My ex-wife's favourite was always, "My way or the highway." The last time she said that before I left I responded with, "You know what... The highway is starting to look really good."
I had the same with my ex in 2006.. he said ...” shut up and put up “.. which is more or less the same thing. The highway eventually was the best thing I did
My ex (not a narcissist, but definitely has a few things a little fucky upstairs) got in a silly fight with me over god-knows-what which, of course, turned into a full-on blowout fight. When she didn't get her way or I stated an indisputable point or something, she ran into the living room crying, waiting for me to come in after her to apologize and calm her down. I didn't take the bait this time and went into the bedroom, flipped on the tv, and kicked back. She kept purposely crying louder so I would hear her through the wall lol but I just cranked the volume up. Finally, she comes bursting into the room all red-faced from fake crying LOL and I just laughed in her face! 😂 I finally saw through her little game she had been using to control me and I just couldn't take her seriously if I wanted to. The flipped out and screamed for me to get out lol I said, "Thank you!" lol grabbed my wallet and my phone and walked out the door :) never regretted leaving her
@@dougtond1380 My ex-wife started to do that crying crap too. The same thing would happen, it would get louder and louder to the point where it was almost like a dog howling. When the straw that broke the camels back finally dropped I hit the highway, 16 years later still driving down it and haven't looked back. The crap she did to me during the divorce made me realise that I had made the right choice. She said to me one day when I went to pick up our son for his access visit that she "Regretted that we fell apart." I said, "I don't. I regret ever falling in love with you, but hey, we all make mistakes. At least I learnt from mine." She just looked at me gob-smacked.
@@dougtond1380 He's showing some signs of psychological abuse. Thanks to the corrupt Duluth model the Family court ignored my pleas for the help my son needed... that was to get him away from his mother and she have the access visits instead... only females can be victims. The family court allowed her to get away with all of her breaches of the parenting orders. My main aim for my son has always been to create a home where he had sanctuary from his mother's crap during his access visits. A place where he was loved and allowed to be himself, and where no unrealistic expectations were placed upon him. A place where he could lick his wounds. My niegbours always pointed out how my son always became a different person after he had been with me for a few days. That he always appeared happier and less withdrawn and stressed. He's actually learning and starting to stand up to his mother. Deep down that makes me smile on the inside, but I know it will cause her to escalate. However, he knows that he has a place where he will always be welcome and loved. Thanks for asking.
The loneliest I ever felt was being in a relationship with a narcissist. No arguments were ever resolved, no honest reckonings, no responsibility ever accepted. Constant shaming and superiority. Took years to get over it, and finally free from it and happily married, I just shake my head and shudder at the memories.
Wow im sorry and that's all too familiar. If you can help please please let me know please... vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/ Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
Same here. I gave up after 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. It took me a good 10 years to get past it. I stayed single all of that time too ! Happily married to a humble, gentle soul for 18 years now.
The most vicious response I've ever given (after the more polite ones didn't work) was "Get diagnosed. I know many normal people and none of them behave like you."
I told her once that she should discuss her control freakiness with a doctor. Nothing was accomplished. My life got much much worse after that and now I live in a van down by the river... well not quite.
@@69eddieD Change your taste in women. If you choose based on superficial standards, you get a superficial mate or companion. There are plenty of beautiful, fun loving women who are very intelligent, productive, and successful. Change where you look and what you choose. For example, go to cultural events, not pick up bars. Sure you can find vapid and superficial people everywhere. But different locations change your chances. I'm not suggesting you're superficial. I have many guy friends, both young and old. This is the counsel I always give them. I wish you luck.
I tried "you have control issues" and she yelled at me "no YOU have control issues. YOU just don't like being controlled". Haha I'm still laughing at such a transparent response. Pure gold.
Unfortunately the victim of a narcissist can often appear narcissistic themselves once they have been pushed to the point of being aware of the paradigm.
@@emotown1 It's unfortunate because blame can be misplaced. A Narc can make someone completely crazy. They can be skilled enough to use it against you in either the court of public opinion or elsewhere.
And they give you that subtle smirk of satisfaction when you try to talk to them about things. The head games never end. It is truly Devastating! And in my experience, whenever I would try to talk to them, the first word out of their mouth was ALWAYS... and I mean Always. .... YOU.. It was never a conversation, just an immediate transfer to Me. They go from zero to 100 in a split second.
@@bluelagoon1875 that "smirk of satisfaction"! Thank you (all) for helping me, not feel alone and put the pieces together! I am only now, after 20+ years, understanding what has been going on this whole time. I am realizing it is the tip of the ice burg 😰
@@melindad180 I feel for you.... it took me well over 12 years to figure it out.. what a waste of life, time, effort, and joy. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with :"me"... then I finally got it... it felt like I was in a revolving door that I just couldnt find my way out of. The lights came on when I came across Melanie Tonya Evans.. and she explained that it's really "all about me"!!! It's all about what inside of ME would "allow" this kind of treatment. When I finally SAW that, it was 'game over'. All the pieces fell into place perfectly. I wish you all the best.
Absolutely! But be prepared for the full narc assault. I'm currently dealing with 2 narcs, I said no to carrying in their groceries for once...that was 6 weeks ago. Since I have been given the silent treatment, told I need to leave, additional attempts to control me and demand I do things that have nothing to do with me and only serves them, phone calls to family members telling lies about me, etc. I will die before I relinquish control over my soul again.
It's so hard to remain calm all the time with a narcissist. They lull you into this safe place and then take the wind out with a comment out of the blue. Can just never let your guard down with them. And I mean NEVER.
See that's how I feel about a co-worker of mine. I'm relatively calm when their not around, yet things build up if I'm around them for a few shifts, then OMG I'm a rage monster at them questioning my behaviour and "lack of self-regulation ". I'm not the only one they have this effect on...but I know I need to toughen up and not get so emotionally charged...the other sign for me is I feel so drained afterward and rotten. Like a deliberate inflation only to be poked to burst and release. You should have seen how quick they can switch their "emotions" on and off! Wow! For me...I'm in a reflection mode of, " why am I so angry? What's wrong with me?" mode.
Please, I had screenshots of him cheating and he still denied it, and said it "wasnt at that time, but when we were on a break", when THE MESSAGES HAD TIME STAMPS lmao
Omg so true If you can help please please let me know please... vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/ Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
My ex-wife told me in front of a marriage councillor "it's always been my way or the highway". The councillor instructed me to file for a divorce and that was the best advice I have ever received.
I recently tried out for a new job and very soon realised that the woman hiring was a narcissist. She could not be wrong, at all, and then started the telling me one thing and then later claiming it was something different. I even found myself going back and re-checking the actual job ad, thinking I had been mistaken. I pointed out problem situations, which she denied, and then later I found her fixing them. Not taking that job..... OMG
All I have to say is that I don't know about other narcissists, but a "trigger" was the last thing he needed!!! Anything I said or did or didn't say or do was always a handy trigger for him!!!
I told my sister that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her and she yelled at me “You SHOULD walk on eggshells around me!” That was my wake up call right there.
Unfortunately, Not everyone can say “ goodbye” unless you are independently wealthy and walk away from a good job if the narcissist is a coworker, boss or supervisee.
But you better be able to run like hell and have an escape plan !!! Better to just disappear and leave no trace of where you went and DO NOT EVER contact them, they will do everything to their last breath to destroy you !!! Oh how I wish I knew this when I was my former self :(
I actually feel less bothered by them when they're angry, at least I know where I stand. It's the fake nice and manipulation that I have a problem with.
So true. In a way it is kind if a relief when he gets angry and insulting, simply for the fact it seems to be the one time that I don't have to wonder how he really feels about me. So much better than the fake kissassery where he pretends to think the world of me.
I called mother, sister and brother out (all narcs) on email and they ghosted me. In my mind it's me who broke contact with them. they are all such empty shells, it beggars belief. My father, now passed, also was a narc. unbelievable. Sister and father both top executives in massive companies. I should have been better at noticing earlier they were narcs. Why oh why did I think they were different from all the other narc/psychopath executives or top politicians. i was just such a naive idiot. Good riddance now I tell you, but it is tough when it is all 4 of your family of origin. All quite different styles in their narcissism. Should write a book about it. hahah. the father was grandiose, vulnerable. The brother is a victim malignant sadist. the mother never took responsibility for anything always just making sure she was secured and could do what she wanted whilst demeaning me and saying cruel things. The sister was a covert underhand manipulator and I only recently discovered it (i am 59!) because I was too busy with the other 3 narcs. haha. She had played the game as if she was on my side all along. Stupid i was. Good riddance. I have now gone no contact with the other three.
Right. My dad will demand my attention yet ignore my boundaries(time) and think it is funny. He's delusional. I am fed up with his one-way street attitude.No-contact with him is the only way to avoid his controlling ways!
Yes! I asked my ex, respectfully, if I could just finish what I was saying. It was early on in our relationship and I was shocked by his response. He told me that I "obviously didn't know how to have a conversation because having a conversation involves two people." And he never let me forget that day I asked. He would always bring it up if he did talk over me which was all the time, he would mockingly say "oh! Oh I better let you finish" Like, jeez it's just a respect thing to allow someone time to speak, because I genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say. Not to mention it's difficult because the conversation is ALL about them. As soon as you try to talk about yourself they clock out. I felt like I was talking to myself. Even now I still apologize to people if I'm talking about myself because I feel like no one wants to know. I never felt so small as I did in that relationship. And yet I was such a strong independent person before that. Whew, gradually healing.
1/ The Word NO. 2/Setting Boundaries 3/If The Narcissists Is Criticized In Some Way. 4/Vulnerability 5/Disappointments 6/Not Getting His/ Her Way 7/If Their Not Treated As Center Attention.
My dad. So he had me in his control from the start. Mum was a marvelous singer and he liked the idea of being her manager. I was merely a another at this time but I remember when she was on tour in Europe and he was supposed to be looking after me. I was dumped off the moment she was gone to a cousin of his, whom I detested, because she detested me, because she didn't want the responsibility,( fair enough), and dad was just using her. She was horrible to me ànd her young son who about a year older than me used to pinch me and pull me hair when we had to share a single bed. We ere both no more than three, four maybe. I say that because I feel I was younger, only two but I haven't head of two year Olds having coherent memories like that. He would hurt me and pretend to be asleep when his mum came to see what the screaming was about.. I'd be bruised the next day from his pinches but I was tiny and not believed. I spat on his closed eyes one night in sheer fury at not being able to do anything else. I was young, yes, but ahead of my milestones and highly articulate for my age. I had a friend who was older, 5 or 6, and already in school. She lived in the same northern town as my granny and I wondered where she suddenly disappeared to. So one morning I got up early and met her at the alleyway, we're talking 1965 here, and I asked, and she said school and I was too little. But I was curious, curious about absolutely everything so I went along to school with her and wouldn't fo back to grand till I'd sèn everything. The teachers were wonderful and kind and just thought I'd go home when I got bored with the lessons. But they weren't boring. I could read already and writing was coming on nicely. So I stayed, and learned, and had school dinners and made many friends. And I went back the next day, because it was interesting, and I was learning, which I loved. And I went back so Often, everyday, that they put me on the roll. No questions, no charges, school dinners were still free then but only for the next year or so, and I had a ball. So I could make myself perfectly well understood from an early age. But the manipulation started then. When I got back to dad. I knew things he hadn't taughtme! I didn't have an uncontrolled moment to myself from then on, unless I was away from him. Which was fairly often until mum gave up the singing. Then it ramped up.i was very bright and this was good as he could brag about it and say, ' look what my daughter can do/read/paint , say, whatever. And I basked in his pleasure. Until I asked a Wrong Question. Then I was shut out. Completely. You know the rest. A lifetime of being conditioned to please. To be whatever was needed to maintain the peace. It was a great deal more unpleasant than this of course, it was truly dreadful to just never know which daddy was going to walk through the door at the end of the day. If he came home at the end of the day.And so my partners were the same as it's all I knew. And each partner, long term, I was loyal and no quitter. Each successive partner was worse than the last and built on the damage inflicted by the previous husband. 3 husbands. Each one a vulnerable narcissist as I've just found out this past year. The most recent had me in such a state I was admitted to respite care twice. He was directly responsible for working me to the point my health was ruined. He nearly had me. I stayed only because of our beautiful daughter. And the fact that he said he'd kill himself if I went and he lost her. And I know now he wouldn't ha e killed himself, but he would have made a lovely big messy show. I escaped 5 months ago. I stood between him and our girl the best I could. I ruled to make it till she left for uni. But I couldn't. I actually eventually fled, and after sleeping in the car found safety in a Safe House. It's been awful and when I was in hospital, he must have figuratively rubbed his hands with glee because he had her without me there to stand guard. When I came home, after being in and out of hospital for a total of about 4 months, she was a different girl. She actively disliked me and really felt I was an aggressive liar. The divorce is acrimonious and ongoing. I'm not there in person to terrorise and control so he's doing it by dragging and delaying and lying to deliberately run up the costs. He won't leave me alone. And he won't stop. His idea of a conversation or discussion about anything at all would be to take a position anf stick to it
Pressed a wrong button. Just this ladies, if you're unhappy, get out. It's not your fault and it's not your responsibility to be his mummy. And he can't be healed. If you've got kids, either take them with you even if you end up living in a tent. It will be healthier for them than th toxic atmosphere at home. Or, change the locks when he leaves and have the legal papers served while he's out. Be safe early on. Dont try to help him when he pulls the victim and Martyr routine. It's all an act so he can such you dry. Because he's empty. He needs what you've got and will steal the life from your soul. You don't need 'the house'. It's just stuff. You and the kids are valuable and worthy and allowed to have a life where you know who you're dealing with day to day. You're not happy, don't kid yourself and don't be EMBARRASSED and GUILTY. Get Out Now. There are thousands and thousands and probably hundreds of thousands of us all yelling at you. You are not alone. Not even unusual. But Noone talks so we never know. So hear it now. From hundreds of housings of us. Get out now. He doesn't love you, doesn't understand the emotion. He just reflects. He's empty. Be told.
