FYI - should have put a caption up in the video... "OXBRIDGE" is a contraction of "OXford and camBRIDGE" - generally regarded as the traditional homes of English academia. Knowing what I know now... I would NOT have thrived in those environments, so that "potential" was misplaced😉😉
The part about the teacher thinking you were playing dumb or being coy, because they knew you to be smart was pretty powerful. Our spikey profiles can be so easily misunderstood. Thank you for sharing your diagnosis story with us.
I'm a few years older than you Quinn, and a continent away (U.S.), but we had a stunningly similar experience. It was clear that I was academically gifted, but it only got me in trouble in school. For example, I literally got kicked out of class for explaining Einstein's theory of relativity in a way the students could understand, when the teacher did not. But I didn't get diagnosed. I got isolated, minimized, and bullied by teachers and students for my academic success. Sure, I got scholarships, and ended up a successful professor, but even there, the academic gifts that come with Asperger's are mostly punished not rewarded. Truly, in the neurotypical dominated world: The protruding nail shall be hammered down.
I was 17 in 1984 when you were diagnosed, Quinn. I knew I was different. I didn't know why until this past March when I was tested and got my Autism diagnosis. This was actually just a small part of a larger diagnosis of complicated Ehlers Danlos Syndrome - autism is correlated with EDS, so at this point in life, it wasn't terribly surprising. I was diagnosed with ADHD when my sons were diagnosed in their teenage years (20 yrs ago). Like you, I am pursuing understanding and answers so I can share that with my children and grandchildren. I'm glad you said that because I feel it is so important to share that knowledge.
A thought just occurred to me - is any person or entity crowdsourcing information and experiences about Autism - or even more specifically, information and experiences of those of us who are in that "Lost Generation"? If it isn't happening yet, perhaps we could use our community's collective brainpower to create a space for that information and knowledge. No one researches better than an Autistic person with a special interest. ;) Just saying.
If you've any ideas or expertise in this area, I'd like to talk to you more. There's an email address in the about section above if you'd like to get in touch.
Reading the comments feels like I'm surrounded by peers except for a couple things. I'm 49 and I'm choosing to not seek an assessment even though everyone has relatable backstories. I never had a family of my own and I've observed other people having a lot of difficulty after having an official assessment and diagnosis. I don't have future generations to think of. Its just me. The prejudices that exist because of assumptions and having autism in my medical chart I recognize that would lead to being taken less seriously. Reality in my situation is self acceptance is of more.value than a clinical diagnosis. It helps me understand myself. It's not like a diagnosis would give me more support at this point.
It's a personal decision & nobody should put pressure on anyone else to choose otherwise. I'll be talking more about self ID in coming weeks, when I've got a bit more time to devote to editing👍
I was diagnosed in my late 30s. I didn't know anything about autism and wasn't seeking a diagnosis of autism. I was trying to get help with crippling anxiety. When I was sent to be assessed and diagnosed, I was excited that maybe is finally get some answers and some help. But no. I was never offered any services or help, despite my diagnosis clearly stating that I required support. Here I am, at 46, still trying desperately to hold a job longer than a few years before panic forces me to quit. I'm single and can't stand people anymore because of PTSD. I just say all of that to agree with you that diagnosis won't help. After I was diagnosed, if I tell people, even my other doctors, they simply deny it to my face. Like what? If I told them I had high cholesterol, would they say, "no you don't"? I don't understand but I think diagnoses has actually made my situation worse.
@@Rainingravens1 it's taken years for my mom to understand alone that I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and all that does is help me understand me and connect with people like me.
Loved the Tiswas insert (though it was always 'Today is Saturday, Watch and Suffer' for me as I was a Swap Shop kind of kid 😁). An interesting journey you've had, Quinn. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. My teacher never had any interest in me and is probably why I am still self realised now at the age of 47. The treatment I was given at school by my peers is the reason that when one of my girls was thought to need assessment for autism I had both of them assessed and both are Autistic, son still on waiting for ADHD. At school I was the quiet one, always looked happy and always smiling when inside I was wishing my life away. They never saw past the mask I created for myself to notice all the bullying from others, I was just the quiet pleasant kid in the corner that got her homework done on time and never asked any questions....not because I didn't have any but because I would get further ridiculed by my peers for showing any kind of interest. My 2 daughters and son now all get the accommodations I was never given and could have really helped me, so I am at least grateful for my middle child's teacher for putting the assessment idea to us as at least it has meant as a family we have learnt that we are all ND in one way or another, it's helped all of us! 😊
Thank you too👍 If I'd NOT asked questions and had been the quiet, homework-in-on-time type like yourself, I wouldn't have got my teen diagnosis, but I might have fared better in education and not left school at 16 with nothing in the way of useful qualifications. We can only do the best we can with the hand we're dealt & it sounds like you're doing a pretty good job with yours😊
Born in 1974. Had a difficult relationship with school. Similar to your experience Quinn. I wasn’t diagnosed though. Didn’t figure that out till I was 42. Main reason I wish to comment. My Dad whom raised me by himself. He never let the school run me over. Now. When he agreed that I had misbehaved I would get in trouble. Otherwise he went toe to toe many times and “put” them in their place. Quinn, hearing how your mother backed you brought a smile to me.
In some ways I am glad I was only diagnosed with autism in my last 40s. I hate to think what my life would have been like if I was diagnosed earlier. I was already bullied and called stupid. Adding autistic on top of that from a country that only diagnosed the first case of autism in 1988. Boy that wouldn’t have been a great time. I a. Glad I know now though. I wish they did more research on perimenopause and the effects on autistic women. Really misses with you.
Part of the reason I pursued a diagnosis at 52 was because of the lack of information about aging autistics. I have four kids, one diagnosed autistic as an adult, one peer reviewed as autistic, one with undiagnosed adhd, and one who is probably AuDHD, being the most like me (yes, my adhd wife and I are spicy!). I want them to have been information on how to live their lives, and knowing where they come from is a huge piece of that. I’ve also been in contact with some researchers who studying aging and autism for the same reason.
@@username46100 not a lot. The one I’ve been in contact with is Dr. Lauren Bishop with the Waisman Center’s Aging and Health Equity in Autism and Developmental Disabilities (AHEADD) study. They have partner research teams they are working with in different locations in the US.
There's not much of my schooldays that I'd care to relive on camera, but this story is one I've been asked about SOOOO many times (and not always in friendly, curious terms😉) Mr Grimm was one of many teachers I had similar difficulties with, but they weren't the ones who marched me down to the headmaster that day, setting all this in motion.
@@AutistamaticYour story brought to mind a similar personal experience, and my immediate thought was, "oh no, not this!" I didn't want to relive it, even in my memory. My mom saved me too. Bless them.
being autistic is being punished for being inquisitive most day. its maddening. when the typical only care about social hierarchies. Ive had them get mad at me for "knowing better than the experts" for asking questions and not taking their word at face value. when people ask me that now, which always has snark. I just say, yes. I do know better. doenst help either of us. but they see me as a know it all anyway. and trying to explain just makes me drained. wanting data for my world view is always knowing better, or being a know it all. and lets be honest. experts are human too, theyre not robots. nobody knows everything, BUT. everyone knows something you dont. words to live by
Thank you, thought provoking film. My own schooling was very up and down. I really enjoyed learning, but didn't like the others around me. I hated PE and soon refused outright to participate. I wouldn't wear shorts so i was the only kid wearing trousers, i can see now that I was trying extend my comfort zone into the school. I did well in my lessons always in the top 10% (except for maths, numbers haven't ever worked for me) Big trauma came when we moved house during Summer holidays, 3yrs into Technical Grammar school and then straight into a secondary modern. I gave up, the new school was 2 and even 3 years behind in all subjects. There was no more learning, I tried to explain to the head master, told him i was bored and that i needed something new and challenging, got no where, he got offended and he gave up on me. I never did homework or PE. and for 2yrs i was left alone. A few teachers would give me different class time projects to do, always welcome. I spent a lot of my time educating myself at home, doing field surveys of the local wildlife and always loads of arts and crafts. I left school with very good 'O levels but no desire whatsoever to continue my education within the 'education system'. I went into animal husbandry, learning from some of the best in the field and to this day i am still learning and I am very happy with my work experience. I've ticked all of the boxes I'd set and quite few l had not forseen. My personal life though, has been a shambles. None of that has ever really worked, spent most of my life single, I've had my moments but on the whole not a great success but I wouldn't change a single second of my life, because everything said, seen and done has brought me to this moment now. Still here and able to appreciate my achievements. I self diagnosed when I was 53, 7 years ago, and I am now about 2 months away from official diagnosis, after a 2 year wait. I'm going to become a statistic and what they learn from me will go towards making it easier for subsequent generations of NDs. Got to be worth it, just for that reason. Oh yeah ! And i will have a new truth about myself. Tatty bye for now. Bob. 🧔 👍
12:13 "Unflattering judgments" plaguing my whole life, when actually I'm autistic, and how I am is perfectly normal for me... The feeling of solidarity is so strong, I'm fighting back tears of joy. Most of my school life was "special ed" which felt like a dumping grounds for kids who the mainstream schools didnt wanna bother with. I never liked any year of school.
My experience in 1983 was "hey your kid acts weird! We think he has ADD and we need to correct his behaviour and give him loads of Ritalin". That did not help at all and 40 years later I realized I was autistic and it explained most of my experiences, behaviours, and the abuse I recieved at school and later in my working career. In the 80s autism was a mystery to most doctors where I lived in the Midlands.
ADD was floated around before my original DX was finalised, though even that was controversial in the UK at the time. ADD was included in the DSM in the USA in the 80s, but the ICD still only recognised HKD (Hyper Kinetic Disorder), which wasn't me. Ironically I'm currently weighing up whether to bother seeking a DX for the inattentive/mixed ADHD I'm pretty certain explains the remaining mysteries within me that aren't autistic in nature😂
I was born in 1975. I was quiet and didn’t cause problems in school so I was never diagnosed with anything. Plus I am female and my presentation is different and I am high masking. Everything was difficult for me but nobody noticed. Things have changed so much in schools. My older son is not diagnosed with ASD, only ADHD. He was born in 2000. He had an IEP but only in grade school. My younger son, 7 years younger, has a full diagnosis of AuDHD and has a full IEP and accommodations all of the way through high school. I hope that things continue to change so that kids can get the help that they need and that people SEE them and their struggles.
Thank you, so much of what you said resonates with me. But being female and quiet and never speaking up in school meant my story went quite differently.
Same - female, was quiet, did well in schoolwork (but not gifted). But, clearly I had anxiety as well as social issues in the form of rarely interacting and playing with fellow students. I was often depressed (I hid it fairly well = masked), yet I was given "good behavior awards", blehhh!
Thanks again. Tho my childhood was much less distressing than yours, I am very pleased with the treatment of my autistic grandchildren in modern schools here in Washington in the US. They even don't mind my granddaughter's incessant "Well, Actually...."'s and don't mind when she stands up in class and walks around or overtly spins around (tho they do put her in the back so she's a little less intrusive.)
My first day at primary school in the mid 70s involved me being locked in a classroom on my own to stop me from escaping. I now know this was a massive meltdown which apparently seemed to be of no major concern to anyone at the time. I had my official diagnosis 4 years ago at the age of 48.
