I was diagnosed with ADHD June 2023. I suspected autism January 2024. My husband said, “I suspected it for the past 10 years. You and our son are almost identical rival in your traits”. Our son is autistic. My son said he has known for years. I had my autism eval 2 weeks ago. I’m an autistic ADHDer. Life finally makes sense.
The reason why I’d like that diagnosis, is to feel validated. I’ve been dismissed, disbelieved, ignored. It would also enable more support doors to be opened…I also come from a abusive relationship and abusive childhood background, lots of trauma
@@BipolarCouragenot easy here in the uk either, I have tried to get funded therapy here in the uk, but as I said, it is not easy, well, in my experience it hasn’t been. I’m in therapy currently and I have to fund that out of my benefits and it’s a struggle…but better than none at all. Hope it wasn’t too bad for yourself…sorry, I’m assuming here
@@BipolarCourage sounds like you deserved that compensation and I’m sorry it was stressful time for you, glad you won! And you had a psychologist advocating strongly for you, proper support. 100%, politicised in the medical system here as well, underfunded etc. They don’t make it easy for us do they. Yes, childhood trauma and autism are similar. I did think for long time that it was the trauma. But, my brothers daughter got diagnosed, both my brothers are on the spectrum (albeit undiagnosed), so is my aunt on my dads side. Also my therapist said she was autistic and she keeps saying things like “us”, as in “others won’t understand us” sort of thing, and I’m on the waiting list for adhd, I think I’m both (from my own extensive research and memories growing up etc)….you get that lightbulb moment when you realise you could be on the spectrum, well I say that, I did
@@BipolarCourage yeah I understand the principle of it, but you still deserved it. I’m big on principle as well, justice etc and I’d fight it on the same grounds as you, principle. But saying that, I’d also fight it for the money, only for the reason to help fund any further help and support…..here in the uk, you can pay (£100’s) for a diagnosis appointment at a private practice, but like yourself, it’s the principle and also, to be honest, I can’t afford to have it private. You mean subjectivity from the medical profession or those wanting the support from it? It’s very difficult getting an adult autism diagnosis here. My brother’s daughter is 23 and she got her diagnosis when she was 22, I’m so pleased that she got that and she is getting support now🙂 Took her 2yrs. Excuse my ignorance, can’t relate to late onset influencers, Im a bit confused, what do you mean, sorry. Unless you mean the tictokers, youtubers faking autism to further their own agenda? Likes, followers etc.
My professional diagnosis was with someone very affirming and I did find it highly validating and healing. It helped a lot. I'm in New Zealand too actually and here it did lead to funded support which has helped me a lot too.
Believe in yourself more and you'll realize you only want that validation from others because you don't validate yourself. No made up letters that mean made up definitions can ever describe the vastness that is your being. But you can feel and experience that! Much love
There is so much empowerment and validation when someone describes their childhood traits and they mirror your experiences exactly. While it may seem like the number of autistics is 'growing', we know we were rare enough to be all alone in many of our experiences. We were ridiculed and alienated by those who should of been our peers. Occasionally you may have met another child you could click with, and often they were considered weirdos too. And not wanting to be weirdos, we often did not treat each other kind or wanted to be associated with each other. It's really sad in hind sight. Self diagnosed or self identified, it's the need to understand one's self and have a broader context for how we are, like we are, in the sea of humanity we find ourselves in. The lack of belonging is a life long heartache.
So true... As a child it always hit me hard when I came across other kids with similar traits as mine. I could feel it and scared me all along, I felt conflict, rejection and attraction at the same time turning into nothingness... Crazy intense, wierdness from the outside I guess. Gosh these words get difficult sometimes... A big part of my life as an adult has consisted of trying to compensate my lack of response, trying to become a support, which I wasn't. I studied developmental psychology and tried my best for 14 years to help others like me... It was beautiful and an overwhelmig effort too. Now I do my thing, I'm a luthier, self employed, much more manageable for me not having to deal with the crowds... But I'm still super sensitive with people in the spectrum and usually can't let them go unnoticed... In any case thank you guys and please mind my english
I am 49, self identified autistic and I am seeking a formal assessment next year, mostly for closure and to shut down impostor syndrome. Also loving the 80s pop culture references like the Blake 7 Liberator and the Tales of the Unexpected intro. My journey actually kind of took both roads you talked about, Quinn. I was diagnosed with ADD in 1983 but my lived experiences are much more suggestive of autism. The more I have researched, learned, and interacted with the autistic community over the last year and a half, the more certain I am that I was misdiagnosed and I am an autistic person. I told my close friends and mom that I thought I was autistic earlier this year and they were all like "Yes, we know!" It seems I was the last to realise it 🤣
@@nozhki-busha I'm loving the 80s refs too! Make me laugh at 49! I don't think your family actually knew, otherwise they'd have told you. What they mean is "Ah, that makes sense now!" which means they're not surprised, they love you for who you are, and it's all good. That's great! But if it comes out as "We always knew" then they're being a bit clumsy in their love, cause they really didn't. But now they do, they will be able to do the same mental reset that you have now been able to do. 👍❤️
I was diagnosed “ADD” (should have been ADHD-PI; “ADD” hasn’t been in the DSM since 1987!) 20 years ago; it is now (since 2013) possible to be diagnosed ADHD and ASD at the same time, and the majority of people who fit the criteria for ASD also have enough executive dysfunction to fit the criteria for ADHD. Sometimes, people are diagnosed with ADHD, take medication and find it quite helpful, then realize they are still having a lot of issues that match up better with autism. Unfortunately, there is no pill to tone down sensory sensitivities or improve detection of social cues! 😅
For me, the more I learn, it has actually felt like an answer. I am not just a clumsy, bookworm, full of useless facts, usually only one or two close friends, misophonic, matter of fact, people have to get used to my honesty is not coming from malice, boundless creativity, strong sense of justice, and often need time alone to recharge. Yet, my friends don't see it. I am in health and human services, my mom went medical, my dad computer geek. How can I not have seen it in 54 years?
Oh….clumsy, bookworm, full of useless facts, only a few close friends, misophonic (I don’t like screaming kids, babies-high pitch dog barking-loud motorbikes, cars, buses etc), strong sense of justice, need time alone (isolating) to recover, my friends don’t see it either…yep me too. I’m 60 and only became “aware” the last 2yrs…I just thought I was a wierdo, strange, different, why was I doing things with my hands (I now know it as stimming, but I didn’t know what it was all about back then), why was I able to retain all these facts etc. But, doing my own research and accessing past memories, my brothers daughter being diagnosed, my other brothers two sons (undiagnosed) behaviours, my dads behaviours, my brothers etc….it all made sense. You’re probably like me, because you’re a very competent masker that has developed over those 54yrs (especially as a child), you couldn’t see it, like myself. I don’t know, sorry, I was just saying. I hope your journey hasn’t been too hard for you
I've been waiting over 4 years now for a 'formal' diagnosis... All I can tell you is that after 50 years of struggling, managing asd triggers rather than trying to treat anxiety and depression has made my life a lot more bearable.
me too. self diagnosing with asd/ later audhd saved my life. accommodating myself in those ways made life easier, especially after it was hard all of my life and i couldn’t understand why. self diagnosing saved my mental health and made me start to love myself
I am 57 and female. I only identified myself as autistic after I retired. When I was a child, very, very few people were formally diagnosed with autisim. And almost 100% boys. Even in my late teens, I was told that it was "impossible" for me to be autistic. Yet, my life experience didn't change because others made the judgment that I was not autistic. I would like a formal assessment because I am a rule follower. But it is far too expensive. I only came by self identification because I was researching CPTSD in an effort to figure out why my relationships have been crappy. I discovered that CPTSD and autisim have some overlaps and autsim just made more sense. But with that knowledge I began to look at others differently, with a lot less blame, and my relationships improved. No, my mother isn't vague and obtuse in some bizarre power play. She is using typical indirect language and I now I know to ask her clarifying questions. Just figuring that out means I trust her more.
Oh, it’s still a power play, meant to manipulate, but it’s not “bizarre”; no, most people do it to not end up at the bottom of the power pyramid. Society is based on people losing safe living “privileges” if we challenge self-proclaimed “authorities”, so manipulative, controlling behavior is “normal”, but that doesn’t make it less pathological; a symptom of a sick society.
@misspat7555 Recently, events in my family life have led me to a similar conclusion. Ultimately, though, we can not make others stop their madness. And, we will never live in a world that isn't mad. For myself, I will choose to accept my boundaries and not allow anyone to trample them. That truly is a choice one can make.
When I was about 22-23, some woman from across the country had gotten to know me online, a high school science teacher. One day, she suggested to me Asperger's Syndrome. When I looked it up, it was then considered to be a "mild form of autism," and back then the classic autistic white boy is what we saw on television ads, of which I barely paid any attention to. Immediately, however, Asperger's Syndrome clicked, and it wasn't long after that my wish of being born on the wrong planet, a hope that there was a planet that made sense, went away. I was human, like everyone else, but my perspective on life was different for this reason. It wasn't the answer to all of my struggles, but still after 17 years I hold true to the belief that I am autistic. Like in this video, a diagnosis would be for certainty and support, because without it, people think I'm just wrong about myself. Even in therapy it can be hard to be taken seriously for this, which is sad because much of the time even people who can perform an autism diagnosis know less about it than I do - they need a rigorous process and family history to identify autism - but autistic people can identify each other out in the wild simply by brief contact, or observation even. I'm okay telling people I'm autistic, but regardless of what I tell people about myself, my strengths or weaknesses, it doesn't get me any support. I am rejected all the same unless I play by *their* rules. If you want to succeed socially, play just enough, and set your boundaries instead for dicks like them. They aren't worth our time. They must accept us for who we are much like we are trying to do. They obviously can't understand or don't care enough about us to know why we'd go to such great lengths in seeking insight into ourselves, and to be curious and willing to support us. Even my own family treated me just as poorly as a stranger. Boundaries!
You just spoke to my soul! I guess I'm so high masking that even psychologists & psychiatrists can't tell, but I'm slowly accepting I don't need that kind of validation. It's OK if I self identify. And yes, VERY strong family history of both ASD & ADD on my Mom's side. But learning that how I interact with most people is called a 'social script' and neurotypicals don't use them blew my mind. I thought everyone had a list of rules that they ran thru everytime they were socializing. I have a bunch of 'rules' that I must employ in order to 'socialize'. Except if someone is on the spectrum. I used to wonder why I had such an intense positive feeling when I encountered someone on the spectrum (and yes, I too can always tell) and a few years ago, I realized what I felt was an overwhelming sense of relief. Which only confused me more! But what I think I'm realizing is that socializing w/ people on the spectrum means I don't have to gird myself w/ all the heavy social accoutrements that is necessary for interacting w/ people not on the spectrum. And they dont wander off w/in 5 min looking puzzled, confused, or bewildered... 😂😂😂
My therapist raised the subject with me after quite some time, primarily because she is self-identified, has two diagnosed sons and says her late mother was probably autistic too (though she was apparently known as eccentric). I had no idea, chiefly because I was as ignorant as the next person, about what autism was and wasn't. Through you and a couple of your mates I have learnt differently. Now my therapisst and I are both working on getting the paperwork. I am extremely fortunate that I have a family member who is willing to help pay for a private assessment, else it wouldn't happen at all. The one person who was doing it in the public system in my provincial NZ city was moved to a different hospital team. The assessor is in a city some hundreds of kms away and we're going to have to fly her in but she comes with excellent credentials. As with so many of you, it will explain a heap, once she untangles the attachment issues, CPTSD and other stuff. Curiously, as a disabled person I have already had the folowing reaction from (now) ex-friends. 'Why would you want to be autistic? Isn't blindness enough for you?These are the same ignoramuses who think impairment is something you acquire and then carry around like a fashion accessory, or some cobweb-covered cooky jar from which impairments are rationed out and from which I must be snatching, instead of just part of the fabric of life. It would be interesting to know whether other disabled people have also experienced this. I don't know what Tania will find when I finally see her, but it will be an interesting part of the journey. While I still experience a good deal of self-doubt, and will until the results of the assessment (whatever they turn out to be), there is no denying the fact that I simply seem to click effortlessly with known autists in a way which is new to me. I meet people who have difficulty with people in general and who actually like me. This is new and strange. Thank you, Quinn my friend, for giving us all the supportive space to share ourselves with one another.
I’ve definitely encountered the idea that the label creates the developmental/congenital disability, rather than confirming it. As if pretending problems don’t exist will make them disappear. I don’t understand, either! 🤷♀️
Great video! For me it took 12 years from my first suspicion to formal diagnosis. - In college, a friend told me "you know you're a little bit Sheldon, right? But not like 100%". She planted the self-suspicion seed, but also the impostor's syndrome seed. I buried my curiosity because I didn't "felt" autistic enough. - 10 years later, my only childhood friend received an AuADHD diagnosis. That same year, an autistic woman started working in my team and she requested to work with me since she felt more comfortable with me. I started researching about autism to better understand her. - After 2 years of research, I went for formal diagnosis. I felt relief and validated when I got it. It helped me overcoming so many years of identity crisis and self-gaslighting.
I’m 75 years old and I think I may be autistic but I have nothing to gain by being tested. Scarcity of testing resources should not be used for my curiosity. I have come to peace with my quirkiness and have chosen to avoid people who can’t accept me as I am. No more energy for masking. I wish everyone inner peace on their journey to improve their paths in life.❤️
My best friend and I realized we were autistic around the same time. (It helped him a lot to verbalize his thought process to me as he researched autism & I saw a lot of myself in what he described.) We both spent well over a year resesrching autism before we were even ready to whisper that we may be autistic in close friend circles & with romantic partners. My best friend sought out an assessment, which was expensive and I had to help him pay for. The assessor quite literally told him that he met ALL the diagnostic criteria for autism, but would not be given a formal diagnosis due to the fact he had too many friends. The assessor quite literally told him that if he had no friends at all, he would've recieved a diagnosis. But the fact that people enjoyed his company was somehow sufficient proof that he could not possibly be autistic. I hope one day, we will be able to not only access diagnosis without having to reach rock bottom, but that a diagnosis will actually MEAN something and that we will actually be able to access the support that we desperately need and are struggling to function without.
The rigorous understanding of Autism is still evolving and most allistic people, including the majority of mental health professionals, have profound misconceptions about it. The diagnostic criteria are still mostly based on externally visible symptoms, rather than the true internal feelings. By the time autistic people are old enough to understand autism, they would have already learned to mask such symptoms voluntarily or involuntarily - meaning poor diagnostic outcomes. Your example of friendship is one very obvious and often repeated misconception among allistic people that I have seen. They seem to think that autistic people are fundamentally incapable of empathy and camaraderie. They don't realize that autistic people have strong empathy and crave companionship, but simply fail to communicate those needs. But by the time you are adults, you would have already evolved artificial ways to blend into groups, even if that takes a lot of cognitive efforts. The result? Allistic professionals end up thinking that you can't be autistic if you have friends! I think the root of the entire problem is that 'Autism' is still considered as Autism spectrum 'disorder'. Nothing I learned about autism indicates that it's any sort of disorder. The associated behavior is neither disordered, nor should it cause any long term issues (other than due to society's mishandling of neurodiversity). It's just a normal (genetic) variation among the population - like non-binary genders, heterochromia, left-handedness, curly hair, etc. It's just that the variation is a minority - standing at about 1 identified cases among 36 individuals. This 'disorder' concept has very serious implications on the efficacy and outcome of autism diagnosis. Disorder means that the professionals will be looking for something wrong with you - and they don't find enough. They seem to think that you're a paranoid over-thinker looking for an excuse for yourself. They don't seem to understand that for most autistic people, a diagnosis is much less about treatment or accommodation than it is about self-discovery and proper decision making. To push the point of 'disorder' being the wrong notion, let me explain with the example of a few true disorders - depression, anxiety disorder and schizophrenia. If you have suffered any of those, you'd know - you just don't understand it until a professional diagnoses you. You don't know what's wrong. You don't know what's causing it. You don't know how to rectify it or how to compensate for it. You're completely at the mercy of the professionals. In contrast, in non-disorder conditions like non-binary gender identities, heterochromia and left-handedness, the person knows exactly how they differ from others. They don't need anyone else to tell them who they are. More often than not, they also know the name of the condition and how to get in touch with other similar individuals. And peer pressure may force them to hide their actual behavior from others (I have seen left handers being forced to use right hand. But no so much with heterochromia - perhaps use contacts?). Now coming to autism, it resembles the latter group (non-disordered conditions) than true disorders. In almost all the cases, the individual knows exactly how they differ from people around them. They feel so different that they suspect that they may be an alien in human form. They just don't know that there is a single condition that explains all their symptoms all at once. In fact, I will guarantee you that when you first learned about autism, it didn't just explain the symptoms you already suspected, but it explained at least a dozen more other symptoms that you thought were normal! So perhaps, you don't need a professional validation to understand yourself - you aren't looking for an excuse. You are looking for a key to your identity. But sometimes you do need a diagnosis - for accommodations. The world is designed around allistic people. It's only fair to ask for accommodation when you're not on a fair playing field. In that case, keep trying until you find someone more sympathetic or understanding. I'm sure that with the multitude of symptoms you have, somebody will have to accept it some day. It has to happen only once. PS: I'm not autistic. At least, not yet!