I always check in with myself by asking how l feel when l am around somebody. If l feel less than and/or CONfused then there is a good chance l am spending time with a toxic person.
Australian_888 why did they tell you to go kill yourself? I’m not sure how that tied into your statement? I only ask because I know a CNA whom says all the time people whom say they want to commit suicide should be allowed to and we shouldn’t stop them which has always bothered me. People need empathy and sympathy not abandonment and disregard of feelings. Sometimes people just need to be heard and validated as a person and don’t get it. He also recently spoke of Dr’s as being psychopaths. He’s a psychopath.. not a serial killer type psychopath but a psychopath nonetheless.
That sounds like a fun question. Wonder how much it can be modified to cover other things besides stupid. If it confuses them a bit in their efforts to assert control, makes them uncomfortable enough such that they must avoid the subject to maintain their flawed ego defenses, that might have some value, giving us a bit of a break from some of their behavior.
Kathy, I copy and pasted this comment in my personal note page. Trying to work with my brother on some household obligations and I am walking on dozens and dozens of eggshells for now. Once in awhile I mistakenly hit a landmine and I did that yesterday. Still waiting for him to calm down and call me. That's another control issue, he'll call ME when HE's ready...sheesh what a baby.
I tried (very calm voice) "You always like to blame all your problems on other people, don't you?" Watching narcissistic mother become unhinged was very entertaining! 🙂
@@tomtoss2463 Watching someone come unhinged should never be entertaining. Regardless of whether they are a terrible person. I think it is sad and stressful.
Right wanting to purposly work up a toxic person isnt better...i can say that because ive started to treat my narc husband the way he treats me. Except i feel sick and cant believe i acted that way because i realized it after
@@Amanda-ev3lg Go easy on yourself. It is easy to get caught up. I recently realized I have repressed anger due to everything. It will come out sometimes and then you feel shame. No doubt you have anger build up. I had an outburst with mine at the end and called him a narc and a bunch of other things. Everyone has a breaking point. It is really really good that you see it and disengage. I realize that was my problem. I kept trying to reach him when really I needed to start to recognize my own limits and learn to disengage before I had a reaction that I have to live with. Be kind to yourself. Just make a commitment to YOU that you will never do that again and will find healthier solutions. Take good care of you.
My would actually compliment me in public and say nice things about me. Then at home, be a monster. When I was shut down, or not recognizing his public comments, people didn't know why. Finally figured out it was all about his image and how he appeared to people.
My mother in law will compliment but it always comes off as an insult. Like when she tells you "you look good", it comes off as "you normally look like sht but you've actually put yourself together today". The way she says it in a high pitched voice and looks you up and down as she says it with her eyebrows raised
Free free at last!! That situation almost cost me my life...a long journey to escape and heal. Thank you for such a clear explanation of the danger...everything u said was right on the money. Been there done that never again!!!!
I dont know about that. It usually takes a whole week or more for me to recover from even being in the same room as my ex husband narc. He left me and my 4 sons when they were teenages. Now he is back sucking up to them with money and " good advice".
the drama itself could very well be the only reason -- they get off on it. But more often than not, there are multiple angles they are vying for when they do this.... to wear you down and break you; to cause a meltdown in you in front of others so they can claim, "See? You are the problem, not me", etc.
We had a N neighbour, anyone visiting her house got the treatment, taxi drivers, binmen, postman, pizza delivery all for a "drama queen show". We moved house and 2 other neighbours are selling up too. It used to be a nice area before she came along. Yes, it was draining to keep hearing all the commotion "yet again". There was more of it when the family came visiting, all at the top of her voice, b***dy nightmare.
this morning i helped a narc figure out money issues i work nights and get home at 12am she met me at the door and started screaming at me about what i helped her with in the morning. its funny to me cause I'm like we already solved the issue soooooooo whats your point thats what i said in my head. its all about drama!
Oh, it's a dangerous game calling out like that! If it happens in a group (work for ex.) and nobody "sees" a narc, only you can, than it gives narc a devilish power of turning up the tables and make a drama where you will look insane or whatever narc will nake you look and it's very hard to get out of this, cause ince narc realised you see it - you're in danger. RUN. I'm glad in your story narc is the one who had a heart attack :)
@@artieanderson604 well, I'm with Pabs and would rather see it as their problem not mine, They can shove their narcissism where the sun doesnt shine - and yes that is an immature thing to say, but why do we all feel we have to pander to them?
Totally ! Thats how I am. I'll say what needs to be said I'm not scared of children in adult bodies LOL F that! Actually many times I find myself telling him how he really is and it drives him nuts I tell ya!!!! And I'm sitting there laughing at him. I look at the funniest memes and funny videos and laugh crazy loud from another room LMAO But sometimes I need to just keep it quiet bc he goes on and on talking, making no sense whatsoever! and that is exhausting not scary but exhausting for me. Oh and I told mine I will grind him to the ground mentally with the truth so I say the most ruthless things to him who he really is and his whole NPD family not everytime bc again it is exhausting. Laugh so much in their presence it will drive them nuts
@@eyo6812 Agood attitude in my opinion. They need someone to finally tell them they are not as entitled as they may feel they are and there is no reason for this sense of entitlement.
I asked them to get control of themselves as they were just yelling nonstop, and they just exploded with rage. I’ve never seen anything like it, they went almost purple in the face!
The best way to test a new person for narcissism is to disagree with them and see if they can defend their view calmly and rationally, or do they become offended and argumentative.
@Eddyy SEE IF THEY CAN THEY DEFEND THEIR VIEW CALMLY AND RATIONALLY, OR DO THEY BECOME OFFENDED AND ARGUMENTATIVE. Liberals. In a nutshell. No intellectual rationale for liberalism exists; thus, they resort to identify politics, name calling, and personal invective. Liberalism is a personality disorder.
Also, ask them if they could change anything about themselves, what would it be. Narcissists can't see themselves as less than perfect so they won't be able to come up with anything. They may even say, "Nothing. I'm perfect just as I am." Or ask if they're deep. They'll look confused as they try to figure out if "deep" is a desirable trait to have. If they decide that it is, they'll say, "Yes." (The trick is to watch for the pause and look of confusion.)
I am just today trying to come to grips. I’ve finally able to leave. I’m so tired and depleted . Need a hug or anything, I’m so isolated. Pray for me please.
They hate indifference. They need you doting on them or hating on them. It drives them crazy when you don't care. It works great for me because I actually don't care, and it's fun to watch them try to provoke you and try so hard to get a rise out of you.
All I had to do is tell mine that she was fired. I was in a power position to do it. She had concocted this carefully constructed facade that she was in charge of a business operation that I was the mastermind behind. She didn't have a business bone in her body or any common sense or any sense of professionalism. When I pulled the plug, I told her she finally got her wish: she was in the spotlight and had to explain to everyone why everything had gone belly up. She was already not well liked, but she was then in the position to have to explain why there was yet another setback and the whole project had been shelved indefinitely. She made a lot of enemies that way. The thing is, everyone knew it was her fault. She had no one to blame but herself.
I'm just now implementing the "whatever " response. It's working. But it's so hard for me to not defend myself when he says untruè hurtful comments about me to me
My standard response to wildly inaccurate accusations and characterizations of me is “You can believe that if you want to.” It shuts them down immediately when they realize that you’re not taking the bait. Defending yourself only reinforces their belief that you are the flawed person.
Anger always came out when I questioned something, tried sharing what I worry about, asked questions like “aren’t you excited for me, feels like you’re never happy about things I do for us” etc. (so much more) They’d start arguments and fights, whenever they noticed I contained my anger and stayed calm they freaked out even more.
@A then you haven't read it much. There's a lot in the Bible that isn't necessarily religious. Like the golden rule, karma/reap what you sow, how to treat people. It's not just proof of past its predictions of future, your Destiny, and wisdom. Most of all its a love book written to us, we are imperfect humans but God still loves us and even came all the way here so we don't have to be perfect. John 3:16and 17
Dated a narcissist and tried to break up with him. He just kept refusing to accept. I finally realized the only thing he couldn’t stand was someone super needy. So I pretended to be desperately needy and he broke up with me immediately. Find their kryptonite and use that against their nature.
Worst one was when my mom was lecturing me for over 3 hours. My Dad was sitting there, and I could tell he didn’t agree with her. I opened my big mouth and asked my Dad why he didn’t grow a pair and tell her she was wrong. 😬 That did not go over well.
The statement I made "I'm not responsible for your relationship with your family or your happiness" (after YEARS of taking crap about this) he totally flipped out and I truly thought he was going to kill me that night. Good news is that situation was the catalyst that gave me the strength to leave. What a great feeling to live without fear!
a better adrenaline rush than sitting there wondering why "they dont like me" living on egg shells. i think we need to get a dig in and watch them implode.
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 my soon to be ex husband used that same tactic on me. Fortunately, I'm getting away from my narcissist husband, keeping his family and our small babies! Yay for me! I win...and it's a hard fought, painful win too.
That happened to me. He wud question me about how many times I'd been married, how many people I slept with, always fishing for any dirt so he cud throw it up in my face, so he cud revel in his superiority & "I'm so much better than you !" And yes he did use it against me. He thrived on trying to make me look bad. A very sick B_stard.
Never tell them your past.Then in a fight, they " throw it up".What you did before your marriage is for you. Jealous ppl too & they sneak & lie to family members.So they get empathy & turn them against You.they feel Like Perfect spouse, lover,& Tell people Quote " she is crazy", " Crazy shes crazy"...While they sit & listen & Be quiet....
It is so very important not to give them information about yourself, your past etc. When they seem so extremely interested in getting to know you it is just gathering information to use against you later. Also text messages get shoved in your face saying CU promised this or wait till I show your child this. Be careful I cannot emphasize this enough
Number 7 was the one that freed me. The first time that I realized that I was dealing with a narcissist early on, I knew it was time to walk. In the middle of a Board of Directors meeting, I just looked at him and said that I was done. He flipped out. I just walked out the door. He contacted everyone he could and tried to get me to come back. Many of them admitted that I was right. But they still tried to get me to relent. I didn't argue or try to explain. I just said no. It was the most empowering thing I have ever done
@@tuppencepetey It used to be easier when I was younger. I had my parents (safety net). I also had that youthful arrogance to believe that everything would work out. Now, I am just too old for that garbage. Also, your livelihood is never safe when a narcissist has power over it.
1. You know...you have some serious control issues. 2a. I'd like for you to listen to my perspective. 2b. Can I share my perspective. 3. We've already talked about this. 4. Do.you honestly think your neighbors are that stupid. 5. Let's talk about the time you made a major blunder. 6a. What's wrong with you anyway? 6b. Don't you hear yourself? 7. I don't know if I can keep doing this.
@@ACollegeSolution My most effective response was to mirror them. I mimicked their behavior. My mother had always insisted that it was a communication problem. I went away to boarding school when I was 14 and I never lived near them again. So, I began to (subtly) recreate situations where I could get to use the same behavior against. Every Christmas, my siblings and I would have a family meeting. The opportunity arouse for me to use my meanest siblings' most devastating response. "I find that hard to believe." She went beserk! As usual, my other siblings supported her claim that I was at fault. I pointed out that I had responded to her the way the same way they had to me. They called me a liar. I gave them a print out of emails where they had treated me the same way. They just said that had always treated me that way and that I had never treated them the same way and that it was too late to change our family dynamics. That was when I realized that I was done.
I’ve been shouted down for 20 years. I started seeing a therapist who suggested setting some boundaries but warned me that this could make the narc even angrier. Sure enough, it was the catalyst for the final battle. I tried to speak up and tell him why I didn’t want to do something (which I never did before - I always just went along). He went ballistic and started raging. I got angry and said “you’re just mad because I’m not doing what I’m told.” I don’t know if he saw the end coming then because he packed a bag and walked out. I think he was bluffing to get me to beg him to stay but I called his bluff and let him go. The idea that I was a separate person with opinions didn’t occur to him. I was just an extension of him and expected to fall in line. If you want to see a narc’s anger, simply express a different opinion or tell them no. I’m on my own now and starting to heal but it’ll take a long time. Be careful people x
I hope things work out for you. I see some narcissitic tendencies in myself and Dr. C's videos help me realize there's a better way to act in a relationship.
