Can confirm. The dance is addicting. The trick is to stay about one step behind her and stay present in the moment. If you pour everything into her you're going to find yourself in a world of hurt.
Gave my -exfiancé everything -- poured everything into her -- and I am the total package, she wanted for nothing. As soon as I put up healthy boundaries to her toxic controlling and neediness she discarded me and disappeared. You do have to move slower than them and let them prove they truly want to be with you. It was my fault giving her that much without her ever proving she was a woman of that quality.
i mean...this sounds exhausting. Walking on egg shells is not a way to live. These relationship dynamics only work if both parties are aware and work at it to get to a secure point in each of the individuals, and then the relationship
I have made major progress repairing my relationship with a fearful avoidant/bpd partner. I can COMPLETELY vouch for the tips in this video. Very solid. Do not chase her. Do not try to fix her. Let her have space. Tell her you’re there for when she wants to come to you. I am anxious, and I was just leaning in, leaning in, leaning in. Why cant I solve this problem???? If that’s what you’re doing-do the opposite. And if that makes her nervous, you can just tell her: Look, I can tell that you need your space sometimes. I’m always here for you. I’m gonna give you that space. Come to me when you want or need to.
Well, I'm married to an avoidant woman, while I'm an anxious man, and when I watched this video I saw all that's happening in our lives. Everything you said is true. And I will watch this video more times to enable myself to put it all into practice.
One tool that helps me is assuming positive intent. I give my man the benefit of the doubt that he doesn’t intend to cause me harm. When I notice uncomfortable feelings, it’s my responsibility to identify the need and make the request. For example, he was about to leave for a month-long trip. It took a bit of courage just to ask that he ‘drop me a line if you have time.’ He confirmed he would. Once a week, he’d touch base and send me photos of his trip. It made me feel very cared for and trust that we could have time apart and still be securely attached.
A little courage, and one simple (but not easy, of course) expression of a need go a LONG way! I love it when we can get past our stories and assumptions to make space for those needs. Thanks for sharing
Nice that you have that. The irony is that this is not what a secure relationship looks like. With internet there's no reason to not communicate with your romantic partner with more than a few hours between replies. In healthy relationships with deep connection there is a natural inclination to be in touch with your partner whenever there is time. Its a mutual feeling with both people that each wants to hear from another
My man and I respond as quickly as possible to one another. Secure relationships existed well before the internet. There's even a romantic trope of couples writing love letters to one another during the war back when the postal service were men on horses. If my man is visiting his family in Norway and hiking through the Fjords, we can wait a week to reconnect without it destabilizing our foundation of trust and intimacy.
@@MonessaLeigh yep, because that was when the mode of communication via internet was non existent. If it was, exchanging text once a week wouldn't be generally accepted by people who want an actually 'healthy' relationship. Great for you if this is a relationship that you can actually be satisfied with. Most people, wouldn't. And when online discussion is concerned we always talk in generalities, not the exceptions.
My example describes a situation where a partner leaves for a trip. It’s an excellent example of a dismissive avoidant healing in a secure attachment. My man and I live near one another the remaining time and meet in-person more frequently than once a week. You’re hunting hard for weaknesses in my words.
You've described my 10 year relationship, which felt like a hundred years. Not worth it to invest in this. I tear up now whenever a girl I'm dating is emotionally or physically expressive and giving, like this is something I knew was possible, and I needed it really badly. Let the avoidant do most of the work, and want to actually heal.
Same. Appreciation and gratitude go a long way, as does NOT ignoring an avoidant. Being available and letting me know you're there, and appreciating my efforts to bond go a long way. One thing he said that really resignated with me is when we share something we want to do, take the opportunity as a bonding moment. I remember the canceled plans and disinterest in my interests. That builds up and definitely contributes to the resentfulness avoidants feel in the end. But, ultimately, it's the space left without communicating that ends the relationship. He said 24 to 48 hours max to seek resolution of conflict and that's 100% true.
This is great advice. I'm an avoidant woman, realized it and have been trying to heal for about 2.5 years now. I'm now in a committed relationship, 1 year in, and we live together. Healing takes time and a lot of uncomfortable work, but its totally possible and worth it. I'm not 100% and will still find myself falling into avoidant thoughts and tendencies, but I've come soooo far. My man has been the biggest part of my healing. Moving into someone else's space, allowing them to support me, and sharing my feelings has been such a challenge but so transformative. I always have had such a fear of being a burden, physically and/or emotionally. My BF also made it clear to me what he expects, and also that I can mess up and that he's not going to leave me for it. I think a lot of avoidant people fear that if we share our feelings we will be burdensome to our partner and it may be taken wrong and then we will be rejected or not loved because of it.
One question, do you have any insights on how do we create space for the avoidant partner to share without putting pressure on them? I'd appreciate any help. Thanks a lot!
@@johnny_rootslet them know how much you love them and that you want them to share more, because you want to grow that love and to love them even better. Make it super clear that their shares and that you supporting them does not make them a burden, but rather a blessing. When they do share make sure to thank them, give them some praise and let them know how important it was for you and how that makes you feel loved and closer to them. Reaction is super important too. I hesitate to share because of fear of being a burden but also because i fear a negative response. Make sure to respond with openness, acceptance, and love. Try your best to be a stable grounded force for them.
@@johnny_rootsavoidant here. for me a tricky balance of self-respect, confidence and extension or care and support. a specific example: i’m fiercely independent and one way my partner (now of 10+ years) earned my trust was creating solutions to our financial entanglements so we could move in together but had very clear boundaries, contracts, shared expenses, etc.this made me feel both independent and able to be in partnership. knowing he had healthy boundaries and wouldn’t just swoop in and save me (i’m an anti damsel-in-distress) made me respect him MORE. he helped my by sharing his knowledge, connections and always being there physically and emotionally without creating any weird savior dynamic. Eventually over the years we have helped each other through small things and then bigger things and I’m now able to accept his help without triggering my entanglement phobia.
Hello Rachel I am FA woman and I am desperately trying to heal . I don’t want to hurt anyone and I also don’t want to be hurt. Is it possible that you share what did you do for help? Traditional therapy seems not to understand this. I am doing EDMR, working with subconscious core believes and other stuff that is helping me a lot, but when it comes to a romantic relationship I still feel that I need to continue working and I don’t know how to.