I guess the assessor didn't think to wonder if the circle of friends might be mostly ND. The 'No Friends' stereotype seems a bit outdated now that there are more ways for people to connect with other like-minded people.
I wish this had happened with my ex-bestie. But her family long ago seems to have decided that the way to keep from being depressed is to never discuss anything potentially controversial or upsetting; including depression! So, for example, when I got my ADHD diagnosis 20 years ago, she never even said, “Yeah, I probably have that, too.”, even though it was extremely obvious! Not really a friend if we could never talk about anything except fun stuff we’d done and fun stuff we were going to do… but then she told me she was jealous of my life… WTF??? 🤨 I mean, I get we are also both autistic now, but again, not something we could ever discuss… I don’t think I’m going to miss that. I just don’t. 🫤 Edit: typos
My eldest son was diagnosed as a child with ADHD but I suspected that was not his entire story…so I started researching ASD. What I found was not only that he was a textbook case of ASD, but so was his brother. Then videos popped up talking about ASD in women so I watched a few and that’s when I realized that their ASD and ADHD may have come from me. After YEARS and years of intense research and having my youngest son diagnosed with AuDHD I am concluding that I also have AuDHD. So does my Mom and a great deal of people in my family. Everything makes sense now. I am thankful, though, because knowing what I know now has given me more tools to help myself and my family. I had a lot of anger and confusion about life and people that I now I have better understanding of. I have been able to accommodate myself.
I had my "aha" moment over two years ago, and I have been absorbing as much autism content as I can since then. Somehow, watching videos on channels like this one and treating myself as provisionally autistic has helped significantly with the depression and anxiety I "officially" have. Something about understanding the reasons behind the struggle helps a lot. (Thank you for your role in that, Quinn!) Unfortunately, I can't justify spending $2k+ for an official assessment, so I will have to be content with remaining schrodinger's autistic indefinitely.
For me it started with an offhanded remark by my mother in law a decade ago. That and learning I have ADHD, and of course, following ADHD folks here, and then gradually AuDHD folks started showing up, and I could really really relate. Luckily my SO is and has always been an incredibly supportive person. Also, you do absolutely have my thanks! Your 11 video relationship series was the clincher for me, Especially #9 that "label" of "black and white thinking" was the biggest doubt I had and you explained it so well and not only does it fit. If that's a big part of being autistic, I'm absolutely glad that I am, and thank you for helping me finally sort that out! :D
@16:25 social pecking order. if you haven't read Howard Bloom's books on Mass Mind/ Global Brain and his observations on pecking order systems I encourage it. Thanks for another great video.
Summed up my "self-identification" journey pretty well. I'm late Millennial/Early Gen-Z, so growing up, our understanding of autism was basically using it as a synonym for retarded. One day, I was stimming in a way that I thought was weird and jokingly asked myself if I was autistic. Did some research on it and came to the startling discovery that I might be on the spectrum. Over the next couple of years, I would look into it on and off, had a couple of childhood friends who ended up getting diagnosed as adults, and a lot of my younger cousins have gotten diagnosed. I've come to the point where I've accepted that I'm autistic. Currently not seeking a diagnosis. I'm pretty confident in my intuition and don't really see any benefit in going through that headache right now. I have a good job that revolves around my special interest, and most of my coworkers are on the spectrum as well, so I'm pretty well supported despite not having a formal diagnosis and actually feel like I have a group of people I fit in with for the first time in my life.
I am so tempted to send this to a friend who has not been supportive of my self diagnosis. They are a social worker and we've had so many conversations about neurodiversity and, apparently, I am not allowed to be that. In fact, when telling her my hunch she said, "oh, I hate it when people self-diagnose". No help at all. My fear as that I will be seen as passive-aggressive if I send this to them. I really just want to let go but it is a very old friendship and we have many of the same old friends and it would be very, very awkward. What is most sad to me is the relief and connection I have been experiencing since understating I am Autistic and how I wish I could share this new joy and, yet, not one friend has asked about my experiences. Disappointing. Thanks for posting this, it does help.
For me a diagnosis is more of a shield than validation. At first, validation was definitely what I looked for, and I'm not saying that I no longer need it. But that bit of grappling within myself is nothing new, and I have been able to share my discovery with 2 of my closest people, so validation has become a "hmm that might be nice" rather than a pressing need. But if I were to tell others in general, if I were to be open with my discovery, I fully anticipate push back. A diagnosis wouldn't stop that attack, but it would soften the impact, take some of the damage. On the other hand, without one, I'd be actively trying to block these attacks with my own body - and whether successful or not, it won't soften the blow, it'll only redirect it to an area of my choosing. But an idea I have been strongly considering, which I would welcome feedback on, is a shield I can make with my own two hands: a book, self written. An in depth self diagnosis. Sure, I'm not a doctor and it wouldn't count in an official capacity, but I don't need it to. But wouldn't it just be a spectacular shield? And if nothing else I find great amusement in the idea, all things considered. "You can't possibly be autistic" one says, only for their expression to shift drastically upon hearing the retort, "Actually I've written a 500 page explanation of the autistic traits I've exhibited throughout my life along with a detailed analysis of why I have not yet been diagnosed in an official capacity. There's also a section towards the end with the most common reasons one may say I can't be autistic, followed by an explanation of each which renders these arguments moot." I would so very gladly self publish, even if it means physically assembling each copy of the book myself, because handing them out and seeing the "oh shit that's pretty autistic" thought dawning on someone would just be spectacular. Inevitably a greater shield than a diagnosis, and arguably a similar amount of time and effort, but significantly less financial impact.
One of my children was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It made me remember a bunch of stuff from my own childhood but I didn't pay a lot of attention at the time. Then my other child began having behavioral issues at school and we were advised to think about getting an assessment for her too. We decided not to get one as it really doesn't help, and just gives a way to label the person and make them a target for funded 'supports' that don't really help the issue. Somewhere along this process I diagnosed myself and developed strategies to deal with some of the issues myself. I've tried to guide my kids through the experience as best I can also. I have no plans to get a diagnosis myself. I don't need an assessment from people who've failed to understand me for 40 plus years to know who I am.
Thank you for the way you handled this video. I’m somewhere between the second and third types. Self-identification was a critical part of my journey because I never would have believed my experiences weren’t just my personal failings and I wouldn’t have stopped making enough for anybody else to be recognizable, even though that masking came at the cost of dissociating from my body. I received my diagnosis yesterday, and I never would have gotten it if I hadn’t been accepted by this community and been able to explore it, I would still not understand who I am.
After 3 decades of struggles and not being “normal”, I did like 4 years of research and looked into my own family’s medical history, and came to the conclusion that I was missed as a kid, especially after asking family about things I did as a that may have been “weird” or different. Everything they described were traits of undiagnosed Autism. Then I started listening to peoples stories about late in life diagnosis’ and their stories. It felt like other people telling me my life story on one form or another. It felt like a reality shift. So I decided to talk to people I know who have had an official diagnosis. Most answers I got were along the lines of “I thought you knew?, I could have told you that!, You didn’t know?, You sound just like me!” I’d like an official diagnosis, but there’s no resources for adults where I live, the wait is years long, and costs thousands of dollars I dont have. Even my wife believes I’m Autistic. She says In fit the bill 100% and in retrospect, my whole life makes so much more sense through the lens of Autism. Tbh, when I started researching, Autism wasn’t even what I was looking into. It was other health issues. So many things that the “experts” and “specialists” had no answers for. No matter what tests they ran, what machines they put me in or connected me to. The few Autistic people in my life told me to stop driving myself crazy and just accept that I’m on the spectrum and live life in a way that best suits me. They said there’s no point in spending all that time and money to be told what I found out myself through endless research and talking to them. They also said why look for validation from someone whos not even on the spectrum? Who would know better than others who deal with the same struggles. I’ve slowly been learning to accept it. My wife tells me to just accept it and stop worrying about getting a piece of paper that says it just to be accepted by people who wont believe me either way. But yeah, I dont WANT to be Autistic…what I want is to know what’s been going on with my my whole life. Why I could never keep friends, why I was socially awkward, didn’t understand society’s rules, why my dad beat the hell out of me for not being “normal” and embarrassing him at family gatherings and out in public, why my special interests were seen as bad and why they were always taken away from me. Why I always felt different and couldn’t connect to people, why being direct and honest was considered bad, yet people said that’s what they wanted. Why I suffer from severe migraines, insomnia, and stomach issues. Why I have sensory and texture issues. How I realized a bunch of things I got criticized for were all forms of stimming. Realizing I was actually masking my entire life because I literally wasn’t allowed to be myself without consequences. I broke down in front of my wife after realizing all of this and feeling like I don’t actually know who I am and I feel like a fraud. Scared she was going to leave because it felt like she fell in love with the fake me. She allowed me to finally be who I really am 10 years into our marriage and fully accepted me and embraced it. She encourages me to not mask ir hide it. She’s extremely supportive. I’ve started to openly express my real self. Im really lucky with that. She knows music is my biggest special interest, specifically playing bass. She went out if her way to buy my my dream bass thst costs over $1k just to help encourage me to follow my passion. She understands me now too and a lot of things she used to kind of hold against me, she understands are traits of Autism and doesn’t take any of it personally anymore. She actually looks up how to handle things as someone married to someone who on the Spectrum. She really understands me now. She’s the only person to truly accept me in life. When I tried to tell 2 of my closest friends of 13+ years, and they slowly disappeared out of my life. I talked to my mom about it, and she acted like it was the worst news ever, like I just said I had Stage 4 brain cancer. My wife is the only one to accept me minus the other Autistic people I asked, but we’re not too close. Just feels like my world got lonelier since finding out. I just have my wife and my room full of many different musical instruments. Definitely been at a point of burnout for a while now and it’s dreadful, but at least I understand that, the over stimulation, why I have meltdowns and what they are. Im learning to manage it all, but it still feel like I jumped into a different dimension of existence. My whole reality for 31 years was a lie and not what I thought. I wasn’t who I thought I was, or at least who I was pretending to be for everyone else to survive and not stand out too much. All the beatings and punishments, all of my stuff getting taken away as a kid, being berated, criticized, bullied at school and at home, never being accepted. Feeling unwanted, useless, like a broken loser, a failure, all the negative self talk, believing I was just a bad person who deserved bad things to happen to me, believing I didn’t deserve real love, like my only purpose was to serve others and sacrifice my own wants, needs, and happiness. Its just a lot. Believe me, I dont want this. I just want to know with a definite answer so I can accept it myself because I have had severe imposter syndrome despite everything lining up perfectly with my life and my experiences from childhood into my 30’s. I feel crazy, man. Idk how to go about all of this.
Your room full of musical instrruments sounds like a cool place to be. I love historic ones in particular and i'm trying to teach myself to identify different makes of fortepiano by their sound. The Viennese action sounds quite distinctive from the English, particularly in the ones pre-1800s. Kia kaha. Be strong.
I was lucky enough to be professionally “identified” when i was 49. Wouldn’t ever think I was better than any neurotypical or self identified. However, I have come to see other individuals similar to my/our selves that have never been assessed.
Ty so much Quinn. God bless your parents !! I am 55 years old. I got auditory processing disorder in April of 2023. My abusive mother prevents me from getting an official diagnosis. She would use it in court to take over my estate. The estate that I earned myself. So, I am working on Ehlers Danos diagnosis. This would legitimize my physical neurological symptoms. So many women are given antidepressants and are devalued. I will keep poking the medical system to hopefully make it better for my grandchildren.
As a 28-year old self-identified autistic, one of the recurring thoughts whenever I start to entertain seeking a formal diagnosis is absolutely that certainty aspect. Whether intentionally or inadvertently, much of my world has questioned or invalidated my experiences from a young age, so I had learned that my “sensitivity” or “awkwardness” or “obliviousness” etc were unusual and abnormal-and therefore, “do I really know my own thoughts and feelings or is even my perspective on my own self-awareness incorrect and inaccurate?” Those self-doubting patterns drive the motivation to seek external validation and certainty, because despite being told “trust your gut” I’d been told that “you’re thinking too much” or “that’s not what’s happening” etc - which makes me wonder about whether I came into a learned alexithymia because I was repeatedly told my experience wasn’t accurate or over-exaggerated, as opposed to being alexithymic all along (speaking of course in my case specifically, and out of curiosity if this could be others’ experience). At the end of the day, as a way to cast a vote for rebuilding my self-trust and intuition for internal validation, I haven’t sought out a formal diagnosis, but the self-doubt sure comes knocking to challenge that maybe I’m still just fooling myself after all.
Thank you so much for this, it helped me tremendously, the fact that this compassion and understanding and wisdom exists in the world I live in is giving me comfort, even if it was just one person its still better than none, I truly appreciate your words and your content.
Well, here is my story so far. As a kid I was ADD or ADHD and my parents felt medicating me was unfair, then in my early adult life it was manic depression with sociopathic tendencies it was even hinted that it might be DID. But watching The Good Doctor with my wife we both noticed that there was some overlap between myself and the main character an autistic surgeon. Now in the show, he has more standard obvious traits that neurotypical people would point at. So I started doing more research myself and then I started to see a lot of overlap. So I found an online test, not one of those Facebook ones, from an autism study and i got a good score lol. That was good enough for me I found something that makes all the puzzle pieces fit. but the more I see of how common it is for people in their 30's to be getting diagnosed I think I'll ask my doc the next time I see him
This is why I feel I should get the diagnosed in the next few years but at the same time don't feel I should have to. Both my daughters are diagnosed officially and I know I am Autistic after spending 2½ years researching, checking and double checking but with such long waiting lists I just wonder what's the point still.... I'll get there eventually I just probably won't get around to it yet. You have said everythjng and more on my thoughts of being self identified and thank you, that validation helps. 😊
One child was referred for assessment, and doing research to learn more led to seeing my other child and myself as having similarities. My other child and I got assessed and were on the spectrum. Wish Mom could afford/access assessment as well, but the family goes on the assumption she is after she looked into it and scored high on the usual questionnaires.
The depiction of the aspie supremacy era made me chuckle. My late discovery of identity has improved my life massively. I particularly love all the connections to community. It was Barb Cook being interviewed by another autistic person that made me revisit what I'd wondered about for years, but not yet taken beyond a spark. The algorithm started showing me autism content after I'd been following the Sia drama and finding myself empathising with autistic people and wanting to be an ally. It was the compassion pathway.
My diagnosis has helped me tremendously, especially with getting better healthcare and accommodations for my disability. I’m glad I got it, and yes, it took awhile and was very expensive. Yet I didn’t get it because I wanted to be certain, but because I was having marital conflicts and found myself in couple’s counseling. The diagnosis helped me and my husband work on our difficulties surrounding my sensory issues and our communication challenges. I agree with you, though, it would just be so much better if people were just nice to each other.
I was diagnosed late officially after I had a breakdown. Before that I knew I was on the spectrum but could not get the help in the regions I lived in, so I survived as best I could. There was little professional help before the 2000s in country Australia outside of the cities.
I spent time around multiple formally diagnosed individuals with autism and found that I understood them, thought like them, shared the same problems with others, and they suggested I do some reading and testing. That was over a year ago and I was blown away because my life FINALLY MADE SENSE. I took several precursor screenings for autism and every one of them ended up "strong case for diagnosis". I'm debating on whether or not it's worth getting a formal diagnosis, given the quiet discrimination in the job market against us here in the USA. I'm a 47 year old mom, and there was no chance I would have had a diagnosis in 1977 in the US as a girl.
There are obscure and strange laws that discriminate against autists, which is why I personally have no interest in getting an official diagnosis. Like, you can't legally be a pilot if you are autistic.