@@ibbjos08 I would think you are not a narcissist if you recognise some narcisstic tendancies in yourself. We can all have the odd selfish moment. A narcissist would not recognise these tendancies or moments in themselves, if they ever even asked themselves the question! You may be being too harsh on yourself. Having a healthy self-interest is allowed and doing what you want s sometimes, is allowed. You sound fine to me.
I don't think it does. To the ones i work with, it'll be considered a win. I'm 100% disengaged with them now because they're ridiculous. One guy will argue with me about facts then call me wrong and stupid as though the point of fact is my opinion. For example, a recent point the guy argued about is when i said Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the election. "so you're trying to tell me that she lost with more total votes, etc? " I kept telling him to look up the electoral college system and he kept arguing that it's not possible. Another time i said how heavy pickup trucks are, he said they were light because of it's a big empty box in the back. geez. . BTW, this is in a break room where i'll be talking to other people and he'll just pick fights about things where he clearly knows nothing.
If you can help please please let me know please... vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/ Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
I have 2 siblings that are narcissistic , I finally said enough is enough to myself . So they are no longer a part of my life ! I had to protect my self .
Same If you can help please please let me know please... vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/ Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
Saying "no thanks" to a narcissist's offers to help (aka take control over your entire life) triggers a tremendous amount of anger. The narcissist is good at making it sound like you are the one with the issues, you are accused of being too proud, independent and stubborn. Rejecting, what they feel is their much needed tidbits of unsolicited "wisdom" along with their offers to help (which is usually for self-serving reasons) is a serious blow to the narcissist's ego. "NO THANKS " are fighting words!!
This has happened with me but the person wouldn't take no as an answer to a supposed nice gesture. They kept asking me why, my reason was because I can see right through you. I didn't answer them and they finally gave up but I know they really didn't give up. It'll pop up again eventually.
That's a rule I live by with people, or organizations who idealize narc traits: NO THANKS. I catch a whiff of one, I say, no thanks, even if they try to be facetious, and "offer" me something they know I'd like. At that point, even if they would have something I want, they are no better than a predator in their white van, promising ice cream and sweets. No thanks, no thanks, and no thank *you* if they need the more formal version.
@Miss Mia Yep and this - I am not a great cook, but not bad I would say, I just don't cook fancy stuff, he maybe a better cook than me, but I am doing 70 - 80% cooking anyway, he would say to our friends like I don't cook at all.
Until you realize the futility of speaking to a narcissist at all beyond, "Yes" or "OK" you'll use all of these phrases and more and will reap the rage. I did a TON of things I didn't want to do just to try to keep the peace. There's no reasoning with them.
Even if you try to keep the peace they will find a clever way of baiting you into going in circles with them. Extreme control freaks they want to control how you feel an how you respond. Their behavior gets flat out psychotic.
Cheryl, You are so right. There is no reasoning with them. But I keep trying because it's a "close" relative I feel like I should have a relationship with, but it's not really a relationship is it? It's a one-sided effort. Him badgering me and the pretend personality I must present him to keep him in check and from getting overblown-angry is exhausting for me.
I started dating a Narc without realizing it. He even asked me early on if I was an empath - me not realizing Narcissists prey on Empaths...he tried to demean me in every way. But when he realized I was a strong person he broke things off, not without trying to make me feel like I was the whole problem for the relationship not working out of course. I just let it go. Praise Jesus for protecting me.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "they have an astonishing lack of awareness". I have a sister and brother with some of these issues and instead of getting them to see reason, I just listen and nod my head and let them go on because after many years I know they will never change because they are incapable of changing or being more aware. It's not in their brain wiring.
Same. I realized that those sibs don't recognize me as an actual person separate from themselves. In their lives, I am merely an extension of themselves. I have nothing of value to share with them or say to them
Yes. It is heart wrenching to accept that too. I actually love my BF but know that he can never really love me back and he will never become self aware. Radical acceptance. It makes me cry sometimes. He can be so great in some ways...and then....so horrible.
Rather insulting to Mr. Hyde. Mr.Hyde at least admits his flaws and is open to his bad behaviors. True narcs aren't that honest and always want to be perceived as "perfect" model citizens. The real Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde are those of us with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Our moods fluctuates but at the end we are open about our flaws and admit to our errors. Narcs aren't like that at all.
Exactly If you can help please please let me know please... vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/ Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
Yes Jekyll and hyde..I heard some stuff from his coworkers how he flies off the handle in seconds..he goes from one extreme to another. I told him I thought he was multiple personality disorder because he claims so often he doesnt remember things he says or does
I was terrified of being ALONE, now after living with a narcissist for 4 years, I think I am ready to welcome my lonelyness and peace again, because now I now it is much healthier to be alone, than trying to survive with a Toxic Narcisist
In the same boat. My ex is wanting to leave finally after 4 years. I’ve tried to break up with her several times in the past but always ended up taking her back. I’m afraid of being alone too but it feels much more peaceful with her gone.
you are never really alone...you have yourself and that is the only person who can fulfil you and the only one who you can depend on completely!! to hope a romantic partner can do any of this for us consistently is a dangerous illusion...
I am fortunately understanding this myself now, love can really blind a person! You think you are only overlooking bad behavior they learned from being in a past bad relationship, You want to help them! Then you finally realize 9 years later that they are the bad relationship. No Love, help or support will ever change things.
The one thing that angered my narcissistic husband and enraged him with more madness than anything else, was plugging my ears. I started doing this about 10-12 years into the marriage as basically a desperate last resort to escape the verbal attacks, and from the very first time I did that in the midst of him screaming at me I recognized that he felt very disempowered by this because I was taking away his ability to influence or emotionally manipulate me or even hear the insults he felt I must listen to. It was empowering for me though, so I resorted to this tactic many times over the last years of that relationship. It is risky, especially if the narc is physically abusive, but it was a clear line I was able to draw to say "you've reached my boundary and you will not cross it, not even with your yelling voice".
3 years in narc hell, infidelity was the straw that broke the camel's back and I bounced. When he would start his abusive, toxic monologues I'd just get up and leave the room without a word, he'd blow a fuse every time.
Left narcissist husband after 24 years. He used to say to me "you just can't take crticism". My answer " who the h' are you to criticize me ? He never once had an answer for that.
Literally 24 hours ago, I told my “friend” in person that I think we should take a break and within the hour he blocked me. We were on the phone shortly after and either the phone died or he hung up. And blocked me lolol. I’ve blocked him back and I intend to keep him blocked. It will be difficult cause this is going on 4 years now but I have determination. Everyone wish me luck!
Hag in there...I've been dealing with this pattern for many years. Within the past few months, I blocked him. Of course, this led to his family members "reaching out" to me. After blocking them, He sent a disgusting and accusatory text - (under the pretence that he was texting me directly) , to a close friend of mine. I don't know how he found her cell number. Instead of contacting him to freak out that he did this (which is exactly what he wanted....ANY type of communication/response), I chose to ignore the incident and have since filed a harrassment report. I decided to stop being "afraid" of his explosive temper, and this past Friday (Sept. 18, 2020), he was served with a temporary FULL restraining order with a summons to appear in virtual court with me on October 1st 2020. Do not be afraid to take action. You can do this. Stay strong!!!
I used to tell my boyfriend "You're right" when he wanted to keep giving his opinion until I changed mine. He finally figured out I wasn't conceding anything, just putting a period on looped "conversation."
It gets me when he's there shouting some crap at me, then when I raise my voice just to be heard above him, he tells me not to raise my voice. Thank you, these videos make me realise I'm not going crazy.
You can trigger a narcissist's anger with anything as they are looking for a fight all the time. The narcissist's baseline mood IS anger. It only appears they are calm when they want to appear that way. They pride themselves on "controlling their anger" against you, so when they lose it at you in a narcissistic rage they get to blame you as they are normally a "controlled person". The only other time they stop raging at you is when they are exhausted.
You cannot have a discussion with them . It always turns to what they want , you donot count . He's sleepy as soon as you start talking to him . He's bored with you
My gawd, he's sleep as soon as your start talking to him. My gawd. He's bored with you... All while denying he's tired and not bored.. You just read my life for Filth.
I like triggering them and laughing and grinning like an idiot while they implode in their head. The less positive attention they get (fear, submission and the like) the more funny they get. Laugh at them out loud and say, "just look at how ridiculous you are."
Same thing when YOU are the one who wants "together time", then THEY are too tired, not in the mood, or you're not attractive that night, they have too much on their mind. But when THEY want it, they'd better get it or you get no sleep at all.
I learned that the hard way and now know it's a great test to see red flags earlier. Once you're connected to one you learn not to say anything nice about anyone else if you want prevent them from being a target because 💯 of the time the narc will go after them if they can.
1 "you have control issues" 2 "this is how I see it" 3 "we've already talked about this" 4 "do you think I'm that stupid?" 5 "let's talk about what you did wrong" 6 "what's wrong with you?" 7 "idk if I can keep doing this"
The last time I spoke any words directly to my narc brother, he flipped out so badly I had to call the police. I believe my exact words were 'I haven't touched any of your stuff." I have no plans to ever speak to him again - only through my lawyer. What a relief. But I do admit, later during the same altercation I said "Why don't you get some professional help?"
That's an attack. I wouldn't go there, with anybody. A narcissist can turn you into someone who is cruel. But belittling someone who is so insecure doesn't make sense. Taking care of ourselves isn't about countering attacks with more attacks. It's about staying calm and not engaging, changing the subject, walking away, just knowing yourself well so that what they are saying about you is so much nonsense. BTW one rule that is helpful is to keep the word "you" out of your response. It's accusatory and we all know how that feels and what happens next.
Ha! My mom has some idea that I don't like shitting on other people (much) and has tried to word-salad that "life is a pecking order with alpha hens and as her daughter (or just inferior person), I ought not judge her incesant hatefulness" ... or something. When she's trying to brainwash(?) she doesn't speak clearly enough to be quoted emphatically; it's just this vague allusion to what she means which people can only think they are understanding. God forbid, you ask for clarification for then you will be "asking for it." It would be funny ... if it weren't for the subsequent revenge. Goodfaith arguments are always a trap, and she expects me to wipe her butt for the last ten years of her life. When I pointed this out to her (that I will be the person she relies on later in life) - hinting slyly that her alpha female life thing is very shortsighted and against her better judgement), she tells me that she has every intention of committing suicide towards the end. Then gets offended that I take that as a valid plan! Needless to say, I've been punished. Haha
They will never, ever, ever say 'i'm sorry" or "I was wrong." They'll dance all around it if they think you're reaching your limit, but that's it. I took it for 12 years. Sure wish I had known all this back then!
That's the value of Les Carter. I think he's a life saver. These people that Dr. Les Carter takes the horsewhip to belong in Hell. I've seen what they've done to people. Dr. Carter is a nice guy. I am no such entity. I have sacks of self-awareness. I was taught how to arrive at such a point. I have learned that the purpose of trees is to line them up with narcissists. I did not learn that lesson from my teacher Dr. Les Carter. I learned that lesson at Pinkville.
My youngest son is everything you have said regarding narcissism. In fact, we no longer have a relationship at all because of it. One example: When he was in college, I provided him with a credit card for an "emergency." It wasn't long before this card had a balance owing of more than $1,000 from foolish purchases. I confronted him, and he said I must have been buying things myself on the card. I called the credit card company and got an itemized statement of every purchase, all of which were made by him. When I sent him a copy, he was totally furious with me. His attitude was "How dare I do something like that"! I cancelled his "emergency" card immediately.............Barbara Whitman
That’s unfortunate and I hate to cast stones but it’s well known that narcissism is created from severe neglect at a very early age so parents might need to take a long look at where they might have gone wrong if their own children NPDs. Yes narcs are friggin terrible as adults, but it is still a tragedy that at one point they were a lonely hurt child a long time ago. We have to be more vigilant as parents to ensure a tender loving and caring atmosphere from day one. After all they didn’t ask to be here. Everyone, cherish your children every day.
@@kiroc89 Thank you for pointing this out. I too had to hear this. I need to see what i can do to make amends. Looks like my son is walking down this path. He lives with his narc dad at this moment 🥺
@@thebewitchinghour831 We tried marriage counselling and the counsellor told my husband he was too controlling and he told her she had no idea what she was talking about, and walked out. I'm so relieved to no longer be with him, he was destroying my health and sanity.
He looked at me and asked what was wrong..what he did "this time" after sending me text about what a lying whore i was and telling me everthing i had just opened up to him about was all a lie and that i never loved him. There is basically no reason for me to speak anymore or cry. Its a waste of my time and energy. I have aged 15-20 years in the last 7.....
"We've already talked about this" is also a narcissist's way of never letting you voice your opinion/perspective. Truth is they told you what narrative they want you to validate... "end of discussion".
I was raised by a couple of narcissists. I finally learned how to confront them after I was an adult. When they try to play their game, I just shut them down and told them 'NO', like they were a child. It took a number of times until they realized that I wasn't backing down. Now, our relationship is one of me ready to pounce on their games, back them into a corner, and refusing to play. They are stunned every time I do. Amazing.