Yeah this is all a wonderful idea. The part that's not being mentioned is often the avoidant doesn't have enough self-awareness to be able to even address this
If you don't need to be in the relationship (kids, dogs, cats...) find a different partner if you are interested in a loving relationship. You are worth more, and have more important things to do, than dealing with her crap. Not toxic, just honesty.
This is so comforting as an avoidant woman. I realized that I have had the pattern of attempting repair in many relationships, family, friends and dating but was dismissed or shut down by them despite my efforts to open up. I wish I’d had this kind of counselling /education in middle and high school. What a difference in managing my expectations and understanding/communicating my needs in slightly different ways. Despite the woes of social media and its impact on relationship matters, I am so grateful for free access to this solid information on the internet. Thank you!!!!❤
Yeah i got stuck in that dance, she ended up blocking me because i couldnt comprehend what she was doing. It seemed very shallow and she just wanted me to give up. She then turned to off putting strategies which didnt work. I love this girl. She blocked me and there’s nothing i can do but learn and get better. I just wish shes doing what in doing. Self development……
Been there man. I didn't understand the whole pullback at the time and got blocked. She ended up unblocking me after 3 months and reached out. Took another month or so before we were in regular daily communication again. Been almost 6 months since and have dealt with her pullbacks with ease.
What I've learned from dealing with this issue with my wife is that it's like communicating with someone that has the emotional intelligence of a child. Tiptoeing and being extremely careful with your tone and the way you phrase your sentences is vital, and it's exhausting. When they fall back into this mode, everything is considered an attack. Then it's shut down, deflect, blame, etc. Your pointers are much appreciated and on point, but I could never show her this video. Me merely mentioning watching this with her with an open mind would send her into a triggered fidgety shutdown state. I've just adapted to taking it like a man and trudging forward for our kids.
Good luck! If the woman isn't receptive to listening or working together to repair a relationship, which they already have a subconscious telling them won't work.. then it will be a lonely road for you men. These women are extremely controling and not particularly open to changing. They believe all relationships are doomed to fail or there is someone who is a better fit or they are broken and its not worth trying. It is truly saddening
controlling? i’m not sure that’s an avoidant. my way or the highway maybe…ready to leave, fiercely independent. controlling is more of an anxious ppl thing in my experience.
@mahalie23 avoidants can be really controlling. Examples would be around time, what they're going to do, that's not my responsibility it's yours, etc. But I would agree that anxious types are worse. People on the other side of it do find avoidants controlling, even if they don't recognize their own
@@mahalie23I think its the opposite more often, avoidents have more boundaries or walls that they put up, than someone who is anxious, where they are more invested and have less boundaries inorder to protect themselves. Whoever is less invested usually holds the most control or sway of the relationship. the only time an anxious person becomes "controlling" or "possesive" (because that's how it comes across, when you're the avoident and the person who is more invested tries to get you to relinquish that control) is when they try to regain that power, so they themsleves can become secure.
Too late bro we broke up 2 days ago. I tried so hard, but she only pull away further. Im tired even tho i love her. I hope she can heal some day. Because no matter how much i offered to, she is to inastable, it sad tbh. Thank you for the video
Today my avoidant lady friend said I need to figure out what I want in the relationship…I needed this video it’s actually helping me to get a better sense of what I want to say and how. Thank you 🙏
Thank you, very helpful advise. I find your take on attachment styles very spot on. I am a fearful avoidant woman with a mainly secure partner. its been tough for both of us but we apply some of the tools already and we are making progress ( 2,5 years in not linving together) If both are willing you can grow towards more happyness and togetherness. I must say the credit, that we are still together goes to my partner, it took me so long to trust, but he stayed solid committed. It took me a while to understand, what is going on with me and how to start to adress it. Thank you for your work, it will help many people.
Advice like this doesn't work because you can't regulate someone else's nervous system for them. And you can keep giving them space until the cows come home, but there are many, many anecdotes of relationships becoming untenable because one partner wants to tsee the other once a month or every two months, which isn't really a relationship. Saying, "Give them more space and let them come to you when they want!" is like saying "Btw, don't have any expectations that anything will happen". You're not 'getting better' by being fine with that behaviour.
Avoidant women are very strange ones and they act act hardcore contraintuitive and abnormal way. Problem is, they themselves never see any problem with it. They think they are super and all others are stupid, weak, pointless, evil.
I agree with you. Thats an emotionally immature woman. We don't have to deal with that. If you address it and she doesn't change, leave her. So many mature women to date in this world
Totally relate… I am a man that was in a relationship with an avoidant woman, and I did all the things spoken about the other way I around, I couldn’t “save”. Her nor the relationship… I wish I knew all these when we were still in the relationship. Thank you.
I wish I would have found all this information years ago. I just ended a 13 year relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant woman. I am the Anxious Man. I hope my Ex find this information for herself someday.
very helpfull video . i have started a relation with an avoident women and I am anxious partner ...we dated a few times and she is really better & better every date - its a long distance relationship since we are 300 km away - so she has her space - i always wait for her text then i reply - i noticed she is very emotional - one of our first date she was really happy to be in my arms - i noticed she had tears in her eyes for part of the date - she keept me always behind her so she could hide her tears - i really hope i will not make too many mistakes - i need be very careful since she is so avoidants ...wish me luck ...🎉🎉🎉🎉 i hope I did the right analysis ...but i am sure that very close to this anyway
I'm an anxious attatcher and those four beliefs are all things I've said to myself, but the difference is that I very much wanted to solve that pain with being a being ABLE to trust someone safe
I think the tips mentioned in this video are helpful but both partners need to be willing to look in the mirror, accept some hard truths about themselves, and put in work. Most avoidants I’ve come across simply aren’t willing to do that, so c’est la vie.
Agree it’s important to be sober about your needs and their interest/ability to do the work. A lot of avoidants feel just fine and have no intention of changing. Don’t be a victim, accept reality. We all know changing others doesn’t work. ❤
Im pretty sure as an INFJ personality type, I have been called avoidant. I am not avoidant, just selective. I can't do superficial relationships, but I will talk about the tough stuff and what has hurt me in the past. If you ignore me, you will be left in the dust. So guys, please mske sure you educate yourself on the difference between an INFJ and an avoidant, because you may just be loosing out on a GEM. Rather ironically, while going through healing I have been pretty clear on telling those with no chance, I'm not interested and those that have potential not now, I am dealing with a lot, always leaving the door open slightly. But I don't chase.