It's odd to hear someone describe so perfectly my own experience at school - the only real difference being that I had one teacher take me aside and explain why my behavior was a bit of a problem for her during my primary school years. That particular teacher also did a lot to keep the worst of the bullying in check while she could - up to the point of recommending I should go to a higher education school when my grades hardly justified that (but it did separate me from many of my worst bullies). It turns out that she made the right call - not only did I manage to keep up, but eventually got into academia until I burnt out and had to find a more sustainable path in life. To this day, I don't know how much she realized about what was going on, but she did what she could to an extent I only fully came to appreciate a good twenty years later. The one downside is that I'm now left with the rather daunting task of geting a formal diagnosis - though given just how extreme my screening test results are, there's little doubt as to what the outcome of that will be. However, since I'm not keen on repeating that burnout that ended my academic career and many things in Germany function solely in paperwork, it's a necessary step.
Thank you for this one Quinn, i giggled to myself a couple of times during it, and it got me thinking about how many other things autistic people born in the 1960's were diagnosed with due to the - at that time - lack of knowledge of autism.
A major reason I believe that very few people were diagnosed as being autistic wasn’t due to lack of knowledge. As there was enough understanding of autism to have diagnosed so many who were diagnosed later in life, years before they were diagnosed. The reason so many didn’t find out that they were autistic later in life, was due to the attitude and beliefs of society towards mental illness due to Would War 2. In that the blame for people not being able to cope, was put down to the strength of the individual character , creating a culture of denial of there being reasons beyond the strength of the individual character
Was it you who said something very similar to this on a previous video? What period are you referring to? The spectrum wasn't properly introduced until the 1990s, so until then it was very unusual for anyone who was in the regular school system to receive a diagnosis. Do you think that those post WW2 attitudes still held that much sway in the 90s & 00s?
@@Autistamatic may be talking about the experiments the ww2 scientists did and started the autism research then. and that society back then, because of how they treated ptsd. being the ptsd is the fault of the sufferer. would've also carried over that same attitude with autism back then. 25 ish years later. people with autism would get put up in psyche wards or some lobotomized. psyche wards back then were torture. prison was safer. and maybe not specifically the spectrum like it was introduced in 1990. since definitions changed. but still, the over arching symptoms. of which it doesnt have to be precise or accurate. they would just say mentally ill. here is some lithium or psyche ward for you. and with the way prejudices are generational. Id say yes, some still held sway in the 90s. but wasnt a direction connection to ww2, but earlier films, news pieces and propaganda through the previous decades that built those attitudes. a fine example. I say i ahve asd, and people are like so youre the rainman? its the bias of preconcieved notions that doesnt go away without education. atleast that is what im assuming he meant, with some of my opinions
I remember at primary school in the 70's being so bored I left the mobile classroom and started running around it soon to be followed by my teacher trying to catch me ..such fun ! Until my parents were called!!!
My story shares some similarities to yours. I was also diagnosed during my middle school years in the 80's. While my elementary years weren't easy, it was my middle school years (age 11 to 14) that were a complete dumpser fire. The school assisted my mom with finding out what was wrong with me. Psychological and intelligence testing, counseling, etc. I remember all the testing and appointments, but all I was told was that I had a high IQ. My mother was counseled to not reveal that I was autistic since, at the time in rural America, there was no help or support for autism. My parents died early, my father of a heart attack, and as I was reaching adulthood, my mother died of cancer. I knew in her losing battle, that she was wringing her hands in worry over what would become of me, but I didn't know why at the time. I still wasn't told. It wasn't till decades later while going through the diagnostic process with one of my children while simultaneously battling a bad bout of autistic burnout that I "rediscovered" my diagnosis. While telling my older sister about my childs diagnosis, she was like "duh, it's hereditary, she got it from you". After she realized that I was never told, she layed out all that she remembered. It would have been nice to know, it might have saved my marriage. Anyway, 3 of my 4 daughters are also autistic.
As a child taken to a psychologist and all he had to say "he is a child and wll grow up and get over things". At 24 in a training college, the apparently trained child psychologist teacher, said "at first I thought you were autistic but then decided you have just developed ahead of other children?". Finally in an EMDR session the therapist noticed my traits, eventually an autistic team interview me for assessment, as the saying goes - miracles do happen, 55 yrs old finally diagnosed.
Thank you for sharing your diagnosis story. I was diagnosed 5 years ago at 60 and my school experiences and that of my sons born in the 80s have become much more understandable with hindsight. Very difficult times without the understanding that we have now.
This video format suits your style better than the highly edited ones, I'd say. The only thing I take umbrage with is the repeated subscribe and patreon pop-ups. Once in a video is enough, most people who don't subscribe after the first time they see it, or are asked, are less likely to subscribe if repeatedly asked.
After i figured out at a young age that people with Allistism simply weren't in possession of anything that could even be misconstrued as "knowledge". I just started patronizing them and telling them what they wanted to hear. All of a sudden they thought i was great 😂, Until i received my adult diagnosis, that psychologist is probably still mentally scarred from a 2 min conversation. Hasn't let me speak since 😂. He did say "i knew you were Autistic after the first two min lol.
Word of advice, watch how the allistic talk to people with down syndrome. Then talk to them in the same manner. Lower your voice, feed them platitudes and sentiment. However don't go so far as to pat them on the head. They respond extremely well to this, it's almost creepy.
Thank you Quinn another very fine video. Bring so many experiance to mind. I was a Youth worker for many years, the harm school does to so many. And does it really help people progress or just conform and compete? For the whole population. I was always interested in drawing and Wildlife. It was after School that this passion took me into every subject imaginable. Since then Ive heard so many stories from people from Mechanics to Writers to Professor saying if only it had been different at school, learning other subject could of come so much easier. It is about trusting a child to know their own way, in their own time and when they are ready. So my suggestion is.... Future dream. Schools are set up with every subject imaginable, each having their own space. Physics, Language, Art, Maths, Writing, Bike matience, Music, Geology, Judo, Dance. Sewing extra extra extra. And because knowlege is so interconnected for example taking Motor mechanics, suddle you find ooooo I need some maths, so wander of to the Math area, where you find people excited by maths, other students of all ages help out as well as teachers. Then through the mechanics you get interested in your materials, so find the geology department extra, I hope this makes sense?
I ‘almost’ got a diagnosis at 20. After both my mother and her partner died I was sent to a young psychiatrist who, out of the blue, asked me questions like: ‘were you ever called Little Professor’? I guess he’d been doing his homework as Aspergers work had just been drawing attention again. I was too old, however…
I can relate to so much of what you have just said in the late 1970's I was classed as being "sociology disturbed " by the educational psychologist (Mr Brasendale) and sent to a special school in the neighbouring town it wasn't until I was 42 years ago that I was diagnosed with autism after I started to notice parallels between myself and my autistic daughter so I asked my doctor for a referral and the rest is history
Hi Quinn. Great video as always. What do you think autistic advocates like myself should be doing to help things continue to improve for autistic individuals in the future? I've become very passionate about this as I've discovered more about myself and the potential for autistic individuals to thrive. Opportunities to make a difference are rare in everyday life, so I'm wondering if you have any advice for people looking to spread the message of neurodiversity and be part of the positive changes that autistic people have been waiting for. Hearing about your hellish time getting through the education system has likely resonated with a lot of viewers which reminds me how important it is for autistic people to be listened to and taken seriously. Thanks again for making me feel less alone.
Thanks for commenting. My only advice is to spread "the message" wherever you can and in whichever way makes best use of your skills. I didn't realise that making videos was the best way of expressing myself until I tried, so find your medium and go for it. Some of us are better suited to face-to-face advocacy, helping people one at a time, and they're as vital a link in the chain. We've got a steep face to climb, so everyone who inches us closer to that peak is needed.
When it comes to education, school was mostly fine for me. Somehow the rules of Polish school system in the 90s made sense for my brain. Problems started later. The way I was approaching learning was fine for child education. However, at uni I started having issues and I had no way of grasping what is the problem. How is it possible that me... always among the best students could now struggle. I've mostly had issues with understanding what practical use I am getting from the things that I am learning so I couldn't make all the connections. I didn't need it that much in childhood as the material was easy and I only struggled with mindless memorizing (my memory doesn't care what I want it to remember... it just stores what it wants and how it wants). I didn't finish uni. I was unable to write my master thesis because I could not understand what is expected of me (I was actually told that I am trying to write something more like a PhD thesis and it was just all growing too big). The social side of school started to become a nightmare in my teens. I wasn't bullied per se. But I've always felt that I am different and that I am not fitting in. When it came to copying my homework, I was the go to person. But when it came to inviting me to any social events... I didn't get any of that. I was coming back from school and crying that no one likes me. I didn't really have any evidence since no one wa really mean to me. But I still felt lonely. It got a bit better in highschool where at least I had one good friend. And when I was 18 I've met my partner to this day and I sometimes feel like he saved me socially. He started his evaluation for ADHD so maybe it's the case of neurodivergencies being drawn to each other. Plus I am possibly AuDHD, however, autistic traits were more obvious so it's the first diagnosis I started looking for and finally got it this year at the age of 42. Still, I needed my whole adult life of therapy since being undiagnosed lead to my huge anxiety issues (I was anxious since I remember) and then major depresive episode that ended my uni career. But possibly it was actually my first major burnout. And to this day I have no idea why brain did not let me write that thesis and get masters degree in IT. For sure, in my early 20s, I had no idea who I really am. Adulthood hit me so hard in the face. None of the systems that got me thru childhood seemed to work in adulthood. The complexity of everything was just too much. There were also no people around me I could learn from. Therapy for sure helped with some things: childhood trauma, learning about boundries (those did not really exist in my childhood). Also psychology become my special interest. Funny thing, I was thinking about studying psychology and the reason I didn't choose that was because back then it was required to write an exam in biology and my biology teacher in highschool completely destroyed that subject for me. She didn't teach anything... only expected us to memorize stuff and for all 3 years of biology she only had us rewrite notes from her past students and then have them memorized and she was checking 3 random people from the class each week on how well they memorized things we have rewritten last week. I've learnt more biology by watching Discovery during my depression period when I was unable to leave home than in school. Oh, thank God for this brilliant show from my childhood "Once Upon a Time... Life". As a child I had a passion for astronomy but I had no idea how to develope this passion into adulthood. I am still a huge science nerd. Now in my 40s I think I am starting to discover myself for real. I'm dropping my job of 12 years this month. It wasn't my original plan, but the frequency and intensity of my meltdowns were a clear sign, my nervous system cannot take this job anymore. For now I am certified coach but marketing is hard and I am only learning it now. I would love to start studying psychology and eventually become a therapist. I know I could be really good at it cause I see all those patterns in human behavior. Before I've tried telling people around me what patterns are hurting them but I have learnt the hard way that people do not like unsolicited advice. So I guess a better idea is to help people who come to me for help. The difficult part is that in Poland the entry to becoming a therapist is really long and expensive (and then everyone wonders why there is such a huge deficit of licenced specialists). That is why I first learnt to become a coach. It's a shame that people in Poland don't really understand coaching and it has the bad rep due to all the pseudo coaching everywhere. Anyway, I really feel what you've said at the end. That us older austistics should pave the way for the younger generations. I cannot have kids of my own but I really would love for next generations of neurodivergent people to have it slightly easier. I was even thinking about talking about my own experience on youtube in Polish. Tho it would be something very new. I am not afraid of a camera since I had some streaming experience (hence the channel name ;) ). But I wonder how well I talk to a camera in more video like manner. However, as I now know that I am autistic, I will stop worrying about where I am looking. That was actually a big problem for me when I tried to record myself talking in the past.
