh, they are evil is all I can say.
They are the most dangerous to those people who know nothing about this disorder
@@northstar5919 That's for sure!! Took me 44 years. I've been with this wicked person 48 years.
I was raised by a narcissist and this video describes my teenage self. I'm an adult now and trying to be more firm since I now attract narcissists left and right. Not my fault, but if there's anything I can do to protect myself I'll do it.
Thick and tall wals for a start. Dont justify, defend or explain yourself to them
a .44 Magnum comes to mind. XD
Thank you, you made me cry. I discovered recently about narcissistic disorder and my mother fits in everything I read or see about it. I'm 32 now, the "black sheep" and lived with her till 30, because I was worried about leaving her alone, but she always treated me like shit. Her behaviour became very strange to me after I decided to leave, and she made my life a hell; she turns everybody against me, using my personal faults to destroy my image and turn the game. I started the "zero contact" 1 month ago and its being pretty hard, sometimes it seems like I lived all my life in a bizarre kind of Truman's Show. Thank you for your job, its very important to me.
Well done on getting out. Sounds like you're sensible and strong enough to stay out. Good. :)
Good for you. Now you can be You. Don't allow narc into your life
I'm nearly 60 and envy anyone who got to suffer ONLY half as much as me. Both Parent's are Narcs but was blessed with father's passing in 05
I'm 59 yo & my Sadistically 👹 Catholic 😇mother has gotten so much worse. She's a healthy 84. If I could have 30 years ahead to go now that I'm ENLIGHTENED... Your blessed to know bc I just found out 6 mos AGO that mother is an enemy not an asset.
I was in my 50s when I realized my mother was a narcissist...as was my ex husband. The more I read the more I realized what I'd been subjected to. I was lucky I was able to bring my older sister along for the ride. We healed together. My mother died 4 years ago. I've never mourned her passing and never will.
I have to careful because I'm a magnet for narcs. This video pinpointed why. Well done!
Narcissists are bullies, an interesting thing about bullies is although they appear strong and their victims appear weak, the truth in each is revealed when the victim finally has had enough, and stands up for themselves, by letting the bully have it one way or another. The victim discovers they are not as weak as they thought, in fact they find out they are quite strong. The bully however, is revealed as the weakling they really are. It is the beautiful irony of justice. Each person finds out what they are made of. The victim learns to heal and becomes an even better person, while the narcissistic bully is left with nothing but his empty soul and self inflected injury.
1. No talking plainly, 2. Appease, 3. Justify your actions, 4. Anxiety, tension, 5. Covering up dysfunctions, 6. Guilt feeling, 7. Argue with weak assertions, 8. Moods dependent on other people, 9. Bad mood too often, 10. Ask questions without making declarations.
Thing is, they condition you to behave in these ways. All roads lead back to the narcissist.
I have a confession Dr Carter - every time I know that I’m gonna be around Narcs - I go on RUclips & listen to your videos. It gives me the proper tools to handle them. Thank - you from the bottom of my heart !
so exhausting living with these creatures 🤦🏾♀️
Being in a bad mood gives them supply because misery loves company.
To summarize :
1. you don't always speak plainly and articulate exactly what you are going to do/ what you want.
2. you tend to be a bit of a 'people pleaser' - wanting to appease others to make sure they are in a good mood.
3. you might be the kind of person who always justifies themselves, and wants to explain themselves to people.
4. You might slip into anxiety easily.
5. you might be someone who behaves very nicely in public, keeping your true feelings hidden to appear acceptable
6. you might be prone to guilt and you give apologies easily
7. you could be someone who is a little argumentative, but your assertions are 'weak' - you can be convinced otherwise.
8. your moods tend to be influenced easily by other people - you could be overly empathetic.
9. you could be moody - they'll prey on that.
10. you ask a lot of questions - gives them a chance to go on and on in return.
I'm so glad I escaped ...this time last year I was trapped. Thank you for your videos. To anyone reading keep educating yourself with videos like this and speak kind words to yourself, love yourself, you will break free. All the best.
Thanks for these encouraging words! Dr. C
Your words warm my heart and light the way. Like Dr C reminding us what a powerful, amazing thing it is to simply be ourselves. I'm so grateful to you and to Dr C.