I understand what you are saying by stating “Avoidant’s are not bad”. However, my 2 serious relationships (15yr marriage & 2 yr girlfriend) in life so far have both been avoidant woman. They both cheated, stole, gaslit and lied daily. They used avoidance to enable their behaviour. Granted they were both severely avoidant!
Wow, every single point in case I mean, there is not a single detail that wasn’t super useful and mind blowing! I always knew growing up. There was something very, very dark and strange about my mother’s patterns, and I would often confront her head on. I just like to address things immediately and move on to the next task of the day, of course our personality styles are way way opposite and, I process too much emotion from my environment. Energy is sometimes strong enough to make me feel nauseous. I have to go inside my room and shut the door. Very interesting too is the fact that all the relationships I’ve seen her go through her for failed marriages, I’ve seen her go through and in between this is exactly the type of supportive partner. She’s clearly never had it even more fascinating that another generation before her, w where my grandparents and my mother was the youngest out of seven, and when my mom was born, my grandmother went through a nervous breakdown of some kind and sort of abandoned my mom when she Had very severe trauma experience with the psychotic break that seem to lasted for years at least until high school😢
These videos are really great and have been and continue to be really beneficial to me. I’m both anxious and avoidant. As is my partner. Can we also stop having these conversations based on gender? It’s time we all start realizing that actually we’re not all that different after all, we’re just brought up with the illusion that we are and that it’s ok to act in certain ways in reference to our genders. It’s time for chance, let’s go!
While men and women do have similarities in behavior, we have completely different sexual selection strategies and they here to stay Biology is definitely a factor, same as upbringing and environment.
There are objectively observable differences between the genders. We're like a Venn diagram. Some features are shared, some are different. The goal shouldn't be to 'stop' conversations. Women should have their space, men should have their space, and both should share space. These three statements are true.
Correction - Avoidants are indeed damaged. The behaviors that they exhibit is lacking in basic human decency especially when they go into discard. Until they do the self work and heal enough, they have zero reason to be in a relationship. Ask any avoidant - if they're honest, they will admit to leaving a trail of damaged victims in their wake. If you're dating someone and discover they are an avoidant, run far and fast before they hook you during the love bombing phase.
Wow, this is my marriage(11 years on the 29th of this month), we have two boys. We are in a really bad spot right now, and I wish I had known all this earlier. I dont know how to deal with these scenarios when they arise. My wife hasnt said a word to me for the last three days. She has really retrieved into her shell, and I feel so bad about it, and my anxiety won't give me peace. I dont know how to bring her back. She's a cold boulder right now. I was definitely taking up way too much emotional space, and I pushed her away....again. we've been here many times. I already apologised to her, and I told her, "I am your husband, I love you, and I understand you want space, but you dont need to be so distant." I feel sadness for my wife because she is an amazing woman. I just am not properly equipped to sustain this relationship by my self until she realises what she needs to work on. We are both broken. I would apreciate any advice on what to do in this situation right now.
I’m not an avoidant, and I have been married twice and put my all into each time. I have learned the thoughts of an avoidant are actually right. I’m going to turn to self protection and just push men away - they are a waste of energy.
8:24 : do y’all think the genders could be reversed and this anecdote still be true? As in, the secure woman trying to “save” an avoidant male and making herself insecure in the process? Wasn’t sure if women can be the ones trying to do the saving. I mean, it makes sense. But this video was specifically addressed to the genders for a reason I’m guessing.
It's absolutely true, both my mom and my sister have talked about wanting to "save/fix" the men they fell in love with, had a kid with, and are now divorced from.
Avoidant women leave you, when the relationship is at the best. They always prefer the alcohol/drug addicts and jerks, because those are "safe," for them.
I'm pretty reticent to listen to any advice on how to 'manage' a relationship with an avoidant of any sort - particularly a female one. (They tend to be fearful, which is a bag of disaster) The general psych literature on this stuff is pretty clear - they typically do not change and what little change that might occur takes a very, very long time. And as a general rule, if you are dating an avoidant female you are likely a more anxious male capable of empathy and self sacrifice (or else you'd be long gone). This isn't a great place to be, either. Your efforts will be ultimately unappreciated and/or perceived as manipulative. You will be punished in the long run. They will resent you. They will have no respect for you. They will lie to you. Having empathy is a great trait but I think in these cases it is most healthy to remove yourself from a situation where your needs are not being met and come to the hard realization that they will likely never be. Save that empathy for someone who understands and appreciates it for the treasure that it is. Furthermore there is significant evidence to demonstrate that avoidants will cheat. They do this for a bunch of reasons, but validation or immediate gratification or the relief of having a need met without the pressure of an actual relationship are the general ones. They can shut off the parts of their brain that are responsible for feelings and operate, robot-like, in whatever fashion they so choose. Downright creepy. You'll find a lot of these types working as first responders, particularly nurses. It's a useful trait to have if you must witness horrible things and then go carry on about your day as if nothing has happened. So keep in mind that if you continue to advance relationships with these types of people, these are the risks. The push/pull cycle is chemically addictive, so leaving hardly comes to mind. But once you're out of it reality sets in and you realize that there is absolutely nothing healthy about a relationship with those characteristics and it is quite possible to piss away valuable years of your life vying for someone's attention who cannot give it. If you happen to find the rare one who is making actual progress with a therapist, walk guarded and slowly. Be aware that they are often master manipulators (subconsciously) and unless you're onto them from the start they'll have you wrapped around their finger. They'll manipulate their therapists, friends, etc. They'll get triggered and flip out of the blue even if everything is great (especially if everything is great) years into the relationship. They are not stable people, but rather scarred children who are more intent upon acting out their childhood trauma on an unwitting partner than looking to free themselves from their it. The childhood wound is obscured by a big burly ego that literally blocks any sort of self reflection or self awareness. Very low reflective function in avoidants. Look into the literature yourself if you don't believe me. How do I know this? I dated a fearful one for a mere two months. It was the most disorienting thing I've ever experienced. Got out, got my head screwed back on straight and listened/read/researched for many months in an attempt to understand WTF just happened to me. Very illuminating. Choose wisely, boys. I'm lucky that my 'encounter' only took a relatively short time out of my life and did not cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars as it has others. Sex was good though - thats the problem.