I self identified (ADHD) as you described, spent a year trying to convince myself of the opposite, the anger and resentment was difficult to bear. I series of events lead me to a proper diagnosis. After that I spent a multi year grieving process. Now I’m suspecting my wife is ASD.
Why I need a formal diagnosis? A self diagnosis leaves me feeling that I am looking for an excuse for my odd behaviour. I have been told by a clinical psychologist that they are confident, but not a formal diagnosis, that I am autistic but that is not enough for me. All of my life, I am seventy three, I have felt an alien, an outsider, looking at others through a window. I need a formal diagnosis so I can feel I belong, I have a tribe, a village. In my circumstances I can't seek any formal support due to my age, I have to be under sixty five, so obtaining a formal diagnosis has no physical benefit.
I'm newly arrived in the "I might be autistic camp" but everything you have said here resonates with me. It would be nice to discover that I am not really an alien...
Quinn is genuine. If you recognise that and subscribe, you are already part of his online tribe. There are also many other channels that are helpful for neurodivergents on the internet. I am certain that I am ADHD and autistic but I do not have a diagnosis. Some of the strategies successfully used by others with ADHD and autism also work for me. Some do not. I am 72 and I experiment with different strategies. If I had a formal diagnosis it might lead me to talk about the formal diagnosis rather than talking about the strategies that help me work, communicate and live a better life.
@@markwalton3367 Thanks for your support. I see you are in your seventies also. My life has been a theater production of masking (strategies). I am sure I am an actor, trying to continue the play but having forgotten the lines, looking at others to give my clues. I have developed many strategies, some very successful and others complete failures. I also believe I have ADHD. I have been misdiagnosed by many professionals, taking multiple drugs with no improvement. Reading other channels and I do, I'm afraid I read into others symptoms to hang my situation on as an excuse for being so different, so I would like a formal diagnosis to confirm I am not hypochondriac!
I was very fortunate to get an appointment within a month. I want help with school and that’s about it. Maybe more understanding with work. But it’s a big up and down to have an official diagnosis.
My nephew was diagnosed with PDD way back, and when that occured my sister (who is older than me) said, maybe you should get checked because [nephew] reminds me so much of you at that age. thats where it started for me.
What started me looking, well the first time, a friend suggested my husband and I take the AQ back in 2006. She thought based on her research into her son, and her husband’s job as a pediatric doctor, that we displayed some tendencies. I took the AQ, and my husband, he scored into autism and I scored borderline. However, I am very good at multiple choice and skewing answers on tests. I was willing to admit my husband could be, but not myself. Fast forward to 2014, my brother got hit by a drunk driver, and was in an induced coma. The social worker with the hospital was trying to line up care for him after he would leave the hospital. She started to go into a more thorough questioning of my family. I was across the pond in the EU, but my mother would answer the questions about my brother, and then think, so is (name) and so am I. She came home after a long session, and called me up. She asked me ‘Do you think you may be autistic?’ I replied, ‘Funny thing, you are not the first to ask me that.’ She asked me to go for a formal diagnosis, since she was in her mid 70s and her primary health care insurance was balking at diagnosing her. Took me 5 years, I got a formal diagnosis and my mother is self identified. That was almost 6 years ago now, that I got my later in life diagnosis. Google searching for online tests led to RUclips tossing videos at me.
Id love to have some autistic friends. As a Neurodivergent myself, ive had trouble keeping friends with the Neurotypical peoples, but if i could have friends like me, then it would be amazing! Just to be clear, i was originally diagnosed as having ADD as a kid, but im fairly sure i also have autism, after comparing my own experience with other's. I personally don't have a problem with it either way, but at least if i had it officially recognized by a diagnosed, then i could say for sure to others who believe im lying.
The only thing that pushed me to get the diagnosis was the months of divulging all my personal details to people trying to defend why i thought i was autistic. So yeah, bullying made me do it. Now i flatly say it with no excuses, and its such a relief not having to continue speaking to people who are tiresome. Not great, but there you are.
I self diagnosed because I was listening to everyone describe their experience as a late diagnosed autistic and it sounded to similar to my life. Fast forward one year. I’m now diagnosed AudHD
I'm self identified. Since my son was diagnosed 10 years ago I've been obsessed with researching Autisim. I remember to doctor asked if anyone in my or my wife's family had it. We both said no, but we didn't even know what it was. My aunt who's been a nurse forever said "I don't know why I didn't think about you and Autisim. It makes so much sense". Unfortunately I'll have to remain self identified because I don't have $2000 to have a neuro psychologist put it on paper.
For me, the trigger was a combination of multiple autistic friends suggesting it, and a decrease in my ability to cope with life (which I later discovered was at least partly due to long covid). I am OK to manage without a formal diagnosis, but if it ever becomes easy I would definitely go for it.
A need to understand another had me seeking answers. After what I already understood about myself autism was the final piece that may made the picture make sense. I must say it came with a lot of emotions and relief.
I started watching ADHD videos as a relative had been diagnosed with it and I wanted to understand better. Then RUclips started showing me autism videos too. I have been to the GP had initial screening and am on the waiting list in the UK to be fully assessed somewhere in the distant future. I have told very few people but these videos and those of other creators help massively. For eg I now know when I'm disregulated as opposed to anxious, and what to do about it. Anxiety treatment never worked! Thank you so much
I'm in the north west of England, I waited about six weeks, from GP suggesting it (I just described symptoms, had no idea about autism), to assessment. Just to show what is possible.
@@Autistamatic I have to appreciate how lucky I've been, compared to others' experience. I share it, really to show what everyone should be getting, in a perfect world.
I am one of those who ended up here because RUclips apparently knows me better than my psychologists. I have been diagnosed with ADHD since 2023, which I only found out about via social media beforehand. Despite psychological treatment and medication, I haven't felt any real improvement. It was only when I saw a video of autism and ADHD together that the small seed of curiosity was awakened. And yes, I was thinking oh no, it can't be. Even the video and the 20 afterwards. I've been researching for weeks now and have taken various online tests under different conditions. But this feeling of everything finally making sense hasn't gone away. On the contrary, I now see the same traits in my family and for the first time since my childhood I can let go of the trauma that came from it. I still cry when I watch/hear videos like this. I have never been seen and felt so understood. I am now making an official diagnosis to validate my feeling. Thank you and all the other content creators so much. This means so much to me.
Thanks, it is extremely frustrating to get negative reactions from family and friends who've decided that they know you're not able to "self-identify" or why "your family just always gets treated badly" .. and we are, because we trust, share and accept rejection. I appreciate your support and realization of the situation.
Personally I’d like the diagnosis to not feel so alone, I’m 34 and I’ve noticed on a few occasions being out with my closest friends I monitor the situations instead of being involved in them, I watch people laugh without the thought of it myself. I’ve had people over the years joke about me being autistic without really giving it a thought. It would be nice to be certain of who I am how could I help my kids with who they are otherwise
I don't remember if I ever specifically looked up autism but physical (and mental health in particular) have been a special interest of mine since I went to college and I remember RUclips suggesting videos about a bunch of different topics (anxiety, aphantasia, BD, BPD, (C-)PTSD, depression, DID, dyslexia, dyspraxia, NPD, OCD, SDAM, etc.) before it started to zone in on the ones about ADHD and ASD, and that's what made me finally start paying attention to the types of videos I was being suggested and consider why they were being suggested more than any of the others. I used to listed to these videos half absent-mindedly as background noise while I was working from home and when I started to actually pay attention to what was being said is when I started willingly going down the auDHD rabbit hole myself. It didn't take long after that for me to seek a therapist and end up officially diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, ASD, and PTSD. The weird thing about having ASD as a special interest though is how much it makes me cringe when it's really obvious that I know a lot more about it than any of the professionals I've ever encountered and I need to be the one trying to educate the very people who are supposed to be able to diagnose us in the first place. As for why I sought a professional diagnosis, it wasn't for myself (I was 200% certain I was autistic at that point) but for my company, as they refused to give me any accommodations at work (like working on a quieter part of the building) unless my diagnosis was in an official report. If the company had been more understanding to my needs and didn't try to push back on basic accommodations, I would've been okay with just the self-diagnosis.
Thank you for all you do. My realization came in researching to understand the behaviors I recognized in an adult friend. So much finally made sense about my life as I recognized myself. My biggest take away has been stopping the "I must be an awful person!" I learned to never go beyond acquaintanceship because trying to become friends, bending over backwards to fit THEIR idea of who I should be always resulted in fixing and correcting me, very irritated with me. Heaven help me if I ever got relaxed enough to speak freely and be me!.
Everyone has a unique way of learning and working their best. I have been formally diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and I have self-diagnosed as ADHD and autistic. I was diagnosed at age 55 with Bipolar 2 but never took medication for it and I have my doubts that this diagnosis by a psychiatrist was accurate. My self-diagnosis of ADHD and autism has meant that I see myself in a much more positive and forgiving light than I did in my younger years. I am developing routines, habits, and using Alexa reminders, alarms and timers to minimise my limitations. I am 72 years old and my life is continually improving. RUclips videos like the ones on this channel help me minimise factors that get in the way of me living well and maximise factors that help me live a better life. I wish everyone in the Neurodivergent community success in improving their lives and viewing themselves with compassion.
I have only recently been diagnosed as autistic, despite having been born in the 80s and struggled since childhood. I would likely never have been diagnosed at all if I hadn't also developed narcolepsy with full-body cataplexy in my early twenties. My cataplexy is triggered by strong smells. That is because I have extreme scent sensitivity, but since I was not diagnosed with autism, it took 11 years for me to be diagnosed with cataplexy because my presentation was considered atypical. I sometimes wonder if, had my sensory processing issues been recognised and acknowledged earlier, I would not have spent years going ignored and untreated. Sensory overload is my main (but not only) cataplexy trigger, and because of that, I was often asked by others if I was autistic. I would reply that I was not, but that there was some overlap between my experience and the experiences of autistic people. I now know that isn't true. I am autistic and I always have been. But I was terrified to say so. I was terrified of the stigma of self-diagnosis, terrified of being accused of attention-seeking or appropriating the struggles of others. I was terrified of handing people yet another tool to marginalize me. For me, the value of an official diagnosis is threefold. It gives me a context in which to better understand myself, my strengths, and my weaknesses; it gives others a context in which to better understand me; and it provides a clearer picture for understanding and managing my cataplexy as it relates to and is complicated by my autism.
Music for ADHDers to listen to while working. That is what triggered the algorithm to flood my feed with videos about the link between ADHD and autism. I am now a card carrying autistic.
Firstly, please keep doing the "tales from the unexpected' opening; it brings a smile to my face every time! I'm 68 and finally embarking upon the diagnosis process. I'm so confused! Am I exhibiting autistic traits because I think I might be? Or am allowing these traits to expose themselves because I now have a level of acceptance and am reducing masking? Or something else? I've had the first diagnosis interview and answered the questions asked. "You are likely to be autistic", says the report. But again, did I provide the answers to their questions to corroborate my suspicions that I might be .... or is it the 'real me'? Aaaaarghhh I think my best option is to mix with other autists but I don't know how or where (I'm in South London). It doesn't help that I'm loathe to meet unknown people too... hmmmm. Here, I'm simply dumping out my thoughts. It's selfish, I know. But please, does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Finally, thank you Quinn for what I think is the most intelligent, cogent and honest RUclips site I have thus found on the subject x
10 years or more back I looked up asd and adhd but hadn't looked since, then YT randomly served me up a asd/adhd vid and watched it because I had never seen them talked about co occurring, after that I spent weeks months researching. Eventually it resulted in diagnosis present for my 45th.
Solidarity is a big feeling. I needed to feel I wasnt alone in the world, my official Dx came as a relief. With that Dx, I realized I was not broken, I was not a failure or lazy or spoiled, I was different and needed different things than the majority. I wont ignore others self-dx because of how hard it is to get anything "certified" by a doctor. Self-DX should be valid, but polices arent happy about it. I hate most policies, can be so very inefficient for our needs.
My road to Dx, was from a false Dx of Schitzophrenia I got when I was 17 (in 1995). I spoke with many schitzophrenics in my adulthood, and I didnt relate to them. So, five or so years later, I went for a re-assessment, without any thought to autism whatsoever. The Dx of what was called Aspergers (back then, now is autism) came as a surprise. I been on a self-discovery journey to find acceptance ever since.
I am currently in the process of trying to get an upgrade to what San Diego Housing Commission would allow me for an apartment on Section 8. SDHC is requiring me to have a "Reasonable Accomidation" form filled out by a doctor. A need for a home that is suitable for me, is a fight with policies that decide how much I get in basic needs (I cant work in modern culture).
I don't remember why I started thinking I might be autistic, but when I thought it applied to me it wasn't scary. It was liberating. For once, I thought there might be an explanation for why I lived my whole life at right angles to humanity. Suddenly everything made sense. Or at least I understood why nothing made sense. Close enough. I'm not comfortable with the idea of "self-diagnosis". We don't have the education to do a really good job of impartially make an objective assessment. But we do know what we're feeling. Self recognition can help us find an answer with a fairly high level of confidence. I don't know if I'm autistic, but there's a high probability that I am. At 64, behavioral patterns learned to integrate with the normal world have become too ingrained to be unwound and pierced through by an outsider. I'll probably never have a formal diagnosis. But when I raise the possibility with people who have known me for ages, the response is, "Yeah, that would explain a lot." Or, "No, I know a guy who's autistic, and you're not exactly like him."
Quinn... Bottom line is I like you and enjoy what you do for all of us. You have "IT" which for me is someone who is informative, engaging and relateable. I have recently started using my phone and RUclips. We have placed our 3 sons with Fragile X Syndrome into the community so i can now use my cell phone without having a major family crisis ensue. Glad i found your channel!
Interesting video. I’m in my late fifties and always knew I was different since I was 5 years old. I took everything literally and as I got older my mother told me about quirks: toe walking, touching my fingers near my face, would only play with one toy at a time, would feel fabrics when she took me shopping, chronic constipation, wanted to use both hands to do things, didn’t like other kids, always wanted to help, and started talking when I was 3 1/2. I just thought I was weird and glad I still didn’t do that. My mother told me she kept me from doing those things, made me use my right hand, and had me do things that other people didn’t see. I had a recurrence of quirky things in 8th grade and was tested. My mother met at the school then told me it was nothing and that I needed to behave and act like other kids. I got a letter about two months later from Mensa and I was congratulated that I was accepted with a 145 IQ. My mother dismissed it and that I couldn’t join. I asked my mother about it later and she acted like it never happened. I grew up being odd, didn’t drive a car until I was 21, and lived with my mother until I was 33. I left finding out that I was perfectly capable of living alone. I’ve worked many jobs and did well, but never liked most coworkers. I was detailed, technical oriented, understood older and current technology, and had a talent for project management. I explained many times that I didn’t butt heads, but bumped brains. Until about 10 years ago it had never occurred to me that I was autistic. I completed many self assessments (most are bogus) and conferred with a psychotherapist who told me that I was a highly intelligent, high functioning, well masked, autistic person, but needed no therapy for that but recommended therapy to reconcile childhood and young adult concerns. He also recommended that I don’t tell other people I’m autistic as most do not understand. I asked if there were jobs where I could work with people more and completed another assessment: top job picks, IRS Agent, Insurance Agent, or Mortician. I got my license (insurance 😏) and did well. I did experience burnout and had to take a break. Now, I’m exploring my artistic side and am learning to play the guitar and painting. We’re all different and I think I would not like the autistic label following me around. I no longer have a psychotherapist, and switched to a psychiatrist where we meet over the phone (no video). Videos and forums like this are a great way to be part of a community, and we don’t have to meet face to face or chat about the weather. “Oh, you’re fine, today? That’s nice. I’m coarse.” 😅 Some scripted responses I use often, “I just want to tell you that you have no idea what that means to me.” “If I could only imagine how you feel or what you are going through.” “Of course I have feelings, emotional outbursts especially when I watch E.T.” (Entertainment Tonight 😮)
I'm officially diagnosed but unlike you I wasn't diagnosed until my mid 40's. I've always held the opinion that any possibility of a future official diagnosis starts with an inkling that we might fit the neurotype. I was undergoing counselling for stress and anxiety and the counsellor said off handedly "did I ever consider myself to be autistic?" Of course I laughed and said "I'm nothing like Rainman!" But I started looking into it and slowly began to suspect I was autistic. I didn't even chase an official diagnosis until I'd already explored the subject was already pretty sure I was autistic. So, you could say most people who pursue a late diagnosis self diagnose or, as you say, self identify first. And yes, my diagnosis didn't give me any advantages. In truth, in some situations it's been a hindrance. Why did I then want my diagnosis? As I said I was in counselling for stress, anxiety and depression. I'd been suicidal. I just wanted to know I wasn't broken. That certainty that you mention told me I wasn't broken or damaged. In that aspect alone this was worth its weight in gold .
