What is something you learned that surprised you? How will this help you in your relationships? I'd love to hear your feedback and questions below! It helps me to create new content!
This is the most informative video I’ve watched about disorganized attachment. I think the healing steps were a bit convoluted but what I understood really does help. There was some spiritual vocab I wasn’t familiar with. Could you recommend some literature on disorganized attachment and the healing process? Thank you so much for this info.
This is such a helpful video. I'm still struggling to tell if I identify more with anxious attachment or disorganized attachment. The 4 question quiz resulted in anxious attachment, but I feel like I'm dismissing some of the qualities of disorganized attachment I'm relating so strongly too. Is how much trouble I'm having distinguishing between the two common? Can anyone else relate?
I'm a secure attachment style. It exactly what I'm going through. We've never talked about these attachment styles. How can I approach this with h? What is he would not like to head? How does a fearful avoidant faces this conversations? Thank you Brianna.
This was an awesome informative video. I did however, find it hard to take it all in. Perhaps you were trying to get it all within a certian time whcg is udnertsandable, but 2 videos would have been better if it meant you could have more natural pauses and slow the information flow down a little. I watched at 0.75x speed and it was still too fast talking. 0.5x speed made your voice blur so couldnt go that slow. There was almost no break between each sentence.
Idk you guys, we are seriously awesome, especially once we know what we are dealing with. Lowkey those ‘Anxious attached” ones have it the worst, in my opinion. They don’t have the ability to dismiss like we do, and that can save us from toxic people. We have both sides, and we are truly the Spice of Lifers! 💯
I think am disorganized, there are times I feel repulsed, disgusted, hate for a person am dating, sometimes I feel like DONT BREATH DOWN MY NECK, don't touch me, sometimes Am crazy in love.
Thank you so much for this!! Ive often had moments wondering "what is wrong with me?! Why am i like this?!" Its exhausting some days- trying to keep balance, reframe and regulate but Im determined & committed to better my mental health. I wont give up on myself ❤ I'm redefining self love every day!
I hope you can be the person to heal them up. Being secure makes you welcoming to kind, polite and empathetic behaviours and away from being rude and arrogant. Secure people are a treasure to the modern society.
I had always thought this was just my personality, difficult, dramatic, depressed. I got diagnosed with BPD and had only minimal improvement with therapy and medications. Discovering attachment style and that I have a disorganized attachment that can become secure gave me hope and acceptance that I really needed. I am still struggling but struggling is better than the suffering I was always use to.
My ex partner demonstrated almost all of these traits: They interpreted any disagreement as a sign the relationship will end, they believed every single day the relationship was going to end. They had exteme difficulty opening up or seeking help. Suggesting therapy meant to them that the relationship was going to end. They constantly said they felt like they were not worthy of the relationship and that I could do better. They regularly shut down and got very quiet over any disagreement. They disassociated and wouldn't be "present" for conversations, and would give themselves false memories and those false memories would paint their partner in a false negative light. They would convince themselves that I must be a "bad actor" for no reason, and would do things purposefully to hurt me or to sabotage the relationship. Before most of this, we had a blissful relationship, but it did not last. It seems I myself most likely have anxious attachment. Which also fits that we'd be drawn to each other. The breakup was hell. Thanks for your video, understanding all this better makes it hurt a little less at least. (I will say that, though my ex did have many good qualities, almost none of the good qualities in your list applied in their case).
I've always identified more with anxious attachment, however I think this was because previous partners had many avoidant tendencies. Now I'm with someone who I think is secure, who let's me know all the time how great he thinks I am, who wants to plan a future with me, and I'm excited by this idea but also terrified. Sometimes it's quite difficult to live with this internal conflict and previously I have had dissociative episodes which was another indicator for me that my attachment style is rather disorganized than anxious. In a way I don't feel "justified" to have this attachment style because I never experienced (as far as I remember) major traumatic events in my life, even though I know that little T traumas leave their trace as well. This video helped me a lot to understand why I feel so scared, and gave me hope that this current relationship might be a great opportunity for some deep healing. It was also lovely to hear the positive characteristics of people with disorganized attachment and remember that feeling deeply has its beautiful sides. Thanks a lot for this video Briana!
Disorganized attachment looks like someone with a wellspring of empathy and space for connection; enveloping you in a sense of safety and belonging that touches the long-forgotten parts of yourself. Nobody can easily go on hiding loveliness when it’s called out by loveliness; it’s made for sharing. So you allow more and more of yourself to be seen until you’re known. And that’s when the tiny cracks begin to form. The one who could once finish your sentences now questions your reasoning on exceedingly minute things; no matter your painstaking efforts at trying to be understood, you’re inevitably met with perplexity and “worry” that feels like disgust. Piece by piece, your loveliness goes back into hiding, with more and more of yourself following suite. The increasing flow of criticism to the shell of yourself begins to feel more and more warranted. But you don’t know what you did. So you stay confused, feebly clutching at tiny glimmers of hope. And more time passes. Your health deteriorates. Eventually, your hope and desire for connection fades. But you allow your body to be used anyway because it’s easier than the treatment that comes with saying no. You try everything to fix yourself. You wonder why your partner sticks around. You wonder why it feels so insurmountable to try to leave. You find yourself searching online for answers and maybe a pseudo sense of community, leaving comments no one will ever read to maybe try and signal to yourself that you’re still here somewhere.
Your words paint a poignant picture of the complex and often heart-wrenching experience of navigating a relationship with disorganized attachment. This attachment style can lead to an emotional rollercoaster that leaves both partners confused, hurt, and questioning themselves. The pattern you described-of growing intimacy leading to increasing scrutiny and criticism-is unfortunately too common, leaving you questioning your own worth and reality. You deserve love and understanding, not a relationship that chips away at your sense of self. I understand how this can create a feeling of isolation and deteriorate your emotional and physical health. The path out may seem insurmountable, but the first step is recognizing that the dynamic is unhealthy. Seeking professional guidance can be incredibly helpful in these situations. Remember, you're not alone. Even if it feels like you're shouting into the void with your online comments, there are people out there who understand what you're going through. Thank you for sharing your experience; you never know who it might help. Take care. 💕
It feels kind of devastating to associate with almost everything what was described in this video. I’m so happy to hear you list some of the more positive traits of this attachment style because I did associate with those things too. It’s just really hard to grasp that I’m going to have to so so much work to do in order to build a long healthy romantic relationship.
I have a disorganized attachment style, and it can be such an emotional battle and struggle. I am currently at such a massive low. I go out of my way to try to meet people, almost addictively sign up for different social media sites and apps because I am feeling so isolated, but as soon as I get a single message it's just panic and shut down. I want to love someone with all my heart, I want to wow them, I wanna support their dreams and passions but even putting in an ounce of effort even in the talking stage is almost traumatic because of how I view myself and my past. So, I try to be as dry as possible till people ghost me, and I rationalized it's because of my worth and since I have thought this way for so long, it doesn't hurt as badly. I have never been in a relationship where I wasn't cheated on, because I just have accepted I am extremely difficult to love. That my partner's cheat because of physical or emotional flaws I should have worked out. I just feel so deeply in my core that I am not good enough for anyone, so it's just gonna be a cycle I can't stop, but at the same time. I feel like I should know that someone will love me for who I am flaws and all. Sorry for the rant.
You are an “artist.’ You verbally paint a vivid picture of concepts with your words. For me, your descriptions create a vivid multi-meaning image that stimulates my understanding in a way that redirects my impulse to blame my partner (though not dismiss their part) onto considering my own behaviors and actions. Thanks so much.
Yep, 100% me. It took MANY YEARS to figure out my own symptoms, though (age 45 now). You mention healing "parts", is that like the IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy method? The dissociation and the ability to avoid 'work' (on self) by avoiding the pain and doing "okay" as-is is my biggest obstacle to continue the work to heal. I have 'gotten by' and look successful from the outside lens. Just no one knows how miserable I experience life. I often get comments of 'others have it way worse' (including my own dialog) and 'but you're so normal!' from people who think I'm inventing my need for help... Being people pleasers, and simultaneously feeling like I don't deserve help make this a HUGE hurdle to heal. Your channel has given very impactful realizations and I am grateful.
Discovering disorganised attachment helped me to understand that I’m not insane because of having a wish of being in relationships and being alone at the same time. Good to know about my attachment style so I can at least explain my actions to myself. Hope I’ll get better in the future!
Now i see how this can be perceived as bipolar disorder when they lash out in anger and say horrible things all because of their fears. Blame the parents! 🥺
Honestly this explains why the guys I felt most comfortable with were bipolar. 😅 The mood swings make more sense to me than nice people who might secretly not feel the way they're portraying.