As a DA woman this would have been very useful when I was younger and dating. Too late for us old DAs, but very interesting and helpful to understand myself better. Thanks.
24:30 speak for yourself, there are some very smart women out here like myself that know how and more than willing to figure it out all. It starts with you. Older DA’s may have the money for therapy and all it takes to get on track. Be well 🌸
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
wait. you’re chasing an avoidant? in purpose? also, you’re diagnosing them and you’re not even dating yet? 😂 just be yourself and someone who appreciates that will be a match ❤
@@mahalie23 no no,we spent alot of time on the treadmill together before (2 hour sesh everytime)and we kept talking,having fun and so on.i then asked her out and later her whole demeanor changed suddenly and she started pulling back so i did some research and thats how i got here.but ur right though thanks
What if we already broke up, because of avoidant related fears? It happened out of the blue, everything seemed perfect, then she said we weren't compatible, didn''t have any logical reasons. Then she said she is scared of being hurt, I said I didn't want to hurt her and I was there to support her, and she said there was nothing I could say to reassure her. That was 2 months ago, 6 weeks no contact and she just unfriended me on fb on my birthday a few days ago. I'm still hoping we can work things out eventually.
@@MrSamIAm39 What did you do? I screwed up by chasing and I didn't hear from her for 3 months. Things have been great ever since I figured all this out
Barely talking is still talking, own up to the mistakes you made (being overly clingy, not communicating your wants/needs, not respecting her need for space, etc) and show how you've grown/matured. Even if it doesn't work out with this one, your growth and knowledge can be applied to the next one.
@@philipramsden4975 started chasing, got drawn and she flaked on me for a date and I went off and said some stuff. Silent treatment for 2 weeks now barely talking to me. We had gotten close now I have to start over.
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Can you please address when your avoidant partner turns every disagreement into YELLING or bringing LOTS OF ATTITUDE, and saying things like, "this will never work" "we just aren't meant to be together" Because I feel like that's an excuse. But when you say to lean into arguments. All my partner will hear is, "see it's okay that I yell and speak disrespectfully every time we argue" She doesn't understand how to have ANY DISAGREEMENT, without bringing LOTS OF EMOTIONS and DOOMING the relationship. As opposed to actually trying to calmly talk about eachothers perspectives and validating eachothers feelings. Yelling is never talked about in these avoidant videos. I really need a good perspective about it.... tytyty
I think I have this problem and I’ll be honest, I don’t think any men have the capacity to be emotional- I think they might fake what they think you want to see, but really it’s about feeding their ego- then, once they’ve got you, it’s on to the next conquest. I have never been attracted to a man’s mind.
hmmm that has not been my experience. while i’ve met a lot of guys just saying whatever to get whatever (esp when younger) if you know who you are and have self respect others with similar values will be attracted to that. have met and dated many genuinely deeply caring me. how to tell? they care about others in their lives - pets, parents, friends, whatever…not just you.
Run from these women -- they won't change without professiomal help. If you're an emotionally mature, healthy, loving person, you shouldn't need to watch youtube videos or read books on how to "figure out" your partner. Love shouldnt need an instruction manual. You're short-changing yourself by not turning the page on this person and instead finding someone else who is consistent and secure in how they show up in the relationship. You deserve to be treated way better than an avoidant is capable of, and they need to seek the answers for themselves, especially through therapy. It's not up to you (and also not good for you) to be their therapist, which is what this video seems to be encouraging men to do.
Why accept bread crumbs when you can be with someone who doesnt put up so many walls and boundaries that even communicating or giving or dealing with that any trigger that you may hit will cause you to be deleted as no longer useful then the cycle will start all over again if you allow it maybe not healthy to stick around
Just don’t build anything with this type of women (or men). It will destroy your confidence and self esteem. Let them work on themselves (which they usually don’t because they are perfect human being) and focus on people that are willing to build something with you. You deserve it.
She literally kicked out the therapist and says he isn’t helping her the way she expected it to be and started yelling at them and you expect her to 🤣🤣 write it down on a paper, well I hope and wish maybe there are others who can actually do it and make it work ❤️🩹
Can confirm. The dance is addicting. The trick is to stay about one step behind her and stay present in the moment. If you pour everything into her you're going to find yourself in a world of hurt.
Can you give some specific examples?
@@Persephone44pretty straight forward
@@Persephone44 Like what?
Gave my -exfiancé everything -- poured everything into her -- and I am the total package, she wanted for nothing. As soon as I put up healthy boundaries to her toxic controlling and neediness she discarded me and disappeared. You do have to move slower than them and let them prove they truly want to be with you. It was my fault giving her that much without her ever proving she was a woman of that quality.
i mean...this sounds exhausting. Walking on egg shells is not a way to live. These relationship dynamics only work if both parties are aware and work at it to get to a secure point in each of the individuals, and then the relationship
I have made major progress repairing my relationship with a fearful avoidant/bpd partner. I can COMPLETELY vouch for the tips in this video. Very solid.
Do not chase her. Do not try to fix her. Let her have space. Tell her you’re there for when she wants to come to you.
I am anxious, and I was just leaning in, leaning in, leaning in. Why cant I solve this problem???? If that’s what you’re doing-do the opposite. And if that makes her nervous, you can just tell her: Look, I can tell that you need your space sometimes. I’m always here for you. I’m gonna give you that space. Come to me when you want or need to.
yes
That is not fair to you.
Well, I'm married to an avoidant woman, while I'm an anxious man, and when I watched this video I saw all that's happening in our lives. Everything you said is true. And I will watch this video more times to enable myself to put it all into practice.
This is my dynamic. She is an avoidant and it is so hard
Man, I recognize that dynamic? What is the hardest part for you in dealing with your partner?
One tool that helps me is assuming positive intent. I give my man the benefit of the doubt that he doesn’t intend to cause me harm. When I notice uncomfortable feelings, it’s my responsibility to identify the need and make the request. For example, he was about to leave for a month-long trip. It took a bit of courage just to ask that he ‘drop me a line if you have time.’ He confirmed he would. Once a week, he’d touch base and send me photos of his trip. It made me feel very cared for and trust that we could have time apart and still be securely attached.