The piece was never missing, it’s just you’ve been masking all this time, hiding your most authentic self, to make others happy. One piece isn’t a full identity, multiple are. I don’t like being brought down to a brain, because I’m more than a mind, I’m a person, Who have her own lived experience with ASD. This is just what I think, so you don’t need to take this serious.
I had three children diagnosed, another who put the pieces together that she was likely autistic as well. And I still didn’t even think I could be. Then it started popping up on scrotal media and caught my interest. It took me three years of research to accept that I am autistic.
Self diagnosed autist here. My special interest is a weird one, BUT it means I can tell that spinning globe shows landmass in a case where all ice caps melt and low regions are innundated.
The “why” is easy. Professional diagnosis is neither cheap nor easy to obtain as an adult. It’s only justified if you need a piece of paper with a doctor’s signature to obtain accommodation or other assistance. You don’t need it to get help from other autistic people who can help with learning coping/adapting strategies or offering emotional support.
Barriers to diagnosis will be discussed in a later chapter/episode in this series, but you're right that community support is incredibly important. A lot of people find it difficult to connect with others though, especially since social media can feel very hostile, especially in the last couple of years. I haven't been active on social media myself for a couple of years now because I end up upset, angered or anxious within minutes, every time I make the mistake of looking!
I was only diagnosed because my psychiatrist suspected I was autistic, because I never even considered it due to not knowing anything about ASD. Funny thing is, it didn't validate me a whole lot and my therapist has even implied I'm not autistic. As you can see, even a professional diagnosis doesn't guarantee validation or that people even believe it, which would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing. 😂
It took me only a month. But not really, it was 45 years. I realized that the psychometrists & social workers when I was 9-12 years old were basically the same as ASD-1 behaviour, Strangely, my parents assumed that I had Asperger's (sic) since the mid-1980s. My 80+ year old mother's comments when I asked her this year: "don't worry about it, you are high-functioning." LOL.
I've been at this for a few weeks now (Autism has been a special interest of mine for a few weeks now).... I'm confident enough in my own self diagnosis at this point that I don't feel like I need it to be validated by anyone. Started this journey because we're waiting for a diagnosis for my daughter. After researching, there is no doubt in my mind about my self or my daughter.
This video provided so much comfort to me. It did not take me years but rather months to start questioning if I was autistic and I sometimes imply I am and sometimes say I am not because I am afraid I am lying and thus "attention seeking" although that is not the case whatsoever. I have first started researching neurodivergence when one of my friends started to question if she was autistic due to similar traits to her autistic family members. She mentioned that it's easier for autistic people to be friends with other autistic people- and so after some time I started to notice that the majority of my friends are in fact autistic, auDHD or ADHD. I researched the topic to help me understand their behaviour and to not be judgmental even if it seemed "weird" to me, I just wanted to keep an open mind. A few months later, one of my new auDHD friends said that when they started to talk with me they could tell that I was autistic which prompted me to start researching autism, the diagnostic criteria, stories of autistic folks and also videos by autistic creators. I couldn't stop researching until I accepted that whether I have it or not I am still me and it's okay. I am still not sure, I want to get a diagnosis and I told my psychology teacher that I feel like there might be a chance but the way she responded sounded so dismissive that I have been beating myself up for not expressing myself clearly enough. This video made me sob in relief because I finally don't feel judged for looking into the possibility of being autistic myself.
I just wanna say from the start, i rly like how you worded the question as "Why do some autistic people self diagnose?" rather than "Why do some people self diagnose as autistic?"; that makes it clear you recognise our self dx from the start - ya just wanna explore why we do such and what it looks like; which im totes here for
I've lost count of the number of self ID folks I've met along my journey, but I've learned enough to treat it with respect. But for a rare twist of fate in my teens, I might well be self ID'd myself right now and either on a waiting list or wondering whether to pursue a DX at my age.
Good, comprehensive video. It’s truly appreciated. My mother is ashamed and wants me to keep it secret. I believe my sister has autism also but neither she nor my mom will talk about it. I knew when I took special education courses in college. Back then, it was all about boys, but it was painfully clear sister and I both have it. It took many years to start finding any literature about autism in girls. It took many more years to find any help. An uphill battle my entire adult life.
Your videos have helped me a lot. And this one expresses EXACTLY what I think about diagnoses. I knew I was depressed before being diagnosed. I knew I had anxiety, bipolar disorder (and, I'm sorry , psychiatrists, but I can detect clearly when I'm "high", and I can deal with it without your prejudices and many of your medications), and plenty of physical issues before they, from their narcissistic throne, said "Yes, I allow you to claim so". I live with myself. 45 years doing so, every day. Who's anyone to tell me about my life? The bleeding metaphor is good. I need no doctor to tell me what I see is blood or what I feel is pain. They try to make us believe we are idiots! I guess I also need to ask for His Majesty's approval to say that the streets in the UK are full of right wing thugs attacking immigrants and non-whites. I cannot call them right-wing Britofu**ers, I'm no expert, am I? Even after having lived as an immigrant in London for more than 10 years. I need a white British politician's permission. Thanks a lot, mate!
I'm halfway through the video, this is my fourth video of yours in a row that I've watched, and I have never personally and emotionally related to what I'm watching more intensely and directly before. I'm going to need a lot of time to think about things, because my entire adult life, I've had a suspicion that i may have ASD, in one form or another. Ever since my first very long term relationship (and eventually wife, and now ex-wife) made an off-handed comment that I might be on the spectrum based on things she observed about me. Listening to these stories and specific symptoms that you and others you know have experienced feels like a one-to-one with the exact feelings and things that I've dealt with internally and can't or haven't externalized. I'm extremely emotional right now watching these, and don't know what my next step will be. But I will be thinking about these topics extensively and hopefully will figure out what I want to... do... next, to understand and deal with myself.
Thank you for making this video. I'm 41, and only 3 weeks I KNEW I'm autistic, but I've had suspicions since my daughter was officially diagnosed 6 years ago. I only found out for sure three weeks ago because I started watching some videos on what I might expect as she transitions into her mid-teens. These past weeks since I discovered I was have been emotional hell, too, I feel so cheated that my mom brushed aside all my life-long struggles yet put so much emphasis on my youngest brother who has ADHD, she just wanted me to be her "problem child" because all her friends told her that's what the first child always becomes. My entire life has been so miserable and lonely and I've always been broke because I can't keep a job longer than two months (and employers don't want to hire ppl who can't hold jobs). I can't keep friends or boyfriends, I was always bullied, I can't stay in school. I literally had to drop out of school in 2nd grade because I suffered, my math/science teacher took pity on my shoddy math skills and stayed after hours to tutor me just so I could pass the year at the lowest acceptable grade when he saw my mom wasn't helping me, I had to drop out of high school. I couldn't figure out WHY I just couldn't be normal and why I had to be the "bad" human. It feels like my entire life was stolen from me. And now learning I have EVERY symptom of autism (except being non-verbal)... people who have never struggled like that have NO idea how much the THOUGHT of FINALLY getting some help learning to adjust so I can keep a job to get my own house is the FIRST bit of hope I have ever had in my entire 41 years. I called the diagnosis center 8 days ago and am waiting for a reply, but I am going to call again in the morning to try to schedule an assessment. It's not about wanting people to think I'm disabled, it's about finally getting help for the first time in my life and getting therapy to maybe heal from 41 years of bullying and rejection and my own family convincing me I was just a lazy good-for-nothing excuse for a human.
Im a 47 year old female Im going to do a clinic diagnosis soon. Ive always felt like an alien. I call myself the observer of this world. Learning about autism has absolutely blown my mind. Its me!!!!! I dont care what a doctor says, but I believe I have kids who are on the spectrum and actually the validation would be nice. Looking back on my life I have been so hard on myself. Even hateful to myself for not understanding why everything is so hard, and never fit in unless I take on traites of the people im around. So i mostly just try to avoid humans as much as possible. Why im so tired for days after being around people. I have been seeing my whole life through an autistic lens. If it isnt me, well than I truly am an alien in or a whole different species on this planet. I look back and I would almost 100% say my Grandpa and mom are autistic.
Question for community: When people that are not caregivers/support person i.e. someone “in the trenches with you” daily or regularly - when someone who is outside of that but is a friend so they know you wellish - when they say, “I’ve been worried about you,” right after you’ve come out of a burnout…does that enrage anyone else? Like, my burnout from a far distressed my friend and they feel guilty not saying something in the moment rather than, hmmm oh idk actually offering help when you saw I was in distress! (which the conversation did eventually get to…after the damn “intervention” phase of the convo - what a misstep 🤦🏻♂️) To me it feels like a news reporter interviewing someone who almost drowned and they tell the almost drowned person they were worried for them. Um, I didn’t see you jumping in the water or getting me aid so what am I supposed to do with YOUR feelings about MY drowning (burnout). I know “they meant well” but aita or is this another one of my autistic-brain-causing-shenanigans things 😂
Considering how many autistic people say they’ve been misdiagnosed by clinicians in the past, it’s pretty funny that people still claim the only valid diagnosis is an “official” one. Probably the majority of us late diagnosed autistic people have been researching in one fashion or another most of our lives and have likely, at different times, thought it was a variety of things that we were dealing with. It was only because none of them quite fit and our distress didn’t diminish that we kept seeking. So, if others out there are seeking answers and happen upon autism related content and think it rings a bell but aren’t autistic, it’s likely they will keep seeking and move on. Surely that’s acceptable? Even the “experts” and “professionals” don’t get it right the first time round a lot of the time. The benefits and net good of autism content on SM far outweighs any minor bumps and trip ups along the way. If there is more concern over people “self identifying” wrongly than there is in opening their eyes to the reality that we have been here all along, you just didn’t see us, well, I think that’s the bigger problem. I’m still ambivalent about seeking an official diagnosis. Part of me wants the validation to myself that I know myself and I can trust myself. A bigger part of me doesn’t trust the system at all and they’ve done enough harm to me over my lifetime. I’m also not easy with the notion of giving any outside authority any more leverage to use against me. I’m still dealing with a fair bit of anger, clearly lol. And that’s ok, too.
I didn't know anyting about ADHD but a few month ago I was diagnised as ADHD with Major depresion. But I wait over 2 Years for an Autism diagnosis and now that I have the ADHD diagnosis I'm 99% shure I'm AuDHD. It will be a releave to know for certain with proof from experts that I'm who I'm. For about 1 Year I'm better in accepting myself how I'm as an Self "Diagnosed" or "Identifing" AuDHDer. I'm 30 years and everting mekes sense now. It doesn't make it easier but it takes away some pressure and very little Guilt.😔 Great Video Again👍
For me it was a very welcome relevation. Before I knew anything about autism I was the lonliest in the world. I truly felt like an alien, and it was at times truly unbearable. In a weird way, I became closer to neurotypical people because I understood were the friction came from, and with trial and error I'm trying to find the balance between masking and unmasking.
I am a bit surprised at the statement that many Self-Identified Autists desire a diagnosis for validation. I obviously only have my personal experiences. But I am autistic, and I don't need or even want a diagnosis. I am so certain of it, that I don't mind if anyone (even from this comment) tries to tell me that I'm wrong, or invalid without a formal diagnosis. I have self-doubt in so many other areas of my life; but the moment I started looking into autistic traits and experiences, I was flooded with feelings of connection and understanding of myself that I had never felt before... and then kept researching further. I know there isn't anything to gain from a diagnosis outside of myself. I'm not in school and I'm not attempting to get jobs that don't currently work with my needs. I do fully understand my own privilege, and I don't want it to sound as if I look down on people wanting diagnosis for validation. Just that I'm surprised it was stated almost matter of fact, that I couldn't be completely sure and comfortable with my autistic identity without a diagnosis. If you want a diagnosis. Get one. If you feel comfortable without it, I think that's valid too.
I don't recall even hinting in any of the videos I've made or articles I've written, that self ID is in any way lesser or inferior to being formally DXed, so you have me puzzled. It's certainly not an opinion I've ever held. People seek formal DX for all sorts of reasons, self-validation being one of the most common, often combined with a requirement for 3rd party validation from another party. It's only relatively recently that self ID has been possible, so for a lot of folks (more than not) that validation is very important. You don't feel that 3rd party confirmation matters to you & you're in the lucky position of not having to prove it to anyone, but I don't get why you think I might have less respect for you because of that? What gives you that impression?
It was about 12 years ago that a frustrated psychotherapist that I had seen for many years consulted with someone and came back with a ‘diagnosis’ of Asperger’s Syndrome. I then read ‘The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband’ by David Finch, but had trouble relating to his particular traits. I got a bit side-tracked by reading Susan Cain’s ‘Quiet’ where I could identify as an introvert. And, was very busy with my professional life. I read ‘Neurotribes,’ and could better relate to that. With the DSM-V, my therapist claimed that I didn’t meet the criteria for ASD (!!!). She is now my ex-therapist, and I can see that there was a certain amount of shaming and invalidation going on. Now that I can see myself in the autistic content creators on RUclips, I identify as being autistic.
Nobody ever suggested it to me. I slowly learned enough through being a mother of an autistic child, expedited thanks to online algorithms. When I brought it up to my psychologist, who was inexperienced, she denied that I could be. I eventually gave up on my healthcare provider, who was labeling me as borderline, and sought private assessment. My high masking kid is now awaiting his diagnostic report, also done privately. I am trying to help my kids have the best lives possible, to not go through what I did.
This is one of the things that drives me nuts about the stigma behind "self diagnosis": if you *think* you are autistic, and you try out *something* to see if it helps you, and it *does* help you ... what's the harm done? And if it *does* *not* help, so you try *other* things, and maybe discover you're *something* *else* that may be a better fit for what you're experiencing -- again, what harm was done?
I may get a third party diagnosis eventually. I might have to wait for it to be more accessible. I might also try to find work or volunteer work to help other autistic people.
I believe I have been misdiagnosed with ocd. I think I still have ocd, but the autistic traits I have are staggering. And I have two children with diagnoses. But I still tell people, if I comes up, that it’s “just ocd.” I’m 45 years old and I walked to the store for the first time by myself in over 15 years last week. It’s things like this that make me want a diagnosis. People meet me and think I’m intelligent and social. They have no idea what I go through on a regular basis to appear that way. Most of my close friends understand and I don’t feel obligated to mask. In fact, it’s because of videos like this one that I hardly feel like I have to mask at all. And more and more people recognize the neurotype. And I feel so much better being my quirky autistic self… usually. 😊🙏
i entered this video with the understanding that i was in the camp of figuring out naturally but saying "someone who should know" assaulted me with memories of my grandmother who is literally a nurse at a psych ward saying to my parents that she believes i may be adhd or autistic when i was somewhere under 10 and that made me critical of my own differences from then on until now in my adulthood when not terribly long ago i confirmed it yet always knew *something* was off
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I was diagnosed with ADHD June 2023. I suspected autism January 2024. My husband said, “I suspected it for the past 10 years. You and our son are almost identical rival in your traits”. Our son is autistic. My son said he has known for years. I had my autism eval 2 weeks ago. I’m an autistic ADHDer. Life finally makes sense.
The reason why I’d like that diagnosis, is to feel validated. I’ve been dismissed, disbelieved, ignored. It would also enable more support doors to be opened…I also come from a abusive relationship and abusive childhood background, lots of trauma
@@BipolarCouragenot easy here in the uk either, I have tried to get funded therapy here in the uk, but as I said, it is not easy, well, in my experience it hasn’t been. I’m in therapy currently and I have to fund that out of my benefits and it’s a struggle…but better than none at all. Hope it wasn’t too bad for yourself…sorry, I’m assuming here
@@BipolarCourage sounds like you deserved that compensation and I’m sorry it was stressful time for you, glad you won! And you had a psychologist advocating strongly for you, proper support. 100%, politicised in the medical system here as well, underfunded etc. They don’t make it easy for us do they.