I'm in my late twenties and started dating just this year. I didn't know I was this bad, I thought I just avoided romance due to being a little bit scared, but as soon I started dating I was confident and I thought I was over that and ready for a relationship. But it was easier when I wasn't reciprocated, and looks like I got a bigger problem than I knew. I'm having my 1st time being reciprocate, I was talking about feelings and relationship with this boy and one day I was so happy and in love with him and having thoughts that I was almost ready to say I love you, and the next day I'm having a date with him, one small thing that I don't like happens, and suddenly my head goes crazy sabotaging what we had, making all kind of dramas and irrational thoughts... It was horrible. I couldn't speak the whole night, cause I knew I was going to hurt him if I opened my mouth. He realized I wasnt okay and needed time, so he was like "let's watch cat videos" until I got better, which actually moved me that he could see I was not okay to speak in that moment and that he respected that. Anyway, I calmed down, but I feel like my feelings died in that day? Like, not completely, or I wouldn't be with him yet, trying to get back to that state of in love. But I feel so distant, even when I'm feeling things, it's like they were external to me. I'm anxious everyday, trying to make things simple, trying to unbury my feelings, wherever they are... Idk, I know people fall out of love, but the fact that it was like snapping fingers is freaking me out. I was literally about to tell him I loved him. And the next day, it took me 3 horrible hours to cancel that. It's horrible because he is wonderful, and he is so wise emotionally and I want to learn from him, but... I'm so inconsistent. He knows all of this, cause I also don't want to hurt him. I talked with him and I asked if he wants to stay, how he feels, if it's hard for him, but he wants us to work, he really, really loves me and I want us to work aswell, but I fear that there's no going back to that feeling :/ I booked a session with my therapist, but I gotta wait more than 1 month, and I feel my anxiety rising everyday. I feel like we won't be able to take another month of this :/ I really wanted things to work with him
This is me! I have a terrible history with sustaining, romantic relationships. I try to tell new partners how awful I am, but nobody gets it until I sabotage the relationship and end it. I feel so hopeless, but I suppose there’s good information out there and therapists who know how to help us heal. Since I can dissociate so easily, it hardly seems worth the effort when I’m in between the short term relationships. My relationships tend to last about 2 to 3 months before things get bad. Thanks for the video. Nice to know that not only am I not alone, but there’s an entire syndrome that describes me. Wow!
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience. I’m glad the video was helpful. Sometimes clarity is the biggest thing that sounds us in a new direction.🙏❤️
I'm probably a user of disorganized attachment style, but the thing is- I feel terrified, but I never do anything about it. Just try to keep my thoughts down. Like, my relationship is really really good. My partner is sweet and patient, and even tho they also get insecure sometimes (And that is something that sometimes scares me because I think that they're gonna leave) they recognize the person I am and my feelings behind. I love how they stick with me for the good times like in the bad times. And I recognize that it's mutual because even tho I'm scared when they feel bad or confused, I stick by their side too. Still, I would love to- not doubt myself? Or them? I wanna enjoy my relationship and spend as much time as I can with them, and overall, heal so I can be happy and also make them feel happier. I know that, for whatever reason there is, they're happy with who i am now, but I think that I also deserve to feel good about the relationship and not fear of it like they were trying to hurt me or do me something bad. I admit that just breaking it off because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it has crossed my mind, but there's no other person I would like to be with except for them, because I know they're trustworthy at this point, and they are the kindest person I've ever met. I would be crazy if I say that I don't want to be with them. I'm just hoping that they can still stick with me until I get enough money to go on therapy again, because this attachment wasn't exactly an issue when I used to go ;;
I don’t know why they say you can’t heal it. It’s brain wiring. Just rewire the brain 😀 Some of the healing will only be able to take place within a partnership because that’s the only time when the attachment system wounds get activated. When they do, the activated partner could say, ‘my attachment wounds are being activated. My nervous system is going into fight or flight and I want to run and create distance. Internally, my heart is racing and I feel like I’m going to die. I’m sorry if I am seeming shut down right now, distant, emotionless, or cold, it’s my nervous system hijacking my brain. Can you sit with me and tell me I am safe? Or hold my hand, or just be there. While I do these breathing/somatic/eft tapping exercises to down regulate my nervous system. And tell myself it’s ok to be close to another person. It’s safe to be close to another person. It’s just my old wiring that needs to seek distance. It’s ok to feel vulnerable. Be like the og therapists and do this on some mdma or psilocybin even, if you want the rewiring effects to be even more pronounced.
Literally every relationship I've been in :(, tons of counseling over years and years, and only the last 6 months I've heard this theory and way of describing my struggles.
This knowledge is so overwhelming, knowing I have subconsciously sabotaged every good relationship in my life, romantically, friendships and now I see it even with my beautiful daughter. She's only 5 and I can see me push and pull with her, its heart breaking. All I have ever wanted is to be a great partner, a great dad, but this pattern just causes hurt and confusion for those around me. I have spoken to so many people, it's so hard to beleive it can be fixed.
Very good explanation of disorganized attachment I realized growing up I had an anxious attachment that has I got in my late twenties became an avoidant attachment given that most of the people I ended up with were either avoidant or disorganized. You described perfectly what I went through with someone I would say is suffering from disorganized avoidant attachment. I have finally in the last couple years decided enough is enough. Now just seeking how to make peace with the past heal and find secure relationships in general.
I really appreciate the nice qualities you acknowledged on this video. I have been on my innerwork journey and I feel bad by all of this. Thank you for the incite and encouragement. I often feel like I'm more excited and interested in life than most people.
Over the last few years I’ve taken numerous quizzes on attachment styles…including ones that were in depth and cost. I’ve taken the quizzes during different phases and emotional states in life and I’ve always received “fearful avoidant” or “disorganized”. I honestly didn’t really believe it and tried to brush it under the rug. Unfortunately after numerous failed romantic relationships, as well as limited friendships…I’m realizing that all of this really does resonate to my very core. Seems overwhelming and hopeless honestly.
I ended up here in the strangest way. I think I just dated myself, and I hated it. I don't believe in twin flames, but it answers questions. Apparently, we have the same attachment style. I am here doing the work. As an empath, all of it is overwhelming. We've been broken up for a month after living together for 6 months but we are full time rv nomads and have all the same friends and have been at the same social functions since breaking up in 30 days we have only been apart for about 10 days. I fell off the wagon after 8 years of sobriety to push her away. She's been my best friend for 3 years. She's aways been right there, and we fell in love after my divorce, and now I've lost it all. Elissa I miss you so much, and all I can do is heal
Hi I am crying a lot. I am scared reading this. You replied to someone’s comment “are you afraid of becoming you?” A single mother of a toddler and a newborn.. I feel like I’m at such a time crunch and feel crippled by the pain this attachment has caused me. The situation I am in because of it. Not to use this as a crutch. I just see all the ugly memories of me reacting in the ways you described. Seeing my upbringing and why I feel the need to protect myself. I’ve sabotaged so many good things in my life and ended relationships with very nice guys because I couldn’t trust them. Fuck. It hurts. Thank you for helping me see the beauty in this pain.
@@zillasworkshop the internet is free, take time searching "healing FA, or disorganised attachment."There are lots of other channels (eg.Paulien Timmer) on RUclips that cover this too, for free. Good luck!
I like how you structure your videos giving the good and the bad and still encouraging at the end of it all. I have been in a vicious cycle of the same which has made me struggle a lot... I hope to feel better and thank you for the work you continue doing to help us spice of lifers
I cant tell if this is me.. if so, the disorganized leaning anxious is what id say. My behavior can become predictable I think, DEPENDING on who i date. I am more avoidant with anxious attachers and i am more anxious with avoidant attachers. Or however that person is showing up for me. Not sure, perhaps i am just anxiously attached. But that is my personal experience that iv not seen anyone talk about in the way I experience.
I'm exactly same as this. I thought I was anxious attachment when I was with avoidant. Then was with someone who wasn't avoidant and I became avoidant. Whenever I am secure in a relationship I try to get out because I'm not attracted to them anymore.
Hi, I know I am coming in late, but I love this video, and the sound of the bell is actually quite pleasing and a clear indication of transitions. As someone who listens to you while multitasking, it’s a great way to bring my focus into the next point. Thank you for the resources.
Thank you for the term spice of lifers, it takes some of the sting out of associating with this attachment style… I never connected my dissociative behavior with my ability to connect with others… and I truly can read a room, and have deep empathy for others… I desire intimacy by I feel so alone and unable to connect… I thought it was just me!
So glad I found your channel and this video! I knew I had to go searching for info about this again, as I start talking to a new person, when I said the simple phrase “talk to you tomorrow 😘” just now. It literally made me panic and disassociate/ feel disgust for him and myself. It was like a fear that I ruined it, and fear that now I have to talk to him tomorrow!! I live for the moment by moment suspense, but also despise the anxiety! I want out of this loop!!
First I want to thank you for the educational and uplifting content. I love that you provide strengths for this attachment. I recently realized I have FA and learning about it can feel so disheartening. However, the positives you mentioned truly helped me and gave me a brighter perspective on healing this attachment style. Thank you 💛
I met a guy who exhibits all of these behaviours. He has incredible potential but his denial is his biggest enemy. Hopefully, he will eventually get the help he so desperately needs.
As the spouse of a man with disorganized attachment, I sincerely and desperately disagree that my husband can read people. Just as you mentioned, small issues are warped into a “problem.” My husband consistently has perception and information processing problems. He misunderstands SO MUCH. A turn of the head, a sigh, related to just being tired, silence, speech. Everything can be misunderstood, and often is, as proof of his low opinion of me and others. He’s really bad at this.
Thank you for watching and for commenting. Gently, and respectfully, it sounds like your husband has organic issues which would be important to consider diagnostically, before assigning an attachment style. I’d recommend having him evaluated by a psychiatrist or a neurologist. I hope it helps.
This description describes how I've often been in the past. I'm noticing these patterns now, in a current relationship, but I'm much more in control if my emotions. Thinking back about the issues I would have and the way I went about trying to communicate, is indicative of this attachment style. I'm thankful to see growth here and I recognize there's more work to do.