A little courage, and one simple (but not easy, of course) expression of a need go a LONG way! I love it when we can get past our stories and assumptions to make space for those needs. Thanks for sharing
Nice that you have that. The irony is that this is not what a secure relationship looks like. With internet there's no reason to not communicate with your romantic partner with more than a few hours between replies. In healthy relationships with deep connection there is a natural inclination to be in touch with your partner whenever there is time. Its a mutual feeling with both people that each wants to hear from another
My man and I respond as quickly as possible to one another. Secure relationships existed well before the internet. There's even a romantic trope of couples writing love letters to one another during the war back when the postal service were men on horses. If my man is visiting his family in Norway and hiking through the Fjords, we can wait a week to reconnect without it destabilizing our foundation of trust and intimacy.
@@MonessaLeigh yep, because that was when the mode of communication via internet was non existent. If it was, exchanging text once a week wouldn't be generally accepted by people who want an actually 'healthy' relationship. Great for you if this is a relationship that you can actually be satisfied with. Most people, wouldn't. And when online discussion is concerned we always talk in generalities, not the exceptions.
My example describes a situation where a partner leaves for a trip. It’s an excellent example of a dismissive avoidant healing in a secure attachment. My man and I live near one another the remaining time and meet in-person more frequently than once a week. You’re hunting hard for weaknesses in my words.
You've described my 10 year relationship, which felt like a hundred years. Not worth it to invest in this. I tear up now whenever a girl I'm dating is emotionally or physically expressive and giving, like this is something I knew was possible, and I needed it really badly. Let the avoidant do most of the work, and want to actually heal.
This is great advice for women who are aware of their traumas, wounds, and have started a lot of the work on her own. ❤
I am an avoidant woman and this was very helpful for me.
You're the devil 😈
Same. Appreciation and gratitude go a long way, as does NOT ignoring an avoidant. Being available and letting me know you're there, and appreciating my efforts to bond go a long way. One thing he said that really resignated with me is when we share something we want to do, take the opportunity as a bonding moment. I remember the canceled plans and disinterest in my interests. That builds up and definitely contributes to the resentfulness avoidants feel in the end. But, ultimately, it's the space left without communicating that ends the relationship. He said 24 to 48 hours max to seek resolution of conflict and that's 100% true.
This is great advice. I'm an avoidant woman, realized it and have been trying to heal for about 2.5 years now. I'm now in a committed relationship, 1 year in, and we live together. Healing takes time and a lot of uncomfortable work, but its totally possible and worth it. I'm not 100% and will still find myself falling into avoidant thoughts and tendencies, but I've come soooo far.
My man has been the biggest part of my healing. Moving into someone else's space, allowing them to support me, and sharing my feelings has been such a challenge but so transformative. I always have had such a fear of being a burden, physically and/or emotionally. My BF also made it clear to me what he expects, and also that I can mess up and that he's not going to leave me for it. I think a lot of avoidant people fear that if we share our feelings we will be burdensome to our partner and it may be taken wrong and then we will be rejected or not loved because of it.
One question, do you have any insights on how do we create space for the avoidant partner to share without putting pressure on them? I'd appreciate any help. Thanks a lot!
@@johnny_rootslet them know how much you love them and that you want them to share more, because you want to grow that love and to love them even better. Make it super clear that their shares and that you supporting them does not make them a burden, but rather a blessing. When they do share make sure to thank them, give them some praise and let them know how important it was for you and how that makes you feel loved and closer to them.
Reaction is super important too. I hesitate to share because of fear of being a burden but also because i fear a negative response. Make sure to respond with openness, acceptance, and love. Try your best to be a stable grounded force for them.
@@johnny_rootsavoidant here. for me a tricky balance of self-respect, confidence and extension or care and support.
a specific example: i’m fiercely independent and one way my partner (now of 10+ years) earned my trust was creating solutions to our financial entanglements so we could move in together but had very clear boundaries, contracts, shared expenses, etc.this made me feel both independent and able to be in partnership. knowing he had healthy boundaries and wouldn’t just swoop in and save me (i’m an anti damsel-in-distress) made me respect him MORE.
he helped my by sharing his knowledge, connections and always being there physically and emotionally without creating any weird savior dynamic.
Eventually over the years we have helped each other through small things and then bigger things and I’m now able to accept his help without triggering my entanglement phobia.
@@rachelworthing6863 amazing, that was super helpful! 🙌🏽 I can work with that. Thanks a million
Hello Rachel I am FA woman and I am desperately trying to heal . I don’t want to hurt anyone and I also don’t want to be hurt. Is it possible that you share what did you do for help? Traditional therapy seems not to understand this. I am doing EDMR, working with subconscious core believes and other stuff that is helping me a lot, but when it comes to a romantic relationship I still feel that I need to continue working and I don’t know how to.
Yeah this is all a wonderful idea. The part that's not being mentioned is often the avoidant doesn't have enough self-awareness to be able to even address this
If you don't need to be in the relationship (kids, dogs, cats...) find a different partner if you are interested in a loving relationship. You are worth more, and have more important things to do, than dealing with her crap. Not toxic, just honesty.
This is so comforting as an avoidant woman. I realized that I have had the pattern of attempting repair in many relationships, family, friends and dating but was dismissed or shut down by them despite my efforts to open up. I wish I’d had this kind of counselling /education in middle and high school. What a difference in managing my expectations and understanding/communicating my needs in slightly different ways. Despite the woes of social media and its impact on relationship matters, I am so grateful for free access to this solid information on the internet. Thank you!!!!❤
Yeah i got stuck in that dance, she ended up blocking me because i couldnt comprehend what she was doing. It seemed very shallow and she just wanted me to give up. She then turned to off putting strategies which didnt work. I love this girl. She blocked me and there’s nothing i can do but learn and get better. I just wish shes doing what in doing. Self development……
Been there man. I didn't understand the whole pullback at the time and got blocked. She ended up unblocking me after 3 months and reached out. Took another month or so before we were in regular daily communication again. Been almost 6 months since and have dealt with her pullbacks with ease.
What I've learned from dealing with this issue with my wife is that it's like communicating with someone that has the emotional intelligence of a child. Tiptoeing and being extremely careful with your tone and the way you phrase your sentences is vital, and it's exhausting. When they fall back into this mode, everything is considered an attack. Then it's shut down, deflect, blame, etc. Your pointers are much appreciated and on point, but I could never show her this video. Me merely mentioning watching this with her with an open mind would send her into a triggered fidgety shutdown state. I've just adapted to taking it like a man and trudging forward for our kids.