Yes, childhood trauma and autism are similar. I did think for long time that it was the trauma. But, my brothers daughter got diagnosed, both my brothers are on the spectrum (albeit undiagnosed), so is my aunt on my dads side. Also my therapist said she was autistic and she keeps saying things like “us”, as in “others won’t understand us” sort of thing, and I’m on the waiting list for adhd, I think I’m both (from my own extensive research and memories growing up etc)….you get that lightbulb moment when you realise you could be on the spectrum, well I say that, I did
@@BipolarCourage yeah I understand the principle of it, but you still deserved it. I’m big on principle as well, justice etc and I’d fight it on the same grounds as you, principle. But saying that, I’d also fight it for the money, only for the reason to help fund any further help and support…..here in the uk, you can pay (£100’s) for a diagnosis appointment at a private practice, but like yourself, it’s the principle and also, to be honest, I can’t afford to have it private.
You mean subjectivity from the medical profession or those wanting the support from it? It’s very difficult getting an adult autism diagnosis here. My brother’s daughter is 23 and she got her diagnosis when she was 22, I’m so pleased that she got that and she is getting support now🙂 Took her 2yrs.
Excuse my ignorance, can’t relate to late onset influencers, Im a bit confused, what do you mean, sorry. Unless you mean the tictokers, youtubers faking autism to further their own agenda? Likes, followers etc.
My professional diagnosis was with someone very affirming and I did find it highly validating and healing. It helped a lot. I'm in New Zealand too actually and here it did lead to funded support which has helped me a lot too.
Believe in yourself more and you'll realize you only want that validation from others because you don't validate yourself. No made up letters that mean made up definitions can ever describe the vastness that is your being. But you can feel and experience that!
Much love
There is so much empowerment and validation when someone describes their childhood traits and they mirror your experiences exactly. While it may seem like the number of autistics is 'growing', we know we were rare enough to be all alone in many of our experiences. We were ridiculed and alienated by those who should of been our peers. Occasionally you may have met another child you could click with, and often they were considered weirdos too. And not wanting to be weirdos, we often did not treat each other kind or wanted to be associated with each other. It's really sad in hind sight. Self diagnosed or self identified, it's the need to understand one's self and have a broader context for how we are, like we are, in the sea of humanity we find ourselves in. The lack of belonging is a life long heartache.
What a wonderfully poignant observation. I may mention it on screen. Thank you😊💜
@@Autistamatic Feel free to use my words to help tell our collective story 💞
too true. Thanking you writing this.
So true... As a child it always hit me hard when I came across other kids with similar traits as mine. I could feel it and scared me all along, I felt conflict, rejection and attraction at the same time turning into nothingness... Crazy intense, wierdness from the outside I guess. Gosh these words get difficult sometimes...
A big part of my life as an adult has consisted of trying to compensate my lack of response, trying to become a support, which I wasn't. I studied developmental psychology and tried my best for 14 years to help others like me... It was beautiful and an overwhelmig effort too.
Now I do my thing, I'm a luthier, self employed, much more manageable for me not having to deal with the crowds... But I'm still super sensitive with people in the spectrum and usually can't let them go unnoticed...
In any case thank you guys and please mind my english
@@raysstlyn6346- your Emgl8sh is impeccable, unlike my spelling at 3am with tired eyes. Lol
I am 49, self identified autistic and I am seeking a formal assessment next year, mostly for closure and to shut down impostor syndrome. Also loving the 80s pop culture references like the Blake 7 Liberator and the Tales of the Unexpected intro. My journey actually kind of took both roads you talked about, Quinn. I was diagnosed with ADD in 1983 but my lived experiences are much more suggestive of autism. The more I have researched, learned, and interacted with the autistic community over the last year and a half, the more certain I am that I was misdiagnosed and I am an autistic person. I told my close friends and mom that I thought I was autistic earlier this year and they were all like "Yes, we know!" It seems I was the last to realise it 🤣
@@nozhki-busha I'm loving the 80s refs too! Make me laugh at 49! I don't think your family actually knew, otherwise they'd have told you. What they mean is "Ah, that makes sense now!" which means they're not surprised, they love you for who you are, and it's all good.
That's great! But if it comes out as "We always knew" then they're being a bit clumsy in their love, cause they really didn't. But now they do, they will be able to do the same mental reset that you have now been able to do. 👍❤️
I was diagnosed “ADD” (should have been ADHD-PI; “ADD” hasn’t been in the DSM since 1987!) 20 years ago; it is now (since 2013) possible to be diagnosed ADHD and ASD at the same time, and the majority of people who fit the criteria for ASD also have enough executive dysfunction to fit the criteria for ADHD. Sometimes, people are diagnosed with ADHD, take medication and find it quite helpful, then realize they are still having a lot of issues that match up better with autism. Unfortunately, there is no pill to tone down sensory sensitivities or improve detection of social cues! 😅
For me, the more I learn, it has actually felt like an answer. I am not just a clumsy, bookworm, full of useless facts, usually only one or two close friends, misophonic, matter of fact, people have to get used to my honesty is not coming from malice, boundless creativity, strong sense of justice, and often need time alone to recharge. Yet, my friends don't see it. I am in health and human services, my mom went medical, my dad computer geek. How can I not have seen it in 54 years?
Oh….clumsy, bookworm, full of useless facts, only a few close friends, misophonic (I don’t like screaming kids, babies-high pitch dog barking-loud motorbikes, cars, buses etc), strong sense of justice, need time alone (isolating) to recover, my friends don’t see it either…yep me too.
I’m 60 and only became “aware” the last 2yrs…I just thought I was a wierdo, strange, different, why was I doing things with my hands (I now know it as stimming, but I didn’t know what it was all about back then), why was I able to retain all these facts etc. But, doing my own research and accessing past memories, my brothers daughter being diagnosed, my other brothers two sons (undiagnosed) behaviours, my dads behaviours, my brothers etc….it all made sense. You’re probably like me, because you’re a very competent masker that has developed over those 54yrs (especially as a child), you couldn’t see it, like myself. I don’t know, sorry, I was just saying. I hope your journey hasn’t been too hard for you
I've been waiting over 4 years now for a 'formal' diagnosis... All I can tell you is that after 50 years of struggling, managing asd triggers rather than trying to treat anxiety and depression has made my life a lot more bearable.
Me too, thanks for sharing ❤
@@christopherhoggins5008 Onwards and upwards! 👍☀️
me too. self diagnosing with asd/ later audhd saved my life. accommodating myself in those ways made life easier, especially after it was hard all of my life and i couldn’t understand why. self diagnosing saved my mental health and made me start to love myself
Me too
@@deborahbeattie9103 appalling , isn't it?
I am 57 and female. I only identified myself as autistic after I retired. When I was a child, very, very few people were formally diagnosed with autisim. And almost 100% boys. Even in my late teens, I was told that it was "impossible" for me to be autistic. Yet, my life experience didn't change because others made the judgment that I was not autistic. I would like a formal assessment because I am a rule follower. But it is far too expensive. I only came by self identification because I was researching CPTSD in an effort to figure out why my relationships have been crappy. I discovered that CPTSD and autisim have some overlaps and autsim just made more sense. But with that knowledge I began to look at others differently, with a lot less blame, and my relationships improved. No, my mother isn't vague and obtuse in some bizarre power play. She is using typical indirect language and I now I know to ask her clarifying questions. Just figuring that out means I trust her more.
Oh, it’s still a power play, meant to manipulate, but it’s not “bizarre”; no, most people do it to not end up at the bottom of the power pyramid. Society is based on people losing safe living “privileges” if we challenge self-proclaimed “authorities”, so manipulative, controlling behavior is “normal”, but that doesn’t make it less pathological; a symptom of a sick society.
@misspat7555 Recently, events in my family life have led me to a similar conclusion. Ultimately, though, we can not make others stop their madness. And, we will never live in a world that isn't mad. For myself, I will choose to accept my boundaries and not allow anyone to trample them. That truly is a choice one can make.
When I was about 22-23, some woman from across the country had gotten to know me online, a high school science teacher. One day, she suggested to me Asperger's Syndrome. When I looked it up, it was then considered to be a "mild form of autism," and back then the classic autistic white boy is what we saw on television ads, of which I barely paid any attention to. Immediately, however, Asperger's Syndrome clicked, and it wasn't long after that my wish of being born on the wrong planet, a hope that there was a planet that made sense, went away. I was human, like everyone else, but my perspective on life was different for this reason. It wasn't the answer to all of my struggles, but still after 17 years I hold true to the belief that I am autistic. Like in this video, a diagnosis would be for certainty and support, because without it, people think I'm just wrong about myself. Even in therapy it can be hard to be taken seriously for this, which is sad because much of the time even people who can perform an autism diagnosis know less about it than I do - they need a rigorous process and family history to identify autism - but autistic people can identify each other out in the wild simply by brief contact, or observation even. I'm okay telling people I'm autistic, but regardless of what I tell people about myself, my strengths or weaknesses, it doesn't get me any support. I am rejected all the same unless I play by *their* rules. If you want to succeed socially, play just enough, and set your boundaries instead for dicks like them. They aren't worth our time. They must accept us for who we are much like we are trying to do. They obviously can't understand or don't care enough about us to know why we'd go to such great lengths in seeking insight into ourselves, and to be curious and willing to support us. Even my own family treated me just as poorly as a stranger. Boundaries!
You just spoke to my soul! I guess I'm so high masking that even psychologists & psychiatrists can't tell, but I'm slowly accepting I don't need that kind of validation. It's OK if I self identify. And yes, VERY strong family history of both ASD & ADD on my Mom's side. But learning that how I interact with most people is called a 'social script' and neurotypicals don't use them blew my mind. I thought everyone had a list of rules that they ran thru everytime they were socializing.
I have a bunch of 'rules' that I must employ in order to 'socialize'. Except if someone is on the spectrum. I used to wonder why I had such an intense positive feeling when I encountered someone on the spectrum (and yes, I too can always tell) and a few years ago, I realized what I felt was an overwhelming sense of relief. Which only confused me more!
But what I think I'm realizing is that socializing w/ people on the spectrum means I don't have to gird myself w/ all the heavy social accoutrements that is necessary for interacting w/ people not on the spectrum. And they dont wander off w/in 5 min looking puzzled, confused, or bewildered...
😂😂😂
Hey Quinn thanks for keeping up with your channel :)
Well said! ❤
Just thank you
Agree 😊
My therapist raised the subject with me after quite some time, primarily because she is self-identified, has two diagnosed sons and says her late mother was probably autistic too (though she was apparently known as eccentric). I had no idea, chiefly because I was as ignorant as the next person, about what autism was and wasn't. Through you and a couple of your mates I have learnt differently. Now my therapisst and I are both working on getting the paperwork. I am extremely fortunate that I have a family member who is willing to help pay for a private assessment, else it wouldn't happen at all. The one person who was doing it in the public system in my provincial NZ city was moved to a different hospital team. The assessor is in a city some hundreds of kms away and we're going to have to fly her in but she comes with excellent credentials. As with so many of you, it will explain a heap, once she untangles the attachment issues, CPTSD and other stuff.
Curiously, as a disabled person I have already had the folowing reaction from (now) ex-friends. 'Why would you want to be autistic? Isn't blindness enough for you?These are the same ignoramuses who think impairment is something you acquire and then carry around like a fashion accessory, or some cobweb-covered cooky jar from which impairments are rationed out and from which I must be snatching, instead of just part of the fabric of life. It would be interesting to know whether other disabled people have also experienced this. I don't know what Tania will find when I finally see her, but it will be an interesting part of the journey. While I still experience a good deal of self-doubt, and will until the results of the assessment (whatever they turn out to be), there is no denying the fact that I simply seem to click effortlessly with known autists in a way which is new to me. I meet people who have difficulty with people in general and who actually like me. This is new and strange.
Thank you, Quinn my friend, for giving us all the supportive space to share ourselves with one another.
I’ve definitely encountered the idea that the label creates the developmental/congenital disability, rather than confirming it. As if pretending problems don’t exist will make them disappear. I don’t understand, either! 🤷♀️
Great video!
For me it took 12 years from my first suspicion to formal diagnosis.
- In college, a friend told me "you know you're a little bit Sheldon, right? But not like 100%". She planted the self-suspicion seed, but also the impostor's syndrome seed. I buried my curiosity because I didn't "felt" autistic enough.
- 10 years later, my only childhood friend received an AuADHD diagnosis. That same year, an autistic woman started working in my team and she requested to work with me since she felt more comfortable with me. I started researching about autism to better understand her.
- After 2 years of research, I went for formal diagnosis. I felt relief and validated when I got it. It helped me overcoming so many years of identity crisis and self-gaslighting.
I’m 75 years old and I think I may be autistic but I have nothing to gain by being tested. Scarcity of testing resources should not be used for my curiosity. I have come to peace with my quirkiness and have chosen to avoid people who can’t accept me as I am. No more energy for masking. I wish everyone inner peace on their journey to improve their paths in life.❤️
❤
My best friend and I realized we were autistic around the same time. (It helped him a lot to verbalize his thought process to me as he researched autism & I saw a lot of myself in what he described.) We both spent well over a year resesrching autism before we were even ready to whisper that we may be autistic in close friend circles & with romantic partners.
My best friend sought out an assessment, which was expensive and I had to help him pay for. The assessor quite literally told him that he met ALL the diagnostic criteria for autism, but would not be given a formal diagnosis due to the fact he had too many friends. The assessor quite literally told him that if he had no friends at all, he would've recieved a diagnosis. But the fact that people enjoyed his company was somehow sufficient proof that he could not possibly be autistic.
I hope one day, we will be able to not only access diagnosis without having to reach rock bottom, but that a diagnosis will actually MEAN something and that we will actually be able to access the support that we desperately need and are struggling to function without.
The rigorous understanding of Autism is still evolving and most allistic people, including the majority of mental health professionals, have profound misconceptions about it. The diagnostic criteria are still mostly based on externally visible symptoms, rather than the true internal feelings. By the time autistic people are old enough to understand autism, they would have already learned to mask such symptoms voluntarily or involuntarily - meaning poor diagnostic outcomes. Your example of friendship is one very obvious and often repeated misconception among allistic people that I have seen. They seem to think that autistic people are fundamentally incapable of empathy and camaraderie. They don't realize that autistic people have strong empathy and crave companionship, but simply fail to communicate those needs. But by the time you are adults, you would have already evolved artificial ways to blend into groups, even if that takes a lot of cognitive efforts. The result? Allistic professionals end up thinking that you can't be autistic if you have friends!
I think the root of the entire problem is that 'Autism' is still considered as Autism spectrum 'disorder'. Nothing I learned about autism indicates that it's any sort of disorder. The associated behavior is neither disordered, nor should it cause any long term issues (other than due to society's mishandling of neurodiversity). It's just a normal (genetic) variation among the population - like non-binary genders, heterochromia, left-handedness, curly hair, etc. It's just that the variation is a minority - standing at about 1 identified cases among 36 individuals. This 'disorder' concept has very serious implications on the efficacy and outcome of autism diagnosis. Disorder means that the professionals will be looking for something wrong with you - and they don't find enough. They seem to think that you're a paranoid over-thinker looking for an excuse for yourself. They don't seem to understand that for most autistic people, a diagnosis is much less about treatment or accommodation than it is about self-discovery and proper decision making.
To push the point of 'disorder' being the wrong notion, let me explain with the example of a few true disorders - depression, anxiety disorder and schizophrenia. If you have suffered any of those, you'd know - you just don't understand it until a professional diagnoses you. You don't know what's wrong. You don't know what's causing it. You don't know how to rectify it or how to compensate for it. You're completely at the mercy of the professionals. In contrast, in non-disorder conditions like non-binary gender identities, heterochromia and left-handedness, the person knows exactly how they differ from others. They don't need anyone else to tell them who they are. More often than not, they also know the name of the condition and how to get in touch with other similar individuals. And peer pressure may force them to hide their actual behavior from others (I have seen left handers being forced to use right hand. But no so much with heterochromia - perhaps use contacts?).
Now coming to autism, it resembles the latter group (non-disordered conditions) than true disorders. In almost all the cases, the individual knows exactly how they differ from people around them. They feel so different that they suspect that they may be an alien in human form. They just don't know that there is a single condition that explains all their symptoms all at once. In fact, I will guarantee you that when you first learned about autism, it didn't just explain the symptoms you already suspected, but it explained at least a dozen more other symptoms that you thought were normal!