It’s interesting to me that I was born in 1984 (when you were diagnosed), and I didn’t become aware I am autistic until I was 40 years old (this year, 2024). 🖖🏾✨
I am 41 and in the process of my official diagnosis. I've only told 3 people so far, and so far only my youngest brother who has ADHD and the sibling I was closest with growing up has taken it well. He simply said "I guess that would explain some things about you," where as the others either changed the subject or said "don't reduce your uniqueness to a disease." I haven't told my mom yet (and I live with her), I suspect she won't even listen unless I tell her in an argument and then I suspect she will start treating me very different, like go from treating me like an utter disappointment to treating me like I'm incapable of understanding anything and need stickers with smiley faces and a chore chart.
It is scary how similar my experience was to yours... minus the psychologist. Nobody suspected that there was something wrong with me, they all thought I was intelligent, but lazy. It was left to me to figure it out and only channels like yours made it possible. Thank you for all you do.
My mother told my Dad I was autistic when I was just 6 years old. My dear old Dad did not believe her,not surprised because my mother suffered from a mental disorder that we did not discuss at all. After my beautiful son was diagnosed autistic,I knew that most probably I was autistic. I’ve tried to go back into my medical history but,it doesn’t go back that far,so 49 years later I’m diagnosed autistic again.
My experience was different in school i was looked at as being disruptive but stupid my IQ was tested to see if i was "special" my IQ came back as 86 which is below average so i was put in a slow people class but that didn't last they took me out of that a year later see i liked school spelling and reading was nice and for a little while i became quite good at it but still didn't get along with the teachers i learned by watching the other kids what i had to do to keep enjoying school so i just stopped trying to learn and instead goofed off it was the most fun I've ever had i started to make friends i had lots of them my attitude was i don't care which i didn't because i was having too much fun at school I've always had a difficult time learning because i questioned everything and this was looked at as being challenging i really just didn't understand only three people have been able to teach me in a way that i benefited from when i was a kid everything else i had to figure out now i can look back and understand the lessons that were trying to be taught to me whether it was life lessons or book learning and i also figured out why people behaved the way they did it's all about control and the loss of it it was never really about teaching only that their perception of control was being challenged constantly most people are like this in my experience some people tolerate it and secretly hate you and some people out right hate you very few understand or care to but my thinking now is much different than when i was little although I'm still very "disruptive" lol that's only grown stronger how else is anyone to learn if not by questioning everything anyways good video 👍
You've never been so relatable 🥰 I started reading at 4 years old. So by kindergarten, I was asking why the books were so bad. By 11 I was a chronic runaway at school. I only made it to lunch time and I'd bolt for the woods. I got assigned a school counsellor. She was supportive and tried to bridge the gap between me and my peers who had nick names for me like Know-it-all and Teacher's Pet. Then she went on maternity leave and I was on my own again. I figured out how to sneak into the art supply room and lock myself in there. Eventually the teachers caught on. I sent myself into the hall, because teachers seemed to need to go mimeograph a lot of pages back then. (probably smoke breaks) If I stayed in the class room, I would be bullied, vocally and physically sometimes. So I'd go sit in the hall and then be sent to the Principal for not staying in the class room. I often think if only I had been diagnosed, but then you remind me it might not have made a difference in my life.
I'm terrible in classroom environments and learn better alone. There's too much social politics concerning other students, rather than the lesson itself. I like teachers & tutors that are bursting to tell you more than the curriculum, or why things are more than just passing exams or assignments and I'm in no hurry to look at achievement for academic purposes. Hence, I failed a lot after GCSE. Everything was a technique in turning the next corner; into University; into bits of paper; instead of enjoying the process of discovery.
Thanks for commenting. I didn't fare well in traditional learning environments, still don't, but I did have some GOOD teachers in my day & they deserve credit for what they got right. I might do a Teatime about them some day 😊
I was diagnosed in 2003. I didn't go to a proper primary school till 1977 and then I was put a year behind I didn't do an 11 plus I was just dumped in the bottom sets at school. I also didn't do the old O levels because of ableism only allowed me to do the old CSEs due to the medical gaslighting as a baby which in turn was base don classism. I would have never got into a grammar school ot from my background and my mum always failed to fight my corner because she was fighting my siblings corner only. Classism why the GP misdiagnosed me of having brain damage and put me on Valium (Diazepam) as a baby to suppress my intelligence so I would be disappeared into the learning disability system and institutionalised. I started out in special needs schools till July 1977 which were way below my cognitive abilities.
It saddens me how many of us were screwed up by the system so much worse than me. When people react with shock at my story I often find myself pointing out that I got off lightly compared to many of the folks I talk to regularly.
I just found your channel and some of the similarities you went through are eerily similar with what I went through. Not 100%, I got lucky with a quite good infants and junior school, it was high school that destroyed me. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a teen in the mid 90s and was told that this had only been available as a diagnosis since the early 90s and that I only received the diagnosis because the guy I was sent to specialised in it. You're the first person I've heard from who got diagnosed in the 80s! I think I'm gonna go binge the rest of your videos now
I am trying to figure out why your primary school was still arranging 11+ exams in 1981. In my county, we took the supposed 'last' 11+s in 1967. Not a single person in a town of 3 primaries was allowed to pass. Now, I was not on the naughty table, but I still clearly had some major issues. I was on a table with two people who went on to be top scientists and another who ended up as an educational assessor. They all, of course, failed. The idea was probably that the county wanted to create a middle school system, by sending the whole town to the local secondary modern. Not necessarily such a bad thing to do. It worked out quite well in the end for most of the students, but the county made absolutely no effort to inform students and parents of their plans. So none of us are still any wiser 40 years since. Frankly, it completely ruined my whole education experience, as I was on the point of moving to a new county, but the new county made absolutely no effort to inform the new county what had happened. So I had to start off 3:00 at the naughty school of a county who were in no hurry to introduce a comprehensive and/or middle school system. I got shifted to a grammar after only a few months, but the damage was already done, and was worsened by moving to yet another county where I had to put up with a very experimental supposedly free & easy comprehensive. Hardly surprising that I failed all my A levels there and had to go to a local tech to finish them. 3:00
The 11+ is STILL with us in more or less the same form as it was back then. At the time I took it my local authority still held it to be more or less mandatory, though families could opt out if they lived in the catchment area of a comprehensive school. Although 11+ is no longer used as standard practice anywhere in the UK now (AFAIK) it's still maintained in areas where selective schools still exist (including some privately funded schools & "academies"), although the alternative for those who don't meet the standard of their year of entry is now the local Comprehensive School.
@@Autistamatic Thanks for that. It shows just how badly informed we were back then. But to be a bit more to the point, I met the same negativity as you from many teachers right the way through a state primary, two secondary moderns, a grammar school, a brand new comprehensive and a tech. I self-identified in 2006, and got a UK assessment in 2007 at over 60. I still find significant objections to my identity in the UK, but in the country where I have lived for decades, it is a completely taboo subject which continues to keep me very isolated. Make no mistake about, it's all about politics in both places, and always was. Hence the factional disarray in party politics just about everywhere. It's not so much about deep states, and more about deep financial elites run by the very same morons who are constantly trying to disenfranchise the majority of us.
Hearing how you ended up enjoying sitting outside the class because it gave you time to read what you wanted made me laugh. As soon as you said that teacher made you start sitting outside the class, I laughed a little, because ~I~ would have LOVED to sit away from my classmates and be able to read what I wanted lol. That's like the "punishment" of "Go to your room!" Okay, my books are all in there, so.... 🤷😂
I have revolved my misgivings and shortcomings around an event that happened 32 years ago. TBI, 45 lbs intracranial pressure, had to learn how to walk and talk and eat with a fork all over again. Psoriasis all over my body for 15 years. Took several years to be able to read an entire page in reasonable time and understand it. Academics? Pfft. I had to go to machinist school. Light reading i could handle. And working with objects that i can measure was inarguable. I got in the trade. People would get in my face and SCREAM at me when i asked them to repeat themselves three times. I struggled with processing information. And if I got a dollar for every time someone insuated how much of a man I ain't, I coulda retired at 30. But I didn't get a dollar. I got nothing. Then in 2019, an event made me ask myself the question, 'what the fuck is wrong with me?!?' It was at my cousin's Texas Thanksgiving. After eating, the commotion began. I shut down. Overwhelmed with all the conversations and noises that seemed like 1,000 decibels. At this time, I started to question that maybe a TBI was a blip on the screen of a kid/guy who was autistic all along. I now have the clarity of memory of several dozens of moments when i felt so socially awkward. Socially retarded, in my brother's opinion. Life is difficult. But life is not BAD. If life is BAD because life is DIFFICULT, life will never be GOOD.
Brilliant video. I found your story so interesting. I'm about your age and it is only now at 52 that I am seeking clarity that I may be autistic. After personal reflection on my life I strongly believe I am. My schooling experience was not enjoyable. I was not really ever on trouble as I did not like breaking rules. However I just did not fit in and I was not like others, although from the outside I gave the appearance that I was like others. As I got older I found that I could socialise better and fit in if I drunk. It was drink that helped me get through my teenage years and young adulthood. I have now had enough of that and if it was not from someone a few years back asking if I was autistic then autism would never have been on my radar. I have now extensively researched autism and found that I possess a lot of the traits. Knowing I am autistic will help me answer a lot of questions I have about my life as it did when I found out I was dyslexic 20 years ago (something else school did not spot) 🤔
In those days (I was 5 in 1981) I would have never gotten the diagnoses since I was a girl. Back then it was an only men thing. But the day I heard of asperger I was sure my grandfather had it. He was a genius in his domain but a total zero in human relations. He couldn't read faces at all. On the other hand I grew up in what we called a normal family, only most of us are autistic and we never knew. I am glad though that my daughter has the diagnoses because in Flanders it gets you accomodations at school. Like a quiet place at school and homeschooling time. Hearing from other countries it feels like here in Flanders we are very privileged.
When I was a child my mother suspected that I might have aspergers but after seeing a child psychologist they only noticed a quote on quote "ADD tendency". Combining the fact that both terms aren't used anymore nowadays and the very sad realisation that medical professionals are criminally unqualified in my neck of the woods... I might really need to get a second opinion. I shared your frustration about school. While I barely had to put in any effort in subjects that I enjoyed, I always did horribly in those that I didn't. In math class I tended to be multiple problems or pages ahead and I didn't do my english homework bc frankly I was great at it so I didn't see the point. I also got into trouble for asking too many "why" questions in physics class which is why eventually switched physics out for spanish. I enjoy learning languages but once I can read the letters and understand the grammar I get tired of grinding vocabulary. In short... I feel like I relate to people with autism more times than I don't. Same with ADHD. Honestly I might have both. I'm "fine" without a diagnosis but with each day I get more sick of feeling like the odd one out and more tired of failing at things everyone else doesn't seem to have any trouble with. So once I move again (to a place with better medical professionals) I'll try to get a diagnosis ASAP. At least to rule out anything. We'll see...