This is 100% me, and I just had a brief relationship end over my behavior. I know better and want to do better, and I'm dedicated to doing the work now. I'm tired of the cycle.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment thank you! We ended up working things out. To further complicate things, I have pmdd and adhd. 🫠 thankfully I found myself an incredibly understanding partner and he's giving me the space to be human but also encouraging me to work on healing. Thank you!
This is so me, my therapist and I identified that I am disorganized, and I am training to be a therapist and have gone down an obsessive wormhole about attachment theory because it makes so much sense to me about so many things, and has given me a deeper understanding about why people behave the way they do. I like that you try to understand all these styles instead of falling into that black and white, polarized villain/victim story that so many of these types of vids fall into the trap of. I think a disorganized who has done the work and created an internal secure base for themselves makes a great therapist. It starts out as caretaking as the majority of disorganized/unresolved children were found to be caretaking their parents at age six. But when this is transformed and channeled into something positive, that deep insight and empathy is a super power. Just read David Wallins book on attachment in psychotherapy, he admits he is disorganized and this gives him so much more insight than other writers on this topic who claim to be secure.
Thank you for listing the positive aspects of this disorder. It’s nice to know I’m not completely screwed. Also I helps me understand why my wife would want to be with me. As you noted it is very easy for me to see through things to help her understand what she is dealing with like in work and relationships. I have been in counseling for 8 months now and I’m finally starting to see some growth and understanding. Currently working on regulating my triggered emotions in hopes of dealing with insecurities and perceived threats in a new way. On ward!
Hey, thanks for sharing your journey so openly! It's really encouraging to hear you're making progress through counseling. Sometimes we underestimate the good qualities we bring into our relationships, so I'm glad the video helped you see the positives. Emotional regulation is a big step forward, and it sounds like you're on the right track in tackling your insecurities and perceived threats. Keep that momentum going! Your self-awareness and commitment to growth don't just benefit you, they also enrich your relationship with your wife and others around you. Onward indeed!
The desire and fear are too much to handle for me😢 it’s intense. I used to wonder why I was like that until I realized the root of it and now I’m working on it, been for a while. Hopefully it goes well.
I'm sorry you're going through this intense struggle with desire and fear, but I'm also encouraged to hear that you're working on it. Understanding the root of your emotional challenges is a big step towards healing and improving how you relate to others and yourself. The emotional turbulence that comes with disorganized attachment can indeed be overwhelming, but your commitment to understanding yourself better is a brave and necessary action. Many have walked this challenging path and found ways to manage their emotions more effectively. Growth takes time, and there will be moments when you may question your progress or feel defeated. That's okay; it's all part of the journey. The most important thing is that you're aware and that you're taking steps to change, however incremental they may be. I genuinely hope things go well for you. Keep persevering, and don't hesitate to seek help and support along the way. Thank you for sharing your story, as it gives others hope that they too can work on their emotional struggles.
Wow! I definitely related to the example you used of Sandy. Everything you described about her thoughts/ feelings and behavior, are identical to how I think/feel and believe in dating. I got out of a relationship with a narcissist which was not easy to do at all. I met someone special and healthy. Someone with a secure attachment style. But now I’m so worried about ruining all of It because of my volatile feelings and behaviors! Now that I’ve acquired more knowledge about my disorganized attachment style, I’m more aware in situations that trigger me, while I’m with my significant other. So I do manage to stop myself from acting out, but I still feel it deeply within myself. It’s a challenge, and I’m taking this relationship day by day and handling it with care. I care so much about him. I don’t want this affecting us. Thank you so much for sharing this video. Helps a lot! 🙏🏼
I relate to you so much! i was also dating a narcissist for 6 years, but now the first new partner i led in my life has a secure attachment style (in my opinion), but i feel so triggered from everything and one moment i want him close, the next i want to be alone and not see him. it is so confusing and hard to deal with. and i am not sure how long he will keeps dating me if i dont manage to control myself.
It describes my ex accurately. I have a secure attachment style, and it very confusing and make me uncomfortable when my ex testing my loyalty and trust. Faults seeking and investigate every details of my body to find the imperfections. Sometimes he made up causes to fight such as my facial expression. If he couldn’t get my reactions from those he starts projecting his negative narratives on me which cause me blow up big time because I can’t handle accusations. He broke it off and I just wish him best of future endeavors. Haven’t spoken to him since. Only people with a heart of mother Teresa can handle this type of people. I feel empathy for those who can carry on childhood traumas but also those who fall in love with them.
Wow, same! I'm a securely attached person and was dating (long distance of about 100 miles) a disorganized attached man. He had a lot of loss growing up, is very charismatic and intelligent, but he expected a lot of me and didn't want me to expect anything from him. Everything was my fault in disagreements and while I took accountability for things I did that hurt him, my hurts were dismissed. He said two things; "we haven't even determined what our relationship is" (despite discussions of marriage, sweet nicknames, and him calling me his woman), and "I feel relieved when you don't text me" (after he said I ghosted him when we hadn't talked/texted for one day). It wasn't the first time he accused me of being hot and cold (projecting), ghosting him (when we both have working phones), and not making time to see him (when each time I brought it up, he was tired/busy). I hated deciding to let him have what he seemed to want, which was distance from me, because it seems like I'm now proving I wasn't really into him. Truth is, I was really falling in love. I couldn't go back, though. It's almost anxiety inducing thinking about the dance and his consistent inconsistency. I wish him healing, love and peace because he deserves it.
That does sound more like an NPD rather than fearful avoidant... we dont really try to belittle someone as we have a lot of empathy but we can dissociate or shut down when feel threatened.
Thanks so much for pointing out the strengths and the whole concept of 'spice of lifers' (minute 12:15) Non of the other videos point out superpowers. Refreshing!!
I started seeing this guy being myself disorganized and him being dismissive . Not aware of anything at that time. Then he stopped the dating and I got to know myself and realised how disorganised I was . Almost 3 years after, we keep on seeing eachother without label. He won't commit. Today we have never been that close. I became slowly more secure but I need to work constantly on it to stay there. It's like learning to walk again for me. I can't be sure but it seems to me that I becoming more secure drives him to go from hard dismissive to disorganised. Not sure it's the way but it's a mouvement. It's a journey and so far, I still see how much I like this personn and the development of our relationship and ourselves. I come back to you once in a while to check my understanding, inner peace and abilities to dialogue. Although I have reservations towards the spiritual approach of your work ( without judgement), I have to say that you are one smart and highly inspiring personn . Especially on the aspect of acceptation. So thank you.
When my partner and I is actually waiting for someone without a time schedule, my partner and I have all the free time we have to play a 2-player match in a video game. And our locations are not far away from each other. There's an option to play singles.
I identify with a lot of this and it's so fucking hard. I found a girl (very sweet, beautiful and we get along well) to hang out with after a while, and I'm fucking ruining it. For me, after a while of hanging out I start getting really anxious and wondering if I even like the girl, or thinking that something is wrong. Then I tell her how I'm feeling, leave, and then I feel extremely lonely and miss her and feel like I love her. The cycle has repeated many times, and it doesn't make rational sense. I hope I can work it out, she is amazing.
im pretty sure i have this disorganized attachment style and you just described word for word the emotional rollercoaster i went through with this guy recently. i still don't really know what to do about it, but I hope everything works out for you!
It is soooooo hard, I had an amazing ex who was so kind and tried to accommodate me as much as she could and she had an anxious attachment style. I really loved her and wanted the best for both of us but sometimes I just wake up and feel as if im not good enough and that I dont have feelings for her anymore which I actually still do have feelings for her. If you're really trying to fix yourself and healing from the disorganized attachment style, I would suggest to just let the other person go and focus on bettering yourself first if they seem to be hurting in the relationship cause one of my biggest regret is only realizing that I have a disorganized attachment style after the breakup and how much I hurt her. Life is hard for us, and it especially sucks when we lose that special someone cause we didnt understand ourselves first
I go through this too.....you have to try to sit with the uncomfortable feelings....good feelings will come back you just have to "ride the wave" or so I call it lol.....it's the same with any other type of anxiety.....my problem that I face is, that when I'm in a bad relationship I will ride the wave and ignore some real problems because I think I'm just over dramatizing it.....I was married for 10 years (divorced now) to an abusive person with narcissist tendencies.....I get the same thoughts in my current relationship but I don't get the deep rolling anxious stomach like I did in my former and I don't get physically sick like I did in my past relationship either, also we don't fight like my previous relationship at all (just recently had our first big fight and we have been together for over 2years) also I am able to talk about my boundaries and express them....so it can be tricky but you can do it.....
Although I'm not most spiritually minded, your channel has been great for helping me sort through my disorganized attachment. My current gf and I are both a kin to the disorganized attachment. As a baseline, my partner has more avoidant tendencies and I have more anxious tendencies. Since we are both conflicted, however, our tendencies often flip flop so that we are on the other end of the "anxious-avoidant trap". This makes our relationship difficult to navigate. There is a sense of understanding between us that neither of us have had before, yet too much emotional turmoil to justify keeping the relationship going. I would love your point of view on relationships ours where both parties are conflicted in their attachment styles.
This was very insightful, I learnt about the different attachments styles last year, thanks to finding your videos on RUclips. It took awhile for me to figure out I was a spice of lifer even with the quiz because I saw myself in all styles. But yeah thankfully there are some positive things but I'm glad to have great insights on one of the major issues affecting all my relationships over the years.