So perhaps, you don't need a professional validation to understand yourself - you aren't looking for an excuse. You are looking for a key to your identity. But sometimes you do need a diagnosis - for accommodations. The world is designed around allistic people. It's only fair to ask for accommodation when you're not on a fair playing field. In that case, keep trying until you find someone more sympathetic or understanding. I'm sure that with the multitude of symptoms you have, somebody will have to accept it some day. It has to happen only once.
PS: I'm not autistic. At least, not yet!
I guess the assessor didn't think to wonder if the circle of friends might be mostly ND. The 'No Friends' stereotype seems a bit outdated now that there are more ways for people to connect with other like-minded people.
I wish this had happened with my ex-bestie. But her family long ago seems to have decided that the way to keep from being depressed is to never discuss anything potentially controversial or upsetting; including depression! So, for example, when I got my ADHD diagnosis 20 years ago, she never even said, “Yeah, I probably have that, too.”, even though it was extremely obvious! Not really a friend if we could never talk about anything except fun stuff we’d done and fun stuff we were going to do… but then she told me she was jealous of my life… WTF??? 🤨 I mean, I get we are also both autistic now, but again, not something we could ever discuss… I don’t think I’m going to miss that. I just don’t. 🫤
Edit: typos
@@gokuldastvm You mean, you're not sure you're autistic -- yet!
My eldest son was diagnosed as a child with ADHD but I suspected that was not his entire story…so I started researching ASD. What I found was not only that he was a textbook case of ASD, but so was his brother. Then videos popped up talking about ASD in women so I watched a few and that’s when I realized that their ASD and ADHD may have come from me. After YEARS and years of intense research and having my youngest son diagnosed with AuDHD I am concluding that I also have AuDHD. So does my Mom and a great deal of people in my family. Everything makes sense now. I am thankful, though, because knowing what I know now has given me more tools to help myself and my family. I had a lot of anger and confusion about life and people that I now I have better understanding of. I have been able to accommodate myself.
I had my "aha" moment over two years ago, and I have been absorbing as much autism content as I can since then. Somehow, watching videos on channels like this one and treating myself as provisionally autistic has helped significantly with the depression and anxiety I "officially" have. Something about understanding the reasons behind the struggle helps a lot. (Thank you for your role in that, Quinn!)
Unfortunately, I can't justify spending $2k+ for an official assessment, so I will have to be content with remaining schrodinger's autistic indefinitely.
For me it started with an offhanded remark by my mother in law a decade ago. That and learning I have ADHD, and of course, following ADHD folks here, and then gradually AuDHD folks started showing up, and I could really really relate. Luckily my SO is and has always been an incredibly supportive person.
Also, you do absolutely have my thanks! Your 11 video relationship series was the clincher for me, Especially #9 that "label" of "black and white thinking" was the biggest doubt I had and you explained it so well and not only does it fit. If that's a big part of being autistic, I'm absolutely glad that I am, and thank you for helping me finally sort that out! :D
@16:25 social pecking order. if you haven't read Howard Bloom's books on Mass Mind/ Global Brain and his observations on pecking order systems I encourage it. Thanks for another great video.
Summed up my "self-identification" journey pretty well. I'm late Millennial/Early Gen-Z, so growing up, our understanding of autism was basically using it as a synonym for retarded. One day, I was stimming in a way that I thought was weird and jokingly asked myself if I was autistic. Did some research on it and came to the startling discovery that I might be on the spectrum. Over the next couple of years, I would look into it on and off, had a couple of childhood friends who ended up getting diagnosed as adults, and a lot of my younger cousins have gotten diagnosed. I've come to the point where I've accepted that I'm autistic.
Currently not seeking a diagnosis. I'm pretty confident in my intuition and don't really see any benefit in going through that headache right now. I have a good job that revolves around my special interest, and most of my coworkers are on the spectrum as well, so I'm pretty well supported despite not having a formal diagnosis and actually feel like I have a group of people I fit in with for the first time in my life.
I am so tempted to send this to a friend who has not been supportive of my self diagnosis. They are a social worker and we've had so many conversations about neurodiversity and, apparently, I am not allowed to be that. In fact, when telling her my hunch she said, "oh, I hate it when people self-diagnose". No help at all. My fear as that I will be seen as passive-aggressive if I send this to them. I really just want to let go but it is a very old friendship and we have many of the same old friends and it would be very, very awkward. What is most sad to me is the relief and connection I have been experiencing since understating I am Autistic and how I wish I could share this new joy and, yet, not one friend has asked about my experiences. Disappointing. Thanks for posting this, it does help.
Maybe send her a link to one of my other videos, a less obvious one, and hope she finds her way here?
For me a diagnosis is more of a shield than validation. At first, validation was definitely what I looked for, and I'm not saying that I no longer need it. But that bit of grappling within myself is nothing new, and I have been able to share my discovery with 2 of my closest people, so validation has become a "hmm that might be nice" rather than a pressing need. But if I were to tell others in general, if I were to be open with my discovery, I fully anticipate push back. A diagnosis wouldn't stop that attack, but it would soften the impact, take some of the damage. On the other hand, without one, I'd be actively trying to block these attacks with my own body - and whether successful or not, it won't soften the blow, it'll only redirect it to an area of my choosing.
But an idea I have been strongly considering, which I would welcome feedback on, is a shield I can make with my own two hands: a book, self written. An in depth self diagnosis. Sure, I'm not a doctor and it wouldn't count in an official capacity, but I don't need it to. But wouldn't it just be a spectacular shield? And if nothing else I find great amusement in the idea, all things considered. "You can't possibly be autistic" one says, only for their expression to shift drastically upon hearing the retort, "Actually I've written a 500 page explanation of the autistic traits I've exhibited throughout my life along with a detailed analysis of why I have not yet been diagnosed in an official capacity. There's also a section towards the end with the most common reasons one may say I can't be autistic, followed by an explanation of each which renders these arguments moot."
I would so very gladly self publish, even if it means physically assembling each copy of the book myself, because handing them out and seeing the "oh shit that's pretty autistic" thought dawning on someone would just be spectacular. Inevitably a greater shield than a diagnosis, and arguably a similar amount of time and effort, but significantly less financial impact.
One of my children was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It made me remember a bunch of stuff from my own childhood but I didn't pay a lot of attention at the time. Then my other child began having behavioral issues at school and we were advised to think about getting an assessment for her too. We decided not to get one as it really doesn't help, and just gives a way to label the person and make them a target for funded 'supports' that don't really help the issue.
Somewhere along this process I diagnosed myself and developed strategies to deal with some of the issues myself. I've tried to guide my kids through the experience as best I can also. I have no plans to get a diagnosis myself. I don't need an assessment from people who've failed to understand me for 40 plus years to know who I am.
Thank you for the way you handled this video. I’m somewhere between the second and third types. Self-identification was a critical part of my journey because I never would have believed my experiences weren’t just my personal failings and I wouldn’t have stopped making enough for anybody else to be recognizable, even though that masking came at the cost of dissociating from my body.
I received my diagnosis yesterday, and I never would have gotten it if I hadn’t been accepted by this community and been able to explore it, I would still not understand who I am.
After 3 decades of struggles and not being “normal”, I did like 4 years of research and looked into my own family’s medical history, and came to the conclusion that I was missed as a kid, especially after asking family about things I did as a that may have been “weird” or different. Everything they described were traits of undiagnosed Autism. Then I started listening to peoples stories about late in life diagnosis’ and their stories. It felt like other people telling me my life story on one form or another. It felt like a reality shift. So I decided to talk to people I know who have had an official diagnosis. Most answers I got were along the lines of “I thought you knew?, I could have told you that!, You didn’t know?, You sound just like me!” I’d like an official diagnosis, but there’s no resources for adults where I live, the wait is years long, and costs thousands of dollars I dont have. Even my wife believes I’m Autistic. She says In fit the bill 100% and in retrospect, my whole life makes so much more sense through the lens of Autism. Tbh, when I started researching, Autism wasn’t even what I was looking into. It was other health issues. So many things that the “experts” and “specialists” had no answers for. No matter what tests they ran, what machines they put me in or connected me to. The few Autistic people in my life told me to stop driving myself crazy and just accept that I’m on the spectrum and live life in a way that best suits me. They said there’s no point in spending all that time and money to be told what I found out myself through endless research and talking to them. They also said why look for validation from someone whos not even on the spectrum? Who would know better than others who deal with the same struggles. I’ve slowly been learning to accept it. My wife tells me to just accept it and stop worrying about getting a piece of paper that says it just to be accepted by people who wont believe me either way. But yeah, I dont WANT to be Autistic…what I want is to know what’s been going on with my my whole life. Why I could never keep friends, why I was socially awkward, didn’t understand society’s rules, why my dad beat the hell out of me for not being “normal” and embarrassing him at family gatherings and out in public, why my special interests were seen as bad and why they were always taken away from me. Why I always felt different and couldn’t connect to people, why being direct and honest was considered bad, yet people said that’s what they wanted. Why I suffer from severe migraines, insomnia, and stomach issues. Why I have sensory and texture issues. How I realized a bunch of things I got criticized for were all forms of stimming. Realizing I was actually masking my entire life because I literally wasn’t allowed to be myself without consequences. I broke down in front of my wife after realizing all of this and feeling like I don’t actually know who I am and I feel like a fraud. Scared she was going to leave because it felt like she fell in love with the fake me. She allowed me to finally be who I really am 10 years into our marriage and fully accepted me and embraced it. She encourages me to not mask ir hide it. She’s extremely supportive. I’ve started to openly express my real self. Im really lucky with that. She knows music is my biggest special interest, specifically playing bass. She went out if her way to buy my my dream bass thst costs over $1k just to help encourage me to follow my passion. She understands me now too and a lot of things she used to kind of hold against me, she understands are traits of Autism and doesn’t take any of it personally anymore. She actually looks up how to handle things as someone married to someone who on the Spectrum. She really understands me now. She’s the only person to truly accept me in life. When I tried to tell 2 of my closest friends of 13+ years, and they slowly disappeared out of my life. I talked to my mom about it, and she acted like it was the worst news ever, like I just said I had Stage 4 brain cancer. My wife is the only one to accept me minus the other Autistic people I asked, but we’re not too close. Just feels like my world got lonelier since finding out. I just have my wife and my room full of many different musical instruments. Definitely been at a point of burnout for a while now and it’s dreadful, but at least I understand that, the over stimulation, why I have meltdowns and what they are. Im learning to manage it all, but it still feel like I jumped into a different dimension of existence. My whole reality for 31 years was a lie and not what I thought. I wasn’t who I thought I was, or at least who I was pretending to be for everyone else to survive and not stand out too much. All the beatings and punishments, all of my stuff getting taken away as a kid, being berated, criticized, bullied at school and at home, never being accepted. Feeling unwanted, useless, like a broken loser, a failure, all the negative self talk, believing I was just a bad person who deserved bad things to happen to me, believing I didn’t deserve real love, like my only purpose was to serve others and sacrifice my own wants, needs, and happiness. Its just a lot. Believe me, I dont want this. I just want to know with a definite answer so I can accept it myself because I have had severe imposter syndrome despite everything lining up perfectly with my life and my experiences from childhood into my 30’s. I feel crazy, man. Idk how to go about all of this.
Your room full of musical instrruments sounds like a cool place to be. I love historic ones in particular and i'm trying to teach myself to identify different makes of fortepiano by their sound. The Viennese action sounds quite distinctive from the English, particularly in the ones pre-1800s. Kia kaha. Be strong.
I was lucky enough to be professionally “identified” when i was 49. Wouldn’t ever think I was better than any neurotypical or self identified.
However, I have come to see other individuals similar to my/our selves that have never been assessed.
Ty so much Quinn. God bless your parents !! I am 55 years old. I got auditory processing disorder in April of 2023. My abusive mother prevents me from getting an official diagnosis. She would use it in court to take over my estate. The estate that I earned myself. So, I am working on Ehlers Danos diagnosis. This would legitimize my physical neurological symptoms. So many women are given antidepressants and are devalued. I will keep poking the medical system to hopefully make it better for my grandchildren.
As a 28-year old self-identified autistic, one of the recurring thoughts whenever I start to entertain seeking a formal diagnosis is absolutely that certainty aspect. Whether intentionally or inadvertently, much of my world has questioned or invalidated my experiences from a young age, so I had learned that my “sensitivity” or “awkwardness” or “obliviousness” etc were unusual and abnormal-and therefore, “do I really know my own thoughts and feelings or is even my perspective on my own self-awareness incorrect and inaccurate?” Those self-doubting patterns drive the motivation to seek external validation and certainty, because despite being told “trust your gut” I’d been told that “you’re thinking too much” or “that’s not what’s happening” etc - which makes me wonder about whether I came into a learned alexithymia because I was repeatedly told my experience wasn’t accurate or over-exaggerated, as opposed to being alexithymic all along (speaking of course in my case specifically, and out of curiosity if this could be others’ experience). At the end of the day, as a way to cast a vote for rebuilding my self-trust and intuition for internal validation, I haven’t sought out a formal diagnosis, but the self-doubt sure comes knocking to challenge that maybe I’m still just fooling myself after all.
Interesting idea about the cause of alexithymia!
Thank you so much for this, it helped me tremendously, the fact that this compassion and understanding and wisdom exists in the world I live in is giving me comfort, even if it was just one person its still better than none, I truly appreciate your words and your content.
Well, here is my story so far. As a kid I was ADD or ADHD and my parents felt medicating me was unfair, then in my early adult life it was manic depression with sociopathic tendencies it was even hinted that it might be DID. But watching The Good Doctor with my wife we both noticed that there was some overlap between myself and the main character an autistic surgeon. Now in the show, he has more standard obvious traits that neurotypical people would point at. So I started doing more research myself and then I started to see a lot of overlap. So I found an online test, not one of those Facebook ones, from an autism study and i got a good score lol. That was good enough for me I found something that makes all the puzzle pieces fit. but the more I see of how common it is for people in their 30's to be getting diagnosed I think I'll ask my doc the next time I see him
This is why I feel I should get the diagnosed in the next few years but at the same time don't feel I should have to. Both my daughters are diagnosed officially and I know I am Autistic after spending 2½ years researching, checking and double checking but with such long waiting lists I just wonder what's the point still.... I'll get there eventually I just probably won't get around to it yet. You have said everythjng and more on my thoughts of being self identified and thank you, that validation helps. 😊
One child was referred for assessment, and doing research to learn more led to seeing my other child and myself as having similarities. My other child and I got assessed and were on the spectrum. Wish Mom could afford/access assessment as well, but the family goes on the assumption she is after she looked into it and scored high on the usual questionnaires.
The depiction of the aspie supremacy era made me chuckle.
My late discovery of identity has improved my life massively. I particularly love all the connections to community. It was Barb Cook being interviewed by another autistic person that made me revisit what I'd wondered about for years, but not yet taken beyond a spark.
The algorithm started showing me autism content after I'd been following the Sia drama and finding myself empathising with autistic people and wanting to be an ally. It was the compassion pathway.
My diagnosis has helped me tremendously, especially with getting better healthcare and accommodations for my disability. I’m glad I got it, and yes, it took awhile and was very expensive. Yet I didn’t get it because I wanted to be certain, but because I was having marital conflicts and found myself in couple’s counseling. The diagnosis helped me and my husband work on our difficulties surrounding my sensory issues and our communication challenges. I agree with you, though, it would just be so much better if people were just nice to each other.
I was diagnosed late officially after I had a breakdown. Before that I knew I was on the spectrum but could not get the help in the regions I lived in, so I survived as best I could. There was little professional help before the 2000s in country Australia outside of the cities.
I spent time around multiple formally diagnosed individuals with autism and found that I understood them, thought like them, shared the same problems with others, and they suggested I do some reading and testing. That was over a year ago and I was blown away because my life FINALLY MADE SENSE. I took several precursor screenings for autism and every one of them ended up "strong case for diagnosis". I'm debating on whether or not it's worth getting a formal diagnosis, given the quiet discrimination in the job market against us here in the USA. I'm a 47 year old mom, and there was no chance I would have had a diagnosis in 1977 in the US as a girl.
There are obscure and strange laws that discriminate against autists, which is why I personally have no interest in getting an official diagnosis. Like, you can't legally be a pilot if you are autistic.
2:32 *picks the best clip ever*
Thank you for these amazing videos Quinn. They are very appreciated. Excellent content and food for thought, as always.