I had teach name Mr. Grimm too. Taught grade 7 to 9 social studies. I quite like his class, he treated me with respect. One the only teacher that did that. Only other was the shop teacher. I got diagnosed in 1979/80 school year. Grade 3. I was space cadet kid living in own world. I learned to read on my own and was 3 grade levels above the other kids. Had habit bouncing in seat, flapping my hands, and flipping objects. I was way to logical and would often argue with teacher about how she was wrong. I'd point inconsistencies too. It was the Canadian test of basic skills. Long test where I had to color in circle with special pencil for A, B, C, or D. I was told this didn't count for grades and that when done we could go outside and play. I quick colored in all circle at random. Not just A A A A, no sure why. Then I was the first kid to go out and play. Such relief for me. Out of the florescent lighting that hummed constantly, away from sound of squeaky special pencils, away from the smell of teachers coffee. I was the only kid out there and it was wonderful, best time ever. Then results a week later 25%, then all the doctors. Got brain scan with a ton long needles stuck in skull. Talked with all kind of Doctors. Got put into a special needs class, missing 1/2 of grade 3. No one told me what the diagnosis was but I over heard them and saw it on report of psychiatrist desk. Asperger's. I knew nothing of it so I researched it the best I could for 1980. Encyclopedia had bit on it more historical and about Asperger's children in Nazi Germany. Not much on what it really meant. I learned was acceptable and not through punishment both physical and psychological. That's how I learned challenge people was bad, people don't want to hear the truth, my stimming annoyed people though I didn't' know that was stimming. Turn to self harm, nail biting til my finger would bleed. You RUclips channel has helped me put names to lot of things I was taught as bad and unacceptable and helped me get past self hatred and shame. I can tell others about it now. I do get "that explains a lot" and "I've always suspected". Thank you for what you do here.
In 1984, in UK, yes, but not in Poland, or any other communistic country. Individualism, or seeking help outside family, was not generally encouraged there. So, for me it ended up with ‘difficult child’ in 1984, at the age of 5, and my mom was told she can look for a more accurate diagnosis at a bigger centre somewhere in capital of our voivedeship, but I am glad she did not, as autistic kids labelled difficult were institutionalised back then. There was a place for such outside my city, and the sounds coming from inside were, to say mildly, scary. But let me tell you what preceded it. I went to kinder garden at the age of 4, as all children. Until then I never met any other children, except my two younger sisters, third was not born yet, so I had no idea, that attempting to play alone is going to be seen as odd by teachers, or that it will put me on the radar of bullies. My first clash with one of those happened on the first day - he wanted the toy I was playing with. Events like that followed daily. I quickly learnt it is better to run away choosing an escape route through as many obstacles as possible. One day escaping through area with tables, and chairs, I was flipping the chairs behind me, to create even more obstacles to deter chasing me bully, but he was so enraged, he followed me recklessly and tripped over one of the chairs, fell, and got his cheek ripped open from mouth to ear on a pointing up leg of another chair. He still has scar from that accident. As it happened, he was son of a respected doctor, or something like that, while I was a son of a well-known local drunkard, so all grown ups agreed it must have been me, who was responsible, me, the instigator. On so I ended up being assessed, I have a vague recollection of people wearing white coats observing me when I played, asking odd questions. I wasn’t much of a speaker back then, and making a sentence longer than one word, on a spot, was beyond me. So I got my diagnosis. I didn’t know about it until 36, when I told my mom I am on a waiting list for autism diagnosis, and she told me then about the one I received in kinder garden.
I'd like to talk to you more about autism & your experiences in Poland, if you'd be willing to share. There's an email in the about section above if you'd like to get in touch.
@@Autistamatic I'm honoured, and I'm looking forward as well. So far I met only one autistic in real life, that I know off, because he told me, we were working together for year in a supermarket
Not young myself, and not diagnosed, but my psych agrees that I probably am autistic. However he is always very resistant to going through the process of confirmation when I bring it up, asking me why I need to. He seems to be implying that I need a known and direct benefit in order for the process to be worth it at all. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD either, but I still get the meds I need. Clearly he isn't ignorant or toxic (he's great in every other way too), he just doesn't think it's worth the trouble. Honestly not sure how to feel about it.
You're three times as autistic as I am. In 1980, before the rise of autism dianoses, I was diagnosed as schizoid. The more I learned about it, the less it fit. I recently talked to a professional who said I'm definitely not schizoid. She also said at 63 I was too old for a reliable diagnosis, but I sure seemed autistic, so let['s go with that. Not only was I not diagnosed once, I was even told that I'm too old to be diagnosed at all. But, yeah, it sure looks like autism.
born in the 70s a few years ago i got rtecords fropm my childhood oh my god i was under mental care and i had no idea wit what i know now all the things they wrote make sense all these years later offical diagnosed in 2021 there evidense was there they just never listened
@@Autistamatic looking around there are several highly amusing videos on RUclips about the “good old school days”. Here’s one; ruclips.net/video/tabin-9v6S4/видео.htmlsi=PfLPZI7d0-MK5Ifb In 1977 I was 12 and I just refused to move from the primary school I was in to the secondary school - my parents eventually gave up after several months of trying and failing to get me to go, and got special permission from the arch bishop to send me to a catholic school that was a 30 minute bus ride away. I wasn’t catholic - I’ve always been an atheist in fact - but that school felt less threatening than the secondary which, for the life of me, gave me maximum security prison vibes and freaked me tf out. Yeah, needless to say, I kinda dropped out anyway, hardly attended, and checked out when I was there. I officially left as soon as I could at 16 without any CSE or O level exams and I cared not one whit. Kinda funny looking back as a successful IT consultant with a 4 year BSc hons degree. :D
Kids in school called me an oaf. I wasn't dumb, but between undiagnosed dyslexia and attention problems due to boredom and a really difficult time forming connections with other people except for the other eccentric girl in my kindergarten class who was probably autistic too I just didn't have much to draw my interests on in school and I react a bit slower so that appears like an oaf.
From your stories you seem to have had an extremely strong willpower in school. I do wonder if this is one reason allot of autistics get missed, many invalidate their natural selves by being bullied and pressured into submission by their teachers and/or "superiors" and eventually they believe everything about them is wrong, like they're stupid, lazy and troublemakers. While the ones who standup for themselves draw more attention (you could argue this is pretty much masking vs unmasked) which eventually leads to a professional psychological evaluation. I was absolutely terrified of the teachers at school and would never intentionally do something bad, I had panic attacks when I thought teachers was going to tell me off. The worst was when we was making Papier-mâché masks while we was studying Egyptian history, I took some paper off the roll on the teachers desk and a few minutes later the teacher raised his voice "who took paper off my desk!" When I heard that I lost my breath and felt like I was suffocating. This same teacher did actually lift me out of my chair one day and put me in the bin while the entire class stared at me. I didnt say anything and remained there with a blank expression on my face. To be honest I really wish I could go back with everything I know now. They would've never got away with doing things like that to me. I really wish I would've been stronger and stood up for myself.
To be honest I've come to call this "narrative building" it's something I've noticed among neurotypicals where they create stories from people's actions and often conflate sinister motives for extremely silly and small things. Like calling us lazy or troublemakers just because we find it hard to stay within the confines of rules that are never made obvious to us.
The worst thing is when the teacher put me in the bin I felt like I deserved it. Like I expected that treatment because all of my time in school the teachers made me feel like I was worthless... I did change once I got into highschool, I rebelled and became extremely disruptive and acted like a wild animal during class. Who says strict discipline makes kids better at school? I was fed up by the time I got into highschool and revolted against the teachers and wouldn't do anything. To be honest I'm surprised I never saw a psychologist at this point. The only lessons I participated in at school was science lessions. I was fascinated by science and still am.
This is all so relatable. I had many similar experiences. I'm sorry your teacher treated you like that. That's so abusive and should've cost them their job, at the least. I understand the desire to have stood up for yourself. I hope you don't blame yourself for not being able to. We're taught not to "talk back" or disagree with authority figures from a young age, so you weren't really set up to do that. Plus I feel that self advocacy is extra hard for autistic folks.
@@rainbowconnected I remember researching self advocacy in relation to autism, my very first thought was "why wasn't we ever taught about this in school? Everybody should be taught about self advocacy regardless of if you're autistic or not". Maybe my view is skewed from my own experiences which gives me the assumption everybody would've benefited from being taught about it. I know there's definitely areas where self advocacy has started to be implemented into education, specifically sex education.
@@Autistamatic Thanks for the brilliant video and a reminder of a passion to see the whole School system needs to change. And Autistic people need to be embraced for their contribution.
Easily answered. We all have different sensory issues. I'm more physically comfortable with my beard & shaved head than I ever was with a bare chin and a head of hair.
I can't speak for Quinn, but shaving was a real pain and on the other hand my beard was quite soft and never a problem. I never minded being different, so a ZZ Top style beard was just another way of being individualistic.
@@theresjer Indeed - a long beard, just like long hair, can be both a handy social barrier and a surreptitious stim-toy😉 It's an accessory that you can't leave behind!
That twiddling thingamy up in the corner is quite irritating. Each time I lose seconds of what you're saying. And that is annoying. 😂 I could of course listen without watching, but I like to see the facial expressions and behaviours when someone's speaking to me. (People always laugh when I say, wait a minute, I need my glasses or else I can't hear you) That was not Philip Glass though, or was it?
The "twiddling thingamy" has become a bit of a running joke with some viewers in recent weeks. It started as an error, but certain people are looking out for it now. Trouble is - I have to think up new "twiddles" now😂 They appear at regular intervals, if that helps😉
@@Autistamatic whatever it is and wherever it does what it does, it will throw me off balance. Has no one else "complained"? You turned up in my feed, because I've been watching quite a lot on autism. I don't know whether I'm on the spectrum, but it would explain quite a few of my quirks and my weirdnesses. But at the age of 71, what good would a diagnosis do me? Thanks for answering. Have a peaceful evening.
FYI - should have put a caption up in the video... "OXBRIDGE" is a contraction of "OXford and camBRIDGE" - generally regarded as the traditional homes of English academia. Knowing what I know now... I would NOT have thrived in those environments, so that "potential" was misplaced😉😉
Quick show of hands.. how many of us (Americans, even) already knew of the contraction? .. ✋
I'm still trying to get past "obdurate".
Stubbornly refusing to change@@bruce5
I love that you clarified that, because... I can trust people who define their terms.
I actually understood that! My first thought was exactly Oxford and Cambridge.
The part about the teacher thinking you were playing dumb or being coy, because they knew you to be smart was pretty powerful. Our spikey profiles can be so easily misunderstood.
Thank you for sharing your diagnosis story with us.
I'm a few years older than you Quinn, and a continent away (U.S.), but we had a stunningly similar experience. It was clear that I was academically gifted, but it only got me in trouble in school. For example, I literally got kicked out of class for explaining Einstein's theory of relativity in a way the students could understand, when the teacher did not. But I didn't get diagnosed. I got isolated, minimized, and bullied by teachers and students for my academic success. Sure, I got scholarships, and ended up a successful professor, but even there, the academic gifts that come with Asperger's are mostly punished not rewarded. Truly, in the neurotypical dominated world: The protruding nail shall be hammered down.
Diagnosed at age 50, I'm 2 weeks away from going in for an ADHD assessment as I write this. We were given a hard road, and no map to find our way.
Most people live their life. Some need to navigate through it.