Do you only address attachment style as it effects dating and romantic relationships? I find it effects friendships a great deal. Not only have I attracted DA’s in dating/relationships, but also friendships. I see that some of this info can crossover, but there are many things that I’d love to hear addressed in regards to friends. I’m a healing spice of lifer, who leans dismissive (after a long term relationship with a DA, it seemed to effect me to be even more independent). Your channel is one of my favorites regarding attachment theory. I was an RN, but now am working towards a degree in neuroscience…due to all my experiences with patients, my personal story, and waking up to the connections of all.
Im healing my disorganized attachment. I realized that I wasn't lonely an outsider. I needed to realize my friends did love me.. i was the one who was guarded and isolated myself. One day I was talking to a friend and i mentioned my brother she got upset stating "you know so much about me and I feel like I know nothing about you, I didn't even know you had a brother " I kinda gave her my bio after that. I had friends who were trustworthy I needed to develop trust in myself and my trust in others.
@@crystalperez1513thisssss. I do have this feeling and am able to recognize it is like that, but still I have the feeling I’m not really loved and the info about me is a burden. I would indeed appreciate more light shared about how this attachment plays out in friendship too
I went through years of seeing a psychiatrist psychologist counseling in my childhood and teen years. Found out in my 30s cptsd and a panic disorder. 42 now find out I’m also this. 😞all that “help” didn’t help. I’m tired. But now I have more direction.
Does the disassociation come in when u fear they are about to abandon u? I notice that when i get triggered i start to pull away but i feel really numb at the same time its rly weird
I relate with this strongly, I think the dissociation might be a pre-emptive defense mechanism, harkening back to childhood abandonment wounds. Just conjecture, what do you think?
i typically love your content & all of the disorganized attachment style thru all literature has applied to me. “no boundaries” on the screen follwed by you saying “they don’t understand boundaries “ was a little shocking to me as an over generalization not characteristic with your channel, as you usually are very careful in saying “you can” or “you might”.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective. I appreciate that you felt sensitive to this verbiage and will take that into consideration for future videos. It’s important to acknowledge, however, without judgment, that Disorganized attachment is distinctly characterized by boundary confusion. However, in a process of healing and growing self-awareness, of course, this understanding may evolve in a secure and more discerning direction.
sums up my relationships and marriage. suffered deep early developmental trauma with physical and emotional abuse and dissociate frequently. I avoided dating in college and when I did date I sabotaged. soon after I married I became panicked about what I had done felt trapped and started life long pendulum of swinging between I want out to fearing abandonment. with the birth of our child the intensity was ratcheted up and because of my moral compass I couldn't leave so my only way to cope was dissociate. intimacy is difficult because I took my heart back and when you're half in a relationship it doesn't foster those feelings.
And your second comment as well - sent me into a deep battle with depression 😔 shewww every time I start to climb out somehow end up self sabotaging and put myself in pit again 😣
All those positive traits us FAs have don’t mean anything if you’re just going to sabotage the relationship on the end. It’s just dressing up a hunk of
And yet, securely attached people, as worshipped as they are by everyone, seem to be the ones who have less empathy than the other styles due to the fact they were privileged enough to never endure trauma. Just saying.
Hey there, you bring up an interesting point about securely attached people. It's true that secure attachment often correlates with a more stable upbringing, but I wouldn't say that makes them less empathetic across the board. Empathy can exist in any attachment style and comes from a variety of experiences, not just trauma. Additionally, secure individuals can also face hardships and challenges that deepen their empathy. The aim of discussing attachment styles isn't to idolize one over the other, but to offer tools for better relationship dynamics regardless of your attachment orientation. Thanks for adding to the conversation! You might enjoy this video in follow up: ruclips.net/video/3IjoJFkp7Vw/видео.html
Can you do a video or have any insight on how avoidant attachment crosses over into pathological illnesses like anti social personality disorder which you did touch on in one of your previous videos. I dated an FA and found many similarities with narcissistic tendencies making me feel unhealthily bonded and craving the love first exhibited in what one would call a love bomb stage. The retract from ego dystonia or fault finding and devaluation can be put hand in hand with second stage narcissistic cycling and therefore lead towards exiting the relationship and completely discarding the spouse. After struggling with a previous abusive relationship I couldn't help that feeling I was in one again dating an FA. I'm still putting the pieces together as to how much of the behaviour was down to FA only symptoms and how much lead down the path of grandiose narcissistic behavior, playing passive aggressive and retracting emotional and physical availability.
The fact that a lot of people search in the concept of attachment styles desperately for explanations for the horrific treatment by their partners only demonstrates that they are so full of pain and shock and so damaged by so called FAs or DAs that we for sure can pinpoint that they faced in the many most cases a full-blown often covert-narcissist, but most definately a person with highly narcissistic traits! And it hurts so much that the sad and brutal truth about the real nature of their so adored "avoidant" partner stays often hidden because the internet is full of people who minimize narcissistic or any other toxic behaviour by the concept of attachment styles! Abuse is abuse! Narcissists will stay narcissists! If you call them FA or DA or Santa Claus does not change the immense pain & confusion they cause by their gaslighting, deflecting, BLAME-Shifting, deactivating, indifference, lack of empathy, lack of wanting to communicate, lack of closure, lack of real intimacy and the list goes on and on. Fooling oneself by excusing and rationalizing clearly abusive and often very dark deeds is one of most dangerous things you can to do your mental health! Beware the person who has a different set of rules for their behaviour than for yours!
@@tobiasdeppler5048half or more of the pain a lot of anxious attachers feel with their relationships with avoidants have everything to do with their past and not the actual partner. It is always so surprising to me to hear people relate avoidant with people with NPD when it is anxious attachers the ones to use their lover as a supply to feel lovable. The pain you feel is because the (lack of) actions of the avoidant person trigger internal confirmation of your “unlovability”, and that’s on you and your past and your trauma. A person not responding how you want them to is not abuse.
I started dating a woman with relationship anxiety and sounds like disorganized attachment. We fell completely in love and then she ended it the beginning of the month. I would say she was wonderful she would respond with I am not. Cut off all communication. I am still very much in love with her and she now wants space and says things about moving on. It feels like she says it more to hurt me than what she wants. She said that my emotions are too strong and will never be comfortable with it. Except that she was before the break. She's amazing. Do you think she will come back around? I think im the first decent guy she has ever dated.
Hi. I have this attachment. My feelings for another person changed suddenly because I also changed suddenly. At the beginning, I was very empathetic, emotional etc., he was too, lately I feel like a different person, I want to keep to myself more and be more logical rather than emotional. Emotions suddenly scare me, the only reason we’re still meeting is because he kind of sensed that I need space around me and so he stopped being that emotional and it works. I don’t if this makes sense, but I find him as a friend now and I don’t know if the feelings are ever gonna come back.
I think the only possible way to get her back is to act cold, pretend you just want to be friends, and you’ll see as time goes on. But yeah, might not work. The healthiest way is for you to move on to someone with secure attachment.
Glad to see more people mentioning this. Noises like that hurt me in every video they ever get used in, unless they're extremely low-volume relative to the speech, and even then they're uncomfortable. I wish more people were aware of how common sensitivities to high/shrill noises really are
![3 Strengths of the Spice of Lifer [Fearful Avoidance]](/img/1.gif)
What is something you learned that surprised you? How will this help you in your relationships? I'd love to hear your feedback and questions below! It helps me to create new content!
This is the most informative video I’ve watched about disorganized attachment.
I think the healing steps were a bit convoluted but what I understood really does help. There was some spiritual vocab I wasn’t familiar with. Could you recommend some literature on disorganized attachment and the healing process?
Thank you so much for this info.
I just realized this is me
This is such a helpful video. I'm still struggling to tell if I identify more with anxious attachment or disorganized attachment. The 4 question quiz resulted in anxious attachment, but I feel like I'm dismissing some of the qualities of disorganized attachment I'm relating so strongly too. Is how much trouble I'm having distinguishing between the two common? Can anyone else relate?
I'm a secure attachment style. It exactly what I'm going through. We've never talked about these attachment styles. How can I approach this with h? What is he would not like to head? How does a fearful avoidant faces this conversations? Thank you Brianna.
This was an awesome informative video. I did however, find it hard to take it all in. Perhaps you were trying to get it all within a certian time whcg is udnertsandable, but 2 videos would have been better if it meant you could have more natural pauses and slow the information flow down a little. I watched at 0.75x speed and it was still too fast talking. 0.5x speed made your voice blur so couldnt go that slow. There was almost no break between each sentence.
God help us who have disorganized attachment. The cruelest attachment of all.
Seriously. I’m doing my best but the struggles real.
I hate relationships now because they scare me god bless us 🖤
For real ://////
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been trying so hard to work with it.
Idk you guys, we are seriously awesome, especially once we know what we are dealing with. Lowkey those ‘Anxious attached” ones have it the worst, in my opinion. They don’t have the ability to dismiss like we do, and that can save us from toxic people. We have both sides, and we are truly the Spice of Lifers! 💯
First time I hear someone talking about this without scaring me
I think am disorganized, there are times I feel repulsed, disgusted, hate for a person am dating, sometimes I feel like DONT BREATH DOWN MY NECK, don't touch me, sometimes Am crazy in love.
Thank you so much for this!! Ive often had moments wondering "what is wrong with me?! Why am i like this?!" Its exhausting some days- trying to keep balance, reframe and regulate but Im determined & committed to better my mental health. I wont give up on myself ❤ I'm redefining self love every day!
This is my girlfriend. I am a secure person. This back and forth has me strangely confused sometimes. I'm hoping I can get her to seek out support.