Good luck! If the woman isn't receptive to listening or working together to repair a relationship, which they already have a subconscious telling them won't work.. then it will be a lonely road for you men. These women are extremely controling and not particularly open to changing. They believe all relationships are doomed to fail or there is someone who is a better fit or they are broken and its not worth trying. It is truly saddening
controlling? i’m not sure that’s an avoidant. my way or the highway maybe…ready to leave, fiercely independent. controlling is more of an anxious ppl thing in my experience.
@mahalie23 avoidants can be really controlling. Examples would be around time, what they're going to do, that's not my responsibility it's yours, etc. But I would agree that anxious types are worse. People on the other side of it do find avoidants controlling, even if they don't recognize their own
@@mahalie23I think its the opposite more often, avoidents have more boundaries or walls that they put up, than someone who is anxious, where they are more invested and have less boundaries inorder to protect themselves.
Whoever is less invested usually holds the most control or sway of the relationship. the only time an anxious person becomes "controlling" or "possesive" (because that's how it comes across, when you're the avoident and the person who is more invested tries to get you to relinquish that control) is when they try to regain that power, so they themsleves can become secure.
Too late bro we broke up 2 days ago. I tried so hard, but she only pull away further. Im tired even tho i love her. I hope she can heal some day. Because no matter how much i offered to, she is to inastable, it sad tbh. Thank you for the video
Wow you just crystallized what other channels take dozens of hours to convey, and with useful strategies that are often omitted.
Needed that 2.5 years ago. :/
Everything you said is spot on!
Today my avoidant lady friend said I need to figure out what I want in the relationship…I needed this video it’s actually helping me to get a better sense of what I want to say and how.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you, very helpful advise. I find your take on attachment styles very spot on.
I am a fearful avoidant woman with a mainly secure partner. its been tough for both of us but
we apply some of the tools already and we are making progress ( 2,5 years in not linving together)
If both are willing you can grow towards more happyness and togetherness.
I must say the credit, that we are still together goes to my partner, it took me so long to trust,
but he stayed solid committed. It took me a while to understand, what is going on with me and how
to start to adress it.
Thank you for your work, it will help many people.
Advice like this doesn't work because you can't regulate someone else's nervous system for them. And you can keep giving them space until the cows come home, but there are many, many anecdotes of relationships becoming untenable because one partner wants to tsee the other once a month or every two months, which isn't really a relationship.
Saying, "Give them more space and let them come to you when they want!" is like saying "Btw, don't have any expectations that anything will happen". You're not 'getting better' by being fine with that behaviour.
Avoidant women are very strange ones and they act act hardcore contraintuitive and abnormal way. Problem is, they themselves never see any problem with it. They think they are super and all others are stupid, weak, pointless, evil.
I agree with you. Thats an emotionally immature woman. We don't have to deal with that. If you address it and she doesn't change, leave her. So many mature women to date in this world
@tomkingg where the hell are the mature women? I know the answer: married already.
@@tomkingg@tomkingg where the hell are the mature women? I know the answer: married already.
@@marguskiis7711 some are working on themselves in late age because therapy is 150/-160 a session 50mins 😅
Totally relate… I am a man that was in a relationship with an avoidant woman, and I did all the things spoken about the other way I around, I couldn’t “save”. Her nor the relationship… I wish I knew all these when we were still in the relationship. Thank you.
I wish I would have found all this information years ago. I just ended a 13 year relationship with a Dismissive Avoidant woman. I am the Anxious Man. I hope my Ex find this information for herself someday.
Wow. 13 years. Maybe the woman just hit menopause which make most women act avoidant.
@@marguskiis7711😶
So clear, true and helpful. thank you!
very helpfull video . i have started a relation with an avoident women and I am anxious partner ...we dated a few times and she is really better & better every date - its a long distance relationship since we are 300 km away - so she has her space - i always wait for her text then i reply - i noticed she is very emotional - one of our first date she was really happy to be in my arms - i noticed she had tears in her eyes for part of the date - she keept me always behind her so she could hide her tears - i really hope i will not make too many mistakes - i need be very careful since she is so avoidants ...wish me luck ...🎉🎉🎉🎉 i hope I did the right analysis ...but i am sure that very close to this anyway
Currently dating an avoidant woman. More videos on this plssss. Excellent video!
Thank you for this.
Again, this is really helping me in a lot of ways! ❤
I'm an anxious attatcher and those four beliefs are all things I've said to myself, but the difference is that I very much wanted to solve that pain with being a being ABLE to trust someone safe
I dated an avoidant woman earlier this year, and I cracked the code. I walked away.
This video is gold
I think the tips mentioned in this video are helpful but both partners need to be willing to look in the mirror, accept some hard truths about themselves, and put in work. Most avoidants I’ve come across simply aren’t willing to do that, so c’est la vie.
Agree it’s important to be sober about your needs and their interest/ability to do the work. A lot of avoidants feel just fine and have no intention of changing. Don’t be a victim, accept reality. We all know changing others doesn’t work. ❤
@@mahalie23 victim? Lol.
Im pretty sure as an INFJ personality type, I have been called avoidant. I am not avoidant, just selective. I can't do superficial relationships, but I will talk about the tough stuff and what has hurt me in the past.
If you ignore me, you will be left in the dust. So guys, please mske sure you educate yourself on the difference between an INFJ and an avoidant, because you may just be loosing out on a GEM.
Rather ironically, while going through healing I have been pretty clear on telling those with no chance, I'm not interested and those that have potential not now, I am dealing with a lot, always leaving the door open slightly. But I don't chase.
I understand what you are saying by stating “Avoidant’s are not bad”. However, my 2 serious relationships (15yr marriage & 2 yr girlfriend) in life so far have both been avoidant woman. They both cheated, stole, gaslit and lied daily. They used avoidance to enable their behaviour. Granted they were both severely avoidant!
this would've been the perfect video for me a few months back :/
Same bro...