I was 17 in 1984 when you were diagnosed, Quinn. I knew I was different. I didn't know why until this past March when I was tested and got my Autism diagnosis. This was actually just a small part of a larger diagnosis of complicated Ehlers Danlos Syndrome - autism is correlated with EDS, so at this point in life, it wasn't terribly surprising. I was diagnosed with ADHD when my sons were diagnosed in their teenage years (20 yrs ago). Like you, I am pursuing understanding and answers so I can share that with my children and grandchildren. I'm glad you said that because I feel it is so important to share that knowledge.
A thought just occurred to me - is any person or entity crowdsourcing information and experiences about Autism - or even more specifically, information and experiences of those of us who are in that "Lost Generation"? If it isn't happening yet, perhaps we could use our community's collective brainpower to create a space for that information and knowledge. No one researches better than an Autistic person with a special interest. ;) Just saying.
If you've any ideas or expertise in this area, I'd like to talk to you more. There's an email address in the about section above if you'd like to get in touch.
Reading the comments feels like I'm surrounded by peers except for a couple things.
I'm 49 and I'm choosing to not seek an assessment even though everyone has relatable backstories. I never had a family of my own and I've observed other people having a lot of difficulty after having an official assessment and diagnosis. I don't have future generations to think of. Its just me. The prejudices that exist because of assumptions and having autism in my medical chart I recognize that would lead to being taken less seriously. Reality in my situation is self acceptance is of more.value than a clinical diagnosis. It helps me understand myself. It's not like a diagnosis would give me more support at this point.
100%, same boat here.
It's a personal decision & nobody should put pressure on anyone else to choose otherwise. I'll be talking more about self ID in coming weeks, when I've got a bit more time to devote to editing👍
I was diagnosed in my late 30s. I didn't know anything about autism and wasn't seeking a diagnosis of autism. I was trying to get help with crippling anxiety. When I was sent to be assessed and diagnosed, I was excited that maybe is finally get some answers and some help. But no. I was never offered any services or help, despite my diagnosis clearly stating that I required support. Here I am, at 46, still trying desperately to hold a job longer than a few years before panic forces me to quit. I'm single and can't stand people anymore because of PTSD. I just say all of that to agree with you that diagnosis won't help. After I was diagnosed, if I tell people, even my other doctors, they simply deny it to my face. Like what? If I told them I had high cholesterol, would they say, "no you don't"? I don't understand but I think diagnoses has actually made my situation worse.
@@Rainingravens1 it's taken years for my mom to understand alone that I'm pretty certain I'm autistic and all that does is help me understand me and connect with people like me.
Loved the Tiswas insert (though it was always 'Today is Saturday, Watch and Suffer' for me as I was a Swap Shop kind of kid 😁). An interesting journey you've had, Quinn. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. My teacher never had any interest in me and is probably why I am still self realised now at the age of 47. The treatment I was given at school by my peers is the reason that when one of my girls was thought to need assessment for autism I had both of them assessed and both are Autistic, son still on waiting for ADHD. At school I was the quiet one, always looked happy and always smiling when inside I was wishing my life away. They never saw past the mask I created for myself to notice all the bullying from others, I was just the quiet pleasant kid in the corner that got her homework done on time and never asked any questions....not because I didn't have any but because I would get further ridiculed by my peers for showing any kind of interest. My 2 daughters and son now all get the accommodations I was never given and could have really helped me, so I am at least grateful for my middle child's teacher for putting the assessment idea to us as at least it has meant as a family we have learnt that we are all ND in one way or another, it's helped all of us! 😊
Thank you too👍 If I'd NOT asked questions and had been the quiet, homework-in-on-time type like yourself, I wouldn't have got my teen diagnosis, but I might have fared better in education and not left school at 16 with nothing in the way of useful qualifications. We can only do the best we can with the hand we're dealt & it sounds like you're doing a pretty good job with yours😊
Born in 1974. Had a difficult relationship with school. Similar to your experience Quinn. I wasn’t diagnosed though. Didn’t figure that out till I was 42. Main reason I wish to comment. My Dad whom raised me by himself. He never let the school run me over. Now. When he agreed that I had misbehaved I would get in trouble. Otherwise he went toe to toe many times and “put” them in their place. Quinn, hearing how your mother backed you brought a smile to me.
In some ways I am glad I was only diagnosed with autism in my last 40s. I hate to think what my life would have been like if I was diagnosed earlier.
I was already bullied and called stupid. Adding autistic on top of that from a country that only diagnosed the first case of autism in 1988. Boy that wouldn’t have been a great time.
I a. Glad I know now though.
I wish they did more research on perimenopause and the effects on autistic women. Really misses with you.
YES. Oh my gosh. I wish i could just go to a cabin in the woods for the next 10 years while i ride it out.
Part of the reason I pursued a diagnosis at 52 was because of the lack of information about aging autistics. I have four kids, one diagnosed autistic as an adult, one peer reviewed as autistic, one with undiagnosed adhd, and one who is probably AuDHD, being the most like me (yes, my adhd wife and I are spicy!). I want them to have been information on how to live their lives, and knowing where they come from is a huge piece of that. I’ve also been in contact with some researchers who studying aging and autism for the same reason.
Any studies, researchers, etc you can share about aging autistics?
I'd be interested in that information too.
@@username46100 not a lot. The one I’ve been in contact with is Dr. Lauren Bishop with the Waisman Center’s Aging and Health Equity in Autism and Developmental Disabilities (AHEADD) study. They have partner research teams they are working with in different locations in the US.
@@AstridSouthSea check out my other reply to this thread.
Good old school trauma.
There's not much of my schooldays that I'd care to relive on camera, but this story is one I've been asked about SOOOO many times (and not always in friendly, curious terms😉)
Mr Grimm was one of many teachers I had similar difficulties with, but they weren't the ones who marched me down to the headmaster that day, setting all this in motion.
@@AutistamaticYour story brought to mind a similar personal experience, and my immediate thought was, "oh no, not this!" I didn't want to relive it, even in my memory. My mom saved me too. Bless them.
being autistic is being punished for being inquisitive most day. its maddening. when the typical only care about social hierarchies. Ive had them get mad at me for "knowing better than the experts" for asking questions and not taking their word at face value. when people ask me that now, which always has snark. I just say, yes. I do know better. doenst help either of us. but they see me as a know it all anyway. and trying to explain just makes me drained.
wanting data for my world view is always knowing better, or being a know it all. and lets be honest. experts are human too, theyre not robots.
nobody knows everything, BUT. everyone knows something you dont. words to live by
I "forgot" my PE kit so many times as well. Must be the ADHD memory!! (It quite often was _actual_ forgetfulness.)
Thank you, thought provoking film.
My own schooling was very up and down. I really enjoyed learning, but didn't like the others around me. I hated PE and soon refused outright to participate. I wouldn't wear shorts so i was the only kid wearing trousers, i can see now that I was trying extend my comfort zone into the school. I did well in my lessons always in the top 10% (except for maths, numbers haven't ever worked for me)
Big trauma came when we moved house during Summer holidays, 3yrs into Technical Grammar school and then straight into a secondary modern. I gave up, the new school was 2 and even 3 years behind in all subjects. There was no more learning, I tried to explain to the head master, told him i was bored and that i needed something new and challenging, got no where, he got offended and he gave up on me. I never did homework or PE. and for 2yrs i was left alone. A few teachers would give me different class time projects to do, always welcome. I spent a lot of my time educating myself at home, doing field surveys of the local wildlife and always loads of arts and crafts. I left school with very good 'O levels but no desire whatsoever to continue my education within the 'education system'.
I went into animal husbandry, learning from some of the best in the field and to this day i am still learning and I am very happy with my work experience. I've ticked all of the boxes I'd set and quite few l had not forseen. My personal life though, has been a shambles. None of that has ever really worked, spent most of my life single, I've had my moments but on the whole not a great success but I wouldn't change a single second of my life, because everything said, seen and done has brought me to this moment now. Still here and able to appreciate my achievements.
I self diagnosed when I was 53, 7 years ago, and I am now about 2 months away from official diagnosis, after a 2 year wait. I'm going to become a statistic and what they learn from me will go towards making it easier for subsequent generations of NDs. Got to be worth it, just for that reason.
Oh yeah ! And i will have a new truth about myself.
Tatty bye for now. Bob. 🧔 👍
Thanks for that Bob. It was oddly comforting reading😊
12:13 "Unflattering judgments" plaguing my whole life, when actually I'm autistic, and how I am is perfectly normal for me... The feeling of solidarity is so strong, I'm fighting back tears of joy. Most of my school life was "special ed" which felt like a dumping grounds for kids who the mainstream schools didnt wanna bother with. I never liked any year of school.
My experience in 1983 was "hey your kid acts weird! We think he has ADD and we need to correct his behaviour and give him loads of Ritalin". That did not help at all and 40 years later I realized I was autistic and it explained most of my experiences, behaviours, and the abuse I recieved at school and later in my working career. In the 80s autism was a mystery to most doctors where I lived in the Midlands.
ADD was floated around before my original DX was finalised, though even that was controversial in the UK at the time. ADD was included in the DSM in the USA in the 80s, but the ICD still only recognised HKD (Hyper Kinetic Disorder), which wasn't me.
Ironically I'm currently weighing up whether to bother seeking a DX for the inattentive/mixed ADHD I'm pretty certain explains the remaining mysteries within me that aren't autistic in nature😂
It was the same way here in NC, USA even in the 2000s. Thankfully my dad objected.
I was born in 1975. I was quiet and didn’t cause problems in school so I was never diagnosed with anything. Plus I am female and my presentation is different and I am high masking. Everything was difficult for me but nobody noticed. Things have changed so much in schools. My older son is not diagnosed with ASD, only ADHD. He was born in 2000. He had an IEP but only in grade school. My younger son, 7 years younger, has a full diagnosis of AuDHD and has a full IEP and accommodations all of the way through high school. I hope that things continue to change so that kids can get the help that they need and that people SEE them and their struggles.
Thank you for sharing. I am 56, female, queer, and lately realized, quite obviously, austistic. Your childhood experience mirrors mine quite a bit.
💜😊
Thank you, so much of what you said resonates with me. But being female and quiet and never speaking up in school meant my story went quite differently.
Thanks for commenting. Differences such as you describe will be the subject of an upcoming release👍
Same - female, was quiet, did well in schoolwork (but not gifted). But, clearly I had anxiety as well as social issues in the form of rarely interacting and playing with fellow students. I was often depressed (I hid it fairly well = masked), yet I was given "good behavior awards", blehhh!
Thanks again. Tho my childhood was much less distressing than yours, I am very pleased with the treatment of my autistic grandchildren in modern schools here in Washington in the US. They even don't mind my granddaughter's incessant "Well, Actually...."'s and don't mind when she stands up in class and walks around or overtly spins around (tho they do put her in the back so she's a little less intrusive.)
Great to hear👍
My first day at primary school in the mid 70s involved me being locked in a classroom on my own to stop me from escaping. I now know this was a massive meltdown which apparently seemed to be of no major concern to anyone at the time. I had my official diagnosis 4 years ago at the age of 48.
It's odd to hear someone describe so perfectly my own experience at school - the only real difference being that I had one teacher take me aside and explain why my behavior was a bit of a problem for her during my primary school years. That particular teacher also did a lot to keep the worst of the bullying in check while she could - up to the point of recommending I should go to a higher education school when my grades hardly justified that (but it did separate me from many of my worst bullies). It turns out that she made the right call - not only did I manage to keep up, but eventually got into academia until I burnt out and had to find a more sustainable path in life.