I hope you can be the person to heal them up. Being secure makes you welcoming to kind, polite and empathetic behaviours and away from being rude and arrogant. Secure people are a treasure to the modern society.
I had always thought this was just my personality, difficult, dramatic, depressed. I got diagnosed with BPD and had only minimal improvement with therapy and medications. Discovering attachment style and that I have a disorganized attachment that can become secure gave me hope and acceptance that I really needed. I am still struggling but struggling is better than the suffering I was always use to.
My ex partner demonstrated almost all of these traits: They interpreted any disagreement as a sign the relationship will end, they believed every single day the relationship was going to end. They had exteme difficulty opening up or seeking help. Suggesting therapy meant to them that the relationship was going to end. They constantly said they felt like they were not worthy of the relationship and that I could do better. They regularly shut down and got very quiet over any disagreement. They disassociated and wouldn't be "present" for conversations, and would give themselves false memories and those false memories would paint their partner in a false negative light. They would convince themselves that I must be a "bad actor" for no reason, and would do things purposefully to hurt me or to sabotage the relationship. Before most of this, we had a blissful relationship, but it did not last. It seems I myself most likely have anxious attachment. Which also fits that we'd be drawn to each other. The breakup was hell. Thanks for your video, understanding all this better makes it hurt a little less at least. (I will say that, though my ex did have many good qualities, almost none of the good qualities in your list applied in their case).
I've always identified more with anxious attachment, however I think this was because previous partners had many avoidant tendencies. Now I'm with someone who I think is secure, who let's me know all the time how great he thinks I am, who wants to plan a future with me, and I'm excited by this idea but also terrified. Sometimes it's quite difficult to live with this internal conflict and previously I have had dissociative episodes which was another indicator for me that my attachment style is rather disorganized than anxious. In a way I don't feel "justified" to have this attachment style because I never experienced (as far as I remember) major traumatic events in my life, even though I know that little T traumas leave their trace as well.
This video helped me a lot to understand why I feel so scared, and gave me hope that this current relationship might be a great opportunity for some deep healing. It was also lovely to hear the positive characteristics of people with disorganized attachment and remember that feeling deeply has its beautiful sides. Thanks a lot for this video Briana!
Disorganized attachment looks like someone with a wellspring of empathy and space for connection; enveloping you in a sense of safety and belonging that touches the long-forgotten parts of yourself. Nobody can easily go on hiding loveliness when it’s called out by loveliness; it’s made for sharing.
So you allow more and more of yourself to be seen until you’re known.
And that’s when the tiny cracks begin to form.
The one who could once finish your sentences now questions your reasoning on exceedingly minute things; no matter your painstaking efforts at trying to be understood, you’re inevitably met with perplexity and “worry” that feels like disgust.
Piece by piece, your loveliness goes back into hiding, with more and more of yourself following suite. The increasing flow of criticism to the shell of yourself begins to feel more and more warranted.
But you don’t know what you did. So you stay confused, feebly clutching at tiny glimmers of hope. And more time passes. Your health deteriorates. Eventually, your hope and desire for connection fades. But you allow your body to be used anyway because it’s easier than the treatment that comes with saying no.
You try everything to fix yourself. You wonder why your partner sticks around. You wonder why it feels so insurmountable to try to leave. You find yourself searching online for answers and maybe a pseudo sense of community, leaving comments no one will ever read to maybe try and signal to yourself that you’re still here somewhere.
I am here with you
Your words paint a poignant picture of the complex and often heart-wrenching experience of navigating a relationship with disorganized attachment. This attachment style can lead to an emotional rollercoaster that leaves both partners confused, hurt, and questioning themselves. The pattern you described-of growing intimacy leading to increasing scrutiny and criticism-is unfortunately too common, leaving you questioning your own worth and reality.
You deserve love and understanding, not a relationship that chips away at your sense of self. I understand how this can create a feeling of isolation and deteriorate your emotional and physical health. The path out may seem insurmountable, but the first step is recognizing that the dynamic is unhealthy. Seeking professional guidance can be incredibly helpful in these situations.
Remember, you're not alone. Even if it feels like you're shouting into the void with your online comments, there are people out there who understand what you're going through. Thank you for sharing your experience; you never know who it might help. Take care. 💕
I could never point out why I would do this push and pull thing in every potential relationship until NOW!!!
It feels kind of devastating to associate with almost everything what was described in this video. I’m so happy to hear you list some of the more positive traits of this attachment style because I did associate with those things too. It’s just really hard to grasp that I’m going to have to so so much work to do in order to build a long healthy romantic relationship.
I have a disorganized attachment style, and it can be such an emotional battle and struggle.
I am currently at such a massive low. I go out of my way to try to meet people, almost addictively sign up for different social media sites and apps because I am feeling so isolated, but as soon as I get a single message it's just panic and shut down.
I want to love someone with all my heart, I want to wow them, I wanna support their dreams and passions but even putting in an ounce of effort even in the talking stage is almost traumatic because of how I view myself and my past. So, I try to be as dry as possible till people ghost me, and I rationalized it's because of my worth and since I have thought this way for so long, it doesn't hurt as badly.
I have never been in a relationship where I wasn't cheated on, because I just have accepted I am extremely difficult to love. That my partner's cheat because of physical or emotional flaws I should have worked out.
I just feel so deeply in my core that I am not good enough for anyone, so it's just gonna be a cycle I can't stop, but at the same time. I feel like I should know that someone will love me for who I am flaws and all.
Sorry for the rant.
You are an “artist.’ You verbally paint a vivid picture of concepts with your words. For me, your descriptions create a vivid multi-meaning image that stimulates my understanding in a way that redirects my impulse to blame my partner (though not dismiss their part) onto considering my own behaviors and actions. Thanks so much.
Yep, 100% me. It took MANY YEARS to figure out my own symptoms, though (age 45 now). You mention healing "parts", is that like the IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy method?
The dissociation and the ability to avoid 'work' (on self) by avoiding the pain and doing "okay" as-is is my biggest obstacle to continue the work to heal. I have 'gotten by' and look successful from the outside lens. Just no one knows how miserable I experience life. I often get comments of 'others have it way worse' (including my own dialog) and 'but you're so normal!' from people who think I'm inventing my need for help...
Being people pleasers, and simultaneously feeling like I don't deserve help make this a HUGE hurdle to heal.
Your channel has given very impactful realizations and I am grateful.
Discovering disorganised attachment helped me to understand that I’m not insane because of having a wish of being in relationships and being alone at the same time. Good to know about my attachment style so I can at least explain my actions to myself. Hope I’ll get better in the future!
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Agatha. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
I've spent years trying to figure out what is wrong with me, learnt about many mental disorders and I've finally found my problem
Now i see how this can be perceived as bipolar disorder when they lash out in anger and say horrible things all because of their fears. Blame the parents! 🥺
Honestly this explains why the guys I felt most comfortable with were bipolar. 😅 The mood swings make more sense to me than nice people who might secretly not feel the way they're portraying.
I feel sorry for you after reading your comment.
Yeeeep. Addicted to the highs and lows is awful.
Just liking the honesty and emotional expression better. Knowing what the other person realy feels at the moment. Not addiction.
Makes sense why therapy never really worked. But when I started painting it provided a lot of relief, never understood why. Very interesting.
I'm in my late twenties and started dating just this year. I didn't know I was this bad, I thought I just avoided romance due to being a little bit scared, but as soon I started dating I was confident and I thought I was over that and ready for a relationship. But it was easier when I wasn't reciprocated, and looks like I got a bigger problem than I knew. I'm having my 1st time being reciprocate, I was talking about feelings and relationship with this boy and one day I was so happy and in love with him and having thoughts that I was almost ready to say I love you, and the next day I'm having a date with him, one small thing that I don't like happens, and suddenly my head goes crazy sabotaging what we had, making all kind of dramas and irrational thoughts... It was horrible. I couldn't speak the whole night, cause I knew I was going to hurt him if I opened my mouth. He realized I wasnt okay and needed time, so he was like "let's watch cat videos" until I got better, which actually moved me that he could see I was not okay to speak in that moment and that he respected that.
Anyway, I calmed down, but I feel like my feelings died in that day? Like, not completely, or I wouldn't be with him yet, trying to get back to that state of in love. But I feel so distant, even when I'm feeling things, it's like they were external to me. I'm anxious everyday, trying to make things simple, trying to unbury my feelings, wherever they are...
Idk, I know people fall out of love, but the fact that it was like snapping fingers is freaking me out. I was literally about to tell him I loved him. And the next day, it took me 3 horrible hours to cancel that. It's horrible because he is wonderful, and he is so wise emotionally and I want to learn from him, but... I'm so inconsistent.
He knows all of this, cause I also don't want to hurt him. I talked with him and I asked if he wants to stay, how he feels, if it's hard for him, but he wants us to work, he really, really loves me and I want us to work aswell, but I fear that there's no going back to that feeling :/ I booked a session with my therapist, but I gotta wait more than 1 month, and I feel my anxiety rising everyday. I feel like we won't be able to take another month of this :/ I really wanted things to work with him
very same feels 😔
Self sabotaging in a pain, you can ask yourself about what made you felt that way.
Its important you learn to recognise why you feel a type of way .
How are things going for you now?
is this fucking play about us???😂😂 why was this so on point, great video
This is me!
I have a terrible history with sustaining, romantic relationships. I try to tell new partners how awful I am, but nobody gets it until I sabotage the relationship and end it.