When our relationship was but a friendship, I was given regularly books to read. This was the way he sort of painted an interesting picture of himself and crept into my head. After I had left him, the hardest part was to get him out of my head again. I was so used to have these conversations about what I had to think, how I needed to change blahblahblah that I felt quite lost for some time.
Been abused by narcs repeatedly and despite what I’ve learned I still have a major problem with overly explaining myself and justifying my every move to people all the time. I’ve always been like that
But I know you're working on it... keep your head high!!!!
Same here. It’s because we are self critical and care about how we may affect another person and they fully take advantage of that. I also projected my own good qualities onto the last narc which put me in great danger. I also trust easily and don’t require a new love interest to act differently, just because I’ve been through hell - but I better walk gingerly around their past bull$hit! No way! Never again. Hang in there. We can all try hard to keep ourselves out of another awful situation like that again. Now we know more.
I can relate to that, just keep doing your best to protect yourself and you'll be fine.
Get therapy for that or you will always be taken by a narcissist
Ditto @ 60 yoa
Hearing Dr. C made me realize how hard of a time I must have given to the narcissists present in my life by standing up and by myself and not giving in to their BS.
Lol me too ...., your challenging me Elle !!!! He hated that ..... I thought it was hilarious 😂 6 weeks no contact .... after 5 years !!! It’s wonderful 🥰🔥🥰
This is me. This is him. I’m devastated by this realization. I have tried escaping him a million times; he always drags me back home. I have no other friends anymore because he got rid of them all. He told me nobody likes me. I finally give up. I still have a tiny voice inside me telling me to leave by any means.
Even though you haven't left yet, watch the video, Recovering your worth after leaving a narcissist. You deserve better. Dr. C
So basically,anything other than grey rock gives them supply?I'm learning a lot here!
I tried to be more interactive during our long lockdown, phone, since he and I are both isolated. Just pleasantries when he called. Broke the grey rock. Now I'm having panic attacks because he has pulled out all his nasty narc tricks making me feel so worthless again. So I'm back to restablishing the grey rock, but emotionally I'm degraded again. So nope they can't be given an inch they will take a mile....
@@joywebster2678 sorry to hear this.they function differently "regular" people don't they.its taken me years and years to work this out.
@@joywebster2678 find a way to work on your healing. Feeling worthless didnt start from narc it already existed. Need to get rid of that feeling in a healthy way
@@northstar5919 no it started with narc parents, thanks.
@@joywebster2678 one psychotherapist said-all psychological problems people have originate from their parents
This one’s probably going to sting a little.
That’s ok... you’ll learn about yourself
Keeping feelings of guilt, serving behavior, ignoring yourself, continuing to show empathy, keep making excuses to the narcissist. Don't stand for your own opinion.
They do rely so much on our empathy. All the time. They believe we're going to forgive them no matter what they've done to us. When they see we're finally distancing ourselves from them,they might come up with serious family or work problems as an excuse for their shitty behavior,in order to make us feel bad and guilty and forgive them once again!! And that never ends! I hate these people!!
@@evaggeliamy it's so difficult when it's your mother. Ugh.
@@Daysleeper1000 yessss
@@Daysleeper1000 or your only son
@@amandaroberts5111 😩 so sorry. That's so painful.
I wasn’t these things but he turned me into them bc I loved him & wanted to make my marriage work. Bc he kept threatening to divorce me. I finally said “go ahead!”
Took me awhile to learn to not walk on the eggshells & to not be timid around him stilll. Finally remembered who I was tho. Now the game has changed
I can't WAIT to get to Heaven where there are no ulterior motives, evil plans, or NARCISSISTS!!! Thank you Dr. Carter your videos are tremendous, God Bless you 💕💕
Me too angie, me too 💕
It is necessary we learn from it on this planet
God wants heaven on earth.
CANNOT WAIT.
Do you really want think if we get to heaven
My narc used a note pad to write down my so called faults and how I could better myself to make him happier with me!! What a joke!
My ex-wife did that to me. How dehumanizing! Sick!
Wow, hope you buried that note pad where the sun don't shine.
No JADE. No justifying, explaining, defending, or explaining myself. These show the narcissist that they are in control and superior.