To this day, I don't know how much she realized about what was going on, but she did what she could to an extent I only fully came to appreciate a good twenty years later. The one downside is that I'm now left with the rather daunting task of geting a formal diagnosis - though given just how extreme my screening test results are, there's little doubt as to what the outcome of that will be. However, since I'm not keen on repeating that burnout that ended my academic career and many things in Germany function solely in paperwork, it's a necessary step.
Thank you for this one Quinn, i giggled to myself a couple of times during it, and it got me thinking about how many other things autistic people born in the 1960's were diagnosed with due to the - at that time - lack of knowledge of autism.
A major reason I believe that very few people were diagnosed as being autistic wasn’t due to lack of knowledge. As there was enough understanding of autism to have diagnosed so many who were diagnosed later in life, years before they were diagnosed.
The reason so many didn’t find out that they were autistic later in life, was due to the attitude and beliefs of society towards mental illness due to Would War 2. In that the blame for people not being able to cope, was put down to the strength of the individual character , creating a culture of denial of there being reasons beyond the strength of the individual character
Was it you who said something very similar to this on a previous video? What period are you referring to? The spectrum wasn't properly introduced until the 1990s, so until then it was very unusual for anyone who was in the regular school system to receive a diagnosis. Do you think that those post WW2 attitudes still held that much sway in the 90s & 00s?
@@Autistamatic may be talking about the experiments the ww2 scientists did and started the autism research then. and that society back then, because of how they treated ptsd. being the ptsd is the fault of the sufferer. would've also carried over that same attitude with autism back then. 25 ish years later. people with autism would get put up in psyche wards or some lobotomized. psyche wards back then were torture. prison was safer.
and maybe not specifically the spectrum like it was introduced in 1990. since definitions changed. but still, the over arching symptoms. of which it doesnt have to be precise or accurate. they would just say mentally ill. here is some lithium or psyche ward for you.
and with the way prejudices are generational. Id say yes, some still held sway in the 90s. but wasnt a direction connection to ww2, but earlier films, news pieces and propaganda through the previous decades that built those attitudes. a fine example. I say i ahve asd, and people are like so youre the rainman?
its the bias of preconcieved notions that doesnt go away without education.
atleast that is what im assuming he meant, with some of my opinions
@@Autistamaticwith the boomers it did.
I remember at primary school in the 70's being so bored I left the mobile classroom and started running around it soon to be followed by my teacher trying to catch me ..such fun ! Until my parents were called!!!
Very interesting story Quinn. Thanks for sharing 💜
My story shares some similarities to yours. I was also diagnosed during my middle school years in the 80's. While my elementary years weren't easy, it was my middle school years (age 11 to 14) that were a complete dumpser fire. The school assisted my mom with finding out what was wrong with me. Psychological and intelligence testing, counseling, etc. I remember all the testing and appointments, but all I was told was that I had a high IQ. My mother was counseled to not reveal that I was autistic since, at the time in rural America, there was no help or support for autism. My parents died early, my father of a heart attack, and as I was reaching adulthood, my mother died of cancer. I knew in her losing battle, that she was wringing her hands in worry over what would become of me, but I didn't know why at the time. I still wasn't told. It wasn't till decades later while going through the diagnostic process with one of my children while simultaneously battling a bad bout of autistic burnout that I "rediscovered" my diagnosis. While telling my older sister about my childs diagnosis, she was like "duh, it's hereditary, she got it from you". After she realized that I was never told, she layed out all that she remembered. It would have been nice to know, it might have saved my marriage. Anyway, 3 of my 4 daughters are also autistic.
Thanks for sharing Kerry. I really appreciate it.
As a child taken to a psychologist and all he had to say "he is a child and wll grow up and get over things". At 24 in a training college, the apparently trained child psychologist teacher, said "at first I thought you were autistic but then decided you have just developed ahead of other children?". Finally in an EMDR session the therapist noticed my traits, eventually an autistic team interview me for assessment, as the saying goes - miracles do happen, 55 yrs old finally diagnosed.
Thank you for sharing your diagnosis story. I was diagnosed 5 years ago at 60 and my school experiences and that of my sons born in the 80s have become much more understandable with hindsight. Very difficult times without the understanding that we have now.
This video format suits your style better than the highly edited ones, I'd say. The only thing I take umbrage with is the repeated subscribe and patreon pop-ups. Once in a video is enough, most people who don't subscribe after the first time they see it, or are asked, are less likely to subscribe if repeatedly asked.
After i figured out at a young age that people with Allistism simply weren't in possession of anything that could even be misconstrued as "knowledge". I just started patronizing them and telling them what they wanted to hear. All of a sudden they thought i was great 😂, Until i received my adult diagnosis, that psychologist is probably still mentally scarred from a 2 min conversation. Hasn't let me speak since 😂. He did say "i knew you were Autistic after the first two min lol.
Word of advice, watch how the allistic talk to people with down syndrome. Then talk to them in the same manner. Lower your voice, feed them platitudes and sentiment. However don't go so far as to pat them on the head. They respond extremely well to this, it's almost creepy.
Thank you Quinn another very fine video.
Bring so many experiance to mind.
I was a Youth worker for many years, the harm school does to so many. And does it really help people progress or just conform and compete? For the whole population.
I was always interested in drawing and Wildlife. It was after School that this passion took me into every subject imaginable. Since then Ive heard so many stories from people from Mechanics to Writers to Professor saying if only it had been different at school, learning other subject could of come so much easier. It is about trusting a child to know their own way, in their own time and when they are ready.
So my suggestion is....
Future dream.
Schools are set up with every subject imaginable, each having their own space.
Physics, Language, Art, Maths, Writing, Bike matience, Music, Geology, Judo, Dance. Sewing extra extra extra.
And because knowlege is so interconnected for example taking Motor mechanics, suddle you find ooooo I need some maths, so wander of to the Math area, where you find people excited by maths, other students of all ages help out as well as teachers. Then through the mechanics you get interested in your materials, so find the geology department extra,
I hope this makes sense?
Thanks for commenting. I'm glad you had someone fighting your corner with you💜
Oh this was wonderful. Thank you for sharing that.
I ‘almost’ got a diagnosis at 20. After both my mother and her partner died I was sent to a young psychiatrist who, out of the blue, asked me questions like: ‘were you ever called Little Professor’? I guess he’d been doing his homework as Aspergers work had just been drawing attention again. I was too old, however…
I can relate to so much of what you have just said in the late 1970's I was classed as being "sociology disturbed " by the educational psychologist (Mr Brasendale) and sent to a special school in the neighbouring town it wasn't until I was 42 years ago that I was diagnosed with autism after I started to notice parallels between myself and my autistic daughter so I asked my doctor for a referral and the rest is history
Thanks Quin, this format is very informative and I like the relaxed setting
❤❤ one of your best videos yet! This story really touched me and sounds very similar to a man I used to date whom we have long suspected was autistic.
Thanks for the feedback😊
Hi Quinn. Great video as always.
What do you think autistic advocates like myself should be doing to help things continue to improve for autistic individuals in the future?
I've become very passionate about this as I've discovered more about myself and the potential for autistic individuals to thrive. Opportunities to make a difference are rare in everyday life, so I'm wondering if you have any advice for people looking to spread the message of neurodiversity and be part of the positive changes that autistic people have been waiting for.
Hearing about your hellish time getting through the education system has likely resonated with a lot of viewers which reminds me how important it is for autistic people to be listened to and taken seriously.
Thanks again for making me feel less alone.
Thanks for commenting. My only advice is to spread "the message" wherever you can and in whichever way makes best use of your skills. I didn't realise that making videos was the best way of expressing myself until I tried, so find your medium and go for it. Some of us are better suited to face-to-face advocacy, helping people one at a time, and they're as vital a link in the chain. We've got a steep face to climb, so everyone who inches us closer to that peak is needed.
When it comes to education, school was mostly fine for me. Somehow the rules of Polish school system in the 90s made sense for my brain. Problems started later. The way I was approaching learning was fine for child education. However, at uni I started having issues and I had no way of grasping what is the problem. How is it possible that me... always among the best students could now struggle. I've mostly had issues with understanding what practical use I am getting from the things that I am learning so I couldn't make all the connections. I didn't need it that much in childhood as the material was easy and I only struggled with mindless memorizing (my memory doesn't care what I want it to remember... it just stores what it wants and how it wants). I didn't finish uni. I was unable to write my master thesis because I could not understand what is expected of me (I was actually told that I am trying to write something more like a PhD thesis and it was just all growing too big).
The social side of school started to become a nightmare in my teens. I wasn't bullied per se. But I've always felt that I am different and that I am not fitting in. When it came to copying my homework, I was the go to person. But when it came to inviting me to any social events... I didn't get any of that. I was coming back from school and crying that no one likes me. I didn't really have any evidence since no one wa really mean to me. But I still felt lonely. It got a bit better in highschool where at least I had one good friend. And when I was 18 I've met my partner to this day and I sometimes feel like he saved me socially. He started his evaluation for ADHD so maybe it's the case of neurodivergencies being drawn to each other. Plus I am possibly AuDHD, however, autistic traits were more obvious so it's the first diagnosis I started looking for and finally got it this year at the age of 42. Still, I needed my whole adult life of therapy since being undiagnosed lead to my huge anxiety issues (I was anxious since I remember) and then major depresive episode that ended my uni career. But possibly it was actually my first major burnout. And to this day I have no idea why brain did not let me write that thesis and get masters degree in IT. For sure, in my early 20s, I had no idea who I really am. Adulthood hit me so hard in the face. None of the systems that got me thru childhood seemed to work in adulthood. The complexity of everything was just too much. There were also no people around me I could learn from. Therapy for sure helped with some things: childhood trauma, learning about boundries (those did not really exist in my childhood). Also psychology become my special interest. Funny thing, I was thinking about studying psychology and the reason I didn't choose that was because back then it was required to write an exam in biology and my biology teacher in highschool completely destroyed that subject for me. She didn't teach anything... only expected us to memorize stuff and for all 3 years of biology she only had us rewrite notes from her past students and then have them memorized and she was checking 3 random people from the class each week on how well they memorized things we have rewritten last week. I've learnt more biology by watching Discovery during my depression period when I was unable to leave home than in school. Oh, thank God for this brilliant show from my childhood "Once Upon a Time... Life". As a child I had a passion for astronomy but I had no idea how to develope this passion into adulthood. I am still a huge science nerd.
Now in my 40s I think I am starting to discover myself for real. I'm dropping my job of 12 years this month. It wasn't my original plan, but the frequency and intensity of my meltdowns were a clear sign, my nervous system cannot take this job anymore. For now I am certified coach but marketing is hard and I am only learning it now. I would love to start studying psychology and eventually become a therapist. I know I could be really good at it cause I see all those patterns in human behavior. Before I've tried telling people around me what patterns are hurting them but I have learnt the hard way that people do not like unsolicited advice. So I guess a better idea is to help people who come to me for help. The difficult part is that in Poland the entry to becoming a therapist is really long and expensive (and then everyone wonders why there is such a huge deficit of licenced specialists). That is why I first learnt to become a coach. It's a shame that people in Poland don't really understand coaching and it has the bad rep due to all the pseudo coaching everywhere.