Good for you! My niece has been raised by two narcissists and the emotional abuse us horrific but I taught her to not back down and she’s been doing a good job in spite of breakdowns
My ex said I had control issues because I wanted to know where she would go most Friday nights and usually stay the night at a ‘friends place’ When I found out she was having a 3 month affair, it was all my fault. No empathy, no remorse. When I contacted the other guy, he dumped her straight away because she lied to him from the beginning, same as me. That guy and I are now FaceBook friends and still chat about how unbelievable a person my ex is😎
Focus on the truth. Don't let fear determine what you think and do.Be quietly confident.Don't try to prove anything or get approval.Don't expect normal human behavior.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 Did I suggest you should actually kill them? Nope, they just need to die alone because anyone they touch is going to be subject to the same toxicity. They occupy the same environmental niche as cancer cells and rabid dogs and have the same value.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 You haven't met many malignant narcissists, I see. Sounds like you're probably rather young and still stuck on the idea that you should be "nice" to everyone. That's always a lovely policy and worth pursuing as much as possible, but it should always fall a close second to being >>practical
What's so sick about the narcissist is that they refuse to accept the evil that they've caused people.🤔 They say, "I don't know what you're talking about." I left that negative energy twenty-five years ago and stayed no contact.
I noticed that anytime I tried to bring up an issue to discuss, I was called confrontational and argumentative. Truth was like kryptonite to him. I would either get my head blown off or stonewalled.
This video is entirely true, unfortunately. My ex BF was a Narc. I dated him for a year without a single outburst. I had no clue. After he moved into my place, he totally changed. His big triggers were my opinions regarding Religion, and Politics. He blew up in a screaming fit when I would state my opinions, which HE was able to do with no resistance from me. He yelled and screamed at me for hours because I would never agree with his beliefs, or Politics. It was like he couldn't deal with me having my own brain. I was not gonna agree with him just to shut him up. I made him leave my home not too much later. He did love to project, too. People
@Daisy D, I understand completely! My narc husband does not like to have an opinion from me concerning, politics, religion, friends, family, movies, books....lol yeah pretty much anything. He likes to think that we are in harmony on all these things, mainly because I don't actually tell him any different. He rages about everything so I have learned to sit back and not listen.
Three years ago, my narcissistic ex, whom I left in 1985, decided he needed to apologize to all the people he's hurt. He was in therapy at the time. I reluctantly agreed to see him. We have an adult daughter who approached me about it on his behalf. In the 2 hours we talked, he could never say the words "I'm sorry" or anything close that to it. He never acknowledged his cruel treatment of me and his daughter. They just can't do it.
@@cactusflower7820 hmmm…. you’re making me rethink some people who have approached me like this in past…. they originally came off to me as “the one who could do no wrong” but maybe narcissism was at the root of it after all
1. I don't want to 2. No thanks 3. I don't agree 4. I'll pass 5. _____ is so talented/ pretty/ handsome. 6. I think you're mistaken/ wrong 7. The answer is NO!
@@LadyMngwa Yup. Can't disagree with the narc. Can't compliment someone besides the narc. Can't tell a narc NO! Can't show little interest in the narc or their interests, or their conversation, etc. We are here to serve, validate the false self and appease them.... In their minds anyway. 😒
@@davidslocum9536 ive been raged at because they noticed I was drifting off into my own little world in the middle of a lengthy, detailed explanation of something that no one cares to know about. Like say if I was a car mechanic, explaining every little step in the process in detail how I changed your steering belt or something. talking about parts you have no idea what they are or what any of it means, but I go on and on and ON and if you even accidentally show inattention because you're truly bored (because I am a boor), I stop and storm off in a huff and tell you how rude you are. lol its something no human being should have to endure, yet they think you're garbage for not enduring it.
@@Jupe367 me too- and today I discovered that I have said each abd every one of the 7 comments to the narcissist on more than one occaision- no wonder I hate my job.
I have seen narcissists use "what's wrong with you" as shaming language when you challenge them. So it's ironic that it can be so triggering when it's turned back on them.
![[4K] Watch SpaceX Catch A Starship Rocket From Space!!! #IFT5](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pIKI7y3DTXk/mqdefault.jpg)
My ex-wife's favourite was always, "My way or the highway." The last time she said that before I left I responded with, "You know what... The highway is starting to look really good."
I had the same with my ex in 2006.. he said ...” shut up and put up “.. which is more or less the same thing.
The highway eventually was the best thing I did
My ex (not a narcissist, but definitely has a few things a little fucky upstairs) got in a silly fight with me over god-knows-what which, of course, turned into a full-on blowout fight. When she didn't get her way or I stated an indisputable point or something, she ran into the living room crying, waiting for me to come in after her to apologize and calm her down. I didn't take the bait this time and went into the bedroom, flipped on the tv, and kicked back. She kept purposely crying louder so I would hear her through the wall lol but I just cranked the volume up. Finally, she comes bursting into the room all red-faced from fake crying LOL and I just laughed in her face! 😂 I finally saw through her little game she had been using to control me and I just couldn't take her seriously if I wanted to. The flipped out and screamed for me to get out lol I said, "Thank you!" lol grabbed my wallet and my phone and walked out the door :) never regretted leaving her
@@dougtond1380 My ex-wife started to do that crying crap too. The same thing would happen, it would get louder and louder to the point where it was almost like a dog howling.
When the straw that broke the camels back finally dropped I hit the highway, 16 years later still driving down it and haven't looked back.
The crap she did to me during the divorce made me realise that I had made the right choice.
She said to me one day when I went to pick up our son for his access visit that she "Regretted that we fell apart." I said, "I don't. I regret ever falling in love with you, but hey, we all make mistakes. At least I learnt from mine."
She just looked at me gob-smacked.
@@jasa9707 👍 how is your kid dealing with it all?
@@dougtond1380 He's showing some signs of psychological abuse. Thanks to the corrupt Duluth model the Family court ignored my pleas for the help my son needed... that was to get him away from his mother and she have the access visits instead... only females can be victims. The family court allowed her to get away with all of her breaches of the parenting orders.
My main aim for my son has always been to create a home where he had sanctuary from his mother's crap during his access visits. A place where he was loved and allowed to be himself, and where no unrealistic expectations were placed upon him. A place where he could lick his wounds.
My niegbours always pointed out how my son always became a different person after he had been with me for a few days. That he always appeared happier and less withdrawn and stressed.
He's actually learning and starting to stand up to his mother. Deep down that makes me smile on the inside, but I know it will cause her to escalate.
However, he knows that he has a place where he will always be welcome and loved.
Thanks for asking.
The loneliest I ever felt was being in a relationship with a narcissist. No arguments were ever resolved, no honest reckonings, no responsibility ever accepted. Constant shaming and superiority. Took years to get over it, and finally free from it and happily married, I just shake my head and shudder at the memories.
Sounds a lot like my ex wife.
Oh my goodness, my ex was like this. NEVER EVER EVER resolved an argument, and it drive me up a wall!
Wow im sorry and that's all too familiar. If you can help please please let me know please...
vm.tiktok.com/ZMJQ1Bgvr/
Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips
ruclips.net/video/GgFxHBol2hQ/видео.html
Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips
ruclips.net/video/V0cGQJE5qEk/видео.html
CONGRATULATIONS!!
Same here. I gave up after 14 years of marriage and 4 kids. It took me a good 10 years to get past it. I stayed single all of that time too ! Happily married to a humble, gentle soul for 18 years now.
A narcissist will always accuse you of being the thing you call out in them.
Constant deflecting. True.
Yes!
The devil is the accuser of the brethren.
Or that’s not what they doing 😂 selfish bastards
@@achach5055 deflection and distortion
The most vicious response I've ever given (after the more polite ones didn't work) was "Get diagnosed. I know many normal people and none of them behave like you."
🤯 Love it! Great response! Gonna have to give that one a try...
I told her once that she should discuss her control freakiness with a doctor. Nothing was accomplished. My life got much much worse after that and now I live in a van down by the river... well not quite.
Plus all the women I meet seem to be vapid chatterboxes... ugh.
@@69eddieD Change your taste in women. If you choose based on superficial standards, you get a superficial mate or companion.
There are plenty of beautiful, fun loving women who are very intelligent, productive, and successful. Change where you look and what you choose.
For example, go to cultural events, not pick up bars. Sure you can find vapid and superficial people everywhere. But different locations change your chances.
I'm not suggesting you're superficial. I have many guy friends, both young and old. This is the counsel I always give them.
I wish you luck.
@@DonnaSnyder What to, the fat feminists?
I tried "you have control issues" and she yelled at me "no YOU have control issues. YOU just don't like being controlled". Haha I'm still laughing at such a transparent response. Pure gold.
Same lol
Lol!
So funny!
Same... i had the same response from my mother and when i started laughing, unfortunately at her face she slapled me hard😐😖
Textbook !
Unfortunately the victim of a narcissist can often appear narcissistic themselves once they have been pushed to the point of being aware of the paradigm.
Yes. Thank you for pointing that out.
This is absolutely true and I'm working on that daily.
I was just thinking how the narc would use arguments in this video against me
So, why is that unfortunate? Because it'll make the narcissist even worse?
@@emotown1 It's unfortunate because blame can be misplaced. A Narc can make someone completely crazy. They can be skilled enough to use it against you in either the court of public opinion or elsewhere.
I think the most despicable thing about a narcissist is that they know exactly what they’re doing and know it’s wrong and they simply don’t care.
Well stated. Dr. C
And they give you that subtle smirk of satisfaction when you try to talk to them about things. The head games never end. It is truly Devastating! And in my experience, whenever I would try to talk to them, the first word out of their mouth was ALWAYS... and I mean Always. .... YOU.. It was never a conversation, just an immediate transfer to Me. They go from zero to 100 in a split second.
that part! and they expect you to except it..
@@bluelagoon1875 that "smirk of satisfaction"!
Thank you (all) for helping me, not feel alone and put the pieces together! I am only now, after 20+ years, understanding what has been going on this whole time.
I am realizing it is the tip of the ice burg 😰
@@melindad180 I feel for you.... it took me well over 12 years to figure it out.. what a waste of life, time, effort, and joy. I spent so much time trying to figure out what was wrong with :"me"... then I finally got it... it felt like I was in a revolving door that I just couldnt find my way out of. The lights came on when I came across Melanie Tonya Evans.. and she explained that it's really "all about me"!!! It's all about what inside of ME would "allow" this kind of treatment. When I finally SAW that, it was 'game over'. All the pieces fell into place perfectly. I wish you all the best.
The one word answer that gets all narcissists going is, “No.”
Absolutely! But be prepared for the full narc assault. I'm currently dealing with 2 narcs, I said no to carrying in their groceries for once...that was 6 weeks ago. Since I have been given the silent treatment, told I need to leave, additional attempts to control me and demand I do things that have nothing to do with me and only serves them, phone calls to family members telling lies about me, etc. I will die before I relinquish control over my soul again.
NO!!!... That would be the big one. But you have to be fearless to pull this off. Because you will feel all they're rage. And it's ugly. Lol
Oh yeah...u say No and they boil....
When you think about, "we've already talked about this" is kind of a Japanese way of saying no.
Exactly...they fume when u say no...or I do not want to....lolol
It's so hard to remain calm all the time with a narcissist. They lull you into this safe place and then take the wind out with a comment out of the blue. Can just never let your guard down with them. And I mean NEVER.
And that’s why we’re not really living when the narc is a main character in ones life.
Nwver ever ever!! AGREE!!
See that's how I feel about a co-worker of mine. I'm relatively calm when their not around, yet things build up if I'm around them for a few shifts, then OMG I'm a rage monster at them questioning my behaviour and "lack of self-regulation ". I'm not the only one they have this effect on...but I know I need to toughen up and not get so emotionally charged...the other sign for me is I feel so drained afterward and rotten. Like a deliberate inflation only to be poked to burst and release. You should have seen how quick they can switch their "emotions" on and off! Wow! For me...I'm in a reflection mode of, " why am I so angry? What's wrong with me?" mode.
@@Eowyn3Pride maybe and that's final...!
This is so true. It’s like your house is surrounded by snipers and you don’t dare walk out the back door.
Even when faced with the knowledge of being caught in A lie they will NEVER admit it
NEVER EVER, EVER.. MY GOD!
The only time I've seen one back down was to try to rope the person back in
I caught a Narc in a lie and she told me " It is not a lie,it is miscommunication." Lmao
Please, I had screenshots of him cheating and he still denied it, and said it "wasnt at that time, but when we were on a break", when THE MESSAGES HAD TIME STAMPS lmao
@@randomweirdo25 oooh that's so accurate!!! Their lies are miscommunication and our lies are sins!!! Such clear boundaries ☺☺☺
Any question that requires them to be honest will result in problems.
Omg so true
If you can help please please let me know please...
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Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips
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Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips
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Absolutely
Thats right
Amazing how true your statement is.
They demand honesty from you but won't be honest with you
My ex-wife told me in front of a marriage councillor "it's always been my way or the highway". The councillor instructed me to file for a divorce and that was the best advice I have ever received.
Its insane to me that there are real people out there who can say things like that and not realise how unaware and self entitled they sound
Yes John! Because narcissists can’t be fixed!!!! They deny their abuse forever! Only decision is to leave them!