I self identified (ADHD) as you described, spent a year trying to convince myself of the opposite, the anger and resentment was difficult to bear. I series of events lead me to a proper diagnosis. After that I spent a multi year grieving process. Now I’m suspecting my wife is ASD.
Why I need a formal diagnosis?
A self diagnosis leaves me feeling that I am looking for an excuse for my odd behaviour.
I have been told by a clinical psychologist that they are confident, but not a formal diagnosis, that I am autistic but that is not enough for me.
All of my life, I am seventy three, I have felt an alien, an outsider, looking at others through a window.
I need a formal diagnosis so I can feel I belong, I have a tribe, a village.
In my circumstances I can't seek any formal support due to my age, I have to be under sixty five, so obtaining a formal diagnosis has no physical benefit.
I'm newly arrived in the "I might be autistic camp" but everything you have said here resonates with me. It would be nice to discover that I am not really an alien...
Quinn is genuine. If you recognise that and subscribe, you are already part of his online tribe. There are also many other channels that are helpful for neurodivergents on the internet. I am certain that I am ADHD and autistic but I do not have a diagnosis. Some of the strategies successfully used by others with ADHD and autism also work for me. Some do not. I am 72 and I experiment with different strategies. If I had a formal diagnosis it might lead me to talk about the formal diagnosis rather than talking about the strategies that help me work, communicate and live a better life.
@@markwalton3367 Thanks for your support. I see you are in your seventies also. My life has been a theater production of masking (strategies). I am sure I am an actor, trying to continue the play but having forgotten the lines, looking at others to give my clues. I have developed many strategies, some very successful and others complete failures. I also believe I have ADHD.
I have been misdiagnosed by many professionals, taking multiple drugs with no improvement. Reading other channels and I do, I'm afraid I read into others symptoms to hang my situation on as an excuse for being so different, so I would like a formal diagnosis to confirm I am not hypochondriac!
@@royyoung80 No formal diagnosis will correct your need for validation from others.
I was very fortunate to get an appointment within a month. I want help with school and that’s about it. Maybe more understanding with work. But it’s a big up and down to have an official diagnosis.
It's great to hear when someone gets a quick response. Whereabouts are you (approximately)?
@@Autistamaticcentral FL!
My nephew was diagnosed with PDD way back, and when that occured my sister (who is older than me) said, maybe you should get checked because [nephew] reminds me so much of you at that age. thats where it started for me.
Thank you for capturing the journey to self identification so resonantly in all its nuance 💛
What started me looking, well the first time, a friend suggested my husband and I take the AQ back in 2006. She thought based on her research into her son, and her husband’s job as a pediatric doctor, that we displayed some tendencies. I took the AQ, and my husband, he scored into autism and I scored borderline. However, I am very good at multiple choice and skewing answers on tests. I was willing to admit my husband could be, but not myself. Fast forward to 2014, my brother got hit by a drunk driver, and was in an induced coma. The social worker with the hospital was trying to line up care for him after he would leave the hospital. She started to go into a more thorough questioning of my family. I was across the pond in the EU, but my mother would answer the questions about my brother, and then think, so is (name) and so am I. She came home after a long session, and called me up. She asked me ‘Do you think you may be autistic?’ I replied, ‘Funny thing, you are not the first to ask me that.’ She asked me to go for a formal diagnosis, since she was in her mid 70s and her primary health care insurance was balking at diagnosing her. Took me 5 years, I got a formal diagnosis and my mother is self identified. That was almost 6 years ago now, that I got my later in life diagnosis. Google searching for online tests led to RUclips tossing videos at me.
Id love to have some autistic friends. As a Neurodivergent myself, ive had trouble keeping friends with the Neurotypical peoples, but if i could have friends like me, then it would be amazing!
Just to be clear, i was originally diagnosed as having ADD as a kid, but im fairly sure i also have autism, after comparing my own experience with other's. I personally don't have a problem with it either way, but at least if i had it officially recognized by a diagnosed, then i could say for sure to others who believe im lying.
Certainly you are doing marvellous work I'm really enjoying. Thank you, very interesting person!
The only thing that pushed me to get the diagnosis was the months of divulging all my personal details to people trying to defend why i thought i was autistic. So yeah, bullying made me do it. Now i flatly say it with no excuses, and its such a relief not having to continue speaking to people who are tiresome. Not great, but there you are.
I self diagnosed because I was listening to everyone describe their experience as a late diagnosed autistic and it sounded to similar to my life. Fast forward one year. I’m now diagnosed AudHD
I'm self identified. Since my son was diagnosed 10 years ago I've been obsessed with researching Autisim. I remember to doctor asked if anyone in my or my wife's family had it. We both said no, but we didn't even know what it was. My aunt who's been a nurse forever said "I don't know why I didn't think about you and Autisim. It makes so much sense". Unfortunately I'll have to remain self identified because I don't have $2000 to have a neuro psychologist put it on paper.
For me, the trigger was a combination of multiple autistic friends suggesting it, and a decrease in my ability to cope with life (which I later discovered was at least partly due to long covid). I am OK to manage without a formal diagnosis, but if it ever becomes easy I would definitely go for it.
A need to understand another had me seeking answers. After what I already understood about myself autism was the final piece that may made the picture make sense. I must say it came with a lot of emotions and relief.
I started watching ADHD videos as a relative had been diagnosed with it and I wanted to understand better. Then RUclips started showing me autism videos too. I have been to the GP had initial screening and am on the waiting list in the UK to be fully assessed somewhere in the distant future. I have told very few people but these videos and those of other creators help massively. For eg I now know when I'm disregulated as opposed to anxious, and what to do about it. Anxiety treatment never worked! Thank you so much
I'm in the north west of England, I waited about six weeks, from GP suggesting it (I just described symptoms, had no idea about autism), to assessment.
Just to show what is possible.
That's remarkably fast and helps to demonstrate just how wide the disparity is! I'm glad you weren't kept waiting around like so many others have👍
@@Autistamatic I have to appreciate how lucky I've been, compared to others' experience. I share it, really to show what everyone should be getting, in a perfect world.
I am one of those who ended up here because RUclips apparently knows me better than my psychologists. I have been diagnosed with ADHD since 2023, which I only found out about via social media beforehand. Despite psychological treatment and medication, I haven't felt any real improvement. It was only when I saw a video of autism and ADHD together that the small seed of curiosity was awakened. And yes, I was thinking oh no, it can't be. Even the video and the 20 afterwards. I've been researching for weeks now and have taken various online tests under different conditions. But this feeling of everything finally making sense hasn't gone away. On the contrary, I now see the same traits in my family and for the first time since my childhood I can let go of the trauma that came from it. I still cry when I watch/hear videos like this. I have never been seen and felt so understood. I am now making an official diagnosis to validate my feeling. Thank you and all the other content creators so much. This means so much to me.
Thanks, it is extremely frustrating to get negative reactions from family and friends who've decided that they know you're not able to "self-identify" or why "your family just always gets treated badly" .. and we are, because we trust, share and accept rejection. I appreciate your support and realization of the situation.
Thank you! Certainly certainty! Brilliant, as always!
Quinn this was a really good video.
Personally I’d like the diagnosis to not feel so alone, I’m 34 and I’ve noticed on a few occasions being out with my closest friends I monitor the situations instead of being involved in them, I watch people laugh without the thought of it myself. I’ve had people over the years joke about me being autistic without really giving it a thought. It would be nice to be certain of who I am how could I help my kids with who they are otherwise
I don't remember if I ever specifically looked up autism but physical (and mental health in particular) have been a special interest of mine since I went to college and I remember RUclips suggesting videos about a bunch of different topics (anxiety, aphantasia, BD, BPD, (C-)PTSD, depression, DID, dyslexia, dyspraxia, NPD, OCD, SDAM, etc.) before it started to zone in on the ones about ADHD and ASD, and that's what made me finally start paying attention to the types of videos I was being suggested and consider why they were being suggested more than any of the others. I used to listed to these videos half absent-mindedly as background noise while I was working from home and when I started to actually pay attention to what was being said is when I started willingly going down the auDHD rabbit hole myself. It didn't take long after that for me to seek a therapist and end up officially diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, ASD, and PTSD. The weird thing about having ASD as a special interest though is how much it makes me cringe when it's really obvious that I know a lot more about it than any of the professionals I've ever encountered and I need to be the one trying to educate the very people who are supposed to be able to diagnose us in the first place. As for why I sought a professional diagnosis, it wasn't for myself (I was 200% certain I was autistic at that point) but for my company, as they refused to give me any accommodations at work (like working on a quieter part of the building) unless my diagnosis was in an official report. If the company had been more understanding to my needs and didn't try to push back on basic accommodations, I would've been okay with just the self-diagnosis.
Thank you for all you do. My realization came in researching to understand the behaviors I recognized in an adult friend. So much finally made sense about my life as I recognized myself. My biggest take away has been stopping the "I must be an awful person!" I learned to never go beyond acquaintanceship because trying to become friends, bending over backwards to fit THEIR idea of who I should be always resulted in fixing and correcting me, very irritated with me. Heaven help me if I ever got relaxed enough to speak freely and be me!.
Everyone has a unique way of learning and working their best. I have been formally diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and I have self-diagnosed as ADHD and autistic. I was diagnosed at age 55 with Bipolar 2 but never took medication for it and I have my doubts that this diagnosis by a psychiatrist was accurate. My self-diagnosis of ADHD and autism has meant that I see myself in a much more positive and forgiving light than I did in my younger years. I am developing routines, habits, and using Alexa reminders, alarms and timers to minimise my limitations. I am 72 years old and my life is continually improving. RUclips videos like the ones on this channel help me minimise factors that get in the way of me living well and maximise factors that help me live a better life. I wish everyone in the Neurodivergent community success in improving their lives and viewing themselves with compassion.
@@markwalton3367 My goodness, what an inspiring story! I am over the moon for you. 👍🌙❤️
I have only recently been diagnosed as autistic, despite having been born in the 80s and struggled since childhood. I would likely never have been diagnosed at all if I hadn't also developed narcolepsy with full-body cataplexy in my early twenties. My cataplexy is triggered by strong smells. That is because I have extreme scent sensitivity, but since I was not diagnosed with autism, it took 11 years for me to be diagnosed with cataplexy because my presentation was considered atypical. I sometimes wonder if, had my sensory processing issues been recognised and acknowledged earlier, I would not have spent years going ignored and untreated. Sensory overload is my main (but not only) cataplexy trigger, and because of that, I was often asked by others if I was autistic. I would reply that I was not, but that there was some overlap between my experience and the experiences of autistic people. I now know that isn't true. I am autistic and I always have been. But I was terrified to say so. I was terrified of the stigma of self-diagnosis, terrified of being accused of attention-seeking or appropriating the struggles of others. I was terrified of handing people yet another tool to marginalize me. For me, the value of an official diagnosis is threefold. It gives me a context in which to better understand myself, my strengths, and my weaknesses; it gives others a context in which to better understand me; and it provides a clearer picture for understanding and managing my cataplexy as it relates to and is complicated by my autism.
Music for ADHDers to listen to while working. That is what triggered the algorithm to flood my feed with videos about the link between ADHD and autism. I am now a card carrying autistic.
Firstly, please keep doing the "tales from the unexpected' opening; it brings a smile to my face every time!
I'm 68 and finally embarking upon the diagnosis process. I'm so confused! Am I exhibiting autistic traits because I think I might be? Or am allowing these traits to expose themselves because I now have a level of acceptance and am reducing masking? Or something else?
I've had the first diagnosis interview and answered the questions asked. "You are likely to be autistic", says the report. But again, did I provide the answers to their questions to corroborate my suspicions that I might be .... or is it the 'real me'? Aaaaarghhh
I think my best option is to mix with other autists but I don't know how or where (I'm in South London). It doesn't help that I'm loathe to meet unknown people too... hmmmm.
Here, I'm simply dumping out my thoughts. It's selfish, I know. But please, does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?
Finally, thank you Quinn for what I think is the most intelligent, cogent and honest RUclips site I have thus found on the subject x
It'll stay on all the videos in this "Tales of The Undiagnosed" series👍
10 years or more back I looked up asd and adhd but hadn't looked since, then YT randomly served me up a asd/adhd vid and watched it because I had never seen them talked about co occurring, after that I spent weeks months researching. Eventually it resulted in diagnosis present for my 45th.
Solidarity is a big feeling. I needed to feel I wasnt alone in the world, my official Dx came as a relief. With that Dx, I realized I was not broken, I was not a failure or lazy or spoiled, I was different and needed different things than the majority. I wont ignore others self-dx because of how hard it is to get anything "certified" by a doctor. Self-DX should be valid, but polices arent happy about it. I hate most policies, can be so very inefficient for our needs.
My road to Dx, was from a false Dx of Schitzophrenia I got when I was 17 (in 1995). I spoke with many schitzophrenics in my adulthood, and I didnt relate to them. So, five or so years later, I went for a re-assessment, without any thought to autism whatsoever. The Dx of what was called Aspergers (back then, now is autism) came as a surprise. I been on a self-discovery journey to find acceptance ever since.
I am currently in the process of trying to get an upgrade to what San Diego Housing Commission would allow me for an apartment on Section 8. SDHC is requiring me to have a "Reasonable Accomidation" form filled out by a doctor.
A need for a home that is suitable for me, is a fight with policies that decide how much I get in basic needs (I cant work in modern culture).
I don't remember why I started thinking I might be autistic, but when I thought it applied to me it wasn't scary. It was liberating. For once, I thought there might be an explanation for why I lived my whole life at right angles to humanity. Suddenly everything made sense.
Or at least I understood why nothing made sense. Close enough.
I'm not comfortable with the idea of "self-diagnosis". We don't have the education to do a really good job of impartially make an objective assessment.
But we do know what we're feeling. Self recognition can help us find an answer with a fairly high level of confidence. I don't know if I'm autistic, but there's a high probability that I am.
At 64, behavioral patterns learned to integrate with the normal world have become too ingrained to be unwound and pierced through by an outsider. I'll probably never have a formal diagnosis. But when I raise the possibility with people who have known me for ages, the response is, "Yeah, that would explain a lot."
Or, "No, I know a guy who's autistic, and you're not exactly like him."
Quinn... Bottom line is I like you and enjoy what you do for all of us. You have "IT" which for me is someone who is informative, engaging and relateable. I have recently started using my phone and RUclips. We have placed our 3 sons with Fragile X Syndrome into the community so i can now use my cell phone without having a major family crisis ensue. Glad i found your channel!
Interesting video. I’m in my late fifties and always knew I was different since I was 5 years old. I took everything literally and as I got older my mother told me about quirks: toe walking, touching my fingers near my face, would only play with one toy at a time, would feel fabrics when she took me shopping, chronic constipation, wanted to use both hands to do things, didn’t like other kids, always wanted to help, and started talking when I was 3 1/2. I just thought I was weird and glad I still didn’t do that. My mother told me she kept me from doing those things, made me use my right hand, and had me do things that other people didn’t see. I had a recurrence of quirky things in 8th grade and was tested. My mother met at the school then told me it was nothing and that I needed to behave and act like other kids. I got a letter about two months later from Mensa and I was congratulated that I was accepted with a 145 IQ. My mother dismissed it and that I couldn’t join. I asked my mother about it later and she acted like it never happened. I grew up being odd, didn’t drive a car until I was 21, and lived with my mother until I was 33. I left finding out that I was perfectly capable of living alone. I’ve worked many jobs and did well, but never liked most coworkers. I was detailed, technical oriented, understood older and current technology, and had a talent for project management. I explained many times that I didn’t butt heads, but bumped brains. Until about 10 years ago it had never occurred to me that I was autistic. I completed many self assessments (most are bogus) and conferred with a psychotherapist who told me that I was a highly intelligent, high functioning, well masked, autistic person, but needed no therapy for that but recommended therapy to reconcile childhood and young adult concerns. He also recommended that I don’t tell other people I’m autistic as most do not understand. I asked if there were jobs where I could work with people more and completed another assessment: top job picks, IRS Agent, Insurance Agent, or Mortician. I got my license (insurance 😏) and did well. I did experience burnout and had to take a break. Now, I’m exploring my artistic side and am learning to play the guitar and painting. We’re all different and I think I would not like the autistic label following me around. I no longer have a psychotherapist, and switched to a psychiatrist where we meet over the phone (no video). Videos and forums like this are a great way to be part of a community, and we don’t have to meet face to face or chat about the weather. “Oh, you’re fine, today? That’s nice. I’m coarse.” 😅
Some scripted responses I use often, “I just want to tell you that you have no idea what that means to me.” “If I could only imagine how you feel or what you are going through.” “Of course I have feelings, emotional outbursts especially when I watch E.T.” (Entertainment Tonight 😮)
I'm officially diagnosed but unlike you I wasn't diagnosed until my mid 40's. I've always held the opinion that any possibility of a future official diagnosis starts with an inkling that we might fit the neurotype.