The crazy thing in my life is that I’ve lived with a mother that was constantly guilting me into doing what she wants and never let me be myself and told me I’m weak and silly. Years later I’ve cut her out for good even though it was extremely difficult. Now watching these videos and realizing that she is a prime example of a narcissist and I took the best route with her. I’m much happier now. Your videos are excellent and they help to understand and realize that it wasn’t my fault. Thank you.
You should talk one day about a narcissist boss and what to do when you have to coexist and honour a toxic personality like that. A lot of business and organizational leaders after all have narcissistic traits since the system rewards that behavior I find. Just a suggestion.
Excellent suggestion! My last boss could be absolutely charming, but then flip the switch into banshee behavior when she believed others had crossed her, or when it was discovered that she’d failed to do the job she was hired for.
After more than 3 years of her increasingly erratic behavior (the ‘filter’ was certainly off by now), I decided to quit. As she sat behind her desk, angry and so red-faced that I genuinely thought she was going to stroke-out, she demanded three reasons for my decision to leave. With each very specific reason, she brushed me off with comments, “You’re whining!”, then “You’re complaining!”, and finally “Oh, and more whining!” So, within a matter of a few minutes, I discovered her opinion of me was that I was an ungrateful, whining complainer, when in reality, I had been her most loyal, hard-working staff member. She told me that I was so replaceable that she’d have my position filled in 6 weeks. It took her 9 months to hire 3 people to do my work. Oh, and she told me neither to expect a letter of reference (nope - this ‘whiner’ wasn’t going to ask for one), nor would she provide any warm, glowing recommendation if any of my potential employers called her. That’s why it’s important to (1) have the next job lined up, with a confirmed start date; or (2) start your own business; or (3) retire.
@@probablynot1368 Exact same here. I walked out. I miss the paycheck but not her.
I am a 50 yr old 'traditional-thinking' female & I must say that these Modern-Day🎭Feminist Females at Jobs have destroyed the Cooperation & Professionalism brought by Males!!! So Done with Crazy Emotional Cluster🎭B at Work!!!
Good suggestion! My husband just joined a company who just fired a narcissistic foreman. It seems everyone is still recovering from the aftermath of years of manipulation and bullying. Btw, the narc was fired after he physically threatened one of the guys. We suspect the boss doesn't trust anyone readily because of it.
@@probablynot1368 ❤
Dr. Carter. Thank you so much. Last year I was in a dark place once I realized who I was dealing with. I am now a starter on team healthy and she has spun into drugs and of course the usual drama, chaos and entitlement. Once my eyes were open it was like the toothpaste came out of the tube and cannot be put back in. Same with me, I cannot go back ever. We still co exist due to our circumstances but my walls are thick and tall. Thank you
Great analogy- "The toothpaste has come out of the tube and can't be put back in."
Just say to yourself it's not my fault, no matter how low they've dragged you down
Exactly!!
"What's going on inside of you and how can I use it to my advantage?" - Excellent
No matter what a person is like, they should not be treated poorly by a narcissist!
Oh boy! In the beginning of the relationship when he acted so strangely, I told hi "Look, Im a naive and gullible person so dont play any games with me bc I cant take it" He laughed mockingly and said "Youre HANDING it to me?!" I didnt understand then what he meant but I sure asf do now.
SICK! 😡
omg I said that to mine too.....he didn't respond the same way but I wish I had never given him that ammunition
@@lucy766 It doesnt matter if we do or not, they will still act the same manipulative way because theyre severely mentally ill. The ONLY way with these monsters is to get the hell away and NEVER reply again. They really are bat shit fukn crazy. (Pardon my french)
Lesson #1, don't tell people you're naive and gullible. Oh my, what were you thinking?
@@polarbearsrus6980 I KNOW! I know that NOW, lol! "Youre handing it to me?!" He said and I didnt get what he meant but ofc..NOW I do lol! But seriously you cant see these thigns coming bc a normal person with a sound mind cant even fantasize about these personalities actually existing.
When my ex said to me that his affair partner "was a lot like me", I now know what he meant (and yes he did discard me for her) . I was desperate for love and thought he was amazing. I had no confidence or value and virtually no boundaries. I was ripe for the picking and I suspect so was she the perfect victim.