Man that says a lot coming from a marriage counselor lol
😂😂😂 I'm telling you these narcassist have 0 shame
@@Kaiser8361N No doubt, they usually do everything possible to keep it together, even if it's terrible for one person *cough* thehusband *coughcough*
Narcissists don't see it as a "control issue", they see it as being right.
You or them?
I'm not sure what you're asking?
Looking good, feeling good, and being right.
Mirror moments....
100%
From personal experience with a narcissist:. Just run when you notice the first red flag. It's just not worth the pain.
Ha ha. So true.
I recently tried out for a new job and very soon realised that the woman hiring was a narcissist. She could not be wrong, at all, and then started the telling me one thing and then later claiming it was something different. I even found myself going back and re-checking the actual job ad, thinking I had been mistaken. I pointed out problem situations, which she denied, and then later I found her fixing them. Not taking that job..... OMG
Heather Smith Narcs in the workplace are the worst and with all of the downsizing, it doesn’t get any better because they feel threatened.
True!!!!
All I have to say is that I don't know about other narcissists, but a "trigger" was the last thing he needed!!! Anything I said or did or didn't say or do was always a handy trigger for him!!!
Complimenting others in front of a narcissist seems to drive them crazy.
Their victims being complimented is even more triggering.... only a little short of sprouting actual horns
🤣
LMAO
yes
Absolutely true, i do it to annoy them intentionally. How weird is that? Being rude by being kind?! Lol
I told my sister that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her and she yelled at me “You SHOULD walk on eggshells around me!” That was my wake up call right there.
Time to limit contact with her! Her loss!
I know that feeling to well. I hope you feel better now
Without any context that doesn’t really tell us anything tbh
You mean walking on eggs she threw down and she blames you for cracking them. Walking on eggshells is no big deal. Try walking on bombshells.
@@donmcron3334 so do you feel it’s ok to tell someone they should walk on egg shells around you?
The only thing worth saying to a narcissist is : Goodbye!
Vintage Audio from RadioShack sfmkm.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_68.html From back in the day when the working-class were being spoiled.
Exactly 👏 💯
Unfortunately, Not everyone can say “ goodbye” unless you are independently wealthy and walk away from a good job if the narcissist is a coworker, boss or supervisee.
But you better be able to run like hell and have an escape plan !!!
Better to just disappear and leave no trace of where you went and DO NOT EVER contact them, they will do everything to their last breath to destroy you !!!
Oh how I wish I knew this when I was my former self :(
True
I actually feel less bothered by them when they're angry, at least I know where I stand. It's the fake nice and manipulation that I have a problem with.
Yep
So true. In a way it is kind if a relief when he gets angry and insulting, simply for the fact it seems to be the one time that I don't have to wonder how he really feels about me. So much better than the fake kissassery where he pretends to think the world of me.
Makes Good sense!
Me too!
Same ... 😑
"Would you please extend the silent treatment by a few extra days? I could really use some peace and quiet. I would really appreciate that."
Once I figured out their game I loved the silent treatment, got my X to not talk to me for a month once, was bliss
That's perfect! Congrats! 👏
I love that!!!!
Extend it forever. I'm tired of these b@$/:'iz
Lmao
They don't get angry because of being unaware it's because they know it's true and don't want to be forced to acknowledge it
I called mother, sister and brother out (all narcs) on email and they ghosted me. In my mind it's me who broke contact with them. they are all such empty shells, it beggars belief. My father, now passed, also was a narc. unbelievable. Sister and father both top executives in massive companies. I should have been better at noticing earlier they were narcs. Why oh why did I think they were different from all the other narc/psychopath executives or top politicians. i was just such a naive idiot. Good riddance now I tell you, but it is tough when it is all 4 of your family of origin. All quite different styles in their narcissism. Should write a book about it. hahah. the father was grandiose, vulnerable. The brother is a victim malignant sadist. the mother never took responsibility for anything always just making sure she was secured and could do what she wanted whilst demeaning me and saying cruel things. The sister was a covert underhand manipulator and I only recently discovered it (i am 59!) because I was too busy with the other 3 narcs. haha. She had played the game as if she was on my side all along. Stupid i was. Good riddance. I have now gone no contact with the other three.
They dont get angry?
Right. My dad will demand my attention yet ignore my boundaries(time) and think it is funny. He's delusional. I am fed up with his one-way street attitude.No-contact with him is the only way to avoid his controlling ways!
It's difficult to have a conversation with a narcissist because they don't let you make a complete sentence.
I don’t think I ever did.
You are SO spot on!
Ooh soo true!!
Yes! I asked my ex, respectfully, if I could just finish what I was saying. It was early on in our relationship and I was shocked by his response. He told me that I "obviously didn't know how to have a conversation because having a conversation involves two people." And he never let me forget that day I asked. He would always bring it up if he did talk over me which was all the time, he would mockingly say "oh! Oh I better let you finish"
Like, jeez it's just a respect thing to allow someone time to speak, because I genuinely want to hear what the other person has to say.
Not to mention it's difficult because the conversation is ALL about them. As soon as you try to talk about yourself they clock out. I felt like I was talking to myself. Even now I still apologize to people if I'm talking about myself because I feel like no one wants to know. I never felt so small as I did in that relationship. And yet I was such a strong independent person before that. Whew, gradually healing.
Right, my ex would yell and interrupt and twist everything up changing the subject
1/ The Word NO.
2/Setting Boundaries
3/If The Narcissists Is Criticized In Some Way.
4/Vulnerability
5/Disappointments
6/Not Getting His/ Her Way
7/If Their Not Treated As Center Attention.
Thanks for sharing siSTAR 💜🌈🌈💙🍀😇😘
The word “NO” ........... simple.......will cause a Narc to go batsh*t crazy......LOL
Absolutely, the word, "NO." I have seen it throw a couple into a fit of rage.
No is my new favourite word. Setting my boundaries 👏🏽
Any criticizm of any kind turns them into Satan.
They are users until you cannot give any more, then they treat you like crap.
100%💥
Exactly
Agreed I have a family member that is so self serving and self centered it’s so sad
Wow! That's one of the most simple yet spot on definitions I've ever heard.
Or REFUSE to let them use you anymore!
Sometimes, it feels like one's very existence is all it takes to enrage a narcissist. Sure hurts when the narcissist is a close blood relative.
Try this: the narc is your "head" nurse in a small assisted care facility ...
My dad. So he had me in his control from the start. Mum was a marvelous singer and he liked the idea of being her manager. I was merely a another at this time but I remember when she was on tour in Europe and he was supposed to be looking after me. I was dumped off the moment she was gone to a cousin of his, whom I detested, because she detested me, because she didn't want the responsibility,( fair enough), and dad was just using her. She was horrible to me ànd her young son who about a year older than me used to pinch me and pull me hair when we had to share a single bed. We ere both no more than three, four maybe. I say that because I feel I was younger, only two but I haven't head of two year Olds having coherent memories like that. He would hurt me and pretend to be asleep when his mum came to see what the screaming was about.. I'd be bruised the next day from his pinches but I was tiny and not believed. I spat on his closed eyes one night in sheer fury at not being able to do anything else. I was young, yes, but ahead of my milestones and highly articulate for my age. I had a friend who was older, 5 or 6, and already in school. She lived in the same northern town as my granny and I wondered where she suddenly disappeared to. So one morning I got up early and met her at the alleyway, we're talking 1965 here, and I asked, and she said school and I was too little. But I was curious, curious about absolutely everything so I went along to school with her and wouldn't fo back to grand till I'd sèn everything. The teachers were wonderful and kind and just thought I'd go home when I got bored with the lessons. But they weren't boring. I could read already and writing was coming on nicely. So I stayed, and learned, and had school dinners and made many friends. And I went back the next day, because it was interesting, and I was learning, which I loved. And I went back so Often, everyday, that they put me on the roll. No questions, no charges, school dinners were still free then but only for the next year or so, and I had a ball. So I could make myself perfectly well understood from an early age. But the manipulation started then. When I got back to dad. I knew things he hadn't taughtme! I didn't have an uncontrolled moment to myself from then on, unless I was away from him. Which was fairly often until mum gave up the singing. Then it ramped up.i was very bright and this was good as he could brag about it and say, ' look what my daughter can do/read/paint , say, whatever. And I basked in his pleasure. Until I asked a Wrong Question. Then I was shut out. Completely. You know the rest. A lifetime of being conditioned to please. To be whatever was needed to maintain the peace. It was a great deal more unpleasant than this of course, it was truly dreadful to just never know which daddy was going to walk through the door at the end of the day. If he came home at the end of the day.And so my partners were the same as it's all I knew. And each partner, long term, I was loyal and no quitter. Each successive partner was worse than the last and built on the damage inflicted by the previous husband. 3 husbands. Each one a vulnerable narcissist as I've just found out this past year. The most recent had me in such a state I was admitted to respite care twice. He was directly responsible for working me to the point my health was ruined. He nearly had me. I stayed only because of our beautiful daughter. And the fact that he said he'd kill himself if I went and he lost her. And I know now he wouldn't ha e killed himself, but he would have made a lovely big messy show.
I escaped 5 months ago. I stood between him and our girl the best I could. I ruled to make it till she left for uni. But I couldn't. I actually eventually fled, and after sleeping in the car found safety in a Safe House. It's been awful and when I was in hospital, he must have figuratively rubbed his hands with glee because he had her without me there to stand guard. When I came home, after being in and out of hospital for a total of about 4 months, she was a different girl. She actively disliked me and really felt I was an aggressive liar. The divorce is acrimonious and ongoing. I'm not there in person to terrorise and control so he's doing it by dragging and delaying and lying to deliberately run up the costs. He won't leave me alone. And he won't stop. His idea of a conversation or discussion about anything at all would be to take a position anf stick to it
Pressed a wrong button. Just this ladies, if you're unhappy, get out. It's not your fault and it's not your responsibility to be his mummy. And he can't be healed. If you've got kids, either take them with you even if you end up living in a tent. It will be healthier for them than th toxic atmosphere at home. Or, change the locks when he leaves and have the legal papers served while he's out. Be safe early on. Dont try to help him when he pulls the victim and Martyr routine. It's all an act so he can such you dry. Because he's empty. He needs what you've got and will steal the life from your soul. You don't need 'the house'. It's just stuff. You and the kids are valuable and worthy and allowed to have a life where you know who you're dealing with day to day. You're not happy, don't kid yourself and don't be EMBARRASSED and GUILTY. Get Out Now. There are thousands and thousands and probably hundreds of thousands of us all yelling at you. You are not alone. Not even unusual. But Noone talks so we never know.
So hear it now. From hundreds of housings of us.
Get out now. He doesn't love you, doesn't understand the emotion. He just reflects.
He's empty.
Be told.
@@anncarothers4481 😥 I'm sorry 🙌 my mother is my caregiver and she's the worst
All of them are teachers, learn from them. That's the true reality of it, nothing more nothing less.
Trusting yourself is your best Defence against a narcissist
Yes! Ability to look inward, being your authentic self.
I always check in with myself by asking how l feel when l am around somebody. If l feel less than and/or CONfused then there is a good chance l am spending time with a toxic person.
Austr
Australian_888 why did they tell you to go kill yourself? I’m not sure how that tied into your statement? I only ask because I know a CNA whom says all the time people whom say they want to commit suicide should be allowed to and we shouldn’t stop them which has always bothered me. People need empathy and sympathy not abandonment and disregard of feelings. Sometimes people just need to be heard and validated as a person and don’t get it. He also recently spoke of Dr’s as being psychopaths. He’s a psychopath.. not a serial killer type psychopath but a psychopath nonetheless.
So true. And, holding to your boundaries. Because a narcissist won't have any boundaries so you might as well hold onto yours.
I used to ask him, “which one of us are you trying to convince that I’m stupid?” Stopped him in his tracks and pissed him off every time.
Lmao good one lol bet his ass stayed confused 😂😂😂💀
😆😆😂
this is funny my narc bf used to call me stupid i said the same thing to him he never called me stupid again
heres what i do i play the HAPPY song by Pharrell williams lol gets the narc everytime lol
That sounds like a fun question. Wonder how much it can be modified to cover other things besides stupid. If it confuses them a bit in their efforts to assert control, makes them uncomfortable enough such that they must avoid the subject to maintain their flawed ego defenses, that might have some value, giving us a bit of a break from some of their behavior.
A lifetime of walking on “eggshells thinly spread over land mines”! Been there, done with it.
Kathy, I copy and pasted this comment in my personal note page. Trying to work with my brother on some household obligations and I am walking on dozens and dozens of eggshells for now. Once in awhile I mistakenly hit a landmine and I did that yesterday. Still waiting for him to calm down and call me. That's another control issue, he'll call ME when HE's ready...sheesh what a baby.
Well said! Been there, done that! They are pure Evil.
Great quote!
Lord it is terrible
@@dm9152 When he rings, tell him you don't want to talk, give him the reasons, and then HANG UP! Refuse to deal with him.
I tried (very calm voice) "You always like to blame all your problems on other people, don't you?"