Anyway, I really feel what you've said at the end. That us older austistics should pave the way for the younger generations. I cannot have kids of my own but I really would love for next generations of neurodivergent people to have it slightly easier. I was even thinking about talking about my own experience on youtube in Polish. Tho it would be something very new. I am not afraid of a camera since I had some streaming experience (hence the channel name ;) ). But I wonder how well I talk to a camera in more video like manner. However, as I now know that I am autistic, I will stop worrying about where I am looking. That was actually a big problem for me when I tried to record myself talking in the past.
It’s interesting to me that I was born in 1984 (when you were diagnosed), and I didn’t become aware I am autistic until I was 40 years old (this year, 2024). 🖖🏾✨
I am 41 and in the process of my official diagnosis. I've only told 3 people so far, and so far only my youngest brother who has ADHD and the sibling I was closest with growing up has taken it well. He simply said "I guess that would explain some things about you," where as the others either changed the subject or said "don't reduce your uniqueness to a disease." I haven't told my mom yet (and I live with her), I suspect she won't even listen unless I tell her in an argument and then I suspect she will start treating me very different, like go from treating me like an utter disappointment to treating me like I'm incapable of understanding anything and need stickers with smiley faces and a chore chart.
It is scary how similar my experience was to yours... minus the psychologist. Nobody suspected that there was something wrong with me, they all thought I was intelligent, but lazy. It was left to me to figure it out and only channels like yours made it possible. Thank you for all you do.
My mother told my Dad I was autistic when I was just 6 years old. My dear old Dad did not believe her,not surprised because my mother suffered from a mental disorder that we did not discuss at all. After my beautiful son was diagnosed autistic,I knew that most probably I was autistic. I’ve tried to go back into my medical history but,it doesn’t go back that far,so 49 years later I’m diagnosed autistic again.
I’m 53, too, and finally getting assessed. Congratulations on the early diagnosis. I hope it helped.
Thanks for the video, this was really interesting to listen to 😊
My experience was different in school i was looked at as being disruptive but stupid my IQ was tested to see if i was "special" my IQ came back as 86 which is below average so i was put in a slow people class but that didn't last they took me out of that a year later see i liked school spelling and reading was nice and for a little while i became quite good at it but still didn't get along with the teachers i learned by watching the other kids what i had to do to keep enjoying school so i just stopped trying to learn and instead goofed off it was the most fun I've ever had i started to make friends i had lots of them my attitude was i don't care which i didn't because i was having too much fun at school I've always had a difficult time learning because i questioned everything and this was looked at as being challenging i really just didn't understand only three people have been able to teach me in a way that i benefited from when i was a kid everything else i had to figure out now i can look back and understand the lessons that were trying to be taught to me whether it was life lessons or book learning and i also figured out why people behaved the way they did it's all about control and the loss of it it was never really about teaching only that their perception of control was being challenged constantly most people are like this in my experience some people tolerate it and secretly hate you and some people out right hate you very few understand or care to but my thinking now is much different than when i was little although I'm still very "disruptive" lol that's only grown stronger how else is anyone to learn if not by questioning everything anyways good video 👍
You've never been so relatable 🥰 I started reading at 4 years old. So by kindergarten, I was asking why the books were so bad. By 11 I was a chronic runaway at school. I only made it to lunch time and I'd bolt for the woods. I got assigned a school counsellor. She was supportive and tried to bridge the gap between me and my peers who had nick names for me like Know-it-all and Teacher's Pet. Then she went on maternity leave and I was on my own again. I figured out how to sneak into the art supply room and lock myself in there. Eventually the teachers caught on.
I sent myself into the hall, because teachers seemed to need to go mimeograph a lot of pages back then. (probably smoke breaks) If I stayed in the class room, I would be bullied, vocally and physically sometimes. So I'd go sit in the hall and then be sent to the Principal for not staying in the class room.
I often think if only I had been diagnosed, but then you remind me it might not have made a difference in my life.
I'm terrible in classroom environments and learn better alone. There's too much social politics concerning other students, rather than the lesson itself. I like teachers & tutors that are bursting to tell you more than the curriculum, or why things are more than just passing exams or assignments and I'm in no hurry to look at achievement for academic purposes. Hence, I failed a lot after GCSE. Everything was a technique in turning the next corner; into University; into bits of paper; instead of enjoying the process of discovery.
Thanks for commenting. I didn't fare well in traditional learning environments, still don't, but I did have some GOOD teachers in my day & they deserve credit for what they got right. I might do a Teatime about them some day 😊
I was diagnosed in 2003. I didn't go to a proper primary school till 1977 and then I was put a year behind I didn't do an 11 plus I was just dumped in the bottom sets at school. I also didn't do the old O levels because of ableism only allowed me to do the old CSEs due to the medical gaslighting as a baby which in turn was base don classism. I would have never got into a grammar school ot from my background and my mum always failed to fight my corner because she was fighting my siblings corner only. Classism why the GP misdiagnosed me of having brain damage and put me on Valium (Diazepam) as a baby to suppress my intelligence so I would be disappeared into the learning disability system and institutionalised. I started out in special needs schools till July 1977 which were way below my cognitive abilities.
It saddens me how many of us were screwed up by the system so much worse than me. When people react with shock at my story I often find myself pointing out that I got off lightly compared to many of the folks I talk to regularly.
Thats is horrendous, people in authority have an awful lot to answer for.
Thanks Quinn
While watching this video, I get an insatiable urge to watch that really good 1969 movie "Kes" next.
I just found your channel and some of the similarities you went through are eerily similar with what I went through. Not 100%, I got lucky with a quite good infants and junior school, it was high school that destroyed me. I was diagnosed with Asperger's as a teen in the mid 90s and was told that this had only been available as a diagnosis since the early 90s and that I only received the diagnosis because the guy I was sent to specialised in it. You're the first person I've heard from who got diagnosed in the 80s! I think I'm gonna go binge the rest of your videos now
I am trying to figure out why your primary school was still arranging 11+ exams in 1981. In my county, we took the supposed 'last' 11+s in 1967. Not a single person in a town of 3 primaries was allowed to pass. Now, I was not on the naughty table, but I still clearly had some major issues. I was on a table with two people who went on to be top scientists and
another who ended up as an educational assessor. They all, of course, failed. The idea was probably that the county wanted to create a middle school system, by sending the whole town to the local secondary modern. Not necessarily such a bad thing to do. It worked out quite well in the end for most of the students, but the county made absolutely no effort to inform students and parents of their plans. So none of us are still any wiser 40 years since. Frankly, it completely ruined my whole education experience, as I was on the point of moving to a new county, but the new county made absolutely no effort to inform the new county what had happened. So I had to start off 3:00 at the naughty school of a county who were in no hurry to introduce a comprehensive and/or middle school system. I got shifted to a grammar after only a few months, but the damage was already done, and was worsened by moving to yet another county where I had to put up with a very experimental supposedly free & easy comprehensive. Hardly surprising that I failed all my A levels there and had to go to a local tech to finish them. 3:00
The 11+ is STILL with us in more or less the same form as it was back then. At the time I took it my local authority still held it to be more or less mandatory, though families could opt out if they lived in the catchment area of a comprehensive school. Although 11+ is no longer used as standard practice anywhere in the UK now (AFAIK) it's still maintained in areas where selective schools still exist (including some privately funded schools & "academies"), although the alternative for those who don't meet the standard of their year of entry is now the local Comprehensive School.
@@Autistamatic Thanks for that. It shows just how badly informed we were back then. But to be a bit more to the point, I met the same negativity as you from many teachers right the way through a state primary, two secondary moderns, a grammar school, a brand new comprehensive and a tech. I self-identified in 2006, and got a UK assessment in 2007 at over 60. I still find significant objections to my identity in the UK, but in the country where I have lived for decades, it is a completely taboo subject which continues to keep me very isolated. Make no mistake about, it's all about politics in both places, and always was. Hence the factional disarray in party politics just about everywhere. It's not so much about deep states, and more about deep financial elites run by the very same morons who are constantly trying to disenfranchise the majority of us.
Hearing how you ended up enjoying sitting outside the class because it gave you time to read what you wanted made me laugh. As soon as you said that teacher made you start sitting outside the class, I laughed a little, because ~I~ would have LOVED to sit away from my classmates and be able to read what I wanted lol. That's like the "punishment" of "Go to your room!" Okay, my books are all in there, so.... 🤷😂
I have revolved my misgivings and shortcomings around an event that happened 32 years ago. TBI, 45 lbs intracranial pressure, had to learn how to walk and talk and eat with a fork all over again. Psoriasis all over my body for 15 years. Took several years to be able to read an entire page in reasonable time and understand it.
Academics? Pfft. I had to go to machinist school. Light reading i could handle. And working with objects that i can measure was inarguable.
I got in the trade. People would get in my face and SCREAM at me when i asked them to repeat themselves three times. I struggled with processing information. And if I got a dollar for every time someone insuated how much of a man I ain't, I coulda retired at 30. But I didn't get a dollar. I got nothing.
Then in 2019, an event made me ask myself the question, 'what the fuck is wrong with me?!?'
It was at my cousin's Texas Thanksgiving. After eating, the commotion began. I shut down. Overwhelmed with all the conversations and noises that seemed like 1,000 decibels.
At this time, I started to question that maybe a TBI was a blip on the screen of a kid/guy who was autistic all along.
I now have the clarity of memory of several dozens of moments when i felt so socially awkward.
Socially retarded, in my brother's opinion.
Life is difficult. But life is not BAD. If life is BAD because life is DIFFICULT, life will never be GOOD.
Brilliant video. I found your story so interesting. I'm about your age and it is only now at 52 that I am seeking clarity that I may be autistic. After personal reflection on my life I strongly believe I am. My schooling experience was not enjoyable. I was not really ever on trouble as I did not like breaking rules. However I just did not fit in and I was not like others, although from the outside I gave the appearance that I was like others. As I got older I found that I could socialise better and fit in if I drunk. It was drink that helped me get through my teenage years and young adulthood. I have now had enough of that and if it was not from someone a few years back asking if I was autistic then autism would never have been on my radar. I have now extensively researched autism and found that I possess a lot of the traits. Knowing I am autistic will help me answer a lot of questions I have about my life as it did when I found out I was dyslexic 20 years ago (something else school did not spot) 🤔
In those days (I was 5 in 1981) I would have never gotten the diagnoses since I was a girl. Back then it was an only men thing. But the day I heard of asperger I was sure my grandfather had it. He was a genius in his domain but a total zero in human relations. He couldn't read faces at all.
On the other hand I grew up in what we called a normal family, only most of us are autistic and we never knew. I am glad though that my daughter has the diagnoses because in Flanders it gets you accomodations at school. Like a quiet place at school and homeschooling time. Hearing from other countries it feels like here in Flanders we are very privileged.
was nice to finaly hear that story, I was curious how you got diagnoissed so early.
Yes, it was a surprise at 62.
When I was a child my mother suspected that I might have aspergers but after seeing a child psychologist they only noticed a quote on quote "ADD tendency". Combining the fact that both terms aren't used anymore nowadays and the very sad realisation that medical professionals are criminally unqualified in my neck of the woods... I might really need to get a second opinion.
I shared your frustration about school. While I barely had to put in any effort in subjects that I enjoyed, I always did horribly in those that I didn't. In math class I tended to be multiple problems or pages ahead and I didn't do my english homework bc frankly I was great at it so I didn't see the point. I also got into trouble for asking too many "why" questions in physics class which is why eventually switched physics out for spanish. I enjoy learning languages but once I can read the letters and understand the grammar I get tired of grinding vocabulary.