I feel so hopeless, but I suppose there’s good information out there and therapists who know how to help us heal.
Since I can dissociate so easily, it hardly seems worth the effort when I’m in between the short term relationships.
My relationships tend to last about 2 to 3 months before things get bad.
Thanks for the video. Nice to know that not only am I not alone, but there’s an entire syndrome that describes me. Wow!
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience. I’m glad the video was helpful. Sometimes clarity is the biggest thing that sounds us in a new direction.🙏❤️
how do i heal
I’m literally nauseous this is so accurate.
I'm probably a user of disorganized attachment style, but the thing is- I feel terrified, but I never do anything about it. Just try to keep my thoughts down.
Like, my relationship is really really good. My partner is sweet and patient, and even tho they also get insecure sometimes (And that is something that sometimes scares me because I think that they're gonna leave) they recognize the person I am and my feelings behind. I love how they stick with me for the good times like in the bad times. And I recognize that it's mutual because even tho I'm scared when they feel bad or confused, I stick by their side too.
Still, I would love to- not doubt myself? Or them? I wanna enjoy my relationship and spend as much time as I can with them, and overall, heal so I can be happy and also make them feel happier. I know that, for whatever reason there is, they're happy with who i am now, but I think that I also deserve to feel good about the relationship and not fear of it like they were trying to hurt me or do me something bad.
I admit that just breaking it off because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it has crossed my mind, but there's no other person I would like to be with except for them, because I know they're trustworthy at this point, and they are the kindest person I've ever met. I would be crazy if I say that I don't want to be with them. I'm just hoping that they can still stick with me until I get enough money to go on therapy again, because this attachment wasn't exactly an issue when I used to go ;;
This attachment style hurts so much.
I don’t know why they say you can’t heal it. It’s brain wiring. Just rewire the brain 😀
Some of the healing will only be able to take place within a partnership because that’s the only time when the attachment system wounds get activated.
When they do, the activated partner could say, ‘my attachment wounds are being activated. My nervous system is going into fight or flight and I want to run and create distance. Internally, my heart is racing and I feel like I’m going to die. I’m sorry if I am seeming shut down right now, distant, emotionless, or cold, it’s my nervous system hijacking my brain.
Can you sit with me and tell me I am safe? Or hold my hand, or just be there. While I do these breathing/somatic/eft tapping exercises to down regulate my nervous system. And tell myself it’s ok to be close to another person. It’s safe to be close to another person. It’s just my old wiring that needs to seek distance. It’s ok to feel vulnerable.
Be like the og therapists and do this on some mdma or psilocybin even, if you want the rewiring effects to be even more pronounced.
A WORD 💯✊👊
I love boys the most once they’re gone 🥰✨🌸
Literally every relationship I've been in :(, tons of counseling over years and years, and only the last 6 months I've heard this theory and way of describing my struggles.
This knowledge is so overwhelming, knowing I have subconsciously sabotaged every good relationship in my life, romantically, friendships and now I see it even with my beautiful daughter. She's only 5 and I can see me push and pull with her, its heart breaking. All I have ever wanted is to be a great partner, a great dad, but this pattern just causes hurt and confusion for those around me. I have spoken to so many people, it's so hard to beleive it can be fixed.
Can I ask you a question in private please ? I would so love to hear the answer from someone having this attachment style instead of from counsellors
@@wissalbenomar5016 sure just not sure how we do that lol
Me too I just started is it helpful knowing are you doing the work needed
Very good explanation of disorganized attachment I realized growing up I had an anxious attachment that has I got in my late twenties became an avoidant attachment given that most of the people I ended up with were either avoidant or disorganized. You described perfectly what I went through with someone I would say is suffering from disorganized avoidant attachment. I have finally in the last couple years decided enough is enough. Now just seeking how to make peace with the past heal and find secure relationships in general.
I really appreciate the nice qualities you acknowledged on this video. I have been on my innerwork journey and I feel bad by all of this. Thank you for the incite and encouragement. I often feel like I'm more excited and interested in life than most people.
Over the last few years I’ve taken numerous quizzes on attachment styles…including ones that were in depth and cost. I’ve taken the quizzes during different phases and emotional states in life and I’ve always received “fearful avoidant” or “disorganized”. I honestly didn’t really believe it and tried to brush it under the rug. Unfortunately after numerous failed romantic relationships, as well as limited friendships…I’m realizing that all of this really does resonate to my very core. Seems overwhelming and hopeless honestly.
I ended up here in the strangest way. I think I just dated myself, and I hated it. I don't believe in twin flames, but it answers questions. Apparently, we have the same attachment style. I am here doing the work. As an empath, all of it is overwhelming. We've been broken up for a month after living together for 6 months but we are full time rv nomads and have all the same friends and have been at the same social functions since breaking up in 30 days we have only been apart for about 10 days.
I fell off the wagon after 8 years of sobriety to push her away. She's been my best friend for 3 years. She's aways been right there, and we fell in love after my divorce, and now I've lost it all. Elissa I miss you so much, and all I can do is heal
Hi I am crying a lot. I am scared reading this. You replied to someone’s comment “are you afraid of becoming you?”
A single mother of a toddler and a newborn.. I feel like I’m at such a time crunch and feel crippled by the pain this attachment has caused me. The situation I am in because of it. Not to use this as a crutch. I just see all the ugly memories of me reacting in the ways you described. Seeing my upbringing and why I feel the need to protect myself.
I’ve sabotaged so many good things in my life and ended relationships with very nice guys because I couldn’t trust them. Fuck. It hurts. Thank you for helping me see the beauty in this pain.
But I can’t afford 300 dollars to heal… what should I do… what can I read? I want help and I want to heal… I simply don’t have the tools..
@@zillasworkshop the internet is free, take time searching "healing FA, or disorganised attachment."There are lots of other channels (eg.Paulien Timmer) on RUclips that cover this too, for free. Good luck!
I like how you structure your videos giving the good and the bad and still encouraging at the end of it all. I have been in a vicious cycle of the same which has made me struggle a lot... I hope to feel better and thank you for the work you continue doing to help us spice of lifers
I cant tell if this is me.. if so, the disorganized leaning anxious is what id say. My behavior can become predictable I think, DEPENDING on who i date. I am more avoidant with anxious attachers and i am more anxious with avoidant attachers. Or however that person is showing up for me.
Not sure, perhaps i am just anxiously attached. But that is my personal experience that iv not seen anyone talk about in the way I experience.
I'm exactly same as this. I thought I was anxious attachment when I was with avoidant. Then was with someone who wasn't avoidant and I became avoidant. Whenever I am secure in a relationship I try to get out because I'm not attracted to them anymore.
Hi, I know I am coming in late, but I love this video, and the sound of the bell is actually quite pleasing and a clear indication of transitions. As someone who listens to you while multitasking, it’s a great way to bring my focus into the next point. Thank you for the resources.
Thank you for the term spice of lifers, it takes some of the sting out of associating with this attachment style… I never connected my dissociative behavior with my ability to connect with others… and I truly can read a room, and have deep empathy for others… I desire intimacy by I feel so alone and unable to connect… I thought it was just me!
So glad I found your channel and this video! I knew I had to go searching for info about this again, as I start talking to a new person, when I said the simple phrase “talk to you tomorrow 😘” just now. It literally made me panic and disassociate/ feel disgust for him and myself. It was like a fear that I ruined it, and fear that now I have to talk to him tomorrow!! I live for the moment by moment suspense, but also despise the anxiety! I want out of this loop!!
First I want to thank you for the educational and uplifting content. I love that you provide strengths for this attachment. I recently realized I have FA and learning about it can feel so disheartening. However, the positives you mentioned truly helped me and gave me a brighter perspective on healing this attachment style. Thank you 💛
I met a guy who exhibits all of these behaviours. He has incredible potential but his denial is his biggest enemy. Hopefully, he will eventually get the help he so desperately needs.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, @lotusphoenix8. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment Many thanks. I wish the same for you too!
As the spouse of a man with disorganized attachment, I sincerely and desperately disagree that my husband can read people. Just as you mentioned, small issues are warped into a “problem.” My husband consistently has perception and information processing problems. He misunderstands SO MUCH. A turn of the head, a sigh, related to just being tired, silence, speech. Everything can be misunderstood, and often is, as proof of his low opinion of me and others. He’s really bad at this.
Thank you for watching and for commenting. Gently, and respectfully, it sounds like your husband has organic issues which would be important to consider diagnostically, before assigning an attachment style. I’d recommend having him evaluated by a psychiatrist or a neurologist. I hope it helps.
This description describes how I've often been in the past. I'm noticing these patterns now, in a current relationship, but I'm much more in control if my emotions.
Thinking back about the issues I would have and the way I went about trying to communicate, is indicative of this attachment style.
I'm thankful to see growth here and I recognize there's more work to do.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Kiymbah Tytania. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
This is 100% me, and I just had a brief relationship end over my behavior. I know better and want to do better, and I'm dedicated to doing the work now. I'm tired of the cycle.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, @AllyPenguin. Sending you well wishes on your journey.
@brianamacwilliam.attachment thank you! We ended up working things out. To further complicate things, I have pmdd and adhd. 🫠 thankfully I found myself an incredibly understanding partner and he's giving me the space to be human but also encouraging me to work on healing. Thank you!