I think that's how my ex saw me, somebody she could control and dominate..I hope you've moved on and are happier today.
I met one on Facebook. He gave me a phone. I thanked him for it and he said, I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself. Why? Because it had spyware on it. Beware!!
I so desperately want to be free from this person.
wow what an eye opener of what is really going on!
This is painful...how people like this take advantage of someone in this way. Just horrible. Don't give fuel to this kind of person.
it's weird that ppl really think that way. yuck.
"Do you need to be taught a lesson?" - Oof!!! That hit close to home with me. That's exactly how I feel with the narcissist in my life.
They're wolves in sheep's wool, be a cool dude trust rely on your self your instinct.
Out of all of Dr Carter’s posts, this one is definitely one of the best. Fantastic concise and very clear explanation of how we unknowingly make ourselves a target and then go on to continually feed the narcissist’s entirely self centred and cruel needs. It’s almost a crime that this material is not taught in high schools.
Teaching the lingo to narcs makes them stronger. What needs to be taught is what is healthy communication, respect, etc. Not narc management.
@@joywebster2678 What we need is not a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind... Fear and hate towards someone provides them with an intoxicating sense of omnipotence... Perfect love drives out fear.
@@maricamaas5555 the spirit of love and unconditional embrace of narcs does not work with narcs...they feed off your kind nature and try to take everything from you because of that "kind, accepting and forgiving nature of yours!" if you let their bad behaviour slide, they will groom you to accept it forever and think you are a massive pushover that can be used at their beck and call. Narcs see kindness as weakness not as goodness or something to be valued.
It’s a very good one. I was thinking of saving it for my playlist.
@@joywebster2678 most narcs act like this subconsciously anyway mate this video will do 100x more good than harm
Dr Carter....Your help has been essential. I now picture the Narc as a psychological Mountain lion. A cunning predator who will lie in wait to attack when your back is turned. And use everything in their power to take you down. No mercy. No exceptions. For me that clarified the absolute necessity to go No Contact & protect myself. Thank you.
Thanks for this feedback, and good luck moving forward! Dr. C
That's a good analogy, and good for you, going no contact is the best choice.
I can even feel how the narcs are making those questions mentally. That look on their eyes, like having a mental meeting with themselves...
The look in their eyes 👀, very calculative and that smirk...a dead give away.
By God, that’s so true!
True! I can see the father now with his brain clicking away thinking “How can I “get “ her next?”.
Mental meeting 🤣 love it
I had been on an anti-anxiety medication for PTSD from a terrible physically abusive relationship.. but when I started dating my narcissist he told me that I was “a drug addict” for taking that prescription. So I got off of it and was in a constant state of anxiety around him. The day after seeing him I would sleep for sooo long! That should have been a sign right there. It makes sense now why he wanted me off of it. He wanted me weak.
Almost 3 weeks no contact. It's been a dark time for me and I've had to subdue myself from the majority of my friends due to a malignant narc in the group. They will understand one day, I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The important, uplifting people will be there when the time is right!
Good to use some caution 🚧 It sucks going thru things like that. My siblings are especially messed up. No conscience at all.
Awesome, you can do it. You can also make new friends. You have to continue to distance yourself, no matter how hard it is. 😎
@@polarbearsrus6980
Thank you
Its a strange situation
The narc has my friends working on his vehicles (extensive stuff) so he can drive and take them home
They cant stand him
He is moving thousands of miles away in next couple months to work
The narc likes to drive things rough and break shit Including his parent's vehicles
Overall I am doing better and I'm out of the situation and giving it way less energy. But it is still a healing process - I still have my people by my side and we make our own plans. They are patient with me. At the end of the day I need to become by own best friend again... speaking it into existence now
@@missesmia2 Sounds like you've got it together, good luck!
I decided to try an experiment. I am counting how many days go by without his asking how I'm doing, how I feel, how did I sleep, etc. Any questions that would show concern for my health or my feelings. So far, we are on day 15. Maybe I should sell tickets. One thing I already know,,,, he is clueless about connecting with another human.
Your experiment may go months!!
Exhausting!
I still deal with my narcissist on my terms. Nothing he says or does bothers me now that I’ve educated myself on his behavior. I feel so much better that I’m in control and 2 steps ahead
The less they know the better they know nothing
This video is everything. Thank you.