@@LePainetLeVin 🫂
Totally
Wow, every single point in case I mean, there is not a single detail that wasn’t super useful and mind blowing! I always knew growing up. There was something very, very dark and strange about my mother’s patterns, and I would often confront her head on. I just like to address things immediately and move on to the next task of the day, of course our personality styles are way way opposite and, I process too much emotion from my environment. Energy is sometimes strong enough to make me feel nauseous. I have to go inside my room and shut the door. Very interesting too is the fact that all the relationships I’ve seen her go through her for failed marriages, I’ve seen her go through and in between this is exactly the type of supportive partner. She’s clearly never had it even more fascinating that another generation before her, w where my grandparents and my mother was the youngest out of seven, and when my mom was born, my grandmother went through a nervous breakdown of some kind and sort of abandoned my mom when she Had very severe trauma experience with the psychotic break that seem to lasted for years at least until high school😢
Yeah if these men don’t fill up the emotional void. There will be no relationship.
Be sure to fill it with something useful.
@@douglas.the_archer what is useful?
@marguskiis7711 the sort of emotions that a genuinely loving husband has for his family.
Dude. Thanks.
These videos are really great and have been and continue to be really beneficial to me. I’m both anxious and avoidant. As is my partner.
Can we also stop having these conversations based on gender? It’s time we all start realizing that actually we’re not all that different after all, we’re just brought up with the illusion that we are and that it’s ok to act in certain ways in reference to our genders. It’s time for chance, let’s go!
While men and women do have similarities in behavior, we have completely different sexual selection strategies and they here to stay
Biology is definitely a factor, same as upbringing and environment.
There are objectively observable differences between the genders. We're like a Venn diagram. Some features are shared, some are different. The goal shouldn't be to 'stop' conversations. Women should have their space, men should have their space, and both should share space. These three statements are true.
Great explanation!
Yesterday I broke up with an avoidant woman. I feel this video came one day too late.
@@edugomezsal give her time and distance and she might come back
@MrSamIAm39 she's not welcome back 🎉
I cannot thank you enough for this video
Nailed it perfectly.
Correction - Avoidants are indeed damaged. The behaviors that they exhibit is lacking in basic human decency especially when they go into discard. Until they do the self work and heal enough, they have zero reason to be in a relationship. Ask any avoidant - if they're honest, they will admit to leaving a trail of damaged victims in their wake. If you're dating someone and discover they are an avoidant, run far and fast before they hook you during the love bombing phase.
1:40 Thanks for pointing this out.
Wow, this is my marriage(11 years on the 29th of this month), we have two boys. We are in a really bad spot right now, and I wish I had known all this earlier. I dont know how to deal with these scenarios when they arise. My wife hasnt said a word to me for the last three days. She has really retrieved into her shell, and I feel so bad about it, and my anxiety won't give me peace. I dont know how to bring her back. She's a cold boulder right now. I was definitely taking up way too much emotional space, and I pushed her away....again. we've been here many times.
I already apologised to her, and I told her, "I am your husband, I love you, and I understand you want space, but you dont need to be so distant." I feel sadness for my wife because she is an amazing woman. I just am not properly equipped to sustain this relationship by my self until she realises what she needs to work on. We are both broken. I would apreciate any advice on what to do in this situation right now.
Video GOLD ! Thanks
I’m not an avoidant, and I have been married twice and put my all into each time. I have learned the thoughts of an avoidant are actually right. I’m going to turn to self protection and just push men away - they are a waste of energy.
I'm trying to connect with an avoidant woman that has been cheated 2 times, so many emotional barriers.
My partner and i move between avoidance and anxious and its difficult. We deeply care for one another and are both scared.
Can you make a video about passiveness? How can a guy stop being passive?
So to be more assertive?
Great video
8:24 : do y’all think the genders could be reversed and this anecdote still be true? As in, the secure woman trying to “save” an avoidant male and making herself insecure in the process? Wasn’t sure if women can be the ones trying to do the saving. I mean, it makes sense. But this video was specifically addressed to the genders for a reason I’m guessing.
It's absolutely true, both my mom and my sister have talked about wanting to "save/fix" the men they fell in love with, had a kid with, and are now divorced from.
Yes there is: "redcross nurse syndrome"
@@alessiobelotti156I thought that was sarcasm until I looked the term up. 😀 😅yikes
Avoidant women leave you, when the relationship is at the best. They always prefer the alcohol/drug addicts and jerks, because those are "safe," for them.
Are avoidant men this way, too, in terms of whom they select as partners?
I feel understood❤
I'm pretty reticent to listen to any advice on how to 'manage' a relationship with an avoidant of any sort - particularly a female one. (They tend to be fearful, which is a bag of disaster) The general psych literature on this stuff is pretty clear - they typically do not change and what little change that might occur takes a very, very long time. And as a general rule, if you are dating an avoidant female you are likely a more anxious male capable of empathy and self sacrifice (or else you'd be long gone). This isn't a great place to be, either. Your efforts will be ultimately unappreciated and/or perceived as manipulative. You will be punished in the long run. They will resent you. They will have no respect for you. They will lie to you. Having empathy is a great trait but I think in these cases it is most healthy to remove yourself from a situation where your needs are not being met and come to the hard realization that they will likely never be. Save that empathy for someone who understands and appreciates it for the treasure that it is.
Furthermore there is significant evidence to demonstrate that avoidants will cheat. They do this for a bunch of reasons, but validation or immediate gratification or the relief of having a need met without the pressure of an actual relationship are the general ones. They can shut off the parts of their brain that are responsible for feelings and operate, robot-like, in whatever fashion they so choose. Downright creepy. You'll find a lot of these types working as first responders, particularly nurses. It's a useful trait to have if you must witness horrible things and then go carry on about your day as if nothing has happened. So keep in mind that if you continue to advance relationships with these types of people, these are the risks. The push/pull cycle is chemically addictive, so leaving hardly comes to mind. But once you're out of it reality sets in and you realize that there is absolutely nothing healthy about a relationship with those characteristics and it is quite possible to piss away valuable years of your life vying for someone's attention who cannot give it.
If you happen to find the rare one who is making actual progress with a therapist, walk guarded and slowly. Be aware that they are often master manipulators (subconsciously) and unless you're onto them from the start they'll have you wrapped around their finger. They'll manipulate their therapists, friends, etc. They'll get triggered and flip out of the blue even if everything is great (especially if everything is great) years into the relationship. They are not stable people, but rather scarred children who are more intent upon acting out their childhood trauma on an unwitting partner than looking to free themselves from their it. The childhood wound is obscured by a big burly ego that literally blocks any sort of self reflection or self awareness. Very low reflective function in avoidants. Look into the literature yourself if you don't believe me.