Watching narcissistic mother become unhinged was very entertaining! 🙂
It doesn't take much to bring it out! Dr. C
You are a sadist. It takes one to know one. 😆
@@tomtoss2463 Watching someone come unhinged should never be entertaining. Regardless of whether they are a terrible person. I think it is sad and stressful.
Right wanting to purposly work up a toxic person isnt better...i can say that because ive started to treat my narc husband the way he treats me. Except i feel sick and cant believe i acted that way because i realized it after
@@Amanda-ev3lg Go easy on yourself. It is easy to get caught up. I recently realized I have repressed anger due to everything. It will come out sometimes and then you feel shame. No doubt you have anger build up. I had an outburst with mine at the end and called him a narc and a bunch of other things. Everyone has a breaking point. It is really really good that you see it and disengage. I realize that was my problem. I kept trying to reach him when really I needed to start to recognize my own limits and learn to disengage before I had a reaction that I have to live with. Be kind to yourself. Just make a commitment to YOU that you will never do that again and will find healthier solutions. Take good care of you.
"Not everything is about you" TRIGGERED
So true
Oh wow yes.
How dare you! Lol
lol...that will do it
This is my favourite
My experience of the narcissist is they constantly are putting you down, never will they compliment you.
And slight you in front of others
Never compliment,encourage or listen to you. It's all about them.
My would actually compliment me in public and say nice things about me. Then at home, be a monster.
When I was shut down, or not recognizing his public comments, people didn't know why.
Finally figured out it was all about his image and how he appeared to people.
@@dorindab.5305 Go figure. They are wired especially when you finally figure out what they are doing
My mother in law will compliment but it always comes off as an insult. Like when she tells you "you look good", it comes off as "you normally look like sht but you've actually put yourself together today". The way she says it in a high pitched voice and looks you up and down as she says it with her eyebrows raised
The best time with a narcissist is the day after the last day with a narcissist.
Free free at last!! That situation almost cost me my life...a long journey to escape and heal. Thank you for such a clear explanation of the danger...everything u said was right on the money. Been there done that never again!!!!
AMEN!!!!
🤣🤣🤣
I dont know about that. It usually takes a whole week or more for me to recover from even being in the same room as my ex husband narc. He left me and my 4 sons when they were teenages. Now he is back sucking up to them with money and " good advice".
Ha ha ha😁
Trying to use common sense and keeping calm is a trigger for their anger Trying to understand why they are so upset reasoning with them sets them off
It is absolutely exhausting. The simplest of things are turned into extreme drama.
For no reasons I can think of.
the drama itself could very well be the only reason -- they get off on it. But more often than not, there are multiple angles they are vying for when they do this.... to wear you down and break you; to cause a meltdown in you in front of others so they can claim, "See? You are the problem, not me", etc.
We had a N neighbour, anyone visiting her house got the treatment, taxi drivers, binmen, postman, pizza delivery all for a "drama queen show". We moved house and 2 other neighbours are selling up too. It used to be a nice area before she came along. Yes, it was draining to keep hearing all the commotion "yet again". There was more of it when the family came visiting, all at the top of her voice, b***dy nightmare.
So true.
Yes. Especially at Birthdays and holidays.
this morning i helped a narc figure out money issues i work nights and get home at 12am she met me at the door and started screaming at me about what i helped her with in the morning. its funny to me cause I'm like we already solved the issue soooooooo whats your point thats what i said in my head. its all about drama!
I almost gave a narcissist a heart attack by saying, don't you know I see right through you?
This is the one thing I have said that made him back down.
😂
Hahaha, mine just said how?
Oh, it's a dangerous game calling out like that! If it happens in a group (work for ex.) and nobody "sees" a narc, only you can, than it gives narc a devilish power of turning up the tables and make a drama where you will look insane or whatever narc will nake you look and it's very hard to get out of this, cause ince narc realised you see it - you're in danger. RUN. I'm glad in your story narc is the one who had a heart attack :)
Wow! Good for YOU!
I'd rather 'make' them angry and see how it plays out rather than forever walking on egg shells. Their hypersensitivity is their problem not mine
what a brilliant idea! I think I may have to try this...
If you don't walk in their eggshells, they will throw the eggs...probably at you.
@@artieanderson604 well, I'm with Pabs and would rather see it as their problem not mine, They can shove their narcissism where the sun doesnt shine - and yes that is an immature thing to say, but why do we all feel we have to pander to them?
Totally ! Thats how I am. I'll say what needs to be said I'm not scared of children in adult bodies LOL F that!
Actually many times I find myself telling him how he really is and it drives him nuts I tell ya!!!! And I'm sitting there laughing at him. I look at the funniest memes and funny videos and laugh crazy loud from another room LMAO
But sometimes I need to just keep it quiet bc he goes on and on talking, making no sense whatsoever! and that is exhausting not scary but exhausting for me.
Oh and I told mine I will grind him to the ground mentally with the truth so I say the most ruthless things to him who he really is and his whole NPD family not everytime bc again it is exhausting.
Laugh so much in their presence it will drive them nuts
@@eyo6812 Agood attitude in my opinion. They need someone to finally tell them they are not as entitled as they may feel they are and there is no reason for this sense of entitlement.
I asked them to get control of themselves as they were just yelling nonstop, and they just exploded with rage. I’ve never seen anything like it, they went almost purple in the face!
The best way to test a new person for narcissism is to disagree with them and see if they can defend their view calmly and rationally, or do they become offended and argumentative.
Krystina Townes,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈 cause you are too cute 🌷🌷🌹😍😍😍🤙
So you are actually saying that every liberal in the U.S. is a narcissist?
@Eddyy Read it again: 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, 𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘶𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦.
The default position of every liberal "debater".
@Eddyy SEE IF THEY CAN THEY DEFEND THEIR VIEW CALMLY AND RATIONALLY, OR DO THEY BECOME OFFENDED AND ARGUMENTATIVE. Liberals. In a nutshell. No intellectual rationale for liberalism exists; thus, they resort to identify politics, name calling, and personal invective. Liberalism is a personality disorder.
Also, ask them if they could change anything about themselves, what would it be. Narcissists can't see themselves as less than perfect so they won't be able to come up with anything. They may even say, "Nothing. I'm perfect just as I am." Or ask if they're deep. They'll look confused as they try to figure out if "deep" is a desirable trait to have. If they decide that it is, they'll say, "Yes." (The trick is to watch for the pause and look of confusion.)
I am just today trying to come to grips. I’ve finally able to leave. I’m so tired and depleted . Need a hug or anything, I’m so isolated. Pray for me please.
Here's a hug and you got this better to get away far away OR at least stay away from them
Sending good vibes
Aaron Smith. Thank you.
Hugs to u. I am in the same boat. Hang in there. They suck. We don't
Prayers for you.. your doing the right thing!! Run and never look back! Hang tough..you got this!
They hate indifference. They need you doting on them or hating on them. It drives them crazy when you don't care. It works great for me because I actually don't care, and it's fun to watch them try to provoke you and try so hard to get a rise out of you.
great comment ty.
When you think about it, that might be the one rational thing about their condition.
All I had to do is tell mine that she was fired. I was in a power position to do it. She had concocted this carefully constructed facade that she was in charge of a business operation that I was the mastermind behind. She didn't have a business bone in her body or any common sense or any sense of professionalism. When I pulled the plug, I told her she finally got her wish: she was in the spotlight and had to explain to everyone why everything had gone belly up. She was already not well liked, but she was then in the position to have to explain why there was yet another setback and the whole project had been shelved indefinitely. She made a lot of enemies that way. The thing is, everyone knew it was her fault. She had no one to blame but herself.
I'm just now implementing the "whatever " response. It's working. But it's so hard for me to not defend myself when he says untruè hurtful comments about me to me
My standard response to wildly inaccurate accusations and characterizations of me is “You can believe that if you want to.” It shuts them down immediately when they realize that you’re not taking the bait. Defending yourself only reinforces their belief that you are the flawed person.
Anger always came out when I questioned something, tried sharing what I worry about, asked questions like “aren’t you excited for me, feels like you’re never happy about things I do for us” etc. (so much more)
They’d start arguments and fights, whenever they noticed I contained my anger and stayed calm they freaked out even more.
"Show me some respect."
Huge trigger.
Omg yes!!
I should love and respect him no matter what and on his headstone he wanted the words A Good Man!
@@mishamandrake1677 😬 Jesus literally said no one is good but God.
@A when the rapture happens, just know it was Jesus and not aliens and look to the KJV Bible for answers. God bless
@A then you haven't read it much. There's a lot in the Bible that isn't necessarily religious. Like the golden rule, karma/reap what you sow, how to treat people. It's not just proof of past its predictions of future, your Destiny, and wisdom. Most of all its a love book written to us, we are imperfect humans but God still loves us and even came all the way here so we don't have to be perfect. John 3:16and 17
Dated a narcissist and tried to break up with him. He just kept refusing to accept. I finally realized the only thing he couldn’t stand was someone super needy. So I pretended to be desperately needy and he broke up with me immediately. Find their kryptonite and use that against their nature.
That's a good one. Definitely keeping that in my back pocket.
Love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣
genius-tier breakup strategy
Omg, lol!!! Please share examples🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣
Smh yup...thats called hoovering. I just said this in my comment. Its exhausting & sick at the same damn time.
Here’s one;
: “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
The very best comment to throw at a narcissist...........The VERY best!
Also a brilliant way to expose cognitive dissonance! Both of narcs and the brainwashed.
omg i love this!
Good one
love it x
Worst one was when my mom was lecturing me for over 3 hours. My Dad was sitting there, and I could tell he didn’t agree with her. I opened my big mouth and asked my Dad why he didn’t grow a pair and tell her she was wrong. 😬 That did not go over well.
The statement I made "I'm not responsible for your relationship with your family or your happiness" (after YEARS of taking crap about this) he totally flipped out and I truly thought he was going to kill me that night. Good news is that situation was the catalyst that gave me the strength to leave. What a great feeling to live without fear!
a better adrenaline rush than sitting there wondering why "they dont like me" living on egg shells. i think we need to get a dig in and watch them implode.
Good for you, Donna! They really think people are their emotional pushing bags or regulators...
Donna. Good 4 u. .I am happy 4 u that u stood up & said that. Much happiness in years 2 come. ..💕💙🌻💛🧡💚😁😍🌷🏵
Angel, it sounds like he fooled you into thinking he was the family scapegoat, when all along...
@@wisconsinfarmer4742 my soon to be ex husband used that same tactic on me. Fortunately, I'm getting away from my narcissist husband, keeping his family and our small babies! Yay for me! I win...and it's a hard fought, painful win too.
Never tell them your past or give them any ammunition to them because they'll use it against you.
That happened to me. He wud question me about how many times I'd been married, how many people I slept with, always fishing for any dirt so he cud throw it up in my face, so he cud revel in his superiority & "I'm so much better than you !"
And yes he did use it against me. He thrived on trying to make me look bad. A very sick B_stard.
Never tell them your past.Then in a fight, they " throw it up".What you did before your marriage is for you.
Jealous ppl too & they sneak & lie to family members.So they get empathy & turn them against You.they feel Like Perfect spouse, lover,& Tell people
Quote " she is crazy", " Crazy shes crazy"...While they sit & listen & Be quiet....
Absutely true!
Yup...and never write anything down.or they will use it against you forever
It is so very important not to give them information about yourself, your past etc. When they seem so extremely interested in getting to know you it is just gathering information to use against you later. Also text messages get shoved in your face saying CU promised this or wait till I show your child this. Be careful I cannot emphasize this enough
The 100 dislikes are probably from narcissists
They dont like to be called out.
@Ronald McFondle , lol
As long as they get the message, it's ok. ;)
Thank you for making me laugh.
It is now 171 narcs.
1.3 K
There is no way to fix a relationship with a narcissist. You MUST leave the relationship and move on with your life.
Number 7 was the one that freed me. The first time that I realized that I was dealing with a narcissist early on, I knew it was time to walk. In the middle of a Board of Directors meeting, I just looked at him and said that I was done. He flipped out. I just walked out the door. He contacted everyone he could and tried to get me to come back. Many of them admitted that I was right. But they still tried to get me to relent. I didn't argue or try to explain. I just said no. It was the most empowering thing I have ever done
Grad
What you did takes incredible courage, especially since your livelihood was at stake.
@@tuppencepetey It used to be easier when I was younger. I had my parents (safety net). I also had that youthful arrogance to believe that everything would work out.
Now, I am just too old for that garbage.
Also, your livelihood is never safe when a narcissist has power over it.
1. You know...you have some serious control issues.
2a. I'd like for you to listen to my perspective.
2b. Can I share my perspective.
3. We've already talked about this.
4. Do.you honestly think your neighbors are that stupid.
5. Let's talk about the time you made a major blunder.
6a. What's wrong with you anyway?
6b. Don't you hear yourself?
7. I don't know if I can keep doing this.
@@ACollegeSolution My most effective response was to mirror them. I mimicked their behavior. My mother had always insisted that it was a communication problem. I went away to boarding school when I was 14 and I never lived near them again.
So, I began to (subtly) recreate situations where I could get to use the same behavior against. Every Christmas, my siblings and I would have a family meeting. The opportunity arouse for me to use my meanest siblings' most devastating response. "I find that hard to believe."