In short... I feel like I relate to people with autism more times than I don't. Same with ADHD. Honestly I might have both. I'm "fine" without a diagnosis but with each day I get more sick of feeling like the odd one out and more tired of failing at things everyone else doesn't seem to have any trouble with. So once I move again (to a place with better medical professionals) I'll try to get a diagnosis ASAP. At least to rule out anything. We'll see...
Thank you, Quinn. New subscriber here. Your content helps so much.
I had teach name Mr. Grimm too. Taught grade 7 to 9 social studies. I quite like his class, he treated me with respect. One the only teacher that did that. Only other was the shop teacher. I got diagnosed in 1979/80 school year. Grade 3. I was space cadet kid living in own world. I learned to read on my own and was 3 grade levels above the other kids. Had habit bouncing in seat, flapping my hands, and flipping objects. I was way to logical and would often argue with teacher about how she was wrong. I'd point inconsistencies too. It was the Canadian test of basic skills. Long test where I had to color in circle with special pencil for A, B, C, or D. I was told this didn't count for grades and that when done we could go outside and play. I quick colored in all circle at random. Not just A A A A, no sure why. Then I was the first kid to go out and play. Such relief for me. Out of the florescent lighting that hummed constantly, away from sound of squeaky special pencils, away from the smell of teachers coffee. I was the only kid out there and it was wonderful, best time ever. Then results a week later 25%, then all the doctors. Got brain scan with a ton long needles stuck in skull. Talked with all kind of Doctors. Got put into a special needs class, missing 1/2 of grade 3. No one told me what the diagnosis was but I over heard them and saw it on report of psychiatrist desk. Asperger's. I knew nothing of it so I researched it the best I could for 1980. Encyclopedia had bit on it more historical and about Asperger's children in Nazi Germany. Not much on what it really meant. I learned was acceptable and not through punishment both physical and psychological. That's how I learned challenge people was bad, people don't want to hear the truth, my stimming annoyed people though I didn't' know that was stimming. Turn to self harm, nail biting til my finger would bleed. You RUclips channel has helped me put names to lot of things I was taught as bad and unacceptable and helped me get past self hatred and shame. I can tell others about it now. I do get "that explains a lot" and "I've always suspected". Thank you for what you do here.
In 1984, in UK, yes, but not in Poland, or any other communistic country. Individualism, or seeking help outside family, was not generally encouraged there. So, for me it ended up with ‘difficult child’ in 1984, at the age of 5, and my mom was told she can look for a more accurate diagnosis at a bigger centre somewhere in capital of our voivedeship, but I am glad she did not, as autistic kids labelled difficult were institutionalised back then. There was a place for such outside my city, and the sounds coming from inside were, to say mildly, scary.
But let me tell you what preceded it. I went to kinder garden at the age of 4, as all children. Until then I never met any other children, except my two younger sisters, third was not born yet, so I had no idea, that attempting to play alone is going to be seen as odd by teachers, or that it will put me on the radar of bullies. My first clash with one of those happened on the first day - he wanted the toy I was playing with. Events like that followed daily. I quickly learnt it is better to run away choosing an escape route through as many obstacles as possible. One day escaping through area with tables, and chairs, I was flipping the chairs behind me, to create even more obstacles to deter chasing me bully, but he was so enraged, he followed me recklessly and tripped over one of the chairs, fell, and got his cheek ripped open from mouth to ear on a pointing up leg of another chair. He still has scar from that accident. As it happened, he was son of a respected doctor, or something like that, while I was a son of a well-known local drunkard, so all grown ups agreed it must have been me, who was responsible, me, the instigator. On so I ended up being assessed, I have a vague recollection of people wearing white coats observing me when I played, asking odd questions. I wasn’t much of a speaker back then, and making a sentence longer than one word, on a spot, was beyond me. So I got my diagnosis. I didn’t know about it until 36, when I told my mom I am on a waiting list for autism diagnosis, and she told me then about the one I received in kinder garden.
I'd like to talk to you more about autism & your experiences in Poland, if you'd be willing to share. There's an email in the about section above if you'd like to get in touch.
@@Autistamatic I'm honoured, and I'm looking forward as well. So far I met only one autistic in real life, that I know off, because he told me, we were working together for year in a supermarket
Not young myself, and not diagnosed, but my psych agrees that I probably am autistic. However he is always very resistant to going through the process of confirmation when I bring it up, asking me why I need to. He seems to be implying that I need a known and direct benefit in order for the process to be worth it at all.
I'm not diagnosed with ADHD either, but I still get the meds I need. Clearly he isn't ignorant or toxic (he's great in every other way too), he just doesn't think it's worth the trouble.
Honestly not sure how to feel about it.
I do wonder if I had grown up in the UK would I have been diagnosed when younger
You're three times as autistic as I am. In 1980, before the rise of autism dianoses, I was diagnosed as schizoid. The more I learned about it, the less it fit. I recently talked to a professional who said I'm definitely not schizoid.
She also said at 63 I was too old for a reliable diagnosis, but I sure seemed autistic, so let['s go with that.
Not only was I not diagnosed once, I was even told that I'm too old to be diagnosed at all.
But, yeah, it sure looks like autism.
born in the 70s a few years ago i got rtecords fropm my childhood oh my god i was under mental care and i had no idea wit what i know now all the things they wrote make sense all these years later offical diagnosed in 2021 there evidense was there they just never listened
Undiagnosed 59 here. Yeah, school was something back then huh?
Too FLIPPING* right!
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* (other "F" words are available)
@@Autistamatic looking around there are several highly amusing videos on RUclips about the “good old school days”. Here’s one; ruclips.net/video/tabin-9v6S4/видео.htmlsi=PfLPZI7d0-MK5Ifb
In 1977 I was 12 and I just refused to move from the primary school I was in to the secondary school - my parents eventually gave up after several months of trying and failing to get me to go, and got special permission from the arch bishop to send me to a catholic school that was a 30 minute bus ride away. I wasn’t catholic - I’ve always been an atheist in fact - but that school felt less threatening than the secondary which, for the life of me, gave me maximum security prison vibes and freaked me tf out.
Yeah, needless to say, I kinda dropped out anyway, hardly attended, and checked out when I was there. I officially left as soon as I could at 16 without any CSE or O level exams and I cared not one whit.
Kinda funny looking back as a successful IT consultant with a 4 year BSc hons degree. :D
Kids in school called me an oaf. I wasn't dumb, but between undiagnosed dyslexia and attention problems due to boredom and a really difficult time forming connections with other people except for the other eccentric girl in my kindergarten class who was probably autistic too I just didn't have much to draw my interests on in school and I react a bit slower so that appears like an oaf.
From your stories you seem to have had an extremely strong willpower in school. I do wonder if this is one reason allot of autistics get missed, many invalidate their natural selves by being bullied and pressured into submission by their teachers and/or "superiors" and eventually they believe everything about them is wrong, like they're stupid, lazy and troublemakers. While the ones who standup for themselves draw more attention (you could argue this is pretty much masking vs unmasked) which eventually leads to a professional psychological evaluation.
I was absolutely terrified of the teachers at school and would never intentionally do something bad, I had panic attacks when I thought teachers was going to tell me off. The worst was when we was making Papier-mâché masks while we was studying Egyptian history, I took some paper off the roll on the teachers desk and a few minutes later the teacher raised his voice "who took paper off my desk!" When I heard that I lost my breath and felt like I was suffocating. This same teacher did actually lift me out of my chair one day and put me in the bin while the entire class stared at me. I didnt say anything and remained there with a blank expression on my face.
To be honest I really wish I could go back with everything I know now. They would've never got away with doing things like that to me. I really wish I would've been stronger and stood up for myself.
To be honest I've come to call this "narrative building" it's something I've noticed among neurotypicals where they create stories from people's actions and often conflate sinister motives for extremely silly and small things. Like calling us lazy or troublemakers just because we find it hard to stay within the confines of rules that are never made obvious to us.
The worst thing is when the teacher put me in the bin I felt like I deserved it. Like I expected that treatment because all of my time in school the teachers made me feel like I was worthless... I did change once I got into highschool, I rebelled and became extremely disruptive and acted like a wild animal during class. Who says strict discipline makes kids better at school? I was fed up by the time I got into highschool and revolted against the teachers and wouldn't do anything. To be honest I'm surprised I never saw a psychologist at this point.
The only lessons I participated in at school was science lessions. I was fascinated by science and still am.
When ever I got excluded from a class I got to sit in with the 6th form science classes, I loved it! 😃
This is all so relatable. I had many similar experiences. I'm sorry your teacher treated you like that. That's so abusive and should've cost them their job, at the least. I understand the desire to have stood up for yourself. I hope you don't blame yourself for not being able to. We're taught not to "talk back" or disagree with authority figures from a young age, so you weren't really set up to do that. Plus I feel that self advocacy is extra hard for autistic folks.
@@rainbowconnected I remember researching self advocacy in relation to autism, my very first thought was "why wasn't we ever taught about this in school? Everybody should be taught about self advocacy regardless of if you're autistic or not". Maybe my view is skewed from my own experiences which gives me the assumption everybody would've benefited from being taught about it. I know there's definitely areas where self advocacy has started to be implemented into education, specifically sex education.
Thanks
Thanks for the tip💜
@@Autistamatic Thanks for the brilliant video and a reminder of a passion to see the whole School system needs to change. And Autistic people need to be embraced for their contribution.
Just wanted to say if you muted or just quietly sipped your tea, thankyou
Random question, how does that beard not cause major sensory issues?
Well, even an autist can get used to things.
Easily answered. We all have different sensory issues. I'm more physically comfortable with my beard & shaved head than I ever was with a bare chin and a head of hair.
I can't speak for Quinn, but shaving was a real pain and on the other hand my beard was quite soft and never a problem. I never minded being different, so a ZZ Top style beard was just another way of being individualistic.
At one time I grew a long beard.. I found some gentle tugs to be a suitable covert stim.
@@theresjer Indeed - a long beard, just like long hair, can be both a handy social barrier and a surreptitious stim-toy😉 It's an accessory that you can't leave behind!
How was this about me and the ending what just happened with my son..?
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May the Angels Bless You
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Bro I’m trying to get some potatoes with yams on the side you know what I mean?
Funny title
Dx 2023 58 F
That twiddling thingamy up in the corner is quite irritating. Each time I lose seconds of what you're saying. And that is annoying. 😂
I could of course listen without watching, but I like to see the facial expressions and behaviours when someone's speaking to me.
(People always laugh when I say, wait a minute, I need my glasses or else I can't hear you)
That was not Philip Glass though, or was it?
The "twiddling thingamy" has become a bit of a running joke with some viewers in recent weeks. It started as an error, but certain people are looking out for it now. Trouble is - I have to think up new "twiddles" now😂 They appear at regular intervals, if that helps😉
@@Autistamatic whatever it is and wherever it does what it does, it will throw me off balance. Has no one else "complained"?
You turned up in my feed, because I've been watching quite a lot on autism. I don't know whether I'm on the spectrum, but it would explain quite a few of my quirks and my weirdnesses. But at the age of 71, what good would a diagnosis do me?
Thanks for answering. Have a peaceful evening.
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Yes to everything right up to 15:10 in particular - for the baby autists! 🫶🏾✊🏾