This is so me, my therapist and I identified that I am disorganized, and I am training to be a therapist and have gone down an obsessive wormhole about attachment theory because it makes so much sense to me about so many things, and has given me a deeper understanding about why people behave the way they do. I like that you try to understand all these styles instead of falling into that black and white, polarized villain/victim story that so many of these types of vids fall into the trap of. I think a disorganized who has done the work and created an internal secure base for themselves makes a great therapist. It starts out as caretaking as the majority of disorganized/unresolved children were found to be caretaking their parents at age six. But when this is transformed and channeled into something positive, that deep insight and empathy is a super power. Just read David Wallins book on attachment in psychotherapy, he admits he is disorganized and this gives him so much more insight than other writers on this topic who claim to be secure.
Thank you for listing the positive aspects of this disorder. It’s nice to know I’m not completely screwed. Also I helps me understand why my wife would want to be with me. As you noted it is very easy for me to see through things to help her understand what she is dealing with like in work and relationships.
I have been in counseling for 8 months now and I’m finally starting to see some growth and understanding. Currently working on regulating my triggered emotions in hopes of dealing with insecurities and perceived threats in a new way. On ward!
Hey, thanks for sharing your journey so openly! It's really encouraging to hear you're making progress through counseling. Sometimes we underestimate the good qualities we bring into our relationships, so I'm glad the video helped you see the positives. Emotional regulation is a big step forward, and it sounds like you're on the right track in tackling your insecurities and perceived threats. Keep that momentum going! Your self-awareness and commitment to growth don't just benefit you, they also enrich your relationship with your wife and others around you. Onward indeed!
You are accurate, even I couldn't describe myself better, thank you for making this video.
The desire and fear are too much to handle for me😢 it’s intense. I used to wonder why I was like that until I realized the root of it and now I’m working on it, been for a while. Hopefully it goes well.
I'm sorry you're going through this intense struggle with desire and fear, but I'm also encouraged to hear that you're working on it. Understanding the root of your emotional challenges is a big step towards healing and improving how you relate to others and yourself. The emotional turbulence that comes with disorganized attachment can indeed be overwhelming, but your commitment to understanding yourself better is a brave and necessary action. Many have walked this challenging path and found ways to manage their emotions more effectively.
Growth takes time, and there will be moments when you may question your progress or feel defeated. That's okay; it's all part of the journey. The most important thing is that you're aware and that you're taking steps to change, however incremental they may be. I genuinely hope things go well for you. Keep persevering, and don't hesitate to seek help and support along the way. Thank you for sharing your story, as it gives others hope that they too can work on their emotional struggles.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment This is so insightful, thank you so much!
Wow! I definitely related to the example you used of Sandy. Everything you described about her thoughts/ feelings and behavior, are identical to how I think/feel and believe in dating. I got out of a relationship with a narcissist which was not easy to do at all. I met someone special and healthy. Someone with a secure attachment style. But now I’m so worried about ruining all of It because of my volatile feelings and behaviors! Now that I’ve acquired more knowledge about my disorganized attachment style, I’m more aware in situations that trigger me, while I’m with my significant other. So I do manage to stop myself from acting out, but I still feel it deeply within myself. It’s a challenge, and I’m taking this relationship day by day and handling it with care. I care so much about him. I don’t want this affecting us. Thank you so much for sharing this video. Helps a lot! 🙏🏼
I relate to you so much! i was also dating a narcissist for 6 years, but now the first new partner i led in my life has a secure attachment style (in my opinion), but i feel so triggered from everything and one moment i want him close, the next i want to be alone and not see him. it is so confusing and hard to deal with. and i am not sure how long he will keeps dating me if i dont manage to control myself.
It describes my ex accurately. I have a secure attachment style, and it very confusing and make me uncomfortable when my ex testing my loyalty and trust. Faults seeking and investigate every details of my body to find the imperfections. Sometimes he made up causes to fight such as my facial expression. If he couldn’t get my reactions from those he starts projecting his negative narratives on me which cause me blow up big time because I can’t handle accusations. He broke it off and I just wish him best of future endeavors. Haven’t spoken to him since. Only people with a heart of mother Teresa can handle this type of people. I feel empathy for those who can carry on childhood traumas but also those who fall in love with them.
I could have written every single word. Same thing happened to me. I love the FA dearly but weirdly I also don't want them back.
Wow, same!
I'm a securely attached person and was dating (long distance of about 100 miles) a disorganized attached man. He had a lot of loss growing up, is very charismatic and intelligent, but he expected a lot of me and didn't want me to expect anything from him.
Everything was my fault in disagreements and while I took accountability for things I did that hurt him, my hurts were dismissed. He said two things; "we haven't even determined what our relationship is" (despite discussions of marriage, sweet nicknames, and him calling me his woman), and "I feel relieved when you don't text me" (after he said I ghosted him when we hadn't talked/texted for one day).
It wasn't the first time he accused me of being hot and cold (projecting), ghosting him (when we both have working phones), and not making time to see him (when each time I brought it up, he was tired/busy).
I hated deciding to let him have what he seemed to want, which was distance from me, because it seems like I'm now proving I wasn't really into him. Truth is, I was really falling in love. I couldn't go back, though. It's almost anxiety inducing thinking about the dance and his consistent inconsistency.
I wish him healing, love and peace because he deserves it.
That does sound more like an NPD rather than fearful avoidant... we dont really try to belittle someone as we have a lot of empathy but we can dissociate or shut down when feel threatened.
Thanks so much for pointing out the strengths and the whole concept of 'spice of lifers' (minute 12:15)
Non of the other videos point out superpowers. Refreshing!!
So glad I don't feel some of these ways and being aware of whether they're rational or not, despite being FA.
I feel this! I really appreciate you including positive aspects of this attachment style as well!!!!!!!!!
I started seeing this guy being myself disorganized and him being dismissive . Not aware of anything at that time. Then he stopped the dating and I got to know myself and realised how disorganised I was . Almost 3 years after, we keep on seeing eachother without label. He won't commit. Today we have never been that close. I became slowly more secure but I need to work constantly on it to stay there. It's like learning to walk again for me. I can't be sure but it seems to me that I becoming more secure drives him to go from hard dismissive to disorganised. Not sure it's the way but it's a mouvement. It's a journey and so far, I still see how much I like this personn and the development of our relationship and ourselves.
I come back to you once in a while to check my understanding, inner peace and abilities to dialogue. Although I have reservations towards the spiritual approach of your work ( without judgement), I have to say that you are one smart and highly inspiring personn . Especially on the aspect of acceptation. So thank you.
Anne-Victoria Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content I has been helpful!
When my partner and I is actually waiting for someone without a time schedule, my partner and I have all the free time we have to play a 2-player match in a video game. And our locations are not far away from each other. There's an option to play singles.
I identify with a lot of this and it's so fucking hard. I found a girl (very sweet, beautiful and we get along well) to hang out with after a while, and I'm fucking ruining it. For me, after a while of hanging out I start getting really anxious and wondering if I even like the girl, or thinking that something is wrong. Then I tell her how I'm feeling, leave, and then I feel extremely lonely and miss her and feel like I love her. The cycle has repeated many times, and it doesn't make rational sense. I hope I can work it out, she is amazing.
another disorganized azure here. I agree it sucks
im pretty sure i have this disorganized attachment style and you just described word for word the emotional rollercoaster i went through with this guy recently. i still don't really know what to do about it, but I hope everything works out for you!
It is soooooo hard, I had an amazing ex who was so kind and tried to accommodate me as much as she could and she had an anxious attachment style. I really loved her and wanted the best for both of us but sometimes I just wake up and feel as if im not good enough and that I dont have feelings for her anymore which I actually still do have feelings for her. If you're really trying to fix yourself and healing from the disorganized attachment style, I would suggest to just let the other person go and focus on bettering yourself first if they seem to be hurting in the relationship cause one of my biggest regret is only realizing that I have a disorganized attachment style after the breakup and how much I hurt her. Life is hard for us, and it especially sucks when we lose that special someone cause we didnt understand ourselves first
I am the same. I feel you
I go through this too.....you have to try to sit with the uncomfortable feelings....good feelings will come back you just have to "ride the wave" or so I call it lol.....it's the same with any other type of anxiety.....my problem that I face is, that when I'm in a bad relationship I will ride the wave and ignore some real problems because I think I'm just over dramatizing it.....I was married for 10 years (divorced now) to an abusive person with narcissist tendencies.....I get the same thoughts in my current relationship but I don't get the deep rolling anxious stomach like I did in my former and I don't get physically sick like I did in my past relationship either, also we don't fight like my previous relationship at all (just recently had our first big fight and we have been together for over 2years) also I am able to talk about my boundaries and express them....so it can be tricky but you can do it.....
I thought I was anxious attachment but it seems I'm disorganized anxious. So confused
Although I'm not most spiritually minded, your channel has been great for helping me sort through my disorganized attachment. My current gf and I are both a kin to the disorganized attachment. As a baseline, my partner has more avoidant tendencies and I have more anxious tendencies. Since we are both conflicted, however, our tendencies often flip flop so that we are on the other end of the "anxious-avoidant trap". This makes our relationship difficult to navigate. There is a sense of understanding between us that neither of us have had before, yet too much emotional turmoil to justify keeping the relationship going. I would love your point of view on relationships ours where both parties are conflicted in their attachment styles.
This was very insightful, I learnt about the different attachments styles last year, thanks to finding your videos on RUclips. It took awhile for me to figure out I was a spice of lifer even with the quiz because I saw myself in all styles. But yeah thankfully there are some positive things but I'm glad to have great insights on one of the major issues affecting all my relationships over the years.