She went beserk! As usual, my other siblings supported her claim that I was at fault. I pointed out that I had responded to her the way the same way they had to me. They called me a liar.
I gave them a print out of emails where they had treated me the same way. They just said that had always treated me that way and that I had never treated them the same way and that it was too late to change our family dynamics.
That was when I realized that I was done.
I’ve been shouted down for 20 years. I started seeing a therapist who suggested setting some boundaries but warned me that this could make the narc even angrier. Sure enough, it was the catalyst for the final battle. I tried to speak up and tell him why I didn’t want to do something (which I never did before - I always just went along). He went ballistic and started raging. I got angry and said “you’re just mad because I’m not doing what I’m told.” I don’t know if he saw the end coming then because he packed a bag and walked out. I think he was bluffing to get me to beg him to stay but I called his bluff and let him go. The idea that I was a separate person with opinions didn’t occur to him. I was just an extension of him and expected to fall in line. If you want to see a narc’s anger, simply express a different opinion or tell them no. I’m on my own now and starting to heal but it’ll take a long time. Be careful people x
Congratulations. You can heal. The time will pass anyway.
I hope things work out for you. I see some narcissitic tendencies in myself and Dr. C's videos help me realize there's a better way to act in a relationship.
Something similar happened with me.
That is the strength realized from effective coaching. You must have a good therapist, and outstanding inner resources.
@@ibbjos08 I would think you are not a narcissist if you recognise some narcisstic tendancies in yourself. We can all have the odd selfish moment. A narcissist would not recognise these tendancies or moments in themselves, if they ever even asked themselves the question! You may be being too harsh on yourself. Having a healthy self-interest is allowed and doing what you want s sometimes, is allowed. You sound fine to me.
“I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around you.” Triggers their wrath and blame.
I don't think it does. To the ones i work with, it'll be considered a win. I'm 100% disengaged with them now because they're ridiculous. One guy will argue with me about facts then call me wrong and stupid as though the point of fact is my opinion. For example, a recent point the guy argued about is when i said Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but lost the election. "so you're trying to tell me that she lost with more total votes, etc? " I kept telling him to look up the electoral college system and he kept arguing that it's not possible. Another time i said how heavy pickup trucks are, he said they were light because of it's a big empty box in the back. geez. . BTW, this is in a break room where i'll be talking to other people and he'll just pick fights about things where he clearly knows nothing.
Right, like your not being able to manipulate/abuse me is a hardship. 😔
@@littlegoobie you sound like a triggered narc...😒
With me, you best be walking on broken glass.
If you can help please please let me know please...
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Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips
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"Do you have anything new to tell me. I don't want to hear the same crap you've told me a hundred times" works like a charm
I have a good one "I am not buying your brand of bullshit, Dad."
I have 2 siblings that are narcissistic , I finally said enough is enough to myself . So they are no longer a part of my life ! I had to protect my self .
Same
If you can help please please let me know please...
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Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips
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Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips
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Ditto
I wish that hadn't happened to you, though good on'ye for taking care of yourself. Your siblings will manage.
Same here!! I’m much happier too ❣️
I have the same thing, and now my daughter has become part of their pact!
Saying "no thanks" to a narcissist's offers to help (aka take control over your entire life) triggers a tremendous amount of anger. The narcissist is good at making it sound like you are the one with the issues, you are accused of being too proud, independent and stubborn. Rejecting, what they feel is their much needed tidbits of unsolicited "wisdom" along with their offers to help (which is usually for self-serving reasons) is a serious blow to the narcissist's ego. "NO THANKS " are fighting words!!
This has happened with me but the person wouldn't take no as an answer to a supposed nice gesture. They kept asking me why, my reason was because I can see right through you. I didn't answer them and they finally gave up but I know they really didn't give up. It'll pop up again eventually.
C G , that is SO how my NPD father acts. Thanks for putting it into words.
That's a rule I live by with people, or organizations who idealize narc traits: NO THANKS.
I catch a whiff of one, I say, no thanks, even if they try to be facetious, and "offer" me something they know I'd like. At that point, even if they would have something I want, they are no better than a predator in their white van, promising ice cream and sweets. No thanks, no thanks, and no thank *you* if they need the more formal version.
Oh god I've had alot of this shit
@Miss Mia Yep and this - I am not a great cook, but not bad I would say, I just don't cook fancy stuff, he maybe a better cook than me, but I am doing 70 - 80% cooking anyway, he would say to our friends like I don't cook at all.
Setting up boundaries with a Narcissistic person is like peeing in the wind.
In gale force winds ..
I needed this reminder today
Omg it is!!!
For me, it was like sparring with an empty trashcan liner...in the dark.
Upwind....
I once said to my narcissist, "how stupid are you to think I'm that stupid?" This was during a gaslighting session within a fight.
Until you realize the futility of speaking to a narcissist at all beyond, "Yes" or "OK" you'll use all of these phrases and more and will reap the rage. I did a TON of things I didn't want to do just to try to keep the peace. There's no reasoning with them.
Very true
Even if you try to keep the peace they will find a clever way of baiting you into going in circles with them. Extreme control freaks they want to control how you feel an how you respond. Their behavior gets flat out psychotic.
Cheryl, You are so right. There is no reasoning with them. But I keep trying because it's a "close" relative I feel like I should have a relationship with, but it's not really a relationship is it? It's a one-sided effort. Him badgering me and the pretend personality I must present him to keep him in check and from getting overblown-angry is exhausting for me.
Wow! So very true!!
okay-- 'oh" ( only words allowed)!!!!
I started dating a Narc without realizing it. He even asked me early on if I was an empath - me not realizing Narcissists prey on Empaths...he tried to demean me in every way. But when he realized I was a strong person he broke things off, not without trying to make me feel like I was the whole problem for the relationship not working out of course. I just let it go. Praise Jesus for protecting me.
Why can't you give yourself credit for your own accomplishments?
@@MoulderingMortal You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you. Be tolerant of religion, Red.
@@Louie16 I don't need to be tolerant of stupidity joes.
@@Louie16 Silly god botherer, go away with your fairytales, we all stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny years ago
If you can’t tolerate the beliefs of others, you are the problem. That commenter wasn’t asking you to accept her faith, so keep scrolling.
"Astonishing lack of self awareness" Love that one Doc so true!
Yes definitely. I have told my narcissistic husband that he has no insightfulness at all.
So using this
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "they have an astonishing lack of awareness". I have a sister and brother with some of these issues and instead of getting them to see reason, I just listen and nod my head and let them go on because after many years I know they will never change because they are incapable of changing or being more aware. It's not in their brain wiring.
Same.
I realized that those sibs don't recognize me as an actual person separate from themselves.
In their lives, I am merely an extension of themselves. I have nothing of value to share with them or say to them
@@fran99080 It's a perfectly accurate assessment of narcissism
Yes. It is heart wrenching to accept that too. I actually love my BF but know that he can never really love me back and he will never become self aware. Radical acceptance. It makes me cry sometimes. He can be so great in some ways...and then....so horrible.
you can not discuss with a narc. they are so deliberately cruel. energy vampires, liars, jeckal and Hyde...
Rather insulting to Mr. Hyde. Mr.Hyde at least admits his flaws and is open to his bad behaviors. True narcs aren't that honest and always want to be perceived as "perfect" model citizens.
The real Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde are those of us with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Our moods fluctuates but at the end we are open about our flaws and admit to our errors. Narcs aren't like that at all.
Exactly
If you can help please please let me know please...
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Watch "Surviving Charlie Wilson (Photo Included) #Metoo" on RUclips
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Watch "Will they help my kids and I before he kills me as he promised he would??? Several attempts made.." on RUclips
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That is so true. I love that description... energy vamps, I wont allow that ever again.~!
Yes Jekyll and hyde..I heard some stuff from his coworkers how he flies off the handle in seconds..he goes from one extreme to another. I told him I thought he was multiple personality disorder because he claims so often he doesnt remember things he says or does
@@IsraelWillBeFree Jeckl for sure
“I never know what is going to set you off” always sets him off.
A B, Hope you are not with a narc 😈!
be carful he once told me he heard voices thats when i started feeling afraid for my safety and left after many tantrums
I was terrified of being ALONE, now after living with a narcissist for 4 years, I think I am ready to welcome my lonelyness and peace again, because now I now it is much healthier to be alone, than trying to survive with a Toxic Narcisist
N 2 deep 4 years ,feel like you live with your own correctional officer?
Just leave sweetie... 🙏🏼😓
In the same boat. My ex is wanting to leave finally after 4 years. I’ve tried to break up with her several times in the past but always ended up taking her back. I’m afraid of being alone too but it feels much more peaceful with her gone.
you are never really alone...you have yourself and that is the only person who can fulfil you and the only one who you can depend on completely!! to hope a romantic partner can do any of this for us consistently is a dangerous illusion...
I am fortunately understanding this myself now, love can really blind a person! You think you are only overlooking bad behavior they learned from being in a past bad relationship, You want to help them!
Then you finally realize 9 years later that they are the bad relationship.
No Love, help or support will ever change things.
The one thing that angered my narcissistic husband and enraged him with more madness than anything else, was plugging my ears. I started doing this about 10-12 years into the marriage as basically a desperate last resort to escape the verbal attacks, and from the very first time I did that in the midst of him screaming at me I recognized that he felt very disempowered by this because I was taking away his ability to influence or emotionally manipulate me or even hear the insults he felt I must listen to. It was empowering for me though, so I resorted to this tactic many times over the last years of that relationship. It is risky, especially if the narc is physically abusive, but it was a clear line I was able to draw to say "you've reached my boundary and you will not cross it, not even with your yelling voice".
I salute your bravery
3 years in narc hell, infidelity was the straw that broke the camel's back and I bounced. When he would start his abusive, toxic monologues I'd just get up and leave the room without a word, he'd blow a fuse every time.
Well done Riezel. Courage.
Left narcissist husband after 24 years. He used to say to me "you just can't take crticism". My answer " who the h' are you to criticize me ? He never once had an answer for that.
That's a brilliant idea! I can see why it would carry risk for a woman too, but brilliant all the same. Good for you 👍
"Whatever" , "you're the expert on everything, aren't you?", and "is that so?" really set them off.
All sound like a death wish 😅
I found that calmly and matter-of-factly saying "you're a bold-faced lying sociopath" tends to send them to the moon at mach-7. lol.
@@uncleclaw171 sounds about right.
Now that is a great one!
That reply is to Uncle Claw
I no longer care about narcissists' anger. It's theirs, not mine. Just walk away.
Literally 24 hours ago, I told my “friend” in person that I think we should take a break and within the hour he blocked me. We were on the phone shortly after and either the phone died or he hung up. And blocked me lolol. I’ve blocked him back and I intend to keep him blocked. It will be difficult cause this is going on 4 years now but I have determination. Everyone wish me luck!
Lots of luck , but mostly I would say, never look back.
How did you block him back?
Stay strong 💪🏽
God bless and stay safe
Hag in there...I've been dealing with this pattern for many years. Within the past few months, I blocked him. Of course, this led to his family members "reaching out" to me. After blocking them, He sent a disgusting and accusatory text - (under the pretence that he was texting me directly) , to a close friend of mine. I don't know how he found her cell number. Instead of contacting him to freak out that he did this (which is exactly what he wanted....ANY type of communication/response), I chose to ignore the incident and have since filed a harrassment report. I decided to stop being "afraid" of his explosive temper, and this past Friday (Sept. 18, 2020), he was served with a temporary FULL restraining order with a summons to appear in virtual court with me on October 1st 2020. Do not be afraid to take action. You can do this. Stay strong!!!
Michelle Vesely - In what way is that relevant?
I used to tell my boyfriend "You're right" when he wanted to keep giving his opinion until I changed mine. He finally figured out I wasn't conceding anything, just putting a period on looped "conversation."
One of them I say is.... "You do you, and I'll do me." That really gets him going.
Like this! Smart. Will emulate. Thanks for the suggestion, Patricia.
Fabulous.. I need to borrow this.
I use that same phrase.
Oh that's a hot one! Then she will proceed to tell 1001 things wrong with me/my process
It gets me when he's there shouting some crap at me, then when I raise my voice just to be heard above him, he tells me not to raise my voice. Thank you, these videos make me realise I'm not going crazy.
I agree
So true!!! It happened to me many times.
Ditto you guys. Just yest morning it started and finished last night when he left. Now he blocked me. Good riddance ahole
No, you definitely are NOT "crazy", but they sure want to make you THINK that you are. Stay strong hun 🤗
Fiona Gazzard, you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈 cause you are too precious 🌹🌷🌷
Rage is the core of the narcissist...healthy people CAN express righteous indignation and anger rationally!
Well said!!!
NEVER got forgiveness and NEVER got an apology either! Disgusting!
And when you finally do it’s because you asked for one or they say it with anger with no genuine nature to it.
It’s true. They can’t say sorry
@@AmyMoore-t9i I truly do understand. It finally has to STOP. I'm divorcing one just like what you discussed now.
Drop high expectations from these people.