Dr. Carter ... you continue to teach valuable and insightful techniques to help us manage/leave relationships that are toxic. You are a gift. I appreciate the work you do to produce not only these videos, but also the many other tools you offer us. Thank you ...
You are very welcome. Dr. C
I wasnt aware of Narcissism before watching those kind of videos. Now I see that I'm surrounded by crowds of those. Because they exhaust me even by calling my name I thought of them as energy vampires.
I have also a specific question. Watching this videos it looks to me like narcissist try to keep victims close or at least return to their victims sometime.
Is it possible to be kicked by a narcissist out of his life?
"Be true to who you are."
My grandmother would always say to me, on a regular basis, as I was growing up, "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." At first I didn't truly understand what it meant, then after a while as I matured, (and there are people who will argue that point), I started to realise what my grandmother was trying to teach me. The phrase implies a multiplicity of meanings. The first meaning is that someone can better judge themself if they have done, or tried to do, what they should or could have done. The second meaning is that one must be honest in their ways and relations. The third meaning is that one must always do the right thing, no matter what the consequences are to them.
I actually made it my rule as to who I am as a person. I know I have made more enemies than friends because of it, but then I also learnt a very long time ago that you can't be everybodies cup of tea... a friend to all is a friend to no-one.
I realise now that is why when my ex-wife took her mask off after we got married the shit truly hit the fan with our relationship. She tried to turn me into something that I wasn't; always telling me that I wan't good enough; that I could never do anything right, no matter how hard I tried; that I had all these faults that needed to be rectified; that I had to become the person that she wanted me to be. She tried to change everything about me, and I resisted. She even said to me shortly before I left, "If you want this marriage to last you better change who you are. My way or the highway." I responded with, "If I am such an awful person then why did you marry me? Why did you even bother to fall in love with me in the first place?" She couldn't even answer the questions. She just turned around and walked away.
Now, when ever I get to see my son, I tell him the exact samething my grandmother used to tell me.
Teach him what manipulative behavior is, you will do him a huge favor
@@northstar5919 I try to whilst pointing out the different types of shaming language that females and society use against men to manipulate them, like the good old, "If you were a real man (insert some toxically gynocentric bullshit here)".
@@jasa9707 That can work both ways, though, men do it to women, too. Please don't turn him into a woman-hater.
@@janb5177 The mental gymnastics that you had to go to to come up with the conclusion that I was attempting to turn my son into a woman-hater by being an honest person especially to himself must have you mentally exhausted.
@@jasa9707 I didn't say you were attempting to turn your son into a woman-hater. I was pointing out that it could happen if you're telling him, very early in his life, that women are manipulative creatures and that he should be wary of them. If he goes out into the world believing this is true of all women his chances of finding a happy, healthy relationship will be limited, to say the least.
There is a difference between guiding a child and inculcating him and you are doing the latter. The hostility of your reply persuades me that you will, indeed, turn your son into a woman-hater like yourself.
They don't know that their dealing with a mentally ill person because its hidden. This is why some folks are in the relationships for years and years.
Pandemic and the quarantine have brought to the light a lot of truths. A lot of relationships have cleared
That's why you should listen to what people do, not what they say they do. Best advice I ever got, totally change my life. The signs are there, you just have to be listening and not ignore it.
2. Feel that you have to constantly appease that individual
I wish I knew your information 50 years ago. I have been victimized by narcs my whole life. They are attracted to me like flies on poop. They sense, right away, I am kind, empathetic and would help if I could. But after 2 years of watching yours and others videos, I am so on to them. I can smell one within a few encounters. This particular video is brilliant in assessing what we might be doing to tempt them to use US. Thanks again, Dr. Carter, for your forthright, clear insight and practical suggestions. Just brilliant.
Well, fuel for their ego.
They are without a soul.
Put Yourself in the (WHO) instead of (WHAT) you are category.
Mine is definitely a punisher and always trying to teach me a lesson.
Kerri Gynne,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
You have helped me be on Team Healthy. I am so grateful. I like me too much. Lol
So pleased!!
One's self-deprecating habit gives a narc the green flag. My learning - make a conscious effort to avoid self-deprecation, even humorously.