I was undergoing counselling for stress and anxiety and the counsellor said off handedly "did I ever consider myself to be autistic?" Of course I laughed and said "I'm nothing like Rainman!" But I started looking into it and slowly began to suspect I was autistic. I didn't even chase an official diagnosis until I'd already explored the subject was already pretty sure I was autistic.
So, you could say most people who pursue a late diagnosis self diagnose or, as you say, self identify first.
And yes, my diagnosis didn't give me any advantages. In truth, in some situations it's been a hindrance.
Why did I then want my diagnosis? As I said I was in counselling for stress, anxiety and depression. I'd been suicidal. I just wanted to know I wasn't broken. That certainty that you mention told me I wasn't broken or damaged. In that aspect alone this was worth its weight in gold .
The piece was never missing, it’s just you’ve been masking all this time, hiding your most authentic self, to make others happy. One piece isn’t a full identity, multiple are. I don’t like being brought down to a brain, because I’m more than a mind, I’m a person, Who have her own lived experience with ASD.
This is just what I think, so you don’t need to take this serious.
I had three children diagnosed, another who put the pieces together that she was likely autistic as well. And I still didn’t even think I could be. Then it started popping up on scrotal media and caught my interest. It took me three years of research to accept that I am autistic.
I love a bit of wordplay & "scrotal media" tickles me no end 😂🤣
Self diagnosed autist here. My special interest is a weird one, BUT it means I can tell that spinning globe shows landmass in a case where all ice caps melt and low regions are innundated.
The “why” is easy. Professional diagnosis is neither cheap nor easy to obtain as an adult. It’s only justified if you need a piece of paper with a doctor’s signature to obtain accommodation or other assistance. You don’t need it to get help from other autistic people who can help with learning coping/adapting strategies or offering emotional support.
Barriers to diagnosis will be discussed in a later chapter/episode in this series, but you're right that community support is incredibly important. A lot of people find it difficult to connect with others though, especially since social media can feel very hostile, especially in the last couple of years. I haven't been active on social media myself for a couple of years now because I end up upset, angered or anxious within minutes, every time I make the mistake of looking!
Exceptionally well said. Thank you.
I was only diagnosed because my psychiatrist suspected I was autistic, because I never even considered it due to not knowing anything about ASD.
Funny thing is, it didn't validate me a whole lot and my therapist has even implied I'm not autistic.
As you can see, even a professional diagnosis doesn't guarantee validation or that people even believe it, which would be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing. 😂
*THANK YOU* ❤
It took me only a month. But not really, it was 45 years. I realized that the psychometrists & social workers when I was 9-12 years old were basically the same as ASD-1 behaviour, Strangely, my parents assumed that I had Asperger's (sic) since the mid-1980s. My 80+ year old mother's comments when I asked her this year: "don't worry about it, you are high-functioning." LOL.
Thank you so much for this video.
I've been at this for a few weeks now (Autism has been a special interest of mine for a few weeks now).... I'm confident enough in my own self diagnosis at this point that I don't feel like I need it to be validated by anyone. Started this journey because we're waiting for a diagnosis for my daughter. After researching, there is no doubt in my mind about my self or my daughter.
This video provided so much comfort to me. It did not take me years but rather months to start questioning if I was autistic and I sometimes imply I am and sometimes say I am not because I am afraid I am lying and thus "attention seeking" although that is not the case whatsoever. I have first started researching neurodivergence when one of my friends started to question if she was autistic due to similar traits to her autistic family members. She mentioned that it's easier for autistic people to be friends with other autistic people- and so after some time I started to notice that the majority of my friends are in fact autistic, auDHD or ADHD. I researched the topic to help me understand their behaviour and to not be judgmental even if it seemed "weird" to me, I just wanted to keep an open mind. A few months later, one of my new auDHD friends said that when they started to talk with me they could tell that I was autistic which prompted me to start researching autism, the diagnostic criteria, stories of autistic folks and also videos by autistic creators. I couldn't stop researching until I accepted that whether I have it or not I am still me and it's okay. I am still not sure, I want to get a diagnosis and I told my psychology teacher that I feel like there might be a chance but the way she responded sounded so dismissive that I have been beating myself up for not expressing myself clearly enough. This video made me sob in relief because I finally don't feel judged for looking into the possibility of being autistic myself.
Thanks, Quinn. 💖
I self identified as autistic for a year before receiving an official diagnosis of autism and adhd. Got my diagnosis 3 days short of a full year.
Thank you for your videos Quinn
I just wanna say from the start, i rly like how you worded the question as "Why do some autistic people self diagnose?" rather than "Why do some people self diagnose as autistic?"; that makes it clear you recognise our self dx from the start - ya just wanna explore why we do such and what it looks like; which im totes here for
I've lost count of the number of self ID folks I've met along my journey, but I've learned enough to treat it with respect. But for a rare twist of fate in my teens, I might well be self ID'd myself right now and either on a waiting list or wondering whether to pursue a DX at my age.
Good, comprehensive video. It’s truly appreciated.
My mother is ashamed and wants me to keep it secret. I believe my sister has autism also but neither she nor my mom will talk about it.
I knew when I took special education courses in college. Back then, it was all about boys, but it was painfully clear sister and I both have it. It took many years to start finding any literature about autism in girls. It took many more years to find any help. An uphill battle my entire adult life.
Your videos have helped me a lot. And this one expresses EXACTLY what I think about diagnoses. I knew I was depressed before being diagnosed. I knew I had anxiety, bipolar disorder (and, I'm sorry , psychiatrists, but I can detect clearly when I'm "high", and I can deal with it without your prejudices and many of your medications), and plenty of physical issues before they, from their narcissistic throne, said "Yes, I allow you to claim so".
I live with myself. 45 years doing so, every day. Who's anyone to tell me about my life?
The bleeding metaphor is good. I need no doctor to tell me what I see is blood or what I feel is pain. They try to make us believe we are idiots!
I guess I also need to ask for His Majesty's approval to say that the streets in the UK are full of right wing thugs attacking immigrants and non-whites. I cannot call them right-wing Britofu**ers, I'm no expert, am I? Even after having lived as an immigrant in London for more than 10 years. I need a white British politician's permission.
Thanks a lot, mate!
I'm halfway through the video, this is my fourth video of yours in a row that I've watched, and I have never personally and emotionally related to what I'm watching more intensely and directly before. I'm going to need a lot of time to think about things, because my entire adult life, I've had a suspicion that i may have ASD, in one form or another. Ever since my first very long term relationship (and eventually wife, and now ex-wife) made an off-handed comment that I might be on the spectrum based on things she observed about me.
Listening to these stories and specific symptoms that you and others you know have experienced feels like a one-to-one with the exact feelings and things that I've dealt with internally and can't or haven't externalized.
I'm extremely emotional right now watching these, and don't know what my next step will be. But I will be thinking about these topics extensively and hopefully will figure out what I want to... do... next, to understand and deal with myself.
Thank you for making this video. I'm 41, and only 3 weeks I KNEW I'm autistic, but I've had suspicions since my daughter was officially diagnosed 6 years ago. I only found out for sure three weeks ago because I started watching some videos on what I might expect as she transitions into her mid-teens. These past weeks since I discovered I was have been emotional hell, too, I feel so cheated that my mom brushed aside all my life-long struggles yet put so much emphasis on my youngest brother who has ADHD, she just wanted me to be her "problem child" because all her friends told her that's what the first child always becomes. My entire life has been so miserable and lonely and I've always been broke because I can't keep a job longer than two months (and employers don't want to hire ppl who can't hold jobs). I can't keep friends or boyfriends, I was always bullied, I can't stay in school. I literally had to drop out of school in 2nd grade because I suffered, my math/science teacher took pity on my shoddy math skills and stayed after hours to tutor me just so I could pass the year at the lowest acceptable grade when he saw my mom wasn't helping me, I had to drop out of high school. I couldn't figure out WHY I just couldn't be normal and why I had to be the "bad" human. It feels like my entire life was stolen from me. And now learning I have EVERY symptom of autism (except being non-verbal)... people who have never struggled like that have NO idea how much the THOUGHT of FINALLY getting some help learning to adjust so I can keep a job to get my own house is the FIRST bit of hope I have ever had in my entire 41 years. I called the diagnosis center 8 days ago and am waiting for a reply, but I am going to call again in the morning to try to schedule an assessment.
It's not about wanting people to think I'm disabled, it's about finally getting help for the first time in my life and getting therapy to maybe heal from 41 years of bullying and rejection and my own family convincing me I was just a lazy good-for-nothing excuse for a human.
Im a 47 year old female
Im going to do a clinic diagnosis soon.
Ive always felt like an alien. I call myself the observer of this world.
Learning about autism has absolutely blown my mind. Its me!!!!! I dont care what a doctor says, but I believe I have kids who are on the spectrum and actually the validation would be nice.
Looking back on my life I have been so hard on myself. Even hateful to myself for not understanding why everything is so hard, and never fit in unless I take on traites of the people im around. So i mostly just try to avoid humans as much as possible.
Why im so tired for days after being around people.
I have been seeing my whole life through an autistic lens. If it isnt me, well than I truly am an alien in or a whole different species on this planet.
I look back and I would almost 100% say my Grandpa and mom are autistic.
Question for community:
When people that are not caregivers/support person i.e. someone “in the trenches with you” daily or regularly - when someone who is outside of that but is a friend so they know you wellish - when they say, “I’ve been worried about you,” right after you’ve come out of a burnout…does that enrage anyone else?
Like, my burnout from a far distressed my friend and they feel guilty not saying something in the moment rather than, hmmm oh idk actually offering help when you saw I was in distress! (which the conversation did eventually get to…after the damn “intervention” phase of the convo - what a misstep 🤦🏻♂️)
To me it feels like a news reporter interviewing someone who almost drowned and they tell the almost drowned person they were worried for them.
Um, I didn’t see you jumping in the water or getting me aid so what am I supposed to do with YOUR feelings about MY drowning (burnout).
I know “they meant well” but aita or is this another one of my autistic-brain-causing-shenanigans things 😂
Considering how many autistic people say they’ve been misdiagnosed by clinicians in the past, it’s pretty funny that people still claim the only valid diagnosis is an “official” one. Probably the majority of us late diagnosed autistic people have been researching in one fashion or another most of our lives and have likely, at different times, thought it was a variety of things that we were dealing with. It was only because none of them quite fit and our distress didn’t diminish that we kept seeking. So, if others out there are seeking answers and happen upon autism related content and think it rings a bell but aren’t autistic, it’s likely they will keep seeking and move on. Surely that’s acceptable? Even the “experts” and “professionals” don’t get it right the first time round a lot of the time. The benefits and net good of autism content on SM far outweighs any minor bumps and trip ups along the way. If there is more concern over people “self identifying” wrongly than there is in opening their eyes to the reality that we have been here all along, you just didn’t see us, well, I think that’s the bigger problem. I’m still ambivalent about seeking an official diagnosis. Part of me wants the validation to myself that I know myself and I can trust myself. A bigger part of me doesn’t trust the system at all and they’ve done enough harm to me over my lifetime. I’m also not easy with the notion of giving any outside authority any more leverage to use against me. I’m still dealing with a fair bit of anger, clearly lol. And that’s ok, too.
I didn't know anyting about ADHD but a few month ago I was diagnised as ADHD with Major depresion. But I wait over 2 Years for an Autism diagnosis and now that I have the ADHD diagnosis I'm 99% shure I'm AuDHD. It will be a releave to know for certain with proof from experts that I'm who I'm. For about 1 Year I'm better in accepting myself how I'm as an Self "Diagnosed" or "Identifing" AuDHDer.
I'm 30 years and everting mekes sense now. It doesn't make it easier but it takes away some pressure and very little Guilt.😔
Great Video Again👍
For me it was a very welcome relevation.
Before I knew anything about autism I was the lonliest in the world. I truly felt like an alien, and it was at times truly unbearable.
In a weird way, I became closer to neurotypical people because I understood were the friction came from, and with trial and error I'm trying to find the balance between masking and unmasking.
I am a bit surprised at the statement that many Self-Identified Autists desire a diagnosis for validation.
I obviously only have my personal experiences. But I am autistic, and I don't need or even want a diagnosis. I am so certain of it, that I don't mind if anyone (even from this comment) tries to tell me that I'm wrong, or invalid without a formal diagnosis. I have self-doubt in so many other areas of my life; but the moment I started looking into autistic traits and experiences, I was flooded with feelings of connection and understanding of myself that I had never felt before... and then kept researching further.
I know there isn't anything to gain from a diagnosis outside of myself. I'm not in school and I'm not attempting to get jobs that don't currently work with my needs.
I do fully understand my own privilege, and I don't want it to sound as if I look down on people wanting diagnosis for validation. Just that I'm surprised it was stated almost matter of fact, that I couldn't be completely sure and comfortable with my autistic identity without a diagnosis.
If you want a diagnosis. Get one. If you feel comfortable without it, I think that's valid too.
I don't recall even hinting in any of the videos I've made or articles I've written, that self ID is in any way lesser or inferior to being formally DXed, so you have me puzzled. It's certainly not an opinion I've ever held.
People seek formal DX for all sorts of reasons, self-validation being one of the most common, often combined with a requirement for 3rd party validation from another party. It's only relatively recently that self ID has been possible, so for a lot of folks (more than not) that validation is very important. You don't feel that 3rd party confirmation matters to you & you're in the lucky position of not having to prove it to anyone, but I don't get why you think I might have less respect for you because of that? What gives you that impression?
Awesome video - even if I do feel very personally attacked ;) Thank you
It was about 12 years ago that a frustrated psychotherapist that I had seen for many years consulted with someone and came back with a ‘diagnosis’ of Asperger’s Syndrome. I then read ‘The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband’ by David Finch, but had trouble relating to his particular traits. I got a bit side-tracked by reading Susan Cain’s ‘Quiet’ where I could identify as an introvert. And, was very busy with my professional life. I read ‘Neurotribes,’ and could better relate to that. With the DSM-V, my therapist claimed that I didn’t meet the criteria for ASD (!!!). She is now my ex-therapist, and I can see that there was a certain amount of shaming and invalidation going on. Now that I can see myself in the autistic content creators on RUclips, I identify as being autistic.
Nobody ever suggested it to me. I slowly learned enough through being a mother of an autistic child, expedited thanks to online algorithms.
When I brought it up to my psychologist, who was inexperienced, she denied that I could be. I eventually gave up on my healthcare provider, who was labeling me as borderline, and sought private assessment.
My high masking kid is now awaiting his diagnostic report, also done privately.
I am trying to help my kids have the best lives possible, to not go through what I did.
This is one of the things that drives me nuts about the stigma behind "self diagnosis": if you *think* you are autistic, and you try out *something* to see if it helps you, and it *does* help you ... what's the harm done? And if it *does* *not* help, so you try *other* things, and maybe discover you're *something* *else* that may be a better fit for what you're experiencing -- again, what harm was done?
I may get a third party diagnosis eventually.
I might have to wait for it to be more accessible.
I might also try to find work or volunteer work to help other autistic people.
I believe I have been misdiagnosed with ocd. I think I still have ocd, but the autistic traits I have are staggering. And I have two children with diagnoses. But I still tell people, if I comes up, that it’s “just ocd.” I’m 45 years old and I walked to the store for the first time by myself in over 15 years last week. It’s things like this that make me want a diagnosis. People meet me and think I’m intelligent and social. They have no idea what I go through on a regular basis to appear that way. Most of my close friends understand and I don’t feel obligated to mask. In fact, it’s because of videos like this one that I hardly feel like I have to mask at all. And more and more people recognize the neurotype. And I feel so much better being my quirky autistic self… usually. 😊🙏
i entered this video with the understanding that i was in the camp of figuring out naturally but saying "someone who should know" assaulted me with memories of my grandmother who is literally a nurse at a psych ward saying to my parents that she believes i may be adhd or autistic when i was somewhere under 10 and that made me critical of my own differences from then on until now in my adulthood when not terribly long ago i confirmed it yet always knew *something* was off