You can trigger a narcissist's anger with anything as they are looking for a fight all the time. The narcissist's baseline mood IS anger. It only appears they are calm when they want to appear that way. They pride themselves on "controlling their anger" against you, so when they lose it at you in a narcissistic rage they get to blame you as they are normally a "controlled person". The only other time they stop raging at you is when they are exhausted.
This is insightful. Thank you.
You can tell if you watch their breathing. It's a fire burning in the gut.
Mine only "needed" psych meds bc I made him so angry...
Wow so true!
Yup. I was told if I didn't make them so angry they wouldn't need medication.
You cannot have a discussion with them . It always turns to what they want , you donot count . He's sleepy as soon as you start talking to him . He's bored with you
My gawd, he's sleep as soon as your start talking to him. My gawd. He's bored with you... All while denying he's tired and not bored.. You just read my life for Filth.
I like triggering them and laughing and grinning like an idiot while they implode in their head. The less positive attention they get (fear, submission and the like) the more funny they get. Laugh at them out loud and say, "just look at how ridiculous you are."
Same thing when YOU are the one who wants "together time", then THEY are too tired, not in the mood, or you're not attractive that night, they have too much on their mind.
But when THEY want it, they'd better get it or you get no sleep at all.
Tell them in a casual kind of way how you admire somebody else's talent, abilities, intellect etc. They really hate that😂
I learned that the hard way and now know it's a great test to see red flags earlier. Once you're connected to one you learn not to say anything nice about anyone else if you want prevent them from being a target because 💯 of the time the narc will go after them if they can.
@@janellc900 I would never choose anybody accessible to a narc. Maybe a celebrity or similar. Just to wind them up.
Of course, all the others are just... stupid!
Deflecting. Awesome response ..!
1 "you have control issues"
2 "this is how I see it"
3 "we've already talked about this"
4 "do you think I'm that stupid?"
5 "let's talk about what you did wrong"
6 "what's wrong with you?"
7 "idk if I can keep doing this"
You would like your the narcissist
Dad is "my way or the highway". We (not in same house) live near a turnpike, I took the closest exit off his highway! No-contact!
The last time I spoke any words directly to my narc brother, he flipped out so badly I had to call the police. I believe my exact words were 'I haven't touched any of your stuff." I have no plans to ever speak to him again - only through my lawyer. What a relief.
But I do admit, later during the same altercation I said "Why don't you get some professional help?"
"When you put people down, does it make you feel better about yourself?"
Ba-ZING-gah! Good one.
That's an attack. I wouldn't go there, with anybody. A narcissist can turn you into someone who is cruel. But belittling someone who is so insecure doesn't make sense. Taking care of ourselves isn't about countering attacks with more attacks. It's about staying calm and not engaging, changing the subject, walking away, just knowing yourself well so that what they are saying about you is so much nonsense. BTW one rule that is helpful is to keep the word "you" out of your response. It's accusatory and we all know how that feels and what happens next.
Ha! My mom has some idea that I don't like shitting on other people (much) and has tried to word-salad that "life is a pecking order with alpha hens and as her daughter (or just inferior person), I ought not judge her incesant hatefulness" ... or something. When she's trying to brainwash(?) she doesn't speak clearly enough to be quoted emphatically; it's just this vague allusion to what she means which people can only think they are understanding. God forbid, you ask for clarification for then you will be "asking for it." It would be funny ... if it weren't for the subsequent revenge.
Goodfaith arguments are always a trap, and she expects me to wipe her butt for the last ten years of her life. When I pointed this out to her (that I will be the person she relies on later in life) - hinting slyly that her alpha female life thing is very shortsighted and against her better judgement), she tells me that she has every intention of committing suicide towards the end. Then gets offended that I take that as a valid plan! Needless to say, I've been punished. Haha
I would not dare say this one. He would probably bite my head off.
They will never, ever, ever say 'i'm sorry" or "I was wrong." They'll dance all around it if they think you're reaching your limit, but that's it. I took it for 12 years. Sure wish I had known all this back then!
Purple Flame Tarot,you don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
Hallmark of a narc: can't take accountability for their actions even if their life depended on it.
Try being ignorant for 17 years and he was an alcoholic and an over user of pot on top of it.
That's the value of Les Carter. I think he's a life saver. These people that Dr. Les Carter takes the horsewhip to belong in Hell. I've seen what they've done to people. Dr. Carter is a nice guy. I am no such entity. I have sacks of self-awareness. I was taught how to arrive at such a point. I have learned that the purpose of trees is to line them up with narcissists. I did not learn that lesson from my teacher Dr. Les Carter. I learned that lesson at Pinkville.
So true! Been there for 32years and finally feel I’m at the end of my rope
My youngest son is everything you have said regarding narcissism. In fact, we no longer have a relationship at all because of it. One example: When he was in college, I provided him with a credit card for an "emergency." It wasn't long before this card had a balance owing of more than $1,000 from foolish purchases. I confronted him, and he said I must have been buying things myself on the card. I called the credit card company and got an itemized statement of every purchase, all of which were made by him. When I sent him a copy, he was totally furious with me. His attitude was "How dare I do something like that"! I cancelled his "emergency" card immediately.............Barbara Whitman
It's really sad to lose somebody like that, but it's really good that you realized he was already gone.
Did you just… Sign you comment?
That’s unfortunate and I hate to cast stones but it’s well known that narcissism is created from severe neglect at a very early age so parents might need to take a long look at where they might have gone wrong if their own children NPDs. Yes narcs are friggin terrible as adults, but it is still a tragedy that at one point they were a lonely hurt child a long time ago. We have to be more vigilant as parents to ensure a tender loving and caring atmosphere from day one. After all they didn’t ask to be here. Everyone, cherish your children every day.
@@kiroc89 Thank you for pointing this out. I too had to hear this. I need to see what i can do to make amends. Looks like my son is walking down this path. He lives with his narc dad at this moment 🥺
You do not sounds like healthy person
"What's wrong with you?" IS the narcissist's favorite line
My narc's favourite line was "You know, you've got a problem. You need to sort yourself out."
@@SarahlabyrinthLHC Oh my God. My husband actually made me go to see a psychologist because he felt I needed to fix myself.
@@thebewitchinghour831 We tried marriage counselling and the counsellor told my husband he was too controlling and he told her she had no idea what she was talking about, and walked out. I'm so relieved to no longer be with him, he was destroying my health and sanity.
"so, you're perfect?"
He looked at me and asked what was wrong..what he did "this time" after sending me text about what a lying whore i was and telling me everthing i had just opened up to him about was all a lie and that i never loved him. There is basically no reason for me to speak anymore or cry. Its a waste of my time and energy. I have aged 15-20 years in the last 7.....
"We've already talked about this" is also a narcissist's way of never letting you voice your opinion/perspective. Truth is they told you what narrative they want you to validate... "end of discussion".
When I try to say my point of view, it's I'm not going there he's Crazy 👹❗
Omg yes!
I wish that I could give this more thumbs up...so true!!
Yup... heard this so many times, along with, "you can't ever remember these things."
Wow person I know says this to me all the time when he's been caught in a lie
I was raised by a couple of narcissists. I finally learned how to confront them after I was an adult. When they try to play their game, I just shut them down and told them 'NO', like they were a child. It took a number of times until they realized that I wasn't backing down. Now, our relationship is one of me ready to pounce on their games, back them into a corner, and refusing to play. They are stunned every time I do. Amazing.
I got my narcissist puzzled right now as well (hehehe🤭)
Good for you! My niece has been raised by two narcissists and the emotional abuse us horrific but I taught her to not back down and she’s been doing a good job in spite of breakdowns
My ex said I had control issues because I wanted to know where she would go most Friday nights and usually stay the night at a ‘friends place’
When I found out she was having a 3 month affair, it was all my fault. No empathy, no remorse. When I contacted the other guy, he dumped her straight away because she lied to him from the beginning, same as me. That guy and I are now FaceBook friends and still chat about how unbelievable a person my ex is😎
Focus on the truth. Don't let fear determine what you think and do.Be quietly confident.Don't try to prove anything or get approval.Don't expect normal human behavior.
"you are lying to me" is the best way to get them angry
This is good stuff. The only thing that works is leaving a narcissist and letting them die alone.
Narcissists aren't really human. They just look it.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 Did I suggest you should actually kill them? Nope, they just need to die alone because anyone they touch is going to be subject to the same toxicity. They occupy the same environmental niche as cancer cells and rabid dogs and have the same value.
@@sorgothsorgoth3575 You haven't met many malignant narcissists, I see.
Sounds like you're probably rather young and still stuck on the idea that you should be "nice" to everyone. That's always a lovely policy and worth pursuing as much as possible, but it should always fall a close second to being >>practical
@@johnhedtke8192 my narc told me he was an extraterrestrial being😱
@@ShayLove84Fam1st You know, I can see that being a line of BS they'd pull. But wow....
What's so sick about the narcissist is that they refuse to accept the evil that they've caused people.🤔 They say, "I don't know what you're talking about." I left that negative energy twenty-five years ago and stayed no contact.
I asked him twice, “WHAT exactly do you mean by that?” He couldn’t answer, and he stopped saying things he did not want to be called out on.☀️
1 thing. The truth.
They can't handle the truth!
The Truth==Narc Kryptonite
Definitely
Amen,
They should win an Oscar for there acting skills
@@sahamal_savu good for you!
I noticed that anytime I tried to bring up an issue to discuss, I was called confrontational and argumentative. Truth was like kryptonite to him. I would either get my head blown off or stonewalled.
Yes!
Also yes!
They get offended but TRUTH of any kind
Correct.
This video is entirely true, unfortunately.
My ex BF was a Narc. I dated him for a year without a single outburst.
I had no clue.
After he moved into my place, he totally changed.
His big triggers were my opinions regarding Religion, and Politics.
He blew up in a screaming fit when I would state my opinions, which HE was able to do with no resistance from me. He yelled and screamed at me for hours because I would never agree with his beliefs, or Politics. It was like he couldn't deal with me having my own brain. I was not gonna agree with him just to shut him up. I made him leave my home not too much later.
He did love to project, too.
People
Thank God you stood up for yourself. Thank God you saved yourself.
@Daisy D, I understand completely! My narc husband does not like to have an opinion from me concerning, politics, religion, friends, family, movies, books....lol yeah pretty much anything. He likes to think that we are in harmony on all these things, mainly because I don't actually tell him any different. He rages about everything so I have learned to sit back and not listen.
I’m so glad that you saw him for what he was and that you gave him the boot.
Wow I have a simular story didnt see it till after he moved in. I made him leave soon after.
Lucky I guess
Three years ago, my narcissistic ex, whom I left in 1985, decided he needed to apologize to all the people he's hurt. He was in therapy at the time. I reluctantly agreed to see him. We have an adult daughter who approached me about it on his behalf. In the 2 hours we talked, he could never say the words "I'm sorry" or anything close that to it. He never acknowledged his cruel treatment of me and his daughter. They just can't do it.
Shaking my head. Dr. C
A narc apology begins with "IF I've said or done anything to hurt you"
@ Dee J. Bliss Wow!!!
Is he an alcoholic?
@@cactusflower7820 hmmm…. you’re making me rethink some people who have approached me like this in past…. they originally came off to me as “the one who could do no wrong” but maybe narcissism was at the root of it after all
1. I don't want to
2. No thanks
3. I don't agree
4. I'll pass
5. _____ is so talented/ pretty/ handsome.
6. I think you're mistaken/ wrong
7. The answer is NO!
Drats, that is exactly what I wanted to write. My experience is the same. Basically any disagreement or just lack of interest/approval is a trigger.
@@LadyMngwa Yup. Can't disagree with the narc. Can't compliment someone besides the narc. Can't tell a narc NO! Can't show little interest in the narc or their interests, or their conversation, etc. We are here to serve, validate the false self and appease them.... In their minds anyway. 😒
@@davidslocum9536 ive been raged at because they noticed I was drifting off into my own little world in the middle of a lengthy, detailed explanation of something that no one cares to know about. Like say if I was a car mechanic, explaining every little step in the process in detail how I changed your steering belt or something. talking about parts you have no idea what they are or what any of it means, but I go on and on and ON and if you even accidentally show inattention because you're truly bored (because I am a boor), I stop and storm off in a huff and tell you how rude you are. lol its something no human being should have to endure, yet they think you're garbage for not enduring it.
I know one and didn’t realize it until I found out what a narcissist is.
@@Jupe367 me too- and today I discovered that I have said each abd every one of the 7 comments to the narcissist on more than one occaision- no wonder I hate my job.
There's always, "I'm a good person and I don't like to be talked to like that".
I have seen narcissists use "what's wrong with you" as shaming language when you challenge them. So it's ironic that it can be so triggering when it's turned back on them.
If they don't win watch out all they want is revenge. They are so evil.
Agree!
Don’t you go back to them, just carry on with you like! Nothing to get from them.
Agree
Check out chosen won fits to a t live chats . Goes off at times . You be the judge
I agree. If they are on the losing end, they will seek to punish you severely
It gets to a point to where anything that you say that can be construed as a rebuttal, can and will trigger the narcissist
so so true
Silver Surfer77 ABSOLUTELY.
Even when you agree they take it as a challenge.
That’s if you get to say anything.
Telling them the truth about something awful they said or did can trigger anger too.