How do I know this? I dated a fearful one for a mere two months. It was the most disorienting thing I've ever experienced. Got out, got my head screwed back on straight and listened/read/researched for many months in an attempt to understand WTF just happened to me. Very illuminating. Choose wisely, boys. I'm lucky that my 'encounter' only took a relatively short time out of my life and did not cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars as it has others. Sex was good though - thats the problem.
Maybe the emotional space men take up is due to the sooo little that Avoidants bring to the table.
I’m feeling this
As a DA woman this would have been very useful when I was younger and dating. Too late for us old DAs, but very interesting and helpful to understand myself better. Thanks.
24:30 speak for yourself, there are some very smart women out here like myself that know how and more than willing to figure it out all.
It starts with you.
Older DA’s may have the money for therapy and all it takes to get on track.
Be well 🌸
Could never play captain save a h** like I’m 17 again lol
If this is how you feel about women, may you never have a descent woman in your life ever in Jesus’s name. Amen 🙏🏽
would you be able to cover disorganized attachment? :))
What if she’s not avoidant but just avoiding me 😂😢
move along friend…you deserve someone that wants to be near you
What if she doesn't protect herself at all? What if she damages herself endlessly? This false sense of " independence" is delusional.
It is common among avoidant women, yes
Does this apply to avoidant man too?
Do these advices work with avoidant men too?
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient.
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things.
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white...
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
does somebody know if you should greet a fearfull avoidant in a simple way just saying hi at the gym then go on and do ur own thing?
wait. you’re chasing an avoidant? in purpose? also, you’re diagnosing them and you’re not even dating yet? 😂 just be yourself and someone who appreciates that will be a match ❤
@@mahalie23 no no,we spent alot of time on the treadmill together before (2 hour sesh everytime)and we kept talking,having fun and so on.i then asked her out and later her whole demeanor changed suddenly and she started pulling back so i did some research and thats how i got here.but ur right though thanks
@@mahalie23 oh and i was doing no contact,my bad
Don't bother with avoidant women guys. Just saved you 30 mins and a life time of headaches
What if we already broke up, because of avoidant related fears? It happened out of the blue, everything seemed perfect, then she said we weren't compatible, didn''t have any logical reasons. Then she said she is scared of being hurt, I said I didn't want to hurt her and I was there to support her, and she said there was nothing I could say to reassure her. That was 2 months ago, 6 weeks no contact and she just unfriended me on fb on my birthday a few days ago. I'm still hoping we can work things out eventually.
You dodged a bullet.
I think I already messed it up. We will see. She’s taking to me again, barely.
@@MrSamIAm39 What did you do? I screwed up by chasing and I didn't hear from her for 3 months. Things have been great ever since I figured all this out
Barely talking is still talking, own up to the mistakes you made (being overly clingy, not communicating your wants/needs, not respecting her need for space, etc) and show how you've grown/matured. Even if it doesn't work out with this one, your growth and knowledge can be applied to the next one.
@@philipramsden4975 started chasing, got drawn and she flaked on me for a date and I went off and said some stuff. Silent treatment for 2 weeks now barely talking to me. We had gotten close now I have to start over.
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
Can you please address when your avoidant partner turns every disagreement into YELLING or bringing LOTS OF ATTITUDE, and saying things like, "this will never work" "we just aren't meant to be together"
Because I feel like that's an excuse.
But when you say to lean into arguments. All my partner will hear is, "see it's okay that I yell and speak disrespectfully every time we argue"
She doesn't understand how to have ANY DISAGREEMENT, without bringing LOTS OF EMOTIONS and DOOMING the relationship. As opposed to actually trying to calmly talk about eachothers perspectives and validating eachothers feelings.
Yelling is never talked about in these avoidant videos. I really need a good perspective about it.... tytyty
Yes, I was never shown how to disagree in relationship. My mother merely said “fight your own battles” growing up. Didn’t help me at all.
If she’s not open to therapy you can be wasting your time. She’s out of control. 😅
I think I have this problem and I’ll be honest, I don’t think any men have the capacity to be emotional-
I think they might fake what they think you want to see, but really it’s about feeding their ego- then, once they’ve got you, it’s on to the next conquest.
I have never been attracted to a man’s mind.
hmmm that has not been my experience. while i’ve met a lot of guys just saying whatever to get whatever (esp when younger) if you know who you are and have self respect others with similar values will be attracted to that. have met and dated many genuinely deeply caring me.
how to tell? they care about others in their lives - pets, parents, friends, whatever…not just you.
Run from these women -- they won't change without professiomal help. If you're an emotionally mature, healthy, loving person, you shouldn't need to watch youtube videos or read books on how to "figure out" your partner. Love shouldnt need an instruction manual. You're short-changing yourself by not turning the page on this person and instead finding someone else who is consistent and secure in how they show up in the relationship. You deserve to be treated way better than an avoidant is capable of, and they need to seek the answers for themselves, especially through therapy. It's not up to you (and also not good for you) to be their therapist, which is what this video seems to be encouraging men to do.
Actually most women, especially over 45 are highly problematic ones and it is hard to deal with. It needs to learn it.
Why accept bread crumbs when you can be with someone who doesnt put up so many walls and boundaries that even communicating or giving or dealing with that any trigger that you may hit will cause you to be deleted as no longer useful then the cycle will start all over again if you allow it maybe not healthy to stick around
Avoidants get demonized by the anxious. The anxious are takers. Disregard their manipulative narrative.
Addidtion - maybe if i express my needs my father will disappear.
Just don’t build anything with this type of women (or men). It will destroy your confidence and self esteem. Let them work on themselves (which they usually don’t because they are perfect human being) and focus on people that are willing to build something with you. You deserve it.
This is repetitive blah, blah, blah. Get to the point. Shorten your videos or im not clicking ever again. BYE NOW. SO DULL
So they dont give a fxck about you simply by your words
She literally kicked out the therapist and says he isn’t helping her the way she expected it to be and started yelling at them and you expect her to 🤣🤣 write it down on a paper, well I hope and wish maybe there are others who can actually do it and make it work ❤️🩹