Do you only address attachment style as it effects dating and romantic relationships? I find it effects friendships a great deal.
Not only have I attracted DA’s in dating/relationships, but also friendships. I see that some of this info can crossover, but there are many things that I’d love to hear addressed in regards to friends.
I’m a healing spice of lifer, who leans dismissive (after a long term relationship with a DA, it seemed to effect me to be even more independent).
Your channel is one of my favorites regarding attachment theory.
I was an RN, but now am working towards a degree in neuroscience…due to all my experiences with patients, my personal story, and waking up to the connections of all.
Im healing my disorganized attachment. I realized that I wasn't lonely an outsider. I needed to realize my friends did love me.. i was the one who was guarded and isolated myself. One day I was talking to a friend and i mentioned my brother she got upset stating "you know so much about me and I feel like I know nothing about you, I didn't even know you had a brother " I kinda gave her my bio after that. I had friends who were trustworthy I needed to develop trust in myself and my trust in others.
@@crystalperez1513thisssss. I do have this feeling and am able to recognize it is like that, but still I have the feeling I’m not really loved and the info about me is a burden. I would indeed appreciate more light shared about how this attachment plays out in friendship too
I went through years of seeing a psychiatrist psychologist counseling in my childhood and teen years. Found out in my 30s cptsd and a panic disorder. 42 now find out I’m also this. 😞all that “help” didn’t help. I’m tired. But now I have more direction.
It’s emotionally draining for sure. Wishing you best of luck. I’m on my journey as well.
You’ve got this
Does the disassociation come in when u fear they are about to abandon u? I notice that when i get triggered i start to pull away but i feel really numb at the same time its rly weird
I relate with this strongly, I think the dissociation might be a pre-emptive defense mechanism, harkening back to childhood abandonment wounds. Just conjecture, what do you think?
i typically love your content & all of the disorganized attachment style thru all literature has applied to me. “no boundaries” on the screen follwed by you saying “they don’t understand boundaries “ was a little shocking to me as an over generalization not characteristic with your channel, as you usually are very careful in saying “you can” or “you might”.
Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective. I appreciate that you felt sensitive to this verbiage and will take that into consideration for future videos. It’s important to acknowledge, however, without judgment, that Disorganized attachment is distinctly characterized by boundary confusion. However, in a process of healing and growing self-awareness, of course, this understanding may evolve in a secure and more discerning direction.
sums up my relationships and marriage. suffered deep early developmental trauma with physical and emotional abuse and dissociate frequently. I avoided dating in college and when I did date I sabotaged. soon after I married I became panicked about what I had done felt trapped and started life long pendulum of swinging between I want out to fearing abandonment. with the birth of our child the intensity was ratcheted up and because of my moral compass I couldn't leave so my only way to cope was dissociate. intimacy is difficult because I took my heart back and when you're half in a relationship it doesn't foster those feelings.
forgot that this also started a lifelong bout of depression. been on antidepressants for decades
@NorthernStar wowwww I could have literally wrote this comment myself!!
And your second comment as well - sent me into a deep battle with depression 😔 shewww every time I start to climb out somehow end up self sabotaging and put myself in pit again 😣
All those positive traits us FAs have don’t mean anything if you’re just going to sabotage the relationship on the end. It’s just dressing up a hunk of
Well but it gives hope to the hopeless
I hate being this way!!! Exactly me. Been working in therapy for 4 years. Progress slow I feel.
I am a spice of lifer as I have recently acknowledged through your resources and I struggle more with friendships.... please delve into this niche
I’m anxious attachment & my husband is disorganized. How do we heal & establish a healthy relationship?
This was extremely helpful. Thank you so much
bunny bear Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
How do you know if you're just an anxious with avoidant tendencies or an avoidant with anxious tendencies vs full blown disorganized?
I have many, but not all. This gives me so many answers, too, so many questions!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge. I'm so glad I found you! : )
"I'd never want to be part of any club that would have someone like me as a member."
Thank you Briana -
Clear
Concise &
Helpful
Information positively
Explained.
This is an awesome video. thank you very much.
Checked all the boxes. On point
This is me...
And yet, securely attached people, as worshipped as they are by everyone, seem to be the ones who have less empathy than the other styles due to the fact they were privileged enough to never endure trauma. Just saying.
Hey there, you bring up an interesting point about securely attached people. It's true that secure attachment often correlates with a more stable upbringing, but I wouldn't say that makes them less empathetic across the board. Empathy can exist in any attachment style and comes from a variety of experiences, not just trauma. Additionally, secure individuals can also face hardships and challenges that deepen their empathy. The aim of discussing attachment styles isn't to idolize one over the other, but to offer tools for better relationship dynamics regardless of your attachment orientation. Thanks for adding to the conversation! You might enjoy this video in follow up: ruclips.net/video/3IjoJFkp7Vw/видео.html
Awesome video❤❤. Thank you🙏🏾🙏🏾
I think I am in this relationship, I think we are both "spice of lifer's".
Can you do a video or have any insight on how avoidant attachment crosses over into pathological illnesses like anti social personality disorder which you did touch on in one of your previous videos. I dated an FA and found many similarities with narcissistic tendencies making me feel unhealthily bonded and craving the love first exhibited in what one would call a love bomb stage. The retract from ego dystonia or fault finding and devaluation can be put hand in hand with second stage narcissistic cycling and therefore lead towards exiting the relationship and completely discarding the spouse. After struggling with a previous abusive relationship I couldn't help that feeling I was in one again dating an FA. I'm still putting the pieces together as to how much of the behaviour was down to FA only symptoms and how much lead down the path of grandiose narcissistic behavior, playing passive aggressive and retracting emotional and physical availability.
The fact that a lot of people search in the concept of attachment styles desperately for explanations for the horrific treatment by their partners only demonstrates that they are so full of pain and shock and so damaged by so called FAs or DAs that we for sure can pinpoint that they faced in the many most cases a full-blown often covert-narcissist, but most definately a person with highly narcissistic traits! And it hurts so much that the sad and brutal truth about the real nature of their so adored "avoidant" partner stays often hidden because the internet is full of people who minimize narcissistic or any other toxic behaviour by the concept of attachment styles! Abuse is abuse! Narcissists will stay narcissists! If you call them FA or DA or Santa Claus does not change the immense pain & confusion they cause by their gaslighting, deflecting, BLAME-Shifting, deactivating, indifference, lack of empathy, lack of wanting to communicate, lack of closure, lack of real intimacy and the list goes on and on. Fooling oneself by excusing and rationalizing clearly abusive and often very dark deeds is one of most dangerous things you can to do your mental health! Beware the person who has a different set of rules for their behaviour than for yours!
@@tobiasdeppler5048half or more of the pain a lot of anxious attachers feel with their relationships with avoidants have everything to do with their past and not the actual partner. It is always so surprising to me to hear people relate avoidant with people with NPD when it is anxious attachers the ones to use their lover as a supply to feel lovable. The pain you feel is because the (lack of) actions of the avoidant person trigger internal confirmation of your “unlovability”, and that’s on you and your past and your trauma. A person not responding how you want them to is not abuse.
Fantastic video. Thank you for sharing. ☺️
I'm scared of losing "me" if I heal...
Or are you afraid of becoming you?
Yes I feel this :/
I'm afraid of losing "me" in a partner
I’m afraid of being asked to loose “me” in a partner :(
I started dating a woman with relationship anxiety and sounds like disorganized attachment. We fell completely in love and then she ended it the beginning of the month. I would say she was wonderful she would respond with I am not. Cut off all communication. I am still very much in love with her and she now wants space and says things about moving on. It feels like she says it more to hurt me than what she wants. She said that my emotions are too strong and will never be comfortable with it. Except that she was before the break. She's amazing. Do you think she will come back around? I think im the first decent guy she has ever dated.
Hi. I have this attachment. My feelings for another person changed suddenly because I also changed suddenly. At the beginning, I was very empathetic, emotional etc., he was too, lately I feel like a different person, I want to keep to myself more and be more logical rather than emotional. Emotions suddenly scare me, the only reason we’re still meeting is because he kind of sensed that I need space around me and so he stopped being that emotional and it works. I don’t if this makes sense, but I find him as a friend now and I don’t know if the feelings are ever gonna come back.
I think the only possible way to get her back is to act cold, pretend you just want to be friends, and you’ll see as time goes on. But yeah, might not work. The healthiest way is for you to move on to someone with secure attachment.
Tell her maybe? In a normal way and polite way
Me...its so rough😢❤
There is not much info or books about it , any recommendations?
these videos are sooooo good
I'm FA thankful I don't share some of the traits mentioned here. Whew!
Thank you so much for this!
You're the best in the tri-state!
Spice of Lifer for sure. Sometimes it's too much for me.
Thank you for commenting with your experience and perspective. Big hugs on your journey.
Thank you
Legit this is me af LOL OMLLLL
I’m anxiously yearning to be in a relationship.
Totally me unfortunately.
The chime noise burns my earholes
Glad to see more people mentioning this. Noises like that hurt me in every video they ever get used in, unless they're extremely low-volume relative to the speech, and even then they're uncomfortable. I wish more people were aware of how common sensitivities to high/shrill noises really are
This is exactly me
This describes my ex while I'm anxious preoccupied. Do they ever come if you have triggered them or broken their trust?
Only if they really loved you.
I understand
Well this described me to a “T” 😮
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH
Silky Soul Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!
Thank you so much